All language subtitles for S01 E09 - Death Doesnt Let You Say Goodbye _ ENG

[eclectic orchestral theme plays]

[sings softly in Icelandic,
voice echoing]

[singing softly]

[woman sings along in Icelandic]

I remember the first time
you sang with me.

I don't know why we sing
such terrible things of children.

Maybe we try to warn them
of what's to come.

You're not one of
the Hidden People, are you?

If you mean an elf, no.

You're like me.

[softly] Sensate.

Do you live here, in Iceland?

I do.

Sit down.

Why didn't you tell me the truth?

- [pouring tea]
- I needed you to believe me.

I needed you to believe...
that you weren't safe here,

because you're not.

[Lito] There were two worlds.

I was living in...
in two separate worlds.

Then...

And then somehow they crashed...
into one another.

[mimics explosion]

And now everything is dead.

Another.

So are we celebrating or mourning?

[sighs softly]

I'm celebrating.

I know how you feel.

You do?

I mean... I don't know
what it's like to be famous, but...

I know what it's like living two lives.

Do you know who I am?

You're an actor, right?

- Yeah.
- I knew it.

I saw you in that telenovela
where you had an evil twin

that was trying
to take over your life, right?

The Mirror Has No Heart.

[chuckles] That's it.

You were good in it and... bad.

But... that's what this is about,
isn't it?

The movie said something true
about all of us,

that we all have this... other nature,
this... secret self

that is capable of really beautiful
and really terrible things.

I, too, have a secret self.

And right now...

it really wants to take you
to that bathroom over there

and do some...
beautiful and terrible things to you.

What are you doing?

How can you possibly
think that I could be like that?

I'm not a faggot.

The Biologic Preservation Organization
funds projects like the DNA census

in order to track and hunt down
any potential sensate.

Do you work for them?

I try to save the ones I can
before they're discovered.

Your mother brought you in

to see if you have the genes
for the same disease that was killing her.

And fortunately, I saw the report on you
before anyone else did.

You told a child she was hexed.

You made me believe that...
I caused my mother's death.

I'm sorry if I caused you
unnecessary pain.

Because of you, I believed that what
happened in the mountains was my fault.

My intention was to protect you.

You have children?

- Never wanted them.
- Why?

Afraid they would be like me.

Afraid they would be hunted...
that I would have to feel them die.

[sighs]

[whispers] Don't look at him.

[whispers] That's how he got me.

He knows you're here.

Run!

- [man] Look at me! Look at me!
- [gasps]

[young Will grunting]

[gasps]

[panting]

[exhales] Shit.

[bottle rattles]

[bottle opener clinks]

[gasps]

Hello, Will.

[softly] You knew what was happening.

Why didn't you help me?

I took terrible chances to protect you.

I felt your pain.

I lived it.

I called the rescue authorities.

If I hadn't gotten involved,
you'd be dead.

[no audio]

That's what I wanted.

To be dead.

To be with them.

I know.

When we lost one of our cluster,
I thought the pain would destroy me.

But life holds onto you.

And sometimes, it finds a way
to push back into your heart.

And if you're lucky...
it gives us another chance.

And what if you
don't want another chance?

If you didn't,
you wouldn't have come looking for me.

I wasn't sure I'd be able to find you.

Where are you?

I don't know.

Not the poshest place I've been...

but not the worst either.

- What are they doing to you?
- Watching, measuring.

Those cameras are recording this,

so if I want to say anything
I don't want them to hear...

I have to come to you.

If you visit,
you speak as a voice in my head.

But if I speak without visiting,
it looks like I'm talking to myself.

I figured that out the hard way.

We have to get you outta there.

I've been unconscious for so long,
I could be anywhere.

Don't worry about me.

Right now, I have value to them.

I'm sorry.

This is all my fault.

Angelica didn't believe in fault.

She said it was the present
understood by people looking backward.

We have to look forward.

If we don't, we won't survive.

And now that you know the truth...
it's time for me to go.

- Why?
- Because you came back.

And if they find you,
you're going to lead them straight to me.

No, I won't.

Accidents happen.

You know that more than most.

But I'll be careful.

I've seen it happen so many times.

One simple slip, then a hospital,

and before you even understand
the consequences, you will be arrested.

I won't tell anyone about you.

You won't have a choice.

They have ways...
techniques of tracing the psycellium.

Psycellium?

It's kind of a psychic nervous system.

It connects us...

allows you to be here with me...
or your cluster.

If you listen closely to it,
you can hear it vibrating.

Here.

Listen with this, not with the mind.

Follow where the feeling takes you.

I know all about BPO.

I know how they're funded,
how they spend their money...

- This is just a start.
- You work fast.

I will find you.

There are more important things than me.

Riley.

The girl from Iceland.

- Who are you talking to?
- Jonas.

- You found him?
- He found me.

Is she with someone?

Are you alone?

Her name is Yrsa.

She's like us.

You like this girl, don't you?

You feel very connected to this boy.

[Jonas] I remember
what it was like to first share

someone's every thought and emotion.

This is very dangerous.

I was in love with Angelica
from the moment our eyes touched.

Love inside a cluster is pathological.

Are you all right?

[softly] Sometimes.

Angelica believed a sensate
experiences love in its purest form.

Are you all right?

[whispers] Sometimes.

Ask when he was born.

What?

His first birth, ask him.

She wants to know
when your birthday is.

August 8th.

- What?
- [exhales]

[whispers] That's my birthday.

A cluster is always born
on the same day?

However far across the world
a cluster is scattered,

the first breath they take,
they take as one.

Love inside a cluster
is the worst kind of narcissism.

What?

I have to go.

- I hope you can help Jonas.
- Jonas?

Is that Jonas Maliki?

- What's Jonas' last name?
- Maliki.

Get away from there!

She's gone.

Don't let her stay in Iceland.

A lot of genetic research
funded by BPO is done there.

They have a research facility.

Many of us have gone there
and never come out.

You keep using "us" and "them."
Who are we?

Who we are is less relevant
than what we are,

and what we are is different from them.

I know who birthed you.

Angelica Turing.

Don't you ever be in touch
with that bastard again.

Why?

He and that bitch were collaborators.

They hunted our kind for BPO.

They worked with Whispers.

They would give birth to clusters
and use them to find others.

But he tried to help us.

And now you trust him.

If your boy is connected to Jonas,

it won't be long
till Whispers will find you.

You're on your own.

[man in movie] My child.

Who now is your father,
if it is not me?

What are you doing here?

You and this dummkopf
are like my own boys.

We are family.

How is he?

The doctor said he should be dead.

Good man.

Never listen to doctors.
All they know is death.

Life is a mystery to them.

But we understand life, don't we?

Life is simple.

Life is just five things:

eating, drinking, shitting, fucking,
and fighting for more, right?

[chuckles]

When we were boys,
your father would say that to me,

and then he would punch me
as hard as he could. [chuckles]

After he was killed,
I realized this was bullshit.

At that moment,
all I wanted from life was one thing.

Not five, no, no, just one.

Revenge.

I wanted the man who killed him.

And for that one thing...
I would have given all the rest.

My blood is in your veins, Wolfgang.

I'm sympathetic.

But please, tell me you are smart enough
to know that this was a mistake.

Tell me that you understand
this can go no further.

I love you, Wolfgang.

But please... don't make me
choose between you and my son.

[door opens]

[door closes]

[policeman 1]
So the assassins came out of nowhere?

Yes.

And you did not see any of their faces?

She told you that.

We're just trying
to get the facts straight, sir.

While you're harassing my fiancée,
those killers are still out there.

[policeman 2]
Miss Dandekar is our best witness.

So you said you and Mr. Rasal
were talking?

What did he want to talk about?

A personal matter.

Did you discuss religion?

[policeman 1] Did you know
that Mr. Rasal had sponsored a bill

that would make
certain religious practices illegal?

Everyone knew how my father
felt about religion.

Several witnesses testified
that they've seen you

- pledging your weight in bananas?
- Is that true?

Yes. Yes, it is.

Did you know that act would be illegal
if Mr. Rasal's bill had passed?

No.

Do you know a man
who calls himself Guru Yash?

[Rajan] OK, that's enough.

All these questions
are completely inappropriate.

They are simple questions, sir.

If you want to continue
asking simple questions to my fiancée,

you will do so
in the presence of my lawyer.

Goodbye, detectives.

Sir.

Are you all right?

Do they think
I had something to do with this?

Kala, my father had many enemies.

He frequently talked to the press
about corruption in the police force.

- Do you think I had--
- My father had no business being there.

He had so many death threats,
that going to the temple

was just asking for trouble.

You did nothing wrong, Kala.

[piano playing "Mad World"]

[sighs]

[Hernando] There's a line in your film,
The Passion of the Sinner,

that always makes me think of this museum.

"My heart is not a clock."

Yeah.

My character was always late.

Beautiful line...
made sublime by your performance.

An apology... that is also an anthem.

[soft chuckle]

Look... love is not something we wind up,

something we set or control.

Love... is just like art.

Ah...

A force that comes
into our lives without any...

rules, expectations or limitations, and...

and every time I hear that line,
I am reminded that... love, like art...

must always be free.

[softly] You're Lito.

You're Nomi.

This really isn't a good time for me.

It's not really a good time for me either.

Why are you here then?

I don't know.

I was almost killed.

I didn't know where to go,
so I went home.

I was worried about Amanita...

and missing the life that we used to have,

and I was wondering
if I was ever gonna get it back.

And the next thing I knew,
I was here.

What is this place?

It's the Diego Rivera Museum.

[Nomi] The painter?

Yeah.

He was married to Frida Kahlo, right?

Yes.

The day she died, he said,
was the worst day of his life...

because he realized too late
that the best thing about his life...

was his love for her.

You have a boyfriend?

Not anymore.

What happened?

I got scared.

I play heroes all the time,
but in real life, I'm a coward.

Attention. 773?

[door opens]

You have a visitor.

[door closes]

[exhales softly]

Thank you.

I have not slept...
since you came here.

I've never slept so well.

- I am not a good person.
- Father, you owe me nothing.

I am not a good person...

but when your mother was alive...
I was a better person.

She made me better.

When she died...
I thought that part of me died with her.

But it didn't.

It is right here.

My company, my wealth,

even my reputation...

is meaningless without my daughter.

I am going to tell the truth.

Hernando brought me here
on our first date.

He said this is the only place
in Mexico City

where you can really experience...
Diego Rivera.

These are studies done for a painting

that was originally commissioned
by John D. Rockefeller

for his new center in New York.

Diego changed the original design
and added Lenin, united with workers.

- [Nomi chuckles softly]
- Rockefeller told him to repaint it.

Diego refused...
so Rockefeller had it destroyed.

Years later,
Diego repainted it here in Mexico...

where he thought
the painting would live free.

- But...
- Sadly, the actual painting

has been reduced to nothing
but a whore pimped out

by the Bank of Mexico and the Palacio.

It is... controlled by censors

who treat it exactly
like Rockefeller treated it.

Diego would be ashamed of it.

Nothing about it is free.

All afternoon, he was telling me stories
about the art in here.

Hernando can talk about football,
about wrestling,

about paintings,
with such a passionate love.

"You fuck with art," he says,
"you'll get fucked by art."

[laughing]

You see that sketch?
That one?

That's Syphilis.

Mm.

He painted it over the head
of Rockefeller's father...

...drinking with a dance hall girl.

That's why I love it here.

Here...

you can feel
the wild and reckless heart...

[sighs] ...of a Mexican artist...

still beating.

I was here listening to him for hours,
and... and I couldn't take it anymore.

Our first kiss was over there...
in the bathroom.

[panting]

It was for me a religious experience.

I went to my knees.

[panting]

And took him into my mouth like...

I was taking Holy Communion.

[moans]

That kind of kiss... changes you.

I told Hernando from the beginning, I...

I told him how it had to be.

What went wrong?

I did.

I'm afraid I will lose everything...
that I've worked for.

I know how that feels.

But at a certain point, I realized
there's a huge difference between

what we work for and what we live for.

My whole life,
all I wanted to be was an actor.

But you can't be an actor
and get the parts I want... and be gay.

I love dolls.

My father could never forgive me for that.

When I was eight years old,
my father made me join a swim club.

He'd been on the same club and...

he said that the things
that he learned in that locker room

were the things that made him
the man that he is today.

I hated that locker room.

At that age,
I was really uncomfortable with my body.

I didn't like to be naked,
especially in front of other boys.

But you had to take a shower
before you could go in the pool,

so I would do it,
but I would wear my suit and a tee shirt.

And the boys would tease me,
but I would try to hurry and...

ignore them, and it--
it worked for a while.

And then one day it didn't.

[showers running]

I don't know how it started,

but I remember having this feeling
that something bad was going to happen.

[boy's voice echoes] Hey, faggot!

Why do you shower with your clothes on?

[boy 2] Because he ain't got a dick.

I made the mistake
of standing up for myself.

- You got wood, faggot?
- [boys snickering]

[voice echoes] Let's strip him!

- [young Nomi] No, no, no, no!
- [boys laughing]

The hot water came from
the same boiler that heated the radiator.

- [screaming]
- [laughter]

I still have scars on my stomach
from the second-degree burns.

[laughter continues]

[shouting]

Stop it!

Fucking monsters.

I'm sorry.

That locker room might have
made my father the man that he is,

but it also made me the woman that I am.

After that, I quit the swim club.

I quit trying to fit in,
trying to be one of them.

I knew I never would be.

But more importantly,
I didn't want to be.

Their violence...

was petty and ignorant, but ultimately,
it was true to who they were.

The real violence...

the violence that
I realized was unforgivable...

is the violence that we do to ourselves,

when we're too afraid
to be who we really are.

There you are.

I needed a chai.

I made one for you, too.

Thank you.

What?

You've been through so much,
I almost hate to ask--

What?

It's Mother.
She says she needs to see you.

Oh.

OK. Of course.

[heart monitor beeps steadily]

[softly] Come here.

Rajan says you pray often.

I do.

Sometimes.

I was born in Bombay.

Every Tuesday, I used to go
to the Shree Siddhivinayak temple.

But when I got married...
Manendra wouldn't have it.

My husband is a good man.

He helps many people.

He cares about people.

Please, would you...
pray with me to Shri Ganesh?

Tell Shri Ganesh he's a g-- good man?

Of course.

[whispers] Thank you.

[sets brake]

Your father and I visit here sometimes.

We sit with them.

He plays music.

How many times
have I heard that fucking song?

One time, it was too cold.

I told him I didn't want to go.

I said it was stupid
and a waste of time because...

nothing mattered to them anymore.

He told me he didn't do it for them.

He said he did it
whenever he missed you.

[door shuts]

I'm sorry I haven't come back.

I wasn't strong enough.

I thought I-- I would stand here
and want to die again.

Or worse, that I would stand here
and not want to.

[sighs deeply]

Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror
and I don't know who I am.

I still think of you...
coming to my school.

[hooves echoing]

[Magnus] Come with me.

It's like something
that happened to someone else.

The me that loved you...

that wanted to have
a huge family with you...

that me's not this me.

That me is here with you.

[trembling exhale]

[whispers] And with you.

[sniffles]

[light noise outside door]

[lock turns]

[gasping]

- [knife clatters]
- Oh, honey!

[Neets] Oh...

- [sobbing]
- [Neets] OK.

Oh...

I knew you'd be here.

I knew you'd find me.

You all right?

[whispers] I am now.

[door slams]

[sighs]

Hello.

How's Iceland?

You'd rather be here?

[Capheus sighs]

I know how that is.

I spent all night
wishing this day would never come.

Do you think other animals
waste as much time as us...

wishing for things they know...
they'll never get?

You don't have to talk
if you don't want to.

[voice trembles]
I've never told anyone.

[breath quavering]

[sobs] I couldn't go to the funeral.

He was my husband, I loved him,
but I-- I couldn't say goodbye.

But you have now.

[sniffling]

I don't believe it's possible.

Death doesn't let you say goodbye.

It just...

carves holes in your life...

in your future...

in your heart.

[soft exhale]

[sighs]

My sister was born when I was eight.

She was so small and delicate.

[waterfall rushing]

I carried her around all the time.

Her eyes were huge...
full of so much joy and mischief.

I loved her.

[baby crying]

But we did not have any food.

Our mother was unable to produce any milk.

If we did not give her to the nuns,
she would have died.

Saying goodbye was the...
hardest thing I've ever done.

[sobbing softly]

I never saw her again.

I cried as if she had died.

In a way, she did.

But... in another way...

she lived.

That day, I learned life and death
are always so mixed up together,

in the same way
some beginnings are endings...

and some endings become beginnings.

[chuckles]

I know the smart characters always hide
in plain sight, but in our own apartment?

They won't look for me here for a while.

How can you be sure?

I used Will's badge number to BOLO myself.

"Last seen getting
on a plane to Australia."

Australia?

We do have friends we could stay with.

No.

Not after what happened to your mom.

I don't want my trouble
hurting anybody else.

[sighs] You mean "our" trouble.

[Nomi chuckles softly]

["Knockin' On Heaven's Door" plays]

[line ringing]

[recording plays] Hello, this is Hernando.
Now you say something.

[answering machine beeps]

[Lito] Hernando, please pick up the phone,
OK? It's Lito again.

[line ringing]

[recording plays] Hello, this is Hernando.
Now you say something.

[answering machine beeps]

Hernando, it's me again.

Call me back.
It's really important.

[panting]

[line ringing]

[recording plays] Hello, this is Hernando.
Now you say something.

[answering machine beeps]

[sobs] Hernando!

[recording plays] Hello, this is Hernando.
Now you say something.

- [answering machine beeps]
- [Lito] Hernando, it's me.

Please call me back. I lost a flip-flop.

[answering machine beeps]

[Lito] The bathtub doesn't work. Um...

[sobbing]
I cannot get it to work, Hernando.

[recording plays] Hello, this is Hernando.
Now you say something.

- [answering machine beeps]
- [sobs] Just call me back.

It's very important.

[line ringing]

[crying]

[recording plays] Hello, this is Hernando.
Now you say something.

[answering machine beeps]

[softly] Hernando... it's me again.

Look, I...
I understand why you won't pick up.

This is my fault.

I've always tried
to be worthy of your love, but now...

[sobs]

Now I'm not...

I disappointed you, I...
I've let you down.

I've let Daniela down.

[sighs]

Hernando, I...

I miss you.

I miss your voice.

I have all these voices in my head,
but yours...

- it's the only one I can't live without.
- [line beeps]

- I--
- [female voice] Mailbox is full.

[phone thuds]

[sobbing] Hernando...

[sobbing] I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm-- I'm sorry.

[clicks]

It's fake.

It's fake...

like everything in my life.

I'm a fake.

[sighs] I'm a liar.

All I know how to do is lie.