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1
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:14,560
CLOCKS TICKING
2
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,440
SHE SIGHS
3
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:22,519
TRACTOR ENGINE OUTSIDE
4
00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:32,880
More toast.
Yummy!
5
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:37,200
Got some of that.
Pass us that, Prim.
6
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,560
VEHICLE HORN BEEPS
7
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:39,759
Hm. That'll be Pop.
8
00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,000
Quick, eat his bacon.
9
00:00:44,039 --> 00:00:46,759
Why did he go out so early?
Cos he's like a blue-arsed fly.
10
00:00:46,799 --> 00:00:49,399
Hm. He works long hours, doesn't he?
Mm-hm.
11
00:00:49,439 --> 00:00:51,600
I've told him he needs to slow down.
12
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,840
Maybe I should write it on the barn
in big letters,
13
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,880
cos it's not getting through.
14
00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:57,640
WHISTLING,
DOOR OPENS
15
00:00:57,679 --> 00:00:59,840
Hello, loves.
Have I got a treat for you.
16
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:02,799
Is it a deep freeze?!
No. More entertaining.
17
00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:07,480
What, another telly?! What for?
18
00:01:07,519 --> 00:01:10,319
Two channels, two tellies.
19
00:01:10,359 --> 00:01:14,040
In case our lodger wants to watch
something a bit more highfalutin.
20
00:01:14,079 --> 00:01:15,959
Charley's not a lodger.
You don't pay rent.
21
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,159
Yes, well, about that,
I've been meaning... Ah-ah.
22
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,599
Wouldn't dream of it.
23
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:22,000
You're our guest. You are kipping
in the spare bathroom.
24
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,319
Yeah, well, you know,
I have simple needs.
25
00:01:24,359 --> 00:01:26,599
All right, my cabbage?
26
00:01:28,239 --> 00:01:29,799
She thinks you're overdoing it.
27
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,640
To quote Aristotle,
"It is better to rise from work
28
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,159
"as from a banquet -
neither thirsty nor..."
29
00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:37,959
"..drunken."
30
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,159
SHE CHUCKLES
31
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,159
SHE SIGHS
32
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,359
Aren't they lovely, Charley?
Yes.
33
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:59,159
Is it safe to be this close?
To me or the horse?
34
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:03,400
The horse. I mean, don't they kick?
Well, only if they don't like you.
35
00:02:03,439 --> 00:02:05,760
How do you know if they don't
like you? They give you a kick.
36
00:02:05,799 --> 00:02:06,799
Hm.
37
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,199
Don't you get many horses
in Catford?
38
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:11,360
No, not in the tax office.
39
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,759
Ooh, though someone did once
dump fertiliser in reception.
40
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:15,800
THEY LAUGH
41
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,120
Fertiliser?
Mm.
42
00:02:17,159 --> 00:02:18,879
Oh, bless you, how BBC.
43
00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:20,680
What do you call it?
44
00:02:20,719 --> 00:02:23,599
Well, dung, if we're feeling posh.
45
00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:26,639
Hang around here long enough
and you'll ride like a pro.
46
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,240
We Larkins are outdoor people.
You should try it.
47
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:33,120
Er, I-I'd love to,
but I have to go back eventually.
48
00:02:33,159 --> 00:02:35,520
Any more time off
and I'll need a doctor's note.
49
00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,719
So get one.
I'm not ill.
50
00:02:37,759 --> 00:02:39,120
So you pretend to be.
51
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:42,120
If that doesn't work,
you slip the doc half a roast pig.
52
00:02:42,159 --> 00:02:44,039
Eh?
53
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,080
Hello, dear. Ooh, what bold wool.
54
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,120
Isn't it? I'm finishing a swimsuit.
55
00:03:17,159 --> 00:03:20,039
Me and the kids always go for a dip
in the river this time of year.
56
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,960
Does Mr Larkin join you
in his little trunks? No.
57
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,719
But this time, I'm gonna make him,
58
00:03:24,759 --> 00:03:26,599
even if I have to pull him
off his tractor.
59
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,759
Oh, does he not take to water?
60
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,960
In my youth,
I used to love a bracing plunge
61
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,159
into the sea in Margate.
62
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,479
Wilf, I am doing that,
but it is not helping.
63
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,120
That's what I've been doing...
64
00:03:39,159 --> 00:03:41,840
Pack up your daft sun hat,
we're going...
65
00:03:41,879 --> 00:03:45,199
No, Wilf,
I cannot get a good picture.
66
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,719
This is my patient but gritty face.
67
00:03:47,759 --> 00:03:49,120
'It's your aerial, innit?'
68
00:03:49,159 --> 00:03:53,199
Double telly needs twice the welly,
as we say in the TV antenna game.
69
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,080
Yeah, but you didn't tell me that
this morning, did you?
70
00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,599
I'll sell you a massive aerial,
lovely job.
71
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,639
If the wind's right,
you'll get French TV.
72
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,360
I don't want to hear about France,
Wilf,
73
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,639
because my Mariette reckons
that's where she's off to.
74
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:07,280
Yeah, stuff of nonsense,
isn't it, overseas, eh?
75
00:04:07,319 --> 00:04:10,280
Eh? Look, I'll come round
and get the aerial. All right?
76
00:04:10,319 --> 00:04:12,759
Just...
'It's in the warehouse,'
77
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,000
I'll bring it over this evening.
'Oh, you do that, Wilf.'
78
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:20,240
And one of the brighter
Larkin children will handle it. Bye.
79
00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:24,279
Ma... I am taking you away
for the weekend. Now.
80
00:04:24,319 --> 00:04:26,560
Just you and me.
Now, the weekend's gonna be tricky.
81
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,560
Why?
Well, because...
82
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,240
I prefer being here.
83
00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:35,319
Well, I have been knitting this.
84
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,000
Oh.
And I'm gonna use it.
85
00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,600
Nope, you're gonna have to help
me out. It's a swimming costume!
86
00:04:41,639 --> 00:04:44,040
We are going to a hotel
at the seaside,
87
00:04:44,079 --> 00:04:46,600
and you're gonna be riding me
instead of a muck spreader.
88
00:04:46,639 --> 00:04:48,279
Oh,
that's not what you want to hear.
89
00:04:48,319 --> 00:04:50,519
MA CHUCKLES
90
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:51,920
Oh, enough of all that.
91
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,160
Come on, we've got bags to pack!
92
00:04:54,199 --> 00:04:58,839
I wanna see your pasty legs dangling
out of some shorts before sunset!
93
00:05:00,079 --> 00:05:02,319
INDISTINCT CHATTER
94
00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:03,959
Oh, listen, listen.
95
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,160
Is that a woodpecker?
96
00:05:06,199 --> 00:05:07,639
SHE CHUCKLES
Yes.
97
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:08,839
WOODPECKER DRUMMING
98
00:05:08,879 --> 00:05:10,720
That is amazing!
99
00:05:10,759 --> 00:05:13,160
I don't think I've ever
really heard one before.
100
00:05:13,199 --> 00:05:14,600
Wow.
101
00:05:14,639 --> 00:05:16,519
You're gonna miss this place,
aren't you?
102
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,279
Yeah.
103
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,319
Yeah, I will.
104
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,040
I've never been anywhere like it.
105
00:05:23,079 --> 00:05:25,959
I mean, it's funny how quickly
you can get used to the feeling.
106
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,800
What feeling?
Just happiness.
107
00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:31,839
It almost feels normal now.
108
00:05:31,879 --> 00:05:34,839
Yeah, I've had my shoulders
up by my ears for so long.
109
00:05:34,879 --> 00:05:35,879
Suits you, too.
110
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,720
ENGINE REVVING
111
00:05:39,399 --> 00:05:41,399
Morning, Mariette.
Hello, Tom.
112
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:43,639
Morning.
113
00:05:45,319 --> 00:05:47,040
Am I interrupting anything?
114
00:05:47,079 --> 00:05:48,839
No. No.
115
00:05:48,879 --> 00:05:50,439
May I take you out for dinner
tonight?
116
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,800
Oh, sorry, I can't, I'm afraid.
117
00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:55,040
My turn to cook. Chops. Ha.
118
00:05:55,079 --> 00:05:57,000
HE CHUCKLES
119
00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,240
I'm thinking lashings
of sophisticated chat,
120
00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:03,519
candles - lit -
and enough fine wine to drown a cat.
121
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,720
Erm, all right.
Excellent decision.
122
00:06:06,759 --> 00:06:09,560
I'll pick you up about eight.
Cheerio.
123
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,720
REVS ENGINE
124
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,879
You know what, I will see
that doctor about a sick note.
125
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:22,079
Mm.
Why rush off?
126
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,519
Well, good job, too.
Ma's already called him.
127
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,720
Wait, what?
128
00:06:26,759 --> 00:06:28,480
Ma, what about the nippers?
129
00:06:28,519 --> 00:06:30,920
Nippers? Look at the size of them,
they'll be fine.
130
00:06:30,959 --> 00:06:32,160
We're more worried about you.
131
00:06:32,199 --> 00:06:33,680
You're not used to
going on journeys.
132
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,920
We're going away for one weekend
to Margate in Kent, not Kentucky.
133
00:06:36,959 --> 00:06:39,680
But, look, Ma,
we've got everything we need here.
134
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:40,759
Ain't we, kids?
Yeah.
135
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,639
Yes, exactly. Name me one thing you
haven't got and I'll get it for you.
136
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,040
A change of scenery. Bags in car.
137
00:06:47,439 --> 00:06:49,160
Where are you going?
Kentucky.
138
00:06:49,199 --> 00:06:51,759
Goodness.
No, Kent.
139
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,160
Aren't we there already?
'Ey, see.
140
00:06:54,199 --> 00:06:55,759
What is the point?
141
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,240
Margate, I've booked us a hotel.
142
00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:00,439
Be nice to sleep in sheets
I haven't bought, washed,
143
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,800
dried, ironed, mended,
and occasionally dribbled on.
144
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,399
Me and Charley are here,
we'll look after things.
145
00:07:05,439 --> 00:07:07,959
Exactly. Pop, you said yourself
you'd rarely seen
146
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,920
a safer pair of hands
than Charley's.
147
00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:13,240
Softer. Softer pair of hands.
Look, we've got a farm to run,
148
00:07:13,279 --> 00:07:15,000
Wilf is coming round
to fix the aerial,
149
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,199
and when he's not being sly,
he's being greedy, right?
150
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,399
I can handle him.
Good.
151
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:22,079
Charley and Mariette
are Ma and Pop for the weekend.
152
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,800
Which one's which?
Oi!
153
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:27,439
A few child management tips.
154
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,279
Let 'em breathe, but don't let them
get away with murder.
155
00:07:30,319 --> 00:07:33,279
Not too much TV. They're far
too keen on it for my liking.
156
00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:35,120
Nothing wrong with a bit of telly.
157
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,279
Make 'em read a book.
Or learn them some maths.
158
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:41,279
They're not the strongest,
159
00:07:41,319 --> 00:07:43,839
except for Primrose,
who's too clever by half.
160
00:07:52,279 --> 00:07:54,160
HONKS HORN
161
00:07:54,199 --> 00:07:55,480
Bye!
Bye!
162
00:07:55,519 --> 00:07:56,560
Bye!
163
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,480
Ooh! I'm not sure I can do this,
Mariette.
164
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,120
I am a very poor liar.
165
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,360
It's not lying, it's acting.
166
00:08:10,399 --> 00:08:11,759
CLEARS THROAT
167
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,959
So, fella m'lad,
what appears to be the problem?
168
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,600
It's my back.
169
00:08:17,639 --> 00:08:20,079
Go on.
It's, erm...
170
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,800
Ooh, well, it's a, erm...
171
00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:29,480
..a huge let-down.
THEY ALL GROAN
172
00:08:29,519 --> 00:08:31,720
Why is he doing that with his mouth?
173
00:08:31,759 --> 00:08:33,919
I don't know. Why are you doing that
with your mouth?
174
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:36,240
I don't know, it's really dry,
I don't know! What...?
175
00:08:36,279 --> 00:08:38,000
Pull yourself together, man.
176
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:40,200
I'm not sure I can do this,
I don't think I can do this.
177
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,159
He's here. Well, it's too late now,
you have to.
178
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,960
What?
179
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,120
Here you go, Ma.
180
00:08:47,159 --> 00:08:49,919
Oh, look at this! Look at this!
181
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,440
HE CHUCKLES
182
00:08:52,559 --> 00:08:53,919
Yes.
183
00:08:59,879 --> 00:09:02,320
This is it, then. What do you think?
184
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,919
I think you've packed
for a fortnight, not a weekend.
185
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,600
What you got in these?
Oh, you know, change of shoes,
186
00:09:07,639 --> 00:09:10,039
sewing machine, just in case.
HE LAUGHS
187
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,200
Welcome to the Margate Grand.
188
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,039
Can I help you with your bags, sir?
Ladies first.
189
00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:19,000
Sorry, Duchess,
didn't see you there.
190
00:09:19,039 --> 00:09:21,200
How do you know I'm a duchess?
Oh, he doesn't, love,
191
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,840
it's just a term of endearment,
like duck. Pumpkin.
192
00:09:23,879 --> 00:09:24,879
Chuckles.
Cabbage.
193
00:09:24,919 --> 00:09:26,039
Treacle.
Cock.
194
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,720
THEY LAUGH
195
00:09:27,759 --> 00:09:30,080
She'll loosen up, won't she?
Yeah!
196
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,919
Same hotel as a real duchess,
though. Yep.
197
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,440
Go on, girl.
198
00:09:44,039 --> 00:09:45,679
Could do with a lick of paint.
199
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:50,039
Or they could go straight to a stick
of dynamite and a bulldozer.
200
00:09:51,159 --> 00:09:52,320
Oh.
201
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,120
Oh, is this it?
312.
202
00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,000
Go on, Ma.
HE GRUNTS
203
00:09:59,039 --> 00:10:00,080
Oh.
204
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,120
Cosy.
205
00:10:05,399 --> 00:10:07,840
HE STRAINS
I thought you said...
206
00:10:07,879 --> 00:10:09,600
I thought you said
it had a sea view.
207
00:10:09,639 --> 00:10:11,639
Oh. Ha.
208
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,600
BED CREAKS
It's awful, isn't it?
209
00:10:17,159 --> 00:10:19,559
Do you want to go home?
I'll understand if you do.
210
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,159
You do, don't you?
211
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,960
Let's go home.
Ma.
212
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,399
Are you kidding?
We're on our holidays.
213
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:27,759
Let the fun commence.
214
00:10:27,799 --> 00:10:30,639
Come on. Ha-ha! Arm.
215
00:10:32,039 --> 00:10:33,399
Arse.
216
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,559
Ooh! I thank you.
217
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:36,600
THEY LAUGH
218
00:10:36,639 --> 00:10:38,279
Go on, Ma. Go on.
Ooh-hoo!
219
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,279
Go on!
THEY GIGGLE
220
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,120
Hm... Can't feel anything.
221
00:10:48,159 --> 00:10:50,600
Montgomery, bring the doctor's
whiskey and soda, would you?
222
00:10:50,639 --> 00:10:52,159
No, no, I mustn't.
223
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,360
Mrs Leagrave's got me
on a health kick.
224
00:10:54,399 --> 00:10:57,679
No booze, no meat, no jelly babies.
225
00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,559
Physician heal thyself.
226
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,279
So she's in charge, is she?
227
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,159
Oh, go on, then.
228
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,000
So, not much pain?
229
00:11:06,039 --> 00:11:07,960
Erm... Er...
230
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,879
It comes and goes.
231
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:13,000
He's being brave. Makes a change.
Nation of hypochondriacs.
232
00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:16,440
Everyone demanding pills. Whatever
happened to suffering in silence?
233
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,960
So, will you give him a sick note?
No, he's not sick.
234
00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:23,120
Er, I... really do have an ache.
235
00:11:23,159 --> 00:11:25,480
These days, I often feel dizzy.
236
00:11:26,799 --> 00:11:29,679
Do you want this? Meat?
237
00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:35,840
Oh, all right. I'll give him a note.
238
00:11:35,879 --> 00:11:38,960
Keep out of draughts,
stay away from wet grass,
239
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,720
and if he is staying here,
get him a real bed.
240
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,519
Oh, come here, you little beauty.
241
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,039
Yes. Mm!
242
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,000
Mm. Thank you.
243
00:11:51,039 --> 00:11:52,399
Mm-hm-hm!
244
00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:57,360
SLOW PIANO MUSIC
245
00:11:57,399 --> 00:12:00,000
Got anything a bit more upbeat,
Mantovani?
246
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,679
We'll have to make our own fun, Ma.
Champagne?
247
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,039
Yes!
248
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,759
Is there a do on?
249
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,080
No. There's the Duchess. Not a face
you run towards, is it? No.
250
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,679
Maybe it's a funeral.
251
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,840
Yeah. Best I get two bottles, eh?
252
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,279
It's hard to see
if I'm doing this right.
253
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,320
KNOCKING AT DOOR
254
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,279
All right, poppet?
Is Pop in? Aerial.
255
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,960
No, he's off this weekend, but
he left me to deal with it and pay.
256
00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:29,960
Follow me.
257
00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:37,919
Oh. It's a big'un.
258
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:39,240
Yeah, it's not cheap.
259
00:12:39,279 --> 00:12:41,840
It's a multi-element
switchable antenna
260
00:12:41,879 --> 00:12:45,639
with high impedance stacking bars.
As you can see, love.
261
00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:48,519
It's a bunch of metal rods, though,
isn't it? Basically.
262
00:12:50,159 --> 00:12:52,639
120 quid, installed.
263
00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:56,200
Oh, so you've jacked up the price,
haven't you? As it's me.
264
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,759
No.
I asked around.
265
00:12:58,799 --> 00:13:01,120
60 quid cash, if it works,
266
00:13:01,159 --> 00:13:03,559
or 40 quid and we put it up
ourselves.
267
00:13:09,799 --> 00:13:11,639
DOOR SLAMS,
ENGINE STARTS
268
00:13:35,039 --> 00:13:37,639
What do we have to do
to get a drink around here?
269
00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:39,200
I think you normally ask the barman.
270
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,600
Right.
271
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,799
Right, then.
272
00:13:46,519 --> 00:13:47,720
What can I get you, son?
273
00:13:47,759 --> 00:13:51,039
Oh, they wouldn't let me.
I'm not 18 yet.
274
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,840
No? Oh, well.
275
00:13:52,879 --> 00:13:55,080
You just keep 'em busy,
I'll smuggle you a cider.
276
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,399
Eh?
277
00:13:56,440 --> 00:14:00,159
Who died? Oh, that's not a funeral.
That's my wedding.
278
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,200
Blimey.
279
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:05,559
Kenneth, have you spoken
to your Uncle Tergel yet?
280
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:08,320
No, I was gonna... Oh, stop
lurking here like an alcoholic
281
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,440
and go and make a good impression.
He's got two houses.
282
00:14:15,519 --> 00:14:16,759
Hello, Duchess.
283
00:14:16,799 --> 00:14:18,960
What's your poison?
I don't understand.
284
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,639
Do you work here?
285
00:14:20,679 --> 00:14:22,960
No, no, but I'm always in service,
you know,
286
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,440
when I spot a lady
in need of champagne.
287
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,279
Is this man in your entourage?
288
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:31,519
I don't believe he is.
I surmised he was in your entourage.
289
00:14:31,559 --> 00:14:34,720
Certainly not. No, of course not.
What was I thinking?
290
00:14:34,759 --> 00:14:35,840
Shall I solve the mystery,
291
00:14:35,879 --> 00:14:38,039
or do you want to keep this going
for a bit?
292
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,039
Oh, you... you've got something
on your... on your faces.
293
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,399
Yeah. There.
294
00:14:45,519 --> 00:14:48,120
That's it, well done.
Just toffee on your nose.
295
00:14:50,279 --> 00:14:51,720
HE LAUGHS
296
00:14:55,159 --> 00:14:56,840
Here, Ma.
297
00:14:58,559 --> 00:15:00,480
Guess what I found out?
It ain't a funeral.
298
00:15:00,519 --> 00:15:02,679
I know, it's a wedding,
and that lot have got a face on
299
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,440
cos the couple are only kids,
bless 'em,
300
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,240
and she's well and truly
in the pudding club,
301
00:15:06,279 --> 00:15:08,639
which has not gone down well,
cos you know who her mother is?
302
00:15:08,679 --> 00:15:10,960
The Duchess? The Duchess.
And she's spitting feathers
303
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,159
because the girl's marrying
below her station,
304
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,639
but his lot are well chuffed
because now he's set for life
305
00:15:15,679 --> 00:15:18,679
and off to join the family firm
in Hertfordshire.
306
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,159
I think.
Blimey.
307
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,960
They should have used you as a spy
in the war.
308
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,639
How do you know they didn't?
HE LAUGHS
309
00:15:24,679 --> 00:15:27,600
Poor kids. Still, not a way
to start married life, is it?
310
00:15:27,639 --> 00:15:31,000
What you thinking?
More champagne.
311
00:15:31,039 --> 00:15:34,679
Maths, maths can actually have
a real beauty to it, girls.
312
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:38,080
Just think of the figures as musical
notes, which, together, they can...
313
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:39,240
Thanks!
314
00:15:39,279 --> 00:15:41,600
..symphony.
315
00:15:41,639 --> 00:15:44,000
We've saved 20 quid
putting that up ourselves.
316
00:15:44,039 --> 00:15:45,440
I'll give dad half,
317
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,679
and then the rest will pay
for me to get to France.
318
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:48,720
Mm-hm.
319
00:15:48,759 --> 00:15:50,919
Ooh! Children, this doesn't mean
320
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,720
you're going to watch TV
all weekend!
321
00:15:52,759 --> 00:15:54,360
CAR APPROACHES
322
00:15:54,399 --> 00:15:56,320
Oh, God, is it time?
323
00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:06,639
Didn't realise you actually
live here now. Yeah.
324
00:16:06,679 --> 00:16:08,840
Mr and Mrs Larkin have gone away
for the weekend
325
00:16:08,879 --> 00:16:10,720
and have left me in loco parentis.
326
00:16:10,759 --> 00:16:13,840
Yeah. Massive responsibility.
327
00:16:13,879 --> 00:16:15,240
Good for you.
Hm.
328
00:16:15,279 --> 00:16:16,480
The nanny.
329
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,039
And you're happy with that little
girl on the roof, are you?
330
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,879
Yep, absolutely, I've...
331
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,879
..checked it's, erm, safe up there.
332
00:16:27,919 --> 00:16:30,039
Excuse me. Er, Victoria!
333
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,399
Victoria, could you possibly
get down off the roof now?
334
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,399
Before you plummet to your death.
335
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,440
Well, you look edible.
336
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:42,720
I hope you're hungry.
337
00:16:42,759 --> 00:16:45,639
Famished. See you later, Charley.
338
00:16:48,039 --> 00:16:50,480
Wait, your coat. It's really cold.
Hold on.
339
00:16:50,519 --> 00:16:53,320
Oh, erm, it's not actually
that cold, so...
340
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,320
Let's get going.
341
00:16:58,399 --> 00:16:59,399
STARTS ENGINE
342
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,200
Mariette. Mariette, your...
343
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,119
Hold tight.
344
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,319
Ooh, seatbelts.
Sorry?
345
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,640
Don't forget your seatbelts.
346
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,359
It doesn't have any.
We're wild and free!
347
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,559
Whoo!
Whoo!
348
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,920
CHATTER AND LAUGHTER
349
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,519
Enjoy. Cheers.
Don't drink it all at once.
350
00:17:23,559 --> 00:17:25,720
Top-up here.
Get you another few bottles.
351
00:17:25,759 --> 00:17:27,119
Cheers to you, an' all.
352
00:17:28,759 --> 00:17:29,960
Mr and Mrs Larkin.
353
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,359
The bar manager tells me
I've got you to thank for all this.
354
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,400
Oh, no need.
355
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,400
We over-ordered on the champagne,
didn't we, Ma?
356
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,920
You lot are doing us a favour
by drinking it
357
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,079
and not sitting there looking like
you're all about to top yourselves!
358
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:44,319
Well, it's very much appreciated.
Where's the lucky lady?
359
00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:46,000
She's in her room.
Oh, yeah, course,
360
00:17:46,039 --> 00:17:48,599
it's bad luck to see the bride
before the old how's-your-father.
361
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,640
Yeah, yeah. And she wasn't invited.
362
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,759
I think we've now established that
you are not with the wedding party.
363
00:17:54,799 --> 00:17:57,599
Let's just say you bought
the wedding, we bought the party.
364
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,319
No, no, this is a private function,
365
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:03,519
so we must ask you
and your companion to leave.
366
00:18:03,559 --> 00:18:06,559
But they bought the champagne,
and they're nice... Kenneth.
367
00:18:06,599 --> 00:18:11,079
We didn't request your cheap fizz
or your participation.
368
00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,119
Ooh.
Don't throw her to the ground, Ma.
369
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,599
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
370
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,319
POSH ACCENT: I think there has been
some kind of misunderstanding.
371
00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:20,759
Indeed. OWN ACCENT:
You think you're special.
372
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:22,480
But we think you're a snobbish bully
373
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:24,680
who wouldn't know fun
if sat on your face.
374
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:28,400
Now, I am sorry you are upset
that your girl is up the duff!
375
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,839
CHATTER STOPS,
GASPS
376
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,880
Which I now realise
is not widely known.
377
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,079
Apologies.
378
00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:40,559
But a pregnant woman should
be celebrated, not hidden away.
379
00:18:40,599 --> 00:18:42,039
Good.
380
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:43,640
Point made, Ma.
381
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:47,559
Now, excuse us, because there's
a beach with our name on it.
382
00:18:48,759 --> 00:18:50,160
Come on, Ma.
383
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,160
Enjoy the champagne.
384
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,359
FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING
385
00:19:09,319 --> 00:19:11,519
TV PLAYING
386
00:19:15,799 --> 00:19:16,960
SHE MOANS
387
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,759
What did you do that for?!
You know we were watching that?
388
00:19:19,799 --> 00:19:23,039
You can't spend all weekend
shut up in here watching television.
389
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,039
It'll rot your brains.
Says who?
390
00:19:25,079 --> 00:19:27,240
Scientists.
Name 'em.
391
00:19:27,279 --> 00:19:28,359
Er...
392
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,599
Look, tomorrow,
we'll play fun games outside.
393
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:31,640
All right?
394
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,559
Till then... read a book.
395
00:19:34,599 --> 00:19:37,160
Right, here's one for you, Victoria.
396
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,000
Here's one for you.
Read it.
397
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,680
All right.
Read it.
398
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:44,799
Read it twice.
399
00:19:44,839 --> 00:19:46,400
HE GROANS
400
00:19:50,039 --> 00:19:53,359
I think you're frustrated
cos Mariette's out with Tom.
401
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,400
Oh, do you, now?
402
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:56,440
Hm?
403
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,839
All right, we'll play a game.
Excellent!
404
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,359
Thank you.
405
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:04,920
Snooker.
406
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,160
And if we win,
we get to do whatever we want
407
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,759
for the rest of the weekend.
Deal.
408
00:20:08,799 --> 00:20:13,240
And if I win,
you all have to do what I want.
409
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:16,599
And I am rather good at snooker. Hm.
410
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,000
So is Montgomery.
411
00:20:18,039 --> 00:20:19,519
Primrose, pass me the cue.
412
00:20:29,839 --> 00:20:31,640
Thank you.
413
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,480
Table for Tom Fisher?
414
00:20:33,519 --> 00:20:34,839
Round the back.
415
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,000
Your waitress'll be with you
in her own good time, I imagine.
416
00:20:41,039 --> 00:20:43,559
Aw.
Will it do?
417
00:20:43,599 --> 00:20:46,240
Oh, it's... It's perfect.
418
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,920
Hello.
419
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,279
SHE SIGHS
Great.
420
00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:54,480
MA GIGGLES
421
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:57,559
Unbelievable.
422
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,680
SHE LAUGHS
423
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,920
Mr and Mrs Larkin?
424
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,279
Can I apologise?
425
00:21:04,319 --> 00:21:07,160
It's my big mouth
that should apologise, Kenny.
426
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,839
I never knew it was a secret.
427
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:10,480
Well, it wouldn't be
if it was up to me.
428
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,200
I wanna shout it from the rooftops.
429
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,920
So your girl's parents think
you brought shame on the family?
430
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,920
Yeah. And a wedding, like,
just seems... the least bad option?
431
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,319
Yeah, but...
I mean, Xanthe's wonderful,
432
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:21,799
and we'd probably do it anyway.
433
00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:23,799
Only, not like this,
434
00:21:23,839 --> 00:21:25,599
you know, feeling like
we'd shot someone.
435
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,319
Take our motor.
436
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:32,960
That's yours? Yep. Get that girl
of yours to the registry in style.
437
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,160
Well, I can't drive.
438
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,720
That's all right. I'll pick her up.
Ok, Ma?
439
00:21:36,759 --> 00:21:39,440
Course! Should be the happiest
day or your life, son,
440
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,680
don't you let anyone
tell you otherwise.
441
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:42,880
Thanks, Mr and Mrs Larkin.
442
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:44,680
No, no. Pop and Ma, please.
443
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,440
Go and enjoy
your last night of freedom
444
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,480
before you marry into that shower.
All due respect to your bride.
445
00:21:51,519 --> 00:21:53,200
SHE CHUCKLES
446
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,200
Come on, Montgomery, humiliate him.
447
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,440
CHARLEY CHUCKLES
Unlucky.
448
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,640
There's no such thing as bad luck,
Primrose.
449
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:08,359
Just bad planning.
450
00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:12,599
As you will see
when I put the pink in the...
451
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,400
LOUD QUACKING OUTSIDE
452
00:22:15,599 --> 00:22:18,160
That's an interesting strategy,
do talk us through it.
453
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,920
Wow, OK, well, that's not fair,
I was interfered with,
454
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,440
surely I have to...
455
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:32,160
ALL CHEERING
Champion!
456
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:33,960
Come on!
457
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:41,400
HE SIGHS
OK.
458
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:50,000
Right, I am never having children.
459
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:01,039
SONG: 'Crazy Man Crazy'
460
00:23:01,079 --> 00:23:03,480
# Go, go, go, everybody
461
00:23:03,519 --> 00:23:06,599
# Go, go, go, everybody
462
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,319
# Go, go, go, everybody
463
00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:13,960
# Go, go, go, go, go, go, go
464
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:36,960
# Crazy, man, crazy
465
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:39,920
# Crazy, man, crazy
466
00:23:41,279 --> 00:23:42,880
# Crazy, man, crazy
467
00:23:44,079 --> 00:23:46,559
# Man, that music's gone
468
00:23:46,599 --> 00:23:48,400
# I said crazy, man, crazy
469
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:51,680
# Crazy, man, crazy
470
00:23:52,839 --> 00:23:54,599
# Crazy, man, crazy
471
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,799
# Man, that music's gone
472
00:23:57,839 --> 00:24:01,319
# They play it soft
They play it strong
473
00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:04,200
# They play it wild
And they play it long... #
474
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,079
Yep. Larkin Eau De Toilette.
475
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:10,000
We literally got water
out of the toilet...
476
00:24:10,039 --> 00:24:11,839
Flushed, obviously,
we're not animals.
477
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,640
..put it in bottles and sold it.
478
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,559
Ma made us pay back every penny.
479
00:24:15,599 --> 00:24:18,359
I always think, "Spray perfume
where you want to be kissed"
480
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:19,920
was brilliant marketing.
481
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,079
I was going through a pint a week.
482
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,440
That was when me and Pauline
were best friends.
483
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,000
Ah, the innocence of youth.
484
00:24:28,039 --> 00:24:29,839
Was that why you think
you need to leave?
485
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,240
To be a grown-up?
486
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,599
If you like. I need to see
what else is out there.
487
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,519
You don't have to move away
for that.
488
00:24:37,559 --> 00:24:40,279
Yeah. "Watch it on the telly,
sweetheart. Perfick."
489
00:24:41,279 --> 00:24:42,559
Oh, that's my dad.
490
00:24:42,599 --> 00:24:43,920
Oh. Right.
491
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,079
Or you could go on holiday.
492
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:48,359
I have been everywhere.
493
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,480
You can broaden your horizons,
then return to Arcadia.
494
00:24:51,519 --> 00:24:53,480
Oh, yeah? What will I use for money?
495
00:24:53,519 --> 00:24:55,000
Earn it, in my new hotel.
496
00:24:56,279 --> 00:24:59,759
I'll be a very generous employer,
especially to you.
497
00:24:59,799 --> 00:25:03,079
Business is as beautiful as you
when it's done right.
498
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:05,519
Oh, God, you're like
a silkier version of my dad.
499
00:25:05,559 --> 00:25:07,880
And like him,
I've worked my way up.
500
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:09,839
I've turned base metal into gold.
501
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,519
Where do you get your confidence
from?
502
00:25:11,559 --> 00:25:14,680
A wee shop in Ballystrudder.
I bought up all their stock.
503
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:17,200
Oh, so you're a small town kid.
Yeah.
504
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,079
You and me are the same.
505
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:23,480
Except you are very much a woman
and I am very much a man.
506
00:25:23,519 --> 00:25:28,240
And this is me very much saying
that I'd be a fabulous boyfriend.
507
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,880
Should we pause our conversation?
508
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,400
Oh, don't mind me.
509
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,279
Even more wine, madame?
510
00:25:37,319 --> 00:25:39,480
Oh!
511
00:25:39,519 --> 00:25:41,319
Clumsy old me. So sorry.
512
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:42,960
Like hell you are!
Oh, Mariette, don't.
513
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,319
Don't tell me what to do! You did
that on purpose, you jealous harpy.
514
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:49,880
Jealous of a desperate trollop
who leads men on for free dinner?
515
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:51,000
How do you want your wine,
516
00:25:51,039 --> 00:25:53,359
in your stupid face
or down your second-rate bosom?!
517
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:56,599
Mariette, if you're going to throw
wine, I'll bring the cheap stuff.
518
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,480
Pauline, there's a barrel
needs changing.
519
00:25:58,519 --> 00:26:00,519
Sorry, Reg.
Yes, Reg.
520
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,039
Dessert?
Shall we not?
521
00:26:09,079 --> 00:26:10,880
I'll get the bill.
Yep.
522
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,480
Let's find a nice spot on the beach,
shall we, Pop? Yeah.
523
00:26:14,519 --> 00:26:16,640
We did get a sea view after all.
524
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,799
Yeah, best table in town.
525
00:26:18,839 --> 00:26:21,440
Ma, I've just gotta say,
526
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,079
I really love our little life,
our little home.
527
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,839
I know, love.
I'm sorry for dragging us away.
528
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,079
I don't know what I was thinking,
really. But...
529
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:32,400
But I've also loved
spending this time with you.
530
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,799
It just reminds me
how the whole thing started.
531
00:26:35,839 --> 00:26:39,039
Just the two of us. And we should
make more time for that.
532
00:26:39,079 --> 00:26:42,759
Are you trying to tell me
that you are enjoying your holiday?
533
00:26:42,799 --> 00:26:44,640
Let's book another.
534
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,920
Some people are going to Spain
these days.
535
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:49,599
Let's not go mad, Ma.
536
00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:00,640
This doesn't have to
ruin our evening.
537
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:02,359
Let's go dancing in Folkestone.
538
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:03,880
Sorry, I'm not in the mood.
539
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,720
If I'd have known
your nemesis worked in there,
540
00:27:06,759 --> 00:27:09,839
I'd have chosen a safer venue,
like a bomb factory.
541
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:12,519
We'll laugh about it one day.
542
00:27:12,559 --> 00:27:16,119
Or... should we jump ahead
and laugh about it now?
543
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,640
Night, Tom. I need to walk this off.
544
00:27:32,319 --> 00:27:34,599
Kids! Bed.
545
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:36,000
A bet's a bet.
546
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:43,599
Ooh, I... I should probably
just check if Mariette's OK.
547
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,519
You're back.
548
00:28:09,559 --> 00:28:11,039
Just getting some air.
549
00:28:11,079 --> 00:28:12,119
Hmm.
550
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,079
Ooh. What happened?
551
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:18,920
Pauline.
552
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,359
Oh. Right.
553
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,680
I don't want to be trapped in
the village with the same old faces
554
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,359
and the same old arguments
for the rest of my life.
555
00:28:32,039 --> 00:28:34,039
This is why I need to leave home.
556
00:28:35,079 --> 00:28:38,119
Hey, look, everyone needs
a new start sometimes.
557
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,000
I did.
558
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,680
I... I do understand, Mariette.
559
00:28:49,599 --> 00:28:51,519
I think you might be the only one
that does.
560
00:28:51,559 --> 00:28:53,680
CHILDREN LAUGH AND SHOUT
561
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:55,400
Oh.
562
00:28:57,599 --> 00:29:00,000
I am not making a good job
of the child management.
563
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:02,960
You know it is only Friday night?
564
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,119
No.
565
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:06,960
Really?
566
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:30,079
Ah!
567
00:29:31,359 --> 00:29:32,400
Toast is on fire, Charley.
568
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,599
Ooh. Ah!
569
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,200
Oh. Ah...
570
00:29:37,599 --> 00:29:39,599
I prefer my bacon floppy.
571
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:42,680
I can't watch this any more.
572
00:29:46,079 --> 00:29:47,680
BOTH: Waffles!
Oh.
573
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,640
Ah! Ah! Ah!
574
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:55,200
Do you want me to help?
No, no, no. I can do this.
575
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,200
Thank you.
576
00:30:00,519 --> 00:30:02,680
Oh!
DOG BARKS
577
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:04,279
No, I really...
578
00:30:04,319 --> 00:30:05,799
All right.
579
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,519
All right, that's it.
580
00:30:09,559 --> 00:30:12,960
Bread, jam, sausages. I'm done.
581
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:17,119
Oh, thank you very much.
582
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:18,400
You're welcome.
583
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,960
Here, we walked past your place
last night.
584
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:24,279
Where'd you get your aerial?
585
00:30:24,319 --> 00:30:27,319
I have to say it's huge
and absolutely ghastly.
586
00:30:27,359 --> 00:30:30,119
What do you bloody expect?
It's a TV aerial.
587
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:31,599
The bigger, the better.
588
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:32,960
Pop wanted it.
589
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,279
It works, though. We watched
everything till closedown.
590
00:30:35,319 --> 00:30:37,960
Gardening, news, golf, news.
Something in Welsh.
591
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:41,440
You lucky little bastards.
My reception's crappy.
592
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,400
I had to give up
and drink myself stupid.
593
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,720
It is huge and ghastly,
Miss Pilchester.
594
00:30:46,759 --> 00:30:47,759
I'll have a think.
595
00:30:47,799 --> 00:30:50,400
Meanwhile, might you help
cure leprosy and rickets?
596
00:30:53,599 --> 00:30:55,359
Yeah, that'll do it.
597
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:03,400
Oh, look at you, all relaxed.
Like a seal.
598
00:31:05,559 --> 00:31:08,359
Right. I am going in.
599
00:31:12,079 --> 00:31:13,359
What do you think?
600
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,640
Gorgeous. You look like the sun,
only brighter.
601
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:19,839
You know nothing of fashion,
Mr Larkin.
602
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:21,359
You coming in?
No.
603
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:25,319
Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim,
and Pop's got a deckchair.
604
00:31:25,359 --> 00:31:27,519
There's a young girl needs
rushing down the aisle, Ma.
605
00:31:27,559 --> 00:31:29,200
Oh.
606
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,720
Don't sit right, this wedding,
does it?
607
00:31:31,759 --> 00:31:34,119
No. Lambs to the slaughter, Ma.
608
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,319
Which is all right on a farm,
of course.
609
00:31:36,359 --> 00:31:37,680
With a bit of mint sauce.
610
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:40,200
CHUCKLES
Go on, girl!
611
00:31:46,039 --> 00:31:47,319
Ah!
612
00:31:50,519 --> 00:31:52,119
Right.
613
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:07,720
VOICES ON TELEVISION,
STEAM TRAIN CHUGS
614
00:32:16,519 --> 00:32:19,200
Right. We're taking down the aerial.
615
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:22,200
No. Pop will be sad
you wasted money.
616
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,440
Don't you worry about that.
617
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:34,559
That's it, Stirling Moss,
take your time.
618
00:32:34,599 --> 00:32:36,000
Thank you, sir.
619
00:32:37,039 --> 00:32:39,200
Anything else, sir?
620
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,079
Yeah. Couldn't borrow your hat,
could I?
621
00:32:41,119 --> 00:32:42,480
Be an honour, sir.
622
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:46,079
Thank you.
623
00:32:48,759 --> 00:32:51,920
Excuse me, are you here to take me
to the registry office?
624
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,359
I certainly am, miss, yeah.
Can I take those for you?
625
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,079
I'm all right, thank you.
626
00:32:58,359 --> 00:33:01,480
Right. So...
you got anyone else coming with you?
627
00:33:01,519 --> 00:33:02,839
No, just me.
Thank God for that.
628
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:04,759
Thought you might be
bringing your mother.
629
00:33:04,799 --> 00:33:06,319
No.
630
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,720
She's there already. Waiting.
631
00:33:10,759 --> 00:33:11,880
Right.
632
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:17,680
OK.
So, let's get going, shall we?
633
00:33:21,799 --> 00:33:23,200
Sure you want to get married?
634
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,640
You two known each other long, then?
635
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,480
Since school, so... no. Not long.
636
00:34:01,519 --> 00:34:03,960
You've got plenty of time
to get to know each other now, eh?
637
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,039
I'm still finding out about Ma
and we've been together, phew...
638
00:34:07,079 --> 00:34:08,559
400 years.
639
00:34:08,599 --> 00:34:10,559
Do you have any children?
640
00:34:10,599 --> 00:34:13,239
Yeah. Half a dozen.
Mostly in prison now.
641
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:14,800
POP LAUGHS
642
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,039
Anyway, look. Here we go.
643
00:34:20,079 --> 00:34:21,760
Already?
644
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:22,800
Wait.
645
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,079
Remember what they say.
Something old...
646
00:34:27,119 --> 00:34:28,400
Something new.
647
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:30,280
Something borrowed.
648
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:33,119
Something blue.
I can't show you those!
649
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:39,360
And something from the chip shop!
650
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:42,480
We can't!
We already have!
651
00:34:43,519 --> 00:34:45,239
Did you do this on your wedding day?
652
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:49,079
Nope. Cos we never got married.
Overrated, if you ask me.
653
00:34:57,760 --> 00:34:59,760
Help!
654
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:03,760
WHINES
655
00:35:10,559 --> 00:35:12,880
Thanks. I feel a bit better now.
656
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:14,639
So, getting cold feet?
657
00:35:14,679 --> 00:35:17,239
Mm-mm. Not about Kenny.
658
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:19,880
He's, erm... wonderful.
659
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:22,599
Hmm. So, you have children,
but aren't married?
660
00:35:22,639 --> 00:35:24,639
Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong,
I love a wedding.
661
00:35:24,679 --> 00:35:27,360
Unless, of course, it's got
all the goodwill of a firing squad.
662
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:28,920
Yeah.
663
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:30,360
Well, we have to.
664
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:32,960
My parents can't bare the shame
if we don't, apparently.
665
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,800
It's not their life.
666
00:35:36,079 --> 00:35:37,840
We won't survive without them,
though.
667
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:39,840
Who said that?
My mother.
668
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,639
What's your dad think?
669
00:35:41,679 --> 00:35:44,679
Whatever my mother thinks.
He's lost the will to live, really.
670
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:48,000
Well, if you buy your mum's deal,
that might be you and Kenny.
671
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:53,480
Did you always know
Ma was the one for you?
672
00:35:53,519 --> 00:35:55,679
Oh, yeah,
first time I laid eyes on her.
673
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:57,639
Yeah. She's everything I'm not.
674
00:35:57,679 --> 00:35:59,280
And braver, too.
675
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:01,119
I mean, you should've seen her
this morning
676
00:36:01,159 --> 00:36:02,800
when she strode out into that sea.
677
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,960
She can't still be out there,
surely.
678
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:16,840
Pop!
679
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:19,719
Pop!
680
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,800
Ma! Come in!
You'll catch your death of cold.
681
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:24,519
I can't!
682
00:36:24,559 --> 00:36:26,719
What?!
I can't.
683
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:27,800
Why not?!
684
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,079
Oh, my Gawd.
685
00:36:32,119 --> 00:36:34,079
What do you want me to do?!
Help me.
686
00:36:39,079 --> 00:36:40,599
Oh, Gawd!
687
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:45,360
Wait there! Stay there, Ma.
Stay there. Stay there, Ma.
688
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:46,719
Stay there.
689
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:48,280
Good afternoon, madam.
690
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:49,480
HE LAUGHS
691
00:36:49,519 --> 00:36:53,360
May I escort you to the beach?
692
00:36:54,599 --> 00:36:56,119
If you would.
693
00:36:56,159 --> 00:36:59,440
Good. There's someone
I'd like you to meet.
694
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:02,039
Come on, girl.
695
00:37:02,079 --> 00:37:04,400
Oh-ho-ho!
696
00:37:07,199 --> 00:37:09,440
Ma, this is Xanthe.
697
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:11,679
I was just giving her a lift
to the registry office,
698
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:13,039
then she had a change of heart.
699
00:37:13,079 --> 00:37:14,880
Hello, love.
700
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:16,519
I've just been in the water
for an hour,
701
00:37:16,559 --> 00:37:17,719
so I'm not looking my best.
702
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,400
That is the most romantic thing
I've ever seen.
703
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,159
Well, I'd do anything
for this woman.
704
00:37:24,199 --> 00:37:25,320
Because you love her.
705
00:37:27,199 --> 00:37:28,880
And I love my Kenny.
706
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,440
We can't just leave him there.
We have to go back.
707
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,320
Well, come on, let's go!
There you go. Jump in.
708
00:37:43,159 --> 00:37:44,360
Shoulders back.
709
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:46,840
Sorry.
710
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:48,039
Where is she?
711
00:37:48,079 --> 00:37:51,760
ORGAN PLAYS BRIDAL MARCH
712
00:37:55,199 --> 00:37:57,199
You again. What are you doing?
713
00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,960
I'd love a word with Kenny.
Is he free at all?
714
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,159
No, he isn't.
Just a quick one.
715
00:38:02,199 --> 00:38:03,119
Come on. Outside.
716
00:38:03,159 --> 00:38:04,800
Sorry about this. Back in two ticks.
717
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:06,280
Ooh, good hat.
718
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:08,199
Quick chat with the bride.
719
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:11,079
No! This is a good marriage.
They go skiing.
720
00:38:11,119 --> 00:38:12,199
Ooh!
721
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:13,760
Kenny, quickly.
722
00:38:15,039 --> 00:38:18,360
You will get married.
And we will tame you.
723
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,519
And your baby will
carry on the line!
724
00:38:21,559 --> 00:38:23,760
No, he's the man.
So it's their line.
725
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,760
Normally.
But I have a very good lawyer.
726
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,440
Come on. Quick. This way. Come on.
727
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:34,639
Go, go, go, go!
728
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:48,920
Oh, yes, let's all run away
from things we don't want to do.
729
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:50,239
What's going on?
730
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:51,880
I couldn't do it, Kenny.
731
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,880
It's not that I don't love you, but
none of this has been our decision.
732
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:56,599
And I want it to be.
733
00:38:56,639 --> 00:38:58,440
You do want to be with me?
734
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,159
She really does.
735
00:39:00,199 --> 00:39:01,760
Huge fan of yours.
736
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:05,840
Now, here we go.
737
00:39:07,199 --> 00:39:09,119
So, what happens now?
738
00:39:09,159 --> 00:39:11,480
I'd get out of Margate for a bit.
739
00:39:11,519 --> 00:39:14,480
Here. It's our unwedding gift.
740
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:17,400
Thanks, Pop.
741
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:20,119
But... what about the baby?
742
00:39:20,159 --> 00:39:23,280
You meet trouble,
your parents will see the baby,
743
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,480
their hearts will melt
and they'll help you out.
744
00:39:25,519 --> 00:39:27,440
Meantime, we're down the road
in Littlechurch.
745
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:28,880
Larkins' Farm.
746
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:31,400
So, if you get time to yourselves,
just drop in, eh?
747
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:35,199
We'll help you find a place.
Anything you need, set you up nice.
748
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:39,039
I don't know how
we can ever thank you.
749
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,440
Oh, I nearly forgot.
750
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:47,000
Ah!
751
00:39:47,039 --> 00:39:49,760
Good catch, Ma.
Brilliant!
752
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:53,079
Remember when we had our Mariette?
They're gonna need some luck.
753
00:39:53,119 --> 00:39:55,480
Best time, though.
Oh, it is.
754
00:39:56,679 --> 00:39:58,920
Suppose that's what Mariette's
doing now, isn't it?
755
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:00,679
Needing to strike out on her own.
756
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:03,880
Different in her case, though.
Completely different.
757
00:40:07,559 --> 00:40:10,800
INTERMITTENT VOICES THROUGH STATIC
758
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:25,800
Ah. Mum and Charley will be pleased.
759
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:28,480
So, who'd you sell the aerial to,
then?
760
00:40:28,519 --> 00:40:30,400
Well, you'll see it around.
761
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:40,199
VOICES ON TELEVISION
762
00:40:49,199 --> 00:40:51,880
'They have. It's all over.'
763
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,519
Can I take your bags to the car,
sir?
764
00:41:03,559 --> 00:41:06,159
Can you, though?
That's the question.
765
00:41:06,199 --> 00:41:08,960
Nah. Probably not.
766
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:10,440
Oh, dear.
767
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:12,119
The Ugly Mothers.
768
00:41:12,159 --> 00:41:14,280
You've got a nerve turning up here.
769
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:15,760
We should go to the police.
770
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:18,760
Actually, should we go to
the police? And tell them what?
771
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:20,679
That we helped
two lovely young people
772
00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:22,679
decide for themselves
what they want in life?
773
00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:25,639
If that's a crime, I'm a badger.
774
00:41:25,679 --> 00:41:27,800
Ladies.
775
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,400
I understand. I really do.
776
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,599
It's hard, isn't it,
all this parenting lark?
777
00:41:31,639 --> 00:41:33,039
You don't have to tell me that.
778
00:41:33,079 --> 00:41:35,719
Cos we love 'em, don't we?
And we want what's best for them.
779
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:37,519
But you gotta remember being young.
780
00:41:37,559 --> 00:41:39,239
Don't ya? Hey?
781
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:41,920
I mean, it weren't that long ago
for the two of you, I can tell that.
782
00:41:46,119 --> 00:41:51,920
Don't tell me you've forgotten the
tingling rush as you hold the hand
783
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:54,320
of the one person who makes
your heart beat faster.
784
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:55,920
They're young.
785
00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:59,000
They're in love
and they're gonna have a baby.
786
00:41:59,039 --> 00:42:02,239
What they don't need right now
is a bit of paper
787
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:04,440
that makes you two feel decent.
788
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,400
They need your support.
789
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,719
So, show 'em some love.
790
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,920
And let 'em work it out
for themselves, why don't you?
791
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:12,639
And then what?
792
00:42:12,679 --> 00:42:17,000
Well, then you might get
what you really want.
793
00:42:17,039 --> 00:42:18,119
Which is?
794
00:42:18,159 --> 00:42:20,079
Your little girl
to come back to you.
795
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:26,239
How did you know that?
796
00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:32,920
It's what we all want, really,
innit?
797
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:39,559
That bit of fence is down, look.
798
00:42:39,599 --> 00:42:42,079
Oh, yeah. But they didn't escape.
799
00:42:42,119 --> 00:42:44,719
Maybe the best way
to make a horse stay
800
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:47,599
is to show it that it's free
to decide for itself.
801
00:42:47,639 --> 00:42:49,400
Thanks, Aristotle (!)
802
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:51,280
What, are you saying
I'm like a horse?
803
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:52,719
Er... well...
804
00:42:54,639 --> 00:42:57,679
So, are you gonna
use that sick note, then?
805
00:42:57,719 --> 00:43:00,159
Oh, yeah.
Stay around a bit longer?
806
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:04,159
Yeah, well, I mean,
it would be rude not to.
807
00:43:04,199 --> 00:43:05,679
But I have to do something.
808
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:09,199
I can't just wander through
fields of buttercups all day.
809
00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:15,519
HORSE SNORTS
810
00:43:15,559 --> 00:43:19,760
Urgh! You know, I was
just starting to like you.
811
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:20,880
Who? Me or Biscuit?
812
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:22,679
That is a stupid name for a horse.
813
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:25,159
It's not a stupid name.
She's the colour of a biscuit.
814
00:43:25,199 --> 00:43:27,880
But biscuits come in all colours.
"Biscuits come in all colours."
815
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,119
"Biscuits come in all colours."
But I didn't say it like that.
816
00:43:31,159 --> 00:43:32,519
You did!
817
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,519
Ah!
We missed you!
818
00:43:40,559 --> 00:43:41,840
How was it?
819
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,039
Good and bad.
Your mum dissolved at one point.
820
00:43:44,079 --> 00:43:46,440
Got any presents?
Maybe.
821
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:48,599
ALL GASP AND EXCLAIM
822
00:43:48,639 --> 00:43:51,039
Oh, wow. Nice work, Charley boy.
823
00:43:51,079 --> 00:43:54,800
Not really. Your children
outwitted me at every turn.
824
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:58,679
With all due respect, I'd be shocked
if they hadn't, Charley.
825
00:43:58,719 --> 00:43:59,840
Mm-hm.
826
00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:01,199
This is yours, Pop.
Oh, yeah?
827
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:02,440
We haven't got the aerial.
828
00:44:03,679 --> 00:44:06,079
There's more there than I give you.
Yeah, I got a good deal,
829
00:44:06,119 --> 00:44:08,280
but it looked horrible,
so I sold it for more.
830
00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:09,960
What a girl!
831
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:12,239
There's a Larkin.
Well done, Mariette.
832
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:14,119
Oh, thank you kindly.
833
00:44:14,159 --> 00:44:17,079
Now, this is all Charley's work.
The cakes, sandwiches, the...
834
00:44:17,119 --> 00:44:18,639
Don't eat the drop scones.
835
00:44:18,679 --> 00:44:20,559
He's been such a pal.
836
00:44:20,599 --> 00:44:21,719
A pal?
837
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:24,519
Mariette had a date with Tom.
Don't want to talk about it.
838
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:29,079
How's my Victoria been?
Ah, well, my one success.
839
00:44:29,119 --> 00:44:31,559
Head in a gardening book
all weekend.
840
00:44:31,599 --> 00:44:34,480
I think you might have
a budding horticulturist there.
841
00:44:34,519 --> 00:44:36,239
Aw, Vickie!
842
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,039
Lady Chatterley's Lover?!
843
00:44:39,079 --> 00:44:41,800
Oh, God!
LAUGHTER
844
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:44,000
Go and watch television right now,
young lady.
845
00:44:44,039 --> 00:44:46,320
Honestly! Oof.
846
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:49,239
We go away for one weekend
and the place falls apart.
847
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:53,039
Yeah, I doubt we'll risk going away
again for a while. If ever.
848
00:44:53,079 --> 00:44:56,199
Now, Pop and I have learnt
some things this weekend
849
00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:59,519
about respect and honesty
within a family.
850
00:44:59,559 --> 00:45:03,559
So... Yes, we have.
So from now on, if we as parents...
851
00:45:03,599 --> 00:45:07,199
And this...
This is serious, by the way.
852
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:14,320
Sooner we marry them off,
the better. Mm.
853
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,519
Yep.
Where's your boat?
854
00:45:16,559 --> 00:45:17,800
Oh, yeah.
855
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:19,440
Here you go, Ma, look at that.
856
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,679
Aw.
It's a beauty, innit?
857
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:22,960
Mmm.
858
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:25,920
Happy days, eh?
859
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:28,960
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