All language subtitles for April.Fools.Day.2008.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Downloaded from
YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

(LOW CHATTER)

-Put it in the foyer.
-Right away, sir.

(FOOD BEING CHOPPED)

Ow!

Michael, you cut your finger!

-Mike, you okay?
-(SCREAMING)

Get a paper towel, quick!

-Are you all right?
-Ow, my finger!

-My god!
-(SCREAMING)

Wilford!

Quit messing around. My guests
will be here any minute,
and I need you out front.

Yes, Ms. Cartier.

Sorry, Wilford.
I'm just having a little fun.

Good one on me, sir.

Mikey! Nice.

(CLEARS THROAT)
Mr. Cartier made me do it.

Quite.

(LAUGHING)

I'm so glad you could make it.
I mean,
I know this isn't your thing.

What, and miss my opportunity
to create another masterpiece?

-Ooh.
-That's a hell of a tux, Ryan.

You sure do know how to
pull off the starving
artist look.

-I kind of like the starving
artist look.
-Thank you.

I am so sorry we're late.

-Did we miss the toast?
-No, we're still waiting on
Her Highness.

-We spend half our life
waiting for her.
-And you spend half your

life spewing bullshit, Peter.

Hello, Desiree,
it's lovely to see you.

Peter's a politician
in training, Des.

What more can you expect
from that shit-eating grin?

Thanks, Blaine.

-Here you go, sweetie.
-So have you, uh,
sampled the main course yet?

Well, it looks amazing,
but I'm saving my appetite
for something else.

-We still on for polo
on Saturday?
-Have I ever missed a match?

You have not.

(CLEARS THROAT) (TAPS GLASS)

You don't toast yourself,
sweetie. We toast you.

At each one of our coming-out
parties, where us sweet,
young, innocent girls

are introduced into
polite society

we've all taken a moment
beforehand to gather together
before the other guests...

(COUGHS) Old fucks.

Other guests arrive

to toast our guest of honor,
celebrate our friendships

and welcome our
newest edition.

Don't be a lender or
a borrower.

-Peter!
-Thank you, Barbie.

As I was saying, Torrance

we are so proud to host
your debutant ball

and welcome you into
our circle.

Which I think you will find
will change your life forever.

May God help you as the devil
leads the way.

ALL: Cheers.

(LAUGHING)

-What's so funny?
-What happened to your mouth?

-April fools.
-(LAUGHING)

-What are you laughing at?
-Peter. Try to keep up, okay?
Jesus.

Don't worry, sweetie.
Since it's your special night,
you'll be exempt from

being pranked maybe.

-(LAUGHING)
-Oh.

(LOW CHATTERING)

Oh, Torrance, there is no one
more deserving of this
honor than...

-Fuck, can we do that again?
-Yeah, ready when you are.

As sponsor of your debut,
it is my honor to welcome
you into our elite society.

Congratulations, Torrance.
You deserve it.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, I'll take one more of
those. That one's done,
thank you, sir.

Hey, Charles, any well wishes
for the new debutant?

Yes. Torrance, in the
popularity race, rehab rumors
might get you the finish line

but nothing secures victory
better than a good
old- fashioned sex scandal.

-Isn't that right, Eltie-Poo?
-Perfect.

-Also, uh...
-Thanks, Charles.

Guys, we're makin' a video
for Torrance, have any advice?

Yes I do, here you go.
Here you go, hold that.

All right. Okay. On me.

Torrance. My dear.
My wife and I would like to
extend our

hearty congratulations on
your coming out party,
and wish you

well with all your
future end...

-Uh...
-How about you, Ms. Carolina?

Torrance, honey,
I'm honored to call you
my friend

and I look forward to sharing
many happy years together.

-Great. Very sincere.
-Oh yeah! Um...

-Marry rich,
and don't get fat! (LAUGHS)

Endeavors. Future endeavors.

Ryan, glad to see
you're living the dream.

-Guy thinks he's Hitchcock.
-Who?

I happen to be working
tonight, asshole.

-Some people have to earn
a living.
-Yeah, I earn interest.

You know what?
Take a close-up of Katie here.

-Chloe!
-Whatever.
Isn't she beautiful?

How many times do I have
to tell you?
Champagne then hors d'oeuvres.

-Jesus.
-Sorry.

Hey, have you seen Milan?

I think she just walked in.

Milan, you look divine!

-You look stunning, as always.
-Thank you.

-Just threw myself together.
-You know, this is all looking
very familiar.

It's not nearly as beautiful
as your ball.

But we did miss having
you here for the
pre-party toast.

Well, I've been working so
much with my charities, I
haven't had time for as much

-socializing or traditions.
-Admirable.

So, are you still working
with those

-retarded
-Developmentally disabled
children?

Yes, they're so adorable.

You know, helping others is
incredibly rewarding.

Envy is an ugly shade
for you, Desiree.

I don't know the meaning
of the word.

Oh, and for the record,
I don't partake in the type
of exploits

that make Milan Hastings so
popular with the boys.

You know, as someone who
writes gossip for a living,
I sure would appreciate

any light you could shed
on these

-cries for attention, hm?
-Well

-let's just say someone had
to stock up on her Penicillin.
-Ah.

Milan Hastings,
goodie two-shoes and
village bicycle.

What, you didn't know?
Feel free to use that for
your website.

You know, how do I know that
you're not up to another one
of your little tricks, hm?

Contrary to popular opinion,
I actually do try to verify
my sources.

-Suit yourself.
-Oh, Desiree?

Gossip is a poison for
which there is no antidote.

Excuse me, young man.
Eltie's getting
a little sleepy.

Would you mind taking him
to the Woodland room for me?

Tuck him in,
make yourself a drink?

My, Eltie. It's okay, baby.
Yeah, he's a nice young man.

So, there we were in the
Alaskan tundra on
a hunting trip.

My father gave me that knife
after my first kill.

See that gun?

This was my next kill.

The animal never knew
what hit him.

(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse us.

Blaine.

You still in for later tonight
with Milan?

As long as you quit pestering
me about that stupid SL550

-then yes.
-It's not fair, why should you
get to decide how I spend my

-money?
-Because that's what father
stated in our trust.

-Besides, you have a perfectly
fine automobile.
-My car is an eyesore.

It's a 2007, Desiree.
You don't need a new Mercedes
every year.

Fine, whatever. Just stick to
the plan, all right?

-I'm counting on you.
-Yeah.

Shouldn't be too difficult,
she's been begging for it
for years.

(WHISTLING)
Ladies and gentlemen

please allow me the honor
of presenting

at her official debut,
Ms. Torrance Caldwell.

She will be escorted by
her father

-Mr. Lawrence Caldwell III.
-(APPLAUSE)

You know, if this wasn't a
front for another one of
your pranks

Mom and Dad would have been
so proud.

Thanks.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the future leader of
your children.

-Brian. Brian, come here.
-It's Ryan.

-Brian, come here.
-It's Ryan.

I gotta tell you something
I'm not gonna tell you.

Before I devoted myself
and sacrificed myself

to getting votes and being
loved by everyone

and helping people
with their hearts and souls

I wanted to be a bartender
like the Jerry Maguire in
the cocktail.

-(DRUNK MUMBLING)
-Um, could you excuse me?

I'm a badass!

Peter, people are watching.
Ryan, stop. Ryan.

Hey, if that ends up on the
Interweb, I will have you
raped by a wizard.

-Glass of champagne.
-Yeah, and that is a promise,
not a threat.

Yeah?
What's it worth to you, Peter?

PETER: Everything you've got,
ever.

-Hey, Barbie.
-Milan,
it's so nice to see you.

You haven't been around
much lately.

You wouldn't believe how much
work the Gifted Child
Foundation is.

-Really?
-I can't believe my mother
started it singlehandedly.

-Yes.
-Oh, and congratulations on
that whole Miss Carolina

thing. What an honor. You
know, I didn't realize they
let married ladies compete.

Well,
we had just gotten engaged,
so I was still eligible.

Oh, hello, Peter.
How have you been?
Plotting the senate yet?

The campaign is like a
well-oiled machine.
The campaign machine.

-Politics.
-I think it's time to go.

-Ryan, how are you?
-Good, how are you?

Good. So how's the whole movie
thing been going?

-It's um...
-It's...

I'm sorry, I just haven't seen
you since...

Torrance. Torrance.

Sorry,
didn't mean to scare you.

-It's okay, I'm a little
distracted tonight.
-It's a big night.

Yeah.

Did I tell you I got an agent?
I guess those acting classes
paid off.

I mean, everything's happening
so quickly.

You know, this whole
scene can be
pretty overwhelming.

Just do yourself a favor.
Don't lose yourself in
their world.

What do you mean?

I mean, we've all been very
fortunate. But most of them
use their wealth and privilege

only to benefit themselves.
They have everything they want

yet they'd do anything for
a little more.

I don't know, I guess what
I'm trying to say is...

Boo.

-Obsessed much?
-Tan much?

She is beautiful.

-When you gonna get the nerve
to ask her out?
-Who's that, Milan?

-Mhm.
-We're just old friends.

-It'd be weird.
-Yeah, right.

Charles, why don't you
jump in the pool with
the girls?

Well, first of all, they
aren't playing with
the right equipment.

And secondly,
you know I can't swim.

Oh my, you'll have to pardon
me. Charles just found his
dessert for the evening.

Yoo hoo!
Young man, may I have a word
with you?

-Yo.
-Hey.

I guess this is why I rarely
attend these things.

Ah, they're just blowing
off steam.

From what? Deciding whether
to summer in the Vineyard
or Lake Cuomo?

Sorry, I just don't feel I'm
part of this world anymore.

(SIGHS) Well, that's too bad

because I would love a little
of you in my world.

Blaine, you never let up.

You know, I'm not one of
your little debutarts.

You know, I was planning on
laying on pretty thick tonight

but I have just been myself
around you.

-Really?
-I don't know what it is.
I'm comfortable with you.

I don't have to pull any
tricks, you know?
You're too smart for that.

-The champagne's hitting me
pretty hard.
-Here.

-You all right?
-Yeah, I'm fine.

-Whoa.
-Whoa. Um

why don't we get you some
water? Come on.
Here, watch yourself.

Right this way.

Let me get you that water.
Be right back.

-Here you go.
-Thanks.

Absolutely. Here, I got it.

What kind of girl do you think
I am, huh?

I think I have an idea.

What's that? Move it.
There we go.

Once this hits the Internet,
Milan is finished.

-Hey!
-Sh!

I'll be goddamned,
it's a wooden door.
It's hardwood.

Fine. Oh, gorgeous.

-You know what, I'm gonna
get something in the bathroom.
-Okay.

What are you guys doing?

-Des, why do you have
my camera?
-Sh.

-You don't wanna see this.
-Why?
What the fuck is going on?

-So, you miss me?
-Hold on a second.

BLAINE: Jeez, I wanted this
for a long time.

-Are you all right?
-I can't. I just don't...
I don't feel right.

-What's wrong?
What's the matter?
-I just don't feel right.

RYAN: What are you guys doing?
This isn't funny!

-April Fool's Day, bitch.
-Hey, what's wrong?

Hey, hey!
What's the matter with you?
Are you all right?

She's falling backwards,
get her! (YELLING)

(SCREAMING)

-Milan!
-(SCREAMING)

TORRANCE: Please get up!
Please!

Are you okay?
Just get up, please!

Call someone!

Come on, wake up! Wake up!

What have you guys done?
(SOBBING)

What have you guys done?

The terms of the trust clearly
delineate that any outwards
and evident citations

of questionable character
and/or any illegal activity
are grounds for removal.

In light of the inquiry into
the death of Milan Hastings

and with the more recent
allegations of
sexual misconduct

involving Mr. Cartier,
I have no choice but to

revoke his responsibilities
as executor of
the Cartier estate

and hereby designate Desiree
Cartier primary beneficiary in
control of the family trust.

(KNOCK)

On today's edition of Susan
Moyer, we are headed to
the South

where an April Fool's Day
prank turns tragic.

Now this case has been
dragging on for months, and
joining us now via satellite

is WDBZ of the Carolinas'
reporter Seaton Motley.
Seaton?

-Hey, Susan.
-Hello, Seaton. So this
started as just your

run-of-the-mill debutant ball,
is that right?

Well no, not exactly.
It was hosted by the city's
elite Cartier family.

-Oh, the Kennedys of the
Carolinas, right?
-Well, yeah.

-But someone died.
-Yeah.

Died. At a ball.
This is supposed to celebrate
someone coming out

-not going out.
-Well what came out at the
hearing is

that it was all supposed to be
a prank, but obviously, it
turned out horribly wrong.

Yeah, very wrong.

Now, viewers, what you are
about to see is not for the
faint of heart.

-Hey, hey, she's falling
backwards. Someone get her!
-Milan!

(CRASH) (SCREAMS) Milan!

Toxicology reports that the
socialite died from
an adverse reaction

of a drug. I believe it was a
rufie, is that right, Seaton?

-That's correct.
-Now, here we have this rich
kid, Blaine Cartier.

He has got a history of
sexual misconduct

and no one is raising
red flags here?

Alleged sexual misconduct.
To be fair

these debutants started coming
out of the woodwork after the
story broke, so

they could be riding the media
bandwagon for all we know.

That may be so. Also joining
us today is gossip
columnist and blog king

-Charles Lansford.
-Hello, Susan.

Hello, Charles.
So, you not only report on
the elite

you're a member of the inner
circle as well.
As a matter of fact

you just finished writing a
book, in a record amount of
time I might add

regarding this particular
case, is that right?

Thank you, yes I have. And my
book is titled, Lifestyles of
the Rich and Deadly

and will be available in
stores across the nation on
July 8th.

Well, from what I've been
told, you were actually
considered a coconspirator

-in this case.
-Actually, the media
misconstrued that...

Listen, here's what I'm trying
to figure out is exactly what
went wrong that night.

What started out trying to
catch a couple of kids,
pardon the expression

with their pants down, ended
up with this young woman
falling to her death.

The Cartiers were trying to
embarrass Milan Hastings
for quite some time.

You see, Desiree Cartier had
a long-standing
rivalry with her.

Susan, I want to add one more
thing, too. This is not the
first time that one of the

Cartiers' stunts has landed
them in hot water.

We have to take a quick
commercial break.

When we come back,
more on the Cartier son
and his dalliances...

Don't feel bad, Blaine,
it happens to a lot of guys.

I've had a lot on my
mind lately.

-(DOG WHINING)
-Milton?

Elton?

-Milton!
-(DOG BARKING)

-Eltie? (WHISTLING)
-(DOG BARKING)

(DOG WHIMPERING)

-Milton!
-(DOG BARKING)

-Come on, smoochy bear.
-(DOG CRYING)

Elton?

Elton!

-Milton!
-(DOG BARKING)

Eltie?

-(DOG WHINES) (SPLASH)
-Elton!

Eltie? Eltie! Swim! Swim,
Eltie! Come on, boy!

Elton!

Oh, God!

What the fuck?

(SCREAMING)

-Ms. Cartier.
-Jesus!

I'm sorry, Ms. Cartier,
I didn't mean to frighten you.

It's fine, Wilford.
I'm just having a rough
morning, that's all.

-I found this at the door
earlier this morning.
-Thank you.

-Do you know where Blaine is?
-I believe he spent the night
downtown at the Cartier suite.

-Is everything all right?
-Yeah, everything is fine.
Thank you.

(PHONE RINGING)

What up, it's Blaine.
Leave a message if you want.
I could care less.

-Hey!
-Shit! I'm sorry!

-Watch it, bitch.
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

What is your problem?

Go away.

Yeah, I don't need anything,
come back later.

Open the fucking door, Blaine.

(SIGHS)

It's so dark in here.

So, I got this this morning.
Wanna know what it is?

I wouldn't worry about it.
I'm sure it's just somebody
trying to screw with you.

Yeah? Then they're trying
to screw with you, too.

-How do they know
I'm staying here?
-I don't know!

-What? You think it's a joke?
-Well I don't know, Des,
you tell me.

-You're the expert, right?
-Oh, come on.

Well, considering your track
record, I don't think it's
that far off from the truth.

I've spent the past year
regretting what happened
to Milan.

But it was an accident,
and I've finally come to terms
with that.

What if someone has something
on us, Des?

-I can't go through
another hearing.
-They don't.

We didn't kill Milan.

Look, I say we just go to
the gravesite and see what
they want.

Hey.

Hey. How are you?

I'm okay.

I never really got a chance
to say goodbye to her,
you know?

Yeah, me neither.

-How are you?
-I'm okay.

It still haunts me, you know?

You didn't really have
anything to do with it.

It still happened at my debut.

(CAR DOOR CLOSING)

It's all bullshit. They don't
even care that she's dead,
they just care about their

reputations.

-Hey, guys.
BOTH: Hey.

-So, you guys get the
invitation too?
-Is it just us four?

I guess not.

Well, just like old times.

-Blaine.
-Peter.

It's good to see you.

It's good to see you. Desiree.

-I'm assuming we're here
because of you? Ringleader?
-Don't start with me, Peter.

Well, looks like there's no
big surprises around the
corner, so.

-If you'll excuse us.
-Hold on a sec.

-You guys expecting a package?
-Who's it from?

-M. Hastings?
-What?

-Can I get someone to sign
for it?
-I'll do it.

Okay, thank you.

"Dear friends, a year has
passed since my tragic death.

"I was hoping one of you
would for once
accept responsibility."

-What else?
-"But you didn't. I know which
one of you is responsible.

"The question is,
are you capable of
admitting it?

"If my murderer doesn't come
forward, then each and every
one of you will...

"will die throughout the
course of this
April Fool's Day.

"If you go to the police,
you will die. And if you think
this is some sort of prank

"please see the enclosed.
All my love, Milan."

-Desiree, if this is another
one of your stupid pranks...
-Are you serious?

What, you think I would joke
about something like this?

Well, what the hell's
goin' on?

-What's that?
-"The enclosed."

-It's Charles.
-What is this, a joke?

No, creepier. The guy who made
a fortune off our miseries
is back for more.

(CHARLES SCREAMING)

-He can't swim.
-(CHARLES SCREAMING)

(CHARLES SCREAMING)

-What the fuck is that?
-You know what?
I'm not buyin' it.

But is this his idea of
a joke?

Say, everybody, it's been
great catching up, but Barbie
and I simply don't have time

-for this kind of...stuff
anymore. So, afternoon.
-Peter.

-Peter. Peter, come on, man.
-We should just call the cops.

What, and have everyone laugh
at us for one of Charles'
dumbass pranks?

-I don't think so.
I say we go to his house.
-What? No, it's not safe.

Des, please. Come on,
the guy's just fucking
with us.

-Let's go.
-Thank you.

Hey, let's try around back.

Charles!

Charles!

-Oh, my God!
-Wait!

Hey!

Give me your hand!
Give me your hand!

He's okay. Just calm down.

-(CRYING)
-Get her out of here!

We're gonna call the cops!

(DOG BARKING)

(DOG BARKING)

(DOG BARKING)

You guys all right?
I had to grab the dog,
I couldn't leave him.

-Charles is dead.
-No shit.
Look, I say we just...

-We just need to gather our
senses here and...
-If the person

who killed Milan doesn't
come forward, then any one of
us could be next.

Ryan, slow down, all right?
Who's to say any of us
killed her?

And whoever this is could be
bluffing, or crazy, or they
could have even killed Milan.

-Look,
we need to call the cops.
-I don't know about you

sweetie, but if I get
implicated in another fucking
murder in this town

-I'm fuckin' finished.
-Don't talk to her like that,
okay?

Sounds to me like you're the
one hiding something, Blaine.

I don't have anything to hide.

-I was with all of you guys at
the damn cemetery.
-Not last night, you weren't.

-And that video was obviously
made at night.
-I was in my suite last night.

-All night with Sarah.
You can ask her.
-Is that true?

Tell him, Des.

-Well, you were alone when
I showed up at your hotel.
-Fine.

-Where were you last night?
-I was at home! Any of the
servants can verify that.

-Can they?
-Yes, they can, and where were
you, Ryan?

-I was at my apartment doing
a project.
-Do you have any witnesses?

-I live alone.
-Look, I can stay.

I'll call the cops and tell
them that I found Charles.

I was at rehearsal last night,
the casting director will say
I was there.

-All night?
-Yeah, the director can vouch
for me.

-Good God, Torrance.
-Who are you to criticize me,
Desiree?

Look, guys, let's calm down.
I saw we make an anonymous
call from a payphone

and go on with our business.
This is for the cops!

Let them find Charles' body
and decide for themselves.

He's right.

-You make the call.
-Thanks, Ryan.

Well I have to go cover a
pageant. I can't afford to
lose the fucking gig, so uh...

Barbie will be there, I'll
tell her about Charles.
Torrance, can I get a ride?

Look, I think there's a
payphone on the corner of 5th.

-Are you sure you wanna
do this?
-What other choice do we have?

Peter Welling for Senate.

Peter Welling for President.

I can be an astronaut if I
want to be, I can be a racecar
driver...uh, come in.

That's far enough right there.
What you got?

Just the new poll numbers.

-And how are they?
-Not so hot.

That's fine. Uh, Stewart,
you don't have to come
any closer.

I thought after that pro-life
rally I'd be on top.

Peter, it's April 1st.

We talked about the fact that
this one-year anniversary
would haunt us.

-No, I just didn't realize.
-It's okay, we'll just do a
little bit of spin control.

You know, we'll do a few more
visits, some town
hall meetings.

Hey, there's that new
pediatric wing that's opening
up this week.

Nah, no, that's fine,
I'm not gonna do that. I don't
like the smell of those.

What, hospitals?

No, the babies. I don't like
the...they got the little the
hands and the...

-faces.
-Peter.

-Yeah?
-You're gonna have
to do something.

Okay? It's your first
campaign. If you don't come
out on top, it's gonna set you

-back for years.
-Stewart, no.
It's gonna be okay.

I'm kinda in the middle of
something right now, so...

Okay.

You're doing a heck of a job.

I can be whatever I want to
be. I can be God.

Hi, this is Barbie Reynolds,
please leave a brief message,
and I'll return your call.

-Still no answer.
-Look, don't panic yet,
all right? If she's in the

middle of an event, she's
probably not picking up.
Plus, Ryan should be with her

-by now.
-Oh, knock it off!

(DOG WHIMPER)

(PHONE RINGING)

-Yeah.
-How can we help you today?

-Hi, I just need to get
an address.
-All right.

Yeah, I still can't get a hold
of Peter and Barbie

and now Ryan's not answering
his phone.

-Look, Desiree, don't panic.
-I'm not panicking!

-Shut up!
-(DOG BARKING)

-Listen, what time do you get
off set?
-Wait, first I need to

-tell you what Ryan said
earlier today.
-Why, what did he say?

He was acting strange and
saying some weird things.
It was creeping me out.

-Hey, listen, I gotta call
you back, all right?
-Wait, Desiree!

-What did the police say?
-I called the courier service.

What, are you gonna ship
Charles' body to them?

No, I was thinking the courier
said it came from M. Hastings.

So there had to be an
address attached, right?
So I found out what it was.

1443 Smith Street.

-Yeah, but we don't know
anyone who lives around here.
-Yes, we do.

Ryan.

(LOW CHATTER)

-Now let's get one with
Ms. Carolina.
-Miss.

Miss.

All right, Miss Carolina,
you can take 15 now.

I just need the young ladies.

-(SCREAM)
-Whoa!

Shit, how are we supposed
to find Ryan?

I'll go find him,
you get to Barbie.

Excuse me, Miss Carolina?

Miss Carolina, Miss Carolina,
Miss Carolina, out the
door and to the right.

Just go fix it. Just fix it.

I know that, and if I had
wanted blue toothpicks,
I would have ordered...

-Oh my god, Barbie!
-Oh, God dammit, can't I just
relax before a shoot?

Oh my God, you're okay!

Of course I'm okay. Are you
acting crazy after all the

bullshit at the
cemetery earlier?

-Well?
-I'm sorry, Miss Carolina.

The circuit breaker's been
acting up. It seem to only be
affecting your room.

We do have somebody
working on it, and I'm sorry.

Guess they're just gonna
have to wait for their little
shoot now, aren't they?

-Wait, Ryan talked you,
didn't he?
-I saw him at the pageant.

And he didn't say anything
about Charles?
About what we found?

I can't see shit. I'm gonna go
out there looking like
Amy Winehouse.

-(KNOCKING)
-Yes?

Me, again.
These just came for you.

Oh.

What a sweetie.

Who are they from?

Is there something in
the vase?

-Maybe the florist...
-Oh, fuck!

Oh, my God, are you okay?
I'll get you a towel.
Don't worry about it.

Do you mind?

-(PHONE BEEPING)
-God dammit!

-What the hell?
-(KNOCKING)

It's two minutes,
Ms. Reynolds.

What about my goddamn lights?

-(ELECTRIC SOUND)
-(SCREAM)

Oh my God, Barbie! Oh my God!
(SCREAMS)

Oh, my God!

Where's Barbie?

What? No, no, no.
She was right here.

She was right here, and the...
the vase...the vase was
on the...

After what happened today?

-It's a sick joke.
-No, no!

She was... She was right...

(PHONE BEEPING)

"Milan," what?

"She'll kill us both." What?

Blaine, listen to me!

Ryan, I know what I saw.

Look, Des

just because of what happened
with Charles

we can't let our imaginations
run wild. We have to keep it
together, okay?

-No, you sent the package to
the cemetery!
-No, I didn't.

-And you sent the roses!
-Des, I didn't send anything
to anybody.

-Tell him, Blaine.
-Look, we called the courier
service, all right?

They said the package came
from your address.

So fuckin' what?

All of you know my address.
Any one of you could have
sent it.

Hell, I get letters from
Peter's goddamn campaign
office every day.

-And I'm a Democrat!
-Shit.

-Shit, Peter!
-Exactly!

Instead of standing here
pointing fingers at each other

let's go check on Peter.

(GLASS BREAKING)

(SHUFFLING)

It's just your imagination.

(FLOOR CREAKING)

(SCREAMING)

-You okay?
-Yeah.

Cut!

What the hell, Chuck?
What's goin' on with my
blood pumps?

-I don't know what the
problem is.
-Fuck me.

All right,
let's redress the set!

-Can someone get me Emily?
-(LAUGHING)

All right, Torrance, why don't
you go on back your trailer?
It's gonna be a little while.

-All right?
-Yeah.

There you go, okay.

-Chuck, how long's it
gonna take?
-Ten, fifteen minutes.

All right, we got an hour!

-(HISSING)
-April fools!

You assholes. Sorry, hon,
they've been getting'
everybody all day with that.

-What's this?
-Just read it.

-So what? Peter and Milan
had an affair.
-Is that true?

This could mean one of two
things. Either Peter and Milan
continued this affair

and Barbie killed her, or B,
Peter killed Milan to cover up
a potential scandal.

Yeah, but then who
killed Barbie?

-We don't even know that
Barbie's dead. And even if
she is, maybe she came forward

about killing Milan and then
the killer came forward
and killed Barbie.

-Wait, wait, what?
-You know what?
I know what I saw.

And we all saw Charles!
I mean, something is not
adding up.

We don't know what's
going on, all right?
But the way we left Charles

it's just not right.
I gotta call the police.

Right, I'll deal with the
consequences. I know that
I didn't kill Milan.

I don't care is somebody
has evidence.
The fact is, I'm innocent.

(DIALING)

-South One Police Station.
-Hi, it's Blaine Cartier.
I need to report a murder.

I'll direct your call
to homicide.

-Homicide.
-Hi, this is Blaine Cartier.
I need to report at murder.

What? Blaine Cartier?
Listen, son, these pranks
need to stop.

This is the fifth phone call
I've received from you today.

If this is the real Blaine
Cartier, the next call I get
from you better be

you reporting your own murder.

We're so screwed.

Excuse me, do you know
where we could find
Peter Welling?

I think you just missed him,
hon. You can check his
office, and if he's not there

he's probably left for
his appointment.

-He's parks on the
basement level.
-I'll go look in his office.

If he's not there,
we'll check the garage.

Where is she?

-I don't know,
she was just right here.
-(SCREAM)

(CHUCKLES)
Beautiful, just beautiful.

-Peter!
-Desiree, what do you want?

-Peter, I need to talk to you.
-Nope. Nope, I'm not
getting involved this time.

-Peter, listen to me, dammit.
Listen to me.
-What?

-I need to talk to you...
-Look, I have to earn the
voters' confidence!

-Listen to me!
-I have votes to earn, okay?

-Please, you have
to explain this.
-My value wagon.

(DESIREE SCREAMS)

Oh, no!

Peter!

Oh, he got Peter!

(CRYING)

(DIALING)

-Hello?
-Where are you? I've called
you like 100 times!

-I'm at Peter's office,
where you left me.
-Peter is dead!

-He got run over by his
value wagon!
-What? (LAUGHING)

Why are you laughing?
I'm serious!

-All right, where's the van?
Are you following it?
-Yeah, I'm following it now.

Desiree, hey look,
where are you? Tell me
exactly where you're at.

-Shit, I think she sees me.
-What?

What? Who sees you?
Desiree, what are you talking
about? What's going on?

-Milan.
-Milan? What the hell are you
talking about?

Desiree! Hey, hello? Hey!

Shit!

(HONKING)

Shit!

(PHONE RINGING)

-Des, you okay?
-Blaine, I lost it.

Okay, look. Slow down
and tell me where you're at.
I'll come get you.

-Are you hurt?
-Wait, I see it! Wait!

You see the van?
Where are you?

I'm on Kellogg and Oakline.

-Okay, look Just stay there...
-Look, I gotta go!

Oh, no. Torrance.

-Do you have a drive-on?
-Yeah, I'm here to see
Torrance Caldwell

-for Boogie Blades 2.
-Is she expecting you?

Yes, I have a drive-on.
Please.

-Your name?
-Desiree Cartier.

-Okay, you can go in.
-Thank you.

-Excuse me, where is Torrance
Caldwell's trailer?
-Oh, fifth one down.

Here, thanks.

Jesus! Oh, my God.

-You look like Milan.
-Desiree, it's a wig.
It's for the movie.

Listen, Peter and Barbie are
dead, and I think that the
murderer is after you

because I followed him here.

Look, we can't stay here.
It's not safe.

Desiree,
you're not making sense!

I have to get ready for the
next scene.

Jesus, I think I'm losing my
mind. I think they're dead,
I saw them, and then...

-You have to tell me what Ryan
said to you at the cemetery.
-I don't know.

I mean, he was so angry.
He kept on saying how we
all got what we deserved

for causing Milan's death.

He was always in love
with her.

There's something you need
to know about Ryan.

-Something I should have said
a long time ago.
-What?

What the hell is going on?

-You okay?
-Yeah, where's Ryan?

He took off in a hurry after
you called.
He kept mumbling something

about needing to get more
information off of the laptop.

Listen, I don't know what
this means, but

for the past year, I've caught
him more than once
watching me.

Watching you?

Yeah.

He was hiding,
and I think he was
videotaping me.

I was on a date and he was
outside the restaurant.

I was at the mall, and he
was even in
the parking garage.

-What?
-Okay, so he's got a fetish.

I know he's a weird guy,
but just because he has an
odd hobby

-doesn't make him a murderer.
-That's exactly why I didn't
say anything. But now

I don't know.
It was really uncomfortable
giving him a ride home.

Yeah, but who else is he
spying on with that
video camera?

Is he taping us?

Torrance, can you take Elton?

Let's go figure this out.

Do you think it was okay
we left Torrance at set?

Des, she'll be fine,
all right?

She said the director was
taking her home and that there
was more security than

crewmembers on that thing.

-There's not even anyone
famous in that movie, right?
-Here's Ryan's apartment.

(BABY CRYING)

-Shithole.
-I believe the term is
heroin chic.

This is it.

Now what?

Bingo.

Jesus.

God, did someone die in here?

Holy shit.

What's this?

I have no idea.

No, wait.

I believe we've moved
beyond a hobby here.

"I have proof." The letter
that we got said,
"I have proof."

It's definitely him,
all right.

-Who are you calling?
-911. What's your emergency?

Three people have been
murdered, put me through
to homicide.

-What's your name, sir?
-Anonymous caller.

We're at the Windsor
Apartments at 5th and Smith.
Apartment 211.

Okay.

There have been three
murders, we believe we know
the person responsible...

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello, you've reached Ryan.
I'm not around.
You know what to do.

Hi Ryan, this is Emily from
the Miss Carolina pageant.

Please call me when you
get in. Thank you.

(GASPING)

(COUGHING)

Ryan, Ryan, hang in there,
buddy! Hey, hey, hey!

-Hey, hey, Ryan!
-Oh, my God!

-Come on, buddy. Stay with me.
-What? What?

-Don't you...
-No!

-(GURGLING)
-Ryan.

Wait, wait.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Please, please, Ryan!

-What's that?
-It's the knife that got him.

Des, someone's
trying to set us up.
We gotta get out of here.

-What are you doing?
-We gotta get out of here.
Come on.

-No!
-Des, let's go, let's go!

No, that call was a hang-up.

Man, if this is another
goddamn April Fool's joke,
I'm gonna shoot somebody

in the ass.

Ah shit, man.
I forgot my cuffs.

-So, go get 'em.
-All right,
I'll be right back.

Hey,
you guys have a nice night.

RADIO:
Hey, Paul, it was not a prank.
-You too, officer.

(PHONE RINGS)

-Hello?
-Torrance, it's not Ryan.
He's dead.

-Listen, whoever is doing this
is still out there.
-Desiree, slow down.

The killer!
The killer is still out there.
You are not safe.

Listen, are you still with
your director friend?

No, he's having a rehearsal
with one of the child actors.

Okay, well you're not safe
alone, so just

come over as soon as you can.
We'll be safer together, okay?

-How do I know that?
-What?

Desiree, I'm sorry, but you
are the common denominator
on all these murders.

What? How could you say that?

You were there at every
murder. How do I know that
you're not the one doing this?

Torrance, that's insane.
Just... Just come over
as soon as you can.

Sorry, Des,
I think I'll take my chances.

-What?
-What'd she say?

She said... She said she's not
coming over.

Fuck her.

Wilford? I'll check upstairs.

(SOMETHING FALLING)

Blaine?

(TAPPING SOUNDS)

(TAPPING)

(WHISPERING) Desiree.

(GLASS BREAKING)

(SCREAMS)

Oh, my God!

(GLASS BREAKING)

(CRYING)

(CREEPY VOICE) Desiree!

I'm going to find you!

(MUFFLED VOICE)

Blaine?

Who did this? Who did this?

-Behind you.
-I did.

Drop the knife, Desiree.

Torrance, listen to me.
Neither one of us killed
Milan, okay?

-You're lying, Blaine!
-He's not lying, just...

Just put down the gun, and
we'll sort everything out,
okay?

I have a better idea.

Charles is dead.

Barbie and Peter are dead.

So is poor Ryan.

And then there were three.
And all you had to do was
admit that you killed Milan.

And all of this could have
been avoided.

It was an accident.
None of us killed her.
It was a stupid prank.

A stupid prank, huh?
So what, it was a coincidence
that the drug Des slipped

Milan had caused her seizure?

No way.

-It's not true!
-Rather than coming forward,
you've chosen to let your

friends die

one by one.

Well, here's your last chance.

It was an accident, Torrance,
I don't know what else
to tell you.

Please!

Everybody said you
were hopeless

but I defended you for the
past year.

I was a fool.
People like you should
be removed from society.

-You're a menace.
-A menace?

You killed five people!

Those people ruined my debut!

My ball!
That so-called party you threw
for me

was just a front for your
stupid prank. You used me!

It's time for you to go.

(COCKS GUN)

-Goodbye, Desiree.
-Wait!

Wait, I killed Milan.
I did it. I did it.

-It was you.
-I gave her the rufie, but
I didn't mean for her to die.

I was just trying to get back
at Blaine for

lording the inheritance over
me all this time, and I
thought that...

I thought that if he got in
trouble... I thought if he got
caught for rufie-ing Milan...

I didn't know she would react
that way.

I didn't know she would...
I didn't mean for anyone
to get involved.

You said nothing.
You let us go through
the ringer

the court hearings, the press!

-We were innocent!
-Innocent?

Innocent?
By innocent, you mean

Charles, the social climbing
fag, who

built his small empire by
exploiting Milan's death?

Or how about Peter,
the so-called politician who
didn't have enough smarts

to keep his dick in his pants.

Maybe Barbie, who'd rather
send death threats to Milan
than take on marital

issues with her husband.

Nobody...
Nobody was happier to see her
dead than them.

Let's not forget about that
obsessive creep, Ryan,
who'd rather see Milan

in a box than with
anybody else.

And Blaine? Blaine didn't care
about anybody!

He didn't even think twice

about participating in my
little stunt,
and he paid dearly.

-You are a horrible person.
-I may have accidentally
killed her

but it takes a naive person
like yourself to call those
people innocent.

I don't deserve to die
any more than they did.

You finished?

-What?
-Boo.

April fools, bitch.

Ah, this is gonna be great for
my fag
social- climbin' website.

Hello, Desiree.

-Did you get all that?
-Sounds pretty conclusive
to me.

You remember Mr. Ellsworth,
right?

He represented me after you
killed Milan and let me take
the fall.

I'm so happy you guys
are alive.

Look at her face.
That looks priceless.

Wow, that was really good,
you guys.

-Well, you got me.
-Ah, give it a rest, Desiree.

-I think you've shown
your true colors.
-What?

We all knew you had more to
do with Milan's death but,
like the investigators

we didn't have strong
enough evidence.

We were tired of having our
reputations in jeopardy as
long as Milan's death was

still a mystery. So, after
weeks of planning, I enlisted
the help of

my friends,
to try and provoke a
confession out of you.

It worked.

-Wilford, why?
-Because you were always
such an insufferable bitch.

(ALL LAUGH)

Ah, Ryan orchestrated
most of it.

It was his idea to dress
up Torrance and have her
haunt you as Milan.

Hell of a job, brother.
Creating the illusion was
no small task.

We had to figure out a way
that would lead you
from one place to the next.

Finding Charles,
Peter and Milan's
supposed affair

Ryan's weird obsession.
Well, you get the idea.

It's all over now, Desiree.
The prankster has become
the pranked.

April fools.

-But the police are after us.
-Nope.

Actors from Torrance's movie.
We got them for scale.

But I saw all of you die
with my own eyes!

-I saw it.
-I got the FX guy from my
movie to help us with that.

What?

Did a pretty good job, huh?

Ha! Squibs.

-(LOUD BANG)
-Ah!

The gun.

They're blanks, Desiree.

-See? (GUNSHOT)
-(SCREAMS)

Oh, my.

-Oh God!
-What have you done?

I didn't do that!
I just did what you told
me to do!

I didn't tell you to blow
her fuckin' head off!

-What the hell happened?
-I have no idea.

I guess somebody tampered
with the gun!

-Oh, God!
-You! You planned this,
didn't you?

Are you fucking nuts?
I could have just as easily
caught this bullet!

How could I have known, huh?

Your Honor,
I fully acknowledge,
take responsibility

for the danger in which I've
put my family and friends

but I categorically deny any
allegations of doing so with
the intention of

killing anyone.

Thank you.

Torrance Caldwell, you are
hereby acquitted of all
charges in the death of

Desiree Cartier.

(GAVEL SOUNDS)

Citing the cause of death
of the primary beneficiary

I hereby name Blaine Cartier

executor and sole beneficiary
of the family trust.

Mr. Cartier will not be
answering any questions at

this time.

While my client is deeply
grateful for regaining control
of the Cartier estate

he would throw it all away
if it meant having his
sister back.

For you regular viewers,
you may remember catastrophe

in the Carolinas.
We covered it about a year
ago. Basically

a bunch of trust fund babies
got away with murder

when their so-called
April Fool's Day prank

resulted in the death of an
innocent altruist.

Well folks,
justice has been served.

Joining me now live via
live satellite is
Charles Lansford.

He is the host of the
new show,
Charles' Celebrity Corner.

-Hello, Susan.
-Hello, Charles.
So good to have you with us.

Now, the last time we talked,
we were speaking about the
death of Milan Hastings.

Now here we are, a year later,
talking about yet
another death.

This time, the woman
responsible for Ms. Hastings'
untimely demise

-Desiree Cartier.
-That's right, Susan.

After there was no justice
in the Hastings death, I knew
I had to do something.

So I did a little of my own
investigating, and I suspected

that the late Desiree Cartier
was more involved than she
originally let on.

So, why another prank?

Well, Desiree was never the
type to own up to any
sort of wrongdoing.

I mean, I could of told you
that point blank. In fact,
we were summering once in

the Cape, or was it
Mad Poisson?
I can't remember, Susan.

-What was my point?
-So you got her to confess
this time?

-Yes.
-But, she died.

Yes, whereas I'm glad that
the nonsense surrounding the
Hastings death

has finally come to light.

But at the same time,
I'm also heartbroken

that an accident has taken
Ms. Cartier's life.

-So she was accidentally shot?
-Yes.

I am 100% absolutely positive
that it was an accident.

How is her brother holding up?
From what I understand, he
gains to inherit the entire

Cartier estate.

Well Blaine and I have been
friends for many years

and believe me when I tell you

no amount of money is ever
going to wash away the pain

he is feeling right now.
He, as we all are

is deeply disturbed by his
sister's malicious acts

but it is still his sister.

Well, Charles,
why don't you tell our viewers
now about your new show?

Absolutely, Susan.
The first two episodes got
rave reviews.

We do everything from
celebrity sightings

to who's hot, who's not, who's
goin' up, who's goin' down

who's goin' in and who's
goin' out.

Chit-chat with Charles.