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00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:05,872
♪ I LIKE COFFEE,
TEA'S YOUR BAG ♪
2
00:00:05,872 --> 00:00:08,174
♪ THOUGH IT MAKES
NO SENSE, IT'S TRUE ♪
3
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:11,077
♪ THERE'S NO ME
WITHOUT YOU ♪
4
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:14,748
{\an8}Joely Fisher:
'TIL DEATH IS FILMED IN FRONT
OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
5
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,318
{\an8}[ALL LAUGH]
6
00:00:21,654 --> 00:00:22,856
{\an8}HEY.
7
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,324
{\an8}WHEN YOU SAID
YOU HAD A DATE
TONIGHT,
8
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:26,526
{\an8}I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
MEANT A PLAY DATE.
9
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:27,827
{\an8}THIS GIRL JULIA
I'M SEEING,
10
00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:29,095
{\an8}SHE HAS
A DEADLINE AT WORK
11
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:30,263
{\an8}AND HER BABYSITTER QUIT,
12
00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:31,798
{\an8}SO, I TOLD HER
I'D WATCH HER BOYS.
13
00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:34,801
{\an8}WELL, I FEEL LIKE
A MINORITY IN MY
OWN HOUSE.
14
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:40,173
{\an8}NOW I KNOW HOW
BRAD PITT FEELS.
15
00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:46,880
{\an8}THIS IS CHUNG HO,
CHUNG HE, AND, UH,
16
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,481
{\an8}WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?
17
00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:52,018
{\an8}ERNIE.
18
00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:53,787
{\an8}WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU GUYS ARE
OLD ENOUGH
19
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:56,222
{\an8}TO HAVE A FAVORITE
PLACE ON THE COUCH,
20
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:57,957
{\an8}BUT I AM, SO SCOOCH.
21
00:00:57,957 --> 00:01:00,160
{\an8}COME ON. OVER.
22
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:01,528
{\an8}I HOPE YOU BROUGHT
ENOUGH FOOD FOR EVERYBODY,
23
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:03,163
{\an8}'CAUSE THESE KIDS
ARE STARVING.
24
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,131
{\an8}OH, THERE'S A PIZZA
IN THE FREEZER.
25
00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:06,166
{\an8}OH, THERE WAS PIZZA.
26
00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:07,233
{\an8}CHUNG HE SNIFFED
THAT THING OUT
27
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:10,703
{\an8}AND ATE IT FROZEN.
28
00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:17,177
{\an8}WOULD YOU KIDS
LIKE TO SPLIT
A CURLY FRY?
29
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:18,478
{\an8}EASY.
30
00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:19,479
{\an8}BUT--
31
00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:21,181
{\an8}BUT...
32
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:23,683
{\an8}KENNY.
33
00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:24,684
{\an8}I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
34
00:01:24,684 --> 00:01:27,120
{\an8}GO EAT THAT STUFF
IN THE KITCHEN, BOYS.
35
00:01:29,055 --> 00:01:30,590
{\an8}OK, HOW DO I LOOK?
36
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:31,925
{\an8}HONEY, I'VE
BEEN SEEING IT
37
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,259
{\an8}FOR 23 YEARS
OF OUR MARRIAGE,
38
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,462
{\an8}YOU ALWAYS--
39
00:01:35,462 --> 00:01:39,933
{\an8}WHAT THE HELL
IS THAT?
40
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,134
{\an8}WHAT? WHAT'S
WRONG WITH IT?
41
00:01:41,134 --> 00:01:42,335
{\an8}W-WELL, NOTHING.
42
00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:44,003
{\an8}BUT YOU'RE USING
ALL THE BUTTONS
43
00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:46,372
{\an8}AND YOU'RE
LEAVING SOMETHING
TO THE IMAGINATION.
44
00:01:46,372 --> 00:01:47,774
{\an8}I WANNA LOOK NICE.
45
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,275
{\an8}I'M GOING OUT WITH
MY NEW FRIEND EILEEN.
46
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,177
{\an8}YOU KNOW, THE ONE
I MET AT THE MUSEUM?
47
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:52,846
{\an8}MUSEUM?
48
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:55,548
{\an8}YEAH, IT WAS RAINING.
I WENT IN TO STEAL
AN UMBRELLA.
49
00:01:55,548 --> 00:01:56,683
{\an8}I LIKE MUSEUMS.
50
00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,284
{\an8}THEY GOT THOSE GUARDS
WITH THOSE BIG FURRY HATS.
51
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:01,087
{\an8}TRYING TO MAKE 'EM LAUGH.
THEY WON'T LAUGH.
52
00:02:01,988 --> 00:02:05,024
{\an8}THAT'S BUCKINGHAM PALACE.
53
00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:06,326
{\an8}OHH.
54
00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:08,995
{\an8}THEN, I'VE NEVER BEEN
TO A MUSEUM BEFORE.
55
00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:10,330
{\an8}ANYWAY, SHE IS SMART
56
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,132
{\an8}AND SHE'S COOL
AND SHE'S CLASSY.
57
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,967
{\an8}SO, HERE'S WHAT
I NEED YOU TO DO.
58
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,101
{\an8}JOY, RELAX.
59
00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:16,102
{\an8}I MAKE A GREAT
FIRST IMPRESSION.
60
00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:17,303
{\an8}[DOORBELL]
61
00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:18,505
{\an8}OF COURSE, YOU DO.
LISTEN, KENNY.
62
00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:20,840
{\an8}IF I INTRODUCE YOU
AS MY HUSBAND,
63
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,008
{\an8}JUST GO WITH IT.
64
00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:23,243
{\an8}WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT.
65
00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:24,511
{\an8}I NEED ME
SOME BACK STORY.
66
00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:25,979
{\an8}I MEAN, HOW DO
YOUR PARENTS
FEEL ABOUT US?
67
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:30,416
{\an8}ARE THEY COOL WITH ME,
EVEN THOUGH OUR LOVE
IS TABOO?
68
00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:34,053
{\an8}YOU KNOW WHAT?
NEVER MIND.
69
00:02:34,053 --> 00:02:36,689
{\an8}I'LL JUST GO
WITH FREAK NUMBER ONE.
70
00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:39,959
{\an8}AHEM.
71
00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:40,960
HEY.
HEY.
72
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:41,995
JOY, OH,
YOU LOOK GREAT.
73
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,696
THANK YOU.
AND CUTE HOUSE.
74
00:02:43,696 --> 00:02:44,964
THANK YOU. YEAH.
75
00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:49,035
THREE HUNDRED MORE PAYMENTS
AND IT'S HALF OURS.
76
00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:50,703
EILEEN, THIS IS
OUR FRIEND KENNY.
77
00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:52,172
HI, KENNY.
WHAT'S UP?
78
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,840
AND THIS IS
MY HUSBAND EDDIE.
79
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,543
HI, EDDIE.
HI, EDDIE.
80
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:57,610
OH, I'M EDDIE.
81
00:02:57,610 --> 00:03:00,046
YOU'RE EILEEN.
HI, EILEEN.
82
00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:01,881
FROM EDDIE.
83
00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:03,850
WITH CARE.
84
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,252
OK, WE'RE GONNA
GET GOING.
85
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:09,022
NICE JOB,
BY THE WAY.
86
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,391
SHOULD HAVE GONE
WITH YOU.
87
00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:14,394
[DOOR CLOSES]
88
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:15,395
OH, BOY.
89
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:16,763
OK, THIS IS--
THIS--THIS IS BAD.
90
00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:19,032
THIS IS SO, SO BAD.
91
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,133
YEAH.
92
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,001
HOW DID A SIMPLE HELLO
GO SO WRONG?
93
00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:23,036
NO.
94
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,037
NO, NO.
I KNOW EILEEN.
95
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,338
I DATED EILEEN.
96
00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:27,607
ISN'T EILEEN THE GIRL
WHO JUST LEFT HERE?
97
00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:29,809
YES, YES.
WE USED TO GO OUT.
98
00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:30,843
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
99
00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:33,513
THE GIRL
WHO JUST LEFT HERE.
100
00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:35,348
THE ONE THAT'S
NOT YOUR WIFE.
YES.
101
00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:36,616
YES, I DATED HER
BEFORE I MET JOY
102
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:37,917
FOR, LIKE, 2 MONTHS.
103
00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:40,486
DID SHE LOSE
A TON OF WEIGHT?
104
00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:42,055
NO.
105
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,824
WERE YOU RICH BACK THEN?
106
00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:45,992
ARE YOU DONE?
107
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:48,561
YES.
108
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:49,596
GREEN CARD?
109
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:50,930
I'M BEGGING YOU.
110
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:52,165
ALL RIGHT.
111
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,166
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
112
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,601
I JUST GOTTA TELL JOY.
113
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:56,236
BUT THEN AGAIN,
IF SHE NEVER FINDS OUT,
114
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,137
I JUST OPENED UP A CAN
OF WORMS FOR NOTHING.
115
00:03:58,137 --> 00:04:00,006
WELL, DON'T TELL HER.
LOCK IT UP.
116
00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:01,774
YEAH, BUT SEE,
IF I DON'T TELL HER,
AND THEN SHE FINDS OUT,
117
00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:03,643
THEN IT LOOKS LIKE I WAS
HIDING SOMETHING.
118
00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:04,744
SPILL THE BEANS.
119
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,579
SHOUT IT
FROM THE ROOFTOPS.
120
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,648
YOU--YOU JUST
CAN'T AGREE WITH
EVERYTHING I'M SAYING.
121
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,283
YOU HAVE TO--YOU HAVE
TO COME UP WITH A--A--
122
00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:13,319
I NEED
AN HONEST OPINION.
123
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:15,121
IN MY HONEST OPINION...
124
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:16,422
I DON'T BELIEVE
YOU EVER SLEPT
WITH THAT GIRL.
125
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:27,934
[DOOR OPENS]
126
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:31,070
HEY. HOW DID
YOUR BIG NIGHT OUT
ON THE TOWN GO?
127
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:34,240
OH, SO GREAT.
128
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,676
DO YOU KNOW
HOW AMAZING EILEEN IS?
129
00:04:36,676 --> 00:04:41,014
I DO. I--I MEAN
I CAN IMAGINE
HOW I DO.
130
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,015
WHY DON'T YOU
TELL ME?
131
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,716
WE SPENT
THE ENTIRE EVENING
132
00:04:43,716 --> 00:04:47,887
TALKING ABOUT ART
AND MUSIC AND LITERATURE
133
00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:49,122
AND I ONLY HAD TO PRETEND
134
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,690
LIKE I KNEW
WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT
135
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:53,259
LIKE 30% OF THE TIME.
136
00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:54,661
AND THEY SAID
DRINKING YOUR WAY
137
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,663
THROUGH JUNIOR COLLEGE
WOULDN'T PAY OFF.
138
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,331
I KNOW, RIGHT?
139
00:04:58,331 --> 00:05:00,099
WE JUST HAD
THE BEST TIME.
140
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:01,301
AH, TERRIFIC.
141
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,635
SO, DID MY NAME
COME UP, OR...?
142
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:03,603
YEAH.
143
00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:05,171
IT WAS KINDA FUNNY.
WE WERE AT THE BAR
144
00:05:05,171 --> 00:05:07,173
AND THIS GUY
WAS HITTING ON ME
145
00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:08,875
AND I TOLD HIM
I WAS MARRIED
146
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,576
AND HE ASKED ME
YOUR NAME.
147
00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:13,179
[LAUGHS]
148
00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:15,315
I TOTALLY BLANKED.
149
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,022
LISTEN. HONEY, I HAVE
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
150
00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:25,825
AND--AND I DON'T
WANT TO HURT YOU.
151
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:28,494
[LAUGHING]
152
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,763
I COULDN'T
COME UP WITH IT.
153
00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:31,831
[LAUGHING]
154
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:34,734
FINALLY,
I JUST SAID, "HANK."
155
00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:37,537
WELL, MAYBE I WANT
TO HURT YOU A LITTLE.
156
00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:38,938
UM, HONEY, UM,
157
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:41,107
EILEEN AND I
USED TO GO OUT.
158
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:42,108
WHAT?
159
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:43,843
YEAH, WE USED TO DATE.
160
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,044
DATE?
161
00:05:45,044 --> 00:05:46,713
YOU MEAN LIKE DINNER-
AND-A-MOVIE DATE?
162
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:48,781
UM, MORE LIKE
DINNER-AND-A-MOVIE
163
00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:52,318
AND "YOUR DOG SEEMS
UPSET THAT I'M DOING
THIS TO YOU" DATE.
164
00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:06,632
I'LL HAVE
THE SALAD NICOISE
165
00:06:06,632 --> 00:06:11,237
AND A GLASS OF
THE LE VIEUX DONJON
CHATEAUNEUF DU PAPE.
166
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,175
[SIGHS]
167
00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:18,711
AND I'LL HAVE THE...
168
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:21,180
ALL THE STUFF
SHE JUST SAID.
169
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:23,349
AND FRIES.
170
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,387
SO...
171
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,488
SO.
172
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:29,589
[BOTH SIGH]
173
00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:31,023
WHAT DID YOU WANT
TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?
174
00:06:31,023 --> 00:06:32,225
[SIGHS]
175
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,793
WELL, EILEEN,
IT'S KIND OF AWKWARD.
176
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:36,095
UM, IT'S ABOUT EDDIE.
AHEM.
177
00:06:36,095 --> 00:06:37,397
I DON'T KNOW
QUITE HOW TO SAY THIS.
178
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,198
IS IT ABOUT ME
AND EDDIE DATING?
179
00:06:39,198 --> 00:06:41,200
YES.
OH, THANK GOD.
180
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,169
I REALLY WANTED
TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU
181
00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:44,637
ABOUT IT THE OTHER NIGHT
182
00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:46,272
BUT I JUST--I DIDN'T
THINK IT WAS MY PLACE.
183
00:06:46,272 --> 00:06:47,807
NO, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
184
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:49,208
I JUST--I DIDN'T WANT
THINGS TO BE WEIRD
BETWEEN US.
185
00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:51,210
OH, NO, NO, NO.
OF COURSE NOT.
186
00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:52,779
I MEAN IT WAS
SO LONG AGO.
187
00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:55,815
AND YOU KNOW,
EVEN THOUGH
HE BROKE MY HEART--
188
00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:57,350
REALLY?
189
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,487
HE BROKE YOUR HEART?
190
00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:03,256
OH! OH, YEAH.
191
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:06,726
I WAS DEVASTATED
WHEN HE ENDED IT.
192
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:08,661
REALLY?
193
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:13,232
DEVASTATED
WITH RELIEF?
194
00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:15,701
HA! NO. NO, NO.
195
00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:16,936
I WAS CRUSHED.
196
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,005
I MEAN, I DON'T
HAVE TO TELL YOU
197
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:21,240
WHAT AN AMAZING,
PASSIONATE,
198
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,910
SENSITIVE MAN
YOUR HUSBAND IS.
199
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:26,546
TELL ME.
200
00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:27,580
WELL, I MEAN,
201
00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:30,183
OBVIOUSLY,
HE'S JUST SO SEXY.
202
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,918
OBVIOUSLY.
203
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:35,188
AND, OH, HE HAD
THOSE AMAZING
BIG HANDS.
204
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,489
THEY WERE
ALMOST LIKE--
205
00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:38,124
CIRCUS HANDS?
206
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,392
YEAH. RIGHT?
207
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,561
OOH, AND I REMEMBER
HE USED TO WEAR
208
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:47,633
THIS REALLY SEXY
SHARK-TOOTH CHOKER.
209
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:50,436
YEAH, THAT'S IN A BOX
IN THE ATTIC, LABELED
210
00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:54,674
"DO NOT OPEN
UNLESS YOU'RE
DON JOHNSON."
211
00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:55,875
SO FUNNY.
212
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,510
OH! THAT REMINDS ME.
213
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,145
DOES HE STILL
SLICK HIS HAIR BACK
LIKE PAT RILEY?
214
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,980
NO, HE STOPPED
AFTER STAINING
HIS THIRD LAY-Z-BOY.
215
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,319
THANK YOU.
216
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,055
YEAH, HE'S JUST
SUCH A REGULAR GUY,
YOU KNOW?
217
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,090
MANLY,
NO PRETENSIONS.
218
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:12,859
OH! AND SO FUNNY.
219
00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:15,928
DOES HE STILL DO
ALL THOSE HILARIOUS
IMPRESSIONS?
220
00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:19,031
HE DOES IMPRESSIONS.
221
00:08:19,031 --> 00:08:21,934
WELL, HE ALWAYS
HAD ME LAUGHING.
222
00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:23,302
EXCEPT WHEN I
WASN'T LAUGHING.
223
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:30,710
I'M SORRY. IS THAT
INAPPROPRIATE?
224
00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:33,012
NO, IT'S FASCINATING.
225
00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:40,753
HEY, HONEY.
HOW WAS YOUR LUNCH?
226
00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:44,557
WHOA. WHOA, WHOA.
227
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,693
WAIT A MINUTE.
I GOT--
228
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:50,596
I GOT--I GOT
RUSSIAN DRESSING
RUNNING DOWN MY CHIN.
229
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:53,032
LEAVE IT. IT'S MANLY
AND UNPRETENTIOUS.
230
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,935
YEAH, BUT IT'S MIXING IN
WITH MY NECK SWEAT.
231
00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:59,539
TAKE ME TO BED,
YOU BIG, SEXY
CIRCUS FREAK.
232
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,474
OK.
233
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:04,043
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
FOR AFTER.
234
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,978
[SIGHS]
235
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:10,850
AH, LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY
HAD THE OYSTERS.
236
00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:12,084
THAT'S RIGHT.
237
00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:14,987
JOKE IT UP, FUNNY
MAN. MAMA LIKE.
238
00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:31,504
HOW MANY OF THESE
DO I HAVE TO EAT
239
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:34,206
BEFORE THEY
CONSIDER IT STEALING?
240
00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:36,709
ONE, SIR.
241
00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:40,446
WOW! IN THAT CASE,
I'M TWO GRAND DEEP
IN THE NUT BIN.
242
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:45,918
CHUNG HE,
243
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:46,919
DO NOT PUT THAT
IN YOUR MOUTH.
244
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,287
I AM NOT PLAYING.
245
00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:49,422
YOU THINK I'M PLAYING?
'CAUSE I'M NOT.
246
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,959
DON'T TEST ME.
DO. NOT. TEST. ME!
247
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:54,093
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
YOU GUYS JUST LOST
248
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:56,195
VIDEO GAMES
FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.
249
00:09:56,195 --> 00:09:57,797
HEY, EDDIE.
WHAT'S UP, MAN?
250
00:09:57,797 --> 00:09:59,932
HEY, HEY. LOOKS LIKE
YOU GOT YOUR HANDS
FULL, HUH?
251
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:05,204
YEAH, YOU REALLY START
TO SEE YOURSELF
IN 'EM, YOU KNOW?
252
00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:07,273
IT'S UNCANNY.
253
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,507
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN THE SUPERMARKET?
254
00:10:08,507 --> 00:10:10,009
OH, JUST A LITTLE
SHOPPING.
255
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:11,243
I'M GONNA BE COOKING
DINNER TONIGHT
256
00:10:11,243 --> 00:10:13,145
FOR MY LADIES,
JOY AND EILEEN.
257
00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:15,281
OH, SO, JOY NEVER
FOUND OUT ABOUT YOU TWO.
258
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,849
SHE DID FIND OUT.
AND GUESS WHAT?
259
00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:20,119
TURNS OUT THAT
EILEEN REALLY
NEVER GOT OVER ME.
260
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,253
EILEEN.
261
00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:22,455
THE HOT GIRL
THAT WAS AT YOUR HOUSE.
262
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,589
YES.
263
00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:25,124
AND EVERY TIME
THEY'RE HANGING OUT,
264
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:26,592
SHE ALWAYS TELLS JOY
ABOUT ALL THE THINGS
265
00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:28,260
SHE USED TO LOVE
ABOUT ME.
266
00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:29,495
GETS JOY ALL PUMPED UP,
267
00:10:29,495 --> 00:10:31,297
SHE COMES HOME
AND ROCKS MY WORLD.
268
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,432
OH, SO, BECAUSE
ANOTHER WOMAN
THINKS YOU'RE COOL,
269
00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:35,434
NOW JOY SEES YOU
IN A WHOLE NEW LIGHT.
270
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:36,469
EXACTLY.
271
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:37,503
LAST NIGHT, WE DID
IT FACE TO FACE,
272
00:10:37,503 --> 00:10:40,206
EYES OPEN,
NO ALCOHOL.
273
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,341
WOW.
274
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,614
[DOORBELL RINGS]
275
00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:50,616
EILEEN'S HERE.
EDDIE, WILL YOU GET IT?
276
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:52,051
Eddie: GOT IT.
277
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:53,586
Joy: OK.
278
00:11:01,794 --> 00:11:02,795
HI, EDDIE.
279
00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:04,930
HIYA, KID.
280
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:07,400
YOU'RE LOOKIN' GOOD.
281
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:09,969
AM I?
282
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,944
CAN I, UH,
TAKE YOUR COAT?
283
00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:20,513
OH, THANK YOU.
284
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,615
JUST PUT 'EM
RIGHT THERE
IN THESE BIG PAWS.
285
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:24,483
EH?
286
00:11:24,483 --> 00:11:25,618
THANK YOU.
287
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,319
WHY DON'T I TELL
JOY YOU'RE HERE.
288
00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:29,355
OR MAYBE I'LL HAVE
HERMAN MUNSTER TELL HER.
289
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,556
[IMITATING HERMAN MUNSTER]
290
00:11:30,556 --> 00:11:32,958
UH--UH--UH--UH,
JOY, KIDS, GRANDPA,
291
00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:36,162
UH--UH, EILEEN'S HERE.
292
00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:39,231
I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE
TWO SECONDS,
293
00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:41,033
HE'S ALREADY
GOT ME LAUGHING.
294
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,035
OH, THAT'S
MY EDDIE.
295
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,036
HEY, DO
ANOTHER ONE.
296
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,271
DO, UM,
AL PACINO.
297
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:47,139
OH, NO, I DON'T
WANT TO SHOW--
298
00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:49,041
[IMITATING AL PACINO]
DON'T--DON'T
TELL YOU WHAT TO DO
299
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,309
IN MY OWN HOUSE.
300
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:52,878
LIKE AN OLD--
LIKE AN OLD COCKROACH.
301
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,346
JOY, THANK YOU
FOR HAVING ME OVER,
302
00:11:54,346 --> 00:11:56,382
AND FOR SHARING
YOUR HUSBAND WITH ME
FOR A NIGHT.
303
00:11:56,382 --> 00:12:00,086
DON'T FORGET.
I'M TAKING HIM BACK
IN THE MORNING.
304
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,721
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M GONNA DO?
305
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:02,988
MAKE YOURSELF
COMFORTABLE.
306
00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:04,190
PLEASE, BOTH OF YOU.
307
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:05,424
I'M GONNA GO
INTO THE KITCHEN
308
00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:07,026
AND WHIP UP SOME
BRANDY ALEXANDERS
309
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:10,096
AND WE'RE GONNA GET
THIS PARTY STARTED.
310
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:14,700
I WANT SODA.
311
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:15,835
HEY, I TOLD
YOU BOYS.
312
00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:16,902
NO DRINKS UNTIL
AFTER THE MOVIE.
313
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:18,137
WHY DO YOU GET SODA?
314
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:19,572
BECAUSE WHEN I GO
TO THE BATHROOM,
315
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:20,873
I DON'T NEED
SOMEBODY TO GO
WITH ME
316
00:12:20,873 --> 00:12:22,541
TO HELP TAKE
MY PANTS OFF.
317
00:12:22,541 --> 00:12:23,542
[GASPS]
318
00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:26,245
MOMMY!
319
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,980
JULIE, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
320
00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:29,014
I THOUGHT YOU
WERE WORKING?
321
00:12:29,014 --> 00:12:30,883
AND WHO'S THIS GUY?
322
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:32,384
THAT'S MOMMY'S BOYFRIEND.
323
00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:34,854
I THOUGHT I WAS
MOMMY'S BOYFRIEND.
324
00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:36,122
[CHILDREN LAUGH]
325
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:38,891
HEY, HEY.
I'M RICK.
326
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:40,059
WHAT'S GOING ON, JULIE?
327
00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:41,527
[SIGHS]
I'M SORRY, KENNY.
328
00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:44,263
WHAT DOES THIS GUY HAVE
THAT I DON'T HAVE?
329
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:45,731
BESIDES GREAT LOOKS,
330
00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:46,866
AWESOME CLOTHES,
331
00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:50,002
AND A SUPER-BOWL RING?
332
00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:51,470
I--IF IT MAKES YOU
FEEL ANY BETTER,
333
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:53,539
YOU'VE BEEN DOING
A GREAT JOB.
334
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:55,341
AND THE KIDS
JUST LOVE YOU.
335
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:58,210
YEAH, HE WAS GONNA
TAKE US TO SEE
DEATH TROOPERS 4.
336
00:12:58,210 --> 00:12:59,812
Y-YOU WERE GOING
TO TAKE THEM
337
00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:01,480
TO SEE
A PG-13 MOVIE?
338
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,882
YOU ARE IN NO POSITION
339
00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:04,950
TO BE QUESTIONING
MY PARENTING SKILLS
RIGHT NOW.
340
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,319
THIS IS OVER. THAT'S IT.
341
00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:11,524
PRACTICE YOUR PIANO.
342
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:14,760
YOU STOP
SETTING THINGS ON FIRE.
343
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,128
AND YOU DRINK
THIS WHOLE SODA
344
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:18,664
AND MAKE RICK TAKE YOU
TO THE BATHROOM.
345
00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:22,334
Y'ALL BE COOL.
346
00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:26,138
[EDDIE LAUGHING]
OH, MY, THAT IS--
347
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:29,008
THAT IS WHY
THE GIRAFFE SAID,
348
00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:31,410
"THE HIGH BALLS ARE ON ME."
349
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:34,513
[ALL LAUGHING]
350
00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:38,284
ALL RIGHT.
OH, MY, MY, MY.
351
00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:41,554
OH, THIS IS
JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.
352
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,422
WELL, ACTUALLY, IT
ISN'T LIKE OLD TIMES
353
00:13:43,422 --> 00:13:46,592
BECAUSE THE THREE OF US
HAVE NEVER BEEN
TOGETHER BEFORE.
354
00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:49,328
SO, IT'S KIND OF LIKE
TWO OLD TIMES
355
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:55,034
WOVEN INTO ONE
VERY SPECIAL NEW TIME.
356
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:57,636
HERE'S TO SPECIAL
NEW TIMES.
357
00:13:57,636 --> 00:13:58,971
PERFECT.
358
00:13:58,971 --> 00:14:00,272
HEY, OK, OK.
359
00:14:00,272 --> 00:14:03,042
I DON'T WANT
TO EMBARRASS
ANYBODY HERE,
360
00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:04,910
BUT, UM...
361
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:06,412
I BROUGHT PICTURES.
362
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:07,646
NO!
363
00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:08,781
YES!
NO!
364
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:09,882
OH, YEAH.
365
00:14:09,882 --> 00:14:10,883
BRING 'EM
ON, SISTER.
366
00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:12,384
HERE'S THAT.
367
00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:13,385
YEAH.
368
00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:14,553
[ALL LAUGHING]
369
00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:16,789
IT'S '80s EDDIE.
370
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:22,828
IT MUST HAVE TAKEN
A WHOLE PARACHUTE
TO MAKE THOSE PANTS.
371
00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:24,230
UH, WAIT.
372
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:27,366
I HAVE SOME
EDDIE PICTURES
OF MY OWN.
373
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,034
NO, NO!
374
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,704
DO NOT--YOUNG LADY,
DO NOT BRING OUT THAT
FLOWERED PHOTO ALBUM.
375
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,172
NOT THE FLOWERED ONE!
376
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:35,507
YOU'RE NOT BRINGING IT.
DO NOT BRING IT OUT.
377
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:36,408
I WILL KILL YOU.
378
00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:38,911
I WILL KILL YOU
IF YOU OPEN--
379
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,012
[LAUGHING]
380
00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:41,547
I HAVE ONE
WITH A MULLET,
381
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,116
MUTTON CHOPS AND
A BIKER JACKET.
382
00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:45,818
NO!
LOOK IT.
383
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:46,819
GOOD LORD!
384
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:49,555
OH, YOU DIDN'T.
385
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,024
LOOK--LOOK--LOOK.
386
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:53,459
I HAVE TO--I HAVE TO--
387
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:56,462
I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE
IN A MOTORCYCLE GANG.
388
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:58,764
BUT IT LOOK--IT
REALLY WASN'T A GANG.
389
00:14:58,764 --> 00:14:59,965
IT WAS MORE LIKE A CLUB.
390
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:03,802
IT WAS ME
AND TWO DENTISTS, OK?
391
00:15:03,802 --> 00:15:05,404
OH, WAIT.
OH, WAIT.
392
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:09,642
OK, HERE'S ONE OF EDDIE
IN AN R.E.O. SPEEDWAGON
T-SHIRT.
393
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:10,709
OOH!
OH, YEAH.
394
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:12,011
OK, SEE NOW,
THAT WAS A GAG.
395
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:13,746
THAT WAS A GAG.
THAT WAS NOT MY SHIRT.
396
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:14,947
HERE'S, UH, HERE'S HIM
397
00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:16,048
IN A DIFFERENT
R.E.O. SPEEDWAGON T-SHIRT
398
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:17,983
AT AN R.E.O. SPEEDWAGON
CONCERT.
399
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:19,251
OK. ALL RIGHT. LOOK.
400
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:20,753
I'M NOT--I'M
NOT GONNA LIE.
401
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:21,887
I LOVED THE WAGON.
402
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:22,888
YOU KNOW, I, ACTUALLY,
403
00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:23,989
I THINK
THAT CONCERT
404
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,925
WAS THE LAST DATE
WE EVER WENT ON.
405
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,126
REALLY?
THE LAST ONE?
406
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:28,661
YEAH, YOU KNOW,
'CAUSE I REMEMBER,
407
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,095
YOU BROKE UP WITH ME
RIGHT WHEN WE GOT
BACK INTO THE CAR.
408
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,131
AND THEN, IT TOOK US,
LIKE, 90 MINUTES
409
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:33,432
TO GET OUT
OF THE PARKING LOT.
410
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:34,466
YES, YES, YES!
411
00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:35,968
I REMEMBER--
AND THEY WERE PLAYING
412
00:15:35,968 --> 00:15:37,736
ALL THOSE BREAKUP SONGS
ON THE RADIO.
413
00:15:37,736 --> 00:15:38,804
THAT WAS TORTURE.
414
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:39,838
IT MUST HAVE
BEEN BRUTAL.
415
00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:40,873
OH, IT WAS
TOTALLY BRUTAL.
416
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:42,207
IT WAS BRUTAL.
417
00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:44,109
IT WAS THE CRAZIEST
BREAK UP I'VE EVER HAD.
418
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,244
REALLY?
YEAH.
419
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:46,245
OH, MY GOD.
I FEEL HORRIBLE.
420
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:47,613
OH, IT WAS ME.
WAS IT REALLY?
421
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:48,847
NO.
OHH.
422
00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:49,982
I'M SURE THE WHOLE THING
WAS MY FAULT.
423
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:51,283
NO, CAN I BE HONEST?
424
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:53,419
IT WAS NOTHING
THAT YOU DID, YOU KNOW?
425
00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:56,021
AND IT WAS KINDA MEANT
TO BE WE WERE BROKEN UP.
426
00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:57,356
'CAUSE THEN
I FOUND MY GIRL
427
00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:59,425
AND I ENDED UP WITH
THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.
428
00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:00,592
LUCKY MAN.
429
00:16:00,592 --> 00:16:02,261
AND ANYWAY, YOU WERE
WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE.
430
00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:04,964
OH, COME ON.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
431
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,165
NO, NO. REALLY.
432
00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:08,968
I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU.
LOOK AT ME.
433
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,703
YOU KNOW?
434
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,404
ALL I WAS THINKING
IS HOW CAN I SPEND
THE REST OF MY LIFE
435
00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:14,239
WALKIN' DOWN THE STREET
WITH EVERYBODY GOING,
436
00:16:14,239 --> 00:16:16,041
"WHAT THE HELL
HAPPENED THERE?"
437
00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:18,210
EDDIE! NO,
THAT IS NOT TRUE.
438
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:19,979
NO, SERIOUSLY.
IT IS.
439
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,613
AM I RIGHT?
I MEAN, WE ARE LIKE
440
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:24,583
IN TWO DIFFERENT GALAXIES,
ME AND HER.
441
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:26,418
NO, EDDIE, STOP.
442
00:16:26,418 --> 00:16:29,922
NO, IT'S LIKE,
SEE, YOU'RE THE GIRL
I GET IN THE MOVIES,
443
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,557
YOU SEE,
BUT IN REAL LIFE,
444
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:34,126
I PROBABLY END UP
WITH SOMEONE LIKE,
I DON'T KNOW--
445
00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:37,129
ME?
EXACTLY!
446
00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:46,338
AND THAT'S WHY...
447
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:51,210
REAL LIFE IS BETTER
THAN THE MOVIES.
448
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,846
THE END.
449
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,914
WHO'S UP FOR CHARADES?
450
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:12,297
UM, EVERY--EVERYTHING'S
CLEANED UP DOWN THERE.
451
00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:14,266
I DID THE DISHES
452
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:16,035
AND PUT EVERYTHING AWAY.
453
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,237
GOOD LUCK FINDING
YOUR SALAD TONGS,
454
00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:22,074
BECAUSE, UH, LORD KNOWS
WHAT DRAWER I PUT THEM IN.
455
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:26,211
[CHUCKLES] OH,
MEN ARE SO STUPID.
456
00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:31,383
HEY.
457
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,719
WHAT A NIGHT, HUH?
458
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,654
BOY, THOSE
BRANDY ALEXANDERS,
459
00:17:35,654 --> 00:17:39,958
THEY SURE MAKE YOU SAY
THINGS YOU DON'T MEAN, HUH?
460
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:41,827
WOW. AM I RIGHT?
461
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:45,931
HONEY, YOU SEEM
A LITTLE TENSE.
462
00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:50,702
HOW ABOUT A SHOULDER MASSAGE
FROM MR. BIG-HANDS, HMM?
463
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:53,872
THAT'S IT, MMM.
464
00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:55,841
OK.
465
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:57,209
MAYBE HERMAN MUNSTER
COULD GIVE YOU A MASSAGE.
466
00:17:57,209 --> 00:17:59,445
[IMITATING HERMAN MUNSTER]
RUB A DUB DUB, LILY.
467
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:02,047
[NORMAL VOICE]
OK, ALL RIGHT.
468
00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:03,649
OK.
469
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:05,717
IT'S ALL RIGHT,
IF IT'S NOT
WORKIN' FOR YA.
470
00:18:05,717 --> 00:18:09,755
SO JUST--JUST TELL ME
WHERE I AM HERE.
471
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,623
IS THIS GO-SLEEP-
ON-THE-COUCH BAD,
472
00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:15,828
OR SHOULD I BE LOOKING
FOR A CORPORATE APARTMENT
DOWN BY THE AIRPORT?
473
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:18,063
YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
474
00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:20,299
JOY, HONEY, LOOK...
475
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,167
I'M SORRY ABOUT
WHAT I SAID.
476
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:25,270
I WAS JUST
TRYING TO MAKE
EILEEN FEEL BETTER.
477
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:26,939
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
478
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,774
IT WAS THE FIRST
TIME THAT I EVER
HAD TO GIVE A WOMAN
479
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:32,344
A "SORRY I BROKE
YOUR HEART" SPEECH.
480
00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:38,517
IT'S HOW TO GIVE A WOMAN A
"SORRY I BROKE YOUR FOOT"
SPEECH.
481
00:18:38,517 --> 00:18:40,552
LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, PAL.
482
00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:42,955
I AM WAY OUT
OF YOUR LEAGUE.
483
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,423
ABSOLUTELY.
484
00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:45,557
I MEAN, I COULD HAVE HAD
A MILLION GUYS
485
00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:46,558
THAT WERE BETTER THAN YOU.
486
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:47,993
TWO MILLION.
OK.
487
00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:49,828
AND WHEN WE WALK
DOWN THE STREET,
488
00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:52,097
PEOPLE LOOK AT US AND THEY SAY,
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED THERE?"
489
00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:53,966
THAT'S RIGHT.
I AM DOWN HERE,
490
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,801
AND YOU ARE
WAY UP HERE.
491
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,703
I MEAN, I'M THE CLASSY ONE.
492
00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:00,806
I LOVE THE OPERA,
I LIKE FINE WINES.
493
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:04,009
I LIKE MUSEUMS.
I AM SOPHISTICATED!
494
00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:06,912
I AM MARRIED
TO THE FRICKIN' QUEEN
OF ENGLAND
495
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:08,213
RIGHT HERE, YES.
496
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:10,215
OH, WHO THE HELL
AM I KIDDING?
497
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:12,217
I DON'T LIKE
ANY OF THAT STUFF.
498
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:15,220
EILEEN'S WAY OUT
OF MY LEAGUE.
499
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:16,488
NO, SHE IS NOT.
500
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:19,892
HONEY, I MET THE WOMAN
STEALING AN UMBRELLA.
501
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:22,194
THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU'RE CRAFTY, SEE?
502
00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:25,430
OK, LOOK,
IF YOU WERE STRANDED
ON A DESERT ISLAND,
503
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:29,268
WHAT WOULD
YOU RATHER BE,
CLASSY OR CRAFTY?
504
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:30,569
HMM?
505
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:32,604
HONEY, CRAFTY IS NOT GOOD.
506
00:19:32,604 --> 00:19:34,273
WHEN YOU WALK DOWN
THE STREET,
507
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:38,477
GUYS DON'T SAY,
"HEY, CHECK OUT THAT GIRL,
SHE'S CRAFTY."
508
00:19:38,477 --> 00:19:40,279
LET ME EXPLAIN
SOMETHING TO YOU.
509
00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:44,516
I DIDN'T WANT A WOMAN
WHO WAS SOPHISTICATED
AND CLASSY.
510
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:48,987
I WANTED YOU.
511
00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:50,055
I-I-I--
512
00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:52,357
I LOVE THAT WE
SEASON-PASS COPS.
513
00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:57,062
I LOVE HOW AT BEST
YOU CAN ONLY NAME
20 STATES.
514
00:19:57,062 --> 00:20:00,566
I LOVE HOW WE PRETEND
WE'RE IN AN ARGUMENT
515
00:20:00,566 --> 00:20:01,900
WHEN WE GO TO
THE SUPERMARKET
516
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:09,575
SO WE DON'T HAVE
TO REGISTER TO VOTE.
517
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:12,177
I LOVE THOSE THINGS, TOO.
518
00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:13,545
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
519
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:19,284
EILEEN WISHES
SHE HAD SOMETHING
THAT WE HAVE.
520
00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:21,420
WHAT DO WE HAVE?
521
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:24,556
EACH OTHER.
522
00:20:26,358 --> 00:20:28,227
RIGHT.
523
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,195
YEAH.
524
00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:31,196
SO...
525
00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:32,564
WE GOOD?
526
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:35,100
YEAH, WE'RE GOOD.
527
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,136
GOOD.
528
00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:40,072
'CAUSE I WAS LYIN'
ABOUT THE KITCHEN.
529
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,574
IT'S A MESS
DOWN THERE.
530
00:20:47,779 --> 00:20:49,781
HEY, WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
531
00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:51,283
OH, NOTHIN' MUCH.
532
00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:53,218
{\an8}HOW'S YOUR FAMILY?
533
00:20:53,218 --> 00:20:54,786
{\an8}IN TURMOIL.
534
00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:56,588
{\an8}OH, WHAT'S A MATTER?
535
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,624
{\an8}WELL, WENT TO
THE MOVIES TONIGHT,
536
00:20:58,624 --> 00:21:01,460
{\an8}AND I RAN INTO JULIE
AND HER BOYFRIEND.
537
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:04,296
{\an8}TURNS OUT SHE WAS
JUST USING ME.
538
00:21:04,296 --> 00:21:05,964
{\an8}WOW. NEVER SAW
THAT ONE COMING.
539
00:21:05,964 --> 00:21:09,768
{\an8}LOOK, BUDDY,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
YOU'LL GET OVER HER.
540
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:12,804
{\an8}[SCOFFS] I DON'T
CARE ABOUT HER.
541
00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:15,073
{\an8}WELL, WHY ARE YOU
SO UPSET?
542
00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:17,876
{\an8}I MISS MY KIDS.
543
00:21:22,147 --> 00:21:23,515
{\an8}[CHEERING]
39210
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