All language subtitles for Son of a Critch s03e10 How to Succeed in Business.eng

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Original subtitles

Adult mark (v.O.): The newfoundland government

Tried hard to diversify away from the failing fishery,

But each business was a bigger disaster than the last.

The premier: When we opened the rubber boot factory,

They laughed.

When invested in hydroponic cucumbers, they laughed.

Well, nobody's laughing today.

-I've got a good feeling about this one.

-As our province invests $1.5 million

Into the sea plus juice factory!

Adult mark (v.O.): The worst was yet to come.

Canadian orange juice.

The premier: I hereby declare it...

-[scissors snip] -open for business!

Adult mark (v.O.): To win over the locals,

They hired the most trusted man in st. John's...

-And now, some words from the sea plus spokesman.

Adult mark (v.O.):My dad!

Mike sr: Thank you, premier.

Sea plus orange juice puts the vitamin "sea"

Into orange juice.

That's "sea" spelled "s-e-a," not "c" spelled "c."

Newfoundland is set to become

The florida of the north atlantic!

Man: Yeah, b'y!

[applause and cheering]

-And now are there any questions?

Fox: Are there even real oranges in it?

-Uh, yes, fox.

Uh, there are trace amounts in every vat.

Now, as I was saying--

-But you can't grow oranges in newfoundland.

-Well, no, it, it...

We use concentrate, which is the best part of the orange.

And that comes straight from florida.

And then we mix that with fresh newfoundland water.

And that's water that icebergs have melted into!

-Salt water?

-No. No, uh...

Newfoundland municipal water.

-Okay, so...

Tap water?

-No comment.

-Enough!

Fox.

We are here to learn about business.

You'll each be starting one of your own

For the new enterprise education course.

And your business plans are due tomorrow.

-Can we do it in pairs, sister?

-I don't... Care.

-Nice!

[applause]

Mark: Thank you.

Man: [background] eugh!

-Well, kids?

What do you think?

-You can really taste the water.

-Good.

That's good.

Adult mark (v.O.): Everyone hated it,

But I couldn't be prouder.

My dad was an entrepreneur,

And I wanted to be just like him!

But... Successful.

Adult mark (v.O.):The old man was excited for his new gig.

He had a pep in his step...

Probably from all the corn syrup.

-Our ship's come in, mary.

We're in on the ground floor!

Pop: Ugh...

I'd rather have scurvy.

-Oh, this is it!

This is it! Volume, volume!

Anchor: [tv]the premier attended the grand opening

Of the sea plus juice plant today.

-The zest has yet to come!

Anchor:But not everyone believes the deal is fruitful.

-The government shouldn't be giving away anymore tax money

To these fly-by-night companies.

I give sea plus a c-minus.

The premier is being a juice arse.

-That's it? They twisted it all up!

-Well, you can't trust a newsman. [scoffs]

Mary: I think you looked handsome.

But, honey, are you sure that the station's alright with this?

-It's fine, it's fine. Just listen.

Anchor:Now, today is the day!

Double daylight savings time

Begins in newfoundland at midnight.

-What's that mean?

-They're turning the clock back two hours!

-We'll be lined up with the mainland.

No more lagging behind a half an hour.

This is better for business.

-Y'know, but our own time zone makes us unique.

Besides the fact that that extra half an hour comes in handy.

Imagine if they drop the bomb.

"the world will end at 12 o'clock...

"12:30 in newfoundland."

It'd be damn good for tourism.

Now, when it's 9 o'clock in toronto, it's.... 9, 10...

-1942 in newfoundland.

We need to get with the times. Literally!

-Cool. Like "back to the future."

-You'll be going to school in the dark

And going to bed in the light.

-Double daylight savings is good for business.

-I'm with dad.

"big ideas equals big returns."

-Hm. -What does that mean?

-I dunno.

I've just started reading this business book for school.

-Let me see it.

"thinking big allows you to be successful

"without doing a lot of work."

I don't think you're gonna get very far acting that way.

Adult mark (v.O.): Not doing any work

Might take more work than I thought.

The next morning wasn't a morning at all.

It was still night!

[toaster dings]

-Alright, I'm off. -Mike sr: Wait!

Hang on, now, hang on-- here!

Take some sea plus orange juice boxes

Into school for your friends. Look...

Did you come up with your business idea yet?

-Oh, not yet.

The book says I have to make a product

That will fill a void in the market.

-Thinking like a businessman.

Just like your old man!

Mary: Speaking of markets,

I saw a lot of sea plus over at coleman's yesterday.

On the shelves, but not in any carts.

Pop: I mean, you can't even grow christmas trees in newfoundland.

How the hell are they gonna grow oranges?

-It's from concentrate, pop.

-We import the syrup on trucks, and then we...

Rehydrate it.

-Instant orange juice?

I think I'll stick to instant coffee.

And if you want to make money in these hours,

That's what you should be selling-- coffee!

Adult mark (v.O.):Coffee...

My brain was percolating!

-Thanks, pop!

-Huh, what? What?

-You know, you should all be more supportive of sea plus

And double daylight savings time!

Good newfoundlanders support good newfoundland business!

-And we should we be inconvenienced

Just so some rich arse can get richer?

-Nobody is being inconvenienced!

I gotta go to work.

?

[loud snoring]

Sister!

-Oh, that's it!

There have been too many disruptions.

Everyone put their heads down on their desks...

Now!

And stay there until I...

Say so.

[snoring resumes]

-[in a whisper] ritche...

I have a plan.

Coffee!

We'll sell it to teachers for 50 cents a cup!

Double daylight savings has created a demand,

And we're the supply.

-How did you afford this? -Well, it's a rental.

So as long as we make more than the fee, it's all gravy.

And we'll set it up outside of the teachers' lounge.

"location, location, location."

That's lesson one of the business book.

So now I just need to find the "on" switch

And where to put the coffee. Um...

-Well...

This is the hopper.

There's the grinder.

Grind settings...

Uh, my dad brews at a 1:17 grounds-to-water ratio,

But I prefer 1:15.

Makes for a fuller cup.

-I'm more of a tea man, myself.

Y'know... Bag in.

New plan!

Uh, the book says to always play to one's strengths, so...

I can do big-picture stuff like marketing, finances, et cetera.

I should be ceo.

-What should I be?

-You're in charge of the quality control,

Providing top-tier service with a friendly face with each cup.

-So... Waiter?

-No!

More like a...

Brew master.

-Cool!

-So, what do you say, ritche, my boy?

Are we in business?

-I'm in!

-Fantastic.

Okay!

?

Beautiful.

Mmm...

Oh!

Ugh...

[sighs]

Oh!

Frig sake!

[sighs]

Oh, will ya look at that?

Takes the grime right off!

Adult mark (v.O.): Double daylight savings

Was ruining everyone.

And we were cashing in!

-How much did we make?

-Eighteen bucks!

We're rich.

Adult mark (v.O.):Maybe business was my calling...

-I'm in the 1%.

Like milk.

But that's not my drink of choice.

No, it's coffee.

But I'm thirsty.

I want more to drink.

'cause greed is good.

[phone ringing]

'scuse me.

Hello, allison?

Buy sea plus juice...

And fire everyone.

Including yourself.

Ritche: I'm wiped.

Can you help me clean up?

-Sorry, ritche, m'boy, but I have a bus to catch,

And then I gotta go home and then do the books...

Ceo stuff.

It's a tough gig, but someone's gotta do it.

Mr. Chafe: You fellas still open?

I'm dying for a cup.

Ritche: Actually, we were just closing up.

-Nonsense! Ritche, brew the man a cup.

-No, that's wasting a full pot.

-He's our best customer!

-Two cream. Two sugar.

-And that's on the house!

That's our double daylight savings special.

Mr. Chafe: Wow.

Mark: See ya later, partner.

-How's the juice selling?

-Uh, sales are... Steady.

-Mike...

-It'll sell, mary.

Soon sea plus juice is gonna be as newfoundland

As fish and chips.

Trust me.

Our shiphas come in!

-I just don't see it, mike.

And...

The fact that you're out there as the face of it, ah...

I just don't want you to be embarrassed, is all.

-Embarrassed?

Sea plus chose me as their spokesman

Because people trust me, mary.

Maybe you should too.

Goodnight!

-Fine!

[sighs]

Goodmorning !

?

[birds chirping]

Pop: Oh...

Bloody birds!

Shut up!

-This can't be right.

Pop...

I'm in the hole!

Adult mark (v.O.):Rental fees, free coffee for teachers,

Coffee bags, the "protection fee" I payed fox's brother...

It all added up...

To nothing!

-Allison, what is going on?

They're... Taking everything!

You can't take that!

No!

What...

At least they didn't take...

Oh, the painting!

[dramatic 1980's style music]

Adult mark (v.O.):I needed to think of a plan,

Even if it meant staying up all night...

Or day.

-[birds chirping] -pop: Alright, that's it!

Let's see how they chirp with my hands around their throats!

[birds chirping]

[door opens and slams]

[loud yawn]

-Good morning, ritche m'boy! How's the take?

-Maybe you can take the early shift tomorrow?

-I-I'd love to, truthfully.

But, uh... I get the bus and you get dropped off,

So it makes business sense for you to be here.

-That's true, I guess.

-And speaking of business, we're changing our prices.

From now on, we're gonna charge for cream and sugar

And we're gonna use half the grinds per pot.

-No, the coffee will taste weak.

-Nothing some clever marketing can't solve...

See?

-Wait...

I thought I was in charge of the coffee.

-You are. It's just...

I'm in charge of the bottom line,

And these streamline movements,

Well, they will just maximize profits.

Oh, and stop pouring out the coffee at the end of the day.

That's like... Pouring money down the toilet!

We should just reheat what we don't sell today

In the kettle tomorrow morning.

Nobody will know the difference.

-Is something wrong?

-[chuckles nervously]

No. Just...

We're killing it.

-Okay.

Just include me in the decisions next time.

We're partners, right?

-Oh...

Of course we are!

[school bell rings]

Well, I'll see you in class, partner!

[alarm clock ringing]

[elevator-style music playing on radio]

-Morning, mary.

So, uh...

What's for breakfast?

-It's 2 in the afternoon!

-Not for me, it's not.

It's 8 am, pst, pop standard time.

If they can change the time, so can I.

I've got my own time zone: Pop time.

I sleep when I like, eat when I like, and pee when...

Well, you get the drift.

-I won't have two timezones in my house.

-Why not?

-I'm not going to make two breakfasts a day!

I don't like double daylight any more than you do,

But we are a family and we will be miserable together.

-Oh, really?

Well, you're a fine one to talk.

-What's that supposed to mean?

-Come on, let's be honest.

You've been against mike's orange juice thing

From the very beginning.

-He's making a fool of himself.

-He's taking a risk.

And he's probably scared.

He could use some support.

-If he wants some support, he can buy a cane!

I'm not gonna help him ruin his good name.

Mike sr: [radio]and now a word from sea plus juice!

Call in and let us know what you think about sea plus juice,

And you could win a box delivered right to your door!

Phone lines are open!

[silence]

Uh, the lines are open.

Who wants some free sea plus?

Uh, why don't you get the ball rollin', dick?

Tell us what you think about sea plus.

-Um, well...

I guess I always hear people saying it's "from concentrate,"

And I wondered...

What "concentrate" means, exactly.

-Uh, it means that the orange taste is, uh,

Concentrated. Made stronger, if you will.

-Oh!

So "concentrate" isn't a place, then?

Like it's "from" concentrate?

-No, dick. No.

Dick:People never want a slice of orange in their drink.

Lemon's got a real hold on slices, don't it?

-Oh, for frig's sake!

Mike sr:Alright, moving right along.

Dick:Limes too, I suppose.

Though, a lime is just, like,

A lemon that isn't ripe yet, right, mike?

-Oh, uh, we-- we have a caller!

Line one, you're on the air.

Mary:I'm a mother, and I buy sea plus for my family

Because it's made with real newfoundland water.

-That's right, caller!

Uh, sea plus juice is made with fresh newfoundland water.

[door opens]

Uh, we'll be right back after this!

-Mike...

You can't be using the station to hock sea plus juice anymore.

It's a conflict of interest.

-No, no, mr. Murphy, I don't see it that way.

You see, this is news.

Now, the province made a major investment--

Mr. Murphy: Mike, mike...

Did ya ever stop to think, maybe, just maybe,

They hired you to be their spokesman

So they could get free airtime?

No more, mike.

No more.

[door shuts]

?

-This coffee is barely brown.

-It's our new "half-caff" blend.

-I've got lipstick on my cup.

-We reuse cups now.

It's part of our new "environment-first" initiative.

-I ordered a double-double.

-That's 50 cents.

Cream's a quarter now.

-I'll go boil the kettle.

Mark: Uh...

What are you doing?!

-I'm doing what you said!

-No, we have to cut back slowly over time!

Didn't you read the book?

-No, I don't care about your stupid book!

This is supposed to be fun!

-Business isn't fun!

It's about making money!

-Fine.

You wanna make more money?

This is one less employee you have to pay.

-What do you mean? -I quit!

Partner.

?

[mark chuckles nervously]

[front door shuts]

[mike sr. Sighs]

[sighs]

-Mike?

What's wrong?

-I got fired.

[spoon drops]

-Why?

'cause you were hocking that juice?

-What? No, not from the station.

From sea plus.

-Oh, thank heavens!

Uh...

I mean, I'm sorry, love.

-Mr. Murphy told me I'm not allowed to talk about it

On the air anymore, and when I told the crowd

At the juice plant, they said I was...

"redundant."

-What?!

Hiring you was the only good decision

Those packin' fools ever made!

-I got caught up in the excitement, is all.

I just wanted to make you proud of me.

-Proud of you?

You're kind, smart,

Loyal, hardworking.

Oh, those sea plus people don't deserve you.

I deserve you.

I love you.

-Our shipwill come in one day, mary.

I promise.

-Mine already has.

-What?

When?

-You, ya dolt! You're my ship.

-I know that juice isn't any good.

-Oh...!

That's not true.

Hm?

It's good for something.

Look...

?

Cuts through grease.

-Oh. -Yeah!

-Okay...

Uh... One sec.

Ahh!

Here you are, sir.

-But there's grounds in my cup.

-Colombian grounds.

No, it's just like drinking tea with the bag in!

Just a... Torn bag.

Hey.

-Burnt your hand on the heating element?

-Repeatedly.

-Good.

-I deserve that.

I got a little crazy there, didn't I?

Guess I got caught up trying to be like... Dad.

Turns out neither of us are that great at business, I guess.

-Money isn't everything.

-But aren't you tired of lending me fish and chip money,

Or splitting a slushie two ways?

-That's what friends do.

-Start over?

But from here on out, we're fully partners.

We'll do all the work together, equally.

I mean, what's the point of having money

If you don't have anyone to spend it with?

-Okay.

Partners.

-Ahh! Ah, that smarts.

-I know.

Well, let's get to work...

Partner.

Adult mark (v.O.):Friendship is like money:

Easier made than kept.

Doubling your money is great, but splitting it is better.

-Mark and ritche made... Oh!

$58.00 selling coffee!

And fox made...

$164.00?

-Fifty-fifty draw.

Kids thought that that was their odds of winning, and...

I just didn't correct 'em.

[laughter]

Adult mark (v.O.): Money is easy come...

-After months of lacklustre sales,

The sea plus juice factory is no more.

Adult mark (v.O.):Easy go.

But no matter how dark it gets,

The sun's always shining somewhere.

Anchor: [tv]and, due to public outcry,

The government has cancelled double daylight savings time.

The clocks go back to normal tonight.

Adult mark (v.O.): The thing you need to be

Most careful about spending...

-Ah, lord...

I can't sleep!

It's too damn dark!

Ah... Heh!

That's better.

Goodnight.

-Night, pop.

Adult mark (v.O.):...Is time.

?

?

?

?

?

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