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1
00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:10,480
VACUUMING
2
00:00:11,759 --> 00:00:13,199
I can still see dust!
3
00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:14,800
Well, nobody else can.
4
00:00:14,839 --> 00:00:17,280
You all right, Mum?
Yes. Do more cleaning.
5
00:00:18,879 --> 00:00:22,079
Oh! What's this? My eyes!
Stop the polishing!
6
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,960
Is the Queen coming today, is she?
Yes, Queen Bertha of Bromley.
7
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,280
I thought it might be good
for your sister to see some dirt.
8
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,000
She will NOT see any dirt!
9
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:34,079
Why are you worrying?
Ooh!
10
00:00:34,119 --> 00:00:36,280
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Come on, love.
11
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:38,320
I...
Come on.
12
00:00:38,359 --> 00:00:39,600
Oh...
13
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,399
BELL TRINGS,
HE WHISTLES
14
00:00:45,439 --> 00:00:48,359
HE LAUGHS
Childish, Pop. Very childish.
15
00:00:48,399 --> 00:00:50,960
Ooh, Edith, yes!
16
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,799
You're on the parish council.
Yes.
17
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,840
Do you want to join us?
You'd be such an asset.
18
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,679
Or the playing fields committee?
I'm on that, too. Do join us.
19
00:00:57,719 --> 00:00:59,520
Or the Knitting For Poor,
Cold Children club?
20
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,039
Edith, Edith...
Forgive me.
21
00:01:01,079 --> 00:01:03,240
You bring out the poxy in me.
Oh, right.
22
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:06,120
I've been told Tom Fisher
wants to extend his hotel
23
00:01:06,159 --> 00:01:07,879
and do away with Spreading Linda.
24
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,079
Oh, no, Spreading Linda?
Our beautiful tree?
25
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,920
I was in and out of her
many a summer back
26
00:01:12,959 --> 00:01:14,560
when I felt able to do
that sort of thing.
27
00:01:14,599 --> 00:01:17,079
D'you know if he's submitted
any plans? No.
28
00:01:18,239 --> 00:01:20,519
Would you like me to trigger
the consultation process
29
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:23,599
via Rule 29B and call a meeting?
30
00:01:25,879 --> 00:01:27,760
There you go.
Thanks.
31
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,400
Have you seen Charley?
I think he's avoiding me.
32
00:01:32,439 --> 00:01:35,040
Because you're spending time
with Tom. Less than with him.
33
00:01:35,079 --> 00:01:38,840
Tom's just more pushy.
And... smooth as a baby's arse.
34
00:01:38,879 --> 00:01:41,439
GIGGLING
Did I hear "arse"?
35
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,239
Anyway, I'm off to my job in Paris
in a few weeks...
36
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,079
And Charley's an angel.
I don't wanna hurt him.
37
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:49,560
I told him he should have swept you
off your feet by now.
38
00:01:49,599 --> 00:01:52,400
Well, if he has to be told, then
there's not much point, is there?
39
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,120
Right... ladies!
40
00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:59,120
Let's get picking!
THEY LAUGH
41
00:01:59,159 --> 00:02:00,519
OK.
Whoo!
42
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,719
Down by your strawberry beds,
anyone?
43
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,879
Let's pick this field naked!
44
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,079
Whooooo!
MARIETTE SCREAMS
45
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:11,520
I've just been so full of life
down here on the Larkins' farm, Mum!
46
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,800
'Because of this girl?'
Yes! No.
47
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:18,240
Abso... No. Mum, it's... everyone.
Everything.
48
00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:20,280
'And are you still happy?'
Er...
49
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,120
Actually... no.
50
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,599
WHISTLING
51
00:02:40,759 --> 00:02:43,520
Mr Larkin!
Tom.
52
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,120
What, do you wanna come in?
Oh, no, Tom.
53
00:02:46,159 --> 00:02:49,080
I've got some mad in-laws
to get home to.
54
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,719
You know...
Anyway, look, word is that,
55
00:02:51,759 --> 00:02:54,960
besides turning Bluff Court
into a big hotel...
56
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,360
you're gonna be knocking down
our most famous tree!
57
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,120
Well... that's all speculative
at this stage.
58
00:03:00,159 --> 00:03:01,439
No, it's not. You mean business,
59
00:03:01,479 --> 00:03:03,879
and you should be sharing that
with the village,
60
00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:05,120
so we can all discuss it.
61
00:03:05,159 --> 00:03:07,000
Do you share
all YOUR business plans?
62
00:03:07,039 --> 00:03:09,719
Well, of course!
If it affects everyone.
63
00:03:09,759 --> 00:03:10,800
So!
64
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,639
See you at the village hall.
65
00:03:21,479 --> 00:03:23,439
All right, Charley?
66
00:03:23,479 --> 00:03:26,599
Mm-hm.
Yeah, just ringing my parents.
67
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:30,840
Though it is odd, being called
"Cedric". I kept correcting them.
68
00:03:30,879 --> 00:03:33,439
Yeah, they're shocked that I've
thrown in my job at the tax office.
69
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:34,719
Well, what did you tell them?
70
00:03:34,759 --> 00:03:36,719
That I'd found
a better way of living.
71
00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,479
Amongst inspirational people.
72
00:03:39,599 --> 00:03:41,120
Yeah, they told me I'm an imbecile.
73
00:03:41,159 --> 00:03:43,319
SHE CHUCKLES
74
00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,960
Oh, yeah, how's, er... I-Is it Tim?
75
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,159
SHE SIGHS
No, it's Tom. I dunno. Ask him.
76
00:03:49,199 --> 00:03:51,199
Don't be disingenuous.
You know what I mean.
77
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,199
Charley, I was brought up
to say what's on my mind.
78
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,400
I just did,
and you seem a little defensive.
79
00:03:55,439 --> 00:03:56,719
No, I'm due to go to France,
80
00:03:56,759 --> 00:03:58,280
we've got
the family lunatics staying
81
00:03:58,319 --> 00:04:00,120
and I'm behind on my French.
J'envie donc.
82
00:04:00,159 --> 00:04:01,919
Calmes-toi, je t'en prie!
83
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,280
What is it with you men
and being able to speak French?
84
00:04:04,319 --> 00:04:06,120
Oh, for...
So he can speak French as well?
85
00:04:06,159 --> 00:04:09,000
Goodness me, is there anything
the smarmy hustler can't do?!
86
00:04:09,039 --> 00:04:12,439
Jealousy is so boring.
Worry about yourself more than him.
87
00:04:12,479 --> 00:04:15,840
Oh! All right, so I'm boring
and self-deluded?
88
00:04:15,879 --> 00:04:18,199
Well, you should've just said so
before, Mariette.
89
00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:20,120
HE SIGHS
90
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,199
APPLAUSE
Mr Charlton?
91
00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:30,279
Mr Charlton, sir!
92
00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:36,920
Hello, Brigadier.
You're looking very cheesed off.
93
00:04:36,959 --> 00:04:39,680
How can we put the cheese
back on your face?
94
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:41,439
Or take it off, whichever it is.
95
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,439
Er... You can't, but thank you.
96
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:47,199
Ooh, I'd better, er...
No, no, stay.
97
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:48,800
They can play around you.
PLAYER GRUNTS
98
00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:50,519
MAN: Don't drop it!
To me, mate!
99
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,879
APPLAUSE
100
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,480
Oh!
Good throw. Most impressive.
101
00:04:55,519 --> 00:04:58,199
Pick a team.
Oh, er, thank you,
102
00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,360
but I'm leaving the village.
103
00:05:00,399 --> 00:05:01,879
I can't stay with the Larkins
any more.
104
00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,519
It's not my place to ask why.
105
00:05:05,759 --> 00:05:07,439
So, you might want to tell me?
106
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:11,839
Oh, sorry. Erm...
I just felt it was time to, er...
107
00:05:13,759 --> 00:05:16,680
No. No, it's Mariette.
108
00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:18,240
She...
SIGHS
109
00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:19,439
..is unsettling.
110
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,639
Then bill it with us.
We love guests.
111
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,800
Oh, er... are you sure?
112
00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:27,079
CHUCKLING: Your, er... your sister
doesn't seem hugely sociable.
113
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,839
Oh, she is.
But she seldom tells her face.
114
00:05:30,879 --> 00:05:33,399
THEY SHOUT
115
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,839
GROANING AND LAUGHTER
116
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,560
How can we get Mariette together
with Charley?
117
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,000
Oh, it's just bad timing.
118
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,199
You can't make someone love
who they don't want to.
119
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,480
No, otherwise,
I'd be fighting of Rock Hudson,
120
00:05:50,519 --> 00:05:52,680
and he'd be shacked up
in the woods with Lauren Bacall.
121
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,160
Mariette should know better.
122
00:05:54,199 --> 00:05:55,600
I tell you what, then.
123
00:05:55,639 --> 00:05:57,839
Why don't you let us
choose your boyfriends?
124
00:05:57,879 --> 00:06:00,720
What about that? I mean, I like that
Rom Pummel in her class, don't you?
125
00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:03,079
Ooh! He's a charmer.
Mm.
126
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:07,639
Mariette is just distracted
by France and Tom.
127
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,360
How can she trust Tom
128
00:06:09,399 --> 00:06:11,879
when we know he wants to pull up
that lovely old tree?
129
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,079
Actually, she's right.
That is a bit sly.
130
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,319
Especially after
I'd made a massive cash offer
131
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:18,040
for that big old pile of bricks.
Shh!
132
00:06:18,079 --> 00:06:20,600
There's something... What? What?
133
00:06:20,639 --> 00:06:22,959
I can hear them.
Hey?
134
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,639
CAR APPROACHING
135
00:06:43,759 --> 00:06:45,160
Jemima!
136
00:06:45,199 --> 00:06:48,439
Bertha, sweetheart.
MA CHUCKLES
137
00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,160
Florence.
138
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,720
Hello, Pop.
Howard, how are you?
139
00:06:55,759 --> 00:06:57,720
Let me look at you.
140
00:06:57,759 --> 00:06:59,480
BERTHA CHUCKLES
141
00:07:00,639 --> 00:07:02,600
And let me look at you.
142
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,160
Jemima...
143
00:07:07,319 --> 00:07:10,160
So, er... what do you think?
144
00:07:10,199 --> 00:07:12,600
Oh, well, look at that sky.
I mean...
145
00:07:12,639 --> 00:07:15,319
Although the veg will need a bit
of rain, mind, you know. No, no.
146
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,560
I mean our new 3.4L Jaguar.
147
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,199
Oh. Yeah, very nice. Very nice, yes.
HOWARD CHUCKLES
148
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:25,639
Now, think about car dealers
is you've got to bargain with them.
149
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,519
Now, I told him, I said,
"I am not paying the full price
150
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,360
"unless you throw in
those mud flaps."
151
00:07:30,399 --> 00:07:32,240
Right.
152
00:07:32,279 --> 00:07:33,680
So he did.
Oh.
153
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,639
Brilliant.
Well, I can't wait to, erm...
154
00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:37,920
tap into your extensive knowledge,
Howard.
155
00:07:37,959 --> 00:07:40,800
I'll give you a hand with them.
STRAINING: Right.
156
00:07:40,839 --> 00:07:43,240
We do like a nice car.
157
00:07:43,279 --> 00:07:45,439
We like nice things generally,
don't we, Howard?
158
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,680
Oh, yes.
That's just us.
159
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,480
SHE CHUCKLES
160
00:07:49,519 --> 00:07:51,000
We have a Rolls-Royce.
161
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,600
Ooh...
162
00:07:58,639 --> 00:08:00,079
It's quite an old one.
163
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,199
You know what?
I'm going to go to the village,
164
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:05,519
get some castration pliers.
165
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,079
Good luck, everyone.
166
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,160
Let me take that from you, pumpkin.
167
00:08:12,319 --> 00:08:13,399
Shall we?
168
00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:19,160
We've got lots of animals
on the farm, Jemima.
169
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,920
Which is your favourite?
She hates all animals.
170
00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:23,959
They've usually got mud on them.
171
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,759
It's so silly,
both of us living in the same county
172
00:08:32,799 --> 00:08:34,080
and hardly ever meeting.
173
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:35,720
It is.
174
00:08:35,759 --> 00:08:38,879
But we are addicted to Bromley.
Mm.
175
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:44,200
The interesting thing about Kent
is it's not only rural,
176
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:45,960
but also suburban,
177
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,480
with lots of commuters
going into London by train.
178
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:53,000
BERTHA CHUCKLES
179
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:57,879
You must be desperate for a ride
in our new 3.4L Jaguar.
180
00:08:57,919 --> 00:08:59,159
Oh... yes.
181
00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:02,720
What do you fancy doing tomorrow,
Jemima?
182
00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:04,200
Staying clean.
183
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:07,600
"Staying clean"? Are you serious?
184
00:09:07,639 --> 00:09:10,840
She's spotted a fair bit
of mud and dirt. Hm...
185
00:09:10,879 --> 00:09:14,360
She likes her tarmac.
Don't you, 'Mima?
186
00:09:14,399 --> 00:09:16,080
Kunzle Showboat.
187
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,000
WHISTLING
188
00:09:25,039 --> 00:09:26,799
'Ey up, Charley.
Ooh.
189
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,039
Are you all right?
Yeah.
190
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,279
Oh... You're not leaving, are you?
191
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,559
Oh, please don't think me
ungrateful.
192
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,360
I just... didn't want
to disturb the household.
193
00:09:36,399 --> 00:09:38,720
No, not at all! The out-laws,
they'll be gone in a day or two.
194
00:09:38,759 --> 00:09:41,639
No, no, no,
I mustn't impose on you any longer.
195
00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:43,159
I'll saying with the Brigadier.
196
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,200
OK, well, good. That's not far.
197
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,799
No, no.
We'll miss you.
198
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,039
Especially Mariette.
199
00:09:49,279 --> 00:09:50,759
Well...
200
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:52,720
Bye.
OK.
201
00:10:16,759 --> 00:10:18,759
HORN BEEPS TWICE
202
00:10:18,799 --> 00:10:20,960
You all right, Tom?
Mornin'.
203
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,879
Nice.
204
00:10:24,519 --> 00:10:26,279
Fancy a spin in the country?
205
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,559
Any particular reason?
Well...
206
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,559
It's a chance
to understand me better.
207
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,720
Hello, horrors.
208
00:10:35,759 --> 00:10:38,399
Well, you're young and... small.
209
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,120
That's not what you say to kids.
210
00:10:40,159 --> 00:10:43,360
Well... I break all the rules,
don't I?
211
00:10:43,399 --> 00:10:46,200
Erm... What do you think
of my nice car?
212
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,000
Don't YOU start.
Oh!
213
00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:50,799
What an expected pleasure.
214
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,000
I love to give the people
what they want.
215
00:10:53,039 --> 00:10:56,600
Especially you, Mrs Larkin.
When Kentish eyes are smiling, hey?
216
00:10:56,639 --> 00:10:59,240
SHE CHUCKLES
LOWERS VOICE: How old are you, Tom?
217
00:10:59,279 --> 00:11:00,639
32.
218
00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:04,559
Mm! Quite a big age gap between you
and our Mariette, isn't there?
219
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,399
So you would prefer a 20-year-old
220
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,080
driving around
your precious daughter?
221
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,240
Touchy!
I think you mean touche.
222
00:11:11,279 --> 00:11:13,399
No, I don't.
223
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,000
She can look after herself,
but don't go mucking her about.
224
00:11:16,039 --> 00:11:20,000
I treat all women with reverence.
Even when they're mucking me about.
225
00:11:20,039 --> 00:11:22,200
Ooh, I hope you haven't got
any nasty secrets -
226
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,399
no dead wife in the woodshed!
227
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:26,879
SHE LAUGHS
Sorry.
228
00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:30,919
I'm just trying to crack you open.
You seem too good to be true.
229
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,639
We love the village, but...
230
00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:36,919
it has more of its fair share
of gargoyles and muggins.
231
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,720
Well, I love it here, too.
It's home now.
232
00:11:39,759 --> 00:11:42,879
Oh, credit to you.
We need new blood.
233
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,840
Right, come on. Out of the way.
CHILDREN PROTEST
234
00:11:51,159 --> 00:11:52,440
Thank you.
235
00:11:58,879 --> 00:12:01,759
How can I persuade you that
I have your - and the village's -
236
00:12:01,799 --> 00:12:03,080
best interests at heart?
237
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,559
Stop throwing your weight around?
238
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,919
If you mean me restoring
a broken old mansion,
239
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,279
and, yes, enlarging it
240
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,639
and sadly losing one of
several thousand trees, then...
241
00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:13,399
Beware men, especially businessmen,
bearing gifts.
242
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,559
Your dad may be making money, but
most people around here need work.
243
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,360
Opportunity, income.
Imagine if you were staying here.
244
00:12:19,399 --> 00:12:20,960
I'm not!
But if you were.
245
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,399
Do you really wanna work
for your parents forever?
246
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,559
CYCLIST: Morning!
Morning.
247
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,879
BELL TRINGS
248
00:12:29,919 --> 00:12:31,480
Hey up, Libby.
What's all this, then?
249
00:12:31,519 --> 00:12:34,000
A public meeting's been called.
Uh-huh?
250
00:12:34,039 --> 00:12:37,720
About Tom Fisher's plans to build
an extension on his exciting 'otel.
251
00:12:37,759 --> 00:12:39,120
Really? Who'd have thought?
252
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:41,320
You're normally the first to know,
Larkin.
253
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,159
Best thing to happen here for years.
Something in it for you, is there?
254
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,360
First an oversized hotel,
255
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:49,000
then he plans to chop down
one of Kent's legendary trees.
256
00:12:49,039 --> 00:12:50,360
We can't let this happen!
257
00:12:50,399 --> 00:12:53,799
No, I agree. We can't.
Let's see who wins, shall we?
258
00:12:56,639 --> 00:12:59,600
Do you know anything about cars?
Yes.
259
00:12:59,639 --> 00:13:02,000
I know that, when they go wrong,
you get a bloke into fix it.
260
00:13:02,039 --> 00:13:06,399
Oh. My little sister, Victoria,
can build a car from the wheels up.
261
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:07,559
Really?
Mm-hm.
262
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,480
Should've taken her out,
rather than you.
263
00:13:09,519 --> 00:13:12,200
Mm, might be a bit weird.
She talks mainly in grunts.
264
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,919
Ugh... I'm afraid this feels
like just deserts.
265
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:20,240
I shouldn't be here.
Why not? Why deprive yourself?
266
00:13:20,279 --> 00:13:23,320
My friend Charley's moved out cos
he doesn't think I should trust you.
267
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,000
And do you trust him?
268
00:13:25,039 --> 00:13:27,840
It took him years to realise
that being a taxman is boring.
269
00:13:27,879 --> 00:13:30,399
Hm! It's a good and honest job.
HE SIGHS
270
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,840
And being here's
really opened his eyes.
271
00:13:32,879 --> 00:13:35,000
Are you your own person or his?
272
00:13:35,039 --> 00:13:38,440
I'm infinitely complicated.
Me, too!
273
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:42,399
Let's be "infinitely complicated"
together. Or...
274
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:47,279
shall we embrace
our more basic instinct...
275
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:50,279
At least we're only a few miles away
from home. Here comes a car.
276
00:13:51,919 --> 00:13:53,519
SHE LAUGHS
277
00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:56,879
Traffic policeman meets
bull-fighter? Could be disastrous.
278
00:13:56,919 --> 00:14:00,039
I don't know. 'Ello, 'Ello. Ole!
279
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,320
I'll do this. You'll scare them off.
280
00:14:06,399 --> 00:14:09,480
Erm...
Chance of a lift to a call box?
281
00:14:09,519 --> 00:14:10,960
Yes.
282
00:14:12,639 --> 00:14:15,200
You keep this hood up. OK, my dear?
283
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:21,039
I think she might be a bit hot.
Clean and safe.
284
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,679
If you see an animal, poppet,
just scream
285
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,279
and your cousins will
throw themselves in front of it.
286
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,600
Don't be scared of mud. It's normal.
And dung.
287
00:14:28,639 --> 00:14:30,840
Normal.
Pigs mating? Normal.
288
00:14:30,879 --> 00:14:33,200
Enough. We won't make you
watch pigs mating, sweetheart.
289
00:14:35,039 --> 00:14:38,600
Jemima?
Don't panic if you see birds.
290
00:14:38,639 --> 00:14:41,120
Don't be scared any more.
Come on! It's fine.
291
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,440
POP: What a shame.
There'll be other times.
292
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,799
You sure it weren't Charley
sabotaging your motor?
293
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,440
No, course he didn't.
294
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,919
He's not clever, but not with
his hands, as far as I know.
295
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,879
Ha! Anyway, Tommy, should you
really be swanning around?
296
00:14:55,919 --> 00:14:58,080
Haven't you got to face the village
about your plans
297
00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,679
to eventually turn it
into Birmingham?
298
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,919
Ha-ha (!) You should take
your comedy on stage.
299
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:06,679
Well, that big cedar'll
have to go for kick-off, 'ey?
300
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:10,159
Or what about there, big car park?
Road? Car park?
301
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,000
Dad, don't tease.
302
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,840
Ooooh!
303
00:15:15,879 --> 00:15:17,600
THEY LAUGH
Hey!
304
00:15:19,759 --> 00:15:21,919
That's more like it, Jem.
Oh!
305
00:15:22,879 --> 00:15:24,200
Berries!
306
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,080
HE SIGHS
307
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,080
Come on.
308
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,240
Come on, let's go.
THEY CHEER
309
00:15:37,279 --> 00:15:40,159
20 minutes,
and we're in London by train.
310
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,600
Oh, that's handy.
311
00:15:41,639 --> 00:15:44,000
Pop helped save our railway
only last week.
312
00:15:44,039 --> 00:15:47,399
And we don't fancy that and we're,
er... we're bored with Bromley...
313
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,960
Unlikely!
Unlikely.
314
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:53,320
..we've got all the joys of Croydon
just a short hop away.
315
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,039
Erm, top-up, anyone?
316
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,279
You know what? I'd love an advocaat.
317
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:03,440
You'd think you'd through checking
the only drink we haven't got.
318
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:04,919
Where's Mariette gone?
319
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,480
Toilet.
That's a long toilet.
320
00:16:07,519 --> 00:16:10,720
You know what?
I've got to go check on the, erm...
321
00:16:10,759 --> 00:16:12,639
How's-your-father.
322
00:16:12,679 --> 00:16:14,799
..geese. Geese.
323
00:16:18,279 --> 00:16:21,559
So, Mariette's friend's car
broke down, did it?
324
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,799
Wouldn't happen to
our new 3.4L Jaguar.
325
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:26,000
It only broke down
because Victoria sabotaged it.
326
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,360
We prefer Charley to Tom.
Mm!
327
00:16:31,559 --> 00:16:34,720
On geese... Little-known fact.
328
00:16:34,759 --> 00:16:37,919
A group of case is called a gaggle.
329
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:41,200
Or a wedge if they're in flight.
Or a plump in tight formation.
330
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,480
A gaggle. Yeah.
331
00:16:43,519 --> 00:16:46,279
Interesting little titbit for you.
332
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,320
Excuse me, I need an aspirin.
333
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,360
SHE SIGHS
334
00:16:59,399 --> 00:17:01,279
What are you doing?
Get back in there!
335
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,240
You go back! It's my turn.
336
00:17:03,279 --> 00:17:05,440
Oh, oh...
HE SIGHS
337
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,599
They'll be back when they're hungry.
338
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:17,920
IN HINDI:
339
00:17:23,319 --> 00:17:25,480
Er, wh...
what are you talking about?
340
00:17:25,519 --> 00:17:27,160
Er... Recipes.
341
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,960
You, er...
You must teach me some Hindi.
342
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,720
You won't be staying long enough.
Right.
343
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,400
So, what are your plans?
344
00:17:36,599 --> 00:17:39,119
I don't have any.
Oh...
345
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,160
So, you must have taught
all of the Larkins.
346
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,920
What was Mariette like at school?
347
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:49,240
Headstrong, always fighting
off boys, often arrived on a horse.
348
00:17:49,279 --> 00:17:53,000
Oh. Right. Nothing's changed.
CHUCKLES
349
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,160
You have admirers, too.
350
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,640
Pauline at the inn said
there'll always be a welcome
351
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:57,839
in her hillside for you.
352
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,079
Oh, d'you know what?
I have had my offers.
353
00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:04,680
Haven't we all?
She hasn't.
354
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,119
God, how have I become so spineless?
355
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:11,039
Don't know, not interested.
We're off to the village hall.
356
00:18:11,079 --> 00:18:12,799
Come with us.
357
00:18:12,839 --> 00:18:15,160
Tom Fisher's defending
his building plans.
358
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,680
I predict a punch-up!
359
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,240
VILLAGERS CHATTING,
GAVEL BANGS
360
00:18:20,279 --> 00:18:22,680
A country-house hotel
will create jobs
361
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:27,400
and boost every local business -
farms, shops, services.
362
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,240
The extension is needed
for staff accommodation.
363
00:18:30,279 --> 00:18:33,039
We'd rather keep our very old tree!
MURMURS OF AGREEANCE
364
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:36,440
Small sacrifices must be made,
sadly.
365
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:40,160
Look, change is coming to our
village, whether we like it or not,
366
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,680
but I will manage it better
than most because I live here.
367
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:47,079
And everything I want is here.
368
00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:49,319
Thank you.
CROWD MUTTERS DISAPPROVINGLY
369
00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:51,599
Thank you, Tom. Stunning.
370
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,359
As chairman
of your parish council...
371
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,279
Here, here.
Thank you, Norma.
372
00:18:56,319 --> 00:18:58,240
Get on with it, you creep.
Here, here.
373
00:18:58,279 --> 00:19:00,839
Rest assured, we will be listening
to all views
374
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,240
before voting
at the end of the week.
375
00:19:03,279 --> 00:19:05,759
But you'd be a halfwit
to object to this development
376
00:19:05,799 --> 00:19:07,160
or to cutting down a lump of wood.
377
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:08,839
We need a swimming pool!
378
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:12,880
Shut it, Mr Binns.
Put me down for a swimming pool.
379
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,920
Sorry,
Mr Fisher claims to be a resident,
380
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,920
but how long
has he actually lived here?
381
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,119
Longer than you.
True.
382
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,319
But I'm not trying to
quietly concrete over paradise
383
00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:23,359
just to make a profit.
384
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,960
Yeah. We don't mind a hotel...
385
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,200
or maybe losing a tree
we've all loved for centuries.
386
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,119
WOMAN: Yeah!
But it won't stop there, will it?
387
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:31,440
Of course it will.
388
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,880
You wanted to buy Bluff Court,
didn't you? Yes, I did.
389
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,920
And your plan was to knock it down
and sell it off for scrap.
390
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,640
And open the land for...
It is a splendid manor house,
391
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,200
which you wanted to destroy
to make a profit!
392
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,759
So much for
"preserving the village", huh?
393
00:19:46,799 --> 00:19:49,000
CROWD MURMURS
394
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,160
Charley, boy! I've missed ya.
395
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:57,640
Oh!
HE LAUGHS
396
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,519
That was a fun one. Ha...
397
00:19:59,559 --> 00:20:02,680
Oh, well, I've missed you.
How are you all?
398
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:06,039
How's Primrose?
I'm disappointed in you, Charley.
399
00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:08,240
You're letting Tom
stamp all over you.
400
00:20:08,279 --> 00:20:10,720
MAN: Come on, then!
MAN: Right, you...
401
00:20:10,759 --> 00:20:12,359
I'll put one on you!
WHISTLE BLOWS
402
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,240
I'd advise you not to... Oh!
Yeah! Take that.
403
00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:16,920
All right, all right, all right!
Don't make me use my judo.
404
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,839
Just pack it up, pack it up.
Come on.
405
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,039
Leave him alone!
Get her off me!
406
00:20:21,079 --> 00:20:22,880
Time's running out.
407
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:26,039
Either Mariette's off to France
or Tom will have her.
408
00:20:26,079 --> 00:20:27,519
Oh, don't worry.
409
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:31,599
Yeah, I lost confidence for a while,
but... now the dragon is stirred.
410
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:32,759
APPROVINGLY: Hmm.
411
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:45,079
Oh... It seems they don't like us
OR the countryside.
412
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:50,000
So why have they come?
Because she is your beloved sister.
413
00:20:50,039 --> 00:20:52,000
It's like they've only come
to niggle.
414
00:20:52,039 --> 00:20:53,440
And to show off the new car!
415
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,640
Have they got a new car?
They have.
416
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,200
MOCKING:
They've got a new 3.4L Jaguar.
417
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:01,359
Is it?
MOCKING: Is it a new 3.4L Jaguar?
418
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,519
THEY CHUCKLE
419
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,799
Yeah... Well, they just have trouble
enjoying themselves.
420
00:21:07,839 --> 00:21:09,640
A lot of folk do.
Mm...
421
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,599
I want to love
my own flesh and blood,
422
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,640
not run it over in its own car.
HE CHUCKLES
423
00:21:15,319 --> 00:21:17,279
I'm sorry.
Hm?
424
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:20,599
You've got a village to preserve.
Yeah...
425
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,640
I'm just not used to
the likes of Tom.
426
00:21:29,599 --> 00:21:31,799
You and me, we're canny, Ma,
but so's he.
427
00:21:33,599 --> 00:21:35,960
And it seems like he's the future.
428
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,720
Well, there's nine on the committee.
Mm.
429
00:21:38,759 --> 00:21:41,640
Looks like four for Tom
and four against.
430
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,039
Get the vicar and we've won!
Nobble the vicar.
431
00:21:48,079 --> 00:21:49,319
CHUCKLING: Yeah.
432
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,920
Larkin! Get in that church.
433
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,319
Why? What's happening?
434
00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:11,720
Eternal salvation's happening,
what else, you heathen lowlife?
435
00:22:11,759 --> 00:22:12,960
Hm, I might give that a go.
436
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,920
Meanwhile,
which way will you be voting?
437
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,640
I'm waiting for a sign from God.
438
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,359
I doubt that.
439
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:22,759
Why? What are you offering?
440
00:22:22,799 --> 00:22:25,799
You'd vote to damage the village?
441
00:22:25,839 --> 00:22:29,319
Two sides of every coin.
And indeed, every banknote.
442
00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:32,119
REVVING
443
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,759
Rural dean. I'm on a last warning.
444
00:22:34,799 --> 00:22:38,279
And in at number ten, thou shalt not
covet thou neighbour's wife,
445
00:22:38,319 --> 00:22:42,799
staff, ox or indeed ass,
so please don't do it.
446
00:22:42,839 --> 00:22:44,720
Dean!
447
00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:56,519
SOUND FROM TELEVISION
448
00:22:56,559 --> 00:23:00,880
Fancy a walk at all?
We don't walk, really.
449
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,839
Except to the car.
450
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,480
And inside shops.
451
00:23:05,519 --> 00:23:09,759
Modern man is built biologically
to sit.
452
00:23:09,799 --> 00:23:12,880
Hence us not being on all fours.
453
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:17,359
Except on special occasions,
and hence us not having a tail,
454
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:21,119
which otherwise would get
in the way... on the chair.
455
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,960
That is nonsense, Uncle Howard.
456
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,400
Why are you always telling us things
457
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,519
that are either wrong
or we know them already?
458
00:23:29,559 --> 00:23:30,640
GROWLS
459
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,839
I expect she'll want to apologise
to us later.
460
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:39,839
It's true, Howard,
you do sometimes, erm...
461
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,000
Well, you guess, really, don't you?
462
00:23:42,039 --> 00:23:44,160
Well, he can't be THAT stupid,
463
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,839
or he couldn't have bought us
a new 3.4L Jaguar.
464
00:23:56,839 --> 00:23:58,839
Oof!
465
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:00,400
Hoo!
466
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,559
All right...
467
00:24:04,759 --> 00:24:07,400
Oh, left a bit. Cowpat.
468
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,599
CHILDREN GIGGLE
469
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,200
Monty!
470
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:21,839
You can do it, Jemima.
471
00:24:24,079 --> 00:24:26,640
What are you scared of?
Most things.
472
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:28,240
Why?
Don't be.
473
00:24:28,279 --> 00:24:30,240
Just try jumping,
you really want to.
474
00:24:39,759 --> 00:24:40,839
Oh!
475
00:24:44,559 --> 00:24:45,599
Oh!
476
00:24:48,519 --> 00:24:50,039
We've got your vote,
Mrs Fothergill,
477
00:24:50,079 --> 00:24:51,160
and that's the main thing.
478
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,720
You will have to shout,
I'm on a horse.
479
00:24:53,759 --> 00:24:57,079
SHOUTS: We've got your vote?
Oh, absolutely.
480
00:24:57,119 --> 00:25:01,400
Mummy believes our ancient way of
life must be protected at all costs.
481
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,000
Wait,
we're not saying that, actually.
482
00:25:03,039 --> 00:25:05,200
Steady.
Steady.
483
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,720
Miss Chand,
always a deep joy to be near you.
484
00:25:15,759 --> 00:25:18,319
Don't waste your moth-eaten charm
on me, I'm not voting your way.
485
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:19,359
Why not?
486
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,920
Any development will mean
an influx of people,
487
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:23,359
which will mean a bigger school,
488
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,000
so we can demolish
the tired, old one.
489
00:25:25,039 --> 00:25:27,720
Demolish the school?
It made me what I am today.
490
00:25:27,759 --> 00:25:29,359
My point exactly.
491
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,400
No, you can't,
you got the memories, you see?
492
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:35,720
We did the nativity every year.
Using real shepherds, and... Alec!
493
00:25:35,759 --> 00:25:39,640
Come on, what are you getting
out of all this business, eh?
494
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,480
A nice hotel management job,
Tom's little reward, is it?
495
00:25:42,519 --> 00:25:46,240
Oh, I think you're underestimating
Mr Fisher's ambitions.
496
00:25:46,279 --> 00:25:47,720
You have no idea.
497
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,279
He's gonna pay off the vicar,
I'm gonna be right behind him.
498
00:25:54,319 --> 00:25:57,240
What time's the planning break, Dad?
Four o'clock, why?
499
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:15,440
Beautiful, dangerous Mariette.
Mr big-shot developer.
500
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:20,440
I found out why my car broke down.
God telling me you're dodgy?
501
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,599
Your Victoria tinkered with it.
502
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,160
No!
Mm! She just admitted it.
503
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,319
Good mechanic, terrible liar.
504
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:30,480
Oh, sorry.
But you are... controversial.
505
00:26:30,519 --> 00:26:35,519
Mm. Tom Dracula here,
sucking the blood from the village.
506
00:26:35,559 --> 00:26:38,200
Well, you'll just have to try harder
to prove we can trust you.
507
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:39,440
Good luck.
508
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:41,640
I'm off, anyhow.
No, you're not.
509
00:26:43,279 --> 00:26:47,480
How's your French coming along?
Commey ci, commey ca.
510
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,720
This'll cheer you up.
511
00:26:50,759 --> 00:26:52,119
Voila!
512
00:26:57,559 --> 00:26:59,559
Manager of my new hotel.
513
00:26:59,599 --> 00:27:03,039
The job's yours. You'd be brilliant.
514
00:27:03,079 --> 00:27:04,359
You're ambitious.
515
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,519
Why d'you wanna be a lonely au pair
when you'd be here with me,
516
00:27:07,559 --> 00:27:09,759
making a difference and having fun?
517
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:12,680
You pig!
518
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:14,319
HE SNIGGERS
519
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,480
What'd he offer you?
520
00:27:35,519 --> 00:27:38,240
This is to restore my organ.
I bet it is.
521
00:27:38,279 --> 00:27:40,440
Come on, Vic, don't be shy
because this is important,
522
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:41,799
I'll up his offer for your vote.
523
00:27:41,839 --> 00:27:45,599
£100.
I'll do it in guineas.
524
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:46,680
How much is that in pounds?
525
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,240
A guinea's one pound
and one shilling.
526
00:27:48,279 --> 00:27:50,519
Call it 120 quid.
105.
527
00:27:52,799 --> 00:27:54,079
HUFFS
528
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:56,640
Right, you're on board,
no funny business.
529
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:58,799
Of course not.
530
00:27:58,839 --> 00:28:00,240
Isn't there something in the Bible
531
00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:02,559
about Jesus throwing the money men
out of the temple?
532
00:28:02,599 --> 00:28:05,640
Don't worry about that.
That was a long time ago.
533
00:28:17,599 --> 00:28:19,359
Jemima?
534
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,240
She's so weedy!
535
00:28:21,279 --> 00:28:23,440
I'm not carrying her
across that stream again.
536
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:26,200
You have to understand,
we come from different backgrounds.
537
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,079
You wouldn't be so sure
of yourselves in the city.
538
00:28:30,759 --> 00:28:35,519
Just need to show
a little bit of patience. And...
539
00:28:35,559 --> 00:28:37,839
JAGUAR ROARS
540
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,039
Just taking the new Jaguar
out for a spin.
541
00:28:44,079 --> 00:28:46,680
I'm afraid we'd leave your old car
for dust.
542
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:48,960
Right. That's it.
543
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,240
That's it, Bertha.
544
00:28:51,279 --> 00:28:54,079
I have heard enough crap
about your car.
545
00:28:54,119 --> 00:28:55,680
We have a Rolls-Royce!
546
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,240
And do you hear us
boasting about it?
547
00:28:58,279 --> 00:28:59,319
CHILDREN GIGGLE
548
00:28:59,359 --> 00:29:03,759
I'm not cross about your disrespect,
Florence...
549
00:29:03,799 --> 00:29:06,000
I'm just intrigued.
550
00:29:06,039 --> 00:29:08,880
Oh, don't give me that toot.
551
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:11,119
I'll race you around the farm.
552
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:15,000
Ooh, ah, no, no,
I don't that's a very good idea...
553
00:29:15,039 --> 00:29:16,039
Oh, shut up, you.
554
00:29:16,079 --> 00:29:20,079
If your car is so amazing,
then you'll romp home.
555
00:29:20,119 --> 00:29:21,839
And I'll give you a head start.
556
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:23,839
If that's what you want.
557
00:29:29,359 --> 00:29:33,000
Keys, Howard.
In the ignition, Bertha.
558
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:37,519
Right!
559
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,559
CHEERY WHISTLING
560
00:29:41,599 --> 00:29:44,359
Working hard, son?
You look chipper, Dad.
561
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:45,559
That's because Tom Fisher
562
00:29:45,599 --> 00:29:48,200
can't get enough votes
to get his building plans through.
563
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:49,640
What about that?
564
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,319
ENGINES ROAR
What's going on?
565
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,279
Come on, keep up!
566
00:29:55,319 --> 00:29:57,440
Stop that, you two, no! Grow up!
567
00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,680
Is that the best you can do?
Go on, the wife!
568
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,559
MEEKLY: Hello.
569
00:30:14,599 --> 00:30:16,000
I'm a Littlechurch resident
570
00:30:16,039 --> 00:30:18,160
and I believe I'm entitled to see
571
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:21,079
all planning applications
filed with you?
572
00:30:21,119 --> 00:30:23,960
How old are you?
I beg your pardon?
573
00:30:33,079 --> 00:30:35,079
Right. Right, OK.
574
00:30:36,759 --> 00:30:38,279
Ooh!
575
00:30:38,319 --> 00:30:39,680
No!
576
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,480
Oh, oh, ow, ow!
577
00:30:45,119 --> 00:30:46,640
Right.
578
00:30:53,319 --> 00:30:55,240
OK. Oh, gosh.
579
00:30:55,279 --> 00:30:57,720
Hoo!
SIGHS
580
00:30:57,759 --> 00:30:59,920
HUMMING
581
00:30:59,960 --> 00:31:02,839
SINGS: Oh, Mariette...
REVVING, TYRES SCREECH
582
00:31:04,359 --> 00:31:06,880
Oh, oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
583
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:10,319
Oh... Oh... Ow! Argh! Argh!
584
00:31:10,359 --> 00:31:12,240
CAR HORN
585
00:31:12,279 --> 00:31:15,400
CHARLEY YELLS
586
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,480
Not like this!
587
00:31:23,519 --> 00:31:25,400
No, no. Oh...
588
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:35,480
Charley?
589
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:43,799
Obviously, I'd like you to keep
590
00:31:43,839 --> 00:31:46,119
your change of heart
quiet until the vote.
591
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,319
Of course we will,
we're not morons.
592
00:31:49,279 --> 00:31:50,920
Now, to be fair, she is.
593
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:52,559
I've only reconsidered
594
00:31:52,599 --> 00:31:55,119
because I've realised that change
595
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:57,480
is the lifeblood
of a vibrant community.
596
00:31:57,519 --> 00:31:59,200
So it's not this?
597
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,839
Look, we are all human, I know I am.
598
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:05,440
OK, off you trot and vote.
599
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:15,160
This plan's for a housing estate.
Shops, major roads...
600
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,160
In our little village!
601
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,319
And a massive roundabout!
602
00:32:19,359 --> 00:32:23,079
No, that's a coffee mug ring.
Oh, yes...
603
00:32:23,119 --> 00:32:24,640
But these are just ideas,
aren't they?
604
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:25,759
It won't actually happen?
605
00:32:25,799 --> 00:32:27,799
I think it will
if it gets through phase one.
606
00:32:27,839 --> 00:32:30,839
Mr Fisher seems very well connected
with our planners.
607
00:32:32,759 --> 00:32:36,279
So he has to just get it through
Parish Council, then he can do this?
608
00:32:37,839 --> 00:32:40,079
I must take these immediately
to show...
609
00:32:40,119 --> 00:32:41,480
No, you can't take them with you.
610
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:50,960
ENGINES ROAR,
TYRES SQUEAL
611
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:10,880
Oh, bless her. Oh!
612
00:33:12,079 --> 00:33:13,559
TUTS
613
00:33:13,599 --> 00:33:17,000
Ha-ha!
614
00:33:17,039 --> 00:33:20,160
Don't look so worried, man.
I'm praying she doesn't crash.
615
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,559
Bertha'll be all right, she's cut
from the same tough old tree as Ma.
616
00:33:23,599 --> 00:33:25,759
That's why they give the odd bark!
POP CHUCKLES
617
00:33:25,799 --> 00:33:27,920
The car's not actually paid for.
618
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:33,960
Phil, come and watch the big pitch,
come on.
619
00:33:38,319 --> 00:33:39,519
Here they come!
620
00:33:39,559 --> 00:33:42,200
Whoo-hoo!
621
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:43,880
Whoo!
622
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,079
BRAKES SCREECH,
CHURNS CLATTER
623
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:53,240
All right, Ma?
624
00:33:53,279 --> 00:33:56,759
Right, couple of lessons from this.
Later, Howard.
625
00:33:56,799 --> 00:34:00,480
It's only a stupid car.
Hey, Howard, come here.
626
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:03,559
Come on.
627
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,119
Well done, Bertha.
628
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:10,079
And I'm sorry
we haven't been getting on.
629
00:34:10,119 --> 00:34:11,159
Me too.
630
00:34:11,199 --> 00:34:13,519
What's wrong with us?
I know we're different, but...
631
00:34:13,559 --> 00:34:16,159
We're jealous, me and Howard.
632
00:34:16,199 --> 00:34:19,679
Of what?
You. This. Everything.
633
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:23,000
Oh, but you love your life.
Yes, but...
634
00:34:24,159 --> 00:34:25,400
..you lot are so happy.
635
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:29,000
And your kids...
are what children should be like.
636
00:34:29,039 --> 00:34:31,239
Oh, God forbid that's true!
637
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,440
Jemima's a bundle of nerves.
638
00:34:36,119 --> 00:34:37,480
I wanted to bring her here
639
00:34:37,519 --> 00:34:40,079
so your kids' confidence
could rub off on her.
640
00:34:40,119 --> 00:34:42,599
Oh, Bertha.
641
00:34:42,639 --> 00:34:45,960
Pop and I worry about ours
just like you do.
642
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,840
Whether you're ten like Jemima
or 20 like Mariette,
643
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:51,360
we'll still worry about them
when they're 50, God willing.
644
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:52,880
I know.
645
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,679
We want our kids to be strong
and independent,
646
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:57,840
but we want them to need us too.
647
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:03,280
I've been on edge lately.
And there's a reason why.
648
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:06,119
Mariette leaving?
No, it's...
649
00:35:06,159 --> 00:35:07,360
Here you go, girls.
650
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:11,079
Hey, now, look, all mended now?
651
00:35:11,119 --> 00:35:12,880
Yes.
Yeah, good, good.
652
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:16,559
Amazing what racing round a farm
like a couple of goons can do.
653
00:35:16,599 --> 00:35:19,960
Am I going loopy, or did I see
Charley in the wood with a...
654
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,000
Indiany musical instrument?
655
00:35:23,039 --> 00:35:26,159
Yeah, interesting fact
about India...
656
00:35:26,199 --> 00:35:29,519
Ah... Oh... Sorry...
657
00:35:29,559 --> 00:35:31,039
That's boring.
658
00:35:31,079 --> 00:35:32,480
Oh!
659
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:37,679
What have I done?
660
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,199
Where's Jemima?
Don't worry about Jemima.
661
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:44,039
Our lot'll look after her,
won't they, Ma?
662
00:35:44,079 --> 00:35:46,960
Course.
Cheers.
663
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:50,559
ALL: Cheers!
All right.
664
00:35:57,679 --> 00:35:59,079
Let's leave her to it.
665
00:35:59,119 --> 00:36:01,280
Yeah, there's no chance
she'll make it.
666
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,239
It took me years of falling in.
667
00:36:08,519 --> 00:36:10,000
Argh!
668
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:43,039
Ooh! Hello, Tom.
669
00:36:43,079 --> 00:36:45,920
You look like you think
you're gonna lose the vote.
670
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:49,000
Yeah, well, it was always gonna
be difficult taking on passionate
671
00:36:49,039 --> 00:36:50,840
and persuasive locals like you.
672
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:52,679
Yeah, well,
we'll find out later, won't we?
673
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:55,440
Yeah. Anyway, I'm here to do my bit
674
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,159
to stop Mariette
skipping off to France.
675
00:36:58,199 --> 00:37:00,719
Oh, so you won't get a shred of
pleasure out of her staying, then?
676
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:03,760
Listen, I never get involved
in my kids' lives,
677
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:06,320
I really, really, don't,
my mum and dad, Lord love 'em,
678
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:08,760
they let me learn by my mistakes,
and I made some big-uns,
679
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,960
including trying to cut me own hair
with a lawn mower.
680
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,119
Ha... Look...
681
00:37:13,159 --> 00:37:16,360
Getting the development approved
could help Mariette stay.
682
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:20,599
You really wanna throw her out
because of a... Lazy Susan?
683
00:37:20,639 --> 00:37:23,159
Spreading Linda, Tom.
684
00:37:23,199 --> 00:37:26,639
Yeah, I can see it in your eyes.
685
00:37:26,679 --> 00:37:29,079
You're a townie, son.
You've come here to build a town.
686
00:37:29,119 --> 00:37:31,239
Here's a piece of advice.
687
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:34,760
Take a flask and a pie
688
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,400
and climb high up into that tree,
689
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:41,880
and then just look down at
the unspoilt glories beneath you.
690
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,559
And just sit there, Tom.
And enjoy them.
691
00:37:44,599 --> 00:37:48,280
Where do you think your six children
are gonna live when they grow up?
692
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:50,519
In magic houses built in Neverland?
693
00:37:50,559 --> 00:37:54,079
There are plenty of folk
who prefer towns, Tom.
694
00:37:54,119 --> 00:37:55,800
My in-laws, for instance,
695
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:59,559
they get queasy
at the sight of grass, you know?
696
00:37:59,599 --> 00:38:03,119
Look, let's have London,
let's have New York,
697
00:38:03,159 --> 00:38:05,840
but let's not have
10,000 ugly dormitories
698
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:07,880
on our beautiful countryside.
699
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,559
Eh? So...
700
00:38:10,599 --> 00:38:12,239
No hard feelings
when all this is over?
701
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,239
Goodness, no.
Good, good, yeah.
702
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:20,559
Well, as for Mariette,
she's, er, gone off for the day.
703
00:38:22,079 --> 00:38:23,840
Oh.
Hm.
704
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:26,920
Thanks.
You're welcome.
705
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:32,599
Have a good day, Tom.
Yeah. You too.
706
00:38:36,639 --> 00:38:39,559
I wonder who you've nobbled,
you wily toe-rag.
707
00:38:39,599 --> 00:38:42,280
We knew you could do it, Jemima.
708
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:46,159
See, Jem, you'd've seen them cows
and run off screaming.
709
00:38:46,199 --> 00:38:48,519
That's no cow!
What is it?
710
00:38:48,559 --> 00:38:52,760
Don't worry, it's just a male cow.
So it's a bull?
711
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:56,000
Run!
712
00:38:56,039 --> 00:38:58,159
Run, run, run!
713
00:38:58,199 --> 00:38:59,440
Faster!
714
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:02,000
Oh, quick!
Argh!
715
00:39:06,199 --> 00:39:07,880
THEY ALL SIGH
716
00:39:10,039 --> 00:39:12,000
LAUGHTER
717
00:39:12,039 --> 00:39:15,199
Has that ever happened before?
Yeah. Most weeks.
718
00:39:16,639 --> 00:39:20,239
Welcome to this special meeting
of the Parish Planning Committee.
719
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:21,559
Over the last few days,
720
00:39:21,599 --> 00:39:25,519
we've listened to local opinion
on this major decision. Hear, hear.
721
00:39:25,559 --> 00:39:27,519
Can we not do
the hear sodding hears?
722
00:39:27,559 --> 00:39:31,599
So we can go straight to a vote
on approving this exciting project
723
00:39:31,639 --> 00:39:33,800
with all its heart-stopping
benefits.
724
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:34,840
DOOR CLATTERS
725
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:36,400
Stop the proceedings!
726
00:39:40,039 --> 00:39:42,679
BREATHLESSLY: I'm sorry,
I've just run from the pick-up.
727
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:44,440
I need to bring up
an important issue.
728
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,480
Overruled.
Right, those in favour...
729
00:39:46,519 --> 00:39:48,679
I support Mr Larkin on this issue.
What is the issue?
730
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:50,639
Er, we need to delay the vote.
731
00:39:50,679 --> 00:39:54,239
Because, erm, I don't wanna use
the word "bribery", but...
732
00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:57,320
There's nothing wrong with gifts.
That's how local government works.
733
00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,320
Larkin is aware of that,
live by the sword,
734
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:01,039
the skill is being
on the winning team.
735
00:40:01,079 --> 00:40:04,239
The skill is living a good life in a
place you wanna love and look after.
736
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,960
And that's exactly
what we're voting on now.
737
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:08,920
Those in favour of Mr Fisher's
738
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,519
development of Bluff Court
and grounds...
739
00:40:11,559 --> 00:40:13,320
I don't feel very well!
THUDS
740
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,360
GASPS
741
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,480
Those in favour? No, no,
she's fainted. Stop the vote!
742
00:40:18,519 --> 00:40:20,800
It's a rouse, we're carrying on.
Those in favour...
743
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:23,320
DOOR CLATTERS
744
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:25,280
Oh! How many more of them
are out there?
745
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:27,199
I stole them
from the District Council,
746
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:28,719
so I'll probably go to prison.
747
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,320
I told you Tom wouldn't stop there.
748
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:33,920
He's a disgrace!
I'll rip his pips off!
749
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:35,199
Easy, General.
750
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:37,039
The road slices through our garden.
751
00:40:37,079 --> 00:40:39,079
Less weeding...
752
00:40:39,119 --> 00:40:40,800
I'm being humorous.
753
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:43,800
And a bloody great roundabout
around my church. Atheist scum!
754
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:47,280
No, that's a coffee mug ring.
Oh, rightio. Thank you.
755
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,079
Well, I'm voting against now.
756
00:40:49,119 --> 00:40:52,480
No!
Me too. What was I thinking?
757
00:40:52,519 --> 00:40:54,760
Forgive me, Vicar,
for I have sinned.
758
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:56,800
Why are you telling ME?
I agree.
759
00:40:56,840 --> 00:41:00,400
I can't vote for this.
Norma! Have you lost your mind?
760
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:02,559
Oh, Alec, it's going wrong, innit?
761
00:41:02,599 --> 00:41:05,039
Good, vote rejected.
BANGS GAVEL
762
00:41:05,079 --> 00:41:06,679
Primrose, you're an angel.
763
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:10,679
Oh, come on,
we can do better than that.
764
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:14,519
Come on!
POP CHUCKLES
765
00:41:21,679 --> 00:41:25,079
I don't think the countryside's
only animals and muck,
766
00:41:25,119 --> 00:41:28,760
and we have a lovely library
and, ooh, next time,
767
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,239
I'll show you the Roman Museum
in Canterbury.
768
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:32,679
No, thanks.
769
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:34,480
You can't leave
now that we've remembered
770
00:41:34,519 --> 00:41:38,280
how to talk to one another.
Oh, don't worry, we'll be back.
771
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,679
But you must visit us in Bromley.
772
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:43,599
That fabulous new shopping centre
I talked about.
773
00:41:43,639 --> 00:41:45,400
With a real foun-tain!
774
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:49,840
Oh, I'm afraid we're gonna be too
busy with the farming jobs, dammit.
775
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:51,559
Oh, yeah, yeah.
776
00:41:51,599 --> 00:41:54,920
Oh, well, what about November?
No, no... November...
777
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:56,039
November's the, erm...
778
00:41:56,079 --> 00:41:57,960
All the leaves, Ma,
you know, the leaves. Yeah.
779
00:42:02,159 --> 00:42:04,760
Pop and I just don't wanna come
to Bromley.
780
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,360
I'm sorry.
Oh.
781
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:12,920
Well, we ARE quite different,
aren't we?
782
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:15,880
CHUCKLING: We are.
783
00:42:17,079 --> 00:42:18,440
Let's celebrate that.
784
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:21,639
CAR STARTS
785
00:42:21,679 --> 00:42:25,400
Hear that? Velvety.
786
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:29,679
So, Pop, I don't know
what your poison is route-wise,
787
00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:33,639
but we are going A20,
cutting through Sidcup,
788
00:42:33,679 --> 00:42:35,440
depending on the traffic flow,
of course.
789
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:36,800
And then, we're...
790
00:42:38,119 --> 00:42:40,840
Is the handbrake off?
No...
791
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:42,559
They're backing away.
792
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:45,119
Drive on, Howard!
793
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:49,519
REVVING
794
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,679
Kids, promise me you will never
fall out or grow apart.
795
00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:58,880
We hate each other already.
796
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,239
I'm gonna live in the lighthouse!
797
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:03,039
I need my own bedroom.
Zinnia stinks.
798
00:43:03,079 --> 00:43:05,199
Well, it was a nice idea, wasn't it?
799
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:07,239
THEY ALL CHUCKLE
800
00:43:16,199 --> 00:43:20,559
So, you've been caught
trying to pull a massive fast one.
801
00:43:20,599 --> 00:43:22,000
Yeah, it's called enterprise.
802
00:43:22,039 --> 00:43:24,199
Your little village
just wasn't ready for me.
803
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:26,719
No, it was you
who wasn't ready for us.
804
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:30,519
Your horizons are wider, Mariette.
You know you wanna be with me.
805
00:43:30,559 --> 00:43:33,400
Yeah, but I'd always be competing
for your love, wouldn't I?
806
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:35,639
Who with?
Yourself.
807
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:40,199
You could learn from Charley,
you know?
808
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:43,000
Oh, well,
you are talking like a mad woman.
809
00:43:43,039 --> 00:43:44,800
I'd learn more
from that horse's backside.
810
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:47,960
Oh, yeah? Who's been humiliated
today, him or you?
811
00:43:49,599 --> 00:43:50,840
You're never gonna leave here.
812
00:43:53,519 --> 00:43:54,679
Give us a kiss.
813
00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:57,280
It's the only bit of excitement
you're gonna get around here.
814
00:44:01,559 --> 00:44:03,199
Shut your eyes, you rude man.
815
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:20,559
JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS
There you go, go on.
816
00:44:20,599 --> 00:44:22,719
Get in!
817
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:25,239
Lovely jubbly!
818
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:27,519
CHEERING
819
00:44:32,199 --> 00:44:33,880
I don't believe it!
820
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:36,079
You've set that up quite nicely
for me, Pop.
821
00:44:36,119 --> 00:44:39,159
Go on, Ma. Go on, go on.
822
00:44:39,199 --> 00:44:41,000
THEY CHUCKLE
823
00:44:41,039 --> 00:44:43,199
Cheers, Ma.
Ah, cheers, darling.
824
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:44,360
KNOCK ON DOOR
825
00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:48,639
He's back!
Hello, Charley!
826
00:44:48,679 --> 00:44:52,599
Was that you earlier near the woods?
Ooh, erm...
827
00:44:52,639 --> 00:44:55,880
Yeah, that might have been me.
Can I speak to Mariette, please?
828
00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:58,840
SHOUTS: Mariette, sweetheart?
Charley wants to speak to you!
829
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:00,000
Oh, sorry.
830
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,679
Sorry about the spittle.
We all still miss ya.
831
00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:06,000
Yeah, come back and stay with us.
832
00:45:06,039 --> 00:45:09,360
Please, I need to speak to Mariette.
833
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:13,280
She is the gatekeeper to my soul
and my future.
834
00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:15,920
Oh, why don't you talk to me
like that?
835
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:18,239
Yeah, it's time I told her
how I really feel.
836
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:20,079
I think she's left!
837
00:45:20,119 --> 00:45:23,199
What's that?
Her suitcase and passport are gone!
838
00:45:30,079 --> 00:45:32,239
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