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1
00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:02,601
Dj: That's cute.
2
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:03,102
Hmm!
3
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,336
Hey, little buddy.
4
00:00:04,471 --> 00:00:06,572
Hey, what's up with these,
uh, adorable stickers?
5
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:08,573
Is this some new initiative
I'm unaware of?
6
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,709
'cause they're really
bringing a smile to my face.
7
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:12,844
-No. Wow!
8
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,648
I believe we have a serial
shoplifter on our hands.
9
00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,250
[mysterious music]
10
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:22,387
And that smiley face
is his calling card.
11
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,456
-What?
No, a shoplifter?
12
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:25,991
At omt?
13
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:28,060
Why would they use
a symbol a pure joy
14
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,595
To mark such a heinous crime?
15
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,063
But it's just a few stickers.
16
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,531
Maybe you're jumping
to a conclusion.
17
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:33,598
-Oh, no, no.
18
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:36,935
It's just a few stickers
in this aisle, dj,
19
00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:40,338
But they have already stolen
nine items from fitness,
20
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,941
Six items from golf,
and, well...
21
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:44,276
[sighs]
22
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,944
Check out baseball...
23
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,946
-[dramatic music]
-dj: My god!
24
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,748
This is serious.
25
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:51,483
[chuckles faintly]
26
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:56,354
Sorry, I see a smile, I smile.
It's just so ingrained.
27
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,358
This is terrible, though.
-Yes! [sighs]
28
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:03,628
♪
29
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:07,565
-First, a huge congratulations
goes out to omt's
30
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,167
Very own...
31
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:11,170
Olympic silver medallist,
32
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:12,904
Jen hauser, everybody!
33
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:15,040
[cheering and applause]
34
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:16,308
Jen: Thank you, thank you!
35
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:18,710
I'm-- I'm
very proud of myself.
36
00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:21,246
You know, the hours of training,
the life-threatening obstacles,
37
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:23,114
And yet I still
overcame it all, and--
38
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:24,983
Cynthia: Yay, yay, good for you.
So proud.
39
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:26,451
On to more pressing matters.
40
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,854
Omt has a serial shoplifter.
41
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,789
-Wait, we sell cereal?
42
00:01:31,826 --> 00:01:34,326
-Now, I know none of you
would steal from omt,
43
00:01:34,461 --> 00:01:37,196
But I just have to confirm:
Did any of you, say,
44
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:40,665
Borrow hundreds of items
and forget to return them?
45
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:41,566
Jen: Never, boss.
46
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,134
-Not a chance.
-Keeran: No way!
47
00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:44,169
-Shaggy!
48
00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:45,303
-Huh?
49
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,273
-"it wasn't me."
50
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:49,374
-Nice.
51
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:50,842
[police siren and radio chatter]
52
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,846
-What kinda twisted sociopath
would use such a positive symbol
53
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,247
To mark such a heinous crime?
54
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:56,581
-That's what I said!
55
00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,016
-Anything show up
on your security footage?
56
00:01:58,085 --> 00:01:59,150
Dj: We don't have cameras.
57
00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:00,485
I'm kind of against them,
actually.
58
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,421
I feel like they breed
distrust in the community.
59
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:03,955
-That's probably not
the smartest position
60
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:05,156
To take as a business.
61
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:06,425
-I've been
saying that for years.
62
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,159
Cop: Cameras give you
peace of mind.
63
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:09,962
I've even got 'em at my house.
See?
64
00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:11,196
There's my living room.
65
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,631
-Oh, open concept!
66
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,032
-There's my lovely wife, nina.
67
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,500
Cynthia: Oh!
Dj: Oh, she's beautiful.
68
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,068
Cynthia: Yeah!
Cop: Oh...
69
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:19,904
There's the repairman we called
in to fix the dishwasher.
70
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,907
Wait, what are they--
71
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:26,445
Nina, no!
72
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,313
Don't unzip his pants!
73
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,514
-[gasps]
74
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,551
-I gotta go.
75
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,720
Cynthia: Now?
But--
76
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,121
-Lemme know
if you catch the guy.
77
00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:37,456
Dj: Will do.
78
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,458
Cop: We got a 10-33 in progress!
Send the k9 unit!
79
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,226
-Wait, we have to catch the guy?
80
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:42,928
-Is it true what they say?
-What's that?
81
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:44,329
-That silver medallists
are the unhappiest
82
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:45,597
Of all the medallists.
83
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:47,466
I think they call it
silver medal syndrome.
84
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:48,867
-That's ridiculous.
-Is it?
85
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,536
To come so close to greatness
and miss it by a mere whisper.
86
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:52,937
I can't imagine
what that's like.
87
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,273
-That's 'cause you've never come
anywhere close to greatness.
88
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:56,875
-That's not true!
I've won gold.
89
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,943
Korverton municipal
spelling bee, '01 through '04.
90
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,212
-Oh, wow!
Cool brag!
91
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:02,347
Hey, why don't you go do
something useful with your life
92
00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:03,849
For once and move your car?
93
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,383
You're parked
in customer parking again.
94
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,485
-Well, I don't subscribe
to archaic company dictums.
95
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,755
Besides, I'm not parked
in the accessible spot.
96
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,155
I'm not a monster.
97
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,691
-Respect.
-Thank you!
98
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,526
See? Wayne wins.
99
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,228
Unlike you at the olympics.
100
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,829
Hey, want to know
my winning word?
101
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:20,632
Pizookie,
the original cast iron cookie.
102
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,634
Hmm!
103
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:25,570
[intriguing jazz music]
104
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:28,774
-Your ass is mine,
smiley face bandit.
105
00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:31,910
♪
106
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,613
♪
107
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,514
♪
108
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,817
Cynthia: Alright,
bonnie and/or clyde...
109
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:41,853
[voice on hidden microphone]
do your worst!
110
00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:44,589
♪
111
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:48,860
♪
112
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:52,364
♪
113
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:55,400
-I'm looking to trade these in.
-Sure.
114
00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:57,869
I can he-- hel--
115
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,605
Uh, is a hundred-- hun--
hundred and fifty enough?
116
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,974
-Yeah!
-It's whatever you want.
117
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,008
-$200?
-Sure!
118
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,311
-$250?
-$250 works great.
119
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:07,613
Thanks!
120
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,715
-Oh god, I should have
given her three...
121
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,317
[sighs]
122
00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:14,018
-Dude!
123
00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:15,554
You gotta take care of that.
124
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,156
-I know, man!
I'm so awkward around girls.
125
00:04:18,192 --> 00:04:19,291
I can't help it!
126
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,294
-That's not what
I'm talkin' about.
127
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:24,696
-Damn!
-Uh, not again!
128
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,965
Oh god, I'm a horny monster!
129
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,902
-Don't worry.
Sexual attraction is natural.
130
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:35,774
But you must learn to harness
and control that shit.
131
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:38,143
-Please, teach me.
-Okay.
132
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:41,312
Now, tuck that thing
in your waistband and follow me.
133
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:45,883
[intriguing jazz music]
134
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:53,224
Wayne: Ooh!
So close, yet so far.
135
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:54,726
A lot like winning silver,
I imagine.
136
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,061
-Yeah, I was just warming up.
137
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,697
Hey, why don't you go kick rocks
and move your car already?
138
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,132
-I'll tell you what: You hit
a bullseye, I'll move my car.
139
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,535
-You know that a dart
is just a baby javelin
140
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:04,803
And I'm an olympic
silver medallist, right?
141
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,738
-Well, then it should be
very easy for you.
142
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,606
Big talk from
the queen of the losers.
143
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:09,941
-Alright, well, start
your engines now, wayne,
144
00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:11,610
'cause I'm about to blow your--
-ooh!
145
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,144
-Okay, you were crowding me,
so just--
146
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,446
-You know what?
Just tell me if you get it.
147
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,882
-What, you're gonna leave?
-Yeah.
148
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:19,717
-I could just place it in the
bullseye and say that I got it.
149
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,820
-Yeah, but you'd never do that.
You're an honest person.
150
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,422
It's your greatest weakness.
151
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,092
-My man,
you have some pent-up energy
152
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,693
That's searching for a release.
153
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:31,096
But there is another way.
154
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,096
-There is?
155
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:34,499
-You gotta learn
to shut out the triggers.
156
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,034
-But triggers are all around me!
157
00:05:37,071 --> 00:05:40,339
[sexy hip hop beat]
158
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:44,576
[women moaning in music]
159
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:45,911
[music suddenly stops]
160
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,914
Chris: Ancient monks
would pour so much energy
161
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:52,517
Into one mundane task
that accomplishing it
162
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,319
Would create a surge of dopamine
163
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:57,322
Even greater
than the one you crave.
164
00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:59,858
-My mom said I'm not
allowed to do drugs, but...
165
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:02,194
I trust you.
166
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:03,661
-Oh-- okay?
167
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,431
[intriguing jazz music]
168
00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:07,665
Dj: Son of a--!
169
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:11,269
He's taunting us.
I just know it.
170
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,604
[loudly]
but what does it mean?!
171
00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:17,609
A smiley face denotes
happiness, positivity, bliss.
172
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:20,212
But what does that have to do
with one more time?
173
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:23,315
Think, dammit!
174
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,417
-This isn't about one more time.
175
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,419
-What do you mean?
-Don't you see?!
176
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:31,088
The blue eyes, the naïvely
optimistic countenance,
177
00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:32,524
The gap in the teeth!
178
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,492
This is about...
179
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:35,460
You!
180
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:36,694
[music swells]
181
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,297
-My god...
It's like looking in a mirror.
182
00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:43,568
-But who would go to such
great lengths to destroy you?
183
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,371
-I can think of only one man...
184
00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:50,775
[intriguing jazz music]
185
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,712
♪
186
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:55,646
-What took you so long?
187
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,588
Dj: So, you're
the smiley face bandit, huh?
188
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:08,493
Why, carlito?
Why?
189
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:10,261
-What the hell
are you talkin' about?
190
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,998
Cynthia: The string of thefts
we've had at omt!
191
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,332
Carlito: Thefts?
192
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:17,602
You couldn't pay me to take that
dank garbage off your hands.
193
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:20,639
Plus, what would I do with it?
194
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,474
Except sell it back to you.
195
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,142
Actually, that's not a bad idea.
196
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:27,479
-Then why did you say,
"what took you so long?"
197
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,847
Carlito: I got drunk
a few weeks ago.
198
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,850
Threw a dead crow
at your window.
199
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:34,552
Was wondering when you'd see it
on the security footage.
200
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:36,754
Cynthia: Son of a bitch!
201
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,990
Dj: We don't believe
in security cameras!
202
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,158
-Why not?
203
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,893
They breed trust
in the community, bro!
204
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,294
Cynthia: See?
Dj: Sit down!
205
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:44,963
Please...
Thank you.
206
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,699
Carlito: When did you say the
happy face thief last struck?
207
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,734
Dj: He doesn't even know
his own name.
208
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:53,104
The smiley face bandit
last struck this morning.
209
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,172
-Well, then,
scratch me off the list,
210
00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:58,577
'cause I was hard at work
all morning helping abuelitas.
211
00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:00,578
See for yourself.
212
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,414
Dj: "this morning"...
213
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:04,181
That's conclusive, alright.
214
00:08:04,218 --> 00:08:07,719
-[phone buzzes]
-oh, excuse me.
215
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:08,954
Oh, it's chris!
216
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,889
The smiley face bandit
struck again!
217
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,290
Carlito: Well, well, well.
218
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,559
Looks like somebody
deserves an apology.
219
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:15,994
-You're absolutely right.
We're very sorry.
220
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:17,695
-[loudly] I don't want
your apology!
221
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:18,863
-Why'd you say it, then?
222
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,731
-I want your head on a spit!
223
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,067
Dj: Okay, alright...
Cynthia: What?
224
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,201
Well, I guess
we'll show ourselves out, then.
225
00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:27,004
-Yeah, geez.
Zero to 100, this guy.
226
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,040
Also, what's up with
the office décor here?
227
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:31,876
Maybe invest
in a permanent light fixture.
228
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,578
-You think you're the only one
229
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,947
Conducting interrogations,
hermano?
230
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,882
Chris: Texted
as soon as I saw it.
231
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,617
-He's getting more daring.
232
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,753
-Daring and pop arty.
233
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:44,489
Banksy meets warhol.
234
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,891
-Ah, yes, I see it.
235
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:49,760
One might even say munch-like
with the head smudge.
236
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,129
Perhaps it signifies
237
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,431
The deterioration
of his mental state.
238
00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:56,701
Chris: Oh, which in turn
signifies the deterioration
239
00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:59,037
Of your mental state.
240
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:00,237
-Whoa...
241
00:09:00,274 --> 00:09:02,707
-Or maybe he just
ran out of stickers.
242
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,442
All: Whoa...!
243
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:05,443
Cynthia: I mean...
244
00:09:05,479 --> 00:09:08,780
-You are
an olympic athlete, okay?
245
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:11,049
That counts for something,
dammit.
246
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:11,916
[exhales]
247
00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:16,254
[wayne humming casually]
248
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,524
Wayne: Err...
249
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:22,526
[continues humming]
250
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:25,997
-[sighs]
251
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,533
-Ugh, for pete's sake!
252
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:30,234
[sighs]
253
00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:33,805
[gasps]
254
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:36,774
You've been up here for months!
255
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:42,681
I've got you now,
smiley face bandit.
256
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,015
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
257
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,817
Oopsie-doodle. Hi!
-Hi.
258
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:48,620
-Um, that one is--
is not for sale.
259
00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:50,154
-But it was on the shelf.
260
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:53,825
-Yes, but that is
just for display.
261
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:58,363
So, um, how about...
Oh, how about this one?
262
00:09:58,432 --> 00:09:59,397
Huh!
263
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:02,133
Oh, look at you, big boy!
Handsome much?
264
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,703
-Uh, now I want this one
even more, thanks.
265
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,172
-[grunting]
uh, so sorry.
266
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:09,107
-No, I'm sorry. [laughs]
-nope.
267
00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,409
Gonna have to put my foot down.
So sorry.
268
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,310
-[laughs]
no, you're not.
269
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:16,948
[grunting and straining]
270
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,384
-[loudly] you will take
what I give you!
271
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:20,851
-Um...
272
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:22,186
I think this one's good.
273
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,455
-Thank you for your patronage.
[awkward chuckle]
274
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:25,590
-Chris, I did it!
275
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:28,526
I refocused my energy
entirely on a mundane task.
276
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:31,329
I moved all of the badminton
racquets into the tennis section
277
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:34,131
And all of the tennis racquets
into the badminton section,
278
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,834
And reorganized all of them
in alphabetical order by brand.
279
00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,169
I didn't think about
girls at all.
280
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,704
I didn't think about anything!
281
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,240
And when I was done,
it felt so good!
282
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:45,944
-That's called the flow state,
my friend,
283
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,813
And it's nature's greatest high.
284
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:51,416
Now all you gotta do
is keep up the practice.
285
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:55,019
-For how long?
-Until you get home.
286
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,354
-I can do that.
287
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:57,856
Now, if you'll excuse me,
288
00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:00,291
I'm gonna go colour-code
the hockey socks.
289
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,426
-This guy's too good.
I got nothin'!
290
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,562
[cynthia sighs]
291
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:05,897
Dj: There's no pattern here.
292
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,699
The guy's always one step ahead.
293
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,968
He's toying with me.
I can feel it!
294
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,736
What do you want from me, huh?
295
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:14,372
[loudly] what do you
want from me?!
296
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:15,707
[phone rings]
297
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,375
Cynthia: Hello? Sure.
298
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:18,376
Dj, it's for you.
299
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,510
-Oh, well...
300
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:20,711
[hearing aid beeps]
301
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:21,913
-Hello?
302
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:23,481
Bandit: [distorted voice]
I won't stop
303
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,316
Until your shelves are bare.
304
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,318
-I can never hear
on this damn phone.
305
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:30,355
He-- he won't pop
until the elves are there?
306
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,489
-Ew...
307
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,158
-[distorted voice]
no, I said I won't stop
308
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,528
Until your shelves are bare.
309
00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:39,264
Dj: Ah, damn, I know
this isn't what you're saying,
310
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:42,467
But you won't pop until
the elves are... Are fair?
311
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,568
Bandit: [distorted voice]
shelves... Shelves!
312
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:47,004
Like what you put your wares on.
313
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,273
Dj: I'm-- I'm so sorry, but, uh, any chance
314
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:50,909
You can ungarble your voice?
315
00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:52,276
This is really
challenging for me.
316
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,978
-[distorted voice] hmph!
That's not happening.
317
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:55,279
Dj: I get that, but...
318
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,882
You are the smiley face bandit,
though, right?
319
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,084
-[gasps]
320
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,585
-[distorted voice]
...Yes.
321
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,187
-I knew it!
I knew it!
322
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:06,023
-Uh, okay. Hey, listen, I really
wanna catch what you're saying.
323
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,959
Any chance you can text me?
324
00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:10,762
Bandit: [distorted voice]
okay, fine.
325
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,697
-Okay, my number is 746--
326
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:14,966
Bandit: [distorted voice]
uh, I don't have a pen yet.
327
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:16,768
-[in a whisper]
he doesn't have a pen.
328
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:17,768
Bandit: [distorted voice]
okay, go.
329
00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:20,371
-Um, okay.
746-555-0129.
330
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,406
Talk soon.
331
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,541
-[phone buzzes]
-oh! Wow, that was quick.
332
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:26,711
He won't stop until
our shelves are bare!
333
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:27,779
-Oh!
334
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,514
-Oh, that makes sense.
335
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:31,516
Oh, no...
336
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:34,985
"think you could tell us
when you'll be here next? Lol"
337
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:36,354
[text message sent sound]
338
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,454
Have to try it, eh?
339
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:39,224
-Yeah.
-[text message received sound]
340
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:40,925
-He's in the store.
He's in the store!
341
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,059
[suspenseful music]
342
00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:43,528
-Stay in the flow...
343
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:45,530
White on the left...
344
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,398
Then the blues...
345
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:48,499
Then the reds...
346
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,702
Woman: [voice]
I'm looking to trade these in.
347
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:53,204
Keeran: No, no, no...
348
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,539
I won't be tempted!
349
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:56,541
Stay in the flow, keeran!
350
00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:58,142
[sexy hip hop beat]
351
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,545
Stay in the flow...
352
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:04,748
Stay in the flow...
353
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,350
[sniffing]
354
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:09,086
Oh, you smell so good.
That perfume...
355
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:12,090
[sexy saxophone solo
over beat]
356
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:15,226
[music suddenly stops]
357
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,228
-Hey, cynth!
Just in the flow!
358
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:27,672
[sexy music resumes]
359
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:31,108
-[stifling a scream]
360
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:35,713
[sighs]
361
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:39,317
[intriguing music]
362
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:42,720
♪
363
00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:44,122
Dj: That's him!
364
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,123
-What makes you think that?
365
00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:47,191
-The cloak.
366
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,359
-Oh.
367
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,129
-Gotcha!
368
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,597
-[gasps]
are you dj?
369
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:53,865
-You know I am.
370
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,432
-Here...
371
00:13:57,804 --> 00:14:00,738
Dj: "wrong again.
Rofl."
372
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:01,940
Who gave this to you?!
373
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,074
-I don't know!
374
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,541
-What do you mean
you don't know?
375
00:14:04,578 --> 00:14:06,777
-Some guy online
paid me to deliver it!
376
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,479
Please, I'm sorry!
[crying]
377
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,615
-Son of a bitch!
378
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:12,750
He pay you to
wear the cloak, too?
379
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,151
-No. Why?
380
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:17,421
-No reason.
381
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:20,658
Looks good on ya.
382
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:25,329
[fabric rustling and
keeran breathing heavily]
383
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,900
Keeran: Oh my god...
That's him!
384
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:31,702
[dramatic music]
385
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:38,910
[jen sighs]
386
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,044
-You still at it?
387
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,379
-Oh, yeah, I'm, uh...
388
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,781
Been throwing with my left hand
just to challenge myself,
389
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:46,050
But I'll probably switch over
to my right hand soon.
390
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,418
-Yeah, sure.
391
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:48,753
Ooh, bullseye!
392
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:50,054
Too much time at the pub.
393
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:52,123
Anyway, keep it up, bridesmaid.
394
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,258
-Fine!
You win, okay, wayne?!
395
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,594
I'm not good enough, okay?
Are you happy now?
396
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,095
I can't do it.
397
00:14:58,097 --> 00:14:59,730
-What? I-I wasn't--
-I'm not a champion.
398
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:01,799
I'm a loser.
Look at me.
399
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:05,235
I'm an olympic medallist
and I still work retail.
400
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:07,538
I can barely make my rent.
401
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:10,207
The only brand remotely
interested in sponsoring me
402
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,010
Dropped me after I yakked up
your brother's jizz juice
403
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:15,746
All over myself
on national television!
404
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:20,485
I mean, I dedicated my
entire life to throwing a spear,
405
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:23,887
And I can't even hit
a target on a dartboard!
406
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,624
Okay?!
I'm pathetic!
407
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:29,393
[roaring]
408
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:34,899
My dad was right.
409
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:37,368
Silver is for losers!
410
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,238
[sobbing]
411
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,506
-You know what?
I'll move my car.
412
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,041
Geez!
413
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:46,210
[jen breathing heavily]
414
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:47,311
Keeran: He's outside!
415
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,646
I just saw him leave!
416
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:49,380
Dj: Who?
417
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:50,681
Keeran: The cheerio burglar!
418
00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:51,416
Dj: Cheerio...?
419
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:52,984
He still thinks we sell cereal.
420
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,318
Keeran: Freeze!
421
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,820
-What seems to be the problem?
422
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,990
-I saw you take
a three-pack of tennis balls,
423
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,692
And I saw you put
your sticker there, too.
424
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:01,859
-I don't understand.
425
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:03,093
-Well, that settles it, then.
426
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,263
So sorry to bother you.
Here's a coupon.
427
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,231
Dj: Wait, why are
we giving up so quick?
428
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:08,733
Keeran said
he saw the guy do it.
429
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:09,900
Do we not trust keeran?
430
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,269
Chris: He has been...
A little distracted today.
431
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:15,339
Cynthia: And this nice gentleman
said that he didn't do it.
432
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:18,609
We don't want to throw
around baseless accusations.
433
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,145
-They're not baseless.
They're base- full !
434
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,880
Like, I seen it
with my own eyes!
435
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,849
Cynthia: Well, maybe
your eyes deceived you.
436
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,217
Keeran: What?
437
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:28,686
Dj: Cynthia, I know your heart
is in the right place,
438
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,020
But don't underestimate him.
439
00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:31,889
This disabled man
is perfectly capable
440
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,224
Of being a filthy criminal.
441
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:34,926
Cynthia: [gasps]
dj, my goodness!
442
00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:37,762
I'm all out of coupons,
so, uh...
443
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:38,896
Here's a twenty.
444
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,164
Man: Thank you.
445
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,232
God bless.
446
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,566
Cynthia: Oh!
Dj: No, but I don't--
447
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:44,702
Keeran said he's sure,
so if he said he's sure...
448
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:46,170
Keeran: It was him,
I'm telling you!
449
00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:47,237
-[loud crash]
-[cynthia screams]
450
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:48,372
-Keeran: Oh my god!
-[all shouting]
451
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,508
Keeran: Oh my god!
Cynthia: Oh!
452
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:51,509
Dj: Are you okay?
453
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,344
-He ran into me!
He ran into me!
454
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:55,012
Chris: Are you hurt?
Dj: Oh, god...
455
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:56,246
Cynthia: Are you okay?
What...
456
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:58,449
-I'm fine, just help me up.
-Wayne: He ran into me!
457
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,451
Cynthia: Oh, we are so sorry!
We are...
458
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:02,586
Chris: Get in there.
Cynthia: Wait... Wait...
459
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:03,854
It was you!
460
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,322
Bandit: Congratulations.
461
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:07,959
You finally got me,
you dense pieces of shit.
462
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:09,894
I'm the smiley face bandit!
463
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:11,328
Wayne: Whoa!
464
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,330
-Ahh!
Love the name, by the way.
465
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,466
-Oh, thanks.
It just kinda came to me.
466
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:17,402
But... Why?
467
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:18,469
Why omt?
468
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:20,571
-Because... You were open.
-[all gasp]
469
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,373
Chris: But lots of stores
are open.
470
00:17:22,508 --> 00:17:25,543
Literally, every store
in the plaza is open.
471
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,278
-It's just a cool line.
Don't overthink it.
472
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:28,346
-What about the stickers,
though?
473
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,681
They look just like me!
474
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:33,684
-Wow, that's
an absurd conclusion to draw.
475
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,552
"you're so vain."
476
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:36,987
-Carly simon?
-Carly simon!
477
00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:38,022
-Wow.
-My god.
478
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:39,090
-What a tune.
479
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,758
-Anyways, just wanted
to say, uh--
480
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,628
-[thwack]
-[keeran screams]
481
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,296
-Chris: Are you hurt?
-[all yelling]
482
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:46,364
Dj: Breathe...
483
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,032
Jen: [growling]
oof!
484
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:52,636
[heroic, 1980's-style
synthesizer music]
485
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:55,506
♪
486
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:59,176
♪
487
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:00,211
[stick clacks into spokes]
488
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,379
-Oh!
489
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,014
Yes!
490
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:04,081
Chris: Damn!
491
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,283
Cynthia: Amazing!
492
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:06,617
Jen: Bullseye.
493
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:07,518
Dj: Whoa...
494
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,854
That was some throw, jen!
495
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,456
Cynthia: Alright!
496
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,724
Now let's get that thing
out of his spokes.
497
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:16,861
I know he's a thief, but
the optics here are terrible.
498
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:17,829
Jen: Hmm.
499
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:18,863
Cynthia: [sighs]
come on.
500
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:23,134
Cop: Guy just spilled something
on his crotch, you know?
501
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,335
Dj: Pardon me?
502
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,336
-The repairman
that's with my wife.
503
00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:28,472
Just spilled something
on his crotch.
504
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:29,807
-Ah.
-Nina's a helper.
505
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,342
Always has been.
506
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,410
-That's awesome.
507
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,412
-Any... Tips
on how to fold this thing?
508
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:36,814
-First you take that lever...
509
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,549
And then you
shove it up your ass!
510
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,051
Figure it out yourself, bozo.
511
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,053
I just wanted to say...
512
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,823
Thanks again
for seeing the real me.
513
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:46,757
-Hey, man, it's no--
514
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:47,591
-[thwack]
-augh!
515
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,493
Chris: That's going
to leave a mark.
516
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:52,296
Dj: Oh... Man!
Always with the sack tap!
517
00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:53,564
Bandit: Kinda my move.
518
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:56,300
The stickers...
And the sack tap!
519
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:59,971
I'll text you.
520
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:01,105
[cynthia grunts with effort]
521
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,506
[exhales]
522
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:06,444
Well, that...
Is the last of them!
523
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:07,712
Aah!
524
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:08,846
Great job, team!
525
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,314
[applause]
526
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,917
Dj: And a special
shout-out goes to...
527
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,318
Jen hauser,
528
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:16,720
Who really proved
her olympic 'mettle' today.
529
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,756
-Guess silver ain't
so bad after all.
530
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:19,890
-No, it is.
531
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,625
Dj: Guess you don't
need security cameras
532
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,794
When you have a staff
as vigilant as ours.
533
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,596
-No, you do.
534
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:27,064
-Alright, let's go
refill these shelves.
535
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,266
He got us good.
536
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:29,466
Which is terrible.
Very upsetting.
537
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:30,801
Cynthia: Um... Keeran?
538
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,803
Uh, before you go,
a little word?
539
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:33,871
Keeran: Hmm?
540
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:37,208
-I stumbled across
some secret security footage.
541
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,143
-Hmm?
542
00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:40,611
-Could you explain this?
543
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:41,946
[keeran moaning on video]
544
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:43,414
Keeran: [video]
oh, god...
545
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,049
We should meet in my basement next time.
546
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,383
-[gasps]
547
00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:48,485
I can't believe
that I have to say this,
548
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,822
But intimate relations
with any of the merchandise
549
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:55,292
Is categorically
against store policy.
550
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,194
-I'm so sorry, cynthia!
551
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:59,230
Please do not fire me.
552
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:00,831
I'll buy the goalie pads!
Huh?
553
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,099
-Oh, please.
554
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,567
Consider them a gift.
555
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:04,568
Oh, keeran...
556
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,971
Keeran: [video]
I... Love... You...
557
00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:07,938
[breathing heavily]
558
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:13,310
-Go sanitize that section now.
559
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:14,578
Go!
560
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,714
Jen: Yeah,
I'll be back in five.
561
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:21,918
Oh...!
562
00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:23,988
Where'd this come from?
563
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,456
Wait, did dj do this?
564
00:20:25,591 --> 00:20:27,724
-I-- oh, geez, yeah.
Must have, yeah.
565
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,595
Who else would waste their money
on such a frivolous achievement?
566
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,862
-Pfft!
567
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:42,073
-They let you have a phone?
568
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:44,342
..."I snuck it in my butt."
569
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:48,412
Tmi!
570
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:49,547
[text message sent sound]
571
00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:53,618
-[text message received sound]
-"come visit me"...?
572
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:57,421
I don't think so.
573
00:20:57,556 --> 00:20:58,622
[text message sent sound]
574
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,827
-[text message received sound]
-"suck my"...
575
00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,296
[chuckles]
576
00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:07,898
This guy is a menace!
577
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:11,969
[sexy hip hop beat
and saxophone melody]
578
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:14,638
[women moaning]
579
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:19,976
♪
580
00:21:20,013 --> 00:21:24,648
♪
581
00:21:24,651 --> 00:21:28,719
♪
582
00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:33,124
♪
583
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:36,993
♪
584
00:21:37,043 --> 00:21:41,593
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