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1
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{\an8}h
2
00:00:00,333 --> 00:00:00,367
{\an8}hey
3
00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:02,335
♪ Hoo, hoo
4
00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:03,870
♪ Ooh ♪
5
00:00:03,970 --> 00:00:04,971
You want some ice cream?
6
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,640
Hmm? No, thanks.
7
00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:24,824
I thought you said
you didn't want any.
8
00:00:24,924 --> 00:00:26,393
This is all I'm having.
9
00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:27,761
I'm fine.
10
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:34,167
You wanna maybe crush
some Oreos on that?
11
00:00:35,668 --> 00:00:38,304
Do you want me
to crush some Oreos on it?
12
00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:39,739
Me?
13
00:00:39,839 --> 00:00:41,374
No, I was... No.
14
00:00:41,474 --> 00:00:42,509
I was just thinking that
15
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,677
it would make it
more delicious for you.
16
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,147
I'm getting you
your own bowl.
17
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,915
No, I don't want
my own bowl.
18
00:00:49,015 --> 00:00:50,316
I'm on a diet.
19
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:52,152
Okay, but you do realize
20
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:53,720
that when you're
eating ice cream,
21
00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:55,688
even though
it's out of my bowl,
22
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,757
that you're still putting
calories in your mouth
23
00:00:57,857 --> 00:01:00,760
which are going to come
to rest on your rear end.
24
00:01:01,494 --> 00:01:02,896
Wow. Nice.
25
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,265
You should really be
a life coach.
26
00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:06,633
I'm just trying
to put an end
27
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,301
to this
one-bowl-of-ice-cream dance
28
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:10,437
that we've been doing
for 20 years.
29
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:13,073
Yeah, all right, Eddie.
It's a dance. Okay?
30
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:16,009
I don't get
my own bowl of ice cream.
I take some of yours.
31
00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:18,878
I don't lose the weight,
but I get to feel good
about myself anyway.
32
00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:20,580
Is that so wrong?
33
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,249
You know what?
You're right. I'm sorry.
34
00:01:23,349 --> 00:01:24,851
Tell you what.
I've got a good idea.
35
00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:27,454
Why don't I go get myself
another bowl of ice cream?
36
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:30,223
Then I'll hand it to you,
and then I'll finish
my first bowl,
37
00:01:30,323 --> 00:01:31,758
and then it will look
like I've had two
38
00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:33,359
and you've had none.
39
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:38,298
Thank you.
40
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,368
♪ All right!
41
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:43,436
♪ Hey!
42
00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:46,272
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
43
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,112
♪ Ow! ♪
44
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:57,450
{\an8}What do you got
going on there?
A fruit bowl?
45
00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:58,818
Yeah.
46
00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:01,087
Well, I'll look forward
to throwing that out
in four days.
47
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:10,463
{\an8}Why'd you unplug
the toaster?
48
00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:12,031
{\an8}Well, look, it says here,
49
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,234
{\an8}"Thanks for helping
the environment
by using paper bags.
50
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:15,535
{\an8}"Other tip:
Save electricity
51
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:17,937
{\an8}"by unplugging
unused appliances."
52
00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:19,239
Uh-huh.
53
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:23,977
What are you doing?
54
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,445
{\an8}Hey, if you think
I'm plugging this thing in
55
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:26,546
{\an8}every time I want
a piece of toast,
56
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,314
{\an8}you're out of your mind.
57
00:02:28,414 --> 00:02:29,516
It takes
like two seconds!
58
00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:30,750
Yeah, and that's
two seconds
59
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:32,785
more than I have,
lady, okay?
60
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:34,587
{\an8}Go with me on this one.
I'm just trying to save
a little electricity.
61
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:36,422
Joy, the toaster is off.
62
00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:37,891
Nothing's happening.
63
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,726
You're not gonna save
electricity by unplugging it.
64
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,462
{\an8}Yeah? The bag
says it does.
65
00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:45,632
{\an8}Oh! The grocery bag
says it.
66
00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:47,333
{\an8}Well, then
it must be true.
67
00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:49,102
Because the bag people
broke Watergate,
68
00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:51,404
and now it's this, so...
69
00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:54,307
{\an8}Just think about it, okay?
70
00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:55,775
{\an8}If the toaster
is plugged in,
71
00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:56,943
{\an8}it could be
doing something.
72
00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:59,479
{\an8}It could be sucking juice
from the outlet.
73
00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:01,047
Juice?
74
00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,116
Wow. Juice. Okay.
75
00:03:03,216 --> 00:03:04,551
{\an8}Let me show you
something, darling.
76
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:05,852
{\an8}Come here. Let me
show you something about
77
00:03:05,952 --> 00:03:07,287
{\an8}electricity
and how it works.
78
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:10,190
{\an8}Electricity,
it's like a river. Okay?
79
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,525
{\an8}It goes down here
over to the toaster.
80
00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:14,194
{\an8}This is where you have
the electrical current.
81
00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:16,729
{\an8}And these are amps.
82
00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:20,500
Mmm-hmm. Why don't
I just talk directly
to your ass,
83
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,635
because that's
where you're pulling
this information from.
84
00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:24,837
Yeah. I wouldn't
go down there right now.
85
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:29,909
All I'm trying to do
86
00:03:30,009 --> 00:03:31,778
is to get you
to stop saying "juice"
87
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,646
so you don't embarrass
the hell out of yourself.
88
00:03:33,746 --> 00:03:36,449
I am not going
to be embarrassed
because I am right.
89
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:38,484
Oh. You mean
like you were right
90
00:03:38,585 --> 00:03:41,354
when you thought
that there was a real animal
called a "rascal"?
91
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:45,425
I knew you were
going to bring up the rascal.
92
00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:46,626
What did you think
it was again?
93
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:49,295
A cross between
a badger and a raccoon?
94
00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:50,830
I don't know.
95
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:53,733
I had a very
bad Scout leader.
96
00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:55,602
And when did you become
environment girl, huh?
97
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:58,171
You think you're
gonna save the planet
by unplugging stuff?
98
00:03:58,271 --> 00:04:00,740
I'm gonna tell you
the same thing
I tell my students,
99
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,576
one person cannot
make a difference.
100
00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:07,547
You know what?
You know what?
101
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:10,149
I just want you to entertain
the notion for one second
102
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,051
that you might be
wrong about this.
103
00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:13,786
Okay. One, one thousand... No.
104
00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:14,988
Hey!
105
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,389
Listen,
this is absurd!
106
00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:19,225
Unplugging our toaster
is gonna save electricity.
107
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:20,827
I have got information
to back me up.
108
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,930
You've got a brown bag
with a dancing cow on it.
109
00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:25,732
And until you have
something better,
110
00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:27,033
I am unplugging
this thing.
111
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:29,469
And I'm plugging it back in.
Hey!
112
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:32,572
You touch this,
and you die.
113
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:40,246
I'm touching it!
114
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:44,484
♪ Hey, hey,
115
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,686
♪ What you pulling?
What you pulling?
116
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,087
♪ All right ♪
117
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:53,960
Hey, Eddie.
Hey, Woodcock.
118
00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:56,296
Have you seen
that little weird
science teacher around?
119
00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:58,231
You mean Tom Franklin?
120
00:04:58,331 --> 00:04:59,666
Tom Franklin?
121
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:01,901
Oh, this is awkward.
I think I just ate his lunch.
122
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,141
I haven't seen him.
What do you need him for?
123
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,942
Well, Joy and I
got into this argument,
124
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,611
and I need him to confirm
125
00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,546
a science-related
question for me.
126
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:14,847
I was hoping
I could talk to him now
127
00:05:14,947 --> 00:05:16,316
so I can call
Joy at work,
128
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:19,686
tell her how right I was,
and maybe ruin her lunch.
129
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:22,622
Okay, well, this might be
a silly question,
130
00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:25,325
but why do you care so much
about being right?
131
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,026
Why do I care
about being right?
132
00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:29,028
Because it's fantastic.
133
00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:30,963
I've never felt
more alive in my life
134
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,800
than when I'm showing
the woman I love
how wrong she is.
135
00:05:35,234 --> 00:05:36,636
You tell me I'm right,
I could...
136
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:39,672
I could throw a van
over a building.
137
00:05:39,772 --> 00:05:41,507
You know, Eddie,
one day, me and Steph,
138
00:05:41,607 --> 00:05:43,009
we're gonna have kids.
139
00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:45,345
And I'm gonna ask you
to stay away from them.
140
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:47,714
Well, that's too bad
141
00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:49,916
'cause I'm like
a 6'8" Mary Poppins.
142
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,254
Oh, this is probably
against my better judgment,
143
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,523
but I'm throwing
a surprise birthday party
144
00:05:57,623 --> 00:05:58,558
for Steph on Saturday night,
145
00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:00,159
and I wanted to invite you.
146
00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:02,161
Oh, a surprise party?
147
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:03,696
What?
148
00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:05,164
Well, it's just,
you know,
149
00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:07,700
surprise parties
are inherently hostile.
150
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,136
You know? You gotta pretend
you forgot their birthday,
151
00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:12,805
and that just makes
the victim upset, and...
152
00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:15,975
And the conversation
at the surprise parties
are brutal.
153
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:18,211
"Hey, hey, hey! Well, gosh,
were you surprised?"
154
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:20,380
"Yeah, I was surprised.
I hate half the people here."
155
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,116
I mean, it just
doesn't make any sense.
156
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:25,718
You're gonna come?
157
00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:28,788
Yeah, why not? We got
nothing else going on.
158
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:32,225
Hey! There's the guy!
159
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,727
Tom Franklin.
Tom Franklin!
160
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:36,896
How are you? Eddie Stark.
We, for some reason,
161
00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:39,899
don't make eye-contact
at the faculty events.
162
00:06:39,999 --> 00:06:41,267
But, how ya doing?
163
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:44,103
(STAMMERING)
Ah, yeah. It's good.
164
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,239
Great.
165
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:47,974
Yeah, I'm still living
over in Manayunk.
166
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,308
Oh, you're still there?
Yeah.
167
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,977
Nice. Yeah.
Good for you.
168
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,912
Yeah, I got my bachelor pad
over there.
169
00:06:53,012 --> 00:06:54,113
(EXCLAIMS)
170
00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:55,715
I still haven't found
the one yet,
171
00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:56,949
but I'm out there dating.
172
00:06:57,049 --> 00:06:59,318
I'm not shutting myself off
to any possibilities.
173
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,720
Yeah, that sounds smart.
174
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:01,821
Hey, what...
175
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,656
You know,
it's a nice life.
176
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:06,392
I bike to work.
And I don't have
a ton of friends,
177
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:07,794
but the two I have...
178
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:09,829
Really close.
179
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,464
Yeah. Yeah.
Good for you.
180
00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:13,800
You know, I have
an easy science question
181
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,001
for you, Todd...
Tom.
182
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,637
Tom.
In your opinion,
183
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:21,240
if a toaster is plugged in
but it's not turned on,
184
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:23,142
is it using electricity?
185
00:07:23,242 --> 00:07:24,343
Well, no.
If a toaster's off,
186
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,946
it's not using
any electricity.
187
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:29,115
Even if it's plugged in?
188
00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:30,216
Yes.
189
00:07:30,316 --> 00:07:32,051
(LAUGHING)
I knew it!
190
00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:33,719
Thank you.
Sure.
191
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:35,254
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
192
00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:37,757
Turns out I am
wide open after work.
193
00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:38,825
You wanna be my wing man
194
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,027
over at Fuddruckers
tonight?
195
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:46,432
You know, I can't,
because I gotta go...
196
00:07:46,532 --> 00:07:48,067
You know what
would be fun?
197
00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:50,269
Why don't you come
over to my house
198
00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:52,104
for dinner tonight?
199
00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:54,907
Oh, that would be
delightful.
200
00:07:56,742 --> 00:08:00,980
(JINGLE PLAYING)
201
00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:03,082
(EXCLAIMS)
202
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:04,584
This is great, Joy.
203
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,018
Thank you.
204
00:08:06,919 --> 00:08:08,187
Mmm-hmm.
205
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:14,193
And thank you, Tom,
for bringing over
206
00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:15,495
the homemade ketchup.
207
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,499
So,
208
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:21,400
Eddie just invited
you over, huh?
209
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,569
I did. Hey, Tom, hit me
with a little more
210
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,438
of that red thunder.
211
00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:31,444
So Eddie tells me
that you might have
212
00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:34,046
some single women
to set me up with.
213
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,085
I don't know how much
he's told you about me.
214
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,187
Not a lot.
No, not a lot.
215
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,923
Well, I'm a bit of
a weatherist.
216
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:46,259
Any time you come
to my apartment,
217
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,594
The Weather Channel
will be on.
218
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,800
Yeah, you know,
Tom is a science teacher.
219
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:55,902
Did I not mention that?
220
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:58,471
And he knows a lot
about electricity.
221
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:01,741
Oh, my God!
222
00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:03,609
Funny thing, the other day
we were chatting,
223
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:05,811
and we just started
talking about toasters,
224
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,513
I don't remember
how it came up,
225
00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:08,881
and then
the conversation turned
226
00:09:08,981 --> 00:09:10,850
to whether or not
a toaster,
227
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:13,753
when not on,
uses electricity.
228
00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:15,555
And what
did you say, Tom?
229
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:18,257
I said, no. No electricity
was being used.
230
00:09:18,357 --> 00:09:21,394
Mmm-hmm.
Kiss your mama
at the bus stop
231
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,396
'cause I'm taking you
to school!
232
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,702
Could I see you
in the kitchen
for just a second, please?
233
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:31,203
Absolutely.
234
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,838
Excuse us, will you?
235
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:35,374
Fabulous.
236
00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:38,911
This is why you
bring ketchup man
into our house?
237
00:09:39,011 --> 00:09:40,313
I cannot
believe you.
238
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,415
Well, you know what?
It doesn't matter anymore.
239
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,585
Because the argument is over,
and I'm right.
240
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:47,153
Yes.
241
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,921
Oh! Mmm!
242
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:50,022
Wow.
243
00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:53,459
That feels good.
244
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,695
Hey! You guys up
for a gelato run?
245
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:57,029
Not only am I up for it,
246
00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:59,432
but I'm buying,
superstar!
247
00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:04,470
Is this the toaster
you were telling me about?
248
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:05,738
That's her.
249
00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:07,540
Yeah, that's a pretty
new one.
250
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,542
This one would
actually use electricity
251
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:11,077
even when it's off.
252
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,179
No, I don't think so.
253
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,480
(STAMMERING)
254
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:16,515
One more time,
if you will, please?
255
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,251
Yes, these have
little microchips
and timers in them,
256
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:22,355
so they're using a bit
of power all the time.
257
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,523
I guess I assumed
you had an old one.
258
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:25,858
Hmm!
259
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,933
Okay, so I guess
we'll agree to disagree.
260
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:35,601
No, no, no, no.
Don't think that we will.
261
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:37,503
I think, actually,
you should phone your mama,
262
00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:39,071
and have her come
pick you up early,
263
00:10:39,171 --> 00:10:41,674
'cause it's looking
like a snow day!
264
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:48,981
Oh, yeah.
265
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:52,518
That does feel good.
266
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:57,723
{\an8}er
267
00:10:57,723 --> 00:10:57,757
{\an8}eric
268
00:10:57,757 --> 00:10:57,790
{\an8}erica
269
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:02,128
to get involved
in World War I?
270
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:04,430
Kenny Weinberg.
We get it.
271
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:07,099
You know everything.
Put your hand down.
272
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,001
Anyone?
273
00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:13,339
Anybody?
274
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,211
Wayne, you wanna come out
from behind the hair
275
00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:21,313
and tell us
what you got?
276
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:24,984
Wasn't it, like,
the assassination
of that duke?
277
00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:29,355
Oh, you're referring
to the assassination
of Archduke Ferdinand?
278
00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:31,157
Yeah, that guy.
Good answer.
279
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:32,525
Good answer.
280
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:34,794
If the question
was about Europe,
281
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:36,095
but the question was
282
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:38,931
what got America
to join the war?
283
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:43,903
And the answer is
the sinking of the Lusitania,
and you were wrong.
284
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:45,871
Oh, that's gotta hurt!
285
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:52,978
I'm sorry, but you didn't
really assign us
that chapter yet.
286
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:54,580
Mmm-hmm.
Well, that might be true,
287
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,882
but the fact still remains
that you were very wrong,
288
00:11:56,982 --> 00:12:00,352
and I knew the answer,
so I was very right!
289
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:01,854
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
290
00:12:04,523 --> 00:12:06,325
Would you get
a whiff of that?
291
00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:09,462
It's the sweet smell
of learning.
292
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,796
I just came by
to give you an update
293
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,431
on Steph's
surprise party.
294
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:14,333
Oh, goody.
Yeah.
295
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:16,435
It's gonna be at
Cantina Mexicana.
296
00:12:16,535 --> 00:12:18,838
We're gonna get there
at 8:00, so make sure
you're there by 7:30,
297
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:20,106
so Steph doesn't see you
walking in.
298
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:21,574
Oh, and when you get there,
299
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,342
make sure you pick up
a kazoo,
300
00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:25,144
'cause we're all gonna
yell surprise
301
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:26,912
and then play
Happy Birthday together.
302
00:12:27,012 --> 00:12:28,714
Yeah, you're painting
quite a night, Woodcock.
303
00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:29,915
Yeah.
304
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:31,984
Hey, there, buddy!
305
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:33,652
Wanna check out
the air show this weekend?
306
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,488
Ah, wish I could,
but you know,
307
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,289
Joy has me on a short leash.
308
00:12:37,389 --> 00:12:40,159
Okay, your loss,
my mom's gain.
309
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:41,560
Okay.
310
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:43,496
Oh, God,
is my life a nightmare.
311
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,531
I got this guy who wants
to be my new girlfriend,
312
00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:47,600
my wife keeps talking
about how right she was,
313
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,502
and now I got
your surprise party...
314
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,270
Listen, Eddie, if you don't
wanna come to the party,
315
00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:52,538
you don't have to come.
316
00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:54,140
Look, I'm going
to your party.
317
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,242
I just spent $12
on a present.
318
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:59,345
Trust me. I'm gonna get
some tacos out of it.
319
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,447
Just have to figure out
how to deal with Joy.
320
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:03,749
Well, Eddie,
how about this?
321
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,184
Let it go.
322
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:08,020
How French of you,
Woodcock.
323
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,555
But that's not how
it's gonna go down.
324
00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:11,991
The only way I can
get my life back
325
00:13:12,091 --> 00:13:15,127
is if I catch Joy being
wrong about something.
326
00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:16,729
She can't be right
forever.
327
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:18,264
And when she slips up,
328
00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:20,132
I'm gonna be there.
329
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:21,500
Waiting.
330
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:30,142
Can you believe Jeff flew
Steph's sisters in
for the party?
331
00:13:30,242 --> 00:13:31,443
Steph told me that
they have
332
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:34,213
a made-up language that
they speak to each other.
333
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,981
I'll try not
to crack the code.
334
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,352
Make a right
at the next light.
335
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,988
Did you say, "right"?
336
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:44,924
Yeah, on Spruce.
Hmm.
337
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:47,893
So you think
the restaurant
is to the right?
338
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,130
I know it is.
339
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:52,731
Then I assume
you won't mind me
340
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,534
going on record on
our answer machine
341
00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:57,703
that you think
Cantina Mexicana
342
00:13:57,803 --> 00:14:00,739
is to the right
on Spruce Street?
343
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,074
Are you sure
you wanna go there?
344
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:05,377
Oh, oh, oh,
I'm going there
in a freaking limo.
345
00:14:05,477 --> 00:14:07,012
Okay.
346
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:09,348
Yes, it is
Saturday night
347
00:14:09,448 --> 00:14:12,218
at approximately
7:15 p.m.
348
00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:15,554
And we are headed south
on 42nd Street.
349
00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:16,722
I'm here with Joy Stark
350
00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,157
who is officially
going on record
351
00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:20,626
that she thinks
Cantina Mexicana
352
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:23,762
is to the right
on Spruce Street.
353
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,464
(CHUCKLING)
It's on record,
354
00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:27,466
and you couldn't
be wronger.
355
00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:28,634
Oh, really?
356
00:14:28,734 --> 00:14:31,136
Yes. Yes. Because
Cantina Mexicana
357
00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:32,671
is to the left,
358
00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:34,740
and I know because I was
down here last weekend,
359
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:36,542
and I walked
right past it.
360
00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:37,910
So when I make
a left turn
361
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:40,012
and you are at
the restaurant,
safe and sound,
362
00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:41,680
you're gonna buy me
a margarita.
363
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:44,316
And then you're gonna
sing a Mexican
song of apology
364
00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:46,151
because you will
be wrong,
365
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:49,154
and I will be
back on top.
366
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:50,623
(LAUGHS)
367
00:14:51,790 --> 00:14:52,892
I got all turned around.
368
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,760
They changed the city on me!
369
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:56,328
You had to dig in, huh?
370
00:14:56,428 --> 00:14:57,463
You couldn't
just listen to me,
371
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,898
and now we're
totally late.
372
00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:00,266
Oh, my gosh.
373
00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:01,600
Eddie and Joy.
374
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:05,571
Wow. What are you two
doing here?
375
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:07,473
I don't know.
Joy handles the calendar.
376
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,408
So, what's going on?
What are we doing here?
377
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:12,278
Uh...
We are here
378
00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:16,715
for the famous
Halibut Diablo!
379
00:15:16,815 --> 00:15:18,417
Muy delicioso.
380
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,488
Is it one of
your birthdays?
381
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,189
See? This is why
I hate surprise parties.
382
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:26,625
I'm out.
383
00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:30,396
Wait. Is this
a surprise party for me?
384
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:33,332
How are you not
getting this yet?
385
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:34,700
Look, I'm sorry
I blew it.
386
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,236
And apologize to
your sisters for me.
387
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:40,172
Oh, my God!
My sisters are here?
388
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:41,607
Is there gonna
be a video?
389
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:43,676
I gotta go
fix my hair.
390
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:48,580
Was I not overly clear about
being on time, kazoos ready?
391
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,082
I am sorry, Jeff,
392
00:15:50,182 --> 00:15:52,718
but if Eddie would've
just listened to me
about the directions...
393
00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:54,586
She was completely wrong
about the directions.
394
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:55,821
I thought I was
headed south.
395
00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:57,256
It's just
amazing to me
396
00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:58,958
that you cannot
live in a world
where I am right.
397
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:00,659
Because you make it
impossible
to live in that world.
398
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:02,661
And you certainly
weren't right
about the rascal.
399
00:16:02,761 --> 00:16:04,897
All right, that is it!
You are not ever allowed
to bring up...
400
00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:06,398
Stop it!
401
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:08,867
Hey, I don't care
how you act
402
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:09,969
in the privacy
of your own home,
403
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:12,071
but you're affecting
my life now!
404
00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:14,106
And that's not okay!
405
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:15,574
Surprise parties,
406
00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:17,176
they're not lame.
407
00:16:17,276 --> 00:16:19,979
They are thrilling.
408
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:21,213
One minute you're just
going along,
409
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:23,682
and then, suddenly,
a whole party
410
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:25,784
just drops from the sky.
411
00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:27,987
But Steph, she's not gonna
have that thrill now
412
00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:30,422
because you two
just can't stop!
413
00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:31,790
You know what?
Just go, okay?
414
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:34,460
I really...
I don't even want you here.
415
00:16:36,695 --> 00:16:38,564
GUESTS: Surprise!
416
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,899
{\an8}(HAPPY BIRTHDAY
PLAYING ON KAZOOS)
JEFF: Forget it.
417
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,569
It's just me,
the surprise is ruined.
418
00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:51,377
Well, that was
thoroughly awkward.
419
00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:53,812
'Twas.
420
00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:54,980
What's happened
to us, Eddie,
421
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,415
with this whole
being right thing?
422
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:57,983
Why does it matter
so much to us?
423
00:16:58,083 --> 00:16:59,351
I don't know.
Maybe it's just part
424
00:16:59,451 --> 00:17:01,820
of that healthy, passionate
give and take
425
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,189
that is our life together.
426
00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:05,991
I actually think
we might be pretty troubled.
427
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:08,193
Yeah, we're a big mess.
428
00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:12,598
Hey, hey.
429
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,099
I got an idea.
430
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:15,667
What are you doing?
431
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,670
I'm breaking out
our old toaster.
432
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,939
That ancient thing?
I threw that away.
433
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,442
Yeah, along with
my old Indian belt.
434
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:24,710
Boo-ya!
435
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:27,880
Hey, and thank God
I rescued it,
436
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,649
because this is
our ticket out of the jam.
437
00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:32,284
You see, when I plug in
this toaster,
438
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:33,819
it doesn't
draw any power.
439
00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:36,789
So what I have done
is created parallel worlds
440
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,690
where we both can be right.
441
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,759
That's your solution?
442
00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:41,960
Yeah. What's wrong
with that?
443
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,429
I thought it was
a good idea.
444
00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:45,197
What, you got
something better?
445
00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:48,233
Don't you think
it would be healthier
for our relationship
446
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:50,135
if we disagreed
on something,
447
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:51,336
we would just go
look it up,
448
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:52,771
and then we would
both be happier
449
00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:54,873
that we have this
little piece of knowledge?
450
00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:57,142
Oh. That's
another way to go.
451
00:17:57,242 --> 00:18:00,279
Seriously.
We are two people
who love each other.
452
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:02,581
How did we get like this
over a toaster?
453
00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:04,416
I know. It's crazy.
454
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:06,151
Come here.
455
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:08,253
Pour a little sugar
on me, Red.
456
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:18,697
Do you smell smoke?
457
00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:20,466
I don't know.
I really can't
smell anything
458
00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:23,102
since I ate Tom's
homemade ketchup.
459
00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:30,576
Oh, my God!
Your toaster's on fire!
460
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:32,211
Wow, it's a good thing
we replaced that.
461
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:33,812
{\an5}Eddie! Get in there!
Okay! All right.
All right.
462
00:18:33,912 --> 00:18:35,981
{\an5}Here. All right.
I will handle it.
Do something.
463
00:18:36,081 --> 00:18:37,349
I will handle it.
Here.
464
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,551
No, you can't put water
on an electrical fire.
465
00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:41,753
Yeah, yeah, but
wood's a great idea.
466
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,189
Listen, I know that
water can put out
burning toast.
467
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:45,657
Not in
a live toaster.
468
00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:48,193
The water acts
as a conductor.
It spreads the flames.
469
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:49,394
No. Now,
that is not right.
470
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:50,929
You know
that is not right!
471
00:18:51,029 --> 00:18:52,498
Oh, will you stop
with who is right?
472
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:54,633
We have got a fire
in our home.
473
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:56,068
Unplug it.
No, you unplug it.
474
00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:57,803
That's your thing.
You have longer arms.
475
00:18:57,903 --> 00:18:58,904
No, they're too hairy,
476
00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:00,906
they'll go up
like dry kindling.
477
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:02,207
What do you
suggest we do?
478
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:04,276
I'm thinking
baking soda.
479
00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:06,612
Baking soda?
You want to blow up
the whole house?
480
00:19:06,712 --> 00:19:08,413
Baking soda
sounds right to me.
481
00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:10,349
Yeah, that's why
the fire department
drives around
482
00:19:10,449 --> 00:19:12,751
with giant boxes
of baking soda?
483
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:15,754
That is so wrong!
484
00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:16,922
Are you sure about that?
485
00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:18,757
Yes, I am sure
about that.
486
00:19:18,857 --> 00:19:20,692
Are you rascal sure?
487
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:23,495
All right, that is it.
488
00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:26,098
I am breeding a badger
and a raccoon
489
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:28,867
and the rascal
will exist.
490
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:30,669
It will be scrappy
and cute,
491
00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:32,337
and people will be
lining up for them,
492
00:19:32,437 --> 00:19:33,539
and you will have
nothing on me.
493
00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:34,873
Nothing!
494
00:19:42,414 --> 00:19:43,682
It's out.
495
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,385
How about that?
496
00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:50,856
Guess it ran out
of oxygen.
497
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,560
What?
498
00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:58,330
It's an open toaster,
there's oxygen...
499
00:20:00,098 --> 00:20:02,100
That's right, sweetie.
500
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,469
It ran out of oxygen.
501
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:06,305
Let's go to bed.
Okay.
502
00:20:11,076 --> 00:20:12,811
I still want toast.
503
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:19,618
you were surprised,
right?
504
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:21,720
I got you,
I had you going.
505
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:23,422
Well, here's the thing.
506
00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:24,856
In the four years
you've known me,
507
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,259
you've thrown me
five surprise parties.
508
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:30,729
{\an8}Four birthdays and that
weird one on Christmas.
509
00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:32,598
{\an8}That one surprised you,
though, huh?
510
00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:35,634
{\an8}Yeah. More 'cause it didn't
really make sense.
511
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:38,503
{\an8}I guess my question is,
512
00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:41,306
{\an8}why so many
surprise parties?
513
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:43,275
{\an8}I don't know, I guess
'cause they're fun,
514
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:46,111
{\an8}and they're thrilling,
and...
515
00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:50,482
{\an8}I've never
really had one.
516
00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:54,186
{\an8}Jeff, do you want me
to throw you
a surprise party?
517
00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:57,155
{\an8}Maybe.
39409
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