Original subtitles

♪ I LIKE COFFEE, TEA'S YOUR BAG ♪

♪ THOUGH IT MAKES NO SENSE, IT'S TRUE ♪

♪ THERE'S NO ME WITHOUT YOU ♪

Brad Garrett: 'TIL DEATH IS FILMED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.

HONEY, HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IT'S SUPPERTIME.

THERE SHOULD BE A TOWEL SPREAD OUT

WITH PAPER PLATES ON IT IN FRONT OF THE TV.

YOU KNOW WHAT I FOUND

UNDER A PILE OF MAIL AND LOOSE CHANGE THIS MORNING?

THIS TABLE.

AND APPARENTLY, YOU CAN EAT OFF OF IT.

WHY ARE THERE 4 PLACE SETTINGS? [STAMMERS]

OH, NO. NO, NO.

NO. NO. YEAH. YEAH. YES.

YES, EDDIE, YES. HONEY, NO.

YES. I'M SORRY. WE ARE HAVING COMPANY.

WHA--

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE STEPHEN AND SIMONA.

NEW PEOPLE?

AW, COME--COME ON, YOU'RE KILLIN' ME. NOW--

NOW, THAT MEANS I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF

AND-- AND MY INTERESTS.

I WORKED TODAY.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO US

IF WE DON'T INTERACT WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS EVER?

WE ARE GOING TO END UP LIVING UNDER

A PILE OF FOOD AND OLD CLOTHING,

AND OPRAH IS GOING TO HIRE A STAFF OF 100 TO DIG US OUT.

WELL, LISTEN, IF LIVING UNDER STACKS OF FOOD

IS SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN'T GET BEHIND,

THEN I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? EVERY TIME I MANAGE

TO RUSTLE UP A COUPLE THAT WE COULD ACTUALLY BE FRIENDS WITH,

YOU SEND THEM AWAY AND WE NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN

BECAUSE THEY DON'T MEET YOUR RIDICULOUS STANDARDS.

OK, LOOK. MY STANDARDS ARE THUSLY:

NO LOSERS.

WHAT ABOUT THE COUPLE THAT DID THE TOUR DE FRANCE

THREE TIMES? WERE THEY LOSERS?

UH, THEY DIDN'T WIN, SO YEAH.

WHERE DID YOU-- WHERE DID YOU MEET THESE PEOPLE ANYWAY?

I MET HER AT MY BOOK CLUB.

YOU MET HER-- SO YOU DIDN'T MEET HIM?

YOU DIDN'T--THIS IS A SUICIDE MISSION, JOY.

YOU REMEMBER THAT LAST COUPLE--

WHO WERE THEY, GLORIA AND HOWARD?

HOWARD WITH HIS FUNNY ACCENTS,

AND IT ENDED UP THAT THE ACCENTS WERE ACTUALLY VOICES IN HIS HEAD?

HUH? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT DINNER?

[GERMAN ACCENT] "I TOLD YOU I CAN'T HAVE YOUR LASAGNA!"

[NORMAL VOICE] WHAT--WHAT WAS THAT? TELL ME WHAT THAT WAS.

OK, LISTEN UP, TREE TRUNK.

I AM TIRED OF BEING THE FREAKS WITH NO FRIENDS.

SO STOP YOUR COMPLAINING,

GET UP THERE RIGHT NOW, AND PUT ON A SHIRT

THAT WASN'T SHOT AT YOU FROM A CANNON AT A FOOTBALL GAME.

JOY, I LOVE YOUR CHINA.

THANK YOU, I'D HARDLY CALL IT CHINA.

I GOT IT AT COSTCO. IT'S VIRTUALLY INDESTRUCTIBLE.

OH, YEAH?

OOH! [LAUGHS]

SO, EDDIE, WHAT DO YOU DO?

[MUMBLES] I TEACH HIGH SCHOOL.

TAKE YOUR HAND AWAY FROM YOUR MOUTH.

I TEACH HIGH SCHOOL. OH. WHAT SUBJECT?

AMERICAN HISTORY.

NO WAY! OH, MY GOD.

STEPHEN AND I ARE BOTH AMERICAN HISTORY MAJORS.

UNBELIEVABLE, UNBELIEVABLE.

REALLY? YEAH!

WE'RE TOTAL HISTORY NERDS.

WE GO TO D.C. ALL THE TIME.

NEWT GINGRICH ONCE WINKED AT ME.

WILL YOU GET OVER YOURSELF?

HE HAD SOMETHING IN HIS EYE.

YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT HE HAD IN HIS EYE?

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] THIS RIGHT HERE.

SO, YOU JUST GET TO TALK ABOUT AMERICAN HISTORY ALL DAY LONG?

WELL, TILL ABOUT 2:45.

WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE PRESIDENT?

HMM. I WOULD HAVE TO GO WITH LINCOLN. YEAH.

HE'S ALSO MY FAVORITE CAR AND LOG.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I HAD THOSE! HE'S TALKING ABOUT LINCOLN LOGS.

I TOTALLY HAD THOSE. Eddie: RIGHT?

I HAD A LITE-BRITE.

YOU KNOW, THEY HAD A GREAT DOCUMENTARY ON LINCOLN

A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO.

THAT WAS A GREAT DOCUMENTARY.

AND THEY--OH, THEY DID ANOTHER ONE ON THE HINDENBURG.

I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF THE HINDENBURG.

I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF THE HINDENBURG!

YOU KNOW THAT BABY WENT DOWN IN 14 MINUTES?

[LAUGHTER] WE GOT TO DO THIS AGAIN,

BUT NEXT TIME, LET'S DO IT AT OUR HOUSE, OK?

OH, THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL.

LET'S SAY FRIDAY, YEAH?

HEY, LET'S NOT SAY IT. LET'S DO IT!

[LAUGHS] HEY, WHERE'D JOY GO?

AH, SHE'S PROBABLY ON THE CAN.

OK. WELL,

SAY GOOD NIGHT FOR US. I WILL, I WILL.

BYE, NOW! [LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

JOY, JOY, YOU WERE RIGHT.

YOU DID IT. THEY ARE INCREDIBLE!

YOU KNOW HOW I'VE ALWAYS SAID THAT

I ALWAYS WANTED TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY TENNIS,

BUT I NEVER HAD ANYBODY I WANTED TO PLAY WITH?

WELL, NOW I DO-- STEPHEN AND SIMONA.

AND THE SCORE WILL BE LOVE-LOVE.

YEAH. I DON'T THINK THEY'RE REALLY RIGHT FOR US.

WHAT?

I DON'T REALLY WANT TO HANG OUT WITH THEM AGAIN.

HONEY, WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO HANG OUT?

IT WAS A MAGICAL EVENING.

I HAD THE CHARISMA OF JFK DOWN THERE.

WE GET IT, YOU LOVE YOUR PRESIDENTS.

OK, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I DIDN'T COUNT ON BEING COMPLETELY IGNORED TONIGHT.

I WAS INVISIBLE DOWN THERE.

I MEAN, I HAVE BEEN UP HERE FOR 45 MINUTES.

DID YOU EVEN NOTICE I WAS GONE?

YEAH. SORT OF.

I'M GLAD THAT THEY WERE INTERESTED IN YOU.

BUT THEY TOOK ZERO INTEREST IN ME.

THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME.

THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT I DO,

THEY DON'T KNOW THAT I LOVE HOLLYWOOD MUSICALS,

OR THAT I HATE DONUTS-- NOTHING.

OK, OK, OK, HONEY,

LISTEN. LISTEN TO ME, DARLING.

THEY--THEY WERE INTERESTED IN YOU.

I MEAN, WHEN WE SAT DOWN TO DINNER,

HE ASKED YOU A QUESTION.

"WHERE'S THE BATHROOM?"

HE COULD'VE ASKED ME.

BUT HE ASKED YOU, BECAUSE YOU'RE SPECIAL.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

AH, THERE HE IS, THE FREE SAMPLE GUY!

[LAUGHS]

HOW'S THE NEW JOB GOING, KENNY?

FANTASTIC.

I'M MY OWN BOSS. I SET MY OWN HOURS.

AND IT'S ALL COMMISSION-BASED.

SO THE MORE I SELL, THE MORE I MAKE. [LAUGHS]

GOOD FOR YOU. HOW MUCH HAVE YOU MADE SO FAR?

ACTUALLY, I'M $12 IN THE HOLE.

THEY MADE ME BUY MY OWN APRON.

OH.

WHAT DO YOU GOT GOING ON HERE?

DAIRY-FREE SOY-BASED IMITATION BUTTER SPREAD.

IT'S CALLED VEG-A-BUTTER.

ALL THE WOW WITHOUT THE COW.

CATCHY, RIGHT? [LAUGHS]

IT TASTES LIKE WD-40.

WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, HUH, KENNY?

ALL RIGHT, HONEY. WE'RE GOING TO SPLIT UP THE SHOPPING.

I'M GOING TO GET THE PRODUCE AND CANNED GOODS,

AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET THE CHICKEN AND LADY PRODUCTS.

SEE Y'ALL LATER.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

HELLO, SIR.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY SOME DELICIOUS VEG-A-BUTTER?

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY GETTING THE HELL OUT OF MY AISLE?

ARE YOU A FREE SAMPLE GUY?

AM I A FREE SAMPLE GUY?

I AM THE FREE SAMPLE GUY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU.

REALLY? REALLY.

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THESE?

NOT REALLY.

WELL, SOME PEOPLE ARE.

Stephen: HEY, EDDIE!

HEY!

[ALL TALK AT ONCE]

GOOD TO SEE YOU. HOW ARE YOU? YEAH.

GOOD TO SEE YOU. GOOD SEEING YOU, BUDDY.

YOU, TOO. YOU, TOO. GOOD.

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.

THEY SAY YOU CAN TELL A LOT ABOUT A PERSON

BY THEIR GROCERIES. WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE?

YOU GOT BOK CHOY, RICE, SOY SAUCE.

YOU ARE...CHINESE.

[ALL LAUGHING]

SO, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU GUYS?

YEAH, WE THOUGHT WE WERE GETTING TOGETHER LAST FRIDAY,

AND WE NEVER HEARD FROM YOU.

YEAH, I KNOW. I KNOW. IT'S--

YOU KNOW, IT'S OUR CRAZY TIME, YOU KNOW,

BETWEEN HER WORK AND MY WORK.

OK. YARD WORK.

WELL, JUST LET US KNOW WHEN'S A GOOD TIME,

AND WE'LL WORK AROUND YOUR SCHEDULE.

OK. YEAH. ALL RIGHT. WELL, IT'S--

YOU KNOW, WE'RE HAVING SOME FAMILY ISSUES.

MY GRANDMOTHER DIED.

OH, WOW. OH, I'M SO SORRY.

BUT I THOUGHT YOU TOLD US

YOU LOST BOTH OF YOUR GRANDMOTHERS WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG.

OH, I DID. I DID.

MY--MY DOG. ITS NAME WAS GRANDMOTHER.

THE NAME DIDN'T WORK WHEN SHE WAS A PUPPY,

BUT SHE GREW INTO IT. AND NOW--NOW, SHE'S-- SHE'S GONE. YEAH.

LOOK, IF YOU GUYS DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US,

YOU CAN JUST TELL US. WE'RE THICK-SKINNED.

NO, NO. NO, NO. THAT'S NOT IT.

WELL, THEN, WHAT IS IT?

IT'S, UM...

IT'S JOY.

OH. YEAH.

SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU.

WHAT?

IT'S NOT THAT SHE DOESN'T THINK YOU'RE GREAT.

IT'S JUST THAT, WELL, THE OTHER NIGHT,

HER EGO GOT A LITTLE BRUISED

BECAUSE SHE FELT THAT YOU WEREN'T INTERESTED IN HER.

Both: OH, NO!

NO, WE TOTALLY DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT. NO.

WE JUST GOT ALL CAUGHT UP IN YOUR AMERICAN HISTORY TRIVIA.

WELL, OF COURSE. YOU'RE HUMAN.

AW, MAN, I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING WE COULD DO.

WELL...

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? MAYBE WE CAN FIX THIS.

YEAH, WELL, WE GOT TO FIX THIS,

'CAUSE THAT JOY'S A GREAT LADY.

TERRIFIC LADY.

AND WE'RE NOT IN THE BUSINESS

OF MAKING PEOPLE FEEL BAD. NO. AND IF WE WERE,

WE'RE GOING OUT OF BUSINESS.

SIGN'S GOING UP IN THE WINDOW:

"ALL HURT FEELINGS MUST GO."

I'LL PUT IT UP. HE WILL.

GREAT, OK. YOU KNOW WHAT WE COULD DO?

I THINK NEXT TIME YOU SEE HER, YOU KNOW, INCLUDE HER MORE.

OK. ACT INTERESTED IN HER.

HER JOB-- SHE'S A TRAVEL AGENT.

OK, SHE LOVES OLD MUSICAL MOVIES.

APPARENTLY, SHE HATES DONUTS, WHICH WAS NEWS TO ME.

WE'RE ON IT, BUDDY.

HEY, LOOK, I GOT A GREAT IDEA.

LET'S ACCIDENTALLY RUN INTO EACH OTHER

IN THE COOKIE, SLASH CRACKER AISLE IN, LIKE, 10 MINUTES.

CAN WE MAKE IT 8 MINUTES?

BECAUSE, I GOT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,

I AM SUPER EXCITED ABOUT THIS.

MY HEART IS POUNDING. HONEY, FEEL.

OH, IT IS. IT'S BEATING LIKE A LITTLE JACK RABBIT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S GO BACK TO 10

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO NEED A FEW MINUTES TO CALM DOWN HERE.

THAT'S GREAT.

FOLKS, WHAT YOU'RE SMELLING HERE

ARE MINI BACON BURGERS WITH MAXI BACON FLAVOR.

THEY COME WITH TINY DOUGHBOY BUNS

AND LITTLE MICROWAVABLE PACKETS OF SAUTEED ONIONS.

ENJOY.

VEGAN BUTTER SPREAD. GET IT WHILE IT'S...

ROOM TEMPERATURE.

ANY TIME YOU'RE READY, ROOKIE.

I'M KEEPING ONE OF THESE HOT FOR YOU.

I WOULD NEVER EAT ONE OF THOSE.

I WOULD RATHER EAT THIS DISGUSTING, FAKE BUTTER AND DIE!

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

JOY, WE'VE BEEN DYING TO GET AHOLD OF YOU.

YOU HAVE? Both: YEAH.

UH... UM, YOU KNOW,

IT'S JUST BEEN A CRAZY TIME FOR US.

WE'RE TRYING TO PLAN A TRIP, AND WE ARE--

[SCOFFS] TOTALLY CONFUSED.

DO WE TAKE A PLANE? DO WE TAKE A BOAT?

UGH! AAH!

HOW CAN A REGULAR PERSON BE EXPECTED TO MAKE THAT DECISION?

I MEAN, WE'RE NOT PROFESSIONALS.

YEAH. YOU DON'T WANT TO HANDLE THAT HOT POTATO.

LEAVE THAT TO THE PROS.

SO, JOY, CAN YOU HELP US OUT?

YOU WOULD REALLY BE SAVING US.

UM, SURE. I'D LOVE TO.

I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU HAD ANY IDEA

THAT I WAS A TRAVEL AGENT.

OH, PLEASE. YEAH. UH, HELLO?

WHY DO YOU THINK WE'RE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

[LAUGHS]

I'M SORRY THAT WE DIDN'T GET BACK TO YOU.

IT'S-- IT WAS A FAMILY THING.

YEAH.

HAVE YOU GUYS EVER SEEN SINGIN' IN THE RAIN?

OHH.

I LOVE SINGIN' IN THE RAIN.

I JUST BOUGHT THE FANCY-PANTS COMMEMORATIVE DVD.

HI-DEF. HI-DEF.

IT'S LIKE GENE KELLY IS KICKING RAIN IN YOUR FACE.

DRIPPING WET. DRIPPING WET.

WOW.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING YOU GOT TO SEE.

TOTALLY.

OUR TV HAS A BIRD IN THE BACK

JUST PECKING OUT THE PICTURE. [CLICKS]

LIKE ON THE FLINTSTONES.

[CLICKING] [LAUGHTER]

Stephen: FLINTSTONES.

OF COURSE.

OH, GOSH. JOY.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

YOU KNOW, WE REALLY SHOULD GET TOGETHER AGAIN.

WE SHOULD.

WE COULD SEE THAT DVD OF YOURS

AND MAYBE HAVE A LITTLE DINNER OR SOMETHING.

GREAT. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT.

THAT'S FANTASTIC. THAT'D BE GREAT.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING TOMORROW NIGHT?

NOTHING. HOPEFULLY, BEING WITH YOU.

HOPEFULLY. YEAH.

OK. WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY 7:00

PERFECT. PERFECT. ALL RIGHT.

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

UGH. I FRIGGIN' HATE DONUTS.

UGH.

BYE-BYE.

BYE-BYE.

[INDISTINCT]

YOU KNOW, I REALLY DO LIKE THEM.

OF COURSE YOU DO.

I GUESS I WAS JUST, YOU KNOW, PMSing THE OTHER NIGHT.

WELL, OF COURSE YOU WERE.

YOU SHOULD MARK THAT ON THE CALENDAR LIKE I DO.

THEY CERTAINLY PAID ATTENTION TO ME TODAY, DIDN'T THEY?

OH, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THEY SURE DID.

I HAVEN'T FELT THAT UNPOPULAR

SINCE YOUR DAD FOUND OUR SPECIAL DRAWER.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY BOTH LIKE MUSICALS.

THEY DON'T LIKE 'EM. THEY LOVE 'EM.

AND THEY LAUGHED AT MY FLINTSTONES JOKE.

OH, WELL, HONEY, THAT'S JUST A GREAT JOKE.

IT IS KIND OF WEIRD, THOUGH, ISN'T IT?

WHAT? HONEY, HONEY, WHAT'S SO WEIRD--

HOW WONDERFUL EVERYTHING IS TURNING OUT?

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT FOR A SECOND

THAT MAYBE LIFE IS JUST AWESOME?

I MEAN, THEY HIT ON THE VERY THINGS

THAT I TOLD YOU BOTHERED ME.

YOU DIDN'T TELL THEM ALL THAT STUFF

THAT I TOLD YOU THE OTHER NIGHT, DID YOU?

NO.

'CAUSE THAT WOULD BE INSANE.

TOTALLY INSANE! HELLO? I THINK I KNOW INSANE.

I MEAN, A WIFE DOESN'T TELL HER HUSBAND

HER INNERMOST THOUGHTS AND INSECURITIES

IN THE PRIVACY OF THEIR OWN BEDROOM

JUST TO HAVE THEM SPEWED OUT TO PERFECT STRANGERS

IN THE FROZEN FOOD AISLE.

DUH.

I MEAN, SUDDENLY, THEY'RE SO INTO MY JOB.

THEY BOTH LOVE MUSICALS. SHE HATES DONUTS.

OH, MY GOD, YOU TOLD THEM!

YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT, JOY?

YOU'RE RIGHT. YEAH.

I SAW THEM FIRST, AND I TOLD THEM,

"OH, HEY, MY WIFE'S EGO IS HURTIN' BAD,

"SO MAYBE YOU COULD SAY THAT YOU HATE DONUTS,

SO WE CAN ALL BE FRIENDS,"

AND THEN I PRETENDED THAT I SAW THEM

FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN I WAS WITH YOU--

"OH, HI! MY STARS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

WE PUT ON THIS WHOLE, WHOLE BIG SHOW FOR YOUR BENEFIT.

YEAH, JOY. YOU GOT ME.

IT DOES SOUND A LITTLE BIT RID--

RIDICULOUS. YES.

I'M SORRY, BABE.

IT'S JUST THAT I THINK

AFTER 20 YEARS, A GUY EARNS A LITTLE TRUST.

IS THERE ANYTHING THAT I CAN DO?

YOU WANT ME TO MAKE YOU SOMETHING?

IF YOU WANT TO...

YOU CAN MAYBE PUT TOGETHER AN ITALIAN HOAGIE OR SOMETHING,

WITH SOME CHIPS ON THE SIDE, HOLD THE PEPPERONCINIS.

YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST WHATEVER SANDWICH BEST SAYS

"I'M SORRY."

FOLKS, WHAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING RIGHT NOW IS

MY GREAT-GRANDMA'S JAMBALAYA.

ALL THE INGREDIENTS HAVE BEEN SAUTEED,

PAN-SEARED, AND DEEP FRIED IN VEG-A-BUTTER,

WHICH IS ON SALE FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF JUST 2.99

RIGHT OVER HERE. [LAUGHS]

FOLKS, I'VE GOT MINI BACON BURGERS WARMING

RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER. COME ON!

WHAT'S THE MATTER, BARRY?

NOBODY WANTS YOUR LITTLE BABY BURGERS?

[LAUGHS]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'VE SEEN HOT SHOTS LIKE YOU COME AND GO--

MOSTLY ON TO JOBS, CAREERS, AND FAMILIES,

PRETTY GOOD STUFF.

THE POINT IS,

I AM STILL HERE.

THIS IS MY HOUSE.

AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET ANYONE TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME.

HEY, DAVE, GET OVER HERE!

WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?

HEY, MAN, I'M JUST TRYING TO MOVE

SOME VEG-A-BUTTER FOR YOU, MAN.

SHRIMP? FILET MIGNON? LOBSTER?

WHERE DID YOU GET ALL THIS FOOD?

WE'RE IN A SUPERMARKET.

IT'S EVERYWHERE.

YOU'RE FIRED. CLEAN OUT YOUR LOCKER.

I GOT A LOCKER?

HAD A LOCKER. NOW GET YOUR STUFF

AND HOLY MACKEREL, THIS IS DELICIOUS.

FROM SCRATCH.

WE JUST LOST OUR PREPARED FOOD GUY. ARE YOU AVAILABLE?

I JUST GOT FIRED. SO, I BELIEVE I AM.

WOULD I BE ABOVE OR BELOW BARRY?

WHO'S BARRY?

[D

[DOO

[DOORB

[DOORBEL

[DOORBELL

[DOORBELL RI

[DOORBELL RING

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[CHUCKLES]

HEY. HEY, EDDIE.

JOY, COME HERE. COME HERE!

OHH.

LOOK AT YOU. OH, HI.

HEY. ALL RIGHT. WELL,

MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME.

I'M RUNNING A LITTLE BEHIND WITH THE HORS D'OEUVRES.

I HAD A CRAZY DAY AT WORK TODAY.

AT THE TRAVEL AGENCY!

WE CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR ABOUT THAT. WHOO!

[CHUCKLES] OK.

OK, HONEY!

OH, NICE. OK.

RIGHT OVER THERE. OK. ALL RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE DO-- YOU'RE DOING GREAT,

BUT YOU GOT TO-- YOU GOT TO BRING IT DOWN A NOTCH.

REALLY? YEAH.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WELL, SEE,

WHAT YOU DID YESTERDAY AT THE SUPERMARKET,

IT WAS AMAZING. ACTUALLY, IT WAS A LITTLE--

A LITTLE TOO AMAZING. SEE, YOU WERE HITTING EVERYTHING

TOO PERFECTLY. YOU KNOW?

HER JOB, HER LOVE OF MUSICALS.

YOU KNOW, YOU GOT TO JUST EASE A LITTLE ON THE NOSE.

BUT YOU TOLD US TO TALK ABOUT THOSE THINGS.

OK, LOOK. I DON'T THINK WE HAVE TO POINT FINGERS, OK?

ALL I'M TRYING TO SAY IS,

JOY'S GETTING A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS. OK?

SO, YOU KNOW, WE JUST WANT TO MAKE IT A LITTLE LOW KEY

AND LET'S BE MORE NATURAL,

YOU KNOW, LIKE ACTUALLY ACT LIKE YOU'RE INTERESTED

IN WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY.

BUT WE ARE INTERESTED IN WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY.

YEAH. OK. WE ALL ARE. OK.

OK! WHO'S READY FOR HORS D'OEUVRES?

OK, HERE SHE COMES. SO JUST, YOU KNOW,

JUST HAVE FUN AND TAKE MY LEAD.

I'VE GOT STUFFED MUSHROOMS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE STUFFED WITH--

HOPEFULLY, SOMETHING THAT TASTES BETTER THAN MUSHROOMS.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[BOTH LAUGH]

SO...

SO, JOY, TELL US ABOUT THIS CRAZY DAY OF YOURS.

YEAH.

OH, WELL, IT'S JUST INSIDE TRAVEL AGENCY STUFF.

I'M SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THAT, DO YOU?

SURE WE DO. WE'RE FASCINATED.

WELL, WE'RE NOT, UH--

WE'RE NOT FASCINATED, SWEETIE.

WE'RE INTERESTED IN A CASUAL WAY.

OK, WELL,

HERE'S SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TODAY THAT'S KIND OF FUNNY.

THERE'S THIS FAMILY CALLED THE VALENZUELAS,

AND WE BOOKED THEM ON A TRIP TO VENEZUELA.

SO, ALL DAY LONG, WE WERE LIKE,

"THE VALENZUELAS ARE IN VENEZUELA."

"IN VENEZUELA, THERE ARE IN VALENZUELAS."

ALL DAY.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[LAUGHTER]

OK, WHAT...

THE HELL IS--

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

THERE'S A FLY. [INDISTINCT]

WHAT IS GOING ON?

NOTHING IS GOING ON.

YOU'RE TELLING A SOMEWHAT AMUSING TALE,

AND PEOPLE ARE JUST, YOU KNOW,

APPROPRIATELY LAUGHING. THAT'S ALL.

OK. DID HE TELL YOU

THAT I WANTED YOU TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME?

UH, ACTUALLY, I--

I--I DON'T--

I--I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT?

STOP IT. THAT IS ENOUGH.

THIS IS OVER NOW.

JOY, THE TRUTH IS,

YOUR HUSBAND DID TELL US TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO YOU,

AND THEN HE THOUGHT YOU WERE ON TO US,

SO HE TOLD US TO BRING IT DOWN.

FRANKLY, THIS HAS ALL BEEN VERY STRESSFUL.

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU.

I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE EMBARRASSED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

HONEY...

WOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

YOU GUYS BLEW IT.

Man on TV: AND SO, THAT NIGHT,

PRESIDENT TRUMAN WENT TO BED

KNOWING THAT, IN THE MORNING,

HE WOULD FACE A FATEFUL DECISION.

YOU KNOW WHO REALLY WOULD HAVE ENJOYED THIS?

S-STEPHEN AND SIMONA.

BOY, I REALLY DID LOVE THEM.

[CHEERING]