All language subtitles for Til Death S03E05 Philadelphia Freedom 1080p CTV WEB-DL DD5 1 H 264-playWEB_track4_[eng]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,367 --> 00:00:00,400 {\an8}E 2 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:00,433 {\an8}Eve 3 00:00:00,433 --> 00:00:00,467 {\an8}Every 4 00:00:00,467 --> 00:00:00,500 {\an8}Every t 5 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:00,533 {\an8}Every tim 6 00:00:00,533 --> 00:00:00,567 {\an8}Every time 7 00:00:00,567 --> 00:00:00,600 {\an8}Every time I 8 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:00,633 {\an8}Every time I zi 9 00:00:00,633 --> 00:00:00,667 {\an8}Every time I zig, 10 00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:00,700 {\an8}Every time I zig, y 11 00:00:00,700 --> 00:00:00,734 {\an8}Every time I zig, you 12 00:00:00,734 --> 00:00:00,767 {\an8}Every time I zig, you z 13 00:00:00,767 --> 00:00:00,800 {\an8}Every time I zig, you zag 14 00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:06,172 ♪ I like coffee Tea's your bag 15 00:00:06,272 --> 00:00:08,141 ♪ Though it makes no sense It's true 16 00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:11,778 ♪ There's no me without you ♪ 17 00:00:11,878 --> 00:00:14,848 {\an8}JOY: 'Til Death is filmed in front of a live studio audience. 18 00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:19,686 {\an8}What is up with you? 19 00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:21,855 {\an8}I thought it was a perfectly delightful auction! 20 00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:23,323 {\an8}Okay, you know what? I can deal with you 21 00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:25,892 {\an8}bidding on the 25-pound wheel of cheese, 22 00:00:25,992 --> 00:00:28,094 {\an8}but putting me in the back so it can ride shotgun? 23 00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:29,963 {\an8}Not cool. 24 00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:32,766 {\an8}Don't be offended. I just wanted to make sure the cheese had an air bag. 25 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,935 {\an8}That's great. Seriously. 26 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,405 {\an8}Cheese does not know how to brace itself for a collision. 27 00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:39,773 {\an8}You do. 28 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:41,908 {\an8}All I know is the Woodcocks 29 00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:45,779 {\an8}won a night downtown with dinner and theater tickets 30 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,514 {\an8}and a night at a trendy hotel. 31 00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:49,049 {\an8}Meanwhile, I don't know which one of us gets to 32 00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:51,484 {\an8}sleep next to you tonight. 33 00:00:51,584 --> 00:00:55,221 {\an8}Come on, you know our bed is way too warm for cheese. 34 00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:58,491 {\an8}Honey, look, I don't think you really appreciate what this is here. 35 00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:01,327 {\an8}Now, come on, feel it. Rub your hand along 36 00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:03,363 {\an8}the waxy protective coating. 37 00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:06,166 {\an8}Imagine the creamy tenderness within. 38 00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:09,135 {\an8}Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. And then, imagine the balloon procedure 39 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,638 {\an8}you're going to have after consuming all of that. 40 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,641 {\an8}Don't listen to her. You and I are gonna have a lot of fun. 41 00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:17,377 {\an8}(KNOCK ON DOOR) 42 00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:18,711 {\an8}You know what? Call me old-fashioned, but I always thought 43 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:19,913 {\an8}you'd leave me for another woman. 44 00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:21,714 {\an8}(LAUGHING) 45 00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:22,949 {\an8}Hey. Hey. 46 00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:24,184 {\an8}So listen, when we got home, 47 00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:25,718 {\an8}we looked at our calendar and realized 48 00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,987 {\an8}my sisters are coming to visit next weekend, 49 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,789 {\an8}so we can't use our night out downtown 50 00:01:29,889 --> 00:01:31,458 {\an8}and we wanted to offer it to you guys. 51 00:01:31,558 --> 00:01:34,294 {\an8}Wow, that's great... No, thank you. 52 00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:36,296 {\an8}Could you clarify what you have 53 00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:39,065 {\an8}against a night downtown and tickets to a show? 54 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,167 {\an8}Honey, I hate musicals, you know that. 55 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:42,602 {\an8}I mean, do you ever really believe 56 00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:44,637 {\an8}that the male lead likes girls? 57 00:01:44,737 --> 00:01:46,005 {\an8}Come on. 58 00:01:48,641 --> 00:01:50,210 {\an8}We would love it. Thank you very much. 59 00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:52,245 {\an8}Let me give you some money. How much did you guys pay for that? 60 00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:54,114 {\an8}Oh, no, no, don't worry about it. It was our dumb mistake. 61 00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:55,782 {\an8}It's for the school anyway. You can just have it. 62 00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:58,551 {\an8}Wow, that's incredibly sweet. 63 00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:03,022 Take our cheese, as a token. 64 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,624 That is awesome. 65 00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:06,159 You know, I've been eyeing this cheese all night. 66 00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:10,497 (CHUCKLES) Whoa, whoa, hey, hey. What just happened? 67 00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:13,233 That's okay. I don't know if we have room for it in our fridge. 68 00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:15,435 (STUTTERING) Steph, are you kidding? We'll make room. 69 00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:17,337 What about all my batteries? 70 00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:20,740 Batteries don't have to be refrigerated! 71 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,210 Oh, and your microbiotic shampoo does? 72 00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:26,980 That stuff contains living yeast cultures. 73 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,582 It's alive, Steph! 74 00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:33,853 And my alopecia would be running wild without it! 75 00:02:33,953 --> 00:02:35,922 {\an8}Eddie, just give them the cheese. 76 00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:37,090 {\an8}You know what? I don't want to. 77 00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:38,825 Please, don't worry about it. 78 00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:40,727 Give them the cheese. 79 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,665 {\an8}But I love it. 80 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,135 {\an8}All right, here. Just take it. 81 00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:50,603 {\an8}(EXCLAIMING) But if I hear that 82 00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:52,305 any of that ended up on top of a salad, 83 00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:55,008 everyone's in trouble. Everyone. 84 00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:00,880 EDDIE: (EXCLAIMS) How fantastic was that meal, huh? 85 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,983 I know! Chocolate mousse with cayenne pepper. 86 00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:06,085 {\an8}(CHUCKLES) Is it chocolaty? Is it spicy? 87 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,387 It's both, you kooky chef! 88 00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,255 Oh, I wish you could have seen how on I was 89 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,523 tonight at intermission. 90 00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:12,725 The guy at the urinal next to me, he laughed so hard, 91 00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:14,928 he broke stream three times! 92 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,529 (LAUGHS) I'm sure you were funny, babe. 93 00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:18,198 You know what, I have to tell you. 94 00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:20,600 At first I was dreading this evening, but I have to say 95 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:21,935 it's turned out pretty amazing. 96 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,037 It sure has. 97 00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:25,438 (SAXOPHONE PLAYING) 98 00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:38,985 I love you. 99 00:03:39,085 --> 00:03:40,720 I love you, too. 100 00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,125 Did you hear that? 101 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,460 We just said "I love you" 102 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,629 and neither of us was being wheeled into minor surgery. 103 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,198 {\an8}(LAUGHING) I know. 104 00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,267 Dare I say that there was something magical 105 00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:55,902 happening to us tonight? 106 00:03:56,002 --> 00:03:57,637 (CHUCKLING) We're a half an hour away from home and somehow 107 00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,372 we've been transformed. 108 00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:01,374 I mean, look at me. I haven't worn this outfit in years. 109 00:04:01,474 --> 00:04:05,445 In the suburbs, I would just look like a prostitute. 110 00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:07,847 You would! You look incredibly slutty! 111 00:04:07,947 --> 00:04:09,749 (BOTH LAUGHING) 112 00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:11,451 And maybe later in the hotel, I'll throw you a freebie. 113 00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:13,553 Oh, that's good. 'Cause I don't have that kind of cash on me. 114 00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:16,356 (BOTH LAUGHING) 115 00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,558 Honey, wait a second. 116 00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:21,394 Maybe someday, you know, when you're done teaching, 117 00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:24,030 we don't need that big house to take care of. 118 00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,898 We should buy an apartment down here. 119 00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:27,300 But why would we do that? 120 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,068 Well, just think about it. How great it would be. 121 00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:30,803 We can walk to restaurants, 122 00:04:30,903 --> 00:04:33,072 we can go to theater. I mean, look at us tonight. 123 00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:34,741 We can have a great life downtown. 124 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:36,342 Oh, I couldn't live in the city. 125 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,945 I mean, there are more Chihuahuas here than people! 126 00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,780 You can't even go grocery shopping! 127 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,315 You can only take two bags 128 00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:44,350 and you gotta wheel it home in one of those little carts. 129 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,718 No, no, no, that's old lady stuff! 130 00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:48,988 Okay, wait. So, you can't even discuss the idea of moving? 131 00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:52,992 What could we even afford downtown? A box. A box, Joy! 132 00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:54,327 You know I can't go to the bathroom 133 00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:55,962 when I'm just a couple of inches away from you. 134 00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:58,665 I need a one-room buffer zone! 135 00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,433 I can't believe how stubborn you're being about this! 136 00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:02,535 But you're not even making any sense! 137 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:06,005 Do you realize we couldn't even fit our sectional into an apartment? 138 00:05:06,105 --> 00:05:08,174 Okay, there are these things, I don't know if you've heard of them, 139 00:05:08,274 --> 00:05:09,709 they are called furniture stores. 140 00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,778 We could actually buy a new couch. 141 00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:15,114 Okay, you are now officially insane. 142 00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:18,918 It's taken countless hours of watching  Shawshank Redemption 143 00:05:19,018 --> 00:05:20,720 to mold that couch to my ass. 144 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,188 We're just gonna throw that all away? 145 00:05:22,288 --> 00:05:24,123 Are you so afraid of change you're not even willing 146 00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:26,659 to entertain the idea of something new and exciting? 147 00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:29,162 I'm not afraid. We already have a home, 148 00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,230 and it's perfectly lovely. 149 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,433 Okay, so that's it? Just no? 150 00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:35,168 I'm gonna have to die in that house? 151 00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,370 "That house"? That's our house! 152 00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,238 You're gonna die in that house, 153 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,541 I'm gonna die in that house and we're gonna like it! 154 00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:43,743 You know what? I can't... I have to be alone. 155 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,712 {\an5}Okay? I will meet you in the hotel. What... 156 00:05:45,812 --> 00:05:47,947 Taxi! Wait... 157 00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:53,519 Well, what about the hotel sex? 158 00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:55,121 (LAUGHING) 159 00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:00,093 (CONTINUES PLAYING) 160 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:05,431 You're really in your own little world, aren't you? 161 00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:13,606 So you didn't even get hotel sex? 162 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,708 Nope. Too bad. 163 00:06:15,808 --> 00:06:17,910 I love me my hotel sex. 164 00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:22,849 If you focus on the strange furniture and nothing else, 165 00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:25,351 it's almost like having an affair. 166 00:06:26,919 --> 00:06:28,621 Yeah, well, it didn't happen. 167 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,256 So, what was this big fight about? 168 00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:32,191 (SIGHS) All right, well, it... 169 00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:35,395 Cheese me, Heidi. 170 00:06:37,096 --> 00:06:39,432 Try it with some pear. 171 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,935 Just the cheese, please. 172 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,844 All right, well, it actually at first was a... 173 00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:53,413 Really a magical night. 174 00:06:53,513 --> 00:06:56,149 And then, we start walking back to the hotel 175 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,951 and Joy brings up the idea of us moving to the city someday, 176 00:06:59,051 --> 00:07:00,620 to which I say, "No way in hell," 177 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:04,290 to which she gives me a rather graphic hand gesture. 178 00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:09,162 Long story short, no boom boom for the big man. 179 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,365 And all this was over moving into the city someday? 180 00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:14,934 {\an5}Yeah. You lost out on glorious, 181 00:07:15,034 --> 00:07:18,671 dirty hotel sex because of a hypothetical fight? 182 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:20,873 About something that is not happening now, 183 00:07:20,973 --> 00:07:23,376 and probably never will? 184 00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:25,711 I gather you think I made a poor decision. 185 00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,849 That I do. 186 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,985 She cornered me. I had to stake my claim! 187 00:07:33,085 --> 00:07:35,021 But anything could happen in the future. 188 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,156 You could get divorced. 189 00:07:37,256 --> 00:07:39,926 I could support myself with my Irish dancing. 190 00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:43,729 Look, Ed, I know you like to be right all the time, 191 00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:44,964 but in a hypothetical fight, 192 00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:48,167 all you ever have to do is say yes to whatever. 193 00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:50,636 Yes gets you sex! 194 00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:52,505 No gets you no sex 195 00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:56,309 and a room full of dudes eating cheese. 196 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,945 Hey, I've only been married one year and even I know that. 197 00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:00,680 Say, it's like me and Steph had this big fight one night 198 00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,114 over what to name our kids. 199 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,817 She is all into Gaylord. 200 00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:07,520 Like I'm going to really name my kid Gaylord. 201 00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:11,657 Gaylord Woodcock. 202 00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:14,327 She's really not leaving anything to chance, is she? 203 00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:19,165 But I realized, we are not having kids for years. 204 00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:22,502 So, I said yes. I got all the points for being a great guy 205 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,203 and I'll fight that stupid-ass name 206 00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:27,707 when she's all drugged up in the hospital. 207 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:30,042 {\an5}Hey, Todd, you agree with this? Oh, yeah. 208 00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:34,146 My wife thinks her mother's moving in with us when she gets old. 209 00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:38,484 That woman's either dying before or on the way to my house. 210 00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:43,923 Really. So, I'm just supposed to give in? 211 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:46,826 When it's all hypothetical, just be the hero 212 00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:49,228 and throw your lady a yes'm. 213 00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:55,801 (DRAWER RATTLING) 214 00:08:56,235 --> 00:08:57,670 Hello. 215 00:08:57,770 --> 00:08:59,338 (PANTING) 216 00:08:59,438 --> 00:09:02,108 You know, this drawer is doing that thing where it sticks again. 217 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,043 But I guess I'm gonna have to get used to it because 218 00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:06,178 I'm gonna be here for the rest of my life, which actually 219 00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:08,014 isn't going to be that long because when I do get it open, 220 00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:10,683 I'm gonna stab myself with the first knife I see. 221 00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:13,719 You know, apropos to that, 222 00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:17,189 I've been doing some thinking about this downtown thing. 223 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:21,360 And maybe, much like our faulty drawer, 224 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:24,730 I, too, may get stuck in my ways. 225 00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:29,602 You know, you're the one with the vision, Joy. 226 00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:32,238 You're the one who said we should carpet the basement. 227 00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:33,472 And I fought you. 228 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,374 Oh, I fought you like an angry monkey. 229 00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:38,544 But you were right 230 00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:41,314 and I'll be damned if you're not right about this. 231 00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:43,516 So let's do it! 232 00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:46,385 Let's move downtown. Someday! 233 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,324 Really? Are you serious? 234 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,694 Absolutely! The big city someday! 235 00:09:56,862 --> 00:09:59,198 But what about all that stuff about this being our home? 236 00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:00,766 Oh, honey, you know what? 237 00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:05,037 I realized that any place is our home as long as it has you 238 00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:08,641 and my shower chair. 239 00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:10,876 Oh, honey, I know that you're always a little afraid of change, 240 00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:12,511 but this is gonna be so great for us. 241 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,313 It's gonna be like chapter two of our relationship. 242 00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:18,951 Well, baby, if chapter two is anything like chapter one, I can't wait. 243 00:10:19,051 --> 00:10:20,720 {\an8}(LAUGHING) Not that crazy about chapter three, 244 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,521 'cause that's probably where one of us dies. 245 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,291 (SIGHS) Oh, my God, I'm so excited about this! 246 00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,393 I mean, there's so much that we can do down there. 247 00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:29,629 We can join the art museum 248 00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:32,164 and they're always having those jazz cocktail hours. 249 00:10:32,264 --> 00:10:34,066 And we can go to film festivals. 250 00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:37,937 And we can run up and down the  Rocky steps, over and over again! 251 00:10:38,037 --> 00:10:40,306 Uh-huh. 252 00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:43,342 Oh, baby, I'm so sorry that we got into such a big fight over this. 253 00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:46,045 Oh, me, too. But we are gonna be living downtown, 254 00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:48,614 laughing about this fight someday. 255 00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:50,349 (LAUGHING) 256 00:10:50,449 --> 00:10:54,020 In the meantime, I believe I owe you some hotel sex. 257 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:59,892 Really. And how do we exactly replicate the hotel aspect of the sex? 258 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,094 {\an5}Well, here's what we are going to do. Yes. 259 00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:04,163 We are going to turn off the lights 260 00:11:04,263 --> 00:11:07,700 and do what we need to do and then, every ten minutes, 261 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:11,170 I'm gonna knock on the wall, and yell, "Housekeeping!" 262 00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:13,239 (BOTH LAUGHING) 263 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,974 I'm gonna put on my fluffy robe. 264 00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,016 (EXCLAIMING) 265 00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:28,254 Hey, you. 266 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:29,855 (CHUCKLING) 267 00:11:29,955 --> 00:11:32,058 Hey, you. 268 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:36,495 Would it be inappropriate to send you a thank you note 269 00:11:36,595 --> 00:11:39,231 for your craftsmanship in the bedroom last night? 270 00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:40,599 (LAUGHING) 271 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,734 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 272 00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:44,470 Hey, can I come in kind of quick? 273 00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:45,871 What's happening? I need to get this 274 00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:48,107 the hell out of my life. 275 00:11:49,575 --> 00:11:51,110 Jeff's in the shower. 276 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,312 When he gets out, I'm telling him a neighbor's dog 277 00:11:53,412 --> 00:11:56,215 ran into the kitchen, ate it and ran off to die in a distant field. 278 00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:57,683 Okay, that's not a good story. 279 00:11:57,783 --> 00:12:00,052 It is if you people back me up! 280 00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:03,723 Okey-dokey. 281 00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:05,825 Hello, old friend. 282 00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:09,295 I'm gonna put you on a donut. 283 00:12:12,498 --> 00:12:16,135 Okay, I have about seven minutes while Jeff does his mud mask. 284 00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:18,738 So tell me, how was the night out downtown? 285 00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:21,107 Oh, it turned out really great. 286 00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:23,008 In fact, don't get too used to us as neighbors, 287 00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:26,378 because we're actually thinking of moving down there. 288 00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:29,081 In a magical time called, "Someday." 289 00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:33,319 Oh, really? Wow, we would miss you guys! 290 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,121 We would miss you so much. 291 00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:40,659 You know, it's funny you're bringing this up, 292 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:44,063 because a girlfriend of mine from yoga is a realtor for this big condo complex 293 00:12:44,163 --> 00:12:45,431 they're building downtown. 294 00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:47,533 What? What? 295 00:12:47,633 --> 00:12:49,435 Yeah, it's not gonna be ready for years, 296 00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,137 but she said if you get in before they break ground, 297 00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:52,638 you can get an amazing deal. 298 00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:54,473 They're showing model units this weekend. 299 00:12:54,573 --> 00:12:57,343 (CHUCKLING) Oh, my God, is this a sign or what? 300 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,611 Eddie, we got to check that out. 301 00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:00,346 Yeah, yeah. We gotta. 302 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,948 Thank you for telling us about this great opportunity. 303 00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:16,028 Hey, asses. 304 00:13:17,763 --> 00:13:19,765 (EXCLAIMING) What's that about? 305 00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:24,637 Well, I took your advice about how to handle my hypothetical problem 306 00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:27,907 and I told Joy that we would be moving to the city someday 307 00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:29,909 and then your wife comes over 308 00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:32,678 and tells her about this great hot condo deal 309 00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:36,882 and now I'm actually moving downtown. Asses! 310 00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:42,755 It sounds like your hypothetical problem is no longer hypothetical. 311 00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,924 Wow, how did your glorious brain 312 00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:47,226 get wasted teaching dodge ball? 313 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,730 Hmm. I did not see this coming. 314 00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:54,300 Is that my cheese? 315 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,701 No, it's mine. 316 00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:57,937 Some crazy dog ate your cheese. 317 00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:01,207 So, Joy talked to this realtor 318 00:14:01,307 --> 00:14:03,909 and it turns out that we're touring this model apartment tomorrow. 319 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,377 What am I gonna do? 320 00:14:05,477 --> 00:14:07,646 I really don't know. 321 00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:17,389 Hello! This possibility didn't occur to any one of you? 322 00:14:17,489 --> 00:14:20,292 Well, to be honest, I wasn't really listening that hard. 323 00:14:20,392 --> 00:14:23,128 I was kind of thinking about what I was gonna have for dinner. 324 00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:26,065 I'm gonna have to live in the city! 325 00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:28,834 Do you think this body could climb down a fire escape? 326 00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:31,704 I'm gonna burn, boys! I'm gonna burn hard! 327 00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:35,274 Ended up going with beef stew. 328 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:36,942 And, you. Me? 329 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,878 Yes, you. Steph just had 330 00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:40,880 to give us the big fancy night downtown 331 00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:43,782 and Steph had to tell Joy about the condo deal. 332 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:47,319 You know what? This is your cheese and it's delicious. 333 00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,063 Oh, look at this. 334 00:14:58,163 --> 00:15:00,399 {\an8}(SCOFFS) There's phone pads in the hallway 335 00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:02,201 and mini-pencils. Look at this. 336 00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:04,503 "The Towers at Boathouse Row"! How cool is that? 337 00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:06,338 We could be living in a building with their own mini-pencils! 338 00:15:06,438 --> 00:15:09,341 (EXCLAIMS) I can finally write my tiny novel. 339 00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:13,812 So, listen. The woman that I talked to said that 340 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,648 these units were 80 percent sold, 341 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,216 so we have to be prepared to move. 342 00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:18,984 I brought the checkbook! Oh, you did? 343 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,086 You crazy kid. Give me that! 344 00:15:22,788 --> 00:15:23,789 Is everything okay? Yeah. 345 00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:25,457 Yeah, everything is great. 346 00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:28,093 It's just, you know, being downtown, the energy, 347 00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:29,862 I'm all hopped up. 348 00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:33,832 What is it about being in the city that brings out such honesty? 349 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,334 I feel like I could tell you anything! 350 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:38,037 Like, I don't want to live in the city! 351 00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:42,975 Wait, what? You said that you loved this idea. 352 00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:45,644 Yeah, I know, honey. But you said we would do it someday. 353 00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:47,146 Not now, you see. 354 00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:50,482 "Someday" has that nice, implied "never" going for it. 355 00:15:50,582 --> 00:15:54,353 Where now is really, really soon. 356 00:15:55,554 --> 00:15:58,057 So, basically, you never wanted to move here. 357 00:15:58,157 --> 00:16:00,693 That is correct. You just made me think 358 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,295 that you would move, so I'd get all fancy on you in the bedroom? 359 00:16:03,395 --> 00:16:06,532 (STUTTERS) How dare you! Yes. 360 00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:11,503 {\an8}Nipple and hair! Nipple and hair! 361 00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:15,407 {\an5}Hi, Randy, I spoke to you earlier. Mmm-hmm. 362 00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:17,109 Joy and Eddie Stark. Oh, yes, yes, yes. 363 00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:18,877 Hello. Welcome, welcome. 364 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,380 So this is our one-bedroom model 365 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,949 and I'm happy to say, demand has been so great, 366 00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:26,685 we're already selling units in Building 7. So... 367 00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:30,556 {\an8}(JOY EXCLAIMS) Let me show you around a little bit. 368 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,758 Granite countertops are standard, 369 00:16:32,858 --> 00:16:36,562 as are top of the line stainless steel appliances. 370 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,797 Here's a feature that I love. 371 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,899 (WHIRRING) 372 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,607 It's a plasma. 373 00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:54,380 Could you do that again? 374 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:55,914 Sure. 375 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:07,993 And once more, if you would. 376 00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:09,261 (RANDY CHUCKLES) 377 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,005 So, Randy? Yes. 378 00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:23,242 {\an5}This is the living- dining-kitchen area. Yes. 379 00:17:23,342 --> 00:17:24,877 What is this big area right here? 380 00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:28,013 Oh, that unit is on our premiere level. 381 00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:31,116 It's a little bit more pricey. It's one-four. 382 00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:34,186 One-four? Like one-four thousand? 383 00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:35,654 (LAUGHS) 384 00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:37,790 You're funny. 1.4 million. 385 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,558 Did you want to see it? 386 00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:42,161 My husband found that jacket. What do you think? 387 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:47,499 Well, I know that it's not huge, 388 00:17:47,599 --> 00:17:50,803 but all of our buildings have a lot of common space. 389 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,038 A rec room, gym, movie nights. 390 00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:55,340 {\an8}(EXCLAIMS) And the Flanigan's chain is putting in 391 00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:57,509 a flagship restaurant on the ground floor. 392 00:17:57,609 --> 00:18:00,179 So I hope you don't mind the smell of potato skins 393 00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:02,281 wafting into your apartment. 394 00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:05,484 Oh, my God. 395 00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:08,020 I'm gonna let the two of you just poke around a little bit 396 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,421 and then I can answer any of your questions. 397 00:18:09,521 --> 00:18:10,856 {\an8}(EXCLAIMS) Thank you. 398 00:18:10,956 --> 00:18:12,925 I have to tell you, I haven't flip-flopped like this 399 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,194 since I changed my stance on Sandra Bullock. 400 00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:18,230 Honey, you were right. I love this place. 401 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:19,932 It's tiny, I hate it. Let's go. 402 00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:22,301 No, no, wait. Honey, wait, wait, wait. 403 00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:25,070 How come all of a sudden you're jumping off board here? 404 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:28,474 Don't you understand? We will be living directly on top 405 00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:30,576 of a festive chain restaurant! 406 00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:32,211 You know how I've always dreamed about a place 407 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:33,645 where I could run my own tab. 408 00:18:33,745 --> 00:18:35,214 "Oh, hi, Flanigan's, it's me." 409 00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:37,116 (CHUCKLING) 410 00:18:38,317 --> 00:18:39,885 That's ridiculous. 411 00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:41,753 We're not gonna base our decision about where we live 412 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:43,489 on potato skins! Why not? 413 00:18:43,589 --> 00:18:45,457 Potato skins make me happy! 414 00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:47,493 You know what would make me happy? 415 00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:50,662 Leaving here and going to get a coffee drink with booze in it. 416 00:18:50,762 --> 00:18:52,764 Joy, I want to do this! 417 00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,433 What, no! I'm putting my foot down. 418 00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:55,734 Oh, she put her foot down. 419 00:18:55,834 --> 00:18:57,669 Heads up, brother, her foot is down. 420 00:18:57,769 --> 00:18:59,138 Any questions? 421 00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:00,405 We're gonna have to take a minute to think about it. 422 00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:02,174 Yes, we want to put in a down payment. 423 00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:03,942 Outside! 424 00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,113 EDDIE: Okay, so let me get this straight. 425 00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:10,649 When you say yes and I say no, it happens, 426 00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:13,685 but if I say yes and you say no, it's off, huh? 427 00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:14,987 Well, that just isn't fair! 428 00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,455 Well, you know what? Life's not fair, bud. 429 00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:17,856 Oh, yeah. You want to know what else isn't fair? 430 00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:19,358 I'm three feet taller than you, 431 00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:21,493 so I'm gonna write a down payment check 432 00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:22,661 way up here! 433 00:19:22,761 --> 00:19:23,962 Don't do that. 434 00:19:24,062 --> 00:19:25,130 That's right. Oh, yes, I am. 435 00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:27,199 Julius Irving... 436 00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:28,400 (WHOOPS) 437 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,269 ...Property Group. 438 00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:31,970 You can't keep your hands up there all day, Eddie. 439 00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:34,640 Oh, really? Well, I once spent an entire summer in high school 440 00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:37,609 feeding giraffes at the zoo and those suckers eat constantly. 441 00:19:37,709 --> 00:19:40,646 Give me that! The big city! 442 00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:42,648 Seriously, stop it! 443 00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:44,883 I'm serious. 444 00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:46,218 (PANTING) 445 00:19:46,318 --> 00:19:50,122 I walked into that place, and, I mean, sure it was sleek 446 00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:52,024 and it was cool and everything, but 447 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:55,360 it wasn't our scratched up kitchen table that 448 00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:57,462 we have coffee at every morning. 449 00:19:57,563 --> 00:20:00,365 And it wasn't our annoying, broken silverware drawer. 450 00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:03,001 And it certainly wasn't our big, beige 451 00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:05,737 sectional couch that's not only molded to your ass, 452 00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:08,507 but my ass as well. 453 00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:11,910 We made those dents together. 454 00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:13,645 That's what matters. 455 00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:15,013 (EXHALES) 456 00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:16,615 I'm sorry, you were right. 457 00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,183 That's our home. 458 00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:20,452 Come on, baby, let's go home. 459 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:25,524 Yeah, but the pretty plasma went up and down and up and down. 460 00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:27,359 Oh, my God. Our car. 461 00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:31,930 They took our radio. 462 00:20:34,132 --> 00:20:35,734 I hate downtown! 463 00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:37,236 Thank you. 464 00:20:39,037 --> 00:20:40,339 I feel so violated. 465 00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:42,541 Let's get the hell out of here. 466 00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:44,476 Come on, let's go home. 467 00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:53,485 {\an8}Oh, my God! They stole my cheese! 468 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:55,454 {\an8}What the hell was the cheese doing in the car? 469 00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:57,956 {\an8}Well, I had 18 pounds left and it was starting to turn, 470 00:20:58,056 --> 00:21:00,926 {\an8}so I travel with it to maximize my intake. 471 00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:02,694 {\an8}Oh, my God. 472 00:21:02,794 --> 00:21:04,096 {\an8}All right, you know what? 473 00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:05,764 {\an8}You drive, because I'm gonna keep my eyes peeled 474 00:21:05,864 --> 00:21:08,066 {\an8}for some punks eating cheese. 39214

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.