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1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,240
I'm sorry but I'm leaving home.
Where do you want to go?
2
00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:04,880
I'm going to France.
3
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,040
Tom Fisher.
You've improved the view.
4
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:09,400
Oh, hello.
5
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,040
Ah, Cedric Charlton,
6
00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:12,960
I'm from the office
of the Inspector of Taxes.
7
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,560
Oh, yeah!
8
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:15,760
I'm afraid that I anticipate
9
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,600
that you may owe
a rather large sum in tax.
10
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,560
You need to fill out this form.
Form?
11
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:24,760
A yellow one. We've sent a few.
Ma, we had a form?
12
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,320
Never seen one. Sure we never.
No. Never had no form. Ma says so.
13
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,440
Come in, Mr Charlton.
14
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,280
Come in and help yourself, please.
15
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:33,560
It's an important form.
16
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:35,800
Can a form be important, really?
Mum!
17
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:37,160
Oh, thanks, Mariette.
18
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:39,440
In you come, Mr Charlton.
Come on, that's it.
19
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,000
Help yourself
to some fish and chips.
20
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,720
There's plenty, we buy spares.
21
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,280
Oh! Oh, no, no,
honestly, I've eaten.
22
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:45,880
A cup of tea? Coffee?
23
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,880
Oh, no. No, thanks.
What about a drink, then?
24
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,880
A bottle of beer?
Oh, no...
25
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,840
A glass of port? Slurp of cider?
No, I...
26
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,880
What about a cocktail?
Ah, no. No, thank you.
27
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:58,640
Ah-ah! I'll do us a special.
HE CHUCKLES
28
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,520
Erm, ah, so, right, in terms
of your tax form, Mr Larkin...
29
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,200
Do you know anyone
who wants a kitten?
30
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,280
No. No. Ah, sorry.
As I was saying about the form...
31
00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:07,440
So, do you want a kitten?
32
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:10,000
Well, my landlady
doesn't allow pets, to be honest...
33
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,320
Oh.
34
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:13,800
Erm, should I just
fill in the form for you
35
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,360
and then you can sign it?
No, no, no, don't worry about that,
36
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,680
there's plenty of time.
No rush at all.
37
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,200
There you go.
I...
38
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,520
No, no.
..don't drink.
39
00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:23,120
No, no, I insist.
40
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:24,720
Cheers.
41
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,600
ALL: Cheers!
42
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,360
HE SLURPS AND GAGS
43
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,040
GOOSE HONKS
44
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,680
Oh!
45
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:38,840
What?
HONKS AGAIN
46
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:42,040
Well... that was decent.
47
00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,520
More strawberry mousse, anyone?
It's all gone.
48
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:49,040
There you go.
Next up, a "Chauffeur." Oh.
49
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:53,400
That is vermouth, whiskey, gin,
dribble of Angostura.
50
00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,360
Erm... number of children?
51
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,280
Yep!
He's a sharp one.
52
00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,440
Oh, ah, no, sorry,
what's the number of children?
53
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,080
QUIETLY: One, two, three,
four, five, six.
54
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:07,240
Ah, six. Six. No more?
Plenty of time, give us a chance.
55
00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:09,480
MA LAUGHS
56
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:12,240
SHE BELCHES
Oh! Manners, pardon?
57
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,600
PA CHUCKLES
Wind all of a sudden, see?
58
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,200
Erm... I...
I must know your income, Mr Larkin.
59
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,640
Well, that's a good question.
60
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,440
What do you get?
Oh!
61
00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,240
Erm... not much. Ha-ha.
62
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,200
Just give me a rough estimate.
63
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,680
Oh, we're lucky to clear a fiver.
Hm-mm.
64
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:31,400
Fiver! I'd like to see one.
65
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,120
Supposing, supposing I put down
an income of 500 a year...
66
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:37,360
Gorblimey!
Hundred weeks in a year now, Ma.
67
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:38,840
Milk?
Please.
68
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,440
Erm...
Yeah, that's just what I need.
69
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,400
Oh, goodness.
70
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,400
Ah, Mr Charlton, drop of milk?
71
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,880
Eases the kidneys, opens the bowels?
72
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:50,520
Oh, God, no!
No, no, no, no. No. God, no.
73
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,520
Look, I need to get
the last train home.
74
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:53,560
You've missed it.
What?
75
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,960
You have to stay the night.
What?
76
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,080
Oh, I can't stay... No. I... I...
77
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:00,720
Well, I haven't got any pyjamas.
78
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,080
Well, I'll lend you mine.
Shush now.
79
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,840
Perfik. We'll make up a bed for you.
What about that?
80
00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,680
And in the morning, you can persuade
our Mariette to stay around.
81
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,600
Where are you going?
France. After the summer.
82
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,880
Why?
To see the world.
83
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:24,920
HE COUGHS
84
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,960
Goodness!
85
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:30,520
That is great stuff.
Mm-mm!
86
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:34,640
So, ah... tax form, tax form,
tax form, tax form...
87
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:36,960
You should eat something
to absorb the alcohol.
88
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,840
Oh! Oh, no, I'm fine, I am fine.
I'm fine, thank you.
89
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,040
HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
90
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,320
SNORING
91
00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,120
OWL HOOTS
92
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:50,720
HE WHISTLES
93
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,240
Morning, Libby.
Morning, Mr Larkin.
94
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,200
She's got a nice arse.
95
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,560
Your Mrs Fancy.
Um... Thank you...
96
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,720
Mr Larkin.
Edith.
97
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,120
Sir George.
98
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,840
Oh. Larkin.
And why the face?
99
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,960
That big, old pile
giving you more gip?
100
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,720
Well, ah... these old houses
do cause one or two headaches.
101
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,600
Yeah. You don't even live in it,
do you?
102
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,040
You're out there skulking
in the gamekeeper's cottage.
103
00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:21,880
Yes, but...
That's not a home, Sir George,
104
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,920
it's an albatross.
I'll give you a good price.
105
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,920
Bluff Court is not for sale.
106
00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,320
Nonetheless, tell your missus
I'll be popping over later.
107
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:29,400
But...
Ah-nah!
108
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:30,600
I...
Ah-ah! Ah!
109
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,920
Would you, please...
Ah! Sir George.
110
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,280
I can assure you...
Ah!
111
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:35,440
There is no...
Ah!
112
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,080
She'll...
HE CHUCKLES
113
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,920
There you are.
Thanks.
114
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,560
What do you think
of our Mr Charlton?
115
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:55,600
He talks too much about forms.
Not you. Mariette.
116
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,080
Well, he seems sweeter than most.
117
00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,120
He likes you, you know.
118
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,560
Well, there's not much point
in that, is there?
119
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,600
With me on my way.
120
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,600
Hello, Ma.
There's my popsicle.
121
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,440
Did you get that sauce?
122
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:11,840
Have I got the sauce!
123
00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:13,600
Saucy.
Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho!
124
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,560
THEY SMOOCH LOUDLY
125
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,080
Is he up yet?
No. No?
126
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,600
Why is he on the snooker table?
127
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,240
Oh,
cos he said he liked the colour
128
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,880
and the big flatness,
as everything was spinning.
129
00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:26,280
Montgomery...
130
00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,760
ready for the Straw Man race
tomorrow? Yep.
131
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:32,480
Ah! I found this.
132
00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:35,160
Oh, look!
133
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:38,040
Three times winners
before I filled out nicely.
134
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,000
Oh, yeah. Mm!
135
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,280
CEDRIC GROANS UPSTAIRS
Aye-aye.
136
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,720
Sounds like the taxman
needs a pick-me-up.
137
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,560
HE WINCES
138
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,240
SNOOKER BALL CLINKS
139
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,920
HE GROANS
140
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,120
Wanna hand?
141
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,480
HE GROANS
Oh, no.
142
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:58,240
No, I'm... quite capable of...
143
00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,520
Oh!
THUD
144
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,560
HE GROANS
145
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,920
CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYS
146
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,240
'OK. Right, get up now.
147
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,520
'Ready?
148
00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,000
'Ooh! Ooh!'
149
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,760
Oh! Oh, God!
150
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,120
HE BREATHES HEAVILY
151
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,040
'Let's just get these off.
152
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:34,400
'Huh? Erm... Ooh!'
153
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:37,480
HE SHUDDERS
154
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,000
Sleep all right?
HE GASPS
155
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,240
Nice egg or two for breakfast?
156
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,280
Larkin special, hair of the dog?
157
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:49,240
Don't ask what's in it,
don't stare at it, just drink. No?
158
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,040
All right, I'll have it.
159
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,040
Sorry, what's the time?
160
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,960
Cock's been up for four hours.
161
00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,040
No! No! No! Oh, God, no.
162
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,720
I must make a telephone call.
163
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:03,920
Well, use our blower.
164
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,280
No, no, I can't, I can't,
it's for official business only.
165
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:09,360
God, is there a, erm,
a... a... a telephone box?!
166
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,320
Right, OK...
167
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,480
HEAVY BREATHING
Thank you. Thank you...
168
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:19,040
I should be going to work,
I'm sorry.
169
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,320
Once I get those pyjamas off you.
What?
170
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,080
WHISPERS: Oh, my God.
171
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,360
HE SLURPS
172
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,160
Oh, God!
173
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,840
Mm, thank you.
See ya later.
174
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,400
COIN CLINKS
175
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,080
PHONE RINGS
176
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,200
HE EXHALES DEEPLY
177
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,560
Morning! Morning, Sir.
178
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,080
It's, ah... it's Cedric Charlton.
179
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:52,840
I'm, ah... I'm down at the Larkin's,
as requested.
180
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:56,600
I'm a... I'm afraid I'm going to be
a little late in this morning.
181
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,080
You found some serious
irregularities, I trust?
182
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,440
'No, not really.'
183
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:01,840
I mean, he owes some tax,
184
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,240
but I hardly feel it warrants
any special attention...
185
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:05,800
COW MOOS
Oh!
186
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,320
'What?'
187
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,560
'Sorry, sir.'
188
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,120
Oh, there's a... erm...
189
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:12,480
So, I will just, erm,
190
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,000
I will just leave the forms
with Mr Larkin
191
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,720
and head into work immediately,
192
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:17,760
if that's all right?
193
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,080
No, you'll investigate him
to within an inch of his life,
194
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,200
as I told you.
Oh, really?
195
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,160
It's just that I have cases
of major fraud
196
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,200
which I think warrant
a little more attention.
197
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:27,880
Charlton,
unless you wish to be sacked,
198
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,280
don't return without evidence
199
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,680
of criminal tax evasion
by Sidney Larkin!
200
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,800
Yes. Yes.
201
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,080
Very good, sir.
PHONE CLICKS
202
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:41,120
PHONE DIAL WHIRS
203
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,520
PHONE RINGS
204
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,280
CLICK
Morning.
205
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,680
Right, my chap's down there,
and we'll make sure he gets his man.
206
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:50,720
Good.
207
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,240
Thank you, Jeffrey.
208
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,840
Nice to know that
persistent offenders are punished.
209
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,760
I recommend confiscating his farm,
in lieu of taxes.
210
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,840
CLICK, DING
211
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:08,120
HORSE HOOVES CLOPPING
212
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,040
ROOSTER CROWS
213
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:22,240
Shh, shh, shh.
214
00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:25,640
Oh, there you are,
my little lemon drops.
215
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:30,600
Oh, Sandra, you've been
very generous this morning.
216
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,000
Oh, Montgomery.
217
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,680
I hope you're not gonna be
too disappointed tomorrow?
218
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:35,960
I won't be.
Well, you will be,
219
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,280
cos you've been waiting years
to be old enough
220
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,560
to be in this Straw Man race,
and you're not gonna win.
221
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:43,200
TWINS: Wee-hee-hee!
THUD
222
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,920
All right, twins?
223
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,080
Ah-ha. Mostly.
224
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,840
Why won't we?
Well, he's got little legs.
225
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:51,920
He'll be up against Pauline's
big, fit bloke
226
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,200
and all the other lads.
227
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:57,280
Right, now I really want to win.
You need a better pram. Come on.
228
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,440
You'll look after him, won't you?
229
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,520
Can someone else be in the pram,
please?
230
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,000
Well, there's no-one else
that's old enough.
231
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:08,520
It's a Larkin pram. Needs a Larkin.
232
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,400
Has the taxman gone?
Oh, I hope not.
233
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,800
He's gonna be good for Mariette.
He's not French enough.
234
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:18,600
And he's too nervy.
Spent too long in an office.
235
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:19,840
Sucks the life out of you.
236
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,880
Do we owe a lot of money in tax?
237
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:23,280
Oh!
Come on...
238
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,160
Oh!
..let's have another go!
239
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:28,960
I think pop and me
can handle Mr Charlton.
240
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,480
Don't you?
SHE CHUCKLES
241
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,040
There you go. That's it.
242
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,600
Hello, Cedric. You all right?
Mm-mm.
243
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:46,200
Do you know something?
I'm not liking your name.
244
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,640
Oh, then, call me Mr Charlton, sir.
No, no, no.
245
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,480
I'm not one for "mistering", either.
246
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,880
Yeah, no. I tell you what,
I'll call you Charley.
247
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,280
Charley, that's better.
Yeah.
248
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,880
I've got left-over kippers,
want some?
249
00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,320
I wouldn't.
Too much wire work in kippers!
250
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:03,120
HORSE SNORTS
251
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,320
Hello.
Hi, hello, hi.
252
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:07,560
Hi.
253
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,960
So, in terms of tax,
254
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,720
I need to look at your books
immediately.
255
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,800
That'll be tricky,
cos they're all in me head.
256
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:21,720
Erm, oh, well, I am opening
an investigation, and I, ah...
257
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,480
Well, I warn you,
it will be thorough.
258
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,400
So, you'll be stopping again
tonight, Charley, yeah?
259
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,320
Lovely! Use a bed this time.
Hmm.
260
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,360
Ah... Thank you,
but I will stay in the village.
261
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:35,240
Well, I don't know what you think
you'll be thoroughly investigating,
262
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,880
cos I'm just a simple man, Charley.
You know what I mean?
263
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,880
Scraping a living
off an unforgiving land.
264
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,480
Yeah, I mean, when was the last time
we had a holiday?
265
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,640
Never even been to Margate.
I hear there's a beach? Yeah?
266
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:47,840
Oh... Well, um...
267
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,520
Well, in absence of written figures,
I will, erm...
268
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,440
I will accompany you
on your working day
269
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:56,520
so as to properly assess
your earnings. Yeah.
270
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,080
Righteo. You do that.
271
00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,160
I'll tag along,
if that's all right?
272
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,120
Hm-mm. Yeah.
273
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,600
I can't hear you breathing.
274
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:25,040
Oh, sorry, I...
I keep forgetting to.
275
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,360
HE BREATHES DEEPLY
276
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:39,960
Come on, then.
277
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,720
Watch it, girls.
278
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,200
Are you all right? Good.
279
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,520
Reg.
280
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,680
Have you got a room
for Charley here?
281
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,160
He's a bit nervy.
Ha-ha! He is, yeah.
282
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,080
Works in an office.
It's a nasty business.
283
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:59,000
Any pal of yours, Pop.
You're a good man. Half price.
284
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,480
Oh! No, no, I'll pay the full price,
thank you.
285
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,840
Blimey, someone who can afford
full price.
286
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:06,000
Oh, we dream of that.
Don't we, dad? Yeah. Yep.
287
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,640
All right, General.
Who's your friend, Larkin?
288
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,720
Oh, he's a taxman.
Salt of the earth.
289
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,440
Don't hold it against him.
Loves a drink.
290
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,040
He's very nervy.
Works in an office.
291
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,280
Mariette.
Pauline.
292
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:26,040
Who have you got here?
Friend of mine.
293
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,320
Hmm. Not bad.
294
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:29,840
Bit nervy.
295
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:35,320
I'll, um...
get Charley some aspirin, pop.
296
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:36,960
Hmm.
Come on.
297
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,640
Cheers, Reg.
Huh!
298
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:01,480
Lady Rose.
Oh, Mr Larkin!
299
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,080
My husband suggested
you might be dropping in.
300
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:07,520
Yes, I want to buy your house.
301
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,760
So I hear. Why?!
302
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,200
So I can pull it down.
303
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:16,000
What a fabulous idea.
Hmm.
304
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,960
What's it worth?
Oh, seven grand. Cash.
305
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,240
I mean, there's enough
bricks and scrap in there
306
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,320
to rebuild a town.
307
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:30,000
Plus, I'd share out the land
a bit more fairly, like, you know?
308
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:33,000
And, well, it'll stop
killing your old man, won't it?
309
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,320
Sadly, I can't see him
ever agreeing.
310
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,720
Oh, he will. If you back me up.
311
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:45,720
Call it seven, five,
give me the five,
312
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,800
and let's try to make it happen.
313
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,760
Now, get 'em down your throat
for Mariette.
314
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:01,000
Oh, yeah, well, I have
a narrow gullet, apparently, so...
315
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,920
It's two pills, not a whole trout.
316
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,480
Oh... Where's your father?
317
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:10,800
Oh, he must have been called away
to help someone.
318
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,800
I'll fill you in
about the family business.
319
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,360
Fancy a walk?
Oh.
320
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,560
HE SIGHS
MOUTHS: Oh, my...
321
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,960
So, your biggest
job for the race tomorrow
322
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,440
is to be as light as you can.
323
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,800
All right,
I'll just saw this arm off.
324
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,640
Just don't eat anything for a day.
325
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,600
I am not going to starve
for a stupid pram race!
326
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,240
It's not stupid!
327
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,880
It's the most important event
of the year!
328
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,080
This'll win it for us.
329
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,680
Hmph!
330
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,200
ROOSTER CROWS
331
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:50,280
It's a death trap.
Hmm?
332
00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,160
I've just seen a rat
pack it's bag and move out.
333
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,200
It's too far gone even to rent out.
334
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,240
And, you've been patching up
that orange heap for 50 years.
335
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,960
Orangerie.
FRENCH ACCENT: Orangerie.
336
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,080
I'm still waiting for an orange!
Oh!
337
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:03,320
Sir George...
Hmm?
338
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,720
..who do you love most?
Apart from the wife, of course?
339
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,040
Oh... the Queen.
340
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,120
Oh!
341
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,640
Erm... no, no, erm...
Our daughter.
342
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,640
Uh... Rosemary.
343
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,160
And why doesn't she visit any more?
344
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,600
Because as soon as she arrives,
345
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,640
you set her to work
mending something.
346
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,280
You see, I'd do anything
to keep my family, I really would,
347
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,440
and selling this to me
is how you can do that. Yeah?
348
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,200
I mean, our Mariette,
she's wanting to leave home,
349
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,640
and, I... I promise,
it is breaking our hearts.
350
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,400
I mean, we could auction it, George,
351
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,360
but it would all go
in tax and commission...
352
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,280
Exactly!
Who are you preserving it for, man?
353
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:42,960
Life's to be enjoyed. Huh?
354
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,880
GLASS BREAKING
355
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,520
Look, I ought to be
with your father. Listen...
356
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,440
BIRDSONG
357
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,200
You don't hear that in your office.
358
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,440
No, we have Miss Randall's
gravelly humming.
359
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,360
SHE GIGGLES
360
00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:13,720
Ah!
361
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,760
Right, I am very sweaty.
362
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:19,120
Well, you've got to cook a pig
before you can eat it.
363
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,320
Ah...
364
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:23,040
Oh! Sorry,
it's an old country saying.
365
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,480
Got a load of those.
366
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:25,720
Most don't make sense.
367
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,160
My goodness! Right,
I'm still wearing your pyjamas!
368
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,360
God, no wonder I'm so hot!
369
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:31,080
Well, you'll have to take them off.
370
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,040
Now?
Good a time as any.
371
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,400
Oh, erm...
372
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,760
Erm, I...
373
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,680
You don't have to hide in a bush.
374
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,240
I saw it all last night.
God!
375
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,600
Erm...
376
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,960
SHE GIGGLES
377
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,400
Oh! Nice bod.
378
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,560
You are nervy, though.
Yeah, you mentioned that.
379
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:11,840
SHE GIGGLES
380
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,520
Could I... Could I just, erm...
381
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,800
You are very beautiful!
382
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,000
Thanks. It's luck of the draw.
383
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,360
I don't just sit around
tossing my hair, though.
384
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:26,520
Do a proper job on the farm.
Erm, I'm sure.
385
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,760
You need all hands to the pump.
386
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,800
Pop's embarrassed
to say how little we make.
387
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,000
So, how come you're in the tax game?
388
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,560
Oh, well,
my parents came over from Nigeria
389
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:42,040
because they loved the British
sense of order and fair play,
390
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,080
and that includes paying your taxes.
391
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:45,880
Oh, yeah?
Yep.
392
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,000
Yeah, they actually applied
for the job for me.
393
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:52,840
I'd, ah... I'd always
wanted to be a disc jockey.
394
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,680
Anyway, I do really
need to catch up with your father
395
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:57,720
and his tax affairs.
396
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,320
Oh, so,
come over for dinner tonight.
397
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,800
And don't forget my bottom.
What?
398
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:06,400
Oh! Oh.
SHE GIGGLES
399
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,160
You see, Ma, everyone wins.
400
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,280
Sir George gets his life back,
so does his missus,
401
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,960
plus, she gets a bit of cash
for herself.
402
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,280
Shot! Oh...
403
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,560
Oh, kisses the blue!
404
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:37,680
We earn a few bob,
405
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:41,240
plus the village gets
somewhere else to have a picnic.
406
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,840
There's a light lunch
in the billiard room, kids!
407
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,480
KIDS: Coming!
Half down in cash, no paperwork.
408
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:48,520
Hmm.
Come on, then.
409
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:53,600
MUMBLING: Oh, very good.
410
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,400
Hello, my little pumpkin.
What you getting?
411
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,960
A pie.
Don't forget to chew.
412
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,000
Hmm. Thank you. Mm...
413
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,560
Where'd you get the ackers?
The what?
414
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,120
The bloody lettuce, cash, keep-up?
415
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:14,600
Erm...
416
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,640
I'm, ah, not at liberty to say.
417
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,360
Do you want to be
banned from church?
418
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,360
I've sold Bluff Court.
419
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,560
At this school,
we believe in the three Rs.
420
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,920
I can't say who... ah, who to.
421
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,200
Shh, shh, shh!
422
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,600
Yeah... I really can't say it,
actually.
423
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,880
It's obviously Pop Larkin.
424
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,920
Who else could buy your house,
you posh cretin?
425
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:45,840
PHONE RINGS
426
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,640
CLICK
'Mr Alec Norman. Good day to you.'
427
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:52,280
This is Norma, Alec.
'Yes, I recognise your voice.'
428
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:53,880
I have news.
429
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:58,960
Let's go, let's go! Come on.
430
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:02,480
That's it. Give me some room.
431
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,800
All right, Pop.
Hello, treasure.
432
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,200
Old Charley boy's a sweetheart,
isn't he?
433
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,320
Specs and all, talks nice,
shows he's solid.
434
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,600
You got to take this serious, Dad.
He could close us down.
435
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,320
No, never. Never.
436
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,800
Well, I've invited him
for supper tonight.
437
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,840
What?
You said you liked him.
438
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,840
But Mariette,
it's like a fox in the henhouse!
439
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,720
I was planning on keeping him
at a distance,
440
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:22,800
till I get the deal done.
441
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,720
Well, no,
we've got to talk him through
442
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,920
how poor and honest we are.
All right, fine,
443
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,440
but just tell Ma to keep supper down
to one goose, then, yeah?
444
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,080
Right.
Right.
445
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,840
Don't eat it all, Bessie,
come on.
446
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:39,920
Saw that new Tom.
447
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,560
Oh, yeah?
He's got tongues wagging.
448
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,920
Hmm.
Why?
449
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,800
Why, what?
450
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,040
Why do you mention him?
451
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,160
Well, why wouldn't I?
452
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:54,720
PIG SNORTS
453
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,280
HE SIGHS
454
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,640
DOOR KNOCK
455
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,960
Yes?
Mr Charlton?
456
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:14,920
Erm, yes. Hello.
457
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,600
Alec Norman. Concerned taxpayer.
458
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,000
Oh! And what concerns you?
459
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,640
Word is,
you're from the Inland Revenue.
460
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,840
I've heard about
a serious attempt
461
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:27,640
to circumvent our tax laws.
462
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:31,040
Ah, I'm sorry, I was just about
to go out for supper, actually.
463
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,400
It concerns Mr Larkin. Know him?
464
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,160
Yes, I do.
465
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,600
Today, he paid
several thousand pounds in cash
466
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,600
to secure a local mansion.
467
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,720
Are you sure?
468
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:43,880
He has a very large,
469
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,240
and if I do say them myself,
attractive, family to support.
470
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:48,880
He owns a Rolls-Royce.
471
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,040
He said he was looking after it
for a friend.
472
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:52,360
This may come as a shock,
473
00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:55,680
but people like Larkin
don't always tell the truth.
474
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,840
He's a wide boy and a leech.
Well, if he is, I'll find out.
475
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:02,400
I'm taking an audit
of his financial affairs.
476
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,120
So, where were you today
when he was doing his shady deal?
477
00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:07,120
Oh, I was, ah...
478
00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,760
DREAMY MUSIC PLAYS
479
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:12,320
I was, erm...
480
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:18,560
Hello?
Sorry?
481
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,440
I'm told you were out
with Larkin's daughter, Mariette.
482
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:24,360
Oh, ah, well... Ah, was I?
483
00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:26,240
You might ask yourself
if she was there
484
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,120
to distract you from your purpose.
485
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,320
DOOR CLOSES
486
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,240
ROOSTER CROWS
487
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,000
Whee!
488
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,400
Bumps, hold on!
489
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,960
All right, Charley.
Hello! Hello!
490
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,760
Oh!
491
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,400
Oh, no.
492
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,360
Ahh!
493
00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:55,800
CRASH
494
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,280
All right?
495
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,320
I'm all right.
Ow!
496
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,040
Oh, never mind you, how's the pram?
497
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,480
Oh, Charley boy, come in!
498
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,280
Mariette!
Oh, we killed a goose for you.
499
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,160
Yeah, only the one,
it's all we could afford.
500
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,720
Yeah, Primrose did it,
she loves a bit of goose strangling.
501
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,360
Loves it.
I'm afraid I'm not staying.
502
00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:26,000
Look, I know about your purchase
of the property Bluff Court.
503
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:30,360
You paid in cash, covertly,
to avoid tax and charges.
504
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:32,720
Yeah, yeah, but Charley, look,
if Her Majesty is prepared
505
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,320
to put her special face
on them notes,
506
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:35,480
who are we not to use them?
507
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,760
And, you kept me entertained
508
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:41,560
while your father
concluded his deal.
509
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,280
Let's talk about it inside.
510
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,160
Yeah, you must think
I'm a complete idiot.
511
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,120
No. Partial, at best.
512
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:49,640
I'm returning your bottom.
513
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,000
Oh, no, look, wait a minute,
look, Charley...
514
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,880
My tax investigations
are not yet concluded,
515
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,080
so I will see you tomorrow.
516
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,120
Well, this is peculiar.
What?
517
00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:22,320
It's all gone a bit flat-chested
since the taxman showed up, eh?
518
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,480
No thanks, Montgomery.
519
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:30,240
Why's Mr Charlton picking on us?
520
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,080
Fair to say, we have never rushed
to pay tax.
521
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,680
Everyone's like you, aren't they?
Why'd he come calling on us?
522
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,160
Good question.
523
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,760
Just to warn you,
everyone isn't like Pop and Ma.
524
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:41,400
I'm disappointed in Mr Charlton.
525
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,840
Well, no, no, Mariette.
He's all right.
526
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,160
His job's got him by the neck,
is all. Eating him alive.
527
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,440
Yeah, but if he knew you,
he wouldn't be so snotty.
528
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:49,800
Well...
529
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:51,520
I'm going for a walk.
530
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,320
Yeah, all right, love.
531
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,600
He can't treat you like this, Pop.
532
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,520
Anyway, moping never buttered
no parsnips, did it, eh?
533
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:02,440
Victoria, nice work
with the perambulator as well.
534
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,600
What are you doing?
535
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,320
Er, I told you not to eat.
Before the race tomorrow.
536
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,000
I've got to push ya.
537
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,760
Monty!
538
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:14,720
Ma! Put the spuds down!
539
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,080
Oh, no...
540
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:18,600
No, no!
541
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:21,000
What are you doing?
542
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,040
How dare you?
543
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,000
Hey, hey, hey, Primrose, come on.
544
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,200
You two, pack it in, come on.
Kiss and make up.
545
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,800
No! I'm not doing his
Straw Man Race tomorrow.
546
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:33,880
I'm supposed to be the brainy
Larkin, and I'll look fatuous!
547
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,360
You won't!
548
00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:36,440
Look what?
549
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:37,480
Hmm!
550
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,040
Well, you have to do it.
I asked everyone else.
551
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,040
Hmm, so good!
552
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,960
I'll do it.
You can't, Victoria.
553
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,120
Babies have to be 15 and up.
554
00:26:46,120 --> 00:26:49,320
Montgomery,
I'll go in your pram for you.
555
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,360
All right?
I'm as light as a feather.
556
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:54,560
And look, I can pass for a girl.
Hello.
557
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,520
LAUGHTER
558
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,840
Come on, it'll be all right.
Come on, tuck in.
559
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,280
LAUGHTER
I'm gonna spill it!
560
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,800
Course I'll win again.
Won't we, baby doll?
561
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,840
Eh, Pauline?!
562
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:08,480
THEY LAUGH
563
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,120
I need to get a new boyfriend.
564
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,920
Not pushing a pram tomorrow, Alec?
565
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,480
No. I value my dignity.
566
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:20,880
Except I heard the Larkins showed
you up at the May Day Fair.
567
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,480
I don't know what you mean.
568
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:24,520
Montgomery Larkin did a painting,
569
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:27,640
you thought it was a Turner,
and paid a fortune for it.
570
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:29,680
I take no pleasure...
571
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,360
HE GIGGLES
..reminding you.
572
00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:33,960
SHE GIGGLES
573
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,600
Talk of the Devil's sister.
574
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:39,240
Evening, then, lads.
575
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,280
Hi.
576
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:43,480
Er... Could I take you out dancing?
577
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:44,880
Thanks, Dudley.
578
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:48,160
You've been asking me since
we were eight. It's still a no.
579
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,120
Pauline.
580
00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:52,320
Mariette.
581
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:53,960
Have you seen Mr Charlton?
582
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,960
Reckon he's in his room.
He don't seem too happy.
583
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,000
He's a taxman, in't he?
Where's the joy in that?
584
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:01,600
He and I had a good chat.
585
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,200
He's got it in for your father,
hasn't he?
586
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,480
Looks like your family's in trouble.
587
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:16,040
What do you think you're doing?!
588
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:17,600
Me?
Well, apart from anything,
589
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,120
you've been blabbing my pop's
business around to everyone.
590
00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:21,800
Alec Norman is down there gloating.
591
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,320
Well, no, he told me,
not the other way around.
592
00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:26,000
It's you who's playing me
for a fool.
593
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:27,640
No, I was just protecting Dad.
594
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:30,160
Well, maybe you shouldn't.
He and Ma are good people.
595
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:33,760
And you ruined supper tonight.
Nobody could manage seconds.
596
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:35,960
Except Primrose and Montgomery.
And Ma and the twins.
597
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:37,920
Well, you all eat and drink
like lunatics,
598
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:39,480
so a night off
might do you some good.
599
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,520
If we enjoy food and drink,
600
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,280
and generally spending,
especially Pop,
601
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,320
it's because he doesn't hoard money,
he enjoys sharing it around.
602
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:47,880
Well, no, no, he doesn't share it!
603
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,320
Where do you think the family
allowances, pensions,
604
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:51,400
and sick pay come from?
605
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,920
From taxes paid by people
other than your pop!
606
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,000
Argh!
607
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:12,960
Nice evening for it.
608
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,040
What in God's name are you doing?
609
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,280
Oh, this? It's... running.
610
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,800
Why?
Erm... It's healthy.
611
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,680
Meditative. Beautiful.
612
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,080
Ah... Yes, it is.
613
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,440
You seem twitchy.
Let me run you home.
614
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,120
No, I don't run.
615
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:32,000
Unless I'm escaping from a bull.
616
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:33,640
I meant in my car.
617
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,680
Oh... Er, thanks.
618
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:39,200
I need the fresh air,
to clear my head.
619
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,080
I could put you on my shoulders.
620
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,120
I'd actually love to do that.
621
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:44,560
I bet you would.
622
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:46,280
Good night.
623
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:50,200
Precious cargo like you,
I'm really unlikely to drop you.
624
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,480
I feel a bit funny.
625
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:04,320
Hmm. Go on, then.
626
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:06,480
Hmm? No.
627
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,000
The other funny. Here, in my belly.
628
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:10,640
Oh, me, too.
629
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:14,080
Might be indigestion.
You hear about that, don't you?
630
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:16,760
I've never had it in my life, Ma,
and I'm not starting now.
631
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:18,920
No.
632
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:20,960
Old Charlie.
633
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,040
He's got a point.
634
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:25,640
I don't like the way
he was looking at me.
635
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:28,960
Oh, we do our bit.
We can hold our heads up.
636
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:32,280
I'll take your mind off it.
637
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:37,760
Blimey, that's a first!
638
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,080
The whippet's usually
straight out the trap.
639
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,720
Yeah, well, he's curled up
and going nowhere.
640
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,480
COCKEREL CROWS
641
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:51,840
Ignore him.
642
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:23,040
All right there, sir?
643
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,160
Oh, yes, thank you.
644
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,040
Have you enjoyed your stay?
645
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:30,240
Erm... If I'm honest, no.
646
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:33,800
Oh, I bet you wish
you'd only paid half price, then?
647
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:35,560
No, I don't.
648
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,480
Not if it meant benefiting
from Mr Larkin's discount.
649
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:41,480
On second thoughts,
you can't have the toast.
650
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:57,200
Good morning, Mr Charlton.
Brigadier Chand.
651
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:00,760
Edith Pilchester. Miss.
652
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,120
We'd like some tax advice.
653
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:06,800
We pay none,
and you seem to be on the warpath.
654
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,720
Ah, I was actually
just about to leave.
655
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,600
But perhaps you'd like
to write to me at, erm...
656
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:15,560
HE SIGHS
657
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,480
Shall we find a tree to sit under?
658
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:40,920
Girls, go and cheer Pop up.
659
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,600
BOTH: We'll get our recorders!
660
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:43,960
THEY GIGGLE
661
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,760
You're not local, Mr Charlton?
662
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,520
No, no, I live in Catford.
Do you know it?
663
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,800
No, but it sounds charming.
Delightful.
664
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:54,560
We find it very lovely here.
665
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:56,400
Yes, it is.
666
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:58,120
In so many ways.
667
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:00,240
Well, out in the British Army
in India,
668
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:03,960
I said to my sister, "We should
retire to an English village."
669
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:05,440
I've never regretted it.
670
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:07,320
She has, though.
Oh, she hates it.
671
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:08,880
Finds it absolutely ghastly.
672
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:12,920
Ooh, so, you're here to see
our wonderful Mr Larkin.
673
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:16,040
Yes, well, I...
I don't share your admiration.
674
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:17,520
You don't know him.
675
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:19,480
Saved my bacon on a number
of occasions.
676
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:21,200
And mine. Exceedingly generous.
677
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:24,120
And a picture of physical
perfection, of course.
678
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:26,280
I'm on a small pension.
679
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,920
And Edith survives
on very limited investments.
680
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,960
Yes, you seem to be living on...
681
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,160
A pound a week.
That much?
682
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,640
I'm sure Catford is a lap of luxury,
683
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,760
but many of us in the countryside
live on the breadline.
684
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,040
But what if you have a big expense?
685
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:43,920
Mr Larkin often kindly pays.
686
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,200
Also for village gymkhanas.
687
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,320
Barn dances.
The Cheese Hoedown.
688
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:51,160
Sheep Week. Archery in the village
hall, until the accident.
689
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:53,440
Pop always puts his hand
in his pocket.
690
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:54,680
Yes...
691
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:59,240
My sister and some others resent him
cos nobody likes to be beholden.
692
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:00,920
But he never takes advantage.
693
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,800
WHEELBARROW PASSES
694
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:06,000
Do stay for the Straw Man Race.
695
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:07,880
Mr Larkin pays for the beer.
696
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,840
HE CHUCKLES
697
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:17,680
What's this, the gathering
of the poor and needy?
698
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,440
I trust you nailed our man,
Charlton?
699
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:23,080
Your boss will want your neck,
won't he?
700
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,720
Then you'll all be on skid row.
701
00:34:25,720 --> 00:34:27,840
ENGINE ROARS, TYRES SCREECH
702
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,480
Perhaps I will stay.
703
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:49,680
THEY PLAY TUNELESSLY
704
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:50,880
There she blows.
705
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:56,320
Oh, that's orchestra quality,
that, isn't it?
706
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:58,080
There's no stopping you two.
707
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,720
Oh, you're dancing as well. Lovely.
708
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,560
THEY CONTINUE PLAYING
709
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:21,720
Wow...
710
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,200
I, er... I owe you an apology.
711
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,240
Oh, don't be so daft.
712
00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:30,560
But go on.
713
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,920
Well,
you still have sizeable arrears.
714
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,600
You're not wrong.
Cheeky!
715
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:39,320
And you may have to sell all
or part of the farm.
716
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:43,960
But I think I understand now
how you work. How's that?
717
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:45,760
You clearly give away more off
your own back
718
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:47,160
than you'd ever have to pay in tax.
719
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:48,480
But who's counted?
720
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:49,760
So, the good news is
721
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,240
that you can actually offset
your charitable donations
722
00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:54,280
and reduce your year-on-year
liabilities
723
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:57,200
whilst compartmentalising
your emoluments.
724
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,360
And I can help you with that.
725
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:05,440
Ooh... Your Alec Norman
obviously does not like you.
726
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:08,440
And I'm pretty sure he's told
my boss to give you a hard time.
727
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,480
So you can call the dogs off now?
No.
728
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:13,280
I still have to investigate
any irregularities.
729
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,560
I'm sorry, it's my job.
730
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,480
Then get a better job.
731
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:19,440
I have thought...
Hello!
732
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,480
Hello, Aunt Fan.
733
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:22,520
Montgomery!
734
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:26,320
Your new baby's arrived.
735
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:29,400
Sorry for lateness.
I couldn't find my nappy.
736
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:35,440
Right, then. Go on, off you go.
737
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:39,560
Montgomery, remember,
you're drinking squash, not beer.
738
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,120
And watch out for that vicar,
he's a cheater.
739
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:44,560
And I don't mean that
speedy leopard thing.
740
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:45,960
Come on, kids.
741
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:48,200
Come and show Aunt Fan the pram.
742
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:55,720
Aw, that's good.
743
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,600
I'm sorry.
It's OK.
744
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:03,760
Also good.
745
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:11,720
Better and better.
746
00:37:11,720 --> 00:37:13,680
SHE SIGHS
747
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:16,200
But that won't do.
748
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:20,720
This isn't you,
moping around the shop.
749
00:37:20,720 --> 00:37:23,160
You reckon?
Nah.
750
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:26,640
Are you gonna rouse yourself
and save our farm,
751
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:30,440
or carry on sitting there
like a narky old goat?
752
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:59,280
And welcome
to this year's Straw Man Race.
753
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:01,800
I'm Johnny Delamere.
754
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:03,440
APPLAUSE
Too kind.
755
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:06,320
Oi, Vicar. The minimum baby age
is 15. You're cheating.
756
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:07,720
Shut your face.
757
00:38:07,720 --> 00:38:11,400
And never has the phrase
"beautiful baby" been so apt.
758
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,640
Except in one or two cases.
759
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:15,040
What did he say?
760
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:17,560
The straw reminds me
of when I played the Scarecrow
761
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,360
in Wizard at Woking Rec.
762
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,640
The Tin Man lit a fag in the wings
and set fire to me.
763
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:25,680
Onto the stage I went,
smouldering and burning,
764
00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:28,760
until Toto, bless him, cocked
his leg on me, and all was well.
765
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:30,880
Well, I hope that doesn't happen
again today.
766
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:34,800
Lost your nervy fella, Mariette.
767
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:36,240
Looks like it.
768
00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:40,400
And so, to recap the rules,
769
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:44,040
every straw man must visit
each of the village's seven pubs,
770
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:46,040
and imbibe half a pint of ale.
771
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:48,080
Hello, Miss Pilchester.
Is Mr Larkin here?
772
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:49,520
He never misses a do.
773
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:51,080
No, he's got a lot on.
774
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:53,400
On your marks, get set,
775
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:55,480
gooooooooo...
776
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:56,760
Now!
777
00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:58,800
CHEERING AND SHOUTING
778
00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:05,200
WHOA!
779
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:09,960
Ha! We've had an early faller!
780
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,160
Ah, hello, Alec.
781
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:21,240
I'm in a spot of bother. Wondered
if I could have a little chinwag.
782
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:31,960
Oh, Lord, God of vengeance,
shine forth!
783
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,280
All right, calm down!
784
00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:35,520
Ah!
785
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:46,160
SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
786
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:59,120
Yee-ha!
787
00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:05,160
There we go.
Come on, come on!
788
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:15,480
Well done. On your way.
789
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:31,800
Honest truth,
you've got me bang to rights.
790
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:36,240
And who can blame you for ratting
on me to the Inland Revenue?
791
00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:37,920
It's all you deserve, frankly.
792
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,680
Over the years, you've treated me
with an utter lack of respect.
793
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:41,920
If you say so.
794
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:44,920
And credit where it's due, you've
got an old mucker in the tax office,
795
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:47,000
and you've sat on him
to do what you want to do.
796
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:50,400
I wouldn't say sat on, but anyway,
good luck finding all that back tax.
797
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:52,960
But, Alec, you see,
you're in business, like myself.
798
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:56,840
But you blew the whistle on me,
so you must be squeaky, right?
799
00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:57,960
Squeaky?
800
00:40:57,960 --> 00:40:59,080
Yeah, squeaky clean.
801
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:00,360
Yes, I am.
802
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,960
And paid the tax on everything
that you should have?
803
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,280
Like, for instance,
your housekeeper Janet?
804
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:07,920
I mean, you've paid her
employment stamp, yeah? Well...
805
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:09,720
And you didn't fiddle
the purchase tax
806
00:41:09,720 --> 00:41:11,720
on that lovely red lady runaround
you've got?
807
00:41:11,720 --> 00:41:13,280
It's a high-performance sports car.
808
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:15,160
Or forget to declare the rental
809
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:17,200
on your dead mum-in-law's house
in Ramsgate?
810
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:19,920
Or other bits of cash you've got
coming in from this and that?
811
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:21,480
Well, you'll never know, will you?
812
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:23,920
Because you don't have access
to my financial affairs.
813
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:25,200
Or do I?
814
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:30,000
Or do I?!
815
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:34,120
OR DO I?!
816
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:35,680
Yes.
817
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:37,440
Mr Alec Norman,
818
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:39,920
by the powers invested in me
by Her Majesty's Revenue,
819
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:42,760
I shall look
into your bank statements,
820
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:44,720
and other papers, and what not,
821
00:41:44,720 --> 00:41:47,760
and we shall... We will see.
822
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:49,800
Don't be ridiculous.
823
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,440
All right,
I will mention to your boss,
824
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:59,000
with whom, yes, I happen to have
been at school with,
825
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:02,640
that I may have been hasty
in suggesting that...
826
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:05,160
Let me stop you there.
Listen, it was only a bit of fun.
827
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:07,520
Let me stop you there.
828
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:11,120
Because there's more important
things than talking to you.
829
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:15,960
E-E-Exactly.
830
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:20,200
VOMITING
831
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:27,680
SMASH
832
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:32,160
I hope Montgomery
isn't too disappointed.
833
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:34,040
CHEERING
834
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:36,160
You cheating swine!
835
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:38,440
And here they come,
they've had a bit of a skinful,
836
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,120
so won't be making much sense.
837
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:43,040
You did it, Monty! You do care
about your little brother after all.
838
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,120
No, I don't.
839
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:46,400
How's my girls? You all right?
840
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,600
Dad, where's Charlie?
841
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:55,160
Oh, no, look out!
842
00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:56,240
Huh?
843
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:01,400
Oh, sorry, sorry.
844
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,360
VICAR'S WHEEL RATTLES
Oh, no, no! Bugger!
845
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:11,600
It's so English, I could cry.
846
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:13,440
Go on, Monty!
Go on, go on!
847
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:15,480
CHEERING
848
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:17,320
And we have the winner!
849
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:21,640
Nice young chap,
pushing one of the older babies.
850
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:23,400
We did it!
Well done!
851
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:27,040
Fantastic.
852
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:30,440
HE GROANS
853
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:34,200
Argh!
854
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:35,960
Are you hurt?
Oh, no.
855
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:38,080
HE WINCES
No.
856
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,320
I'll just deal
with this broken leg later (!)
857
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:45,000
Mariette, I am so sorry.
858
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,640
I have brought nothing but
disruption to you and your family.
859
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:49,720
We haven't made your life
easy either.
860
00:43:49,720 --> 00:43:52,440
Don't rush past town,
861
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:54,760
if you fancy staying with us
for a while?
862
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:56,160
Yeah.
863
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:57,720
Yeah, I would love to.
864
00:43:57,720 --> 00:43:59,000
Er...
865
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:00,560
CLAPPING
866
00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:02,440
Well done, you Larkins.
867
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:05,520
Oh, ta. Well, with legs like yours,
you'll win it next year.
868
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:07,600
Maybe with you in my pram?
869
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:10,320
Oh, sorry. Charlie, Tom.
870
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:11,440
Tom, Charlie.
871
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:12,800
Oh, hi.
872
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:14,640
Nice suit.
873
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:16,440
Oh, thank you.
874
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:18,840
Actually, I meant him over there.
875
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:20,440
Oh, right...
876
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:25,560
Heh, I...
877
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:27,320
I sense you're not very good
at small talk?
878
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:30,200
No, no, I'm good at everything.
879
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:33,360
Right...
880
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:36,480
It's all a bit well-behaved this
year, in't it? Hmm.
881
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:39,360
HE GULPS
882
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:41,360
Let me find an atheist
to be sick on.
883
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:45,160
HE VOMITS
884
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:49,160
It's not pretty,
but it is tradition.
885
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:55,240
Turned out all right today,
then, Ma.
886
00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:57,160
I'd say so.
887
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:01,720
Mr Charlton's joining us at home.
888
00:45:01,720 --> 00:45:04,000
Is he? Primrose!
889
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:06,160
I need you to strangle
another goose.
890
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,080
You should be proud, Primrose.
891
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:10,640
In the classical heritage,
892
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:14,680
killing what you eat is often
seen as the rarest of compliments.
893
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:16,320
He's a smart one.
894
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:20,000
Is it me, Charlie,
or are you looking a bit less nervy?
895
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:23,560
Someone with your nous would be
quite an asset round these parts.
896
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:25,080
Larkin.
Eh?
897
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,160
We need a word.
898
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:29,960
Right, what you got?
899
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:33,640
I'm afraid we've decided
not to sell our house to you.
900
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:36,120
Your down payment.
901
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:38,320
It's all there.
902
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:40,000
So, what's all this about, then?
903
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:41,640
We've had a better offer.
904
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:43,680
Who from?
Tom Fisher.
905
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:49,040
Rather than knock it down,
he's turning it into a lovely hotel.
906
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:02,120
Right, then. Who's starving?
907
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:06,360
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