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1
00:00:06,882 --> 00:00:08,842
Oh, someone looks nice.
2
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,136
Oh, gracias.
3
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:14,810
I learned to do the contouring
on the YouTube.
4
00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:19,135
Oh! She looks nice, too.
5
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,980
Interesting.
6
00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:26,031
Very... [imitating Lydia] interesting.
7
00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:29,489
Should I be interested? Because I'm not.
8
00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,198
What are you guys talking about?
9
00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:35,242
Lupita, it is Friday at 7:00 p.m.
10
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:38,497
Usually by now, your sweatpants are on
and your bra is off.
11
00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:41,002
You have a date.
12
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:43,253
[gasps] It's a date!
13
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:44,455
[chuckles] What?
14
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:47,724
Can't I just shower, put on lipstick
and nice clothes just for myself?
15
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:49,418
Yeah, I'm not even buying it.
16
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,090
Yes, why not be honest?
17
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:53,597
Mira, for ejemplo,
18
00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:56,639
I am going to church tonight
to feed the poor.
19
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,394
There, I said it.
20
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:00,810
Okay, fine.
21
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,515
It's a date.
22
00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:04,645
Just a casual drink, not a big deal.
23
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,612
I met him through a friend.
He will never replace your papi.
24
00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:08,112
No, he's not Cuban.
25
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,154
Your date no longer interests me.
26
00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,575
[inhales sharply] Anyway, I gotta go soon,
27
00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,238
but I forgot Abuelita and I
are both doing something.
28
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:18,786
-Alex, what're you doing tonight?
-Chilling at Finn's house.
29
00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:20,581
Didn't you just say this morning
30
00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:23,004
that you had so much homework
to do this weekend?
31
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:26,503
Finn has this genius idea
to fill up a shopping cart with candy
32
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,047
and ask girls
if they wanna hop in our sweet ride.
33
00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:32,551
Okay, so you're gonna stay home.
34
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:34,466
And Elena will watch you.
35
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:35,552
-Oh.
-[Alex sighs]
36
00:01:35,638 --> 00:01:37,468
So you automatically assume
I don't have any plans?
37
00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,595
-You have plans?
-I could.
38
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:41,730
Ay, qué bueno.
39
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:46,190
Finally, you are going to pick a boy
to be your quinces escort.
40
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:49,533
Abuelita, I already asked someone
and I should know by the end of the day.
41
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:50,690
-[gasps]
-He's in my English class.
42
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,947
We're just friends.
And no, he's not Cuban.
43
00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:56,124
Why do you two love to hurt me?
44
00:01:57,743 --> 00:02:00,663
-Anyway, have a good date, Mom.
-[whispers] Bye.
45
00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:02,156
And don't try to hide stuff from us.
46
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,287
What can I say? I'm a terrible liar.
47
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,004
I am an amazing liar.
48
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:09,125
And you'd rather let them think
all that date stuff,
49
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,092
instead of just telling them
you're goin' to therapy?
50
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,933
Oh, yeah!
51
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:17,215
If they had guessed I was a serial killer,
I would have gone with that, too.
52
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,061
[theme song playing]
53
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:11,105
I am so sorry I'm late, you guys.
54
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:15,448
I was at the movies.
55
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:16,778
Another remake.
56
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:19,124
[scoffs] Well, I mean,
it was nothing like the original.
57
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,449
But I like 'em both.
58
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,830
Anyway, Lolly brought up
a really great point last week.
59
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:29,844
There's a lot of anxiety and depression
that we face as veterans
60
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:32,248
that can lead to isolation, right?
61
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:35,667
Because our civilian friends
and family members, they can't relate.
62
00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:36,878
[Ramona] Oh, for sure.
63
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,467
I mean, I'm a gay female minority,
64
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,062
so anxiety and depression
are my two best friends.
65
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,469
-[all chuckling]
-And isolation is my boo.
66
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:46,097
[all laughing]
67
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,944
And there's definitely some combat stuff
that's tough to shake.
68
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:51,821
In Iraq, if your Hummer
gets stuck in traffic,
69
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,358
it means you're a sitting duck.
70
00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:56,529
In LA, it means... you're in LA!
71
00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:58,775
But my brain doesn't know that,
72
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:01,374
so I'm just constantly
sweating in the car.
73
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,542
So, whatever.
On hot days, I just take my top off.
74
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:05,999
[all laughing]
75
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,539
Which has caused
some traffic jams 'cause...
76
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,384
you know. [chuckles]
77
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:11,539
[all laughing]
78
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:15,013
Well, thank you for sharing, Ramona.
We hear you.
79
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,673
[softly] Come on, girl. Get in there.
80
00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:20,338
Oh.
81
00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:21,854
Hey, hi. [chuckles]
82
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,179
[all] Hi.
83
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:25,684
This kind of attention makes me sweat.
84
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,353
-Like her in traffic.
-[women chuckle]
85
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,185
So, it's like... swoosh! Hello.
86
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:33,647
I'm sorry.
87
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,026
I'm fighting my nature on all of this.
88
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,319
I'm Cuban!
You know, we don't really do therapy.
89
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:39,403
I feel you.
90
00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:43,237
In my family, the only therapist
we're allowed to talk to is Jesus.
91
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,794
And he must be booked up
because he has not returned my calls.
92
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,040
[all laughing]
93
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,371
[laughing] Oh, my...
94
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:52,076
This is why I couldn't tell my mom
I was coming here.
95
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,377
She already hates
that I'm on antidepressants.
96
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:58,011
You know, to her,
therapy is for the locos.
97
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:02,932
Even my cousin Consuelo,
who wears her underpants on the outside...
98
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,059
She doesn't do therapy.
99
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,309
No! No, no.
100
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,270
She's just "funny."
101
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,311
[all laughing]
102
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,114
Anyway, it's totally fine
if you don't feel--
103
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:16,358
And try being the only person
in the history of your family
104
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:19,151
that's getting a divorce.
Anybody here divorced?
105
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:22,242
Oh, it's about to get shared.
106
00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:32,076
Okay, queridos,
your abuelita is going to church!
107
00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:34,575
Vete con Dios, Abuelita.
108
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,418
Shh! I'm watching Buffy!
109
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,210
I love you, papito.
110
00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:40,127
Bye, Elena.
111
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,180
Hi!
112
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:47,144
Leslie,
113
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:50,142
I told you to text me
when you were outside.
114
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,845
I did, but you didn't respond.
115
00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:54,728
I don't know how to use those things.
116
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,114
I don't know how to use them either.
117
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,740
-We have so much in common.
-[laughs]
118
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,743
Lydia... can I ask you something?
119
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:07,780
[sighs] I am 73.
120
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,827
I know, I look 32.
121
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,498
Agreed.
But why do we have to keep it a secret
122
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,631
that we're going to the opera together?
123
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:18,418
Because I don't want my family to think
that something is going on.
124
00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:19,553
They are so crazy.
125
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,629
They would probably think
we're out on a date. [laughs]
126
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,634
[laughing]
127
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:27,471
We-- we have different senses of humor.
128
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:36,062
Oh, mira, we're just two people
on a lovely outing as companions.
129
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,186
A companions' outing.
130
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,363
How platonic.
131
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:44,235
[sighs] Well, thank you so much
for joining me.
132
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:47,621
I always get two tickets to stuff
in hopes that someone will go.
133
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:51,539
But, Lydia, you... look beautiful.
134
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:52,959
[scoffs]
135
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,248
Uh, just careful with those shoes.
[laughs]
136
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,832
Oh, please.
137
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,586
I came out of the womb wearing stilettos.
138
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:02,509
Even my footie pajamas
had kitten heels. [laughs]
139
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:03,759
-Oh!
-Oh! Lydia!
140
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:05,632
Are you okay?
141
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,797
Oh, my shoe...
142
00:07:07,885 --> 00:07:10,005
My favorite shoe.
143
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,267
Taken in the prime of its life.
144
00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:15,771
[Lydia grunting]
145
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:16,892
[both sigh]
146
00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:18,519
But how about your foot?
147
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:20,397
[screams]
148
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:22,824
I'm fine.
149
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,454
What's so great about Buffy?
It's just a vampire show.
150
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:33,703
Well, it's an allegory for how
strong women are in constant battle
151
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:37,036
with an oppressive, bloodsucking,
male-dominated society.
152
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,213
Whoa! Buffy's hot.
153
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,088
I know, right?
154
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,220
[cell phone chimes]
155
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,224
-Oh, no.
-What?
156
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,720
It's a text from the guy
I asked to be my quinces escort.
157
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:53,183
He said yes. This is a disaster!
158
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:55,599
Yeah, for him.
159
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,936
[sighs] No, for me.
160
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:01,861
My whole plan to get Abuelita off my back
161
00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:04,399
was to ask a popular guy
who would never do it.
162
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:08,034
He rejects me, I full-on fake cry,
Abuelita feels guilty,
163
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,243
and boom...
164
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,992
I escape the patriarchal tradition
of having to be escorted to my quinces,
165
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:16,196
and instead grow out my unibrow
and read a poem about Frida Kahlo.
166
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,542
Do I have to come to your quinces?
167
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,417
-[clicks tongue] Who's the guy?
-Josh Flores.
168
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,092
Josh Flores?
169
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,461
He's like the star of the baseball team.
170
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,928
He should be dating a hot girl
who got held back a grade, not you.
171
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,604
-[cell phone chimes]
-[sighs]
172
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,600
Oh, and now he says I'm cute?
173
00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,442
What?
174
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:42,652
So are you gonna tell Josh
that you're not into boys?
175
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,320
You know, that way.
176
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:47,149
Well, all I said is I might be into girls.
177
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,445
But I probably like boys, too.
I don't know.
178
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,489
Huh?
179
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:54,532
[sighs]
It's like... I've never tried broccoli.
180
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,907
So I can't say for sure
that I don't like broccoli.
181
00:08:56,994 --> 00:08:59,214
We had broccoli last night for dinner.
182
00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:02,918
It's a metaphor, Alex.
183
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,340
Broccoli means boys.
184
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,209
Oh, I see...
185
00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:09,086
but it's not like
you tried girls before either.
186
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:12,304
Sorry, I mean... I guess, cauliflower?
187
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:17,602
That's because cauliflower
is a lot harder to find.
188
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,982
I mean, how many girls do you know
that like cauliflower?
189
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,100
None.
190
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,306
Although, Finn is pretty sure
Denise Falto does
191
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,766
because she didn't want his Skittles.
192
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,228
Skittles just means Skittles.
193
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:37,486
Well, let's just say
I'm open to trying broccoli.
194
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,497
I mean,
I'm not gonna go out and buy broccoli,
195
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,209
but if broccoli falls on my plate--
196
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:42,999
Stop. I don't wanna know
what your plate is.
197
00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:49,011
What're you doing?
198
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,969
I told Josh to come over.
199
00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:54,008
What? Josh Flores is coming over?
200
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,394
But I haven't showered.
201
00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:59,684
What to wear, what to wear...
202
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,475
Yup, you are not gonna be here.
203
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,650
You, sir, are going to Schneider's.
204
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,190
Ooh, you're gonna have
a boy over here alone?
205
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,824
Yeah, you know, maybe it'll be great,
maybe it'll be terrible.
206
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:12,111
-But either way, you won't be here.
-Okay!
207
00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:13,815
But at least mention me to Josh.
208
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,945
Tell him I'm awesome.
No, no, too strong. Tell him I'm rad.
209
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,829
So, I've been a civilian for ten years
210
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:22,912
and I still get anxious
when I'm shopping for clothes.
211
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:23,997
I feel that.
212
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:27,422
Ramona, you're an amazing hype woman.
You're coming with me everywhere.
213
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:29,132
You do you, girl.
214
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,302
Seriously, I love that so much!
215
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,921
-[all laughing]
-Yeah!
216
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,047
Anyway, there's too many choices, right?
217
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,385
I mean, it used to be one uniform,
which we all crushed,
218
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,970
because we were
in the best shape of our lives.
219
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:41,055
But then we get out, and it's like,
220
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:44,351
why did we do all those side straddle hops
when there's Spanx?
221
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,685
[all laughing]
222
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,607
Anyway, Pam, pick someone else.
I don't really feel like talking today.
223
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:54,489
Uh, our session ended 15 minutes ago.
224
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:57,704
Thank you all for coming.
225
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:00,946
[indistinct chatter]
226
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:10,206
Oh, it's okay, Alvarez,
the rest of us will talk next week.
227
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:17,719
It just feels so good
to let it all out with you ladies.
228
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:23,265
You're just... You're all so strong
and you're so beautiful.
229
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,767
Thank you for having me.
230
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,976
Thank you, Penelope.
231
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,020
Release those tears, mama!
232
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:33,237
Seriously, never stop.
233
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:41,491
Ay, Leslie, this is not necessary.
234
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:42,866
I fell.
235
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:46,412
I have a bruise that I will cure
with the power of my mind.
236
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,538
In the car you told me you were dizzy.
237
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:54,547
I just wanna make sure you're okay
because I care about you.
238
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,051
Okay.
239
00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:58,724
You may proceed.
240
00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:04,136
Great.
Let me just start with a few questions.
241
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:05,733
Uh, any allergies?
242
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,229
Allergies are not a real thing.
243
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,563
All right.
244
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:14,481
Uh, any history of serious illness?
245
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,188
Never.
246
00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:17,948
But if ever I get one,
247
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:22,369
my Cuban blood will eat it
and absorb it into nothing.
248
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,832
There's not a checkbox for that.
249
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,333
Any hospital visits?
250
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,457
No.
251
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:34,752
Oh! Oh, a long time ago,
I had a stroke, but it was nothing.
252
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,643
Lydia, a stroke is not nothing.
253
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:44,098
I made a 100% recovery.
254
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:47,310
And I have full movement in both my arms.
255
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,942
I can mime in a box. Can you?
256
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,413
No, I can't.
257
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,450
[huffing]
258
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:09,214
Did you do anything
different today than usual?
259
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,288
What did you eat?
260
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:15,503
Oh, I cooked a beautiful
tortilla española,
261
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,917
and bistec empanizado
262
00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:20,165
and dinosaur nuggets. [laughs]
263
00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:22,758
Papito's comfort food.
264
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,354
And which of those did you eat?
265
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,009
None.
266
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:29,097
Well, I-- I was cooking. I had no time.
267
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,313
Oh...
268
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:36,608
That's why you're dizzy.
Lydia, you need to eat.
269
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:39,441
You would make a good Cuban mother.
270
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,360
Please.
271
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:43,987
Cubans got nothing on the Jews
272
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,243
when it comes
to force-feeding their children!
273
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:51,869
Now, Lydia, if you don't mind,
I would like to take a look at that foot.
274
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,036
Oh, okay, but no hanky-panky.
275
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,502
My body belongs to God
and my husband's ghost.
276
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:03,176
Lydia, this is a professional environment.
277
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,259
Mmm-hmm.
278
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,972
Ah, uh... I said no hanky-panky.
279
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:12,521
This is just some
after-hours energy-saving thing.
280
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:14,773
See?
281
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,315
All right...
282
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:21,823
Oh, no.
[stutters] Well, this is a problem.
283
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,493
What? What is it?
284
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,821
You have a hammertoe
that has to be shaved down.
285
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,367
[gasps]
286
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:29,986
I do?
287
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:31,833
What does it mean?
288
00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:33,827
Leslie, be honest.
289
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,462
Will I ever dance again?
290
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:39,842
This is a simple out-patient procedure.
291
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:42,511
We'll have you back
on your dancing feet in no time.
292
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:44,090
[sighs and sniffles]
293
00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:46,045
Oh, no, leave it.
Leave it.
294
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,596
Now that I have the foot of a monster,
295
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:51,309
I want to hide in the shadows
until it is fixed.
296
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:58,272
So, things are going good on my date.
I think we're gonna grab a coffee.
297
00:14:58,355 --> 00:14:59,645
Everything okay over there?
298
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:00,982
Yeah, Alex is doing homework,
299
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:04,607
and I'm just sitting here by myself,
you know, [chuckles] watching Buffy.
300
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,241
Okay, bye, Mom.
301
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:10,544
So...
302
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:13,038
this isn't like some bad teen movie
303
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,000
where the popular guy
pranks the nerd girl,
304
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,122
and you make me feel special
305
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:19,538
and next thing I know,
I'm covered in pig's blood?
306
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:22,094
Uh... no.
307
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:24,756
It's not a prank.
308
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:28,551
For real, Elena,
I've had a crush on you all year.
309
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,176
All year? Really?
310
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,720
I mean, there was a week
when I was home sick and puking,
311
00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:36,191
but you were still in there.
312
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:38,733
Aw...
313
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,400
Did you say you were watching Buffy?
314
00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:43,863
-Yeah, you know it?
-Yeah, I love it.
315
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,403
First three seasons, solid.
316
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:48,196
Right? Mmm.
Where do you stand on season six?
317
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:49,741
[sighs] Dark Buffy.
318
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:51,411
I know, right?
319
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:54,003
But I do feel like there were
some solid stand-alones, like...
320
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,248
[both] The musical.
321
00:15:58,166 --> 00:15:59,166
You know...
322
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,253
you look not that bad.
323
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:07,045
I mean... you got good lips.
324
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:09,217
You got nice eyes, blue.
325
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,716
Your smile is slightly uneven,
but it's offset by a strong jaw.
326
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,557
I think you're super hot, too.
327
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,766
Wait, do I like you?
328
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,608
Do you always say your thoughts out loud?
329
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,937
Because I kinda like it.
330
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,110
-I wanna kiss you now.
-I really like it.
331
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:37,827
That wasn't horrible.
332
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,575
[chuckles] That was not
what I was hoping to hear,
333
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:41,707
but I can do better.
334
00:16:42,459 --> 00:16:43,459
[chuckles]
335
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,801
Hey, Schneider, can I use your laptop?
336
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,341
[Schneider] Yeah, sure thing, man.
337
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,804
What, do you need to research something?
Maybe I can help.
338
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:53,255
I'm trying to get information on lesbians.
339
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:57,265
Oh, wow.
340
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:59,639
I just typed in L-E-S
and it filled in "bians"
341
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,767
and then a lot of other stuff.
342
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,396
Ah...
343
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,066
Yeah, let's shut that for now.
344
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:16,624
[sighs] Um, why do you
need info on lesbians?
345
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:20,373
Don't get me wrong.
I understand the curiosity, but...
346
00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,877
I'm not sure you should be doing that.
347
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,209
I'm just trying to find out
if they also like guys.
348
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,504
[grunts and laughs]
349
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:30,839
[exhales]
350
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:34,215
You have stumbled onto
a real eternal question, buddy.
351
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,722
But probably not something
I should talk to you about
352
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,227
without your mom's permission.
353
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:42,728
And just thinking ahead,
I don't think she's gonna give permission.
354
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,612
What, are you worried about something?
355
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:48,229
I'm just confused because Elena said
she might like this dude, Josh.
356
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,607
So?
357
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,574
So... nothing.
358
00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:56,199
Wait a minute.
359
00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:59,413
Alex, are you saying Elena might be gay?
360
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,785
Uh... no.
361
00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:04,459
Because it's a secret.
362
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:07,799
Whoa.
363
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:11,169
She just said she might like girls,
but she might like boys, too.
364
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:14,717
Don't worry. We already had
the broccoli-cauliflower conversation.
365
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:18,885
That's smart.
366
00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:23,265
But... [sighs] what did your mom say?
367
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,442
She doesn't know. Nobody knows.
368
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:27,861
You can't say anything.
Elena will kill me.
369
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,530
Okay, don't worry. I won't.
370
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,739
Even though
I have so many questions, like...
371
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,069
When did she know?
372
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:35,574
And what is
the broccoli-cauliflower conversation?
373
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,828
It's just all so confusing.
374
00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:40,119
I mean, Josh is down there
with her right now.
375
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,042
Wait a minute.
376
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,955
Elena's downstairs alone? With a boy?
377
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,370
Not just any boy.
378
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,707
He's the super-cool captain
of the baseball team.
379
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,054
Oh, that's even worse!
380
00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:53,625
He's probably rounding the bases
as we speak.
381
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,101
[sighs] Somebody should do something.
382
00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:01,015
Oh, wait, it's me! I should do something.
383
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,218
Okay.
384
00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:08,057
No, no, no, no.
385
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,187
No.
386
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:18,945
Um...
387
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:22,333
I like you,
so I just don't want to mess this up.
388
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:26,461
Do you think
we should talk more or something?
389
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:28,668
-Um...
-No, I'm good.
390
00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:32,962
-You are so awesome.
-[chuckles]
391
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,629
-Okay.
-[gasps]
392
00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:37,928
Hands off her!
393
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:42,391
I am the go-to male authority figure here.
394
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:45,433
And I am shutting
this unauthorized party down.
395
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:49,314
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, sir.
396
00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,651
You were right. He is super cool.
397
00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:55,440
Alex, you told Schneider?
398
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:57,653
Oh, hey, Josh.
399
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,829
Alex Alvarez.
400
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,581
Sorry, I'm a mess.
401
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:10,462
I woke up with flat hair.
You know how it is.
402
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,293
'Sup?
403
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,510
Okay, Elena, I'm sorry.
404
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:17,589
But, dude, I don't think
you're supposed to be here
405
00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:18,934
without a parent around.
406
00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:22,390
[stutters] I totally get it. I'll go.
I'll text you later.
407
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:23,471
Right.
408
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,772
Alex, I can't believe you told on me!
409
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:30,232
And I am certainly glad he did,
young lady!
410
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:34,318
That sounds scary. I am nailing this!
411
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,529
It just slipped out.
412
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:37,900
It's true, Elena.
413
00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:39,452
Alex didn't mean to tell me.
414
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,870
He was just confused
'cause you were suddenly into a boy.
415
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:43,948
Why would that be confusing?
416
00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:48,332
Uh...
417
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,502
Now I'm confused.
418
00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:54,802
-You told him everything?
-Don't worry, Elena.
419
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:56,709
I'm not gonna say anything.
It's your business.
420
00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:57,878
Yes, it is.
421
00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:00,795
The only reason I'm here is
because Alex said your mom wasn't home
422
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:02,545
and there was a boy over here
and I just--
423
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:03,806
There was a boy over here?
424
00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,428
[Elena groans]
425
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,015
Abuelita, what are you doing
home so early?
426
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,310
-And why are you limping?
-Because she fell.
427
00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:11,404
In church.
428
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,476
In church.
429
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,280
That's where we ran into each other.
430
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:17,608
I love church.
431
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:24,119
Lydia, you should probably get something
for your stomach.
432
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,700
I'll go grab you some juice.
433
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:26,985
[Dr. Berkowitz grunts]
434
00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:31,206
Schneider...
435
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,500
tell me everything.
436
00:21:33,584 --> 00:21:34,464
Of course.
437
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:39,170
This super-cool dude, Josh, was over
while Alex was upstairs with me.
438
00:21:39,673 --> 00:21:43,393
But not to worry, 'cause I came down
to check and everything was fine.
439
00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:46,644
The end.
440
00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:49,767
I understand.
441
00:21:49,851 --> 00:21:52,061
My granddaughter is a sex fiend.
442
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:55,903
Wait. Who's a sex fiend?
443
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:58,942
Elena. She was here alone with a boy.
444
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:01,566
-What?
-No. Nothing bad happened, Abuelita.
445
00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:03,243
-Mom--
-Okay, you're in big trouble,
446
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:05,072
'cause that means when I called you,
you lied to--
447
00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:07,160
Wait, Doc?
448
00:22:10,787 --> 00:22:12,157
What are you doing here?
449
00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:15,208
I came over to your house
to bring your mom some juice.
450
00:22:16,919 --> 00:22:17,919
Thank you.
451
00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:20,165
Mmm.
452
00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:22,673
Worth the trip. [chuckles nervously]
453
00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:26,548
Abuelita, I thought you ran
into him at church.
454
00:22:26,637 --> 00:22:28,597
You were at a Catholic mass,
Dr. Berkowitz?
455
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,221
What can I say?
456
00:22:31,225 --> 00:22:33,555
[clears throat] I hedge my bets.
457
00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:43,201
You're both dressed up.
458
00:22:45,239 --> 00:22:46,119
Wait.
459
00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:56,329
Were you two on a date?
460
00:22:58,085 --> 00:23:00,835
It was a platonic companions' outing.
461
00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:04,881
-What the hell does that mean?
-I don't know!
462
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:09,428
How dare you insinuate
that I was lying to you!
463
00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:11,063
You were lying to me!
464
00:23:11,140 --> 00:23:13,100
A weird lie, but it's still a lie!
465
00:23:14,018 --> 00:23:15,058
How was your date, Mom?
466
00:23:15,144 --> 00:23:16,984
Hey, Alvarez, you left your phone
in my car.
467
00:23:17,063 --> 00:23:18,233
Whoa!
468
00:23:25,571 --> 00:23:27,451
This is your date?
469
00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:32,163
So much to process today.
470
00:23:33,537 --> 00:23:34,907
So much.
471
00:23:35,789 --> 00:23:38,169
Oh, honey, no, no, no.
Your mom and I weren't on a date.
472
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:41,420
I mean, she should be so lucky. [chuckles]
473
00:23:41,503 --> 00:23:42,923
We were just at therapy.
474
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:45,764
Um...
475
00:23:46,467 --> 00:23:48,757
Therapy's the name of a hot new club.
476
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:53,470
Fixed it.
477
00:23:56,143 --> 00:23:56,983
Bye, girl.
478
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:01,818
You were in therapy?
479
00:24:03,192 --> 00:24:05,192
No, I was on a date with a woman.
480
00:24:06,737 --> 00:24:08,407
[Lydia] Mentira!
481
00:24:08,489 --> 00:24:09,989
Therapy is for the locos.
482
00:24:10,074 --> 00:24:15,294
I told you that you would lose your mind
taking those antiperspirants.
483
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:20,580
And how dare you keep a secret from me?
484
00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:23,167
Lydia, take it easy.
You have a history of stroke.
485
00:24:24,088 --> 00:24:25,048
You had a stroke?
486
00:24:25,131 --> 00:24:26,381
I kept it a secret from you.
487
00:24:27,883 --> 00:24:29,473
You kept it a secret from me?
488
00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:31,851
It was nothing.
You were pregnant with Elena.
489
00:24:31,929 --> 00:24:33,179
I didn't want to bother you.
490
00:24:33,264 --> 00:24:35,894
This was 15 years ago!
I can't believe you!
491
00:24:35,974 --> 00:24:39,024
I have a hammertoe
that needs to be shaved.
492
00:24:40,812 --> 00:24:44,112
How dare you attack me
when I'm about to go under the knife?
493
00:24:45,818 --> 00:24:49,108
This is obviously
a very personal family matter.
494
00:24:49,196 --> 00:24:50,486
Yeah, you should go.
495
00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:52,410
Both of you.
496
00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:01,208
What? I thought we were doing a thing--
Okay.
497
00:25:06,422 --> 00:25:07,462
Elena...
498
00:25:08,006 --> 00:25:09,376
I can't believe you lied.
499
00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:11,136
Well, you went to therapy
and said it was a date.
500
00:25:11,218 --> 00:25:12,258
I can't believe you lied.
501
00:25:12,344 --> 00:25:14,814
I am the mom! I'm allowed to lie!
502
00:25:15,305 --> 00:25:17,635
And I am the mom's mom
and I get to lie even more!
503
00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:20,351
No...
504
00:25:21,270 --> 00:25:24,900
She is the one who is going boy crazy
with this cabrón, Josh.
505
00:25:25,482 --> 00:25:26,982
Josh agreed to be my quinces escort.
506
00:25:27,068 --> 00:25:28,488
A wonderful boy.
507
00:25:30,821 --> 00:25:31,951
He is.
508
00:25:32,448 --> 00:25:34,658
I'm sorry I had him here
when no one was home.
509
00:25:34,742 --> 00:25:36,832
And I'm sorry I lied about it.
It was stupid.
510
00:25:37,828 --> 00:25:39,828
Apology accepted,
but you're still grounded.
511
00:25:41,165 --> 00:25:42,205
And you...
512
00:25:42,708 --> 00:25:45,418
When you have a stroke and don't die,
513
00:25:45,502 --> 00:25:46,592
you tell people.
514
00:25:48,672 --> 00:25:51,012
First thing Monday, I'm taking you
to get a full physical.
515
00:25:51,091 --> 00:25:54,181
And not by Dr. Berkowitz
'cause now you've made that weird.
516
00:25:55,721 --> 00:25:59,021
Okay, perdóname
for not telling you about the stroke.
517
00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:00,810
And I'm sorry that I lied about therapy.
518
00:26:00,892 --> 00:26:02,312
But I hope you can understand why.
519
00:26:03,145 --> 00:26:04,555
Because it's shameful.
520
00:26:07,108 --> 00:26:10,238
Not even your cousin Consuelo
goes to therapy.
521
00:26:10,319 --> 00:26:13,069
She fights the crazy
like a strong woman should.
522
00:26:13,947 --> 00:26:15,447
Okay. So this is why I lied.
523
00:26:17,033 --> 00:26:18,163
Oh, Mami, look...
524
00:26:19,411 --> 00:26:21,541
It was... it was really great.
525
00:26:22,873 --> 00:26:24,543
It was a bunch of women that I related to
526
00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:26,915
sharing our feelings and our experiences.
527
00:26:27,836 --> 00:26:29,376
And it made me really happy.
528
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,090
Ay, okay. Relax.
529
00:26:32,174 --> 00:26:33,724
Who said anything?
530
00:26:35,219 --> 00:26:37,049
Ay. [mutters] Okay.
531
00:26:37,137 --> 00:26:38,507
So no more secrets.
532
00:26:39,348 --> 00:26:42,058
Is there anything else
anybody wants to tell me? Speak now.
533
00:26:44,561 --> 00:26:45,561
All right.
534
00:26:45,979 --> 00:26:47,309
Let me talk to her.
535
00:26:47,398 --> 00:26:48,688
Alex, help Abuelita.
536
00:26:53,403 --> 00:26:55,073
[sighing]
537
00:26:56,740 --> 00:26:57,570
So...
538
00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:00,237
Josh?
539
00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:02,748
What do you wanna know?
540
00:27:04,206 --> 00:27:05,326
Nothing happened?
541
00:27:05,416 --> 00:27:07,706
-Mom!
-Come on. I'm...
542
00:27:07,793 --> 00:27:09,383
You've never shown an interest
in a boy before.
543
00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:13,171
And it's exciting. It's... terrifying.
But it's mostly exciting.
544
00:27:15,301 --> 00:27:17,221
We kissed. But that's it.
545
00:27:18,845 --> 00:27:20,005
And how was it?
546
00:27:21,473 --> 00:27:22,563
It was okay.
547
00:27:23,725 --> 00:27:25,555
Okay? All right.
548
00:27:26,979 --> 00:27:27,859
I get it.
549
00:27:29,231 --> 00:27:32,691
[sighs] My first kiss was weird,
because I had braces.
550
00:27:32,776 --> 00:27:35,776
And the guy said he could taste
the plátano stuck in my rubber bands.
551
00:27:37,781 --> 00:27:39,781
But lucky for me, he was Cuban.
He didn't mind.
552
00:27:41,535 --> 00:27:43,535
[Lydia] You should've married him!
553
00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:46,373
-[both chuckle]
-Oh, my God.
554
00:27:46,457 --> 00:27:47,617
So...
555
00:27:48,750 --> 00:27:49,880
Do you like Josh?
556
00:27:50,836 --> 00:27:51,836
Yeah.
557
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,380
I mean, he likes Buffy
and he has nice eyes.
558
00:27:55,007 --> 00:27:58,047
But if I'm being honest,
I think Alex is more into him than me.
559
00:27:58,552 --> 00:28:00,852
Seriously, guys.
How good do I look in this?
40774
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