All language subtitles for Greys Anatomy s20e05 Never Felt So Alone.eng

? The things that you tell me,
the things that you don't... ?

MEREDITH: When an
infection destroys a cell,

the surrounding cells signal
each other to wall it off.

"Help. I just had a
Nissen fundoplication,

and I can't swallow.
What's happening to me?

Are you you?

Or are you still a 50-year-old
man with achalasia?

- It doesn't say.
- Um...

They isolate the infected cell
to prevent it from spreading

and harming other parts of your body.

Do you think they'll ever
talk to each other again?

Don't know. Don't care.

As long as they finish
their procedure logs.

Besides, I'm too busy
rushing you back to the O.R.

to loosen the wrap of your stomach.

Correct. You get a fry.

The isolation is
temporary, but important.

I prefer the study technique
you used the other night.

I'm not taking my clothes off here.

It gives your body time to
trigger your immune system

and stop the infection from spreading...

Did you pick up those yogurt things
that Leo loves this morning?

Sorry. An MVC came in.

Hey, does Pru go through those phases

where she'll only eat two things?

We're at yogurt and graham crackers.

Oh, we are at "I'm going to shove food

under my plate and
pretend that I ate it."

Any plans tonight, Bailey?

Oh, I have plans.
I have plans to take a bath

and not think about
interns for seven hours.

And then I'm also going to... the pit.

I'm going to the pit. Multiple traumas.

Yeah. Me too. I'll page the interns.

All right. I'll pick up
the yogurt. Good luck.

Until isolation is no longer needed.

You ready for tonight?

I'm gonna make you an
offer you can't refuse.

What is that? Godfather.

Oh. It's movie night.

Ugh! We're on call. We
should sleep when we can.

How come every time I pick the movie,

- you're too tired to watch?
- Not true!

I sat through that whole baseball movie.

I should get extra points for that.

That was five weeks ago.

- No, it was not!
- Yeah!

It was three "Screams,"
one Jason Bourne,

and "Pride of Yankees"
ago... five weeks.

And... I'm late.

For what?

My period.

[PHONES BUZZING]

- It's the E.R.
- Should we ignore it?

- It's 911.
- So is this.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

AMELIA: I never thought
I'd mean this literally,

but I'm reading about a
bunch of random people's crap.

Are all of these adult children
of people with Alzheimer's?

Well, we need to confirm
certain bacteria in the gut.

Our hypothesis will be even more solid.

I'm going to need hard data

if I'm ever going to
approach Catherine again.

How can you eat while we're
analyzing these results?

Becoming my mother
terrifies me that much.

[PHONE CHIMES]

Zola. "Can Ellis have ice cream?"

No, she can't have ice
cream. It's so late.

Parenting by text. I'm impressed.

Well, it only works because
Zola's honest and mature.

- That's the part that's impressive.
- [PHONE CHIMES]

Nick is supposed to read Ellis a story.

Well, ask Nick.

Do you think fried rice
is anti-inflammatory?

What if it's brown rice?

Nick took Bailey to the hospital.

?

I worked two nights ago,

and I'm the only person with
my procedure card filled out.

I should be at home
studying or sleeping or...

Ask your co-chief
resident for an exemption.

- MAN: Coming through!
- Nice try.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Oh, man.

- What happened?
- Second-floor deck collapsed.

Mostly minor lacerations
and musculoskeletal injuries,

but we're still waiting on a few rigs.

- They're all m...
- Medical students.

They were having a white-coat party.

They just got theirs.

I remember that party. I got super d...

- [CLEARS THROAT]...
- dramatic...

about reaching another
milestone in my career.

Everybody grab a chart.
It's gonna be a long night.

- Come on.
- Oh! [GRUNTS]

Hey, someone get him
a CBC. Type and screen.

- And hemoglobin, stat.
- It's okay. I'm okay!

Mr. Oliver? That's me. Eddie.

It looks like he dislocated
his left shoulder.

So reduce it, get an MRI,
and page me with the results.

So the X-ray showed it's not broken?

Exactly. We'll do a local block,
and then I'll adduct your arm.

You need any help?

- Uh, Kwan said he'd help me.
- What?

Oh. Yeah. I-I got it.

Adams. Rigs are coming in. Grab a gown.

Yeah.

[SIREN WAILING]

- What are we doing?
- Thank you.

[LINE RINGING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Hey. I was just gonna call you.

Where's Bailey?

Okay. So we're at the hospital.

He has early appendicitis.

They gave him antibiotics
and morphine for the pain.

H-He's a little out of it.

- He needs an appy. Who's on call?
- Ankrom

She's gonna call you about consent.

Well, at least someone
was thinking about that.

Yeah. Look. I was gonna call, but...

I don't want to talk about this
right now. I have to change my flight.

Tell Bailey I will be
there as soon as I can.

[BEEP] Okay. Meredith...

Mer.

?

[SIREN WAILING]

What do we got?

Sophia Valdez. 26.
Impaled by a wood beam.

Oxygenating at 96% on room
air. Hemodynamically stable.

Bilateral neuro deficits
in both lower extremities.

Please! You have to help me!

Sophia, I'm Dr. Hunt. I
know you're in a lot of pain.

This is killing me.

We're gonna do everything in our
power to make sure that won't happen.

No, no. My... My coat.
They took my white coat.

The one that lets everyone
know I'm gonna be a doctor.

I'll... I'll try to find it for you.

I didn't even get to wear
it in an actual hospital.

I can't feel my right leg,
and I'm only a first year,

but that's really bad, right?

Trauma three and page neuro. Let's go.

WOMAN OVER P.A.: Dr. Ellen
Drantch to Labor and Delivery.

- Dr. Winston Ndugu?
- Yes.

All right. Let's make this quick.

I've got CCU rounds and a
consult in the pit, all right?

Gilbert. Sorry for the delay.
I've had a lot of emergent cases today.

It's okay. I don't go anywhere anymore.

Strange places, loud
noises, sudden movements.

They all make my heart go "fkkt!"

All right. We'll take care
of that tonight, all right?

- Dr. Miller?
- Uh, Gilbert Quincy, 41.

Intermittent, rapid,
and irregular heart rate

accompanied by shortness of breath.

Initial diagnosis is SVT

with... AVRT that is resistant
to, uh, medication.

The patient is scheduled for a, um...

[WHISPERING] It's okay.

The patient is scheduled
for a... cardiac ablation.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

You know we can see you, right?

Angela is a professional cuddler.

When the anti-anxiety
meds stopped working,

I had to get... creative.

Oh. Yeah. Uh, you charge
people to hug them?

Cuddling releases
endorphins and oxytocin,

which lowers stress and anxiety.

That's... fascinating.

Or a racket.

Okay, Gilbert. We got a
check on your labs, all right?

[SIGHS]

?

That's the worst possible
time to consider having a baby.

Work never stops.

My written exams are coming up,
and Luna's starting preschool.

Oh, my God. The diapers.

Do you know how many
diapers we would need

if we had three kids who
weren't potty trained?

Try not to panic.
T-This could be nothing.

Six diapers a day per kid!

That's like a thousand diapers a week!

- Not even close.
- How could this happen?

I'm OB-GYN.

Half my job is to help
women not get pregnant.

- Oh, my God. Here it is.
- You're spiraling.

How are you not?

It won't be easy but
we'll figure it out.

Also, we live in a state
where we have options...

if... if that's what you want... or not.

I... I just mean we're in
this together no matter what.

- [PHONE BUZZING]
- Oh.

[SIGHS] Patient with abdominal pain.

You do realize this doesn't
work if I take the...

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- ... test.

[MONITOR BEEPING]

Sorry I'm late.

Sophia, I'm Dr. Shepherd.
How are you feeling?

This isn't exactly how I
pictured my first trauma.

- How are my X-rays?
- No visible injury around the lungs.

No free fluid in the
abdomen or around the heart.

She's a first-year med student.

Got it. Um, wiggle your toes for me.

SOPHIA: Are they moving?

Okay.

- Can you feel it when I touch here?
- Mnh-mnh.

?

- We need a CT right now.
- Okay.

I've wanted to be a surgeon
ever since I can remember.

I watched whipples on YouTube as a kid.

Have you ever done one?

Oh, my God. Is that...

Yeah. The paramedics were gonna toss
it, but I got there just in time.

OWEN: Sophia, hey, hey, hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Deep breaths, okay?
Stay still. Deep breaths.

I'm gonna take you up to CT now, okay?
Right now. We're going now.

Let's go.

?

I don't think you understand.

My son is in the hospital.

I need a flight tonight.

Yes, I can hold.

Meredith? What's going on?

Bailey needs an appendectomy.

He's with Nick in Boston.

- Can I help?
- Can you fly a plane?

No. But let me call Catherine.

- No. I don't want to bother Catherine.
- He's your son. Now, come on.

Sorry. Excuse me.

[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]

Dr. Schmitt, I finished
the arm lac in bed 3.

- What's next?
- We set up a fast track near bed 7

for the simpler cases.

You should be able to move
through that pretty quickly.

I was the fastest
pre-rounder in medical school.

Mm.

- All right.
- Woman over P.A.: Dr. Mahoney to the E.R.

Dr. Mahoney to the E.R.

- Hi. I'm Dr. Yasud...
- [LAUGHING]

SOPHIA: Do you have any idea
how much I want to be you?

I haven't slept in two days.
You might want to rethink that.

Have you ever wanted
something so much it hurts?

Like... Like you can
feel it in your body

and you're so close to getting it?

[MACHINERY HUMMING]

Yeah. I, uh, I think I understand.

Then you know.

You have to fix me.

Please.

OWEN: Adams, let's go.

[SWITCH CLICKS]

When you see a deck collapse on TV,

are you thinking, "Gee, that's sad,"

or are you happy because
of all the traumas?

- Be honest.
- [EXHALES DEEPLY]

- Are you okay?
- Yeah. I'm fine.

Scans are up. Adams?

Uh, it looks like the wood

partially severed her
spinal cord at T-4 and T-5.

Brown-S�quard syndrome.

It's an expanding hematoma
in her spinal cord,

which means the blood supply is tenuous.

So what do you do?

We remove the foreign object,
we irrigate the hematoma,

we close her, and we hope for the best.

Hope?

Y-You just... You just hope

that she's gonna be able
to walk or... or stand?

Doing more could cause her
entire spinal cord to stroke out.

Or she could die from complications.

[SIGHS] This is her best option.

- Let's book an O.R.
- Mm-hmm.

?

[YAWNS, SNIFFS]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS,
PHONE RINGING]

- Tired, Griffith?
- Oh, a little.

You should be. I checked your hours.

You're almost at your max. Go home.

I'm just waiting for
Eddie Oliver's MRI results.

Do you know what exhausted interns do?

Make mistakes, which
makes my life messy.

You want my life to be messy, Griffith?

I will pass it off to Kwon and go home.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY, SIGHS]

I have to give you my patient.

Uh, if his MRI is clear,
he can be discharged.

He's in bed 4.

Well, that bed's been empty for a while.

- And you did nothing?
- He wasn't my patient then.

Bailey will kill us if we
let a drunk medical student

loose in the hospital.

- Find him.
- You lost him.

?

Shut up and help me.

[LINE RINGING]

Hi.

MEREDITH: How is he?

He's good. They took him to pre-op.

Not before he lobbied the nurse
for popsicles after he wakes up.

Well, I should be there by then.

Good. He'll be happy.

Well, I could have been
there sooner had I known.

Mer, we're gonna have
this conversation now?

Well, you took my kid to the hospital.

Yeah. He said his stomach hurt
on the way home from hockey practice.

I did a quick exam. He
had rebound tenderness.

I called Ankrom. She said
to bring him in. I mean...

You should have called me.

Yes. I could have.

I wanted to see what the doctor
said before I worried you.

- I am a doctor.
- Yes. And so am I.

I'm his mother. You call me.

Okay. Copy that. Next
time this happens...

No next time.

If any decisions need to be made,

call me immediately.

[BEEP]

Sounded like that went well.

?

- Track this for me. This side.
- [MONITOR BEEPING, FLATLINING]

- Okay. Good.
- Dead. Alive.

Dead.

Alive.

Dead.

- Alive.
- Don't do that.

Dead.

?

I've been running the
fast-track area solo.

- I heard. That's awesome.
- Oh, is it?

'Cause so far, I've been
peed on, spit on, and hit on.

I mean, the first two
were accidents, but still.

Someone hit on you?

That's what you're concerned about?

- Can you please swap me out?
- Let me see what I can do.

Okay.

- Can I have a sandwich?
- No.

Back.

?

Wheelchair, not a toy.

Hey. Gilbert Quincy still isn't prepped.

His heart rate kept going up
while she was doing the echo.

I suggest we wait another 30
minutes before trying again.

All right. Look. I've been on
my feet since 5:00 this morning,

and I've got another
eight hours ahead of me.

I'm not going to shift
around my schedule

because my patient needs
a human weighted blanket.

Uh, Angela, would you
please go check on Gilbert?

We'll be in with you in a minute.

Thank you.

You're an intern. I give you a task.
You do it. Understood?

Get the echo.

I will try again.

You know, actually, no.

You can do it intraoperatively
while he's asleep.

Excuse me?

I know what I'm about to
say is way out of line,

but it's late, and I
think you need to hear it.

You used to be the coolest attending.

Everybody wanted to be on your service.

But lately, you've kind of been a jerk.

Correct. This is way out of line. Yes.

Okay. I am desperate to learn from you.

But not if it means being disrespected

or standing by while you
disrespect our patients.

Gilbert is in pain. He is scared.

And if paying someone to
hug him helps him with that,

who are we to judge?

I want the patient
prepped within 20 minutes.

[MONITOR BEEPING]

Are you okay?

I've never been in an O.R. before.

Um, my... my dad said the
O.R. had an invisible energy,

like the force in "Star Wars."

Now I get it.

What kind of surgeon is your dad?

Trauma. But he died two years ago.

Oh.

We are gonna start the anesthesia.

Are you ready?

Can you make sure my
coat is with my stuff?

I don't care if it's ruined.
I-I still want to keep it.

- Of course.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay.

I-I'm ready.

?

Woman over P.A.: Dr. Yun to O.R. 1.

Dr. Yun to O.R. 1.

[TABLET CHIMES]

Huh. His M.R.I. is clear.

I mean, d... maybe he went home.
Did you try and give him a call?

I have been with you.

Okay. Give me the number.

Thank you.

[LINE RINGS]

You have reached the voice mailbox...

- Voicemail.
- I can't believe I lost a patient.

Bailey is going to fire me.

Is he in a plaid shirt with a sling?

Is your missing patient
wearing a plaid shirt

- and a sling on his arm?
- Yes.

Yeah. I saw him near the stairwell.

Ah! The one by the west elevator.

It goes to the roof.

[TRAFFIC PASSING, SIREN
WAILING IN DISTANCE]

[EXHALES DEEPLY] Great.

The windy, outdoor version of
what we've been doing all night.

Oh, please.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

- Hey.
- What?

Eddie?

?

Can you come down from there?
We've got your M.R.I. results.

- Am I dying?
- No. You're fine. Let's go back in.

Yeah. We'll discharge
you, and y-you can go home.

?

Eddie?

What if I didn't go home?

?

You thought losing him was bad?

How about the headline "Drunk
med student falls off hospital"?

He's completely sober,
according to his labs.

What if I just... let the wind decide?

?

[PHONE BUZZES, CHIMES]

RICHARD: Oh. [GRUNTS]

- Anything new?
- Still in surgery.

I wish I could see into that O.R.

The last thing a surgeon needs

is to have a patient's mom
looking over their shoulder.

Even more so if it's Meredith Grey.

Even the best hands make mistakes.

Bleeding, perforations.

It's the middle of the night.

They're tired. Mistakes happen.

Yeah, they could, but most
of the time, they don't.

And most of the time, people who
need craniotomies get head CTs.

I'm sorry. I'm fine.

I just... It's just when
things like this happen.

- I know it's not Derek. I-I...
- I understand. No apologies needed.

?

SIMONE: It's cold. Let's go in,
get some coffee, find your friends.

I'm fine here.

We can't leave you here.

?

Hey, Eddie, did you...

Did you come up here to hurt yourself?

I don't know.

?

- Are you having thoughts of suicide?
- I, uh...

I guess. Sometimes.

?

I'm here if you want to talk.

We both are.

Maybe you could sit down.
You've had a long night.

[WIND WHISTLING]

?

It seems darker up here.

The city.

[WHISPERING] Text Bailey.

?

Did you move here for med
school or is Seattle home?

- You know, you're really pretty.
- Yeah. Thank you. Okay.

- Do you like me?
- Sure.

Don't touch that, 'cause
you're gonna open the sutures.

Okay?

Stop. Stop.

- [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- Okay. You know what?

Your hand is contaminated,
and if you're not gonna listen,

I have to do this. I'm sorry.
This is just what has to

- happen right now. Okay.
- Hey, this...

This is a malpractice.

Hey! She's malpracticing me.

Um, can... can I get
another banana bag, please?

- Aah!
- [LAUGHING]

?

No.

?

Hey, baby.

I-I thought you
weren't working tonight.

Well, I could say the
same thing about you.

Yeah. They needed a sub.

That, uh, that med-student
party was a real rager, huh?

Uh, yeah.

I got one of them trying to
order pizza over at bed 4.

Wait. Tuck's at home?

Uh, did you remind him to lock
the door and turn on the alarm?

- T... Ah.
- _

- You didn't think I remembered.
- I do... [CHUCKLES]

- Oh. Uh-oh.
- What? What happened?

Interns, uh, found a
missing patient on the roof.

They're worried that
he wants to jump off.

- Okay. Tell them we're on the way.
- OK... Uh...

You remember how it felt to
be that excited about surgery?

Yeah. It was like a drug

that, unlike the other drugs
I was into, couldn't kill me.

Prepare for the specimen.

I don't remember the last
time operating gave me

that kind of rush.

Okay. Removing the
foreign object in three.

- One, two... three.
- [GRUNTS]

- Bovie.
- Irrigation.

Let's get this bleeding under control,

wash her out, and get ready to close,

and let's hope for the best.

These edges are cleaner
than I thought they'd be.

No significant tissue loss.

Bleeding subsided.

You're gonna ask me to do a
primary repair, aren't you?

That's not the standard of care.

I saw a lot of penetrating
injuries like this in Iraq,

and I've seen primary repairs
work on nerves and extremities

It doesn't come close to a spinal cord.

But if you were going to do it...

?

I would need an orbeye.

I'd use 10-0 nylon.

Layer by layer, I would need
to expose the spinal cor...

I can't guarantee the outcome.

I mean, there's risky,
and then there's this.

LUCAS: She'd want you to do it.

Sorry, but s-she'd want you to try.

It would kill her to
know there was a chance

and you didn't take it.

?

All right. This is gonna
be long and tedious.

I need an orbeye. I need
everyone in lockstep.

- Are you in?
- I suggested it.

?

I can't look at it.

- Did you pee on this?
- Just read it.

It's negative.

- [INHALES DEEPLY] Phew!
- [ELEVATOR BELL CHIMES]

What happened to "We're
in this together"?

You... You were spiraling.

Short of traveling back
and getting a vasectomy,

it was the only thing I could
think of to make you feel better.

The idea of having a
baby with me is so awful,

you would rather have a vasectomy?

No.

- "A thousand diapers week"!
- That was an exaggeration!

Hi.

I love... being a dad,

and as much as I would love to
do it all over again with you

and only with you, I... I'm tired.

- It's hard.
- Give me this.

It's not negative.

?

Y-You're pregnant?

- It's not positive either!
- Is there a third option?

One line is negative. Two is positive.

- There's no lines!
- It's a dud.

?

[MONITOR BEEPING]

[COUGHS]

Aah... Can... Can we slow down?

If we go any slower, we'll
have to push your surgery

- to tomorrow.
- Stop, stop!

I can't do this! I can't!
I-I have to get off.

Uh, no, no, no, no. You can.
You can do this. You can do this.

- Should we call Angela?
- No! No. She charges by the hour.

I'm sorry. I'm really trying,

but my relaxation techniques
aren't even working, and I'm...

I can't breathe, and
my fingers are tingling.

I'm... I'm alone, and
I'm hot. Why is it so...

- Dr. Ndugu.
- May I?

What are you doing?

If his heart rate doesn't slow
down, he can go into V-fib.

[GASPING, WHEEZING]

You're okay. You're okay. You okay.

Breathe... Breathe with Breathe with me.

Yep.

Okay. Nice and slow.

Let's go.

?

There you go.

?

I remember my white coat ceremony.
My dad flew in.

It was raining, so traffic was awful.

He walked in right as
I was reciting the oath.

Barely passed my biochem test.

It's okay.

I studied.

I even went to see a tutor.

Busted my ass, and I still
couldn't even catch up.

Biochem is like...

learning another language.

So much reading.

So many tests.

You know, it's like I
try to sleep, but I can't.

?

- I think, uh...
- Say it.

Sometimes just saying it helps.

?

I think I'm broken.

?

I don't deserve this anymore.

Eddie.

?

BAILEY: Oh. Damn it. Griffith.

I told her to go home.

Yeah. Well, it's a good
thing she didn't listen.

Has he said anything
about wanting to jump?

[EXHALES SHARPLY] No.

Good. All right.

Well, then keep... keep
doing what you're doing.

He's standing on a ledge.

There's a difference between
a suicide attempt and ideation.

Right now, he's talking to her.

He's engaging with her and
answering her questions.

He's inches away from
a seven-story drop.

And if we abruptly change
the situation on him,

we might make it worse.

So calm down. Keep him talking.

[SIGHS]

Hey. Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey. Look at me.

Look at me. Look at me.

- What?
- Five. Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Hm?

- We get a sign this becomes unstable...
- We will intervene.

?

[PHONE RINGING]

Hey.

Surgery went well. The
appendix didn't rupture.

- He's still out?
- You know him.

He could sleep through a monster
truck rally without anesthesia.

You can go.

- I... I don't need to.
- You can go.

Okay.

His, uh, his vitals look good.

I'll... I'll let you two have some time.

I'll be close in case you need anything.

Thank you... for getting me here

and for listening to me
and being there for me.

You know I would do more if I could.

I really am fine.

I mean, of course I miss him. I...

It's... it's just really
only when the kids wake up

in the middle of the night.

And... I don't have
anyone to talk to and...

Anyway, you help me more than you know.

I was glad to do it.

But, uh, you know, I wasn't the
only one you had to talk with.

?

- Mom?
- Hi.

- How do you feel?
- Where's Nick?

?

Pia mater has been approximated.

Cut, please.

?

Wait.

- There's bleeding.
- Suction.

Wait. No suction. No. it's too friable.

If we suction, we could
lose spinal nerve tissue.

- We need to stop the bleeding.
- Well, we can irrigate

and then use gelfoam
soaked in dexamethasone.

Let's keep it quiet.

We know it's been a long night,
but we're on the homestretch, okay?

?

Bleeding has stopped.

Gelfoam, please.

- Do you need a dural patch?
- No. I'm good.

Can't believe I'm saying this, but...
we can prep to close.

We did it.

We did.

All right. Wait to see if it works
before you start gloating up there.

Okay. Irrigation.

?

How'd it go?

Good. Yeah.
He's gonna wake up a new person.

I don't think we would have
gotten him into the O.R.

if you hadn't jumped on
the gurney when you did.

Yeah. Well, I got to be honest.
It's not my... usual strategy.

Uh, Dr. Ndugu, um, I-I wanted to say

that I am really sorry
for what I said earlier.

Not only was it inappropriate

- and disrespectful...
- It was right.

I haven't been bringing my
best self to work lately.

Things in my personal
life are... complicated.

But it's no excuse.

You... You don't have to
explain yourself to me.

No. I know.
But I'm the coolest attending.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] You
did good work today.

?

SIMONE: You hungry?

Cafeteria has pretty good fries.

When did you feel
like you were a doctor?

I don't know. Maybe... a
couple weeks into residency.

Someone called me "Doctor" tonight.

Patient in the elevator.

'Cause he just saw the coat and assumed.

I didn't correct him.

That's okay.

It's a shame.

I'm not even sure what I am anymore.

I'm a guy just...

just going through the motions.

I take the light rail to school,

and every morning, I think...

"What if I just fell onto the tracks?"

Everyone else has it all figured out,

but I don't.

I-I don't know how to
live with all of the, um...

Pressure and all the pain?

?

I didn't either.

A lot of people don't.

Doesn't matter how they make it look.

?

You're not alone.

Most days... I still
don't feel like a doctor.

But I'm still here.

Let us get you some help.

?

Hm?

?

Hi.

Do you have a minute?

Two days.

- Excuse me?
- I've been with your kids for two days.

I got them to school.

I got them to practice and rehearsal.

I made sure they ate, they slept.

When one of them felt sick,
out of an abundance of caution,

I brought him here.

Now, yes, I guess I
could've called on the way,

but I was busy making
arrangements with your nanny

to take care of Zola and Ellis.

- My kid was sick.
- Mm-hmm.

And I wasn't here.

And I feel really guilty about that.

- I'm all they have.
- But you're not.

I mean, yes, you're
their mom. Of course.

But they have so many
people that love them.

Look, I know I'm not their father.

I know that.

But I care about them a lot.

- And I want you to trust me with them.
- I do trust you.

- It doesn't feel like it.
- I'm sorry.

I panicked.

I actually came here...
to say I'm sorry.

Because I know... I panic.

And I was tired.

?

But I know that I said some things

that were probably pretty
unnecessary to say, so...

A few things.

Okay.

I've been doing this a long time alone,

so it may just take
me... a minute to adjust.

Hey. Come here.

Look.

I got a minute.

Okay?

Okay.

? ... and now ?

? Somewhere in between ?

? Right here and now ?

I'm not pregnant.

?

Are you... disappointed?

I think I want another kid.

I thought you said you
didn't want biological kids.

I didn't.

But this would be with you.

And you don't have to decide right now.

And I wouldn't want to do it
until Luna is a little bit older.

But... I want to do this right.

Us.

Which means I want you to know

everything that's in my head,

no matter how terrifying it might be.

? Between here ?

? And now ?

If you you want to
have a baby together...

? Somewhere in between... ?

I can get there.

- It's just gonna take me some time.
- Okay.

?

We still have to pick
up the babies we do have.

Right.

? Right here and now ?

? Does anybody know where
the pretty horses go? ?

I smell like puke, and I
haven't had time to change.

Mm. Too tired to notice.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

Did you know fast track
was going to suck that much

when you assigned me?

My night wasn't much better.

Well...

I should probably go back to
the hellish life I've chosen.

Oh, at least you're
done with medical school.

Amen to that.

Hey, I'm sorry about last night.

I tried to put you on that impalement,

but my, uh, "co-chief" overruled me.

[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]

[PHONE RINGING]

You actually repaired it?

Like, I'll be able to walk?

The hope is you will
regain full function.

Can you wiggle your toes for me?

?

SOPHIA: Am I doing it?

It looks like it.

Oh, I never thought performing
a basic motor function

would make me so happy.

Well, we will let you get some rest.

Let's do Q2 neuro checks
and an MRI in the morning.

Mm-hmm.

?

Maybe I should be a neurosurgeon.

Yeah. Um, about that.

I got some bad news.

Third year of med school
is gonna break you.

[LAUGHS] Bring it.

?

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- How's he doing?

He's okay.

Psych's evaluating him now.

What you said up there...

?

- If you ever want to talk about...
- I don't.

?

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

You being quiet is very unsettling.

Typical night shift
or something specific?

Taryn, uh, betrayed me.

Helm cheated on you?

She blocked me from
getting a really good case.

Oh. That is... That is so much worse.

Yeah. I haven't talked to her yet.

I am... trying to stay
calm, but I'm just...

Give me your hand.

- Why?
- Just give it to me.

Okay. [INHALES DEEPLY]

[INHALES DEEPLY]

[BOTH EXHALE DEEPLY]

It's acupressure.

My mom used to do it for
me when I was stressed,

and it's like one

of only three things she ever
did that actually helped me.

MEREDITH: Much like
the cells in our body,

humans often isolate to avoid harm.

What were the other two?

I can't think of them right
now, but I'm sure they exist.

Somewhere.

The truth is, no single part of the body

can thrive on its own.

Your organs work together as a system.

They'll compensate for each
other when one gets weak.

Hey. How you doing?

Maggie told me that the divorce
papers are coming in today.

Hey. Sophia is doing well.

I haven't had a rush like
that in... a long time.

- We should do that more often.
- Oh, you mean more tragedy?

I don't get trauma surgeons.

Hey. Morning. You exhausted?

Strangely, no.

Chief, you're on the schedule tomorrow.

TAVR.

- I e-mailed you the case.
- I'm cleared?

You're cleared. And
I need some time off.

Right.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

All right. I'm gonna
go check my e-mails.

Oh. I left the laundry in the washer.

And Leo is at a play date, but
your mom's car is acting up,

- so you need to pick him up.
- Copy that.

Back down to earth.

People can do the same for each other,

stepping up when someone else is down.

You waited for me.

After that night? Of course I did.

Come on.

There was a girl in my med
school that took her own life.

I didn't know her well, but
she was top of our class,

like, a real overachiever.

Isn't that what medical schools want,

overachievers and perfectionists?

Put them in a pressure cooker

and add unrealistic expectations.

That's a recipe for mental illness.

Especially if you're already struggling.

Well, it's a good thing
your residents have you

looking out for them.

It's a good thing I have
you looking out for me.

[CHUCKLES]

Isolating ourselves often
makes us feel more alone.

? When enough of us show up ?

? When enough of us cry out ?

? When enough of us say no ?

Hey.

?

Can we talk?

I had a... I had a really long night.

Right.

- Um... I'll go.
- Wait.

? Enough ?

? Oh, yeah ?

? Enough ?

? Oh, yeah, yeah ?

? Enough ?

? When I got a call from you ?

? It was a shock to my heart ?

We're usually better together,
even when we're struggling.

? Am I doing my part? ?

You are not alone.

If you or someone you know
is in crisis or needs support,

there are resources that can help you.

Call or text 988

or visit www.988lifeline.org

for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

For worldwide help,
visit findahelpline.org.

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