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1
00:00:01,098 --> 00:00:02,397
Tommy: Information
officer's log:
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00:00:02,398 --> 00:00:03,398
Last time on 3rd
rock from the sun...
3
00:00:03,398 --> 00:00:04,398
as Alissa was helping me
4
00:00:04,399 --> 00:00:06,063
write my valedictorian speech,
5
00:00:06,064 --> 00:00:08,930
Sally misunderstood and thought
Alissa was breaking up with me.
6
00:00:08,931 --> 00:00:11,463
Just like Sally to do
something totally stupid.
7
00:00:11,464 --> 00:00:13,997
Listen, Tommy's
breaking up with you.
8
00:00:13,998 --> 00:00:17,997
The big giant head returned to earth with
Vicki Dubcek, his new wife and queen.
9
00:00:17,998 --> 00:00:22,663
But she was not happy to find out about
Harry's new relationship with Janice.
10
00:00:22,664 --> 00:00:24,697
The queen...
11
00:00:24,698 --> 00:00:26,897
is pissed.
12
00:00:26,898 --> 00:00:30,863
While that wasn't bad enough, the big
giant head won't leave Dick alone.
13
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,697
It's really kinda creepy. We still
don't know what it's all about.
14
00:00:33,698 --> 00:00:35,631
Because I am...
15
00:00:37,064 --> 00:00:38,231
your father.
16
00:01:14,964 --> 00:01:17,797
Sally, have you been
to my school lately?
17
00:01:17,798 --> 00:01:19,463
No!
18
00:01:19,464 --> 00:01:20,630
Oh... y...
19
00:01:20,631 --> 00:01:21,863
Yes, I was.
20
00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:23,563
I was there. Um...
21
00:01:23,564 --> 00:01:25,730
I broke up with Alissa for you.
22
00:01:25,731 --> 00:01:27,198
Ah ha!
23
00:01:29,498 --> 00:01:31,697
Why... would you do that?
24
00:01:31,698 --> 00:01:33,797
She was gonna dump you first.
25
00:01:33,798 --> 00:01:36,263
I didn't want to see
my baby get hurt.
26
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:39,963
I am not your baby! I'm
older than all of you,
27
00:01:39,964 --> 00:01:42,897
and it's time you start
treating me that way!
28
00:01:42,898 --> 00:01:45,630
Ok, well, now I know why
Alissa was gonna dump you.
29
00:01:45,631 --> 00:01:46,863
You're very Moody.
30
00:01:46,864 --> 00:01:49,097
Sally! Harry!
31
00:01:49,098 --> 00:01:50,230
Tommy!
32
00:01:50,231 --> 00:01:51,563
I have some astounding news!
33
00:01:51,564 --> 00:01:52,963
What's goin' on, Dick?
34
00:01:52,964 --> 00:01:54,530
You guys know the big
giant head, right?
35
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:55,630
Yeah. Uh-huh.
36
00:01:55,631 --> 00:01:56,963
Well, you're not
gonna believe this,
37
00:01:56,964 --> 00:01:59,630
but he's my... He's my father!
38
00:01:59,631 --> 00:02:01,730
What?! no way! Yes!
39
00:02:01,731 --> 00:02:03,463
That's just like in star wars.
40
00:02:03,464 --> 00:02:05,997
When Luke skywalker finds out
that darth Vader's his father!
41
00:02:05,998 --> 00:02:08,630
Oh, grow up, Tommy. That
was popular entertainment.
42
00:02:08,631 --> 00:02:11,130
This is real life!
43
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,130
I knew it! I knew it!
44
00:02:13,131 --> 00:02:14,963
That's why I wasn't
made high commander.
45
00:02:14,964 --> 00:02:17,063
Daddy was playing favorites!
46
00:02:17,064 --> 00:02:19,463
Oh, I don't know what to do!
47
00:02:19,464 --> 00:02:22,497
I don't know what to feel!
Who am I?!
48
00:02:22,498 --> 00:02:24,297
Well, let me see...
49
00:02:24,298 --> 00:02:27,797
your first name's Dick...
50
00:02:27,798 --> 00:02:31,064
your new last name is head...
51
00:02:35,064 --> 00:02:37,297
so I guess that would make...
52
00:02:37,298 --> 00:02:38,764
Oh, my god.
53
00:02:41,798 --> 00:02:44,830
Are you sure this is what
fathers and sons Do?
54
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,097
Yeah.
55
00:02:46,098 --> 00:02:48,831
Trust me. I saw it on
a kodak commercial.
56
00:02:50,464 --> 00:02:54,330
How long do we drag our
strings in the water?
57
00:02:54,331 --> 00:02:57,797
I guess until somebody
takes our picture...
58
00:02:57,798 --> 00:03:00,598
and then processes
it on kodak paper.
59
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:04,263
Can I ask you something, sir?
60
00:03:04,264 --> 00:03:05,897
Well, sure, son.
61
00:03:05,898 --> 00:03:08,430
Why did you wait until now
to tell me you're my father?
62
00:03:08,431 --> 00:03:09,998
Well, I've been very busy!
63
00:03:11,431 --> 00:03:14,363
But now... I want to find
new meaning in my life.
64
00:03:14,364 --> 00:03:17,763
And please... call me dad.
65
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:20,897
I couldn't do that, not
after eons of you being
66
00:03:20,898 --> 00:03:24,530
my unpredictable and
domineering overlord.
67
00:03:24,531 --> 00:03:26,698
That's a short leap to dad.
68
00:03:27,864 --> 00:03:30,463
There's something
wrong with my string.
69
00:03:30,464 --> 00:03:31,763
It's a fish!
70
00:03:31,764 --> 00:03:32,930
Sir!
71
00:03:32,931 --> 00:03:34,063
Oh! Aah!
72
00:03:34,064 --> 00:03:35,064
You got a fish!
73
00:03:35,064 --> 00:03:36,064
Look out! Oh!
74
00:03:36,065 --> 00:03:37,263
I'll save you, sir!
75
00:03:37,264 --> 00:03:39,263
Just... throw it away!
76
00:03:39,264 --> 00:03:41,464
Get it out of here! Oh! Oh! Oh!
77
00:03:43,298 --> 00:03:45,530
It's all right. We're safe now.
78
00:03:45,531 --> 00:03:47,463
You were very brave, son.
79
00:03:47,464 --> 00:03:49,530
So were you, dad.
80
00:03:49,531 --> 00:03:50,963
You see!
81
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,830
That wasn't hard, was it?
82
00:03:52,831 --> 00:03:54,630
I guess not...
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00:03:54,631 --> 00:03:56,330
dad.
84
00:03:56,331 --> 00:03:57,630
Pops.
85
00:03:57,631 --> 00:04:00,163
Old man.
86
00:04:00,164 --> 00:04:02,397
Geezer! Bag of bones!
87
00:04:02,398 --> 00:04:04,063
Dad!
88
00:04:04,064 --> 00:04:06,098
Dad.
89
00:04:09,164 --> 00:04:11,130
The fish we got in the market
90
00:04:11,131 --> 00:04:14,297
have a lot less attitude
than the ones in the lake.
91
00:04:14,298 --> 00:04:17,130
Nina, could you behead
and filet these for us?
92
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,230
We're both starving.
93
00:04:19,231 --> 00:04:23,030
Oh, I'd be happy to! Would you
like them grilled or sautéed?
94
00:04:23,031 --> 00:04:24,464
You are such a sweetheart.
95
00:04:31,231 --> 00:04:33,130
Isn't she great?
96
00:04:33,131 --> 00:04:35,230
Dick... I wanna
know who you are,
97
00:04:35,231 --> 00:04:36,730
who you surround yourself with.
98
00:04:36,731 --> 00:04:39,230
I think we should have
a big party tonight,
99
00:04:39,231 --> 00:04:41,763
and I want you to invite that
special young lady of yours.
100
00:04:41,764 --> 00:04:43,197
Tonight? She can't come.
101
00:04:43,198 --> 00:04:44,230
Busy?
102
00:04:44,231 --> 00:04:46,131
No. She hates you.
103
00:04:48,131 --> 00:04:49,797
Oh, great.
104
00:04:49,798 --> 00:04:52,130
Now you two dress alike.
105
00:04:52,131 --> 00:04:54,463
Why don't you just
get a room already?
106
00:04:54,464 --> 00:04:55,930
Mary, please don't be mad...
107
00:04:55,931 --> 00:04:57,930
Uh, Dick, I'll
take care of this.
108
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,830
Mary, it seems I've been
ungentlemanly toward you.
109
00:05:00,831 --> 00:05:02,797
You? No!
110
00:05:02,798 --> 00:05:05,130
I love it when you pinch my ass!
111
00:05:05,131 --> 00:05:06,730
It's goofy fun!
112
00:05:06,731 --> 00:05:08,897
I deserve that witty Barb,
113
00:05:08,898 --> 00:05:10,897
but it would please me no end
114
00:05:10,898 --> 00:05:12,797
if you would join us
for dinner tonight.
115
00:05:12,798 --> 00:05:15,663
I could make amends.
We could start over.
116
00:05:15,664 --> 00:05:17,063
I don't know...
117
00:05:17,064 --> 00:05:19,930
please, Mary. Honor us
with your presence.
118
00:05:19,931 --> 00:05:21,297
I...
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00:05:21,298 --> 00:05:24,431
you... look... lovely!
120
00:05:25,931 --> 00:05:26,964
Ok, I'll come!
121
00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:33,764
My dad... is the coolest dad
in the whole wide world.
122
00:05:38,731 --> 00:05:39,963
Alissa!
123
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:40,964
Alissa!
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00:05:40,964 --> 00:05:41,964
Aah!
125
00:05:41,964 --> 00:05:42,964
Tommy!
126
00:05:42,965 --> 00:05:44,330
You've been avoiding me,
127
00:05:44,331 --> 00:05:47,163
but I deserve a chance to...
Man, this is really hot!
128
00:05:47,164 --> 00:05:50,163
Hey, Solomon, why don't you
send your aunt down here
129
00:05:50,164 --> 00:05:52,030
to Ogle us, you horny geek!
130
00:05:52,031 --> 00:05:54,063
Oh, yeah? Well, why don't you
131
00:05:54,064 --> 00:05:57,363
put some clothes on, you...
sexy mama!
132
00:05:57,364 --> 00:05:59,330
Tommy, will you please get lost?
133
00:05:59,331 --> 00:06:01,697
No. No. Just listen
to me for a second.
134
00:06:01,698 --> 00:06:03,763
I did not tell Sally
to break up with you.
135
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:06,463
Oh, really? So she just decided to
come down here and do it on her own?
136
00:06:06,464 --> 00:06:08,063
Yes! I don't need Sally.
137
00:06:08,064 --> 00:06:10,763
Breaking up with you is
something I will do myself.
138
00:06:10,764 --> 00:06:11,863
What?!
139
00:06:11,864 --> 00:06:13,297
When the time co...
If the time comes!
140
00:06:13,298 --> 00:06:15,930
Ok, you know what? It
is so over between us.
141
00:06:15,931 --> 00:06:17,930
And I'm giving you back
everything you ever gave me!
142
00:06:17,931 --> 00:06:19,364
You... I...
143
00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:22,998
If only I'd given
her that towel.
144
00:06:28,164 --> 00:06:30,897
So, Mary, tell me
more about yourself.
145
00:06:30,898 --> 00:06:32,863
What do your parents do?
146
00:06:32,864 --> 00:06:35,230
Oh, you know. They're
just average retirees.
147
00:06:35,231 --> 00:06:36,897
Dad plays golf.
148
00:06:36,898 --> 00:06:39,730
Yeah. And her mom
likes to get tanked
149
00:06:39,731 --> 00:06:42,730
and shoot at squirrels from the
garden window with a bb gun.
150
00:06:42,731 --> 00:06:44,863
You're just gonna
love these people.
151
00:06:44,864 --> 00:06:46,030
Sally...
152
00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,730
we're running low
on the mini-quiche.
153
00:06:47,731 --> 00:06:49,230
Could you heat up another batch?
154
00:06:49,231 --> 00:06:51,263
Oh, that's nice.
155
00:06:51,264 --> 00:06:53,730
Order me around in
front of your father.
156
00:06:53,731 --> 00:06:55,730
But just you wait
till daddy's gone.
157
00:06:55,731 --> 00:06:58,764
I'm gonna give you the
wedgie of a lifetime!
158
00:07:00,298 --> 00:07:01,731
I'm telling!
159
00:07:03,531 --> 00:07:04,897
Hey, everybody.
160
00:07:04,898 --> 00:07:05,898
Hey, citizens.
161
00:07:05,899 --> 00:07:07,230
Oh, hi!
162
00:07:07,231 --> 00:07:08,763
Hi, boyfriend.
163
00:07:08,764 --> 00:07:11,563
Hello, my gentle giant.
164
00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:12,897
Hey, hon.
165
00:07:12,898 --> 00:07:14,330
Hey!
166
00:07:14,331 --> 00:07:16,730
I brought you a little
somethin' for after the meal.
167
00:07:16,731 --> 00:07:17,731
Oh, thanks.
168
00:07:17,732 --> 00:07:20,363
"People's exhibit B"?
169
00:07:20,364 --> 00:07:22,363
It came from a bakery we raided
170
00:07:22,364 --> 00:07:24,230
that was a front
for a drug dealer.
171
00:07:24,231 --> 00:07:27,230
You might want to scrape
off the powdered sugar
172
00:07:27,231 --> 00:07:29,430
before you serve it.
173
00:07:29,431 --> 00:07:30,797
Hey, Janice!
174
00:07:30,798 --> 00:07:32,130
Hey, Vicki! How are you?
175
00:07:32,131 --> 00:07:33,131
Good!
176
00:07:33,132 --> 00:07:34,730
You two know each other?
177
00:07:34,731 --> 00:07:36,730
Well, yeah. I met Vicki
at the mall today.
178
00:07:36,731 --> 00:07:39,297
Well, what a small world!
179
00:07:39,298 --> 00:07:42,230
You know, I wonder who else
I know knows someone I know
180
00:07:42,231 --> 00:07:45,563
that I don't know knows
that person I know.
181
00:07:45,564 --> 00:07:46,797
You know?
182
00:07:46,798 --> 00:07:48,063
Uh-huh...
183
00:07:48,064 --> 00:07:50,563
Hey, Vicki, I have
an extra ticket
184
00:07:50,564 --> 00:07:52,063
to Tommy's graduation.
185
00:07:52,064 --> 00:07:53,963
Please tell me you'll come.
Please!
186
00:07:53,964 --> 00:07:56,930
I don't know. Harry, isn't
graduation sort of a family thing?
187
00:07:56,931 --> 00:07:59,097
Oh, come on. Are you kiddin' me?
188
00:07:59,098 --> 00:08:02,630
Hearin' the names of 500 kids
read in alphabetical order?
189
00:08:02,631 --> 00:08:04,997
That's not just fun for family.
190
00:08:04,998 --> 00:08:07,030
That's fun for everyone!
191
00:08:07,031 --> 00:08:08,897
You are so cute.
192
00:08:08,898 --> 00:08:10,130
Mmm...
193
00:08:10,131 --> 00:08:14,231
yes. And aren't you just
the perfect couple?
194
00:08:19,164 --> 00:08:21,230
Ha ha. Hey. You know what?
195
00:08:21,231 --> 00:08:23,230
If you come to that graduation,
196
00:08:23,231 --> 00:08:25,697
I'm gonna take care of you.
197
00:08:25,698 --> 00:08:27,998
I'm gonna take care
of you real good!
198
00:08:32,398 --> 00:08:34,997
You're a lot nicer than
I thought you were,
199
00:08:34,998 --> 00:08:37,063
old stoney, old boy.
200
00:08:37,064 --> 00:08:39,063
You're too kind.
201
00:08:39,064 --> 00:08:41,930
Your friend Dick...
202
00:08:41,931 --> 00:08:44,897
is the kindest, most
interesting man
203
00:08:44,898 --> 00:08:47,163
I have ever been with...
204
00:08:47,164 --> 00:08:51,131
and let me tell you, I have
been with a lot of men.
205
00:08:53,098 --> 00:08:55,330
A lot.
206
00:08:55,331 --> 00:08:57,863
Oh, really? Ahem. How many?
207
00:08:57,864 --> 00:09:00,964
A lady never tells.
208
00:09:02,098 --> 00:09:03,430
More than 5?
209
00:09:03,431 --> 00:09:05,530
Easily.
210
00:09:05,531 --> 00:09:07,463
More than 40?
211
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:08,731
No!
212
00:09:09,898 --> 00:09:11,098
Wait.
213
00:09:12,764 --> 00:09:14,498
Yeah!
214
00:09:19,098 --> 00:09:21,630
Ah. Thanks, dad.
215
00:09:21,631 --> 00:09:24,830
It's so nice to see you
and Mary getting along.
216
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,463
Isn't she wonderful?
217
00:09:26,464 --> 00:09:29,063
She certainly tries to
give off that impression.
218
00:09:29,064 --> 00:09:31,030
Yep. She's a keeper.
219
00:09:31,031 --> 00:09:33,263
Son, I... want you to
break up with her.
220
00:09:33,264 --> 00:09:34,830
What?
221
00:09:34,831 --> 00:09:35,930
You heard me.
222
00:09:35,931 --> 00:09:37,297
But she's my girlfriend.
223
00:09:37,298 --> 00:09:40,397
She's a slut and a Boozer!
224
00:09:40,398 --> 00:09:42,963
2 qualities I usually
like in a woman.
225
00:09:42,964 --> 00:09:45,763
But that's not good
enough for my son!
226
00:09:45,764 --> 00:09:47,930
I can't break up with Mary.
I love her!
227
00:09:47,931 --> 00:09:49,330
Sorry, son. My house, my rules.
228
00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:50,997
But this is my house!
229
00:09:50,998 --> 00:09:53,830
Right. But your house
is in my galaxy. I win.
230
00:09:53,831 --> 00:09:56,130
This is totally unfair!
231
00:09:56,131 --> 00:09:58,330
It may seem that way now, but
in time, you'll thank me!
232
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:02,063
No way! I'll never thank you!
Not in a million years!
233
00:10:02,064 --> 00:10:03,663
You ungrateful brat!
234
00:10:03,664 --> 00:10:05,097
You're on a time-out!
235
00:10:05,098 --> 00:10:06,564
Ohhh!
236
00:10:12,398 --> 00:10:15,163
"Dear dad, by the
time you read this,
237
00:10:15,164 --> 00:10:17,897
"I'll be halfway to an
undisclosed location
238
00:10:17,898 --> 00:10:21,797
that may or may Not
rhyme with Fentucky."
239
00:10:21,798 --> 00:10:24,697
I hate you, I hate
you, I hate you.
240
00:10:24,698 --> 00:10:26,198
Love, Dick.
241
00:10:27,364 --> 00:10:29,098
This oughta do it.
242
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:32,663
Tommy!
243
00:10:32,664 --> 00:10:34,397
Where do you think you're goin'?
244
00:10:34,398 --> 00:10:36,397
Dad said he didn't want
me seeing Mary anymore,
245
00:10:36,398 --> 00:10:37,730
so I'm running away from home!
246
00:10:37,731 --> 00:10:40,230
You're what? Yeah. And
I'm taking her with me!
247
00:10:40,231 --> 00:10:42,430
Does Mary know about this?
248
00:10:42,431 --> 00:10:44,163
Not exactly. That reminds me...
249
00:10:44,164 --> 00:10:46,163
I forgot the blindfold
and the chloroform!
250
00:10:46,164 --> 00:10:48,663
Come on, Dick!
251
00:10:48,664 --> 00:10:50,897
You can't run away! Just
stand up to the guy!
252
00:10:50,898 --> 00:10:52,163
He's just your father!
253
00:10:52,164 --> 00:10:54,163
Yeah, but fathers
are supposed to be
254
00:10:54,164 --> 00:10:55,497
looked up to and revered!
255
00:10:55,498 --> 00:10:57,663
Plus, I don't want him
to give me the belt.
256
00:10:57,664 --> 00:11:00,763
What planet have you been
living on for the last 5 years?
257
00:11:00,764 --> 00:11:02,563
Kids here don't
revere their parents.
258
00:11:02,564 --> 00:11:04,297
They disrespect the
hell out of them!
259
00:11:04,298 --> 00:11:06,363
Are you sure?
260
00:11:06,364 --> 00:11:08,463
Yes. Trust me. This is my area.
261
00:11:08,464 --> 00:11:11,097
I know about
disrespecting fathers.
262
00:11:11,098 --> 00:11:13,497
That's right. You always
make me feel like crap.
263
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,297
See that?
264
00:11:15,298 --> 00:11:17,130
Oh...
265
00:11:17,131 --> 00:11:18,830
Gee, thanks, Tommy.
266
00:11:18,831 --> 00:11:21,463
I don't know what
I'd do without you.
267
00:11:21,464 --> 00:11:24,497
I probably don't say this
often enough, but...
268
00:11:24,498 --> 00:11:25,630
I love you, son.
269
00:11:25,631 --> 00:11:27,297
Shut up!
270
00:11:27,298 --> 00:11:29,664
Jeez, you are good!
271
00:11:35,531 --> 00:11:38,163
No, you are in 24-e, Janice.
272
00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:40,163
Ok? You go right on down there.
273
00:11:40,164 --> 00:11:41,830
Ok. And I'm right here.
274
00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:44,030
Janice, you want to sit here?
275
00:11:44,031 --> 00:11:46,663
No! Her ticket says 24-e,
276
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,231
and she will sit in 24-e!
277
00:11:52,998 --> 00:11:54,930
Hi! Is Dick here?
278
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,663
Got a little something for him.
Nice, huh?
279
00:11:57,664 --> 00:12:00,130
You can't take that.
It's somebody's diploma.
280
00:12:00,131 --> 00:12:02,211
Why not? There's a whole
tableful of them over there.
281
00:12:03,364 --> 00:12:04,597
Nobody'll miss that one.
282
00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:07,063
Billy Jenkins will.
283
00:12:07,064 --> 00:12:10,963
Harry, I cannot believe that
Dick got to be high commander.
284
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:14,130
Why couldn't I have been
the big giant head's son?
285
00:12:14,131 --> 00:12:16,897
Yeah, Well, I don't have
a mother or a father,
286
00:12:16,898 --> 00:12:19,197
and I got a great job
on this mission.
287
00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:22,064
Harry, you're the
freakin' radio!
288
00:12:24,598 --> 00:12:25,997
Sure, pick on the orphan.
289
00:12:25,998 --> 00:12:27,297
Yeah, Yeah.
290
00:12:27,298 --> 00:12:29,763
Look, maybe he made
Dick the high commander
291
00:12:29,764 --> 00:12:31,863
because you're the best
security officer there is.
292
00:12:31,864 --> 00:12:33,397
Damn right I am.
293
00:12:33,398 --> 00:12:36,763
I mean, who else but me
would be able to figure out
294
00:12:36,764 --> 00:12:39,263
that Vicki is under the
bleachers right now
295
00:12:39,264 --> 00:12:41,597
preparing to vaporize Janice?
296
00:12:41,598 --> 00:12:42,763
Mmm.
297
00:12:42,764 --> 00:12:44,630
See? Yeah, you're a natural.
298
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,997
I wish I was smart
enough to figure out
299
00:12:46,998 --> 00:12:49,497
that Vicki's down there
tryin' to kill Janice.
300
00:12:49,498 --> 00:12:51,497
Well, you're not smart
enough, my friend.
301
00:12:51,498 --> 00:12:52,498
Yep. I wish I was.
302
00:12:52,499 --> 00:12:54,364
I know you do, sweetie, but...
303
00:12:55,398 --> 00:12:56,463
oh, my god!
304
00:12:56,464 --> 00:12:58,564
Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me!
305
00:13:00,231 --> 00:13:01,564
Ah!
306
00:13:03,231 --> 00:13:04,398
Hi, Janice.
307
00:13:05,798 --> 00:13:07,498
Alissa!
308
00:13:08,498 --> 00:13:09,997
Um...
309
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:13,363
hey, um, could you pass this
message down to Alissa?
310
00:13:13,364 --> 00:13:15,763
Tell her that I'm
sorry she was hurt,
311
00:13:15,764 --> 00:13:18,230
but I never told my aunt
to break up with her
312
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,330
and that Sally will never
go near her again.
313
00:13:20,331 --> 00:13:22,398
Ok? Pass that down.
314
00:13:33,531 --> 00:13:35,263
Hey, Alissa, Tommy says
315
00:13:35,264 --> 00:13:36,597
if you ever come near him again,
316
00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:37,964
his aunt Sally will hurt you.
317
00:13:40,631 --> 00:13:42,831
Tell Tommy "Screw you."
318
00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:53,364
Alissa says "Screw you."
319
00:13:54,431 --> 00:13:56,997
There you are!
320
00:13:56,998 --> 00:13:59,530
Nice calves!
321
00:13:59,531 --> 00:14:01,497
Bye-Bye, pretty girl!
322
00:14:01,498 --> 00:14:03,497
Don't even try it, sister.
323
00:14:03,498 --> 00:14:06,097
Oh, yeah? And Who's
gonna stop me?
324
00:14:06,098 --> 00:14:07,698
Me.
325
00:14:08,731 --> 00:14:10,163
And this...
326
00:14:10,164 --> 00:14:12,130
This big unicorn
327
00:14:12,131 --> 00:14:14,231
ice cube!
328
00:14:21,031 --> 00:14:23,798
You melted my
unicorn, you bitch!
329
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:27,397
Yeah. And you know what?
330
00:14:27,398 --> 00:14:29,530
You're next!
331
00:14:29,531 --> 00:14:31,198
Not so fast!
332
00:14:32,364 --> 00:14:33,730
Huah! Huah! Huah!
333
00:14:33,731 --> 00:14:35,298
Huah! Huah! Huah!
334
00:14:37,464 --> 00:14:39,497
I am your queen,
335
00:14:39,498 --> 00:14:42,530
and you will bow to me!
336
00:14:42,531 --> 00:14:43,863
Lower.
337
00:14:43,864 --> 00:14:45,097
Sorry, master.
338
00:14:45,098 --> 00:14:46,697
Lower! I... can't...
339
00:14:46,698 --> 00:14:47,964
Lower! Yeah, you can!
340
00:14:49,464 --> 00:14:50,697
Hello, stone.
341
00:14:50,698 --> 00:14:52,030
Dick.
342
00:14:52,031 --> 00:14:53,031
You remember Mary...
343
00:14:53,032 --> 00:14:54,131
my lover.
344
00:14:56,931 --> 00:14:58,130
Of course.
345
00:14:58,131 --> 00:15:00,330
I just didn't expect
to see her here.
346
00:15:00,331 --> 00:15:02,297
Oh, I wouldn't miss
this for the world.
347
00:15:02,298 --> 00:15:05,163
Of course she wouldn't.
She's my lover!
348
00:15:05,164 --> 00:15:07,430
Lighten up.
349
00:15:07,431 --> 00:15:10,530
I really enjoyed talking
to you last night, stone.
350
00:15:10,531 --> 00:15:12,797
I'm surprised you even
remember the conversation.
351
00:15:12,798 --> 00:15:14,830
You leave her alone,
you big bully!
352
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:16,297
Dick! Well, he is.
353
00:15:16,298 --> 00:15:17,630
You know, he's so sweet!
354
00:15:17,631 --> 00:15:19,663
Sweet? He wants me to
break up with you.
355
00:15:19,664 --> 00:15:20,963
Dick! What? Yeah.
356
00:15:20,964 --> 00:15:23,063
He thinks you're not
good enough for me.
357
00:15:23,064 --> 00:15:25,630
Oh, I don't think he meant that.
Did you, stone?
358
00:15:25,631 --> 00:15:28,130
Mary, I think you're a
perfectly good girlfriend
359
00:15:28,131 --> 00:15:31,031
for, say... the
beer delivery guy.
360
00:15:33,031 --> 00:15:35,130
Oh, stone! Ha Ha ha!
361
00:15:35,131 --> 00:15:38,197
Oh, that reminds me of something
that nietzche once said.
362
00:15:38,198 --> 00:15:39,797
What was it? Um...
363
00:15:39,798 --> 00:15:42,097
du bist ein esel. What?
364
00:15:42,098 --> 00:15:43,364
You're an ass!
365
00:15:45,864 --> 00:15:48,163
No, I'm serious. I love
your New hair color.
366
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,330
Really?
367
00:15:49,331 --> 00:15:50,830
Hello, Vicki.
368
00:15:50,831 --> 00:15:51,897
Harry.
369
00:15:51,898 --> 00:15:53,963
I'm the one you want, Vicki.
370
00:15:53,964 --> 00:15:55,830
And you can have me.
371
00:15:55,831 --> 00:15:56,831
You mean it?
372
00:15:56,832 --> 00:15:58,330
That's right!
373
00:15:58,331 --> 00:16:01,563
It's lunchtime in the
hot and nasty diner.
374
00:16:01,564 --> 00:16:03,397
Today's special...
375
00:16:03,398 --> 00:16:05,131
Harry loaf!
376
00:16:06,831 --> 00:16:07,831
That's it.
377
00:16:07,832 --> 00:16:08,997
Aah!
378
00:16:08,998 --> 00:16:10,563
Ha!
379
00:16:10,564 --> 00:16:13,930
How dare you trick
me with your flesh!
380
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:16,363
That's what it's there for.
381
00:16:16,364 --> 00:16:20,064
I'll take it from here,
security officer.
382
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:22,963
Good work...
383
00:16:22,964 --> 00:16:25,030
radio.
384
00:16:25,031 --> 00:16:26,963
Oh, Vicki, look at you.
385
00:16:26,964 --> 00:16:28,363
You're hurting me.
386
00:16:28,364 --> 00:16:30,163
You've forgotten what
it's like to be human!
387
00:16:30,164 --> 00:16:31,630
I did it because I
love you, Harry.
388
00:16:31,631 --> 00:16:33,797
Well, if you really love me,
389
00:16:33,798 --> 00:16:36,930
you'll just let me be
happy with Janice.
390
00:16:36,931 --> 00:16:38,797
I'm so sorry.
391
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,597
Oh... Vicki, what
happened to you?!
392
00:16:40,598 --> 00:16:43,730
Well, you don't know what it's
like livin' up there with him!
393
00:16:43,731 --> 00:16:47,063
I mean, at least on earth I
could fill the void in my soul
394
00:16:47,064 --> 00:16:50,097
with malt liquor and velveeta.
395
00:16:50,098 --> 00:16:52,363
Can't we be friends, Harry?
396
00:16:52,364 --> 00:16:54,463
Well... ok.
397
00:16:54,464 --> 00:16:55,964
Ok!
398
00:16:58,331 --> 00:16:59,331
Mmm... Yeah.
399
00:16:59,332 --> 00:17:00,730
By the way, Vicki,
400
00:17:00,731 --> 00:17:02,397
friends don't usually...
401
00:17:02,398 --> 00:17:03,897
cup each other's Butts
402
00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:06,230
during emotionally vulnerable
moments like this.
403
00:17:06,231 --> 00:17:08,063
Oh, right. Just for the future.
404
00:17:08,064 --> 00:17:09,931
It makes sense!
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.
405
00:17:14,631 --> 00:17:15,897
Thanks.
406
00:17:15,898 --> 00:17:17,730
Thank you.
407
00:17:17,731 --> 00:17:19,797
"Principal greschner, faculty,
408
00:17:19,798 --> 00:17:23,063
"Honored guests, lunch ladies,
409
00:17:23,064 --> 00:17:26,130
"Weird old guy in
the raincoat...
410
00:17:26,131 --> 00:17:29,463
"What does it mean
to be valedictorian?
411
00:17:29,464 --> 00:17:32,163
"For many, being
first in one's class
412
00:17:32,164 --> 00:17:34,830
"is a distinction that
defines their futures.
413
00:17:34,831 --> 00:17:36,997
But for me..."
414
00:17:36,998 --> 00:17:40,097
it means squat because I
don't have a girlfriend.
415
00:17:40,098 --> 00:17:42,630
Oh, my God.
416
00:17:42,631 --> 00:17:44,297
That's right, Alissa.
417
00:17:44,298 --> 00:17:47,130
Being first in my class
pales in comparison
418
00:17:47,131 --> 00:17:49,197
to being first in your heart.
419
00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:53,297
So... what I'll remember most
About my high school experience
420
00:17:53,298 --> 00:17:54,930
is our time together...
421
00:17:54,931 --> 00:17:57,630
our long walks after school,
422
00:17:57,631 --> 00:17:59,897
doing homework in
the coffee house,
423
00:17:59,898 --> 00:18:03,930
that day in the park
when it rained.
424
00:18:03,931 --> 00:18:06,097
Oh, Tommy.
425
00:18:06,098 --> 00:18:08,930
And, um... I think
I'll remember most
426
00:18:08,931 --> 00:18:12,030
that time that we fooled
around on your parents' bed
427
00:18:12,031 --> 00:18:14,231
when they were out of town.
428
00:18:16,064 --> 00:18:19,530
Alissa... please take me back.
429
00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:21,698
Go to hell!
430
00:18:24,964 --> 00:18:27,498
Long live rock!
431
00:18:34,464 --> 00:18:36,363
Hey, sport.
432
00:18:36,364 --> 00:18:38,930
I got nothin' to say to you.
433
00:18:38,931 --> 00:18:41,230
What happened to us?
434
00:18:41,231 --> 00:18:43,497
Remember the Jazz club?
435
00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:47,030
♪ Scooby Dooby DOOBY
DOOBY dooby doo ♪
436
00:18:47,031 --> 00:18:48,663
We were such pals!
437
00:18:48,664 --> 00:18:51,930
That was before I found
out you were my father.
438
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:54,897
Well, how does being
family change everything?
439
00:18:54,898 --> 00:18:56,463
It just does! How?
440
00:18:56,464 --> 00:18:59,530
Well, if you don't know,
I'm not gonna tell you!
441
00:18:59,531 --> 00:19:01,830
You don't know, do you?
442
00:19:01,831 --> 00:19:04,763
Why did you even have me?
443
00:19:04,764 --> 00:19:06,864
You were a mistake.
444
00:19:08,198 --> 00:19:12,564
But... but, the greatest
mistake I ever made!
445
00:19:14,031 --> 00:19:15,097
Really?
446
00:19:15,098 --> 00:19:16,797
Oh, listen, son.
447
00:19:16,798 --> 00:19:19,530
If that little tramp Mary
Albright makes you happy,
448
00:19:19,531 --> 00:19:21,230
so be it! You have my blessing!
449
00:19:21,231 --> 00:19:22,463
You mean it?
450
00:19:22,464 --> 00:19:24,463
Yes. I really think
she's a tramp.
451
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,730
No. I mean about your blessing!
452
00:19:26,731 --> 00:19:27,998
Oh!
453
00:19:30,031 --> 00:19:31,497
Right. You bet.
454
00:19:31,498 --> 00:19:33,698
Thanks, dad.
455
00:19:35,031 --> 00:19:37,197
Hey!
456
00:19:37,198 --> 00:19:39,130
You wanna have a catch?
457
00:19:39,131 --> 00:19:40,598
Sure.
458
00:20:02,664 --> 00:20:05,697
You know, it's funny. Whenever
the big giant head left before,
459
00:20:05,698 --> 00:20:07,230
I'd feel relieved.
460
00:20:07,231 --> 00:20:09,630
But now that I know
he's my father,
461
00:20:09,631 --> 00:20:11,931
I feel especially relieved.
462
00:20:13,264 --> 00:20:15,263
Well, it must be nice to know
463
00:20:15,264 --> 00:20:16,530
where you come from.
464
00:20:16,531 --> 00:20:18,597
Yeah, to find out
who your family is.
465
00:20:18,598 --> 00:20:20,497
I already know who my family is.
466
00:20:20,498 --> 00:20:24,030
It's not some guy who waltzes
in and calls Himself "Father."
467
00:20:24,031 --> 00:20:26,630
It's the people I
let into my life,
468
00:20:26,631 --> 00:20:28,697
the people I trust and love.
469
00:20:28,698 --> 00:20:30,697
Whoa...
470
00:20:30,698 --> 00:20:33,397
I'd like to meet those people!
471
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:34,797
They sure sound nice.
472
00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:36,763
No, Harry, I mean all of you.
473
00:20:36,764 --> 00:20:38,863
No, I don't think so.
474
00:20:38,864 --> 00:20:40,863
Oh! Hey, by the way, Dick,
475
00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:43,863
what did you ever do with
that electric curler
476
00:20:43,864 --> 00:20:45,763
demolecularizer thingy?
477
00:20:45,764 --> 00:20:47,863
Oh, don't worry. It's safe.
Yeah, trust me.
478
00:20:47,864 --> 00:20:51,331
It's somewhere where no
one will ever find it.
30371
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