Original subtitles

Excuse me... Can we measure the Heinswik?

What?

The table.

Sorry. Go ahead.

Where's Mom?

Alain!

45 minutes I've been waiting like an idiot!

It's always the same. We said bedding at 3!

The idea was to split up to save time!

- What's that? We wanted a closet! - Why did I bring you?

A balloon!

I said no, Lucien.

The ball pit then!

Do something, Alain.

Please!

No balloon, the ball pit.

Too big.

- It won't fit. - It will.

It looks perfect. Let's go. I'm beat.

Alain, your diet!

They're for Lucien.

- Not now. We're eating at my brother' - Again?

No kids, to avoid trouble.

Lucien's no trouble.

Would Lucien Marciano's parents please come to the play area.

Shit!

I just don't get it.

Ok, it is a mess.

But a 6-year-old can't empty a ball pit alone!

No way!

Maybe others led him on.

He was led on by that blond kid.

Look at her. See what she's doing?

It's intolerable.

Don't be so condescending.

The car...

It's over there.

- No! - I parked there.

- It's this way. - That way!

Trust my instinct, ok!

See, it's right here.

Ok, don't get so smug.

Shit!

How did you load it up? Lucien!

- Come back! - What about Prosper?

Nathalie!

She's taken off.

She's gone.

Mom's pissing us off...

Come here!

Come here now!

It worked last time...

- They cross. - Not like that.

The other way.

Trust me, the other way.

- What are you doing? - Nothing.

Nathalie, help me out!

There, that's it.

Need a hand?

Can you manage?

No sense in us both getting wet.

Let me handle it.

Your brother's damn stroller!

Shit!

So Happy Together...

Are you ready?

Alain, what are you doing?

Hold on.

Seen the time?

Found them!

Hold on, Lucien!

We're going to be late!

It's going to fit. Give me the measure.

I don't get it. Why isn't it 90 cm?

I don't get it!

They got the size wrong.

Put the measure down!

Give it here.

Get ready or you'll stay here.

Can't you go alone?

Who wants to go out to the sticks?

We'll only get lost again.

They'll piss me off.

What?

I didn't speak!

- Did I? - You did!

You said, "We'll get lost and he'll piss me off,

"the jerk!"

And he really is a jerk!

- Enough, Alain! - Thanks a lot.

I didn't yell.

- And I didn't say Jean-Pierre. - You did!

Can't you shut up?

Hi, Jean-Pierre. Ok?

Hi, Jean-Pierre. Ok?

We'll be a bit late.

We'll be a bit late.

Don't worry, we know the way.

Don't worry, I won't let him drive this time.

Bouapp.

Zbouapp.

It means "thirsty".

What?

Gotta go.

We're interviewing a nanny. Hurry now.

We're hurrying.

"Zbouapp" means "thirsty".

Yes, it means "thirsty".

You seem a bit confused.

No, not at all.

Ok. If I say "gghh"?

- "Sleepy". - No.

"Gghh" means "hungry".

Juliette uses 5 different sounds.

"I'm sleepy" is "heutt".

- Clear and strong. - Exactly, dear.

"Hungry".

We have...

Well done!

She's got "zbouapp".

No problem.

"Fvvbaa"?

Do you have kids?

Any experience?

I have 5 kids

and 7 grandchildren.

Not bad!

Other languages?

Yes, Lingala, Kituba and Swahili.

Great!

We're a couple that believe...

- Believes. - No, believe.

Believes.

- Believe. - Believes.

- One couple. - Yes, but two people.

We squabble sometimes.

- We provoke each other. - For fun.

We get on really well.

Anyhow, it's important for children

to learn languages at an early age.

It's a real asset.

We're a couple that believes that.

Where are you from?

I'm Norwegian.

No, I'm from Congo.

I was kidding.

- Humor's good. Note that. - Got it.

About time!

Excuse me?

I keep telling you to use the service gate.

I think you're mistaken.

My delivery?

Not really.

It's silly. I was expecting a delivery.

Why are you here?

I'm just here to shop.

Really?

For what?

I don't know. Eggs, milk...

- Sparkling water. - Shopping...

I'm really sorry. Go ahead.

I thought you were my delivery.

It fits. Ok, it sticks out a bit but...

Quiet, you'll wake Prosper.

It's perfect. Shit...

Well done. Happy now?

You woke him.

Where's the babysitter. I told her 7.

- The fat one? - No, a new one. Get dressed.

Why bother?

I'll set the fat cow straight.

It's not her!

Hello.

I'm Clara.

Claudine's niece.

Your aunt is the...

I'm sorry, I'm late.

A problem with the subway.

I had 3 changes...

but my line's closed.

They're on strike.

It's not a problem. We're easy-going here.

No stress.

Hey, we're young.

Come on in.

I'm Alain, by the way. The father.

Let me undress you... take your jacket

You're late. Come and meet Prosper.

It's a dog?

Not at all.

Drops, bottle, analgesic if he cries..

No, if he has a fever!

Yes, if he has a fever.

Good evening. I'm ready.

What's the suit for?

I just threw it on.

You all set on the drops? Can we go?

We're going round in circles. Park there!

It's a private space!

You're just playing for time.

Not at all.

It's all alike here.

These sprout buildings are hideous.

- What flowers did you get? - Stems.

Very funny.

Even if she has a fit, my shoes stay on.

Help me find the place!

So, when I've had enough,

I mention the guy who built the sprouts.

That means I want to leave.

That's the one!

Let's just go home...

We don't have to stay.

Pull over!

Park there!

Any remark about bringing Lucien...

- Such as? - Just warning you.

No sitter for him?

Hello.

They don't have a sitter!

Oh, no!

Well, come in.

Turn left here.

We're not that late. Roxane isn't here yet.

It's no big deal.

Or take the freeway.

Put it away, you'll hurt someone.

Give it to me.

- I want to measure the baby! - Come here!

Calm down, I said.

- I want to measure it! - You don't measure a baby.

Play with Gaëlle in her room.

Cool!

No, she's revising.

Don't disturb her.

Stems... How original.

Nathalie's idea.

It works.

Or go via Alfortville.

You have two exits,

an intersection, a so-called beltway..

Her kindergarten period.

Not bad...

The stickers and Post-its work well together.

Good mix of media. She was only 4 and a half.

I've seen the camel.

We'd been to Tunisia.

I've seen it already.

- It's just shows... - I'd seen it.

At 6 and a half, she's learning English, German, Russian, Spanish...

...the saxophone, the guitar, the flute and...

...and Chinese, vital today.

- Lucien speaks French. - Look at me!

A good start.

Can we measure the baby?

I don't believe it! Sorry, he gets hyper in the evening.

Not only then.

- Lucien, help me! - It's ok.

Can't you behave for once?

Say something!

Remember the sprout block guy?

We just got here!

Tell your son to calm down.

What a mess...

I'm not happy, Lucien!

- Great headstand though. - That's for Juliette!

Give it to me.

You've wrecked it. Can't you behave?

How d'you stop it?

Your sister's lost. She's at the gas station.

- I don't believe it. - He doesn't believe it.

I'm on my way.

He's on his way.

Come on, I'll show you the way.

Take Lucien and give us a rest!

Why don't we go to a restaurant?

Trust me, it'll be a lot of fun.

How about a movie?

No.

If we carry on, you should meet them.

Carry on... You mean...

They're going to like you.

Really?

Supermarket host isn't a trade.

What's on your business cards?

I don't have any.

What did you expect? A triumphant return from Club Med?

Your name in lights, TV shows...

You're not the star anymore.

Think of Nathalie.

Where's Lucien?

Are you listening?

- Did you call that guy? - What guy?

That driving instructor I defended. I gave you his card.

Driving lessons aren't my thing...

So what exactly is your thing?

Shit, where's Lucien?

Lucien!

Fucking hell, Lucien!

The kid's a pain.

Roxane!

That's my big brother.

He's great.

How come you screw up every time! You suck!

Turn left at the island!

He seems great.

Or take the freeway!

I'm coming down.

This is more or less the living room.

South-facing with the sun from 8 to midday.

38 square meters,

that's without the garret windows.

There aren't any.

Did Roxane say we're knocking down this wall

to make an open-plan kitchen?

No.

We didn't mention it yet.

Have you known each other long?

Not really.

An open-plan kitchen is good.

You're in construction?

No, Bruno's a doctor.

Jean-Pierre's a lawyer.

That's cool.

Show him round. I'll be back.

I should go. I'm not staying.

I'll put my shoes on and go. This is absurd.

We barely know each other.

See you.

You don't like me?

It's not that...

What is it then?

I thought we could go for dinner together...

Shit...

Don't cry. Hey, you're a nice girl.

I am?

Who touched the toilet switch?

This is a bedroom.

To sleep in.

And to make love too.

Children...

I'm going...

All together!

It's not over!

How about dinner?

Are you hurt?

Wait, Bruno's a nurse.

No, a doctor.

No problem.

- Ok? - Fine.

Is the Nazi song over?

Can we eat?

Are you crazy? We just enrolled her in a Jewish school.

Yes, Gaëlle's going to a Jewish school

A top-level school.

But aren't Jewish schools for Jews?

Not necessarily.

Why didn't you tell us?

It's a dumb idea!

Wait till you have kids.

Without kids, I can't say it's dumb?

Calm down, ok!

- Do you want kids, Bruno? - Of course.

If I find the mother.

No, not at all. No.

I have 4 more years to do as an intern

Kids aren't a priority for now. Not at all.

No, not at all.

Far from it.

You've got all wrong.

Let's hear Lucien sing.

He doesn't sing.

He knows loads of songs.

He can belch the whole alphabet.

Belch it?

Nathalie, it's ok. Don't get up.

I don't mind.

Ok, put the dishes in the washer then. No, the trash first.

Bags under the sink.

Has Alain put on weight?

He's trying to quit smoking.

He's so tense.

I hear you have problems.

Lucien is difficult, yes.

A pain in the ass!

He's hyperactive. See a shrink.

Being that wired isn't normal.

Alain doesn't help.

I tried telling him but...

Want me to?

No, thank you, it's ok.

I'll tell him.

She speaks Latin, Greek, Aramaic and Swedish.

Don't touch this switch.

What the hell are you doing?

A fine baby. She's almost 67 centimeters long.

Dessert, or do you want to weigh her first?

Thanks, Nathalie.

I'll pay you back in full.

I can't keep taking cash from the register like this.

It's ok, I have some big cases coming in.

I'd rather borrow from you than a bank.

I know...

Nathalie, Alain wants you.

He told me to say the sprout guy

came to a bad end or something.

It wasn't very clear.

He's such a drag!

Bruno...

If ever you need a good lawyer...

A malpractice suit or whatever...

Call me at the office.

We'll have lunch, on you.

Careful with my sister.

I'm kidding.

Congratulations.

I'm happy for you both.

I don't know her!

That's her left arm.

So lively already.

- It's Juliette, all right. - I prefer your wedding movie.

Have fruit instead.

It's for Lucien.

Fast-forward to the birth.

When the guy who built these blocks saw the result,

he climbed one and jumped off.

You knew, Nathalie.

Didn't you?

Nathalie, you knew!

The guy saw them and killed himself.

Why d'you go on about that?

- Someone touched the toilet switch. - Alain!

- I didn't. - You were in there ages.

It wasn't me!

We know it was!

- It wasn't! - It was!

Fuck it, it wasn't me!

Bruno, what's wrong?

Aren't we going?

Without coffee?

Sure!

Decaf for me.

Lucien!

We're rewiring and you screw it up!

It wasn't me!

You're a pain!

Little fucker!

Bastard!

The kid's sick!

Are you nuts?

I'll get you!

We said no kids, goddammit!

Well?

What?

What d'you think of my family?

Great...

Be honest, I can take it.

It's a drag,

you never really speak your mind.

You hardly know me.

You don't speak your mind. It's a drag.

- Honestly? - Yes, honestly.

They're raving mad.

Slow down, please.

Without you in front of me, he could have killed me.

I hope he hasn't cracked my rib.

The jerk always had a good backhand.

It's no surprise Lucien is so unhinged.

Still, you were pretty heavy-handed.

I'd been itching to do it.

And usually...

you like my heavy hand.

- Catherine... - Jean-Pierre...

You go.

We said we'd let her cry.

You go.

Go, ok!

- What's up? - Get out!

Are you crazy or what?

What's she doing?

- Get out! - Are you nuts?

Hey, gently!

- Are you nuts? - No, raving mad like them!

See you in 4 years when I'm a priority!

What are you talking about?

Open the door!

You can't leave me here!

My jacket!

My jacket! Goddam maniac!

Everything ok?

Fine. He slept all the time.

We'll put Lucien to bed.

Be right back.

Ok?

What's the book?

- The Gambler by Dostoevsky. - Good one.

What's the story?

I have to get my subway.

I can see you home.

It's ok, it's direct.

With the changes...

Don't worry, I'm heading that way.

Forgive me for insisting but...

are you sure we've never met before?

You don't know me?

No, sorry.

Maybe at Club Med. I used to work there.

Pipo.

My Club name was Pipo.

You never went?

I did once.

- Which village? - Marbella.

That's it then! I bet we met in Marbella.

Chico for sport, Teddy for sailing,

Amina for aquagym...

I don't remember. I was 10.

Ok...

Prosper is really cute.

Thanks.

Well...

Here you are.

This is a bit embarrassing.

- Can I ask you something? - It depends.

Hope it's not too personal.

Go on, fire away.

Can you pay me?

Yes, of course!

Stupid of me...

I forgot. Keep the change.

Thank you. Goodbye.

Go to sleep now, sweetheart.

Come on, go to sleepy-byes.

Let's take a walk.

Off you go now, Juliette...

Shit!

Call and apologize.

Apologize for what?

I must be dreaming!

She belts my son and I say sorry?

You only wanted to take Lucien to cause trouble.

You use his problems!

What problems? Don't start! Lucien doesn't have problems.

Your family has the problems.

Your son's not well. He's hyper all the time.

But you don't even notice!

Cut it out. I play with him. We're good pals.

He needs a father, not a pal!

I'm taking him to see a shrink.

Your family needs a shrink.

You're always stuck to each other like limpets to a rock!

We don't have any privacy anymore. They know about everything we do!

You're together every day or on the phone with each other.

Work on that first.

We're family.

You can't understand. He's my son, I'll do as I want.

Listen here, Nathalie!

Lucien's not seeing any doctors or child psychiatrists.

That mad cow Catherine gave you this idea!

We'll see how her precious kids turn out as adults.

At least they'll be adults.

Meaning?

Meaning I'm sick of it.

Sick of you pretending Lucien's fine, sick of you never getting a real job,

sick of paying the bills, sick of having 3 kids. Get it?

I'm not your mother.

- Ok. - It's not ok.

- It's ok! - No, it's not ok.

A 15-year-old babysitter turns you on!

She isn't 15.

Brilliant! Happy now?

Happy now? You woke Prosper!

I can't go on. I need a break.

A break? You don't know where words like that can lead you.

I have a vague idea.

Go on.

Answer it. You want to.

Answer it, you're dying to. Here you go.

Go on, have a blast.

Go on, twitter away together.

You love that, it gives you a buzz.

Give Jean-Pierre my love.

Roxane, I'll call you back.

New lamp? Good idea, you needed one here.

Don't start. You got my message about the toaster?

Let me sit down first.

I don't know what's wrong. The element's old.

I can't help.

Nathalie was wrong for you. Cute but wrong.

Marry a woman and you marry her family.

I never could stand grocers. It's another world.

Barber is better?

Of course, much better.

I'm sorry, Dad.

Talking has helped but I need to sleep.

I told you, Easter is for Christians.

You get Jewish holidays, see?

No.

We're not Jewish!

It's not that simple...

When you had Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, Lucien had school.

And we get Hanukah, Passover and Purim, God willing.

God willing.

It's great, you get more than him.

Come on, time for tefilah. Let's go pray.

Have a good day.

Mr. Layani!

I'd like a word with you.

Come here.

Mr. Kadoche...

- I'm in a hurry. - I'm a bit disappointed.

Really?

We haven't seen much of your wife here since you enrolled Yaëlle.

Yaëlle? Ah, yes, I'll ask her about it.

Not staying for tefilah?

Thanks, but I already had coffee at home.

Let's demolish the whole wall.

Rather than have a bar, break it all down.

Let's go wild.

Hi, JP!

- Etienne... Colette... - We dropped by.

Great.

Why are you back?

The bearded guy at school is asking questions.

You have to go.

Will do. It's good you're here.

Dad has ideas for the kitchen.

Not now, I have to be in court.

Ok, they're here a while.

Really?

We have the builders in at home.

You don't mind?

I'll put your briefs in the closet. Cute little hat.

Gotta go. Make yourselves at home.

He promised me he'd be here.

Things are a bit tense...

We need both parents to do this.

Yes, I know.

You told me already.

I'm sorry. Forgive me. Hello.

Sit down.

All right.

Mr. Marciano, after having a long talk with your wife

and observing your son's behavior,

it seems all Lucien can do is draw attention to himself.

He's unsettled and I need to know why

and how he has become

so agitated.

I need to know more about you,

about your conflict with your father,

your chronic inconsistency at work... Is that right?

That's right.

Your mother's absence, your failures...

- Daddy, can I pee? - Wait a bit.

I think I can handle that.

Come on, Lucien.

Come on.

- Where are we going? - Come on.

Hurry!

Come on, hurry!

Gentlemen...

Come in.

Mr. Lagny. Have we met?

I didn't do nothing.

- What? - I didn't do nothing!

All right.

You're going to be tried immediately, within half an hour,

for sale of illicit substances

on the public highway.

I'm your court-appointed attorney. Do you understand?

Listen, I did nothing, ok!

D'you understand? It wasn't me!

- Really? - Don't you get it?

- I do. - I don't think so.

Tell me, I'm here to defend you.

I was driving...

He was with his honey. You know how it goes.

We went to see him. Then there was this car...

We went on over. I wanted the radio.

Then, I dunno...

Then, he freaked out. We got other stuff...

Don't look at me that way. Don't give me that look, ok!

Three days here and you just nod?

He tells me he likes the color.

I get out and this brother chases me.

A brother? A black guy?

Dealers chase guys now?

Hey, dickhead, don't piss me off!

"Dickhead" may be a bit strong...

What is this shit? I'm stuck here

but I didn't do nothing.

Right.

Tell me about it.

Then she fell

and then your cop pals turned up...

They're not my pals. I'm here to defend you.

They are your pals! Who did they pick up? Me!

- What sport do you do? - I do sport, man.

I do sport. Period.

Your Honor, they never read me my rights!

Forget "Your Honor" and rights. We're not on American TV.

As if I give a shit.

I see no cameras.

- Are you shitting me? - Not at all.

They all smoke hash here.

All the Schmidts, those who grabbed me too.

- Who? - The Schmidts.

I didn't see a Mr. and Mrs. Schmidt...

Just say it! Is he a fucker or not?

He's a fucker.

This bum I'm with keeps shitting himself.

I'll piss everywhere too!

Get this straight! I did nothing!

Don't piss me off with all your papers!

Good thing there's no death penalty.

Don't beat about the bush. He's a scumbag, a bastard, yes or no?

I'll open like that. "He's a scumbag, a fucker,

"so release my client."

Ladies, meet Mrs. Layani,

Yaëlle's mother, who's here to join you.

I hope you'll make her welcome.

If you please...

Likewise.

It's my fault. I trusted him.

He agreed to come right away. It was weird.

The toys have arrived.

Put them by the checkouts. Ask Farath about it.

Farath has problems?

He needs an apartment.

And?

He'll soon be on the streets. No one will rent him a place.

Ok, Farath?

Jean-Pierre called. He said, "13."

13?

We talked about Bruno and...

And?

Jean-Pierre gave him 13. And I gave him 15.

Not bad.

13 and 15.

I'm glad you like him.

He's great.

13 is huge for Jean-Pierre.

Yes. He only gave Alain 4, remember.

13 is huge.

Bruno! I brought your jacket back.

Thanks.

I wanted to apologize too.

Excuse me.

- Your pager was in your jacket... - Obviously.

Your mother paged you...

I spoke to her.

I looked for you for an hour!

I'm so ashamed...

Can you clear my mother's tray before visiting time?

Ask an auxiliary, sir.

I am asking one.

Sorry, doctor.

Bruno,

it can start badly but end well.

Take bees. They sting,

they hurt, but they make honey.

What are you talking about?

It's absurd...

Yes.

My family rated you so highly,

I'm really sorry. That's not what I meant...

It's stupid, I always do this when I'm attracted to someone.

I just wanted to see you.

You've seen me.

I can't find an auxiliary.

Surely there should be someone?

Hey, asshole, he's a doctor! And we're talking!

Get lost!

I'll check for you.

Give me a child!

Are you crazy?

I know, I'm pathetic.

You don't feel the way I do.

I get it.

Roxane!

What do I do now?

Let's sum up.

You're charged with receiving stolen pearl necklaces...

I didn't do nothing.

I never opened the bag.

They mentioned 3 years...

That's the maximum sentence.

A good lawyer like you can help me.

I swear I wasn't involved.

We'll try to get you out of this.

I can't go to jail.

Trust me, Kader.

I'm Patrice.

Trust me, Patrick.

Patrice.

Calm down, Nathalie. I'll take good care of Lucien.

Ok, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left like that.

My method can get results, you'll see.

School's out so give me a week.

He's quiet here. Tell her you are. See, he's quiet.

Stop eating cashews, you'll get sick.

Anyhow I...

What's that for, Grampy?

When I go dancing,

the women think it's dandruff and that my hair's real.

- It's one up on the others. - What is this?

- Don't call me Grampy. - It's a goddam mess.

I'm not so old.

Why the hell do you do this?

I tell you not to touch the blue, the green,

or the red one! 20 times I fixed this!

I hook it up, he unhooks it. I don't believe it!

There,

it's working. Password?

Bosoms.

Plural?

Of course, plural!

That dandruff looks really scuzzy.

Lucien, get that!

The chicks you pick up there are kind of scuzzy too.

It's Roger and Maurice!

Come on in, guys.

Hello, everyone!

Hey, how's it hanging?

You're looking good!

Coming out on the town with us?

Remember, it's only temporary. You must look for a place.

I promise. Thank you, Nathalie.

All right, but how many of you are there?

Two, three at the most.

- Just a few days, ok, Farath? - Of course.

There's plenty of room right now.

No problem.

Even on floor in a carpet.

Very simple, very easy.

Mr. Lagny!

- Why are you here? - To thank you.

- You got me out fast. - Part of the job.

Have a good evening, Kader.

Patrice. Here, for you.

You deserve a little gift.

They look real, huh?

How did you get my address?

I wanted to return this too. Sorry.

When I saw your ugly mug, I thought I was screwed.

I decided to return it if you got me out

and since I keep my promises...

Ok, thanks. Goodbye.

Hold on...

You're sure about the jewels?

Yes, I'm sure.

I need a good attorney. For my friends this time.

I'm sure we can work something out?

You shouldn't have!

It's just to thank you for coming to stay so long,

for the laundry, for my briefs...

and to wish you a happy return home.

It must have cost an arm and a leg.

Catherine!

Look! Your husband's such a dear.

He's a darling. Always spoiling us.

It's beautiful, honey.

Thank you, honey.

You're leaving early tomorrow?

No, in a few more days.

Really?

They can keep an eye on Fatou to see how she's doing.

There's one at the front door!

It's every door. What if they come round?

Some asshole took my parking space.

That's me! A blue Peugeot?

It's new, I wanted to keep it safe.

Do you mind?

A little.

But I don't want to spend 6 months in Amiens.

I'm happy here.

Amiens has an excellent unit.

I did my own internship in Roubaix.

For Paris, married people and those with children get priority.

- To avoid splitting couples. - Exactly!

Exactly what?

Are you married?

- Almost. - Really?

I didn't know.

We're discussing it but it should happen soon.

- Congratulations! - Thank you.

That changes things.

It may help you.

Amiens is fine but not just when we're about to start

building something.

My baby!

Sorry, I moved him.

I'm expecting a delivery, see.

I'm the manager...

No reason to take him. Ask and I'll move it!

Calm down, I apologized!

- Don't be so aggressive! - What's wrong?

I can get mad too!

- Dumb bitch! - Calm down.

What's the big deal?

Surely you can loan a baby!

He was in the way. She just dumped him!

Yes, I remember.

You're the hard-up brother-in-law?

I guess that's me.

I promised Jean-Pierre I'd help.

You two are close?

- No driving instructor diploma? - No.

- You have a driving license? - Of course.

I'll see what I can do. I promised to help.

How much does it pay?

I'll see Jean-Pierre about that.

Meaning?

Franky, I need proof you're looking for work,

just to show you're trying to go straight.

No sweat, I'll get it.

I'll ask for an adjournment to give you time.

All right.

Reza, there's a technicality in your file.

What's a technicality?

- A nullity in the case. - A nullity?

Fucking nullity.

If we're lucky,

case closed.

That's all for today.

Mr. Hotshot Lawyer...

Thanks. Bye, Franky.

I'm really happy.

- Whose service? - Yours.

I liked the pearl necklaces...

I'm all out of those, pal.

But I have a truckload of toasters.

What the hell do I do with toasters?

No, the belt goes round the front like this.

Ok, ignition... Looking for something?

The choke.

Been in a car recently?

Mrs. Grimperai?

No. What are you doing? Hold on a second.

Let's calm down.

All right, change gear now. We're moving, so change gear.

I change down?

Yeah, that's what I meant.

The gearshift is down here now. Look.

It's changed?

Yes, no more crank handles, we have keys now.

- You're shitting me! - I wouldn't dare.

All right, ignition. Here we go. Watch out for chariots.

- Give way to the right. - Too late.

- What now? - Straight on.

Drop us here.

Pull up here on the left.

See you, Roger. Have fun.

Thanks.

I'll be at Lucien's tennis club. If you need me, call me.

Just for today.

I'm sorry but I've had enough of him.

He has trouble with discipline. I don't baby-sit. I told your wife.

He's not that gifted anyway.

Just for today.

No, he's unruly and hopeless.

I'll be back at 6. Just let him pick up balls till then.

I said, I don't baby-sit.

He's always well-behaved with me.

Take his grandma too.

He's original, well-behaved, sweet

and so skillful too. If they were all like Lucien...

He's made for pottery. He's a true artist.

I keep telling people that!

Of course he is.

Thanks, you're great, man.

Be proud of him, Mr. Duval.

Mr. Duval?

No...

I'm Alain Marciano, Lucien Marciano's dad.

Geneviève, let's go.

Push the eye in.

Then his ear thing...

Geneviève, let's go!

Get up and let's go.

- My turtle... - Finish it at home.

One more foot...

Roxane Lagny, delivery at main checkout.

Roxane Lagny, thank you.

No, you're going.

It's a delivery...

They came this morning.

They forgot this.

Open it.

It's honey.

Acacia-flower honey.

Not just any old honey.

In Judaism, human beings have free will

but are responsible for their acts.

If we sin,

we must atone for it. We cannot ask God to forgive

if we don't apologize

to the person that we have offended.

Excuse me...

Yes, Fatou.

What if both sides sin and refuse to apologize?

Good question.

One must be humble and take the first step.

The Talmud says,

"Who is the true hero?

"He who makes his enemy into a friend."

Ok, honey?

We're holding the meeting here.

It's our turn.

No problem. But what's that smell?

I'll open a window.

And what's that rag for?

It's a headscarf!

Sit down.

It's very interesting.

- I have to park the car. - Ok.

Mr. Benhamou, in your case, I'll let you put your shoes back on.

- I warned you. - It's worse than I thought.

Put them back on.

- I'll go. - Leave it.

Good evening, Clara.

- I'm early this time. - Great.

This is a bit awkward...

I wanted you to sit for Lucien but my dad's here.

This is his place, see.

He can look after him.

Since Prosper is with his mom... It's kind of complicated...

Anyhow, that means I'm free tonight.

I thought maybe we could go out,

have a drink or something...

- Do you have a car? - Yes.

If you want, there's a party later...

I need to dress up?

Don't go naked.

I'll put my pants on.

Good evening.

I'm Prosper, the dad's dad.

Delighted.

Any good with computers?

Dad, come here.

There's an emergency at the court.

An immigrants' association needs me. I can't talk now.

No, it's really complicated.

An undocumented Paki family found in a truck.

The place reeks of curry...

You won't be back for dinner?

Take care.

I won't bolt the door.

Go on...

All together!

Thank you for dinner. It was wonderful.

My pleasure.

Congratulations then?

I think so.

Do your families get on?

Her brother's great. He's talking about doing an open-plan kitchen.

He'll break down a wall. Right, dear?

That sounds great.

- See you tomorrow, Bruno. - Ok, Jérôme.

Goodbye.

See you tomorrow.

- What is all this? - What?

- Ok, you think I'm stupid. - No way!

Wait!

Sorry, I'm out of change.

Do you want me to drive?

I'm overdressed!

Alain... Béné, the hostess.

I love this song!

Thank you for the toaster.

You're welcome, Radjah.

Why didn't you tell me?

You worry enough already.

What happened?

You have a baby. This is serious.

I liked Alain.

He's not dead, ok.

You hear from him?

Through Lucien.

I refuse to see him.

He's probably depressed.

He must be pretty down right now.

Your uncle's cute!

- Sure you don't want me to drive? - I'm ok.

So, you used me tonight.

Not at all, baby.

But with a partner, I'm likely to stay in Paris.

So you got this dumb bitch.

Not at all.

If this lasts, it's good you meet my superior.

I called you because I wanted to see you again.

That's all.

Sure.

I can drive...

Good evening.

Good evening. Sorry.

Nicole. Béné's mother.

It's too noisy to sleep.

I can believe that. Nice to meet you.

I've seen you before...

Really?

- Do I seem familiar? - No. Sorry.

Too bad.

I'll get back to it.

Can't you keep the racket down?

Sorry, they're pretty lively tonight.

Typical of people like you!

Like us?

Yes. Like you.

What do you mean "like us"? People from Beauvais?

I think she's gone mad.

It's getting out of hand.

She tells friends to call her Rebecca.

She's Catherine Marie Poitevin!

Rebecca...

I'm worried about Yaëlle.

Yaëlle?

Her parents moved in a month ago!

They're like limpets. Can't they piss off back to Beauvais?

Calm down...

Colette, my mother-in-law, loves my briefs!

Some folks like stamps. She goes for my briefs!

She folds them, stacks them...

"I'll put your briefs in the closet." Does she sniff them?

It makes me sick.

And her husband, with his blue Peugeot and his fancy plans...

Fuck off, you fucker!

The fuckers piss me off.

They piss me off with their fancy kitchen. I'm broke.

I owe you 100,000 francs...

They're all fuckers.

Don't say that.

Colette and Etienne,

my in-laws, are fuckers.

It's delicious.

I remember now! Pipo.

The supermarket in Poissy. "Pipo's Prize Draw".

I remember.

You dressed as a musketeer.

You're Pipo!

That's not me, you're mistaken.

I remember you were so funny...

Really?

Thanks to you, I won my weight in washing powder.

That set you up for a while.

Huh?

You got me there!

I love to laugh!

Shall we dance?

Roxane, I'm sorry, ok.

I was wrong.

I was honest with you, ok!

I was honest!

So was I. I wanted to see you again.

What are you doing? Open this door!

I was honest too! I wanted to see you again, ok!

I wanted to see you!

Not again! Open this door, Roxane!

Roxane, wait!

Come back here!

- I grab the... - Ski-tow!

- I head up the... - Slope!

- At the top, I go... - Straight down!

No, I schuss down!

Last summer...

I was at the Club in Agadir, doing a desert safari...

Dunes in every direction.

What the...

What are you doing here?

I came to see Prosper.

What's going on?

It's all right, Shisha. Go back to sleep.

Come with me. Hurry up.

Hurry.

You'll wake everyone.

Who are they?

It's 5 a.m. What do you want?

I needed to talk.

I live here, don't I?

Not so loud!

I'll go.

They'll see to him. What do you want?

I was thinking...

we could have a weekend away.

Just you and me. That's my tracksuit.

Good morning. Thank you.

My Club Med T-shirt too.

- Hi, Alain, ok? - Fine.

T-shirts too...

What is this shit, Nathalie?

- He's here too? - He lost his car keys.

- Try the bathroom. - No.

- My cousin's asleep in the tub. - That's right.

He can't go home in that state.

Coffee?

Please.

Take him home. He can't drive.

What? To the sprouts? Now?

The blue Peugeot's mine. Briefs in the closet...

Please, Alain.

Pain in the ass...

Alain will drive you.

Think about a weekend away.

You'll think about it, won't you?

- Roxane! - Good evening.

What's wrong, Roxane?

I needed to talk.

Everyone's here now. It didn't take you long.

- What? - To get back on your rock like limpet

- This is it. - I know.

Keep your hair on.

You smoke now?

Don't tell Catherine, ok.

As if I cared.

I said you seem tense.

Want one?

No, no thanks.

I'm having problems with Catherine.

With her family...

You can't understand.

I can't understand?!

Jerk...

You're the jerk.

Come up and see. It's wild.

You left Bollywood, I'll take you to Jerusalem in the sticks.

You'll see Catherine's new hair,

the owner of the blue Peugeot...

- Shit! - Let me.

I'm better at this.

It's ok, this pan's just for eggs.

Now she has to wash her hands before she talks.

Hello, Alain.

I wanted to call you.

I forgive you.

I must apologize too.

I shouldn't have hit Lucien.

Do you forgive me?

Yes, I forgive you.

Colette, how are you?

Same thing...

It's Yaëlle's school show soon.

Nathalie's bringing Lucien.

Why don't you come too?

Why don't I?

Plus, you're Jewish. Well...

You look it.

You have to go park the car now.

- The blue Peugeot's mine! - Yeah, thanks, Etienne!

I have to see to it.

No!

No kissing either.

- You're right, it's wild. - Check this out...

Good morning.

Good luck!

- Here. - It's ok.

- Please. - You're sure?

Give me two then.

What'll you do with two toasters?

They come in handy.

You'll call me?

Yes, I'll call you.

It's a real beauty...

You can get rid of the old one now.

No guarantee? Where's it from?

It's a gift. Stop asking questions.

Who do I call for repairs?

Who do you usually call?

My ass.

- The computer died again. - Screw that.

Lucien, stop playing that tape!

Stop now. You've seen "Pipo in Chamonix" 100 times.

Give the tape a rest now.

- I want "Pipo in Chamonix"! - Calm down.

Let go!

Put me down! I want to watch Pipo!

Calm down. Pipo's in Chamonix. He's resting.

He's happy there. He needs some peace and quiet.

It's better for everyone.

He stayed there?

It's a secret, ok.

It's a real secret.

Between you and me.

How about a cuddle?

Lucien!

Come on, I'll make toast!

Say, "Coming, Grampy." He likes that.

Coming, Grampy!

Stop calling me Grampy!

Where's all the stuff from?

A client in liquidation. I'm just trying to help him out.

Is that legal?

Stop talking and play.

- Score? - 17-13.

Alain, you play like shit.

She's right, like shit.

Kind of like shit...

Geneviève, please!

Who's next?

It's us, it's me.

No, it's me!

Hold on, guys...

What's up?

C'mon, don't fuck with us, Gran.

I can fuck with you.

- A coffee-maker! - Got it!

3 ovens, 2 coffee-makers...

Calm down!

Ariel, 2 coffee-makers, Moses, 1 hairdryer,

Menahem, 1 vacuum cleaner, Haim, 1 mixer...

Thanks for the great microwave.

Sure, Mr. Kadosh.

Ovens are a gift at this price.

So give them away, Mr. Atlani!

Layani, not Atlani.

I can give you 50% off electric razors too.

Sorry.

Admit it, Lucien's calmer lately.

I don't know.

There's a school trip to Versailles.

There is?

But they won't take him.

I'll sort it out.

He seems balanced.

I'm doing my best anyhow.

How about a break from our time out?

I'm trying hard. I'm here today,

I have a job, I take care of Lucien,

I even get on with your brother.

Let's go, all this Yiddish is making me dizzy.

Bravo, the show was great.

Thanks to God, it went well.

Moshe, meet my sister-in-law, Roxane.

Roxane, meet Moshe Benhamou.

Good evening.

Rebecca says you're free Tuesday at 8.

Rebecca? You're totally crazy!

Thursday then...

I'm sick of you pissing me off!

Roxane, he's a dentist!

Bruno...

An emergency.

The black bomber jacket...

Hello, sir.

Does anyone speak French here?

- What's wrong? - I've waited an hour for a doctor.

Not a nurse or a paramedic, a doctor!

- I am a doctor. - It's simple enough.

I don't want to see the whole staff, I want a doctor.

I won't move until my mother sees one, ok?

- Calm down, sir. - No, I won't!

I've had it with all this!

There's never a doctor when you need one!

Shut the fuck up!

I'm a doctor, ok!

What's up?

Never seen a black doctor before? Take a good look!

I'm a doctor, an intern and black!

Is it a problem?

If it is, screw the lot of you!

Look at me!

I'll take over here. I'm his lawyer.

What?

As an apology, please accept this stylish leather bag.

- Goodbye. - I don't understand...

Goodbye now.

Take your bag and stop pissing us off.

There, off you go...

I got your message.

Thanks for coming.

It's just too risky.

He wanted to see Versailles. He keeps talking about it.

He drew it on our bathroom wall.

Don't complicate things.

I won't.

How do you expect his behavior to improve

if he's isolated over a few innocent tricks?

Cassiopée's parents spent hours getting the glue out of her hair.

Short hair suits her though.

Mrs. Jacquemin what's your first name?

I lost my head. I was exhausted from a night in the ER.

Don't worry, I'll get you out by tonight.

Thanks for coming so fast.

What do I owe you?

Are you kidding? You're family.

No, I insist. Tell me how much.

You owe me nothing, ok.

Well, if you need anything, just ask.

Ask my sister out.

No, I can't do that.

Fine, you owe me 15,000.

- What? - A down payment on my fee.

15,000.

I can't afford that.

So buy her dinner.

Neither 15,000 nor her.

I'll accept a check.

I can't afford 15,000 and your sister won't see me.

Got it in cash? Cash is better.

I'll invent a crap excuse

and we'll leave. Give me a sign.

Shut up! Here she comes!

Hi.

Hi, Roxane.

Hello, madam.

What do you want?

To see you and catch up.

Alain's new wife...

What a jerk.

You don't look well.

You look sad, you're pale...

It's ok, I'm fine.

Hey...

Isn't that Bruno?

It's him, right?

- I doubt it. - He looks like Bruno.

I don't know any Bruno.

I don't want to see him.

- Well, we do. - It is Bruno!

It's Bruno! Incredible!

- Come on over. - Incredible.

Crazy, huh?

Don't go.

Hi, Bruno!

So what are you up to?

Having coffee.

Got time for a drink?

I don't want to disturb you.

- It's ok. - Sit down.

Just sit down.

Sit down

and shut up.

Just do it, ok!

Sit down, dammit!

Look, she doesn't want to see me.

I'll just pay you and go.

Speaking. What?

Luck's an incredible thing...

This is a stroke of luck.

Did you call my wife?

Don't, she's sick and on medication. I'll handle it myself.

D'you live around here?

Yes, I'm on my way.

They lost Lucien in Versailles. Don't tell Nathalie.

I have to go.

Bummer. Still, Lucien can't be far.

Geneviève, let's leave them to chat.

The drinks are on me. Let's go.

Luck's setting everything straight.

Are you ok?

I'm ok, yeah.

I'll show you how to drive fast

on the freeway.

Wait!

I want to help find him too!

- No, stay here! - No, I'm coming!

You come with us!

- I can't! - Get in!

My newspaper... There's no room. I'll pay you, Jean-Pierre!

Get in, Bruno!

I thought you made it up!

I know.

I came for Lucien.

Since he couldn't go to Versailles, I wanted to surprise him...

I can't reach anyone.

If there's no one to sit for, I'll go.

Good evening. Love to Alain.

- Well? - No sign of him.

You see, I said there was a risk.

He was with me all the time

it just took a second!

We searched the palace. He's vanished.

Where the hell is he?

Take him back. I've had it.

He can do without you but not without the baby...

Thanks a lot.

I'm kidding.

Don't you ever laugh?

When it's funny.

Living with him, I see you differently now.

You do?

How have you put up with him so long?

He's not that bad.

I knew it.

You miss him, you defend him.

You're both twisted.

Maybe.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

Why haven't you ever liked me?

Remember your first gift to me?

- No. - For my birthday.

Some perfume.

I vaguely remember...

- It was... - Poison.

It was called Poison!

Quite a symbol.

You know,

Poison was your nickname.

It was?

The family called you that.

That's funny.

You were Little Bald Man.

Why little?

Ok?

Am I funny now? Friendly? You're happy?

We've lost a little boy in a striped T-shirt.

Lucien, aged 7.

Striped T-shirt and brown jacket. Seen him?

- Answer me! - No.

Hey, Moustache, seen a kid aged 6 and a half?

- No. - Brown hair

with buck teeth.

Excuse me...

No souvenirs, no post-cards and tell your pals to get lost!

A 6-year-old boy

in a striped T-shirt...

I see thousands a day.

Of course.

I'll take a pancake.

You're sure?

Keep still, will you?

His name's Lucien.

So?

I'll take the glasses, the Eiffel tower...

Name your price.

- The Eiffel tower's real gold. - Gold, huh?

It is.

The phone too. I can't call, it won't ring.

The radio too. It's new.

But it doesn't work!

First the computer, then the phone.

The tape-recorder won't rewind...

There.

What's your password?

Wait...

I'll do that.

Don't worry. We'll find him.

Thanks for helping but I've reached rock bottom.

Don't say that. Lucien can't be far.

Think positive.

Yeah?

My son is missing,

my wife left me,

I'm back at my dad's.

After Club Med, I saw my name in lights,

now I'm a driving instructor.

I'm in great shape.

Couldn't be better.

I can take stock too.

I wanted to be a high-flying lawyer,

but I only ever work for the local hoods.

All I ever hear is, "I didn't do nothing."

Listen! It's all ok. They found him.

But the jerk's not in Paris.

Thank you, Geneviève!

The guy is horny...

They've found him, thank God.

Later, we found out what happened.

Outside the palace, Lucien boarded the wrong bus.

After speaking to the police, I knew he didn't pick it at random.

He'd gone to join Pipo up in the mountains,

even though I'd said he wanted to be alone.

I went down there to get him.

It was time to celebrate our reunion with the family.

We'd all grown so close.

I thought they'd keep it secret.

I should have known better.

Lucien, are you ok?

You did great.

I tried calling...

Want another one?

You deserved that!

I didn't say a thing.

She's my sister.

I forgave him. He wasn't done taking stock.

A surprise was waiting at home.

The others did it

so why shouldn't you take your shoes off too?

You can't lay down the law!

Jean-Pierre Lagny?

Yes.

We have a search warrant from Judge Renard.

You know the procedure, right?

I didn't do nothing.

He acted innocent.

But his answers became more and more absurd.

Why do you have 22 electric fryers?

We love fries.

I'm so disappointed.

All those lies...

I'd like to forgive you.

I may not be able to.

I did it all for you and the girls.

The judge wasn't too harsh on him

but Catherine found it harder to forgive him.

Jean-Pierre came to stay for a while.

Alain!

He hit it off with Dad.

- What do you think? - As good as ever, Dad.

It's not quite ready yet...

Don't plaster his hair down. No one does that now.

- Will Catherine like it? - You bet. Gorgeous, no?

No.

- Not too long? - No, it's good.

In the end, I got fired from my job.

You're not a tycoon, ok!

The clients aren't your chauffeurs! You teach them...

So I opened my own school and, very soon,

started hiring.

All set.

A traffic policeman signals to me.

a) I keep driving.

b) I stop.

c) I run him down.

He's a jerk.

But sweet.

Jean-Pierre missed Catherine terribly

He kept trying to earn her forgiveness.

At 42, he even did his Bar Mitzvah.

Seen Catherine?

No! Mazel Tov!

Catherine refused to budge an inch.

So he took a radical step...

It'll be fine. Just breathe normally and relax.

It's just a bit of skin.

In America, everyone does it.

In Africa, it's a quick snip.

Really?

I trust you.

Don't worry. Scissors...

No, smaller.

But God sent an angel, just as He had done many years ago

when Abraham was ready to sacrifice Isaac

to test his faith.

Stop everything!

Bruno pursued his medical career.

As head of gastroenterology at a leading Paris hospital,

he has found a radical solution to avoid all confusion.

UNIT HEAD DOCTOR

Roxane gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

She and Bruno formed a perfect and oddly harmonious couple.

She's pretty. What's her name?

- Nadine. - We hadn't decided yet.

We said Nadine.

We said Nadine but...

It wasn't final. I liked Sophie too.

After Lucien's escapade,

Nathalie ignored me for a while.

Until, one day, we were forced to mee

I don't understand. She said she'd be here.

We live apart

so I imagine...

I can't start without both parents.

I understand.

Sorry. Hello.

Ok?

All right.

As head of this day-care center, I wanted to see you both

about problems we're having with Prosper.

He clearly has

trouble with discipline, he's turbulent...

It took me 35 years to learn to live in society,

to see I wasn't the star.

It's hard growing up.

That's what Nathalie wanted: for me to be an adult.

What I wanted from her was a sign.

Alain...

Remember the sprouts?

Yes.

Yes, I vaguely remember.

The guy who built the sprouts.

Yes, I remember now.

When he saw how they turned out,

he climbed to the top...

Thank you!

A few words before you all leave.

This evening is very special for me.

My whole family is here.

They haven't seen the show before.

I want to thank them,

give them my love

and apologize for putting them on stage.

When I see you there in front of me,

I feel you were created just for this show.

I love you!

I wish to thank my parents.

As you can guess, I wasn't an easy child.

Right, Mom?

There you go.

I hope you're proud

because I'm proud to have parents like you.

Dad...

It's 20 years since you stepped down.

For 20 years, I've had a dream...

To see you back on stage.

Give a big hand to the man who made my youth magical,

the one who made every day a holiday!

Pipo!

Come on, Dad!

To our families,

our in-laws,

any resemblance to persons...

Bravo, it was wonderful.

Thank you.

One thing though...

I never drove off without Bruno.

For the janitor.

She loved you on TV.

No, just do it now.

I never decided to get circumcised.

I never asked anyone to remove their shoes.

Maybe someone mistook me for a paramedic once.

- Not more often? - No.

What's all that about a diet?

He was never on a diet.

Look how flat his belly is.

My parents stayed two days at the most.

"What about your briefs?"

For 10 years, she broke my balls with that.

She's sweet but what a pain!

Hey, buddy, the gear won't get back in the truck alone.

Second time.

I'll give him a hand.

Adaptation: Ian Burley

Subtitling: Vdm