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1
00:00:00,900 --> 00:00:03,703
♪ EVERY TIME I ZIG,
YOU ZAG ♪
2
00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:07,173
♪ I LIKE COFFEE,
TEA'S YOUR BAG ♪
3
00:00:07,273 --> 00:00:09,175
♪ THOUGH IT MAKES
NO SENSE, IT'S TRUE ♪
4
00:00:09,275 --> 00:00:12,312
♪ THERE'S NO ME
WITHOUT YOU ♪
5
00:00:12,412 --> 00:00:14,914
{\an8}'TIL DEATH IS FILMED IN FRONT
OF ALIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
6
00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:23,289
{\an8}[SIREN]
7
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,928
{\an8}[ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYING]
8
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:33,266
{\an8}AW, CRAP.
9
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:35,035
{\an8}[TURNS OFF MUSIC]
10
00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:38,204
{\an8}ALL RIGHT,
LET'S DO THIS.
11
00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:07,967
{\an8}AND NOW...
12
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,670
{\an8}THE STARS OF OUR SHOW.
13
00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:14,541
{\an8}MORNING.
14
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:18,678
{\an8}HI THERE, OFFICER...
15
00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,613
{\an8}"MAGURSKY."
16
00:01:20,713 --> 00:01:23,349
{\an8}HEH. THAT'S A NICE NAME.
17
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:25,885
{\an8}SO STRONG. YEAH.
18
00:01:25,985 --> 00:01:28,221
{\an8}YOU WERE GOING 55
IN A 30.
19
00:01:28,321 --> 00:01:29,923
{\an8}[GASPS] FAST.
20
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,591
{\an8}LICENSE AND
REGISTRATION, PLEASE.
21
00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:36,029
{\an8}OK. LET ME JUST
GET THOSE FOR YOU. OK.
22
00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:48,174
ARE THESE THE THINGS
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?
23
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:50,643
YEP. [SIGHS]
24
00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:58,418
WHATCHA DOIN'?
25
00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:02,555
I'M WRITING YOU
A TICKET.
26
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:04,691
CAN YOU SEE OUT OF
THOSE SUNGLASSES?
27
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:07,994
'CAUSE I AM CATCHING
MY REFLECTION IN THERE,
28
00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:10,463
AND I AM NOT HATING IT.
29
00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:13,199
I'M SEEING
QUITE FINE, MA'AM.
30
00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:18,238
WHOA.
31
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,840
SWEET.
32
00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:24,410
HAVE A NICE DAY, SIR.
33
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,555
[SPORTING EVENT
PLAYING ON TV]
34
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:36,956
[DOORBELL]
35
00:02:37,056 --> 00:02:40,326
SOMEONE'S
AT THE DOOR.
36
00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:44,197
DO I LOOK LIKE BENSON TO YOU?
37
00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:48,001
LIL' BIT. LIL' BIT.
38
00:02:54,874 --> 00:02:55,775
EDDIE.
39
00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:57,210
TINA.
40
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:59,546
I'M JUST HERE
TO GET THE LOVE
OF MY LIFE.
41
00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:02,715
OH. KENNY,
SHE'S HERE FOR CAKE.
42
00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:06,486
THAT'S MY BABY. AHH--
43
00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:10,523
I SEE DADDY DIDN'T
CLIP YOUR TOENAILS
LIKE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO.
44
00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:14,360
SOMEBODY SHOULD TELL MOMMY
THAT DADDY WOULD'VE
CLIPPED YOUR TOENAILS
45
00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:17,096
IF MOMMY HAD PUT
THE CLIPPERS IN THE BAG.
46
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,165
WELL, SOMEBODY
SHOULD TELL DADDY
47
00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:22,869
THAT TOENAIL CLIPPERS
ONLY COST $1.99.
48
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:26,839
AWW. HALF OF WHAT DADDY
MADE LAST YEAR.
49
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:30,176
OOH. RIGHT
IN THE CHICLETS.
50
00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:31,644
COME ON, GIRL.
51
00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:33,713
LET'S LEAVE DADDY ALONE
52
00:03:33,813 --> 00:03:36,716
WITH HIS NEW BOYFRIEND.
53
00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:39,852
SO LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT.
54
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:45,258
AT SOME POINT,
YOU THOUGHT THAT
SHE COMPLETED YOU?
55
00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:49,395
[DOOR SLAMS]
JOY'S HOME.
56
00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:53,900
WAIT. I SENSE ANGER
IN THAT DOOR SLAM.
57
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,168
[KEYS VIOLENTLY CLATTER]
58
00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:56,436
AW, SHE THREW
HER KEYS.
59
00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:58,638
YEAH, SHE'S PISSED.
60
00:03:58,738 --> 00:03:59,706
[CLATTER,
CLINKING]
61
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:01,007
THAT'S THE REFRIGERATOR.
62
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:02,809
SHE'S GOIN'
FOR THE WINE.
63
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,444
[CORK POPS]
64
00:04:04,544 --> 00:04:07,914
[LOUD SWALLOWS]
65
00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:10,883
OH, MY GOD.
SHE'S NOT USIN' A GLASS.
66
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,719
OK. ALL RIGHT,
HERE SHE COMES.
67
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:15,555
DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT
AND GET SMALL.
68
00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:18,191
HEY, HONEY.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
69
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:22,061
THAT IS HOW
MY DAY WAS.
70
00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:23,896
A SPEEDING TICKET?
71
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:28,534
OH, MY GOD.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
72
00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:32,272
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
IT'S A TICKET.
73
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,307
I KNEW IT.
74
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:35,475
I KNEW IT.
75
00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:39,012
WHITE PEOPLE REALLY
NEVER GET PULLED OVER.
76
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:43,916
NO, NO.
IT'S NOT WHITE PEOPLE.
IT'S THESE WHITE PEOPLE.
77
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,419
MY ENTIRE LIFE,
I HAVE NEVER
GOTTEN A TICKET.
78
00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:50,189
THAT'S TRUE.
WE WERE ONCE LEAVING HER
OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY.
79
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,258
SHE WAS DOING 75
IN A SCHOOL ZONE,
80
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:54,661
LIGHTS OFF, AND DRAGGIN'
A NATIVITY SCENE.
81
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:57,297
HEH HEH. THE COP
JUST LET HER GO.
82
00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:59,999
I KNOW WHAT
THE PROBLEM IS.
83
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:03,703
[DRAWER RATTLES]
84
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:04,771
[DRAWER RATTLES]
85
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:06,572
WHAT YOU DOIN'?
I DON'T KNOW,
86
00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:09,442
BUT I'M JUST WAITIN'
TO SEE HOW THIS ALL
BECOMES MY FAULT.
87
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:10,376
[STOMPING]
88
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,211
I AM NOT
THE PROBLEM.
89
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,746
MY BRAS
ARE THE PROBLEM.
90
00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:14,947
I MEAN,
LOOK AT THESE.
91
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:16,482
LOOK AT 'EM.
LOOKIT. LOOKIT.
92
00:05:16,582 --> 00:05:18,117
HEY--
LOOK AT THAT ONE
AND THAT ONE.
93
00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:20,486
LOOKIT. THEY'RE
TATTERED, AND
THEY'RE TORN,
94
00:05:20,586 --> 00:05:23,189
AND THEIR
WIRES ARE ALL
HANGING OUT.
95
00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:24,624
LOOK AT THAT.
96
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:26,259
AND YOU KNOW WHY?
97
00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:29,062
BECAUSE YOU WON'T
LET ME BUY NEW,
EXPENSIVE ONES.
98
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:32,532
THIS IS ALL
YOUR FAULT.
99
00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:33,900
AND THERE IT IS.
100
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,702
DON'T "THERE IT IS"
ME, BUDDY.
101
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:38,438
REMEMBER
WHEN I BOUGHT THAT
BEAUTIFUL LACE TEDDY
102
00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:39,639
FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
103
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:41,007
YOU PUT
YOUR GLASSES ON.
104
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:42,475
YOU LOOKED AT
THE PRICE TAG,
105
00:05:42,575 --> 00:05:43,810
AND YOU MADE ME
DRIVE BACK
TO THE MALL
106
00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:45,211
AND RETURN IT
THAT NIGHT.
107
00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:48,915
I'M NOT SPENDIN' $75
FOR 30 SECONDS OF FUN
108
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,451
UNLESS I'M BUNGEE JUMPING.
109
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,739
LOOK AT HER AGAIN,
AND I WILL END YOU.
110
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:17,310
HEY, YOU WERE CHECKING OUT
THE GUY IN THE FOOD COURT
WHO MADE YOUR PRETZEL.
111
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:22,081
HE WAS PICKING HIS NOSE
WHILE ROLLING
MY PRETZEL.
112
00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:25,551
HI. CAN I HELP YOU TODAY?
113
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,556
YES. UM, I AM LOOKING
FOR A NEW BRA,
114
00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:32,959
SOMETHING THAT'S SEXY,
YET CLASSY,
115
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:36,929
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN
CLUB SLUT AND
ACTUAL HOOKER.
116
00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:38,064
WHAT ABOUT THIS?
117
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:40,199
IT'S A PUSH-UP BRA
WITH A GEL CURVE.
118
00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:42,135
OH, IT'S A GEL C--
LOOK AT THAT, EDDIE.
119
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,803
YEP. IT'S GOOD.
IT'S GREAT.
120
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:45,405
GRAB 4 OF 'EM,
AND LET'S GET THE HELL
OUT OF HERE.
121
00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,874
YOU CAN LOOK.
I'M NOT GONNA
DO ANYTHING.
122
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,008
NAH. I'M GOOD.
123
00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:50,009
EDDIE, COME ON.
124
00:06:50,109 --> 00:06:51,110
NO, NO.
I KNOW YOUR GAMES.
125
00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:52,578
I'M NOT FALLIN'
FOR IT, WOMAN.
126
00:06:52,678 --> 00:06:54,013
I WANT YOUR OPINION.
127
00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:56,182
PLENTY OF TIME TO LOOK
WHEN YOU'RE NOT AROUND.
128
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:57,417
JUST LOOK.
129
00:06:57,517 --> 00:06:58,918
FINE.
130
00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:00,420
WOW.
131
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,893
[GIGGLES] I'M JUST
GONNA GO TRY ON
THESE TEDDIES.
132
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:09,362
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU GO IN, AND I'LL
JUST WAIT HERE.
133
00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:10,863
SHOULD WE JUST
GO IN TOGETHER?
134
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:12,865
YES, PLEASE.
135
00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:21,307
HOW'S IT GOIN'
IN THERE, HONEY?
136
00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:24,243
OH, THESE STRAPS
KEEP SNAGGING.
137
00:07:24,343 --> 00:07:28,314
I SHOULD HAVE SHAVED
MY PITS.
138
00:07:28,414 --> 00:07:31,017
Girl:
CAN YOU HELP ME
WITH MY CLASP?
139
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,151
SURE.
140
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:35,888
OOH! YOUR HANDS
ARE SO COLD!
141
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:37,824
YOU'RE
SO TICKLISH.
142
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:38,991
NO, YOU ARE.
143
00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:40,226
[BOTH GIGGLE]
144
00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:42,762
THERE IS NO VENTILATION
IN HERE.
145
00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:46,833
I AM SWEATING
LIKE A FREAKIN' MULE.
146
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:50,336
SEXIEST MULE
IN TOWN, BABY.
147
00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:52,905
OK, IMAGINE WHAT
I'M WEARING NOW,
148
00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:55,741
BUT WITH LEATHER
KNEE-HIGH BOOTS.
149
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:58,478
GOT IT.
150
00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:00,913
YOU LOOK SO HOT.
151
00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:04,083
DO YOU THINK ALEX
WILL LIKE THESE?
152
00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:06,586
WHY YOU GOTTA
BRING ALEX INTO THIS?
153
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:07,920
SHE WILL LOVE IT.
154
00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:11,491
AND WE'RE BACK.
155
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:15,394
BABY, YOU GOTTA REMIND
ME TO GET THIS MOLE
CHECKED OUT, PLEASE.
156
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:18,731
OK, HONEY.
I-I'LL TAKE YOU TO MY GUY.
157
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:21,868
HOW'D IT GO IN THERE?
158
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:23,469
MAMA'S BACK.
159
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,872
MAMA'S BACK
BIG TIME.
160
00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:30,276
OH, MY GOD. I CAN
SEE RIGHT THROUGH
THAT BRA.
161
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,545
EDDIE!
162
00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:42,021
I AM
SO EXCITED TO PUT ON
ONE OF MY NEW BRAS.
163
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:44,557
AND I'M EXCITED
TO TAKE ONE OFF.
164
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:46,392
UP TOP.
165
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:51,130
HEY, BE CAREFUL.
THERE'S A COP UP AHEAD.
166
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:55,334
[ACCELERATES]
167
00:08:57,570 --> 00:09:00,673
WHAT IN THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
168
00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:03,509
[SIREN]
169
00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:04,677
I'M SO AFRAID.
170
00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,479
GET IN THE BACK SEAT
AND HIDE.
171
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:08,047
WHAT?
172
00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,150
SHUT UP AND GET
IN THE BACK SEAT
173
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:12,385
AND GET UNDER
THAT BLANKET.
174
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:15,488
I'M NOT GETTING
IN THE BACK SEAT.
175
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,327
SWEETIE,
COME HERE.
176
00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:22,228
HUH?
177
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:23,429
GET IN THE BACK SEAT!
178
00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:25,698
I'VE GOT TO TAKE
MY BELT OFF, YOU MANIAC!
179
00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:27,967
HURRY UP! HURRY UP!
180
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:28,935
OHH!
181
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:30,903
GET UNDER
THAT BLANKET!
182
00:09:31,003 --> 00:09:33,139
ALL RIGHT,
GIVE ME THE BRA.
183
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,740
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
184
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,610
I'M SETTING
THE RECORD STRAIGHT
WITH JOHNNY LAW.
185
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:41,514
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA
GET IT ON IN TIME.
186
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:43,783
OH, YEAH? WATCH ME.
187
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,657
WELL, HELLO THERE,
OFFICER.
188
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:53,259
DAMN IT!
189
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:54,193
[SIGHS]
190
00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:55,661
WOW. ANOTHER TICKET.
191
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:59,865
IT'S A SAD DAY
FOR WHITE PEOPLE.
192
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:05,104
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU LOOKIN' AT?
193
00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:06,238
WHAT?
194
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,540
YOU USED TO STARE
AT MY BREASTS
195
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,308
WHEN YOU TALKED
TO ME, KENNY.
196
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,243
NO, I DIDN'T.
197
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:14,113
NO, I DIDN'T.
198
00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:18,451
I'M DOWN HERE.
EYES, DOWN HERE.
199
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:24,123
GET YOUR HEAD
IN THE GAME.
200
00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:27,159
{\an5}HONEY--
NO. THERE'S NOTHING
YOU CAN SAY.
201
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:28,794
I JUST HAVE TO FACE
THE FACTS.
202
00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:32,698
THE FACT IS I'M IN A--
A NEW PHASE OF MY LIFE,
203
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,433
A PHASE WHERE
NO ONE NOTICES ME,
204
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:36,736
UNLESS OF COURSE
THEY'RE GIVING ME TICKETS.
205
00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:39,905
HEY, I'LL WRITE YOU UP
RIGHT NOW...
206
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:42,141
FOR BEIN' GORGEOUS.
207
00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:44,644
HONEY, I APPRECIATE
WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO,
208
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:45,845
BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT.
209
00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:48,080
I DON'T LOOK LIKE I DID
WHEN I WAS 20.
210
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:50,716
OF COURSE YOU DON'T
LOOK LIKE YOU DID
WHEN YOU WERE 20.
211
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,685
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?
212
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:54,020
I'M QUOTING YOU.
213
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,287
A-ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
214
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,189
I'M JUST GONNA
LEAVE YOU ALONE
FOR A WHILE.
215
00:10:57,289 --> 00:11:01,027
NO, NO, NO. NO.
I WANT YOU TO TELL ME RIGHT NOW.
216
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:02,261
HOW OLD DO I LOOK?
217
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:04,764
10. YOU LOOK
10 YEARS OLD.
218
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,234
EDDIE, I'M SERIOUS.
219
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:11,437
OK, 35.
220
00:11:11,537 --> 00:11:13,806
MINUS 25,
221
00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:17,543
WHICH PUTS US
BACK TO 10.
222
00:11:17,643 --> 00:11:19,145
I CANNOT BELIEVE
THIS IS HAPPENING.
223
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:23,716
IF I AM NOT SEXY JOY
WHO CAN GET OUT
OF SPEEDING TICKETS
224
00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:26,185
WITH HER INAPPROPRIATE
BLOUSES AND BIG BOOBS,
225
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:28,721
THEN WHO AM I?
226
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:30,823
HONEY, LOOK AT ME.
227
00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:32,558
I'M GONNA TELL YOU
WHO YOU ARE.
228
00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:35,828
YOU'RE THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
IN THE WORLD TO ME,
229
00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:37,396
ALL RIGHT, AND THAT'S
ALL THAT MATTERS.
230
00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:39,999
SHUT UP, OLD MAN.
231
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,842
[DOORBELL]
232
00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:56,982
COME IN.
233
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:03,022
UM, I'M JUST HERE
TO DROP OFF BEYONCE.
234
00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:05,624
KENNY'S NOT HERE.
PUT HER ANYWHERE.
235
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,960
I'LL TRY NOT TO EAT HER.
236
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,496
UH, DON'T YOU
HAVE A JOB?
237
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:12,832
I CALLED IN OLD.
238
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,036
ARE YOU OK?
239
00:12:17,136 --> 00:12:18,637
YEAH, I'M FINE. WHY?
240
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,274
UH, YOUR BOOBS
LOOK LIKE THE FLOOR
OF A MOVIE THEATER.
241
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:26,278
YEAH. THEY KINDA DO.
242
00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:30,883
OK. UM,
IF YOU SEE KENNY,
243
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:33,018
TELL HIM I SAID,
"BITE ME."
244
00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:35,855
HE'LL KNOW
WHAT IT MEANS.
245
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:41,961
TINA, I GOT
A SPEEDING TICKET YESTERDAY.
246
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:44,430
I'VE NEVER GOT ONE BEFORE.
247
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:47,900
WELL, DID YOU SHOW
THE COP--[MUTTERS]
248
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,770
I PRACTICALLY GAVE HIM
A LAP DANCE.
249
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:52,104
MAYBE THE COP WAS GAY.
250
00:12:52,204 --> 00:12:53,372
WELL, THEN HIS LIFE PARTNER
251
00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:55,474
GAVE ME ANOTHER ONE
2 HOURS LATER.
252
00:12:55,574 --> 00:12:57,943
I DON'T CARE
WHAT A COP SAYS.
253
00:12:58,043 --> 00:13:00,479
YOU GOT IT GOIN' ON.
254
00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:02,047
THE FIRST TIME
I SAW YOU,
255
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:04,517
I WANTED
TO KNOCK YOU OUT,
CUT YOUR HAIR OFF,
256
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,586
AND WEAVE IT
INTO MINE.
257
00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:11,423
I DO HAVE SPECTACULAR HAIR.
258
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:12,825
IT'S NOT THE PROBLEM, THOUGH.
259
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:15,561
IT'S THE REST OF ME
THAT IS THE PROBLEM.
260
00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:17,863
I'M OFFICIALLY OFF
THE HOT GRID.
261
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,266
OH, NO, GIRL.
YOU ARE HOT.
262
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:23,903
YOU ARE--UNH.
TSSST.
263
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:25,538
YOU ARE AS HOT
AS YOU WANNA BE,
264
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,906
AND IF YOU
DON'T FEEL HOT,
265
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:28,707
THEN YOU NEED TO DO
SOMETHIN' ABOUT IT.
266
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,643
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S EASY
FOR YOU TO SAY.
267
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:32,511
YOU CHANGED YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
WHAT'D YOU--
268
00:13:32,611 --> 00:13:34,180
YOU LOST 90 POUNDS
IN 6 MONTHS.
269
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,981
I'M NOT AS DISCIPLINED
AS YOU ARE.
270
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:38,450
THE ONLY TIME I'VE BEEN
TO MY GYM IN THE LAST YEAR
271
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,753
WAS TO STEAL TAMPONS.
272
00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:41,854
MMM. THAT'S CRAZY.
273
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:44,490
WHAT'D YOU DO?
YOU RAN EVERY DAY, HUH?
274
00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:45,691
UH, YEAH.
275
00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:48,194
SWIMMING? PILATES?
276
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:50,262
OK.
277
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:52,731
DID YOU CUT OUT CARBS?
278
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:57,203
UH, IT WAS A LITTLE BIT
OF CUTTING OUT CARBS.
279
00:13:57,303 --> 00:14:01,607
BUT MOSTLY SUCKIN' OUT
MY STOMACH WITH A HOSE.
280
00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:03,209
NO WAY.
281
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:04,677
YES, WAY.
282
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:07,580
GIRL, IT'S AMAZING
WHAT THEY CAN DO.
283
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,081
THESE...
284
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:12,284
USED TO BE ON MY BACK.
285
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:17,790
WHAT'S UP, MAN?
286
00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:18,991
LOST YOUR KEYS?
287
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,025
NO.
288
00:14:20,125 --> 00:14:22,094
TAKIN' A FART WALK?
289
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,263
THAT'S WHAT YOU DOIN'.
HA HA.
290
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:25,731
I BEEN MARRIED 20 YEARS.
291
00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:27,733
I DO MY FARTIN'
IN THE HOUSE.
292
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:29,902
IT'S JUST THAT I'M AFRAID
TO GO INSIDE,
293
00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:31,737
BECAUSE WHEN I LEFT
FOR WORK THIS MORNING,
294
00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:33,505
JOY WAS ALL ANGRY
ABOUT HER AGE,
295
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:36,675
AND THE ONLY THING
THAT'S CHANGED SINCE THEN
IS SHE'S 8 HOURS OLDER.
296
00:14:36,775 --> 00:14:39,478
SHE'S STILL
UPSET ABOUT THAT
SPEEDING TICKET, HUH?
297
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:41,013
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT DO TO ANYMORE.
298
00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:42,281
WHATEVER I SAY
DOESN'T MATTER.
299
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,416
SHE ONLY CARES ABOUT
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK.
300
00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:46,418
I FEEL YOU, MAN.
301
00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:49,021
WANT ME TO HIT ON HER?
302
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:51,957
JUST SAY THE WORD, MAN.
303
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,993
I'LL TAKE IT AS FAR AS
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE IT.
304
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:59,131
TELL YOU WHAT. LET'S LEAVE
YOU MAKIN' LOVE TO MY WIFE
IN OUR BACK POCKETS.
305
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:03,202
OK. YOU GOTTA GO
IN THERE AND FACE
THE MUSIC, RIGHT?
306
00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:04,870
HMM.
FIX YOUR FACE.
307
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:07,006
MAN UP.
308
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:12,578
HEY.
309
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:15,281
HELLO, JOY.
YOU LOOK WELL TODAY.
310
00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:17,816
HOW ARE YOU?
311
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:26,158
HEY, BABY.
HI.
312
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:27,393
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
313
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:30,963
GREAT. I'M GETTING
PLASTIC SURGERY.
314
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:33,098
WHAT? WHY?
315
00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:36,035
NOTHING MAJOR.
JUST A LITTLE LIFT HERE,
A LITTLE TUCK THERE,
316
00:15:36,135 --> 00:15:37,403
MAYBE SOME BOTOX.
317
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,038
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
318
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:41,540
HONEY, I--I LOVE THOSE
LITTLE LINES IN YOUR FOREHEAD
319
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:44,076
THAT I CAN'T SEE,
THAT DON'T EVEN--
320
00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:46,812
10! YOU LOOK 10 YEARS OLD.
321
00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:50,749
ALL RIGHT, I--ARE YOU SURE
YOU REALLY WANNA DO THIS?
322
00:15:50,849 --> 00:15:52,251
IT'S NOT JUST
FOR RICH PEOPLE.
323
00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:53,953
NORMAL PEOPLE
ARE DOING IT, TOO.
324
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:55,020
YOU KNOW MY FRIEND
ROBERTA?
325
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,355
SHE JUST HAD
HER BOOBS DONE.
326
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,123
NOW SHE GOES BOUNCING
DOWN THE STREET
327
00:15:58,223 --> 00:16:00,526
WITH A WHITE TANK TOP
AND NO BRA.
328
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:01,994
HAVE YOU NOTICED HER?
329
00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:04,063
NO.
330
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,598
EDDIE, I'VE SEEN YOU
STARING AT HER.
331
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:08,534
I'M PART OF
THE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH, JOY.
332
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:11,270
EVERYONE'S A SUSPECT.
333
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:17,176
LOOK, WE'RE--WE'RE NOT
PLASTIC SURGERY PEOPLE, JOY.
334
00:16:17,276 --> 00:16:21,013
WE'RE LASER HAIR REMOVAL PEOPLE
AT BEST. I MEAN,
335
00:16:21,113 --> 00:16:24,750
LOOK, HONEY, I WANNA
GROW OLD WITH YOU NATURALLY.
336
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:29,722
WE WILL GROW OLD
ON THE INSIDE.
337
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,690
LISTEN,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
338
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:33,592
IT IS--
IT IS EASIER FOR MEN.
339
00:16:33,692 --> 00:16:35,127
YOU GET A LITTLE OLDER,
340
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:37,997
YOU GET
MORE SOPHISTICATED,
MORE DISTINGUISHED.
341
00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:41,667
I MEAN, NOT YOU,
BUT MEN.
342
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:43,502
OK, LET ME LAY
A LITTLE BIOLOGY ON YOU.
343
00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:46,038
WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG, YOU'RE HOT,
AND THEN YOU GET OLD.
344
00:16:46,138 --> 00:16:51,010
NO! AGE IS SOMETHING
THAT YOU FIGHT.
345
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:53,212
LISTEN, I--I HAVE
A CONSULTATION TOMORROW,
346
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:54,480
AND I WANT YOU
TO MEET ME THERE,
347
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:56,281
AND I NEED
YOUR SUPPORT ON THIS.
348
00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:57,616
YOU REALLY
WANNA DO THIS?
349
00:16:57,716 --> 00:16:59,218
I REALLY DO.
350
00:16:59,318 --> 00:17:01,153
ALL RIGHT, F-FINE,
BUT LISTEN.
351
00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:02,721
I WANNA TELL YOU
SOMETHING,
352
00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:04,957
AND I AM BEING
TOTALLY SINCERE HERE.
353
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:07,593
I LOVE YOU JUST
THE WAY YOU ARE, OK,
354
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:11,330
WITH EVERY LINE
ON YOUR FACE,
WITH EVERY IMPERFECTION.
355
00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:13,265
IT JUST MAKES ME
ADORE YOU MORE.
356
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:16,969
IT REMINDS ME
OF THE--THE LIFE
WE SPENT TOGETHER
357
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:21,273
AND WHERE WE'RE HEADED
TOGETHER.
358
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:26,078
HOW BIG DO YOU THINK
MY LOWER LIP SHOULD BE?
359
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:34,420
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
360
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:35,487
DR. PATEL.
361
00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:36,555
YES.
362
00:17:36,655 --> 00:17:37,790
HI. UM,
I-I'M EDDIE STARK,
363
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,792
AND, UH, MY WIFE
IS GONNA BE HERE
364
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,894
IN A FEW MINUTES
FOR A CONSULTATION,
365
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:43,762
AND I JUST WANTED
TO TALK TO YOU,
366
00:17:43,862 --> 00:17:45,798
BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE
CONCERNED, BECAUSE--
367
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:46,899
I UNDERSTAND. I UNDERSTAND.
368
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:48,834
A LOT OF HUSBANDS
ARE UNCOMFORTABLE
369
00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:50,803
WITH ME HANDLING
THEIR WIVES' BREASTS.
370
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,839
OH, NO, NO. THAT DOESN'T
BOTHER ME AT ALL.
371
00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:55,207
YOU GO TO TOWN.
372
00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:57,076
WE'RE TALKIN'
JUST HANDS, RIGHT?
373
00:17:57,176 --> 00:17:59,545
THIS IS ACTUALLY
MY FREE TIME, SO I--
374
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,613
RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT,
AND I RESPECT THAT.
375
00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:04,450
SEE, HERE'S THE THING.
MY WIFE IS A--
376
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:05,884
IS A--A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN,
377
00:18:05,984 --> 00:18:07,386
BUT SHE'S GOIN' THROUGH
SOME EMOTIONAL STUFF,
378
00:18:07,486 --> 00:18:12,057
SO I NEED YOU
TO KIND OF TALK HER OUT
OF ALL THIS.
379
00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:13,892
I'M REALLY JUST HERE
TO PRESENT OPTIONS
380
00:18:13,992 --> 00:18:16,595
AND LET MY PATIENTS
MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS.
381
00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:17,963
UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
382
00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:21,567
OK, LET ME COME AT THIS
FROM ANOTHER ANGLE.
383
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:26,338
THERE'S VERY
LITTLE CHANCE I WILL
BE ABLE TO PAY YOU.
384
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:28,974
OK, I'M GONNA LEVEL
WITH YOU.
385
00:18:29,074 --> 00:18:32,277
LAST WEEK, I STOLE GAS.
386
00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:34,313
WE HAVE SEVERAL
PAYMENT PLANS.
387
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:38,917
TO BE HONEST, WHAT WE DO HERE
ISN'T NECESSARILY THAT DRASTIC.
388
00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:41,019
FOR INSTANCE,
FOR LESS THAN YOU THINK,
389
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,523
I COULD GIVE YOU
CHRISTIAN BALE'S CHEEKBONES.
390
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:47,025
I'D RATHER HAVE
HIS WALLET AND CHARISMA.
391
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,594
[LAUGHS]
392
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:51,497
I-I'M BROKE
AND UNPOPULAR.
393
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,067
HI. I'M JOY STARK,
394
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:57,035
AND I'M HERE
TO SEE DR. PATEL
395
00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:01,240
ABOUT GETTING A MOP
AROUND THIS MESS.
396
00:19:05,577 --> 00:19:08,046
[SIGHS]
397
00:19:13,252 --> 00:19:15,454
YOU WERE RIGHT, JOY.
398
00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:17,222
WE CAN BE YOUNGER.
399
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,558
WE CAN TURN BACK
THE CLOCK.
400
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,994
I CAN BE BEAUTIFUL AGAIN.
401
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:23,829
WHAT?
402
00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:27,733
YOU KNOW HOW
YOU ALWAYS SAID YOU WANTED
TO SLEEP WITH JOHN STAMOS.
403
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:31,436
WELL, HERE I COME, BABY.
404
00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:32,871
OH, MY GOD.
405
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:40,279
HEY, I'M SORRY I LOST
MY MIND IN THERE. I...
406
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:45,951
GUESS I GOT ALL SWEPT UP
IN THE STAMOS OF IT ALL.
407
00:19:46,051 --> 00:19:47,653
NAH. MY FAULT.
408
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:49,788
EVEN AS I WAS
DRIVING OVER HERE,
409
00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:52,457
I REALIZED THAT THIS
ISN'T WHO I AM.
410
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:56,028
I MEAN,
SO I CAN'T GET OUT
OF A SPEEDING TICKET?
411
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:58,931
YOU KNOW,
I'LL GET OVER IT.
412
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,733
WHO CARES
WHAT PEOPLE THINK?
413
00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:03,535
[CLEARS THROAT]
414
00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:06,471
THAT'LL BE,
UH, $5.25.
415
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:12,010
OK. 5. I HAVE A QUARTER
IN HERE SOMEWHERE
416
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:14,346
DO YOU HAVE A QUARTER?
417
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:17,082
YOU KNOW WHAT?
418
00:20:17,182 --> 00:20:19,952
LET'S JUST
CALL IT 5.
419
00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:24,423
REALLY?
420
00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:27,359
WE'RE GONNA
CALL IT 5?
421
00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:30,929
GONNA CALL IT 5.
[LAUGHS]
422
00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:33,398
{\an8}DID YOU HEAR THAT,
PEOPLE?
423
00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:37,135
{\an8}WE ARE GONNA
CALL IT 5, BECAUSE...
424
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,771
{\an8}HE LIKES WHAT HE SEES.
425
00:20:39,871 --> 00:20:42,107
{\an8}YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE,
GUS?
426
00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:44,076
{\an8}OH, YEAH. UHH.
427
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:49,314
{\an8}THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'RE GONNA CALL IT 5,
PEOPLE!
428
00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:52,050
{\an8}AW, I AM BACK.
429
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:02,861
{\an8}[CHEERING]
31473
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