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00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,036
(JINGLE PLAYING)
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00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:15,015
JOY: 'Til Death
is filmed in front of a
live studio audience.
3
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:19,986
{\an8}I need a four-letter word
for baby horse.
4
00:00:20,086 --> 00:00:25,191
{\an8}But when I put in "pony,"
five down becomes "kung pu."
5
00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:31,297
{\an8}Well, perhaps that's
because a baby horse
is called a foal.
6
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,070
{\an8}A pony is not a baby horse.
7
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,308
{\an8}What the hell
are you telling me here?
8
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,911
{\an8}A foal grows into a horse
and a pony grows
9
00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:50,450
{\an8}into a weird, old, little
grandpa pony. Got it?
10
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,419
{\an8}I'm calling the zoo.
11
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:54,554
{\an8}(KNOCK ON DOOR)
12
00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:56,756
{\an8}Come in.
13
00:00:56,856 --> 00:00:58,725
{\an8}Hey, Eddie. Hello, Joy.
14
00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:01,428
{\an8}I wonder if you guys have
a pair of binoculars
we could borrow.
15
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:03,263
{\an8}Yeah, top drawer,
near the blender.
16
00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:05,832
{\an8}We're taking little David here
down to the Jersey Shore.
17
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:08,001
{\an8}He's actually never
seen the ocean.
18
00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:09,402
{\an8}How are you, pal?
19
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:12,439
{\an8}We signed up
for the Big Brother
Big Sister program.
20
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:14,107
{\an8}We spend every
Saturday together.
21
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:16,076
{\an8}The thing is,
we're really blessed.
22
00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:18,278
{\an8}Jeff's got
a really good job,
I'm really cute.
23
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:22,649
{\an8}And this is just something
we do to give back.
24
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,652
{\an8}Was there Chardonnay
in this juice glass?
25
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,420
{\an8}I think I've just
invented something.
26
00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:31,958
{\an8}All right. Well,
have a great day.
27
00:01:32,058 --> 00:01:34,594
{\an8}Okay, take care
now. Bye.
28
00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:39,699
{\an8}Are we terrible people?
29
00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:41,134
{\an8}Joy, we've talked
about this before.
30
00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:44,304
{\an8}We're not the only people
who subscribe to that channel.
31
00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:53,847
{\an8}That is not what
I'm talking about.
32
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,583
{\an8}Look at them. They're
actually giving back.
33
00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,251
{\an8}They care about something.
34
00:01:58,351 --> 00:01:59,953
We care about stuff.
35
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:01,788
Yeah? What do we
care about?
36
00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:08,394
Care...
37
00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:15,001
No, I don't
care about that.
38
00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:18,138
How about volunteering?
We've got lots of
time on our hands.
39
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:20,206
Well, that's true.
Maybe if we got out
of our own little world
40
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,575
and actually did
something for someone,
41
00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:23,676
it might feel good.
Yeah.
42
00:02:23,776 --> 00:02:25,678
But what should we do?
43
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,751
Do...
44
00:02:33,686 --> 00:02:36,589
I did it, Joy. I signed up
to be a Big Brother.
45
00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:38,358
Really?
46
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,160
Yep. And they
already matched me
up with a youngster.
47
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:43,062
Kenneth Westchester.
Doesn't sound black.
48
00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:46,065
I gotta be honest,
I'm a little disappointed.
49
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,902
I mean, if he's white,
I might as well be
hanging out with my nephew.
50
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,272
So, what are you
gonna do to give back?
51
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:54,707
Huh? Oh, nothing.
I'm over it.
52
00:02:57,610 --> 00:03:00,313
Joy, you gotta do something.
I just made a one-year
commitment here!
53
00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:03,950
Yeah. Well, I was going to
and then I started thinking,
54
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:06,219
"What could I do
for other people?"
55
00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:09,122
And then I found my bead kit!
56
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:12,025
Ninety minutes later,
look who made a belly chain!
57
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,361
I will miss you in heaven.
58
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,272
MAN: (SHOUTING)
Who is it?
59
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:32,178
Hi, I'm...
I'm Eddie Stark.
60
00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:36,082
I'm here to meet
Kenny Westchester.
Is he available?
61
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,287
I'm K. Chesty.
62
00:03:43,823 --> 00:03:47,527
You're Kenneth Westchester,
favorite hobby, ColecoVision,
63
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:50,163
favorite TV show, Webster?
64
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,767
That sounds like
K. Chesty to me.
65
00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:59,472
Oh! Well, there must be some
kind of mix-up, Mr. Chesty.
66
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,541
I'm from the
Big Brother program,
67
00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:04,811
and they told me
that you signed up
to be a little brother,
68
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:08,147
but I can see that you
have a mustache, so...
69
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:14,254
Hey, man, my mom did sign me
up for the Big Brother program
like 25 years ago,
70
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:16,022
but I never got one.
71
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:19,826
I guess your name
was still bouncing around
in the system,
72
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:24,197
and they matched us up
because I like Webster too.
73
00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:28,668
That is crazy!
(CHUCKLING) Yeah.
74
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,070
I thought you might've
been some guy my ex-wife
sent over here to get my dog.
75
00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:32,405
Oh, no!
76
00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:35,742
She says I'm
unfit to take care
of my own damn dog.
77
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:38,678
Let me tell you something,
if loving that dog
with all my heart is wrong,
78
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,046
I don't want to be right.
79
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,349
I bet your dog is terrific.
80
00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:47,520
How do you know
my dog is terrific?
81
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,989
Wait a minute,
you're here for my dog!
82
00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:53,126
{\an5}Beyonce, run,
Beyonce, go!
No.
83
00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:57,630
No, listen, I'm not here
for your dog at all.
84
00:04:57,730 --> 00:05:01,367
You know what? It sounds
like you've got a lot
on your plate, Mr. Chesty.
85
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:06,239
Let me ask you,
what's the safest way
back to the highway?
86
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:10,443
Yeah, you probably
want to go.
87
00:05:10,543 --> 00:05:13,279
But I tell you one thing, man.
I appreciate you
coming over here, man.
88
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:16,082
You're 25 years too late,
but at least you showed up.
89
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:20,019
You're a good man.
Gimme some of that.
90
00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:21,988
Come on, gimme that.
Okay, okay.
91
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,158
Mmm.
92
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,336
This is funny, right?
It is a little.
93
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:39,672
You get over here
and you get a 38-year-old
little brother.
94
00:05:39,772 --> 00:05:40,940
(LAUGHING)
95
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,609
That is... That is funny.
96
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:47,313
And to think
I was actually going
to take you roller-skating.
97
00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:48,514
I like roller-skating.
98
00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:56,556
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
99
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,810
(CHUCKLING)
What's wrong?
100
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,712
What's wrong is
I wear size-16 skates,
101
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:55,481
and the largest they had
was nine-and-a-half.
102
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:59,252
You gotta relax.
Give me your hands.
Let's play tugboat.
103
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,490
Easy.
What's going on here?
104
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,692
You're too tense
throughout your hips.
105
00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:09,896
Open your love shack.
Right down like this,
open it up!
106
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:12,131
Yeah! Open that
love shack up!
107
00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,934
Don't look down.
Look at me, look at me.
Look me in the eyes.
108
00:07:15,034 --> 00:07:17,103
I'm sorry, it's just,
I'm a very poor athlete.
109
00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:19,105
I always got made
fun of as a kid.
110
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:22,041
No one could believe
that I'm this tall and
bad at basketball.
111
00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:25,011
What? They couldn't
believe I was this black
and bad at basketball!
112
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,813
You shut up!
You shut up!
113
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:28,681
(BOTH LAUGHING)
114
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:29,682
Isn't that crazy?
115
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,184
That is crazy.
116
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,985
MAN ON PA: All right, fellows,
grab that special lady.
117
00:07:33,085 --> 00:07:36,923
We're gonna slow things down
now with a couples' skate.
118
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,624
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
119
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:45,398
♪ There's only you
in my mind ♪
120
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:48,835
Uh...
121
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,771
We should probably...
Get back.
122
00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:53,005
(BOTH MUMBLING)
123
00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:02,215
Uh, also let me
get a funnel cake,
124
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,051
three feet of licorice
rope and a Jell-O.
125
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,889
And a beer.
126
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,057
$14.95.
127
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:16,696
What?
You're my big brother.
128
00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:18,664
Peel off some cabbage.
129
00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:23,469
Whoo, yeah! Now
you're starting to get it.
That's what I'm talking about.
130
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,371
This is good.
This is actually
kind of fun.
131
00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:27,940
Now you've gotta
step it up now.
Now, step it up now. Yeah.
132
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,675
Get into it, yeah, yeah.
Get into it.
133
00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:31,010
Yeah, come on, come on.
I'm feeling better.
134
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:32,078
Now, you're feeling
better, come on.
135
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,112
It's like I'm
floating on air.
136
00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:34,580
That's what
I'm talking about.
137
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:41,988
Oh, my God, that giant
old man totally fell.
138
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,423
I know you are
not talking about
my big brother right here.
139
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,093
'Cause if you are,
I'm gonna take that
bedazzled cell phone
140
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,662
and throw it through
the windshield
of your white Jetta.
141
00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:51,097
That goes for
you too, Shoshana.
142
00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:59,105
Thanks, man.
I appreciate that.
143
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:02,475
There's no shame
in crawling over
to the carpeted area.
144
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,985
All I know is,
it's a teeny-tiny horse.
145
00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:14,487
(CHUCKLING)
146
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:18,624
Ah!
147
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,560
Well, this is me.
148
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,562
Okay, well, I...
149
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,730
I guess I'll call
the Big Brother people,
150
00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:28,267
and let them know
that you're a man.
151
00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:33,906
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
I was going to do that,
but, you know,
152
00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:37,143
if you want to be the one
to do it, that's cool.
You could do it.
153
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,613
Either way, we should,
you know, clear this
whole thing up.
154
00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:43,816
'Cause today was
certainly not magical.
155
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,423
Okay. Well, give
my best to Bouncy.
156
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:53,759
Beyonce.
Beyonce. Right.
157
00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:55,595
All right.
Okay.
158
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,997
Take care.
You too.
159
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,432
Just say no to drugs.
160
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,602
You say no to drugs too.
161
00:10:05,738 --> 00:10:07,506
One nice white man.
162
00:10:24,056 --> 00:10:26,626
Stop it! Get off of me!
163
00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:27,994
Stop it! Get off!
164
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,103
Joy, you gotta
hear this. My little
brother was actually...
165
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:44,310
(VACUUM CLEANER STOPS)
166
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,986
Do I not give you
what you need?
167
00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:00,192
He's got three speeds.
168
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:12,772
(SIGHING) Actually,
I rented this thing
169
00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:15,141
'cause I want to get
cleaned up around here,
because, guess what,
170
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:19,245
Thursday night we are
hosting a jewelry party!
171
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,480
I invited the girls over
to sell them some of my stuff.
172
00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:23,582
So, here's what
I need for you to do.
173
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,551
I need for you
to clean out the garage
for my staging area,
174
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:27,620
then put a nice,
clean pair of slacks on,
175
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,755
bartend for the party,
and basically
just be there for me
176
00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:32,892
because I'm a little
bit nervous, okay?
So, Thursday. Got it?
177
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:34,360
Thursday?
Yeah.
178
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:35,828
(EXHALES)
This hurts.
179
00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:41,333
This one hurts,
but I cannot make that.
180
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,871
Why not?
181
00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:47,406
My little brother needs me.
182
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:50,609
What, you really
can't be here?
183
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,312
I mean, I thought this
Big Brother thing
was only Saturdays?
184
00:11:53,412 --> 00:11:57,149
Joy, it's gonna
take more than just
Saturdays to fix this kid.
185
00:12:00,186 --> 00:12:03,489
He's broken, Joy.
He's broke bad.
186
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:07,560
Well, what are you
going to do with him?
187
00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:13,599
We're going to tour
a corn dog factory.
188
00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:16,235
At night?
189
00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:19,839
It's a twilight tour, Joy.
190
00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:24,110
(STAMMERING) Okay?
They take the kids and they
show them the whole process.
191
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:27,747
All nine steps
from naked wiener
to crunchy wonder.
192
00:12:30,449 --> 00:12:32,485
I need you here
for my party.
193
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:37,690
Joy Joy.
Honey, listen to me.
194
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:44,964
Now I know that your sparkly,
homemade lady trinkets
are important to you,
195
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:46,699
but I touched that boy today.
196
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:49,335
And he touched me.
197
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:53,172
Not in a weird
"show me on the dollie" way.
198
00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:55,040
Okay, do not look
at me like that.
199
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:57,576
You're the one
dating a vacuum cleaner.
200
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:07,920
(SHOUTING) Who is it?
201
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:12,091
Big bro!
202
00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:14,260
Hey, man,
how are you?
203
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,128
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
204
00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:22,034
You know, I just wanted
to tell you that I had
a great time the other day,
205
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:24,637
and I was wondering
if maybe you'd like to...
206
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:26,572
The answer is yes!
207
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,810
I was hoping you'd
come back. I just
didn't say anything.
208
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:32,611
Everybody needs
a big brother, right?
209
00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:35,181
Just because I'm a grown man
doesn't mean I don't need
a big brother.
210
00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:37,516
What, Billy Baldwin
doesn't need Alec Baldwin?
211
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:39,752
Of course he does.
212
00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:40,986
You damn right he does.
213
00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:44,056
(BOTH LAUGHING)
214
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:47,793
Well, then, allow me
to be your Alec Baldwin.
215
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:49,695
(LAUGHING)
216
00:13:49,795 --> 00:13:51,497
I would like that very much.
217
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,500
Whoo!
This is wonderful!
218
00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:58,103
So what we gonna get into?
219
00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:02,875
Well, I thought, maybe we
would go check out the boat
show at the convention center.
220
00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:05,277
How about we get some
potato skins and see
some naked ladies?
221
00:14:08,747 --> 00:14:10,082
It's your day.
222
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,617
(EXCLAIMS)
223
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:21,560
Hey, did you guys
know that everything
on this table is 20% off?
224
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:24,096
20% off of what?
225
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,831
Off the price Joy
made up in her head?
226
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:28,834
All right, well, we've got
to get going, Joy.
227
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,970
What? Why?
228
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:34,440
Because it just seems like you
just invited us over here
so you could sell us stuff.
229
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,543
No! No! I just thought
it would be fun
230
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:40,412
to have, you know,
some of the gang over to have
some after-work drinks.
231
00:14:40,512 --> 00:14:46,318
And then Steph
practically begged me
to bring out the necklaces.
232
00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:48,387
So I just slapped some
price tags on 'em
233
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:50,489
and whipped out
my credit card machine.
234
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:55,160
This was really inappropriate.
235
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:58,030
You know what's
inappropriate? How much
hummus you ate tonight!
236
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,366
Hey! Hello, ladies.
237
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:05,170
Looking lovely, looking
thinner, looking younger, huh?
238
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:06,906
Check your wife, dude.
She's a mess.
239
00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:14,747
So, awkward force-
your-friends-to-buy-
crappy-jewelry night?
240
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:18,651
Yeah, it was a total disaster.
241
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,220
I mean, I was doing
something selfish and stupid
242
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,389
and you were out there
really giving back.
243
00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:31,196
Guess you're
just a better person
than I am.
244
00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:36,402
Look, who's better,
who's not better?
The point is, I'm better.
245
00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:39,939
How was the corn dog factory?
246
00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:42,174
We'll know
in about 30 minutes.
247
00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:46,111
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
248
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:51,050
Hello?
249
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:52,584
Hey, you must be Joy.
250
00:15:56,755 --> 00:15:58,157
And you are?
251
00:15:58,257 --> 00:15:59,792
I'm Kenny.
Eddie's little brother.
252
00:16:04,763 --> 00:16:06,465
This is little Kenny.
253
00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:07,399
What?
254
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,602
This is little Kenny?
255
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:13,639
What?
256
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:16,508
He didn't tell you
about me?
257
00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:17,977
Oh, no. No, he did.
258
00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:21,213
He just... He forgot
to mention the fact
that you are...
259
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:22,881
Drop-dead gorgeous?
260
00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:25,384
No. Forty.
261
00:16:27,219 --> 00:16:28,654
Yeah, we had a big
mix-up in the system,
262
00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:30,956
but I'll tell you one thing,
we have been having a blast.
263
00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:32,524
(KENNY LAUGHS)
264
00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:34,893
Yeah, I bet you have been.
Where did you go tonight, huh?
265
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,195
Where did he take you?
266
00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:38,797
Actually, we went to a...
Corn dog factory.
267
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,935
Corn dog...
Corn dog factory?
268
00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:45,137
What the hell are these?
269
00:16:45,237 --> 00:16:48,340
"Uncle Bosom's Bosom Bucks."
270
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,843
Huh. Isn't that a strip club
near the airport?
271
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:52,311
No!
272
00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:56,181
It's by the bus station.
273
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:02,721
Sorry, man, you left those
in my car on the floor.
274
00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:04,957
I figured I'd bring
them back to you,
275
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:07,693
but in retrospect,
that might have been
a poor decision.
276
00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:17,102
Bravo, Eddie.
You are a true hero.
277
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,271
And all this time,
you have been giving me crap
278
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,740
about something that
I actually enjoy doing,
279
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:26,311
while you were out
using this guy
and going to strip clubs.
280
00:17:26,412 --> 00:17:30,449
Way to give back.
Society is in your debt.
281
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:37,222
Okay, listen, Joy.
Look, I know it looks bad.
282
00:17:37,322 --> 00:17:38,991
This looks really
bad right now.
283
00:17:39,091 --> 00:17:41,460
And I know naked ladies
might not be
your cup of tea.
284
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:46,165
But I assure you,
this man did help me.
285
00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:49,701
Before I met this man,
all I had was an ex-wife
living in my ex-apartment,
286
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:52,271
driving my ex-car,
spending half of my ex-money,
287
00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:54,540
trying to take my
beautiful Beyonce from me.
288
00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:58,143
That's his dog.
289
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:02,147
But then this man,
290
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:05,350
this big Herman Munster
looking man right here,
291
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,489
showed up at my doorway,
292
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:14,660
and showed me
the first bit of happiness
I've had in a long, long time.
293
00:18:17,563 --> 00:18:20,432
So don't you tell me
this is a bad man.
294
00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:23,368
You know why?
'Cause this is a good man.
295
00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:24,837
This is my brother.
296
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,005
This is my
big brother right here.
297
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,741
You know what he is?
This is my Alec Baldwin.
298
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:32,678
Give it up.
299
00:18:39,384 --> 00:18:42,187
This is the moment they
talk about in the brochure.
300
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:53,499
I wish I could roller skate
everywhere I go.
301
00:18:53,565 --> 00:18:56,401
That would be
a beautiful world, little man.
302
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:58,804
I can't believe
they only let you get
two beers at a time.
303
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:02,407
What kind of ridiculous
policy is that?
304
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:04,276
I hear you, little buddy.
305
00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:06,578
I gotta ask Jeff something.
Here, hold this for me.
306
00:19:07,579 --> 00:19:08,814
Don't drink it. That's mine.
307
00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:11,884
Jeff!
Kenny!
308
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,685
Hey, man.
Hi.
309
00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:14,686
Let me ask you
a question.
310
00:19:14,786 --> 00:19:16,255
Uh-huh.
311
00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:20,859
I got a friend.
Single, in shape...
312
00:19:20,959 --> 00:19:22,661
Would you date a black guy?
313
00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:27,666
What? No.
314
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:30,602
What are you, racist?
315
00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:33,105
(STAMMERING)
No, no, no.
I'm not racist.
316
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:34,973
(CLEARS THROAT)
I'm straight.
317
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:37,743
Mmm-hmm.
318
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,245
Would you be straight
if he was white?
319
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:41,847
{\an8}I'm gonna take a lap
and come back
for that answer, okay?
320
00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:47,052
{\an8}No, no, no. You don't have
to take a lap. I'm straight.
321
00:19:47,152 --> 00:19:50,189
{\an8}I'm married. I have a wife.
322
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:51,290
{\an8}I suppose she's white, too.
323
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:55,627
{\an8}(STAMMERING)
No! I mean, yes.
324
00:19:57,095 --> 00:19:58,931
{\an8}What's happening?
325
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:02,568
{\an8}Look, if you don't want
to date him, just say it.
326
00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:06,405
{\an8}I did say it. I don't
want to date this guy.
327
00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:07,606
{\an8}Mmm-hmm.
328
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:11,777
{\an8}I'll set up a coffee.
27272
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