Original subtitles

3, 4...

ALL RIGHT, JOY-JOY.

THIS IS THE SPOT. THIS IS WHERE I'M GONNA PUT THE JACUZZI.

YOU'RE REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT THAT?

HONEY, THIS IS SOMETHING I'VE WANTED MY WHOLE LIFE,

A--A BUBBLING CAULDRON OF HOT WATER

THAT I COULD STICK MY BIG CIRCUS TUCHIS IN RIGHT HERE.

I'M GONNA MAKE MY OWN POT OF EDDIE SOUP.

LONG AS YOUR MATZO BALLS AREN'T IN IT.

OK, GO AHEAD. SCOFF. BUT IT JUST SO HAPPENS

THERE ARE MANY THERAPEUTIC BENEFITS

ABOUT HAVING A JACUZZI.

NAME SEVEN.

NUMBER ONE...

IT TIGHTENS YOUR SCROTUM.

SOLD!

DO YOU KNOW THAT THE PEOPLE IN ICELAND,

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO?

THEY JUMP OUT OF THE HOT WATER,

THEY ROLL AROUND IN THE SNOW,

AND THEY JUMP BACK IN. IT'S FANTASTIC.

YEAH, BUT, EDDIE, YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO ANY OF THAT.

YOU'RE GONNA SIT IN IT, DRINK IN IT, AND PEE IN IT.

I MAY DO THAT. BUT LISTEN.

I WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING. WHAT?

I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M PUTTING RIGHT NEXT TO THE JACUZZI?

YOUR OWN NUDE BEACH. [LAUGHS]

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF WHEN I HEAR "NUDE BEACH"?

HUH? SANDY CRACKS.

OH.

YES. REMEMBER SANDY FROM HIGH SCHOOL?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. SHE WAS ALWAYS IN THE NURSE'S OFFICE

BECAUSE SHE WAS ALWAYS CHAFING.

HEY, DO YOU KNOW THAT LEGEND HAS IT SHE PRODUCED A PEARL?

[CAR HORN HONKS "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"]

SAY IT.

♪ DUH DAH ♪

COME ON. COME ON.

Eddie: WHAT THE-- WHAT IS--

Joy: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?

WAIT. I'LL GET THE GUN.

WE HAVE A GUN?

WHAT? NO. OF COURSE NOT. COME ON.

HI, MOM. HI, DAD.

ALLY! ALLY!

COME HERE!

OH, BABY.

COME HERE. HEY.

HA HA HA HA!

ME AGAIN.

OK. OH, BOY.

OH, MY.

SWEETIE, WHAT IS DIFFERENT ABOUT YOU?

OH, YOU LOOK LIKE A WHOLE NEW PERSON.

ECUADOR CHANGED MY LIFE.

REALLY? WHY? IS DOUG DEAD?

NO. HE'S IN THE R.V.

DAMN.

HONEY, COME OUT AND SAY HOLA.

TA-DA!

OH, GOD.

HEY, MOM. HEY, DAD.

OK. OK. ALL RIGHT.

DOUG. TAKE IT EASY.

LOOK, YOU KNOW, LET'S NIP THE FAMILIARITY THING

IN THE BUD, OK?

WE'RE NOT YOUR MOM AND DAD.

THIS IS JOY, A-AND I'M EDDIE.

WELL, UM, TECHNICALLY SPEAKING,

YOU ARE NOW DOUG'S FATHER-IN-LAW.

ALLY AND I ARE MARRIED.

SOMEBODY GET ME THE VODKA.

SO, ANYWAY, THERE WE WERE,

STANDING IN A CLEARING OF THE RAIN FORESTS

[HEAVY ACCENT] OF ECUADOR...

WHEN THE SHAMAN--

SHAMAN? NOT A RABBI?

HE JUST KILLED NANA.

GO AHEAD, DOUG.

AS I WAS SAYING, THE SHAMAN PRONOUNCED US SOUL MATES FOREVER.

OK. ALL RIGHT. THAT'S GOOD.

SO FAR, I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING LEGAL OR BINDING.

WELL, NOT BY THE WHITE MAN'S LAW.

DOUG, YOU ARE THE WHITE MAN.

OK, L-LET ME UNDERSTAND SOMETHING.

ARE YOU TWO MARRIED OR NOT?

IN OUR HEARTS AND IN OUR SOULS,

YES, WE ARE.

HOW 'BOUT FOR TAX PURPOSES?

WELL, NO, BUT SINCE WE'VE REJECTED

THE ENTIRE SOCIOECONOMIC SYSTEM,

THE TAX CODE IS IRRELEVANT TO US.

THAT'S RIGHT. SEE, WE DON'T REALLY

BELIEVE IN MONEY, DADDY.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

THEY DON'T--THEY DON'T BELIEVE IN MONEY, DADDY.

THAT'S GONNA COME IN REAL HANDY WHEN YOU WANNA BUY STUFF.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO CLOSE-MINDED?

NOW, NOW, MY LITTLE TREE FROG.

IT'S NOT OUR FATHER'S FAULT.

HE'S JUST A PRODUCT OF YEARS

OF INSTITUTIONALIZED BRAINWASHING.

CALLED SCHOOL. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME.

YEAH. SEE, WE NO LONGER BELIEVE IN SCHOOL.

EXCELLENT.

DOUG, YOU WERE A TEACHER.

YES, I ADMIT I DRANK THE KOOL-AID...

[HEAVY ACCENT] UNTIL ECUADOR.

[NORMAL ACCENT] IS THAT ANYWHERE NEAR ECUADOR?

AS I WAS SAYING, UH, IT WAS IN ECUADOR

THAT, UH, I REALIZED SCHOOL IS ROTTEN WITH THE WHITE MAN'S LIES.

OK, DOUG, AGAIN, YOU ARE THE WHITE MAN, OK?

ANY WHITER, YOU'D BE ON FOX NEWS.

DON'T CALL HIM NAMES.

SHH. IT'S OK.

HE'S A VISIONARY.

OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. HE'S A VISIONARY

WITH A VISION OF HIS OWN ASS--

DADDY!

UH, SIR, WE'RE JUST TRYIN' TO BE SELF-SUFFICIENT,

YOU KNOW, NO CREDIT CARDS, NO PROCESSED FOODS,

NO MATERIAL GOODS.

SO, HOMELESS.

WELL, UM, ACTUALLY,

WE WERE HOPING THAT WE COULD

PARK THE R.V. IN YOUR BACKYARD.

THIS PUTS A DAMPER ON THE NUDE BEACH.

WELL, NOT REALLY, SIR. ALLY AND I ARE NUDE MOST OF THE TIME.

HEY, DOUG. COME HERE. COME HERE. LISTEN.

IF I EVER SEE YOUR TROUSER FLOWER,

I'M GONNA SNIP IT OFF LIKE A ROSEBUD.

TROUSER FLOWER?

YES, YOUR LITTLE PENIS FLYTRAP.

UNDERSTOOD, SIR.

DON'T WORRY, DADDY. YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW WE'RE HERE.

WE'RE GONNA BE TOTALLY SELF-SUSTAINING.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WE'RE GONNA PLANT OUR OWN GARDEN.

OK, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. SEE, SEE,

WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE GARDEN,

THAT IMPLIES SEEDS AND ROOTS AND HARVESTING,

AND THAT ALSO IMPLIES YOU BEING HERE A VERY LONG TIME,

WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE, BECAUSE THIS AREA

HAS BEEN DESIGNATED AS MY JACUZZI OASIS.

HOW LONG ARE YOU GUYS PLANNING ON STAYING?

TWO YEARS MAX.

TWO YEARS? TWO YEARS?! WHAT--

WELL, IT'LL TAKE US THAT LONG AFTER LIVING IN THE JUNGLE

TO BE COMPLETELY FREE OF PARASITES.

IRONIC, HUH?

COME INTO OUR HOME. I WILL GIVE YOU THE GRAND TOUR.

YEAH. COME ON.

Eddie: OH, GOD. I HATE MY LIFE.

JUST GO AHEAD AND TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF, SIR.

OR--OR NOT.

OH. OH, THIS IS NICE, HUH, EDDIE?

SMELLS LIKE WILLIE NELSON IN HERE.

EDDIE.

ALL I CAN SEE IS DOWN.

OH, TRY--TRY GETTIN' ON YOUR KNEES, SIR.

OR NOT.

BACK UP, DADDY. THERE'S A SKYLIGHT RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

HUH?

SEE?

OH, WOW.

THIS IS GREAT.

IT'S LIKE I'M NOT EVEN WITH YOU.

YEAH, IT IS-- IT'S TINY IN HERE.

I--I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE BEING SO CRITICAL.

THE WHO LIKED IT.

WHICH WHO? THE BAND

OR THE WHO THAT HORTON HEARD?

THE BAND.

COME ON, MOM. I'LL SHOW YOU AROUND.

OK. LET'S HAVE THE GRAND TOUR.

OK. MOVE, EDDIE.

I-I'M STUCK.

THIS THING WASN'T MADE FOR A GUY MY SIZE.

NEITHER WAS I.

[CHIMES RINGING]

OH. YOU HEAR THAT?

AN ANGEL GOT ITS WINGS.

[SIGHS]

SEE, WE'RE TRYING TO BE AS--AS EFFICIENT AS POSSIBLE

AND LEAVE A SMALL CARBON FOOTPRINT.

MM-HMM. AND YOU'RE GONNA DO THAT BY TRAVELING AROUND THE WORLD

IN A GIANT GAS-GUZZLING BUS.

AHA! DON'T "AHA" ME, DOUG, OK?

SORRY, SIR. I WAS JUST GONNA MAKE THE POINT

THAT THIS BUS HAS BEEN CONVERTED TO RUN ON VEGETABLE OIL.

AH! NO WONDER IT SMELLS LIKE FRENCH FRIES IN HERE.

YOU KNOW, I GOTTA TELL YOU, I SWEAR IF CHANEL

MADE A PERFUME THAT SMELLED LIKE THIS,

I WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE THE FRENCH.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS COOL?

WE RECYCLE OUR OWN URINE.

I'M ABOUT TO RECYCLE MY OWN LUNCH.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT.

WE--OK. ALL RIGHT.

JOY, BUTTER MY HEAD AND GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT

THAT--THAT SHE WOULD GO LIVE IN THE JUNGLE WITH THIS GUY

AND--AND INSTEAD OF DUMPIN' THE BUM, SHE FAKE-MARRIES HIM?

I KNOW.

WELL, AT LEAST WE CAN MAYBE THROW A WINDOW

ON THE SIDE OF THAT THING AND SELL TACOS.

BUT WE'D HAVE TO CHANGE THE HORN TO...

[HUMMING LA CUCARACHA]

OK, GO AHEAD.

♪ DA-DA, DA-DA, DA-DA-DA ♪

YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS THE PROBLEM.

IF SHE LEGALLY MARRIES HIM, THEN WE CAN NEVER SHAKE THE BUM.

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW THE ALLY I KNOW

WOULD HOOK UP WITH SOME DO-GOODER FREAK

WHO EATS TOFU AND GIVES A RAT'S ASS ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.

I KNOW.

WE RAISED HER WORSE THAN THAT.

MM-HMM.

MAYBE THIS IS JUST A PHASE.

HEY, DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU USED TO BELIEVE

IN ALL THAT ROMANTIC LOVE CRAP WHEN YOU WERE HER AGE.

MMM, TELL ME ABOUT IT.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. [LAUGHS]

YOU CAN'T GET PREGNANT THE FIRST TIME.

AH, RIGHT.

SOUL MATES.

SOUL--HEH HEH. SOUL MATES. YEAH.

LIKE OUT OF ALL THE BILLION PEOPLE ON EARTH,

YOU'RE GONNA BE THE ONE LUCKY SON OF A BITCH

TO FIND YOUR ONE AND ONLY.

[LAUGHS]

LIKE I DID.

YOU THINK I'M ONE IN A BILLION?

THAT'S WHAT YOU TOOK FROM ALL OF THAT?

HONEY, LISTEN. ABSOLUTELY.

I MEAN, I--I FEEL THAT I AM THE LUCKIEST GUY...

IN THE ROOM.

LET ME IN.

OK. COME ON.

COME ON OVER HERE.

OH, BIG RED, COME HERE.

PUT THAT PAW AROUND ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

MAYBE IT IS JUST A PHASE.

I MEAN, REMEMBER WHEN ALLY WAS A LITTLE GIRL

AND SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS A PONY

AND I HAD TO STRAP HER BREAKFAST TO HER FACE?

YEAH.

AND WE MADE ALL THAT MONEY

GIVING HORSIE RIDES TO THE KIDS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

HEY. MAKE ME FEEL A LITTLE BETTER

AND PUT A FRENCH FRY IN MY MOUTH.

NOW, WHEN YOU SAY, "FRENCH FRY," YOU MEAN--

I MEAN FRENCH FRY.

OK. COMING UP.

AND THERE YOU GO.

YOU SEE THAT?

FOOD IS LOVE, RIGHT?

MMM-MMM-MMM.

HEY. JOY-JOY, THIS IS HOW WE DO IT.

WE WIN HER BACK WITH FOOD.

WHAT? YEAH.

WELL, WE--WE COOK UP ALL THE STUFF THAT SHE LOVES TO EAT,

WE PUT IT IN A BUCKET, AND WE STRAP IT TO HER FACE.

THAT COULD ACTUALLY WORK.

THAT COULD ABSOLUTELY WORK.

AND NOW, JOY-JOY, GET READY FOR THE DEBUT

OF MY EVIL-SCIENTIST LAUGH.

[EVIL LAUGHTER]

YOU'RE SCARING ME.

[ROOSTER CROWS]

[ROOSTER CROWS]

[ROOSTER CROWS]

NO...

THEY DIDN'T.

[ROOSTER CROWS]

YEAH. I THINK THEY DID.

TAKE THE GUN.

DON'T NEED IT.

[ROOSTER CROWING]

[ROOSTER STOPS MID-CROW]

[BAG RUSTLING]

WHAT WAS ALL THAT NOISE, SIR?

NO MORE NOISE.

NIGHT-NIGHT.

WOW, IT SMELLS GREAT IN HERE.

AH? HONEY, CHECK IT OUT. TA-DA! HUH?

OH, WAFFLES AND FRIED CHICKEN,

ALLY'S FAVORITE.

OH, GOD.

CHICKEN.

YOU DIDN'T.

NO. HONEY, OF COURSE NOT.

THIS IS STORE-BOUGHT YARDBIRD RIGHT HERE.

I GAVE THE IDIOT'S ROOSTER TO THE GUY WHO WORKS AT THE BAKERY.

HE HAS TO BE UP AT 5:00 IN THE MORNING,

AND NOW HE HAS HIS VERY OWN ALARM COCK.

ALARM COCK, EVERYBODY.

[CHUCKLES]

I LOVE YOU.

I THINK SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED TO MR. SUNRISE.

DO YOU THINK HE MET WITH "FOWL" PLAY?

ALLY, THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THIS.

HE WAS THE BEST MAN AT OUR WEDDING.

I SHARED A CONFINED SPACE WITH THAT ROOSTER

ALL THE WAY FROM ECUADOR.

HE WAS YOUR FRIEND.

I'M NOT GONNA MISS THE LITTLE CLUCK.

IT WAS JUST THE MATTER OF HIS DISAPPEARANCE THAT HAS ME DISTURBED.

I MEAN, YOUR FATHER WAS HOLDING A TRASH BAG

WITH SOMETHING IN IT THAT LOOKED

AN AWFUL LOT LIKE THERE WAS A ROOSTER THERE.

ALLY?

ALLY?

HEY, WHAT SMELLS SO GOOD?

HEY, HONEY. CHICKEN AND WAFFLES.

HELP YOURSELF.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, EDDIE.

THEY--THEY EAT ORGANIC FOOD.

THIS HAS PROCESSED FLOUR AND TRANS FATS.

OOH. T-TRANS FATS.

TOO BAD YOU DON'T EAT STUFF LIKE THIS ANYMORE,

'CAUSE IT'S DELICIOUS.

OH, I EAT STUFF LIKE THIS.

I DON'T KNOW,

NOT NOW THAT YOU'RE MRS. WHAT'S-HIS-FACE.

AH HEH. THAT WAS A BOGUS WEDDING IN THE JUNGLE.

GIVE ME A DAMN WAFFLE.

FREEZE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WANT A WAFFLE.

NO. NO, YOU DON'T.

IT'S POISON.

WE JUST GOT YOUR BODY TO THE POINT

WHERE IT CAN METABOLIZE ACORNS.

WELL, YOU KNOW, HE'S RIGHT, HONEY.

YOU'VE LIVED A VERY PURE LIFESTYLE.

I MEAN, YOU DON'T WANNA RUIN IT NOW WITH A...

BEAUTIFUL, SYRUPY, WARM WAFFLE, DO YOU?

MMM, A SYRUPY, WARM WAFFLE.

HEY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF YOU'RE HUNGRY, YOU CAN GO ACROSS THE STREET AND MUNCH ON THAT OAK TREE.

[WAILS]

DAMN. IF WE WOULD HAVE PUT WHIPPED CREAM ON IT, WE WOULD HAVE HAD HER.

WHIPPED CREAM. YEAH.

I HAVE SOME.

OH.

EDDIE. YES?

WOULD YOU LIKE WHIPPED CREAM ON YOUR WAFFLES?

NOW, WHEN YOU SAY, "WAFFLES," DO YOU MEAN--

I MEAN WAFFLES.

OK. YEAH. RIGHT HERE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU.

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THE VOWS THAT WE MADE IN ECUADOR?

WELL, THEY WERE IN SPANISH,

SO I NEVER REALLY KNEW WHAT THEY MEANT.

YEAH, WELL, I DIDN'T EITHER, BUT I ASSUMED THAT THEY MEANT

THAT OUR LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL AND PURE.

OUR LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL, DOUG,

BUT OUR LIVES HAVE CHANGED.

WE'RE NOT IN THE JUNGLE ANYMORE.

[SIGHS] IS THAT WHY YOU STOPPED WEARING THE BANANA-LEAF THONG?

NO. UH, REMEMBER THOSE TAMALES THAT I MADE THE OTHER DAY?

THAT'S WHAT I WRAPPED THEM IN.

SO, UH...

YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR.

THAT'S WHAT YOU TOOK FROM THAT?

YEAH-- DOUG!

I WANT TO LIVE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

ALLY, I WAS AFRAID OF THIS.

THE ECUADORIAN DRUID SAID YOU'D RETURN TO YOUR OLD LIFESTYLE

AND BE SEDUCED AWAY FROM ME.

THEY ALSO SAID THAT THE EARTH IS A GIANT TURTLE EGG

WAITING TO HATCH. SCREW THE DRUIDS.

OH. OH, NICE, ALLY. SCREW THE DRUIDS?

YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH?

I'D RATHER SHOVE A CHEESEBURGER IN IT.

[STAMMERS] ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA BE ALONE IN THE OTHER ROOM.

HOW DID OUR LITTLE GIRL

END UP LIVING IN A FEMA TRAILER WITH A PUTZ?

I DON'T KNOW HOW IT WORKS, HONEY.

SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA LET YOUR KIDS GO

AND HOPE THEY DON'T COME BACK SMELLIN' LIKE STRANGERS.

[SIGHS]

SO, WHAT'S OUR PLAN?

PLAN? WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE A PLAN?

WHAT DO YOU THINK, WE'RE LIVING IN A SITCOM?

WELL, NOT THIS WEEK, I DON'T.

YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE I HAVE A QUESTION,

A VERY FRIGHTENING, NOT FUNNY QUESTION, JOY.

YOU WANNA HEAR IT?

MMM. NOT FUNNY IS YOUR SPECIALTY.

THANK YOU.

WHAT IF HE'S REALLY IN LOVE WITH HER

OR, WORSE, SHE'S REALLY IN LOVE WITH HIM?

AND WHAT IF THEY ARE--

AND I'M VOMITING A LITTLE JUST SAYING THIS--

HAPPY TOGETHER?

WHAT A HORRIBLE THOUGHT.

HEY, GUYS.

MORNING, MOM. MORNING, DADDY.

OOH. IS THAT BACON?

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

OH, WE'RE JUST HAVIN' SOME BREAKFAST.

OH, YEAH. I LOVE BACON. IS THAT REAL BACON?

UH-HUH. BACON BACON? UH-HUH.

PIG CANDY?

YEAH, DADDY.

THOUGHT YOU GUYS WEREN'T EATING THAT STUFF ANYMORE.

WELL, I'M NOT, BUT ALLY ENJOYS IT.

OH, I--I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD SET AGAINST HER EATING LIKE A HUMAN BEING.

OH, HE WAS. IN FACT, DOUG AND I

HAD A GIANT FIGHT LAST NIGHT.

BUT THEN WE MADE UP.

YEAH. PRETTY MUCH ALL NIGHT.

OK.

OVER AND OVER.

ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, WE MADE UP TANTRIC AND KAMA SUTRA.

THEN WE BUSTED OUT THE WEBCAM.

SHH. ALL RIGHT. OK.

LET'S GET BACK TO THE BACON.

PLEASE.

OK, WE CAME TO A COMPROMISE.

THAT'S RIGHT. SEE, WE REALIZED THAT OUR LOVE

IS BIG ENOUGH TO CONTAIN MY DEEPLY HELD BELIEFS

AS WELL AS ALLY'S NEED FOR PORK AND CABLE TV.

I SEE. AND HOW DID YOU COME UP

WITH THIS AMAZING REALIZATION?

WELL, ACTUALLY BECAUSE OF YOU TWO.

THAT'S RIGHT. SEE, WE REALIZED

THAT YOU TWO LOVE EACH OTHER,

AND YOU GUYS AREN'T REALLY LIKE EACH OTHER.

IN FACT, IT'S LIKE YOU'RE FROM TWO DIFFERENT PLANETS.

[PRONOUNCED UR-ANUS] IF I HEAR THE WORD "URANUS,"

IT'S YOUR ASS.

[AS URA-NUS] I THINK IT'S PRONOUNCED URANUS, SIR.

OH. IS THAT HOW THEY SAY IT IN ECUADOR?

TOUCHE. HEH.

BUT, OK, IN SPITE OF ALL YOUR DIFFERENCES,

IN SPITE OF ALL, YOU KNOW, THE SLAMMING DOORS

AND BROKEN LAMPS AND SCREAMING FIGHTS

AND KNOCK-DOWN, DRAG-OUT DRUNKEN BRAWLS

AND IGNORING THE FACT THAT THE FIRST WORD THAT I EVER LEARNED

STILL CAN'T BE SAID ON NETWORK TELEVISION,

YOU GUYS...

REMAIN TOGETHER AND APPEAR TO BE HAPPY,

SO WE FIGURE THAT IF WE CAN DO HALF AS WELL AS YOU TWO HAVE DONE,

WE'LL BE A SUCCESS.

CONGRATULATIONS, JOY.

WE'VE LOWERED THE BAR.

YOU HAPPY, SWEETIE?

YES, MOM.

YOU HEAR THAT, EDDIE?

YEAH. SHE'S HAPPY.

YEAH. WELL, MY GIRLS ARE HAPPY.

I'M--I'M HAPPY.

I GUESS WE'RE JUST ONE HAPPY FAMILY.

DOES--DOES THIS MEAN THAT YOU ACCEPT ME AS PART OF THE FAMILY?

YES. I ACCEPT YOU IN THE SAME WAY

I ACCEPT MY SEPTIC TANK AS PART OF THE HOUSE.

[FOOTSTEPS]

WHAT YOU DOIN', BABE?

I'M JUST SAYIN' GOOD-BYE TO THE JACUZZI,

THE NUDE BEACH, AND OUR PROPERTY VALUE.

COME ON, EDDIE. IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

OUR LITTLE GIRL'S IN LOVE.

NO REASON WE ALL CAN'T GET ALONG.

MMM

[TRAILER ROCKING]

TOO EARLY TO START DRINKING?

NOPE. OK.

IS THAT BACON?

UH-HUH. REAL BACON?

U-UH-HUH.

PIG CANDY?

YES, DADDY. YEAH?

WOW.

I DIDN'T SAY, "BACON BACON?" BEFORE.

REALLY? WELL, YOU SHOULD SAY IT, 'CAUSE IT'S GOOD.

[EVIL LAUGHTER]

[BOTH LAUGH]

YEAH?

OH! I'M IN THE CRACK!

EASY.

TWO YEARS?

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.

YEAH. YOU SAY, "TWO YEARS."

I'M GONNA SAY, "HOW LONG ARE YOU PLANNING ON STAYING?"

OH. OH, OK. WELL, YOU GOTTA LET US KNOW, FOR GOD SAKES.

Lindsey: SHE DID.

THIS IS MAKE-BELIEVE. WE'RE DOING MAKE-BELIEVE.