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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:14,560 CLOCKS TICKING 2 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,440 SHE SIGHS 3 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:22,519 TRACTOR ENGINE OUTSIDE 4 00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:32,880 More toast. Yummy! 5 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:37,200 Got some of that. Pass us that, Prim. 6 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,560 VEHICLE HORN BEEPS 7 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:39,759 Hm. That'll be Pop. 8 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,000 Quick, eat his bacon. 9 00:00:44,039 --> 00:00:46,759 Why did he go out so early? Cos he's like a blue-arsed fly. 10 00:00:46,799 --> 00:00:49,399 Hm. He works long hours, doesn't he? Mm-hm. 11 00:00:49,439 --> 00:00:51,600 I've told him he needs to slow down. 12 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,840 Maybe I should write it on the barn in big letters, 13 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,880 cos it's not getting through. 14 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:57,640 WHISTLING, DOOR OPENS 15 00:00:57,679 --> 00:00:59,840 Hello, loves. Have I got a treat for you. 16 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:02,799 Is it a deep freeze?! No. More entertaining. 17 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:07,480 What, another telly?! What for? 18 00:01:07,519 --> 00:01:10,319 Two channels, two tellies. 19 00:01:10,359 --> 00:01:14,040 In case our lodger wants to watch something a bit more highfalutin. 20 00:01:14,079 --> 00:01:15,959 Charley's not a lodger. You don't pay rent. 21 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,159 Yes, well, about that, I've been meaning... Ah-ah. 22 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,599 Wouldn't dream of it. 23 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:22,000 You're our guest. You are kipping in the spare bathroom. 24 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,319 Yeah, well, you know, I have simple needs. 25 00:01:24,359 --> 00:01:26,599 All right, my cabbage? 26 00:01:28,239 --> 00:01:29,799 She thinks you're overdoing it. 27 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,640 To quote Aristotle, "It is better to rise from work 28 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,159 "as from a banquet - neither thirsty nor..." 29 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:37,959 "..drunken." 30 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,159 SHE CHUCKLES 31 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,159 SHE SIGHS 32 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,359 Aren't they lovely, Charley? Yes. 33 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:59,159 Is it safe to be this close? To me or the horse? 34 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:03,400 The horse. I mean, don't they kick? Well, only if they don't like you. 35 00:02:03,439 --> 00:02:05,760 How do you know if they don't like you? They give you a kick. 36 00:02:05,799 --> 00:02:06,799 Hm. 37 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,199 Don't you get many horses in Catford? 38 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:11,360 No, not in the tax office. 39 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,759 Ooh, though someone did once dump fertiliser in reception. 40 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:15,800 THEY LAUGH 41 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,120 Fertiliser? Mm. 42 00:02:17,159 --> 00:02:18,879 Oh, bless you, how BBC. 43 00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:20,680 What do you call it? 44 00:02:20,719 --> 00:02:23,599 Well, dung, if we're feeling posh. 45 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:26,639 Hang around here long enough and you'll ride like a pro. 46 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,240 We Larkins are outdoor people. You should try it. 47 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:33,120 Er, I-I'd love to, but I have to go back eventually. 48 00:02:33,159 --> 00:02:35,520 Any more time off and I'll need a doctor's note. 49 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,719 So get one. I'm not ill. 50 00:02:37,759 --> 00:02:39,120 So you pretend to be. 51 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:42,120 If that doesn't work, you slip the doc half a roast pig. 52 00:02:42,159 --> 00:02:44,039 Eh? 53 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,080 Hello, dear. Ooh, what bold wool. 54 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,120 Isn't it? I'm finishing a swimsuit. 55 00:03:17,159 --> 00:03:20,039 Me and the kids always go for a dip in the river this time of year. 56 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,960 Does Mr Larkin join you in his little trunks? No. 57 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,719 But this time, I'm gonna make him, 58 00:03:24,759 --> 00:03:26,599 even if I have to pull him off his tractor. 59 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,759 Oh, does he not take to water? 60 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,960 In my youth, I used to love a bracing plunge 61 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,159 into the sea in Margate. 62 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,479 Wilf, I am doing that, but it is not helping. 63 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,120 That's what I've been doing... 64 00:03:39,159 --> 00:03:41,840 Pack up your daft sun hat, we're going... 65 00:03:41,879 --> 00:03:45,199 No, Wilf, I cannot get a good picture. 66 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,719 This is my patient but gritty face. 67 00:03:47,759 --> 00:03:49,120 'It's your aerial, innit?' 68 00:03:49,159 --> 00:03:53,199 Double telly needs twice the welly, as we say in the TV antenna game. 69 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,080 Yeah, but you didn't tell me that this morning, did you? 70 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,599 I'll sell you a massive aerial, lovely job. 71 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,639 If the wind's right, you'll get French TV. 72 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,360 I don't want to hear about France, Wilf, 73 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,639 because my Mariette reckons that's where she's off to. 74 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:07,280 Yeah, stuff of nonsense, isn't it, overseas, eh? 75 00:04:07,319 --> 00:04:10,280 Eh? Look, I'll come round and get the aerial. All right? 76 00:04:10,319 --> 00:04:12,759 Just... 'It's in the warehouse,' 77 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,000 I'll bring it over this evening. 'Oh, you do that, Wilf.' 78 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:20,240 And one of the brighter Larkin children will handle it. Bye. 79 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:24,279 Ma... I am taking you away for the weekend. Now. 80 00:04:24,319 --> 00:04:26,560 Just you and me. Now, the weekend's gonna be tricky. 81 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,560 Why? Well, because... 82 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,240 I prefer being here. 83 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:35,319 Well, I have been knitting this. 84 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,000 Oh. And I'm gonna use it. 85 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,600 Nope, you're gonna have to help me out. It's a swimming costume! 86 00:04:41,639 --> 00:04:44,040 We are going to a hotel at the seaside, 87 00:04:44,079 --> 00:04:46,600 and you're gonna be riding me instead of a muck spreader. 88 00:04:46,639 --> 00:04:48,279 Oh, that's not what you want to hear. 89 00:04:48,319 --> 00:04:50,519 MA CHUCKLES 90 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:51,920 Oh, enough of all that. 91 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,160 Come on, we've got bags to pack! 92 00:04:54,199 --> 00:04:58,839 I wanna see your pasty legs dangling out of some shorts before sunset! 93 00:05:00,079 --> 00:05:02,319 INDISTINCT CHATTER 94 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:03,959 Oh, listen, listen. 95 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,160 Is that a woodpecker? 96 00:05:06,199 --> 00:05:07,639 SHE CHUCKLES Yes. 97 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:08,839 WOODPECKER DRUMMING 98 00:05:08,879 --> 00:05:10,720 That is amazing! 99 00:05:10,759 --> 00:05:13,160 I don't think I've ever really heard one before. 100 00:05:13,199 --> 00:05:14,600 Wow. 101 00:05:14,639 --> 00:05:16,519 You're gonna miss this place, aren't you? 102 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,279 Yeah. 103 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,319 Yeah, I will. 104 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,040 I've never been anywhere like it. 105 00:05:23,079 --> 00:05:25,959 I mean, it's funny how quickly you can get used to the feeling. 106 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,800 What feeling? Just happiness. 107 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:31,839 It almost feels normal now. 108 00:05:31,879 --> 00:05:34,839 Yeah, I've had my shoulders up by my ears for so long. 109 00:05:34,879 --> 00:05:35,879 Suits you, too. 110 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,720 ENGINE REVVING 111 00:05:39,399 --> 00:05:41,399 Morning, Mariette. Hello, Tom. 112 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:43,639 Morning. 113 00:05:45,319 --> 00:05:47,040 Am I interrupting anything? 114 00:05:47,079 --> 00:05:48,839 No. No. 115 00:05:48,879 --> 00:05:50,439 May I take you out for dinner tonight? 116 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,800 Oh, sorry, I can't, I'm afraid. 117 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:55,040 My turn to cook. Chops. Ha. 118 00:05:55,079 --> 00:05:57,000 HE CHUCKLES 119 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,240 I'm thinking lashings of sophisticated chat, 120 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:03,519 candles - lit - and enough fine wine to drown a cat. 121 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,720 Erm, all right. Excellent decision. 122 00:06:06,759 --> 00:06:09,560 I'll pick you up about eight. Cheerio. 123 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,720 REVS ENGINE 124 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,879 You know what, I will see that doctor about a sick note. 125 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:22,079 Mm. Why rush off? 126 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,519 Well, good job, too. Ma's already called him. 127 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,720 Wait, what? 128 00:06:26,759 --> 00:06:28,480 Ma, what about the nippers? 129 00:06:28,519 --> 00:06:30,920 Nippers? Look at the size of them, they'll be fine. 130 00:06:30,959 --> 00:06:32,160 We're more worried about you. 131 00:06:32,199 --> 00:06:33,680 You're not used to going on journeys. 132 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,920 We're going away for one weekend to Margate in Kent, not Kentucky. 133 00:06:36,959 --> 00:06:39,680 But, look, Ma, we've got everything we need here. 134 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:40,759 Ain't we, kids? Yeah. 135 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,639 Yes, exactly. Name me one thing you haven't got and I'll get it for you. 136 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,040 A change of scenery. Bags in car. 137 00:06:47,439 --> 00:06:49,160 Where are you going? Kentucky. 138 00:06:49,199 --> 00:06:51,759 Goodness. No, Kent. 139 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,160 Aren't we there already? 'Ey, see. 140 00:06:54,199 --> 00:06:55,759 What is the point? 141 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,240 Margate, I've booked us a hotel. 142 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:00,439 Be nice to sleep in sheets I haven't bought, washed, 143 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,800 dried, ironed, mended, and occasionally dribbled on. 144 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,399 Me and Charley are here, we'll look after things. 145 00:07:05,439 --> 00:07:07,959 Exactly. Pop, you said yourself you'd rarely seen 146 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,920 a safer pair of hands than Charley's. 147 00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:13,240 Softer. Softer pair of hands. Look, we've got a farm to run, 148 00:07:13,279 --> 00:07:15,000 Wilf is coming round to fix the aerial, 149 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,199 and when he's not being sly, he's being greedy, right? 150 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,399 I can handle him. Good. 151 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:22,079 Charley and Mariette are Ma and Pop for the weekend. 152 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,800 Which one's which? Oi! 153 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:27,439 A few child management tips. 154 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,279 Let 'em breathe, but don't let them get away with murder. 155 00:07:30,319 --> 00:07:33,279 Not too much TV. They're far too keen on it for my liking. 156 00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:35,120 Nothing wrong with a bit of telly. 157 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,279 Make 'em read a book. Or learn them some maths. 158 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:41,279 They're not the strongest, 159 00:07:41,319 --> 00:07:43,839 except for Primrose, who's too clever by half. 160 00:07:52,279 --> 00:07:54,160 HONKS HORN 161 00:07:54,199 --> 00:07:55,480 Bye! Bye! 162 00:07:55,519 --> 00:07:56,560 Bye! 163 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,480 Ooh! I'm not sure I can do this, Mariette. 164 00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,120 I am a very poor liar. 165 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,360 It's not lying, it's acting. 166 00:08:10,399 --> 00:08:11,759 CLEARS THROAT 167 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,959 So, fella m'lad, what appears to be the problem? 168 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,600 It's my back. 169 00:08:17,639 --> 00:08:20,079 Go on. It's, erm... 170 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,800 Ooh, well, it's a, erm... 171 00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:29,480 ..a huge let-down. THEY ALL GROAN 172 00:08:29,519 --> 00:08:31,720 Why is he doing that with his mouth? 173 00:08:31,759 --> 00:08:33,919 I don't know. Why are you doing that with your mouth? 174 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:36,240 I don't know, it's really dry, I don't know! What...? 175 00:08:36,279 --> 00:08:38,000 Pull yourself together, man. 176 00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:40,200 I'm not sure I can do this, I don't think I can do this. 177 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,159 He's here. Well, it's too late now, you have to. 178 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,960 What? 179 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,120 Here you go, Ma. 180 00:08:47,159 --> 00:08:49,919 Oh, look at this! Look at this! 181 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,440 HE CHUCKLES 182 00:08:52,559 --> 00:08:53,919 Yes. 183 00:08:59,879 --> 00:09:02,320 This is it, then. What do you think? 184 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,919 I think you've packed for a fortnight, not a weekend. 185 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,600 What you got in these? Oh, you know, change of shoes, 186 00:09:07,639 --> 00:09:10,039 sewing machine, just in case. HE LAUGHS 187 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,200 Welcome to the Margate Grand. 188 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,039 Can I help you with your bags, sir? Ladies first. 189 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:19,000 Sorry, Duchess, didn't see you there. 190 00:09:19,039 --> 00:09:21,200 How do you know I'm a duchess? Oh, he doesn't, love, 191 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,840 it's just a term of endearment, like duck. Pumpkin. 192 00:09:23,879 --> 00:09:24,879 Chuckles. Cabbage. 193 00:09:24,919 --> 00:09:26,039 Treacle. Cock. 194 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,720 THEY LAUGH 195 00:09:27,759 --> 00:09:30,080 She'll loosen up, won't she? Yeah! 196 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,919 Same hotel as a real duchess, though. Yep. 197 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,440 Go on, girl. 198 00:09:44,039 --> 00:09:45,679 Could do with a lick of paint. 199 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:50,039 Or they could go straight to a stick of dynamite and a bulldozer. 200 00:09:51,159 --> 00:09:52,320 Oh. 201 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,120 Oh, is this it? 312. 202 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,000 Go on, Ma. HE GRUNTS 203 00:09:59,039 --> 00:10:00,080 Oh. 204 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,120 Cosy. 205 00:10:05,399 --> 00:10:07,840 HE STRAINS I thought you said... 206 00:10:07,879 --> 00:10:09,600 I thought you said it had a sea view. 207 00:10:09,639 --> 00:10:11,639 Oh. Ha. 208 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,600 BED CREAKS It's awful, isn't it? 209 00:10:17,159 --> 00:10:19,559 Do you want to go home? I'll understand if you do. 210 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,159 You do, don't you? 211 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,960 Let's go home. Ma. 212 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,399 Are you kidding? We're on our holidays. 213 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:27,759 Let the fun commence. 214 00:10:27,799 --> 00:10:30,639 Come on. Ha-ha! Arm. 215 00:10:32,039 --> 00:10:33,399 Arse. 216 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,559 Ooh! I thank you. 217 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:36,600 THEY LAUGH 218 00:10:36,639 --> 00:10:38,279 Go on, Ma. Go on. Ooh-hoo! 219 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,279 Go on! THEY GIGGLE 220 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,120 Hm... Can't feel anything. 221 00:10:48,159 --> 00:10:50,600 Montgomery, bring the doctor's whiskey and soda, would you? 222 00:10:50,639 --> 00:10:52,159 No, no, I mustn't. 223 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,360 Mrs Leagrave's got me on a health kick. 224 00:10:54,399 --> 00:10:57,679 No booze, no meat, no jelly babies. 225 00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,559 Physician heal thyself. 226 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,279 So she's in charge, is she? 227 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,159 Oh, go on, then. 228 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,000 So, not much pain? 229 00:11:06,039 --> 00:11:07,960 Erm... Er... 230 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,879 It comes and goes. 231 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:13,000 He's being brave. Makes a change. Nation of hypochondriacs. 232 00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:16,440 Everyone demanding pills. Whatever happened to suffering in silence? 233 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,960 So, will you give him a sick note? No, he's not sick. 234 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:23,120 Er, I... really do have an ache. 235 00:11:23,159 --> 00:11:25,480 These days, I often feel dizzy. 236 00:11:26,799 --> 00:11:29,679 Do you want this? Meat? 237 00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:35,840 Oh, all right. I'll give him a note. 238 00:11:35,879 --> 00:11:38,960 Keep out of draughts, stay away from wet grass, 239 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,720 and if he is staying here, get him a real bed. 240 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,519 Oh, come here, you little beauty. 241 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,039 Yes. Mm! 242 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,000 Mm. Thank you. 243 00:11:51,039 --> 00:11:52,399 Mm-hm-hm! 244 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:57,360 SLOW PIANO MUSIC 245 00:11:57,399 --> 00:12:00,000 Got anything a bit more upbeat, Mantovani? 246 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,679 We'll have to make our own fun, Ma. Champagne? 247 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,039 Yes! 248 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,759 Is there a do on? 249 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,080 No. There's the Duchess. Not a face you run towards, is it? No. 250 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,679 Maybe it's a funeral. 251 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,840 Yeah. Best I get two bottles, eh? 252 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,279 It's hard to see if I'm doing this right. 253 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,320 KNOCKING AT DOOR 254 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,279 All right, poppet? Is Pop in? Aerial. 255 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,960 No, he's off this weekend, but he left me to deal with it and pay. 256 00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:29,960 Follow me. 257 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:37,919 Oh. It's a big'un. 258 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:39,240 Yeah, it's not cheap. 259 00:12:39,279 --> 00:12:41,840 It's a multi-element switchable antenna 260 00:12:41,879 --> 00:12:45,639 with high impedance stacking bars. As you can see, love. 261 00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:48,519 It's a bunch of metal rods, though, isn't it? Basically. 262 00:12:50,159 --> 00:12:52,639 120 quid, installed. 263 00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:56,200 Oh, so you've jacked up the price, haven't you? As it's me. 264 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,759 No. I asked around. 265 00:12:58,799 --> 00:13:01,120 60 quid cash, if it works, 266 00:13:01,159 --> 00:13:03,559 or 40 quid and we put it up ourselves. 267 00:13:09,799 --> 00:13:11,639 DOOR SLAMS, ENGINE STARTS 268 00:13:35,039 --> 00:13:37,639 What do we have to do to get a drink around here? 269 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:39,200 I think you normally ask the barman. 270 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,600 Right. 271 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,799 Right, then. 272 00:13:46,519 --> 00:13:47,720 What can I get you, son? 273 00:13:47,759 --> 00:13:51,039 Oh, they wouldn't let me. I'm not 18 yet. 274 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,840 No? Oh, well. 275 00:13:52,879 --> 00:13:55,080 You just keep 'em busy, I'll smuggle you a cider. 276 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,399 Eh? 277 00:13:56,440 --> 00:14:00,159 Who died? Oh, that's not a funeral. That's my wedding. 278 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,200 Blimey. 279 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:05,559 Kenneth, have you spoken to your Uncle Tergel yet? 280 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:08,320 No, I was gonna... Oh, stop lurking here like an alcoholic 281 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,440 and go and make a good impression. He's got two houses. 282 00:14:15,519 --> 00:14:16,759 Hello, Duchess. 283 00:14:16,799 --> 00:14:18,960 What's your poison? I don't understand. 284 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,639 Do you work here? 285 00:14:20,679 --> 00:14:22,960 No, no, but I'm always in service, you know, 286 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,440 when I spot a lady in need of champagne. 287 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,279 Is this man in your entourage? 288 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:31,519 I don't believe he is. I surmised he was in your entourage. 289 00:14:31,559 --> 00:14:34,720 Certainly not. No, of course not. What was I thinking? 290 00:14:34,759 --> 00:14:35,840 Shall I solve the mystery, 291 00:14:35,879 --> 00:14:38,039 or do you want to keep this going for a bit? 292 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,039 Oh, you... you've got something on your... on your faces. 293 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,399 Yeah. There. 294 00:14:45,519 --> 00:14:48,120 That's it, well done. Just toffee on your nose. 295 00:14:50,279 --> 00:14:51,720 HE LAUGHS 296 00:14:55,159 --> 00:14:56,840 Here, Ma. 297 00:14:58,559 --> 00:15:00,480 Guess what I found out? It ain't a funeral. 298 00:15:00,519 --> 00:15:02,679 I know, it's a wedding, and that lot have got a face on 299 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,440 cos the couple are only kids, bless 'em, 300 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,240 and she's well and truly in the pudding club, 301 00:15:06,279 --> 00:15:08,639 which has not gone down well, cos you know who her mother is? 302 00:15:08,679 --> 00:15:10,960 The Duchess? The Duchess. And she's spitting feathers 303 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,159 because the girl's marrying below her station, 304 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,639 but his lot are well chuffed because now he's set for life 305 00:15:15,679 --> 00:15:18,679 and off to join the family firm in Hertfordshire. 306 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,159 I think. Blimey. 307 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,960 They should have used you as a spy in the war. 308 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,639 How do you know they didn't? HE LAUGHS 309 00:15:24,679 --> 00:15:27,600 Poor kids. Still, not a way to start married life, is it? 310 00:15:27,639 --> 00:15:31,000 What you thinking? More champagne. 311 00:15:31,039 --> 00:15:34,679 Maths, maths can actually have a real beauty to it, girls. 312 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:38,080 Just think of the figures as musical notes, which, together, they can... 313 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:39,240 Thanks! 314 00:15:39,279 --> 00:15:41,600 ..symphony. 315 00:15:41,639 --> 00:15:44,000 We've saved 20 quid putting that up ourselves. 316 00:15:44,039 --> 00:15:45,440 I'll give dad half, 317 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,679 and then the rest will pay for me to get to France. 318 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:48,720 Mm-hm. 319 00:15:48,759 --> 00:15:50,919 Ooh! Children, this doesn't mean 320 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,720 you're going to watch TV all weekend! 321 00:15:52,759 --> 00:15:54,360 CAR APPROACHES 322 00:15:54,399 --> 00:15:56,320 Oh, God, is it time? 323 00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:06,639 Didn't realise you actually live here now. Yeah. 324 00:16:06,679 --> 00:16:08,840 Mr and Mrs Larkin have gone away for the weekend 325 00:16:08,879 --> 00:16:10,720 and have left me in loco parentis. 326 00:16:10,759 --> 00:16:13,840 Yeah. Massive responsibility. 327 00:16:13,879 --> 00:16:15,240 Good for you. Hm. 328 00:16:15,279 --> 00:16:16,480 The nanny. 329 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,039 And you're happy with that little girl on the roof, are you? 330 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,879 Yep, absolutely, I've... 331 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,879 ..checked it's, erm, safe up there. 332 00:16:27,919 --> 00:16:30,039 Excuse me. Er, Victoria! 333 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,399 Victoria, could you possibly get down off the roof now? 334 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,399 Before you plummet to your death. 335 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,440 Well, you look edible. 336 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:42,720 I hope you're hungry. 337 00:16:42,759 --> 00:16:45,639 Famished. See you later, Charley. 338 00:16:48,039 --> 00:16:50,480 Wait, your coat. It's really cold. Hold on. 339 00:16:50,519 --> 00:16:53,320 Oh, erm, it's not actually that cold, so... 340 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,320 Let's get going. 341 00:16:58,399 --> 00:16:59,399 STARTS ENGINE 342 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,200 Mariette. Mariette, your... 343 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,119 Hold tight. 344 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,319 Ooh, seatbelts. Sorry? 345 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,640 Don't forget your seatbelts. 346 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,359 It doesn't have any. We're wild and free! 347 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,559 Whoo! Whoo! 348 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,920 CHATTER AND LAUGHTER 349 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,519 Enjoy. Cheers. Don't drink it all at once. 350 00:17:23,559 --> 00:17:25,720 Top-up here. Get you another few bottles. 351 00:17:25,759 --> 00:17:27,119 Cheers to you, an' all. 352 00:17:28,759 --> 00:17:29,960 Mr and Mrs Larkin. 353 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,359 The bar manager tells me I've got you to thank for all this. 354 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,400 Oh, no need. 355 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,400 We over-ordered on the champagne, didn't we, Ma? 356 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,920 You lot are doing us a favour by drinking it 357 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,079 and not sitting there looking like you're all about to top yourselves! 358 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:44,319 Well, it's very much appreciated. Where's the lucky lady? 359 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:46,000 She's in her room. Oh, yeah, course, 360 00:17:46,039 --> 00:17:48,599 it's bad luck to see the bride before the old how's-your-father. 361 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,640 Yeah, yeah. And she wasn't invited. 362 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,759 I think we've now established that you are not with the wedding party. 363 00:17:54,799 --> 00:17:57,599 Let's just say you bought the wedding, we bought the party. 364 00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,319 No, no, this is a private function, 365 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:03,519 so we must ask you and your companion to leave. 366 00:18:03,559 --> 00:18:06,559 But they bought the champagne, and they're nice... Kenneth. 367 00:18:06,599 --> 00:18:11,079 We didn't request your cheap fizz or your participation. 368 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,119 Ooh. Don't throw her to the ground, Ma. 369 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,599 SHE CLEARS HER THROAT 370 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,319 POSH ACCENT: I think there has been some kind of misunderstanding. 371 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:20,759 Indeed. OWN ACCENT: You think you're special. 372 00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:22,480 But we think you're a snobbish bully 373 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:24,680 who wouldn't know fun if sat on your face. 374 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:28,400 Now, I am sorry you are upset that your girl is up the duff! 375 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,839 CHATTER STOPS, GASPS 376 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,880 Which I now realise is not widely known. 377 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,079 Apologies. 378 00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:40,559 But a pregnant woman should be celebrated, not hidden away. 379 00:18:40,599 --> 00:18:42,039 Good. 380 00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:43,640 Point made, Ma. 381 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:47,559 Now, excuse us, because there's a beach with our name on it. 382 00:18:48,759 --> 00:18:50,160 Come on, Ma. 383 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,160 Enjoy the champagne. 384 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,359 FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING 385 00:19:09,319 --> 00:19:11,519 TV PLAYING 386 00:19:15,799 --> 00:19:16,960 SHE MOANS 387 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,759 What did you do that for?! You know we were watching that? 388 00:19:19,799 --> 00:19:23,039 You can't spend all weekend shut up in here watching television. 389 00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,039 It'll rot your brains. Says who? 390 00:19:25,079 --> 00:19:27,240 Scientists. Name 'em. 391 00:19:27,279 --> 00:19:28,359 Er... 392 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,599 Look, tomorrow, we'll play fun games outside. 393 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:31,640 All right? 394 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,559 Till then... read a book. 395 00:19:34,599 --> 00:19:37,160 Right, here's one for you, Victoria. 396 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,000 Here's one for you. Read it. 397 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,680 All right. Read it. 398 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:44,799 Read it twice. 399 00:19:44,839 --> 00:19:46,400 HE GROANS 400 00:19:50,039 --> 00:19:53,359 I think you're frustrated cos Mariette's out with Tom. 401 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,400 Oh, do you, now? 402 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:56,440 Hm? 403 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,839 All right, we'll play a game. Excellent! 404 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,359 Thank you. 405 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:04,920 Snooker. 406 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,160 And if we win, we get to do whatever we want 407 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,759 for the rest of the weekend. Deal. 408 00:20:08,799 --> 00:20:13,240 And if I win, you all have to do what I want. 409 00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:16,599 And I am rather good at snooker. Hm. 410 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,000 So is Montgomery. 411 00:20:18,039 --> 00:20:19,519 Primrose, pass me the cue. 412 00:20:29,839 --> 00:20:31,640 Thank you. 413 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,480 Table for Tom Fisher? 414 00:20:33,519 --> 00:20:34,839 Round the back. 415 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,000 Your waitress'll be with you in her own good time, I imagine. 416 00:20:41,039 --> 00:20:43,559 Aw. Will it do? 417 00:20:43,599 --> 00:20:46,240 Oh, it's... It's perfect. 418 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,920 Hello. 419 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,279 SHE SIGHS Great. 420 00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:54,480 MA GIGGLES 421 00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:57,559 Unbelievable. 422 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,680 SHE LAUGHS 423 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,920 Mr and Mrs Larkin? 424 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,279 Can I apologise? 425 00:21:04,319 --> 00:21:07,160 It's my big mouth that should apologise, Kenny. 426 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,839 I never knew it was a secret. 427 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:10,480 Well, it wouldn't be if it was up to me. 428 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,200 I wanna shout it from the rooftops. 429 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,920 So your girl's parents think you brought shame on the family? 430 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,920 Yeah. And a wedding, like, just seems... the least bad option? 431 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,319 Yeah, but... I mean, Xanthe's wonderful, 432 00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:21,799 and we'd probably do it anyway. 433 00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:23,799 Only, not like this, 434 00:21:23,839 --> 00:21:25,599 you know, feeling like we'd shot someone. 435 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,319 Take our motor. 436 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:32,960 That's yours? Yep. Get that girl of yours to the registry in style. 437 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,160 Well, I can't drive. 438 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,720 That's all right. I'll pick her up. Ok, Ma? 439 00:21:36,759 --> 00:21:39,440 Course! Should be the happiest day or your life, son, 440 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,680 don't you let anyone tell you otherwise. 441 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:42,880 Thanks, Mr and Mrs Larkin. 442 00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:44,680 No, no. Pop and Ma, please. 443 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,440 Go and enjoy your last night of freedom 444 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,480 before you marry into that shower. All due respect to your bride. 445 00:21:51,519 --> 00:21:53,200 SHE CHUCKLES 446 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,200 Come on, Montgomery, humiliate him. 447 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,440 CHARLEY CHUCKLES Unlucky. 448 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,640 There's no such thing as bad luck, Primrose. 449 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:08,359 Just bad planning. 450 00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:12,599 As you will see when I put the pink in the... 451 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,400 LOUD QUACKING OUTSIDE 452 00:22:15,599 --> 00:22:18,160 That's an interesting strategy, do talk us through it. 453 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,920 Wow, OK, well, that's not fair, I was interfered with, 454 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,440 surely I have to... 455 00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:32,160 ALL CHEERING Champion! 456 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:33,960 Come on! 457 00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:41,400 HE SIGHS OK. 458 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:50,000 Right, I am never having children. 459 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:01,039 SONG: 'Crazy Man Crazy' 460 00:23:01,079 --> 00:23:03,480 # Go, go, go, everybody 461 00:23:03,519 --> 00:23:06,599 # Go, go, go, everybody 462 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,319 # Go, go, go, everybody 463 00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:13,960 # Go, go, go, go, go, go, go 464 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:36,960 # Crazy, man, crazy 465 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:39,920 # Crazy, man, crazy 466 00:23:41,279 --> 00:23:42,880 # Crazy, man, crazy 467 00:23:44,079 --> 00:23:46,559 # Man, that music's gone 468 00:23:46,599 --> 00:23:48,400 # I said crazy, man, crazy 469 00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:51,680 # Crazy, man, crazy 470 00:23:52,839 --> 00:23:54,599 # Crazy, man, crazy 471 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,799 # Man, that music's gone 472 00:23:57,839 --> 00:24:01,319 # They play it soft They play it strong 473 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:04,200 # They play it wild And they play it long... # 474 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,079 Yep. Larkin Eau De Toilette. 475 00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:10,000 We literally got water out of the toilet... 476 00:24:10,039 --> 00:24:11,839 Flushed, obviously, we're not animals. 477 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,640 ..put it in bottles and sold it. 478 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,559 Ma made us pay back every penny. 479 00:24:15,599 --> 00:24:18,359 I always think, "Spray perfume where you want to be kissed" 480 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:19,920 was brilliant marketing. 481 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,079 I was going through a pint a week. 482 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,440 That was when me and Pauline were best friends. 483 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,000 Ah, the innocence of youth. 484 00:24:28,039 --> 00:24:29,839 Was that why you think you need to leave? 485 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,240 To be a grown-up? 486 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,599 If you like. I need to see what else is out there. 487 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,519 You don't have to move away for that. 488 00:24:37,559 --> 00:24:40,279 Yeah. "Watch it on the telly, sweetheart. Perfick." 489 00:24:41,279 --> 00:24:42,559 Oh, that's my dad. 490 00:24:42,599 --> 00:24:43,920 Oh. Right. 491 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,079 Or you could go on holiday. 492 00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:48,359 I have been everywhere. 493 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,480 You can broaden your horizons, then return to Arcadia. 494 00:24:51,519 --> 00:24:53,480 Oh, yeah? What will I use for money? 495 00:24:53,519 --> 00:24:55,000 Earn it, in my new hotel. 496 00:24:56,279 --> 00:24:59,759 I'll be a very generous employer, especially to you. 497 00:24:59,799 --> 00:25:03,079 Business is as beautiful as you when it's done right. 498 00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:05,519 Oh, God, you're like a silkier version of my dad. 499 00:25:05,559 --> 00:25:07,880 And like him, I've worked my way up. 500 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:09,839 I've turned base metal into gold. 501 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,519 Where do you get your confidence from? 502 00:25:11,559 --> 00:25:14,680 A wee shop in Ballystrudder. I bought up all their stock. 503 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:17,200 Oh, so you're a small town kid. Yeah. 504 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,079 You and me are the same. 505 00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:23,480 Except you are very much a woman and I am very much a man. 506 00:25:23,519 --> 00:25:28,240 And this is me very much saying that I'd be a fabulous boyfriend. 507 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,880 Should we pause our conversation? 508 00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,400 Oh, don't mind me. 509 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,279 Even more wine, madame? 510 00:25:37,319 --> 00:25:39,480 Oh! 511 00:25:39,519 --> 00:25:41,319 Clumsy old me. So sorry. 512 00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:42,960 Like hell you are! Oh, Mariette, don't. 513 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,319 Don't tell me what to do! You did that on purpose, you jealous harpy. 514 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:49,880 Jealous of a desperate trollop who leads men on for free dinner? 515 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:51,000 How do you want your wine, 516 00:25:51,039 --> 00:25:53,359 in your stupid face or down your second-rate bosom?! 517 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:56,599 Mariette, if you're going to throw wine, I'll bring the cheap stuff. 518 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,480 Pauline, there's a barrel needs changing. 519 00:25:58,519 --> 00:26:00,519 Sorry, Reg. Yes, Reg. 520 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,039 Dessert? Shall we not? 521 00:26:09,079 --> 00:26:10,880 I'll get the bill. Yep. 522 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,480 Let's find a nice spot on the beach, shall we, Pop? Yeah. 523 00:26:14,519 --> 00:26:16,640 We did get a sea view after all. 524 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,799 Yeah, best table in town. 525 00:26:18,839 --> 00:26:21,440 Ma, I've just gotta say, 526 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,079 I really love our little life, our little home. 527 00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,839 I know, love. I'm sorry for dragging us away. 528 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,079 I don't know what I was thinking, really. But... 529 00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:32,400 But I've also loved spending this time with you. 530 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,799 It just reminds me how the whole thing started. 531 00:26:35,839 --> 00:26:39,039 Just the two of us. And we should make more time for that. 532 00:26:39,079 --> 00:26:42,759 Are you trying to tell me that you are enjoying your holiday? 533 00:26:42,799 --> 00:26:44,640 Let's book another. 534 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,920 Some people are going to Spain these days. 535 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:49,599 Let's not go mad, Ma. 536 00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:00,640 This doesn't have to ruin our evening. 537 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:02,359 Let's go dancing in Folkestone. 538 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:03,880 Sorry, I'm not in the mood. 539 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,720 If I'd have known your nemesis worked in there, 540 00:27:06,759 --> 00:27:09,839 I'd have chosen a safer venue, like a bomb factory. 541 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:12,519 We'll laugh about it one day. 542 00:27:12,559 --> 00:27:16,119 Or... should we jump ahead and laugh about it now? 543 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,640 Night, Tom. I need to walk this off. 544 00:27:32,319 --> 00:27:34,599 Kids! Bed. 545 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:36,000 A bet's a bet. 546 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:43,599 Ooh, I... I should probably just check if Mariette's OK. 547 00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,519 You're back. 548 00:28:09,559 --> 00:28:11,039 Just getting some air. 549 00:28:11,079 --> 00:28:12,119 Hmm. 550 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,079 Ooh. What happened? 551 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:18,920 Pauline. 552 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,359 Oh. Right. 553 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,680 I don't want to be trapped in the village with the same old faces 554 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,359 and the same old arguments for the rest of my life. 555 00:28:32,039 --> 00:28:34,039 This is why I need to leave home. 556 00:28:35,079 --> 00:28:38,119 Hey, look, everyone needs a new start sometimes. 557 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,000 I did. 558 00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,680 I... I do understand, Mariette. 559 00:28:49,599 --> 00:28:51,519 I think you might be the only one that does. 560 00:28:51,559 --> 00:28:53,680 CHILDREN LAUGH AND SHOUT 561 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:55,400 Oh. 562 00:28:57,599 --> 00:29:00,000 I am not making a good job of the child management. 563 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:02,960 You know it is only Friday night? 564 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,119 No. 565 00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:06,960 Really? 566 00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:30,079 Ah! 567 00:29:31,359 --> 00:29:32,400 Toast is on fire, Charley. 568 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,599 Ooh. Ah! 569 00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,200 Oh. Ah... 570 00:29:37,599 --> 00:29:39,599 I prefer my bacon floppy. 571 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:42,680 I can't watch this any more. 572 00:29:46,079 --> 00:29:47,680 BOTH: Waffles! Oh. 573 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,640 Ah! Ah! Ah! 574 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:55,200 Do you want me to help? No, no, no. I can do this. 575 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,200 Thank you. 576 00:30:00,519 --> 00:30:02,680 Oh! DOG BARKS 577 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:04,279 No, I really... 578 00:30:04,319 --> 00:30:05,799 All right. 579 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,519 All right, that's it. 580 00:30:09,559 --> 00:30:12,960 Bread, jam, sausages. I'm done. 581 00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:17,119 Oh, thank you very much. 582 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:18,400 You're welcome. 583 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,960 Here, we walked past your place last night. 584 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:24,279 Where'd you get your aerial? 585 00:30:24,319 --> 00:30:27,319 I have to say it's huge and absolutely ghastly. 586 00:30:27,359 --> 00:30:30,119 What do you bloody expect? It's a TV aerial. 587 00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:31,599 The bigger, the better. 588 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:32,960 Pop wanted it. 589 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,279 It works, though. We watched everything till closedown. 590 00:30:35,319 --> 00:30:37,960 Gardening, news, golf, news. Something in Welsh. 591 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:41,440 You lucky little bastards. My reception's crappy. 592 00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,400 I had to give up and drink myself stupid. 593 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,720 It is huge and ghastly, Miss Pilchester. 594 00:30:46,759 --> 00:30:47,759 I'll have a think. 595 00:30:47,799 --> 00:30:50,400 Meanwhile, might you help cure leprosy and rickets? 596 00:30:53,599 --> 00:30:55,359 Yeah, that'll do it. 597 00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:03,400 Oh, look at you, all relaxed. Like a seal. 598 00:31:05,559 --> 00:31:08,359 Right. I am going in. 599 00:31:12,079 --> 00:31:13,359 What do you think? 600 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,640 Gorgeous. You look like the sun, only brighter. 601 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:19,839 You know nothing of fashion, Mr Larkin. 602 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:21,359 You coming in? No. 603 00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:25,319 Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim, and Pop's got a deckchair. 604 00:31:25,359 --> 00:31:27,519 There's a young girl needs rushing down the aisle, Ma. 605 00:31:27,559 --> 00:31:29,200 Oh. 606 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,720 Don't sit right, this wedding, does it? 607 00:31:31,759 --> 00:31:34,119 No. Lambs to the slaughter, Ma. 608 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,319 Which is all right on a farm, of course. 609 00:31:36,359 --> 00:31:37,680 With a bit of mint sauce. 610 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:40,200 CHUCKLES Go on, girl! 611 00:31:46,039 --> 00:31:47,319 Ah! 612 00:31:50,519 --> 00:31:52,119 Right. 613 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:07,720 VOICES ON TELEVISION, STEAM TRAIN CHUGS 614 00:32:16,519 --> 00:32:19,200 Right. We're taking down the aerial. 615 00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:22,200 No. Pop will be sad you wasted money. 616 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,440 Don't you worry about that. 617 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:34,559 That's it, Stirling Moss, take your time. 618 00:32:34,599 --> 00:32:36,000 Thank you, sir. 619 00:32:37,039 --> 00:32:39,200 Anything else, sir? 620 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,079 Yeah. Couldn't borrow your hat, could I? 621 00:32:41,119 --> 00:32:42,480 Be an honour, sir. 622 00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:46,079 Thank you. 623 00:32:48,759 --> 00:32:51,920 Excuse me, are you here to take me to the registry office? 624 00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,359 I certainly am, miss, yeah. Can I take those for you? 625 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,079 I'm all right, thank you. 626 00:32:58,359 --> 00:33:01,480 Right. So... you got anyone else coming with you? 627 00:33:01,519 --> 00:33:02,839 No, just me. Thank God for that. 628 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:04,759 Thought you might be bringing your mother. 629 00:33:04,799 --> 00:33:06,319 No. 630 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,720 She's there already. Waiting. 631 00:33:10,759 --> 00:33:11,880 Right. 632 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:17,680 OK. So, let's get going, shall we? 633 00:33:21,799 --> 00:33:23,200 Sure you want to get married? 634 00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,640 You two known each other long, then? 635 00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,480 Since school, so... no. Not long. 636 00:34:01,519 --> 00:34:03,960 You've got plenty of time to get to know each other now, eh? 637 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,039 I'm still finding out about Ma and we've been together, phew... 638 00:34:07,079 --> 00:34:08,559 400 years. 639 00:34:08,599 --> 00:34:10,559 Do you have any children? 640 00:34:10,599 --> 00:34:13,239 Yeah. Half a dozen. Mostly in prison now. 641 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:14,800 POP LAUGHS 642 00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,039 Anyway, look. Here we go. 643 00:34:20,079 --> 00:34:21,760 Already? 644 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:22,800 Wait. 645 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,079 Remember what they say. Something old... 646 00:34:27,119 --> 00:34:28,400 Something new. 647 00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:30,280 Something borrowed. 648 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:33,119 Something blue. I can't show you those! 649 00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:39,360 And something from the chip shop! 650 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:42,480 We can't! We already have! 651 00:34:43,519 --> 00:34:45,239 Did you do this on your wedding day? 652 00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:49,079 Nope. Cos we never got married. Overrated, if you ask me. 653 00:34:57,760 --> 00:34:59,760 Help! 654 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:03,760 WHINES 655 00:35:10,559 --> 00:35:12,880 Thanks. I feel a bit better now. 656 00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:14,639 So, getting cold feet? 657 00:35:14,679 --> 00:35:17,239 Mm-mm. Not about Kenny. 658 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:19,880 He's, erm... wonderful. 659 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:22,599 Hmm. So, you have children, but aren't married? 660 00:35:22,639 --> 00:35:24,639 Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love a wedding. 661 00:35:24,679 --> 00:35:27,360 Unless, of course, it's got all the goodwill of a firing squad. 662 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:28,920 Yeah. 663 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:30,360 Well, we have to. 664 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:32,960 My parents can't bare the shame if we don't, apparently. 665 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,800 It's not their life. 666 00:35:36,079 --> 00:35:37,840 We won't survive without them, though. 667 00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:39,840 Who said that? My mother. 668 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,639 What's your dad think? 669 00:35:41,679 --> 00:35:44,679 Whatever my mother thinks. He's lost the will to live, really. 670 00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:48,000 Well, if you buy your mum's deal, that might be you and Kenny. 671 00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:53,480 Did you always know Ma was the one for you? 672 00:35:53,519 --> 00:35:55,679 Oh, yeah, first time I laid eyes on her. 673 00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:57,639 Yeah. She's everything I'm not. 674 00:35:57,679 --> 00:35:59,280 And braver, too. 675 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:01,119 I mean, you should've seen her this morning 676 00:36:01,159 --> 00:36:02,800 when she strode out into that sea. 677 00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,960 She can't still be out there, surely. 678 00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:16,840 Pop! 679 00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:19,719 Pop! 680 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,800 Ma! Come in! You'll catch your death of cold. 681 00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:24,519 I can't! 682 00:36:24,559 --> 00:36:26,719 What?! I can't. 683 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:27,800 Why not?! 684 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,079 Oh, my Gawd. 685 00:36:32,119 --> 00:36:34,079 What do you want me to do?! Help me. 686 00:36:39,079 --> 00:36:40,599 Oh, Gawd! 687 00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:45,360 Wait there! Stay there, Ma. Stay there. Stay there, Ma. 688 00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:46,719 Stay there. 689 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:48,280 Good afternoon, madam. 690 00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:49,480 HE LAUGHS 691 00:36:49,519 --> 00:36:53,360 May I escort you to the beach? 692 00:36:54,599 --> 00:36:56,119 If you would. 693 00:36:56,159 --> 00:36:59,440 Good. There's someone I'd like you to meet. 694 00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:02,039 Come on, girl. 695 00:37:02,079 --> 00:37:04,400 Oh-ho-ho! 696 00:37:07,199 --> 00:37:09,440 Ma, this is Xanthe. 697 00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:11,679 I was just giving her a lift to the registry office, 698 00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:13,039 then she had a change of heart. 699 00:37:13,079 --> 00:37:14,880 Hello, love. 700 00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:16,519 I've just been in the water for an hour, 701 00:37:16,559 --> 00:37:17,719 so I'm not looking my best. 702 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,400 That is the most romantic thing I've ever seen. 703 00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,159 Well, I'd do anything for this woman. 704 00:37:24,199 --> 00:37:25,320 Because you love her. 705 00:37:27,199 --> 00:37:28,880 And I love my Kenny. 706 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,440 We can't just leave him there. We have to go back. 707 00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,320 Well, come on, let's go! There you go. Jump in. 708 00:37:43,159 --> 00:37:44,360 Shoulders back. 709 00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:46,840 Sorry. 710 00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:48,039 Where is she? 711 00:37:48,079 --> 00:37:51,760 ORGAN PLAYS BRIDAL MARCH 712 00:37:55,199 --> 00:37:57,199 You again. What are you doing? 713 00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,960 I'd love a word with Kenny. Is he free at all? 714 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,159 No, he isn't. Just a quick one. 715 00:38:02,199 --> 00:38:03,119 Come on. Outside. 716 00:38:03,159 --> 00:38:04,800 Sorry about this. Back in two ticks. 717 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:06,280 Ooh, good hat. 718 00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:08,199 Quick chat with the bride. 719 00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:11,079 No! This is a good marriage. They go skiing. 720 00:38:11,119 --> 00:38:12,199 Ooh! 721 00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:13,760 Kenny, quickly. 722 00:38:15,039 --> 00:38:18,360 You will get married. And we will tame you. 723 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,519 And your baby will carry on the line! 724 00:38:21,559 --> 00:38:23,760 No, he's the man. So it's their line. 725 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,760 Normally. But I have a very good lawyer. 726 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,440 Come on. Quick. This way. Come on. 727 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:34,639 Go, go, go, go! 728 00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:48,920 Oh, yes, let's all run away from things we don't want to do. 729 00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:50,239 What's going on? 730 00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:51,880 I couldn't do it, Kenny. 731 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,880 It's not that I don't love you, but none of this has been our decision. 732 00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:56,599 And I want it to be. 733 00:38:56,639 --> 00:38:58,440 You do want to be with me? 734 00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,159 She really does. 735 00:39:00,199 --> 00:39:01,760 Huge fan of yours. 736 00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:05,840 Now, here we go. 737 00:39:07,199 --> 00:39:09,119 So, what happens now? 738 00:39:09,159 --> 00:39:11,480 I'd get out of Margate for a bit. 739 00:39:11,519 --> 00:39:14,480 Here. It's our unwedding gift. 740 00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:17,400 Thanks, Pop. 741 00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:20,119 But... what about the baby? 742 00:39:20,159 --> 00:39:23,280 You meet trouble, your parents will see the baby, 743 00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,480 their hearts will melt and they'll help you out. 744 00:39:25,519 --> 00:39:27,440 Meantime, we're down the road in Littlechurch. 745 00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:28,880 Larkins' Farm. 746 00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:31,400 So, if you get time to yourselves, just drop in, eh? 747 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:35,199 We'll help you find a place. Anything you need, set you up nice. 748 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:39,039 I don't know how we can ever thank you. 749 00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,440 Oh, I nearly forgot. 750 00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:47,000 Ah! 751 00:39:47,039 --> 00:39:49,760 Good catch, Ma. Brilliant! 752 00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:53,079 Remember when we had our Mariette? They're gonna need some luck. 753 00:39:53,119 --> 00:39:55,480 Best time, though. Oh, it is. 754 00:39:56,679 --> 00:39:58,920 Suppose that's what Mariette's doing now, isn't it? 755 00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:00,679 Needing to strike out on her own. 756 00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:03,880 Different in her case, though. Completely different. 757 00:40:07,559 --> 00:40:10,800 INTERMITTENT VOICES THROUGH STATIC 758 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:25,800 Ah. Mum and Charley will be pleased. 759 00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:28,480 So, who'd you sell the aerial to, then? 760 00:40:28,519 --> 00:40:30,400 Well, you'll see it around. 761 00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:40,199 VOICES ON TELEVISION 762 00:40:49,199 --> 00:40:51,880 'They have. It's all over.' 763 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,519 Can I take your bags to the car, sir? 764 00:41:03,559 --> 00:41:06,159 Can you, though? That's the question. 765 00:41:06,199 --> 00:41:08,960 Nah. Probably not. 766 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:10,440 Oh, dear. 767 00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:12,119 The Ugly Mothers. 768 00:41:12,159 --> 00:41:14,280 You've got a nerve turning up here. 769 00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:15,760 We should go to the police. 770 00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:18,760 Actually, should we go to the police? And tell them what? 771 00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:20,679 That we helped two lovely young people 772 00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:22,679 decide for themselves what they want in life? 773 00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:25,639 If that's a crime, I'm a badger. 774 00:41:25,679 --> 00:41:27,800 Ladies. 775 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,400 I understand. I really do. 776 00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,599 It's hard, isn't it, all this parenting lark? 777 00:41:31,639 --> 00:41:33,039 You don't have to tell me that. 778 00:41:33,079 --> 00:41:35,719 Cos we love 'em, don't we? And we want what's best for them. 779 00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:37,519 But you gotta remember being young. 780 00:41:37,559 --> 00:41:39,239 Don't ya? Hey? 781 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:41,920 I mean, it weren't that long ago for the two of you, I can tell that. 782 00:41:46,119 --> 00:41:51,920 Don't tell me you've forgotten the tingling rush as you hold the hand 783 00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:54,320 of the one person who makes your heart beat faster. 784 00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:55,920 They're young. 785 00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:59,000 They're in love and they're gonna have a baby. 786 00:41:59,039 --> 00:42:02,239 What they don't need right now is a bit of paper 787 00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:04,440 that makes you two feel decent. 788 00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,400 They need your support. 789 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,719 So, show 'em some love. 790 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,920 And let 'em work it out for themselves, why don't you? 791 00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:12,639 And then what? 792 00:42:12,679 --> 00:42:17,000 Well, then you might get what you really want. 793 00:42:17,039 --> 00:42:18,119 Which is? 794 00:42:18,159 --> 00:42:20,079 Your little girl to come back to you. 795 00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:26,239 How did you know that? 796 00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:32,920 It's what we all want, really, innit? 797 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:39,559 That bit of fence is down, look. 798 00:42:39,599 --> 00:42:42,079 Oh, yeah. But they didn't escape. 799 00:42:42,119 --> 00:42:44,719 Maybe the best way to make a horse stay 800 00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:47,599 is to show it that it's free to decide for itself. 801 00:42:47,639 --> 00:42:49,400 Thanks, Aristotle (!) 802 00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:51,280 What, are you saying I'm like a horse? 803 00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:52,719 Er... well... 804 00:42:54,639 --> 00:42:57,679 So, are you gonna use that sick note, then? 805 00:42:57,719 --> 00:43:00,159 Oh, yeah. Stay around a bit longer? 806 00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:04,159 Yeah, well, I mean, it would be rude not to. 807 00:43:04,199 --> 00:43:05,679 But I have to do something. 808 00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:09,199 I can't just wander through fields of buttercups all day. 809 00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:15,519 HORSE SNORTS 810 00:43:15,559 --> 00:43:19,760 Urgh! You know, I was just starting to like you. 811 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:20,880 Who? Me or Biscuit? 812 00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:22,679 That is a stupid name for a horse. 813 00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:25,159 It's not a stupid name. She's the colour of a biscuit. 814 00:43:25,199 --> 00:43:27,880 But biscuits come in all colours. "Biscuits come in all colours." 815 00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,119 "Biscuits come in all colours." But I didn't say it like that. 816 00:43:31,159 --> 00:43:32,519 You did! 817 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,519 Ah! We missed you! 818 00:43:40,559 --> 00:43:41,840 How was it? 819 00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,039 Good and bad. Your mum dissolved at one point. 820 00:43:44,079 --> 00:43:46,440 Got any presents? Maybe. 821 00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:48,599 ALL GASP AND EXCLAIM 822 00:43:48,639 --> 00:43:51,039 Oh, wow. Nice work, Charley boy. 823 00:43:51,079 --> 00:43:54,800 Not really. Your children outwitted me at every turn. 824 00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:58,679 With all due respect, I'd be shocked if they hadn't, Charley. 825 00:43:58,719 --> 00:43:59,840 Mm-hm. 826 00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:01,199 This is yours, Pop. Oh, yeah? 827 00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:02,440 We haven't got the aerial. 828 00:44:03,679 --> 00:44:06,079 There's more there than I give you. Yeah, I got a good deal, 829 00:44:06,119 --> 00:44:08,280 but it looked horrible, so I sold it for more. 830 00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:09,960 What a girl! 831 00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:12,239 There's a Larkin. Well done, Mariette. 832 00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:14,119 Oh, thank you kindly. 833 00:44:14,159 --> 00:44:17,079 Now, this is all Charley's work. The cakes, sandwiches, the... 834 00:44:17,119 --> 00:44:18,639 Don't eat the drop scones. 835 00:44:18,679 --> 00:44:20,559 He's been such a pal. 836 00:44:20,599 --> 00:44:21,719 A pal? 837 00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:24,519 Mariette had a date with Tom. Don't want to talk about it. 838 00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:29,079 How's my Victoria been? Ah, well, my one success. 839 00:44:29,119 --> 00:44:31,559 Head in a gardening book all weekend. 840 00:44:31,599 --> 00:44:34,480 I think you might have a budding horticulturist there. 841 00:44:34,519 --> 00:44:36,239 Aw, Vickie! 842 00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,039 Lady Chatterley's Lover?! 843 00:44:39,079 --> 00:44:41,800 Oh, God! LAUGHTER 844 00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:44,000 Go and watch television right now, young lady. 845 00:44:44,039 --> 00:44:46,320 Honestly! Oof. 846 00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:49,239 We go away for one weekend and the place falls apart. 847 00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:53,039 Yeah, I doubt we'll risk going away again for a while. If ever. 848 00:44:53,079 --> 00:44:56,199 Now, Pop and I have learnt some things this weekend 849 00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:59,519 about respect and honesty within a family. 850 00:44:59,559 --> 00:45:03,559 So... Yes, we have. So from now on, if we as parents... 851 00:45:03,599 --> 00:45:07,199 And this... This is serious, by the way. 852 00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:14,320 Sooner we marry them off, the better. Mm. 853 00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,519 Yep. Where's your boat? 854 00:45:16,559 --> 00:45:17,800 Oh, yeah. 855 00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:19,440 Here you go, Ma, look at that. 856 00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,679 Aw. It's a beauty, innit? 857 00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:22,960 Mmm. 858 00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:25,920 Happy days, eh? 859 00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:28,960 Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com 62563

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