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00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:04,604
(JINGLE PLAYING)
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{\an8}STEPH: 'Til Death
is filmed in front of
a live studio audience.
3
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:35,468
{\an8}Hey.
4
00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:36,503
{\an8}What's going on?
5
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:39,305
{\an8}Just freshening up
the old yapper.
6
00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:50,417
{\an8}What?
7
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:54,054
{\an8}Pretty fast and loose
with the floss there,
Mrs. Rockefeller.
8
00:00:55,955 --> 00:00:58,391
{\an8}Hey, what do you
want to do for
our anniversary?
9
00:00:58,458 --> 00:00:59,759
{\an8}Oh, my gosh, is it
a year already?
10
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,194
{\an8}Mmm-hmm.
Oh.
11
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:05,565
{\an8}That means I'm due
for another colonoscopy.
12
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:09,102
{\an8}Wow. That was a quick trip
from our anniversary to
a camera up your keister.
13
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,505
{\an8}So what do you
want to do?
14
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,374
{\an8}I don't have a choice,
I'm just gonna
have to stay loose
15
00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:16,209
{\an8}and take it
like a man.
16
00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:22,849
{\an8}I meant for our
anniversary, Jethro.
17
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,418
{\an8}I don't know.
Why don't we just, you know,
do the usual thing?
18
00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:27,053
{\an8}Have dinner
at Mario's.
19
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,457
{\an8}Yeah, Mario's is nice,
but we always get
that waiter Giancarlo
20
00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:33,293
{\an8}who hits on me
when you go
to the bathroom.
21
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:43,369
{\an8}Giancarlo hits on
me when you
go to the bathroom.
22
00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:49,809
{\an8}Two-timer.
23
00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:51,811
{\an8}Hey, you know what?
Let's just do
the romantic thing.
24
00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:56,216
{\an8}We'll just stay at home,
you'll make a nice table, whip
me up something special, huh?
25
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:59,986
{\an8}So your big idea
is I cook you dinner?
26
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:04,624
{\an8}Yeah. And then, I'll
take you upstairs
and reward you sexually.
27
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,227
{\an8}(LAUGHING)
28
00:02:15,268 --> 00:02:16,136
Or...
29
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:20,640
Let me throw this out there.
I mean, what if,
30
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:23,510
and I know this sounds
crazy, but what if
31
00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:26,613
we take the anniversary
off the table?
32
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:35,722
I'm listening.
33
00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:37,490
I mean, come on,
think about it.
34
00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:40,727
Every year we try to
come up with something
big and special
35
00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:43,363
to commemorate
our marriage. I mean,
it's 22 years already.
36
00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:44,764
What are we
trying to prove?
37
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:52,872
You know, I have to tell you,
my first instinct is to pump
my fist and go, "Whoo-hoo!"
38
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:55,375
But I'm a little scared.
39
00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:58,011
I mean, society puts this
enormous pressure on us
40
00:02:58,077 --> 00:02:59,612
to focus on one day
41
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:01,915
that we have to show
our love for each other.
It's ridiculous.
42
00:03:01,981 --> 00:03:04,484
It's more
than ridiculous.
It's unnatural.
43
00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:07,187
I mean, they don't
celebrate anniversaries
in the animal kingdom.
44
00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:11,357
You know how a zebra
knows he had
a good anniversary?
45
00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:12,992
He didn't get eaten.
46
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:17,130
We should love
each other every day.
47
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:20,066
Not just the day
that the calendar
says we should.
48
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,969
I would follow you
into hell right now.
49
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,541
Eddie, let's do this.
50
00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:30,944
Let's not celebrate
our anniversary.
51
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:33,613
Done. But...
But you're sure?
52
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,149
I mean, I just want
to make sure that,
you know, as a couple
53
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,784
we don't have to
celebrate anything
on that day.
54
00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:41,588
I mean, if I want to, I can
just go watch a Sixers
game at Kenny's, right?
55
00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:47,293
You out of the house
for a whole evening?
Happy anniversary to me!
56
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:51,564
Ooh! Okay, this is big.
Now, where do we
stand on presents?
57
00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:53,099
I say no presents.
58
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:57,170
You just saved
me a trip to
the dollar store.
59
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,339
Oh, what a relief.
I have to tell you,
you have no idea
60
00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:04,277
how hard it is for me to
pretend that I know what
kind of crap you like.
61
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:07,480
(LAUGHING) Not as hard as
it is for me to pretend to
like the crap you give me.
62
00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:08,848
Okay.
63
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,951
So, all right, so,
we're doing this?
64
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:13,186
We are so doing this.
65
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:16,556
Okay, it's decided.
Wednesday is
just another day.
66
00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:18,791
Thursday, and, yes.
67
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:24,998
Happy just Thursday.
68
00:04:25,064 --> 00:04:28,134
And to you,
my unnaturally tall
life partner.
69
00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:31,571
So, what are you
gonna do tonight?
70
00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:32,472
I'm just gonna
hang out with Steph.
71
00:04:32,538 --> 00:04:34,340
You two gonna go
to your book club?
72
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:37,243
Hmm. Actually,
we got kicked out.
73
00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,312
Steph drank too
many mojitos
74
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:42,248
and threw up on this
girl Bethany's copy
of The Lovely Bones.
75
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:45,084
So, we're gonna
have our own
mini book club here.
76
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:47,687
Okay. Super. Do me
a favor, if she's
looking queasy,
77
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:51,457
aim her away from the middle
cushion, because we're
out of flips on that one.
78
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:54,027
All right, I'm gonna
go to Kenny's and
watch a little B-ball.
79
00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:55,895
Okay. Oh! Wait.
That reminds me.
80
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,268
What's this?
81
00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:03,836
Open it.
82
00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:05,305
(SIGHS)
83
00:05:10,543 --> 00:05:13,346
It's a beautiful vintage
Dr. J watch from 1983.
84
00:05:15,848 --> 00:05:18,351
Commemorating
the Sixers'
championship season.
85
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:21,587
When we first met,
I remember you saying that you
really wanted one of these.
86
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,690
You know, you had
the Dr. J hair and...
87
00:05:23,756 --> 00:05:28,961
Look, when his arms hit
midnight, it looks like
he's dunking. Isn't it great?
88
00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:32,165
{\an5}It's unquestionably
magnificent, yeah.
Yeah.
89
00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:33,766
But we said no gifts.
90
00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:37,270
Oh, no, no, no.
It's not a gift.
It's just a thing.
91
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,173
Well, it feels
pretty gifty to me.
92
00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:43,309
Look, I was downtown for
lunch and I passed by
this memorabilia store
93
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:45,044
and I saw it
in the window,
I went in and I bought it
94
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:46,512
'cause I knew that
you would love it.
95
00:05:46,579 --> 00:05:49,415
Remember the time that
you bought me pepper
spray at the car wash?
96
00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:51,017
Same thing.
97
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,152
Okay, so, this
is not a gift?
98
00:05:53,219 --> 00:05:55,455
It's not a gift.
99
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,457
Not a gift?
Not a gift.
100
00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:01,327
This is definitely a gift.
101
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,596
But she says
it wasn't.
102
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:06,432
And my wife said
that long weekend
in Denver with her boss
103
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:07,600
was a business trip.
104
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,302
(LAUGHS)
105
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:13,239
And now some dude
named Wayne is
using my NordicTrack.
106
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,875
I don't know, man.
Something ain't
right about this.
107
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,377
Smells funny.
108
00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:23,883
Isn't it possible that
she just got this out of
the goodness of her heart?
109
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:25,918
No, she didn't.
110
00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:28,988
They had a pact to
take their anniversary
off the table.
111
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:34,560
Where I come from,
you break a pact, your
brother loses a foot.
112
00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:38,531
I just... I can't believe you
convinced your wife to not
celebrate your anniversary.
113
00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,500
I didn't.
It was her idea.
114
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:43,236
It was her idea?
And you didn't realize
it was a trap?
115
00:06:43,302 --> 00:06:46,539
How could you fall
for that, big man?
116
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:49,709
I don't know.
It was late at night
and my defenses were down.
117
00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:52,779
It's the same way
she got me to say yes
to whole wheat pasta.
118
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:56,449
Have you tried that
with soy-mato sauce?
119
00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:05,124
Don't you see what's
happening here?
120
00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:07,994
She buys you a gift,
you buy her nothing.
121
00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,730
Now you're the bad
guy who doesn't care
about his anniversary.
122
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:13,966
You are way uptown
without a cab
to get home, man.
123
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:16,202
All right, so,
now I gotta
buy her a gift.
124
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,905
Even if you get a gift,
it's gonna be obvious that
125
00:07:18,971 --> 00:07:21,340
you're only getting a gift
because she gave you a gift.
126
00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:22,909
Okay, so, I shouldn't
buy her a gift.
127
00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:24,710
You gotta buy
her a gift!
128
00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:29,549
But you said I couldn't
buy her a gift.
129
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:33,586
You gotta buy her a gift
that makes her gift
look like a piece of crap.
130
00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:36,222
You know what's
the best gift, Eddie?
131
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,324
Something that
you make yourself.
132
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,226
Oh, how about you
write her a song?
133
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,896
That's a good idea.
Writing a song is a great
idea. You know why?
134
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,499
There are a million things
that rhyme with Joy.
135
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:49,635
Boy, toy,
bok choy,
136
00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:51,804
that kid from
The Jetsons, Elroy.
137
00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:52,972
(LAUGHING)
138
00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:56,242
Oh, my God, I'm not
even trying right now!
139
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,044
I'm not gonna
write her a song.
140
00:07:58,110 --> 00:08:00,780
How about a trip?
Is there any place
she's been dying to go?
141
00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:02,949
Well, she always
wanted to go
snorkeling in Hawaii.
142
00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:05,318
But I don't know
how to swim,
so that's out.
143
00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:08,454
You don't know how to swim?
Didn't you go to camp?
144
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:10,756
I thought that was
a perk of being white.
145
00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:12,959
That and hitchhiking.
146
00:08:13,025 --> 00:08:15,795
I went to camp. I just
had a bad experience.
147
00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:17,396
And what happened?
148
00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:19,732
I was the only kid there
who didn't know how to swim,
149
00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:21,701
so they put me
in this big life vest.
150
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:25,104
Plus, I had to wear
this dopey swim cap
that my mom got me for
151
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:30,376
sending in five
proofs of purchase
for Orange Crush.
152
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:33,079
So, the counselor takes
everybody out
and he forgets about me.
153
00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:36,082
Leaves me there
in the lake,
floating for hours.
154
00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:38,651
He finally comes
back to get me, and
says that he's sorry,
155
00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:41,954
but in that big orange
vest and the white
and orange swim cap
156
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,856
he thought
I was a buoy.
157
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:49,562
That's it!
I'm gonna teach
you how to swim.
158
00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:51,531
No, no, no.
That's not gonna
happen, Kenny.
159
00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:54,534
Why not? I'm an
incredible swimmer.
I'm the Black Dolphin.
160
00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:58,471
Eddie, I could help you.
I swam in high school,
161
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,841
I'm certified for CPR,
and I lifeguarded for
two years in college.
162
00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:03,876
(SCOFFS)
163
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:06,078
There's only two things
missing off your little
resume right there, Jeff.
164
00:09:06,145 --> 00:09:08,714
That's "Black"
and that's "Dolphin."
165
00:09:12,685 --> 00:09:18,457
Listen, as much as I would
like to spend time with both
of you in your bathing suits,
166
00:09:18,524 --> 00:09:21,861
I have to say that
learning how to swim
is just terrifying for me.
167
00:09:21,928 --> 00:09:25,264
Let me tell you what's
terrifying. The rest
of your life.
168
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,968
If you don't even
the score with Joy right now,
169
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:30,937
every time she does
something nice for you,
170
00:09:31,003 --> 00:09:33,439
it's gonna be a reminder
of how inadequate you are
171
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:34,974
as a husband and a lover.
172
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:35,942
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
173
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,581
Did I go too
far with lover?
174
00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:51,257
(BOTH LAUGHING)
175
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:58,064
He was 72?
176
00:09:58,130 --> 00:10:00,299
I know!
Oh, God!
177
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:04,604
And the crazy part is
I would have gotten
an A in the class anyway.
178
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:13,179
(SIGHS) Come on, you've
been here two hours,
we should discuss the book.
179
00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:14,380
(STEPH SLURPING)
180
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,449
(GROANING) Okay.
181
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,517
Okay.
182
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:23,089
I really enjoyed
The Kite Runner
by Khaled Hosseini.
183
00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:24,924
I disagree.
184
00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:28,761
I liked the kites,
185
00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:31,063
but the running,
not so much.
186
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,935
You didn't read
the book, did you?
187
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:37,336
No.
188
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:39,038
Me, neither!
189
00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:44,877
Seems funny, though.
190
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:49,482
Hey, Eddie.
Hey, babe.
191
00:10:49,548 --> 00:10:51,751
Do you have
the time?
192
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:53,019
What?
193
00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:54,987
The watch.
Let me see the watch.
194
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:57,823
Oh. She told you about
the watch, did she?
195
00:10:57,890 --> 00:11:01,093
Oh, God,
that's so awesome!
196
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,262
Is your wife
something or what?
197
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,798
Oh, she is
something all right.
198
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,202
All right, I'm gonna
head home.
199
00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:11,837
You think you can
make it the 20 feet,
200
00:11:11,904 --> 00:11:13,706
or should I have Eddie
get a wheelbarrow?
201
00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:15,474
(LAUGHING)
202
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:22,248
How was your evening
with the boys?
203
00:11:22,314 --> 00:11:24,083
Oh, it was very
enlightening.
204
00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:27,319
Sweetie, don't snack.
205
00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:29,255
Come on, let me make
something nice for you.
206
00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:31,457
No, that's okay.
I think you've done
enough for me today.
207
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:35,227
You seem tense. Want me
to rub your shoulders?
208
00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:37,596
No, that's okay.
They're doing fine.
209
00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:38,731
What's wrong with you?
You love when I do that.
210
00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:40,966
Yeah, but I don't
love it tonight, okay?
211
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,069
Eddie.
212
00:11:43,135 --> 00:11:45,171
Oh, hey,
this is for you.
213
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:49,975
What is this?
214
00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:55,014
It's a special cleaning
kit for your vintage watch.
I bought it for you today.
215
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:57,016
I'm learning
how to swim.
216
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:02,722
{\an5}What?
You heard me,
Big Red,
217
00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:04,924
I'm going to
learn how to swim
218
00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:09,161
and you will finally be
able to go to Hawaii
and go snorkeling, okay?
219
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,931
That's amazing.
220
00:12:11,997 --> 00:12:13,532
What brought this on?
221
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:19,205
Love! Just a big,
enormous love
I have for you.
222
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:23,342
God, I know that this is
a big deal for you.
223
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,745
I just...
I can't thank you enough.
224
00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:27,913
No, you can't.
So don't even try.
225
00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:30,983
But I want to...
226
00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:32,685
I'm learning how
to swim, darling.
227
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,554
For you.
Okay? The end.
228
00:12:35,621 --> 00:12:37,723
Goodnight. Aloha.
229
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:39,825
Ooh!
230
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,202
(LAUGHING)
231
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,973
Ah!
232
00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:58,944
There she is, the canvas on
which you will be painting
your masterpiece.
233
00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:01,380
Yeah, you know, I took
the liberty of Googling
"high school pools,"
234
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:05,050
and they're 60% urine,
20% hair, and 5% other.
235
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:07,219
And that's just
not my kind
of gumbo, Jackson,
236
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,554
so, I am out of here.
237
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,357
No, no, no, no.
Look at me.
238
00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:13,926
The Black Dolphin's
gonna make sure
everything's okay.
239
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:16,996
Now, let's get your
high and shapely
ass in that water.
240
00:13:17,062 --> 00:13:18,898
Yeah, I'm looking.
241
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,402
Relax and
close your eyes.
242
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:25,437
(EXHALES)
243
00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:29,408
Ah! Visualize
yourself being
one with the water.
244
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:32,278
Water is your friend.
245
00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:35,915
Friend.
246
00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:39,885
Once you learn
to trust it,
247
00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:44,156
water will take the
weight of the world
off your shoulders.
248
00:13:44,223 --> 00:13:47,059
And you will
float free.
249
00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:51,063
Free.
250
00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:54,400
(EXCLAIMS)
251
00:13:57,636 --> 00:14:00,539
Move your arms!
Kick your legs! Kick!
252
00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:04,009
I'm gonna kick
your ass! Help me!
253
00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:06,111
Just stand up.
254
00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:17,823
What the hell
did you do that for?
255
00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:20,559
Do not question
my methods.
256
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:29,568
The first thing we
gotta do is to teach you
how to save yourself
257
00:14:29,635 --> 00:14:32,171
when you fall into water
more than three feet deep.
258
00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:35,241
That would be
a useful skill, yes.
259
00:14:35,307 --> 00:14:37,943
Okay. Now I need
you to put your
face in the water.
260
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:39,411
No.
261
00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:41,513
You gotta put your
face in the water
to make bubbles.
262
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:43,048
No.
263
00:14:43,115 --> 00:14:46,318
What, are you afraid of...
Huh? You afraid of this? Huh?
264
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:49,989
No.
265
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,524
It's like rain, right?
Are you afraid of rain?
266
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:54,460
No. Silly.
267
00:14:54,526 --> 00:14:56,862
Of course,
it's silly.
268
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:59,098
It's just
sprinkles, right?
269
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:04,770
Why would you
do that again?
270
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:07,206
Do not question
my methods, okay?
271
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:09,074
Now we gotta get you
to roll over and float.
Come here.
272
00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:10,976
What?
Come on.
273
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:14,413
We gotta float.
We've got to float.
You gotta float. Come on now.
274
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,481
Put your arms out.
Airplane.
275
00:15:15,547 --> 00:15:17,883
Do an airplane.
Hands out like an airplane.
276
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:19,518
Head back.
Head back.
277
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,753
{\an5}You're floating,
see that?
Where we going?
278
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:21,420
Put your head
back. Head back!
279
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,289
Where we going?
280
00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:24,723
(KENNY EXCLAIMING)
281
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,704
(EXCLAIMING)
282
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:42,341
That's it! That's it!
I can't teach you!
283
00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:44,710
You're gonna
kill us both!
284
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,745
We will drown!
To death!
285
00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:49,648
You have stumped
the Black Dolphin!
286
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:51,483
You're not
the Black Dolphin!
287
00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:54,586
You're a bad dolphin!
Bad dolphin!
288
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:09,935
There you are.
How was your lesson?
289
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:16,909
Hey, I'm gonna need
to pull the trigger on
this snorkeling thing
290
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,446
because they want us to
fax back a signed waiver
'cause it's stingray season.
291
00:16:20,512 --> 00:16:22,247
Stingray?
292
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:25,451
The flappy guys
with the barbed tail?
Oh, okay.
293
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:34,026
They take us on
a catamaran, and they take
us 10 miles offshore
294
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:37,463
and then we dive in
and we swim under
water into this cave
295
00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:39,598
and inside there are
thousands of exotic fish.
296
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,967
How awesome
does that sound?
297
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:45,571
Totally awesome.
I can't swim.
298
00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:48,874
{\an5}What?
Yeah, I can't
be near water.
299
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,510
Actually, I shouldn't
even be drinking water.
300
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:53,445
From here on out,
it should be just this
301
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:55,714
and the occasional
breakfast beer.
302
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:58,784
What about our trip?
303
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,753
It's not gonna happen.
304
00:17:00,819 --> 00:17:02,588
So I'm not gonna
get to go to Hawaii?
305
00:17:02,654 --> 00:17:06,825
No, you are not. But I
have something that you
are going to enjoy far more,
306
00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:10,429
the fact that you are,
and always will be,
better than me.
307
00:17:12,931 --> 00:17:14,700
What are you
talking about?
308
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:16,802
Oh, come on, Joy.
You know what
I'm talking about.
309
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:21,006
We had a pact. And you
broke it when you
gave me this Dr. J watch.
310
00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:24,176
Congratulations,
you have now
ruined anniversaries,
311
00:17:24,243 --> 00:17:26,678
basketball
and time-telling.
312
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:34,119
Did you dive
headfirst into
the shallow end?
313
00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:38,090
Several times!
But don't change
the subject.
314
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:40,826
Eddie, I bought you
that watch because
I care about you
315
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,461
and I thought that
you would like it.
316
00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:45,130
But forgive me
if it is more special
or thoughtful
317
00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:47,232
than anything that
you've ever given me!
318
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:49,635
Mmm-hmm.
And there it is!
Right there!
319
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:52,971
See, you taking the
anniversary off the table
was just the first step
320
00:17:53,038 --> 00:17:54,940
in your twisted
little plan!
321
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:57,910
Maybe I did it because
I thought it would
somehow force you
322
00:17:57,976 --> 00:18:00,045
to be romantic
once in your life!
323
00:18:00,112 --> 00:18:02,714
If you wanted me to be
romantic why wouldn't
you just tell me?
324
00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:04,683
Because I shouldn't
have to tell you.
325
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,219
It's no fun
to ask someone
to be romantic.
326
00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:11,957
Well, what's
happening right now
is a barrel of laughs.
327
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:13,592
You know what?
Maybe when I
suggested that
328
00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:15,727
we take the
anniversary
off the table,
329
00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:17,463
I was trying to
send you a signal,
330
00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:19,631
hoping that
you would say,
"Absolutely not,"
331
00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:21,867
and then sweep me
off my feet.
332
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,136
A signal?
What am I, Batman?
333
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:29,708
This is my fault.
334
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,544
I should've just let
you take me to Mario's
like we do every year.
335
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,113
Yeah, yeah, okay,
you know what? Let's just
do that, all right?
336
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:35,681
Okay,
you know what?
Let's do that.
337
00:18:35,747 --> 00:18:39,218
Maybe one of us
will get lucky and go
home with Giancarlo.
338
00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:44,289
Eddie, we're going
to be late for
our reservation.
339
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:46,692
I know, I left my
wallet here. Just give
me a minute.
340
00:18:46,758 --> 00:18:48,393
(SIGHS) All right.
341
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:55,601
Happy anniversary,
Mr. and Mrs. Stark.
342
00:18:55,667 --> 00:18:58,003
May I show
the beautiful lady
to her table?
343
00:18:58,604 --> 00:18:59,738
(LAUGHS)
344
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,610
Don't be alarmed.
Your husband is about
to break the world record
345
00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:06,578
for freestyle loving.
346
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,247
(WHOOPING)
347
00:19:14,453 --> 00:19:15,854
Whaa!
348
00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:20,993
What's going
on here, Eddie?
349
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:23,362
Just a little thing
called romance.
350
00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:32,304
You know, when I first
got the idea of learning
how to swim for you,
351
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:36,308
it was for all
the wrong reasons.
352
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:40,345
And after we spoke,
I realized that
353
00:19:40,412 --> 00:19:42,981
I had to learn
how to swim.
354
00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:46,051
Because I want to
take you to Hawaii.
355
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:48,387
And I want you
to be happy,
356
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:52,824
and I wouldn't
mind seeing you
in a coconut bra.
357
00:19:55,827 --> 00:19:59,231
So, this, my love,
is for you.
358
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:17,983
Eddie?
359
00:20:23,288 --> 00:20:24,923
Babe, you okay?
360
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:28,827
Babe? Eddie!
361
00:20:30,662 --> 00:20:32,164
JOY: I'm coming
to get you.
362
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:36,001
Don't help me!
I'm doing this!
363
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,837
Come on, baby.
Come on,
you can do it.
364
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:41,039
You're doing it.
365
00:20:41,106 --> 00:20:43,008
Come on. Swim!
366
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:46,211
I'm doing it.
367
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:52,017
(GASPING)
368
00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:54,753
You did it!
369
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:56,822
Happy anniversary.
370
00:20:56,888 --> 00:20:58,890
Happy anniversary.
371
00:21:04,029 --> 00:21:06,465
{\an8}My boy is gonna
die in Hawaii.
372
00:21:11,169 --> 00:21:14,506
{\an8}♪ I've been to the ocean
373
00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:17,409
{\an8}♪ And I've been to a lake
374
00:21:17,476 --> 00:21:21,179
{\an8}♪ But I'm wild about
that swimming pool
375
00:21:21,246 --> 00:21:23,682
{\an8}♪ 'Cause that's where
we're going today
376
00:21:23,749 --> 00:21:26,718
{\an8}♪ Hey, we're going swimming
377
00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:29,388
{\an8}♪ Swimming in
the swimming pool ♪
31707
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