Original subtitles

Say what you like... Bum.

Knickers. Duck's arse.

Say what you like... you can't beat a May Day in England.

Eggs. Hear that, Mariette?

You will not get eggs as good as that in France.

No. Snails for breakfast in your France.

Croissants, actually. And baguette.

It is normal for me to want to spread my wings.

Don't make it harder for me. Morning.

Oh, Charley! ALL: Good morning!

Now, are you still all right kipping in the spare bathroom? Yeah.

Yeah, pee from your bed. Just the job.

Yeah. That's, er, quite a timesaver. Mm!

No, I love it here.

I'll sleep anywhere. But I do need to get back to work.

I can't keep delaying my return to the tax office. What?!

No, don't be daft. Phooey.

Look, there's plenty of graft here.

The big strawberry pick starts today. Mm.

You can help us. Yes... Yeah, I'd love to.

I'll be flitting around as well.

Gotta find out if Tom Fisher's serious

about turning Bluff Court into a hotel.

Ooh, you hate having a rival. Don't ya?

No, nonsense, Ma. I wish him every success.

All's fair in romance and business.

Tom's your boyfriend. No, he isn't.

He loves ya. Everybody loves you.

THEY GIGGLE

HE WHISTLES

Come on.

That's it.

Who needs some punnets?

All right, ladies. Right. Punnets?

Here comes trouble! You know it.

POP SHOUTS: So long! HORN BLASTS

See you later. Goodbye!

Bit slow, aren't you? No, you're just very fast.

Wow! They've run riot this year.

We'll have trouble shifting all this fruit.

Tax man's sweating up a storm already.

All right, duckie?

Oh, yes. Thank you... duckie.

THEY CHUCKLE

You know, you don't need to call her duckie.

Yeah, well, I didn't wanna look haughty.

SHE GIGGLES

All right, Libby? Something missing?

Horse. Horse. That's the one.

Second Sunday after Trinity.

It's gonna be a rip-snorting service.

I'll bet it is.

I plan to release doves big as weasels.

Good! I've borrowed 'em.

They'll be on a long string, so I'll get 'em back. Huh.

Ah, my two favourite people. What's wrong with your faces?

The railway station is closing. No!

Absolutely ghastly. I love trains.

The dining car, cheery liveried porters...

"All aboard!"

When were you last on a train, Edith?

Oh, not for donkey's years.

Me, neither. Maybe that's the problem.

I use them all the time.

I suppose I'll get used to advancing by bus instead... rather slowly.

General, we can't have that.

Mornin'.

Not bad, eh? Ripe and luscious.

Right, let's get these weighed. How would you weigh them?

You're melting.

POP WHISTLES

BELL DINGS

What's all this, Foxy? Shutting up shop?

Looks like it. Disaster.

How are folks gonna get to town?

Ask the train company.

They only care about money, not ordinary people.

What'll it take to change their minds?

Nothing. Sign of the times. Branch lines for the chop all over.

You've gotta fight it, man!

I just haven't got any fight left in me.

What's all this nonsense, Katy?

I'm trainspotting, Mr Larkin. It's actually quite intense.

Yeah, no, the line closing.

Oh, yes. I don't know what I'll do.

So, how are we gonna keep it open?

THEY CHATTER

No, she'll be delighted I'm not there.

She's the type of landlady

that counts out the baked beans for breakfast.

HE CHUCKLES

Ah, this place must be quite a shock, then.

Yeah, it is. I mean, there is so much of everything.

Well, we're the lucky ones. Garden of England.

All right?

Do I detect the tiniest, so, so tiniest, hint of, uh,

of friction between you and Pauline?

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I, uh, I know she poured wine down your dress.

She treated you very "Chablis".

THEY LAUGH

Ah, well, there's no hatred deeper

than one that started in love and friendship.

Don't you dare get off with her. Huh, how could I?

She's another reason I'm going away.

OK, but, still, in time, that might change.

It's not going to change.

OK, but it might. It won't.

Right, fine. OK, but if it does, if it does,

that would be, that would be fantastic. Thanks.

SHE GIGGLES

So, how's the manual labour treating you?

Oh, yeah, fabulously. I'm already hurt all over.

I'll put you on weighing. Get a chair.

RADIO PLAYS

DOOR OPENS

Hello, kids! Hello! Hello, Mum.

There's my little treacle tarts. That's right, you get stuck in.

MA VACUUMS

All right, my little cherry cakes, good day at school?

Mm-hm. Yeah.

Yeah. That's the way.

OK.

40...

Poll Saunders. Two baskets. Thank you.

Lil, duckie. How, how many?

Three baskets. Right, OK.

What am I saying? I mean three an' all.

Are you sure?

You saying we're lying? No. No.

Not out loud, anyway.

That's where you got to.

Oh, yeah, well, I... I have a history of clerical work, so...

Nice to be some people. Two baskets.

Thank you. Thank you.

I'll, er, push off, then.

See you later, Charley. If not before.

Ooh, company. Boss's daughter.

Tart. Freeloader.

I don't think I've ever seen you angry before.

I pull my weight.

I don't like seeing you treated like meat.

Miss Chand. Always an honour. Face of an angel.

Mr Larkin, your children were late this morning.

Yep.

Oh, you want a reason?

Strawberry picking. Very educational.

And on that topic, what is more educational than a train ride?

Almost anything. You know the branch line is shutting?

And Katy... specs, trainspotter. Don't judge.

She says that they're gonna do the final headcount

of passengers this very week.

So if we pack in all the locals, we could save it.

Most of my pupils can't afford to go on jaunts.

I'll pay for those who can't.

Where would they go? Ah-ha!

Are you not missing the tax lark?

Well, it is important work, of course.

Is it, darling?

Anyway, anyway... I have had the best time down here, Ma.

You've all been so friendly.

Oh, you should stay on. Intelligent bloke like you.

You could be a big boon hereabouts. A big, big boon.

Thank you. To be honest, I am racked with indecision.

My whole life, all I've tried to do is, is contribute to society.

You've come to the right place. Plenty of society down here.

Wrapped up in nice scenery.

No, I know. But I do feel I need a slightly better...

PIG GRUNTS ..reason to stay!

Oh, Ma, what...?

HE STRAINS

SHE GIGGLES

CROWD CHATTING

Hello. Use the stairs.

BELL DINGS Morning, kids.

Children, line up. Don't swarm.

Miss Chand?

See? Folks just need reminding that a train goes through the village.

Enjoy the journey.

BELL DINGS Get yourself a ticket.

Lovely to see you all. Ah, Tom-Tom.

Come on, spill the whatsits on your new venture.

Well, it's not really a whatsit-spilling situation.

I'm just turning an abandoned pile into a friendly little hotel.

Well, good for you. The village is agog.

And thanks for helping to keep the line open.

Well, a modern economy needs

a comprehensive transport infrastructure.

And THAT is one of my catchphrases.

HE CHUCKLES How's the family?

In the flippin' pink. And is Mariette here?

No. You still wanna buy a ticket?

Er, of course I do. POP LAUGHS

That's it, Tom. Thank you. BELL DINGS

Thank you. Oh, no!

It's not a war on again?

Ha! No, I'm meeting up with some old army pals.

Well, good for you, anyway. Yeah.

Er, General, please. Stand easy.

Keep the home fires burning. Ha-ha!

Thank you, sir. You're welcome. You're welcome.

So exciting, Mr Larkin.

I've never seen so many passengers. Right.

TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS Hush. A train!

I think it's a Class 5 BR1B Tender.

Ah, very good. That'll take care of the stragglers.

Come on, ladies and gentlemen! Kids, let's be having you.

Come on! It's a Class 5 BR1B...

TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS ..Tender!

Morning. Miss Pilchester.

How are you? Very well.

SHE SIGHS

Ah...

It's like Sodom and Gomorrah with strawberries!

Poll - you missed one! AUNT FAN CACKLES

So... no-one strips off at the tax office, then?

No! No.

We have a rigidly enforced dress code.

SHE CHUCKLES

In fact, everything is rigidly enforced.

Apart from enjoyment.

Whoa! That'll take some selling.

If you're not careful, we'll be boiling up a lot of jam.

TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

Everyone all right?

That's the Allied Victory Medal... that's the 1914-15 Star.

Mm. What's that one?

Oh, that's actually for swimming, but it's a lovely blue.

All right, everyone? Miss Chand. Lovely to see you.

Nice bit of company for a change, Alec?

I preferred it when it was just me and Mr Garnish.

What the hell?!

Mr Garnish doesn't like the smells these children are making.

Or not that often.

We're trying to save your commuter line.

You should be thanking us all.

No, I'm not going to do that, cos I hate you all.

Dad? We're starving. Me too.

Me too. Absolutely ghastly hunger, Mr Larkin. Do feel my ribs.

Wasn't there a refreshment trolley on the train?

They stopped it. No!

Oh! Come on, then.

Come on, everyone. That's it. TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

So, where is the place of "educational interest" you promised?

All right, Frank?

If you run, I will personally make sure you never run again!

MUSIC: 'In The Mood' by Glenn Miller

SHE HUMS ALONG

PHONE RINGS

Yep?

CHILDREN PLAYING, COINS DISPENSING

It's me, you gorgeous lump o' woman. SHE LAUGHS

What's up, you big farmy lunatic?

Load the truck up with strawberries

and get Mariette to bring it over to Forch Station.

Quick-like, otherwise the train'll be gone.

MISS CHAND: Very good. Come on, children. Hurry up.

Orderly fashion onto the train. Come on.

Cracking. WHISTLE BLOWS

Come on...

TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

Hello, me old mate. I think there's something under your wheel.

Have a look, here.

I mean, a nice, full train an' all, you know...

Shame to spoil the mood. No, can't see nothing.

Maybe it's someone's favourite pet. HE GRUNTS

You know?

Don't worry.

I think that's a shadow. Er, thank you.

TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

Any chance of a lift?

Well, this is an unexpected pleasure.

Well, it's nice to sell folks something they want

that we've got lots of.

You know I mean being with you.

Still planning on leaving the village?

Yep, in a month or two.

Chance to learn le bon Francais! Sounds good, eh?

Et ca va comment? Tu parles comme une indigene deja?

I'm so tempted to crash this and kill you.

Well, if you spare me and I have a future, it's here.

How can I make you feel the same? Ugh!

Don't you start. It's a hard enough place to leave as it is,

as my friend Charley's finding out.

The tax man? Mm-hm.

What kind of "friend" is he? Oh, the best kind.

He doesn't bombard me with questions, like you.

It's time we went on another date. Oh, a date, was it?

Well, maybe one that doesn't end with you scrapping with a waitress.

With you watching! And smirking.

Well, if there's one thing that we men like -

and this is scientifically proven - it's watching pretty girls wrestle.

Wanna meet up later?

Oh. Er... thank you, but I... I need to be home.

SHE SIGHS Don't wait for Mariette.

She's off. And she's not the one for you.

Why... do you say that? She's hard work.

I'm a delight.

HE EXHALES SHARPLY I like you.

You're... kind.

I don't go for that normally, but I'm ready.

And one for you. Would you like a punnet, sir?

Just one, please. Here we go. That's sixpence, please.

There you go. Sir, madam. Two? Do you want one or two?

Just the one? OK. You can trifle with her later.

THEY LAUGH

Ah, Miss Chand!

Now, strawberries... This is for you.

COINS CLATTER, HE SIGHS

DIAL TONE

Afternoon! Er, afternoon, sir. It's Char...

Cedric Charlton.

Right, I... I apologise for being off for so long, but...

..well, ever since you've sent me down here

to investigate the Larkins, my life has just changed exponen...

Are... Are you there, Mr Potts?

I'm waiting for you to say something intelligible.

Right. I'm staying down here, and I have holiday to take,

so... I am resigning with immediate effect.

Because I have learned that life and love are precious.

'Have you lost your mind, Charlton?'

Tax collection is a solemn undertaking,

and you will regret spouting beatnik baloney at me,

because, in the end, you just need to grow up...

HE SIGHS

INDISTINCT OVER TELEPHONE

HE SIGHS

..grow up, and there will be

a significantly impaired pension provision.

Thank you.

SIGHING: Ah!

HE SIGHS

Whoa. Let me help you with that.

Shouldn't you be... choosing lino for your hotel?

Yes, but it's important not to neglect the physical.

HE GRUNTS

Good, that all seems to be... in order.

LAUGHING: No! No! It's just... It's just a...

CHUCKLING: Yes... Go away!

TV: 'Young louts. Are you all right?'

'Yes. Let's get on.'

Shouldn't we just watch one?

Well, we've got two. Might as well use 'em!

Anyone seen Charley? We thought he was with you.

No, I was just chatting with Tom. For three hours?!

Mm... He's so smooth.

Makes a nice change from rough.

Too many lads in this village think farting

is the last word in entertainment.

So... where is our Charley?

HE SMACKS HIS LIPS, HE SIGHS

SHE GULPS, GLASS THUNKS

You know your problem? Yes.

Oh, yes. You're flesh and blood, like me.

But you're fighting it. Well, it's true.

I have never felt so much... sap rising as down here.

Er, down here in the countryside.

Oh... Got it.

Mm, the tax office, my, er, erstwhile employer,

was entirely free of... sap.

You've been corking it up since you arrived.

I want to get your cork out.

Well, you can't, because I am saving myself for Mariette Larkin.

But she's not saving herself for you.

I know. Can't be right, can it?

What? Er... LIQUID SLOSHES

Oh... Fancy another?

Question is... who'll best make Mariette stay?

Charley or Tom?

Well... that all depends whether Charley's planted his veg

in another furrow.

Charley's better for her.

But Tom's the pretty one.

And he knows how to behave with women.

Ma, we've got to stay out of it.

She knows we love her and we don't want her leaving.

That is why you are after saving our railway!

You can't stop your daughter doing what she wants,

but this is something that you can do something about.

HE HUFFS

Oh...

Mariette is used to fending off lads, but...

..she's not so good at letting someone into her heart. Mm.

Charley's the man.

Mariette just needs to fall in love with him.

Oh!

Ah...

Argh! Argh...

KNOCK ON DOOR, DOOR OPENS

Charley was drinking with Pauline last night.

They were standing all close, and she kissed him!

Postal Pete got it from Old Reg.

Well... you can't blame Charley.

No surprise she's in there like a dog on a side of beef.

Don't take this lying down! What are you gonna do?

Nothing. It's simpler this way.

I just hope he realises that she'll toss him away.

But you can tell he loves you.

Well, he hasn't told me. Because you said you're leaving!

Ugh, this is so sad.

Love can be.

And you've had your taste of that. Mm...

We can't all be as lucky as Pop and Ma.

Both in love from the off.

WHISPERS: Effortless.

Look, Charley's... special.

PRIMROSE CHUCKLES

I mean, sometimes, it's like talking to an owl.

But you've gotta love him. I know!

And... Tom? Ugh! He's so handsome.

Mm... When he took his shirt off,

I half hoped a great big beer gut would tumble out.

Maybe he was holding it in, like Pop.

Very much not. And I'm still leaving.

No! How can you?

Because if two men arrive in a village

are that interesting, imagine what else's out there in the world.

Or... it doesn't get any better than them,

and you should stay and find out!

But don't choose Tom. Or Charley will go with Pauline.

BELL DINGS

POP: That's it, get your tickets. Ahhh!

Darlin'! Ain't I the cat what caught the proverbial?

You are, Ma, you are.

Join the queue, get yourself a ticket.

That's it. Enjoy the ride, everyone, won't you?

Sir George and Lady. So glad you could come along.

Hm. Well, we'd hate to lose our railway.

Yes. Love trains. Steam, that's the future.

So, you gonna tell me why you sold your rumpty old mansion

to Tom instead of me?

I'm afraid that's confidential.

He said we could live on there in an outbuilding at a peppercorn rent.

And do you have that in writing?

Yes.

Do buy yourself a selection of on-board refreshment.

Ah, I love the steam... Ah! It's the gilded youths.

'Ey? And Miss Chand, of course.

Nice evening? Yup.

You? Cracking.

How was Pauline? Friendly. Rather like Tom.

Yep. Yeah. So, there we are.

Mm.

HE SIGHS I, er... I've resigned from my job.

Well, so you can really enjoy Pauline's company, then.

What?!

That's it. Come on. All aboard, go on aboard!

MISS CHAND: Don't dilly-dally.

THEY LAUGH

THEY LAUGH

And this is who we fought the war for.

Three punnets, one-and-six. Straight from the field.

Berries fresher than my 'usband on a Saturday night,

and the cream was in a big, wobbly udder a couple of hours ago.

Oh, your Lords and Ladyships! Nice to see you on board.

Yes, I'm getting a taste for it. I love the rhythm of the track.

De-dun, de-duh, de-dun, de-duh, de-dun, de-duh.

De-dun, de-duh, de-dun, de-duh, de-dun, de-duh...

Yes, that's lovely, but stop. Stop now.

Only going halfway, Ma?

Yeah, I'm meeting my sister in Knockholt for a quick pie.

Never met her. What's she like?

Well, you won't catch me speaking ill of my family, but...

'Ere we go.

Well, she'd rather impress the neighbours with a new twin tub

or a Formica patio... rather than enjoy herself.

And her husband, Howard... well, he's even worse.

But... SHE CHUCKLES

Well, like I say, you must take your family as you find 'em.

SHE LAUGHS

Oh. Hello, Tom! Ah!

Mrs Larkin. Another good turn-out.

Yep.

Oh... forgive me being so formal, but Tom, erm...

..what are your intentions regarding Mariette?

Well, you have created a woman of rare beauty and grace.

Aw... haven't we just?

Answer the question.

Well, I'm still getting to know her. Is she on board?

Oh, Tom, you haven't got on this train

especially for Mariette, have you?

No. No, no, no. I'm just...

here doing my bit to help keep the village transport links alive.

I'm Mariette today. Ah...

How does that feel? Er, awkward?

Not at all.

Yeah...

HORN HONKS

Morning, trouble. Morning, Pop.

Hey, nice work, girls! How's your mum, Lil?

Out on parole Tuesday. Yeah, bless her.

HE LAUGHS

Hey! Charley boy! Hop in.

Where are we off to?

I'll share you some of me savvy, eh? Seeing as you're looking a bit low.

Come on. Well... all right.

HORN HONKS

And don't forget, always finish the day with a cocktail.

And that, my son, is how to be happy.

Thank you, Pop, but... you and I are very different.

Eh? How? We're both decent blokes.

Love people, enjoy a laugh. Food, drink, sun on our backs.

Yeah, but I don't seem to have your resilience.

Exactly! So, let's sharpen you up, shall we, eh?

Come on. Look like you mean business.

POP LAUGHS OK.

Come on, Vern. You've had it forever.

No-one wants it! You want it.

Tenner. last price.

He all right, hm?

Oh, yeah. 'Ard as nails. 'Arder. Mm.

What do you reckon, Charley boy?

That's not worth more than nine quid.

Done! Eh? No, hang on a minute!

Hang on. I'll give you six.

No. Well, thank God for that, cos that'd be a nightmare to shift.

All right. £4 it is.

And we'll need it wrapped up. You what?

Well, it's a present. You must have something we can wrap it in.

Course I haven't. All right. £2.10, unwrapped.

I put you on rhubarb.

I'm not pulling rhubarb. It's not even a fruit.

It's veg pretending. Where's Pop?

Saving our trains. I'm in charge here.

I'm better than rhubarb. You know that.

Oh, sling your hook.

Oh!

THEY GRUNT Pauline!

Argh! Argh!

Pauline! Go! Let's go!

SPECTATORS CLAMOURING Get off me!

SCREAMS: Pauline!

THUD BOTH: Ooh!

SCREAMING AND CLAMOURING

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sorry, excuse me. Whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop, stop!

Oh, God, there's so much blood! Stop!

Oh, wait, no, it's strawberries. Sorry. Carry on.

No, no, don't! Don't carry on! Stop! WOMAN: No, keep going!

No, Mariette, no!

Ugh! MAN: Where're you going?

Wow.

You have never looked so beautiful.

Ta.

STATIC BUZZES

Ah... Oh, Pop, Pop, Pop!

ANNOYED: Oh!

STATIC BUZZES

Ah, well done, well done. There you go.

POP CHUCKLES

BELL DINGS WOMAN: Thank you.

Foxy, nice and busy, eh?

This must be enough people to keep the line open?

No, it's not. What?

You've taken a fortune this week, and this is only the start!

I reported our takings to my boss. He says it's still not enough.

Well, the company's gotta be coining it!

I know! I can't believe it.

He says they're losing money, and they won't change their mind.

The station's shutting down next week.

We should go on a hunger strike.

Well, I'm not doing that.

Let's go to your company and argue with your boss.

Oh, don't bother.

He's a thug, and they won't let you in.

Well, there's a challenge. Coming, Katy?

Don't go, Pop!

He'll throw you out, and I won't get my gold watch!

Well, if the worst happens, Foxy, I'LL give you your gold watch.

And I'll throw in a selection of soft fruit.

DOOR OPENS

Look at you!

SHE GASPS All bloomin'.

Oh! Do... D'you think so?

You've had a desk on your lap too long,

so Pop's showing you how to wheel and deal like a tough nut.

Yep. Yeah, he... he did. Mm-hm.

Now... forget all that. Show Mariette your romantic side.

Oi! Where d'you think you're going?

Eh? You're not telling me you don't recognise this young lady?

Trainspotter of the Year!

How many trains you spotted, Katy?

Er... 4,983? There you go. That's a lot of train.

That is a lot. It is.

Let's fetch your award. Come on.

Right.

Now, listen, Mr, erm... What was it?

WHISPERS: Neal. What, kneel?

Mr Neal. Oh, Neal.

Mr Neal. Pop Larkin, Miss Farley. And we're from Littlechurch,

and shame on you for wanting to close down our branch line.

I don't want to. I hate doing it.

So don't.

People aren't using the line enough.

But they will. I'll make them.

TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS Tiny trains.

An EM gauge Finescale Standard.

How lovely... to find a lady who sees the magic

in these perfect little worlds.

I know. It's an escape, but to something beautiful and calm.

If only your village shared your love of trains.

Next to no revenue for years. Might I have a look at the figures?

TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

It is a mystery.

Why go by car when you can travel on one of these?

There's more room in a car.

These figures aren't right.

You should be getting five times this amount.

Well, last week, we took hundreds. Well, what does that say?

Twelve pounds four and thruppence.

HORSE WHINNIES SOFTLY

Oh, no. You caught me.

Well, I don't mind appreciation.

Look, I don't know if you do this sort of thing,

but any chance for a riding lesson?

What, now? If you're free.

I'll pay you, obviously.

And, if I fall off and die, I promise I won't tell anyone.

Thanks.

So, how good a rider are you?

Pff...

You... lying... pig.

I'm as surprised as you are. SHE TUTS

You'd really run away from all this?

SHE SIGHS Don't do it.

The good, like this, will stay the same,

but other things are gonna happen here.

What "things"?

Well, who knows? New people, new life.

I can smell a change, and change is good.

Hello, Pop!

I bet you've been dreading this day, haven't you, Foxy, eh?

How long you been doing it? What're you talking about?

Now, this can go either two ways, Foxy.

You deny it all and we work out how much exactly you've nicked

from the railway company and you go to prison,

or you admit to filching over all these years,

repay what you can,

they leave you be and we may get to keep our trains.

I've never liked you.

Shut up, Foxy. You can't prove anything.

I'll retire here, the line will close,

and there won't be any trains or that mindless hooting

to ruin my peace.

True, except the big cheese we met at the railway

said that he'll just sell it.

And you'll end up living perched on the edge of an A road.

Oh, well.

As you suggest, I've lifted a lot of cash over the years.

I'll be fine. But thanks for alerting me.

I'm going in now to burn some paperwork.

Before you go...

Did you get that, PC Harness? Get what?

His confession. Oh, yes.

Yeah, I did. Yeah. Good.

Come on, Pop.

I mean, I didn't take much till the last few years,

with my retirement coming up.

Oh, that is so... Where's my hankie?

I mean, you poor, greedy old git.

Take him away.

Hello. Er, hello, hi.

Yep... still good.

Wanna climb on? Slide in behind?

Go for a quick... tootle?

Shall I go on?

Yeah, thank you, but I... I should, er... I should go.

I'm not put off that easy.

Pauline! Pauline, you are, erm...

Well, you're a, er...

I can't actually think of a posh word for it.

Erm... But it's good!

But...

I... HE SIGHS

I love another.

She tried to shame me. Like she always has.

And I can't let that go. Ever.

I love another.

And she's going to love me.

Oh! MA: Whoa!

Pfff! Champion.

Ha-ha! There you go.

Here's to the railway. Cheers!

SHE CHUCKLES All right.

WHISTLE BLOWS Woo-woo!

SHE IMITATES TRAIN CHUGGING

All aboard! SHE LAUGHS

Come on, girl. Oh! Oh, Pop...

Oi! What's that? A tender behind?

SHE LAUGHS Not 'alf.

THEY MOAN

Oi, oi! Now, there's a misspent youth.

Oh! How's Tom?

He rides as well as me, the big fraud.

Ah, well, he will have practising on the sly just to impress you.

Pop was the same when we were courting. Yep.

Bird impressions. Worked a "tweet".

Tom just told me to stay cos "change is coming to the village".

It's like he's giving me a nod and a wink.

PETUNIA: Can I have a go? Yeah, go on, then.

Ah, look and learn. Here, 'ey.

Watch this, Pop. Watch this. Go on, then.

Do you know what? It's glorious out, Ma.

Fancy a stroll? Yeah. Why not, Pop?

As long as there's no funny business.

No, not at... IMITATES TRAIN CHUGGING

Oh! Oh! Er...

Hello. Sorry, I-I didn't mean to shock you.

Oh.

Ah...

Hmm...

Ooh... Your family have been trying to wise me up and, er,

you know, knock off some of my absurdities.

Oh, you don't need to learn from them.

THEY CHUCKLE

Right, Mariette... I can do things here.

Right? I have got skills. I-I am ambitious,

and... and I am really good with money.

I mean, yeah, not like Pop is, but...

I know. You don't need to persuade me.

And... And your Ma and Primrose have already worked on

my emotional honesty, so, Mariette...

We're thinking of adding clover to this meadow. What do you think?

Oh, er, I... I don't... No, no, I...

No, Mariette, if I... It attracts bees.

Bees are good.

Uh-huh?

Yes, right, and, on the subject of attraction...

OK, so, Mariette, have you ever wanted to...

like, not... not in a bee way, but just...

Actually, can we just forget about bees for a minute?

HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY But have you ever wanted to...

to honour beauty,

but just...

..not known how to,

except for some... some just...

HE SIGHS

..woefully inadequate...? God, I mean...

Ooh! Actually... Don't... Don't... Don't get up.

No, but I just... Let's just sit here.

And... do nothing.

Just enjoy...

SHE SIGHS ..being.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, God. Shut up. Shut up. Sorry.

Ha... Ooh!

God...

Sorry.

Ooh...

Bzzz.

THEY LAUGH

SHE EXHALES DEEPLY

SHE GIGGLES

THAT was a good one. It was.

Nothin' wrong with that one, girl. SHE LAUGHS

Mmmmwah! Mm...

Hey, hey, look!

HE WHISTLES

That's gotta be a good sign, hasn't it?

CROWD CHATTERING

Yes, of course! Yes.

Hello, how are you? Hello.

Are you well? Very good. Terrible...

Excuse me.

The most important thing to remember, so -

the semaphore's signalling system is horizontal red

with a white line for an immediate stop.

The preparatory distance signal is yellow with a black chevron.

They're not always interested.

They're not, are they?

So, obviously, we will be taking the train the whole time now.

To Margate and all over!

Or the car.

Yeah, by car, mainly. Well, it's easier.

It is easier. HE CHUCKLES

You're all looking very smart!

Thank you, Charley. It's a party, innit?

MARIETTE AND BRIGADIER LAUGH

Pretty and funny. Doesn't seem fair!

No... SHE LAUGHS

Are you allowed to be here?

I don't recall you helping save the trains.

Yeah, that's because, unlike you, I was...

busy with strawberries.

What?

You gonna whack him? No, Victoria.

I just wish that people saw what I see.

Tom is just out for himself, and he shouldn't be trusted.

Mate... you're jealous.

Hmm... Mate...

those two assessments are not mutually exclusive.

Excuse me - we should circulate.

They grow up so fast.

THEY LAUGH

I respectfully suggest that we are a match made in heaven.

How many girls have you said that to?

Just you.

There you go.

Thanks to our great success today, now, we are back on track.

So, wet your whistles and "choo-choo" the refreshments!

LAUGHTER

Whilst I use this platform to conduct our thanks to Pop Larkin!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Who, if I may express myself as an old buffer,

is first class and just the ticket.

LAUGHTER

So, it's my departure time now, before you all "aboard"!

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE That's my favourite bit.

THEY LAUGH

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