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1
00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:01,634
♪ Hey!
2
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,803
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! ♪
3
00:00:06,039 --> 00:00:07,474
{\an8}JEFF: And so I said to him,
4
00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:10,777
{\an8}"Do not take the money away
from our fine arts program."
5
00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:12,712
{\an8}I mean, the arts
are a crucial part
6
00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:14,581
{\an8}of a well-rounded
education.
7
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:18,418
{\an8}Okay. I say this in the spirit
of making this carpool work.
8
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:19,686
{\an8}This ride home...
9
00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:20,820
{\an8}A little talky.
10
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:22,789
{\an8}Less is more.
11
00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:24,691
{\an8}You know what I'm saying?
12
00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:28,595
{\an8}Come on, Woodcock.
13
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,397
{\an8}It's time to get going
and let the cabin air out.
14
00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:31,698
{\an8}Yeah...
15
00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:33,266
{\an8}Eddie, would you mind
if I hung out
16
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,801
{\an8}and just listened to the radio
for a minute?
17
00:00:34,901 --> 00:00:36,836
{\an8}NPR was just about
to do a story
18
00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:39,706
{\an8}on deaf rodeo clowns.
19
00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:42,942
{\an8}All the danger,
none of the laughter.
20
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,077
{\an8}Radio?
21
00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:45,945
{\an8}What is this,
the 1940s?
22
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,148
{\an8}Go inside your house
and watch TV
like everyone else.
23
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,150
{\an8}Come on. Get in there.
Your wife's waiting for you.
24
00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,086
{\an8}(EXHALING)
25
00:00:53,186 --> 00:00:54,788
{\an8}Oh, okay.
26
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,356
{\an8}I know what
this is about.
27
00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:57,557
{\an8}You're looking for
a little downtime
28
00:00:57,657 --> 00:00:58,758
{\an8}from the missus, huh?
29
00:00:58,858 --> 00:01:00,026
{\an8}Well, why didn't you say so?
30
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:01,861
{\an8}Hey.
That's ridiculous.
31
00:01:01,961 --> 00:01:03,763
{\an8}What's ridiculous
is a grown man
32
00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:05,632
{\an8}in an apricot sweater vest.
33
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,168
{\an8}The fact is,
you hit the wall.
34
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:09,402
{\an8}The wall?
Yes.
35
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:10,737
{\an8}It happens in
every marriage.
36
00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:13,239
{\an8}At first, you want to spend
every second together.
37
00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:14,507
{\an8}Then at a certain point,
38
00:01:14,607 --> 00:01:16,676
{\an8}the man wants
some alone time.
39
00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:19,312
{\an8}That's not true with
me and Steph, all right?
40
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:20,747
{\an8}We're still
totally in love.
41
00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,082
I'm not saying
you don't love her.
42
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:23,850
I'm just saying
it's enough already.
43
00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:25,552
I see it every time
you get home.
44
00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:26,753
She shoots out
of the house
45
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:28,321
like you just got
back from the war.
46
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:30,256
Why? Because she's
cooped up all day
47
00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:32,559
writing that
ridiculous thesis on...
48
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:33,927
What is it,
the French Revolution?
49
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,962
Literature of
the French Revolution.
50
00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:38,264
Oh, okay. Now I can't
wait to read it.
51
00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:39,632
Hey!
52
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:43,770
I saw you drive up.
53
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:46,039
You won't believe
what happened today.
54
00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:48,675
I was doing research,
and I googled Louis XV
55
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,743
when I meant to
google Louis XVI,
56
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,378
and I was like,
"Wait a second.
57
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:54,581
"Louis XV wasn't executed.
58
00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:56,249
"Duh."
59
00:01:56,349 --> 00:01:59,085
Anyway, I ended up on
the Bed Bath & Beyond
web site
60
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:00,687
and I was gonna order
some new hand towels,
61
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,989
but if figured
you'd probably want input.
62
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:04,991
Open the door, sweetie.
63
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:09,662
You got to unlock it
sometime, Woodcock.
64
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:12,132
♪ Ooh! ♪
65
00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:14,968
Eddie, you were right.
Steph is driving me crazy.
66
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:17,470
My only alone time
is in the bathroom.
67
00:02:17,570 --> 00:02:20,240
I've been taking 45-minute
showers twice a day.
68
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:22,075
I'm rubbed raw!
69
00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:24,477
I'm getting alopecia.
Look. Look at this.
70
00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:27,580
All right. Look,
let's not start sharing
our body issues, okay?
71
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,582
You don't want
to open that door.
72
00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:31,284
I should just be
honest with her.
73
00:02:31,384 --> 00:02:33,720
I should tell Steph
that I need some space.
74
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,556
No, no, no, no, no.
Honesty never works.
75
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,526
You see the scar?
76
00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:41,127
This is from
when I told Joy
77
00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:45,231
that she might want to switch
to a stronger antiperspirant.
78
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:47,433
All right. Well,
what do you suggest I do?
79
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:50,270
Well, you got to come up with
a wife-certified activity
80
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:52,272
that you can do without her.
81
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:53,439
Wife-certified?
82
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:55,475
See, you're
married now, okay?
83
00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:57,377
So, "I'm gonna go
have beer with Chuck"
84
00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:59,045
really doesn't
cut it anymore.
85
00:02:59,145 --> 00:03:01,481
You need to be able to point
to something on the calendar
86
00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:03,216
and say,
"This is happening,"
87
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:05,685
almost as if
you can't control it.
88
00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:08,488
I like mystery novels.
89
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:13,426
Okay.
90
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,395
You're clearly not
getting this.
91
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:17,530
The goal is to get
out of the house.
92
00:03:17,630 --> 00:03:19,098
Like golf, for example.
93
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,100
That buys you
half a day right there.
94
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,203
How the hell do you think
the Scotsman who invented it
95
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:25,004
came up with 18 holes?
96
00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:27,473
He probably started at 10,
went home to his wife,
97
00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:29,576
figured he needed
a little more time away,
98
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:32,645
bumped it up to 14,
and then took it to 18.
99
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,114
He would have kept going,
100
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,084
but unfortunately,
he ran into the sea.
101
00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:40,019
So what's your activity?
102
00:03:40,119 --> 00:03:41,621
I'm in a band.
103
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:45,191
See, just when you think
you have me pegged,
104
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:47,160
boom, I blow your mind.
105
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:49,896
I didn't even know
you played an instrument.
106
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:52,298
Well, back in the day,
I was able to make
a little noise
107
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:53,433
on a bass guitar,
108
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:55,935
but I actually haven't
played in years.
109
00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:57,437
You just said to me
you were in a band.
110
00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:58,972
Yeah. Well, see,
111
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,306
Joy doesn't know this,
112
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:03,409
but the truth is, we really
don't play much anymore.
113
00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:06,746
See, my friend Cofeld
converted his garage
into a game room,
114
00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:09,115
so we pretty much just
bring over the instruments,
115
00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:10,984
play cards, drink beer
and eat.
116
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:14,687
But four guys
in a garage band,
117
00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:16,222
wife-certified.
118
00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:18,558
Four guys just hanging
around a garage,
119
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:21,327
not wife-certified,
and maybe even
120
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,062
a little creepy.
121
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,465
♪ Ow! ♪
122
00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:39,345
Sweetie,
you in here?
123
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,483
Yeah. Yeah.
Just gonna be a minute.
124
00:04:50,156 --> 00:04:51,924
Hey, there, stranger.
125
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:54,060
Hey!
126
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,262
You've been in here
for like, half an hour.
127
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,497
I missed you.
128
00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:59,599
Really?
129
00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:03,069
We did just play
a hell of a game of Monopoly.
130
00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:06,806
Two people, it sure does
take a while, doesn't it?
131
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,975
Anyway, can I help you
with something?
132
00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:10,777
No.
133
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,745
Just wanted to say hi.
134
00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:20,720
What's the matter?
135
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:23,823
Nothing, nothing.
You enjoy the water.
136
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:27,126
I needed a break from
the warmth anyway.
137
00:05:27,226 --> 00:05:28,828
You're not getting
sick of me, are you?
138
00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:31,431
What? No. No.
139
00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:33,599
No.
140
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:37,870
Look, honey, um,
141
00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:39,572
there's something
I got to tell you.
142
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,274
What?
143
00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:46,746
Eddie asked me
to join his band.
144
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:50,650
(JINGLE PLAYING)
145
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:53,653
Okay. Gonna scoot.
146
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:57,056
Got to get to Cofeld's
for band practice.
147
00:05:57,156 --> 00:05:58,558
You gonna be there all day?
148
00:05:58,658 --> 00:05:59,692
You know, I'm not sure.
149
00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:03,396
I'm working on
a new bass solo and...
150
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:07,767
I'm thinking
this could re-energize
the bass solo genre.
151
00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:11,938
♪ Bow, chicka, bow, bow ♪
152
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,614
Well, while you're out
having your fun...
153
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,516
♪ Bow, chicka, bow, bow ♪
154
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:26,185
...just think of me.
155
00:06:26,285 --> 00:06:27,553
I'm gonna be here
paying our bills,
156
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:29,522
taking in our
dry-cleaning.
157
00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:32,091
Oh, yeah, you know,
I'd help you if I could,
158
00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:34,727
but, you know,
band practice,
159
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:36,662
it's on the calendar.
160
00:06:38,297 --> 00:06:40,967
It's like flag day, you know.
161
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,136
It's there.
162
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,370
Got to deal with it.
163
00:06:46,005 --> 00:06:48,408
Yeah. I know. I just...
I'm a little bit stressed out.
164
00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:50,877
You know, I'd like to be
appreciated for just
half a second
165
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,645
for everything that
I do around here.
166
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:55,248
Oh, I appreciate you.
167
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:56,816
You know I do.
168
00:06:56,916 --> 00:07:00,019
I should show you more.
I should. I'm an idiot.
169
00:07:00,119 --> 00:07:01,354
Okay. Bye.
170
00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:05,425
(JINGLE PLAYING)
171
00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:11,531
Okay. I got
the pizza steak.
172
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,199
Who's got
a whiz and onions?
173
00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:14,467
Right here,
right here.
174
00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:18,871
All right. And Stan
with the large salad.
175
00:07:21,073 --> 00:07:22,775
Why do you have to
say it like that?
176
00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:23,943
I'm trying to eat healthy.
177
00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:25,812
I could use
a little encouragement.
178
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:27,847
You know who else could use
a little encouragement?
179
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,649
Gin! Ow!
180
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:30,783
(LAUGHING)
181
00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:34,220
That's 24 bucks now, ATM.
182
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,689
I asked you to please
not call me ATM.
183
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:39,859
Why not? I push your buttons,
you spit out cash.
184
00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:43,696
It's just not nice.
185
00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:47,733
Oh. I'm sorry, ATM.
186
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:51,237
That's not cool.
187
00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:52,338
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
188
00:07:52,438 --> 00:07:54,307
Oh. I'm hoping that's
the delivery guy
189
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,542
bringing back
Stan's manhood.
190
00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:00,913
Woodcock, what are you
doing here?
191
00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:02,248
I want to join your band.
192
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:03,416
What? No!
193
00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:04,884
Come on, Eddie, please.
194
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:07,320
I panicked trying to come up
with a wife-certified activity
195
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,021
and I told Steph
you already let me in.
196
00:08:09,121 --> 00:08:11,023
Look. No offense,
but I'm seeing
enough of you already
197
00:08:11,123 --> 00:08:12,525
with the carpooling
to school
198
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:15,895
and the sheer drapes
on your powder room window.
199
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:19,465
By the way, only European guys
wear that kind of underwear.
200
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:20,700
Come on, please.
201
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,436
Hey! I brought my clarinet
from high-school orchestra.
202
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,205
Okay, this may
come as a surprise
203
00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:28,474
but that's not
a huge selling point.
204
00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:29,842
Hey, hey.
205
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:31,544
There's a three-white-man
limit in my garage.
206
00:08:31,644 --> 00:08:33,312
He's got to go.
207
00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:34,814
I'm joking, I'm joking,
I'm joking.
208
00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:36,215
Come on in, man.
209
00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:39,085
How you doing?
I'm Cofeld,
210
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:42,688
and this is
my private fun zone,
211
00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:45,358
whenever my mother-in-law
isn't staying with us.
212
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:46,959
Very nice to meet you.
Mmm-hmm.
213
00:08:47,059 --> 00:08:48,728
{\an8}(GASPS)
Hey, how you doing?
214
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:50,930
Oh, nice going.
You woke him up.
215
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,698
The man hasn't slept
in 72 hours.
216
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:53,833
He has baby triplets.
217
00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:56,536
His house sounds
like a chicken farm.
218
00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:58,638
This is my neighbor.
219
00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:00,373
Oh. Hey. I'm Russ.
220
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,808
Jeff. Congrats on
the triplets. Wow!
221
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:05,711
Yeah, yeah. Love them.
Changes your life.
222
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,815
Don't have kids, man.
223
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,285
I'm serious.
224
00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:14,687
Don't do it.
225
00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:19,292
Oh, hi.
Hey there.
226
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,526
Hi.
227
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:23,629
Stan Jarvis. You probably
recognize the name.
228
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:25,698
I own Jarvis' Jewelry
and Gifts at the mall.
229
00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:27,233
Oh.
230
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:29,769
Yeah. So don't make fun
of the ridiculous amount
231
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:32,338
of male jewelry
that he's wearing.
232
00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:34,574
Did you throw out a card?
233
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:38,010
Because I was distracted
by all of your rings.
234
00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:39,679
I have three rings.
235
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:42,481
A man can wear three rings.
236
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,517
You know who else
can wear three rings?
237
00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:45,952
Gin! Ow!
238
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:49,655
We're up to
35 bucks now, ATM.
239
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:52,425
Wow. So this is it, huh?
The band.
240
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:54,260
This is pretty sweet.
241
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,729
He knows we don't actually
play anything, right?
242
00:09:56,829 --> 00:09:59,899
Oh, yeah, yeah. I know.
I'm cool. I'm down.
243
00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:04,770
That salad
looks delicious.
244
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:06,872
Thank you.
245
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,944
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
246
00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:13,112
♪ Ow! ♪
247
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:18,818
Hey, Steph. What's up?
248
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:21,387
Nothing. I just found
my old tarot cards,
249
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,556
and I thought since
Jeff and Eddie
are at band practice,
250
00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:26,892
maybe you'd want me
to delve into your future.
251
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:28,661
Oh, that's too bad
252
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:30,663
because you probably
could have laid
the cards out at home
253
00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:32,565
and known that I wouldn't
want to do that.
254
00:10:38,437 --> 00:10:41,107
Wow, someone's a Scorpio.
255
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:44,543
I'm sorry. I just... I have
a full afternoon planned.
256
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,012
All right.
257
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:48,414
Maybe I'll just wander
over to the band practice,
258
00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:50,683
you know, check it out.
259
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:54,820
Jeff says he's been rocking
crazy hard on the clarinet.
260
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:58,424
Uh, yeah. I wouldn't go
over there, if I were you.
261
00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,292
Why not?
262
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,595
Well, here's a little bit
of garage band trivia
263
00:11:02,695 --> 00:11:04,764
that you should know.
264
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:06,499
There isn't one.
265
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,368
What do you mean?
266
00:11:09,468 --> 00:11:12,505
They're not a band.
They don't practice.
They don't play.
267
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:16,642
They just do that, like,
"I'm gonna wrestle you,
but I'm not gay" thing.
268
00:11:23,916 --> 00:11:26,352
And they hide out
from their wives.
269
00:11:26,986 --> 00:11:28,554
That's not true.
270
00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:29,989
Jeff wouldn't do that.
271
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:32,591
Uh-huh. But he's ripping
Van Halen solos
272
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,794
on his high-school clarinet.
273
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:40,399
Steph, he just needs
a little space.
274
00:11:40,499 --> 00:11:42,468
I can't believe this.
275
00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:47,039
Honey, listen to me.
276
00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:49,108
I know that it doesn't
feel like it right now,
277
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,610
but someday you're gonna
want a little time away
from Jeff, too.
278
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,080
It's completely normal.
279
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:55,948
I mean, you can't even
consider it a real marriage
280
00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:58,584
until part of you
just wants to run.
281
00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:02,988
And you don't mind that Eddie
gets to go off and have fun,
282
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:06,025
while you're stuck here
doing all this stuff?
283
00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:07,126
(SNICKERS)
284
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,731
Oh, I have fun.
285
00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:13,365
The thing is,
I don't tell Eddie.
286
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,634
Yeah. Before he heads off
to band practice,
287
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,636
I spread all this stuff out,
288
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,739
and I tell him it's gonna
take me all afternoon,
289
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:22,274
and I make him feel guilty,
and then I'm a martyr,
and I get points.
290
00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:26,245
It's this whole thing.
You're gonna learn
about it eventually.
291
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,481
The truth is,
most of these bills
292
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,117
have been paid since
the early '80s.
293
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:32,852
Anyway, I got to change.
294
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:35,287
I'm actually headed downtown
to see a revival of
295
00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:37,790
Joseph and the Amazing
Technicolor Dream Coat,
296
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:39,792
starring Donny Osmond.
297
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,131
You okay?
298
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:52,371
Just let it sink in
a little bit.
299
00:12:52,471 --> 00:12:53,773
(SIGHS)
300
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:55,141
You're okay.
301
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:58,978
Let yourself out.
302
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:03,115
That's it.
Come around the horn
303
00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:05,417
{\an8}(PINBALL MACHINE DINGING)
and get in the clown's mouth.
304
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,887
That's it. That's it, baby.
Get in the clown's mouth.
305
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:09,655
(CHUCKLING)
306
00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:12,892
You know who else
goes in the clown's mouth?
307
00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:14,360
Gin! Ha!
308
00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:17,830
Not bad.
309
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:19,832
A little weird and dirty,
310
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:21,033
but you're getting it.
311
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,102
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
312
00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:25,204
Okay, there's five guys
and seven pizzas.
313
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,772
Who could that possibly be?
314
00:13:26,872 --> 00:13:28,274
I'll get it.
315
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,914
Oh, hello, pretty lady.
316
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:36,415
(CHUCKLING)
317
00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:40,252
I do not know you
but this does not feel right.
318
00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:44,156
Woodcock,
it's your wife.
319
00:13:44,256 --> 00:13:45,691
Steph?
320
00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:48,761
Hi, sweetie. Sorry to
interrupt band practice.
321
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:51,664
(WHISPERING) Hey! Hey,
there's panties in
the sock drawer.
322
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,669
We were just...
323
00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:58,470
We're all on a hard five.
324
00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:01,040
Really?
Yeah.
325
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:03,075
I wanted to hear you play.
326
00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:06,445
Guess I'll just have to
hang out till your next set.
327
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:14,420
Yeah, well, it's gonna
be a little longer
than a five, actually.
328
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:19,024
Because we just, you know,
we're still coming down from
329
00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:21,293
a fairly intense
musical journey.
330
00:14:21,393 --> 00:14:24,597
And we really put
ourselves out there.
331
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,266
(STAMMERING)
It was pretty emotional.
332
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:32,037
Why are all your instruments
still in their cases?
333
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:34,840
Why are you here?
334
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,812
Because, you know,
from the looks of it,
335
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:42,648
it seems like you aren't
really a band at all.
336
00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:46,185
You're just a bunch of guys
sitting around watching TV.
337
00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:47,953
(LAUGHING AWKWARDLY)
338
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,054
Check your wife.
339
00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:51,223
That's crazy.
340
00:14:51,323 --> 00:14:52,725
We're a real band.
341
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,895
We're a hard-rocking
American good-time band.
342
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:58,264
Okay. Prove it.
343
00:14:58,364 --> 00:14:59,899
Play something.
344
00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:09,208
Okay. All right. We could
play a little something.
345
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,176
What do you say? Let's
346
00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:14,546
strap up, guys,
and rock this joint, huh?
347
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:20,119
COFELD: Uh, Ed,
what are we gonna play?
348
00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:22,354
Just sit down.
Sit down.
349
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:25,658
You guys take requests?
350
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,593
No, we do not.
351
00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:30,729
We play just original stuff,
352
00:15:30,829 --> 00:15:31,897
very free-form.
353
00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:34,099
So I'm gonna
have to ask you to
354
00:15:34,199 --> 00:15:35,901
open up your mind.
355
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:40,706
I've only got three strings
on my guitar.
356
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:46,278
Just be cool, man, okay?
357
00:15:47,913 --> 00:15:50,783
I think we're gonna
start in the key of G
358
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:53,385
unless anyone
has a better key.
359
00:15:53,919 --> 00:15:55,654
Anyone? Anybody?
360
00:15:57,589 --> 00:16:00,559
Okay, Cofeld,
why don't you...
361
00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:02,895
Why don't you
count us in?
362
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,797
One...
363
00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:06,699
Two...
364
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,468
One, two, three, go.
365
00:16:09,568 --> 00:16:11,337
(ALL PLAYING POORLY)
366
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,381
We can't play!
We can't play anything!
367
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:25,484
We played one song
10 years ago at
a farmer's market
368
00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:27,886
and it was pretty bad.
It was really bad.
369
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,756
Look, just don't
tell my wife, okay?
370
00:16:30,856 --> 00:16:33,025
Look, I got baby triplets
at home,
371
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,060
and I'm a good father,
and I'm with them a lot,
372
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,363
but I am completely
exhausted.
373
00:16:37,463 --> 00:16:40,499
And, see, this band
is my only time to sleep.
374
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:43,802
So, you see, I can't
let you leave here and
tell anybody about this.
375
00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:45,237
Okay?
376
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,773
I'm just not gonna
let that happen.
377
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:54,113
What the hell is happening
to my fun zone?
378
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:58,050
I can't believe you, Jeff.
379
00:16:58,150 --> 00:17:00,019
You're hiding from me.
380
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:01,854
We've only been married
three months
381
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:03,989
and you'd rather be
out here with strangers
382
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:06,492
than with me
in the shower, naked.
383
00:17:07,459 --> 00:17:08,560
Sweetie, I'm sorry, okay?
384
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:10,429
Look, this was never
about you, okay?
385
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:13,899
This was just about me
needing to get away from you.
386
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:18,237
Bail out, Woodcock. Bail out.
387
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,040
Honey, look. Come on.
388
00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:24,109
You got to be getting
at least a little
sick of me, too, right?
389
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,711
No, I'm not.
390
00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:27,846
I want to be with you.
391
00:17:27,946 --> 00:17:29,181
I'm not like Joy.
392
00:17:29,281 --> 00:17:30,949
I'm not happy
you're in a fake band
393
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,619
so I can go off
and do my own thing.
394
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:39,958
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait, wait...
395
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,762
What's all this about
Joy being happy?
396
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,268
Oh...
397
00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:51,670
Nothing. She's not happy.
398
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:53,072
Wait. Did she tell you
that she knows
399
00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:56,175
that this is a fake band?
Did she tell you that?
400
00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:59,111
Maybe.
401
00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:01,280
Well, that's impossible
because if she knows,
402
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:04,383
then why isn't she
the one here giving me crap?
403
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,454
Because she had
theater tickets.
404
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,461
Wait a minute.
405
00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:17,463
Dreamcoat's in town.
406
00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:20,799
(JINGLE PLAYING)
407
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,710
That Donny Osmond
is just a delight.
408
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:34,179
I mean, 20, 40, 60,
whatever age,
409
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,315
the guy just brings it.
410
00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:37,549
I know.
It's only Act One,
411
00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:39,685
and already this is better
than the London production.
412
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:40,853
And I was
dating Joseph.
413
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,588
You weren't.
Yes, I was.
414
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:43,789
Care for a whopper?
415
00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:45,224
(SCREAMS)
416
00:18:45,324 --> 00:18:47,259
Oh, don't you look comfy?
417
00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:48,427
What are you doing here?
418
00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:49,928
What I can't believe,
that this whole time
419
00:18:50,028 --> 00:18:51,663
you would let me think
that you're slaving away,
420
00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:54,666
and it turns out you're
taking in Broadway musicals.
421
00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:56,835
Do you do this every time
I have band practice?
422
00:18:56,935 --> 00:18:58,670
No, not at all.
423
00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:02,407
Sometimes I go to day spas.
424
00:19:03,108 --> 00:19:04,376
Wine tastings.
425
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:05,878
Gallery openings.
426
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,614
That's where I met Charles.
Do you know Charles?
427
00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:11,116
No, I don't know Charles.
Who the hell is Charles?
428
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:13,752
This is... Charles,
this is my husband Eddie.
429
00:19:13,852 --> 00:19:17,089
Hi. Oh, thank you so much
for letting me borrow her.
430
00:19:17,189 --> 00:19:19,591
My husband's a FedEx pilot
and he is never in town.
431
00:19:19,691 --> 00:19:20,692
(WHISPERS)
He has a husband.
432
00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:21,960
I'm gonna go
get some wine.
433
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:23,128
Je reviens
tout de suite.
434
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:25,664
Oui. D'accord.
435
00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:28,400
What, did you two just
talk French to each other?
436
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,402
We took a class
at the Learning Annex.
437
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:33,138
What is going on here?
438
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:34,640
I don't see what
the big deal is.
439
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:36,375
We both have our things.
440
00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:37,576
You're in a band.
441
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:40,078
Yeah, yeah, a fake band
that you knew about,
442
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,714
and it's basically just
four guys hiding out
in a sweaty garage
443
00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:44,950
that smells like onions,
feet and ass.
444
00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:47,019
And you made me feel
guilty about that.
445
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:48,520
Meanwhile, you're living
the high life
446
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:51,990
with a guy that has the most
beautiful skin I've ever seen.
447
00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:53,892
All right, fine, Eddie.
448
00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:55,294
I was lying.
But you know what?
449
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:57,162
You were lying, too.
450
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,099
Well...
451
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,869
Why do we feel like we
have to lie to have fun?
452
00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:05,671
Why can't we just go off,
have a good time,
453
00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:09,007
and be happy for each other?
454
00:20:09,107 --> 00:20:12,244
I mean, I love you,
but somehow the thought
of you having too much fun
455
00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:13,879
just doesn't
feel right to me.
456
00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:16,815
I feel like I'm getting
screwed somehow.
457
00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:18,183
Am I a terrible person?
458
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:19,751
Not at all,
and I love you, too,
459
00:20:19,851 --> 00:20:21,820
but I feel the same way.
460
00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:27,726
Maybe we should start having
a little fun together.
461
00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:30,696
You know what? I think
that's a great idea.
462
00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:35,167
That seat is empty.
You want to stay
for the second act?
463
00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:37,236
Oh, yeah,
you know what?
464
00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:39,771
I caught a few seconds of this
thing on the way in and...
465
00:20:39,871 --> 00:20:41,974
Hmm, I got to tell you.
466
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,243
I'll tell you what.
How about you, me
and Charles,
467
00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:46,245
we'll get together
at HoJo's after, okay?
468
00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:47,779
Pie's on me.
469
00:20:47,879 --> 00:20:49,781
(ORCHESTRA TUNING UP)
470
00:20:49,881 --> 00:20:51,083
Wow. I got to go.
471
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:52,517
Okay. Bye.
472
00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:54,920
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey! ♪
473
00:20:57,289 --> 00:21:00,192
{\an8}Hey, guys, listen.
I got some great news.
474
00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:01,627
{\an8}I talked things over
with Steph
475
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:03,629
{\an8}and it turns out
she was just more upset
476
00:21:03,729 --> 00:21:04,796
{\an8}because I lied to her.
477
00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:07,299
{\an8}But she calmed down,
and I explained to her
478
00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:09,468
{\an8}that I need some
time to myself.
479
00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:12,104
{\an8}So, except for the ballroom
dancing lessons we're taking
on Thursdays,
480
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:13,805
{\an8}I'm wide open.
481
00:21:13,905 --> 00:21:15,874
{\an8}So I'm back in the band!
482
00:21:17,175 --> 00:21:18,543
{\an8}Yeah. You know,
the funny thing is,
483
00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:20,279
{\an8}is that we've been
talking, too, and...
484
00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:23,315
{\an8}Guess who's not ever
allowed over here again.
485
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:26,251
{\an8}Gin?
486
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:27,319
{\an8}♪ Yeah! ♪
37423
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