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(June) WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THAT
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NEW YORK IS SUCH A TOUGH TOWN?
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I'VE LIVED HERE
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A WHILE NOW
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AND I FEEL LIKE
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I'VE GOT IT LICKED.
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I MASTERED THE SUBWAY,
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HOW TO JAYWALK
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WITHOUT BEING HIT,
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AND I'VE LEARNED A CUTE
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NEW WORD FOR JEWISH PEOPLE.
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HELLO, HEBRAHAM!
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THE THING THAT REALLY MAKES
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THE CITY FEEL LIKE HOME
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IS HAVING A FRIEND,
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SOMEONE TO TALK TO
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AND HANG OUT WITH.
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AND FOR ME,
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THAT'S MY ROOMMATE CHLOE.
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ONE DAY SOON, WE'LL EVEN
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BE IN A PICTURE TOGETHER.
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HMM.
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HEY, ELI. DO YOU
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STAND THERE EVERY MORNING,
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WAITING FOR ME
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TO OPEN THE BLINDS?
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(opens refrigerator)
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DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF, JUNE.
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AND YES, I DO.
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LOOK AT THAT!
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ONE TIME I MENTION TO CHLOE
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THAT BLUEBERRY IS
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MY FAVORITE KIND OF YOGURT,
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AND WHAT DOES SHE DO?
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SHE GOES AND STOCKS
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THE ENTIRE FRIDGE WITH THEM.
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WELL, IT'S IMPORTANT
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TO HAVE FRIENDS IN NEW YORK.
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THIS CITY CAN BE HARD...
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LIKE A LOTTA THINGS.
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I FEEL BAD.
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I'VE BEEN SO BUSY
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WORKING AT THE COFFEE SHOP
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AND TRYING TO GET
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ANOTHER WALL STREET JOB
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THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO HAVE
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A GIRLS' DAY OUT WITH CHLOE...
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UNTIL NOW!
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THAT SOUNDS FUN.
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YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT FUN?
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COMPLACENCY IN THE FACE
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OF CORPORATE GREED.
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TODAY IS MY FIRST DAY OFF,
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SO I THINK I'M GONNA ASK HER
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TO HANG OUT.
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MAYBE WE'LL GO HAVE A PICNIC
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IN CENTRAL PARK OR--
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(groans)
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STOP TALKING!
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OH, HEY! SOMEBODY'S UP.
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WOULD YOU LIKE
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TO HANG OUT TODAY?
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I FEEL LIKE A PIG CRAPPED
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INSIDE MY HEAD.
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I FEEL LIKE A PIG ATE
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INDIAN FOOD AND SQUATTED DOWN...
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OH.
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THERE'S A MAN UNDERNEATH YOU.
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HELLO.
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DON'T WAKE HIM.
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I TOOK ALL OF HIS LIFE FORCE
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LAST NIGHT.
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ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
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I WANNA SEE YOUR NEW YORK CITY.
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SHOW ME WHAT YOU LOVE
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ABOUT THIS PLACE.
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WELL...
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GUESS THERE IS ONE THING
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WE COULD DO,
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BUT IT MIGHT BE
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A LITTLE TOURISTY.
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(man, amplified voice)
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AND TO YOUR LEFT,
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YOU'LL SEE THE SITE OF
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THE FAMOUS NOODLE FIRE OF 1927,
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(laughing)
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THEY SAY ON A WINDY NIGHT,
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YOU CAN STILL SMELL THE LO MEIN
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AND BURNING HAIR.
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GOD, I LOVE NEW YORK!
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(woman) ♪ I'M NOT PERFECT,
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AND I'M NO SNITCH ♪
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♪ BUT I CAN TELL YOU ♪
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(whispers) ♪ SHE'S A... ♪
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(buzzer)
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♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪
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♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪
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AND THAT'S ALL THEY FOUND--
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THE YOUNG NURSE'S
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SAWED-OFF PELVIS
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IN A FedEx ENVELOPE
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IN THAT MAILBOX RIGHT THERE.
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(murmuring)
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"WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY
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HAVE TO BE DEAD OVERNIGHT," HUH?
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(laughter)
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MITCHELL, YOU ARE TOO MUCH!
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(laughs nervously) NEW YORK!
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HERE, WE LAUGH AT DEATH!
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(chuckles)
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DON'T LAUGH TOO HARD,
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LITTLE GIRL.
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ANOTHER YOUNG WOMAN
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WAS FOUND MURDERED
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IN THE PARK THIS MORNING.
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THAT MAKES SIX THIS SUMMER.
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YOU WANNA CALL HER PARENTS
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AND TELL THEM HOW FUNNY
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YOU THINK THAT IS?
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WE--WE WERE JUST...
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WE ALL WERE JUST LAUGHING--
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OKAY, WHO'S UP FOR SNACKS
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AND A PEE?
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(man) OKAY.
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I'VE GOT CLIF BARS
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AND TUNA FISH SANDWICHES.
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WARNING--THE ICE HAS MADE
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THE BREAD MOIST.
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I ACTUALLY BROUGHT MY SNACK
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FROM HOME.
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BLUEBERRY YOGURT.
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MY FAVORITE.
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GREAT.
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IT'S TIME FOR MY SNACK, TOO.
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I SHOULD PROBABLY DO IT
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IN THE BATHROOM, THOUGH.
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THERE'S A LOT OF COPS AROUND.
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WELCOME, MURDER FANS!
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(cash register beeps)
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YOU MUST BE HERE FOR
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OUR KILLER ZUCCHINI MUFFINS.
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(chuckles) IT'S A JOKE.
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SO THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE DOING
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ON YOUR DAY OFF? A CRIME TOUR?
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IT'S WHAT CHLOE WANTED
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TO DO.
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HOW GREAT. SO THE ROOMMATE
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WHO SLEPT WITH YOUR FIANCE
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IS ALSO FASCINATED
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WITH MURDER?
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PERFECT!
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THERE'S A PROBLEM
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IN THE BATHROOM.
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SOMEONE TRIED TO FLUSH
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SOME KIND OF PLASTIC BAGGIE
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DOWN YOUR TOILET.
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OHH!
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SO TODAY WAS, UH...
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IT WAS INTERESTING.
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RIGHT?!
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(chuckles)
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BEFORE I TOOK THAT TOUR,
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I DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF THAT STUFF.
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I DIDN'T KNOW IT!
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WELL, YOU KNOW ANOTHER FUN THING
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FOR GIRLFRIENDS TO DO TOGETHER
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IS TO HAVE
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A HOME-COOKED MEAL.
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WEDNESDAY NIGHT, I'LL MAKE
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MY FAMOUS CHICKEN WILLIAMS...
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(beep)
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YEAH, WEDNESDAY WORKS.
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IT'S A PLAN.
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OKAY.
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(beep)
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TOILETS ARE FOR PEES AND TURDS,
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YOU GUYS!
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(sighs) WHY DO I HAVE TO
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SAY THIS EVERY DAY?
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(woman) ♪ I HEAR
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MY FAVORITE SONG ♪
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♪♪♪
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(indistinct conversations)
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MARK-PAUL GOSSELAAR IS BUILDING
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A SCHOOL IN EL SALVADOR.
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WHAT AN ASS CRACK.
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HMM! ESCUELA DE GOSSELAAR.
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HE LOOKS GOOD,
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ALL WEARING A TANK TOP.
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YEAH, SWING THAT HAMMER,
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BUILD THAT SCHOOL,
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CARRY THAT NIÑO.
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I'M TELLING YOU,
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THE BEST WAY TO GET PUBLICITY
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IS TO DO SOMETHING SELFLESS.
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UH-HUH. HOW DO YOU SAY
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"SAFE WORD" IN SPANISH?
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PALABRA SEGURA.
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SO I CALLED MY AGENT,
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AND APPARENTLY THERE'S
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THIS MENTORSHIP PROGRAM
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FOR UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS,
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AND A LITTLE GIRL
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ACTUALLY REQUESTED ME.
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I'M GONNA BE
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A CELEBRITY MENTOR.
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GOOD FOR YOU.
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I'M GONNA GO MENTOR
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THOSE CUTE BUSBOYS OVER THERE,
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TURN THEM INTO BUSMEN.
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SEE YOU LATER.
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HOLA, GUAPO!
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(Lisa Loeb) ♪ YOU SAY ♪
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(click)
215
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TWO CANDLES
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FOR TWO FRIENDS.
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♪ DING-DING-DING,
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DA-DING-DING, DA-DING-DING ♪
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♪ DING-DING-DING-- ♪
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AAH!
221
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WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!
222
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NO ONE'S HOME AT THIS TIME!
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WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
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AND WHY DO YOU HAVE
225
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KEYS TO OUR APARTMENT?
226
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S-SO THAT I COULD DROP OFF
227
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CHLOE'S MAIL...
228
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THAT I GOT BY MISTAKE.
229
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(thud)
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SOME OF THE ENVELOPES
231
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ARE ALREADY OPENED.
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NOT ALL OF THEM,
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JUST THE ONES THAT LOOKED
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PERSONAL AND ALL OF THEM.
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♪ DON'T BELONG ♪
236
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♪ AND NOW THAT I AM LEAVING ♪
237
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HMM.
238
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♪ NOW I KNOW
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THAT I DID SOMETHING WRONG ♪
240
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♪ 'CAUSE I MISSED YOU ♪
241
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(sighs)
242
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(snoring)
243
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(woman) ♪ GIVE IT A REST ♪
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(giggling)
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OH, HEY!
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HUH?
247
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MEET THESE GUYS.
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I DON'T KNOW THEIR NAMES,
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BUT THEY SEEM TO ANSWER
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TO "MENUDO."
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WHERE'S YOUR FRIEND?
252
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SHE NEVER SHOWED.
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THAT'S SO MEAN.
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YEAH, IT IS.
255
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MMM.
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(mouths words)
257
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I TOLD YOU I WAS MAKING
258
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YOU DINNER WEDNESDAY NIGHT.
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WHAT? NO, YOU SAID
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YOU WERE GONNA MAKE
261
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DINNER FOR YOUR FRIEND.
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(beep)
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I EVEN PUT IT IN MY PHONE
264
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TO MAKE SURE I WASN'T GONNA
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BE AROUND.
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CAN WE HAVE SOME MORE BREAD?
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YOU ARE THE FRIEND
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I WAS TALKING ABOUT!
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(dishes rattle)
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OH.
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OKAY. I THINK THERE'S BEEN
272
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:43,302
A MISUNDERSTANDING. SORRY.
273
00:05:43,342 --> 00:05:45,220
LET ME MAKE IT CLEAR NOW--
274
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,388
WE'RE ROOMMATES.
275
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,388
WE'RE NOT FRIENDS.
276
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:50,391
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
277
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:50,391
WE--WE--WE'VE BEEN HANGING OUT.
278
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,393
YOU TOOK ME
279
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,393
ON YOUR MURDER TOUR.
280
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,021
YEAH, I TRICKED YOU
281
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,021
INTO BUYING MY TICKET.
282
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,898
I DIDN'T WANT TO BUY IT AND I
283
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,898
WANTED YOU TO BUY IT. WE COOL?
284
00:05:56,940 --> 00:06:00,401
SORRY. CAN YOU BOX THIS UP
285
00:05:56,940 --> 00:06:00,401
FOR ME?
286
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,283
CUTE, HUH?
287
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,283
(door closes)
288
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:14,124
I JUST FELT LIKE CHLOE AND I
289
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:14,124
HAD REALLY BONDED, YOU KNOW?
290
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:16,793
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH
291
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:16,793
SO MUCH ALREADY AND--
292
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,419
Sweetie, if she doesn't want
293
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,419
to be your friend,
294
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:19,587
that's her loss.
295
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,422
Like when my friend Agnes
296
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,422
told me
297
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:23,884
she no longer wanted me
298
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:23,884
to be in her book club.
299
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:25,802
Three months later,
300
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:25,802
she was dead.
301
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:28,096
Oh, and, June-bug,
302
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:28,096
speaking of dead,
303
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,224
we heard about those girls
304
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,224
getting murdered in the park.
305
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:33,227
We're gonna send you
306
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:33,227
a rape whistle. Huh?
307
00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,020
(blows whistle)
308
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,437
Just make sure you don't get
309
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,437
raped next to a marching band.
310
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:38,148
(both laugh)
311
00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:40,317
ALL RIGHT, WELL, I LOVE YOU.
312
00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:40,317
I'LL SEE YOU LATER. BYE.
313
00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:41,442
I love you!
314
00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:41,442
Be safe.
315
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,278
IT'S TOO BAD
316
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,278
ABOUT YOU AND CHLOE.
317
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,614
I WAS WRITING AN EROTIC NOVEL
318
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,614
ABOUT YOUR FRIENDSHIP.
319
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:47,741
CAN I HELP YOU?
320
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:48,950
I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.
321
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,827
FIND SOME GIRLS YOU HAVE
322
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,827
SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH,
323
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,829
AN ACTIVITY
324
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,829
YOU CAN BOND OVER.
325
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:56,041
WELL... I HAVE BEEN MEANING
326
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:56,041
TO FIND A PILATES CLASS
327
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,251
SINCE I MOVED HERE.
328
00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:58,459
(buzzer sounds)
329
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,462
OOH! GOTTA GO.
330
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,462
I'M PLAYING HOOPS WITH MY BOYS.
331
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:02,297
YOU HAVE FRIENDS?
332
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,464
OF COURSE.
333
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,300
WHO DOESN'T HAVE FRIENDS?
334
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,300
I'M NOT A FREAK.
335
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,593
AHH.
336
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:10,138
THESE ARE JUST
337
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:10,138
MY KNOCK-AROUND HEELS.
338
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:12,891
(school bell rings)
339
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,475
KIM?
340
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,353
HI. JAMES VAN DER BEEK,
341
00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:18,105
THE CELEBRITY MENTOR
342
00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:18,105
YOU REQUESTED.
343
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:21,566
JAMES VAN DER BEEK?
344
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:21,566
I ASKED FOR MARIO VAN PEEBLES.
345
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,068
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THAT IS.
346
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,653
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
347
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,653
DANG!
348
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,115
SURE YOU DO.
349
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,115
BUT I'M NOT HERE AS AN ACTOR.
350
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:30,867
I'M HERE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE,
351
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:30,867
PURELY FOR SELFLESS REASONS.
352
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,577
(cell phone camera shutter
353
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,577
clicks)
354
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,495
ALL RIGHT, LET ME JUST TEXT THAT
355
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,495
TO MY PUBLICIST,
356
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,081
AND THEN WE'LL GO GET
357
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,081
SOME GELATO.
358
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:39,376
OKAY, BUT WE GOTTA WAIT A WHILE
359
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:39,376
BEFORE WE GET ON THE SUBWAY.
360
00:07:39,418 --> 00:07:41,502
THE GIRLS WHO BULLY ME
361
00:07:39,418 --> 00:07:41,502
ARE THERE NOW.
362
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:42,921
YOU'RE GETTING BULLIED?
363
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,506
THAT'S TERRIFIC.
364
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,506
BULLYING'S HOT RIGHT NOW.
365
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:46,925
DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT
366
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:46,925
A THING.
367
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,676
I'M HERE TO MAKE
368
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,676
ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.
369
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,511
BUT I WANTED
370
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,511
MY MARIO VAN PEEBLES DREAM
371
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:51,305
TO COME TRUE.
372
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:53,598
WELL, THAT ONE'S DEAD.
373
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:53,598
COME ON.
374
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:01,106
YOU KNOW, I DID
375
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:01,106
A BULLYING P.S.A. BACK IN '99.
376
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,899
WORST MAKEUP PERSON
377
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,899
I EVER WORKED WITH.
378
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,526
JUST UNTALENTED. IT WAS
379
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,526
A NIGHTMARE. I HAD TO FIRE HER.
380
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,321
(chime sounds)
381
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:08,529
(woman over P.A.)
382
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:08,529
ALL LARGE BAGS AND BACKPACKS...
383
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:09,530
(speaks indistinctly)
384
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:12,533
HEY, RELAX.
385
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:12,533
I GOT YOUR BACK.
386
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,244
(girl) HEY!
387
00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:15,912
(backpack thuds)
388
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,538
(chime sounds)
389
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,538
WHOA. THIS IS REAL.
390
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:20,334
WHY YOU SO SHORT?
391
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:20,334
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE?
392
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,752
WHERE'S YOUR FRIEND AT?
393
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:24,587
HE AIN'T HERE, BOO-BOO.
394
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,049
HEY, CALL ME!
395
00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:34,222
COME ON, BARNEYS.
396
00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:34,222
I'M NOT IN THE MOOD.
397
00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:34,222
(click)
398
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:37,476
(women laughing)
399
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,019
OH! CHLOE, HI.
400
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,479
THESE ARE MY NEW FRIENDS.
401
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,479
(door closes)
402
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,647
THIS IS ASHLEY, CARMEN,
403
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,647
AND STEPHANIE.
404
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:45,233
WE'VE BEEN HANGING OUT
405
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:45,233
AT PILATES ALL WEEK.
406
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,277
YEAH, PEOPLE CALL US
407
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,277
THE HOTTIES 4 PILATES.
408
00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:48,362
(laughter)
409
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,280
WE THOUGHT OF IT. I DID.
410
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:52,573
WAIT. I'M SORRY.
411
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:52,573
JUNE, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
412
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,493
I TOLD YOU. THEY'RE MY FRIENDS.
413
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,577
WE ACTUALLY HAVE
414
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,577
A LOT IN COMMON.
415
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:57,787
(Stephanie, Carmen, and Ashley)
416
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:57,787
MM-HMM.
417
00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,289
I MEAN, ASHLEY WORKS
418
00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,289
ON WALL STREET.
419
00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:02,376
WHEN I TOLD CARMEN THAT I LIKED
420
00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:02,376
FLAN, SHE NODDED IN AGREEMENT.
421
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,585
AND STEPHANIE AND I BOTH LOOK
422
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,585
EXACTLY THE SAME WAIST-DOWN
423
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,380
IN OUR PILATES TIGHTS.
424
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:07,506
WELL, NOT EXACTLY THE SAME.
425
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,883
I HAVE THIS COOL
426
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,883
KOKOPELLI TATTOO.
427
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,469
HE'S THE FLUTE-PLAYING
428
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,469
GOD OF LIFE.
429
00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:15,472
I JUST LOVE KNOWING THAT HE'S
430
00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:15,472
ALWAYS DOWN THERE, JAMMIN'.
431
00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:16,473
(laughs)
432
00:09:16,515 --> 00:09:17,807
I GOT HIM AT SURF CAMP
433
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,893
AFTER I BROKE UP
434
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,893
WITH MY BOYFRIEND FRANK.
435
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:22,521
I ONLY NEEDED THREE IBUPROFEN.
436
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,898
R-O-K. ROCK STAR!
437
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:26,525
(laughter)
438
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,736
OH! I JUST REALIZED.
439
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,736
I HATE YOU.
440
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:32,239
(scoffs)
441
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,242
(whispers) YOU CAN'T BE RUDE
442
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,242
TO MY FRIENDS!
443
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,285
OH, COME ON, JUNE.
444
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,285
THESE GIRLS ARE A JOKE.
445
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,286
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
446
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,205
OKAY,
447
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,205
MAYBE THEY'RE NOT PERFECT,
448
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,664
BUT YOU DON'T WANT
449
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,664
TO BE MY FRIEND,
450
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:42,832
AND THEY WANNA BE MY FRIENDS,
451
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:45,210
AND I WANNA DRINK CAPPUCCINOS
452
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:45,210
ON THE SIDEWALK.
453
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,420
WHY DO YOU WANNA BE
454
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,420
THEIR FRIEND?
455
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:48,629
THEY'RE CATTY, OBNOXIOUS,
456
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:48,629
AND IRRITATING,
457
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:49,923
LIKE ALL GIRLS.
458
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,550
"ALL GIRLS"? WHAT DO YOU--
459
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,550
WHAT DO YOU EVEN MEAN?
460
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:52,633
I MEAN, THOSE GIRLS
461
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:52,633
ARE EXACTLY
462
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,052
THE REASON WHY
463
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,052
I DON'T HANG OUT WITH GIRLS.
464
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,096
THEY'RE COMPETITIVE,
465
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,096
THEY BACKSTAB,
466
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,348
AND THEY POST GROUP PICTURES
467
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,348
OF THEMSELVES ON FACEBOOK
468
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,350
SO THEY CAN SHOW THE WORLD
469
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,350
WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE IN A BIKINI.
470
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:03,644
THAT WAS A TANKINI, AND I WAS
471
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:03,644
TAGGED IN THAT PHOTO.
472
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:03,644
(bottle cap clatters)
473
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:05,313
LOOK, I JUST PREFER
474
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:05,313
TO HANG OUT WITH DUDES.
475
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,566
THEY SAY WHAT THEY MEAN,
476
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,566
THEY LIKE TO HAVE FUN,
477
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,568
AND IN A PINCH,
478
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,568
THEY HAVE A PENIS.
479
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:10,902
(door opens)
480
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,906
STUPID SHIRTS.
481
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,658
AWESOME SHIRT.
482
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,662
THAT'S HOW YOU SHOULD DRESS,
483
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,662
LADIES.
484
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:24,040
PAY ATTENTION.
485
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:27,544
(Schubert's "Valses
486
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:27,544
sentimentales, Op. 50" playing)
487
00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:29,463
(sighs)
488
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:30,671
(door opens)
489
00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,673
(sighs) THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.
490
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,716
I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT
491
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,760
THIS HELLISH GIRL EXPERIENCE
492
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,760
I JUST HAD.
493
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,137
YEAH,
494
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,137
I'M HAVING A PROBLEM, TOO.
495
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,346
IT'S KIM,
496
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,346
MY PUBLICITY PROJECT.
497
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,557
I FEEL AWFUL. I ABANDONED HER
498
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,557
IN A MOMENT OF CRISIS.
499
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,183
UGH! NOT YOU, TOO!
500
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,394
STICK A TAMPON IN IT
501
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,394
AND CALL YOUR MOM.
502
00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:47,981
THESE NEW FRIENDS OF JUNE'S
503
00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:47,981
ARE SO HORRIBLE.
504
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,983
SHE'S REALLY SCRAPING
505
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,983
THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL.
506
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:51,776
WELL, NOBODY LIKES
507
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:51,776
TO BE ALONE.
508
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,070
I'D RATHER BE ALONE THAN BE
509
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,070
WITH THAT GIRL STEPHANIE.
510
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:56,906
SHE'S THE WORST.
511
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:56,906
SHE THINKS SHE'S THE QUEEN BEE.
512
00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,783
YOU KNOW, ONE OF THOSE GIRLS
513
00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,783
WHO ONLY TALKS ABOUT HERSELF
514
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,785
AND GOES AROUND WITH AN ARMY
515
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,785
OF LITTLE PINK GROUPIES.
516
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,704
"QUEEN BEE"?
517
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,704
SO THERE'S A POWER DYNAMIC, HUH?
518
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:05,290
YEAH, AND IT'S DISGUSTING.
519
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:07,000
IT'S SOMETHING YOU WOULD
520
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:07,000
NEVER HAVE WITH A GUY FRIEND.
521
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:10,128
I'M LEAVING
522
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:10,128
AND I'M TAKING THIS.
523
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,755
AND THIS.
524
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,717
(siren wailing, horn honks)
525
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,637
♪♪♪
526
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,721
HEY, BILLY.
527
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,721
I'LL HAVE THE USUAL.
528
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:21,889
ACTUALLY, CHLOE,
529
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,976
YOUR FRIENDS ALREADY ORDERED
530
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,976
A DRINK FOR YOU.
531
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:27,895
GIRL GRENADE!
532
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:27,895
AAH!
533
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,606
(Stephanie laughs)
534
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,606
HI!
535
00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,732
(chuckles) SO I'VE BEEN THINKING
536
00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,732
ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID
537
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,234
ABOUT NOT HAVING
538
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,234
ANY FEMALE FRIENDS,
539
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:36,946
AND I REALIZED IT'S JUST BECAUSE
540
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:36,946
YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN THEM A CHANCE.
541
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,115
FORGET IT, JUNE.
542
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,115
COME ON.
543
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,741
YOU CAN'T HATE SOMETHING IF YOU
544
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,741
HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED IT BEFORE.
545
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:41,742
PLEASE?
546
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,911
(sighs deeply)
547
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:46,331
OH! OOH!
548
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:46,331
(giggling)
549
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,833
OKAY, THE FIRST RULE
550
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,833
OF GIRLFRIENDS--
551
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,669
HMM?
552
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,669
YOU DO NOT TALK
553
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,669
ABOUT GIRLFRIENDS.
554
00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:52,753
(laughs) MOVIE REFERENCE!
555
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,464
OH, THAT'S FROM "LA BAMBA"!
556
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:58,134
WHAT? NO, CARMEN. NOT
557
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:58,134
EVERYTHING'S FROM "LA BAMBA"!
558
00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,469
♪♪♪
559
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,762
MY DOCTOR SAYS I CAN'T LOSE
560
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,762
ANY MORE WEIGHT.
561
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,390
I'M IN THE RED ZONE.
562
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,766
I EAT AND I EAT...
563
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,766
NOTHING. I'M CURSED.
564
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,268
(slurps drink)
565
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,646
I MEAN, CARMEN, YOU'RE SO LUCKY
566
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,646
YOU DON'T HAVE THIS.
567
00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:11,231
(slurps) WHAT THE HELL?
568
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,774
I'VE HAD, LIKE, EIGHT OF THESE
569
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,774
AND I DON'T EVEN FEEL BUZZED.
570
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,776
OH, THAT'S BECAUSE
571
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,776
THERE'S NO ALCOHOL IN THERE.
572
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,862
WE DON'T WANNA GET
573
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,862
DRINKY WRINKLES.
574
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:20,781
SO I'M JUST DRINKING JUICE,
575
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:20,781
LIKE A KID?
576
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:22,283
MM-HMM.
577
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:22,283
(glasses shatter)
578
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:25,078
WHAT IS HAPPENING AT THIS TABLE
579
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:25,078
IS RIDICULOUS.
580
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:27,080
STEPHANIE,
581
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:27,080
STOP ABBREVIATING WORDS.
582
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,789
YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB.
583
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,789
YOU HAVE THE TIME.
584
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,083
ASHLEY, YOU'RE JUST
585
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,083
TELLING STEPHANIE
586
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,293
SHE DID THE RIGHT THING
587
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,293
BY KICKING FRANK TO THE CURB
588
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:33,961
BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY
589
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:33,961
WANNA SLEEP WITH HIM.
590
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:35,672
AND, CARMEN,
591
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:35,672
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,
592
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:38,174
CAN YOU STOP QUOTING "LA BAMBA"
593
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:38,174
FOR ONE SECOND?
594
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:41,302
"EVERYTHING'S RITCHIE, RITCHIE!
595
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:41,302
WHAT ABOUT BOB?!"
596
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,262
(laughs)
597
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,805
YOU'VE GOT US PEGGED,
598
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,805
DON'T YOU?
599
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:47,183
YOU THINK THAT BY ACTING TOUGH
600
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:47,183
AND REJECTING US
601
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:49,603
BEFORE WE REJECT YOU
602
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:49,603
THAT YOU CAN PROTECT YOURSELF.
603
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,896
YOU'RE JUST SCARED THAT
604
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,896
SOMEONE'S GONNA SEE THE REAL YOU
605
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,314
AND FIND OUT THAT
606
00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:54,691
YOU'RE NOT AS INTERESTING
607
00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:54,691
AS YOU THINK YOU ARE.
608
00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:56,984
WELL YOU'RE NOT AS SKINNY
609
00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:56,984
AS YOU THINK YOU ARE.
610
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:59,529
SHOULDN'T YOU BE DANCING
611
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:59,529
IN A GLASS BOOTH SOMEWHERE?
612
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:00,821
NO. YOUR MOM TOOK MY SHIFT.
613
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:03,324
MY MOM PASSED AWAY
614
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:03,324
TWO YEARS AGO.
615
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,285
WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE
616
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,285
DONALD SUTHERLAND.
617
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:06,411
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
618
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:09,539
THERE'S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE BITCH
619
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:09,539
IN APARTMENT 23.
620
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:12,292
DID YOU GUYS TRY THESE NACHOS?
621
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:12,292
THEY ARE YUMMO!
622
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,877
(mouth full) I LOVE 'EM.
623
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,877
THEY'RE GREAT. (crunching)
624
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,921
OKAY, I'M OUT OF HERE.
625
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:19,090
JUNE, I'LL PICK YOU UP TOMORROW
626
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:19,090
FOR PILATES.
627
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,008
WE CAN DISCUSS FINDING YOU
628
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,008
ANOTHER ROOMMATE
629
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,344
WHO ISN'T A TOTAL PSYCHO.
630
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:28,849
SO WHO HAS THOUGHTS
631
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:28,849
ON ANNE HATHAWAY?
632
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,017
HEY, STEPHANIE FORGOT
633
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,017
HER JACKET.
634
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,936
OH. I'LL GIVE IT TO HER.
635
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,981
WE HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS.
636
00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:39,860
HEY, STEPHANIE, IT'S JUNE AGAIN.
637
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:42,739
PILATES STARTED
638
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:42,739
OVER AN HOUR AGO.
639
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:43,782
WHERE ARE YOU?
640
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,866
GIVE ME A CALL. BYE.
641
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,866
(beep)
642
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,161
I DON'T THINK SHE'S COMING.
643
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,161
(turns on TV)
644
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,455
...ANOTHER GIRL WAS FOUND
645
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,455
MURDERED IN THE PARK.
646
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,039
THE UNIDENTIFIED VICTIM
647
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,039
WAS FOUND
648
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:53,458
CLUTCHING A PILATES MAT
649
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,876
AND HAS A TATTOO ON HER ANKLE
650
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,876
OF KOKOPELLI.
651
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,754
OH, MY GOD.
652
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,754
(man) UH, IT'S VERY DISTURBING.
653
00:13:57,796 --> 00:14:00,674
IT'S STEPHANIE!
654
00:13:57,796 --> 00:14:00,674
UM, THE LADIES APPEAR TO BE
655
00:13:57,796 --> 00:14:00,674
ALL AGES AND ALL RANGES...
656
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:03,134
OHH.
657
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:03,134
...OF WEIGHT, COLOR,
658
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:03,134
AND CREED...
659
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:06,680
ROUGH NIGHT.
660
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:06,680
A LOT OF BAD CHOICES.
661
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,723
...THIS MAY NOT END.
662
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,723
THIS MAY BE JUST THE BEGINNING.
663
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:09,766
(door closes)
664
00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:16,063
UH, WE'VE JUST WITNESSED--
665
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,565
(changes channel)
666
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,565
WOW. IT'S ON EVERY CHANNEL.
667
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,818
SHOCKING. I HAVEN'T PAID
668
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,818
FOR CABLE IN THREE YEARS.
669
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,695
HOW ARE WE STILL GETTING TV?
670
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:24,113
SO, UM...
671
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:26,783
WHY ARE YOU WEARING
672
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:26,783
STEPHANIE'S JACKET?
673
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:29,910
OH, I TRIED TO GIVE IT BACK
674
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:29,910
TO HER BUT I COULDN'T FIND HER.
675
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,997
WE HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS.
676
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:37,918
LATER, STUPID!
677
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:38,919
GO!
678
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,213
SO...
679
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,213
(TV playing indistinctly)
680
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:42,006
WHAT DID YOU DO
681
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:42,006
FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT?
682
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:45,134
NOTHING. I JUST WENT TO JAMES'
683
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:45,134
TO WATCH TV.
684
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:49,597
WHY?
685
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:49,597
WHAT ARE YOU INSINUATING?
686
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:51,932
NOTHING...
687
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:53,100
UNLESS THERE IS SOMETHING
688
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,978
THAT YOU FEEL LIKE YOU NEED
689
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,978
TO TELL ME.
690
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:01,108
KISS!
691
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:04,320
NO. I'M MAD AT HER.
692
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:06,030
W--
693
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,783
I CAN'T BELIEVE JUNE THINKS
694
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,783
I KILLED HER DUMB FRIEND!
695
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:09,950
(James) That's crazy.
696
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,327
SO DID YOU?
697
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:12,995
WHAT? NO! I WAS WITH YOU.
698
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,372
(snoring)
699
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,956
THAT'S IT.
700
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,956
THAT'S THE PERFECT LOOK FOR KIM.
701
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,958
(turns off TV)
702
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,958
IS THIS COUCH A POD?
703
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,880
BECAUSE WE, SIR,
704
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,880
ARE TWO PEAS IN IT.
705
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,047
JUNE BEING SUSPICIOUS OF ME
706
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,884
IS EXACTLY THE KIND
707
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,884
OF FEMALE B.S. I CAN'T STAND.
708
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,968
Ugly accusations, drama,
709
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,429
MIND GAMES.
710
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,429
I had no idea
711
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:30,971
FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS
712
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:30,971
WERE SO COMPLICATED.
713
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,348
I THOUGHT THERE WERE
714
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,348
TWO TYPES OF GIRLS--
715
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,183
THE PRETTY ONES
716
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,183
AND THE INVISIBLE ONES.
717
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,477
WELL, THERE'S REALLY
718
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,477
ONLY ONE THING TO DO--
719
00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:39,272
REALLY GO OUT OF MY WAY TO MESS
720
00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:39,272
WITH HER HEAD. YOU WANNA HELP?
721
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:40,981
AH, I CAN'T.
722
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:40,981
I THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID
723
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,983
ABOUT
724
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,983
THE WHOLE POWER DYNAMIC THING.
725
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,068
I'M GIVING KIM A MAKEOVER
726
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:47,154
SO SHE'LL BE QUEEN BEE
727
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:47,154
AND WON'T GET PICKED ON.
728
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:49,407
I DECIDED PUBLICITY OR NO,
729
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,992
I'M NEVER ABANDONING
730
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,992
THAT LITTLE BIG GIRL AGAIN.
731
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:53,369
(belches)
732
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:54,370
SORRY. SODA.
733
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:55,789
LUTHER'S IN WITH HER NOW.
734
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,039
HE'S FAMILIAR
735
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,039
WITH A GENEROUS FEMALE FORM
736
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,793
FROM HIS STINT AS WARDROBE
737
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,793
MASTER ON "DESIGNING WOMEN."
738
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:02,169
I BROUGHT MY MOTHER TO
739
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:02,169
THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARDS.
740
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,630
(singsongy)
741
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,630
KEEP 'EM GUESSING.
742
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:05,005
Why is he talking?
743
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,007
DRAMATIC REVEAL.
744
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,009
(Kim) THESE PANTYHOSE ITCH.
745
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,009
DANG!
746
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:10,094
OH, MY GOTTA GO.
747
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,305
KIM, YOU LOOK AMAZING.
748
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:16,100
NO ONE'S GONNA BOTHER YOU AGAIN,
749
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:16,100
MY LITTLE MOCHA BUTTERFLY.
750
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,644
HEY, MOM, GIVE ME A CALL.
751
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:20,897
I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT
752
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:20,897
GERANIUMS AND...
753
00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:22,064
(whispers) MURDER.
754
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,190
WHO YOU TALKING TO?
755
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:25,067
UH--
756
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:25,067
SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO THINK!
757
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:26,694
I'M GONNA GO BURN
758
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:26,694
THESE CLOTHES--
759
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,028
ONLY BECAUSE THEY DON'T
760
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,028
FIT ME ANYMORE.
761
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,572
THAT'S THE ONLY REASON.
762
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,619
HEY. I NEED YOU TO TAKE MY PHOTO
763
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,619
FOR A NEW PASSPORT.
764
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,664
CAN ANYONE GO TO ARGENTINA,
765
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,664
OR DO YOU HAVE TO BE A NAZI?
766
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:41,041
NEVER MIND. JUST TAKE THE PHOTO.
767
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:41,041
IT'S THE BIG BUTTON.
768
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,878
(sobbing)
769
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,965
SHE DIDN'T SEEM HAPPY!
770
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:50,050
SO I DID HER A FAVOR!
771
00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:54,180
(continues sobbing)
772
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,978
HEY, COME ON. THERE'S NO SUCH
773
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,978
THING AS A SHY DESIGNING WOMAN.
774
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,150
PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT ME.
775
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,862
BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE
776
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,862
A FULL-FIGURED EMMY NOMINEE.
777
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,404
YOU THINK?
778
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,866
NO ONE'S EVER BELIEVED
779
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,866
IN ME BEFORE. THANKS!
780
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,866
(girls laughing)
781
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:15,075
(laughter continues)
782
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,870
WHAT THE HELL YOU WEARING?
783
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:18,329
WHY YOU LOOK 40?
784
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,665
THIS WHOLE THING WAS HIS IDEA!
785
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,665
(girls laugh)
786
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,166
I KNEW THIS WOULDN'T WORK,
787
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,166
FOOL!
788
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,168
KIM, WHERE IS THIS ANGER
789
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,168
COMING FROM?
790
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,170
IS THIS BECAUSE
791
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,170
I DIDN'T BUY YOU A GELATO?
792
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,131
OOH, YES! GET HIM!
793
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,591
WAIT A MINUTE.
794
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,591
I THINK IT'S WORKING.
795
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,927
NOT THE WAY
796
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,927
I PLANNED IT, BUT I...
797
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,094
I THINK
798
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,094
THEY'RE ACCEPTING YOU.
799
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:37,097
OH! 'CAUSE NOW YOU'RE
800
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:37,097
THE WEAKEST ONE!
801
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,183
I AM! (whispers)
802
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,183
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!
803
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,101
YOU KNOW I HAVE TO
804
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,101
KICK YOUR ASS NOW.
805
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,603
BRING IT, GIRL.
806
00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:43,938
(punch)
807
00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:43,938
UHH!
808
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,023
OOH! OH, HE LOOK STUPID.
809
00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:46,983
(laughs)
810
00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:46,983
REAL DUMB.
811
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,362
HEY.
812
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,698
THIS WHOLE STEPHANIE THING
813
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,698
HAS REALLY AFFECTED ME.
814
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,575
I THINK I'M GONNA GO DOWN
815
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,575
TO THE CRIME SCENE.
816
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:58,160
YOU KNOW,
817
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:58,160
SAY ONE LAST GOOD-BYE.
818
00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,537
OOPS.
819
00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,537
OW!
820
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,121
YOU HAD A FLYAWAY.
821
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:03,833
OH, MY GOD. THERE'S A COP.
822
00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:08,046
(gasps) HE PROBABLY FOUND
823
00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:08,046
MY DUFFEL BAG.
824
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,130
WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP
825
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,130
TROPHIES?!
826
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:11,424
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID
827
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:11,424
TO STEPHANIE, OKAY?
828
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:12,926
AND I'M GONNA TRY
829
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:12,926
TO HELP YOU.
830
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,218
WHAT?
831
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,136
THIS ALL MAKES SENSE.
832
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,136
THERE WERE SO MANY SIGNS.
833
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:17,597
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.
834
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,058
YOU HAVE A MORBID CURIOSITY.
835
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,058
THE WHOLE CRIME TOUR THING...
836
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,143
I DON'T AGREE WITH WHAT YOU DID,
837
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,143
BUT I WANT TO TRY TO HELP YOU.
838
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:25,145
HERE.
839
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:25,145
(bills rustle)
840
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,146
TAKE ALL THE MONEY.
841
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,148
OKAY, I'M GONNA CREATE
842
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,148
A DIVERSION OUT HERE,
843
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,358
AND YOU'RE GONNA RUN
844
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,358
OUT THE BACK.
845
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,151
HUH?
846
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,152
HERE'S MY AUNT DORIS' ADDRESS
847
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,152
IN MIAMI.
848
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,238
SHE HAS A GUEST HOUSE
849
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,238
AND ALZHEIMER'S...
850
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,949
(tears paper)
851
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,949
SO THERE WON'T BE
852
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,949
ANY QUESTIONS.
853
00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:38,158
(whispers) HERE. (sighs)
854
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,035
YOU'D DO THAT FOR ME?
855
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,370
OF COURSE.
856
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,370
NOW GET OUT OF HERE!
857
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,707
WOW.
858
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,707
YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD FRIEND.
859
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,630
AHA!
860
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:53,173
I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU THOUGHT
861
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:53,173
THAT WE WERE FRIENDS.
862
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,635
WHAT?! WAIT A MINUTE.
863
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,635
SO YOU'RE JUST MESSING WITH ME?
864
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:58,763
YEP.
865
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:58,763
SO YOU KNEW I DIDN'T KILL
866
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:58,763
STEPHANIE THE WHOLE TIME?
867
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,181
YEP. WE PLAYED A GAME
868
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,181
OF MURDER CHICKEN, AND I WON.
869
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,809
WHEN DID YOU FIND OUT?
870
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,185
I'M GONNA GO BURN
871
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,185
THESE CLOTHES...
872
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,186
ONLY BECAUSE THEY DON'T
873
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,186
FIT ME ANYMORE.
874
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,855
THAT'S THE ONLY REASON.
875
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,069
(cell phone rings)
876
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,069
(gasps)
877
00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:14,112
(beep)
878
00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:14,112
HELLO?
879
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,071
(squeals and laughs)
880
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,447
FRANK POPPED THE QUESTION.
881
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,866
OH, MY GOD!
882
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,866
STEPHANIE! (laughs)
883
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,200
He came crawling back,
884
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:22,870
FLEW ME TO TURKS AND CAICOS,
885
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:22,870
AND PROPOSED!
886
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:24,204
THAT'S AMAZING! I...
887
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,082
(chuckles)
888
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,082
I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!
889
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,500
(chuckles) THAT'S WEIRD.
890
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:29,293
ANYWAY,
891
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:29,293
OUR FRIENDSHIP IS OVER.
892
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,211
WHAT?
893
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,211
Come on, June.
894
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:32,212
YOU KNOW THAT GIRLFRIENDS
895
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,881
ARE JUST PLACEHOLDERS
896
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,881
BETWEEN BOYFRIENDS.
897
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,009
(gasps) ANYWAY, GOTTA GO.
898
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,009
MY CHI-CHI'S HERE.
899
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,217
BYE!
900
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,217
(beep)
901
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,720
OH. SO SHE'S NOT DEAD?
902
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,720
BUMMER.
903
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,722
OKAY, ALL RIGHT, MAYBE YOU WERE
904
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,722
RIGHT ABOUT STEPHANIE.
905
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:45,601
THERE ARE SOME BAD APPLES,
906
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:45,601
BUT THERE ARE ALSO SOME GOOD
907
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:45,601
APPLES, TOO.
908
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:47,895
YEAH, I GUESS SO, LIKE YOU.
909
00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,939
GOTTA ADMIT, MURDER CHICKEN'S
910
00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,939
PRETTY AWESOME.
911
00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:52,316
(laughs)
912
00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:52,316
I DIDN'T KNOW GIRLFRIENDS COULD
913
00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:52,316
MESS WITH EACH OTHER.
914
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,234
WELL, YEAH.
915
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,234
I MEAN... YOU KNOW,
916
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,945
BUT THEY ALSO--
917
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,945
THEY SHARE CLOTHES
918
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:58,238
AND GET MANICURE-PEDICURES
919
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,240
AND...
920
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,240
AH!
921
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:01,241
YOU'RE MESSING WITH ME AGAIN!
922
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,328
(laughs) TOTALLY!
923
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,328
I DON'T LIKE THAT STUFF.
924
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,080
BESIDES, I KNEW THAT
925
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,080
YOU WERE MY FRIEND
926
00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:10,043
WHEN I SAW THAT YOU WERE GETTING
927
00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:10,043
ME MY BLUEBERRY YOGURT.
928
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,837
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I'VE
929
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,837
NEVER PAID FOR FOOD IN MY LIFE.
930
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:15,173
WHAT? THEN WHO'S BEEN DOING
931
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:15,173
OUR SHOPPING?
932
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,883
MMM.
933
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:18,467
EAT, CHLOE.
934
00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:19,886
YOU'RE SO SKINNY.
935
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:22,763
EAT, MY BIRD-BONED FRIEND!
936
00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:23,890
LOOKS LIKE RAIN.
937
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,266
YEAH, IT'S SUPPOSED TO RAIN.
938
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,144
(mouth full) YEAH.
939
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,189
(both laugh)
940
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,314
ROBIN!
941
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,314
ROBIN!
942
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:33,900
AH. WE SOLVED THAT MYSTERY.
943
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:35,275
THAT WAS SUPER SATISFYING.
944
00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:37,277
MM-HMM.
945
00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:38,988
GIRL'S STILL DEAD IN THE PARK,
946
00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:38,988
THOUGH.
947
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,280
YEAH. SAD.
948
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,200
♪ BA-DA-DA-BA-BA ♪
949
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,119
♪ BA-DOO-BA-DOO-BA-DA-DA ♪
950
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,245
(door closes)
951
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,418
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR?
952
00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:55,004
WE GOT, UH, TIRAMISU,
953
00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:55,004
CAFE AU LAIT, DULCE DE LECHE.
954
00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:57,924
WHY ARE THEY ALL BROWN?
955
00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:57,924
I JUST WANT PLAIN VANILLA.
956
00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:00,300
UH, OKAY, VANILLA'S RIGHT THERE.
957
00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:00,300
IT'S CALLED, UH, VANIGLIA.
958
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:02,178
THERE'S BUGS IN THE VANILLA!
959
00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:04,471
NO, NO, THOSE AREN'T--THOSE
960
00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:04,471
AREN'T BUGS. THOSE ARE BEANS.
961
00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:06,015
BEANS GIVE ME THE TOOTS!
962
00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:07,349
NO, NOT THOSE KINDS OF BEANS.
963
00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:07,349
THEY'RE--THEY'RE--THEY'RE...
964
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:08,976
(cell phone rings)
965
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:08,976
YOU KNOW WHAT?
966
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:10,310
JUST GIVE HER THE, UH,
967
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:10,310
THE STRAWBERRY BASIL.
968
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:10,310
(ring)
969
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:11,395
WHAT?!
970
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:11,395
(beep)
971
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:12,980
IT'S MY AGENT. DONNIE.
972
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:12,980
HEY. YEAH.
973
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:15,108
(sighs deeply)
974
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:15,108
LISTEN,
975
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:15,108
I'M WITH MY MENTEE KIM.
976
00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:17,735
I REALIZED, IT'S NOT ABOUT
977
00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:17,735
PUBLICITY, MAN.
978
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:21,989
IT'S ABOUT MAKING A DIFFERENCE
979
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:21,989
ONE PERSON AT A...
980
00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:24,408
MY AGENT JUST GOT ME
981
00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:24,408
A JAPANESE SEAWEED COMMERCIAL.
982
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,994
TAKE IT.
983
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,994
BUT WHAT ABOUT
984
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,994
THE PLANS WE MADE?
985
00:21:27,036 --> 00:21:29,329
TAKE IT, FOOL!
986
00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:31,331
DONNIE, I'M IN.
987
00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:34,501
THAT'LL BE $16.
988
00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:34,501
WHAT?!
989
00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:36,254
THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
54900
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