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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,381 --> 00:00:07,967 Previously on The L Word: Generation Q... 2 00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:10,053 pulsing, energetic music 3 00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,763 How'd it go with Nat? 4 00:00:11,763 --> 00:00:14,474 Did she give us permission to live together? 5 00:00:14,474 --> 00:00:15,725 She didn't say no. 6 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:17,435 She just said she wants to know you better. 7 00:00:17,435 --> 00:00:18,811 Are you dating me or her? 8 00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:19,979 Oh, my. Daniela... 9 00:00:19,979 --> 00:00:21,773 I think I'm gonna go back to school. 10 00:00:21,773 --> 00:00:23,816 I mean, wow, that's incredible. 11 00:00:23,816 --> 00:00:25,318 Are you breaking up with me? 12 00:00:25,318 --> 00:00:28,112 Worst first night of college ever. 13 00:00:28,112 --> 00:00:29,655 I mean, you're single and in L.A. 14 00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:30,990 Ooh. 15 00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:33,868 This could be, like, my ho phase. 16 00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:36,537 You and me, let's open that second bar. 17 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,456 I'll do anything with you. 18 00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:41,501 Oh, no. You've got the itch. 19 00:00:41,501 --> 00:00:42,543 What itch? 20 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:43,586 Things get too real, 21 00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:45,171 you get restless, 22 00:00:45,171 --> 00:00:47,423 and then you start to, like, wiggle. 23 00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:48,508 Please. I don't wiggle. 24 00:00:48,508 --> 00:00:49,509 I need to go. 25 00:00:49,509 --> 00:00:50,843 Yes. 26 00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:52,428 I need to go! Oh, my God. 27 00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:55,098 You're... you're not thinking clearly. 28 00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:56,182 You love it here. 29 00:00:56,182 --> 00:00:57,850 You love your friends and your job. 30 00:00:57,850 --> 00:00:59,060 That's true. 31 00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,687 That's all true, but I love you more. 32 00:01:02,188 --> 00:01:04,148 Please, may I come with you? 33 00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:05,983 No, they just have something real, you know. 34 00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,151 That would be nice. 35 00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:08,945 I'm sorry for reacting 36 00:01:08,945 --> 00:01:10,530 the way I did earlier. 37 00:01:10,530 --> 00:01:12,240 I love you. 38 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:19,122 I don't find trouble, yeah 39 00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:21,290 Trouble finds me 40 00:01:30,049 --> 00:01:31,134 You look good, 41 00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:32,760 but we should bring you in for observation. 42 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,012 Okay. Thank you so much. 43 00:01:35,638 --> 00:01:36,764 White female, conscious, 44 00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,266 presenting with head injuries... 45 00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:39,433 Hi. 46 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,060 Hey, you. 47 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,730 gentle music 48 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,192 Whoa. - That's my face. 49 00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:49,986 Sorry. - Mm. 50 00:01:49,986 --> 00:01:53,030 I think I might have just pressed glass into your skin. 51 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,533 You've always been good in crisis. 52 00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:57,535 Yeah. - Sorry, ma'am. 53 00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,794 Hey, I'm looking for my girlfriend. 54 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,462 Yeah, she's there. - Oh, thank you. 55 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:09,422 Hey. 56 00:02:09,422 --> 00:02:10,631 Hey, I got here as fast as I could. 57 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,049 Great. 58 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,010 Oh, my God. 59 00:02:15,887 --> 00:02:18,472 Are you okay? - I am okay. 60 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,474 I'll just wait outside. 61 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,477 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. - Sorry. 62 00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:29,400 I'll be right back, okay? 63 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,277 Nat? 64 00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:36,866 Uh, thank you for getting here 65 00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:38,367 as fast as you did. - Oh. 66 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,328 Yeah, I'm her emergency contact, 67 00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:42,288 so I had a head start. 68 00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:44,207 Oh, well, that's... 69 00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,834 Which we should change, you know? 70 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,002 It should be you. 71 00:02:48,002 --> 00:02:48,961 Right. 72 00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:50,046 Only one of you can ride. 73 00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:51,172 Oh, that-that's me. 74 00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,632 Yeah. 75 00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:55,259 Well, call me if you need anything. 76 00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:57,261 I'll be around. 77 00:02:57,261 --> 00:03:00,932 "Trouble's Comin'" by Rayelle 78 00:03:00,932 --> 00:03:03,768 It's going down, down, down 79 00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:07,355 You can feel it all around, round, round 80 00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:11,025 Ain't no way to stop it now, now, now 81 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:13,694 Better start running 82 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:17,406 Running, running 83 00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,618 Can you believe 84 00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:22,828 they let me make this show a hundred times? 85 00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:25,122 Yes. It's gonna be a great show. 86 00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,958 Oh, my God, the dating show segment? 87 00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:28,376 Yeah. - Genius. 88 00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:29,835 Thank you. The flowers look great. 89 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,963 And all the contestants have been vetted, right? 90 00:03:31,963 --> 00:03:32,880 Yes. 91 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,298 Okay, 'cause I'm looking for the one. 92 00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:35,675 Right. No cults, no mixed martial arts and... 93 00:03:35,675 --> 00:03:36,842 What do you think? 94 00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:38,302 Yes. - You got it. 95 00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,680 ...no improvisers of any kind. 96 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,473 Yeah, that last one's very important. 97 00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,642 What if this really works? 98 00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:46,143 I mean, what if I find my person? 99 00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,229 Oh, my God! Yeah. - Wouldn't it be amazing? 100 00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:50,773 Soso and Allyce? - That's us. 101 00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:52,441 I'm sorry if I'm butchering those. 102 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:56,404 My coworker Kim here got bit by a pig at her family reunion 103 00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:58,239 and her thumb hasn't been the same. 104 00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:00,741 Oh, sorry about your thumb. - Thanks. 105 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,785 Right, well, I'll see you out there. 106 00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:03,911 Okay. 107 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,830 Oh. 108 00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:08,082 Oh! You. Alice. 109 00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:10,084 Uh, yeah, that's me. 110 00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:11,335 Yeah, I mean, 111 00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,337 I guess I shouldn't be surprised given where I am, 112 00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:14,630 I mean, physically... 113 00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:16,424 Oh, in the... - Here. Yeah. 114 00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:17,883 Yeah. Lines up. - Yeah. 115 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:19,343 'Cause the show's called Alice... 116 00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:20,386 Hang on. 117 00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:22,054 I can add a little something special here. 118 00:04:22,054 --> 00:04:24,473 Kim usually does the latte art, 119 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:27,101 but I'll give it my best shot. 120 00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:29,520 Ta-da. 121 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,230 Oh, you made a, um... - I can do a heart, 122 00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:32,857 but that just felt a little obvious, 123 00:04:32,857 --> 00:04:34,066 so I went with chaos. 124 00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,609 Or a little modern art. 125 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,028 It was nice to meet you. 126 00:04:37,028 --> 00:04:38,696 Yeah, you, too. - Good luck on the show. 127 00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:40,990 Oh, are you gonna stay and watch? 128 00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:42,199 No, no, no, no. 129 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,118 Um, I'll have to overanalyze this conversation 130 00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:45,536 for like two hours, so... 131 00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:46,871 Why? It's going so well. 132 00:04:48,039 --> 00:04:49,373 No, you should stay and watch. 133 00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,042 It's-it's nice to have real fans in the audience 134 00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:53,377 and not just confused tourists who think 135 00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:54,712 they're here to see Ellen. 136 00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:56,756 Sold. 137 00:04:56,756 --> 00:04:58,382 Okay, great. 138 00:04:58,382 --> 00:04:59,759 slow, wistful music 139 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,235 Hey. - Hey. 140 00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:22,156 Going to the new bar. Want to break some shit? 141 00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:24,241 Uh... yeah. - Yeah? 142 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,285 That actually sounds like a dream come true. 143 00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,286 Let's go. 144 00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:29,246 Holy shit. 145 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:31,916 - Let's have some fun. - "Pony" by Ginuwine 146 00:05:31,916 --> 00:05:35,503 I'm just a bachelor 147 00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:38,798 I'm looking for a partner 148 00:05:38,798 --> 00:05:42,510 Someone who knows how to ride 149 00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:46,222 Without even falling off 150 00:05:46,222 --> 00:05:49,517 Got to be compatible 151 00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:52,686 Takes me to my limits 152 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,940 Girl, when I break you off 153 00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:59,235 I promise that you won't wanna get off 154 00:05:59,235 --> 00:06:00,611 If you're horny 155 00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:06,450 Let's do it, ride it, my pony 156 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:09,787 My saddle's waiting 157 00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:13,290 Come and jump on it 158 00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:15,668 If you're horny, let's do it 159 00:06:15,668 --> 00:06:19,547 Ride it, my pony 160 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:22,716 My saddle's waiting 161 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:27,263 Come and jump on it 162 00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:32,226 Hey. 163 00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:36,397 You think I'd be, like, good at school? 164 00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:38,691 What? 165 00:06:38,691 --> 00:06:41,610 You know, like, college. 166 00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,575 I don't know. Were you any good before? 167 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:50,536 No, not really. - 168 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:54,415 Yes, I love that place. I'll meet you there. Um... 169 00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:57,126 Sorry, can you hold on just one second. 170 00:06:57,126 --> 00:07:01,005 Um, hi. What the hell do the two of you think you're doing? 171 00:07:01,005 --> 00:07:02,381 We don't start demo until tomorrow. 172 00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:03,924 I know. I know, I know, I know, 173 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,634 but we got a head start, and look how much we got done. 174 00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:06,760 I mean, check that out. 175 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,054 Come on. Come on, have a whack. 176 00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:11,682 It's a maj stress reliever. Have a whack. 177 00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:13,934 No, Finley, I don't want to give it a whack. 178 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,520 All right. Your loss. 179 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,814 Oh, shit! Fuck! 180 00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:19,773 Okay. 181 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,942 I'm gonna stop the water. 182 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,319 I got it! I got it! 183 00:07:23,319 --> 00:07:24,653 Finley, go around the corner. 184 00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,697 It's not a big deal, Tess. 185 00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,073 Truly. Just calm down. - You there? 186 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:30,326 Yeah, actually, can you meet me here? 187 00:07:30,326 --> 00:07:32,661 Great, I'm gonna text you the address right now. 188 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,205 Okay, bye. 189 00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:35,915 This is exactly why 190 00:07:35,915 --> 00:07:37,708 you should not be fucking around in here. 191 00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,126 It's just... - I have got so much 192 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,086 on my plate already and now, this. 193 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,506 Tess, it's just an accident. - You're gonna have to tell Alice 194 00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:44,757 that I can't make it tonight 195 00:07:44,757 --> 00:07:46,509 because I'm gonna be here waiting for a plumber. 196 00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:47,801 Why? No, no, no. 197 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,346 I can help with that. 198 00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:54,683 Your help is how this happened. So thanks, but no thanks. 199 00:07:56,769 --> 00:07:58,771 All right, then. 200 00:07:58,771 --> 00:08:01,315 I should just stay out of your way then. 201 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:03,317 Hmm? 202 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:05,361 Yeah. - Yeah, I will. 203 00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:09,532 Oh, my God. 204 00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:11,033 slow, tranquil music 205 00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:13,035 Did you get the chocolate fountain? 206 00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:16,664 Yup. Whatever Alice wants, I'll make it happen. 207 00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:17,957 It's her show. 208 00:08:17,957 --> 00:08:20,000 Oh, yeah. - Okay, leaving now. 209 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,461 All right, see you there. - Bye. 210 00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:24,547 Hi and bye. 211 00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:27,341 Have you seen my other earring? Is it in the bathroom? 212 00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:28,926 I didn't see it. 213 00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:31,762 Mm. I'm sorry. 214 00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:32,888 Just borrow a pair of mine. 215 00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:35,724 Your car's gonna be here at 3:00. 216 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,851 He's usually a little early, so... 217 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,437 Okay. - 218 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,689 Not that early. 219 00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:44,066 Oh, it's... 220 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:45,651 Nat. 221 00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:49,029 Hi. - Hi. 222 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,823 Um... 223 00:08:50,823 --> 00:08:53,158 Sorry, what are you... what are you doing here? 224 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:56,203 Oh, hi. Uh, Gigi just called me. 225 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,413 Oh. 226 00:08:57,413 --> 00:08:59,540 I can't get ready on my own, 227 00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,000 and I didn't want you to be late. 228 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,668 Yeah. 229 00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:03,961 Happy to help. 230 00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,087 Right. - Yeah. 231 00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:07,673 No. Sure, that's great. 232 00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:10,801 Yeah. Um, I will... 233 00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,595 see you... both 234 00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,013 at Alice's show later then? 235 00:09:14,013 --> 00:09:15,222 Oh, yeah. 236 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,265 I will be there. 237 00:09:16,265 --> 00:09:17,933 Margaret Cho is on my bucket list. 238 00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:20,019 Not to... - Great. 239 00:09:20,019 --> 00:09:21,562 ...fuck, just meet. 240 00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:24,189 Sure. Right. Um... - 241 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,524 All right. I love you. 242 00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:26,775 Love you. 243 00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:29,111 Bye! 244 00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:31,697 Hi! - Hi. 245 00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:33,157 How are you doing? - 246 00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:34,825 Uh, I feel like shit. 247 00:09:34,825 --> 00:09:37,286 But I'm on a lot of drugs. 248 00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:38,621 Nice. - No, I'm good. 249 00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:41,457 Honestly... I've had five days off. 250 00:09:41,457 --> 00:09:43,709 I can't remember the last time I had five days off. 251 00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:46,253 Oh. Well, I actually do remember. 252 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:50,424 Yeah, it was when you got hand, foot and mouth from the kids, 253 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:54,637 and I don't think you went out in public for, like, a week. 254 00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:55,721 Okay, fine. 255 00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:58,599 Last time was when I had hand, foot and mouth. 256 00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,184 Yeah. 257 00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,732 Do you want to talk about... 258 00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:10,027 ...what happened the other night? 259 00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:12,988 No. 260 00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,658 All right. [chuckles] 261 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,243 I mean, honestly, it was... 262 00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,870 it was nothing. 263 00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:21,413 Yeah. - Yeah. 264 00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:23,874 Right? - Mm. Yes. 265 00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:26,043 slow, somber music 266 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,922 Yeah, no, no. It's-it's good, Mom, I swear. 267 00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:33,008 Jordi's just... having trouble with boundaries 268 00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:34,802 and, like, texting me a lot. 269 00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,637 But I'm fine, you know? 270 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,681 I'm-I'm excited for class, you know? 271 00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,432 I feel like it's, um... 272 00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:42,309 a fresh start, you know? 273 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,019 Okay. I love you. 274 00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:46,730 Yes. Yes, yes, it's on my keychain. 275 00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:49,566 Okay. I love you. Bye. 276 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:57,574 Hey, y'all! Um, my name is Samuel Hendrix. 277 00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:58,951 I am your professor. 278 00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:03,080 We're gonna investigate our own individual creativity, 'kay? 279 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,707 Um, I am a poet, 280 00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:07,251 a songwriter, a lousy piano player 281 00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:08,377 and I wrote a book once. 282 00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:09,837 That therefore qualifies me 283 00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:13,257 to be your Introduction to Creative Writing instructor. 284 00:11:13,257 --> 00:11:15,509 Welcome, y'all. - 285 00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,511 Okay... - Fuck me. 286 00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:19,555 So... 287 00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:21,098 we're gonna... 288 00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:23,434 we're gonna jump right in. 289 00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:25,519 Hey! - Hey! 290 00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,521 Happy 100th. - 291 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:28,939 The chart. 292 00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,357 Right? - Oh! 293 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,775 God, where it all began. 294 00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:33,444 Just a reminder of your humble beginnings. 295 00:11:33,444 --> 00:11:34,737 I love it. Let's hang it. 296 00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:36,071 Take that down. I can't stand this picture. 297 00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,322 I did your hair for that. 298 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:40,284 Well, I like my hair. I just... 299 00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:41,994 This is better. 300 00:11:41,994 --> 00:11:43,328 Right? 301 00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:44,496 Love it! 302 00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,665 Ugh. Oh-- - Do you still talk to her? 303 00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:48,876 No. No, no. - She was really cute. 304 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,043 Um, Bette and Tina got me 305 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,295 those flowers. - That's nice. 306 00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:52,671 Pretty. - Glad they're making it work. 307 00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,631 Mm. Tom got me a basket of Bic pens. 308 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,676 That's odd. - Well, you know, I turned down 309 00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:59,011 the marriage proposal. - Right. 310 00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:00,721 But he's still able to be a good friend. 311 00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,723 Or he's still hoping. 312 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:04,808 Honestly, either way is fine. 313 00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:05,976 Is this for me, too? 314 00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:07,478 What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. - This one. 315 00:12:07,478 --> 00:12:09,271 That's just my old hair products. 316 00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:10,564 Oh. Yeah, I don't want that. 317 00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:12,483 I know you don't, but Ivy does. 318 00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:15,611 And I figured I'd give 'em to her, so... 319 00:12:15,611 --> 00:12:16,612 Okay. 320 00:12:16,612 --> 00:12:17,988 Do you know where I can find her? 321 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:19,990 Yeah. Over here. - 322 00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:22,326 You two really hit it off the other night. 323 00:12:22,326 --> 00:12:24,536 No, it was just work. - Mm. 324 00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,038 Where's Tess? 325 00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:29,208 Unfortunately, she's not able to make it. 326 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,585 So she wanted me to send you her love. 327 00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,378 Well, I'm sorry she's gonna miss it. 328 00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:34,254 Me, too. 329 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,131 Oh. Real quick-- 330 00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,299 don't sit in the front. 331 00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:38,634 I don't want to give too much away, 332 00:12:38,634 --> 00:12:40,469 but there is a lube slip-and-slide. 333 00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:41,720 It might get a little messy. 334 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,139 How do you come up with this shit? 335 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,558 Okay, so, VIPs are gonna hang 336 00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:47,893 in the Alice lounge. - Huh. 337 00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,895 I got this queer winemaker to sponsor it. 338 00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:51,980 Um, the list is getting pretty long though, 339 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:54,024 so I'm thinking we do overflow in the greenroom. 340 00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:55,776 All right, that sounds... good. 341 00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:56,819 I mean, that'll work. 342 00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:59,363 Um... - Oh, hey, how's Gigi? 343 00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:02,157 Uh, you know, ribs take a while to heal. 344 00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:03,408 But other than that, she's fine. 345 00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:05,911 Okay. Well, hey, um... 346 00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,204 when's she's feeling better, 347 00:13:07,204 --> 00:13:09,122 why don't you guys come over for dinner? 348 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,999 With me and Finley. - Uh... 349 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,459 M-Maybe. 350 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,044 Ouch. 351 00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:15,212 I said maybe. 352 00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:16,880 Come on. - 353 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,841 - This bitch. - Didn't see that coming 354 00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:21,301 Didn't see that coming 355 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,012 There's also, I think, like, a pipe or something 356 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,848 rattling in the ceiling. - Okay. 357 00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:26,849 Could be animals. 358 00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:28,767 Rats. - Uh-oh. 359 00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,102 I stopped feeding 'em. 360 00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:31,520 Okay, I'm gonna check everything out. 361 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,771 Okay, great. Thank you. 362 00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,314 If you need anything from me, just come 363 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,440 and find me. I'll be here all day. 364 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,692 Sounds great. -'Kay. 365 00:13:36,692 --> 00:13:39,444 Tess, please don't stay here. 366 00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,738 I'm the one that broke the pipe. 367 00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:42,865 I know, but-- 368 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,616 Listen, you shouldn't have to stay with the plumber. 369 00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:46,535 I-I want to. Really. Please? 370 00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:47,786 No, it's fine. 371 00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:50,455 My sponsee's already on the way and-- 372 00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,165 I got the highlighter. I got the book. 373 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,126 I know the AA deal. - 374 00:13:54,126 --> 00:13:56,461 I can't ask you to do that. - No, 375 00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:57,504 you're not asking. 376 00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,797 Please? 377 00:13:58,797 --> 00:13:59,756 I want to. 378 00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:00,716 Let me make this right. 379 00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:02,384 Come on. Go be with Shane. 380 00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:06,346 I was... 381 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,724 way harsh on her earlier. 382 00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:11,393 soft, somber music 383 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,317 Next week's gonna be a deep dive into structure, 384 00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:19,526 so be ready for that. 385 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,361 Also, if you want to hear some great writing, 386 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,906 my buddy is doing a reading at the campus bookstore. 387 00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,949 Hi, excuse me. Will you just wait one second? 388 00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:27,701 Yeah. - Um, yeah, that's it. 389 00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:28,869 Um, hi. 390 00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:33,040 Uh, I have a quick question for you. 391 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,125 Um... 392 00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:37,252 it is you, right? 393 00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:41,131 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I knew it was you. [laughs] 394 00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,132 Hi! 395 00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,176 Um, yes, I just-- 396 00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:47,763 I wanted to say I'm sorry about... 397 00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:50,724 like, kissing you the other night. 398 00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:55,479 Um, just please know that won't, like, ever happen again. 399 00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:57,564 I had just broken up with my first girlfriend 400 00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,733 who I was in love with, and my moms are, like, 401 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,401 getting back together, which is, like, a whole thing. 402 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,696 And it's my-- it's my first week of college. 403 00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,198 Anyway, I just want you to know 404 00:15:06,198 --> 00:15:10,285 if-if you want me to, like, drop your class, I totally will. 405 00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:13,914 I'm happy you're in my class. 406 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,584 Okay. 407 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,086 Okay. Great. 408 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:21,004 I'll see you next week? 409 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:22,839 See ya. 410 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:26,009 lighthearted music 411 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,520 Give Alice five. 412 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,188 I thought you gave Wardrobe ten. 413 00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:40,065 Yeah, but we got to give Alice five so she gets here on time. 414 00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,484 Oh, gotcha. - No, no, it's yours. 415 00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:44,653 Thank you. Thank you, thank you. 416 00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,029 You don't need to thank me. - Five minutes. 417 00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:48,448 That was collecting dust in my garage. 418 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,282 What? 419 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:52,119 This is literally liquid gold. 420 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,162 Y'all hear that? Nobody touch my shit. 421 00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:56,039 This is a no-fly zone. - Okay, okay. 422 00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:57,666 15 minutes, everyone. 423 00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:59,459 15 minutes till showtime. 424 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,670 All right, I'm gonna go get my seat. 425 00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:04,047 You don't want to hang back here? 426 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,632 This is where all the fun is. 427 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,883 "All Diamonds" by Nightgames 428 00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,760 I'll find a place 429 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,012 For myself... 430 00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:11,930 I feel lots of love here, people. 431 00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,640 Okay. - Uh-huh. 432 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,142 You know what time it is. - All right, can I get you 433 00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,269 any water or anything? You want some... 434 00:16:17,269 --> 00:16:19,062 Oh, I heard there was champagne. 435 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,233 No, you're-- I mean, you're probably busy. I-I could get it. 436 00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:25,277 No, I-I can get it. - You're so busy. 437 00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:26,153 I will get it. 438 00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:27,362 You sure? Okay. - Yeah. 439 00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:28,405 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 440 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:29,322 How you feeling? 441 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,365 You okay? - I'm fine. 442 00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,783 Go do your thing. - Okay. 443 00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:33,994 Well, the show starts in ten, 444 00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:36,079 if you need anything before then. 445 00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,080 Oh! I do. 446 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,750 Uh, these are for Alice. 447 00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:40,917 Yeah. I wanted 448 00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,377 to get her flowers, but the lady by the side 449 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,130 of the freeway only had oranges today, so... 450 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,048 there you go. 451 00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,466 S-So you got oranges? 452 00:16:47,466 --> 00:16:48,550 Okay. 453 00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:49,593 Yep. - Wonderful. 454 00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:51,595 I'll see she gets these. 455 00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:53,764 Thanks. - Yeah. 456 00:16:53,764 --> 00:16:56,016 Mm-hmm. 457 00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:58,852 I feel like she didn't think that was funny. 458 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:01,188 I wouldn't take it personally. - 459 00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,898 'Kay. 460 00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:04,691 You got some fluff in your hair. 461 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:05,776 Oh. 462 00:17:05,776 --> 00:17:08,028 Thanks. - Mm-hmm. 463 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,362 Got it? 464 00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:11,573 Hair's looking healthy. 465 00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:13,992 You finally using new products? 466 00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,495 Yeah, actually. 467 00:17:16,495 --> 00:17:19,873 It's, uh, called Grape Jelly by Eli. 468 00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:24,336 Yeah, it's applied by just flinging it across the table. 469 00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:26,046 It's in high demand. 470 00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,297 I'll try and get you his number. 471 00:17:33,804 --> 00:17:36,473 I saw you when I got hit. 472 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:40,393 Yeah, I-I can't believe how fast I was able to get there. 473 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,812 No. 474 00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:46,566 The way they say your life flashes before your eyes. 475 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,279 I saw you and the kids. 476 00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:54,407 My family. 477 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,244 soft, sentimental music 478 00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,704 I'm sure it was just... the adrenaline. 479 00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:01,164 You know? That's all. - Here you go. 480 00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,499 Oh, thank you. 481 00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:04,000 Yeah. 482 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,336 What are they? 483 00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:07,254 That's right. 484 00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,548 Um, she didn't bring you a glass. 485 00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:11,716 No. 486 00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,635 You know what? That's okay. Actually, 487 00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:16,304 I think I have a reusable straw in here. 488 00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:17,973 Let's see. 489 00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:20,433 upbeat, funky music 490 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,435 Na-na-na, na-na-na-na 491 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:25,522 Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na 492 00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,649 Whoo! Let's take it from the top now 493 00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:28,984 Take it from the top... 494 00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:30,402 Finley? 495 00:18:30,402 --> 00:18:31,736 Hi! - Hi. 496 00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:32,946 Carrie, right? - Yes, hi. 497 00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,197 Hi, how are you? - I'm good. 498 00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:35,615 Nice to meet you. - Thank you. You, too. 499 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,617 You know, Tess described you so perfectly. 500 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,661 Oh. - She said, "Leonardo DiCaprio 501 00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:40,954 from Romeo + Juliet." 502 00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,914 And with the hair and everything, I totally see it. 503 00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:46,084 Wow, that is weirdly the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me. 504 00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:47,252 Wow. 505 00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:49,880 God, I must be on some kind of gender journey, huh? 506 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,340 Yeah. I wouldn't know enough about that to say. 507 00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:54,092 So what do we do? 508 00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:55,218 Uh, yeah, sit down. 509 00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:56,803 Right here? - Yeah. 510 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:57,762 Okay. 511 00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:59,931 Wait, so how do you know Tess? 512 00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:02,100 I hit rock bottom. I went on a bender. 513 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,019 That's when Tess became my sponsor. 514 00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:05,645 So, I'm here 515 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:09,232 to tell you about the tsunami of depression that... 516 00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:10,984 kicked my ass after I found out 517 00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:13,486 that my fiancée got back with her ex. 518 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,238 Shit. - Yeah. 519 00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:18,116 Well, we got this puppy to guide us. 520 00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:20,118 So, silver lining. - Okay. Right. 521 00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:21,453 Yeah, it can't hurt, right? - Yeah. 522 00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:23,121 But, listen, I got to hit the head first. 523 00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:25,916 I, like, pounded, like, a gallon of iced tea on the way here. 524 00:19:25,916 --> 00:19:27,584 Course. Uh, the water's out in here, 525 00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:29,794 but right around the corner is Dana's. 526 00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:31,421 Pop in there, there's a bathroom. 527 00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:34,841 Okay, great. And, listen, I got a free sub with my punch card. 528 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,384 If you want one, take it. 529 00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:38,094 Oh, sweet. Thanks. 530 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,221 What-what is it? 531 00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:41,181 Uh, it's turkey and cheese, no dressing. 532 00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:43,141 I don't like wet bread. 533 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:48,313 Copy that. 534 00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:52,776 Kegel and hold. Kegel and hold. 535 00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:53,944 Don't sneeze. 536 00:19:53,944 --> 00:19:56,029 Oh, no. Don't sneeze. 537 00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,113 Okay. 538 00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:59,074 Almost there. 539 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,079 Oh, occupied! 540 00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:05,914 Oh, geez! - Oh. 541 00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,415 Oh, my, oh... - Oh, my God. 542 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,501 Oh, boy. Oh, boy. - No, no, no, no, no, oh, my God. 543 00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:10,794 Oh, my God, let me look at it. 544 00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:12,295 Oh, it's really coming out. - Is it? Oh, no. 545 00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:13,463 There's no, um, toilet paper. 546 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:15,757 You... - Oh, my God. 547 00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,300 Oh, it hurts when I laugh. - Oh, my God. 548 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,010 Oh, it's in my mouth. I taste the blood. 549 00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:20,470 What do we do? - Oh, I have an idea. 550 00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:21,805 Come here, come over here. - I need something. 551 00:20:21,805 --> 00:20:23,014 Come over here, come over here. 552 00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:24,808 Okay, it's working. 553 00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:25,892 It feels okay, actually. 554 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,519 It looks amazing. - Thank you. 555 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,021 Okay. Um, this one? 556 00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:31,314 Yes? - I'm going to take it out, 557 00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:33,275 because it was kind of really bleeding, 558 00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:34,985 so I'm gonna stick a new one in. 559 00:20:34,985 --> 00:20:36,278 Okay. Right. - Okay? 560 00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:37,612 Okay, here we go. You ready? 561 00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:38,613 Go. Gentle. - Okay. 562 00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,657 Don't freak out, don't freak out. 563 00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:42,158 We did it. 564 00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,285 Oh, I can breathe again. 565 00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:44,744 Not for long. - You got it? 566 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,122 I'm going to jam it slowly... - Oh? Yeah, that's nice. 567 00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:48,623 You okay? - Not too hard. 568 00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:49,916 You good? - That's good. 569 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,209 Okay. - Thank you. 570 00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:52,752 Looks good. - My name's Carrie. 571 00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,796 I'm Misty. - It's nice to meet you. 572 00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:55,797 Nice to meet you, yeah. 573 00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:57,257 You do well under pressure. 574 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,968 It's a good thing I know so much about leaky pipes, I guess. 575 00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:01,219 Right. - Yeah. 576 00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:03,638 Holy shit, what the hell happened? 577 00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:05,223 It's a long story. - Yes, it is. 578 00:21:05,223 --> 00:21:06,516 Yeah, we're all good, though. 579 00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:07,934 Yeah, we're good. Yeah. - Yeah. Don't worry. 580 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,394 Oh, there's, like, no toilet paper 581 00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:11,271 in this whole entire bathroom. 582 00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,564 Oh, that's actually my fault. 583 00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:14,399 I, um, yeah, I was supposed to do that. 584 00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:15,900 Okay. - Are you sure you're good? 585 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,277 Yeah, yeah. We're good. - We're good. 586 00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:18,737 You're good. - We're good. 587 00:21:18,737 --> 00:21:21,698 Okay... 588 00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:23,116 Ooh, la, la... 589 00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:24,659 All right, contestants, are you ready? 590 00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:26,369 Here are your microphones, all right? 591 00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:27,871 You're gonna talk into them like this, 592 00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:29,247 blah, blah, blah. - 593 00:21:29,247 --> 00:21:31,207 Wait a minute. - Somebody cut her off. 594 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,917 Where's contestant number three? 595 00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:34,502 Are these Beyond Beef, 596 00:21:34,502 --> 00:21:35,795 or are these the real deal? 597 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,506 Guys, just be aware of what's going on. 598 00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:42,177 Anybody-- you don't know. 599 00:21:42,177 --> 00:21:43,261 Mmm... 600 00:21:43,261 --> 00:21:46,264 Fuck my life. 601 00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:49,309 You know, I'm much better with emotional ties. 602 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,563 This feels a little more literal. 603 00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:58,443 But it does remind me a lot of a relationship I was in once. 604 00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:01,029 Oh...! 605 00:22:01,029 --> 00:22:03,531 I did it! 606 00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:05,116 Thank you. 607 00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:07,452 Hang tight, everyone. 608 00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:09,037 15 minutes until the next segment. 609 00:22:09,037 --> 00:22:11,289 There's nothing suspicious about anything you're doing. 610 00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:13,666 What, am I not being discrete? 611 00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:15,835 Uh, no. You'd be a terrible criminal. 612 00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,171 Oh, please. I could commit crimes. 613 00:22:18,171 --> 00:22:19,547 Yeah, and not get away with it. 614 00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:23,885 That's just mean. It's mean and it's wrong. 615 00:22:23,885 --> 00:22:26,388 I could... kill. 616 00:22:28,056 --> 00:22:32,310 Or maybe pillage something. 617 00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:37,857 Can I tell you something? 618 00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,025 Mm-hmm. 619 00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:43,238 I keep trying to understand what I was feeling in that moment. 620 00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:47,742 Like, what it means that I saw you. 621 00:22:51,788 --> 00:22:54,582 Do you think it means anything? 622 00:22:58,336 --> 00:23:00,213 Are you smizing at me? 623 00:23:00,213 --> 00:23:01,381 Smizing? 624 00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:02,841 Smizing? From Top Model? 625 00:23:04,926 --> 00:23:06,386 Can you please stop making me laugh? 626 00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:08,054 My ribs are bruised. - What? What do you watch? 627 00:23:08,054 --> 00:23:09,806 My ribs are bruised. 628 00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:12,142 Well, stop saying ridiculous things. 629 00:23:12,142 --> 00:23:13,935 You're the one being ridiculous. 630 00:23:13,935 --> 00:23:16,938 Um, actually, you're the one with a head injury. 631 00:23:16,938 --> 00:23:20,608 You were concussed and now you're drinking on painkillers, 632 00:23:20,608 --> 00:23:24,195 so I'm pretty sure you're not thinking straight. 633 00:23:25,155 --> 00:23:26,656 Safe to say. 634 00:23:29,868 --> 00:23:31,953 We met at 18. - I know. 635 00:23:31,953 --> 00:23:35,748 Well, you were 19. - No, you're older than me. 636 00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:37,167 No, I'm not. - Yes, you are. 637 00:23:37,167 --> 00:23:40,462 I-I always mix that up. - I know, I don't understand. 638 00:23:40,462 --> 00:23:42,839 You were 18? - Yes. 639 00:23:44,424 --> 00:23:46,885 gentle music 640 00:23:51,639 --> 00:23:53,016 Dani, Dani, Dani! - Thank you so much. 641 00:23:53,016 --> 00:23:54,601 Dani, I need a favor. - Thank you. 642 00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:56,436 Why don't you carry your own tampons? 643 00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:58,188 What? No. I... - Hi. 644 00:23:58,188 --> 00:24:01,024 I-I lost a contestant for the dating game, 645 00:24:01,024 --> 00:24:02,150 and I need someone. 646 00:24:02,150 --> 00:24:03,318 Can you please do it for me? 647 00:24:03,318 --> 00:24:04,819 It's in six, six minutes. 648 00:24:04,819 --> 00:24:06,863 No. I have to go get Billie Jean off the red carpet. 649 00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:08,198 She won't stop smiling for the cameras. 650 00:24:08,198 --> 00:24:09,491 You do it. You got it. Go. 651 00:24:09,491 --> 00:24:12,494 God! Why are you the worst? 652 00:24:16,414 --> 00:24:19,584 slow, dramatic music 653 00:24:23,379 --> 00:24:25,590 All right, everyone in the audience, 654 00:24:25,590 --> 00:24:28,092 we are gonna start in just a few minutes. 655 00:24:28,092 --> 00:24:30,887 Please take your seats. - 656 00:24:30,887 --> 00:24:33,056 intriguing music 657 00:24:40,855 --> 00:24:44,651 You know, your timing could not have been more perfect, really. 658 00:24:44,651 --> 00:24:46,945 Well, I'm just glad it's getting put to some good use. 659 00:24:46,945 --> 00:24:48,571 You know, I think I need, like, 660 00:24:48,571 --> 00:24:49,781 a little bit of a revamp. 661 00:24:49,781 --> 00:24:51,658 I've just been on those dating apps. 662 00:24:51,658 --> 00:24:53,159 Like, they're terrible. 663 00:24:53,159 --> 00:24:55,912 Oh, those dating apps... yeah. - Absolutely terrifying. 664 00:24:55,912 --> 00:24:59,207 Yeah. And I've been out the game for like... two years. 665 00:24:59,207 --> 00:25:00,458 Two years, huh? - Yeah. 666 00:25:00,458 --> 00:25:02,585 I had a kid. - I know you had a kid. 667 00:25:02,585 --> 00:25:04,629 You mentioned that when I met you. 668 00:25:04,629 --> 00:25:06,756 You don't seem like the type that wants to see pictures 669 00:25:06,756 --> 00:25:08,508 so I'm not gonna show you. 670 00:25:08,508 --> 00:25:10,510 I'd see, I'd see it if you'd like to show it to me. 671 00:25:10,510 --> 00:25:11,678 Oh, yeah? - I'm not against it. 672 00:25:11,678 --> 00:25:12,762 Okay. 673 00:25:12,762 --> 00:25:14,597 She is everything 674 00:25:14,597 --> 00:25:16,683 and she has also sucked me dry. 675 00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:21,437 I just don't feel like myself all the way, you know? 676 00:25:23,064 --> 00:25:24,774 Yeah. 677 00:25:24,774 --> 00:25:26,859 Yeah. I can relate to that. 678 00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:29,821 I think I need to get back on the horse. 679 00:25:29,821 --> 00:25:32,282 I think you're gonna do just fine. 680 00:25:34,576 --> 00:25:37,620 Hi, guys. I need a favor. Um... 681 00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:39,831 Can you get her ready in, like, four minutes? 682 00:25:39,831 --> 00:25:42,709 She's not talking to me. - We'll do it. 683 00:25:42,709 --> 00:25:43,876 Yeah. - Oh, my God, amazing. 684 00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:45,086 Okay, sit down. - Hi. 685 00:25:45,086 --> 00:25:46,421 Hi. - What's your name? 686 00:25:46,421 --> 00:25:48,131 Taylor. - Hi, Taylor. 687 00:25:48,131 --> 00:25:50,341 I'm Ivy, this is Shane. 688 00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:52,260 Hey, Taylor. - Hey. 689 00:25:52,260 --> 00:25:54,220 Yeah, we're gonna take really good care of you. 690 00:25:54,220 --> 00:25:56,889 Do you have any do's, any don'ts? 691 00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:58,099 Uh, just no red lipstick. 692 00:25:58,099 --> 00:26:00,476 My mom subjected me to pageants as a toddler, 693 00:26:00,476 --> 00:26:01,853 so it's very triggering. 694 00:26:01,853 --> 00:26:04,355 Okay. Take it away. Do your thing. 695 00:26:07,483 --> 00:26:08,359 Taylor. 696 00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,778 May I? 697 00:26:10,778 --> 00:26:12,238 Yeah. 698 00:26:12,238 --> 00:26:13,948 And we're rolling. 699 00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:20,288 Welcome back to my 100th episode. 700 00:26:20,747 --> 00:26:22,999 As many of you know, I'm currently single, 701 00:26:22,999 --> 00:26:25,293 so I figured what better way to meet someone, 702 00:26:25,293 --> 00:26:27,962 than on TV in front of a studio audience? 703 00:26:27,962 --> 00:26:30,798 So to help me out today, 704 00:26:30,798 --> 00:26:34,594 we've brought the original bisexual comedienne, 705 00:26:34,594 --> 00:26:37,764 a woman who has paved the way for so many of us, 706 00:26:37,764 --> 00:26:42,602 my first crush, my friend, Margaret Cho! 707 00:26:46,773 --> 00:26:48,274 Hey! 708 00:26:49,984 --> 00:26:51,194 Thank you! 709 00:26:51,194 --> 00:26:52,820 Oh, this is so exciting. 710 00:26:52,820 --> 00:26:56,741 So, you know how this works, we have some contestants, 711 00:26:56,741 --> 00:26:58,785 we're gonna ask them some questions. 712 00:26:58,785 --> 00:27:00,036 Alice is gonna decide 713 00:27:00,036 --> 00:27:02,121 amongst three candidates who's best, right? 714 00:27:02,121 --> 00:27:03,623 Yes, well, you're going to help me. 715 00:27:03,623 --> 00:27:06,167 I'm gonna be making some snide commentary 716 00:27:06,167 --> 00:27:08,169 from over here... - 717 00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:09,337 It's gonna be so fabulous. 718 00:27:09,337 --> 00:27:10,838 I'm so excited. - Sounds dreamy. 719 00:27:10,838 --> 00:27:12,382 Let's start. Okay. - I love it. 720 00:27:16,219 --> 00:27:17,178 Okay. 721 00:27:17,178 --> 00:27:18,179 Contestant number one, 722 00:27:18,179 --> 00:27:19,305 tell me about yourself. 723 00:27:19,305 --> 00:27:21,015 Hi, Alice. - Oh. 724 00:27:21,015 --> 00:27:24,268 Ooh, that is a deep baritone. - Okay. 725 00:27:24,268 --> 00:27:25,269 I'm into it. 726 00:27:25,269 --> 00:27:26,771 I'm from a small town in Montana, 727 00:27:26,771 --> 00:27:29,357 where rush hour is a moose in the road. 728 00:27:29,357 --> 00:27:31,359 Oh, this is gonna be simple. 729 00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:32,735 Um, Ivy, can you grab me 730 00:27:32,735 --> 00:27:34,320 that product in your bag? 731 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,031 Yeah, I just want to see what it is. 732 00:27:37,907 --> 00:27:38,991 No. 733 00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:41,077 Uh, just find a nice backdrop outside or something. 734 00:27:41,077 --> 00:27:44,414 Get singles, get groups. I need options. 735 00:27:44,414 --> 00:27:45,707 Thank you. Hi. 736 00:27:45,707 --> 00:27:48,126 Everything looks so good. 737 00:27:48,126 --> 00:27:49,585 Thank you. 738 00:27:49,585 --> 00:27:50,795 I'm gonna go home. 739 00:27:50,795 --> 00:27:54,757 Oh, it's early. Are you feeling okay? 740 00:27:54,757 --> 00:27:57,969 Yes, but I just really want to get back. 741 00:27:57,969 --> 00:28:00,138 Okay, okay. I'll call you a car. 742 00:28:00,138 --> 00:28:02,265 No, no, no. Don't worry about it. 743 00:28:02,265 --> 00:28:04,642 Nat's going to take me. 744 00:28:07,437 --> 00:28:09,105 What's going on? 745 00:28:09,105 --> 00:28:10,231 What do you mean? 746 00:28:10,231 --> 00:28:12,525 I mean, what's going on with you and Nat? 747 00:28:12,525 --> 00:28:15,737 Nothing is going on. - Okay. 748 00:28:16,821 --> 00:28:18,364 We can talk more later. - No. 749 00:28:18,364 --> 00:28:19,866 I'd like to talk about it now. 750 00:28:19,866 --> 00:28:21,909 Contestant number one, 751 00:28:21,909 --> 00:28:24,787 why don't you tell me how you spend your days? 752 00:28:24,787 --> 00:28:26,456 I'm a veterinarian for a nonprofit 753 00:28:26,456 --> 00:28:28,958 that rescues animals from natural disasters. 754 00:28:28,958 --> 00:28:30,209 Aww. 755 00:28:30,209 --> 00:28:32,754 He's perfect. 756 00:28:32,754 --> 00:28:35,131 Definitely a serial killer. 757 00:28:35,131 --> 00:28:37,133 Agreed. 758 00:28:37,133 --> 00:28:39,761 Okay, let's move on to contestant number two. 759 00:28:39,761 --> 00:28:43,473 Can you beat the butt-dialing rescue vet from Montana? 760 00:28:43,473 --> 00:28:45,516 I'll try. - 761 00:28:45,516 --> 00:28:49,145 Um, I was born in India, raised in New York. 762 00:28:49,145 --> 00:28:53,149 Uh, I run a cold storage start-up for NFTs. 763 00:28:53,149 --> 00:28:54,442 Oh. 764 00:28:54,442 --> 00:28:57,445 Cold storage for NFTs? - I have no idea what that means. 765 00:28:57,445 --> 00:28:58,988 Number two, 766 00:28:58,988 --> 00:29:00,782 what is the most embarrassing thing 767 00:29:00,782 --> 00:29:02,200 that's ever happened to you? 768 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:03,618 The most embarrassing thing 769 00:29:03,618 --> 00:29:08,915 that's happened to me was I threw up in the front car 770 00:29:08,915 --> 00:29:12,710 of a roller coaster, on a first date. 771 00:29:12,710 --> 00:29:15,129 Ooh... - Wow. 772 00:29:15,713 --> 00:29:16,756 Looks great. 773 00:29:16,756 --> 00:29:17,965 I don't know why 774 00:29:17,965 --> 00:29:19,550 I have to be on TV right now, but... 775 00:29:19,550 --> 00:29:21,469 All right, we're done. Let's go, we got to go, we got to go. 776 00:29:21,469 --> 00:29:22,887 Come on. - Okay, okay. 777 00:29:22,887 --> 00:29:25,097 Oh, wait, don't forget this. 778 00:29:25,848 --> 00:29:28,017 You want a girl that can just, you know, 779 00:29:28,017 --> 00:29:29,018 really go up... 780 00:29:29,018 --> 00:29:30,186 And down. Yeah. - ...and go down. 781 00:29:30,186 --> 00:29:32,855 We like that... 782 00:29:32,855 --> 00:29:35,233 All right, good luck, have fun. 783 00:29:36,651 --> 00:29:38,945 She looks great. - She does, yeah. 784 00:29:38,945 --> 00:29:40,905 Okay, contestant number three. 785 00:29:40,905 --> 00:29:42,782 Same question. 786 00:29:42,782 --> 00:29:44,408 Number three? - Don't be shy. 787 00:29:44,408 --> 00:29:46,118 Don't be shy, number three. 788 00:29:46,118 --> 00:29:48,079 Okay, go answer the question. - Number three? 789 00:29:48,079 --> 00:29:49,413 Okay, okay. What's the question? 790 00:29:49,413 --> 00:29:50,998 Say something funny about yourself. 791 00:29:50,998 --> 00:29:54,752 Um. Something, um... I'm, uh... 792 00:29:54,752 --> 00:29:55,837 Something funny about me? 793 00:29:55,837 --> 00:29:57,171 I'm from Normal, Illinois. 794 00:29:57,171 --> 00:29:59,549 That's more of a fact than a joke, 795 00:29:59,549 --> 00:30:01,717 but, okay, I'll play. 796 00:30:01,717 --> 00:30:03,469 What's so normal about it? 797 00:30:03,469 --> 00:30:04,846 And would I fit in? 798 00:30:04,846 --> 00:30:06,848 Um, uh, the people, 799 00:30:06,848 --> 00:30:10,226 I-I guess, make it normal, um... 800 00:30:10,226 --> 00:30:12,395 That voice sounds so familiar. 801 00:30:12,395 --> 00:30:15,857 So, number three, what's the most embarrassing thing 802 00:30:15,857 --> 00:30:17,984 that's ever happened to you? 803 00:30:17,984 --> 00:30:19,694 I mean, well, this moment 804 00:30:19,694 --> 00:30:21,779 would have to be up there. - 805 00:30:21,779 --> 00:30:23,531 And, number three, 806 00:30:23,531 --> 00:30:26,200 who is your hero, and why? 807 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:31,122 Oh, gosh, um... was it animal or human? 808 00:30:31,122 --> 00:30:33,833 Aw, that's so cute. 809 00:30:33,833 --> 00:30:35,209 upbeat, energetic music 810 00:30:35,209 --> 00:30:37,169 All right, I got one for you. - What's that? 811 00:30:37,169 --> 00:30:41,424 One time, after a bottle of Goldschläger, remember that? 812 00:30:42,300 --> 00:30:44,594 One-way bus ticket, Kansas City to L.A. 813 00:30:44,594 --> 00:30:46,429 Just picked up everything and moved. 814 00:30:46,429 --> 00:30:47,597 God, I hate moving. 815 00:30:47,597 --> 00:30:49,473 It's like the worst thing in the world to me. 816 00:30:49,473 --> 00:30:51,517 Yeah, but at least I used to do stuff. 817 00:30:51,517 --> 00:30:52,768 It's like, being sober 818 00:30:52,768 --> 00:30:54,520 makes it harder to make those moves, you know? 819 00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:55,730 Mm-hmm. 820 00:30:55,730 --> 00:30:58,649 Like, I've got a whole list of shit I just haven't done. 821 00:30:58,649 --> 00:31:00,484 Really, like what? 822 00:31:01,861 --> 00:31:03,487 I mean, I got this college application. 823 00:31:03,487 --> 00:31:05,781 It's been saved on my desktop for months. 824 00:31:05,781 --> 00:31:06,908 It's due at midnight, 825 00:31:06,908 --> 00:31:08,326 and I just, like, I can't pull the trigger. 826 00:31:08,326 --> 00:31:09,744 Well, you got to do that 827 00:31:09,744 --> 00:31:11,996 or you're gonna regret it your whole life, you know? 828 00:31:11,996 --> 00:31:12,955 Okay. 829 00:31:12,955 --> 00:31:14,248 So everything's done. 830 00:31:14,248 --> 00:31:17,001 Um, if you have any problems, your boss has my info. 831 00:31:17,001 --> 00:31:19,462 Again, I'm-I'm really sorry about everything. 832 00:31:19,462 --> 00:31:21,672 Yeah. - Really, the nose and, you know. 833 00:31:21,672 --> 00:31:24,050 But the tampons worked. Your nose looks perfect. 834 00:31:24,050 --> 00:31:26,385 I think it looks better than when I came in. 835 00:31:26,385 --> 00:31:28,304 It was fun, so... - Yeah. 836 00:31:28,304 --> 00:31:29,764 You know, it was-- it wasn't good, 837 00:31:29,764 --> 00:31:30,890 but it was good, you know? 838 00:31:30,890 --> 00:31:32,141 Right. Okay. - All right. 839 00:31:32,141 --> 00:31:33,559 Bye. It's, um... - Yeah, sorry. 840 00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:35,519 Good night. 841 00:31:35,519 --> 00:31:37,146 You like her. 842 00:31:37,146 --> 00:31:38,856 I don't know her. 843 00:31:38,856 --> 00:31:40,316 You ask her out, I'll send in 844 00:31:40,316 --> 00:31:42,860 my college application. - 845 00:31:43,778 --> 00:31:44,779 Deal. 846 00:31:44,779 --> 00:31:45,988 Wait, what? - Deal. 847 00:31:45,988 --> 00:31:47,198 No, I was fucking around! 848 00:31:47,198 --> 00:31:50,117 No, you send that shit. - Fuck. 849 00:31:50,117 --> 00:31:52,536 Wow, she's doing it. Okay. 850 00:31:55,581 --> 00:31:58,542 upbeat, energetic music 851 00:31:58,542 --> 00:32:02,630 Okay. 852 00:32:04,799 --> 00:32:06,717 Holy shit, I did it. 853 00:32:07,468 --> 00:32:09,303 I did it. Did you do it? - I did it. 854 00:32:09,303 --> 00:32:10,554 I did it! 855 00:32:10,554 --> 00:32:12,264 Can you believe it? 856 00:32:12,264 --> 00:32:13,432 No! - Thursday night. 857 00:32:13,432 --> 00:32:14,892 You got a date. - Well, no. 858 00:32:14,892 --> 00:32:16,435 It's not actually a date. - What is it? 859 00:32:16,435 --> 00:32:18,604 I sort of joined her bowling league. 860 00:32:18,604 --> 00:32:19,772 I'm the newest member of 861 00:32:19,772 --> 00:32:22,316 "I Can't Believe It's Not Gutter." 862 00:32:22,316 --> 00:32:24,735 You know what? 863 00:32:24,735 --> 00:32:26,570 Playing the long game. I'll take it. 864 00:32:30,074 --> 00:32:31,200 Okay. 865 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,536 Mama, Gloria, 866 00:32:33,536 --> 00:32:34,870 I'm heading out now. 867 00:32:34,870 --> 00:32:38,124 Don't be late, Deb, I've got a shift at 8:00. 868 00:32:39,250 --> 00:32:40,418 Mama, it's me. 869 00:32:40,418 --> 00:32:43,337 Remember, your sister Deb is in Florida. 870 00:32:43,337 --> 00:32:44,839 Oh, right. 871 00:32:44,839 --> 00:32:46,966 You never should've married him. 872 00:32:46,966 --> 00:32:48,676 Speaking of songs of yesterday, 873 00:32:48,676 --> 00:32:52,221 here's Carly Simon with her hit, "You Belong to Me." 874 00:32:54,015 --> 00:32:56,642 This is my song. 875 00:33:01,022 --> 00:33:02,690 Oh, my God. 876 00:33:05,151 --> 00:33:09,405 She used to blast this song 877 00:33:09,405 --> 00:33:13,242 in the car when she would drive me to school. 878 00:33:13,242 --> 00:33:14,994 Were you looking for my reaction? 879 00:33:14,994 --> 00:33:17,747 Like, lean out the window smoking cigarettes. 880 00:33:17,747 --> 00:33:22,376 It would piss all the other moms off so much. 881 00:33:22,376 --> 00:33:24,045 I believe it. 882 00:33:24,754 --> 00:33:28,799 Carly Simon once bummed a cigarette from me. 883 00:33:29,341 --> 00:33:32,720 You never told me that. That is so cool! 884 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:36,640 There's certain things a mother should never tell her daughter. 885 00:33:38,559 --> 00:33:40,394 Come dance with me, come on. 886 00:33:40,394 --> 00:33:43,189 I would love to. 887 00:33:45,357 --> 00:33:47,109 You belong to me 888 00:33:47,109 --> 00:33:49,695 Tell her, tell her you were fooling 889 00:33:49,695 --> 00:33:51,655 You belong to me 890 00:33:51,655 --> 00:33:53,908 You don't even know her 891 00:33:53,908 --> 00:33:55,743 You belong to me 892 00:33:55,743 --> 00:33:58,370 Tell her that I love you 893 00:33:58,370 --> 00:34:01,749 You belong to me 894 00:34:01,749 --> 00:34:04,126 So you've been working here how long? 895 00:34:04,126 --> 00:34:07,421 Like six, seven months... ish? 896 00:34:07,421 --> 00:34:08,714 Really? - Yeah. 897 00:34:08,714 --> 00:34:12,593 Surprised I hadn't met you. - Well, you didn't look. 898 00:34:12,593 --> 00:34:14,678 I didn't know. - Oh, okay. 899 00:34:16,222 --> 00:34:19,141 You know, it didn't take you that long to, like, 900 00:34:19,141 --> 00:34:20,392 jump right back in. 901 00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:22,228 And you did that, so... - No, no, no, no, don't-- 902 00:34:22,228 --> 00:34:23,729 You can't give me that kind of credit. 903 00:34:23,729 --> 00:34:26,357 I was-- I was following your lead. 904 00:34:26,357 --> 00:34:28,109 Mm. 905 00:34:34,365 --> 00:34:36,200 "Bad" by Azure 906 00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,119 Come with me. 907 00:34:46,377 --> 00:34:51,882 Red wine stained keys, a melody 908 00:34:51,882 --> 00:34:56,887 Suffocation of a broken heart 909 00:34:57,596 --> 00:35:03,310 Violently sweet, till I bleed 910 00:35:03,310 --> 00:35:07,314 Your cigarettes, they linger on my mouth 911 00:35:07,314 --> 00:35:10,901 Oh, I never should have let you call me baby 912 00:35:10,901 --> 00:35:14,446 It burns every time I hear it lately 913 00:35:14,446 --> 00:35:17,783 I've come undone 914 00:35:18,492 --> 00:35:22,163 Oh, I never thought I'd drown in your ocean eyes 915 00:35:22,163 --> 00:35:26,292 A part of me lives on your bedside 916 00:35:27,293 --> 00:35:32,423 I don't know why I want you so bad 917 00:35:32,423 --> 00:35:34,717 Can't get you out of my head 918 00:35:34,717 --> 00:35:39,388 Maybe I'm crazy 'cause I don't care if you hate me 919 00:35:39,388 --> 00:35:43,434 I don't know why I want you so bad 920 00:35:43,434 --> 00:35:46,145 Can't get you out of my head 921 00:35:46,145 --> 00:35:50,733 Maybe I'm crazy 'cause I don't care if you hate me 922 00:35:50,733 --> 00:35:55,863 I don't know why I want you so bad 923 00:35:57,615 --> 00:36:02,161 Don't know why I want you so bad 924 00:36:03,162 --> 00:36:06,123 So, what-what is going on between you two? 925 00:36:06,123 --> 00:36:07,166 Nothing. 926 00:36:07,166 --> 00:36:09,293 I can feel it, okay? 927 00:36:09,293 --> 00:36:12,213 On the ambulance, our lips touched. 928 00:36:12,213 --> 00:36:13,547 It was nothing. 929 00:36:13,547 --> 00:36:15,966 It was an accident. - Are you trying to hurt me? 930 00:36:15,966 --> 00:36:17,426 Of course I'm not trying to hurt you. 931 00:36:17,426 --> 00:36:19,553 Okay, then, what we have is good. 932 00:36:19,553 --> 00:36:21,180 Why are you doing this? 933 00:36:21,180 --> 00:36:22,640 We have a good thing. 934 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:24,433 I'm just... 935 00:36:25,476 --> 00:36:26,936 I'm confused. 936 00:36:26,936 --> 00:36:28,604 You're confused? 937 00:36:28,604 --> 00:36:31,398 When I... got hit... 938 00:36:32,483 --> 00:36:34,735 ...I saw Nat and the kids. 939 00:36:36,403 --> 00:36:37,613 And not me. 940 00:36:37,613 --> 00:36:40,241 I don't know what it means. That's why I'm telling you. 941 00:36:40,241 --> 00:36:42,576 What are you saying to me right now? 942 00:36:46,205 --> 00:36:49,875 I don't know, I need time. 943 00:36:51,627 --> 00:36:54,880 Okay. You take your time. 944 00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,423 I'm done. 945 00:37:00,928 --> 00:37:02,972 And this all happened in the backseat 946 00:37:02,972 --> 00:37:04,348 of the family Astro van. 947 00:37:07,059 --> 00:37:09,228 Oh, shit. Um, you know what? 948 00:37:09,228 --> 00:37:12,731 Uh, Miss Cho, could you actually just forget I said that? 949 00:37:12,731 --> 00:37:14,191 Oh, contestant three, 950 00:37:14,191 --> 00:37:17,152 I don't think I can unring that bell. 951 00:37:17,152 --> 00:37:19,989 There's no shame in masturbating in the back of your family's car 952 00:37:19,989 --> 00:37:21,782 as long as your family's not there. 953 00:37:21,782 --> 00:37:25,160 No shame at all, three. No shame. 954 00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,913 For me there is a little. - 955 00:37:27,913 --> 00:37:29,290 Oh, you know what that bell means, 956 00:37:29,290 --> 00:37:32,251 we have time for one last question. 957 00:37:32,251 --> 00:37:34,795 What do you think, Alice? - I think I'm ready. 958 00:37:34,795 --> 00:37:36,839 Okay. - It's very simple. 959 00:37:36,839 --> 00:37:38,132 Yes. 960 00:37:38,132 --> 00:37:40,092 Why do you want to date me? 961 00:37:40,092 --> 00:37:42,261 What's not to love? 962 00:37:42,261 --> 00:37:43,554 Aww! 963 00:37:43,554 --> 00:37:47,349 Smart, sexy and beautiful. The full package. 964 00:37:49,310 --> 00:37:50,561 We should do this every episode. 965 00:37:52,479 --> 00:37:54,231 Uh, well, they promised me 966 00:37:54,231 --> 00:37:56,025 a coffee mug if I did the show, so... 967 00:37:57,818 --> 00:37:58,902 The free mug? 968 00:37:58,902 --> 00:38:02,406 Wow. What do you say, Alice? 969 00:38:02,406 --> 00:38:05,159 Loveable, full package, free mug. 970 00:38:05,159 --> 00:38:09,121 And unlike women's reproductive rights in America, 971 00:38:09,121 --> 00:38:10,831 this choice is entirely yours. 972 00:38:10,831 --> 00:38:13,250 973 00:38:13,250 --> 00:38:15,169 I don't know, Margaret. They're all so dateable. 974 00:38:23,344 --> 00:38:25,929 Mm... There's one person 975 00:38:25,929 --> 00:38:28,807 that I would like to get to know better. 976 00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:31,435 Contestant three, I choose you! 977 00:38:31,435 --> 00:38:34,563 978 00:38:34,563 --> 00:38:37,066 Contestant three, come on down. 979 00:38:37,066 --> 00:38:38,859 Two and one, 980 00:38:38,859 --> 00:38:40,110 uh, meet me in my dressing room. 981 00:38:40,110 --> 00:38:42,571 You. - It's me. 982 00:38:42,571 --> 00:38:44,823 The coffee stand. 983 00:38:44,823 --> 00:38:46,325 Yeah. 984 00:38:46,325 --> 00:38:47,618 You're funny. 985 00:38:47,618 --> 00:38:49,536 For a regular gal. Yeah. 986 00:38:49,536 --> 00:38:51,080 All right. 987 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:54,583 We're here, we're queer! 988 00:38:54,583 --> 00:38:56,668 And we have love. 989 00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:58,379 Love is love is love! - Love it. 990 00:38:58,379 --> 00:39:02,091 Until the Supreme Court takes that away from us, too. 991 00:39:03,467 --> 00:39:06,387 And pee after sex, everyone, don't forget! 992 00:39:06,387 --> 00:39:10,682 Thank you so much for having me, Alice, thank you. 993 00:39:10,682 --> 00:39:13,519 Good night, everyone! 994 00:39:16,313 --> 00:39:17,898 Are you okay? 995 00:39:21,610 --> 00:39:23,362 No. 996 00:39:26,031 --> 00:39:28,242 You can sleep on my couch, if you want. 997 00:39:28,242 --> 00:39:30,327 No, I'm fine on my own. 998 00:39:30,327 --> 00:39:33,831 But you should really let me drive. 999 00:39:33,831 --> 00:39:37,251 Oh, don't worry, I only had a couple sips. 1000 00:39:38,168 --> 00:39:39,753 I just mean you're a really bad driver. 1001 00:39:39,753 --> 00:39:41,839 Fuck you! Fuck you! 1002 00:39:41,839 --> 00:39:43,966 Whoa! - Jesus, what is-- 1003 00:39:43,966 --> 00:39:45,092 What is that? 1004 00:39:45,092 --> 00:39:46,427 Can you please drive? - Fuck you! 1005 00:39:46,427 --> 00:39:47,886 They're my oranges! - Yeah, go! 1006 00:39:47,886 --> 00:39:49,680 Can you please drive? - Those are a gift! 1007 00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:51,515 Nat, could you please drive? - I spent $20 on them. 1008 00:39:51,515 --> 00:39:52,850 I understand, could you please--? 1009 00:39:52,850 --> 00:39:54,768 That was for my ex! Our ex. - Jesus. 1010 00:40:01,150 --> 00:40:03,318 slow, dramatic music 1011 00:40:05,028 --> 00:40:07,156 slow, funky music 1012 00:40:11,535 --> 00:40:12,661 ...so much. 1013 00:40:12,661 --> 00:40:15,456 I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Good job. 1014 00:40:16,331 --> 00:40:20,419 Been feeling defeated 1015 00:40:20,419 --> 00:40:23,213 Oh, no... 1016 00:40:23,213 --> 00:40:24,756 Hey. 1017 00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:27,217 What the hell happened to you? 1018 00:40:29,470 --> 00:40:30,762 This is the second time 1019 00:40:30,762 --> 00:40:33,432 that the person I wanted to marry ran off with someone else. 1020 00:40:33,432 --> 00:40:35,726 Ha ha. 1021 00:40:37,060 --> 00:40:39,938 Oh... orange? 1022 00:40:39,938 --> 00:40:43,775 Yeah. Thanks. - Mm-hmm. 1023 00:40:44,985 --> 00:40:48,030 Don't fall down, baby, don't fall down 1024 00:40:48,030 --> 00:40:49,948 Don't fall, just... 1025 00:40:49,948 --> 00:40:53,285 Hey, you're gonna be okay. - Mm. 1026 00:40:53,285 --> 00:40:55,329 You got this. You'll bounce back. 1027 00:40:55,329 --> 00:40:56,538 You... 1028 00:40:56,538 --> 00:40:58,707 You're the most together person I know. 1029 00:40:58,707 --> 00:41:01,752 Not anymore. 1030 00:41:02,628 --> 00:41:05,964 Turns out, that's you. - 1031 00:41:05,964 --> 00:41:09,927 I don't... mm, I don't know about that. 1032 00:41:09,927 --> 00:41:12,095 You're crushing at work. 1033 00:41:12,095 --> 00:41:13,972 Made it through rehab with Finley. 1034 00:41:13,972 --> 00:41:17,643 Been going through changes 1035 00:41:17,643 --> 00:41:19,811 Oh... 1036 00:41:19,811 --> 00:41:20,979 Hey, um, 1037 00:41:20,979 --> 00:41:24,691 I was just gonna grab my stuff and go home. [chuckles] 1038 00:41:25,359 --> 00:41:28,153 Yeah. Me, too. - 1039 00:41:28,153 --> 00:41:30,322 Threw it all away 1040 00:41:30,322 --> 00:41:33,784 Everyone makes mistakes, yeah 1041 00:41:33,784 --> 00:41:37,579 Oh, no, don't fall down... 1042 00:41:37,579 --> 00:41:39,790 Hey, uh... 1043 00:41:39,790 --> 00:41:41,416 You want to come over? 1044 00:41:41,917 --> 00:41:45,254 Don't fall down, baby, don't fall down... 1045 00:41:45,254 --> 00:41:46,880 Um... Are you...? 1046 00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:48,799 Are you trying to get back together with me right now? 1047 00:41:48,799 --> 00:41:50,259 Because, um... 1048 00:41:50,259 --> 00:41:53,804 No. No, no. 1049 00:41:53,804 --> 00:41:55,973 Not a fucking chance. 1050 00:41:56,473 --> 00:41:58,934 Yeah. I'll see you at the house then. 1051 00:41:58,934 --> 00:42:00,644 Okay. - Yeah. 1052 00:42:00,644 --> 00:42:01,645 See you later. 1053 00:42:01,645 --> 00:42:05,691 Things are gonna get better 1054 00:42:07,025 --> 00:42:11,071 Things are gonna get better 1055 00:42:12,823 --> 00:42:14,908 I was, like, this close to falling. 1056 00:42:14,908 --> 00:42:16,577 I was like... 1057 00:42:16,577 --> 00:42:18,996 Hey! We did it! - 1058 00:42:20,330 --> 00:42:23,292 Great job, everybody. Great job. 1059 00:42:29,006 --> 00:42:29,881 Hey! 1060 00:42:29,881 --> 00:42:31,758 Are you-are you leaving? 1061 00:42:31,758 --> 00:42:33,302 The party's just getting started. 1062 00:42:33,302 --> 00:42:35,762 Yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna head home. 1063 00:42:37,139 --> 00:42:39,891 You don't want to cash in on that big date? 1064 00:42:41,059 --> 00:42:43,353 Really, no, it's-it's okay. - Oh. 1065 00:42:43,353 --> 00:42:45,564 I mean, hey, I-I got the free mug. 1066 00:42:45,564 --> 00:42:48,233 They threw in two extra T-shirts, so... 1067 00:42:48,233 --> 00:42:49,484 Nice. - I'm good. 1068 00:42:49,484 --> 00:42:51,278 Yeah, that's enough. 1069 00:42:51,278 --> 00:42:52,529 Hey, listen... - Yeah? 1070 00:42:52,529 --> 00:42:55,115 ...really, congratulations on everything. 1071 00:42:55,115 --> 00:42:58,660 I mean, you should be really proud of all of it. 1072 00:42:58,660 --> 00:43:02,623 Big chef's kiss for you and your big night. 1073 00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:12,883 Um, you're not regular. 1074 00:43:13,508 --> 00:43:15,302 Yes, I am. 1075 00:43:15,927 --> 00:43:17,012 Well, so am I. 1076 00:43:17,012 --> 00:43:21,558 There's a 45-foot picture of you outside. 1077 00:43:23,268 --> 00:43:24,478 Okay, I've been you. 1078 00:43:24,478 --> 00:43:26,480 A long time ago, I dated someone famous 1079 00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,607 when I wasn't, so I know it's different. 1080 00:43:28,607 --> 00:43:31,151 But I'm just a person. 1081 00:43:32,569 --> 00:43:34,655 And I like your weird sense of humor. 1082 00:43:34,655 --> 00:43:36,698 You know, that's, that's not the compliment 1083 00:43:36,698 --> 00:43:38,700 I think you think it is. 1084 00:43:38,700 --> 00:43:39,951 And you're cute. 1085 00:43:39,951 --> 00:43:43,789 Well, you know, I can't speak to that one so much, so... 1086 00:43:43,789 --> 00:43:46,958 Come on, one date. One regular date. 1087 00:43:46,958 --> 00:43:49,628 What do you say? Just... 1088 00:43:50,379 --> 00:43:51,713 You can keep the T-shirts. 1089 00:43:53,006 --> 00:43:54,633 I don't know about the mug. 1090 00:43:56,259 --> 00:44:01,056 I cannot believe I missed Alice in a straitjacket. 1091 00:44:01,056 --> 00:44:03,684 I know, and that Velcro target? 1092 00:44:03,684 --> 00:44:04,976 Oh, my God, that was a hit. 1093 00:44:04,976 --> 00:44:06,603 It was so good. - I'm sure. 1094 00:44:06,603 --> 00:44:08,772 Oh. 1095 00:44:08,772 --> 00:44:11,733 Well, um, yeah, I think 1096 00:44:11,733 --> 00:44:13,944 Shane's backstage somewhere-- - Hey, Tess. 1097 00:44:13,944 --> 00:44:15,153 You showed up. 1098 00:44:15,153 --> 00:44:17,656 Hi. - Hi. 1099 00:44:17,656 --> 00:44:19,199 Yeah. 1100 00:44:19,199 --> 00:44:21,535 I'm sorry I'm late. - Oh. 1101 00:44:21,535 --> 00:44:22,786 I would have been here sooner, 1102 00:44:22,786 --> 00:44:24,496 it's just my mom was having this, like, 1103 00:44:24,496 --> 00:44:26,832 really amazing moment-- - It's okay, it's okay. 1104 00:44:26,832 --> 00:44:29,334 Yeah, it's okay. - Okay. 1105 00:44:29,334 --> 00:44:30,627 Um... 1106 00:44:31,336 --> 00:44:34,881 I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier. 1107 00:44:35,966 --> 00:44:37,676 All is forgiven. 1108 00:44:37,676 --> 00:44:38,760 Yeah. 1109 00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,679 But I think they wrapped, didn't they, Sophie? 1110 00:44:40,679 --> 00:44:41,972 Oh. - Yeah, we wrapped. 1111 00:44:41,972 --> 00:44:43,598 Yeah. - Yeah, but there's... 1112 00:44:43,598 --> 00:44:45,016 there's a party. 1113 00:44:45,016 --> 00:44:46,727 I know, but I'm exhausted. 1114 00:44:46,727 --> 00:44:48,186 Okay. - Is that okay? 1115 00:44:48,186 --> 00:44:49,396 Can we just go home? 1116 00:44:49,396 --> 00:44:50,522 That's okay, let's go home. 1117 00:44:50,522 --> 00:44:51,940 You sure? - Yeah, let's go home. 1118 00:44:51,940 --> 00:44:53,442 I'm sorry you drove all the way over here, 1119 00:44:53,442 --> 00:44:54,401 but is that all right? - No, it's fine. 1120 00:44:54,401 --> 00:44:55,819 Okay. 1121 00:44:55,819 --> 00:44:57,028 Thank you, Sophie. 1122 00:44:57,028 --> 00:44:58,488 Bye, guys, have a good night. 1123 00:44:58,488 --> 00:44:59,823 Bye. - Bye, Soph. 1124 00:44:59,823 --> 00:45:02,075 Bye. 1125 00:45:03,952 --> 00:45:06,371 Great show. 1126 00:45:06,371 --> 00:45:07,664 Uh... 1127 00:45:07,664 --> 00:45:09,791 Uh, same-same to you. 1128 00:45:09,791 --> 00:45:11,501 'Cause I'd really, really miss ya 1129 00:45:11,501 --> 00:45:14,004 So cool, cool, cool, baby, shake that 1130 00:45:14,004 --> 00:45:16,339 You're the best in the room, you don't have to try 1131 00:45:16,339 --> 00:45:18,550 Show no fear when you cross the line 1132 00:45:18,550 --> 00:45:20,427 Even when it rains, you bring the shine... 1133 00:45:20,427 --> 00:45:21,386 Hey. 1134 00:45:21,386 --> 00:45:23,263 What...? What'd I say? 1135 00:45:23,263 --> 00:45:25,182 Relax, I'm just going to get something to drink, 1136 00:45:25,182 --> 00:45:26,433 go to my room, 1137 00:45:26,433 --> 00:45:28,059 and you can have your special night with Sophie. 1138 00:45:28,059 --> 00:45:29,478 You'll be fine. - Thank you. 1139 00:45:29,478 --> 00:45:31,438 I love you. - Yeah. You, too. Hey. 1140 00:45:31,438 --> 00:45:33,398 Hey, you know, if there's any leftovers, 1141 00:45:33,398 --> 00:45:35,484 that steak looks amazing. 1142 00:45:35,484 --> 00:45:37,736 It's chicken. 1143 00:45:37,736 --> 00:45:40,030 Oh. - 1144 00:45:40,030 --> 00:45:41,406 Hey. 1145 00:45:41,406 --> 00:45:42,491 Hey! 1146 00:45:42,491 --> 00:45:45,535 What is this? - We're celebrating. 1147 00:45:45,535 --> 00:45:47,454 We are? - Yeah. 1148 00:45:47,454 --> 00:45:50,624 Your 100th episode. - Aww. 1149 00:45:50,624 --> 00:45:52,667 And... 1150 00:45:52,667 --> 00:45:54,252 I applied to college. 1151 00:45:54,252 --> 00:45:55,420 Stop. 1152 00:45:55,420 --> 00:45:57,005 What? - I know. 1153 00:45:57,005 --> 00:45:58,173 That's amazing. 1154 00:45:58,173 --> 00:45:59,966 I know. - I'm so excited for you. 1155 00:45:59,966 --> 00:46:02,844 So I thought we could, you know, celebrate us, 1156 00:46:02,844 --> 00:46:07,015 and have a little romantic dinner, and then, 1157 00:46:07,015 --> 00:46:10,602 you know, maybe after... - Oh, okay. 1158 00:46:10,602 --> 00:46:11,686 Oh. 1159 00:46:11,686 --> 00:46:13,480 Hi. - Hi. [laughs] 1160 00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,065 Hi. - Hey. Sorry. 1161 00:46:15,065 --> 00:46:19,069 I tried to call you. Gigi broke up with her. 1162 00:46:19,778 --> 00:46:22,197 Figured I'd come piss in your hallway for a change. 1163 00:46:22,197 --> 00:46:23,448 Oh. 1164 00:46:23,448 --> 00:46:27,661 I mean, if that'd be helpful, by all means, please do. 1165 00:46:28,829 --> 00:46:30,664 Truce? 1166 00:46:31,498 --> 00:46:34,668 Now what I really want to do is pull you into a big old hug. 1167 00:46:34,668 --> 00:46:37,337 You shouldn't do that. Yeah. - And I won't. 1168 00:46:37,337 --> 00:46:39,464 Is that cake? 1169 00:46:39,464 --> 00:46:40,799 Yes, it is. - I heard Dani. 1170 00:46:40,799 --> 00:46:42,175 Which means it's not a date night. 1171 00:46:42,175 --> 00:46:43,760 Not anymore. - I want some of that cake. 1172 00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,054 Wait, you made cake? - No. 1173 00:46:46,054 --> 00:46:48,056 I was with the, uh, plumber all day. 1174 00:46:48,056 --> 00:46:50,350 But I picked up tres leches, 1175 00:46:50,350 --> 00:46:54,187 and I also found out what the tres leches were today. 1176 00:46:54,187 --> 00:46:56,815 Uh, what did you think they were before? 1177 00:46:56,815 --> 00:46:58,024 Mmm. 1178 00:46:58,024 --> 00:47:00,318 Cow, goat and breast. 1179 00:47:00,318 --> 00:47:02,279 Wow. - No. 1180 00:47:03,321 --> 00:47:04,865 So, you thought they put breast milk...? 1181 00:47:04,865 --> 00:47:07,075 Ooh, there's got to be 1182 00:47:07,075 --> 00:47:09,911 Something more out there for me 1183 00:47:09,911 --> 00:47:13,665 Ooh, I've got to keep my head up 1184 00:47:13,665 --> 00:47:15,458 Keep my head up 1185 00:47:15,458 --> 00:47:17,711 Ooh, there's nothing like 1186 00:47:17,711 --> 00:47:20,255 Rising up after the fight 1187 00:47:20,255 --> 00:47:24,384 Ooh, I've got to keep my head up 88938

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