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1
00:00:01,268 --> 00:00:03,568
‐It’s so nice to
meet all of you.
2
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,374
Thank you for taking me
to dinner, Ms. Alvarez.
3
00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:06,805
‐Oh, well, it’s not every day
that Alex gets a new girlfriend,
4
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,640
and even though that day
was four weeks ago,
5
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,977
it’s nice to finally meet you.
‐I’m sorry.
6
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,253
I don’t know what
I was worried about.
7
00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:16,251
‐So...
8
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,319
...Nora...
9
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:27,529
...how did you meet my Papito?
10
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,361
‐It’s actually
a really funny story.
11
00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:31,556
See, Alex was at his locker,
and I come up and said,
12
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,068
"Cool sneakers."
13
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:34,770
‐And then I said...
14
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,714
‐And we’ve been together
ever since.
15
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,010
‐God, it’s so easy
being straight.
16
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:46,384
‐Has he said he loves you?
17
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:48,623
No? Ohh.
18
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:52,049
He has said it to me.
19
00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:53,915
‐Okay.
Elena’s gay, Alex is a catch,
20
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:55,724
and you are making
everyone uncomfortable.
21
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,616
So, here.
Let’s look at the menus
22
00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:00,358
’cause we have to order before
6:00 to get happy hour prices.
23
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,204
Waiter, we’re ready.
I’ll have the sliders.
24
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,729
Mami?
25
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:05,934
‐I’ll have the pot stickers,
26
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:08,536
unless they have
actual pot in them.
27
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:12,209
The chronic does not
agree with me.
28
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,869
‐You’re good.
29
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,707
And for you?
30
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,148
‐Hey!
31
00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:21,819
‐Burger!
‐Salad!
32
00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:24,118
‐Elena, you’re up.
‐Yes.
33
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:29,591
I have a few questions about
the almond‐crusted salmon salad.
34
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:30,993
How is the salmon raised?
35
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:34,564
‐It’s raised in price
after 6:00!
36
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:35,805
♪ This is it
37
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:37,329
♪ Oh, oh, oh, whoa
38
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:39,504
♪ One day at a time
39
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,233
‐And then my abuelo said,
40
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:44,638
"En esta casa no hay
fanaticos de los Red Sox!"
41
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:47,141
[ Laughter ]
42
00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:49,114
‐I do not care.
43
00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:51,082
If Alex hasn’t said it, I will.
44
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,911
I love you!
45
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,977
‐Yeah, and I usually
only say this
46
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:57,476
to whatever mirror
is closest to me,
47
00:01:57,517 --> 00:02:00,517
but you’re a freakin’ delight.
48
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:03,794
‐It is so nice to finally
have a young Latina around
49
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:06,934
who speaks Spanish!
50
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,360
‐I speak Spanish.
‐I’m young.
51
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:11,657
‐You know what, Mom?
I meant to ask,
52
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:13,368
can I borrow the car tomorrow
53
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,600
so I can go see the Overwatch
League finals, por favor?
54
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:21,007
‐You mean that thing where you
watch nerds play video games?
55
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:23,981
‐Joke’s on you.
"Nerds" isn’t an insult anymore.
56
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:26,751
‐It’s not a compliment.
57
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,993
‐Anyway, my two favorite teams
are playing ‐‐
58
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:34,289
the LA Gladiators
and the Shanghai Dragons.
59
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:35,891
‐Yes, you can take the car
to the match
60
00:02:35,922 --> 00:02:39,062
as long as you promise
not to tell me about it after...
61
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:41,792
and if you drop everyone else
off for their errands first.
62
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,628
‐The Overwatch League finals
and I get to make an itinerary?
63
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,675
Did this just turn into
the best weekend ever?
64
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:50,041
‐[ Laughs ]
You’re hilarious!
65
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:53,710
‐She wasn’t joking.
66
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,840
‐Okay.
We got the check.
67
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,906
Don’t freak out.
‐Okay.
68
00:02:57,944 --> 00:02:59,814
You know the words
"don’t freak out"
69
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,676
usually make me freak out
and cost me money.
70
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,186
‐Thank you again for taking me
to dinner, Ms. Alvarez.
71
00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:08,088
I was super‐nervous to meet you,
but you guys are fun!
72
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:09,821
‐Are you kidding me?!
73
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,686
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
74
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:15,095
Um, a couple of these items
were charged at full price
75
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:16,558
and not happy hour price.
76
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:20,696
‐Oh, yeah.
I put those in after 6:00.
77
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,544
‐Okay, but we ordered them
before 6:00.
78
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,000
‐Oh, yeah, but it goes by
79
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,408
when they’re entered
into the system, so...
80
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,910
‐What’s this?
81
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,605
I don’t know.
82
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,748
I mean, are you some genie
and this
83
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,693
magically makes me a millionaire
84
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:42,019
that can afford
full‐price pot stickers?
85
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,855
This is happy hour!
86
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,931
‐Yep, seems real happy.
87
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:50,061
‐She’s not usually like this.
‐No, that’s true.
88
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:52,467
She’s always like this.
89
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,569
‐Okay. You know what?
90
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:57,141
I want to speak to the manager.
91
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,070
‐I am the manager.
92
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,806
‐Oh, really?
‐Mm‐hmm.
93
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,811
‐Mm‐hmm.
The server is the manager?
94
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,643
‐Yep. Mm.
‐Oh, really?
95
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:08,148
Do you think it’s my first time
complaining in a restaurant?
96
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:11,381
‐I definitely do not.
97
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,318
Whatever.
I’ll take off the charge.
98
00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:16,163
‐Oh, good! And you can use
my last two wishes ‐‐
99
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:19,089
Unh! Unh! ‐‐ to conjure up
a better attitude
100
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:20,556
and a freakin’ apology!
101
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,404
Pssh!
102
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,799
It was so lovely
to meet you, Nora.
103
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,670
‐I can’t believe you embarrassed
me in front of Nora like that
104
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:34,343
for $13 and a brownie that
the waiter definitely spit on!
105
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:38,106
‐So, what, you want to
impress her by making her think
106
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:40,615
you’re some big shot
who doesn’t care about money?
107
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:42,917
‐No. I want to impress her
by making her think
108
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,849
I don’t have a crazy mother.
109
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:48,416
‐Ooh. Well, now you’re just
not being realistic.
110
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,927
‐If Nora breaks up with us
over this,
111
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,259
I will never forgive you!
112
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,955
‐Oh, my God!
113
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,767
Everybody, relax!
114
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,269
I was fine!
115
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,770
‐Fine?
‐Yeah.
116
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,972
‐[ Scoffs ]
I know it’s good to save money,
117
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,944
but maybe the first time
meeting my girlfriend
118
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:09,082
isn’t the right time to threaten
to "burn this mother down."
119
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:14,615
‐I agree with that.
‐Oh, my God! Oh!
120
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,148
Schneider, what the hell?!
121
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:19,294
I’m used to you coming
in the door unannounced,
122
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,619
but now you’re coming out
of the furniture?!
123
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,695
‐I’m trying to fix
your janky couch
124
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:25,863
because someone’s too cheap
to buy a new one.
125
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,792
It’s you.
126
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,398
Come on, Pen.
127
00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:32,469
You’re making that sweet
nurse practitioner money now.
128
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,839
‐Yeah, but I still have to
be careful how I spend it.
129
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,969
You know, it starts
with full‐priced pot stickers.
130
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,874
Next thing you know, you’re
living in a cardboard box,
131
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:43,006
making soup
out of cigarette butts.
132
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,853
‐That seems a little extreme.
133
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:48,349
‐You don’t know what I know.
134
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:51,151
You think MC Hammer thought
he was gonna go broke?
135
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,694
He had the biggest pants,
136
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,889
and now he’s got nothing
to put in them.
137
00:05:56,857 --> 00:06:00,827
‐Pen, you have what’s called
a scarcity mind‐set.
138
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,501
Even though you have money now,
you don’t act like it.
139
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,730
‐Oh.
So I should act like you?
140
00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:10,665
"Hi. I’m Schneider.
I wipe my butt with $100 bills."
141
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,774
‐That is a hurtful
rich‐person stereotype!
142
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:15,506
I have a custom marble bidet!
143
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,542
‐Well, can you use it
on your mouth?
144
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:20,007
’Cause there’s a lot of crap
coming out of there!
145
00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:26,791
‐I’m telling you, Pen,
146
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,620
you need to change
your relationship with money.
147
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,586
Spend it on something.
Treat yourself.
148
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,565
Like, finally get a new couch.
149
00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:35,293
‐Why? This one is fine.
150
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:37,358
‐F‐Fine?
151
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:41,397
It’s covered in rips,
lumps, and this.
152
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:43,374
‐That’s just a little leak.
153
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:47,573
‐Couches are not hooked up
to plumbing.
154
00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:50,637
Pen, your sofa is crying.
155
00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:55,745
‐Okay. I’ve got our itinerary
all planned out.
156
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:57,482
First, Alex, I will drop you off
157
00:06:57,517 --> 00:07:00,887
so you can buy
your stupid sneakers.
158
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,221
Then I will drop Abuelita off
at the fish market
159
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,756
and get to the Overwatch finals
160
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:07,831
before the first gladiator
is fragged.
161
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,731
‐Ay, por favor.
162
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:14,333
None of those nerds
is getting fragged.
163
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:17,137
Anyways, I need to be dropped
at the fish market first,
164
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:20,640
before all of the Cuban crabs
are gone.
165
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:22,944
‐Cuban crabs?
166
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:25,306
‐The strongest ones
claw their way to the top,
167
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,685
so they’re the first to go.
168
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:31,124
Those are the Cuban crabs.
169
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,351
‐I can’t drop you off
before Alex.
170
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:35,146
I just got my license,
so I’m not allowed
171
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:38,188
to drive anyone under 20
unless an adult is present.
172
00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:40,594
‐Does it have to be me?
‐No.
173
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,657
Any adult who can sit there
and do nothing ‐‐
174
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:45,626
a seat‐filler, a flesh bag.
175
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,995
‐I have just the person.
176
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:54,114
‐They said staring at the phone
doesn’t make it ring.
177
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:57,440
It may have taken 20 years,
but I proved ’em all wrong!
178
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,547
[ Laughs ]
179
00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:06,192
‐The perfect Sunday ‐‐ just me,
180
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:10,289
the TV, and my boyfriend,
Chester Cheetah.
181
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,903
"Whassup, girl?
182
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,399
I’m about to get all up
in yo’ mouth."
183
00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:21,769
Oh, God!
184
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:37,778
That’s not good.
185
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:45,734
‐Alright. I ‐‐ Okay. Alright.
I know I agreed,
186
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,689
but I thought about it,
and I don’t need a new sofa.
187
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:50,197
‐It broke in half, Pen.
188
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,630
‐Yeah.
Now I got two love seats.
189
00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:55,265
‐Come on. You can afford it.
It’s gonna be okay.
190
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:58,541
‐Will it? Then why am I
sweating like a couch?
191
00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:02,481
‐They’re not supposed to be wet!
192
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,939
Trust me, I know you don’t like
to spend money frivolously,
193
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,148
so I did a ton of research
about where we should go,
194
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,950
and I made sure to pick the
store with the funniest name.
195
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:12,123
‐Welcome to Sofa So Good.
196
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,892
‐Ha ha ha!
197
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:17,160
So good!
198
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:20,630
‐Can I just let you off here?
‐If you stop first.
199
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,860
‐Fine.
200
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:25,130
[ Sighs ]
201
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,835
Alright.
This is working.
202
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,566
I’m gonna make it
to the Overwatch League.
203
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:32,511
‐I love it when a plan
comes together.
204
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:35,139
‐Oh, my God. Right.
You’re still here.
205
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:38,815
Um, I mean, at least now
we can use the carpool lane.
206
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:42,685
‐Yes!
Flesh bag to the rescue!
207
00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:45,845
Your grandmother told me
about my new nickname.
208
00:09:45,885 --> 00:09:48,215
I’m fine with it.
209
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,023
‐Okay.
210
00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:55,028
Um, so when we get there, you
can just hang out in the car.
211
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:57,861
‐Well, actually, I was hoping
to join you for the match.
212
00:09:57,897 --> 00:09:59,527
‐Do you know anything
about e‐sports?
213
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:03,296
‐Do you know anything
about loneliness?
214
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,666
‐Alright, let’s do this!
215
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:08,005
[ Cellphone rings ]
Oh. Hello?
216
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:11,511
‐I need to be picked up!
It is an emergency!
217
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:14,354
‐What?
‐I told the bus driver
218
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:18,380
I have a huge case of crabs,
and he just drove away!
219
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,995
‐See? It’s okay.
He’s not gonna hurt you.
220
00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:27,064
He’s friendly.
221
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:33,567
Okay, good. So, which one
do you want to take home?
222
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,030
‐Can I help you find something?
223
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,638
‐I am definitely not ready
for you, Shawn.
224
00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:40,410
‐Hey, Pen, how ’bout this one?
Oh, yeah.
225
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:41,910
Come on in.
226
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:44,341
The leather is warm.
227
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,047
‐I’m not getting
a black leather couch.
228
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,849
I’m not a movie producer
from the ’90s.
229
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,052
‐I was.
230
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:54,354
‐You see?
Shawn lost all his money.
231
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:58,087
‐Thanks for that trip
down memory lane.
232
00:10:58,124 --> 00:10:59,734
‐Come on, Pen.
233
00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:02,089
Just try sitting
on one of these.
234
00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:06,433
‐Ooh.
235
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,266
My butt likes this one.
236
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,571
‐Your butt has very good taste.
237
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:13,173
And check this out.
‐No, but don’t do that!
238
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:14,736
‐Oh, no, no.
Don’t worry.
239
00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:16,614
See, the sofa’s treated
with Spillguard,
240
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:19,213
and the liquid
just pools harmlessly on it.
241
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:22,915
‐Yeah, but you wasted
a perfectly good soda.
242
00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:25,179
‐Just picture it, Pen ‐‐
243
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:30,558
our family sitting
on this couch juntos.
244
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:32,690
"Hey, Pen, will you
pass me the remote?"
245
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:34,755
‐"No, Schneider! Get the hell
out of my apartment!"
246
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:37,304
[ Gasps ]
247
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,770
This feels right.
248
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,804
Oh‐ho, yeah,
that’s ‐‐ that’s pricy,
249
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:46,306
but I‐I think I can swing it.
‐Yes!
250
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:48,869
‐Terrific! Now, a lot of people
get the sofa‐bed option,
251
00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:50,808
just in case you want
to have a guest over, so ‐‐
252
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:53,113
‐Yes, we want that.
‐No, we definitely do not
want that.
253
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,116
‐Okay. Uh, would you like
to open a store credit card?
254
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:58,879
‐Does it have zero interest?
Because I do.
255
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,262
‐You did it!
‐I did it.
256
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:07,090
‐You bought a new couch!
How do you feel?
257
00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:10,396
‐[ Vomits ]
258
00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:13,901
‐I guess we’ll take
that rug, too.
259
00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:20,166
‐Maybe I can still take the bus
and tell the driver
260
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:23,576
these are
emotional‐support crabs.
261
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:26,110
‐Forget it. I am not stopping
again for anything.
262
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:29,645
[ Cellphone rings ]
No!
263
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:32,992
What do you mean, you decided
not to buy the shoes?
264
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:36,319
Shoes are your
entire personality!
265
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,486
‐Okay. I thought about it,
and I realized
266
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:41,194
these ones are what
brought me and Nora together.
267
00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:42,857
I couldn’t replace them.
268
00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:46,365
‐Aww, qué romántico.
269
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:48,829
‐I also can’t replace my shoes,
270
00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:53,638
mostly because I have a
condition called "raptor foot."
271
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:57,883
I’m ‐‐ I’m very hard to fit.
272
00:12:57,910 --> 00:13:00,510
‐Anyways, just
drop me off at home.
‐Uh, no.
273
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,476
I’ve already missed
the first two matches,
274
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:06,685
and we’re almost at the arena,
so we’re all going.
275
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,649
Great.
The parking lot’s full.
276
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,858
‐Well, you’ll just park
somewhere else.
277
00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:13,130
‐Yeah, like at home.
278
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:14,729
‐I’m not gonna miss the final.
279
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:17,031
‐Ohh! Spot! Spot!
280
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:18,803
‐Ohh! Oh, you’re right!
‐Ohh!
281
00:13:18,831 --> 00:13:21,371
‐An open meter, and it’s
Sunday ‐‐ free parking!
282
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:23,241
We’re gonna make it!
Whoo!
283
00:13:23,269 --> 00:13:27,509
‐♪ We are gonna make it!
We are gonna make it! ♪
284
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:30,510
‐Wait! I don’t want to make it!
285
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,553
‐Yes! Yes, we do!
I can’t go home.
286
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,478
There’s nothing waiting
for me except darkness.
287
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,754
Let’s do this!
‐Yeah!
‐Yeah!
288
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:38,583
‐Alright, I’m getting that spot.
Hold on.
289
00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:40,348
[ Tires screech ]
‐Whoa!
290
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:42,716
Ohh! Aah! Aah!
291
00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:47,785
If these are emotional‐support
crabs, they’re not working.
292
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,659
‐Yeah.
293
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:54,368
Just like that.
294
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,670
Ha!
You know how I like it.
295
00:13:57,704 --> 00:14:01,614
Oh, you know what to do
with that butt.
296
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:04,141
‐That’s exactly what I say
to my bidet.
297
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,279
Feels good to spend
a little coin, huh?
298
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:11,584
‐I know. I did it! I did it!
I made peace with money!
299
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:14,387
I’m good! We’re good!
We’re more than good!
300
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,860
We’re lovers!
Now leave us.
301
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:19,119
‐Okay.
302
00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:21,628
So, I did what you asked,
and I put the old couch
out on the curb,
303
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:24,761
but doesn’t it really belong
in the Alvarez Museum?
304
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:26,727
‐The Alvarez Museum is just
a couple of awards
305
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:29,466
and knickknacks in the hallway.
306
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:31,942
‐Oh, right.
307
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:34,441
It’s definitely not a collection
of memorabilia from your family
308
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,544
that I set up
in an empty apartment
on the sixth floor
309
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:40,246
called the Alvarez Museum Norte.
310
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:43,419
‐Okay. I am too happy
to be creeped out.
311
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,449
I love this couch.
I love it.
312
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,925
I had the best nap of my life.
313
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:51,064
And look ‐‐ my drool
just wipes right off.
314
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:52,730
‐See?
315
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,959
Spending a little money
didn’t set off a chain of events
316
00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:58,834
that led
to some doomsday scenario.
317
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,200
‐Okay.
Don’t freak out.
318
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:08,270
‐Don’t freak out?
I don’t need this today.
319
00:15:08,307 --> 00:15:10,977
I already barfed on an area rug.
320
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,610
‐Okay.
Maybe you should sit down.
321
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,317
‐Whoa!
Love the new couch!
322
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:19,550
It must have been
really expensive.
323
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:22,445
‐You’re not helping.
‐You’re not helping.
324
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:26,830
‐What happened?
‐First of all, as you can see,
325
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:30,229
everyone’s okay,
except maybe Dr. B.
326
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,137
‐It was exhilarating
327
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:40,470
to watch athletes
with the same body type as me.
328
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:47,079
Shields up! Shields up!
329
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,683
That’s the LA Gladiators’
slogan.
330
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:52,545
I stan them.
331
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:55,495
‐Just tell me what happened.
332
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:57,661
‐I got nachos.
‐Not you!
333
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:02,425
You!
‐Okay.
334
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,102
Well, um, when we finally
got to the game,
335
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:07,701
the parking lot was full,
so I parked on the street,
336
00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:10,003
and it’s important to know
that at this point in the story,
337
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:12,266
we are ahead $8.
338
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,180
‐And then?
339
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,439
‐And then...
340
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,778
while we were in the game,
341
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:24,023
the car was broken into
and the window was smashed.
342
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:26,350
Which is probably
how the pigeon got in.
343
00:16:26,385 --> 00:16:29,555
I don’t know what he ate,
but it did not agree with him.
344
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,519
Anyway, we chased
the pigeon away,
345
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:33,357
but we probably should have
closed the car door first,
346
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,232
’cause it got hit by a scooter.
‐What?
347
00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:37,301
‐No, no, no, no.
Don’t worry. The guy’s fine.
348
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,900
I know because he got up
and scooted away.
349
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:44,043
Unfortunately, the car door
kind of chased him.
350
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:46,410
So, just to recap,
351
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:50,439
I saved us $8,
and some other stuff happened.
352
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:02,345
‐Shields up.
353
00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:07,632
‐It’s only money.
354
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,660
‐What?!
‐Whoa!
355
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,965
‐Yes! I did this!
356
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,637
‐No, I‐I am so glad
you’re not mad,
357
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,339
’cause I was a little worried,
358
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,141
because I left my laptop
on the seat,
359
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:23,142
and that’s probably
why they broke in.
360
00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:26,605
‐You left your laptop
in the car?!
361
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:29,416
‐It’s only money?
362
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:31,618
‐How many times have I told you
363
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,621
not to leave valuable stuff
visible in the car?!
364
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:37,024
‐I know. I know.
I‐I made a mistake.
365
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,956
‐Yeah, you did ‐‐
a really dumb one.
366
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:43,002
How can someone so smart
do something so stupid?
367
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:47,034
We’ll talk about this later.
368
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:55,106
‐This is why I took my crabs
into the nerd show...
369
00:17:56,709 --> 00:18:01,109
...although, after six hours...
370
00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:04,777
I don’t think we should
eat them anymore.
371
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,764
‐Hey.
‐Hey.
372
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:17,826
‐So, listen, I’m sorry
I got so upset.
373
00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:20,173
But I need you to understand
where I’m coming from.
374
00:18:20,199 --> 00:18:23,869
Money and I have never
had a great relationship.
375
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:26,003
You know how Abuelita
lives with us?
376
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:28,008
Well, for a while there,
we lived with her,
377
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,710
because when your papi left,
I couldn’t afford the rent.
378
00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,683
I mean, so, like, we’re ‐‐
we’re good now,
379
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:35,052
but those feelings,
they don’t just go away,
380
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:37,651
because you’re always
one catastrophe away
381
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:40,093
from being broke.
382
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,189
But I know I need to loosen up.
383
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:47,262
I know that $13 pot stickers
is not a catastrophe.
384
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:51,703
It’s a rip‐off,
but it’s not a catastrophe,
385
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:53,501
and neither is this.
386
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:56,342
‐You’re right, ’cause I have
a plan to pay for everything.
387
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,699
I can sell my hair or my blood
or my eggs,
388
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:01,408
’cause they’re still
young and fresh.
‐Okay, whoa.
389
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,110
Don’t give away
my grandchildren.
390
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,013
‐Okay, but I‐I can use
all the money I have saved.
391
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:09,106
‐You have money saved?
‐Yeah.
392
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,678
I’ve had a system
since I started working
393
00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:12,176
as Schneider’s assistant.
394
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:14,618
For every dollar I spend,
I put $2 into savings.
395
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,924
‐Really? I didn’t know
you were so good with money.
396
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,957
‐I’m trying.
I can show you.
397
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:23,332
I track all of my spendings and
savings on this spreadsheet...
398
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:28,131
...that was on my laptop.
399
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,372
[ Sighs ]
400
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:33,114
‐It’s okay.
401
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:37,109
We have insurance,
and we’ll figure the rest out.
402
00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:40,453
‐Okay, but I’m gonna work
a bunch of extra shifts
for Schneider
403
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:42,479
so I can help pay
for that new computer.
404
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:46,725
‐Yeah, that’s what I mean by
"we’ll figure the rest out."
405
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:48,822
But I am proud of you.
406
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:51,794
Hearing all this makes me feel
like I’ve done something right.
407
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,964
‐Yeah, well, I learned
from the master.
408
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:56,803
You’ve had the same Ziploc
since I was a kid.
409
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:59,969
You replaced the zipper
like five times.
410
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:02,899
‐That was your
great‐grandmother’s Ziploc.
411
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,395
And one day you’ll pass it on
to your kids.
412
00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:09,683
‐In this moment, I’ll pretend
I’m gonna have kids.
413
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,639
‐Oh, thank you, baby.
Thank you.
414
00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:16,846
Mind if we join you?
‐Siéntate.
415
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:21,194
Ahh.
416
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:25,520
[ All sigh ]
‐Ahhhhhh.
417
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:31,432
‐Is it just me, or does the new
couch make our TV seem smaller?
418
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:33,674
‐Well, if we’re buying a new TV,
419
00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:37,539
we’re gonna need to splurge
on surround sound.
420
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:41,940
‐And a state‐of‐the‐art
soft‐pretzel carousel.
421
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,509
‐[ Crying ]
422
00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:49,684
‐Look at that. Mami’s tears
just bead and roll right off.
423
00:20:50,916 --> 00:21:00,886
♪
424
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:09,896
♪
31074
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