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1
00:00:03,036 --> 00:00:05,138
{\an8}ALL RIGHT,
THE SUSPENSE IS OVER.
2
00:00:05,238 --> 00:00:07,640
{\an8}I'VE CHOSEN
THE SCHOOL MUSICAL.
3
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,075
{\an8}YOU WANNA GUESS
WHAT IT IS?
4
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,110
{\an8}NO.
NAH.
5
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:12,278
{\an8}OK, I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.
6
00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:13,580
{\an8}MEOW.
7
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,515
{\an8}I DON'T KNOW.
8
00:00:15,615 --> 00:00:17,617
{\an8}"RAISIN IN THE SUN."
9
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:19,085
{\an8}WHAT? NO.
10
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,287
{\an8}MEOW.
11
00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:25,759
{\an8}SOMETHING
WITH NATHAN LANE.
12
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,194
{\an8}NO. MEOW. MEOW.
13
00:00:28,294 --> 00:00:30,363
{\an8}CAT. "CAT ON A--"
IT'S--"CAT ON A--"
14
00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:32,966
{\an8}OH, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD.
"CAT ON A HOT..."
15
00:00:33,066 --> 00:00:34,167
{\an8}IT'S A ROOF.
"ROOF."
16
00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:35,935
{\an8}NO. NOT "CAT ON
A HOT TIN ROOF."
17
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,237
{\an8}NO. "CATS," THE MUSICAL.
18
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:39,305
{\an8}DO YOU GUYS KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THEATER AT ALL?
19
00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:41,174
{\an8}MAYBE WE HAVEN'T MET.
I'M EDDIE STARK.
20
00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:42,242
{\an8}STOP IT.
21
00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:44,377
{\an8}IT'S GOING TO BE
AN EXTRAVAGANZA
22
00:00:44,477 --> 00:00:48,048
{\an8}THE LIKES OF WHICH
THE MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM
HAS NEVER SEEN.
23
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:50,150
{\an8}GOT AN IDEA FOR YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU GET
24
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:51,885
{\an8}THE KIDS TO ROUND UP
SOME STRAY CATS
25
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,753
{\an8}AND THEN
SHAVE 'EM TO MAKE
THE COSTUMES?
26
00:00:53,853 --> 00:00:56,056
{\an8}HA HA HA HA! FUNNY.
27
00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:57,657
{\an8}NO, IT'S NOT FUNNY.
IT'S DISGUSTING.
28
00:00:57,757 --> 00:00:59,192
{\an8}YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED
OF YOURSELF.
29
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:00,660
{\an8}AND YET, I'M NOT.
30
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,129
{\an8}COME ON, JOY.
THEATER IS SOMETHING WE HAD
31
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:04,831
{\an8}BEFORE WE INVENTED
TELEVISION.
32
00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:09,669
{\an8}YEAH? WELL, I'M GONNA
CHANGE BOTH OF YOUR
MINDS ABOUT THAT, OK?
33
00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:12,439
{\an8}OH, EXCUSE ME.
HEY, RAJ,
34
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:14,574
{\an8}JUST THE MAN
I WANTED TO SEE.
35
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:17,944
{\an8}I TRIED. I CANNOT
GET THE HAPPY MEAL SMELL
OUT OF YOUR CAR.
36
00:01:18,044 --> 00:01:19,679
{\an8}NO. SHH. NOT THAT.
37
00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:21,247
{\an8}I'M DOING "CATS."
38
00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:22,916
{\an8}MR. KATZ,
THE FRENCH TEACHER?
39
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,250
{\an8}I THOUGHT HE WAS GAY.
40
00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:27,287
{\an8}NO, NOT THAT.
THE MUSICAL, "CATS."
41
00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:30,123
{\an8}AND WHO DO YOU THINK'S
GONNA SING "MEMORY"?
42
00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:31,257
{\an8}YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT?
43
00:01:31,357 --> 00:01:32,292
{\an8}YEAH. I AM.
44
00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:33,426
{\an8}OH, HOW DID I GUESS?
45
00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:35,462
{\an8}SO WHAT DOES THIS
HAVE TO DO WITH ME?
46
00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:37,530
{\an8}OH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
IT HAS TO DO WITH YOU.
47
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:39,332
{\an8}I'M GONNA NEED
ALL OF YOUR MOP HEADS.
48
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:42,202
{\an8}I WANNA ADD THEM
TO THE COSTUMES FOR
GRITTY AUTHENTICITY.
49
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:45,672
{\an8}SO YOU WANT ME TO MOP
THE GRITTY FLOORS WITH A STICK?
50
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,273
{\an8}YEAH. YOU DON'T MIND,
DO YOU?
51
00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:49,742
{\an8}NO. I LIKE COMING HERE
AT NIGHT AND CLEANING UP
52
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,978
{\an8}AFTER THESE FILTHY CHILDREN
WITHOUT THE PROPER TOOLS.
53
00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:53,179
{\an8}NOTHING MAKES ME HAPPIER.
54
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,548
{\an8}AND I'M GLAD THAT CHILDREN
DRESSED AS CATS
55
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:59,385
{\an8}ARE MORE IMPORTANT
THAN THE DEAD ONE I FOUND
IN THE CAFETERIA.
56
00:01:59,486 --> 00:02:00,587
{\an8}OK. THANK YOU.
57
00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:01,855
{\an8}YOU'RE WELCOME.
58
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,125
OH. MISTRESS.
59
00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:06,326
MAGGOT.
60
00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:08,728
CAN I POUR YOU
A CUP OF HOT COFFEE,
61
00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:10,864
OR WOULD YOU LIKE
TO POUR ONE OVER ME?
62
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,333
SHUT UP. I'M REALLY
ENJOYING MYSELF
63
00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:15,702
SEEING THE MISERABLE LOOK
ON EDDIE STARK'S FACE
64
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:20,373
AS HIS WIFE BABBLES ON
LIKE A MAGPIE. [LAUGHS]
65
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,408
YEAH, SHE IS KIND OF
HARD ON THE EARS,
66
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:25,278
BUT SHE'S EASY
ON THE EYES.
67
00:02:25,378 --> 00:02:26,412
WHAT?
68
00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:28,781
NAH, I'M--I'M JUST
STATING THE OBVIOUS.
69
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:31,951
I MEAN, SHE IS
NOT UNATTRACTIVE
TO LOOK AT.
70
00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:33,119
HMM. YEAH.
71
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:35,455
OH. I--I GOTTA GO.
I GOTTA START REHEARSALS.
72
00:02:35,555 --> 00:02:38,558
TELL YOU ABOUT
THE SECOND ACT WHEN WE
GET HOME TONIGHT.
73
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:41,261
OK. CAN'T WAIT.
WELL, I GOTTA
GET TO CLASS.
74
00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:43,229
IT'S BRING YOUR BABY
TO SCHOOL DAY.
75
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,531
LET'S GO, WHITEY.
76
00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:45,498
OK.
77
00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:46,499
UH, MISTRESS.
78
00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:48,234
BYE.
BYE.
79
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,636
OH, MS. DUFFY.
80
00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:51,604
I, UH--I WAS
LOOKING FOR YOU.
81
00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:53,606
I WANTED TO LET YOU
KNOW THAT, UH,
82
00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:55,608
I WILL BE
PLAYING THE ROLE
OF GRIZABELLA
83
00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:57,076
IN OUR PRODUCTION
OF "CATS."
OH.
84
00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,146
YEAH, AND I'M
NOT EVEN GONNA ASK
FOR A BUMP IN PAY.
85
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:03,950
I AM DOING IT FOR
THE LOVE OF THEATER
86
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:06,286
AND OF COURSE
THE CHILDREN.
87
00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:08,788
WILL IT BE DIFFICULT
FOR ME TO PERFORM
88
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:10,690
IN SOMETHING THAT
I'M ALSO DIRECTING?
89
00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:12,759
THE ANSWER'S
"OF COURSE."
AM I UP TO THE TASK?
90
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,327
THE ANSWER'S
"OF COURSE."
91
00:03:14,427 --> 00:03:15,929
NOW, THERE WILL
BE NAYSAYERS,
92
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:19,566
BUT IF BARBRA STREISAND
CAN PERFORM IN
AND DIRECT "YENTL,"
93
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:23,703
I THINK I CAN HANDLE
A MUSICAL ABOUT
A BUNCH OF CATS.
94
00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:24,637
[LAUGHS]
95
00:03:24,737 --> 00:03:26,573
NOW, IT MAY BE
UNREALISTIC
96
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:29,676
TO THINK THAT
"THE NEW YORK TIMES"
WILL COME TO REVIEW IT,
97
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:32,912
BUT I THINK WE'VE GOT
A LOCK ON THE "POST,"
"THE VOICE,"
98
00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:34,781
AND LOCAL CRITICS
FROM THE TRISTATE AREA.
99
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,783
WHAT I'M GONNA
NEED FROM YOU
100
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,818
IS TO BLOCK OFF
A LITTLE SECTION
101
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:42,322
IN THE FRONT
OF THE THEATER WITH
THOSE ROPES, YOU KNOW,
102
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:44,357
MAYBE 2 ROWS
FOR THOSE FOLKS.
103
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:45,491
AND, MS. DUFFY,
104
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:47,827
I JUST
WANNA THANK YOU
105
00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:49,662
FOR GIVING ME
THE OPPORTUNITY
106
00:03:49,762 --> 00:03:51,864
TO FULFILL
A LIFELONG DREAM OF MINE
107
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:58,404
OF INSPIRING TODAY'S
YOUTH THROUGH THE MAGIC
OF MUSICAL THEATER.
108
00:03:58,504 --> 00:03:59,772
YOU'RE FIRED.
109
00:03:59,872 --> 00:04:00,873
[GASPS]
110
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,775
REOWR.
111
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:07,680
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
112
00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:10,416
WELL, LOOK, NOT LIKE I WANT
THIS CONVERSATION TO GO ON,
113
00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:13,286
BUT CAN YOU COME UP
WITH ONE REASON WHY
DUFFY FIRED YOU?
114
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:14,420
NO.
115
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,923
NOT ONE. I MEAN, I WAS
JUST STANDING THERE.
116
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:18,391
I WAS TALKING
ABOUT "CATS,"
117
00:04:18,491 --> 00:04:20,293
AND THEN ABSOLUTELY
OUT OF THE BLUE,
118
00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:21,527
SHE SAYS,
"YOU'RE FIRED."
119
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:23,696
YOU KNOW WHAT
THE WORST PART IS?
120
00:04:23,796 --> 00:04:25,865
HAVING TO HEAR ABOUT IT?
121
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,934
SHE REPLACED ME
AS DIRECTOR
122
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:30,637
WITH THAT GIGGLING
LITTLE NITWIT FROM
THE MUSIC DEPARTMENT.
123
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:32,939
OH, OH. YOU MEAN
THAT LITTLE TRICIA SUNSHINE?
124
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:34,307
THE ONE WHO'S
ALWAYS CHEERFUL?
125
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:35,341
YEAH. YEAH.
THE BITCH.
126
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,277
YOU KNOW,
DUFFY'S GONNA MISS ME.
127
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:39,012
SHE IS--THE PLAY
IS GONNA SUFFER.
128
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,913
CAN'T WAIT
TO READ THE REVIEWS.
129
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,649
I HOPE THE CHILDREN
GET TRASHED.
130
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:45,551
WOW. YOU TRANSFERRED
ALL THE ANGER
ONTO THE KIDS.
131
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:47,820
IT'S LIKE YOU BEEN
TEACHING FOR YEARS.
132
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,023
[LAUGHS] YEAH, SCREW 'EM.
133
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,991
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO, EDDIE?
134
00:04:52,091 --> 00:04:54,360
WE NEED THE MONEY
FROM THAT JOB.
135
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,828
AW, YOU'LL GET
ANOTHER JOB.
136
00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:57,363
YEAH? IT TOOK ME FOREVER
TO GET THIS ONE.
137
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,599
YEAH, BUT NOW
YOU'VE CHANGED,
AND YOU'VE GROWN,
138
00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:01,768
AND YOU'VE GOT
A NEW SET OF SKILLS.
139
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:04,170
I MEAN, ANY COMPANY
WOULD BE THRILLED
TO HAVE YOU.
140
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:06,606
YEAH. I--I DO BRING
A LOT TO THE TABLE.
141
00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:09,876
I MEAN, I DON'T HAVE
A DEGREE, SO I'M CHEAP.
142
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,577
YEAH. THERE YOU GO.
YOU'RE CHEAP.
143
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:12,545
MM-HMM. MM-HMM.
144
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:14,380
A-AND I HAVE
A LOT OF OPINIONS,
145
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,250
AND I'M NOT AFRAID
TO TELL SOMEONE HOW
TO DO THEIR JOB.
146
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:20,253
AND WHO DOESN'T
LOVE THAT?
147
00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:23,456
OH! AND YOU KNOW WHAT
I KNOW HOW TO DO NOW?
148
00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:24,857
FOLD A FLAG.
149
00:05:24,957 --> 00:05:27,293
PLUS I THINK
OUTSIDE THE BOX.
150
00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:30,663
I MEAN, WHO REWROTE "CATS"
AND PUT IN A DOG?
151
00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:32,532
YOU PUT A DOG IN "CATS"?
152
00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:33,566
MM-HMM. MM-HMM.
153
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,668
DOGS ARE THE NATURAL
ENEMY OF CATS,
154
00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:36,769
CONFLICT.
OK.
155
00:05:36,869 --> 00:05:39,539
WHY DID IT TAKE ME
TO THINK OF THAT?
156
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:43,242
BECAUSE ONLY YOU HAVE
THE COURAGE TO TAMPER
WITH SUCCESS.
157
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,744
EXACTLY.
158
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,612
AND YOU SEE,
WITH YOUR HELP,
159
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:50,350
IT COULD HAVE BECOME
THE LONGEREST-RUNNING
SHOW ON BROADWAY.
160
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:53,619
THANK YOU, EDDIE.
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT
I NEEDED TO HEAR.
161
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,321
YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M GONNA DO?
162
00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:56,823
I'M GONNA GO ONLINE
RIGHT NOW,
163
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,624
AND I'M GONNA
FIND MYSELF A NEW JOB.
164
00:05:58,725 --> 00:05:59,692
THAT'S MY GIRL.
165
00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:00,927
I AM GONNA SHOW DUFFY
166
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,329
THAT JOY STARK
IS A WINNER!
167
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:08,434
I COULD DO ANYTHING,
ANYTHING AT ALL.
168
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:10,403
HOW DO YOU TURN THIS
DAMN THING ON AGAIN?
169
00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:12,338
LIFT UP YOUR SHIRT.
170
00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:19,846
SO THE GUY SAYS,
"WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?"
171
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:23,683
AND THE DOCTOR SAYS,
"THE GOOD NEWS IS I'M
SLEEPING WITH MY NURSE."
172
00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:26,586
[BOTH LAUGHING]
173
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:31,424
SO HOW'S THE JOB HUNT GOIN'?
174
00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:32,625
AH, IT'S TERRIBLE.
175
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:35,094
I'VE BEEN AT IT FOR
DAYS NOW, AND NOTHING.
176
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:38,364
I MEAN, YOU HAVE TO HAVE
A MASTER'S DEGREE
TO ANSWER THE PHONE.
177
00:06:38,464 --> 00:06:40,333
AND THOSE FAKE REFERENCES
DIDN'T HELP?
178
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:41,968
NO, THEY DID
NOT HELP AT ALL.
179
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,470
I THINK ALL
THE TELEPHONE NUMBERS
STARTING WITH 555
180
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:45,438
WAS A DEFINITE GIVEAWAY.
181
00:06:45,538 --> 00:06:46,706
GOD. YOU KNOW WHAT,
SIMONA?
182
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:48,708
I THOUGHT I WAS
GONNA BE A WINNER.
183
00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:49,675
I'M JUST A LOSER.
184
00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:51,978
WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO NOW?
185
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:55,047
I'M SORRY. ISN'T THIS
THE PART WHERE YOU SAY,
186
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,749
"NO, YOU'RE NOT
A LOSER"?
187
00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:58,184
OH. I'M SORRY.
188
00:06:58,284 --> 00:06:59,886
NO, YOU'RE NOT A LOSER.
189
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:02,121
SO WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO NOW?
190
00:07:02,221 --> 00:07:03,689
AH, YOU KNOW, THE USUAL.
191
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:05,658
I'M GONNA CRY.
I'M GONNA EAT.
192
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,593
I'M GONNA LASH OUT
AT OTHERS.
193
00:07:07,693 --> 00:07:09,762
BY THE WAY,
I HATE THAT BLOUSE.
194
00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:11,497
OH. THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S GOOD.
195
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:12,698
JUST LET IT OUT.
196
00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:14,233
OH, HEY! YOU KNOW WHAT?
197
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:15,768
STEPHEN IS LOOKING
FOR AN ASSISTANT.
198
00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:18,738
REALLY? YOU BEEN SITTIN'
ON THAT FOR 20 MINUTES?
199
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:19,972
WELL, IT JUST
OCCURRED TO ME.
200
00:07:20,072 --> 00:07:21,574
HE JUST LOST
THE ONE THAT HE HAD.
201
00:07:21,674 --> 00:07:22,608
OH. DID SHE QUIT?
202
00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:24,510
NO. SHE DIED.
203
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,880
[GASPS] OH,
THAT'S TERRIBLE. HOW?
204
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:31,117
SHE WAS TRAMPLED
BY CLOWNS.
205
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:32,318
SHE WAS NOT.
206
00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:33,352
YEAH, SHE WAS.
207
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,787
HOW DOES THAT
EVEN HAPPEN?
208
00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:37,256
[SIGHS] WELL,
SHE HAD COULROPHOBIA.
THAT'S THE...
209
00:07:37,356 --> 00:07:38,458
Both: FEAR OF CLOWNS.
210
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:39,792
AND...
I KNOW.
211
00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:42,295
SHE TRIED TO GET OVER IT
THROUGH IMMERSION THERAPY
212
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,630
BY RIDING ON AN ELEVATOR
FILLED WITH BOZOS.
213
00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:47,099
BUT BEFORE SHE COULD GET
TO THE TOP FLOOR,
214
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,734
SHE STARTED SCREAMING
LIKE CRAZY,
215
00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:50,136
WHICH PANICKED THE CLOWNS,
216
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:53,539
AND WHEN THE DOORS OPEN,
THEY STAMPEDED OUT OF THERE
217
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:57,276
AND CRUSHED HER TO DEATH
UNDER THEIR GIANT RED SHOES.
218
00:07:57,376 --> 00:07:58,311
[SIGHS]
219
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,279
IS THAT REALLY TRUE?
220
00:08:00,379 --> 00:08:02,215
NAH. SHE HAD A STROKE.
221
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,551
BUT IT IS TRUE THAT STEPHEN'S
LOOKING FOR AN ASSISTANT.
222
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:06,519
AH, THANKS.
223
00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:08,654
DO YOU THINK
HE'D CONSIDER ME?
224
00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:09,922
CONSIDER YOU? PFFT.
225
00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:11,157
HE'LL HIRE YOU.
226
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:12,692
I'LL MAKE IT HAPPEN.
227
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,126
OH. WOW, SIMONA.
228
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,863
DO YOU WEAR THE PANTS
IN THAT MARRIAGE?
229
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:20,366
AS LONG AS HE WANTS
TO GET INTO 'EM, I DO.
230
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,109
ALL RIGHT. LET'S BEGIN
THE INTERVIEW.
231
00:08:30,209 --> 00:08:31,110
WOW.
232
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:32,245
SO FORMAL.
233
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,113
STEPHEN,
YOU'VE KNOWN ME FOREVER.
234
00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:36,315
YEAH, AS A FRIEND,
NOT AS MY EXECUTIVE
ASSISTANT.
235
00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:39,952
OH, EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT.
I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.
236
00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:41,320
YEAH. IT'S GREAT,
ISN'T IT?
237
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:43,055
PLUS IT MAKES ME FEEL
REALLY IMPORTANT.
238
00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:45,825
CALL MY
EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT
TO SCHEDULE LUNCH.
239
00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:49,061
SEE? AND YOU GOTTA BE
AN EXECUTIVE TO HAVE
AN EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT.
240
00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:50,196
TRUE.
241
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:52,465
AFTER ALL, I AM
THE DEAN OF ADMISSIONS.
242
00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:53,866
I...
243
00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:56,135
ALTHOUGH THAT'S NOT
LIKE BEING JAMES DEAN
244
00:08:56,235 --> 00:08:58,905
OR HARRY DEAN STANTON
OR PAULA DEEN.
245
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:00,873
HA HA! YOU GET IT?
246
00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:02,208
GET WHAT?
247
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:04,143
THE JOKE. THE JOKE.
248
00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:06,112
HEH. YEAH. I GET IT.
249
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,814
OH, STEPHEN. I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE SO FUNNY.
250
00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:10,383
OH, I'M FUNNY.
I'M FUNNY.
251
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,818
BUT IT'S A VERY DRY,
ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLE,
252
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:17,790
PRETTY MUCH NOT EVEN
THERE KIND OF A WIT
BORDERING ON SNIDE.
253
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:20,526
THAT IS IT IN A NUTSHELL.
YEAH.
254
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:22,328
SO, SHALL WE GO OVER
YOUR EMPLOYMENT HISTORY?
255
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:23,996
NO. NO, I DON'T
THINK WE SHOULD.
256
00:09:24,096 --> 00:09:26,499
BE DISAPPOINTING
AND GIVE YOU ALL
THOSE REASONS NOT TO HIRE ME.
257
00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:30,036
OK. ANY REASON WHY
I SHOULD DO A CRIMINAL
BACKGROUND CHECK?
258
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:33,339
OHH. NOT UNLESS YOU WANT
TO REMEMBER THAT WEEKEND
IN MEXICO
259
00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:35,308
THE FOUR OF US HAD. HA HA.
260
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,209
YES. AND I APPRECIATE
YOU SWALLOWING
261
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:39,412
THAT BAGGIE BEFORE
WE CROSSED THE BORDER.
262
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:43,482
ONCE IN A WHILE, IT HELPS
NOT TO HAVE A GAG REFLEX.
263
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,850
WHAT THE HELL?
LET'S GIVE IT A SHOT.
264
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:46,719
REALLY?
ABSOLUTELY. YOU'RE HIRED.
265
00:09:46,819 --> 00:09:49,088
AH! WELL,
THANK YOU, STEPHEN.
266
00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:51,591
AND I WILL NOT
DISAPPOINT YOU.
267
00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,392
NO, YOU WON'T.
TELL YOU WHAT.
268
00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:54,927
LET'S GET STARTED
RIGHT NOW.
269
00:09:55,027 --> 00:09:56,195
RIGHT--RIGHT NOW?
SURE.
270
00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:57,863
{\an5}OK. ALL RIGHT.
YEAH. FOR YOUR
FIRST TASK,
271
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,966
I WANT YOU
TO RUN DOWN
TO THE COFFEE SHOP,
272
00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:02,101
GET ME A MOCHACCINO
WITH 3/4 TEASPOON
OF SUGAR.
273
00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:03,502
3/4 OF A TEASPOON.
YEAH.
274
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,237
AND NOT A GRAIN MORE.
AND I'LL BE
ABLE TO TELL.
275
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,273
OK.
OH, THIS IS
GONNA BE FUN.
276
00:10:07,373 --> 00:10:08,507
I'M EXCITED.
277
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,376
YEAH. I TELL YOU, PUT IT
IN MY REAL COFFEE CUP
278
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:11,877
RIGHT HERE AND
RINSE IT OUT FIRST.
279
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:14,814
DON'T USE, UH, SOAP,
'CAUSE THAT'LL LEAVE
AN AFTERTASTE.
280
00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:17,249
CLUB SODA. CLUB SODA.
AND DON'T WIPE IT OUT
281
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:18,784
WITH PAPER TOWELS
FROM THE BATHROOM.
282
00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:20,119
OK. HEH HEH.
283
00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:21,387
I'M JUST KIDDING.
284
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,422
HA HA HA!
285
00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:25,424
BUT DON'T.
286
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:33,566
[FOOTSTEPS]
287
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:35,234
WHAT TIME DID YOU
GET IN LAST NIGHT?
288
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:36,702
MIDNIGHT.
289
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:37,703
WHY SO LATE?
290
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,372
BECAUSE I HAD
TO REORGANIZE
291
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,773
ALL OF STEPHEN'S FILES.
292
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:41,674
WHY?
293
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:43,442
HIS OLD ASSISTANT
WAS ISRAELI.
294
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:46,112
ALL THE FILES WENT
FROM RIGHT TO LEFT.
295
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,780
IT'S THAT BAD, HUH?
296
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,249
OH, PLEASE. HE'S ALWAYS
TELLING ALL THESE JOKES.
297
00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:54,487
WELL, STEPHEN CAN BE
FUNNY IN THAT VERY DRY,
298
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,055
ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLE,
299
00:10:56,155 --> 00:11:00,192
PRETTY MUCH NOT
EVEN THERE KIND OF WAY
THAT BORDERS ON SNIDE.
300
00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:02,261
I THINK YOU GIVE HIM
TOO MUCH CREDIT.
301
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:03,996
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT HE DID YESTERDAY?
302
00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:05,931
WE GOT AN APPLICATION
FROM A RICH KID.
303
00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:09,335
HE CALLED HIM RICHIE RICH
AND THEN LAUGHED FOR,
LIKE, 3 MINUTES. [SCOFFS]
304
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:11,037
WELL, NOT ONLY IS
THAT NOT ORIGINAL,
305
00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:12,872
IT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE
TO BEING A JOKE.
306
00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:14,273
I KNOW.
HE DOESN'T TELL JOKES.
307
00:11:14,373 --> 00:11:15,741
HE SAYS ANYBODY
CAN TELL JOKES.
308
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:18,110
HE JUST GIVES YOU AN AREA
WHERE A JOKE MIGHT BE,
309
00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:21,947
AND THEN HE EXPECTS YOU
TO LAUGH AS IF THERE'S
ACTUALLY A JOKE THERE.
310
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:23,149
LIKE DANE COOK.
311
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:25,051
EXACTLY.
312
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,852
YOU KNOW WHAT
THE WORST PART IS?
313
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:30,156
IN MY FREE TIME,
HE HAS ME DOING ALL THESE
PERSONAL, STUPID ERRANDS.
314
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:33,693
RIGHT NOW, I HAVE
TO GO TO THE DRY CLEANERS
TO PICK UP HIS UNDERWEAR.
315
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:36,195
WHO DRY-CLEANS
THEIR FRICKIN' UNDERWEAR?
316
00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:37,863
SKITTERS.
317
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:46,639
SO NOW WE'RE
BOTH MISERABLE.
YEAH.
318
00:11:46,739 --> 00:11:48,708
JOY'S MISERABLE
BECAUSE SHE HAS TO
WORK FOR STEPHEN,
319
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:51,877
AND I'M MISERABLE
'CAUSE NOW I ALWAYS
HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT.
320
00:11:51,977 --> 00:11:53,879
I HATE THAT GUY.
321
00:11:53,979 --> 00:11:55,281
STEPHEN? WHY?
322
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,783
I DON'T KNOW.
HE'S AN ODD DUCK,
323
00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:00,753
VAGUELY CREEPY, WITH A DEEP
SENSE OF SELF-LOATHING,
324
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:05,491
AND THAT'S COMIN' FROM
A GUY THAT LIKES BEING
USED AS AN ASHTRAY.
325
00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:07,660
YOU KNOW, I THINK
THE POINT HERE IS
326
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,696
THAT YOU SHOULD JUST
NEVER WORK WITH YOUR FRIENDS.
327
00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:12,131
WELL, WHAT ABOUT US?
328
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:13,466
OH, EDDIE,
WE'RE DIFFERENT.
329
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,101
I MEAN, WE MET HERE,
330
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:19,872
AND WE HAVE A--
A NATURAL CHEMISTRY THAT
JUST DEFIES LOGIC.
331
00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:21,540
YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT.
I KNOW.
332
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:23,709
BUT THE SHOCKING THING
IS I WAS ACTUALLY
333
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:26,178
LESS MISERABLE WHEN JOY
WAS WORKIN' AT SCHOOL.
334
00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:27,279
LESS MISERABLE.
335
00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:29,615
THAT'S HARDLY
A RINGING ENDORSEMENT.
336
00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:31,450
HEY, LET ME
TELL YOU SOMETHING.
337
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:32,718
AFTER 24 YEARS
OF MARRIAGE,
338
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:35,621
"LESS MISERABLE" IS LIKE
A COOL BREEZE IN HELL.
339
00:12:37,456 --> 00:12:40,025
AND NOW I DON'T
EVEN HAVE THAT.
340
00:12:41,994 --> 00:12:44,864
WELL, I AM...
341
00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:45,965
SO SORRY, EDDIE.
342
00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:49,702
WHY ARE YOU SORRY?
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
343
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,905
WHAT DID YOU DO, WHITEY?
344
00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:55,274
WELL, I--I--
345
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:58,144
I MAY HAVE
LET IT SLIP TO DUFFY
346
00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:00,379
THAT JOY WAS NOT UGLY.
347
00:13:00,479 --> 00:13:02,248
WHITEY, NO! NO!
348
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:05,317
Y-YOU CAN'T
COMPLIMENT A WOMAN
TO ANOTHER WOMAN.
349
00:13:05,417 --> 00:13:08,154
IT'S LIKE PAINTING
A BULL'S-EYE ON 'EM.
350
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:10,222
WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW?
351
00:13:10,322 --> 00:13:11,857
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
352
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:14,360
YOU ARE GOING TO DO
NOTHING, EDDIE.
353
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,763
I AM SO WRACKED WITH GUILT
OVER THIS WHOLE THING
354
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:19,999
THAT I AM PERSONALLY
GONNA RECTIFY THE SITUATION,
355
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:24,069
WHICH COINCIDENTALLY
IS THE NAME OF A GAME THAT
DUFFY AND I ENJOY PLAYING.
356
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,905
NO, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT A THING, EDDIE.
357
00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:29,208
IT'S ALL GONNA WORK OUT
IN THE END.
358
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:30,709
I LOVE YOU
IN THAT JACKET.
359
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,813
YEAH. DAD DIED
A WEEK AGO.
360
00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:37,016
MY SISTER GOT THE HOUSE.
361
00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:42,621
AND THAT'S WHEN
I DECIDED TO TURN
MY LIFE AROUND
362
00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:44,156
AND BECOME
AN OPTIMISTIC PERSON.
363
00:13:44,256 --> 00:13:45,758
THE SUN IS ALWAYS
SHINING SOMEPLACE,
364
00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:47,059
AND IT SHINES
THE BRIGHTEST
365
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,795
WHEN IT'S HIGH
IN THE SKY AND
CLOSE TO GOD.
366
00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:52,731
THERE'S HAPPINESS
EVERYWHERE IF YOU
JUST LOOK FOR IT.
367
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:56,302
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT
FOR SOMETHING BIG TO
HAPPEN TO MAKE YOU HAPPY
368
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:57,937
WHEN THERE'S
ALL THESE LITTLE THINGS
369
00:13:58,037 --> 00:14:01,674
LIKE FLOWERS AND BIRDS
AND PUPPY DOGS.
370
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:03,209
DO YOU LIKE POLKA DOTS?
371
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:05,945
I THINK POLKA DOTS
ARE WONDERFUL.
372
00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:10,149
THEY'RE LIKE A BUNCH
OF LITTLE HAPPY FACES
JUST WAITING TO SMILE.
373
00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:13,586
AND RAINBOWS.
DON'T EVEN GET ME
STARTED ON RAINBOWS.
374
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:18,757
THERE IS A POT OF GOLD
AT THE END OF EACH
AND EVERY ONE OF THEM.
375
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,759
OH, DO YOU
REMEMBER THAT SONG,
376
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,828
"SUNSHINE, LOLLIPOPS,
AND RAINBOWS"?
377
00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:24,530
THAT'S MY RINGTONE.
WAIT.
378
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,799
I'LL PLAY IT FOR YOU.
379
00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:28,834
OH! OK, HERE IT IS.
380
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,336
I THOUGHT I LOST IT.
381
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:34,473
BUT THEN I FOUND IT
INSIDE THE SILVER LINING
OF MY PURSE.
382
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:35,741
ISN'T THAT FUNNY? HEH!
383
00:14:35,841 --> 00:14:38,911
THERE REALLY IS
A SILVER LINING
IN MY PURSE.
384
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:40,312
OH...
385
00:14:41,914 --> 00:14:45,417
OH, TRICIA,
YOU ARE SO FIRED.
386
00:14:45,517 --> 00:14:47,186
WHAT?
387
00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:48,754
YOU'RE FIRED.
388
00:14:48,854 --> 00:14:52,791
NOW FIND THE SILVER LINING
IN THAT, YOU PSYCHOTIC BITCH.
389
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,260
GET OUT.
390
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,596
WELL, I'M GONNA
TAKE THIS AS
AN OPPORTUNITY.
391
00:14:57,696 --> 00:15:01,467
I'M GOING HOME
TO MAKE LEMONADE.
392
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,570
ONE DOOR CLOSES,
ANOTHER ONE OPENS.
393
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:08,007
WELL,
THIS ONE'S CLOSIN'.
WATCH YOUR NOSE.
394
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,844
[LAUGHS]
395
00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:13,045
AHH.
396
00:15:13,145 --> 00:15:14,413
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
397
00:15:14,513 --> 00:15:17,316
HEAD IN THE OVEN
OR A TUNE ON THE
HEMINGWAY FLUTE?
398
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:18,851
[SNORTS] PROBABLY BOTH.
399
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:22,688
BUT THAT'S AFTER
A HANDFUL OF PILLS AND
A BOTTLE OF VODKA.
400
00:15:22,788 --> 00:15:24,123
GOOD WORK.
401
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:25,824
DEATH IS FUNNY.
402
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,259
I LOVE IT.
403
00:15:30,896 --> 00:15:32,164
[DOORBELL RINGS]
404
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,135
[DOORBELL RINGS]
405
00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:41,473
REALLY?
406
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,979
HEY, WHITEY.
WHITEY'S HERE.
407
00:15:47,079 --> 00:15:48,314
GREAT NEWS.
408
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:51,150
LITTLE TRICIA SUNSHINE'S
IN A DIABETIC COMA.
409
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:52,952
TURNS OUT SHE WENT HOME
410
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:54,186
AND OVERDOSED
ON LEMONADE.
411
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:55,888
NOW YOUR OLD JOB
IS AVAILABLE.
412
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:58,824
WOW. TRICIA'S IN A COMA.
413
00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:00,993
SOMETIMES YOU JUST GET LUCKY.
414
00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:04,330
OH, GOD. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT
THE BEST PART ABOUT THIS IS?
415
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:06,932
NOW I GET TO TELL STEPHEN
THAT I QUIT.
416
00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:08,801
OK. WELL, YOU JUST
BETTER MAKE SURE
417
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,436
YOU GET YOUR OLD JOB
BACK FIRST.
418
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:13,272
RIGHT. I GOTTA
GO CONVINCE DUFFY
TO HIRE ME BACK.
419
00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:17,042
I JUST WISH I KNEW WHY
SHE FIRED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE.
420
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:20,446
MAYBE SOMEBODY
SAID YOU WERE PRETTY.
421
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:21,947
WHO WOULD SAY THAT?
422
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:25,951
MAYBE I DID.
423
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:27,453
YOU SAID I WAS PRETTY?
424
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:29,388
NO. I WOULD
NEVER SAY THAT.
425
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:31,357
I THINK THE EXACT
PHRASE WAS...
426
00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:32,491
"NOT UNATTRACTIVE."
427
00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:34,193
WELL, THAT'S THE SAME THING
AS PRETTY.
428
00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:35,327
NO, IT'S NOT.
429
00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:36,929
GOD, AND DUFFY WAS JEALOUS.
430
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:39,064
I MEAN,
THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.
431
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:43,769
WHEN WILL WOMEN REALIZE
THAT I AM NOT A THREAT TO THEM?
432
00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:46,538
I'D GIVE IT
A COUPLE YEARS.
433
00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:48,674
OK, I'M GONNA--
I'M GONNA GO TALK TO DUFFY.
434
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:52,011
NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I AM GONNA DO MORE
THAN TALK TO DUFFY.
435
00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:55,080
I AM GONNA MAKE HER LOVE ME.
436
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,415
YEAH.
437
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:01,086
DAD'S SWEATER?
438
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,688
NO, MOM'S.
439
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:05,324
MY BROTHER
GOT HER SKIRTS.
440
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:19,938
CAROL DUFFY, I NEED
TO SPEAK WITH YOU.
441
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:23,308
[SIGHS] I TAKE IT YOU'RE
IN THAT RIDICULOUS GET-UP
442
00:17:23,409 --> 00:17:26,879
TO CONVINCE ME TO HIRE YOU BACK
AS THE THEATER DIRECTOR.
443
00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:29,515
NO. I WAS HANDING OUT
FLIERS AT A PET STORE.
444
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:31,283
THAT DOESN'T MATTER
RIGHT NOW.
445
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,752
BUT I WOULD LIKE
MY OLD JOB BACK,
446
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:35,654
BECAUSE I AM GOOD AT IT,
447
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:39,158
AND I DO IT WELL,
AND I DO IT
WITH PASSION.
448
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:41,460
AND TRICIA'S
IN A LEMONADE COMA.
449
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,797
DON'T MAKE ME SMILE.
MY LIPS ARE CHAPPED.
450
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,532
SO CAN I HAVE
MY JOB BACK?
451
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:50,869
UCCH. WELL, THE KIDS
IN THE DRAMA DEPARTMENT
DO REALLY LIKE YOU,
452
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:55,541
BUT THEY'RE MOSTLY GAY BOYS
AND THE DELUDED OVERWEIGHT
GIRLS WITH NO GAYDAR.
453
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:58,844
SO LET ME CONSULT
WITH MY COLLIE.
454
00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:00,446
I MEAN COLLEAGUE.
455
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:02,181
WHAT DO YOU THINK,
WHITEY?
456
00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:07,453
DO YOU THINK JOY
IS AN ATTRACTIVE
CANDIDATE FOR THE JOB?
457
00:18:07,553 --> 00:18:09,988
OH. OH,
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
458
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,256
ARE YOU POSITIVE?
459
00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:12,491
LOOK AT HER.
460
00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,626
YEAH. WELL,
YOU GOT A POINT. OK.
461
00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:17,429
UH, YEAH, YOU'RE HIRED.
462
00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:19,565
I--I AM? OH.
463
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:21,567
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
464
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:23,635
AND TO SHOW MY APPRECIATION,
465
00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:27,106
I AM GONNA GIVE YOU ALL
A LITTLE PREVIEW OF THE PLAY
466
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:30,275
BY SINGING THE SONG THAT YOU'VE
ALL BEEN WAITING TO HEAR,
467
00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:32,678
"MEMORY" FROM "CATS,"
468
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,214
BY SIR ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER.
469
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:53,632
WELL, THIS IS A SONG
FOR THE BABY. OK.
470
00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:56,268
AND A-ONE AND A-TWO
AND A-1, 2, 3.
471
00:18:56,368 --> 00:19:00,472
♪ HEY, LITTLE BABY, BEFORE
YOU GO OUT THE UTERO ♪
472
00:19:00,572 --> 00:19:03,408
♪ I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT THE WORLD IS GREAT ♪
473
00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:06,879
♪ AND WE CAN'T WAIT
TO WELCOME YOU TO IT ♪
474
00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:09,081
♪ THE WORLD IS GREAT ♪
475
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:12,117
♪ AND WE CAN'T WAIT
TO WELCOME YOU TO IT ♪
476
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:13,852
♪ AND THIS IS HOW WE DO IT ♪
477
00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:15,287
[BEATBOXING]
♪ DON'T BE A LITTERBUG ♪
478
00:19:15,387 --> 00:19:16,588
♪ NO, NO, NO ♪
479
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:19,024
♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU DO,
THE EARF'LL BE NO MO' ♪
480
00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:22,060
♪ AND REMEMBER TO SMILE
ALL OF THE WHILE ♪
481
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:25,030
♪ AND TURN THAT FROWN
UPSIDE DOWN ♪
482
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:26,398
♪ LIKE THIS ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
483
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,433
♪ YEAH, HOMEY ♪
484
00:19:28,534 --> 00:19:29,635
HEY, LET ME IN.
I GOT ONE.
485
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:30,636
OH, OK.
OK.
486
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,070
♪ DON'T HIRE
A FRIEND ♪
487
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,338
♪ IT'S NO FUN ♪
488
00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:34,706
♪ 'CAUSE WHEN
THEY QUIT ♪
489
00:19:34,806 --> 00:19:36,108
♪ THEY'LL LEAVE YOU
STRANDED WITH NO ONE ♪
490
00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:37,676
♪ TO GET YOUR COFFEE
THE WAY YOU LIKE IT ♪
491
00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:39,745
♪ AND YOU FEEL LIKE
A LOSER JACKASS ♪
492
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,848
♪ WHEN YOU'RE REALLY
AN EXECUTIVE, DAMN IT ♪
493
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:47,252
♪ HEY ♪
494
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,654
MY TURN.
OH.
495
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:53,692
♪ I GOT SOMETHIN'
TO SAY TO THE BABY ♪
496
00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:56,662
♪ AND OLD WHITEY KNOWS
WHAT HE'S TALKIN' ABOUT ♪
497
00:19:58,397 --> 00:20:00,098
♪ THIS WORLD IS A TRAP ♪
498
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,334
♪ NO ONE REALLY
GIVES A CRAP ♪
499
00:20:02,434 --> 00:20:04,002
♪ TAKE MY ADVICE, BABY ♪
500
00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:06,238
♪ DON'T COME OUT ♪
501
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:10,642
OK, I THINK WE'RE
GONNA GO INSIDE NOW.
502
00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:12,578
YEAH, WITHOUT--
WITHOUT YOU GUYS.
503
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:14,780
SURE.
504
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,682
[SIGHS]
505
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:18,917
ENCORE?
506
00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:20,686
ENCORE. HERE WE GO.
507
00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:45,410
{\an8}HEH. WOW.
508
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:46,445
{\an8}SO FORMAL.
509
00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:48,213
{\an8}YOU'VE KNOWN ME
FOREVER, STEPHEN.
510
00:20:48,313 --> 00:20:49,514
{\an8}YEAH, AS A FRIEND.
511
00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:50,749
{\an8}LET ME START THAT AGAIN.
512
00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:53,418
{\an8}WHO ARE YOU TALK--
WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?
513
00:20:53,518 --> 00:20:55,287
{\an8}THERE'S JUST--
[LAUGHTER]
514
00:20:55,387 --> 00:20:58,690
{\an8}I TOLD YOU DIRECTING
MAKES ME LOOK
A LITTLE FATTER.
515
00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:01,927
{\an8}IT'S ONLY--IT'S ONLY,
WHAT, 10 POUNDS?
516
00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:04,263
{\an8}BUT IT'S PER CAMERA.
517
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:07,633
{\an8}[LAUGHTER]
518
00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:09,735
{\an8}JUST DO IT ALL FROM HERE
AND THEN CLOSE IT?
519
00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:10,802
{\an8}YES.
OK.
520
00:21:10,902 --> 00:21:12,037
{\an8}AND THEN CROSS OVER.
521
00:21:12,137 --> 00:21:13,538
{\an8}WHAT DO YOU LIKE BETTER,
DIRECTING OR ACTING?
522
00:21:13,639 --> 00:21:14,873
{\an8}SHUT UP.
40664
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