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1
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:07,966
Lupe, Max will be here soon.
2
00:00:08,049 --> 00:00:12,262
Have you finished packing
for your romantic vacación?
3
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,514
Almost. But we're gonna have to stop
at the outlet mall
4
00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:18,184
on the way to Palm Springs because
the only desert wear I have is this.
5
00:00:20,645 --> 00:00:24,232
You need clothing?
What kind of romantic vacación is this?
6
00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:29,029
-The kind that won't get us arrested.
-That happened one time.
7
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:36,036
Ay, Elena, your homecoming dance
is only 36 hours away.
8
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:39,831
If I pluck your eyebrows
with both hands...
9
00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:43,501
I may be able to separate them in time.
10
00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:50,717
School dances are barbaric events designed
to make less popular kids feel bad.
11
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,635
They're for total narcissists.
12
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:53,803
Okay, eyes on me.
13
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:59,434
How fly are my vintage threads
for the dance?
14
00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:00,351
[Penelope] Ooh.
15
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:05,231
Papito, you look so handsome
in your abuelo's outfit.
16
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:10,236
-Who did you decide to go with?
-This older girl, Emma. She's older.
17
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,281
By two months.
18
00:01:13,364 --> 00:01:15,408
Okay. Well, she had an epic big ask.
19
00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:17,744
It is not polite to talk about
your girlfriend's fondillo,
20
00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:19,621
no matter how big it is.
21
00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:22,499
No, Abuelita. "Big ask."
22
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,918
It's the way kids invite each other
to dances now.
23
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:27,629
It's a whole obnoxious performance.
24
00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:30,632
I am so glad Syd is home-schooled
and not into this stuff.
25
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:31,549
[knocking on door]
26
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:35,178
Oh, hey, Syd. What's happening?
27
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:38,681
I don't know, but I think Syd is wearing
their grandpa's outfit too.
28
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:43,812
["We Didn't Start The Fire"
karaoke playing on phone]
29
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,271
[snapping fingers]
30
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:48,817
♪ [singing] Harriet Tubman, Mass Effect
Frida Kahlo, full respect ♪
31
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:52,153
♪ Queer theory, gender theory
Notorious RBG ♪
32
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,572
♪ Women's march, science march
Labor march ♪
33
00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:57,117
♪ Tax march, equal rights,
Bathroom rights ♪
34
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,327
♪ Diversity on TV ♪
35
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:05,291
Do we have to watch the rest of this?
That is a big ask.
36
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:08,670
♪ Slam poets, Supergirl
You're the cutest in the world ♪
37
00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:12,132
♪ Bell hooks, Pokémon
Cookie Om-nom-nom-nom-nom! ♪
38
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:15,260
♪ L Word, Will and Grace
RuPaul's Drag Race ♪
39
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:18,555
♪ Shantay, you stay
What else do I have to say? ♪
40
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:20,890
♪ You set my heart on fire ♪
41
00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:24,686
♪ On that day
When I didn't know if you were gay ♪
42
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:28,022
♪ You set my heart on fire ♪
43
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:31,067
♪ So please say yes
You don't even have to wear a dress ♪
44
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,070
Will you go to the dance with me?
45
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,865
[giggles] Yes! Of course I'll go!
46
00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:43,830
-What? But I thought you said--
-Shut up!
47
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,166
[theme song playing]
48
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,257
I am ready.
49
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:40,053
I thought we were going away
for the weekend,
50
00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:42,305
but are we moving to Palm Springs?
51
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:45,433
No. This one's empty. Yeah.
52
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,978
It's for the mini shampoos and soaps
we're gonna snag from the hotel.
53
00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:52,857
And this is for the free breakfast
we're gonna swipe
54
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,859
so we don't have to spend money on lunch.
55
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:59,906
I'll pay for lunch.
Maybe even splurge for Quiznos.
56
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,825
Damn, I didn't know
I was dating a rich guy.
57
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:03,743
[scoffs]
58
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,789
Plus he is charming, he's sexy, he's tan.
59
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:12,585
He claims to be a gringo,
but all signs point to cubano.
60
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,629
-[chuckles]
-[knocking on door]
61
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:16,923
Don't answer,
it's probably another bad singer.
62
00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:18,007
[laughs]
63
00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:27,058
Little privacy here?
64
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:29,060
You knocked!
65
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:32,397
Oh, yeah. Nikki has some stuff
she wants to tell you.
66
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,107
[both clear throat]
67
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:38,152
As an active member
of the St. Bibiana PTA,
68
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:42,532
and presidential candidate...
"Don't be picky, vote for Nikki."
69
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,287
It is my duty to inform you
70
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:50,832
you failed to complete
your mandatory family volunteer hours.
71
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,792
-You done? [chuckles]
-Yeah.
72
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:53,835
Oh, stop that!
73
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,587
I'm sorry.
I'll make the hours up soon, okay?
74
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,965
Okay, but... Uh-uh.
The deadline is Sunday.
75
00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:03,094
But lucky you! I'm short on chaperones
for homecoming tomorrow.
76
00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:05,680
Come get your salsa on, chica.
77
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,141
That's not convincing me.
78
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,184
But I can't,
because we're going to Palm Springs.
79
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:11,978
So you can just pay the fine.
80
00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:15,023
It's $50 an hour.
And you're behind 20 hours.
81
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,607
So it's $1,000, no bigs.
82
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,735
What? I don't have that kind of money.
83
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:22,196
I packed these so we could
soft boil them in the Jacuzzi.
84
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:31,039
I guess I'll see you at homecoming then.
It counts for five hours. Bye! [chuckles]
85
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,960
I'm not voting for her.
86
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,297
-[pop song playing]
-[indistinct chatter]
87
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:43,176
Whoa!
88
00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:47,388
School-schools are way bigger
than home schools.
89
00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:51,726
I can't believe it has its own ballroom.
90
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:54,520
This is a gym.
91
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,273
What?
92
00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:59,567
I'm gonna hit the restroom.
93
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:03,571
I cannot wait to meet all of your friends.
94
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,157
All of your friends?
95
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,576
Yeah, so, um...
96
00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:12,830
Syd kinda thinks I'm really popular.
97
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:14,540
[chuckles] Oh...
98
00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:19,837
Wow! Love really is blind.
99
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,717
Why would Syd think you're popular?
100
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,887
-You're only friends with the teachers.
-And the principal!
101
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:30,681
I just...
102
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,810
I maybe didn't correct
some false assumptions.
103
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,187
Syd knows I'm president of a lot of clubs
104
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:39,232
and it's not my fault
people hate powerful women.
105
00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:41,025
The same thing happened to Hillary.
106
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,112
You can't say that about everything.
107
00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:48,825
-Okay, how will you pull this off?
-With this.
108
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:51,536
I can skim Facebook,
Instagram and Snapchat
109
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,871
and find a few facts
about these ding-dongs
110
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,331
to make it seem like we're friends.
111
00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:59,919
I'm gonna talk to my actual friends,
but I'm gonna leave you with this thought.
112
00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:02,213
Maybe you're the ding-dong.
113
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:10,721
I'm sorry we're not sippin' margaritas
by a pool right now.
114
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,890
I had my blender packed and everything.
115
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,145
So that was the buzzing
coming from your suitcase.
116
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,315
-I was worried slash excited.
-Oh!
117
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:23,568
Well, thank you for doing this.
118
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:27,071
With your five hours, my mom's five hours,
I'm almost caught up.
119
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,281
Happy to be here.
120
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:29,907
[grunts]
121
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:32,702
God! This place takes me back.
122
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:38,332
My first homecoming dance, Sister Barbara
caught me hiding boxed wine in my top.
123
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,751
She did not buy "My boobs are square."
124
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,086
[laughs]
125
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,882
It's like she had a way of sneaking up
and yelling at me with her demonic voice.
126
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,842
-Hello, Penelope.
-[exclaims in Spanish]
127
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,679
Hi. Hi.
128
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:55,975
Hi, Sister Barbara.
129
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,896
That's a very red dress.
130
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:03,858
And also, I see your bosoms
have rounded out.
131
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,651
[laughs] Oh...
132
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:08,237
We had our fun, didn't we, Sister Barbara?
133
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,282
I know I was a bad girl,
but I'm a nurse now.
134
00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:14,160
And I was in the army.
I turned out pretty okay.
135
00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:18,414
Oh, that's nice. Pride is a sin.
136
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:27,006
You know, all chaperones
are required to wear black.
137
00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:31,969
Did you receive my e-mail?
I sent it through the Internet.
138
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:35,973
Oh, I don't use e-mail.
That's the devil's work. [chuckles]
139
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:40,394
No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.
140
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:43,064
Anyway. I... This is Max.
141
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:46,400
Thank you for helping out today, Max.
142
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:53,407
Oh, bless. Is he simple?
143
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,870
Well, the Lord made you strong.
144
00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:02,083
[scoffs] What the hell was that?
145
00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,460
Sorry, I have a thing for nuns.
146
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,714
-You do?
-Yeah.
147
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:12,093
Small women that boss you around,
make you do stuff. Hot.
148
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,805
Why do you think I like you so much?
149
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,098
[chuckles]
150
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:21,519
Hello, Sister Barbara.
Blessed be the fruit.
151
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:29,902
I'd like to introduce you to Schneider,
my boyfriend.
152
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:38,494
Yep, I'm her boyfriend,
which is not news to me.
153
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:44,458
We're not married yet, but we've promised
ourselves to each other.
154
00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:50,423
Wonderful.
155
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,925
Is everyone ready for their assignments?
156
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:56,137
Oh, yeah, yeah. Hey.
How about if Max and I do dance patrol?
157
00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:58,931
We all know what goes on
in the middle of a dance floor.
158
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:04,687
The farther you are from the chaperones,
the freakier the freakin' gets.
159
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:08,941
We have a strict anti-freaking policy.
160
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:13,654
I don't think the situation
would be helped by you in that dress.
161
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,951
Well, I don't have another dress,
so what do we do?
162
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:25,207
Hey, Mom.
163
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:28,794
This is Emma.
164
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:34,300
Emma? Your teenage date?
165
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:35,968
Nice to meet you.
166
00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:40,097
How is she in ninth grade?
167
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:43,851
Was she held back? Like, nine times?
168
00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:46,562
Seems like it, right?
169
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:49,774
Let's get a picture.
170
00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:52,693
[sighs]
171
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:00,242
-[camera shutter clicks]
-Next!
172
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:06,666
Oh. Don't worry, guys, I'm here!
173
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,417
Hey, Connor.
174
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:12,755
Remember when you had so much fun
in Cancun in 2007? [chuckles]
175
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:16,092
I mean, you pet a stingray? Crazy!
176
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:18,386
Elena, how come I never met these guys?
177
00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:20,638
You don't know my life.
Just take the picture.
178
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:22,431
[camera shutter clicks]
179
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,100
-Got it.
-Hi, I'm Syd--
180
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:27,311
Okay. Tag me when you post it.
Jay-Z is your favorite artist.
181
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:30,648
You guys want one without her?
182
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,360
[camera shutter clicks]
183
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:36,028
[cell phone ringing]
184
00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:38,447
Oh. Hello?
185
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,117
I cannot stop looking at you
in that nun outfit.
186
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:49,083
-It is a choir robe.
-Eh, I can make it work.
187
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:54,672
See, this sucks. I like to be near you
when you're being pervy. Oh, I gotta go.
188
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:56,257
Okay. I love you.
189
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:59,885
You what? Hello? What? What? What?
190
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:02,054
Oh, hi, Penelope.
191
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:05,641
Hey, Doc. Thanks for coming on such
short notice. You're my last five hours.
192
00:12:05,724 --> 00:12:10,020
Of course. I have never been
to a school dance before.
193
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:12,982
My mother was afraid
I'd contract mononucleosis.
194
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,484
I never did.
195
00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:17,987
Aw... [chuckles]
196
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,989
Could you take over the photo booth
for a minute?
197
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,907
-I need to talk to Max.
-Sure.
198
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,993
Finally, I get to hang with the cool kids.
199
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,911
Like this guy.
200
00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:31,375
-Lupe?
-What?
201
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:34,170
Why is Leslie here?
Is he stalking me?
202
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,965
I asked him to come help finish my hours.
I didn't think you'd mind.
203
00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:40,092
You said you were okay
with him dating someone new.
204
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:43,345
Of course I'm okay.
It's him I am worried about.
205
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:46,098
I mean, seeing me look this fabulous?
206
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,518
It is so cruel.
207
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,271
Where are you going?
208
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:55,399
Mami, I think I just heard
Max say he loves me.
209
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,818
-Why are you still standing here? Run!
-[chuckles]
210
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:00,029
-Pen!
-What?
211
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:03,365
Oh, thank God. Did you hear
what Nikki said to Sister Barbara?
212
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:06,827
-She thinks I'm her boyfriend?
-I can't stress how little I care.
213
00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:08,787
I know!
I can't stop thinking about it either.
214
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:12,583
On one hand, Nikki is a terrible person.
215
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:15,711
On the other hand,
is it time for me to get married?
216
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:17,546
[sighs]
217
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:20,591
Excited to see this next chapter
of your life unfold. Bye!
218
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:23,469
Hello, you.
219
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:27,806
Hey. I'm just keeping an eye
on Alex and his date.
220
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:34,188
He got pulled
into the booty-dancing jungle
221
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:37,525
and a loose woman told me
that's where the freaking takes place.
222
00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:41,028
Hey, good looking out.
223
00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:44,406
I wanted to ask,
when we hung up you said something--
224
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,824
[upbeat song playing]
225
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:48,202
This is my jam!
226
00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:51,872
But wait...
Oh, damn! This is my jam too!
227
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,919
♪ It takes two to make a thing go right ♪
228
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,839
♪ It takes two to make it outta sight ♪
229
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:05,511
♪ It takes two to make a thing go right ♪
230
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:08,305
Oh.
231
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,477
Hi, Sister Barbara.
232
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,730
Why have you abandoned the photo booth?
233
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:19,859
The children are taking pictures
of their rear ends.
234
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:26,657
Oh, I'm sorry. I was... I was
just keeping an eye on the dance floor.
235
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:29,577
You know, showing the kids what not to do.
236
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,954
Yeah. Hey, kids, don't do this.
237
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,206
[grunting]
238
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,958
I do not like it!
239
00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:39,003
Elena!
240
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:42,381
-Hey, Mrs. Wallace.
-What up, girl?
241
00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:48,012
Hey, how is your
Susan B. Anthony claymation coming along?
242
00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:50,598
Thank you for texting me
all those updates. [exclaims]
243
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:54,101
You are really
capturing her handsome severity.
244
00:14:55,895 --> 00:15:00,566
-You're friends with your teacher?
-No! She does this. It's weird.
245
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:07,948
I'm friends with... her! Hey, Suehee!
246
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,617
Do I know you?
247
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:16,040
Girl, your one-year anniversary
since your braces came off?
248
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:17,750
Hashtag, time flies.
249
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:23,255
-Let's just go dance over here.
-By the trash?
250
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:27,593
Yeah. I need some empty space
to pop and lock.
251
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,311
[tango music playing]
252
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:38,520
Finally.
253
00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:43,400
My request.
254
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,041
Hello, Leslie.
255
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:02,836
How is Esme?
256
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,714
The woman whose name I refuse to mention.
257
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:10,844
Well, Esme and I
actually have been taking dance classes.
258
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:14,682
Oh, really? Well, I guess
she ruined you as a dancer.
259
00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:17,893
She did not. I was already ruined.
260
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,993
♪ It's not her fault that
She's so irresistible ♪
261
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:39,331
♪ But all the damage she's caused
Isn't fixable ♪
262
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:45,671
♪ Every 20 seconds you repeat her name ♪
263
00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:47,673
♪ But when it comes to me... ♪
264
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:52,136
We can't. It is forbidden.
265
00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:55,514
♪ Objection
I don't want to be the exception ♪
266
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:57,808
♪ To get a bit of your attention ♪
267
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,644
♪ I love you for free
And I'm not your mother ♪
268
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,313
♪ But you don't even bother
Objection... ♪
269
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:09,194
Oh, this used to be my spot.
All my best bad girl stuff was done here.
270
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:13,115
[chuckles] I'm just glad
we escaped Sister Barbara's sexy clutches.
271
00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:18,620
Now that we are alone,
I wanted to ask you something.
272
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:23,459
Earlier, on the phone,
I thought I heard you say... "I love you"?
273
00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:27,087
Yeah. I did.
274
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:32,217
Why'd you say that?
275
00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:37,389
'Cause I love you.
276
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:45,064
Oh, I'm sorry, was I supposed
to choreograph that to a Billy Joel song?
277
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:47,524
No. Boyz II Men.
278
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:51,403
I wasn't planning on
telling you at a school dance,
279
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,155
across the room, on the phone.
280
00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:56,742
But I've been thinking about it
for a while
281
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:58,660
and there you were
in that sexy nun outfit.
282
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:00,662
-[chuckles]
-[sighs]
283
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:03,582
What can I say?
The power of Christ compelled me.
284
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,463
I wasn't planning on telling you
285
00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:12,257
in a stinky choir robe
that smells like incense and Fritos.
286
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:17,137
-But you were planning on telling me?
-At dinner in Palm Springs
287
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:20,182
over a beautiful bottle of wine
I won on the radio.
288
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:25,062
-Tell me what, exactly?
-Come here.
289
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:30,484
I love you too.
290
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:38,575
Oh...
291
00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:41,161
You know what I could use right now?
292
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:42,788
Here?
293
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:46,583
-Okay.
-[gasps]
294
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,169
Oh, I can't believe they're still here.
295
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:50,587
[gasps and laughs]
296
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:54,967
Whoa!
297
00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:59,888
Are you sure you want to do that?
Those are 20 years old.
298
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,558
And they're cigarettes.
299
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,852
Hey, as long as I'm being a bad girl...
300
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,105
Oh, yeah.
301
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,440
[coughing]
302
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,986
God! Why did I ever like this?
303
00:19:14,069 --> 00:19:15,112
[footsteps approaching]
304
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:17,030
Sister Barbara!
305
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,957
What do you need to talk about
that's so important?
306
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:30,627
After a grueling 30 minutes of thought...
307
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,672
Nikki, will you be my starter wife?
308
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:41,847
Schneider, I don't wanna get married.
I just got divorced.
309
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:44,349
You're on the rebound.
That's the best time to get married.
310
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:45,767
You don't have time to think.
311
00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,980
Aw, that's so stupid.
312
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,987
But what about all that boyfriend stuff
you said to Sister Barbara?
313
00:19:57,070 --> 00:20:01,742
I was trying to impress her.
I'm running for PTA president. Hello?
314
00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:03,785
I told everybody else you were my manny.
315
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:11,835
So you were never thinking about me?
My emotions? My feelings?
316
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,421
-Oh, God, no.
-[gasps]
317
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:20,761
You used me, Nikki, Finn's mom!
318
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:23,555
And not in the way I like!
319
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,269
Oh... Ew.
320
00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:31,355
Kids are so gross.
321
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:35,275
Smoking in the hallway?
322
00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:38,779
And that's not all, Sister Barbara.
323
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,324
We knew each other. Biblically.
324
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:45,118
And while we were doing it,
she took the Lord's name in vain.
325
00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:46,370
A lot!
326
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,881
[upbeat song playing]
327
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:00,676
Whoo!
328
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:03,053
I am all popped and locked out.
329
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:08,183
-And look at that, it's almost 10:00.
-It's 8:30.
330
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,644
And you're not wearing a watch.
331
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:16,650
Look. I know why you haven't introduced me
to any of your friends.
332
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:20,612
-You do?
-Yeah. You're embarrassed of me.
333
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:24,241
What? No, no, no.
I'm not embarrassed of you.
334
00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:28,912
I'm embarrassed of me.
335
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:32,624
I don't have very many friends.
336
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:35,794
Like, if I were to count them,
I wouldn't say any numbers.
337
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:45,178
-This, it really isn't my thing.
-Then why did you say yes?
338
00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:48,932
You were so excited.
And your big ask was amazing.
339
00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:51,018
You must have
worked on that song for forever.
340
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:55,022
Actually, I just really got in the zone.
341
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:58,358
The lyrics were sort of writing me,
you know?
342
00:22:00,527 --> 00:22:03,030
I pretended that
these people were my friends,
343
00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:05,657
but, honestly, for some reason,
I'm not that popular.
344
00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:08,493
Hey, planet killer! Recycle that!
345
00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:12,664
I don't know what it is exactly.
346
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:17,794
I'm sorry I let you believe
I was someone I'm not.
347
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:23,550
[sighs] Elena, I'm home-schooled.
My only classmate is my chinchilla.
348
00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:24,718
[chuckles]
349
00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:28,180
And Roxie's a total mean girl.
350
00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:32,350
I don't care
that you don't have any friends.
351
00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:36,855
Aw... I don't care
that you don't have any friends.
352
00:22:36,938 --> 00:22:38,356
[both chuckling]
353
00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:44,696
We should probably make some friends.
354
00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:51,161
Actually, I do have one friend
here at the dance.
355
00:22:51,244 --> 00:22:53,705
I haven't been kind to her tonight.
356
00:22:57,125 --> 00:22:58,710
Hey, Mrs. Wallace.
357
00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:01,338
Elena.
358
00:23:03,006 --> 00:23:05,300
I want you to meet my girlfriend, Syd.
359
00:23:05,383 --> 00:23:08,512
Syd, this is my friend. Mrs. Wallace.
360
00:23:09,262 --> 00:23:13,517
-I'm really sorry.
-I get it. I was a teenager once.
361
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,061
Of course,
I didn't have teachers as cool as me.
362
00:23:16,144 --> 00:23:17,521
[both chuckling]
363
00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:20,440
Ooh, can we have this dance?
364
00:23:20,524 --> 00:23:23,318
Uh, yeah. Let's show these losers
how it's done.
365
00:23:24,277 --> 00:23:25,737
♪ Time after... ♪
366
00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:28,740
♪ Sometimes you picture me ♪
367
00:23:28,824 --> 00:23:32,911
♪ I'm walking too far ahead ♪
368
00:23:32,994 --> 00:23:35,997
♪ You're calling to me ♪
369
00:23:36,081 --> 00:23:39,668
♪ I can't hear what you've said ♪
370
00:23:39,751 --> 00:23:40,752
Lydia.
371
00:23:42,546 --> 00:23:43,797
Esme and I broke up.
372
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:49,052
Oh, Leslie, I am sorry. How dare she!
373
00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:52,347
Esa boba thinks
that she can do better than a doctor
374
00:23:52,430 --> 00:23:55,851
just because his arms happen to be longer
than his legs?
375
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:05,152
Actually, I broke up with her.
376
00:24:05,235 --> 00:24:07,612
[gasps] ¿Cómo? Why?
377
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:10,365
Because I realized you're the one
I want to be with.
378
00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:15,370
In whatever way it means to you.
379
00:24:15,453 --> 00:24:18,206
Look, I don't know
how much time I have left
380
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:21,376
on this lonely, spinning space rock
we call Earth...
381
00:24:23,003 --> 00:24:25,630
but I know
I don't want to spend it without you.
382
00:24:27,090 --> 00:24:28,967
Ay, Leslie...
383
00:24:29,843 --> 00:24:32,304
we're going to be friends again.
384
00:24:32,387 --> 00:24:33,805
[laughs]
385
00:24:33,889 --> 00:24:35,640
Come over tomorrow.
386
00:24:35,724 --> 00:24:39,394
We will sit a respectable distance
from each other
387
00:24:39,477 --> 00:24:41,521
and watch the Property Brothers.
388
00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:42,856
[chuckles]
389
00:24:44,482 --> 00:24:46,026
Now I'm blushing.
390
00:24:46,109 --> 00:24:48,028
[laughing]
391
00:24:48,612 --> 00:24:50,780
So, just to be clear...
392
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:53,241
just friends?
393
00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:58,872
Well, friends who occasionally hug.
394
00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:08,423
Papito, what happened to your date?
395
00:25:08,506 --> 00:25:12,219
Did you find out she was
an undercover cop here on assignment?
396
00:25:15,055 --> 00:25:19,476
[sighs] Turns out she was just using me
to make stupid Travis Aarons jealous.
397
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,646
-[laughing]
-Oh, not with my son.
398
00:25:22,729 --> 00:25:23,980
Whoa!
399
00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:28,735
Keep your earrings on.
400
00:25:30,153 --> 00:25:32,447
Dude, you are not looking at this
the right way.
401
00:25:32,530 --> 00:25:36,451
A ninth-grade girl, who I swear
was on The Bachelor last season...
402
00:25:39,204 --> 00:25:42,290
just used you to make another guy jealous.
And it worked.
403
00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:44,960
You gotta be pretty cool
for that to happen.
404
00:25:45,043 --> 00:25:48,838
-[chuckles] You think?
-Are you kidding?
405
00:25:49,422 --> 00:25:53,009
And now you got that
whole sad-puppy-dog thing going for you.
406
00:25:53,093 --> 00:25:54,844
Girls eat that stuff up.
407
00:25:55,470 --> 00:25:56,638
Hey!
408
00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:58,181
That's true, though.
409
00:25:59,182 --> 00:26:02,394
So, get back on the dance floor
and show the ladies what you got.
410
00:26:02,477 --> 00:26:04,771
[scoffs] Please. They already know.
411
00:26:08,191 --> 00:26:10,068
And just like that, he's back.
412
00:26:12,153 --> 00:26:13,488
Can I have this dance?
413
00:26:14,281 --> 00:26:18,451
I am very impressed.
You were really great with Alex right now.
414
00:26:18,535 --> 00:26:20,120
Oh. Well, he's a great kid.
415
00:26:20,620 --> 00:26:21,746
So is Elena.
416
00:26:22,497 --> 00:26:24,499
Probably has something
to do with their mom.
417
00:26:24,582 --> 00:26:28,586
-Yeah. They are pretty great, right?
-Yeah.
418
00:26:29,838 --> 00:26:30,964
I can't wait to have kids.
419
00:26:34,676 --> 00:26:36,595
[music playing]
30735
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