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1
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:07,218
Hey, Pen, you busy?
2
00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:09,889
Yes. My mom is at the opera
with Dr. Berkowitz,
3
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,048
both kids are out of the house
4
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:13,636
and I am finally enjoying
some time to myself.
5
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:16,522
Ooh, wine and coupons. Been there.
6
00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:21,022
Just substitute wine with whiskey,
and coupons with more whiskey.
7
00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:26,741
-Did you want something?
-Just to share some amazing news.
8
00:00:26,819 --> 00:00:29,109
I am... unplugged.
9
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:33,453
Yeah. No more Internet, no social media,
not even a phone.
10
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,794
Anyway, I really need
to use your computer.
11
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,829
[chuckles] That was quick.
12
00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:40,873
-Why don't you use your own laptop?
-I locked it in my safe.
13
00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:43,708
-So?
-Combination to my safe is on my laptop.
14
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:46,205
You didn't think to write it down--
15
00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:49,296
We all wish we had the last five minutes
of our life back, okay?
16
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,514
I'm with you there!
17
00:00:52,595 --> 00:00:56,215
Anyway, I need to find a new place
to get my eyebrows threaded.
18
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,056
Oh, you can just do
everything else silently.
19
00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:00,352
-[sighs]
-[woman moaning on laptop]
20
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:01,265
Whoa!
21
00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:06,936
-Schneider, you came here to watch porn?
-No!
22
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:08,895
-[pressing keys rapidly]
-Why won't it stop?
23
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:11,316
No, I don't wanna chat with you!
24
00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,237
What the hell is wrong with you?
25
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:18,655
[chuckles] Oh, come on, Pen.
No need to cover.
26
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,616
I'm just happy you weren't actually
sittin' there clipping coupons.
27
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,417
And a threesome, eh?
28
00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:28,627
Get your freak on, boo!
29
00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:30,837
Shut up, that's not my porn.
30
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,014
-It's your computer.
-No, it's not my...
31
00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:37,218
It's Alex's.
32
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:42,478
I'll just use
the old eyebrow-threading place.
33
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:45,944
[theme song playing]
34
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,204
Oh.
35
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:38,453
[sighs] My baby's watching porn.
36
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:42,657
[sighs] My sweet boy
is becoming a gross man!
37
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:46,460
But, hey, silver lining, it's normal porn.
38
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,207
A threesome is not normal.
39
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:51,554
Okay, fine. It's aspirational.
40
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:57,512
-How do I talk to him about this?
-Uh... you don't.
41
00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,644
I'm not looking forward to this, either.
42
00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:02,062
But I have to
because he's obviously curious.
43
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:04,890
And I don't want it to get stuck
in his brain that this is what sex is.
44
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:09,150
Yeah. He'd be in
for a long series of disappointments.
45
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:13,989
What kinda sex talk
did your parents give you?
46
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,859
Because I wanna do the opposite of that.
47
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:21,123
Well, Father believed it's best to have
this kinda discussion in a car
48
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,041
because you don't have
to make eye contact.
49
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:27,540
Plus, you're traveling in the
same direction, which fosters intimacy.
50
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,249
That's actually good advice.
51
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:32,915
I was expecting
some unrelatable rich-guy story.
52
00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:35,295
So we're in the Bentley
with our chauffeur, Paco.
53
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,971
Father said it's time to have the talk.
54
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:43,393
We came to the next stoplight.
He hopped out, Paco told me everything.
55
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:45,643
I need a Paco.
56
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,726
I got a cousin named Paco,
but he's an idiot.
57
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:53,693
Ay, it's not fair that I'm stuck
giving both sex talks.
58
00:03:53,776 --> 00:03:55,396
Alex was supposed to be Victor's job.
59
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,775
-I did my part with Elena.
-How'd it go?
60
00:03:57,863 --> 00:03:58,913
Not great.
61
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:02,157
She asked me what a period was
when she was seven.
62
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,372
I didn't get the period talk
till I was 12.
63
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,964
Paco just called it "Shark Week."
64
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:16,376
Well, they say you should answer
every question honestly, so I did.
65
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:20,217
And I ended up going from periods
into the whole sex talk.
66
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:24,771
Then, Elena said...
"Cool! What's an exclamation point?"
67
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,017
Lucky she didn't ask about a colon.
68
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,402
[laughs]
69
00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:33,733
Sorry, it's just fun to hear
about how you blew it.
70
00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:37,107
It's not like I had a great role model.
71
00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,914
My mom's sex talk
was her handing me a white handkerchief
72
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,528
and telling me it was my virginity.
73
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:47,000
[imitates Lydia] "Lupita,
nobody wants to marry a used handkerchief.
74
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,668
So, you must keep
men from sneezing in it."
75
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:55,924
Hello.
76
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,134
[normal voice]
Here comes Professor Love now.
77
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,549
-So how was the opera?
-Magnificent.
78
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:04,684
-Oh, when Violetta died of consumption--
-[Schneider] Hey, hey.
79
00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:05,892
Spoilers.
80
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:11,640
Sorry, it's just that her death scene
was so... [voice breaks]
81
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,478
[Lydia] Aw. Aw!
82
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,483
Here, you may have my handkerchief.
83
00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:23,779
[moans] Thank you.
84
00:05:23,866 --> 00:05:25,406
[blowing nose loudly]
85
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:30,581
[whispering] I feel dirty.
86
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:34,544
The singing was very good.
87
00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:37,416
But the choreography
could have used a little tweaking.
88
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:41,094
I gave my number to the usher.
I'm sure he'll be calling.
89
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:45,009
Uh, what was the name of that soprano?
90
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:47,055
Oh, do you mind
if I just look it up quickly?
91
00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:49,059
-No!
-[woman moaning on laptop]
92
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,770
[man grunting on laptop]
93
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,197
Oh, my stars.
94
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:10,697
I feel compelled to tell you
that this is not my computer.
95
00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,248
No, it's Alex's.
96
00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:16,962
That's what we've been talking about.
97
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,714
What? What about Alex?
98
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:21,005
Mami, don't worry.
It's not really a big deal.
99
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:23,549
Alex was watching a racy movie.
[chuckles nervously]
100
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,053
Cars 2?
101
00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:34,354
More like Cars 3.
102
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,533
Okay, let's stop talking about this.
103
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,493
Yeah, whatever it was, don't worry.
104
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:47,570
You know, it's normal for a teenage boy
and it's healthy to be curious.
105
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,737
I'm curious.
I wanna see how that movie ends.
106
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,961
Boy, the world has changed.
107
00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:59,209
I-- Just think how difficult it was
to see a naked woman in the Renaissance.
108
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,844
You had to pay someone a fortune
109
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:05,632
to create a giant nude painting
that you couldn't hide from your wife.
110
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,095
When I was a kid,
there was an adult section
111
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,890
in the back of the video store.
112
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,182
Behind the beads.
113
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,893
[imitates beads rattling]
114
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:20,522
I'd always chicken out
and just rent a Jane Fonda workout tape.
115
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:22,983
Still worked.
116
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,070
Still works.
117
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:29,815
That's the thing.
It used to be hard to get.
118
00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,827
Now there are no restrictions.
119
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:35,080
You can get a Renaissance painting
right on your computer.
120
00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:38,958
All of this is exactly why
I need to talk to Alex.
121
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,542
You know, with the Internet,
kids see too much too soon.
122
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:44,798
Then porn makes them grow up thinking
that's what sex is supposed to be like.
123
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:47,881
How bad was this movie
that papito was watching?
124
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:48,968
-Awful.
-Pretty tame.
125
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,261
Okay. Show me.
126
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:54,267
[chuckles] Yeah, that's not happening.
127
00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:58,019
Lydia, you asked me to turn away
when you buckled your shoe.
128
00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,773
This is not for you.
129
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,654
-Por favor.
-No, Mami.
130
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:02,731
¡Mira!
131
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,185
I was married for over 40 years.
132
00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:09,157
If anything, it is a shame
that Berto and I went unrecorded.
133
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,529
-¡Dame esa cosa!-Ay.
134
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,621
[woman moaning on laptop]
135
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,439
Burn this.
136
00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,792
Why is everyone staring at me?
137
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,036
Is there a bug on me?
138
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,041
Is there a bug on me?
139
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:07,171
No, papito, you are bug-free
and perfect as always.
140
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:10,835
Yeah. Stand there,
so I can always remember you this way.
141
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:15,555
Finn sent me a video to check out.
Have you seen my laptop?
142
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:16,718
[all] No!
143
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:20,017
What's wrong? Does it have a virus?
144
00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:22,062
It is sick. Yes.
145
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,610
Is anybody gonna tell me what's going on?
146
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,240
-Yeah, I'm out.
-Yes, I should probably go, too.
147
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,028
Thank you for a lovely evening.
148
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:31,949
Okay, sit down.
149
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:33,909
We need to talk about something.
150
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,280
I am going to leave.
151
00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:41,536
Because... this, like many things in life,
can best be done only between two peoples.
152
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,801
-Seriously, what's going on?
-Don't worry. It's nothing bad.
153
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,933
-It's just about sex.
-Oh, God!
154
00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:01,061
Okay...
155
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:05,611
Great start.
156
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,570
Ay...
157
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,027
Look... [chuckles nervously]
158
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:15,411
It's totally natural for you
to be curious about sex.
159
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,196
If you ever have any questions,
160
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:22,707
I want you to feel
like you can come to me.
161
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,054
Do you have any questions?
162
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:33,434
[Alex] Yes.
163
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:37,142
When is this going to be over?
164
00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:41,389
I get it.
This is uncomfortable for me, too.
165
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,521
But it's important
to talk about this stuff.
166
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:48,192
[stuttering] Because I just...
I want you to understand that...
167
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,523
[sighs]
168
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:55,741
sex can be a really beautiful experience.
169
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,742
[Alex groaning]
170
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:58,994
I know.
171
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:02,785
But look... there's reality,
then there's pornography.
172
00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:05,370
[Alex] Why are you doing this to me?
173
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:08,288
For instance, two women with one man,
174
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:09,376
-it's just--
-What?
175
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:11,091
What are you talking about?
176
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:12,801
You can do that?
177
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,642
Alex, it's okay.
178
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,469
I know you were watching a video like that
on the computer.
179
00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,144
-What? No, I wasn't.
-Don't lie to me.
180
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,682
I'm not lying. I'm not stupid.
181
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:25,475
I know you put software into it
that tells you everything I look at.
182
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,443
That's right, mister.
183
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:36,776
I did order that and installed that,
and that's how I found out about this.
184
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:40,446
Mom, you gotta believe me.
185
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:41,873
I would never do that.
186
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:44,831
I spent my whole life
trying to avoid this conversation.
187
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,127
Okay. Well, then, if wasn't you,
who was it?
188
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:53,296
-Was it you?
-No!
189
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:55,046
It wasn't me.
190
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,799
-Abuelita?
-No!
191
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:01,720
Hey, guys!
192
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,354
I'm exhausted. Good night.
193
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:07,978
Elena!
194
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:15,693
Well, that is unexpected.
Did she admit to watching it?
195
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:18,107
I didn't have the heart to ask her
about it last night.
196
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:20,275
After introducing my 12-year-old son
to threesomes,
197
00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:22,825
I figured that was enough great parenting
for one day.
198
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,080
I don't even know
what I'm gonna say to Elena.
199
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,502
I can't believe I have to have
another porn conversation.
200
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,211
Oh, you guys are talking about porn
without my sexpertise?
201
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:34,553
[scoffs] Great, I was hoping to get
another opinion on this.
202
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,709
Yes, let's catch you up.
203
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,434
We were just saying
that with all the porn available now,
204
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:41,930
it's a real problem.
205
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:45,721
Yeah. There's not enough hours in a day
to watch it all. [chuckles]
206
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,177
Okay, so we heard from you.
207
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:51,056
Well, girls these days are exposed to
so much more than my generation was.
208
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,475
Or... [scoffs]
your generation, Penelope.
209
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,605
-I mean, 15 is the new 25.
-[Penelope] Yes.
210
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:02,485
And I'm not naive.
But Elena's just not that advanced.
211
00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:03,994
She's never even had a boyfriend.
212
00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:06,575
She just started kinda seeing
this boy named Josh,
213
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:08,291
but all they've done is kissed.
214
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:10,291
Aw, you're adorable. [chuckles]
215
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:17,550
I'm sure Josh is the one teenage boy
that loves just kissing.
216
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,670
[laughing]
217
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:25,893
Maybe I should be worried about Josh.
218
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,138
Is he pressuring her?
219
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,272
It is confusing for girls out there.
220
00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:33,153
I'm glad I got married so young.
221
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,189
I was still a "virgin."
222
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:40,985
-What do you mean?
-You know, a "virgin."
223
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:43,613
What's this?
224
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:51,710
I was a good Catholic girl,
so I wanted to save myself for marriage.
225
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:55,459
But there are other ways to do it
that are creative but keep you pure.
226
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,630
"Technically" pure.
227
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:09,183
I guess we'll all spend
the rest of the day
228
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,885
thinking of ways to look Lori in the eye.
229
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:16,768
I totally forgot about
that Catholic-girl workaround.
230
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,436
No, I know a bunch of stupid girls
who used...
231
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:19,935
No, that's not what I...
232
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,236
Ay, whatever. You got snowed.
233
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,913
I need to talk to Elena.
234
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,830
-Do you want me to talk to Josh?
-I don't even want you to talk to me.
235
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:34,119
-Big plans this weekend?
-Don't look at me.
236
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,378
Where's Elena?
I really need to talk to her.
237
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:41,633
You should.
238
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,174
She is a porno.
239
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,389
I think I know what you're saying,
and it's not fair
240
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,510
'cause when you thought it was Alex,
you said it was healthy.
241
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:52,307
Well, boys are supposed to want the sex.
242
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,402
Girls are supposed to pretend
that they don't want the sex.
243
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,348
Read your Bible, for God's sake.
244
00:14:58,272 --> 00:14:59,772
Watch the hair, Abuelita.
245
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:03,404
-Is Elena in her room?
-No, she's at Josh's.
246
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:05,856
The family is having a movie night,
remember?
247
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:07,567
-That's tonight?
-Yeah.
248
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:10,827
Jeez, she's been at Josh's, like,
every day this week.
249
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,786
[sighs] Great. Straight to voicemail.
250
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,211
[takes deep breath]
251
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:18,879
Elena, I really need to talk to you,
so call me as soon as you get this.
252
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,170
No, better yet,
just come home right away.
253
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,463
No, scratch that.
254
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:26,257
Come home right away, but still call me
so I know you're coming home.
255
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,216
This is your mother.
256
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:32,263
[sighs]
257
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:34,234
It's fine.
258
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:36,518
I shouldn't worry
'cause she's with his family, right?
259
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:37,562
Yeah!
260
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,310
What?
261
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:42,185
What is it?
262
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:46,782
Well, it's just that some kids at school
said Josh is having a party...
263
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,908
because his parents are out of town.
264
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:51,830
No parents? That's terrible!
265
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,949
I know! Who's gonna order the pizza?
266
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:56,206
Who's gonna clean up the mess?
267
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:57,748
[Penelope panting]
268
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:02,633
Mami, parties are not good.
There's alcohol.
269
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,417
Then people pair off.
270
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:05,586
And the next thing you know,
271
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:09,013
Carlos Piñero's trying to unhook your bra
on your best friend's parents' bed.
272
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:09,973
But...
273
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:13,564
not me, Mami, I never did that.
274
00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:15,852
I'm happy to just leave.
275
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:17,560
Oye.
276
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:19,901
No seas ridícula.
277
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:23,729
Elena would never give away her purity
at some party.
278
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,279
[softly] Ah, yes.
279
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,530
-Yes, you're right.
-Of course. She's a good Catholic girl.
280
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:30,784
Oh, my God!
281
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:35,785
[music playing]
282
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:39,871
[doorknob rattles]
283
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,313
[grunts]
284
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,559
What is this?
285
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:02,023
There's no party.
There's just three of them.
286
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:04,319
[gasps] Three.
287
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,355
As you can see, ladies,
288
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,613
I've got more than enough
for the both of you.
289
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,950
-[Elena] Ooh, relax, I got it.
-[Penelope gasps]
290
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,117
Elena!
291
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:22,995
-Mom, what are you doing?
-[shouts] What are you doing?
292
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:25,884
I'm watching a movie
with Josh and his little sister!
293
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:26,842
You scared me.
294
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:29,968
What's going on?
295
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:33,049
Hey, Barb, Dave. [chuckles]
296
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:36,305
Ooh. Love these hardwood floors.
297
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,015
What is this, bamboo?
298
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,942
-Penelope, would you like to come in?
-Yeah, sure.
299
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,440
You know, let me just unwedge myself
300
00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:46,651
from your doggy door
before I embarrass myself.
301
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:50,109
-Just hold still.
-[Penelope yelling]
302
00:17:57,827 --> 00:18:00,327
Oh. It's good to see you two.
303
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,042
All here. Not out of town.
304
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,883
-Why would we be out of town?
-[scoffs] No reason.
305
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:08,339
Just 12-year-olds who don't know anything,
they say a lot of stuff.
306
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,628
We must not have heard you knock.
We were watching a movie.
307
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:12,876
-Would you like to join us?
-No.
308
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:15,007
No. Thank you.
309
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,764
No, I just came by to bring Elena...
310
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:20,393
my jacket.
311
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,273
[softly] There you go.
312
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:27,976
Okay.
313
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,651
I'll just put it on over this jacket.
314
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,242
Okay.
315
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:38,868
I'm gonna go now. [chuckles]
316
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,081
Yeah.
317
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:44,040
Oh, just so you know,
some maniac drove over your mailbox.
318
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,083
But they left 50 bucks,
so that seems fair, right?
319
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:52,548
Guess what? Josh's parents? Home.
320
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:56,302
You got fed some bad intel.
You gotta up your gossip game, son.
321
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,390
Oh... yeah.
322
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:02,561
It turns out it was Josh B's parents
who were out of town, not Josh F's.
323
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,022
You didn't think to text me that?
324
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:09,153
You know I always have my phone on me.
325
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,151
Unplug, Penelope.
326
00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:17,108
Hey.
327
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,911
-You're back early.
-Yeah.
328
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,453
I left because I was embarrassed.
329
00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,996
Everyone was talking about my mom,
who ran over the mailbox
330
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:26,291
to bring me a jacket.
331
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:29,541
Sounds like you got a pretty cool mom.
[chuckles]
332
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:34,302
Look, I am sorry. But we do need to talk.
333
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:35,511
Oh, about what?
334
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:39,263
Here. You're gonna want this.
335
00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:47,391
[shouts] Why does everybody think
I'm cold?
336
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,815
-[door closes]
-What is going on?
337
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:56,362
Why are you acting like a freak?
338
00:19:56,445 --> 00:20:00,195
Okay, Elena, I'm just gonna say it.
I know you've been looking at pornography.
339
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:01,662
Oh, my God.
340
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,702
I found it on your brother's computer.
341
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:09,207
Thanks for an unnecessary yet super-fun
conversation with Alex, by the way.
342
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,290
Sorry.
343
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:15,258
I would've used my computer,
but I didn't want it to get a virus.
344
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,850
Elena, that is... pretty smart, actually.
345
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:23,433
But I still would've found out
346
00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:26,184
because I have that tracking software
on all your computers.
347
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,307
-No, you don't.
-No, I don't!
348
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:32,731
Okay.
349
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,146
Obviously...
350
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,282
you're curious about stuff.
351
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,698
And that is completely normal.
352
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,001
It just makes me wonder...
353
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,577
if you're thinking about...
354
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,919
or possibly having, you know...
355
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:58,295
sex.
356
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,055
I don't want you to feel like it's wrong.
357
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:06,561
[scoffs]
358
00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:09,438
It's actually
a really beautiful experience
359
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:12,098
that you're too young
to be having right now.
360
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:16,820
But if you are...
361
00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:19,454
I want you to be safe...
362
00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:23,783
I want you to be doing it
for the right reasons,
363
00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:25,656
and not because you're feeling pressured.
364
00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:30,409
And I-- I want you to come to me.
365
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,461
Because I didn't have that
with your abuelita,
366
00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:35,212
and I want things to be different.
367
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,754
-Mom, I'm not having sex.
-Oh, thank God!
368
00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:41,757
You're way too young.
369
00:21:41,843 --> 00:21:43,593
And guys are really bad at it
in the beginning.
370
00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:44,847
Not that I want you to be
with an older guy.
371
00:21:44,929 --> 00:21:46,809
-Mom, stop talking!
-Oh. I'm gonna stop talking.
372
00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:48,469
I'm gonna stop talking.
373
00:21:50,935 --> 00:21:51,935
[sighs]
374
00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:54,479
I felt like I was gonna black out there
for a second.
375
00:21:56,858 --> 00:21:58,278
Okay.
376
00:21:58,359 --> 00:21:59,819
I just, like... Oh, my...
377
00:21:59,902 --> 00:22:01,362
Just everything is happening so fast.
378
00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:03,525
You know, Josh is your first boyfriend.
379
00:22:04,281 --> 00:22:05,321
I know, and...
380
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,825
-[sniffles]
-I really like him,
381
00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:10,830
but... I don't think I like him like that.
382
00:22:10,913 --> 00:22:12,123
Hey...
383
00:22:14,124 --> 00:22:14,964
that's okay.
384
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,748
In fact, that's great. You know, you...
385
00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:21,167
you got your whole life ahead of you.
There'll be plenty of other boys.
386
00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:25,053
I don't think
I'll ever fall in love with a boy.
387
00:22:26,303 --> 00:22:27,933
[clicks tongue] Aw.
388
00:22:28,014 --> 00:22:29,354
[chuckles]
389
00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:30,851
Yeah, I get it.
390
00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:33,228
I've been there.
391
00:22:33,310 --> 00:22:36,610
But I promise you,
when you meet the right one, you'll know.
392
00:22:37,564 --> 00:22:39,444
What if that's not what I want?
393
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:42,569
Oh, I know.
394
00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:47,818
Marriage is a patriarchal tool
invented to enslave women.
395
00:22:47,909 --> 00:22:49,579
All men are adult babies.
I know.
396
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:52,450
That's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about love.
397
00:22:52,746 --> 00:22:54,366
And I'm so happy
that we're talking like this.
398
00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:56,206
Because you can tell me anything.
399
00:23:00,504 --> 00:23:01,924
[sighs] Okay.
400
00:23:03,966 --> 00:23:05,586
Then what I'm trying to say...
401
00:23:06,176 --> 00:23:07,386
is that...
402
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:10,644
when I think about love...
403
00:23:11,933 --> 00:23:13,273
I see myself...
404
00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:16,647
[sighs] someday...
405
00:23:18,314 --> 00:23:19,574
loving a woman.
406
00:23:24,361 --> 00:23:25,571
Oh.
407
00:23:29,450 --> 00:23:32,790
[scoffs] Why do I keep giving everyone
the wrong sex talk?
408
00:23:44,131 --> 00:23:45,671
When did you...
409
00:23:45,757 --> 00:23:47,587
[breath trembling]
410
00:23:47,676 --> 00:23:49,006
No. You know, you talk.
411
00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:53,934
It was just, I realized
that if I was going to be into a boy,
412
00:23:54,016 --> 00:23:55,016
it would be Josh.
413
00:23:55,101 --> 00:23:59,271
I mean, he's cute, and he's sweet,
and he's such a gentleman, but...
414
00:24:00,147 --> 00:24:02,937
I feel more when I look at
a picture of Kristen Stewart
415
00:24:03,025 --> 00:24:04,355
than I do when I kiss him.
416
00:24:05,027 --> 00:24:08,407
[sniffs] No wonder you saw
those Twilight movies so many times.
417
00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:12,080
Definitely wasn't
for the quality storytelling.
418
00:24:12,159 --> 00:24:13,449
[chuckles]
419
00:24:15,787 --> 00:24:18,327
Guess this also explains
the threesome movie.
420
00:24:18,415 --> 00:24:21,915
-Can we not talk about that ever again?
-Nothing would make me happier.
421
00:24:26,006 --> 00:24:26,876
So...
422
00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:30,297
Are you okay with this?
423
00:24:33,847 --> 00:24:34,967
Of course I am.
424
00:24:40,688 --> 00:24:43,358
I love you. And I want you to be happy.
425
00:24:46,610 --> 00:24:49,320
And you should never be afraid
to tell me anything about yourself.
426
00:24:51,365 --> 00:24:52,485
Thank you.
427
00:24:52,574 --> 00:24:54,744
I've been wanting to tell you
for a really long time.
428
00:24:55,661 --> 00:24:56,951
I'm glad you did.
429
00:24:58,497 --> 00:25:00,707
[exhales] Thank God.
430
00:25:00,791 --> 00:25:03,881
[inhales] It feels like this huge weight
has been lifted off my shoulders.
431
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,300
Like... the hardest part is over.
432
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,630
Hello, you two!
433
00:25:16,890 --> 00:25:18,810
Maybe not the hardest part.
32839
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