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1
00:00:03,770 --> 00:00:06,139
{\an8}HONEY, I HAVE SOME
VERY EXCITING NEWS.
2
00:00:06,239 --> 00:00:09,175
{\an8}I HAVE FOUND HELGA KLUM.
3
00:00:09,275 --> 00:00:10,844
{\an8}ANY RELATION
TO HEIDI KLUM?
4
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:12,145
{\an8}NO.
5
00:00:12,245 --> 00:00:14,848
{\an8}THEN I AM NOT INTERESTED.
6
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:17,684
{\an8}HELGA KLUM IS ONE OF
THE FEW LIVING SURVIVORS
7
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:19,419
{\an8}OF THE "HINDENBURG"
DISASTER,
8
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:22,055
{\an8}AND SHE HAS NEVER
GIVEN AN INTERVIEW.
9
00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:26,059
{\an8}IT SOUNDS LIKE AN EPISODE
OF "CS-I COULD CARE LESS."
10
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:28,928
{\an8}IF I COULD GET HELGA
TO TALK TO ME,
11
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,531
{\an8}I WILL HAVE
AN EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT
FOR MY BOOK.
12
00:00:31,631 --> 00:00:32,999
{\an8}WELL, THAT'S IMPORTANT,
13
00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:35,935
{\an8}SINCE THERE'S NO FOOTAGE
OF THE "HINDENBURG" GOING DOWN.
14
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,771
{\an8}THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT.
15
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,572
{\an8}YOU'RE WELCOME.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
16
00:00:39,672 --> 00:00:42,542
{\an8}I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF AN ARTICLE ABOUT
A HONEY COLONIC.
17
00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:43,943
{\an8}HONEY COLONIC--
18
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:46,312
{\an8}THAT'S THE WORST NAME
FOR A STRIPPER
I EVER HEARD.
19
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:48,348
{\an8}YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
THIS IS ABOUT GETTING HEALTHY.
20
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:52,085
{\an8}WHICH REMINDS ME,
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
WENT TO SEE THE DOCTOR?
21
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:53,920
{\an8}WHEN I WENT
TO SEE SIMONA.
22
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:55,488
{\an8}BABE, THAT'S LIKE
A YEAR AGO.
23
00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:58,491
{\an8}LOOK, YOU DON'T
GO TO THE DOCTOR
IF YOU'RE NOT SICK.
24
00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,693
{\an8}IT'S LIKE GOING
TO THE WHOREHOUSE
WHEN YOU'RE NOT HORNY--
25
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:02,195
{\an8}I THINK.
26
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:08,435
{\an8}COME ON, EDDIE.
WE HAVE A PARTNERSHIP HERE.
27
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:10,470
{\an8}I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF FOR YOU.
28
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:13,740
{\an8}THEREFORE, YOU ARE OBLIGATED
TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FOR ME.
29
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,209
{\an8}I--I DON'T WANNA GO
TO THE DOCTOR, HONEY.
30
00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:19,279
{\an8}COME ON. YOU TAKE YOUR CAR IN
FOR A CHECKUP, DON'T YOU?
31
00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:20,880
{\an8}YEAH,
EVERY 15,000 MILES.
32
00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:22,549
{\an8}YEAH? HOW MANY MILES
YOU GOT ON YOU, EDDIE?
33
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:25,385
{\an8}2,000 SINGLE,
8 MILLION MARRIED,
34
00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:28,321
{\an8}AND THEY'RE HARD MILES,
JOY. THEY'RE OFF-ROAD.
35
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:30,290
{\an8}ARE YOU GONNA FORCE ME
TO NAG YOU INTO THIS?
36
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:33,827
{\an8}HONEY, AFTER ALL
THIS TIME, I AM IMMUNE
TO YOUR NAGGING.
37
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,462
{\an8}NOT THIS NEW STRAIN I'VE GOT.
38
00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:36,763
{\an8}IT GOES LIKE THIS--
39
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:38,765
{\an8}GET A CHECKUP, EDDIE.
GET A CHECKUP, EDDIE.
40
00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:41,267
{\an8}GET A CHECKUP, EDDIE.
GET A CHECKUP, EDDIE.
GET A CHECKUP, EDDIE.
41
00:01:41,367 --> 00:01:43,269
{\an8}GET A CHECKUP, EDDIE.
GET A CHECKUP, EDDIE.
42
00:01:43,369 --> 00:01:45,805
{\an8}GET A CHECKUP, EDDIE.
GET A CHECKUP, EDDIE.
GET A CHECK...
43
00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:47,607
{\an8}UP, EDDIE.
GET A CHECKUP, EDDIE.
GET A CHECKUP, EDDIE.
44
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:50,043
{\an8}ALL RIGHT.
FOR GOD'S SAKES,
I'LL GET A CHECKUP.
45
00:01:50,143 --> 00:01:52,979
AND WE HAVE A WINNER.
I ALREADY MADE YOU
AN APPOINTMENT WITH SIMONA.
46
00:01:53,079 --> 00:01:55,415
HEY, LISTEN.
DON'T FORGET WE'RE HAVING
DINNER WITH THEM TONIGHT.
47
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:57,750
HEY, IS THERE ANYTHING
IN MY LIFE THAT YOU
HAVEN'T PLANNED?
48
00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:00,286
UH, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I HAVEN'T QUITE SETTLED
49
00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:02,222
ON THE DATE OR CAUSE
OF YOUR DEATH,
50
00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:05,525
BUT I'VE GOT
SOME REALLY FUN IDEAS.
51
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:08,928
WELL, HOPEFULLY IT'LL
HAPPEN BEFORE THE END
OF THIS CONVERSATION.
52
00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:10,263
YOU KNOW WHAT? IT COULD.
53
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:11,664
WHAT DO YOU WANT
FOR BREAKFAST?
54
00:02:11,764 --> 00:02:13,933
A BIG BOWL OF SHUT-UP.
55
00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:17,937
COME ON, EDDIE.
YOU GOTTA EAT SOMETHING.
56
00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:20,173
HONEY, I HAVE
A CHOLESTEROL TEST
I-IN 2 DAYS,
57
00:02:20,273 --> 00:02:22,108
AND THE ONLY THING
THAT I LIKE TO EAT
58
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,244
IS FRIED FAT,
SO I'M GOING ON A FAST
59
00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:27,480
SO I'LL HAVE A CLEAN
BILL OF HEALTH TO NAIL
TO YOUR FOREHEAD.
60
00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,082
EDDIE, YOU'VE GOTTA
EAT SOMETHING.
61
00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:32,018
BREAKFAST IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY.
62
00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:33,586
YEAH, IF IT'S
SO DAMN IMPORTANT,
63
00:02:33,686 --> 00:02:36,422
THEN WHY
DO PEOPLE EAT IT
IN THEIR UNDERPANTS?
64
00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:38,124
YOU'VE GOTTA EAT, EDDIE.
YOU'VE GOTTA EAT, EDDIE.
65
00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:39,826
YOU'VE GOTTA EAT, EDDIE.
YOU'VE GOTTA EAT, EDDIE.
66
00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:43,963
AND THAT'S WHY
I CHOPPED HER UP AND
ATE HER, YOUR HONOR.
67
00:02:44,063 --> 00:02:46,332
NAH, THEY'D NEVER
CONVICT ME.
68
00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:52,438
I HEARD, UH,
SIMONA'S BRINGING YOU IN
69
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:54,440
TOMORROW
FOR A LITTLE UP-YOURS.
70
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:57,443
OH, BY THE WAY,
THANK YOU FOR
SQUEEZING EDDIE IN.
71
00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:59,812
ACTUALLY,
I'LL BE SQUEEZING IN EDDIE.
72
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:02,015
HONK HONK.
PROSTATE HUMOR.
WHOOP WHOOP.
73
00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:06,019
HOPEFULLY WE CAN SKIP
THAT PART OF THE EXAM.
74
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:07,720
I LOVE GOING
TO THE DOCTOR.
75
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:09,289
I EVEN GET
MY HAIR BLOWN OUT
76
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:10,557
BEFORE I GO TO
THE GYNECOLOGIST.
77
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,225
ME, TOO.
PLUS I GET A PEDICURE,
78
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:13,927
AND I CLEAR
THE LANDING STRIP.
79
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,229
SHE SURE DOES.
80
00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:18,932
AH, I THINK WE ALL
MOW THE LAWN
81
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,834
BEFORE THE COMPANY
COMES OVER, HUH?
82
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,136
JOY, WHAT ARE
YOU HAVING?
83
00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:25,338
AH, I THINK
I'M GONNA STICK
TO THE SALADS.
84
00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:27,707
I'VE WORKED
TOO HARD TO LOSE
THESE 6 POUNDS.
85
00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:29,442
I'M GONNA HAVE
THE RAVIOLI.
86
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,711
YOU LOOK GOOD,
TOO, SIMONA.
87
00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:33,179
HAVE YOU
LOST A LITTLE BIT
OF WEIGHT?
88
00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:34,314
YOU LOOK SO CUTE.
89
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:36,683
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
OH, AND, JOY...
90
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:37,817
YEAH?
91
00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:39,686
WOULD YOU PASS
THE BREAD, HON? THANKS.
92
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:40,820
SURE.
93
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,222
HEY, YOU GUYS
WANNA COME OVER
94
00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:43,590
TOMORROW NIGHT
FOR A LITTLE POKER?
95
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:44,791
YEAH, SURE.
96
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,259
OOH, THAT SOUNDS
LIKE FUN.
97
00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:48,428
WHO ARE THOSE
PEOPLE OVER THERE?
THEY LOOK FAMILIAR.
98
00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:51,531
OH, THAT'S OUR NEIGHBORS,
THE HAYNIES.
99
00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:55,535
OH. I DIDN'T
RECOGNIZE THEM WITH
THEIR CLOTHES ON.
100
00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:57,136
ARE THEY NUDISTS?
101
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,705
NO. GOD. THEY, UH--
102
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:01,040
THEY HAD
A GAS LEAK WHEN THEY
WERE DOIN' IT,
103
00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:02,742
AND THEY RAN OUT
INTO THE YARD.
104
00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:04,711
GOT THEIR VIDEO
ON MY PHONE
IF YOU WANNA...
105
00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:08,147
OH, YOU KNOW, WE SHOULD
GO SAY HELLO TO THEM.
106
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,582
THIS IS GONNA BE
REALLY QUICK.
107
00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:11,951
SHE HATES ME, BUT NOT
AS MUCH AS I HATE HER.
108
00:04:12,051 --> 00:04:14,220
HEY, BETTY HAYNIE.
109
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,257
HOW COULD YOU
INVITE THEM OVER
AFTER WHAT SHE JUST DID?
110
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,524
WHAT DID SHE
JUST DO?
111
00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:20,560
OK, I GAVE SIMONA
A COMPLIMENT,
112
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:21,794
AND ALL SHE SAID WAS,
113
00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:23,096
[MIMICKING]
"THANK YOU."
114
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,297
RIGHT.
YEAH.
115
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:25,732
YEAH, NOTHING ELSE.
NOTHING.
116
00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:28,701
N-NOT, "SO DO YOU."
NOTHING. JUST "THANK YOU."
117
00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:30,169
WELL, WHAT IS SHE
SUPPOSED TO SAY?
118
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,038
WELL, WHEN SOMEONE
GIVES YOU A COMPLIMENT,
119
00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:33,439
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS
THAT YOU LOOK CUTE,
120
00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:35,275
YOU'RE AT LEAST OBLIGATED
TO SAY, "SO DO YOU."
121
00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:36,609
EVEN IF IT'S A LIE?
122
00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,044
ESPECIALLY
IF IT'S A LIE.
123
00:04:38,144 --> 00:04:39,245
YES, AND IT USUALLY IS.
124
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:40,713
I MEAN, SHE DIDN'T
LOOK THAT CUTE.
125
00:04:40,813 --> 00:04:41,948
I JUST THOUGHT
THAT I LOOKED CUTE,
126
00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:43,182
AND I WANTED
TO HEAR HER SAY IT.
127
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,984
OH, THAT'S SILLY.
NO, IT IS NOT SILLY.
128
00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:47,153
EDDIE, DO YOU THINK
I LOST 6 POUNDS FOR YOU?
129
00:04:47,253 --> 00:04:49,689
NO, WOMEN LOSE WEIGHT
TO IMPRESS OTHER WOMEN.
130
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,391
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M NOT GONNA PLAY
131
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:52,659
YOUR LITTLE
GIRLIE DRAMA HERE.
132
00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:53,926
I THINK YOU'RE
EXAGGERATING.
133
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,194
RELAX.
MM-MMM. NO.
134
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,429
I AM NOT
EXAGGERATING,
135
00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:57,630
AND I WILL
PROVE IT TO YOU,
136
00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:59,098
BECAUSE WHEN SHE
COMES BACK OVER HERE,
137
00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:00,733
I AM GONNA COMPLIMENT HER
ON HER UGLY SHOES,
138
00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:03,936
AND SHE PROBABLY
WON'T EVEN COMPLIMENT
MY UGLY SHOES IN RETURN.
139
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,538
HEY.
140
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:08,107
THOSE PEOPLE LOOK
A LOT BETTER WITH
THEIR CLOTHES ON.
141
00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:09,809
WELL, MOST PEOPLE DO.
142
00:05:09,909 --> 00:05:13,313
THAT'S WHY WE PAY
THE PRETTY ONES
TO TAKE 'EM OFF, HUH?
143
00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:20,153
SIMONA, I WAS
JUST NOTICING
YOUR SHOES.
144
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:21,421
THEY ARE FANTASTIC.
145
00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:23,756
THANK YOU.
146
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,735
[KIDS COUGHING]
147
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,304
A GIANT!
148
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:40,840
HE'S GOING
TO KILL US!
149
00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:47,547
WHAT'S WITH
ALL THE KIDS?
150
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:50,183
WE SHARE AN OFFICE
WITH A PEDIATRICIAN.
151
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,784
WELL, WHY AREN'T
THEY IN SCHOOL?
152
00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:53,553
THEY'RE SICK.
153
00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:58,925
[SIGHS]
154
00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:11,104
[KIDS LAUGHING]
155
00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:14,540
THIS IS NOT MY FAULT.
156
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:18,111
I--I BLAME THE POOR
DIETS OF THE OVERFED
AMERICAN CHILDREN
157
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,213
AND THE POOR
CRAFTSMANSHIP
158
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:22,715
OF THE UNDERFED
CHINESE CHILDREN.
159
00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:27,587
WANNA HEAR
A SECRET?
160
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:28,955
DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER
TELL YOU
161
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,256
NOT TO TALK
TO STRANGERS?
162
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:32,892
HE'S JUST MY STEPSON.
GO AHEAD.
163
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:37,797
OK, W-WHAT IS IT?
164
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,265
COME HERE.
165
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:40,900
[SNEEZES]
166
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,970
I HAVE A COLD.
167
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:51,611
SO WHEN DID YOU START
SHARING YOUR OFFICE
WITH A PEDIATRICIAN?
168
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:53,379
OH, ABOUT 6 MONTHS AGO.
169
00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:55,181
EDDIE, MY BUSINESS
HAS TRIPLED.
170
00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:57,650
CHILDREN ARE LIKE
LITTLE GERM FACTORIES.
171
00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:00,186
YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY
TO STEPHEN WHEN I GET HOME?
172
00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:03,389
I SAY, "WHAT RECESSION?"
173
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:05,758
[BOTH LAUGH]
174
00:07:05,858 --> 00:07:07,527
OK, GOOD FOR YOU.
175
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:10,263
TIME TO UPDATE YOUR CHART.
WE'LL START WITH
A LITTLE Q-AND-A.
176
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:11,998
OK.
UH, HOW MUCH
DO YOU DRINK, EDDIE?
177
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:16,469
WELL, USUALLY
WHATEVER'S LEFT AFTER
JOY PASSES OUT, SO...
178
00:07:16,569 --> 00:07:18,171
NOTHING.
179
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,406
OK, WHAT ABOUT DRUGS?
180
00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,842
ARE YOU TAKIN' ANY?
YOU GETTIN' HIGH?
181
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,510
YOU TURNIN' ON?
YOU TWEAKIN'?
182
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:28,614
WHAT KIND OF--
WHAT KIND OF CLIENTELE
DO YOU GET HERE?
183
00:07:28,714 --> 00:07:31,851
OH, SOCCER MOMS AND
MEMBERS OF THE CLERGY.
184
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:35,188
NO, SIMONA. NO DRUGS.
185
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,390
SO, EDDIE,
HOW'S YOUR SEX LIFE?
186
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:40,860
ARE YOU STILL RIDIN' THE BULL,
OR YOU DOWN TO CLOWN DUTY?
187
00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,263
HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU
DOING IT ANNUALLY?
188
00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:46,933
AW, WE DON'T EVEN USE
THE BACK DOOR
TO THE HOUSE.
189
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:53,206
NO, I SAID, "ANNUALLY."
190
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,976
IS THIS RELEVANT,
OR DO YOU AND STEPHEN
HAVE A BET GOING?
191
00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:58,978
HEH HEH.
YOU KNOW ME TOO WELL.
192
00:07:59,078 --> 00:08:02,782
YOU DO. ALL RIGHT,
WE'RE GONNA DO AN EKG,
193
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:05,418
A STRESS TEST,
AND A FULL BLOOD PANEL.
194
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:07,587
KA-CHING.
SOUNDS EXPENSIVE.
195
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:11,691
AH, EDDIE, YOU CANNOT
PUT A PRICE ON A BEACH HOUSE.
196
00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:13,993
AHH! I MEAN YOUR HEALTH.
197
00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:15,561
WHAT?!
198
00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:21,868
THIS IS KIND OF EXCITING.
199
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:25,238
I FEEL LIKE WE'RE INVITED
TO PLAY WITH THE BIG KIDS
200
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,773
I KNOW. IT'S KIND OF
COOL, ISN'T IT?
201
00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:30,209
YEAH, AND KIND OF SCARY.
202
00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:31,811
YOU'LL BE FINE.
203
00:08:31,911 --> 00:08:33,980
LET'S GO OVER
THE RULES AGAIN.
204
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,548
OK.
OK.
205
00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:37,650
NUMBER ONE...
206
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:39,385
DON'T PROVOKE MY FATHER.
207
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:42,054
SEE, I THINK HE'S REALLY
STARTIN' TO LIKE ME.
208
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:43,656
YEAH.
209
00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:45,992
REMEMBER THAT
DOCUMENTARY ABOUT THE--
210
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,760
ABOUT THE GRIZZLY BEAR,
DOUG?
211
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,095
MM-HMM.
212
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,063
THE GUY THOUGHT THAT
THE BEAR LIKED HIM, TOO,
213
00:08:51,163 --> 00:08:54,066
AND THEN THE BEAR ATE HIM
AND POOPED HIM OUT ALL OVER
THE ALASKAN PENINSULA.
214
00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:56,135
OH. YOU--RIGHT.
215
00:08:56,235 --> 00:08:57,703
OHH.
216
00:08:57,803 --> 00:08:59,939
NUMBER 2,
NONE OF THE BUSINESS
217
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:01,941
ABOUT SAYING YOU'RE
LIVING IN A SITCOM.
218
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,110
NO, NO, NO, NO.
OF COURSE NOT.
219
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,212
WE'RE NOT GONNA TREAT
STEPHEN AND SIMONA
220
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:08,347
LIKE THEY'RE JUST
THE FUNNY NEIGHBORS.
221
00:09:08,447 --> 00:09:09,982
BESIDES,
THEY'RE TOO PERFECT.
222
00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:13,419
IN A SITCOM,
THE NEIGHBORS ARE
NEVER SMARTER
223
00:09:13,519 --> 00:09:18,057
AND BETTER-LOOKING
THAN THE--THE LEADS.
224
00:09:19,825 --> 00:09:21,727
AND FINALLY,
MOST IMPORTANTLY...
225
00:09:21,827 --> 00:09:22,895
OK.
226
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,497
COMPLIMENT MY MOTHER.
227
00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:26,933
IF IT LOOKS LIKE
SHE'S GETTING UPSET,
228
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:29,235
ASK HER TO SING.
229
00:09:29,335 --> 00:09:30,403
GOT IT.
230
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,138
[KISS] YOU'LL DO FINE.
231
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,406
HERE IT IS.
EDDIE STARK'S
232
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:36,075
WORLD-FAMOUS
STORE-BOUGHT GUACAMOLE.
233
00:09:36,175 --> 00:09:38,044
NO, THANKS, DADDY.
I'M GONNA WAIT FOR DINNER.
234
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:40,112
THIS IS DINNER.
235
00:09:40,212 --> 00:09:42,348
AND IT LOOKS GOOD. HEH.
236
00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:45,451
MMM. IT'S DELICIOUS.
237
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:49,589
I DIDN'T--
I DIDN'T DOUBLE DIP.
238
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:52,992
I SEE
WHAT YOU SCRATCH.
239
00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:57,496
[DOORBELL RINGS]
240
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,899
Joy: I'LL GET IT!
241
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:01,200
OOH.
242
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:04,136
WOW.
YOU LOOK FABULOUS.
243
00:10:04,236 --> 00:10:06,472
WHY, THANK YOU, DOUGLAS.
244
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:08,341
SO DO YOU.
245
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:27,693
WHY, HELLO.
246
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:28,928
WOW.
HI.
247
00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:31,530
JOY, LOOK AT YOU.
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.
248
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,000
AW, STEPHEN.
SO DO YOU.
249
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,869
AND, SIMONA,
AS ALWAYS,
YOU LOOK ADORABLE.
250
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:38,404
DO YOU REALLY
THINK SO?
251
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:39,639
REALLY DO.
252
00:10:39,739 --> 00:10:41,407
OH, THANK YOU.
253
00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:43,809
AND, JOY, I HAVE
SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
254
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:45,578
YES?
255
00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:49,081
I AM SO LOOKING
FORWARD TO EDDIE'S
GUACAMOLE DIP.
256
00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:51,717
IT IS SO WONDERFUL.
257
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:53,019
IS HE IN THE KITCHEN?
258
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:54,420
YEAH.
259
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:55,588
OK. COME ON, STEPHEN.
260
00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:57,757
LET'S GO GET SOME
BEFORE IT TURNS BROWN.
261
00:10:57,857 --> 00:11:00,259
GOOD LIFE ADVICE
IN GENERAL. HEY, ALLY.
262
00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:01,494
HEY.
263
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:02,728
NICE COSTUME, DOUG.
264
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:04,897
[ROLLING Rs]
WHERE'S YOUR BURRO?
265
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:07,500
[SHUDDERS]
266
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,635
[SIGHS]
DO YOU BELIEVE
THIS WOMAN?
267
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:11,270
I--I MEAN, IS IT ME?
268
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:13,906
AM I NOT AS ATTRACTIVE
AS STORE-BOUGHT GUACAMOLE?
269
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:18,244
NO. IT'S
COMPLETELY, TOTALLY
BIZARRE BEHAVIOR.
270
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,545
RIGHT?
YEAH.
271
00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:21,180
I HAVE ON
2 PAIRS OF SPANX.
272
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:22,982
MY EYE COLOR
HAS CHANGED.
273
00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:25,451
IS THERE ANYTHING
I CAN DO?
274
00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:27,553
YEAH. HELP MOMMY
WALK ACROSS THE ROOM.
275
00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:28,721
OK.
276
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:30,256
HERE'S--
HERE'S AN IDEA.
277
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,791
MM-HMM?
WHAT IS THAT, DOUG?
278
00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:34,260
WHY DON'T YOU SING?
279
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,303
I WIN AGAIN.
280
00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:48,107
I-IT HAS TO BE
THE POWER OF THE MIND,
281
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,242
BECAUSE I JUST
PICTURED MYSELF WINNING,
282
00:11:50,342 --> 00:11:52,978
AND THEN I WON.
283
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,247
YOU EVER PICTURE
YOURSELF EMPLOYED?
284
00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:58,284
[SCOFFS] I DON'T NEED
TO BE EMPLOYED.
285
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,953
I JUST WON $40.
286
00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:03,823
WELL, WE OUGHT
TO HIT IT.
ALL RIGHT.
287
00:12:03,923 --> 00:12:06,525
DESPITE THE FACT
THAT WE ALL LOST,
288
00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:07,960
I HAD SUCH
A GREAT TIME.
289
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,996
EDDIE, YOUR GUACAMOLE DIP
WAS WONDERFUL, AS USUAL.
290
00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:12,198
THANK YOU.
291
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:13,432
AND SWEET ALLY,
IT'S SO GOOD
292
00:12:13,532 --> 00:12:14,800
TO SEE YOU
AND DOUG AGAIN.
293
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,001
OHH.
294
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:17,303
OH, AND, JOY...
295
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:18,437
YES?
296
00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:21,474
WHERE'D YOU PUT
MY COAT, HON?
297
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,610
UH, IT'S RIGHT THERE.
298
00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:25,745
OH, GREAT. OK.
299
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:28,314
WELL, WE HAVE TO DO THIS
AGAIN SOON, OK?
300
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:29,648
YEAH, REAL SOON.
301
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:30,916
OK. THANKS.
302
00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:32,818
NIGHT, ALL.
AND REMEMBER,
303
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:35,521
IF I FALL
ON YOUR PROPERTY,
I CAN SUE.
304
00:12:35,621 --> 00:12:37,523
HEH.
JUST KIDDING.
305
00:12:38,858 --> 00:12:40,426
BUT I CAN.
306
00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:41,761
[EDDIE CHUCKLES]
307
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:44,029
RIGHT.
308
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:46,298
OK. ALL RIGHT, DOUG,
309
00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:49,201
POKER RULES--
THE WINNER DOES THE DISHES.
310
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,104
OK. YOU GOT IT.
311
00:12:52,204 --> 00:12:54,406
ALL RIGHT. HONEY.
HONEY, COME HERE.
312
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:55,775
YOU JUST
GIVE ME THE WORD,
313
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:57,276
AND WHEN HIS HANDS
ARE IN THE DISHWATER,
314
00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:59,478
I'LL THROW THE TOASTER
RIGHT IN THE SINK. HMM?
315
00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:01,147
YOU'RE A SORE LOSER.
316
00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:02,715
I'M GOING
TO HELP HIM.
317
00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:04,283
SO YOU STILL THINK
THIS IS SILLY?
318
00:13:04,383 --> 00:13:06,285
UH, YOU STILL THINK
I'M THE CRAZY ONE?
319
00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:07,486
OH, NOT JUST CRAZY,
320
00:13:07,586 --> 00:13:08,888
DRUGS-WON'T-HELP-YOU
CRAZY.
321
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:12,324
COME ON.
DIDN'T YOU LEARN ANYTHING
322
00:13:12,424 --> 00:13:15,661
FROM OBSERVING
THE INTERACTION BETWEEN
SIMONA AND ME TONIGHT?
323
00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:18,097
YES, HONEY.
I LEARNED A BIG LESSON.
324
00:13:18,197 --> 00:13:20,466
I FINALLY UNDERSTAND
WHY MEN MARRY MEN.
325
00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:28,207
ALL RIGHT,
MELT ALL YOU WANT.
326
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:32,111
THAT IS THE LAST
GIN AND TONIC YOU ARE
RUINING FOR ME.
327
00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:33,779
YOU KNOW,
GIN DOESN'T FREEZE.
328
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:39,251
OH. WELL, THEN I JUST MADE
14 PERFECTLY CHILLED SHOTS
FOR LUNCH.
329
00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:41,987
BY THE WAY, I THINK
I'M COMIN' DOWN
WITH SOMETHING,
330
00:13:42,087 --> 00:13:43,522
AND I'M HOLDING YOU
RESPONSIBLE.
WHAT?
331
00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:45,758
WHAT DID I DO?
I JUST TOLD YOU
TO GO GET A CHECKUP.
332
00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:47,393
YEAH. YOU TOLD ME
TO GET A CHECKUP
333
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:48,961
BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T
WANT ME TO GET SICK.
334
00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:50,095
RIGHT.
335
00:13:50,196 --> 00:13:52,598
WELL, I GOT SICK
GETTING THE CHECKUP.
336
00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:55,034
ALL RIGHT.
SO IF YOU GOT SICK,
GO BACK TO THE DOCTOR.
337
00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:56,969
THAT'S WHERE I GOT SICK
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
338
00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:58,470
YOU KNOW,
CONGRATULATIONS, JOY.
339
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,472
YOU GOT
A WORSE HEALTH PLAN
THAN THE GOVERNMENT.
340
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:03,509
RIGHT. WELL, DON'T BLAME ME
IF SOMETHING FALLS OFF.
341
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:06,011
YOU GONNA CANCEL
THE INTERVIEW
WITH HELGA KLUM?
342
00:14:06,111 --> 00:14:07,546
CANCEL?
YOU KIDDING? I CAN'T.
343
00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:08,948
I GOTTA GET
THAT INTERVIEW.
344
00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:11,483
AND BY THE WAY,
THE WOMAN IS
97 YEARS OLD,
345
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:14,353
SO HERE. LET ME
PUT IT IN TERMS
THAT YOU'LL UNDERSTAND.
346
00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:16,121
UH, FOR HELGA,
IT'S LAST CALL.
347
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,357
SHE KEEPS SUNGLASSES
ON HER NIGHTSTAND
348
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:20,259
IN CASE SHE WALKS
INTO THE LIGHT.
349
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:21,627
I GOTTA DO IT.
350
00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:23,429
ALL RIGHT.
SO GO DO THE INTERVIEW,
351
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:26,732
AND THEN COME HOME AND REST,
AND MAMA'LL MAKE YOU
SOME CHICKEN SOUP.
352
00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:28,400
AW, YOU'RE THE BEST,
JOY-JOY.
353
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:30,870
HEY, EDDIE, ON THE WAY HOME,
PICK UP CHICKEN SOUP.
354
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:34,974
OH, AND VODKA.
355
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:36,675
VODKA DOESN'T
FREEZE EITHER.
356
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:39,345
DAMN IT.
357
00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:47,353
♪ SLAP IT,
AND SLAP IT DOWN ♪
358
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,321
♪ MOMMY SAYS
I CAN SLAP IT DOWN ♪
359
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:51,190
♪ OOH, SLAP IT,
OOH OH ♪
360
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:53,125
♪ AND ROUND THE CLOCK,
I'M MAKIN' CHEESE ♪
361
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,361
♪ I'M MAKIN' CHEESE,
WHO'S MAKIN' CHEESE? ♪
362
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:56,829
♪ I'S MAKIN' CHEESE ♪
363
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:58,497
♪ WHO? I'S IS, WHO? ♪
364
00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:00,032
OHH! OH, HI. HI.
365
00:15:00,132 --> 00:15:04,403
OH, JOY. I--
I WAS JUST LISTENING
TO A MEDICAL LECTURE.
366
00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:06,939
COME ON IN.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
HAD AN APPOINTMENT.
367
00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:08,307
UH, I--YOU KNOW, I DON'T.
368
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,776
UM, SIMONA,
THE REASON THAT I'M HERE
369
00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:15,748
IS, UM, WELL, I, UH--
I HAVE ON FANTASTIC SHOES,
370
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:18,517
AND I'VE--I'VE LOST 6 POUNDS,
371
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:21,987
AND MY ASS LOOKS GREAT
IN THESE JEANS.
372
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,188
UH-HUH.
373
00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:27,826
A-AND YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.
374
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,496
THANK YOU.
375
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,398
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT IS IT.
376
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:35,134
THAT IS THE REASON
THAT I AM HERE, OK?
377
00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:37,436
SIMONA, WHAT THE HELL
IS WRONG WITH YOU?
378
00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:39,138
I PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT,
379
00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:41,941
AND THEN I SET YOU UP
PERFECTLY TO PAY ME
A COMPLIMENT,
380
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:43,175
AND YOU DON'T DO IT.
381
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:44,843
WE ARE WOMEN, SIMONA.
382
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,613
WE ARE SUPPOSED TO PRETEND
THAT WE LIKE EACH OTHER.
383
00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:49,448
[CRYING]
384
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:56,121
WHAT--WHAT IS WRONG?
385
00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:59,625
I USED TO BE
INCREDIBLY FAT.
386
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:02,294
I'M SORRY, BUT WHAT DOES
THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
387
00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:05,331
MY WHOLE LIFE, GIRLS
NEVER COMPLIMENTED ME,
388
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:08,467
AND AS A DEFENSE
MECHANISM, I NEVER
COMPLIMENTED THEM.
389
00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:10,936
I'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT
IN THERAPY,
390
00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:14,506
BUT I STILL SEE MYSELF
AS A FATTY FATSO,
391
00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:18,577
JUST FAT FAT,
THE WATER RAT. MMM.
392
00:16:18,677 --> 00:16:20,245
I JUST CAN'T DO IT.
393
00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:21,380
NO, NO, HONEY.
394
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:25,351
SIMONA, LISTEN.
YOU'RE NOT FAT AT ALL.
395
00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:27,486
YOU'RE JUST--
YOU'RE THE OPPOSITE.
396
00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:29,121
YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.
397
00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:31,757
THANK YOU.
398
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:35,194
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT IS IT, OK? I AM DONE.
399
00:16:35,294 --> 00:16:38,030
AND YOU MIGHT WANNA SEE
SOMEONE ELSE ABOUT THIS PROBLEM,
400
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:40,566
BECAUSE WHATEVER YOU'RE
DOING RIGHT NOW IS NOT WORKING.
401
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:41,867
UH, HEY, JOY.
WHAT?
402
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:44,436
YOU MIGHT WANNA
ASK YOURSELF
A FEW QUESTIONS,
403
00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:45,838
LIKE WHY
YOU'RE SO NEEDY.
404
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:49,141
[GASPS]
I BEG YOUR PARDON.
405
00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:50,275
OH...
406
00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:52,344
YES. AND WHILE WE'RE
SOUL-SEARCHING HERE,
407
00:16:52,444 --> 00:16:54,980
WHAT'S UP WITH THIS
TREMENDOUS NEED OF YOURS
408
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,949
TO GO AROUND FISHING
FOR COMPLIMENTS?
409
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:59,685
HA. I DO NOT FISH
FOR COMPLIMENTS.
410
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:03,889
OH, I BEG TO DIFFER.
IT'S LIKE YOU LIVE
ON A TUNA BOAT.
411
00:17:03,989 --> 00:17:07,259
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE
RIDING INTO RAT CITY
WEARING CHEESE PANTS.
412
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,560
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
413
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:10,829
[CRYING]
414
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:21,573
I WAS INCREDIBLY FLAT
UNTIL I WAS 14 YEARS OLD.
415
00:17:21,673 --> 00:17:26,478
I--I WAS THE ORIGINAL
FLAT STANLEY.
416
00:17:26,578 --> 00:17:29,314
I MEAN, I WAS FLATTER
THAN DAY-OLD BEER.
417
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:34,386
THERE WERE DOING
"PIRATES OF PENZANCE"
AT SCHOOL, AND THEY WALKED ME.
418
00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:39,591
AND THEN ONE NIGHT,
THE CHALUPA FAIRY CAME,
419
00:17:39,691 --> 00:17:42,261
AND MY WHOLE WORLD CHANGED.
420
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:44,797
BUT DEEP DOWN
IN YOUR MIND,
421
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,066
YOU STILL SEE
YOURSELF AS...
422
00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:48,367
[TOGETHER] FLAT FLAT...
423
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:49,668
THE WATER RAT.
424
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:50,836
YEAH.
425
00:17:50,936 --> 00:17:53,472
OH, JOY,
GIVE ME A HUG.
426
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:56,175
WE'RE JUST 2 WOUNDED SOULS,
AREN'T WE?
427
00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:57,609
WE ARE.
428
00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:59,211
COME HERE.
429
00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:00,612
OH, GOOD HEAVENS.
430
00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:04,550
HEH. YOU'RE LIKE
HUGGING 2 BAGS OF
CHRISTMAS PUDDIN'.
431
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:08,487
WAIT A SECOND.
DID YOU--DID YOU HEAR THAT?
432
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,523
WHAT--YOU JUST
PAID ME A COMPLIMENT.
433
00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:13,025
OH, MY GOD.
434
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:14,526
I DID IT.
YOU DID.
435
00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:16,962
I JUST GAVE ANOTHER
WOMAN A COMPLIMENT.
436
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:19,431
THIS IS A HUGE
BREAKTHROUGH FOR ME.
437
00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:22,634
UH, JOY,
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
438
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:24,803
OH. OK, TELL ME MORE.
439
00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:28,273
UM, YOU HAVE
PERIWINKLE BLUE EYES...
440
00:18:28,373 --> 00:18:29,842
OH.
YOUR SHOES ARE FABULOUS.
441
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,010
YOUR ASS
IS LIKE AN APPLE.
442
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,446
I JUST WANNA TAKE
A BITE OUT OF IT.
I DO. I DO.
443
00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:36,115
EHH. THAT'S A LITTLE WEIRD.
444
00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:38,517
YOU LOOK GREAT
IN THOSE JEANS, AND...
445
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,685
OH.
446
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,721
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC, JOY.
447
00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:46,258
[MIMICKING]
THANK YOU.
448
00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:48,293
OH.
449
00:18:48,393 --> 00:18:50,562
BY THE WAY, I WAS LYING.
450
00:18:50,662 --> 00:18:54,066
I'VE HAD A "D" CUP
SINCE I WAS 11.
451
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:07,379
HEY, WHAT ARE
YOU UP TO, SLIM?
452
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,515
OH, TRANSCRIBING
THIS AMAZING INTERVIEW.
453
00:19:09,615 --> 00:19:11,583
THIS WOMAN IS
AN INCREDIBLE SURVIVOR.
454
00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:13,952
NOT ONLY DID SHE SURVIVE
THE "HINDENBURG,"
455
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:17,322
BUT SHE WAS ON THE "TITANIC,"
AND SHE SURVIVED KATRINA.
456
00:19:17,422 --> 00:19:20,492
SHE CAUGHT A WAVE
AND RODE IT ALL THE WAY
INTO THE SUPERDOME.
457
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:24,730
SO'D YOU GET EVERYTHING
YOU NEEDED FOR THE BOOK?
458
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:28,066
UH, RIGHT UP TO THE MOMENT
SHE STEPPED ONTO
THE "HINDENBURG,"
459
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,835
AND THEN IRONICALLY,
SHE CRASHED.
460
00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:32,037
FELL ASLEEP
RIGHT INTO HER SOUP.
461
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:33,505
I LOVE THIS BROAD.
462
00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:35,641
IT'S FUNNY.
SHE HAS THIS GIANT NURSE.
463
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:37,809
HER NAME IS LAWANDA,
VERY PROTECTIVE OVER HER.
464
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:40,746
THE MINUTE HELGA NODDED OFF,
LAWANDA THREW ME OUT,
465
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,314
AND I DON'T MEAN
SHE ASKED ME TO LEAVE.
466
00:19:42,414 --> 00:19:44,449
I MEAN SHE PICKED ME UP
AND THREW ME OUT.
467
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,519
NOW I GOTTA GO BACK TOMORROW,
FINISH THE INTERVIEW.
468
00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:49,154
THIS IS AMAZING, EDDIE.
469
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:52,024
THIS IS WHAT IS
GONNA SET YOUR
"HINDENBURG" BOOK
470
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:55,961
APART FROM ALL THE OTHER
"HINDENBURG" BOOK.
471
00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:58,564
I'M TELLIN' YOU,
JOY-JOY, I AM PSYCHED.
472
00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:02,634
THIS INTERVIEW
IS THE CULMINATION
OF 72 YEARS OF HISTORY,
473
00:20:02,734 --> 00:20:06,572
AND I, EDDIE STARK,
HAVE THE STORY. HEH HEH.
474
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:19,918
EDDIE STARK!
475
00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:22,955
HOW DARE YOU SHOW
YOUR FACE AROUND HERE?
476
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,556
LAWANDA,
WHAT HAPPENED?
477
00:20:24,656 --> 00:20:27,226
YOUR NASTY LITTLE COLD
KILLED MS. KLUM.
478
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:34,166
SHE WAS THE ONLY WHITE LADY
EVER LOOKED ME IN THE EYE.
479
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,602
I OUGHTA KICK YOUR ASS!
480
00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:38,670
PUT THAT IN YOUR BOOK!
481
00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:40,606
NOW GET ON OUT OF HERE!
482
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:44,910
MY INTERVIEW.
483
00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:50,115
{\an8}WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU READ A BOOK
484
00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:51,416
{\an8}THAT DIDN'T HAVE
A BEACH CHAIR
485
00:20:51,516 --> 00:20:52,651
{\an8}OR A BISECTED COLON
ON THE COVER?
486
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:54,453
{\an8}WELL, I'VE GOT--
ARE WE SKIPPING THAT?
487
00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:55,721
{\an8}Woman: YEAH.
WE'RE SKIPPING THAT.
488
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:57,089
{\an8}YEAH.
NO.
489
00:20:57,189 --> 00:20:58,857
{\an8}[LAUGHTER]
490
00:20:58,957 --> 00:21:01,226
{\an8}HEY, WHO ARE THOSE
PEOPLE OVER THERE?
THEY LOOK FAMILIAR.
491
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:03,595
{\an8}THAT'S OUR NEIGHBORS,
THE HEINIES.
492
00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:04,930
{\an8}HAYNIES.
493
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:08,267
{\an8}YOU DID IT.
494
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:09,668
{\an8}WHAT IS GOING ON?
495
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:11,270
{\an8}Man: WE HAVE PIGEONS.
NOW THEY'RE MATING.
496
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:12,404
{\an8}OH.
497
00:21:12,504 --> 00:21:13,839
{\an8}PIGEONS ARE--
OH, THEY'RE MATING?
498
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:15,507
{\an8}THEY'RE MATING.
ALL RIGHT.
499
00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:16,642
{\an8}[BIRDS COOING]
500
00:21:16,742 --> 00:21:18,343
{\an8}ARE THEY UPSTAIRS,
OR ARE THEY IN HERE?
501
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:19,778
{\an8}RIGHT THERE.
OH, THEY'RE RIGHT THERE.
502
00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:22,080
{\an8}RIGHT HERE
OVER MY HEAD SOMEWHERE.
503
00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:23,548
{\an8}WOW.
504
00:21:23,649 --> 00:21:24,783
{\an8}YEAH. I KNOW.
505
00:21:24,883 --> 00:21:26,051
{\an8}ARE THEY REALLY MATING,
506
00:21:26,151 --> 00:21:28,620
{\an8}'CAUSE I'D LIKE
TO TAKE A 5 IF THEY ARE.
39200
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