All language subtitles for 3rd Rock from the Sun.S05E20.Dick Solomons Day Off

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,031 --> 00:00:05,297 You've got to get a laser Pointer, Mary. 2 00:00:05,298 --> 00:00:06,397 Look, it's on the globe. 3 00:00:06,398 --> 00:00:07,763 You can refer to things on the board 4 00:00:07,764 --> 00:00:10,063 without ever leaving your desk. 5 00:00:10,064 --> 00:00:13,763 I bet you could drive cats crazy, too. 6 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,197 I wouldn't know. 7 00:00:15,198 --> 00:00:17,664 But squirrels hate the crap out of 'em! 8 00:00:22,131 --> 00:00:23,563 What's so funny? 9 00:00:23,564 --> 00:00:25,897 Vincent was just showing me his laser Pointer. 10 00:00:25,898 --> 00:00:28,564 Oh, big deal. Anybody can be funny with a laser Pointer. 11 00:00:29,831 --> 00:00:31,198 Now cut that out! 12 00:00:32,231 --> 00:00:33,397 You're an idiot, Dick. 13 00:00:33,398 --> 00:00:34,430 Good-Bye, Mary. 14 00:00:34,431 --> 00:00:35,431 Good-Bye. 15 00:00:35,432 --> 00:00:37,397 Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? 16 00:00:37,398 --> 00:00:40,297 Well, see you later, carrot top! 17 00:00:40,298 --> 00:00:42,897 Why do you hate him so much? 18 00:00:42,898 --> 00:00:44,097 Because he's an arrogant, 19 00:00:44,098 --> 00:00:46,330 loudmouthed, self-absorbed know-it-all. 20 00:00:46,331 --> 00:00:49,063 Dick, that's you. 21 00:00:49,064 --> 00:00:50,497 You didn't let me FINISH: 22 00:00:50,498 --> 00:00:53,363 With a beard. 23 00:00:53,364 --> 00:00:54,963 If you were thinking I don't like him 24 00:00:54,964 --> 00:00:56,530 because the two of you had a fling years ago, 25 00:00:56,531 --> 00:00:57,930 you're wrong. 26 00:00:57,931 --> 00:01:00,497 Because it didn't even occur to me. 27 00:01:00,498 --> 00:01:01,563 So, you're wrong. 28 00:01:01,564 --> 00:01:03,163 Ok. 29 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,930 You know, I'm not feeling too great. 30 00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:07,463 If it's ok with you, I'm gonna go home and get into bed. 31 00:01:07,464 --> 00:01:09,197 Oh, of course It's ok with me. 32 00:01:09,198 --> 00:01:11,697 And if you don't feel well tomorrow, don't bother coming in. 33 00:01:11,698 --> 00:01:14,230 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 34 00:01:14,231 --> 00:01:16,430 She can't stay home tomorrow. It's a workday. 35 00:01:16,431 --> 00:01:18,363 I want you to feel better, Nina, 36 00:01:18,364 --> 00:01:22,663 But coffee doesn't just magically float into my cup. 37 00:01:22,664 --> 00:01:24,563 I'll leave some coffee in the machine. 38 00:01:24,564 --> 00:01:26,930 No, no, no... I don't drink day-old coffee. 39 00:01:26,931 --> 00:01:28,098 Yes, you do. 40 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,863 Hey, you guys, look at this. 41 00:02:11,864 --> 00:02:13,663 Don left his little radio here last night. 42 00:02:13,664 --> 00:02:15,263 Oh, cool. 43 00:02:15,264 --> 00:02:18,230 1-Adam-12, 1-Adam-12, 44 00:02:18,231 --> 00:02:21,697 be on the lookout for a bad guy named ADAM, 45 00:02:21,698 --> 00:02:23,464 who's 12. 46 00:02:25,464 --> 00:02:27,463 This isn't a walkie-talkie. It's a scanner. 47 00:02:27,464 --> 00:02:28,897 It picks up radio frequencies 48 00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:30,730 from police cars and fire trucks. 49 00:02:30,731 --> 00:02:33,197 Don is so careless with his police equipment. 50 00:02:33,198 --> 00:02:36,063 Yeah. Did he ever find his gun? 51 00:02:36,064 --> 00:02:40,131 Not yet. The one in his holster's from a g.I. Joe set. 52 00:02:42,098 --> 00:02:44,230 Woman on SCANNER: This morning was great, Steve. 53 00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:46,130 Hey, check this out. We picked up somebody's cell phone. 54 00:02:46,131 --> 00:02:48,730 Woman on SCANNER: I can't wait to see you tonight. 55 00:02:48,731 --> 00:02:51,230 Man on SCANNER: Yeah, you know, um, about that, Andrea... 56 00:02:51,231 --> 00:02:52,430 I have to work late. 57 00:02:52,431 --> 00:02:54,330 But that's the third time this week. 58 00:02:54,331 --> 00:02:56,297 Look, you know, uh, something came up. 59 00:02:56,298 --> 00:02:58,030 I'll call you later. 60 00:02:58,031 --> 00:02:59,597 I bet I know what came up. 61 00:02:59,598 --> 00:03:03,163 Some floozy at a cheap bar by the airport. 62 00:03:03,164 --> 00:03:05,597 She seems so nice. You think he'd really do that to her? 63 00:03:05,598 --> 00:03:06,697 Of course he would. He's a guy. 64 00:03:06,698 --> 00:03:08,097 Guys are such jerks. 65 00:03:08,098 --> 00:03:10,997 Yeah, we make me sick. 66 00:03:10,998 --> 00:03:14,397 God, it's a beautiful day. 67 00:03:14,398 --> 00:03:17,397 The sun is shining. The air is Crisp. 68 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:20,797 Damn, I wish I were sick. 69 00:03:20,798 --> 00:03:24,163 Yeah, I know what you mean. 70 00:03:24,164 --> 00:03:26,397 Actually, I don't. 71 00:03:26,398 --> 00:03:28,797 Well, when you have a job and you're sick, 72 00:03:28,798 --> 00:03:30,463 you get something called a sick day, 73 00:03:30,464 --> 00:03:31,930 which means you get the whole day off. 74 00:03:31,931 --> 00:03:33,497 But if you're sick, you have to stay in bed. 75 00:03:33,498 --> 00:03:36,230 Yeah, unless you said you were sick when you really weren't. 76 00:03:36,231 --> 00:03:37,597 Yeah, I mean, how would they know? 77 00:03:37,598 --> 00:03:38,830 They wouldn't. 78 00:03:38,831 --> 00:03:39,831 Dick: You're right, they really wouldn't. 79 00:03:39,832 --> 00:03:41,498 Well, I'll see you. Bye. 80 00:03:46,598 --> 00:03:47,598 Wait a second. 81 00:03:49,831 --> 00:03:51,030 What's the matter? 82 00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:56,097 What if I were to call in sick? 83 00:03:56,098 --> 00:03:57,463 But you're not. 84 00:03:57,464 --> 00:04:00,597 I know. 85 00:04:00,598 --> 00:04:02,097 You've gone mad. 86 00:04:02,098 --> 00:04:03,963 But it would be so easy. 87 00:04:03,964 --> 00:04:05,463 Dick, if it were so easy, 88 00:04:05,464 --> 00:04:07,163 don't you think Somebody would have tried it already? 89 00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:09,097 Look, someone had to be the first person 90 00:04:09,098 --> 00:04:11,663 to turn a corncob into a pipe. 91 00:04:11,664 --> 00:04:15,863 Taking a sick day when you're not really sick? 92 00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:17,630 Sounds like a crime to me. 93 00:04:17,631 --> 00:04:19,263 It's not a crime. 94 00:04:19,264 --> 00:04:21,663 It's the crime of the century. 95 00:04:21,664 --> 00:04:24,063 That's brilliant! 96 00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,831 Turning a corncob into a pipe! 97 00:04:31,498 --> 00:04:33,397 Are you sure, Sally? 98 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,130 'Cause I could have sworn I left it here. 99 00:04:35,131 --> 00:04:37,830 What did you say it was again? A radio station? 100 00:04:37,831 --> 00:04:39,663 A radio scanner. 101 00:04:39,664 --> 00:04:41,863 Is that like a cat scanner? 102 00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:44,297 No, I think if there was a cat scan machine in here, 103 00:04:44,298 --> 00:04:46,030 we'd know about it. 104 00:04:46,031 --> 00:04:47,197 Just keep your eyes open. 105 00:04:47,198 --> 00:04:48,297 Let me know if you find it. 106 00:04:48,298 --> 00:04:49,298 Sally: Ok, we will, don. 107 00:04:49,299 --> 00:04:51,030 And I hope you find your cat. 108 00:04:51,031 --> 00:04:53,198 Yeah. Bye, don. 109 00:04:55,331 --> 00:04:56,798 Hope we didn't miss anything. 110 00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:01,263 Steve on SCANNER: What are you accusing me of, Andrea? 111 00:05:01,264 --> 00:05:02,430 Yes! It's on! 112 00:05:02,431 --> 00:05:04,363 Andrea: I am done with your lies, Steve. 113 00:05:04,364 --> 00:05:05,530 Lies? What lies? 114 00:05:05,531 --> 00:05:07,697 He is so busted! 115 00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:09,430 Why weren't you at your desk last Night? 116 00:05:09,431 --> 00:05:11,563 Because the system was down. 117 00:05:11,564 --> 00:05:16,030 By "System," he means pants. 118 00:05:16,031 --> 00:05:17,330 This guy's classic. 119 00:05:17,331 --> 00:05:18,897 Yeah, she's too good for him. 120 00:05:18,898 --> 00:05:21,198 He needs a good ass-kissing. 121 00:05:23,764 --> 00:05:25,531 Kicking. 122 00:05:28,731 --> 00:05:31,430 Yes, kicking. 123 00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:33,797 Hey, guys! You would not believe my day! 124 00:05:33,798 --> 00:05:34,798 Shhh! 125 00:05:34,799 --> 00:05:36,063 Yup, got a facial, 126 00:05:36,064 --> 00:05:39,063 went to the aquarium, taunted the walrus, 127 00:05:39,064 --> 00:05:41,597 then spent 4 hours at the arcade, 128 00:05:41,598 --> 00:05:42,598 where I won this! 129 00:05:42,599 --> 00:05:43,830 Shh! 130 00:05:43,831 --> 00:05:45,663 Andrea: That's it, Steve. We're through! 131 00:05:45,664 --> 00:05:46,763 What?! 132 00:05:46,764 --> 00:05:48,463 I put all your stuff in a box, 133 00:05:48,464 --> 00:05:50,030 and I'm going to Frankie's right now 134 00:05:50,031 --> 00:05:51,463 to pick up my dry cleaning. 135 00:05:51,464 --> 00:05:56,630 You'll even have your stupid sweater back! Good-Bye! 136 00:05:56,631 --> 00:05:57,863 Hey, wait a minute. 137 00:05:57,864 --> 00:05:59,730 Isn't Frankie's our dry cleaner? 138 00:05:59,731 --> 00:06:01,897 Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! 139 00:06:01,898 --> 00:06:03,630 Wait, wait, wait! 140 00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:05,631 We don't have any dry cleaning. 141 00:06:08,198 --> 00:06:09,663 Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! 142 00:06:09,664 --> 00:06:11,230 Wait up... Hey, wait! 143 00:06:11,231 --> 00:06:12,231 Dick? 144 00:06:12,232 --> 00:06:13,663 Oh, hi, honey. 145 00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:15,263 I brought you some soup. 146 00:06:15,264 --> 00:06:17,697 I don't need any soup, Mary. I'm not sick. 147 00:06:17,698 --> 00:06:19,330 Then why'd you stay home? 148 00:06:19,331 --> 00:06:22,063 I had a horrible case of the fun-zies. 149 00:06:22,064 --> 00:06:23,298 Ah-choo! 150 00:06:25,431 --> 00:06:27,097 What's that? 151 00:06:27,098 --> 00:06:28,597 I won it at the arcade. 152 00:06:28,598 --> 00:06:30,197 The arcade? 153 00:06:30,198 --> 00:06:32,263 You faked a sick day? 154 00:06:32,264 --> 00:06:33,830 You're not gonna tell anyone, are you? 155 00:06:33,831 --> 00:06:35,297 Tell anyone? 156 00:06:35,298 --> 00:06:37,630 Why didn't you call me? I would have come! 157 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:38,631 You would Have? 158 00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,463 Then let's do it tomorrow! 159 00:06:40,464 --> 00:06:42,097 Ooh, tomorrow... 160 00:06:42,098 --> 00:06:44,830 Oh, come on, Mary. It'll be fun. 161 00:06:44,831 --> 00:06:47,563 Oh, I know it would be fun. 162 00:06:47,564 --> 00:06:51,763 You know, I think I might be coming down with a little something. 163 00:06:51,764 --> 00:06:54,097 Well, then get the hell away from me! 164 00:06:54,098 --> 00:06:55,864 You're gonna ruin my day off! 165 00:07:01,631 --> 00:07:03,297 So how do we know which one is Andrea? 166 00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:04,330 We've heard her speak. 167 00:07:04,331 --> 00:07:05,797 Now we just listen very carefully 168 00:07:05,798 --> 00:07:06,897 for her voice. 169 00:07:06,898 --> 00:07:08,163 Frankie: There you go, Andrea. 170 00:07:08,164 --> 00:07:09,863 Well, it's not Frankie. 171 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:12,330 So, that's Andrea. 172 00:07:12,331 --> 00:07:14,230 Wow, she's so beautiful. 173 00:07:14,231 --> 00:07:15,797 She sounded heavier to me. 174 00:07:15,798 --> 00:07:19,297 Well, you know, they say the scanner adds, like, 8 pounds. 175 00:07:19,298 --> 00:07:21,097 I'm gonna go talk to her. 176 00:07:21,098 --> 00:07:22,797 You can't go up and just talk to her. 177 00:07:22,798 --> 00:07:24,297 She's, like, famous. 178 00:07:24,298 --> 00:07:26,697 Come on, she looks so sad and lonely. 179 00:07:26,698 --> 00:07:28,030 I'm just gonna say something to her. 180 00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:29,898 Harry, don't. Don't. I... 181 00:07:33,964 --> 00:07:35,663 Hello. 182 00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:37,263 Hi. 183 00:07:37,264 --> 00:07:39,197 I had a little ice-cream situation. 184 00:07:39,198 --> 00:07:41,130 You think Frankie Can handle it? 185 00:07:41,131 --> 00:07:43,163 Oh. I guess. 186 00:07:43,164 --> 00:07:44,430 Yeah, he's the best. 187 00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:47,063 You know, he once got a peanut butter stain 188 00:07:47,064 --> 00:07:49,730 out of my cummerbund. 189 00:07:49,731 --> 00:07:52,963 That was a cheap wedding. 190 00:07:52,964 --> 00:07:55,397 Wow, you look so pretty when you laugh. 191 00:07:55,398 --> 00:07:57,364 I mean, so do I. 192 00:08:01,131 --> 00:08:04,530 I can't believe Harry is talking to the Andrea. 193 00:08:04,531 --> 00:08:07,063 I can't believe Frankie had his picture taken 194 00:08:07,064 --> 00:08:09,464 with englebert humperdinck. 195 00:08:13,931 --> 00:08:17,763 Dick: We won, Mary! We won! 196 00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:21,063 Did you see how I dusted that number-8 car on the last turn? 197 00:08:21,064 --> 00:08:24,630 Did you have to throw soda in his face? 198 00:08:24,631 --> 00:08:26,163 This is go-carting, Mary. 199 00:08:26,164 --> 00:08:27,830 You're either in it to win, or you're not. 200 00:08:27,831 --> 00:08:31,063 Man: I'd like a word with you, 30 car. 201 00:08:31,064 --> 00:08:32,797 Don't you know the rules? 202 00:08:32,798 --> 00:08:34,298 That was bush-league! 203 00:08:35,398 --> 00:08:36,530 Strudwick! 204 00:08:36,531 --> 00:08:38,297 Dick! How come you're not at school? 205 00:08:38,298 --> 00:08:42,097 I... I am, I-I'm teaching the physics of go-carting. 206 00:08:42,098 --> 00:08:43,897 Nicely done, class. 207 00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:44,997 What are you doing here? 208 00:08:44,998 --> 00:08:47,163 Me? Well... 209 00:08:47,164 --> 00:08:50,097 I'm dying, Dick. 210 00:08:50,098 --> 00:08:52,431 I made a wish, and this is it. 211 00:08:53,531 --> 00:08:55,797 Dying? Oh, come on, Vincent, 212 00:08:55,798 --> 00:08:57,197 you could do better than that. 213 00:08:57,198 --> 00:08:58,830 Oh, you're here, too. 214 00:08:58,831 --> 00:09:00,830 Well, if you must know, I called in sick. 215 00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:02,697 You cheat! 216 00:09:02,698 --> 00:09:05,063 You phony, lying fraud! 217 00:09:05,064 --> 00:09:07,030 Let's rat him out to the Chancellor, Mary. 218 00:09:07,031 --> 00:09:09,463 You can't rat me out without ratting yourself out, Dick. 219 00:09:09,464 --> 00:09:10,697 How dumb are you? 220 00:09:10,698 --> 00:09:12,563 Not dumb enough to have a root beer beard! 221 00:09:12,564 --> 00:09:15,030 Would the two of you just shut up? 222 00:09:15,031 --> 00:09:17,130 Now, we're all guilty of the same thing, 223 00:09:17,131 --> 00:09:18,563 So quit acting like babies, 224 00:09:18,564 --> 00:09:19,998 and Let's go get some lunch. 225 00:09:21,698 --> 00:09:23,064 We're not babies. 226 00:09:27,531 --> 00:09:28,831 He's hitting me! 227 00:09:37,464 --> 00:09:38,997 ♪ YOU ♪ 228 00:09:38,998 --> 00:09:42,697 ♪ Doin' that thing you do ♪ 229 00:09:42,698 --> 00:09:45,063 ♪ You never even knew ♪ 230 00:09:45,064 --> 00:09:48,097 ♪ About the heartache ♪ 231 00:09:48,098 --> 00:09:51,530 ♪ I've been going through ♪ 232 00:09:51,531 --> 00:09:54,530 ♪ Well, I try and try to forget you, girl ♪ 233 00:09:54,531 --> 00:09:57,698 ♪ But it's just so hard to do ♪ 234 00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:03,264 ♪ Every time you do that thing you do ♪ 235 00:10:05,964 --> 00:10:08,997 ♪ I don't ask a lot, girl ♪ 236 00:10:08,998 --> 00:10:12,797 ♪ But I know one thing's for sure ♪ 237 00:10:12,798 --> 00:10:16,197 ♪ It's the love I haven't got, girl ♪ 238 00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:18,230 ♪ And I just can't take it ♪ 239 00:10:18,231 --> 00:10:20,530 ♪ Anymore ♪ 240 00:10:20,531 --> 00:10:21,664 ♪ Waah ♪ 241 00:10:38,564 --> 00:10:42,230 Wow, I've never seen a hot-air balloon up so close before. 242 00:10:42,231 --> 00:10:44,263 It is rather beautiful. 243 00:10:44,264 --> 00:10:48,863 I wonder what it would feel like to be so free, flying in the clouds. 244 00:10:48,864 --> 00:10:52,730 That's the beauty of a bird like a parrot. 245 00:10:52,731 --> 00:10:56,664 It can tell you how it feels to your face. 246 00:10:59,298 --> 00:11:01,797 You know, they have Champagne flights. 247 00:11:01,798 --> 00:11:04,463 They leave every morning out of hubris field. 248 00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,363 Oh, I'd love to do that someday. 249 00:11:06,364 --> 00:11:09,530 Let's do it tomorrow. The three of us. 250 00:11:09,531 --> 00:11:11,763 We all still have sick days left. 251 00:11:11,764 --> 00:11:12,830 I'm in! 252 00:11:12,831 --> 00:11:14,497 Vinnie? Absolutely, dickie. 253 00:11:14,498 --> 00:11:16,297 I just wish we had some binoculars. 254 00:11:16,298 --> 00:11:18,763 I have binoculars. They're at the office. 255 00:11:18,764 --> 00:11:20,130 I'll zip by at the crack of dawn, 256 00:11:20,131 --> 00:11:21,197 and we'll rendezvous at the launch. 257 00:11:21,198 --> 00:11:22,497 That would be wonderful. 258 00:11:22,498 --> 00:11:23,697 I'll bring the sandwiches. 259 00:11:23,698 --> 00:11:24,730 Do you like pimento loaf? 260 00:11:24,731 --> 00:11:27,464 Perfect! Fried chicken it is! 261 00:11:37,031 --> 00:11:39,263 Hey, guys, is anything going on? 262 00:11:39,264 --> 00:11:41,197 Yeah, Andrea just told her mother 263 00:11:41,198 --> 00:11:42,830 that she met this great new guy, 264 00:11:42,831 --> 00:11:44,130 and she's calling him right now. 265 00:11:44,131 --> 00:11:45,131 Cool. 266 00:11:54,164 --> 00:11:55,530 Well, should I answer it? 267 00:11:55,531 --> 00:11:56,630 No, just let it ring. 268 00:11:56,631 --> 00:11:58,164 Come on, pick it up, pick it up! 269 00:12:01,964 --> 00:12:03,830 Why do people always call. 270 00:12:03,831 --> 00:12:05,230 When something good is on? 271 00:12:05,231 --> 00:12:07,898 It's just, like, rude, is what it is. 272 00:12:10,298 --> 00:12:11,863 Just pick it up! 273 00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:12,864 Gosh, I can't take this. 274 00:12:12,864 --> 00:12:13,864 I can't concentrate. 275 00:12:13,865 --> 00:12:15,664 I'm gonna go answer it, ok? 276 00:12:17,898 --> 00:12:18,963 The tension is killing me. 277 00:12:18,964 --> 00:12:20,597 Pick up the phone, already! 278 00:12:20,598 --> 00:12:22,197 Harry on SCANNER: Hello? 279 00:12:22,198 --> 00:12:25,363 Andrea: Hi. 280 00:12:25,364 --> 00:12:27,697 Harry, this is Andrea. 281 00:12:27,698 --> 00:12:31,730 I got your number from Frankie, our dry cleaner. 282 00:12:31,731 --> 00:12:34,264 I can't talk right now. My program is on. 283 00:12:36,064 --> 00:12:37,797 Harry, Harry, it's Andrea! 284 00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,230 I know. I'm trying to get off the phone. 285 00:12:39,231 --> 00:12:40,830 No, it's Andrea on the phone! 286 00:12:40,831 --> 00:12:41,930 You're the new guy! 287 00:12:41,931 --> 00:12:44,397 Aah! 288 00:12:44,398 --> 00:12:45,398 What should I do? 289 00:12:45,399 --> 00:12:46,498 Just talk to her. 290 00:12:49,998 --> 00:12:51,930 Can I get some privacy? 291 00:12:51,931 --> 00:12:53,397 Sure, man. Sorry. 292 00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,231 You take your time. 293 00:12:59,098 --> 00:13:02,230 Harry on SCANNER: Well, hello, Andrea. 294 00:13:02,231 --> 00:13:03,397 I like the new guy. 295 00:13:03,398 --> 00:13:04,431 He's good. 296 00:13:09,598 --> 00:13:10,598 Where are those binoculars? 297 00:13:10,599 --> 00:13:13,130 Ah! There they are! 298 00:13:13,131 --> 00:13:15,030 Vinnie's gonna love these! 299 00:13:15,031 --> 00:13:16,163 Ah! 300 00:13:16,164 --> 00:13:17,263 Chancellor. 301 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:18,397 Dick? 302 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:21,163 Wh-wh-what are you doing here so early? 303 00:13:21,164 --> 00:13:22,897 I saw the light on. 304 00:13:22,898 --> 00:13:24,563 Early bird gets the worm, huh? 305 00:13:24,564 --> 00:13:25,997 I don't know. You'd have to ask 306 00:13:25,998 --> 00:13:27,697 someone from the ornithology department. 307 00:13:27,698 --> 00:13:29,497 I'm physics. 308 00:13:29,498 --> 00:13:31,597 I always like to get in before the crack of dawn 309 00:13:31,598 --> 00:13:32,863 and Do my morning stretches. 310 00:13:32,864 --> 00:13:34,830 I'm something of a yoga fiend. 311 00:13:34,831 --> 00:13:36,430 You've seen me here, right? 312 00:13:36,431 --> 00:13:38,198 Yeah. 313 00:13:39,264 --> 00:13:40,697 Just checking. 314 00:13:40,698 --> 00:13:42,797 Those are nice-looking binoculars. 315 00:13:42,798 --> 00:13:44,397 May I? 316 00:13:44,398 --> 00:13:47,064 Why not? I won't be needing them. 317 00:13:48,731 --> 00:13:49,731 Hello? 318 00:13:49,732 --> 00:13:51,930 Oh, hi, Vince. 319 00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:55,563 Yeah, I got them. The Chancellor's holding them right now. 320 00:13:55,564 --> 00:13:57,263 I don't know. Yoga. 321 00:13:57,264 --> 00:13:59,597 They're light but powerful. 322 00:13:59,598 --> 00:14:01,030 Must be pricey. 323 00:14:01,031 --> 00:14:03,863 So we're just going to have to do it another day. 324 00:14:03,864 --> 00:14:06,863 What do you mean you just lifted her into the basket? 325 00:14:06,864 --> 00:14:08,730 Are you still going? 326 00:14:08,731 --> 00:14:11,197 Just the two of you, alone? 327 00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:13,063 Was that a Champagne cork? 328 00:14:13,064 --> 00:14:15,097 Hello? Hello? 329 00:14:15,098 --> 00:14:16,530 That rat! 330 00:14:16,531 --> 00:14:19,964 And to think I pedaled his bony Ass around for miles! 331 00:14:21,364 --> 00:14:23,263 I knew it! 332 00:14:23,264 --> 00:14:24,363 What? 333 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,197 Dean Fleeger's stealing toilet paper. 334 00:14:27,198 --> 00:14:29,531 That's why he got a minivan. 335 00:14:32,531 --> 00:14:34,363 Isn't it rich? 336 00:14:34,364 --> 00:14:38,030 Aren't we a pair? 337 00:14:38,031 --> 00:14:41,364 Me here at last on the ground, you in... 338 00:14:43,098 --> 00:14:44,798 midair. 339 00:14:49,064 --> 00:14:50,563 Andrea on SCANNER: So then my mom said, 340 00:14:50,564 --> 00:14:52,797 "That's a terrible name for a parakeet." 341 00:14:52,798 --> 00:14:55,330 But to me, he just looks like a Phillip. 342 00:14:55,331 --> 00:14:58,830 Harry on SCANNER: Ha ha Ha ha! 343 00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,497 Well, you tell Phillip 344 00:15:00,498 --> 00:15:02,730 that I'll see him tomorrow. 345 00:15:02,731 --> 00:15:04,030 I will. 346 00:15:04,031 --> 00:15:08,263 And, Harry, I really enjoy talking to you. 347 00:15:08,264 --> 00:15:11,830 Blah, Blah, Blah, blah, blah. 348 00:15:11,831 --> 00:15:15,297 This show has really gone downhill since Harry was introduced. 349 00:15:15,298 --> 00:15:18,263 Yeah. They need conflict. Where's the conflict? 350 00:15:18,264 --> 00:15:20,563 You know, it's gotten so Boring, I'm actually thinking about 351 00:15:20,564 --> 00:15:22,430 reading a book. What?! 352 00:15:22,431 --> 00:15:24,030 Hey, you guys, guess what? 353 00:15:24,031 --> 00:15:25,697 I've got a lunch date with her tomorrow. 354 00:15:25,698 --> 00:15:26,898 We know. We know. 355 00:15:28,664 --> 00:15:30,230 Say, Harry, 356 00:15:30,231 --> 00:15:33,363 you know what would make that lunch date really interesting? 357 00:15:33,364 --> 00:15:36,030 Show up 2 hours late stinking of booze. 358 00:15:36,031 --> 00:15:37,863 Yes! 359 00:15:37,864 --> 00:15:41,097 I can practically hear her crying to her girlfriend. 360 00:15:41,098 --> 00:15:43,897 Now, that's entertainment! Uh-huh. 361 00:15:43,898 --> 00:15:46,063 No, I don't play those games. 362 00:15:46,064 --> 00:15:47,530 I'm gonna treat her right. 363 00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:48,963 Hey, what about us? 364 00:15:48,964 --> 00:15:50,630 We're your audience! 365 00:15:50,631 --> 00:15:52,964 You selfish bastard! 366 00:15:58,031 --> 00:15:59,063 Aah! 367 00:15:59,064 --> 00:16:01,597 Just take the money! 368 00:16:01,598 --> 00:16:02,863 Dick, what are you doing here? 369 00:16:02,864 --> 00:16:05,897 Whisking you away for a glorious sick day. 370 00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:06,963 It's gonna be great. 371 00:16:06,964 --> 00:16:08,530 No strudwick to ruin it. 372 00:16:08,531 --> 00:16:10,930 Oh, and I found a place that rents rickshaws. 373 00:16:10,931 --> 00:16:15,030 You, my lady, had better put on your running shoes. 374 00:16:15,031 --> 00:16:16,997 Dick, I can't take a sick day. 375 00:16:16,998 --> 00:16:18,930 I've got the faculty seminar, 376 00:16:18,931 --> 00:16:20,730 followed by the Chancellor's crab-leg lunch. 377 00:16:20,731 --> 00:16:22,497 But I've already called in sick. 378 00:16:22,498 --> 00:16:24,097 I went with asiatic flu. 379 00:16:24,098 --> 00:16:25,430 Very infectious. 380 00:16:25,431 --> 00:16:27,963 Left untreated, it could kill me. 381 00:16:27,964 --> 00:16:30,597 You can't just keep taking sick days. 382 00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:32,430 Wait a minute. Is strudwick gonna be at this lunch? 383 00:16:32,431 --> 00:16:34,597 Well, the last time I talked to him, he said he would be. 384 00:16:34,598 --> 00:16:36,263 Spare me your Pillow talk, Mary. 385 00:16:36,264 --> 00:16:37,463 I'm going to that lunch, too. 386 00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:38,663 You can't! 387 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,097 You're pretending to be sick, remember? 388 00:16:40,098 --> 00:16:41,263 I'm going anyway. 389 00:16:41,264 --> 00:16:44,163 Oh... I'm sorry, Dick. I've got to go. 390 00:16:44,164 --> 00:16:45,763 You're gonna lose me, Mary! 391 00:16:45,764 --> 00:16:49,230 A good-looking man alone in the streets with an empty rickshaw... 392 00:16:49,231 --> 00:16:51,863 You're gonna lose me! 393 00:16:51,864 --> 00:16:54,131 I've lost her. 394 00:16:57,731 --> 00:17:01,797 So, at first, we thought that there were just 5 puppies, 395 00:17:01,798 --> 00:17:03,197 but it turns out that there were... 396 00:17:03,198 --> 00:17:04,930 Now get this... 397 00:17:04,931 --> 00:17:05,931 6. 398 00:17:08,064 --> 00:17:11,130 Riveting. 399 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,830 You should have seen Harry holding them. 400 00:17:13,831 --> 00:17:16,263 He was so sweet. 401 00:17:16,264 --> 00:17:18,730 Yeah, not like that jerk Steve. 402 00:17:18,731 --> 00:17:19,963 Steve? 403 00:17:19,964 --> 00:17:22,830 Yeah, you know, your cheating ex-boyfriend. 404 00:17:22,831 --> 00:17:24,930 I never told you about Steve. 405 00:17:24,931 --> 00:17:25,997 How do you know about him? 406 00:17:25,998 --> 00:17:27,363 Ahh, it just got good again. 407 00:17:27,364 --> 00:17:29,097 Shh, let's listen. 408 00:17:29,098 --> 00:17:33,997 Andrea, my relationship with you is based on the truth, 409 00:17:33,998 --> 00:17:36,630 and I've decided that I will never lie to you. 410 00:17:36,631 --> 00:17:38,063 Lie about what, Harry? 411 00:17:38,064 --> 00:17:39,363 Oh, my god, he's gonna tell her. 412 00:17:39,364 --> 00:17:41,563 Oh, no, I gotta go to the bathroom! 413 00:17:41,564 --> 00:17:42,564 Can we pause it? 414 00:17:42,565 --> 00:17:45,463 No. It's live. 415 00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:47,663 During the past few days, 416 00:17:47,664 --> 00:17:51,197 we've been listening to your phone conversations over this scanner. 417 00:17:51,198 --> 00:17:52,730 Oooh. Oooh. 418 00:17:52,731 --> 00:17:54,897 You've been listening to my private conversations? 419 00:17:54,898 --> 00:17:56,297 We know about Steve 420 00:17:56,298 --> 00:17:59,430 and your time with the moonies. 421 00:17:59,431 --> 00:18:02,530 Oh, my god! I feel so violated! 422 00:18:02,531 --> 00:18:05,630 Don't be! We're big fans! 423 00:18:05,631 --> 00:18:07,530 We love what you do. 424 00:18:07,531 --> 00:18:08,997 Hey, guys, what's going on? 425 00:18:08,998 --> 00:18:11,163 Oh, Officer, thank god. 426 00:18:11,164 --> 00:18:13,463 These weirdos have been listening 427 00:18:13,464 --> 00:18:15,130 to my private conversations 428 00:18:15,131 --> 00:18:16,330 on this scanner. 429 00:18:16,331 --> 00:18:19,530 Hey, my scanner! Thanks, guys. 430 00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:21,631 Oh, my god, you're all in on this together. 431 00:18:22,898 --> 00:18:24,464 You people are freaks! 432 00:18:26,031 --> 00:18:27,231 Freaks! 433 00:18:29,564 --> 00:18:32,098 Bravo! Yes! 434 00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:36,630 Yes! 435 00:18:36,631 --> 00:18:38,631 Yes, you as well, my friend! 436 00:18:47,798 --> 00:18:49,430 Excuse me. 437 00:18:49,431 --> 00:18:51,230 Before you all go back to your classes, 438 00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,263 I just want to say one thing: 439 00:18:53,264 --> 00:18:55,864 The centerpieces are not take-homes. 440 00:18:58,431 --> 00:18:59,730 Chancellor. 441 00:18:59,731 --> 00:19:02,031 Good afternoon, everyone. 442 00:19:06,931 --> 00:19:08,497 I'm sorry I'm late. 443 00:19:08,498 --> 00:19:11,330 A mere 2 hours ago, I was on my deathbed, 444 00:19:11,331 --> 00:19:14,597 but then I realized that pendelton comes first. 445 00:19:14,598 --> 00:19:18,197 That's why I'm revoking my sick day to be here with you. 446 00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:21,030 Hey, dickie, I thought you were out sick. 447 00:19:21,031 --> 00:19:22,763 Well, I'm here now, so get out of my seat. 448 00:19:22,764 --> 00:19:23,963 I'm not budging. 449 00:19:23,964 --> 00:19:25,830 Just sit down, Dick, sit down! 450 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,197 Hey, Hey, hey! 451 00:19:27,198 --> 00:19:29,463 Hey, what's all the commotion? 452 00:19:29,464 --> 00:19:31,063 I'll tell you what the commotion is. 453 00:19:31,064 --> 00:19:34,530 This bearded snake took a sick day off without even being sick 454 00:19:34,531 --> 00:19:36,863 and spent the day ballooning over Rutherford 455 00:19:36,864 --> 00:19:39,297 with my girlfriend and my Fried chicken! 456 00:19:39,298 --> 00:19:43,097 Go home! Your fever is making you say crazy things. 457 00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,563 You're not even supposed to be here! 458 00:19:44,564 --> 00:19:46,797 You have asiatic flu, remember? 459 00:19:46,798 --> 00:19:49,097 Asiatic flu? That's highly contagious! 460 00:19:49,098 --> 00:19:50,663 He should stay home for a week. 461 00:19:50,664 --> 00:19:52,863 Oh, you'd just love to have me out of the way, wouldn't you? 462 00:19:52,864 --> 00:19:55,063 Dick, the entire faculty's in this room. 463 00:19:55,064 --> 00:19:56,630 I want you to go home immediately. 464 00:19:56,631 --> 00:19:58,497 Bye-Bye, Dick. Feel better. 465 00:19:58,498 --> 00:19:59,997 Fine! 466 00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:02,063 But if I'm going home, strudwick, you're going home, too. 467 00:20:02,064 --> 00:20:03,197 What? I'm not sick. 468 00:20:03,198 --> 00:20:05,964 Oh, no? Say hello to the asiatic flu! 469 00:20:13,731 --> 00:20:15,563 What is wrong with you?! 470 00:20:15,564 --> 00:20:17,130 Are you insane?! 471 00:20:17,131 --> 00:20:20,697 Why the hell did you do that?! You're not sick! 472 00:20:20,698 --> 00:20:22,164 Yes, I am. 473 00:20:24,964 --> 00:20:27,230 Oh, my god! No, I'm not! 474 00:20:27,231 --> 00:20:29,163 Then why... Oh, 475 00:20:29,164 --> 00:20:31,864 why did I use my tongue? 476 00:20:37,098 --> 00:20:39,663 Too bad Things didn't work out with you and Andrea. 477 00:20:39,664 --> 00:20:41,430 Women. 478 00:20:41,431 --> 00:20:43,397 They say they want honesty in a relationship, 479 00:20:43,398 --> 00:20:47,430 but they don't want to know when you've been eavesdropping on them. 480 00:20:47,431 --> 00:20:48,763 They want it both ways. 481 00:20:48,764 --> 00:20:52,197 Yeah, we make me sick. 482 00:20:52,198 --> 00:20:55,163 Well, I wasn't real honest about being sick and everything, 483 00:20:55,164 --> 00:20:57,263 but it all turned out pretty well for me. 484 00:20:57,264 --> 00:20:58,863 You said that the Chancellor 485 00:20:58,864 --> 00:21:00,130 took away all your sick days. 486 00:21:00,131 --> 00:21:04,497 Yeah, but he gave me 6 mental health days. 487 00:21:04,498 --> 00:21:06,597 And they're mandatory. 488 00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:08,830 6 mental health days? What are you gonna do? 489 00:21:08,831 --> 00:21:10,530 Well, I'm required to see a doctor in the morning, 490 00:21:10,531 --> 00:21:12,997 but in the afternoon, I'm gonna go back to the go-cart track. 491 00:21:12,998 --> 00:21:14,830 I'm gonna try to jump the hay Bales 492 00:21:14,831 --> 00:21:16,930 and take that baby out onto the open road. 493 00:21:16,931 --> 00:21:19,651 Captioning made possible by Carsey-Werner company l.L.C. And the U.S. 32125

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