Original subtitles

♪ The Wind in the Willows

♪ Sang softly to me

♪ Follow my voice

♪ Wherever it leads

♪ From mountains, through valleys

♪ To deep rolling seas

♪ Born on the wings of the breeze ♪

After the weasels had been overthrown in the famous Battle of Toad Hall,

and Mr Toad was installed in his old home once more,

he invited his friends to a dinner

at which he promised to tell them more about his adventures.

The programme was familiar.

"Speech of welcome by Toad.

"Address... by Toad.

"Song...

“..by Toad.

"Composed by himself."

And some of the adventures seemed familiar, too,

though Toad always remembered things differently.

Toad said that there were at least a million weasels.

I'll give them "Down with Toad"! And in my own banqueting hall, too!

- Come on. - Hmm? Ah!

Always a Toad! Attack!

Toad said he was the very first info the attack

and he fell upon the enemy with a vengeance.

Woo-oo!

Toad did mention how courageously Ratty had fought the weasels

and how brave Mole knocked them for six.

And how Badger had just thumped them and bumped them and dumped them.

Ah... missed. Again.

But mostly he reminded them of how, while others did the actual fighting,

he, Mr Toad, had been in command of the battle.

A Toad! Always a Toa... aaaagh!

Of how he had chosen a position with a fine view of the action.

Behind you, Badger!

And how, in the nick of time,

he launched his fearless attack on the chief weasel,

which he had immortalised in song.

Last verse, I'm afraid.

♪ Shout! Shout hooray!

♪ And let each one of the crowd try and shout it very loud

♪ In honour of an animal of whom you're justly proud

♪ When the toad came home!

♪ When the toad

♪ Came

♪ Home! ♪

Thank you. Thank you, my dear friends.

Thank you for your appreciation.

By the way, you might have seen this gift I'm sending to the jailer's daughter

with a graceful little note. Very well composed, you may agree.

Quite right, Toad. Well done.

Glad to see you showing proper gratitude.

Yes, Toady. Just think where you'd be if that terrible magistrate had had her way.

But Toad simply told them how clever he had been

- to steal the motor car. - Anything for a fellow motorist.

Oh, I say!

And how skilfully he'd driven it away.

Got out, he hopped in and away!

The chap's a damn frog. Oh, I say!

And what a witty thing he'd said to the policeman.

- Fat face! - Now then...!

"Now then..."

And how, when his case came to court,

he caused the magistrate such a difficulty.

To my mind, the only difficulty in this very clear case

is how to make it sufficiently hot for the incorrigible rogue

and hardened ruffian who we see cowering in the dock before us.

And Toad went on to tell his friends

that despite the terrible presence of the magistrate and forces of the law,

he had stood so proudly and so handsomely in the dock

while she made her closing address,

that the constables and even the owners of the stolen motor car were in doubt.

"Fat face"!

Mr Clerk, what is the stiffest, the very stiffest penalty

we can impose for each of these offences

without, of course, giving the prisoner the benefit of any doubt

because there isn't any?

Well, ma'am, you might give 12 months for the theft.

Which is mild.

And, uh, three years for furious driving.

Which is lenient!

And 15 years for the cheek, which was pretty bad sort of cheek.

Namely, calling him "Fat Face"!

Now, then...

- That adds up to... - 19 years!

19 years?!

And another year for being green!

20 years!

She didn't frighten me!

Ohh...

Oh, Badger.

Moley.

Oh, Ratty.

Oh, where are you?

I never lost my composure for an instant.

No sooner was I inside the jail than I was making plans for my escape.

There you are, daughter.

Toad went on to explain how he'd shown such heroism in his lonely dungeon

and how he'd refused absolutely to let a morsel of food pass his lips.

No.

Nothing!

Take it away.

I've brought you something I've made myself. Bubble and squeak.

Bubble and...

squeak?

It's piping hot.

Mmm.

The jailer's daughter was an excellent girl. I offered to let her help me escape.

- I have an aunt who's a washer woman. - Never mind. Think no more about it.

I have several aunts who...

Toad, do be quiet. My aunt Maude does all the washing in the jail.

People are used to her coming in and out and you're very much like her in build.

I am not!

I have a very elegant figure... for what I am.

So has my aunt for what she is. Here, try it on.

Ooh, you're not suggesting that I should disguise myself

as a washer woman?!

So I had the brilliant idea of disguising myself as a washer woman

and simply strolled out of the jail!

Night, Maude.

Good night, old chap.

Old chap?

Maude?

According to Toad's account,

he immediately put his brilliant escape plan info action.

Quick! After him!

Bring him back!

Naturally, such an important prisoner was bound to be missed.

Soon they were all in pursuit, but I simply stepped aboard a passing train!

Yes, yes, Toad. We know all that.

Ho ho! My dear Ratty, you haven't heard the half of it.

We have heard quite enough of your boastin', Toad.

Yes, of course.

All the same, I lead such a quiet life

and Toad's adventures, well, they are rather exciting, you know.

Come on, Badger. We'll hear the rest.

Ah, good. Well, there I was in my clever disguise,

but miles from home.

When what should I see but a barge?

Naturally, I was more than a match for the barge woman...

- A nice morning, ma'am. - I dare say it is a nice morning, ma'am,

to them that's not in sore trouble like what I am.

You see, my married daughter sends for me to come to her at once,

so off I goes, not knowing what may be a-happening.

- But fearing the worst, ma'am. - Where might your daughter be living?

She lives near a river

right beside a fine house called Toad Hall.

Toad 'all? Why, I'm going that way myself.

You come along in the barge with me.

Oh, much obliged to you, ma'am. I'm in the washing and laundry line.

And a very good business you have, too, I dare say,

if I'm not making too free.

Finest business in the whole county. All the gentry come to me.

Washing, ironing, starching, making up gents' shirts. I do it all.

And you are... very fond of washing?

Oh, simply dote on it.

Never so happy as when I've got both arms in the wash tub.

- What a bit of luck! - Hmm? Why? What do you mean?

My husband, he's such a fella for shirking his work.

He's gone off to see if he can pick up a rabbit for dinner,

leaving me with all that washing.

Never mind the washing. Fix your mind on that rabbit. Got any onions?

Now, now, don't try to deprive me of the pleasure of giving you a treat.

You'll find a heap of things there and a tub

and soap and a kettle on the stove

and a bucket to haul water up from the canal.

I'll just take a little nap until my husband gets back.

I'll know you're enjoying yourself

instead of sitting here idle looking at the scenery and yawning.

I say... Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Ohh!

Ohh, my paws!

They're ruined!

Oh, I thought sol

Pretty washer woman you are!

Never washed so much as a dishcloth in your life!

Certainly not, you low, common, fat barge woman!

Washer woman, indeed! I am a toad!

A very well-known, respected, distinguished toad!

So you are! Well, I never.

A horrid, nasty, crony toad! And on my nice, clean barge, too.

That is a thing I will not have.

It was at that point, according to Toad, that he decided to leave the barge.

You! You...!

You... Oh!

A-ha!

Since she didn't appreciate a gentleman, I decided to teach her a lesson.

Here! No! Stop!

Oh, Toad! That was stealing.

Nonsense. I merely borrowed the nag.

Sent it back later, did you? With an honorarium?

Mm? What?

Well... Well, I...

Er... Er, no. Not exactly.

Come on, Toad. What did you do?

Well, I was getting rather hungry...

Wa-hey!

Wa-hey! Hello!

'Ere, you want to sell that there horse?

Me sell this beautiful young horse of mine? Out of the question.

I'm too fond of him. And he dotes on me.

Well, try and love a donkey. Some people do.

'When it came to bargaining with that gypsy, he didn't stand a chance.'

- A shilling a leg. - A shilling a leg?!

Oh, that's only... four shillings. No, out of the question.

Oh, hmm...

Ohh.

'So in the end I had a whole plateful of the good fellow's stew

'and a handsome sum for the horse.'

What do you think of that for cleverness, eh?

That is the most disgraceful thing I have ever heard.

Eh? What?

Do you mean to tell us you actually sold the barge woman's horse?

Oh, Toady!

Well, I...

You will have to send it back.

- How can I? The gypsy has it. - You'll have to buy it back.

He'll cheat me again. I mean I don't know where he is.

Then send the barge woman some money, enough to buy a new horse.

Mole is right, as usual.

Toad, you will send that unfortunate woman a handsome gift of money

together with a sincere apology.

An apology?!

She was a common, low, fat barge woman who threw me off the barge!

What? I thought you said...

It doesn't make any difference. You still can't steal her horse and sell it.

So in addition to sending a gold watch to the jailer's daughter,

the only respectable part of this sorry business,

Toad will also despatch a gift of money to the washer woman, the engine driver,

the barge woman...

Is there anyone else, Toad? Rat, you'd better make a list.

Oh, bother! You and your lists! How dare you!!

I won't send anything to anyone. I shan't even send the gold watch.

That girl was very lucky to have such a distinguished visitor.

And as for you - all of you - I'm sorry I ever invited you to dinner!

I could have turned the weasels out by myself. I don't need you. I never did.

In that case...

we shall leave at once and never inflict our company upon you again.

Sorry, Toad. You've gone too far this time. Mole?

Er, yes, of course, Ratty. I wouldn't want to stay where I'm not wanted.

- Goodbye, Toad. - Hmm!

You vain creature.

Oh, well.

No! Oh, no, don't go!

Oh, my dear friends. What an ungrateful toad I am!

But for you, I should never have seen my beloved home again.

Oh, Badger.

No, make your list, dear Rat.

And I will do whatever you say.

But meanwhile, charge your glasses

and we will proceed to item number five.

Ha-ha! Ha-ha!

"Item five. Speech of thanks to the guests.

"By Toad."

Right. Everybody listening?

So Ratty, Badger and Mole settled back in their chairs

and prepared themselves for a very, very long evening.

♪ Spin me a dream

♪ Woven silver and gold

♪ From sunshine and shadows

♪ And days long ago

♪ Where people are memories

♪ And stories unfold

♪ Willows

♪ The tales you have told me

♪ Wind in the Willows

♪ You just seem to know

♪ Who you can tum to

♪ And which way to go

♪ To unwind your wondrous mind

♪ Wind in the Willows

♪ Take me there ♪