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- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
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00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:10,676
Is the TV still broken?
4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,677
If it wasn't, I'd be watching it.
5
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You know what that means, Mayan.
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00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:20,367
Edward James Olmos Playhouse
presents "Chicano Minds."
7
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- Action!
- Hey!
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00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:34,033
[IN NEW YORK ACCENT] I'm just
a regular pizza shop owner
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00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,034
who was havin' a coffee and a walk
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when I found this body by the dumpster.
11
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- [TOY SQUEAKS]
- Unlike your pizza, this body is fresh.
12
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:54,887
Oh, no, man!
13
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:58,536
The lawyers don't come in till
after the commercial break.
14
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:01,558
You ruined Churro's favorite show.
15
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,980
Quinten was interviewing
for a management position
16
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:06,607
at the Apple Store.
17
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,275
How did it go?
18
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I didn't get the job
because I'm too nice.
19
00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:14,239
They don't think I will
be assertive enough
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with the employees.
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Fuhgeddaboudit!
22
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That is so unfair.
23
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Sounds like we're not getting a new TV.
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So without TV, what are we gonna do?
25
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:30,756
We have to actually talk to each other?
26
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I'm gonna have to ask
questions that I don't
27
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,802
want to know the answers to?
28
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,803
Like, hey Quinten,
how was your day today?
29
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Thank you for asking.
30
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The stress of not getting the job
31
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:42,851
is actually weighing on me a lot.
32
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You see? It's torture.
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[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
34
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:03,080
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
35
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:06,153
Guess who got a pumpkin
sticker on his math test?
36
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,127
This guy.
37
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You squashed it, Gordo.
38
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Pumpkin sticker?
39
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:16,051
When I was in school, they only used
40
00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:19,052
two letter grades, D and F.
41
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:23,515
Hey, secret handshake.
42
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BOTH: Shau!
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I am such a cool mom.
44
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:31,358
I wish I had a pumpkin sticker.
45
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I would give it to you right now.
46
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- I'm heeere.
- My eeears.
47
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,662
Mayan, I bought you a little something,
48
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,663
even though you never get me anything,
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because that's how selfless I am.
50
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:56,465
Wow. Those are definitely heels.
51
00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,510
Now that you're not working at the vet,
52
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:01,511
you can start dressing like a woman.
53
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:06,049
This is so nice of you,
but I mostly wear sneakers.
54
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,645
I know.
55
00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:11,646
They're making your feet fat.
56
00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:14,360
You look like you're
standing on two speed bumps.
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I mean, if those patas get any wider,
58
00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:19,112
you'll be able to stop traffic.
59
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,116
Remember when she was little,
she'd run in the rain.
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00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:25,537
- [IMITATING HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]
- Keep roasting her, Rosie,
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'cause I got four hours of TV to fill
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since Quinten failed our family.
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00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,503
Way to kick a guy when he's down.
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What can I say? I love to kick.
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00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,297
I probably could have been
a Rockette right there.
66
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:38,298
Ay!
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Look. Ignore him.
68
00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:42,971
We'll figure this out.
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00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:44,431
No, he's right.
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00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,599
This promotion was how I planned
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00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:46,975
to provide for my family.
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00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:50,646
- So now I don't know what we're gonna do.
- I do.
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I'm gonna knock the nice
right out of you.
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00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:55,067
I'm gonna take you
to the most dangerous,
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00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:58,076
ruthless, cutthroat place
in all of Los Angeles.
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00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:03,448
The Trader Joe's parking lot?
77
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,578
Okay, the second worst.
78
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:09,415
I'm gonna take you to the swap meet.
79
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:10,916
And while we're there, we're gonna buy
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00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,209
a discount TV, huh?
81
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,086
Who knew that when we let
a gringo in the family
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that he'd be the poor one?
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You live with us.
84
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,554
They sell TVs at the swap meet?
85
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- What brands?
- All of 'em.
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00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:30,894
Sham-sung, So-Sony,
87
00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:33,895
JV-si, JV-no.
88
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,942
The swap meet is a great idea.
89
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,570
Chance and I can get a stall
and sell some of our things
90
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:40,946
to make some extra cash.
91
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,240
You can sell your entire closet
92
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:46,035
of visually unappealing garments.
93
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:49,036
Well, that should bring
in $5, $6 right there.
94
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,707
[BOTH LAUGH]
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[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
96
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Oh, man.
97
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Smell that?
98
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,302
The sweet smell of tamales, cologne,
99
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:06,631
decorative blankets from
unlicensed movie characters.
100
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,808
There she is. That's Olga.
101
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:12,436
She sells the best TVs
in the entire swap meet.
102
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:15,437
And they're all compatible
with stolen cable.
103
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,149
Great. Let's go.
104
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,317
Wait. Wait.
105
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,818
We're not ready.
106
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,320
She won't sell to me because she knows
107
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I drive such a hard bargain.
108
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:26,081
I thought it was because
you hit it and quit it.
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00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:30,204
Yeah, that too.
110
00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:32,623
Well, I am sure that
I can get it from her.
111
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,624
I'm talking about the TV, to be clear.
112
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:38,504
No means no, okay?
113
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,005
And you're not gonna find
anything better from here
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to that guy over there selling
birth certificates.
115
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:45,425
All right? So a-di-�s.
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00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:50,057
Hello, small business owner,
the backbone of America.
117
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How are you today?
118
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,019
I'm a single mom spending my weekend
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in a 90-degree parking lot
trying to feed my four kids.
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00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:58,524
How do you think I am?
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00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:01,360
It's nice to meet you too.
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00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,363
I... I would love to purchase
one of your beautiful TVs.
123
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,032
- How much is that 55-inch?
- $500.
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00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,701
All I have is 300.
125
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,327
Okay, well, since
you're being so polite...
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00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:11,537
Don't worry. You know what?
127
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,122
I'm gonna go get the other 200,
128
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:16,123
and I will be back
in two shakes of a jiffy.
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00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:19,878
She said it was 500.
130
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:22,047
- Can I borrow 200?
- That's full price.
131
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,048
For 500 bucks, you can
buy the whole swap meet!
132
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,471
- Did you even try to negotiate?
- No.
133
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:30,889
She's a single mom spending her weekend
134
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:33,392
in a 90-degree parking lot,
trying to feed four kids.
135
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,270
Boy, that woman speaks fast.
136
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:38,230
You have to negotiate.
137
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,231
When a dude like you
walks into the swap meet,
138
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:44,526
my people either see a mark or a narc.
139
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:50,117
- My middle name is Mark.
- Oh.
140
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,494
Apple is right. Maybe I am too soft.
141
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,079
Lucky for you,
142
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,344
the swap meet is where
every man learns to get hard.
143
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:00,919
You have to learn
to stand up for yourself, okay?
144
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,588
I have to trust that
you'll be able to take care
145
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,589
of my daughter and my grandson
and Churro
146
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:09,134
and Churro II when that time comes.
147
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,388
You got a point, George.
148
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:13,015
This is about more than the TV.
149
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,558
It is about providing for my family.
150
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:17,559
So I am all yours.
151
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:20,687
Make me hard.
152
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:24,943
Welcome to the George Lopez Swap Meet
153
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,944
School of Negotiating Bargaining School,
154
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,407
where you enter as a soft baby blanket,
155
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:33,408
and you leave as
a rough, scratchy serape.
156
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,123
Olga's a tough negotiator,
so let's start small,
157
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,833
otherwise she'll just tell you...
158
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,834
BOTH: "A-di-�s."
159
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:47,005
Follow my lead.
160
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,592
Where's the vendor?
161
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:55,516
Bienvenidos.
162
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,601
Can I interest you
in an airbrushed T-shirt
163
00:07:57,602 --> 00:08:00,562
or perhaps this can of soup
that is actually a bong?
164
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:03,607
- [INHALES]
- Get me the shirt that says "That Bitch."
165
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:04,900
[CLEARS THROAT]
166
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:09,571
- How much will "That Bitch" run me?
- $30.
167
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:14,533
That sounds reasonable. What?
168
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:16,787
Wrong, man.
169
00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,372
You want to feel the fabric.
170
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,957
Make the stank face.
171
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:21,625
Tu qieres que yo pague esto? Por esto?
172
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:26,338
Nunca! Then you offer him five.
173
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,382
- Would you take five?
- Five?
174
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:31,383
This is name-brand Calvin Clown.
175
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,262
Fifteen, man.
176
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,806
Okay. That sounds like that is...
177
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:38,807
God. Quit doing that!
178
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:42,324
Then you say, "I guess you
don't want to eat today."
179
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,148
And walk away...
180
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:47,149
slow, so he has time to stop you.
181
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,033
All right.
182
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,534
I'll do it for five.
183
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,703
Then you grab the shirt,
throw $3 at him,
184
00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,704
and we run the hell out of here.
185
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:07,002
Good luck with your drag show.
186
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,342
Another sale.
187
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:14,343
Secret handshake.
188
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:18,597
BOTH: Shau!
189
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,977
But why are you selling
all the stuff Nana gave you?
190
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,146
Your nana and I have different tastes.
191
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,523
Mine is contemporary casual,
192
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:29,524
and hers is tacky.
193
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:34,281
Like, where am I even supposed
to wear this,
194
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:37,282
to brunch with an Egyptian pharaoh?
195
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:43,082
- I'm here.
- Mom.
196
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,292
What are you doing here?
197
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,211
I thought you were at church.
198
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,838
I figured you needed a real saleswoman
199
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,965
to help sell those rags you wear,
200
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,966
and the priest agreed.
201
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:58,428
Wait.
202
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:01,556
Is this the zebra-print
jumpsuit I got you?
203
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,186
And the tiger-print pants?
204
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:07,187
And the leopard-print wrap dress?
205
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:10,857
Yep, we're selling the whole zoo.
206
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:15,036
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going on a safari.
207
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,993
Why are you selling all
of the things I got you?
208
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:22,121
Do you not like them?
209
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,039
I was just saying how I was gonna wear
210
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,040
this beautiful belt to brunch.
211
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,878
If you won't tell me
the truth, I know who will.
212
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:33,424
- Chance!
- Mommy thinks you're tacky.
213
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:36,552
- Chance!
- I can't lie to that woman.
214
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,553
She's got a direct line
to Jesus and Santa.
215
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,393
Mayan Isabel Lopez,
216
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:46,270
I can't believe you've been lying
217
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:49,271
to me all of these years.
218
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:53,902
Thankfully, I'm young enough
to have another daughter.
219
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:56,903
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
220
00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,283
Looks like Quinten is finally getting
221
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:02,202
the hang of bargaining.
222
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:07,124
Quieres que pague esto? Por esto? Nunca.
223
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,668
2 bucks. Take it or leave it.
224
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,669
It's your hat. Just take it.
225
00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:15,964
I'm sorry.
226
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:21,847
- I got this $10 hat for free.
- Congratulations.
227
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,683
You got everything on my list
for under 20 bucks.
228
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,684
You have leveled up
from a Mark to a Marcos.
229
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,482
Marcos is a guy who provides
for his family,
230
00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:33,650
who smells like expired Aqua Velva
231
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:36,651
that he got for half price.
232
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,530
Yeah. So I got the hat,
233
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,949
the shirt, the wig,
234
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,118
the glasses,
235
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:45,329
the puka shell necklace.
236
00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:48,330
I rocked some of those
babies at Woodstock '99,
237
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:51,792
the real Woodstock.
238
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,712
Okay. Well, that's all I'm buying.
239
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,464
I am done taking advantage
of hardworking people
240
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,299
who are just trying to make ends meet.
241
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,801
I want to take care of my family,
242
00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:00,469
but not if it means hurting
other people's families.
243
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:03,470
I thought you might say that.
244
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,983
That's why I had you buy me
all that stuff on the list,
245
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,486
because sometimes you have
to step outside who you are
246
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:20,487
and put on a wig to get what you want.
247
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:24,827
Olga won't sell to George,
248
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:27,828
but she will sell
to Matteo McConaughey here.
249
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,167
[IN SURFER VOICE] All right. All right.
250
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:33,711
All right.
251
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:36,712
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
252
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:40,342
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
253
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,760
Please don't do this, George.
254
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:45,025
Olga has been through enough,
having slept with you.
255
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,182
We didn't sleep together.
256
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:50,183
We made love.
257
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:53,478
Now watch the swap meet king
do his thing.
258
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:56,692
Okay. Hey, listen.
259
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:57,943
If you're not gonna buy something,
260
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,153
quit blocking my stall.
261
00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:02,154
Get to shopping or a-di-�s.
262
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,200
[IN SURFER VOICE] Oh, my God. Hi.
263
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:10,829
How much for this totally
tubular flat screen?
264
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:16,754
- $500, bitch.
- What?
265
00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:19,465
Wow, man. That's wild.
266
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,300
What, does it come with a concierge
267
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,510
to help you change the channel?
268
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:26,511
[HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER]
269
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:28,432
One-hundy.
270
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:30,309
Yeah. One-hundy is
not gonna feed my four kids
271
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:33,310
and little Flaco over there.
272
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,190
Oh, what an adorable puppy.
273
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,524
He's 21 today.
274
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:40,152
I'm gonna take him
for a beer after work.
275
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,737
It's his birthday?
276
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,738
Oh, happy birthday, little Flaco.
277
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,411
Oh, he likes you,
which means I like you.
278
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:52,412
Okay, I'll sell you
that TV for 300 bucks.
279
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:57,419
Nunca. We want this TV right here.
280
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:58,837
It's the end of the day.
281
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,631
So you can either carry this TV home
282
00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:03,632
or you can carry my hundy
and your fat dog.
283
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,764
Let's just take the $300 one, okay?
284
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,391
I can afford it. She makes a profit.
285
00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:12,893
It's just as good.
286
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,311
It's 3 inches smaller.
287
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:17,312
Of course you'd think
it'd be just as good.
288
00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:23,068
Well, what do you say, lad-ay?
289
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,531
Fine. 100.
290
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,032
But only 'cause it seems like something
291
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,410
ain't right with you.
292
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:32,411
If being me is wrong,
I don't want to be right.
293
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:35,622
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
294
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,585
Nana isn't answering her phone.
295
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,713
I shouldn't have lied to her.
296
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:43,714
It's always better to be honest.
297
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:48,637
- I hate our secret handshake.
- What?
298
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,389
I liked it when I was eight.
299
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:53,390
But now that I'm 8 1/2, it's cringe.
300
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,562
I can't believe you're saying this.
301
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,480
You said to be honest.
302
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,566
But it always looks like
you're having so much fun.
303
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:03,027
You mean like this?
304
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:07,072
Shau! It was fake.
305
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:10,073
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
306
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:15,746
I can't believe you
got this TV for $100.
307
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:18,798
A deal this good...
maybe I really am that bitch.
308
00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:23,839
I don't know how you
can feel proud of this.
309
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,758
Olga only took your offer
because she was desperate
310
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,634
to feed her starving children.
311
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:31,091
If they're eating as good
as that dog, they'll be fine.
312
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:32,598
But you know what?
313
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,892
You just failed
the George Lopez Swap Meet
314
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:37,893
School of Negotiating Bargaining School,
315
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,315
where nice guys finish last
316
00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:44,316
and George Lopez finishes
numero uno, baby!
317
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:02,417
You paid $100 for bricks, man.
318
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:05,712
Oh, how the mighty
swap meet king has fallen.
319
00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:11,343
Get out.
320
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:14,596
There's a note.
321
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:21,561
"I knew it was you, George Lopez."
322
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,483
"I'm much better at screwing you
323
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:28,985
than you are at screwing me." Oh.
324
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:33,145
I guess Olga wasn't a fan
of you finishing first.
325
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,419
Oh, I can't believe this.
326
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,212
You made me take advantage of people,
327
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:48,413
and all we have to show
for it is a pile of bricks.
328
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:51,719
Wait a minute.
329
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,970
We made some good memories today.
330
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:55,014
I mean, that's not worth nothing.
331
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,140
No, George.
332
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:57,766
All you taught me was
333
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,852
to feel bad about being a good person.
334
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:02,062
You are just like my Apple Store boss.
335
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:05,391
You think that my kindness
and empathy makes me weak.
336
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,819
But those are my strengths.
337
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:11,363
I am not a scratchy serape!
338
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,615
I am a proud baby blanket,
339
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,701
swaddling his family in comfort,
340
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,702
and you're an ass!
341
00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:31,884
That's what I'm talking
about right there!
342
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:35,346
What? No!
343
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:38,347
Be devastated by my words!
344
00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:42,184
This is the Quinten that's
gonna get promoted.
345
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,313
Congratulations.
346
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:47,524
You graduated from the
George Lopez Confidence School
347
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:50,525
of Building Ego School.
348
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:54,946
You're literally insane.
349
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:58,241
Am I?
350
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:02,245
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
351
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:05,834
I don't want to see your mom right now.
352
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,753
I'm giving her the silent treatment.
353
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,954
If I'm here, I'll be forced
to criticize something.
354
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:15,219
Don't worry. She's not here right now.
355
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,720
But you know who is?
356
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:19,721
This fashionista!
357
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:26,937
You better work, Mommy.
358
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:31,202
I assume you're mocking me
in that fabulous outfit
359
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:35,106
that accentuates your curves
in all the right places.
360
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:40,536
I'm not mocking you.
361
00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:41,954
I'm trying to apologize.
362
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,956
I should have told you the truth.
363
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,833
Chance did the same thing to me.
364
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,834
He hates our secret handshake.
365
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:52,629
Oh, Mayan.
366
00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:55,924
I knew karma would be fast and swift.
367
00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:01,722
Honey, it's natural to want
368
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,393
to share the things you love
with your child.
369
00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:06,186
That's how you bond.
370
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,938
So you bought me all those outfits
371
00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,648
because you wanted to be close to me,
372
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,649
not because you think I have bad taste.
373
00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:17,281
Two things can be true.
374
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:20,282
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
375
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:25,829
Mute the bricks. I got news.
376
00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:29,752
I had a little sit-down with my
boss at the Apple Store today,
377
00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:32,254
and I let him know
if they did not promote me,
378
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:33,589
I was gonna walk.
379
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,424
That's amazing.
380
00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:37,968
- Oh, unless they fired you.
- No.
381
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,720
He said that was exactly
the kind of confidence
382
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,347
he was hoping to see
out of someone applying
383
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:42,598
for the management position.
384
00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:45,599
And he gave me the job on the spot!
385
00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:49,061
Yeah!
386
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:52,856
Confidence, you say?
387
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,944
And who, pray tell,
388
00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:58,322
imbued you with such confidence?
389
00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:01,075
Watch out. Oh.
390
00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:02,659
Yes. I hate to admit it,
391
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,453
but I did learn something
about negotiating
392
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:06,288
from you, George.
393
00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:09,289
I'm proud of you,
and so are your ancestors.
394
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,710
Right now, they're looking down on you,
395
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,045
and they're saying...
396
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:16,054
[IN IRISH ACCENT]
Look at that wee lad, Quinten.
397
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:19,802
Finally bringing home that
we bit of pot of gold now.
398
00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:22,803
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
399
00:20:24,474 --> 00:20:27,474
It's time for "The Real
Housewives of East LA."
400
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:32,272
God broke the mold, the machine,
401
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:35,273
and the factory when he made me.
402
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,947
Don't act like you don't know.
403
00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:42,948
I'm America's mijo.
404
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,579
I live in the back of a truck,
405
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,580
and this avocado is my dinner.
406
00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:56,130
Look what the newest Apple Store manager
407
00:20:56,131 --> 00:21:01,174
- bought with his first paycheck.
- Yep.
408
00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:04,013
I went back to Olga,
and she gave me a great deal
409
00:21:04,014 --> 00:21:07,014
on a genuine Mitsu-beats-me.
410
00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:10,477
Don't care. I'm watching my stories,
411
00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:12,479
and they're about to fight.
412
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,523
Don't talk about my husband.
413
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:17,524
Girl, he won't be your husband for long.
414
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:20,527
- Ooh!
- Ahh!
415
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,574
Don't make me slap the feeling
416
00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:26,575
right out your face!
417
00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:29,579
You know what? Let's set this thing up.
418
00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:34,580
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
419
00:21:34,630 --> 00:21:39,180
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