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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:03,665 ‐Mmm. 2 00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:06,074 ‐Listen, Max. ‐Hm? 3 00:00:06,106 --> 00:00:07,506 ‐Ever since we got back together, 4 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:10,511 there’s a question I feel like I have to ask you. 5 00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:11,984 ‐Sure. Anything? 6 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,382 ‐Did we get better at this? 7 00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:16,824 ‐Well, we have to give a little bit of credit 8 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,090 to that performance enhancer you gave me. 9 00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:22,189 This knee brace is a game‐changer. 10 00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:25,092 ‐Alright, got to go get ready for Halloween. 11 00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:27,555 Though, what we did was a treat and involved a few tricks. 12 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,504 ‐Mm. 13 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,330 Maybe we should just blow off the costume. 14 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,975 I mean, you already are a sexy nurse. 15 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,470 ‐Hey, that’s demeaning. 16 00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:37,901 Sexy nurse practitioner. 17 00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,838 But we’re doing the costumes. 18 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,313 ‐I can’t wait. Ooh! 19 00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:43,611 But before you go, there is something 20 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,354 I want to give you. 21 00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,382 In the shower. 22 00:00:54,187 --> 00:00:57,017 ‐God bless that knee brace. 23 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,457 ‐â™Ș This is it 24 00:00:58,492 --> 00:00:59,862 â™Ș Oh, oh, oh, whoa 25 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,933 â™Ș One day at a time 26 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:08,469 ‐Oh, good! You are going out for Halloween. 27 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:09,672 ‐Mm‐hmm. 28 00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,403 I’m climate change activist Greta Thunberg, 29 00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:15,608 and Syd is a melting iceberg because you’re too hot. 30 00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,282 ‐Oh! 31 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,981 ‐We’re Thunberg and iceberg! 32 00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,883 ‐Why can’t you just be cats? 33 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:26,116 You’re already got the whiskers. 34 00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:27,693 ‐Well, we are not going trick‐or‐treating. 35 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:29,691 We are going door to door to collect signatures 36 00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:31,723 and inform people about man‐made climate change. 37 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:35,158 ‐Oh, shouldn’t we say person‐made climate change? 38 00:01:35,195 --> 00:01:38,725 ‐I’m good with men taking the credit for this one. 39 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,465 ‐Halloween is the perfect night 40 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,300 because suckers will open the door for anybody. 41 00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:44,867 ‐Oh, yeah. You ring the doorbell, 42 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,045 and before they even know what’s happening, 43 00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:47,613 we hit them with the facts. 44 00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:51,911 ‐Bam! Damage will be irreversible by 2030. 45 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:55,515 ‐Bam! Welcome to the insect apocalypse. 46 00:01:55,549 --> 00:02:00,849 ‐Bam! That is the sound of a door slamming in your face. 47 00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:02,257 Put this outside. 48 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,759 ‐Ugh, with that bobo in the White House, 49 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,530 I can’t stand to look at an orange face right now. 50 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,560 ‐He’s like a pumpkin. 51 00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:10,004 He will get thrown out in November. 52 00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:19,638 ‐Well, guess what we are? 53 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:23,743 ‐A reminder to shave my legs? 54 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,777 ‐No! Come on! 55 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:28,352 This is serious! 56 00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:31,152 ‐It’s okay, babe. They just ‐‐ They need a hint. 57 00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,525 ‐Okay, okay. 58 00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:40,886 You are a cow, and you have stepped in the cow caca. 59 00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:43,797 ‐Goat yoga! 60 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,370 Go‐o‐o‐oat. 61 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:46,529 Yoga. 62 00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:48,096 Obviously! 63 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,645 Ugh, we’re never gonna win. 64 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,411 ‐He’s got a lot riding on winning tonight’s 65 00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:55,509 Halloween costume contest at the Echo Park country club. 66 00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:57,412 ‐We have a country club in Echo Park? 67 00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:59,314 ‐Oh, no, it’s the Beverly Hills Country Club. 68 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,976 They just call it Echo Park on Halloween 69 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:04,054 to make it sound scary. 70 00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:05,454 ‐I’ve never won. 71 00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,515 But this year, I can’t lose because I have 72 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:08,994 Avery in my life, 73 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,522 and I’m finally in a loving relationship. 74 00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:12,558 ‐Aww. 75 00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,662 ‐And couple’s costumes always win! 76 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,565 The prize is an iPad mini, and I never win anything. 77 00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:19,867 ‐You’re a rich, straight, cisgender white dude. 78 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,870 You won at life. 79 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:25,073 ‐But I want an iPad mini. 80 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:28,911 ‐Ooh! Hey! 81 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:32,052 What are you, Little Bo Peep and a messed‐up sheep? 82 00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:37,815 ‐Come on. Let’s go back to our apartment. 83 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:40,621 ‐Oh! It’s a Halloween miracle. 84 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,564 ‐A hardy‐har, har‐har‐har! 85 00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:45,787 ‐Mom, we’re gonna go now. 86 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,286 ‐Ooh! You two look great. 87 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:48,627 This is a lot better than last year’s 88 00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:51,662 toxic drinking water and tumor costumes. 89 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:52,998 ‐Yeah. 90 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:56,443 We really bummed out that senior center. 91 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:58,140 ‐Bye‐bye. 92 00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:01,071 ‐Lupita, you look so happy. 93 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:02,808 Did you enjoy your walk? 94 00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:05,913 ‐Walk? ‐Of shame! 95 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:09,616 I know you were with Max doing hanky‐panky 96 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:13,789 when you needed to be here doing tricky‐treaty. 97 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,390 ‐Mami, I don’t know what you’re talking about. 98 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:18,092 We were knitting sweaters and reading the Bible. 99 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:20,695 ‐What is wrong with you? 100 00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:24,127 I would have broken him down like a cardboard box. 101 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,100 Put this outside. 102 00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:30,205 ‐Okay, I’ll do that. 103 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:36,240 Hey, take it somewhere else, you old creep! 104 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,136 ‐Oh! Hey, Mom. 105 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,020 ‐Whoa! 106 00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:43,678 Look at that hair! 107 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:44,847 What’s your costume? 108 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,395 Anderson Cooper, Billy Idol, Steve Martin? 109 00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:50,790 ‐I don’t know who any of those people are. 110 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,964 ‐Doesn’t he look like he could be in a boy band? 111 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:56,663 ‐Yeah, Boyz II Old Men. 112 00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:58,596 ‐Mom, wait. This isn’t my costume. 113 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,702 I dyed my hair. 114 00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,444 ‐Like, permanently? 115 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,839 How could you do that without asking me? 116 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:06,411 ‐I did ask you. 117 00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:09,809 I said, "Mom, on Halloween, can I dye my hair silver?" 118 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,783 ‐Why would you use Halloween in that sentence? 119 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,552 That is so misleading. 120 00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:16,181 ‐[ Gasps ] 121 00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:19,786 Papito, what have you done? 122 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,820 ‐Mm‐hmm. 123 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:24,925 ‐You look just like your abuelo. 124 00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:27,488 [ Chuckles ] 125 00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:32,067 Tonight, I will put you in his suit, and we will dance. 126 00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:35,968 ‐Oh, I’ve made a big mistake. 127 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,542 ‐Yeah, you did. 128 00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,141 We’ll talk about it later when you get back 129 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,342 from trick‐or‐treating. 130 00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:42,743 ‐Uh, yeah, I think I’m over that. 131 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,906 ‐Wait, so you’re doing trick‐or‐treating? 132 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:47,485 Was last year your last year? Why didn’t you tell me? 133 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,424 ‐How could I tell you last year was the last year 134 00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:52,389 if I didn’t know until this year? 135 00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:55,789 ‐Well, you’re a wise old man, figure it out. 136 00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:56,922 ‐I’m sorry. 137 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,187 But can I please go to Nora’s? 138 00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,565 Her parents are having a party. 139 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,133 ‐Don’t worry, he’ll be home in time 140 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,601 to take his arthritis pills. 141 00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:05,329 ‐Ooh! That’s a good one. 142 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,995 Yes, you can go to Nora’s house. 143 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:10,473 But make sure you’re home in time to spoon your grandmother. 144 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,377 Bye, papito! 145 00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:18,638 [ Cellphone rings ] 146 00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:22,825 Hello, Max. 147 00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:25,649 What are you wearing? 148 00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,415 ‐Rubber. 149 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:29,394 But not in a fun way. 150 00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:31,462 Just got done cleaning my bathroom. 151 00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:36,628 ‐Oh! 152 00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,633 ‐Well, I can’t wait to see you. 153 00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:45,198 ‐Pregnancy test? 154 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,568 ‐Oh, I can’t wait to see you, too. 155 00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,266 I was just about to head over. 156 00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,278 Are you sure you have enough candy? 157 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:54,110 ‐Completely sure, positive. 158 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,817 ‐I can stop. 159 00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:58,249 ‐I’ve been through this a couple times before. 160 00:06:58,285 --> 00:06:59,655 100% sure. 161 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,594 ‐You want to come over here 162 00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:04,322 instead of handing out candy all night? 163 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:05,787 ‐What am I supposed to do, leave it in a basket 164 00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:08,385 outside the door and hope someone takes it? 165 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,871 That’s not how I was raised. 166 00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:14,869 ‐Eso! 167 00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:16,071 ‐What, Mami? 168 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,442 ‐Queso! 169 00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:21,171 It’s Spanish for "cheese." 170 00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:23,737 Saved it. 171 00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:28,983 ‐Heh! 172 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:34,091 [ Both humming ] 173 00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,921 [ Both laugh ] 174 00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,657 ‐Oh, I got to admit, "Grease" was a great costume idea. 175 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:44,164 ‐Right? Because we go together. 176 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,027 ‐Is it weird that I’m really attracted to you 177 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:49,196 even though you’re technically dressed as a high‐school girl? 178 00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:53,205 ‐Nah. Every teen in that movie was pushing 40. 179 00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:57,679 Instead of zits, they were worried about liver spots. 180 00:07:57,711 --> 00:08:01,111 ‐Presenting the House of Schneider! 181 00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:08,717 ‐Serving Halloween Extravaganza realness. 182 00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:15,596 Well, do you get it? 183 00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:17,758 ‐Drag...race. 184 00:08:17,797 --> 00:08:19,897 You’re drag race. ‐Yes! 185 00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,373 Thank you! 186 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:23,571 I mean, it’s really more of a history lesson in heels. 187 00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:28,573 The full title is "Drag Race ‐‐ A Drag Queen Started Stonewall." 188 00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:32,039 ‐Oh, "Drag Race." That’s cute. 189 00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:35,278 ‐Oh, no, don’t say that. 190 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:36,725 ‐Cute? 191 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:40,790 Do you think I tucked and taped for cute? 192 00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:42,120 ‐You’re in a dress. 193 00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,765 I think you tucked and taped for nothing. 194 00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:46,791 ‐Cute’s for losers. 195 00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:49,496 Last year, I went as the "Hang in There" cat. 196 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,804 Nothing. 197 00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:54,632 I almost gave up for good, and then I looked in the mirror, 198 00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:57,067 and something inspired me to keep going. 199 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,512 Anyway, back to the drawing board. 200 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:06,454 ‐He actually draws on a board. 201 00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:07,509 Stick figures. 202 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,447 It’s very sad. 203 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,393 I can fix him. 204 00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:15,589 [ Door closes ] 205 00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:17,362 ‐She’s a lucky woman. ‐Yeah. 206 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,930 Alright, now it’s time for a little summer lovin’, 207 00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:21,929 and, by summer, I mean, October, and by lovin’, 208 00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:24,601 I mean wine. [ Knock on door ] 209 00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:26,471 [ Pounding on door ] 210 00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:27,969 ‐Ooh! Candy duty calls! 211 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:29,471 ‐Ooh, our first trick‐or‐treaters. 212 00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:32,612 I love seeing those little cuties all dressed up! 213 00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:40,413 ‐The Beast is here! 214 00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,677 ‐So is the Beauty! 215 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,288 ‐Wow! 216 00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,519 Beauty and the Beast! 217 00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:49,864 You guys did a couple’s costume, too! 218 00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:52,729 ‐They were a couple? 219 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,829 I never saw the movie. 220 00:09:54,861 --> 00:09:56,701 I thought it was about a beautiful woman 221 00:09:56,729 --> 00:09:59,329 and her pet dog in a tuxedo. 222 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:04,901 Leslie, may I see you in the kitchen? 223 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:05,868 ‐Oh! 224 00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:08,235 Shall I be your guest? 225 00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:11,783 ‐Why are you being weird? 226 00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:13,711 Get in the kitchen! 227 00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:24,918 Look. 228 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,802 ‐I don’t know who the father is, but, I assure you, 229 00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:42,208 I will raise this baby as my own. 230 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,282 ‐No, Leslie. 231 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,709 It is not my baby! 232 00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:47,714 ‐Oh, thank God. I can’t raise a baby. 233 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:53,695 I ‐‐ I can’t even get up off of this knee. 234 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,760 Maybe I should try one of those knee braces 235 00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:58,918 Penelope’s raving about at work. 236 00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:02,528 ‐Penelope is pregnant. 237 00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:05,832 ‐Dios mio! 238 00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:08,225 Does Max know about this? 239 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,638 ‐I think that is what they are talking about right now. 240 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,811 They deserve privacy. 241 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:18,110 They’re not gonna get it, but they deserve it. 242 00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:20,314 ‐Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 243 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,646 Okay. What should we hit them with first? 244 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,922 How rising sea levels will destroy coastal communities, 245 00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:27,322 or the coming political chaos 246 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:30,093 caused by widespread food insecurity? 247 00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:33,493 ‐They’re both so inevitable. 248 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:36,396 Okay. You decide, and I’ll use what I learned 249 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:40,799 from my summer improv course to "Yes, and" whatever you say. 250 00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,444 ‐Okay. 251 00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:48,669 ‐Ooh, ooh, ooh! 252 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:53,248 Anna and Olaf from "Frozen"! 253 00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:54,409 ‐What? No, no, no. 254 00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,117 We’re not from "Frozen." 255 00:11:56,149 --> 00:12:00,819 ‐Yes, and what’s not frozen is the Arctic! 256 00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,263 ‐So cute. Two pieces of candy each! 257 00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:05,759 ‐Oh! Thank you, but we actually are here because ‐‐ 258 00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:07,392 [ Both speaking indistinctly ] 259 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:10,027 ‐We need a ‐‐ 260 00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,028 He totally didn’t realize that our costumes 261 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,767 are making a radical political statement. 262 00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:19,473 ‐He just thought we were adorable. 263 00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:22,705 ‐[ Scoffs ] Men. 264 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,952 Okay, well, let’s not panic 265 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:29,779 because we can get it right on this one. 266 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,257 Hi. We’re here to talk about climate ‐‐ 267 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:38,920 ‐Oh, my stars! 268 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:43,198 What very clever and timely costumes. 269 00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:44,599 ‐Thank you! 270 00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:47,131 ‐Dorothy and the tornado! 271 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,939 ‐We really didn’t think this through. 272 00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:53,271 ‐Well, here we go. 273 00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:55,506 ‐Oh, uh, thank you so much, but, actually ‐‐ 274 00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:57,911 ‐We wanted to talk to you about climate change! 275 00:13:02,915 --> 00:13:04,845 What is going on? 276 00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:06,994 ‐I’ll tell you what’s going on. 277 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,420 Full‐size candy bars! 278 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:10,585 Let’s try the next door. 279 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,193 ‐Oh, to see if they’ll sign the petition. 280 00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:15,135 ‐No, to see if they have Snickers. 281 00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:17,631 ‐Yes, and maybe Twix? 282 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,534 ‐Yes. 283 00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:22,066 ‐Alright, I’m calling it. 284 00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,201 Once the 30‐year‐old Spongebob comes around, 285 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:27,537 it’s time to close up shop. 286 00:13:27,573 --> 00:13:29,183 ‐Well, we did it. ‐Yes! 287 00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:32,008 ‐Thanks for having me over. This was fun. 288 00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,515 ‐Well, when Alex said he was done trick‐or‐treating, 289 00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:38,817 I realized a part of my life was ending, but... 290 00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:40,921 I guess another part is beginning. 291 00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:45,692 ‐Sounds like we should make a toast. 292 00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:47,095 ‐Yes. 293 00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:48,826 To new beginnings! 294 00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:51,461 ‐Chardonnay is not for babies! 295 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:52,567 ‐What? 296 00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:58,502 What is happening? 297 00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:00,568 ‐You are pregnant. 298 00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:02,106 ‐You’re pregnant? 299 00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:05,411 ‐No! ‐Well, how do you explain this? 300 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:06,785 ‐How do you explain this? 301 00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,783 ‐Um, it’s not mine. I’m not pregnant. 302 00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:10,325 ‐So nobody’s pregnant? 303 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:14,390 ‐Somebody is pregnant, according to the trash. 304 00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:15,520 ‐Hold on. 305 00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,925 You found a pregnancy test in our trash can? 306 00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:19,827 ‐Well, if it’s not yours, then... 307 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:20,989 [ Gasps ] 308 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,397 Oh, could it be Elena’s? 309 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,931 Do you think she fell off the wagon? 310 00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,578 ‐No, she really loves that wagon. 311 00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,918 Which means it could only be... 312 00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:48,322 ‐I think the only one ‐‐ ‐Alex, yes! 313 00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:49,924 I know, Doc! 314 00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:58,903 [ Doorbell rings ] 315 00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:00,471 ‐[ Breathes sharply ] 316 00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:03,972 ‐Okay, let me guess. 317 00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:07,013 The "kids" are in the car. 318 00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:08,709 ‐No, no, no. Melba, hi. 319 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,041 Soy Penelope Alvarez, le mama de Alex. 320 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,477 We’ve spoken on the phone a couple times. 321 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,252 It’s so nice to meet you in person. 322 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,220 ‐Hi, Penelope. Que gusto conocerte. 323 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,349 Este es mi esposo, RamĂłn. 324 00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:21,515 ‐Hola, RamĂłn. Como estas? 325 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:22,554 This is my boyfriend. 326 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,318 ‐Me llamo es Max. 327 00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:27,258 ‐No, don’t do that right now. 328 00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:31,463 Hi! Que bonita tu casa. 329 00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:33,997 PerdĂłn, tengo que hablar con Alejandro. 330 00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:35,033 Alex! 331 00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:37,367 Get out here right now! 332 00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:39,813 Ustedes son de Puerto Rico? 333 00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:41,409 ‐SĂ­. CĂłmo sabĂ­as? 334 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,541 ‐Que me encanta ese acento. 335 00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:45,136 ‐Ay, gracias. 336 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:46,548 ‐What are you doing here? 337 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:49,819 Why are you dressed like an old biker dude? 338 00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,249 ‐I am Sandy from "Grease." 339 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,924 You don’t know who that is, either. 340 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,122 Look. 341 00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:56,423 We need to talk about this. 342 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:59,426 ‐And we would love to be part of that conversation. 343 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,659 Norita! 344 00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:02,093 [ Speaking Spanish ] 345 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,728 She’ll be out in a minute. 346 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,563 ‐Why are you showing me a pregnancy test? 347 00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:08,698 ‐Don’t give me that crap, you silver fox. 348 00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:10,674 We found this at home. ‐SĂ­, Mami? 349 00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:14,243 ‐Norita, what were you doing at Alex’s house today? 350 00:16:14,273 --> 00:16:15,513 ‐What? Nothing. 351 00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,111 ‐Well, then somebody explain this. 352 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,713 ‐It’s not ours. 353 00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:20,214 ‐Alex, we found it in the trash. 354 00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:22,576 It’s not mine, no Abuelita’s, not Elena’s. 355 00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:24,785 How is it not yours? ‐Because it’s not, all right? 356 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,087 What other explanation is there? 357 00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:28,048 ‐It’s impossible! 358 00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:32,116 We haven’t had sex, okay? 359 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,129 ‐Really? 360 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,074 Look at me. 361 00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,575 No sex at all? 362 00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,844 ‐Oh, my God! No sex. 363 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,713 ‐Just over the shirt stuff! 364 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:53,450 You probably didn’t need that information. 365 00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:56,349 ‐Can we all stop talking about this now, please? 366 00:16:57,183 --> 00:17:00,693 ‐Yeah. Ooh! 367 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:05,190 What a memorable first meeting, huh, Melba? 368 00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:06,434 I’m glad we figured this out 369 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:09,159 without too much embarrassment, right? 370 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,865 Mucho gusto. 371 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,097 ‐SĂ­. 372 00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:13,401 ‐SĂ­, mucho Halloween! 373 00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:14,502 ‐Hey! 374 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,104 ‐Sorry! I took German in high school. 375 00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:21,614 ‐I thought you were out doing a political crusade. 376 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:24,381 ‐Oh, we tried, believe me, but sometimes you dress up 377 00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:26,110 to discuss the coming global disaster, 378 00:17:26,145 --> 00:17:27,845 but people think you’re the Swiss Miss girl 379 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,820 and mashed potatoes. 380 00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:32,179 But that’s okay because this is gonna give us 381 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,648 so much energy to fight harder tomorrow! 382 00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:39,989 Yeah. ‐Who knew Halloween was fun? 383 00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:42,556 ‐Literally everybody. 384 00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:49,998 ‐Elena, is there any way 385 00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:54,136 this positive pregnancy test is yours? 386 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,605 ‐How many times do you want me to come out? 387 00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:05,885 You do know you need a man for that, right? 388 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:10,088 ‐Excuse me, I think the Virgin Mary would clap back. 389 00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:17,734 ‐Alright, well, I’m not pregnant. 390 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:20,433 ‐Oh! For a second, they had me convinced. 391 00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:22,766 I mean, you are a saint. 392 00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,307 ‐Well, this has to belong to someone. 393 00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:28,609 It didn’t just appear by magic. 394 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:35,050 ‐Oh, my God! 395 00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:37,821 ‐Whoo! ‐No! 396 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,020 Don’t compliment us. 397 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:40,051 We came in second. 398 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:42,446 We lost to Elton John! 399 00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:45,218 ‐Oh, who was dressed like Elton John? 400 00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:49,457 ‐No, we lost to Elton John, 401 00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:52,225 who was dressed as Garfield eating lasagna. 402 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:54,204 It was adorable! 403 00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:02,675 ‐Where did you find that? 404 00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,408 ‐Is this yours? 405 00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,186 ‐Congratulations! 406 00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:16,361 ‐Lovely! 407 00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:18,159 ‐Why are you congratulating her? 408 00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:20,360 I told you, we lost! 409 00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:23,628 Hey. 410 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,363 Don’t cry. 411 00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,168 Hang in there. 412 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:34,044 ‐Okay. 413 00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:37,283 Well, I didn’t think I’d be telling you like this. 414 00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:38,709 That’s why I put it in their trash 415 00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:41,814 because I wasn’t sure how you’d react. 416 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:44,447 Well, I mean, it’s not like we planned this. 417 00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:49,246 ‐So what are you saying? 418 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,928 ‐I’m pregnant. 419 00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:01,432 So, does this mean you’re happy? 420 00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:02,567 ‐Yes! 421 00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:04,341 Are you? 422 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:05,440 ‐Yeah. 423 00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:07,941 [ Laughs ] 424 00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:17,719 ‐This is so much better than an iPad mini. 425 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:22,090 ‐Oh! Congratulations, you two! 426 00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:25,661 ‐Oh, yes, and we are here for you if you need us. 427 00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:29,061 And you will. 428 00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:30,735 ‐I’m gonna be a tĂ­o. 429 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,163 ‐I’m gonna be a tĂ­a. 430 00:20:32,198 --> 00:20:35,368 ‐I’m gonna be a tí‐x! 431 00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:38,041 ‐Well, this calls for a celebration. 432 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,610 Hey, Grandpa. 433 00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:42,038 Will you take us all out for ice cream? 434 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:44,983 Let’s keep the hair. 435 00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:48,480 It’s silver, but the jokes are gold. 436 00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:57,824 â™Ș 437 00:20:57,857 --> 00:21:07,367 â™Ș 29398

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