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1
00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:05,805
{\an8}JOY...HONEY.
2
00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:07,474
{\an8}NOT TONIGHT, EDDIE.
3
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:12,178
{\an8}YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
I LOVE ZEPPELINS.
4
00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:14,280
{\an8}I'M NOT TAKING THEM OUT,
EDDIE.
5
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:18,151
{\an8}I'M TALKING ABOUT BLIMPS,
DIRIGIBLES.
6
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:21,254
{\an8}I'M NOT TAKING THEM OUT,
EDDIE. THEY HURT.
7
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,859
{\an8}I'M GOING TO WRITE A BOOK.
8
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,460
{\an8}YOU'RE KIDDING.
9
00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:28,261
{\an8}YEP.
10
00:00:28,261 --> 00:00:30,163
{\an8}AND I ALREADY HAVE
THE TOPIC.
11
00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:31,664
{\an8}LET ME GUESS. BLIMPS?
12
00:00:31,664 --> 00:00:36,703
{\an8}YES. YES. THE DEFINITIVE
HISTORY OF THE HINDENBURG.
13
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:40,673
{\an8}ARE YOU OR ARE YOU NOT
TRYING TO GET THESE PUPPIES
OUT OF THE HANGAR?
14
00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:43,877
{\an8}WELL, MAYBE I WAS
AT FIRST,
15
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:47,814
{\an8}BUT NOW I AM TALKING ABOUT
ACTUALLY WRITING A BOOK.
16
00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:50,350
{\an8}I CAN TELL YOU THE STORY
OF THE HINDENBURG.
17
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,986
{\an8}THEY BUILT IT,
IT BLEW UP, THE END.
18
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:56,122
{\an8}LISTEN, THERE'S A LOT MORE
TO IT THAN THAT, JOY, OK?
19
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:58,191
{\an8}I THINK THE STORY
OF THE HINDENBURG,
20
00:00:58,191 --> 00:00:59,592
{\an8}TOLD IN MY UNIQUE STYLE,
21
00:00:59,592 --> 00:01:02,562
{\an8}WILL SHINE A LIGHT
ON THE PAST AND FUTURE
22
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,631
{\an8}OF BLIMPING.
23
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,968
{\an8}WHO YOU GONNA GET TO PUBLISH
24
00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:11,571
{\an8}THIS STEAMY, SEXY PAGE-TURNER?
25
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,506
{\an8}WELL, IT JUST SO HAPPENS
THAT THERE IS
A PUBLISHING HOUSE
26
00:01:13,506 --> 00:01:16,376
{\an8}RIGHT HERE IN PHILADELPHIA
THAT DOES HISTORICAL BOOKS.
27
00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:17,777
{\an8}AND I HAPPEN TO HAVE
AN IN THERE,
28
00:01:17,777 --> 00:01:21,948
{\an8}BECAUSE MY UNCLE
CIRCUMCISED ONE OF
THEIR EDITORS.
29
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:24,451
{\an8}YOUR UNCLE WAS A MOHEL?
30
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:28,488
{\an8}NO. HE WAS JUST
A VERY CLUMSY TAILOR.
31
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:35,428
{\an8}ANYWAY, I ALREADY
HAVE THE TITLE.
32
00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:38,164
A GOOD BLIMP
IS HARD TO FIND.
33
00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:39,365
NO.
34
00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:40,700
OH, THE INSANITY.
35
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,102
NO.
36
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,370
BLIMP BIZKIT?
37
00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:45,872
ARE YOU DONE?
38
00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:48,074
DED ZEPPELIN?
39
00:01:48,074 --> 00:01:50,009
AIRSHIP OF FOOLS?
40
00:01:50,009 --> 00:01:51,311
[LAUGHING]
41
00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:54,180
THE NOTORIOUS B-L-I-M-P?
42
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,950
NO.
43
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,885
IT'S GOING TO BE CALLED
44
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:03,690
THE HINDENBURG:
THE END OF AN ERROR.
45
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,291
GET IT?
46
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,728
NO, I DO NOT.
47
00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:11,064
OH, ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'RE DONE.
48
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:13,566
TAKE 'EM OUT.
49
00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:22,142
IN SHORT, THE STORY
OF THE HINDENBURG,
50
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,143
IT HAS EVERYTHING.
51
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,410
UH, LIFE, DEATH,
52
00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:26,412
BIG THINGS BLOWING UP,
53
00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:28,281
UH, NAZIS, HUMOR...
54
00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:30,817
WELL--WELL,
NOT NAZI HUMOR,
55
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,686
BECAUSE, I MEAN, AFTER ALL,
HOW FUNNY WERE THEY?
56
00:02:33,686 --> 00:02:35,955
EXCEPT FOR COLONEL KLINK.
HE WAS PRETTY...
57
00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:37,190
HOGAN!
58
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:39,392
HE WAS--HEH HEH. BUT...
59
00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:41,194
I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT.
60
00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:43,563
BUT I'M A JEW,
SO, YOU KNOW,
61
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:46,299
NAZIS USUALLY
MAKE ME NERVOUS, OK?
62
00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:47,800
BUT WHEN THEY BLOW UP--
63
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,169
[SNAPS FINGERS] I'M IN.
64
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,403
ALL RIGHT.
SO YOU REALLY LOVE IT, HUH?
65
00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:52,872
YEAH, COME ON, ZEPPELINS?
66
00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:54,140
ZEPPELINS!
67
00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:57,010
NOBODY'S TOUCHED ZEPPELINS
FOR YEARS.
68
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,511
I--I--I KNOW.
69
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,747
IT'S THE GREAT UNTOLD STORY
OF THE 20th CENTURY.
70
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:03,917
YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST SAW
THE PROPOSAL YOU HAD
FOR THE ZEPPELIN BOOK,
71
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,252
I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE
ABOUT A HEAVY METAL BAND.
72
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,854
[BOTH LAUGHING]
73
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,857
ALL RIGHT, YEAH,
I USED TO LISTEN
TO THE ZEP A LITTLE BIT.
74
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,058
I THINK.
75
00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:13,826
[LAUGHING]
76
00:03:13,826 --> 00:03:17,096
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T EVEN
LIKE WHEN I SAW THEM
IN CONCERT IN PERSON.
77
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:20,833
WITH ALL OF THE UNDERWEAR
THAT THE WOMEN THREW ON STAGE
78
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:22,035
TO ROBERT PLANT,
79
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,469
YOU'D THINK JUST ONCE,
YOU KNOW,
80
00:03:23,469 --> 00:03:25,038
HE WOULD PUT ON A PAIR.
YOU KNOW?
81
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,306
YEAH.
82
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,074
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET BACK
TO THE BOOK.
83
00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:29,742
I KNOW IT'S A SAD ENDING, OK?
84
00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:33,980
BUT I HAPPEN TO THINK THAT,
UH, ZEPPELINS HAVE TO BE...
85
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,381
FUN!
86
00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:37,016
OH, BUT...THEY ARE.
87
00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:38,318
THEY'RE FUN.
88
00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:40,320
THEY'RE JUST BIG, DOPEY
SKY BALLOONS.
89
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,622
LOOK, THINK OF ME
IF I COULD FLY
90
00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:44,757
AND I HAD A MOTOR
IN MY ASS.
91
00:03:44,757 --> 00:03:46,192
[LAUGHING]
92
00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:47,694
NOW, THAT'S--THAT'S FUNNY.
93
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,929
BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA BE
IN THE BOOK, THOUGH, RIGHT?
94
00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:51,664
NO.
I MEAN, EDDIE, LOOK,
95
00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:53,366
YOU DON'T WANT TO
JOKE YOUR WAY
96
00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:54,601
OUT OF A PUBLISHER, DO YOU?
97
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:57,070
I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT
PAULY SHORE DID.
98
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,238
WELL, YOU'RE THE PUBLISHER.
99
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,405
YEAH.
YEAH.
100
00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:01,708
SO YOU REALLY
WANT TO DO THIS, HUH?
101
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:02,942
YEAH. COME ON, YOU KNOW,
102
00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:06,512
OUR HISTORY DIVISION
IS LIKE WORLD-RENOWNED, MAN.
103
00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:09,616
SO HOW DOES THIS WHOLE
"I'M A REAL WRITER"
THING WORK?
104
00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:11,284
WELL, YOU SIGN
OUR STANDARD CONTRACT
105
00:04:11,284 --> 00:04:13,386
AND WE GIVE YOU
A SMALL ADVANCE
TO START WRITING.
106
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:16,155
SO YOU REALLY, REALLY
WANT TO DO THIS?
107
00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:18,291
YES! YES!
108
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:19,392
HOW MANY TIMES--
109
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:21,227
YOU WERE MADE
FOR THIS COMPANY,
110
00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:23,162
I AM TELLING YOU.
111
00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:26,232
YOU'RE IN. YOU'RE IN.
CONGRATULATIONS, EDDIE.
112
00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:28,935
YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY
AN AUTHOR, OK, BUDDY?
113
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,036
THANK YOU, MILES.
114
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,771
OH, THANK YOU, BUDDY.
115
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,039
UH--UH--BY THE WAY,
116
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:34,307
HOW DID A GUY LIKE YOU
117
00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:36,676
GET A NAME LIKE
MILES TURNERCLIFF?
118
00:04:36,676 --> 00:04:39,779
WELL, MY PARENTS,
THEY COULDN'T AFFORD
A NOSE JOB,
119
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,781
AND THIS WAS MY BEST SHOT.
120
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,418
[LAUGHING]
121
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,489
DOUG?!
122
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:50,957
DOUG?
123
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:53,026
DON'T BE MAD
'CAUSE YOU CAUGHT ME
124
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,560
IN THE GARDEN WITH A...
125
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,562
HOE.
126
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:00,066
I NEED AN EXPLANATION.
127
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:01,668
I FOUND THESE IN THE FAUXFU.
128
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,269
WHATEVER THAT IS.
129
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:04,637
IT'S LIKE TOFU,
130
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:07,473
BUT IT'S FLAVORED WITH
A VARIETY OF RINDS--
131
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:08,941
NO, DOUG.
THESE ARE CHECKS.
132
00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:10,209
THESE ARE CHECKS FROM
YOUR FATHER
133
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:11,644
FOR THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.
134
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:12,679
YEAH, I KNOW.
135
00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:14,280
WELL, THEY WHY HAVEN'T WE
CASHED THEM?
136
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,349
CHECKS TURN INTO MONEY, DOUG,
137
00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:17,684
AND MONEY
TURNS INTO COMFORT,
138
00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:19,519
AND I'M VERY UNCOMFORTABLE
RIGHT NOW.
139
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:22,422
I NEED MASCARA
AND PRETZELS AND THINGS.
140
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:25,725
ALLY, MY FATHER'S MONEY
COMES FROM OIL.
141
00:05:25,725 --> 00:05:28,661
AND HE'S A LEECH.
HE'S AN OIL-SUCKING LEECH
142
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,296
LEACHING THE VITAL
BODILY FLUIDS
143
00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:31,831
OUT OF OUR PRECIOUS GLOBE.
144
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:34,967
THAT'S WHY I'VE DEDICATED
MY LIFE AND TIME
145
00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:36,235
TO EVERYONE ELSE.
146
00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:37,570
TO THE SERVICE OF OTHERS.
147
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:39,505
I'VE VOLUNTEERED
FOR EVERYTHING, ALLY.
148
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,774
I'VE EVEN VOLUNTEERED
TO BE A VOLUNTEER
149
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,142
FOR THE VOLUNTEER PROGRAM.
150
00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:44,911
WELL, THAT'S GREAT.
SOMETHING GOOD
151
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:46,446
HAS COME OUT OF YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FATHER.
152
00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:48,014
YOU'VE HELPED PEOPLE.
153
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,515
YEAH, BECAUSE I NEVER GOT
ANY HELP.
154
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,317
I WAS REJECTED
AND NEGLECTED.
155
00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:54,854
IT'S A MIRACLE I'M NOT
A STANDUP COMEDIAN.
156
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,323
DOUG, I HAVE HEARD ANYTHING
BAD ABOUT YOUR FATHER
157
00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:58,958
FROM ANYBODY BUT YOU.
158
00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:01,094
OH, I TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU DOUBT ME?
159
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,795
I'M GONNA SET UP
AN APPOINTMENT WITH HIM
160
00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:04,831
SO YOU CAN MEET HIM
AND JUDGE FOR YOURSELF.
161
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:06,299
GOOD. YEAH.
YEAH.
162
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:07,734
AND I PROMISE
THAT YOU'RE GONNA WISH
163
00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:10,269
YOU HAD A TIME MACHINE
SO YOU'D GO BACK TO A TIME
164
00:06:10,269 --> 00:06:11,871
WHERE YOU NEVER EVEN
MET HIM.
165
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:15,274
DOUG, HOW MANY TIMES
DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN
THIS TO YOU?
166
00:06:15,274 --> 00:06:16,542
IF PEOPLE COULD TRAVEL
THROUGH TIME,
167
00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:18,177
THEY WOULD ALREADY BE HERE,
168
00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:20,546
BECAUSE THEY WOULD HAVE
INVENTED TIME TRAVEL
IN THE FUTURE,
169
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,081
BUT BECAUSE THEY'RE
NOT HERE FROM THE FUTURE,
170
00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:23,616
YOU CAN'T TRAVEL
THROUGH TIME
171
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:25,284
AND YOU'RE NEVER GONNA
BE ABLE TO TRAVEL
THROUGH TIME
172
00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:26,853
BECAUSE OF
THE TEMPORAL PARADOX.
173
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:29,155
AH, MY DOVE,
BUT WHAT IF TIME
174
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:30,990
WAS NOT A LOOP
BUT IT WAS LINEAR
175
00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:34,727
AND WE'RE STANDING ON
THE FORWARD EDGE OF SPACE AND--
176
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:36,596
CALL YOUR DAMN FATHER!
177
00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:37,764
OK, FINE.
178
00:06:37,764 --> 00:06:40,032
IF I HAVE TIME.
179
00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:42,635
[UNDER HIS BREATH]
STICK THAT IN YOUR
TEMPORAL PARADOX
180
00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:43,736
AND SMOKE IT.
181
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:44,737
I HEARD THAT!
182
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:45,905
I LOVE YOU.
183
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:55,014
WHAT YOU GOT COOKIN'
ON THERE, BLENDERELLA?
184
00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:57,016
[LAUGHS]
185
00:06:57,016 --> 00:06:59,519
A HEALTHY JUICE DRINK.
186
00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:03,723
AND NOW FOR MAMA'S
SPECIAL VITAMINS.
187
00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:05,391
AHH.
188
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,628
VITAMIN V.
189
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:11,631
WELL, I THINK
I HAVE SOME NEWS
190
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:16,002
THAT YOU WILL FIND
EQUALLY INTOXICATING.
191
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:19,138
I DOUBT THAT,
BUT GO AHEAD.
192
00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:20,506
JOY JOY, YOU ARE LOOKING
193
00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:24,577
AT A SOON-TO-BE
PUBLISHED AUTHOR.
194
00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:25,778
NO WAY.
195
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,046
YES WAY, BABY.
196
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:29,582
I SOLD MY BLIMP BOOK!
197
00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:30,583
SERIOUSLY?
198
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:31,317
YES!
199
00:07:31,317 --> 00:07:33,453
HEY, THAT'S GREAT NEWS!
200
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,888
OUR AIRSHIP HAS LANDED,
BABY!
201
00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:37,156
IT'S LANDED!
202
00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:38,558
AND--AND GUESS WHAT
THEY'RE PAYING ME.
203
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:40,259
GUESS WHAT
THEY'RE PAYING ME.
204
00:07:40,259 --> 00:07:42,995
ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
WHOO-HOO!
205
00:07:42,995 --> 00:07:44,163
WHITE TRASH MONEY DANCE.
206
00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:45,298
WAIT, NO--HONEY,
HOLD ON.
207
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,033
OK, HOLD ON.
208
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:49,435
IT'S--IT'S MY DEBUT TOME.
209
00:07:49,435 --> 00:07:51,871
WE'RE NOT IN HARRY POTTER
LAND YET.
210
00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:54,006
BE REALISTIC.
211
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:55,408
HALF A MILLION DOLLARS!
WHOO-HOO!
212
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:57,243
WHITE TRASH MONEY DANCE
213
00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:58,778
AND BREAK IT DOWN.
214
00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:01,881
NO, LISTEN.
IT'S A--IT'S A BOOK
ABOUT BLIMPS.
215
00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:04,250
COME DOWN
A LITTLE BIT, NOW.
216
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:05,518
OK. I DON'T KNOW.
217
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:06,686
10 GRAND?
218
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:07,720
ALMOST.
219
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,021
5?
220
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:11,357
YES. 3,000 DOLLARS!
221
00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:13,292
WHITE TRASH MONEY DANCE!
WHOO!
222
00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:16,028
OH, YEAH, WE ARE GOING
TO SIZZLER.
223
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:17,864
YES, BABY.
224
00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:27,406
[BOTH LAUGHING AND SCREAMING]
225
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,245
I WISH WE HAD DONE THIS
SOONER.
226
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:34,647
IT'S SO NICE HAVING LUNCH
WITH THE TWO OF YOU.
227
00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:36,916
I BET YOUR LOBSTER
DIDN'T FEEL SO HOT, DAD,
228
00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:38,317
WHEN IT WAS BEING
BOILED ALIVE
229
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:40,219
AND SHUCKED
LIKE AN EAR OF CORN.
230
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:42,388
IF LOBSTERS AREN'T MEANT
TO BE FOOD,
231
00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:44,023
WHY DO THEY TASTE SO GOOD?
232
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,525
[GIGGLES]
233
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:48,528
BESIDES, MY LOBSTER
MIGHT HAVE BEEN A SHRIMP-BEATER.
234
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,097
AND WHO DOESN'T LOVE
BATTERED SHRIMP?
235
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,565
AHA!
[ALLY LAUGHING]
236
00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:54,166
[LAUGHING]
237
00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:56,269
OK, WELL, THIS HAS BEEN
A LOT OF FUN,
238
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,504
BUT WE GOTTA GET BACK
AND MULCH THE TOMATOES.
239
00:08:58,504 --> 00:09:01,207
OH, IS THAT WHAT THE KIDS
ARE CALLING IT THESE DAYS?
240
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,643
[LAUGHING] OH, COME ON,
SIT DOWN, DOUG.
241
00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:05,344
I'M ENJOYING MYSELF.
242
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:06,712
NO, YOU TWO CHAT.
243
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,548
I'M GONNA GO WASH
THE STINK OF DEAD CRUSTACEAN
244
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,782
OFF MY SOUL.
245
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,019
OOH. HEH.
246
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:14,253
HE MEANS WELL.
247
00:09:14,253 --> 00:09:16,255
YEAH. I KNOW HE DOES.
248
00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:17,590
THE TRUTH IS, ALLY,
249
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,859
I HAVE NOT BEEN
THE GREATEST FATHER
250
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:21,394
IN ALL OF THE WORLD,
251
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:26,032
SO I TRY TO BUY
EVERYBODY'S AFFECTION
WITH CASH.
252
00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:28,234
IT'S BEEN REMARKABLY
SUCCESSFUL.
253
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:31,137
EXCEPT FOR DOUG.
254
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,939
SOMEHOW HE ENDED UP
WITH PRINCIPLES.
255
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:34,607
I'D HOPED IT WAS JUST A PHASE,
256
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:36,976
BUT APPARENTLY
HE BELIEVES THIS STUFF.
257
00:09:36,976 --> 00:09:38,477
HE DOES.
258
00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:39,779
LOOK...
259
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:42,548
I WANT YOU TO TAKE THIS.
DOUG WON'T CASH MY CHECKS,
260
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:45,251
AND I KNOW YOU GUYS
COULD USE A LITTLE HELP.
261
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,719
I DON'T KNOW, GEORGE.
THAT MIGHT VIOLATE
262
00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:48,921
THE RIGOROUS TRUST
AND HONESTY
THAT DOUG AND I HAVE--
263
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,723
IT'S $10,000 CASH.
264
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,463
I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, ALLY.
265
00:09:57,463 --> 00:10:00,433
I DO.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
266
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,636
DOUG'S FATHER
GAVE ME $10,000.
267
00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:08,407
ALISON MAYWEATHER STARK,
WHAT DID YOU DO?
268
00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:12,812
EEW. NO. NOTHING.
269
00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:15,948
IT WAS GIFT,
AND IT WAS IN CASH.
270
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:19,085
WOW. YOU DON'T SEE CASH
MUCH ANYMORE.
271
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:20,419
I KNOW.
272
00:10:20,419 --> 00:10:21,854
I SLIPPED IT
IN MY UNDERWEAR
273
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:24,323
AND IT MADE ME FEEL
SO DIRTY.
274
00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:25,791
I LIKE THAT.
275
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,460
AND THEN WHEN I GOT HOME,
276
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,395
I PUT IT ON THE BED
AND ROLLED AROUND IN IT.
277
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:32,632
MMM. YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER.
278
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,736
HEY, YOU EVER SIT IN PUDDING?
279
00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:40,573
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.
280
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,942
MAYBE YOU'RE NOT MY DAUGHTER.
281
00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:44,043
BUT HERE'S ONE.
282
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:46,345
YOU EVER--YOU EVER
POUR YOURSELF A HIGHBALL
283
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:49,749
AND SIT ON THE WASHING MACHINE?
284
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,719
SPIN CYCLE?
285
00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:56,922
PAIR OF SNEAKERS IN THERE.
286
00:11:00,926 --> 00:11:02,361
EEW.
287
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:04,363
SORRY.
I THOUGHT WE WERE SHARING.
288
00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:05,531
GO ON.
289
00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:07,400
WELL, HERE'S THE PROBLEM.
290
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,201
DOUG WON'T TAKE MONEY
FROM HIS FATHER.
291
00:11:09,201 --> 00:11:10,936
DON'T TELL HIM
YOU HAVE IT.
292
00:11:10,936 --> 00:11:13,339
WELL, HE'S MY HUSBAND.
DON'T I HAVE TO TELL HIM
EVERYTHING?
293
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,941
[LAUGHING]
294
00:11:15,941 --> 00:11:17,076
YEAH, RIGHT.
295
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:19,211
YOUR FATHER DOESN'T KNOW
MY REAL WEIGHT,
296
00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:21,180
MY REAL HAIR COLOR,
297
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,949
MY REAL... HAIR COLOR.
298
00:11:23,949 --> 00:11:26,218
MY REAL AGE,
299
00:11:26,218 --> 00:11:28,054
WHO YOUR REAL FATHER IS.
300
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:30,289
MOM...
301
00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:31,557
IT'S A JOKE, ALLY.
302
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:32,992
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
SOME OF THAT MONEY
303
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:36,062
AND BUY YOURSELF
A SENSE OF HUMOR?
304
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:38,230
SO WHAT DO I DO, REALLY?
305
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:40,566
[SIGHS] TELL HIM THE TRUTH.
306
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:42,068
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
307
00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:44,303
BUT SPEND IT FIRST.
308
00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:46,072
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
309
00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:50,176
HELLO, BABY.
310
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:51,177
HI.
311
00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:52,178
HI.
312
00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:54,447
MMM.
MMM.
313
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:55,915
WHAT SMELLS SO WEIRD?
314
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:56,882
DO YOU LIKE IT?
315
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,517
IT'S CALLED CLEAN.
316
00:11:58,517 --> 00:12:00,386
I WENT TO THE SPA.
I SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY
317
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,488
BEING SCRUBBED
BY TINY ASIAN WOMEN.
318
00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:04,523
AT THIS MOMENT,
I'M CLEANER THAN YOUR COLON.
319
00:12:04,523 --> 00:12:06,392
OH, THAT'S--THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
320
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,661
I PASSED A PINECONE LAST WEEK.
321
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:11,964
I ALSO WENT
TO THE SUPERMARKET.
322
00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:13,199
TA-DA!
323
00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:15,868
REAL FOOD.
ISN'T IT GREAT?
324
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:18,237
DID MY FATHER
GIVE YOU MONEY?
325
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:21,173
OK, YES, A LITTLE.
326
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:23,876
CAN I MAKE A SANDWICH
AND FEED IT TO YOU NAKED?
327
00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:25,978
HE'S THE TEMPTER, ALLY.
HE TEMPTS.
328
00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:27,913
JUST LIKE YOU'RE
TRYING TO DO RIGHT NOW.
329
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:30,182
I'M TRYING TO MAKE
OUR LIVES BETTER.
330
00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:33,586
ALLY, I TOOK MY FATHER'S
FILTHY BRIBES FOR YEARS.
331
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,154
I DRANK FROM HIS POISONED CUP.
332
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:38,724
UNTIL ONE DAY I WOKE UP
BEHIND THE WHEEL OF MY FERRARI,
333
00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:41,360
PARKED ON THE QUAY
OF ST. JEAN CAP FERRAT
334
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,062
WITH EMMA THOMPSON
SLEEPING IN MY LAP.
335
00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:47,066
AND I THOUGHT,
DOOGER, IT DOESN'T GET
ANY BETTER THAN THIS.
336
00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:50,169
AND I WAS RIGHT. IT DOESN'T
GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT,
337
00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:51,504
BUT IT WASN'T ENOUGH.
338
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,672
AND I REALIZED
IT WOULD NEVER BE ENOUGH.
339
00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:55,908
SO I QUIT. I STOPPED.
340
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:57,910
STOPPED ALL THE DRINKING
AND THE PARTYING
341
00:12:57,910 --> 00:13:00,112
AND THE FAST CARS
AND ALL THE DRUGS.
342
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:03,315
EXCEPT THE NATURALLY OCCURRING
ONES--THOSE ARE DIFFERENT.
343
00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:05,651
HEY, I HOPPED ON THE G-5
AND I FLEW HOME
344
00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:08,521
AND I TOLD MY DAD
THAT I NEVER WANT ANOTHER PENNY
345
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:11,190
OF HIS FILTHY LUCRE.
346
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:13,692
YOU HAD A FERRARI?
347
00:13:13,692 --> 00:13:16,195
I DID.
I'M NOT PROUD OF IT.
348
00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:18,063
YOU CALLED YOURSELF DOOGER?
349
00:13:18,063 --> 00:13:20,199
ALSO NOT PROUD.
350
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:22,535
YOU DATED EMMA THOMPSON?
351
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,537
I'M KIND OF PROUD OF THAT.
352
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:28,107
ISN'T SHE A LITTLE OLD
FOR YOU?
353
00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:31,544
WELL, WE CALLED OURSELVES
THE DOOGER AND THE COUGAR.
354
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,479
ALLY, THE POINT IS,
355
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,282
MONEY IS AN ADDICTION.
356
00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:39,685
AND THE ONLY WAY OUT
IS COLD TURKEY.
357
00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:42,454
BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME
WE HAVE COLD TURKEY.
358
00:13:42,454 --> 00:13:44,490
SO HOW ABOUT
THAT SANDWICH?
359
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:47,126
I WANT YOU TO GIVE BACK
THE MONEY.
360
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:48,894
ALL OF IT?
361
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,162
ALL OF IT.
362
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:53,332
THE ENTIRE...
363
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,201
$500?
364
00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:56,569
ABSOLUTELY.
365
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:59,505
MINUS WHATEVER
YOU'VE ALREADY SPENT.
366
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,241
OK.
367
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:03,676
OK.
368
00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:06,979
[DOORBELL RINGS]
369
00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:08,681
I'LL GET IT.
370
00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:11,817
GOOD EVENING.
371
00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:13,385
ARE YOU THE MAN
OF THE HOUSE?
372
00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:15,421
WHY? WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD?
373
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:16,789
[LAUGHS]
374
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:20,292
NO, NO. I'M DOUG'S FATHER.
GEORGE.
375
00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:23,863
DOUG'S BIOLOGICAL FATHER?
376
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:24,730
RIGHT.
377
00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:28,133
OH. YOU SURE ARE PRETTY.
378
00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:32,371
FOR--FOR A MAN.
379
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,707
YES, I KNOW.
380
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,709
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME
IN THE EIGHTIES.
381
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,445
WHOO! I WAS GORGEOUS.
382
00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:42,681
SO, IS DOUG HERE?
HE CALLED ME.
383
00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:44,783
OH, YES, YES.
PLEASE, COME IN.
384
00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:47,887
HEY, JOY,
COME ON DOWN HERE.
385
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,556
TAKE A LOOK
AT PIGPEN'S DAD.
386
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,024
PLEASE, UH, NO OFFENSE.
387
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:53,092
IT'S JUST I, UH,
388
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:55,294
WELL, I IMAGINED YOU
A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY.
389
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:57,096
AH, WELL, HE TAKES AFTER
HIS MOTHER,
390
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,364
AS I REMEMBER HER.
391
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:02,034
THAT WAS A LOT
OF WIVES AGO.
392
00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:03,369
HER NAME WAS LOTUS.
393
00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:06,605
WE MET AT A BILLIE JEAN KING
INVITATIONAL.
394
00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:11,377
I HAD A SHORT LESBIAN PHASE.
395
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,646
SHE WAS A SHORT LESBIAN.
396
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,782
SHE WAS 5'2",
DROVE AN ICE CREAM TRUCK.
397
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:20,219
SHALL I GO ON?
I FEEL LIKE LEE HARVEY OSWALD.
398
00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:22,855
I'M ACTING ALONE.
399
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,823
HELL, NO. NO.
400
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:27,059
IT'S JUST I--
I FIND IT FASCINATING.
401
00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:29,194
WE HAD A BRIEF AFFAIR,
RESULTING IN DOUG,
402
00:15:29,194 --> 00:15:30,663
WHOM I LOVE,
AND I'D SAY THAT
403
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,198
EVEN IF IT WASN'T MANDATED
BY A COURT ORDER.
404
00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:38,137
OH, HERE'S MY CURRENT
WIFE JOY.
405
00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:41,106
NOT A LESBIAN.
406
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:42,207
STILL CORRECT?
407
00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:43,309
YEAH.
CORRECT.
408
00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:45,878
WELL, WE'RE WORKING ON IT.
409
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:49,281
ANYWAY, THIS,
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
410
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:51,884
IS DOUG'S FATHER GEORGE.
411
00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:55,421
OH, WELL,
HE SURE IS PRETTY.
412
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:56,889
I KNOW! ISN'T HE?
413
00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:59,325
WELL, ENCHANTE.
414
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:00,993
PEPE LE PEW.
415
00:16:02,928 --> 00:16:04,663
WHY DO YOU HAVE 2 LIMOS?
416
00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:08,667
WELL, IN CASE ONE BREAKS DOWN,
YOU NEED A BACKUP.
417
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:13,105
I HAD THE SAME PHILOSOPHY
ABOUT SPOUSES.
418
00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:16,475
GEORGE, I KNOW THIS MAY BE
AN INDELICATE QUESTION,
419
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:18,277
BUT HOW IN GOD'S NAME--
420
00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:19,411
NOT A WRITER?
OIL.
421
00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:21,347
DAMN!
NO.
422
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,283
WHAT'S WITH THE MOTORCADE?
423
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:26,752
IS YOUR HELICOPTER
IN THE SHOP?
424
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:28,487
WELL, I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT
THE HELICOPTER,
425
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:30,456
BUT I DIDN'T WANT
TO EMBARRASS YOU.
426
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:32,524
MOM, DAD,
WOULD YOU EXCUSE US?
427
00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:34,526
THE 3 OF US HAVE TO
TALK OUT AT OUR PLACE.
428
00:16:34,526 --> 00:16:36,428
SURE, HONEY.
429
00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:37,696
WELL...
430
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:40,065
GEORGE, STOP BY ANYTIME.
431
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:41,100
WILL DO.
432
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:42,468
AND LISTEN, REST ASSURED
433
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:44,503
YOUR HELICOPTER
WON'T EMBARRASS US,
434
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:48,807
BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN ARRESTED
FOR PUBLIC URINATION.
435
00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:52,745
AS A COUPLE.
436
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,119
OH, COZY.
437
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:03,022
I'VE GOT ONE OF THESE
AT MY RANCH IN MONTEREY.
438
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:06,725
THE FRUIT PICKERS USE IT
AS AN OUTHOUSE AND CHAPEL.
439
00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:10,662
[GROANS]
440
00:17:10,662 --> 00:17:12,731
SO, I ASSUME
THAT YOU CALLED ME HERE
441
00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:14,666
BECAUSE OF THE MONEY
THAT I GAVE TO ALLY.
442
00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:16,869
YES, I DID.
AND I DON'T LIKE IT.
443
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,337
DOUG, YOU'RE YOUNG.
444
00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:21,006
SOMEDAY YOU'LL APPRECIATE
MONEY FOR WHAT IT IS.
445
00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:22,408
THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL?
446
00:17:22,408 --> 00:17:24,009
YES.
447
00:17:24,009 --> 00:17:26,211
UH, GEORGE, DOUG AND I
HAVE TALKED ABOUT IT,
448
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:27,946
AND AS MUCH AS WE COULD
USE THE MONEY,
449
00:17:27,946 --> 00:17:30,949
AND WE COULD REALLY,
REALLY USE THE MONEY,
450
00:17:30,949 --> 00:17:32,251
UM, DOUG HAS PRINCIPLES.
451
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:35,020
AND YOU CAN'T PUT A PRICE
ON PRINCIPLES.
452
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:37,389
OH, SURE YOU CAN.
IT'S 100 GRAND DOMESTICALLY,
453
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:41,093
A BAG OF RICE AND AN UZI
IN THE THIRD WORLD. YOU KNOW?
454
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:42,995
ANYWAY, UM,
455
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:45,964
WE'VE DECIDED THAT
WE'RE GOING TO JUST--
456
00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:47,466
WHAT?
KEEP IT.
457
00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:50,869
LET'S--LET'S KEEP THE MONEY.
458
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:52,404
I THOUGHT ABOUT IT, ALLY,
459
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:56,075
AND SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO PUT
PEOPLE BEFORE PRINCIPLES.
460
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:59,211
AS EXPLAINED BEAUTIFULLY
BY SPOCK IN THE WRATH OF KHAN
461
00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:01,713
AS HE LAY DYING
IN THE RADIATION CHAMBER
462
00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:04,283
AND HE SAID, AND I QUOTE,
463
00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:06,952
"THE NEEDS OF THE MANY
464
00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:09,855
"OUTWEIGH THE NEEDS
OF THE FEW
465
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:11,557
OR THE ONE."
466
00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:15,727
AND THEN HE--HE PERISHED.
467
00:18:15,727 --> 00:18:17,296
THAT'S GREAT, DOUG.
468
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:18,664
THE POINT IS,
469
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:21,166
EVEN THOUGH IT VIOLATES
ALL MY PRINCIPLES,
470
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:25,471
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
AND I CAN'T STAND
SEEING YOU UNHAPPY,
471
00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:27,873
SO IF THAT REQUIRES
HAVING MONEY TO BUY THINGS,
472
00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:29,508
THEN SO BE IT.
473
00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:30,776
THANKS, DOUG.
474
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,578
I LOVE YOU.
475
00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:35,347
I LOVE YOU, TOO, PUPPY PANTS.
476
00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:37,416
NO MORE MONEY, OK, DAD?
477
00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:40,686
WELL, HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU?
478
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:42,287
YOU COULD JUST TELL ME.
479
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:45,057
NO, SERIOUSLY.
480
00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:48,594
[SIGHS]
481
00:18:48,594 --> 00:18:50,262
I LOVE YOU, DOUG.
482
00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:52,297
I LOVE YOU, TOO, DAD.
483
00:18:53,565 --> 00:18:55,767
MMM...MWAH!
484
00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:57,336
THANK YOU, DAD.
485
00:18:57,336 --> 00:19:00,005
OH, UH, LISTEN, BEFORE I GO,
I WANT TO APOLOGIZE
486
00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:02,074
FOR DRAGGING YOU
TO THAT ORGY IN ROME
487
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,709
WHEN YOU WERE JUST
A LITTLE BOY.
488
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,477
IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME,
489
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:09,081
LARRY OLIVIER
WAS A DEAR FRIEND...
490
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,116
AND YOU WERE
SUCH A GOOD SPORT.
491
00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:13,452
HA HA HA HA!
492
00:19:13,452 --> 00:19:16,388
WELL, ALOHA NUI NUI.
493
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,961
YOU KNOW, I'M A LITTLE
CONCERNED THAT YOUR BOOK
494
00:19:22,961 --> 00:19:25,764
IS GONNA BECOME MORE
IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN I AM.
495
00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:27,499
NOT POSSIBLE.
496
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:28,667
WHY NOT?
497
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,502
BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST LIKE
A BOOK.
498
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:34,273
YOU'RE...
YOU'RE MY BEST SELLER.
499
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:36,441
GO ON.
500
00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:38,844
OK. YOU'RE--
501
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,812
WELL, YOU--
502
00:19:40,812 --> 00:19:44,550
YOU STIMULATE THE IMAGINATION.
503
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,286
YOU'RE INFORMATIVE.
504
00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:50,122
YOU HAVE AN APPENDIX.
505
00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:54,092
YOU HAVE AN AMAZING FORWARD.
506
00:19:57,095 --> 00:19:58,964
WHAT ELSE?
507
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:02,134
WELL, LIKE A GOOD BOOK,
WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU,
508
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:04,870
I ROLL OVER AND GO TO SLEEP.
509
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,806
AND...
510
00:20:07,806 --> 00:20:10,609
FROM THE NIGHT
I FIRST PICKED YOU UP,
511
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:13,278
I NEVER WANTED
TO PUT YOU BACK DOWN.
512
00:20:15,647 --> 00:20:17,149
I PICKED YOU UP.
513
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:21,453
BUT, YOU KNOW, BELIEVE
WHAT YOU WANT TO BELIEVE.
514
00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:22,721
I'M PROUD OF YOU, EDDIE.
515
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:23,822
MM-HMM.
YEAH?
516
00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:25,257
THANK YOU.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
517
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:27,192
I'M GONNA DEDICATE
THE BOOK TO YOU.
518
00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:28,193
YEP.
REALLY?
519
00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:29,061
I AM.
OK.
520
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,596
WANT TO HEAR
WHAT I GOT SO FAR?
521
00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:31,597
YEAH.
522
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:33,165
TO JOY...
523
00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:39,605
THAT'S IT.
524
00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:41,273
WELL, SO FAR SO GOOD.
525
00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:43,075
HEY, THAT'S PERFECT.
526
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,076
WHAT?
527
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,210
"TO JOY,
528
00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:47,980
SO FAR SO GOOD."
529
00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:50,616
I LIKE IT.
YOU LIKE IT?
530
00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:51,750
I KNEW YOU WOULD.
531
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:54,286
[BOTH LAUGHING]
532
00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:58,090
{\an8}AND THAT'S HOW I MET
CLARENCE CLEMONS.
533
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,726
{\an8}YEAH, EXCEPT
NONE OF THAT IS TRUE.
534
00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:02,561
{\an8}HE JUST MAKES THIS STUFF UP.
535
00:21:02,561 --> 00:21:04,863
{\an8}EXCUSE ME, CLARENCE?
536
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:10,902
{\an8}WOULD YOU TELL MY SON
AND HIS INAMORATA HERE
537
00:21:10,902 --> 00:21:12,838
{\an8}HOW LONG WE'VE KNOWN
EACH OTHER.
538
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:15,240
{\an8}YOUR DAD INTRODUCED ME
TO BRUCE.
539
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:19,011
{\an8}ONE DAY, BRUCE AND I INVITED
HIM TO COME JOGGING WITH US.
540
00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:19,811
{\an8}YEAH.
541
00:21:19,811 --> 00:21:20,979
{\an8}AND YOUR DAD SAID...
542
00:21:20,979 --> 00:21:22,447
{\an8}WE WERE BORN TO RUN.
543
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,549
{\an8}AHH! HA HA HA!
544
00:21:24,549 --> 00:21:25,717
{\an8}HEY.
545
00:21:25,717 --> 00:21:27,719
{\an8}READ MY BOOK.
546
00:21:27,719 --> 00:21:28,954
{\an8}YEAH.
39265
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