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{\an8}IN
2
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{\an8}ING)
3
00:00:28,161 --> 00:00:31,464
JOY: 'Til Death
is filmed in front of
a live studio audience.
4
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:34,968
{\an8}What you doing?
5
00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:41,274
{\an8}You know how all those
clean clothes magically appear
in your drawers?
6
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:46,212
{\an8}Well, this is
a behind-the-scenes peek
at that process.
7
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:47,814
{\an8}You know, I don't think
we've been
having sex a lot,
8
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,884
{\an8}because I don't recognize
any of your naughty
undergarments.
9
00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:56,256
{\an8}Well, these I bought
for date night.
Remember?
10
00:00:56,322 --> 00:00:59,592
{\an8}You ate a log of cheese
and passed out
in front of the TV.
11
00:01:01,094 --> 00:01:05,498
{\an8}And this is the mesh bag
that we hang our fruit in.
12
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:11,071
{\an8}You know, I can't believe
Woodcock suspended me
for three days.
13
00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:12,839
{\an8}I am so bored.
14
00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:16,076
{\an8}Want to put the bag on?
15
00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:19,212
{\an8}Give me that.
16
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:20,513
{\an8}Surprise!
Allie!
17
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:24,017
{\an8}Oh, Allison!
Hey, honey!
Hi!
18
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,051
{\an8}Me, me, me!
19
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,220
{\an8}(TINS CLANKING)
20
00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:31,858
{\an8}Doug, you two are
still together!
21
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,460
{\an8}Hooray!
22
00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:37,130
{\an8}And I got something for you
in my rucksack.
23
00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:38,598
{\an8}(TINS CLANKING)
24
00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:01,454
A feather
for the lady of the house.
25
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,229
Thank you.
26
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:10,763
Yeah. Go ahead,
put it in your hair.
27
00:02:13,032 --> 00:02:14,167
I don't want to.
28
00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:16,903
Okay.
29
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,038
So, this is such
a nice surprise.
30
00:02:19,105 --> 00:02:20,507
What brought you kids
down here?
31
00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:21,774
Oh, we were just
driving back to school,
32
00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:23,343
and we figured we'd
stop in and say hey.
33
00:02:23,409 --> 00:02:26,579
Yeah, and my pupils
are way too dilated
to drive at night.
34
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:33,219
Back to school?
But weren't you
already at school?
35
00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:37,223
Oh, no, we were at this
23-band music festival
in Dewey Beach all week.
36
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:39,425
So you missed
a week of school
for a concert.
37
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,528
Well, almost two weeks,
38
00:02:41,594 --> 00:02:44,531
if you count the five days
we spent looking for my keys
in the sand.
39
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:55,608
So, Doug, uh,
when did you graduate?
A few years ago?
40
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,210
Six and a half.
41
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:03,316
And you're planning
to do what with your life?
42
00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:05,919
Well, my student ID
still works,
so it's pretty easy for me
43
00:03:05,985 --> 00:03:08,788
to live illegally
in your daughter's dorm room.
44
00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:11,925
Fantastic.
45
00:03:11,991 --> 00:03:14,727
And what's the good word
on the job front?
46
00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:19,432
Oh, I make a pretty
nice income participating
in clinical drug trials.
47
00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:23,870
Yeah. Thanks to me,
there's a safe, new pill
for canine diabetes.
48
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:25,338
Yeah.
49
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:34,113
That's... That's actually
why my pupils don't
close anymore.
50
00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:36,516
Come on, Doug,
I'll show you
our room.
51
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:39,953
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
52
00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:43,223
Hey, "Our room"?
Wait. Wait here.
53
00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:46,626
Uh, yeah, I thought
Doug could stay
in my room.
54
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:48,728
And where would
you be sleeping?
55
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:49,896
In my room.
56
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,231
(LAUGHS)
57
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:52,398
No.
58
00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:55,368
You, you're in the basement.
59
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:57,837
Sir, if I may...
60
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,639
When two spirits
share the same bed,
61
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:04,310
it doesn't always have
to lead to intercourse.
62
00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:08,381
Well, it would never
lead to intercourse if
I snapped off your ding-ding.
63
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:14,554
Oh, you seem angry.
64
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:17,890
Is this because
you didn't get a feather?
65
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:21,094
Listen, Allison,
don't take this personally,
66
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,664
but the only people having
relations in this house
are your mother and I.
67
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:27,967
That's assuming
he doesn't get
into the cheese.
68
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,769
So, what, Dad?
Doug will be
in the basement,
69
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:32,972
and I'll be upstairs alone
with my stuffed animals
like I'm 10 years old,
70
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:35,875
because that's the only way
you know how to deal with me?
71
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,977
She's got a point.
72
00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:40,079
Excuse me.
Your mother is betraying me.
73
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,116
What?
74
00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:45,451
I'm sorry, I just...
I don't agree with you.
75
00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:48,388
So, you're saying
that you're okay with them
sleeping in the same room?
76
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:51,124
Mmm-hmm. And I'm also okay
with letting them dance
77
00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:53,326
and listen to that
rock 'n' roll music.
78
00:04:58,064 --> 00:05:00,033
I know that this is
hard for you to accept,
79
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:02,802
but your daughter
has become a woman.
80
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,937
You shut up!
That's disgusting!
81
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:07,573
It's true.
I am a sexual being.
82
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,410
All right,
the room is spinning.
Where are my pills?
83
00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,682
Eddie, when we stayed
at my parents' house,
84
00:05:15,748 --> 00:05:16,649
we used to stay
in separate rooms.
85
00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:18,985
We'd sneak in
and fool around anyway.
86
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,486
Don't you think you're being
a tiny bit hypocritical?
87
00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:25,124
Oh, I'm being
completely hypocritical.
I've made my peace with it.
88
00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:27,293
You know, if I were a boy,
you'd have no problem
with this.
89
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:31,698
Hey, if I was a millionaire,
we'd be having
this conversation on a boat.
90
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,968
You know what?
Don't talk to me.
91
00:05:37,236 --> 00:05:38,938
Basement's that-a-way.
92
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,409
Um...
93
00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:46,112
Could I take down
a bowl of water
for my rabbit?
94
00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:51,484
No?
95
00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:08,134
Ah, there's
my little pumpkin pie.
96
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,469
(BANGING SPOON)
97
00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:16,442
Okay, not a morning person.
I get it.
98
00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:21,814
Hello.
99
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,384
Oh, if it isn't
Acting Principal Woodcock.
100
00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:26,986
Listen, if you've
come over here to beg me
to come back to work,
101
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,554
you can save
your breath.
102
00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:31,090
I'm going to read a book,
take a bubble bath...
103
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,793
I'm looking at a day
of hot me-on-me action.
104
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:37,897
Actually, I just came by
to pick up Doug.
105
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:40,133
Hey, Jeff,
106
00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:43,469
does your school have
a policy against hemp pants?
'Cause that's all I got.
107
00:06:45,371 --> 00:06:46,939
What the hell is going on?
108
00:06:47,006 --> 00:06:49,242
Uh, well, you know,
I was having
some real trouble
109
00:06:49,308 --> 00:06:51,611
finding someone
to sub for your class,
110
00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:54,013
and, as luck would have it,
I was out for a jog
this morning,
111
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,549
and I ran into Doug
walking his rabbit.
112
00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:01,053
Senor Carrots gets me up
pretty early.
113
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,458
Boom!
He's subbing for you.
114
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:08,628
(STUTTERING)
Wait. You think he can
replace me?
115
00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:11,931
What, are you
smoking his pants?
116
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:14,767
A couple of summers ago
I got my sub certification,
117
00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:16,102
so I could make
some easy cash.
118
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:19,272
Easy? I see.
So, you think
teaching is easy.
119
00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:21,741
Just last week,
I was discussing
the Civil Rights movement,
120
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:25,678
vis-a-vis political activism
during the Vietnam era.
121
00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,280
What do you know about that?
122
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,882
Well, I saw Forrest Gump,
123
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:34,420
and I believe
he was in Vietnam,
so checkmate.
124
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,492
I got a good feeling
about this kid.
125
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:41,961
Come on, let's go
shape the leaders
of tomorrow.
126
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:45,531
Oh, man.
I lost my straw
in my juice box.
127
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:47,967
Oh, I got it.
Oh, I lost it.
128
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,402
Wait, got...
129
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,537
(EXCLAIMING)
Lost.
130
00:07:58,277 --> 00:08:01,914
The circle represents
the power of the people.
131
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:05,585
This is what students
in the '60s did
to protest the Vietnam War.
132
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:13,259
They called it a sit-in,
derived from the Indian word
"sitar."
133
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,562
Which leads me to
Mahatma Gandhi,
134
00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:20,466
who popularized
the very notion
of passive resistance.
135
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:24,270
He also pioneered
what later became known
as the South Beach Diet.
136
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,571
(SIGHS)
137
00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:29,108
So, I guess this
goes out to Mahat,
138
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:32,879
and all the other
peacekeepers
keeping it real.
139
00:08:32,945 --> 00:08:37,617
Dr. King, Brad and Angelina,
all the big ones.
140
00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:42,622
♪ Love is but the song we sing
141
00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:46,492
♪ And fear's the way we die
142
00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:52,031
♪ You can make
the mountains ring
143
00:08:53,065 --> 00:08:56,903
♪ Or make the angels cry
144
00:08:56,969 --> 00:09:00,406
♪ Come on, people, now
Smile on your brother
145
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,775
♪ Everybody get together
146
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:06,812
♪ Try to love one another
right now ♪
147
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,657
So, long story short,
when getting a tattoo,
148
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:20,059
make sure that you're drunk,
not the guy doing it.
149
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:21,494
(ALL LAUGHING)
150
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,335
Oh, shh.
151
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:30,970
Reverend Killjoy is here.
152
00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:32,405
(ALL LAUGHING)
153
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,609
When I got home,
the house was empty.
154
00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:37,910
I didn't know where you were.
155
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:39,178
Didn't get my note?
156
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,380
You mean this one?
157
00:09:41,447 --> 00:09:45,418
"Eddie, we're out.
Nuke your own meat. Joy."
158
00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:51,190
Eddie, I would love to have
a nice family dinner at home,
159
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,092
but Old Man Stark
160
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,661
grabbed the shotgun
off the wall and done
skeered everybody away.
161
00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:00,533
What is that?
Beer?
162
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,835
So now we're condoning
the use of alcohol?
163
00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:03,936
It's apple juice.
164
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:05,371
Yeah, sure it is.
165
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:09,542
Wow, what is that?
Tree Top?
166
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:13,045
Okay, that checks out.
167
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:17,717
Eddie, let me give you
a little constructive
criticism.
168
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:21,721
You gotta take that stick
out of your ass.
169
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:27,960
When I was growing up,
my dad didn't let me
do anything.
170
00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:30,062
I mean, no sleepovers,
no dating.
171
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:33,633
He didn't even let me
play Scrabble 'cause
I once spelled "oral."
172
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:36,969
And you know how
I got back at him?
173
00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:42,308
As soon as I got to college,
I hooked up with every guy
I met.
174
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,610
I mean, I did everything.
175
00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:46,912
Everywhere.
176
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,782
Hey, honey, I'm home.
177
00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:54,453
Hey, sweetie,
how was your first day?
178
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:55,855
Pretty inspiring.
179
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:58,257
Oh, this guy was great.
180
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,493
Kids loved him.
I sat in on third period.
181
00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:03,462
Paul Timmons actually clapped.
182
00:11:03,529 --> 00:11:07,166
Yeah. I think he was just
feeling kind of jazzed
about learning.
183
00:11:10,803 --> 00:11:12,538
Timmons?
184
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,740
I've been calling him Simmons
for six months.
185
00:11:15,808 --> 00:11:17,510
I've been marking him absent.
186
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:23,683
Hey, Doug,
heck of a job today, really.
187
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:27,553
Well, if I can reach
even one young soul,
that's more than enough.
188
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:30,790
All right, we get it.
You had a great first day.
189
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,591
But mark my words,
190
00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:35,928
those kids are gonna
eat you alive tomorrow.
191
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:38,531
And you,
with your little
mother/daughter love fest.
192
00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:40,299
That's gonna fade away.
193
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,334
You're going to
turn on each other
eventually.
194
00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:44,837
Chicks always do.
195
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:48,407
But go ahead.
All of you have a good time
while you can,
196
00:11:48,474 --> 00:11:51,877
and big, mean Eddie
is going to go back home
and nuke his own meat.
197
00:11:53,512 --> 00:11:58,517
By the way,
your wife likes
to get jiggy with it.
198
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:14,033
Hey, I want to cook you dinner
to thank you for getting me
the new gig.
199
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:17,136
How would you feel
about a vegan feast?
200
00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:21,841
Yeah, I'm down for anything,
and apparently, so is my wife.
201
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:28,214
Great. You won't believe
all the things I can do
with mung beans.
202
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,816
Come on.
203
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:34,954
You know, Joy,
I hate to see you and Eddie
fight like this.
204
00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:37,723
Why don't Doug and Allie
stay here?
205
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:42,228
That way, they could sleep in
the same room like you want,
and everybody'll be happy.
206
00:12:42,294 --> 00:12:46,031
Yeah, that's a good idea
except for one thing.
207
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,299
What?
208
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:49,235
I don't want them to sleep
in the same room ever.
209
00:12:49,301 --> 00:12:50,503
But you said...
210
00:12:50,569 --> 00:12:53,272
I know what I said.
I lied.
211
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:54,840
Why?
212
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:57,076
Do you ever notice
how everyone thinks
213
00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:59,678
that Eddie's mean,
and I'm really nice?
214
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:01,747
Really nice?
215
00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:05,618
Okay, nicer than him.
216
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:07,286
That doesn't happen
by accident.
217
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:11,524
See, the truth is
Eddie and I
agree on most things,
218
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:14,026
but he's so good
at being the bad guy
that I never have
219
00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:16,595
to take the fall.
220
00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:19,398
Wait. So, like, when Eddie
called the fire marshal
to complain
221
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:20,299
about our Christmas lights,
222
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,034
and you said
you loved them, you...
223
00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,470
That blinking frosty
had to die.
224
00:13:27,573 --> 00:13:29,108
I can't believe this.
225
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:31,510
I just watched you
tell your daughter
how you're on her side,
226
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:34,613
and how you respect her
as an adult and as a woman.
227
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:37,783
I know, and she bought it.
I'm that good.
228
00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:43,122
You're gonna understand
when you have kids.
229
00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:45,491
They're going to
hate one of you.
230
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:46,926
It might as well be him.
231
00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:55,100
Hey, sorry to bother you.
232
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:57,436
I just need
a little infusion
of the libations.
233
00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:01,273
Your wife polished off
all of Jeff's wine coolers.
234
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,042
Having another party
over there, huh?
235
00:14:03,108 --> 00:14:05,411
Well, I'm glad
you kids are
having a good time.
236
00:14:05,477 --> 00:14:08,247
Oh, by the way,
tell Joy that I got
a pretty busy day tomorrow,
237
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:10,916
so I won't be able
to hold her hair tonight.
238
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,252
What are you up to?
239
00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:15,888
Oh, I'm just getting
my lesson plan ready
for my first day back.
240
00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:17,957
Yeah, on that, sir,
241
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,893
I just want you to know
that it's been an honor
and a privilege
242
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,895
to teach your class.
243
00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:27,132
You were always the captain.
I was just handling
your vessel.
244
00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:32,471
Did you just wink at me?
245
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:39,278
Wait, Doug.
Doug, just a second.
I want to, uh...
246
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:42,414
I want to ask you something.
247
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:45,351
I see you relating
to my students
248
00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:48,254
in a way
that I just don't anymore.
249
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,289
And it's just not
the students, it's...
250
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:52,391
Well, my daughter,
she barely talks to me,
251
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:55,294
and my own wife
thinks I'm a dinosaur.
252
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:59,498
What have I become?
Am I that grumpy neighbor
from Dennis the Menace?
253
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,068
I don't know
what that is, sir.
254
00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:07,406
Have I completely
lost touch?
255
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:10,509
I see.
Care for a cold one?
256
00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:12,378
I made it myself.
257
00:15:12,444 --> 00:15:15,180
I have a small brewery
in the center console
of my van.
258
00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:20,419
"Uncle Doug's Corn Beer."
259
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:26,025
I'm still working on the name,
but the recipe's locked down.
260
00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:29,461
You may want to unlock it.
261
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,031
Yeah, your tongue
will fight it,
262
00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:33,866
but she'll give in eventually.
263
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:40,072
You know, Doug,
I used to be a lot like you.
264
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:43,342
Then I got married,
got a job, had a kid.
265
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,578
All these responsibilities.
266
00:15:46,645 --> 00:15:49,148
And all of a sudden,
I become the bad guy.
267
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,549
Why?
268
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,251
Because if no one's
enforcing the rules,
269
00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:54,286
the train will
come off the track.
270
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:55,354
Hmm.
271
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:58,457
I guess I've never been
a big fan of trains.
272
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:02,361
They take you
where they want to go.
Not where you want to go.
273
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:08,000
I mean, unless
your destination is
any major American city.
274
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:09,301
(CHUCKLES)
275
00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:13,839
I'm getting off
that train, Doug.
276
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,209
I'm getting off right now.
277
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:23,315
I gotta tell you, Doug,
278
00:16:23,382 --> 00:16:26,819
this is the best beer
I've ever tasted
that's made in a van.
279
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,825
Well, we should
probably turn in.
280
00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:34,560
We got a pretty big day
tomorrow.
281
00:16:34,626 --> 00:16:35,894
Allison's heading
back to school early,
282
00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:37,329
and I'm going to be
staying in town,
283
00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:40,933
because Jeff put me
in the official sub rotation.
284
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,035
Wow, congratulations.
285
00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:48,507
Yeah, I got him to delay
the drug test two weeks,
so that was good.
286
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:52,711
Hello!
287
00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:55,848
Oh, there he is.
The Urban Hebrew.
288
00:17:01,887 --> 00:17:04,289
It's the new me, Joy.
289
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:07,926
Groovy new threads,
groovy new attitude.
290
00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:09,928
Corn beer me, Douglas.
291
00:17:09,995 --> 00:17:12,631
Eddie, it's 10:00.
Where have you been?
292
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:15,501
Yeah, I know.
I have started
to connect with my students
293
00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,636
on a level that
I haven't in years.
294
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,438
I mean,
it's been unbelievable.
295
00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:22,941
After school today,
I spent hours talking
about the Cuban missile crisis
296
00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:25,944
with Aleese Dishler
and her posse
down at Sbarro's.
297
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:29,548
Bravo, big man.
298
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:34,520
And I have to say I think
I owe everybody in this room
an apology.
299
00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:37,756
I love you guys,
and our relationship
is a lot more important
300
00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:41,627
than any stupid rules
or hang-ups that I may have.
301
00:17:41,693 --> 00:17:44,229
Are you saying
what I think you're saying?
302
00:17:44,296 --> 00:17:46,999
That's right.
You two, get on up there!
303
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,667
Oh, my God!
304
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,903
Yeah, oh, my God!
305
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:54,573
Thanks, Dad!
306
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,643
I know you're not a hugger,
but here comes one.
307
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:00,612
Okay.
308
00:18:03,882 --> 00:18:07,086
What did you just do?
You just sent them
upstairs together.
309
00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:10,089
Joy, it's a new world.
310
00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:13,759
I had to change.
I'm a modern man now.
311
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:18,430
You can't do that.
312
00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:20,399
Why not?
You said that's what
you wanted.
313
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:23,335
I only said it
because I knew
that you would say no.
314
00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:25,404
(STUTTERING)
Okay, wait a minute.
315
00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:29,007
You didn't want it, either,
and you made me the bad guy?
316
00:18:29,074 --> 00:18:30,609
It's not like that.
317
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,912
Okay, it's exactly like that.
318
00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:35,981
But that's the way
it's supposed to be.
319
00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:38,283
You're the backstop.
You're the enforcer.
I'm the...
320
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,719
The one that people like!
321
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,254
Yes!
322
00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:43,856
This is unbelievable!
323
00:18:43,922 --> 00:18:47,226
So, all these years,
you've been riding
my bad-cop coattails?
324
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:48,994
Huh? Hey.
325
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:51,997
How about that time
when Allison was
10 years old,
326
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:54,600
and you said that
she could get a dog,
327
00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:56,702
but I had to be the jerk
who said no?
328
00:18:56,768 --> 00:18:59,471
You never wanted
that doggie, did you?
329
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:02,141
No. I don't even like
to walk myself.
330
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,476
You used me!
331
00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:07,779
Okay, yes. I'm sorry.
332
00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:09,381
But what are you going
to do about it now?
333
00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:11,183
You don't really want
them up there, do you?
334
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:13,685
Of course I don't
want them up there!
That's getting me crazy!
335
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:16,221
I hate that they're up there!
I hate this shirt!
336
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,162
This is your work,
devil woman!
337
00:19:24,062 --> 00:19:25,664
(SHOWER RUNNING)
338
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,767
What is that?
339
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,503
That is our daughter
and her boyfriend
about to take a shower
340
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:35,240
in the same tub
that we used to sing
Rubber Duckie to her in!
341
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,209
Good God!
342
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:40,445
Come on!
343
00:19:43,815 --> 00:19:44,750
Are you okay?
344
00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:46,919
Go on!
Go on without me!
345
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:55,627
Sir?
346
00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:58,263
What's going on?
347
00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:00,933
You, go to your room,
and you get back
to the basement.
348
00:20:00,999 --> 00:20:03,268
I'm going to try
to drink the image
of your white, soapy body
349
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:04,403
out of my head.
350
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:06,572
I can't believe you guys.
351
00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:08,707
It's not me, sweetie.
It's your father.
352
00:20:47,279 --> 00:20:48,647
{\an8}EDDIE: May I help you?
353
00:20:50,482 --> 00:20:51,850
{\an8}No, sir.
354
00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:55,254
{\an8}Grape?
355
00:20:57,556 --> 00:20:58,657
{\an8}Okay.
29409
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