Original subtitles

♪ The Wind in the Willows

♪ Sang softly to me

♪ Follow my voice

♪ Wherever it leads

♪ From mountains, through valleys

♪ To deep rolling seas

♪ Born on the wings of the breeze ♪

It was cold. It was very cold.

Christmas had been and gone and time moved towards the spring,

but for the moment that seemed a distant and unlikely moment.

In every home in the Wild Wood or on the river bank,

ruby and sapphire logs glowed in the fireplace

and round one such, in Badger's home, snug in the roofs of a giant oak,

sat Rat and Mole and Offer with their host.

- So we have all had Toad's invitation? - Seems so, Badger.

A fancy dress party! What fun!

Yes. "A surprise appearance by your host." That's what mine says.

And mine.

Oh, what's he up to now? Foolish creature.

Still, it should be fun, as Mole says. But what to choose for a costume?

I shall go as an Indian rajah.

- Why? - Because I always do.

The Rajah of Jabalpur gave me a set of robes when I was there in '73.

- My goodness, Badger. - There's some hard thinking for us.

There is, indeed.

♪ I could be a pirate bold

♪ In the spyglass days of old

♪ There's plunder to gain on the main Flying the skull and crossbones

♪ I could be a Red Indian chief With feathers and armed to the teeth

♪ Or an earl or a clown With my pants falling down

♪ And greasepaint on my fur.

♪ I shall be a cavalier

♪ With a sword way down to here

♪ In doublet and hose With a gold ring in my ear

♪ I might be Caesar of Rome With an emperor's palace for home

♪ Or a policeman in blue I'm sure to raise a cheer

♪ Fancy dress and masquerade It's fun to guess who's who and say

♪ You can be whoever you want to be When you're wearing fancy dress!

♪ I could go as Henry the Eighth If I had just a little more weight

♪ Or Toulouse-Lautrec With a brush and a palette of paints

♪ A highwayman I could be "Stand and deliver!" says me

♪ A jester or Pan or a weightlifting man With a belt around my waist.

♪ I'll not be a pirate king Nor a prince nor a clown in the ring

♪ An Indian brave or a cowardly knave Just isn't the thing

♪ No, I'll go as I have before In silks from Bangalore

♪ And a turban fine from a friend of mine The Rajah of Jawalpur.

♪ Fancy dress and masquerade It's fun to guess who's who and say

♪ You can be whoever you want to be When you're wearing fancy dress

♪ You can be whoever you want to be When you're wearing fancy dress! ♪

Very good!

Yes, the question is what's Toad going as?

We'd all like to know, Badger. But he isn't telling anyone.

He's being really mysterious. He was going on to me about a night watchman.

- Is he going as a night watchman? - He said of course not!

And then laughed himself silly.

That won't have taken long. Foolish, vain creature.

- But what worries me is the weasels. - What about the weasels?

One of the young rabbits told me that he'd heard two of them

- talking about their costumes. - Surely Toad wouldn't invite them?

He would to get a bigger audience!

Badger, I do believe you're right. The weasels!

Bloomin' useless halfwit.

Look, I've told you already and I'm telling you now,

you are NOT going as the fairy on a Christmas tree.

But I've made the wand!

I don't care if you've made a pair of wings, a tutu! You're going as a burglar!

We're all going as burglars!

- We ARE burglars. - Then you won't have to tell fibs.

- Oh, Chief... - I heard!

Look, stupid, when we go to Mr bloomin' Toad's party,

- you tell people you came as a burglar. - Yes, Chief.

And when you're nicking things, you say you're burglaring, right?

Yes, Chief.

- But, Chief... - Then they laughs, eh?

Haw haw haw, they laugh!

And they walks away and leaves you to it. Right?

- Yes, Chief! - Cos it's a plan! My plan!

And very nice. Very nice.

But I'm not going as a burglar, am I?

- No, Chief. - No. What am I going as?

- As a fairy on a Christmas tree. - I am NOT going as a fairy!

I am going as... a policeman!

- Where? Look out! The bobbies! - Will you shut up, you great twit?!

- I'm going to the party as a policeman! - Oh.

Oh... heh heh. Very nice.

Very nice.

Why?

Wait and see.

Just wait and see.

If you'd be so kind...

- Oh, it's a splendid evening. - Old Toad's certainly done us proud.

- I wonder what's happened to him. - Well, I think he's saving himself.

Saving himself?

The invitation said a surprise appearance.

- I thought that meant what he came as. - So did I, Mole.

But perhaps he's going to surprise us by WHEN he appears.

Yes.

As I was heading north to Uttar Pradesh,

I met a wonderful man.

Well, you certainly look the part, Badger.

I say, Otter! Your fishmonger's costume is quite wonderful!

Yes. I can almost smell the fish.

In fact, I can smell fish.

Yes. Ah.

Well, I like to have the odd little snack about me.

- Very lifelike! - Thank you.

Just hope it doesn't get any warmer!

Sorry, guv! Er, Your Admiralship.

That's all right. We were just wondering when Toad's going to show up.

- Yes. - I mean, it's... Hello.

I'm sure I had my watch just now.

Oh, he'll have some scatterbrained scheme or other.

All aimed at drawing attention.

- You didn't see any forks out, Badger? - No.

- Can't find any spoons, either. - I's going to make eating trifle messy!

All clear. Right, another load.

- Oh! - Eh? What was...? Nah.

'Ere!

I never done it!

Shut up, you blooming idiot! It's me!

Oh... cor.

Candlesticks. I mean, half-inch the candlesticks.

Right.

Oh, Chief, that outfit gives me the creeps.

Oh, really'? Well, next time I'll come as a jailer.

- Not very nice, not very nice. - Stop moaning, then.

- What have you got? - One brooch, two silver spoons

and a gent's watch.

Right. Now we'll hide those in the pillar box.

Right, Chief.

Just in case anyone starts noticing any of our activities.

Good hevening.

My regards to Mrs Napoleon.

Just in case there's any nosey parkers, I'll provide a little entertainment.

Oh! I've been looking forward to this.

- Right, dump that lot and tell the others. - Right, Chief.

Help! Help!

Help! I'm stuck!

I'm stuck!

Oh, help!

Ladies and gentlemen,

could I have your attention, please?

Hey! You lot! Shut up!

- Who does he think he's talking to? - Quite right.

Now that I have your attention, ladies and gentlemen, and Rajahs,

I would like to introduce a surprise item of entertainment

what Mr Toad has asked me to provide for his honoured guests.

Help!

With my burgularious colleagues,

I would like to perform an item from "The Pirates of Penzance"

By Sir Arthur Sullivan and Mr WS Gilbert.

Stuff and nonsense!

Ladies and gentlemen, "The Policeman's Chorus”.

Thank you, maestro.

Evenin' all!

♪ When a felon's not engaged in his employment

♪ Or maturing his felonious little plans

♪ His capacity for innocent enjoyment

♪ Is just as great as any honest man's

♪ Our feelings we with difficulty smother

♪ When constabulary duty's to be done

♪ Oh, take one consideration with another

♪ A policeman's lot is not a happy one

♪ When constabulary duty's to be done to be done

♪ A policeman's lot is not a happy one Happy one... ♪

I thank you.

Second verse.

♪ When the enterprising burglar's not a-burgling

♪ And the cut-throat isn't occupied in crime

♪ He loves to hear the little brook a-gurgling

♪ And listen to the merry village chime

♪ When the coster's finished jumping on his mother

♪ He loves to lie a-basking in the sun

♪ Oh, take one consideration with another

♪ The policeman's lot is not a happy one

♪ When constabulary duty's to be done to be done

♪ The policeman's lot is not a happy one Happy one. ♪

Oh, thank you. Thank you. So unexpected.

I thank you very much. Most kind.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Get that suit of armour out the back door. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Right you are.

What's that? Crumbs! It's haunted!

Don't be stupid! Lift!

I can't!

- Oh, heck!

Look out!

Oh, my! Look at all that stuff!

Here, Ratty! Isn't that your watch?

I might have known! The weasels are robbing us!

Now, Mr Rat, that's slander, that is!

Villains! Take them into custody!

Seize them! Seize them!

Yes, villains! Arrest them!

Now then, now then.

- Eh? - They shall be arrested.

- I'll say... - But by ME.

- By you? - Exactly. I ham a real policeman.

- You look jolly weaselish to me. - Eh?

Oh, aha. Oh, yes.

Well, I ham disguised as a weasel who is attending a fancy dress party

in the costume of a policeman.

- Oh, goodness! - I shall take them down to the station.

You are under arrest.

Yes, Constable.

'Ere, but you're...

So collect all that swag... er, stolen property

and bring it with you. I shall require that as evidence.

- Well, good job you were here. - No, he's not!

- Toad? - I heard them plotting. Not a policeman!

- You shut your face! - It's Chief Weasel!

- You villain! - Quick! Run for it!

Oh! Scarper!

Look out! Quick!

Come on! Get him!

Help! Help!

Oh, no! Help!

Help!

Help!

- Are you all right, Toad? - Oh... yes.

- Thanks to my superb physical... - Yes, he's all right.

I still don't quite follow what happened.

I was in the armour, up there.

But why did you have all that stuff in there with you?

They put it in! Every time they pinched something, they popped it in the armour.

Fish forks were jolly painful!

Oh, yes. That reminds me. I left a smoked salmon sandwich somewhere.

- Never mind that! - What were you doing in the armour?

Ratty, I was coming to the party as a knight in armour.

So that's what you meant by a knight watchman!

But once I was in, I couldn't move it.

Ah, so you spent a night in armour instead!

- Very good! - I do wish you wouldn't make jokes.

I's not jolly well funny!

Well, Toad, at least you kept your promise. There's hope for you yet.

- How do you mean, Badger? - It said a surprise appearance by host.

And there was!

Yes. Even the host was surprised!

Oh, I say!

I say!

Oh, honestly!

♪ Spin me a dream

♪ Woven silver and gold

♪ From sunshine and shadows

♪ And days long ago

♪ Where people are memories

♪ And stories unfold

♪ Willows

♪ The tales you have told me

♪ Wind in the Willows

♪ You just seem to know

♪ Who you can turn to

♪ And which way to go

♪ To unwind your wondrous mind

♪ Wind in the Willows

♪ Take me there ♪