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♪ All right!
2
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:02,836
♪ Hey!
3
00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:05,305
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! ♪
4
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:09,209
Hi, Shiny.
5
00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:10,577
Hey, babe.
6
00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:13,747
{\an8}Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What is this?
7
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,216
{\an8}Pancakes? Bacon? Omelets?
8
00:00:16,316 --> 00:00:19,919
Am I dreaming
or are we having
breakfast for dinner?
9
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,488
{\an8}Oh, it's real, big boy.
10
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:24,491
{\an8}As real as these eggs
that expired yesterday.
11
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,327
{\an8}I like your style, lady.
12
00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:29,596
{\an8}We are going to
eat what we want,
when we want it,
13
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:32,599
even if we get a little
salmonella doing it.
14
00:00:33,466 --> 00:00:34,901
{\an8}(BANGING)
15
00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:39,139
{\an8}Do you think that it's time
we got a new fridge?
16
00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:41,574
{\an8}'Cause I think
this is ridiculous.
17
00:00:41,674 --> 00:00:44,444
{\an8}Ridiculous or sexy?
18
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:48,348
{\an8}You know, I got to tell you,
you stabbing stuff just
gets my motor going.
19
00:00:54,687 --> 00:00:57,290
{\an8}Eddie, I don't have
a lot of big dreams,
20
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,926
{\an8}but one that I do have
is getting a nice,
21
00:01:00,026 --> 00:01:02,295
{\an8}symmetrical ice cube
out of my freezer
22
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:06,466
{\an8}without the risk of
plunging a spike
through my hand.
23
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:09,402
{\an8}Yeah, but you see,
you get yourself
a new refrigerator
24
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:12,405
{\an8}and all of a sudden,
the stove starts
looking old,
25
00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:14,307
{\an8}and then the cabinets
are ugly,
26
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,609
{\an8}and pretty soon,
your whole life
just looks bad.
27
00:01:16,709 --> 00:01:19,345
{\an8}And you got to drink booze
just to get through the day,
28
00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:21,414
{\an8}and you got to have pills
to sleep at night
29
00:01:21,514 --> 00:01:22,682
and you get fired
from your job
30
00:01:22,782 --> 00:01:24,150
and you end up
on the street.
31
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,553
So, no new refrigerator.
You're welcome.
32
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:29,556
{\an8}(CLEARS THROAT)
33
00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:33,026
{\an8}So, what are you
doing Saturday?
34
00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:34,594
Watching That's So Raven
in my underwear.
35
00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:36,362
What are you doing?
36
00:01:38,798 --> 00:01:42,902
{\an8}Well, I read about
this marriage workshop
I think we should go to.
37
00:01:43,002 --> 00:01:45,071
Whoa, whoa.
What's happening?
38
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:48,141
Why do we need
marriage counseling?
39
00:01:48,241 --> 00:01:50,844
{\an8}Did you...
Did you cheat on me?
40
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:54,214
You can tell me, Joy.
We can work through this,
41
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:57,217
but don't send me
to counseling.
42
00:01:57,317 --> 00:02:00,286
{\an8}No. I didn't cheat on you.
And it's not counseling.
43
00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:03,456
It's Tammy Thomas Tomlinson's
marriage workshop
44
00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:06,960
for happy couples
who want to stay happy.
45
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,962
Well, come on.
That doesn't make any sense.
46
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:13,166
If we're already happy,
the best way to stay happy
is by doing nothing.
47
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:15,468
Think of it
as a marriage tune-up.
48
00:02:15,568 --> 00:02:20,940
You know, just getting
under the hood and
checking our fluids.
49
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:25,378
I don't want anyone named
Tammy Thomas Tomlinson
anywhere near my fluids.
50
00:02:27,447 --> 00:02:31,251
Come on. It'll be fun.
It's only four Saturday
seminars.
51
00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:34,287
That's like saying
it's only four catheters.
52
00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:37,924
Eddie, I want to try
this thing.
53
00:02:38,024 --> 00:02:41,794
(STAMMERING)
Look. I could say no
and end it right now,
54
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,496
or else I could say yes
55
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:47,100
and then be sick
for the next four
Saturdays in a row.
56
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:51,004
You know, I can make
my glands swell up
like a bullfrog.
57
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,106
Yeah. You're quite a catch.
58
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,980
You know what? Never mind.
Forget I mentioned it.
59
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,715
Ah. Okay. See?
60
00:03:02,815 --> 00:03:05,518
Conflict resolution.
61
00:03:05,618 --> 00:03:11,157
We don't need a workshop
by Tammy Tucker Tinklebaum
to tell us that, right?
62
00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:15,228
You want to know
who the real genius is?
63
00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:18,565
Mr. Tammy Tucker Tinklebaum.
Yeah.
64
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:21,801
"Oh, honey, you know
everything about marriage.
65
00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:23,203
"Hey, here's a good idea.
66
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:25,004
"Why don't you go away
every weekend
67
00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:27,173
"and share your wisdom
with everyone in the world,
68
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,475
"and I'll just sit here
and watch football alone?"
69
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:32,345
Yeah.
70
00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:34,881
I'll take a class from
that guy. I'll tell you
that right now.
71
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:36,482
(LAUGHING)
72
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:39,485
♪ Yeah!
73
00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:40,453
♪ Oh, oh, oh! ♪
74
00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:42,488
(CHUCKLES)
75
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,058
What's so funny?
76
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:46,793
I'm grading these papers.
Check out this answer.
77
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:50,296
"Who was the first
Chief Justice of the
U.S. Supreme Court?"
78
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:53,366
Answer, "The honorable
Don K. Balls."
79
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,537
Don K. Balls.
80
00:03:57,637 --> 00:03:58,972
(SNICKERS)
81
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,774
"F" for "funny"
and "future fry cook."
82
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,081
What the hell was that?
83
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:09,716
Oh. Oh, I'm reusing baggies.
84
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,618
Just trying to save
a little money.
85
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:12,752
Oh, really?
Mmm-hmm.
86
00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:14,787
I'll tell you what.
Here's 10 bucks.
87
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:17,624
You can buy yourself
about a million Ziplocs.
88
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:19,792
Oh, you laugh, but every
little penny helps.
89
00:04:19,892 --> 00:04:21,794
Steph is out of control
with money.
90
00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:24,998
You know, the other day,
she bought a suede jacket
91
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,933
that cost more than
my entire wardrobe.
92
00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:29,235
So, what, like a $30 jacket?
93
00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:32,772
I'm a vice-principal, okay?
94
00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:36,576
I am not making crazy
principal jack here.
95
00:04:36,676 --> 00:04:38,344
I even told Steph that
she should talk to me
96
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,013
before spending
the money that I earn.
97
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,581
I bet that went over well.
98
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:44,384
No. It didn't. Actually had
a pretty big fight about it
99
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:46,152
and she said she would
return the jacket.
100
00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:47,820
All right.
So, happy ending, right?
101
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,056
That's the thing, Eddie.
She didn't return it.
102
00:04:50,156 --> 00:04:51,958
She went to this
yoga class with a friend
103
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,626
and then she came back
with all this new stuff
104
00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:56,596
about how even though
I earn the money,
we're married,
105
00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:59,666
so it's our money
and everything
should be 50-50.
106
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:00,800
Whoa. Wait a minute.
Did you say that
107
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,902
she went to a yoga class
with a friend?
108
00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:04,470
Yeah. Mandy.
109
00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:06,272
Okay. I see what's
happening here.
110
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:10,810
You, young master Jeffrey,
are a victim of
a fight friend.
111
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:15,381
(SIGHS) Okay, I'll bite.
What's a fight friend?
112
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,917
It's a person your
wife runs to when
you're having fights
113
00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:20,353
so she can reload with
a new set of arguments.
114
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:22,588
Some people call them
fight friends,
115
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:25,191
other people call them
beeyatches.
116
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:27,960
Either way, you lose.
117
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:31,197
You know, I met Mandy once.
She was kind of a beeyatch.
118
00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:32,965
Okay. There you go.
119
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,801
You know,
Joy had a beeyatch.
120
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:37,737
Her name was
Janice Indelicato.
121
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,839
She used to make my life
a living hell.
122
00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:42,442
Fortunately, she developed
a rare skin disease
123
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:45,478
and had to move to Switzerland
for treatment.
124
00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:48,147
So, what am I
supposed to do?
125
00:05:48,247 --> 00:05:50,149
Well, you're not going
to fight two women,
that's for sure.
126
00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:52,485
I mean, you married Steph,
not her friend.
127
00:05:52,585 --> 00:05:54,654
Does Steph let you have
make-up sex with her friend?
128
00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:58,291
If so, God bless.
If not, you got to
put a stop to it.
129
00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:00,193
You know what, you're right.
I should nip this
right in the bud.
130
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:01,728
Yeah. Good for you.
131
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:04,731
By the way, you know
that the $10 was a joke.
132
00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:17,210
Here's your flight
and hotel information,
and you're all set.
133
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:19,746
You two are going
to love Brazil.
134
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,182
Couple of things
to keep in mind.
135
00:06:23,282 --> 00:06:26,285
Just because
everyone else is
sunbathing topless,
136
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,755
don't feel that
you need to.
137
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:30,890
And if you run out of
your meds, don't worry,
138
00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:33,226
because they're very
cheap down there.
139
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:34,394
(JOY CHUCKLING)
140
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:35,995
Oh, and one more thing.
141
00:06:36,095 --> 00:06:38,464
Some of the women
may actually be men.
142
00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:42,568
Okay! Have fun.
Okay. Thanks.
143
00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:43,803
Bye-bye.
144
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,843
They're going to die
down there.
145
00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:53,479
I thought they were
going to die in here.
146
00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:55,782
Oh, allow me.
147
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,523
Looking good.
148
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,525
Out you go.
149
00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:08,728
(GRUNTS)
150
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:12,064
Hey, baby.
Hey, honey.
151
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,833
Eddie, hi.
Hey, Nicole.
152
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:16,068
Make sure you say hi
to your adorable
husband for me.
153
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,004
I will.
Oh, and you know
when you were over
154
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,339
at my house on Sunday
playing cards?
155
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,175
That cake you ate
out of the freezer?
156
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,811
That was from my wedding.
157
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:26,946
We ran out of chips.
158
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:28,281
What are you
doing here?
159
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,516
Well, I figured I was
open for lunch today,
160
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:32,185
so I thought it was time
to come down here
161
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,053
and toss a burger
down your throat.
162
00:07:34,153 --> 00:07:35,688
Oh, thank you.
163
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:38,257
And also, I wanted
to make sure there were
no hard feelings about
164
00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:39,725
the marriage workshop thing,
165
00:07:39,826 --> 00:07:41,994
because, as you know,
you're my best gal.
166
00:07:42,094 --> 00:07:43,763
Mmm. That's sweet.
167
00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:47,300
Hey, actually, speaking of
that marriage workshop,
168
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,969
I was doing some thinking.
169
00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:51,904
You were?
170
00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:55,808
I mean, doesn't the fact
that you won't even do
this little thing for me
171
00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:59,212
speak to maybe
a larger problem,
172
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,947
like a lack of connection?
173
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,483
Which makes me believe
we actually do need
the workshop.
174
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:04,784
What?
175
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:11,257
Wait a minute.
What's with the nod?
176
00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:12,792
What do you mean?
177
00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:15,561
Do you have anything
to do with this?
178
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:20,299
Me? I'm not the one
who's afraid to get
better as a man.
179
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:22,668
I can't believe
you got yourself
a new fight friend.
180
00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:25,037
Oh, what?
You are being paranoid.
181
00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:27,573
Paranoid? I saw
the way she nodded.
182
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:31,410
I'm allowed to nod.
It's a free country.
183
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:35,181
Okay, yes.
Yes, I talked to Nicole.
She had a good point.
184
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:37,483
What, now you're
going to stop me
from talking to her?
185
00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:40,386
No, I just want to know
how long the two of you
have been carrying on.
186
00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:42,588
The "Let's try Indian food"
fight.
187
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,090
Did she have something
to do with that?
188
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,492
You never want
to try new things.
189
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:48,794
How is this
any of your business?
190
00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:52,431
Well, apparently,
I'm married to both of you,
191
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,467
so why just don't
the three of us
go out to lunch?
192
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:55,601
That would be delightful.
193
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:56,869
I could eat a burger.
194
00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:57,937
(STAMMERING)
195
00:08:58,037 --> 00:08:59,105
Come on, let's get it.
196
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,640
What just happened?
197
00:09:07,079 --> 00:09:09,315
Sure you don't want to
come to yoga with me?
198
00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:11,317
No, thanks. Last time I went,
199
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:15,187
there was this extremely
flexible old man that
really freaked me out.
200
00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:18,057
Hey, do you have any money?
I'm out of cash.
201
00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:20,526
I was going to stop
at that yogurt place
with Mandy after.
202
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:23,796
Yeah. Sure.
Let me see what I got.
203
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:28,034
Ah, I got $40,
and 20 for you.
204
00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:30,303
50-50, right?
205
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:36,342
Honey, you're not still
mad about our money fight,
are you?
206
00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:38,010
No, no, no. You were right.
207
00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:40,313
We're married. It's our money.
208
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,881
Thank you.
Yeah.
209
00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:45,284
Oh, a birthday card
from my grammy.
210
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,620
Aw.
211
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,122
(GASPS) $100?
212
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,962
She's too sweet.
213
00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:58,230
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
214
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,067
What?
215
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:04,503
You just had this whole thing
about how our money's
supposed to be 50-50.
216
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,305
Yeah. So?
217
00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:09,942
Well, you got two
$50 bills in your pocket,
218
00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:12,011
and my 20.
219
00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:17,450
Just trying to figure out
the rules here, you know,
just...
220
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:18,918
What are you saying?
221
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:21,654
You want half of my grammy's
birthday money?
222
00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:23,456
Well, considering that's
the biggest paycheck
223
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:26,025
you've gotten
this fiscal year.
224
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:30,262
Jeff, this is
a birthday present
from my grandmother.
225
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,031
I understand that,
and Grammy's great.
226
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,566
She's a fine lady
when she's awake.
227
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:36,268
I just... Look.
228
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:39,338
I don't understand
why this doesn't
flow both ways.
229
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:41,140
Because this is different.
230
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,708
Different how?
231
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:47,780
I don't know, but I'm
sure it's different.
232
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,949
I have to go to yoga.
We'll talk about this later.
233
00:10:50,049 --> 00:10:51,117
Whoa, no, no, no, no.
Hey.
234
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:52,618
You're not going
anywhere, all right?
235
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:54,453
Especially not to meet
your fight friend.
236
00:10:54,553 --> 00:10:55,988
My what?
237
00:10:56,088 --> 00:10:59,692
Mandy, the mastermind
behind your whole big
suede jacket scam.
238
00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:01,360
I shouldn't have
to fight two women
239
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:03,596
unless I get to have
make-up sex with Mandy, too.
240
00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:06,165
Scratch that. It's bad.
Scratch that.
241
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:09,301
Look, this fight is
between you and me,
242
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:13,072
and you are not leaving
until this is over.
243
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:15,574
Did you just lock me
in my own house?
244
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:16,876
No.
245
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:21,013
Well, drive safely, honey.
246
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,255
Okay. In exactly
T-minus 36 hours,
247
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,457
I'm going to be stuck
in a hotel ballroom
248
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:33,726
with Tammy Thomas Tomlinson
249
00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:38,864
telling me why I'm a failure
to my wife, myself,
and perhaps my Lord.
250
00:11:38,964 --> 00:11:41,233
Tammy Tigger Thomason?
What is that, a puppet?
251
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:42,468
No. She's a marriage
counselor,
252
00:11:42,568 --> 00:11:45,771
and your wife put that
idea in Joy's head.
253
00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,707
Really?
Yes.
254
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:50,076
You should've seen the way
they double-teamed me
yesterday at lunch.
255
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:51,510
I was so worked up,
I could only eat
256
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:54,080
two burgers and
a basket of wings.
257
00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:57,416
That sucks.
258
00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:00,720
That's all you have to say?
259
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:04,990
Women are from Venus?
260
00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:06,525
See, that's my point
right there.
261
00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:08,761
If you and I were women
and I had this problem,
262
00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:10,896
our brains would've
already fused together
263
00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:13,065
into one big,
mega woman brain
264
00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:14,867
and I would have
10 great reasons
265
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,702
why I don't have to go to
this thing on Saturday.
266
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:20,039
Okay, okay. How about
you tell her this?
267
00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:23,542
How about you tell her
that you heard
that sometimes
268
00:12:23,642 --> 00:12:28,047
marriage counseling
causes more problems
than it solves, hmm?
269
00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:29,648
Okay, that's good.
That's good.
270
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,383
Where did I hear it?
271
00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:35,321
The New York Times.
272
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:37,256
I like it!
Hey, you know what?
273
00:12:37,356 --> 00:12:38,624
Nicole is over
at my house right now.
274
00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:39,859
What do you say you go
back over with me?
275
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:41,794
You could be my backup.
276
00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:44,697
I don't know, man.
I got enough to fight
with my wife about as it is.
277
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:47,767
We just had a big one
at the movies when I
didn't butter her popcorn.
278
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:51,337
Apparently, that's
my passive-aggressive
way of calling her fat.
279
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:55,741
And I said, "Honey, if I
wanted to call you fat,
I'd just call you fat."
280
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,878
That did not help.
281
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:01,013
Okay, so because you can't
get a popcorn order right,
282
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:04,850
I have to go home alone
and fight two wives
like I'm a Mormon?
283
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,552
Come on.
Don't do this to me, man.
284
00:13:06,652 --> 00:13:08,154
Come on.
Look, Joy has help.
285
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:10,422
I need someone on my side.
286
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,826
All right.
I'll be your corner man.
287
00:13:13,926 --> 00:13:15,127
I'll be your Mickey
to your Rocky.
288
00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:17,429
Great.
I don't want to be Mickey.
289
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,265
He's old.
I'll be Apollo Creed.
290
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,267
He has a cool name.
Okay. All right.
291
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,002
No, no, no. I don't
want to be Apollo Creed.
292
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:25,838
Man, he fought Rocky.
I don't want to fight you.
293
00:13:25,938 --> 00:13:28,174
Oh, of course, he only
fought Rocky in the first
and the second one,
294
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:30,242
and then, you know,
in the third one,
Mickey dies,
295
00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:32,511
and then he coaches him
when he fights Mr. T.
296
00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:34,947
I want to be Mr. T!
297
00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:36,348
Okay. Okay.
298
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:37,149
{\an8}♪
299
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:37,183
{\an8}♪ H
300
00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:37,216
{\an8}♪ Hey
301
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:37,249
{\an8}♪ Hey!
302
00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:37,283
{\an8}♪ Hey! ♪
303
00:13:39,451 --> 00:13:42,955
Hello, Joy, Nicole.
Hi.
304
00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:44,657
Look who I ran into.
305
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,392
How y'all doing?
306
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,065
Eddie, what's going on?
307
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,433
Oh, nothing, really.
308
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:57,002
Just hanging out
with my friend,
309
00:13:57,102 --> 00:14:00,339
the way you're hanging out
with your friend.
310
00:14:00,439 --> 00:14:02,274
We both got friends.
311
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:07,580
That's right. People we can
talk to about our lives,
312
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,049
who can give us
new insights.
313
00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:11,984
My friend nods, too.
314
00:14:16,755 --> 00:14:18,324
Oh, my God.
Are you still on that?
315
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:23,696
Oh, I am on it,
I am all under it,
and I'm all around it.
316
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:24,830
Are you scared?
317
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:26,599
Not really.
You're not?
318
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,100
No.
319
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,134
Okay.
320
00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:34,540
So, you really think that
he's going to help you
321
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,508
argue your way
out of the workshop?
322
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:39,144
Maybe. May not
need him at all.
323
00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:40,813
Actually, I've been doing
a little reading on my own
324
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:45,484
about the marriage
counseling workshops,
325
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:48,787
and turns out that they may
cause more problems
than they solve.
326
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,689
That's not me talking,
that's The New Yorker.
327
00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:53,792
New York Times.
New York Times.
328
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,427
When did you read
The New York Times?
329
00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:56,762
On the bus.
What bus?
330
00:14:56,862 --> 00:14:58,631
The downtown bus.
Downtown bus to where?
331
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:02,034
The New York Times.
332
00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:04,136
That's it.
You got 'em, champ.
You got 'em. You got 'em.
333
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,938
Bob and weave.
Bob and weave.
334
00:15:06,038 --> 00:15:08,040
I got you. I got you.
335
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:09,441
(INAUDIBLE)
336
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,711
See, that's how they roll.
See what they do there?
337
00:15:12,811 --> 00:15:13,612
No, no, no. Don't even
worry about that.
338
00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:14,713
Yeah. See that?
Mmm-hmm.
339
00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:16,415
It's what they do.
Yeah.
340
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:19,184
Let me ask you
a question, Eddie.
341
00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:22,087
Do you think
you're a good husband?
342
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:23,856
Hold it. Careful.
343
00:15:25,357 --> 00:15:27,226
Smells like a trap.
344
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:29,995
Just answer the question.
345
00:15:31,196 --> 00:15:32,164
Hmm.
346
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:36,902
(INAUDIBLE)
347
00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:43,709
Pass.
348
00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:52,084
You can't pass.
349
00:15:52,184 --> 00:15:54,887
I can't? Then, yes.
350
00:15:56,755 --> 00:15:58,724
Okay, so you
are so perfect,
351
00:15:58,824 --> 00:16:01,293
there's no room
for improvement?
352
00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:04,029
I see eight things
wrong with you right now.
353
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:08,567
Well, I'm just saying
I don't need some
hokey workshop
354
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:10,102
to keep my wife happy.
355
00:16:10,202 --> 00:16:12,404
Are you saying you
refuse to give back
356
00:16:12,504 --> 00:16:14,206
just a little bit
to your wife,
357
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,109
the woman who drained
your coccyx cyst
358
00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:18,911
every day for three weeks
359
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:22,047
and still had the stomach
to make love to you?
360
00:16:24,616 --> 00:16:26,385
Damn, that's nasty.
361
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:30,889
Maybe you should
go to that workshop.
362
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,025
Excuse us a second,
will you?
363
00:16:34,526 --> 00:16:36,562
Whose side are you on?
364
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:41,433
Yours, but unless you have
something that's gonna top
coccyx cyst, you're dead.
365
00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:42,901
What do you got?
I got nothing.
366
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,870
You know that these women
have this huge database
367
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:46,772
about stuff they can
use against us.
368
00:16:46,872 --> 00:16:48,040
I don't have
a memory like that.
369
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:49,441
If I close my eyes
right now,
370
00:16:49,541 --> 00:16:53,278
I couldn't even tell you
what clothes I was wearing.
371
00:16:53,379 --> 00:16:54,747
You should just
give up, man.
372
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,749
Hey, the workshop's
only four Saturdays.
373
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,550
I'll tape the college
games for you.
374
00:16:58,650 --> 00:17:01,020
No way. I'm not dying
on this hill.
375
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,188
I got to do something.
376
00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:05,190
Unless you can come back
from her squeezing pus
out of your coccyx...
377
00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:07,059
(WHINES)
378
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:16,602
Oh, sure.
Joy drained my cyst,
379
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:20,806
but I help my wife, too,
just like you help your wife
380
00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:22,674
when you wouldn't put
butter on her popcorn
381
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,444
'cause you were concerned
about her weight.
382
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:29,815
What?
383
00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:31,350
(SPEAKING KOREAN)
384
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:36,021
Oh, God.
She's speaking Korean.
385
00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:38,857
Why did you do that, man?
386
00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:41,360
I'm sorry, buddy,
but your wife is
a heat-seeking missile,
387
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:44,196
and I had to deploy you
as countermeasure.
388
00:17:44,296 --> 00:17:47,366
(SPEAKING KOREAN)
389
00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:50,369
Baby, I didn't call you fat.
I just forgot the butter!
390
00:17:50,469 --> 00:17:51,503
Butter, butter!
391
00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:52,604
(SPEAKING KOREAN)
392
00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:54,473
I am out of here.
393
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:57,509
I... Baby,
but you can't go.
You're my ride home!
394
00:17:57,609 --> 00:17:59,678
(SPEAKING KOREAN)
395
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:05,851
My tapes don't
speak that fast.
396
00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:07,953
I don't even know
what she's saying!
397
00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:10,289
Baby! Wait!
398
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,691
All right, well, listen.
Have a good time
at that workshop
399
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:14,893
and I'll tape
the games for you.
400
00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:21,533
I cannot believe you
just threw your friend
under a bus like that.
401
00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:24,837
Oh, come on. He'll be fine.
She wasn't even that mad.
402
00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:31,677
Wow. You must really
be desperate not to
go to that workshop.
403
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,846
Come on. They're the ones
who need the workshop.
404
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,781
I mean, we're fine, Joy.
405
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:38,183
Why do we got
to sit in a circle
at the airport Ramada
406
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,820
with Tommy Timmy Templeton
telling us how to love?
407
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,590
You know what?
You're right.
408
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:46,558
Forget about it.
409
00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:48,160
(CABINET DOOR BANGING)
410
00:18:51,163 --> 00:18:53,132
I mean, yeah, sure,
we've got problems,
411
00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:55,634
but I happen to think
that our worst problem
412
00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:57,870
is this freaking
refrigerator.
413
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,106
(BANGING)
414
00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:05,511
All right. All right.
All right.
415
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,347
Does my lady want
a new refrigerator?
416
00:19:08,447 --> 00:19:10,616
Then that's what
my lady gets.
417
00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:12,384
Are you serious?
418
00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:14,052
Absolutely.
419
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:17,356
You're the best.
420
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,162
But I got to be honest.
421
00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:25,631
I am going to miss
that stabbing.
422
00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:36,942
Give it a few more whacks
for your daddy. Go ahead.
423
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:41,647
That's it. Go on.
424
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:43,348
That's it. Mmm.
425
00:19:43,448 --> 00:19:45,017
Yeah, baby. Yes!
426
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:47,119
Yes, baby. Yes. Oh!
427
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:47,920
{\an8}kn
428
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:48,020
{\an8}know
429
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:48,053
{\an8}know
yo
430
00:19:48,053 --> 00:19:48,086
{\an8}know
you
431
00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:48,120
{\an8}know
you fe
432
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:48,153
{\an8}know
you feel
433
00:19:48,153 --> 00:19:48,187
{\an8}know
you feel b
434
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:48,220
{\an8}know
you feel bad
435
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:48,253
{\an8}know
you feel bad a
436
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:48,287
{\an8}know
you feel bad abo
437
00:19:48,287 --> 00:19:48,387
{\an8}know
you feel bad about
438
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:48,420
{\an8}know
you feel bad about
th
439
00:19:48,420 --> 00:19:48,453
{\an8}know
you feel bad about
the
440
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:48,487
{\an8}know
you feel bad about
the ne
441
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:48,520
{\an8}know
you feel bad about
the new
442
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:48,554
{\an8}know
you feel bad about
the new fr
443
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:48,587
{\an8}know
you feel bad about
the new frid
444
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:48,620
{\an8}know
you feel bad about
the new fridge
445
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:48,654
{\an8}know
you feel bad about
the new fridge,
446
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:48,687
{\an8}know
you feel bad about
the new fridge, ma
447
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:48,720
{\an8}know
you feel bad about
the new fridge, man,
448
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,192
but I got to tell you,
she's a beauty.
449
00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:56,295
Sleek. Built to last.
450
00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:59,097
Big, old bottom bin,
just like I like them.
451
00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:01,066
Look, it's just
an appliance.
452
00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:03,168
Take it down a notch.
453
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:05,137
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
454
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:07,206
What's up, Crockett?
Tubbs?
455
00:20:12,644 --> 00:20:14,079
You know, I just took
this yoga class
456
00:20:14,179 --> 00:20:15,647
with Steph and
her friend Mandy.
457
00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:17,349
I had my head further
between my legs
458
00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:19,585
than I ever thought possible.
459
00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:23,422
Wow.
460
00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:25,791
So, you're hanging
with her fight friend?
461
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,493
Come on, man.
You can't consort
with the enemy.
462
00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:30,395
Oh, no, I had it all
wrong about Mandy.
463
00:20:30,495 --> 00:20:34,066
She actually told Steph
to give me her grammy's
birthday money as a thank-you
464
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,634
for how hard I work.
465
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,636
Really?
Mmm-hmm.
466
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,338
Please tell me you
invested some of it
in a bronzing cream.
467
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:41,273
(LAUGHS) No.
468
00:20:41,373 --> 00:20:42,674
It was such a nice gesture,
469
00:20:42,774 --> 00:20:46,845
I actually took the money
and bought Steph
a day of beauty.
470
00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:48,847
Oh, my God. Don't you see
what's happening here?
471
00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:51,216
She played you.
Steph let you win.
472
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:53,518
She knew that
you would feel bad
and get all mushy
473
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,254
and then do something
nice for her.
474
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:57,756
It's a classic
bait-and-switch.
475
00:20:57,856 --> 00:20:59,925
Oh, you mean, like,
if I wanted a new fridge,
476
00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:02,261
{\an8}but I pretended
to want to go to
a marriage workshop
477
00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:05,897
{\an8}'cause I knew you'd say no
and feel bad and then
let me buy one?
478
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:07,933
{\an8}(GIGGLES)
479
00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:09,234
{\an8}That would be funny.
480
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:10,335
{\an8}(LAUGHING)
481
00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:12,070
{\an8}That would be funny.
482
00:21:25,684 --> 00:21:27,586
{\an8}I never had a chance.
38760
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