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00:00:01,701 --> 00:00:03,003
(JINGLE PLAYING)
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JEFF: 'Til Death
is filmed in front of
a live studio audience.
3
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:36,202
{\an8}All right,
I'm going to Karl's
to watch the Eagles game.
4
00:00:36,269 --> 00:00:37,771
{\an8}Okay, what time are you
going to be home?
5
00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:39,472
{\an8}I don't know, late, I guess.
6
00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:40,640
{\an8}Well, what time?
7
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,542
{\an8}Well, probably after
you're asleep.
8
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:43,777
{\an8}Okay, I'm going
to need something
9
00:00:43,843 --> 00:00:46,713
{\an8}with an "o'clock" or a "30"
at the end of it.
10
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,281
{\an8}But why? I mean,
if you're already asleep,
11
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:51,284
{\an8}what difference does it make
what time I come home?
12
00:00:51,351 --> 00:00:52,752
{\an8}Just give me a time
so this conversation
13
00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:55,188
{\an8}doesn't end in
a murder-suicide.
14
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:57,624
{\an8}Okay, 11:30.
15
00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:59,125
{\an8}Have fun.
Okay.
16
00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:00,560
{\an8}Oh, hey, on your way home,
will you pick up some milk?
17
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:01,928
{\an8}Milk, got it.
18
00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:03,530
{\an8}Uh, write it down
so you won't forget.
19
00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:04,864
{\an8}Honey, I'm not
going to forget.
20
00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:07,534
{\an8}Extra large head,
extra large brain.
21
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:11,004
{\an8}I may look weird in a visor,
but I forget nada.
22
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,872
{\an8}Give me one of those
extra large hands, okay?
23
00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:15,408
{\an8}Huh? Why, what are you...
Oh, come on, this...
24
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:17,243
{\an8}(PATRONIZINGLY) "Milk."
25
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:24,717
{\an8}(DOORBELL RINGING)
26
00:01:24,784 --> 00:01:26,419
{\an8}Hey!
Hey, how you
doing, Karl?
27
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:28,154
{\an8}Welcome to
the pleasure dome.
28
00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:31,658
{\an8}Wow, Karl, this place
is awesome, huh?
29
00:01:31,724 --> 00:01:34,694
{\an8}You've got drums,
a jukebox here.
30
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,830
{\an8}What, did your wife die?
31
00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:38,398
{\an8}Well, I hope not, 'cause
she's in the kitchen
32
00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:41,367
{\an8}crushing mint
for our mojitos.
33
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,703
{\an8}Oh, my God!
Karl, is that a...
34
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,438
Baby shark? You bet.
35
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:48,475
{\an8}Come on, sit, sit.
36
00:01:48,541 --> 00:01:50,777
{\an8}His wife lets him have a baby
shark in the living room?
37
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,612
{\an8}Steph won't even let me
do my watercolors
38
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,814
{\an8}in the living room.
39
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:56,449
{\an8}Stogies, gentlemen?
JEFF: Hey!
40
00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:58,017
{\an8}Okay.
All right.
41
00:01:58,084 --> 00:01:59,152
{\an8}Hey, guys.
42
00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:01,654
{\an8}Hey, Jesse, I want you
to meet the guys.
43
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:03,423
{\an8}Eddie, here, teaches
American History
44
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:06,159
{\an8}and Jeff is the
vice-principal.
Hey.
45
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:08,728
{\an8}Ooh, I like that, you got
"vice" right in the title.
46
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,296
{\an8}It's kind of sexy.
47
00:02:12,098 --> 00:02:13,633
{\an8}She thinks
I'm sexy.
48
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:14,767
{\an8}(JESSE LAUGHS)
49
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:17,103
{\an8}Oh, oh, okay,
what do you got there?
50
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:19,873
{\an8}You're not
smoking one of my
Cubans, are you?
51
00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:21,241
(STAMMERING)
Look at that.
52
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:27,113
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
53
00:02:32,018 --> 00:02:33,386
Hey, babe, we're going
to watch the game,
54
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,421
so if you could not
play your drums?
55
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,223
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
no problem, no problem.
56
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:40,126
I'll just take it out
on you later, huh?
57
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:41,661
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
58
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,296
(BOTH MOANING)
59
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,600
Have fun, guys.
60
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:52,005
{\an5}So those are
her drums?
Yeah.
61
00:02:52,071 --> 00:02:55,074
She also plays the bass
and the electric flute.
62
00:02:55,141 --> 00:02:58,645
She's a walking Jethro Tull.
63
00:02:58,711 --> 00:03:02,048
JESSE: Hey, babe,
there's boobies on HBO
if you're interested!
64
00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:03,650
You know I am, love.
65
00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:04,651
(CHUCKLES)
66
00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:06,052
Oh, don't worry,
we won't miss the game.
67
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,288
I've got picture-in-picture.
68
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:13,893
What the hell is
going on here?
69
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,161
What do you mean?
70
00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:19,365
Well, your wife,
she's so easygoing,
cool and happy.
71
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:21,334
Why?
72
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,937
Ah, okay, I see.
73
00:03:24,003 --> 00:03:26,773
I was married once before.
Jesse is my second wife.
74
00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:27,840
So what difference
does that make?
75
00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:29,943
(LAUGHING) "What difference
does that make?"
76
00:03:30,009 --> 00:03:33,112
You're cute as a button.
77
00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:34,814
Look, the first time
you get married,
78
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,649
you don't know it's a trap.
79
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,419
They lure you in with,
"I love the way you are,"
80
00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:42,622
and then one day, bam!
They club you like a baby seal
81
00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:45,725
and they're wearing you
to the opera.
82
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,894
The second time,
I went in with my eyes open.
83
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:48,928
I had a whole list.
84
00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:51,030
I told her,
"This is what I want,
85
00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:51,998
"this is what I don't want."
86
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,734
It's fantastic.
It's marriage,
87
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,170
but it's not a pain
in the ass.
88
00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:08,314
Who else knows about this?
89
00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:12,185
Anyone who's been through the
marriage wringer, my friend.
90
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,654
I have a question.
Yes, Jeffrey.
91
00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:16,022
Um...
92
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,257
You said list.
93
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:20,426
You mean, actual list,
like you wrote it down?
94
00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:21,561
Yep.
95
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:24,497
What was on the list?
That's a good one.
96
00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:26,766
You name it.
Separate phone lines
97
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,636
so we don't have
to take messages
from each other's friends.
98
00:04:29,702 --> 00:04:31,204
Separate finances
so we don't fight
99
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,705
over stupid stuff
like money.
100
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:33,640
What about in-laws?
101
00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:36,309
All dead!
102
00:04:36,376 --> 00:04:37,810
I know what you guys are
going through.
103
00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:39,112
You're in the thick of
classic first marriage.
104
00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:42,682
I mean, I bet your wife
makes you dress like that.
105
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:45,752
Oh, no, no, I actually
picked this out myself.
106
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:50,390
Anyway...
107
00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:52,292
You gotta clear everything
with the wife,
108
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:53,326
where you're going,
who you're going to be with,
109
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:54,727
how long you're going
to be there.
110
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:58,898
Plus, they always make you
stop for eggs on the way home.
111
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,433
Not eggs.
112
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,136
"Milk."
113
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:06,639
"Eggs."
114
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,315
You know, I just
don't understand...
115
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:17,917
I don't want to talk
for a while, okay?
116
00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:29,295
I built a successful marriage,
over 20 years,
117
00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:30,763
does anybody give
me a heads-up
118
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:31,964
about boobies
on the TV?
119
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,600
No, no boobies for Eddie.
120
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:37,270
Please, please,
I'm the one who
got screwed here.
121
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,672
I'm a newlywed.
I missed this whole
list thing by that much.
122
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:41,908
Your life was ruined
a long time ago.
123
00:05:41,974 --> 00:05:44,610
Oh, let's face it,
we're both in hell.
124
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:50,116
I mean, don't get me wrong.
My marriage is a blessing.
125
00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:53,986
You guys, I am trying
to sleep up there.
126
00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:57,390
Well, maybe you can
take it out on me later.
127
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,525
Who smells like cigars?
128
00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:04,764
You know, that is
very unhealthy.
129
00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:06,499
(GRUNTS)
130
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,402
See that?
131
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,070
Jesse doesn't care about
what's unhealthy,
132
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:13,639
all Jesse cares about
is what's cool.
133
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:16,476
Damn it!
Even her name is cool.
134
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,444
(SUAVELY) Jesse.
135
00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:20,847
What did I marry?
136
00:06:20,913 --> 00:06:22,181
(FLATLY) Stephanie.
137
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:27,353
Please, mine's named Joy,
talk about a mislead.
138
00:06:32,358 --> 00:06:33,359
What are you doing?
139
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:35,528
I'm making my
second marriage list.
140
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:37,096
What?
141
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:39,332
I can't wait around for
an actual second marriage.
142
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,868
Ever see how much
water Joy drinks in a day?
143
00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:44,103
She's going to live forever.
144
00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:47,840
You know, Steph's grandmother,
103, still plays soccer.
145
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:54,046
Give me a damn napkin.
146
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:02,355
Wow, how did you guys
hear about this place?
147
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,056
Actually, from Karl.
148
00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:08,928
{\an5}Yeah, Karl knows
his restaurants.
Damn straight.
149
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:12,298
I'll tell you another thing
Karl knows, marriage.
150
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:15,401
Man should teach
a class on marriage.
151
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,236
Ooh, this chicken dish
sounds interesting.
152
00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:18,538
I'm going to go
with the rib eye.
153
00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:20,973
Steak? Honey, no,
you already have
154
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,609
way too much red meat
in your diet.
155
00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:25,945
(SIGHS)
156
00:07:33,085 --> 00:07:34,587
What is that?
157
00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:38,624
It's my, uh,
napkin list.
158
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:41,194
What's a napkin list?
159
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:42,995
Well, when we were
at Karl's the other night
160
00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:45,531
he was telling us how
before he got married
161
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:48,100
for the second time that
he actually made up a list
162
00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:51,137
of things he wanted
in his marriage.
163
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:53,673
And, you know, instead of
moving on to another wife,
164
00:07:53,739 --> 00:07:55,708
because I think
you're pretty great,
165
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:57,643
you know, with
a couple of tweaks,
166
00:07:57,710 --> 00:08:00,780
I thought I would make
my list right now
167
00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:03,883
so I could dance with
the girl what brung me.
168
00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:08,488
Are you insane?
169
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:11,023
Seriously, Eddie,
that was horrible.
170
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:13,626
Yeah, do you think
before you talk?
171
00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:20,366
He has a napkin list,
too, everybody. Yes.
172
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:22,635
{\an5}STEPH: What?
(STAMMERING) Well,
this is an outrage.
173
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:23,970
{\an5}Steph, come on.
No, no, no,
show...
174
00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:25,638
{\an5}No, you're going to
show them the list
Eddie, my jacket!
175
00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:28,341
{\an5}because we did it together.
Hey, hey, come on,
get off of the jacket.
176
00:08:28,407 --> 00:08:29,809
Okay, here...
177
00:08:32,645 --> 00:08:34,480
Great plan, Jeff.
Nothing proves your innocence
178
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:36,182
like eating a napkin.
179
00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:39,986
Did you really anticipate
this going well,
180
00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:41,821
presenting me with
a list of demands?
181
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:43,155
(CLEARS THROAT)
182
00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:48,294
Not demands,
adjustments...
183
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,495
(CLEARS THROAT)
184
00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:53,266
Our marriage
is a blessing.
185
00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:54,200
(CLEARS THROAT)
186
00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:58,437
Okay, you're going to have
to take him somewhere
187
00:08:58,504 --> 00:08:59,705
and deal with that.
188
00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:02,108
Come on, come on, come on.
What's our goal here?
189
00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:03,242
You want to make it
go down or come up?
190
00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:04,443
(CLEARS THROAT)
191
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:09,882
Okay, let's hear
this list.
192
00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:11,817
Okay. But before
I read the list
193
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,253
I need you to promise me
that you're going to listen
194
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,855
with an open mind.
195
00:09:18,457 --> 00:09:19,992
That's better.
196
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,895
I would like to eat
whatever I want
197
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:24,530
whenever I want.
198
00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:25,965
I would like to wear
a turtleneck
199
00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:27,233
without you comparing me to
200
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,703
various 1970s
television stars.
201
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:32,271
I want separate phone lines,
202
00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:35,641
I don't want to
have to tell you
what time I'm coming home.
203
00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:36,676
I want a baby shark...
204
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:40,246
Okay, I'm going to have
to stop you there.
205
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:42,315
What is the big deal
about me asking you
206
00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:43,349
when you're coming home?
207
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,550
Well, why do you even
have to ask?
208
00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:47,553
Because we're married.
That's what wives do.
209
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,388
Yeah, first wives.
210
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,691
Oh, my God.
211
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:54,860
Let me see the rest of
this moron manifesto.
212
00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:58,764
Joy, listen to me.
213
00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:02,568
Do you want to be on Oprah?
214
00:10:04,303 --> 00:10:07,940
{\an5}What?
We do the first/second
marriage thing,
215
00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:10,042
then we write
the book. Bam!
216
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:13,312
Listen, baby,
take this ride with me.
217
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:15,114
If it'll get you
to stop flapping
218
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,249
those enormous gums
of yours, I'm in.
219
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:19,151
(LAUGHS)
220
00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:21,120
You know what, guys?
Just order without us.
221
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:23,322
Jeff had an allergic reaction
to the ink on the napkin
222
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:26,125
and his head blew up
like a pumpkin.
223
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,294
He's waiting for me on
the floor of the ladies' room.
224
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,930
I should get back.
He's pretty scared.
225
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:43,709
Oh, look,
they finally made you
226
00:10:43,776 --> 00:10:46,379
an official member of
the Mod Squad.
227
00:10:46,445 --> 00:10:48,314
Ah, ah, ah. See, now,
that sounds like
228
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,850
something my first wife
used to say,
229
00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:52,351
but my second wife
would say...
230
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:55,454
"Neat shirt, take me now."
231
00:10:55,521 --> 00:10:57,723
Now, that's good,
but why not make it great?
232
00:10:57,790 --> 00:10:59,125
I think it should sound
something like...
233
00:10:59,191 --> 00:11:01,394
I'm not saying it again.
234
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:04,363
Okay, well, as you know,
235
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:05,931
I don't have to tell you
where I'm going,
236
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,601
per our aforementioned
napkin agreement.
237
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,403
(PHONE RINGING)
238
00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:13,839
Oh, no, no, no, honey,
you have your own phone line.
239
00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:16,542
This is Eddie's hotline,
for my ears only.
240
00:11:17,943 --> 00:11:19,378
Yello.
241
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:21,981
Hey, what's shaking, amigo?
242
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:25,051
I don't have to tell you this,
but it's Karl.
243
00:11:26,385 --> 00:11:29,955
Ah, turtleneck, ribbed.
You'll be pleased.
244
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:32,758
Ciao.
245
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:34,160
All right, honey,
now I'm not going to tell you
246
00:11:34,226 --> 00:11:35,361
when I'm going
to be home, so...
247
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:38,197
Look, I don't care
where you're going
248
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:40,599
or what time you're
going to be home.
249
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:43,269
Sweetheart, let me
sum this up for you.
250
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:46,572
You saw a baby shark,
251
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:50,409
you got your panties
all in a twist over it.
252
00:11:50,476 --> 00:11:53,946
Just go do what
you've got to do, okay?
253
00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:57,616
Oh, believe me, lady. What I
got to do is getting done.
254
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,620
Your fly's open.
255
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:09,528
It's the way I want it.
256
00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:12,998
It's my choice,
my life, my fly.
257
00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:26,445
That dinner
was fantastic.
I am stuffed.
258
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:29,415
Twenty-seven
slider burgers
in 25 minutes,
259
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,118
you set a new
Burger Bonanza record.
260
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:35,020
They're putting my picture
on the wall,
261
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,456
right next to John Goodman.
262
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:39,992
All right, the night is young,
we just had dinner.
263
00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:41,360
What's next?
264
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:44,830
Anybody. Come on,
who's got ideas?
265
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:47,133
There are
no bad ideas.
266
00:12:47,199 --> 00:12:48,300
Mini golf.
267
00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:49,969
Bad idea.
268
00:12:50,035 --> 00:12:51,937
Karl, hit me.
269
00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:55,341
There's a tranny bar
up yonder that makes
a mean appletini.
270
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:58,744
Or a movie.
271
00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:00,279
Yes, movie,
all right.
272
00:13:00,346 --> 00:13:01,614
Jeffy, hit me with
some movie times.
273
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:06,352
Uh, all righty, well,
we've got a 7:40, missed that,
274
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:07,787
8:10, missed that,
275
00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:11,123
and I got to be home by 9:00
so this is not going to work.
276
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:12,258
9:00?
277
00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:13,092
Yeah, Steph's still
pretty upset
278
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:14,460
about that whole napkin thing,
279
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:15,161
and I got to show her
all the receipts
280
00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:17,730
of where I've been, so...
281
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,166
Well, there goes
the tranny bar.
282
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:25,971
All right, we got rid of
the dead weight.
283
00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:27,039
(CHUCKLES)
284
00:13:27,106 --> 00:13:28,808
What's next?
285
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:30,009
Well, it's a school night,
286
00:13:30,075 --> 00:13:31,510
and I've got a hundred
French papers to grade
287
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:35,714
from a hundred kids who can't
speak a lick of French,
288
00:13:35,781 --> 00:13:38,484
so maybe we should
call it a night.
289
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:41,020
How's this for French?
No way, Jose.
290
00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:43,722
I made a big deal
to Joy about
291
00:13:43,789 --> 00:13:44,957
how I'm staying out
late tonight.
292
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:48,894
You and I, we're going to
watch the sunrise together.
293
00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:51,931
Um, no we're not.
294
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,766
We're going to
get crazy!
295
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,067
Crazy, how?
296
00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:56,235
I don't know, we're
second-marriage guys.
297
00:13:56,302 --> 00:14:00,039
I'm sure there's a way
for us to get crazy.
298
00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:02,541
Hey, let's take our
seat belts off, huh?
299
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:06,011
(SEAT BELT REMINDER BEEPING)
300
00:14:06,645 --> 00:14:08,414
(CLEARING THROAT)
301
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,821
You, uh...
You got that dinging.
302
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:17,122
I know it's dinging.
303
00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:19,158
I like the dinging.
304
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:20,593
It's crazy.
305
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,672
Man, this night is finally
kicking into gear.
306
00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:36,208
We're hitting our stride,
huh, Karl?
307
00:14:37,476 --> 00:14:39,044
Karl, wake up.
308
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:43,749
Oh, no. Are we still
circling the mall?
309
00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:46,852
And you're eating again.
310
00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,153
I've got a ton of energy.
311
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,556
Hey, let's go swim
in a quarry.
312
00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:53,959
Geez, you're flying, man.
313
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:55,628
What the hell you got
in that cup?
314
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:57,363
I combined three different
energy drinks,
315
00:14:57,429 --> 00:14:59,598
plus, a splash
of cranberry juice.
316
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:00,666
Cranberry juice,
what's that about?
317
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,802
I got a touch of
the ouchies when I urinate.
318
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:05,938
For God's sake,
sit still!
319
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:09,241
I'm not moving.
320
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:10,342
Okay, we got to find
a 7-Eleven.
321
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,811
I've gotta refill
this bitch.
322
00:15:12,878 --> 00:15:16,048
Eddie, slow down.
You're pushing this too hard.
323
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:18,717
I mean, look at you. You're
stuffed full of cheese steak,
324
00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:21,787
you're all hopped up
on experimental sodas.
325
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:24,990
Throttle down, big man.
Time to go home.
326
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:28,060
I can't go home.
327
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:30,596
I told Joy that the night
was mine, damn it,
328
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:31,931
that I'm going to own
the night, damn it,
329
00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:34,767
you're with me
or you're not, damn it!
330
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:41,607
Damn it!
331
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:52,084
All right,
you're still alive.
332
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:53,986
You're still here.
333
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:56,722
You're still rumbling
through the suburbs.
334
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:02,261
(DOWN UNDER PLAYING ON RADIO)
335
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:05,331
♪ Do you come from
a land down under?
336
00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:09,768
♪ Where women glow
and men plunder
337
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:15,374
♪ Can't you hear,
can't you hear the thunder?
338
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:18,510
♪ You better run,
you better take cover ♪
339
00:16:20,012 --> 00:16:21,847
(MIMICKING FLUTE SOUND)
340
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,402
Can I help you
find something?
341
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,637
Yeah, I'm looking at
your energy drinks
342
00:16:45,704 --> 00:16:50,009
and I don't see any Chronic
Lava with extra ginkgo biloba.
343
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:51,443
I don't think
we carry that one.
344
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:54,113
Ah, too bad, too bad.
345
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:58,450
So, "Lee," huh?
346
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,720
I'm looking for a wing man.
347
00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:03,188
What time you get off tonight?
348
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:04,356
I'm off at 11:00,
349
00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:08,160
but I have a rageaholics
meeting at 11:30.
350
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:09,361
It's not much time,
but it does give us
351
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:13,732
a half-hour to get drunk
in the parking lot.
352
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:16,835
Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, Lee,
I'm going to walk that way
353
00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:19,505
and I don't want you
to follow me.
354
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:31,517
Ah, milk,
remember me?
355
00:17:32,484 --> 00:17:33,752
Excuse me.
356
00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:37,156
Wife sent you out
for milk, too?
357
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:40,659
No, I'm getting it
for myself.
358
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:44,396
I'm also getting this
low-fat cottage cheese,
which I love.
359
00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:47,599
Want to go to
a tranny bar?
360
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,110
RADIO ANNOUNCER:
It's a freezing Tuesday night
in Philadelphia.
361
00:17:58,177 --> 00:18:00,012
The time is 10:02.
362
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:05,451
10:02? What, is time
moving backwards?
363
00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:08,287
{\an8}(ALL OUT OF LOVE
PLAYING ON RADIO)
♪ ...I'll be gone
364
00:18:08,353 --> 00:18:12,724
♪ I'm all out of love
I'm so lost without you
365
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:16,829
♪ I know you were right
Believing for so long
366
00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:21,233
♪ I'm all out of love
What am I without you
367
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:27,439
♪ I can't be too late
To say that I was so wrong ♪
368
00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:40,719
It's crazy.
369
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,593
(EXHALES)
370
00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:54,233
(ENGINE STALLING)
371
00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:06,512
(PHONE RINGING)
372
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:21,593
OPERATOR: City and listing.
373
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:25,264
In Cheltenham,
for a Joy Stark.
374
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,132
(OPERATOR TYPING)
375
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:31,970
Sorry, sir, that number
is not listed.
376
00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:34,706
What are you talking about?
That's my wife.
377
00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:37,609
I'm sorry, it's at
the customer's request.
378
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,444
Are you telling me
that my own wife
379
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,680
doesn't want me to have
her phone number?
380
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:43,549
I don't know, sir.
381
00:19:55,294 --> 00:19:57,329
What's going on?
What's happening?
382
00:19:57,396 --> 00:20:00,399
Oh, what's happening is
after consuming
383
00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:02,267
six trays of miniature burgers
384
00:20:02,334 --> 00:20:05,537
and several liters
of energy beverages
385
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:09,474
as well as spoonfuls of
pineapple cottage cheese
386
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:12,644
that I later discovered
was severely expired,
387
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:17,316
I fell asleep in our car.
388
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:19,151
And I haven't looked,
but I'm pretty sure
389
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,352
that my toes broke off
390
00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:23,222
and are rolling around
in my shoes like dice.
391
00:20:25,023 --> 00:20:28,093
Anyway, I realized something,
392
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:32,397
that I'm not cut out for
this second marriage stuff.
393
00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:37,269
I was a fool to think that I
could improve on what we had.
394
00:20:38,537 --> 00:20:39,605
(EXHALES)
395
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:41,707
You okay?
396
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:47,679
Sorry, I thought
I was gonna throw up again.
397
00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:54,086
Anyway, I figured out,
left to my own devices,
398
00:20:54,152 --> 00:20:56,722
{\an8}I would be dead within days.
399
00:20:56,788 --> 00:20:58,857
{\an8}So, please, Joy,
400
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,293
{\an8}I want our first
marriage back.
401
00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:04,763
{\an8}I remembered
to get your milk.
402
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,102
{\an8}This is eggnog.
403
00:21:14,973 --> 00:21:16,742
{\an8}I'll be right back.
31662
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