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1
00:00:01,790 --> 00:00:03,469
TV HOST: ... what detectives
found in that trunk
2
00:00:03,470 --> 00:00:05,600
may have looked like hamburger,
3
00:00:05,650 --> 00:00:07,600
but it wasn't even from a cow.
4
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:09,880
It's a body.
5
00:00:09,930 --> 00:00:11,700
Everybody knows it's a body.
6
00:00:13,010 --> 00:00:15,520
Nobody puts loose meat in the trunk.
7
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,590
Hey, Calvin. We just wanted to
stop in and see how you're feeling.
8
00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:23,260
Ah, you know, I'm a little sore...
9
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,640
(GASPS) Oh, are you
watching Murder On Trial?
10
00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:26,850
I love this show.
11
00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:28,350
I bet you think it's the husband.
12
00:00:28,404 --> 00:00:30,480
Of course it's the husband.
It's always the husband.
13
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,440
Nope. It's the deacon.
14
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:35,480
I should've known you couldn't
trust no deacon in leather pants.
15
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,940
- Mm-mm.
- All right.
16
00:00:37,990 --> 00:00:40,240
Calvin, it's time you take
a break from this TV
17
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,700
and start to take in
the wonders of nature.
18
00:00:42,750 --> 00:00:45,030
Might I suggest bird-watching?
19
00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:46,390
You may not.
20
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,930
I like my birds dead,
breaded and with a biscuit.
21
00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:53,960
Which you will not be having.
22
00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:56,150
You heard what the doctor said.
23
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,520
You got to cut down on the sodium
24
00:00:57,550 --> 00:00:58,840
while you're on these meds.
25
00:00:58,890 --> 00:01:00,189
Oh, yeah, and sodium's in everything.
26
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:01,249
You know what? Let me go to the kitchen
27
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:02,880
and clear out all the salty snacks.
28
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,410
(IMITATES SCREECHING TIRES)
29
00:01:05,950 --> 00:01:07,020
- Go, go.
- All right.
30
00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:08,380
- Go, go.
- Hey.
31
00:01:08,430 --> 00:01:11,920
Thank you, Dave, but Calvin's got it.
32
00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:13,730
He's gonna be eating leafy greens,
33
00:01:13,780 --> 00:01:15,849
while I'm getting my hair done,
and staying off that leg.
34
00:01:15,850 --> 00:01:17,820
- Right, Calvin?
- Yes, babe.
35
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:18,979
- All right.
- Take care, Calvin.
36
00:01:18,980 --> 00:01:19,980
Yeah. If you need me,
37
00:01:19,990 --> 00:01:21,720
- I'm just a phone call away.
- Okay.
38
00:01:21,770 --> 00:01:23,030
- All right.
- (DOOR OPENS)
39
00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:24,360
Calvin, don't forget,
40
00:01:24,410 --> 00:01:26,470
they're delivering our new towel warmer.
41
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,530
I know.
42
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:28,910
You have to sign for it.
43
00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:30,740
Yes, you told me.
44
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,450
Do you have a pen?
45
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:35,670
Babe, I'm sure the deliveryman
will have a pen.
46
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:36,800
Mm-mm.
47
00:01:36,850 --> 00:01:38,260
See, that's the kind of assumption
48
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,750
that will lead me to not
getting my towel warmer.
49
00:01:42,860 --> 00:01:45,520
- Here's a black and a blue pen.
- Okay.
50
00:01:45,570 --> 00:01:47,250
Bye, sweetie.
51
00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:49,090
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
52
00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:51,150
TV HOST: Coming up
after Murder On Trial,
53
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,830
it's Dead in Wyoming,
54
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,600
followed by an all-new Stabbed.
55
00:01:55,658 --> 00:01:59,060
How can there be this much murder?
56
00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,430
I mean, soon enough, there
won't be anybody left alive
57
00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:03,490
to watch these shows.
58
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:07,480
? Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ?
59
00:02:07,530 --> 00:02:09,450
? Welcome to the hood. ?
60
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:16,920
Man, I can't believe I'm
doing this stupid Dave idea.
61
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,340
Oh, look, a brown bird.
62
00:02:25,140 --> 00:02:28,910
Oh, wow, a black bird.
63
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,280
Hey, man, what are you doing?
64
00:02:33,330 --> 00:02:36,220
Either walk or run, pick one.
65
00:02:39,060 --> 00:02:40,290
Well, hello.
66
00:02:41,670 --> 00:02:44,820
Who's your new friend, Old Man Beasley?
67
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:48,160
Is that the walk of shame I'm seeing?
68
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,300
Mm-mm-mm.
69
00:02:53,180 --> 00:02:54,440
Oh, look at you.
70
00:02:54,490 --> 00:02:57,370
Picking up after your dog. (CHUCKLES)
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00:02:57,420 --> 00:02:59,120
Now that's a good neighbor.
72
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,240
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on!
73
00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:04,880
Oh, hell no!
74
00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:08,480
Don't be throwing your
trash in my trash!
75
00:03:10,230 --> 00:03:11,250
- Daddy!
- Hell!
76
00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:13,140
(LAUGHS)
77
00:03:14,540 --> 00:03:15,990
Hey, Pop, you hungry?
78
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,158
Hey, hey, Malcolm, you know that
empty house across the street?
79
00:03:19,580 --> 00:03:21,360
Well, last week, somebody moved in.
80
00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:22,860
Okay.
81
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:26,420
Get this, they just had
six bags of groceries
82
00:03:26,450 --> 00:03:28,780
and three bags of ice delivered.
83
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:35,110
I think they're turning into one
of those Airbnb party houses.
84
00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:36,830
Because of some groceries?
85
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:40,580
No. Because they also
got a karaoke machine.
86
00:03:40,630 --> 00:03:44,750
Oh. Okay. Uh, Pop, you are
sounding like a Karen.
87
00:03:45,460 --> 00:03:47,380
Karens be right sometimes.
88
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,160
(MOUTHING)
89
00:03:49,210 --> 00:03:51,530
Look, uh, I'm just saying,
you're gonna be trying to sleep,
90
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:52,800
and all you're gonna hear is...
91
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:55,260
(IMITATES DANCE BEAT)
92
00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:58,560
(IMITATES WOMAN): "Oh, my
God, I can't find my shoes."
93
00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:03,830
On the off chance you are
hallucinating from hunger,
94
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:05,179
let's get some food in you, okay?
95
00:04:05,180 --> 00:04:07,540
- What do you feel like eating?
- Oh, oh, oh, you know what?
96
00:04:07,590 --> 00:04:09,950
I want that, uh, pulled pork sandwich
97
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,990
- from the place on Cresthaven.
- Yeah. No.
98
00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:14,580
Come on.
99
00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:16,230
I am under strict orders from Mama.
100
00:04:16,270 --> 00:04:17,620
Healthy and low sodium.
101
00:04:17,670 --> 00:04:19,880
Well, your mama's not
here right now, all right?
102
00:04:19,910 --> 00:04:21,080
- Man...
- She's at the salon
103
00:04:21,110 --> 00:04:23,080
getting her hair done,
so she doesn't have a say.
104
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,060
But-but just in case,
105
00:04:25,110 --> 00:04:27,500
stop at that salad place
on the way home.
106
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,090
You want a salad, too?
107
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,063
No, I just want the bag.
108
00:04:32,231 --> 00:04:34,350
Your mama might check the trash.
109
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:35,800
You know what I'm saying?
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Here.
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00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,800
And pay cash for the sandwich.
112
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Go on, now.
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(CELL PHONE RINGS)
114
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,230
Yeah. (GRUNTS SOFTLY)
115
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,288
Calvin?
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00:04:48,290 --> 00:04:50,500
Oh, hey, babe. I didn't
order no sandwich.
117
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,460
No, I got an alert on my phone
118
00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:55,870
saying they tried to deliver
my towel warmer,
119
00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:57,330
but nobody was home.
120
00:04:57,381 --> 00:04:59,700
No, babe, I've been right
here the whole time.
121
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,580
Well, I'm gonna request a redelivery.
122
00:05:02,630 --> 00:05:04,880
Oh, I got to go, the purse guy is here.
123
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,210
Excuse me.
124
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:08,250
How much is that Gucci?
125
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,840
Tina, don't get that, it's fake!
126
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,430
Oh, bye.
127
00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:16,340
Why you got your blinds closed?
128
00:05:17,740 --> 00:05:19,400
What you trying to hide?
129
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,440
Dad, what are you doing?
130
00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:26,200
I'm trying to figure out
131
00:05:26,230 --> 00:05:30,070
why this degenerate across the
street has his blinds closed.
132
00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,399
He's probably one of those crazy people
133
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:32,670
who thinks he's being watched.
134
00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,360
Exactly.
135
00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:38,720
Dad, you asked me to
come home right away
136
00:05:38,750 --> 00:05:40,260
to help you with a computer problem.
137
00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:42,380
Marty, I need you to find out
138
00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:44,400
what's going on with that
house across the street.
139
00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:46,690
That's not a computer problem.
140
00:05:46,740 --> 00:05:48,760
Son, there's nothing more important
141
00:05:48,810 --> 00:05:50,840
than shutting down a party house.
142
00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:53,390
Those things are popping up everywhere.
143
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:57,530
Causing parking problems,
noise at all types of hours,
144
00:05:57,580 --> 00:05:59,600
strangers coming and going,
145
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:02,020
and all-night karaoke orgies.
146
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:07,980
I won't have that in my neighborhood.
147
00:06:08,030 --> 00:06:11,520
It's situations like this that
makes me want an HOA,
148
00:06:11,570 --> 00:06:13,890
except I don't want to pay $45 a month
149
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,450
to have somebody tell me
I can't have a purple door.
150
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:18,780
You don't have a purple door.
151
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:21,490
No, but I want the option.
152
00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:25,670
Come on, Marty. Come on,
you got to help me figure out
153
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,780
who owns that house across the street,
154
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,630
see if it's on a rental site.
155
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,590
You know, hey, check the dark web.
156
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,220
Daddy, all of that is
on the regular web.
157
00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:38,270
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Okay, okay.
158
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:39,340
Hey, baby.
159
00:06:39,390 --> 00:06:41,280
- (DRYER WHIRRING)
- Calvin, the app says
160
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,470
that the package is out for redelivery.
161
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,600
Please don't miss it this time!
162
00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:47,390
Are you in a helicopter?
163
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,020
I'm under the dryer!
164
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:53,950
Tina, it is some crazy stuff
going on in our neighborhood.
165
00:06:53,990 --> 00:06:55,320
Nefarious.
166
00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:56,450
It's what?
167
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:57,700
Nefarious!
168
00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:59,180
Who's Darius?
169
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:01,870
Why are we talking about Darius?
170
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,540
I don't know! You brought him up!
171
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,040
Look, I got to go, baby. Okay.
172
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,870
Hey, would you grab me some water?
173
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,780
- I need to take my pills.
- Yeah, I got you.
174
00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:12,630
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
175
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,459
Ooh, ooh, that's probably
your mama's package.
176
00:07:14,460 --> 00:07:15,920
- G-Get the door for me.
- On it.
177
00:07:15,970 --> 00:07:18,271
- Stay right there!
- Okay.
178
00:07:18,940 --> 00:07:20,430
Not you. Get the door.
179
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,480
- (KNOCKING)
- Don't move.
180
00:07:23,180 --> 00:07:24,510
Make up your mind!
181
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:27,060
(VEHICLE DEPARTING)
182
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,810
Oh, damn it. He's gone.
183
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,310
You see what you did?
184
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:32,860
Actually, I don't.
185
00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:37,820
Find anything yet, Marty?
186
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:43,640
No. I've checked Airbnb, VRBO,
and karaoke-orgies-dot-com,
187
00:07:43,690 --> 00:07:46,170
which... which does exist,
188
00:07:46,220 --> 00:07:48,080
but you do not want to go there.
189
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,210
Well, keep looking, son.
190
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,850
The truth is out there.
191
00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:58,220
All we got to do... (GASPS) God, Dave!
192
00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:04,220
Hey, neighbor.
193
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,140
Uh, found this in the front door.
194
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,870
- Oh, thanks, Dave.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
195
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,480
Damn delivery driver
thinks he's Usain Bolt.
196
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,360
So, is there anything
I can help you with?
197
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:16,990
Dave, you know what?
I got a question for you.
198
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:19,690
How do you feel about
living across the street
199
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,160
from an Airbnb party house?
200
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,990
Not good at all!
201
00:08:25,580 --> 00:08:27,330
We got to nip this thing in the bud.
202
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:30,290
For the record, I'm not seeing
a listing for that house.
203
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,670
Are you on the dark web?
204
00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:35,250
Yeah, sure.
205
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:37,880
Good. Good.
206
00:08:37,930 --> 00:08:38,980
Good, good.
207
00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:40,760
Now, Dave, make yourself useful
208
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,630
and go and get that guy's name.
209
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:45,390
O-Okay, well, how do I do that?
210
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,910
(CHUCKLES): It's a piece of cake.
211
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,020
Just go through his mailbox.
212
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,690
Calvin, that's a federal crime.
213
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,120
Since when?
214
00:08:53,170 --> 00:08:54,520
Since mail.
215
00:08:56,180 --> 00:08:59,660
Okay. Well, Dave, I'm not
telling you to commit a crime.
216
00:08:59,710 --> 00:09:01,500
I'm just saying,
217
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,900
if you innocently walked
past the mailbox
218
00:09:04,950 --> 00:09:08,750
and accidentally rammed into it,
219
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:12,200
and the mail inadvertently fell out,
220
00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:15,220
and you mistakenly shuffle through it...
221
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:21,320
... and by happenstance
saw the guy's name,
222
00:09:21,370 --> 00:09:23,050
that's not on you.
223
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:26,220
That's on the inquisitive
nature of universe.
224
00:09:27,910 --> 00:09:31,320
Gemma, if I go down for this,
225
00:09:32,260 --> 00:09:33,810
wait for me.
226
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,230
So, what's this guy done, anyway?
227
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:38,670
- Oh, uh...
- Oh. Oh!
228
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:39,750
Brace yourself, Gemma.
229
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,740
He's purchased food and
been nothing but quiet.
230
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:43,970
Hmm.
231
00:09:44,020 --> 00:09:45,670
Oh, that's not good.
232
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,370
It's always the quiet ones.
233
00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:49,700
Who's always the quiet ones?
234
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:51,660
The murderers.
235
00:09:53,870 --> 00:09:54,980
Murderers?
236
00:09:55,030 --> 00:09:57,650
Gemma, listen to yourself.
237
00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:00,960
You've been watching those shows
so long, you're seeing things.
238
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,220
Thank you.
239
00:10:02,270 --> 00:10:04,300
Things the rest of us are missing.
240
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:05,760
Right?
241
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:17,150
Ah.
242
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,340
That mailbox just hit me.
243
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:31,880
Gosh!
244
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:33,880
Forget it.
245
00:10:35,850 --> 00:10:37,870
- MAILMAN: Dave!
- (CHUCKLES) Hey.
246
00:10:39,310 --> 00:10:40,460
You okay, man?
247
00:10:40,510 --> 00:10:41,900
Yeah, no, I'm great. I was just...
248
00:10:41,950 --> 00:10:43,319
trying to pay our new neighbor a visit.
249
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:44,989
What's his name, again?
I'm so terrible with names.
250
00:10:44,990 --> 00:10:46,900
Save me the embarrassment. Uh...
251
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:48,470
Huey? Dewey? Louie?
252
00:10:49,620 --> 00:10:51,050
It's on the tip of my tongue.
253
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,810
(CHUCKLES)
254
00:10:54,860 --> 00:10:57,980
It's on the... It's on
the tip of my tongue.
255
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,440
Well, when someone says that,
you're supposed to give me the name.
256
00:11:04,380 --> 00:11:05,860
I don't know.
257
00:11:05,910 --> 00:11:08,410
Hey, have you ever
actually met this guy?
258
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,570
I'm not answering that
without a lawyer present.
259
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:17,550
Okay, look, Randall,
I just need this guy's name.
260
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,460
I'm trying to save this neighborhood.
261
00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:22,420
All right, Dave.
262
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,159
You know I'm not supposed
to let you look at the mail,
263
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,530
but you are the only person
on this entire route
264
00:11:26,580 --> 00:11:28,200
that tips me for Christmas.
265
00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:30,340
- You buy me birthday cards.
- Well...
266
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:34,390
And, uh, you were there
for me in my dark times.
267
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,350
Look at it.
268
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,440
Thanks, Randall.
269
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:44,330
And you know what? Don't worry about it.
270
00:11:44,380 --> 00:11:45,820
She's gonna come back.
271
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,310
She ain't.
272
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,330
She, uh, she married a
FedEx guy, and, uh...
273
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,100
I can't compete with that.
274
00:11:56,060 --> 00:11:59,330
All right. Here you go, Pop, lunch.
275
00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:01,980
Aw, that's what I'm talking about.
276
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,260
It's been a full day of solving crimes.
277
00:12:04,310 --> 00:12:06,060
- I am starving.
- (GEMMA CHUCKLES)
278
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:10,820
Ooh, did you see the 48 Hours
about the quiet neighbor,
279
00:12:10,870 --> 00:12:14,430
but it turned out he fed
his wife to piranhas?
280
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,430
Where'd they get the piranhas?
281
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,230
I think you can just get piranhas.
282
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,960
Calvin!
283
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:27,570
Uh, Malcolm, there's
bread on this salad.
284
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,070
Really? The fake bag trick?
285
00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:33,200
I was bullied, Mama.
286
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,910
I know, baby, I know.
287
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:36,583
Look, babe, in my defense,
288
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:38,380
you're not supposed to be here.
289
00:12:38,430 --> 00:12:40,220
Since when do you get your hair done
290
00:12:40,250 --> 00:12:41,580
in less than eight hours?
291
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:43,880
Well, it was a slow
gossip week, you know?
292
00:12:43,910 --> 00:12:45,720
Nobody got cheated on, nobody got fat.
293
00:12:45,750 --> 00:12:48,050
Everybody's thriving.
294
00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:51,896
Okay, I got the guy's name.
295
00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:54,300
I feel so dirty about it.
296
00:12:54,330 --> 00:12:55,890
But also exhilarated.
297
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,510
I don't know how to feel.
298
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:58,580
Is this a gateway crime?
299
00:12:58,620 --> 00:13:00,910
Am I becoming a career
criminal like my father?
300
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:01,980
Am I okay with that?
301
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:04,730
Dave, just... just tell us the name.
302
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:05,870
(SIGHS)
303
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:08,400
His name is Simon Throckmorton.
304
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,150
- I knew it!
- (GASPS) You did?
305
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,400
Well, not that name specifically.
306
00:13:13,450 --> 00:13:14,700
I just knew he had a name.
307
00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:18,490
What? Wait a minute,
what is going on here?
308
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:21,620
Babe, I'm not gonna
sugarcoat it for you.
309
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:23,950
We got a murderer living
across the street.
310
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,090
What?
311
00:13:25,140 --> 00:13:26,722
- All the signs are there.
- CALVIN: Yeah.
312
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:29,400
- Like what?
- Like, there are no signs,
313
00:13:29,450 --> 00:13:31,510
which is the biggest sign.
314
00:13:33,650 --> 00:13:34,856
Okay, no, no, no. Y'all are tripping.
315
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:37,210
Y'all been cooped up
watching these murder shows.
316
00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:38,940
Y'all are losing your damn minds.
317
00:13:38,990 --> 00:13:40,740
Yeah, I agree, Mama.
318
00:13:40,790 --> 00:13:42,180
You two watch so much true crime
319
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,950
- you see murder everywhere.
- Ooh!
320
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,573
Calvin, did you see the second
season of Murder Everywhere?
321
00:13:46,574 --> 00:13:47,620
It's self-contained.
322
00:13:47,650 --> 00:13:48,799
You don't have to watch season one.
323
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,950
Wait, what... Wait a minute.
324
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,240
You just can't go around accusing people
325
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,860
when they've done nothing wrong.
326
00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:56,110
Actually...
327
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,280
Ooh, ooh, the dark web. What you got?
328
00:13:59,410 --> 00:14:02,470
That name Dave found,
Simon Throckmorton?
329
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,780
It's a weird name,
so I searched it on Facebook,
330
00:14:04,830 --> 00:14:06,440
LinkedIn, Instagram.
331
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,263
All of his profiles were
created last Thursday.
332
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:09,920
(GASPS) The day he moved in.
333
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,600
MARTY: Yeah. That's not
even the weird part.
334
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:15,510
The weirdest part is
no friends, no posts.
335
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:16,680
Not even a profile picture.
336
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:18,310
I knew it.
337
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,430
I knew that guy was suspect.
338
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:23,480
All right, well, how do we find
out who this guy really is?
339
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:24,770
The dumpster.
340
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:27,560
He's been tossing his
crap in my dumpster.
341
00:14:27,610 --> 00:14:28,940
Maybe there's something in there
342
00:14:28,980 --> 00:14:30,940
that'll let us know who he really is.
343
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:33,110
Can you dig through another man's trash?
344
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,220
Hey, once it's in my dumpster,
345
00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:36,280
it's my trash.
346
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,050
Okay, I'll go out there and dig around.
347
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:42,810
- All right.
- All right.
348
00:14:46,710 --> 00:14:48,730
Dave, are you really gonna let your wife
349
00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:50,560
dig through a filthy dumpster?
350
00:14:50,610 --> 00:14:52,840
Oh, well, I don't know.
You seemed so excited about it.
351
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,340
Dave!
352
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,880
All right. Malcolm, you want to come?
353
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,680
Uh, yeah. Hell no.
354
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,810
CALVIN: Is he putting on hand sanitizer
355
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:10,520
- before he goes in the dumpster?
- Yeah.
356
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,230
- There's Throckmorton.
- (ALL GASP)
357
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,910
Boy, he looks familiar.
358
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,500
Maybe because y'all been
staring at him all day.
359
00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:27,700
GEMMA: Oh, my God.
360
00:15:27,750 --> 00:15:30,460
I know where I know him from.
It was on that 48 Hours
361
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:33,000
about the mob murder in Kansas City.
362
00:15:33,050 --> 00:15:35,320
Oh, you know what, I saw that one, too.
363
00:15:35,370 --> 00:15:37,880
Throckmorton is actually
364
00:15:37,930 --> 00:15:41,340
- Salvatore "Big Sal" Molisani.
- Yes! Yes!
365
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,105
Isn't that name a bit of a stereotype?
366
00:15:43,106 --> 00:15:44,700
I didn't name him, Marty.
367
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,740
But that guy is a
button man for the mob.
368
00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:50,060
Mm-hmm.
369
00:15:50,110 --> 00:15:51,379
- MALCOLM: What's he doing with that rug?
- GEMMA: Uh-oh.
370
00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:53,230
MARTY: I don't know,
there's something in it.
371
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,260
Oh, snap, you guys might be right.
372
00:15:55,310 --> 00:15:56,900
There's something heavy in there.
373
00:15:56,950 --> 00:15:59,380
Mm-hmm. And it ain't a
standing, oscillating fan,
374
00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:00,900
I can tell you that much.
375
00:16:01,980 --> 00:16:04,280
- No. No, that's a corpse.
- (GEMMA GASPS)
376
00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:05,673
And he's gonna throw it in my dumpster.
377
00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:08,080
- But Dave's in the dumpster.
- CALVIN: Ooh.
378
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,420
(PHONE RINGING)
379
00:16:11,860 --> 00:16:14,150
- Hello?
- Dave, you gotta get out of there.
380
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:15,540
Gemma, I can't right now.
381
00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:17,820
Some maniac threw batteries away.
382
00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:20,590
You know, that's hazardous waste.
383
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,160
Dave, forget the batteries.
384
00:16:22,210 --> 00:16:23,550
I won't do it, Gemma.
385
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,810
This is the only planet we've got.
386
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:28,480
Dave, you are in real danger.
387
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:31,390
Oh, I know. I also just
touched raw chicken.
388
00:16:37,020 --> 00:16:39,400
Hey! Occupied!
389
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:40,990
What the hell?
390
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,160
Dave, run!
391
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:49,000
Oh!
392
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:50,420
What are you doing?
393
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:52,420
What are you doing?
394
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,750
I'm throwing trash in a dumpster.
395
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:55,990
Why are you in there?
396
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,800
Hey, man, don't try to put this on me.
397
00:17:00,380 --> 00:17:02,010
Dave, get in here!
398
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,030
Have a seat.
399
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:07,680
What the hell?
400
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,270
(CRIES OUT)
401
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,640
I'm gonna call 911. Lock the door.
402
00:17:16,690 --> 00:17:18,310
Do not let Molisani in.
403
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,310
- Who's Molisani?
- Big Sal.
404
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,180
- Who's Big Sal?
- Throckmorton.
405
00:17:22,230 --> 00:17:24,160
Somebody tell me what's going on here!
406
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,020
They have all lost their minds,
407
00:17:26,060 --> 00:17:28,420
and my towel warmer is God knows where.
408
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:32,990
Uh, 911? We're at 1170 Evergreen Drive.
409
00:17:33,020 --> 00:17:34,730
There is a murderer outside.
410
00:17:34,780 --> 00:17:36,400
Oh, and we got white people here.
411
00:17:36,450 --> 00:17:38,070
- Scream, Gemma.
- (SCREAMS)
412
00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:39,420
- See?
- (KNOCK AT DOOR)
413
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:41,570
(DAVE AND GEMMA SHRIEK)
414
00:17:41,620 --> 00:17:43,680
They sure come fast when
you say "white folks."
415
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,970
It's not the police,
it's the delivery guy.
416
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,850
- No, no!
- Don't do it, baby. Don't.
417
00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:53,890
Finally. Okay. Thank you so much.
418
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,760
All right. I'm gonna
plug this bad boy in
419
00:17:56,810 --> 00:17:58,150
and warm some towels.
420
00:17:58,220 --> 00:18:00,940
(ALL SCREAM)
421
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:04,450
Who are you people,
and what are you doing?
422
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:05,680
Who are we?
423
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,660
We live here. Who the hell are you?
424
00:18:07,710 --> 00:18:09,480
Okay, now, Tina, Tina, back away.
425
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,670
We've called 911, and they know
there's white people here.
426
00:18:14,130 --> 00:18:15,540
Don't try anything.
427
00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:18,040
I have pepper spray in
my purse next door!
428
00:18:19,510 --> 00:18:22,250
And I have raw chicken literally
all over my hands right now,
429
00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:23,550
so come get some.
430
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,100
I don't know what's going on here,
431
00:18:25,150 --> 00:18:27,010
but you better get
your ass out my house.
432
00:18:27,060 --> 00:18:28,920
Baby, baby, get back.
Big Sal's gonna kill us.
433
00:18:28,950 --> 00:18:31,260
- What?
- With this?
434
00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:35,270
I'm having a panic attack.
435
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,610
Why are you calling me Big Sal?
436
00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:41,620
Oh, we saw you on 48 Hours.
437
00:18:41,670 --> 00:18:43,360
We know you're a mob hit man.
438
00:18:43,410 --> 00:18:46,120
And we don't say that
about all Italian-Americans.
439
00:18:46,170 --> 00:18:48,490
We know the vast majority
are upstanding citizens.
440
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:53,570
You idiots! I'm not Salvatore Molisani.
441
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:55,960
I'm the one who testified against him.
442
00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:58,630
Oh, you're...
443
00:18:58,680 --> 00:18:59,970
Giuseppe Zabarino.
444
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:05,120
- So you're not a murderer?
- No.
445
00:19:05,180 --> 00:19:07,590
Okay. Well, then, why did
you change your name?
446
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,890
So I don't get killed.
447
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,140
I'm in a program...
448
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:17,150
... that protects...
you know, witnesses.
449
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,650
Oh...
450
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:22,620
- The Witness Protection Program?
- (CRIES OUT)
451
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:26,590
We're not supposed to say it, but yes.
452
00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:29,610
I've been setting up so
my family can join me.
453
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,990
So that house is not even a party house?
454
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,300
No. It's a safe house.
455
00:19:33,350 --> 00:19:35,450
Well, it was a safe house.
456
00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:38,240
Ooh, that's our bad.
457
00:19:39,550 --> 00:19:41,900
Now I gotta move my family again.
458
00:19:41,950 --> 00:19:43,460
We all gotta get new fake names.
459
00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:47,670
Oh, my kid, he just learned
to spell Throckmorton.
460
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,760
I mean, it's kinda
spelled like it sounds.
461
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:54,790
Gosh, I-I feel terrible.
462
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:56,199
You know, send me your new address.
463
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:59,360
We'll send you a plant or something.
464
00:19:59,410 --> 00:20:02,243
You have no idea how
Witness Protection works.
465
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,373
You know, Gemma, I think
we've learned something.
466
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,870
Stop watching those murder shows
467
00:20:09,890 --> 00:20:11,610
and stay out of people's business?
468
00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:13,810
No.
469
00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:16,220
To always listen to our guts.
470
00:20:16,270 --> 00:20:18,342
We knew there was
something up over there.
471
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,010
Yeah, we just prevented a
known associate of the mob
472
00:20:23,050 --> 00:20:24,420
from moving onto our street.
473
00:20:24,474 --> 00:20:28,210
Hey, way to go, partner.
Keeping our neighborhood safe.
474
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:30,050
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
475
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:32,460
Pasadena police. We had a report
476
00:20:32,510 --> 00:20:34,490
of a white woman screaming.
477
00:20:34,540 --> 00:20:38,960
Yeah, that-that would be me.
478
00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:40,850
It-it was a false alarm.
479
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:43,400
I thought I saw a spider.
480
00:20:43,450 --> 00:20:44,650
Blondes.
481
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:49,250
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