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1
00:00:05,381 --> 00:00:07,967
Previously on
The L Word: Generation Q...
2
00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:10,053
pulsing, energetic music
3
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,763
How'd it go with Nat?
4
00:00:11,763 --> 00:00:14,474
Did she give us permission
to live together?
5
00:00:14,474 --> 00:00:15,725
She didn't say no.
6
00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:17,435
She just said she wants to
know you better.
7
00:00:17,435 --> 00:00:18,811
Are you dating me or her?
8
00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:19,979
Oh, my. Daniela...
9
00:00:19,979 --> 00:00:21,773
I think I'm gonna go
back to school.
10
00:00:21,773 --> 00:00:23,816
I mean, wow, that's incredible.
11
00:00:23,816 --> 00:00:25,318
Are you breaking up with me?
12
00:00:25,318 --> 00:00:28,112
Worst first night
of college ever.
13
00:00:28,112 --> 00:00:29,655
I mean, you're single
and in L.A.
14
00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:30,990
Ooh.
15
00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:33,868
This could be, like,
my ho phase.
16
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:36,537
You and me,
let's open that second bar.
17
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,456
I'll do anything with you.
18
00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:41,501
Oh, no.
You've got the itch.
19
00:00:41,501 --> 00:00:42,543
What itch?
20
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:43,586
Things get too real,
21
00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:45,171
you get restless,
22
00:00:45,171 --> 00:00:47,423
and then you start to,
like, wiggle.
23
00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:48,508
Please. I don't wiggle.
24
00:00:48,508 --> 00:00:49,509
I need to go.
25
00:00:49,509 --> 00:00:50,843
Yes.
26
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:52,428
I need to go!
Oh, my God.
27
00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:55,098
You're... you're not
thinking clearly.
28
00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:56,182
You love it here.
29
00:00:56,182 --> 00:00:57,850
You love your friends
and your job.
30
00:00:57,850 --> 00:00:59,060
That's true.
31
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,687
That's all true,
but I love you more.
32
00:01:02,188 --> 00:01:04,148
Please, may I come with you?
33
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:05,983
No, they just have
something real, you know.
34
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,151
That would be nice.
35
00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:08,945
I'm sorry for reacting
36
00:01:08,945 --> 00:01:10,530
the way I did earlier.
37
00:01:10,530 --> 00:01:12,240
I love you.
38
00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:19,122
I don't find trouble, yeah
39
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:21,290
Trouble finds me
40
00:01:30,049 --> 00:01:31,134
You look good,
41
00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:32,760
but we should bring you in
for observation.
42
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,012
Okay. Thank you so much.
43
00:01:35,638 --> 00:01:36,764
White female, conscious,
44
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,266
presenting with head injuries...
45
00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:39,433
Hi.
46
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,060
Hey, you.
47
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,730
gentle music
48
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,192
Whoa.
- That's my face.
49
00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:49,986
Sorry.
- Mm.
50
00:01:49,986 --> 00:01:53,030
I think I might have just
pressed glass into your skin.
51
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,533
You've always been good
in crisis.
52
00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:57,535
Yeah.
- Sorry, ma'am.
53
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,794
Hey, I'm looking
for my girlfriend.
54
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,462
Yeah, she's there.
- Oh, thank you.
55
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:09,422
Hey.
56
00:02:09,422 --> 00:02:10,631
Hey, I got here
as fast as I could.
57
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,049
Great.
58
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,010
Oh, my God.
59
00:02:15,887 --> 00:02:18,472
Are you okay?
- I am okay.
60
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,474
I'll just wait outside.
61
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,477
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
- Sorry.
62
00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:29,400
I'll be right back, okay?
63
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,277
Nat?
64
00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:36,866
Uh, thank you for getting here
65
00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:38,367
as fast as you did.
- Oh.
66
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,328
Yeah, I'm her emergency contact,
67
00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:42,288
so I had a head start.
68
00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:44,207
Oh, well, that's...
69
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,834
Which we should change,
you know?
70
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,002
It should be you.
71
00:02:48,002 --> 00:02:48,961
Right.
72
00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:50,046
Only one of you can ride.
73
00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:51,172
Oh, that-that's me.
74
00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,632
Yeah.
75
00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:55,259
Well, call me
if you need anything.
76
00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:57,261
I'll be around.
77
00:02:57,261 --> 00:03:00,932
"Trouble's Comin'"
by Rayelle
78
00:03:00,932 --> 00:03:03,768
It's going down, down, down
79
00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:07,355
You can feel it all around,
round, round
80
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:11,025
Ain't no way to stop it now,
now, now
81
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:13,694
Better start running
82
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:17,406
Running, running
83
00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,618
Can you believe
84
00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:22,828
they let me make this show
a hundred times?
85
00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:25,122
Yes. It's gonna be
a great show.
86
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,958
Oh, my God,
the dating show segment?
87
00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:28,376
Yeah.
- Genius.
88
00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:29,835
Thank you.
The flowers look great.
89
00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,963
And all the contestants
have been vetted, right?
90
00:03:31,963 --> 00:03:32,880
Yes.
91
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,298
Okay, 'cause I'm looking
for the one.
92
00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:35,675
Right. No cults,
no mixed martial arts and...
93
00:03:35,675 --> 00:03:36,842
What do you think?
94
00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:38,302
Yes.
- You got it.
95
00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,680
...no improvisers of any kind.
96
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,473
Yeah, that last one's
very important.
97
00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,642
What if this really works?
98
00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:46,143
I mean, what if
I find my person?
99
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,229
Oh, my God! Yeah.
- Wouldn't it be amazing?
100
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:50,773
Soso and Allyce?
- That's us.
101
00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:52,441
I'm sorry if
I'm butchering those.
102
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:56,404
My coworker Kim here got bit
by a pig at her family reunion
103
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:58,239
and her thumb
hasn't been the same.
104
00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:00,741
Oh, sorry about your thumb.
- Thanks.
105
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,785
Right, well, I'll see you
out there.
106
00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:03,911
Okay.
107
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,830
Oh.
108
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:08,082
Oh! You. Alice.
109
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:10,084
Uh, yeah, that's me.
110
00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:11,335
Yeah, I mean,
111
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,337
I guess I shouldn't be surprised
given where I am,
112
00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:14,630
I mean, physically...
113
00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:16,424
Oh, in the...
- Here. Yeah.
114
00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:17,883
Yeah. Lines up.
- Yeah.
115
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:19,343
'Cause the show's
called Alice...
116
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:20,386
Hang on.
117
00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:22,054
I can add a little something
special here.
118
00:04:22,054 --> 00:04:24,473
Kim usually does the latte art,
119
00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:27,101
but I'll give it my best shot.
120
00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:29,520
Ta-da.
121
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,230
Oh, you made a, um...
- I can do a heart,
122
00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:32,857
but that just felt
a little obvious,
123
00:04:32,857 --> 00:04:34,066
so I went with chaos.
124
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,609
Or a little modern art.
125
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,028
It was nice to meet you.
126
00:04:37,028 --> 00:04:38,696
Yeah, you, too.
- Good luck on the show.
127
00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:40,990
Oh, are you gonna stay
and watch?
128
00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:42,199
No, no, no, no.
129
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,118
Um, I'll have to overanalyze
this conversation
130
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:45,536
for like two hours, so...
131
00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:46,871
Why? It's going so well.
132
00:04:48,039 --> 00:04:49,373
No, you should stay and watch.
133
00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,042
It's-it's nice to have
real fans in the audience
134
00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:53,377
and not just confused
tourists who think
135
00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:54,712
they're here to see Ellen.
136
00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:56,756
Sold.
137
00:04:56,756 --> 00:04:58,382
Okay, great.
138
00:04:58,382 --> 00:04:59,759
slow, wistful music
139
00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,235
Hey.
- Hey.
140
00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:22,156
Going to the new bar.
Want to break some shit?
141
00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:24,241
Uh... yeah.
- Yeah?
142
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,285
That actually sounds like
a dream come true.
143
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,286
Let's go.
144
00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:29,246
Holy shit.
145
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:31,916
- Let's have some fun.
- "Pony" by Ginuwine
146
00:05:31,916 --> 00:05:35,503
I'm just a bachelor
147
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:38,798
I'm looking for a partner
148
00:05:38,798 --> 00:05:42,510
Someone who knows
how to ride
149
00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:46,222
Without even falling off
150
00:05:46,222 --> 00:05:49,517
Got to be compatible
151
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:52,686
Takes me to my limits
152
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,940
Girl, when I break you off
153
00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:59,235
I promise that you won't
wanna get off
154
00:05:59,235 --> 00:06:00,611
If you're horny
155
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:06,450
Let's do it,
ride it, my pony
156
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:09,787
My saddle's waiting
157
00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:13,290
Come and jump on it
158
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:15,668
If you're horny, let's do it
159
00:06:15,668 --> 00:06:19,547
Ride it, my pony
160
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:22,716
My saddle's waiting
161
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:27,263
Come and jump on it
162
00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:32,226
Hey.
163
00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:36,397
You think I'd be, like,
good at school?
164
00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:38,691
What?
165
00:06:38,691 --> 00:06:41,610
You know, like, college.
166
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,575
I don't know.
Were you any good before?
167
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:50,536
No, not really.
-
168
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:54,415
Yes, I love that place.
I'll meet you there. Um...
169
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:57,126
Sorry, can you hold on
just one second.
170
00:06:57,126 --> 00:07:01,005
Um, hi. What the hell do the two
of you think you're doing?
171
00:07:01,005 --> 00:07:02,381
We don't start demo
until tomorrow.
172
00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:03,924
I know. I know, I know, I know,
173
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,634
but we got a head start,
and look how much we got done.
174
00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:06,760
I mean, check that out.
175
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,054
Come on.
Come on, have a whack.
176
00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:11,682
It's a maj stress reliever.
Have a whack.
177
00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:13,934
No, Finley, I don't want to
give it a whack.
178
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,520
All right. Your loss.
179
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,814
Oh, shit! Fuck!
180
00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:19,773
Okay.
181
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,942
I'm gonna stop the water.
182
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,319
I got it!
I got it!
183
00:07:23,319 --> 00:07:24,653
Finley, go around the corner.
184
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,697
It's not a big deal, Tess.
185
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,073
Truly. Just calm down.
- You there?
186
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:30,326
Yeah, actually,
can you meet me here?
187
00:07:30,326 --> 00:07:32,661
Great, I'm gonna text you
the address right now.
188
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,205
Okay, bye.
189
00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:35,915
This is exactly why
190
00:07:35,915 --> 00:07:37,708
you should not be
fucking around in here.
191
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,126
It's just...
- I have got so much
192
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,086
on my plate already
and now, this.
193
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,506
Tess, it's just an accident.
- You're gonna have to tell Alice
194
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:44,757
that I can't make it tonight
195
00:07:44,757 --> 00:07:46,509
because I'm gonna be here
waiting for a plumber.
196
00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:47,801
Why? No, no, no.
197
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,346
I can help with that.
198
00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:54,683
Your help is how this happened.
So thanks, but no thanks.
199
00:07:56,769 --> 00:07:58,771
All right, then.
200
00:07:58,771 --> 00:08:01,315
I should just stay
out of your way then.
201
00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:03,317
Hmm?
202
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:05,361
Yeah.
- Yeah, I will.
203
00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:09,532
Oh, my God.
204
00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:11,033
slow, tranquil music
205
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:13,035
Did you get
the chocolate fountain?
206
00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:16,664
Yup. Whatever Alice
wants, I'll make it happen.
207
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:17,957
It's her show.
208
00:08:17,957 --> 00:08:20,000
Oh, yeah.
- Okay, leaving now.
209
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,461
All right, see you there.
- Bye.
210
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:24,547
Hi and bye.
211
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:27,341
Have you seen my other earring?
Is it in the bathroom?
212
00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:28,926
I didn't see it.
213
00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:31,762
Mm. I'm sorry.
214
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:32,888
Just borrow a pair of mine.
215
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:35,724
Your car's gonna be here
at 3:00.
216
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,851
He's usually
a little early, so...
217
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,437
Okay.
-
218
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,689
Not that early.
219
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:44,066
Oh, it's...
220
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:45,651
Nat.
221
00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:49,029
Hi.
- Hi.
222
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,823
Um...
223
00:08:50,823 --> 00:08:53,158
Sorry, what are you...
what are you doing here?
224
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:56,203
Oh, hi.
Uh, Gigi just called me.
225
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,413
Oh.
226
00:08:57,413 --> 00:08:59,540
I can't get ready on my own,
227
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,000
and I didn't want you
to be late.
228
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,668
Yeah.
229
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:03,961
Happy to help.
230
00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,087
Right.
- Yeah.
231
00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:07,673
No. Sure, that's great.
232
00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:10,801
Yeah. Um, I will...
233
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,595
see you... both
234
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,013
at Alice's show later then?
235
00:09:14,013 --> 00:09:15,222
Oh, yeah.
236
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,265
I will be there.
237
00:09:16,265 --> 00:09:17,933
Margaret Cho
is on my bucket list.
238
00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:20,019
Not to...
- Great.
239
00:09:20,019 --> 00:09:21,562
...fuck, just meet.
240
00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:24,189
Sure. Right. Um...
-
241
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,524
All right. I love you.
242
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:26,775
Love you.
243
00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:29,111
Bye!
244
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:31,697
Hi!
- Hi.
245
00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:33,157
How are you doing?
-
246
00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:34,825
Uh, I feel like shit.
247
00:09:34,825 --> 00:09:37,286
But I'm on a lot of drugs.
248
00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:38,621
Nice.
- No, I'm good.
249
00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:41,457
Honestly...
I've had five days off.
250
00:09:41,457 --> 00:09:43,709
I can't remember the last time
I had five days off.
251
00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:46,253
Oh. Well,
I actually do remember.
252
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:50,424
Yeah, it was when you got hand,
foot and mouth from the kids,
253
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:54,637
and I don't think you went out
in public for, like, a week.
254
00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:55,721
Okay, fine.
255
00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:58,599
Last time was when I had
hand, foot and mouth.
256
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,184
Yeah.
257
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,732
Do you want to talk about...
258
00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:10,027
...what happened
the other night?
259
00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:12,988
No.
260
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,658
All right. [chuckles]
261
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,243
I mean, honestly, it was...
262
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,870
it was nothing.
263
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:21,413
Yeah.
- Yeah.
264
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:23,874
Right?
- Mm. Yes.
265
00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:26,043
slow, somber music
266
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,922
Yeah, no, no.
It's-it's good, Mom, I swear.
267
00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:33,008
Jordi's just... having trouble
with boundaries
268
00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:34,802
and, like, texting me a lot.
269
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,637
But I'm fine, you know?
270
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,681
I'm-I'm excited for class,
you know?
271
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,432
I feel like it's, um...
272
00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:42,309
a fresh start, you know?
273
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,019
Okay. I love you.
274
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:46,730
Yes. Yes, yes,
it's on my keychain.
275
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:49,566
Okay. I love you. Bye.
276
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:57,574
Hey, y'all!
Um, my name is Samuel Hendrix.
277
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:58,951
I am your professor.
278
00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:03,080
We're gonna investigate our
own individual creativity, 'kay?
279
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,707
Um, I am a poet,
280
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:07,251
a songwriter,
a lousy piano player
281
00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:08,377
and I wrote a book once.
282
00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:09,837
That therefore qualifies me
283
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:13,257
to be your Introduction
to Creative Writing instructor.
284
00:11:13,257 --> 00:11:15,509
Welcome, y'all.
-
285
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,511
Okay...
- Fuck me.
286
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:19,555
So...
287
00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:21,098
we're gonna...
288
00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:23,434
we're gonna jump right in.
289
00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:25,519
Hey!
- Hey!
290
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,521
Happy 100th.
-
291
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:28,939
The chart.
292
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,357
Right?
- Oh!
293
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,775
God, where it all began.
294
00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:33,444
Just a reminder
of your humble beginnings.
295
00:11:33,444 --> 00:11:34,737
I love it. Let's hang it.
296
00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:36,071
Take that down.
I can't stand this picture.
297
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,322
I did your hair for that.
298
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:40,284
Well, I like my hair. I just...
299
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:41,994
This is better.
300
00:11:41,994 --> 00:11:43,328
Right?
301
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:44,496
Love it!
302
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,665
Ugh. Oh--
- Do you still talk to her?
303
00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:48,876
No. No, no.
- She was really cute.
304
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,043
Um, Bette and Tina got me
305
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,295
those flowers.
- That's nice.
306
00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:52,671
Pretty.
- Glad they're making it work.
307
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,631
Mm. Tom got me
a basket of Bic pens.
308
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,676
That's odd.
- Well, you know, I turned down
309
00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:59,011
the marriage proposal.
- Right.
310
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:00,721
But he's still able
to be a good friend.
311
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,723
Or he's still hoping.
312
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:04,808
Honestly, either way is fine.
313
00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:05,976
Is this for me, too?
314
00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:07,478
What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
- This one.
315
00:12:07,478 --> 00:12:09,271
That's just
my old hair products.
316
00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:10,564
Oh. Yeah, I don't want that.
317
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:12,483
I know you don't, but Ivy does.
318
00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:15,611
And I figured
I'd give 'em to her, so...
319
00:12:15,611 --> 00:12:16,612
Okay.
320
00:12:16,612 --> 00:12:17,988
Do you know
where I can find her?
321
00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:19,990
Yeah. Over here.
-
322
00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:22,326
You two really hit it off
the other night.
323
00:12:22,326 --> 00:12:24,536
No, it was just work.
- Mm.
324
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,038
Where's Tess?
325
00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:29,208
Unfortunately,
she's not able to make it.
326
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,585
So she wanted me
to send you her love.
327
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,378
Well, I'm sorry
she's gonna miss it.
328
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:34,254
Me, too.
329
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,131
Oh. Real quick--
330
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,299
don't sit in the front.
331
00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:38,634
I don't want
to give too much away,
332
00:12:38,634 --> 00:12:40,469
but there is
a lube slip-and-slide.
333
00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:41,720
It might get a little messy.
334
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,139
How do you come up
with this shit?
335
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,558
Okay, so, VIPs are gonna hang
336
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:47,893
in the Alice lounge.
- Huh.
337
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,895
I got this queer winemaker
to sponsor it.
338
00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:51,980
Um, the list
is getting pretty long though,
339
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:54,024
so I'm thinking we do overflow
in the greenroom.
340
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:55,776
All right, that sounds... good.
341
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:56,819
I mean, that'll work.
342
00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:59,363
Um...
- Oh, hey, how's Gigi?
343
00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:02,157
Uh, you know,
ribs take a while to heal.
344
00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:03,408
But other than that, she's fine.
345
00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:05,911
Okay. Well, hey, um...
346
00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,204
when's she's feeling better,
347
00:13:07,204 --> 00:13:09,122
why don't you guys come over
for dinner?
348
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,999
With me and Finley.
- Uh...
349
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,459
M-Maybe.
350
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,044
Ouch.
351
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:15,212
I said maybe.
352
00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:16,880
Come on.
-
353
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,841
- This bitch.
- Didn't see that coming
354
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:21,301
Didn't see that coming
355
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,012
There's also, I think,
like, a pipe or something
356
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,848
rattling in the ceiling.
- Okay.
357
00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:26,849
Could be animals.
358
00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:28,767
Rats.
- Uh-oh.
359
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,102
I stopped feeding 'em.
360
00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:31,520
Okay, I'm gonna check
everything out.
361
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,771
Okay, great. Thank you.
362
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,314
If you need anything from me,
just come
363
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,440
and find me.
I'll be here all day.
364
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,692
Sounds great.
-'Kay.
365
00:13:36,692 --> 00:13:39,444
Tess, please don't stay here.
366
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,738
I'm the one
that broke the pipe.
367
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:42,865
I know, but--
368
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,616
Listen, you shouldn't have
to stay with the plumber.
369
00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:46,535
I-I want to. Really. Please?
370
00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:47,786
No, it's fine.
371
00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:50,455
My sponsee's
already on the way and--
372
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,165
I got the highlighter.
I got the book.
373
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,126
I know the AA deal.
-
374
00:13:54,126 --> 00:13:56,461
I can't ask you to do that.
- No,
375
00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:57,504
you're not asking.
376
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,797
Please?
377
00:13:58,797 --> 00:13:59,756
I want to.
378
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:00,716
Let me make this right.
379
00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:02,384
Come on. Go be with Shane.
380
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:06,346
I was...
381
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,724
way harsh on her earlier.
382
00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:11,393
soft, somber music
383
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,317
Next week's gonna be
a deep dive into structure,
384
00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:19,526
so be ready for that.
385
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,361
Also, if you want
to hear some great writing,
386
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,906
my buddy is doing a reading
at the campus bookstore.
387
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,949
Hi, excuse me.
Will you just wait one second?
388
00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:27,701
Yeah.
- Um, yeah, that's it.
389
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:28,869
Um, hi.
390
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:33,040
Uh, I have a quick question
for you.
391
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,125
Um...
392
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:37,252
it is you, right?
393
00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:41,131
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I knew it was you. [laughs]
394
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,132
Hi!
395
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,176
Um, yes, I just--
396
00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:47,763
I wanted to say
I'm sorry about...
397
00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:50,724
like, kissing you
the other night.
398
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:55,479
Um, just please know that won't,
like, ever happen again.
399
00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:57,564
I had just broken up
with my first girlfriend
400
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,733
who I was in love with,
and my moms are, like,
401
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,401
getting back together,
which is, like, a whole thing.
402
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,696
And it's my--
it's my first week of college.
403
00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,198
Anyway, I just want you to know
404
00:15:06,198 --> 00:15:10,285
if-if you want me to, like,
drop your class, I totally will.
405
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:13,914
I'm happy you're in my class.
406
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,584
Okay.
407
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,086
Okay. Great.
408
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:21,004
I'll see you next week?
409
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:22,839
See ya.
410
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:26,009
lighthearted music
411
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,520
Give Alice five.
412
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,188
I thought you gave Wardrobe ten.
413
00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:40,065
Yeah, but we got to give Alice
five so she gets here on time.
414
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,484
Oh, gotcha.
- No, no, it's yours.
415
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:44,653
Thank you. Thank you, thank you.
416
00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,029
You don't need to thank me.
- Five minutes.
417
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:48,448
That was collecting dust
in my garage.
418
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,282
What?
419
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:52,119
This is literally liquid gold.
420
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,162
Y'all hear that?
Nobody touch my shit.
421
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:56,039
This is a no-fly zone.
- Okay, okay.
422
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:57,666
15 minutes, everyone.
423
00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:59,459
15 minutes till showtime.
424
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,670
All right,
I'm gonna go get my seat.
425
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:04,047
You don't want
to hang back here?
426
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,632
This is where all the fun is.
427
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,883
"All Diamonds" by Nightgames
428
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,760
I'll find a place
429
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,012
For myself...
430
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:11,930
I feel
lots of love here, people.
431
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,640
Okay.
- Uh-huh.
432
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,142
You know what time it is.
- All right, can I get you
433
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,269
any water or anything?
You want some...
434
00:16:17,269 --> 00:16:19,062
Oh, I heard there was champagne.
435
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,233
No, you're-- I mean, you're
probably busy. I-I could get it.
436
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:25,277
No, I-I can get it.
- You're so busy.
437
00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:26,153
I will get it.
438
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:27,362
You sure? Okay.
- Yeah.
439
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:28,405
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
440
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:29,322
How you feeling?
441
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,365
You okay?
- I'm fine.
442
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,783
Go do your thing.
- Okay.
443
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:33,994
Well, the show starts in ten,
444
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:36,079
if you need anything
before then.
445
00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,080
Oh! I do.
446
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,750
Uh, these are for Alice.
447
00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:40,917
Yeah. I wanted
448
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,377
to get her flowers,
but the lady by the side
449
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,130
of the freeway
only had oranges today, so...
450
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,048
there you go.
451
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,466
S-So you got oranges?
452
00:16:47,466 --> 00:16:48,550
Okay.
453
00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:49,593
Yep.
- Wonderful.
454
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:51,595
I'll see she gets these.
455
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:53,764
Thanks.
- Yeah.
456
00:16:53,764 --> 00:16:56,016
Mm-hmm.
457
00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:58,852
I feel like she didn't think
that was funny.
458
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:01,188
I wouldn't take it personally.
-
459
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,898
'Kay.
460
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:04,691
You got some fluff in your hair.
461
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:05,776
Oh.
462
00:17:05,776 --> 00:17:08,028
Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
463
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,362
Got it?
464
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:11,573
Hair's looking healthy.
465
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:13,992
You finally using new products?
466
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,495
Yeah, actually.
467
00:17:16,495 --> 00:17:19,873
It's, uh,
called Grape Jelly by Eli.
468
00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:24,336
Yeah, it's applied by just
flinging it across the table.
469
00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:26,046
It's in high demand.
470
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,297
I'll try and get you his number.
471
00:17:33,804 --> 00:17:36,473
I saw you when I got hit.
472
00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:40,393
Yeah, I-I can't believe how fast
I was able to get there.
473
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,812
No.
474
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:46,566
The way they say your life
flashes before your eyes.
475
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,279
I saw you and the kids.
476
00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:54,407
My family.
477
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,244
soft, sentimental music
478
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,704
I'm sure it was just...
the adrenaline.
479
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:01,164
You know? That's all.
- Here you go.
480
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,499
Oh, thank you.
481
00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:04,000
Yeah.
482
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,336
What are they?
483
00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:07,254
That's right.
484
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,548
Um, she didn't bring you
a glass.
485
00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:11,716
No.
486
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,635
You know what?
That's okay. Actually,
487
00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:16,304
I think I have
a reusable straw in here.
488
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:17,973
Let's see.
489
00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:20,433
upbeat, funky music
490
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,435
Na-na-na, na-na-na-na
491
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:25,522
Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na
492
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,649
Whoo!
Let's take it from the top now
493
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:28,984
Take it from the top...
494
00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:30,402
Finley?
495
00:18:30,402 --> 00:18:31,736
Hi!
- Hi.
496
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:32,946
Carrie, right?
- Yes, hi.
497
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,197
Hi, how are you?
- I'm good.
498
00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:35,615
Nice to meet you.
- Thank you. You, too.
499
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,617
You know,
Tess described you so perfectly.
500
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,661
Oh.
- She said, "Leonardo DiCaprio
501
00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:40,954
from Romeo + Juliet."
502
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,914
And with the hair and
everything, I totally see it.
503
00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:46,084
Wow, that is weirdly the nicest
thing anybody's ever said to me.
504
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:47,252
Wow.
505
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:49,880
God, I must be on some kind
of gender journey, huh?
506
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,340
Yeah. I wouldn't know enough
about that to say.
507
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:54,092
So what do we do?
508
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:55,218
Uh, yeah, sit down.
509
00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:56,803
Right here?
- Yeah.
510
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:57,762
Okay.
511
00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:59,931
Wait, so how do you know Tess?
512
00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:02,100
I hit rock bottom.
I went on a bender.
513
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,019
That's when Tess
became my sponsor.
514
00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:05,645
So, I'm here
515
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:09,232
to tell you about the tsunami
of depression that...
516
00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:10,984
kicked my ass after I found out
517
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:13,486
that my fiancée
got back with her ex.
518
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,238
Shit.
- Yeah.
519
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:18,116
Well, we got this puppy
to guide us.
520
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:20,118
So, silver lining.
- Okay. Right.
521
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:21,453
Yeah, it can't hurt, right?
- Yeah.
522
00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:23,121
But, listen,
I got to hit the head first.
523
00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:25,916
I, like, pounded, like, a gallon
of iced tea on the way here.
524
00:19:25,916 --> 00:19:27,584
Course.
Uh, the water's out in here,
525
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:29,794
but right around the corner
is Dana's.
526
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:31,421
Pop in there,
there's a bathroom.
527
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:34,841
Okay, great. And, listen, I got
a free sub with my punch card.
528
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,384
If you want one, take it.
529
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:38,094
Oh, sweet. Thanks.
530
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,221
What-what is it?
531
00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:41,181
Uh, it's turkey and cheese,
no dressing.
532
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:43,141
I don't like wet bread.
533
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:48,313
Copy that.
534
00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:52,776
Kegel and hold.
Kegel and hold.
535
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:53,944
Don't sneeze.
536
00:19:53,944 --> 00:19:56,029
Oh, no. Don't sneeze.
537
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,113
Okay.
538
00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:59,074
Almost there.
539
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,079
Oh, occupied!
540
00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:05,914
Oh, geez!
- Oh.
541
00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,415
Oh, my, oh...
- Oh, my God.
542
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,501
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
- No, no, no, no, no, oh, my God.
543
00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:10,794
Oh, my God, let me look at it.
544
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:12,295
Oh, it's really coming out.
- Is it? Oh, no.
545
00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:13,463
There's no, um, toilet paper.
546
00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:15,757
You...
- Oh, my God.
547
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,300
Oh, it hurts when I laugh.
- Oh, my God.
548
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,010
Oh, it's in my mouth.
I taste the blood.
549
00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:20,470
What do we do?
- Oh, I have an idea.
550
00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:21,805
Come here, come over here.
- I need something.
551
00:20:21,805 --> 00:20:23,014
Come over here, come over here.
552
00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:24,808
Okay, it's working.
553
00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:25,892
It feels okay, actually.
554
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,519
It looks amazing.
- Thank you.
555
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,021
Okay. Um, this one?
556
00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:31,314
Yes?
- I'm going to take it out,
557
00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:33,275
because it was kind of
really bleeding,
558
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:34,985
so I'm gonna stick a new one in.
559
00:20:34,985 --> 00:20:36,278
Okay. Right.
- Okay?
560
00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:37,612
Okay, here we go.
You ready?
561
00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:38,613
Go. Gentle.
- Okay.
562
00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,657
Don't freak out,
don't freak out.
563
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:42,158
We did it.
564
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,285
Oh, I can breathe again.
565
00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:44,744
Not for long.
- You got it?
566
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,122
I'm going to jam it slowly...
- Oh? Yeah, that's nice.
567
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:48,623
You okay?
- Not too hard.
568
00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:49,916
You good?
- That's good.
569
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,209
Okay.
- Thank you.
570
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:52,752
Looks good.
- My name's Carrie.
571
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,796
I'm Misty.
- It's nice to meet you.
572
00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:55,797
Nice to meet you, yeah.
573
00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:57,257
You do well under pressure.
574
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,968
It's a good thing I know so
much about leaky pipes, I guess.
575
00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:01,219
Right.
- Yeah.
576
00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:03,638
Holy shit,
what the hell happened?
577
00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:05,223
It's a long story.
- Yes, it is.
578
00:21:05,223 --> 00:21:06,516
Yeah, we're all good, though.
579
00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:07,934
Yeah, we're good. Yeah.
- Yeah. Don't worry.
580
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,394
Oh, there's, like,
no toilet paper
581
00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:11,271
in this whole entire bathroom.
582
00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,564
Oh, that's actually my fault.
583
00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:14,399
I, um, yeah,
I was supposed to do that.
584
00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:15,900
Okay.
- Are you sure you're good?
585
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,277
Yeah, yeah. We're good.
- We're good.
586
00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:18,737
You're good.
- We're good.
587
00:21:18,737 --> 00:21:21,698
Okay...
588
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:23,116
Ooh, la, la...
589
00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:24,659
All right,
contestants, are you ready?
590
00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:26,369
Here are your microphones,
all right?
591
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:27,871
You're gonna talk
into them like this,
592
00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:29,247
blah, blah, blah.
-
593
00:21:29,247 --> 00:21:31,207
Wait a minute.
- Somebody cut her off.
594
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,917
Where's contestant number three?
595
00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:34,502
Are these Beyond Beef,
596
00:21:34,502 --> 00:21:35,795
or are these the real deal?
597
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,506
Guys, just be
aware of what's going on.
598
00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:42,177
Anybody-- you don't know.
599
00:21:42,177 --> 00:21:43,261
Mmm...
600
00:21:43,261 --> 00:21:46,264
Fuck my life.
601
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:49,309
You know, I'm much
better with emotional ties.
602
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,563
This feels
a little more literal.
603
00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:58,443
But it does remind me a lot
of a relationship I was in once.
604
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:01,029
Oh...!
605
00:22:01,029 --> 00:22:03,531
I did it!
606
00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:05,116
Thank you.
607
00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:07,452
Hang tight, everyone.
608
00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:09,037
15 minutes
until the next segment.
609
00:22:09,037 --> 00:22:11,289
There's nothing suspicious
about anything you're doing.
610
00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:13,666
What, am I not being discrete?
611
00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:15,835
Uh, no. You'd be
a terrible criminal.
612
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,171
Oh, please.
I could commit crimes.
613
00:22:18,171 --> 00:22:19,547
Yeah, and not get away with it.
614
00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:23,885
That's just mean.
It's mean and it's wrong.
615
00:22:23,885 --> 00:22:26,388
I could... kill.
616
00:22:28,056 --> 00:22:32,310
Or maybe pillage something.
617
00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:37,857
Can I tell you something?
618
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,025
Mm-hmm.
619
00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:43,238
I keep trying to understand what
I was feeling in that moment.
620
00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:47,742
Like, what it means
that I saw you.
621
00:22:51,788 --> 00:22:54,582
Do you think it means anything?
622
00:22:58,336 --> 00:23:00,213
Are you smizing at me?
623
00:23:00,213 --> 00:23:01,381
Smizing?
624
00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:02,841
Smizing?
From Top Model?
625
00:23:04,926 --> 00:23:06,386
Can you please
stop making me laugh?
626
00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:08,054
My ribs are bruised.
- What? What do you watch?
627
00:23:08,054 --> 00:23:09,806
My ribs are bruised.
628
00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:12,142
Well, stop saying
ridiculous things.
629
00:23:12,142 --> 00:23:13,935
You're the one being ridiculous.
630
00:23:13,935 --> 00:23:16,938
Um, actually, you're
the one with a head injury.
631
00:23:16,938 --> 00:23:20,608
You were concussed and now
you're drinking on painkillers,
632
00:23:20,608 --> 00:23:24,195
so I'm pretty sure
you're not thinking straight.
633
00:23:25,155 --> 00:23:26,656
Safe to say.
634
00:23:29,868 --> 00:23:31,953
We met at 18.
- I know.
635
00:23:31,953 --> 00:23:35,748
Well, you were 19.
- No, you're older than me.
636
00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:37,167
No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
637
00:23:37,167 --> 00:23:40,462
I-I always mix that up.
- I know, I don't understand.
638
00:23:40,462 --> 00:23:42,839
You were 18?
- Yes.
639
00:23:44,424 --> 00:23:46,885
gentle music
640
00:23:51,639 --> 00:23:53,016
Dani, Dani, Dani!
- Thank you so much.
641
00:23:53,016 --> 00:23:54,601
Dani, I need a favor.
- Thank you.
642
00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:56,436
Why don't you carry
your own tampons?
643
00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:58,188
What? No. I...
- Hi.
644
00:23:58,188 --> 00:24:01,024
I-I lost a contestant
for the dating game,
645
00:24:01,024 --> 00:24:02,150
and I need someone.
646
00:24:02,150 --> 00:24:03,318
Can you please do it for me?
647
00:24:03,318 --> 00:24:04,819
It's in six, six minutes.
648
00:24:04,819 --> 00:24:06,863
No. I have to go get
Billie Jean off the red carpet.
649
00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:08,198
She won't stop smiling
for the cameras.
650
00:24:08,198 --> 00:24:09,491
You do it.
You got it. Go.
651
00:24:09,491 --> 00:24:12,494
God! Why are you the worst?
652
00:24:16,414 --> 00:24:19,584
slow, dramatic music
653
00:24:23,379 --> 00:24:25,590
All right,
everyone in the audience,
654
00:24:25,590 --> 00:24:28,092
we are gonna start
in just a few minutes.
655
00:24:28,092 --> 00:24:30,887
Please take your seats.
-
656
00:24:30,887 --> 00:24:33,056
intriguing music
657
00:24:40,855 --> 00:24:44,651
You know, your timing could not
have been more perfect, really.
658
00:24:44,651 --> 00:24:46,945
Well, I'm just glad it's
getting put to some good use.
659
00:24:46,945 --> 00:24:48,571
You know,
I think I need, like,
660
00:24:48,571 --> 00:24:49,781
a little bit of a revamp.
661
00:24:49,781 --> 00:24:51,658
I've just been
on those dating apps.
662
00:24:51,658 --> 00:24:53,159
Like, they're terrible.
663
00:24:53,159 --> 00:24:55,912
Oh, those dating apps... yeah.
- Absolutely terrifying.
664
00:24:55,912 --> 00:24:59,207
Yeah. And I've been out
the game for like... two years.
665
00:24:59,207 --> 00:25:00,458
Two years, huh?
- Yeah.
666
00:25:00,458 --> 00:25:02,585
I had a kid.
- I know you had a kid.
667
00:25:02,585 --> 00:25:04,629
You mentioned that
when I met you.
668
00:25:04,629 --> 00:25:06,756
You don't seem like the type
that wants to see pictures
669
00:25:06,756 --> 00:25:08,508
so I'm not gonna show you.
670
00:25:08,508 --> 00:25:10,510
I'd see, I'd see it if you'd
like to show it to me.
671
00:25:10,510 --> 00:25:11,678
Oh, yeah?
- I'm not against it.
672
00:25:11,678 --> 00:25:12,762
Okay.
673
00:25:12,762 --> 00:25:14,597
She is everything
674
00:25:14,597 --> 00:25:16,683
and she has also sucked me dry.
675
00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:21,437
I just don't feel like myself
all the way, you know?
676
00:25:23,064 --> 00:25:24,774
Yeah.
677
00:25:24,774 --> 00:25:26,859
Yeah.
I can relate to that.
678
00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:29,821
I think I need to get back
on the horse.
679
00:25:29,821 --> 00:25:32,282
I think you're gonna do
just fine.
680
00:25:34,576 --> 00:25:37,620
Hi, guys.
I need a favor. Um...
681
00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:39,831
Can you get her ready in,
like, four minutes?
682
00:25:39,831 --> 00:25:42,709
She's not talking to me.
- We'll do it.
683
00:25:42,709 --> 00:25:43,876
Yeah.
- Oh, my God, amazing.
684
00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:45,086
Okay, sit down.
- Hi.
685
00:25:45,086 --> 00:25:46,421
Hi.
- What's your name?
686
00:25:46,421 --> 00:25:48,131
Taylor.
- Hi, Taylor.
687
00:25:48,131 --> 00:25:50,341
I'm Ivy, this is Shane.
688
00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:52,260
Hey, Taylor.
- Hey.
689
00:25:52,260 --> 00:25:54,220
Yeah, we're gonna take
really good care of you.
690
00:25:54,220 --> 00:25:56,889
Do you have any do's,
any don'ts?
691
00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:58,099
Uh, just no red lipstick.
692
00:25:58,099 --> 00:26:00,476
My mom subjected me
to pageants as a toddler,
693
00:26:00,476 --> 00:26:01,853
so it's very triggering.
694
00:26:01,853 --> 00:26:04,355
Okay. Take it away.
Do your thing.
695
00:26:07,483 --> 00:26:08,359
Taylor.
696
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,778
May I?
697
00:26:10,778 --> 00:26:12,238
Yeah.
698
00:26:12,238 --> 00:26:13,948
And we're rolling.
699
00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:20,288
Welcome back
to my 100th episode.
700
00:26:20,747 --> 00:26:22,999
As many of you know,
I'm currently single,
701
00:26:22,999 --> 00:26:25,293
so I figured what better way
to meet someone,
702
00:26:25,293 --> 00:26:27,962
than on TV in front of
a studio audience?
703
00:26:27,962 --> 00:26:30,798
So to help me out today,
704
00:26:30,798 --> 00:26:34,594
we've brought the original
bisexual comedienne,
705
00:26:34,594 --> 00:26:37,764
a woman who has paved the way
for so many of us,
706
00:26:37,764 --> 00:26:42,602
my first crush,
my friend, Margaret Cho!
707
00:26:46,773 --> 00:26:48,274
Hey!
708
00:26:49,984 --> 00:26:51,194
Thank you!
709
00:26:51,194 --> 00:26:52,820
Oh, this is so exciting.
710
00:26:52,820 --> 00:26:56,741
So, you know how this works,
we have some contestants,
711
00:26:56,741 --> 00:26:58,785
we're gonna ask them
some questions.
712
00:26:58,785 --> 00:27:00,036
Alice is gonna decide
713
00:27:00,036 --> 00:27:02,121
amongst three candidates
who's best, right?
714
00:27:02,121 --> 00:27:03,623
Yes, well,
you're going to help me.
715
00:27:03,623 --> 00:27:06,167
I'm gonna be making
some snide commentary
716
00:27:06,167 --> 00:27:08,169
from over here...
-
717
00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:09,337
It's gonna be so fabulous.
718
00:27:09,337 --> 00:27:10,838
I'm so excited.
- Sounds dreamy.
719
00:27:10,838 --> 00:27:12,382
Let's start. Okay.
- I love it.
720
00:27:16,219 --> 00:27:17,178
Okay.
721
00:27:17,178 --> 00:27:18,179
Contestant number one,
722
00:27:18,179 --> 00:27:19,305
tell me about yourself.
723
00:27:19,305 --> 00:27:21,015
Hi, Alice.
- Oh.
724
00:27:21,015 --> 00:27:24,268
Ooh, that is a deep baritone.
- Okay.
725
00:27:24,268 --> 00:27:25,269
I'm into it.
726
00:27:25,269 --> 00:27:26,771
I'm from
a small town in Montana,
727
00:27:26,771 --> 00:27:29,357
where rush hour is
a moose in the road.
728
00:27:29,357 --> 00:27:31,359
Oh, this is gonna be simple.
729
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:32,735
Um, Ivy, can you grab me
730
00:27:32,735 --> 00:27:34,320
that product in your bag?
731
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,031
Yeah, I just want to see
what it is.
732
00:27:37,907 --> 00:27:38,991
No.
733
00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:41,077
Uh, just find a nice backdrop
outside or something.
734
00:27:41,077 --> 00:27:44,414
Get singles, get groups.
I need options.
735
00:27:44,414 --> 00:27:45,707
Thank you. Hi.
736
00:27:45,707 --> 00:27:48,126
Everything looks so good.
737
00:27:48,126 --> 00:27:49,585
Thank you.
738
00:27:49,585 --> 00:27:50,795
I'm gonna go home.
739
00:27:50,795 --> 00:27:54,757
Oh, it's early.
Are you feeling okay?
740
00:27:54,757 --> 00:27:57,969
Yes, but I just really
want to get back.
741
00:27:57,969 --> 00:28:00,138
Okay, okay.
I'll call you a car.
742
00:28:00,138 --> 00:28:02,265
No, no, no.
Don't worry about it.
743
00:28:02,265 --> 00:28:04,642
Nat's going to take me.
744
00:28:07,437 --> 00:28:09,105
What's going on?
745
00:28:09,105 --> 00:28:10,231
What do you mean?
746
00:28:10,231 --> 00:28:12,525
I mean, what's going on
with you and Nat?
747
00:28:12,525 --> 00:28:15,737
Nothing is going on.
- Okay.
748
00:28:16,821 --> 00:28:18,364
We can talk more later.
- No.
749
00:28:18,364 --> 00:28:19,866
I'd like to talk about it now.
750
00:28:19,866 --> 00:28:21,909
Contestant number one,
751
00:28:21,909 --> 00:28:24,787
why don't you tell me
how you spend your days?
752
00:28:24,787 --> 00:28:26,456
I'm a veterinarian
for a nonprofit
753
00:28:26,456 --> 00:28:28,958
that rescues animals
from natural disasters.
754
00:28:28,958 --> 00:28:30,209
Aww.
755
00:28:30,209 --> 00:28:32,754
He's perfect.
756
00:28:32,754 --> 00:28:35,131
Definitely a serial killer.
757
00:28:35,131 --> 00:28:37,133
Agreed.
758
00:28:37,133 --> 00:28:39,761
Okay, let's move on
to contestant number two.
759
00:28:39,761 --> 00:28:43,473
Can you beat the butt-dialing
rescue vet from Montana?
760
00:28:43,473 --> 00:28:45,516
I'll try.
-
761
00:28:45,516 --> 00:28:49,145
Um, I was born in India,
raised in New York.
762
00:28:49,145 --> 00:28:53,149
Uh, I run a cold storage
start-up for NFTs.
763
00:28:53,149 --> 00:28:54,442
Oh.
764
00:28:54,442 --> 00:28:57,445
Cold storage for NFTs?
- I have no idea what that means.
765
00:28:57,445 --> 00:28:58,988
Number two,
766
00:28:58,988 --> 00:29:00,782
what is the most
embarrassing thing
767
00:29:00,782 --> 00:29:02,200
that's ever happened to you?
768
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:03,618
The most embarrassing thing
769
00:29:03,618 --> 00:29:08,915
that's happened to me was
I threw up in the front car
770
00:29:08,915 --> 00:29:12,710
of a roller coaster,
on a first date.
771
00:29:12,710 --> 00:29:15,129
Ooh...
- Wow.
772
00:29:15,713 --> 00:29:16,756
Looks great.
773
00:29:16,756 --> 00:29:17,965
I don't know why
774
00:29:17,965 --> 00:29:19,550
I have to be
on TV right now, but...
775
00:29:19,550 --> 00:29:21,469
All right, we're done. Let's go,
we got to go, we got to go.
776
00:29:21,469 --> 00:29:22,887
Come on.
- Okay, okay.
777
00:29:22,887 --> 00:29:25,097
Oh, wait, don't forget this.
778
00:29:25,848 --> 00:29:28,017
You want a girl
that can just, you know,
779
00:29:28,017 --> 00:29:29,018
really go up...
780
00:29:29,018 --> 00:29:30,186
And down. Yeah.
- ...and go down.
781
00:29:30,186 --> 00:29:32,855
We like that...
782
00:29:32,855 --> 00:29:35,233
All right, good luck, have fun.
783
00:29:36,651 --> 00:29:38,945
She looks great.
- She does, yeah.
784
00:29:38,945 --> 00:29:40,905
Okay, contestant number three.
785
00:29:40,905 --> 00:29:42,782
Same question.
786
00:29:42,782 --> 00:29:44,408
Number three?
- Don't be shy.
787
00:29:44,408 --> 00:29:46,118
Don't be shy, number three.
788
00:29:46,118 --> 00:29:48,079
Okay, go answer the question.
- Number three?
789
00:29:48,079 --> 00:29:49,413
Okay, okay.
What's the question?
790
00:29:49,413 --> 00:29:50,998
Say something
funny about yourself.
791
00:29:50,998 --> 00:29:54,752
Um. Something, um...
I'm, uh...
792
00:29:54,752 --> 00:29:55,837
Something funny about me?
793
00:29:55,837 --> 00:29:57,171
I'm from Normal, Illinois.
794
00:29:57,171 --> 00:29:59,549
That's more
of a fact than a joke,
795
00:29:59,549 --> 00:30:01,717
but, okay, I'll play.
796
00:30:01,717 --> 00:30:03,469
What's so normal about it?
797
00:30:03,469 --> 00:30:04,846
And would I fit in?
798
00:30:04,846 --> 00:30:06,848
Um, uh, the people,
799
00:30:06,848 --> 00:30:10,226
I-I guess, make it normal, um...
800
00:30:10,226 --> 00:30:12,395
That voice sounds so familiar.
801
00:30:12,395 --> 00:30:15,857
So, number three, what's
the most embarrassing thing
802
00:30:15,857 --> 00:30:17,984
that's ever happened to you?
803
00:30:17,984 --> 00:30:19,694
I mean, well, this moment
804
00:30:19,694 --> 00:30:21,779
would have to be up there.
-
805
00:30:21,779 --> 00:30:23,531
And, number three,
806
00:30:23,531 --> 00:30:26,200
who is your hero, and why?
807
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:31,122
Oh, gosh, um...
was it animal or human?
808
00:30:31,122 --> 00:30:33,833
Aw, that's so cute.
809
00:30:33,833 --> 00:30:35,209
upbeat, energetic music
810
00:30:35,209 --> 00:30:37,169
All right, I got one for you.
- What's that?
811
00:30:37,169 --> 00:30:41,424
One time, after a bottle
of Goldschläger, remember that?
812
00:30:42,300 --> 00:30:44,594
One-way bus ticket,
Kansas City to L.A.
813
00:30:44,594 --> 00:30:46,429
Just picked up
everything and moved.
814
00:30:46,429 --> 00:30:47,597
God, I hate moving.
815
00:30:47,597 --> 00:30:49,473
It's like the worst thing
in the world to me.
816
00:30:49,473 --> 00:30:51,517
Yeah, but at least
I used to do stuff.
817
00:30:51,517 --> 00:30:52,768
It's like, being sober
818
00:30:52,768 --> 00:30:54,520
makes it harder to make
those moves, you know?
819
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:55,730
Mm-hmm.
820
00:30:55,730 --> 00:30:58,649
Like, I've got a whole list
of shit I just haven't done.
821
00:30:58,649 --> 00:31:00,484
Really, like what?
822
00:31:01,861 --> 00:31:03,487
I mean, I got this
college application.
823
00:31:03,487 --> 00:31:05,781
It's been saved on
my desktop for months.
824
00:31:05,781 --> 00:31:06,908
It's due at midnight,
825
00:31:06,908 --> 00:31:08,326
and I just, like,
I can't pull the trigger.
826
00:31:08,326 --> 00:31:09,744
Well, you got to do that
827
00:31:09,744 --> 00:31:11,996
or you're gonna regret it
your whole life, you know?
828
00:31:11,996 --> 00:31:12,955
Okay.
829
00:31:12,955 --> 00:31:14,248
So everything's done.
830
00:31:14,248 --> 00:31:17,001
Um, if you have any problems,
your boss has my info.
831
00:31:17,001 --> 00:31:19,462
Again, I'm-I'm really sorry
about everything.
832
00:31:19,462 --> 00:31:21,672
Yeah.
- Really, the nose and, you know.
833
00:31:21,672 --> 00:31:24,050
But the tampons worked.
Your nose looks perfect.
834
00:31:24,050 --> 00:31:26,385
I think it looks better
than when I came in.
835
00:31:26,385 --> 00:31:28,304
It was fun, so...
- Yeah.
836
00:31:28,304 --> 00:31:29,764
You know, it was--
it wasn't good,
837
00:31:29,764 --> 00:31:30,890
but it was good, you know?
838
00:31:30,890 --> 00:31:32,141
Right. Okay.
- All right.
839
00:31:32,141 --> 00:31:33,559
Bye. It's, um...
- Yeah, sorry.
840
00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:35,519
Good night.
841
00:31:35,519 --> 00:31:37,146
You like her.
842
00:31:37,146 --> 00:31:38,856
I don't know her.
843
00:31:38,856 --> 00:31:40,316
You ask her out,
I'll send in
844
00:31:40,316 --> 00:31:42,860
my college application.
-
845
00:31:43,778 --> 00:31:44,779
Deal.
846
00:31:44,779 --> 00:31:45,988
Wait, what?
- Deal.
847
00:31:45,988 --> 00:31:47,198
No, I was fucking around!
848
00:31:47,198 --> 00:31:50,117
No, you send that shit.
- Fuck.
849
00:31:50,117 --> 00:31:52,536
Wow, she's doing it. Okay.
850
00:31:55,581 --> 00:31:58,542
upbeat, energetic music
851
00:31:58,542 --> 00:32:02,630
Okay.
852
00:32:04,799 --> 00:32:06,717
Holy shit, I did it.
853
00:32:07,468 --> 00:32:09,303
I did it. Did you do it?
- I did it.
854
00:32:09,303 --> 00:32:10,554
I did it!
855
00:32:10,554 --> 00:32:12,264
Can you believe it?
856
00:32:12,264 --> 00:32:13,432
No!
- Thursday night.
857
00:32:13,432 --> 00:32:14,892
You got a date.
- Well, no.
858
00:32:14,892 --> 00:32:16,435
It's not actually a date.
- What is it?
859
00:32:16,435 --> 00:32:18,604
I sort of joined
her bowling league.
860
00:32:18,604 --> 00:32:19,772
I'm the newest member of
861
00:32:19,772 --> 00:32:22,316
"I Can't Believe
It's Not Gutter."
862
00:32:22,316 --> 00:32:24,735
You know what?
863
00:32:24,735 --> 00:32:26,570
Playing the long game.
I'll take it.
864
00:32:30,074 --> 00:32:31,200
Okay.
865
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,536
Mama, Gloria,
866
00:32:33,536 --> 00:32:34,870
I'm heading out now.
867
00:32:34,870 --> 00:32:38,124
Don't be late, Deb,
I've got a shift at 8:00.
868
00:32:39,250 --> 00:32:40,418
Mama, it's me.
869
00:32:40,418 --> 00:32:43,337
Remember, your sister Deb
is in Florida.
870
00:32:43,337 --> 00:32:44,839
Oh, right.
871
00:32:44,839 --> 00:32:46,966
You never should've married him.
872
00:32:46,966 --> 00:32:48,676
Speaking of songs of yesterday,
873
00:32:48,676 --> 00:32:52,221
here's Carly Simon with her hit,
"You Belong to Me."
874
00:32:54,015 --> 00:32:56,642
This is my song.
875
00:33:01,022 --> 00:33:02,690
Oh, my God.
876
00:33:05,151 --> 00:33:09,405
She used to blast this song
877
00:33:09,405 --> 00:33:13,242
in the car when she would
drive me to school.
878
00:33:13,242 --> 00:33:14,994
Were you looking
for my reaction?
879
00:33:14,994 --> 00:33:17,747
Like, lean out the window
smoking cigarettes.
880
00:33:17,747 --> 00:33:22,376
It would piss
all the other moms off so much.
881
00:33:22,376 --> 00:33:24,045
I believe it.
882
00:33:24,754 --> 00:33:28,799
Carly Simon once bummed
a cigarette from me.
883
00:33:29,341 --> 00:33:32,720
You never told me that.
That is so cool!
884
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:36,640
There's certain things a mother
should never tell her daughter.
885
00:33:38,559 --> 00:33:40,394
Come dance with me, come on.
886
00:33:40,394 --> 00:33:43,189
I would love to.
887
00:33:45,357 --> 00:33:47,109
You belong to me
888
00:33:47,109 --> 00:33:49,695
Tell her,
tell her you were fooling
889
00:33:49,695 --> 00:33:51,655
You belong to me
890
00:33:51,655 --> 00:33:53,908
You don't even know her
891
00:33:53,908 --> 00:33:55,743
You belong to me
892
00:33:55,743 --> 00:33:58,370
Tell her that I love you
893
00:33:58,370 --> 00:34:01,749
You belong to me
894
00:34:01,749 --> 00:34:04,126
So you've been
working here how long?
895
00:34:04,126 --> 00:34:07,421
Like six, seven months... ish?
896
00:34:07,421 --> 00:34:08,714
Really?
- Yeah.
897
00:34:08,714 --> 00:34:12,593
Surprised I hadn't met you.
- Well, you didn't look.
898
00:34:12,593 --> 00:34:14,678
I didn't know.
- Oh, okay.
899
00:34:16,222 --> 00:34:19,141
You know, it didn't take you
that long to, like,
900
00:34:19,141 --> 00:34:20,392
jump right back in.
901
00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:22,228
And you did that, so...
- No, no, no, no, don't--
902
00:34:22,228 --> 00:34:23,729
You can't give me
that kind of credit.
903
00:34:23,729 --> 00:34:26,357
I was-- I was
following your lead.
904
00:34:26,357 --> 00:34:28,109
Mm.
905
00:34:34,365 --> 00:34:36,200
"Bad" by Azure
906
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,119
Come with me.
907
00:34:46,377 --> 00:34:51,882
Red wine stained keys,
a melody
908
00:34:51,882 --> 00:34:56,887
Suffocation of
a broken heart
909
00:34:57,596 --> 00:35:03,310
Violently sweet,
till I bleed
910
00:35:03,310 --> 00:35:07,314
Your cigarettes,
they linger on my mouth
911
00:35:07,314 --> 00:35:10,901
Oh, I never should have
let you call me baby
912
00:35:10,901 --> 00:35:14,446
It burns every time
I hear it lately
913
00:35:14,446 --> 00:35:17,783
I've come undone
914
00:35:18,492 --> 00:35:22,163
Oh, I never thought I'd drown
in your ocean eyes
915
00:35:22,163 --> 00:35:26,292
A part of me lives
on your bedside
916
00:35:27,293 --> 00:35:32,423
I don't know why
I want you so bad
917
00:35:32,423 --> 00:35:34,717
Can't get you out of my head
918
00:35:34,717 --> 00:35:39,388
Maybe I'm crazy 'cause
I don't care if you hate me
919
00:35:39,388 --> 00:35:43,434
I don't know why
I want you so bad
920
00:35:43,434 --> 00:35:46,145
Can't get you out of my head
921
00:35:46,145 --> 00:35:50,733
Maybe I'm crazy 'cause
I don't care if you hate me
922
00:35:50,733 --> 00:35:55,863
I don't know why
I want you so bad
923
00:35:57,615 --> 00:36:02,161
Don't know why
I want you so bad
924
00:36:03,162 --> 00:36:06,123
So, what-what is going on
between you two?
925
00:36:06,123 --> 00:36:07,166
Nothing.
926
00:36:07,166 --> 00:36:09,293
I can feel it, okay?
927
00:36:09,293 --> 00:36:12,213
On the ambulance,
our lips touched.
928
00:36:12,213 --> 00:36:13,547
It was nothing.
929
00:36:13,547 --> 00:36:15,966
It was an accident.
- Are you trying to hurt me?
930
00:36:15,966 --> 00:36:17,426
Of course I'm not trying
to hurt you.
931
00:36:17,426 --> 00:36:19,553
Okay, then,
what we have is good.
932
00:36:19,553 --> 00:36:21,180
Why are you doing this?
933
00:36:21,180 --> 00:36:22,640
We have a good thing.
934
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:24,433
I'm just...
935
00:36:25,476 --> 00:36:26,936
I'm confused.
936
00:36:26,936 --> 00:36:28,604
You're confused?
937
00:36:28,604 --> 00:36:31,398
When I... got hit...
938
00:36:32,483 --> 00:36:34,735
...I saw Nat and the kids.
939
00:36:36,403 --> 00:36:37,613
And not me.
940
00:36:37,613 --> 00:36:40,241
I don't know what it means.
That's why I'm telling you.
941
00:36:40,241 --> 00:36:42,576
What are you saying to me
right now?
942
00:36:46,205 --> 00:36:49,875
I don't know,
I need time.
943
00:36:51,627 --> 00:36:54,880
Okay. You take your time.
944
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,423
I'm done.
945
00:37:00,928 --> 00:37:02,972
And this all
happened in the backseat
946
00:37:02,972 --> 00:37:04,348
of the family Astro van.
947
00:37:07,059 --> 00:37:09,228
Oh, shit.
Um, you know what?
948
00:37:09,228 --> 00:37:12,731
Uh, Miss Cho, could you actually
just forget I said that?
949
00:37:12,731 --> 00:37:14,191
Oh, contestant three,
950
00:37:14,191 --> 00:37:17,152
I don't think
I can unring that bell.
951
00:37:17,152 --> 00:37:19,989
There's no shame in masturbating
in the back of your family's car
952
00:37:19,989 --> 00:37:21,782
as long as
your family's not there.
953
00:37:21,782 --> 00:37:25,160
No shame at all,
three. No shame.
954
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,913
For me there is a little.
-
955
00:37:27,913 --> 00:37:29,290
Oh, you know
what that bell means,
956
00:37:29,290 --> 00:37:32,251
we have time
for one last question.
957
00:37:32,251 --> 00:37:34,795
What do you think, Alice?
- I think I'm ready.
958
00:37:34,795 --> 00:37:36,839
Okay.
- It's very simple.
959
00:37:36,839 --> 00:37:38,132
Yes.
960
00:37:38,132 --> 00:37:40,092
Why do you want to date me?
961
00:37:40,092 --> 00:37:42,261
What's not to love?
962
00:37:42,261 --> 00:37:43,554
Aww!
963
00:37:43,554 --> 00:37:47,349
Smart, sexy and beautiful.
The full package.
964
00:37:49,310 --> 00:37:50,561
We should do this every episode.
965
00:37:52,479 --> 00:37:54,231
Uh, well, they promised me
966
00:37:54,231 --> 00:37:56,025
a coffee mug
if I did the show, so...
967
00:37:57,818 --> 00:37:58,902
The free mug?
968
00:37:58,902 --> 00:38:02,406
Wow.
What do you say, Alice?
969
00:38:02,406 --> 00:38:05,159
Loveable,
full package, free mug.
970
00:38:05,159 --> 00:38:09,121
And unlike women's
reproductive rights in America,
971
00:38:09,121 --> 00:38:10,831
this choice is entirely yours.
972
00:38:10,831 --> 00:38:13,250
973
00:38:13,250 --> 00:38:15,169
I don't know, Margaret.
They're all so dateable.
974
00:38:23,344 --> 00:38:25,929
Mm... There's one person
975
00:38:25,929 --> 00:38:28,807
that I would like
to get to know better.
976
00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:31,435
Contestant three, I choose you!
977
00:38:31,435 --> 00:38:34,563
978
00:38:34,563 --> 00:38:37,066
Contestant three, come on down.
979
00:38:37,066 --> 00:38:38,859
Two and one,
980
00:38:38,859 --> 00:38:40,110
uh, meet me in my dressing room.
981
00:38:40,110 --> 00:38:42,571
You.
- It's me.
982
00:38:42,571 --> 00:38:44,823
The coffee stand.
983
00:38:44,823 --> 00:38:46,325
Yeah.
984
00:38:46,325 --> 00:38:47,618
You're funny.
985
00:38:47,618 --> 00:38:49,536
For a regular gal. Yeah.
986
00:38:49,536 --> 00:38:51,080
All right.
987
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:54,583
We're here, we're queer!
988
00:38:54,583 --> 00:38:56,668
And we have love.
989
00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:58,379
Love is love is love!
- Love it.
990
00:38:58,379 --> 00:39:02,091
Until the Supreme Court
takes that away from us, too.
991
00:39:03,467 --> 00:39:06,387
And pee after sex,
everyone, don't forget!
992
00:39:06,387 --> 00:39:10,682
Thank you so much for
having me, Alice, thank you.
993
00:39:10,682 --> 00:39:13,519
Good night, everyone!
994
00:39:16,313 --> 00:39:17,898
Are you okay?
995
00:39:21,610 --> 00:39:23,362
No.
996
00:39:26,031 --> 00:39:28,242
You can sleep on my couch,
if you want.
997
00:39:28,242 --> 00:39:30,327
No, I'm fine on my own.
998
00:39:30,327 --> 00:39:33,831
But you should
really let me drive.
999
00:39:33,831 --> 00:39:37,251
Oh, don't worry,
I only had a couple sips.
1000
00:39:38,168 --> 00:39:39,753
I just mean you're
a really bad driver.
1001
00:39:39,753 --> 00:39:41,839
Fuck you! Fuck you!
1002
00:39:41,839 --> 00:39:43,966
Whoa!
- Jesus, what is--
1003
00:39:43,966 --> 00:39:45,092
What is that?
1004
00:39:45,092 --> 00:39:46,427
Can you please drive?
- Fuck you!
1005
00:39:46,427 --> 00:39:47,886
They're my oranges!
- Yeah, go!
1006
00:39:47,886 --> 00:39:49,680
Can you please drive?
- Those are a gift!
1007
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:51,515
Nat, could you please drive?
- I spent $20 on them.
1008
00:39:51,515 --> 00:39:52,850
I understand,
could you please--?
1009
00:39:52,850 --> 00:39:54,768
That was for my ex! Our ex.
- Jesus.
1010
00:40:01,150 --> 00:40:03,318
slow, dramatic music
1011
00:40:05,028 --> 00:40:07,156
slow, funky music
1012
00:40:11,535 --> 00:40:12,661
...so much.
1013
00:40:12,661 --> 00:40:15,456
I'll see you tomorrow, okay?
Good job.
1014
00:40:16,331 --> 00:40:20,419
Been feeling defeated
1015
00:40:20,419 --> 00:40:23,213
Oh, no...
1016
00:40:23,213 --> 00:40:24,756
Hey.
1017
00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:27,217
What the hell happened to you?
1018
00:40:29,470 --> 00:40:30,762
This is the second time
1019
00:40:30,762 --> 00:40:33,432
that the person I wanted to
marry ran off with someone else.
1020
00:40:33,432 --> 00:40:35,726
Ha ha.
1021
00:40:37,060 --> 00:40:39,938
Oh... orange?
1022
00:40:39,938 --> 00:40:43,775
Yeah. Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
1023
00:40:44,985 --> 00:40:48,030
Don't fall down, baby,
don't fall down
1024
00:40:48,030 --> 00:40:49,948
Don't fall, just...
1025
00:40:49,948 --> 00:40:53,285
Hey, you're gonna be okay.
- Mm.
1026
00:40:53,285 --> 00:40:55,329
You got this.
You'll bounce back.
1027
00:40:55,329 --> 00:40:56,538
You...
1028
00:40:56,538 --> 00:40:58,707
You're the most
together person I know.
1029
00:40:58,707 --> 00:41:01,752
Not anymore.
1030
00:41:02,628 --> 00:41:05,964
Turns out, that's you.
-
1031
00:41:05,964 --> 00:41:09,927
I don't... mm,
I don't know about that.
1032
00:41:09,927 --> 00:41:12,095
You're crushing at work.
1033
00:41:12,095 --> 00:41:13,972
Made it through rehab
with Finley.
1034
00:41:13,972 --> 00:41:17,643
Been going through changes
1035
00:41:17,643 --> 00:41:19,811
Oh...
1036
00:41:19,811 --> 00:41:20,979
Hey, um,
1037
00:41:20,979 --> 00:41:24,691
I was just gonna grab my stuff
and go home. [chuckles]
1038
00:41:25,359 --> 00:41:28,153
Yeah. Me, too.
-
1039
00:41:28,153 --> 00:41:30,322
Threw it all away
1040
00:41:30,322 --> 00:41:33,784
Everyone makes
mistakes, yeah
1041
00:41:33,784 --> 00:41:37,579
Oh, no, don't fall down...
1042
00:41:37,579 --> 00:41:39,790
Hey, uh...
1043
00:41:39,790 --> 00:41:41,416
You want to come over?
1044
00:41:41,917 --> 00:41:45,254
Don't fall down, baby,
don't fall down...
1045
00:41:45,254 --> 00:41:46,880
Um... Are you...?
1046
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:48,799
Are you trying to get back
together with me right now?
1047
00:41:48,799 --> 00:41:50,259
Because, um...
1048
00:41:50,259 --> 00:41:53,804
No. No, no.
1049
00:41:53,804 --> 00:41:55,973
Not a fucking chance.
1050
00:41:56,473 --> 00:41:58,934
Yeah. I'll see you
at the house then.
1051
00:41:58,934 --> 00:42:00,644
Okay.
- Yeah.
1052
00:42:00,644 --> 00:42:01,645
See you later.
1053
00:42:01,645 --> 00:42:05,691
Things are gonna get better
1054
00:42:07,025 --> 00:42:11,071
Things are gonna get better
1055
00:42:12,823 --> 00:42:14,908
I was, like,
this close to falling.
1056
00:42:14,908 --> 00:42:16,577
I was like...
1057
00:42:16,577 --> 00:42:18,996
Hey! We did it!
-
1058
00:42:20,330 --> 00:42:23,292
Great job, everybody.
Great job.
1059
00:42:29,006 --> 00:42:29,881
Hey!
1060
00:42:29,881 --> 00:42:31,758
Are you-are you leaving?
1061
00:42:31,758 --> 00:42:33,302
The party's just
getting started.
1062
00:42:33,302 --> 00:42:35,762
Yeah, yeah,
I'm just gonna head home.
1063
00:42:37,139 --> 00:42:39,891
You don't want to cash in
on that big date?
1064
00:42:41,059 --> 00:42:43,353
Really, no, it's-it's okay.
- Oh.
1065
00:42:43,353 --> 00:42:45,564
I mean, hey,
I-I got the free mug.
1066
00:42:45,564 --> 00:42:48,233
They threw in
two extra T-shirts, so...
1067
00:42:48,233 --> 00:42:49,484
Nice.
- I'm good.
1068
00:42:49,484 --> 00:42:51,278
Yeah, that's enough.
1069
00:42:51,278 --> 00:42:52,529
Hey, listen...
- Yeah?
1070
00:42:52,529 --> 00:42:55,115
...really, congratulations
on everything.
1071
00:42:55,115 --> 00:42:58,660
I mean, you should be
really proud of all of it.
1072
00:42:58,660 --> 00:43:02,623
Big chef's kiss for you
and your big night.
1073
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:12,883
Um, you're not regular.
1074
00:43:13,508 --> 00:43:15,302
Yes, I am.
1075
00:43:15,927 --> 00:43:17,012
Well, so am I.
1076
00:43:17,012 --> 00:43:21,558
There's a 45-foot picture
of you outside.
1077
00:43:23,268 --> 00:43:24,478
Okay, I've been you.
1078
00:43:24,478 --> 00:43:26,480
A long time ago,
I dated someone famous
1079
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,607
when I wasn't,
so I know it's different.
1080
00:43:28,607 --> 00:43:31,151
But I'm just a person.
1081
00:43:32,569 --> 00:43:34,655
And I like your weird
sense of humor.
1082
00:43:34,655 --> 00:43:36,698
You know, that's,
that's not the compliment
1083
00:43:36,698 --> 00:43:38,700
I think you think it is.
1084
00:43:38,700 --> 00:43:39,951
And you're cute.
1085
00:43:39,951 --> 00:43:43,789
Well, you know, I can't speak
to that one so much, so...
1086
00:43:43,789 --> 00:43:46,958
Come on, one date.
One regular date.
1087
00:43:46,958 --> 00:43:49,628
What do you say? Just...
1088
00:43:50,379 --> 00:43:51,713
You can keep the T-shirts.
1089
00:43:53,006 --> 00:43:54,633
I don't know about the mug.
1090
00:43:56,259 --> 00:44:01,056
I cannot believe I missed
Alice in a straitjacket.
1091
00:44:01,056 --> 00:44:03,684
I know, and that Velcro target?
1092
00:44:03,684 --> 00:44:04,976
Oh, my God, that was a hit.
1093
00:44:04,976 --> 00:44:06,603
It was so good.
- I'm sure.
1094
00:44:06,603 --> 00:44:08,772
Oh.
1095
00:44:08,772 --> 00:44:11,733
Well, um, yeah, I think
1096
00:44:11,733 --> 00:44:13,944
Shane's backstage somewhere--
- Hey, Tess.
1097
00:44:13,944 --> 00:44:15,153
You showed up.
1098
00:44:15,153 --> 00:44:17,656
Hi.
- Hi.
1099
00:44:17,656 --> 00:44:19,199
Yeah.
1100
00:44:19,199 --> 00:44:21,535
I'm sorry I'm late.
- Oh.
1101
00:44:21,535 --> 00:44:22,786
I would have been here sooner,
1102
00:44:22,786 --> 00:44:24,496
it's just my mom was
having this, like,
1103
00:44:24,496 --> 00:44:26,832
really amazing moment--
- It's okay, it's okay.
1104
00:44:26,832 --> 00:44:29,334
Yeah, it's okay.
- Okay.
1105
00:44:29,334 --> 00:44:30,627
Um...
1106
00:44:31,336 --> 00:44:34,881
I'm sorry I snapped
at you earlier.
1107
00:44:35,966 --> 00:44:37,676
All is forgiven.
1108
00:44:37,676 --> 00:44:38,760
Yeah.
1109
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,679
But I think they wrapped,
didn't they, Sophie?
1110
00:44:40,679 --> 00:44:41,972
Oh.
- Yeah, we wrapped.
1111
00:44:41,972 --> 00:44:43,598
Yeah.
- Yeah, but there's...
1112
00:44:43,598 --> 00:44:45,016
there's a party.
1113
00:44:45,016 --> 00:44:46,727
I know, but I'm exhausted.
1114
00:44:46,727 --> 00:44:48,186
Okay.
- Is that okay?
1115
00:44:48,186 --> 00:44:49,396
Can we just go home?
1116
00:44:49,396 --> 00:44:50,522
That's okay, let's go home.
1117
00:44:50,522 --> 00:44:51,940
You sure?
- Yeah, let's go home.
1118
00:44:51,940 --> 00:44:53,442
I'm sorry you drove
all the way over here,
1119
00:44:53,442 --> 00:44:54,401
but is that all right?
- No, it's fine.
1120
00:44:54,401 --> 00:44:55,819
Okay.
1121
00:44:55,819 --> 00:44:57,028
Thank you, Sophie.
1122
00:44:57,028 --> 00:44:58,488
Bye, guys, have a good night.
1123
00:44:58,488 --> 00:44:59,823
Bye.
- Bye, Soph.
1124
00:44:59,823 --> 00:45:02,075
Bye.
1125
00:45:03,952 --> 00:45:06,371
Great show.
1126
00:45:06,371 --> 00:45:07,664
Uh...
1127
00:45:07,664 --> 00:45:09,791
Uh, same-same to you.
1128
00:45:09,791 --> 00:45:11,501
'Cause I'd really,
really miss ya
1129
00:45:11,501 --> 00:45:14,004
So cool, cool, cool,
baby, shake that
1130
00:45:14,004 --> 00:45:16,339
You're the best in the room,
you don't have to try
1131
00:45:16,339 --> 00:45:18,550
Show no fear
when you cross the line
1132
00:45:18,550 --> 00:45:20,427
Even when it rains,
you bring the shine...
1133
00:45:20,427 --> 00:45:21,386
Hey.
1134
00:45:21,386 --> 00:45:23,263
What...? What'd I say?
1135
00:45:23,263 --> 00:45:25,182
Relax, I'm just going
to get something to drink,
1136
00:45:25,182 --> 00:45:26,433
go to my room,
1137
00:45:26,433 --> 00:45:28,059
and you can have your special
night with Sophie.
1138
00:45:28,059 --> 00:45:29,478
You'll be fine.
- Thank you.
1139
00:45:29,478 --> 00:45:31,438
I love you.
- Yeah. You, too. Hey.
1140
00:45:31,438 --> 00:45:33,398
Hey, you know, if there's
any leftovers,
1141
00:45:33,398 --> 00:45:35,484
that steak looks amazing.
1142
00:45:35,484 --> 00:45:37,736
It's chicken.
1143
00:45:37,736 --> 00:45:40,030
Oh.
-
1144
00:45:40,030 --> 00:45:41,406
Hey.
1145
00:45:41,406 --> 00:45:42,491
Hey!
1146
00:45:42,491 --> 00:45:45,535
What is this?
- We're celebrating.
1147
00:45:45,535 --> 00:45:47,454
We are?
- Yeah.
1148
00:45:47,454 --> 00:45:50,624
Your 100th episode.
- Aww.
1149
00:45:50,624 --> 00:45:52,667
And...
1150
00:45:52,667 --> 00:45:54,252
I applied to college.
1151
00:45:54,252 --> 00:45:55,420
Stop.
1152
00:45:55,420 --> 00:45:57,005
What?
- I know.
1153
00:45:57,005 --> 00:45:58,173
That's amazing.
1154
00:45:58,173 --> 00:45:59,966
I know.
- I'm so excited for you.
1155
00:45:59,966 --> 00:46:02,844
So I thought we could,
you know, celebrate us,
1156
00:46:02,844 --> 00:46:07,015
and have a little
romantic dinner, and then,
1157
00:46:07,015 --> 00:46:10,602
you know, maybe after...
- Oh, okay.
1158
00:46:10,602 --> 00:46:11,686
Oh.
1159
00:46:11,686 --> 00:46:13,480
Hi.
- Hi. [laughs]
1160
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,065
Hi.
- Hey. Sorry.
1161
00:46:15,065 --> 00:46:19,069
I tried to call you.
Gigi broke up with her.
1162
00:46:19,778 --> 00:46:22,197
Figured I'd come piss
in your hallway for a change.
1163
00:46:22,197 --> 00:46:23,448
Oh.
1164
00:46:23,448 --> 00:46:27,661
I mean, if that'd be helpful,
by all means, please do.
1165
00:46:28,829 --> 00:46:30,664
Truce?
1166
00:46:31,498 --> 00:46:34,668
Now what I really want to do
is pull you into a big old hug.
1167
00:46:34,668 --> 00:46:37,337
You shouldn't do that. Yeah.
- And I won't.
1168
00:46:37,337 --> 00:46:39,464
Is that cake?
1169
00:46:39,464 --> 00:46:40,799
Yes, it is.
- I heard Dani.
1170
00:46:40,799 --> 00:46:42,175
Which means it's not
a date night.
1171
00:46:42,175 --> 00:46:43,760
Not anymore.
- I want some of that cake.
1172
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,054
Wait, you made cake?
- No.
1173
00:46:46,054 --> 00:46:48,056
I was with the,
uh, plumber all day.
1174
00:46:48,056 --> 00:46:50,350
But I picked up tres leches,
1175
00:46:50,350 --> 00:46:54,187
and I also found out what
the tres leches were today.
1176
00:46:54,187 --> 00:46:56,815
Uh, what did you think
they were before?
1177
00:46:56,815 --> 00:46:58,024
Mmm.
1178
00:46:58,024 --> 00:47:00,318
Cow, goat and breast.
1179
00:47:00,318 --> 00:47:02,279
Wow.
- No.
1180
00:47:03,321 --> 00:47:04,865
So, you thought
they put breast milk...?
1181
00:47:04,865 --> 00:47:07,075
Ooh, there's got to be
1182
00:47:07,075 --> 00:47:09,911
Something more
out there for me
1183
00:47:09,911 --> 00:47:13,665
Ooh, I've got to keep
my head up
1184
00:47:13,665 --> 00:47:15,458
Keep my head up
1185
00:47:15,458 --> 00:47:17,711
Ooh, there's nothing like
1186
00:47:17,711 --> 00:47:20,255
Rising up after the fight
1187
00:47:20,255 --> 00:47:24,384
Ooh, I've got to keep
my head up
88938