All language subtitles for Dukes of Hazzard S03E08 Baa_ Baa_ White Sheep.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.x264.NonHI.en

- He ain't dead.
- He sure ain't.

- And he is in Hazzard County.
- He sure is.

You see what I see?

Abraham Lincoln Hogg.

- Jefferson Davis Hogg.
- My own twin brother.

Something here is just
about half a bubble off plum.

If I know your brother, long
now, he's pretending to be you.

Say your prayers, children.

♪ Just the good ol' boys ♪

♪ Never meanin' no harm ♪

♪ Beats all you've ever saw
been in trouble with the law ♪

♪ Since the day they was born ♪

♪ Straightenin' the curve ♪

♪ Flattenin' the hills ♪

♪ Someday the
mountain might get 'em ♪

♪ But the law never will ♪

♪ Makin' their way ♪

♪ The only way they know how ♪

♪ That's just a
little bit more ♪

♪ Than the law will allow ♪

♪ Just the good ol' boys ♪

♪ Wouldn't change
if they could ♪

♪ Fightin' the system ♪

♪ Like a true modern
day Robin Hood ♪♪

There's nothing Luke
Duke enjoys more...

than a peaceful drive on
a quiet country morning.

Away from the Hazzard
County hustle and bustle.

And here comes the hustle.

I got you. I got you.

COUNTY SHERIFF - HAZZARD COUNTY

Rosco, have you lost your mind?

I saw you putting up that
fake "hospital zone" sign.

You seem to forgot
there ain't a hospital

within 50 miles of here.

If y'all are wondering
where old Bo is...

he is off for the weekend
with the Marine Corps Reserve.

They do got some kind of bumps
on them Hazzard County roads.

What is this, a Hazzard
County paper chase?

Yankee! You Yankee drivers!

That's a violation of 763.

You say you were chasing
only one of them Duke Boys?

And still you lost him?

Well, yes, but it wasn't
exactly my fault, Boss.

I mean, my only deputy,
it was his day off, you see.

It's very hard to
surround a Duke

when there is only one to do it.

Especially when that
one of you has got himself

an itty bitty little brain.

- Right.
- Yeah.

But I ain't gonna let your
stupidity spoil and ruin...

what's gonna be the
greatest day of my life.

I thought the greatest
day of your life was...

when you and your wife Lulu
moved into separate bedrooms.

It was. Well, this will
be the second greatest.

Ooh, yes, yes. Ooh, yes, yes.

Boss, what are you looking for?

I'm looking for the
right forms to fill out...

to get my hands on the
last will and testament...

of my late, great Aunt
Emma Lou Hogg...

before that thing
is filed for probate.

Well, what are you
worried about, Boss?

I mean, you and your
long lost brother Abe

were the sole
survivors, weren't you?

We are.

And you had him declared
legally dead, didn't you?

I did. And it was legal, too.

Nobody's seen
hide nor hair of him

for all these years, have they?

- No, I didn't.
- He's dead!

Only I ain't so sure great aunt
Emma Lou was convinced of that.

So I have to protect
myself by seeing that will...

before they have
the public reading.

Ah, here it is. I've found it.

Now, you get outta here
while I have my lunch.

Here you go, girls.

Hey, Luke. I sure
hope you ain't thirsty...

Boss cut off your credit, and I
ain't got another dime to lend.

I ain't here to borrow. I'm here
to settle up for both me and Bo.

Including what we owe you.

As soon as I get change
for this $50 check.

- Well, bye-bye.
- Where are you going?

I'm going to Miss Drucilla's
to get that dress I want so bad.

Because you're gonna pay
me back as soon as Boss

cashes that check for you.

A check?

You got a check?
Well, tell me...

just how, where, and from whom

did a loafer like you
get hold of a check?

Well, Boss, some city slicker
broke down outside of town.

I did a little shade-tree
mechanic work.

- He gave me $50 for it.
- Oh.

Let me see that thing.

"Pay the order to
Luke Duke. $50."

Signed by Benjamin Thompson.

You see that, Rosco?
Today sure is my lucky day.

His lucky day!

How's that? Just 'cause
I'm paying off a $14 bar bill?

It's because you just tried
to pay us off a bum check.

Hold on a second, Boss. How
do you know that's a bum check?

How do I know? Because it's
signed by Benjamin Thompson...

otherwise known
as Benny the Quill.

We could wallpaper
half of Hazzard County

with the phony
checks he's palmed off.

You're telling me this
fellow snookered me

into fixing his car for nothing?

No. What we're telling you
is you've been snookered

into committing a felony...

which means you've
violated your probation.

And which means you, boy,
are going straight to the slammer.

- Straight to it.
- Take him away, Rosco!

- Boss, I've got a better idea.
- What?

I'm going to get Flash
to escort him personally.

Alright, Flash, do your duty.

Alright.

Get him!

God!

Not me, you stupid mongrel.
Him, him! Luke Duke!

Rosco, muzzle
that hound, will you?

And take Luke Duke and
lock him up in the pokey.

And then get back on the
job patrolling my hospital zone.

Alright, Daisy.

Hold it right there.
I've got you this time.

Oh, Rosco Coltrane,
you just get outta my way.

I'm on my way to Miss Drucilla's
to get something I want...

before somebody else gets it.

You should've thought of that...

before you came zipping through
my brand-new hospital zone.

It says 15 miles per hour.
Now you can read that...

I can read that, and
anybody can read that.

Oh, who is that?
Boss! Good news!

This is Catch-the-Dukes day!

Daisy's the second
one I caught today.

Boss, what did you do?

You painted your
car black, here.

And you got a new black suit?

Never mind his suit and his car.

That there is a phony hospital
sign, and it's against the law.

- Phony sign?
- Yeah.

- Is that a fact?
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Sheriff, if there
indeed be no hospital

in the immediate vicinity...

it appears you're
using unfair chicanery

to achieve nefarious ends.

Right.

Yeah, well, if that
means playing dirty pool

that's just par for
the course, ain't it?

Anything is fair in love and
war, especially with the Dukes.

Ain't that right, Flash?

Well, he's just acting
a little casual now.

But he'd better
agree if he knows

which side his dog
biscuits is buttered on.

Hey, Boss, Flash and I,
we're going to escort Daisy,

personally, down to her cell.

Sheriff, you really ought to
relinquish her from custody.

Ooh, I'm gonna do that,
too. I'm just gonna relinquish...

Relinquish? Boss,
that means let her go?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yahoo!

- Are you feeling okay?
- I feel fine.

Rosco, don't you
ask silly questions.

- Boss, thank you so much.
- Yeah, oh!

- That's alright, honey.
- Thank you.

Bless you.

Boss, you know what you just
did? You just blessed a Duke.

And I'll bless you, too...

when you take down that
unauthorized and deceitful sign.

When you're on patrol,
Flash, you got to stay ever alert.

You never know when
a criminal element

is gonna take advantage of us.

Alright, let's get
out. Alright. Out!

Oh, gosh! Dog, well,
I'll tell you something.

You're gonna have to
cooperate a little bit more...

and you've been eating
them biscuits again, I swear.

But you're gonna
have to go on a diet.

You've got to be quick
to be on the police force.

What've we got here?

He's sneaking a snooze.

Boy, they sure can
change paint-jobs

on these cars quick these days.

I wish you'd
cooperate a little bit.

I can't carry you
around all the time.

Ooh, ooh.

Boss, how in the world
did you do that so fast?

This report on Luke
Duke? That's easy.

I filled it all out the day
he was put on probation.

Except for the exact
violation, which I'm adding now.

No, that ain't what
I'm talking about.

What I wanna know is how
did you get all whitened up...

you and your car, half-hour
ago, Flash and I saw you...

in a black suit, in a black car,
down there by the speed trap.

What's that?

You were in a black suit...

in a black car, ain't
that right, Flash?

Muzzle that hound! He ain't got
no more manners than you have.

Rosco, I never owned a black
suit or black car in my life...

which means both you and
your mutt are equally stupid.

Ooh, well, it was you.

The man in black definitely had
your beady little brown eyes...

your nose, and those
flabby little jowls.

Rosco...

- Oh, no!
- What?

- Rosco.
- What?

There's only one man
in this whole wide world...

who is as good-looking as me...

and that's... Abraham
Lincoln Hogg...

as I live and breathe.

Boss' twin brother
Abe Lincoln Hogg...

was as honest as
old Boss was crooked.

The white sheep, and the
shame of the whole Hogg clan.

After all these years away...

the very first person I had
to come to see in Hazzard...

was my oldest and
dearest friend, Jesse Duke.

Well, I am glad you did

but you know, you
scared the socks off of me.

I thought you was pushing up
daisies in some foreign country.

This envelope contains
the last will and testament...

of my dearly beloved, late
lamented, and sorely missed...

old great Aunt Emma Lou...

who passed on to a well-deserved
heavenly reward only last week.

Oh.

I want to see what that
gabby old biddy left me...

in advance of the
scheduled reading.

- Ah, here. Here, it is.
- Yeah.

"And as for that
certain 100-acre tract...

"commonly known
as Deer Meadow...

"I hereby bequeath it to my
beloved Jefferson Davis Hogg...

"and beloved
Abraham Lincoln Hogg."

I knew it. That old heffer!
I told her to change it.

- Deer Meadow, Boss?
- Hmm?

Well, isn't that the
land that you sold...

to the Acme Construction
Company for that industrial park...

without your brother's "okay"?

How was I to get his "okay"?

I had him declared legally
dead five years ago, didn't I?

But you did that so
you could takeover

his oil wells he found
in South America.

And then I stumbled into some
emerald mines in Venezuela.

Not to mention the
lumber mills in Brazil

cattle ranches in Argentina...

My goodness.
Profitable enterprises

fell on me all over the place.

And I bet you gave away all
the profits from them enterprises.

Well, that's what the
Good Book tells us to do.

Imagine that! Him cheating
me, his own flesh and blood

out of all that!

Isn't that what you're
trying to do to him?

- Why, he ain't dead.
- He sure ain't.

- And he is in Hazzard County.
- He sure is.

And you did sell
his half of the land.

- I sure did.
- That is felonious fraud.

I don't want to hear
what that all comes to!

I don't want to spend the
rest of my life locked up

in the same cell block
with the no-good, two-bit

forging Luke Duke.

Oh, did I say forging?

I believe so. You said...

two-bit, crummy,
felonious Luke Duke.

Rosco, I think I got a
way of getting Luke Duke...

to get me off the hook but good.

Alright, what's the catch?

- No catch.
- Oh, no, no.

I'm just very concerned about
the poor folk of this community.

So, like I said, we're
gonna let you out of here

and drop all charges...

if you catch that crook
who wrote this here check.

Before he swindles
somebody else.

Yeah, like, maybe, your
friends or your family.

Why doesn't Rosco go after
him? It's your job, ain't it?

'Cause I don't know what
he looks like, and you do.

So, what're you gonna do?

You're gonna stay in the
clink and let the community

go down the drain...

or you're gonna do
your patriotic duty?

And put that swindler
in there in your place.

Gentlemen, you got a deal.

That's about the
extent of it, Daisy.

Are you sure you wanna come
down to the lumber camp with me?

Of course, I do. If
it weren't for Benny

I'd have my new dress by now.

But what makes you so sure
we'll find him at the lumber camp?

His car was headed down
this way when he broke down.

- Today's payday, ain't it?
- Oh, I got it.

Lunch time poker game. If
he wins, he collects the cash...

if he loses, he writes one
of them rubber checks.

PAYROLL DEPT.

Queen high! Full boat.

Well, I reckon this is my
lucky day, huh, Morris?

Yeah, I sure do like
doing business with you.

Coming around here on
payday is a lot of fun, I tell you.

Oh, listen, gents, I gotta go.

I just remembered a
previous engagement.

There he goes.

Ah!

Quicksand! Take it easy, Daisy.

Just don't thrash around.
I'll get you out of there.

I didn't mean to do it. I
was just trying to gain

a little time so I could escape.

Grab my belt and dig in there.
Got to get a little more reach.

I'll bet when y'all went
to work this morning...

that you never run
into anything like this.

Come on, honey. Come
on, Daisy. Come on, baby.

Alright, Daisy. Come on, honey.

Come on.

Come on.

Give us a hand, guys.

Come on, honey. Take it easy.

- You alright? You okay?
- Sure.

I hear them fancy places
charge $50 for a mud bath.

The way I see it, Luke,
I can't make amends

for getting you jailed.

But how about if I paid you
$50 for fixing my car right now?

- Twist my arm.
- Alright.

I'll just write you
a check right now.

What color would you like?

Forget it, Benny. Look, just
promise not to try and get away.

'Cause we gotta stop and
get some clean clothes, alright?

Flash, now pay attention.

Now, this here is not
a fire hydrant. This is...

Oh, Boss, look. I did
just what you told me.

I put this phony meter
near the nearest vehicle.

That's my car, you birdbrain.

Put it by the next car that
comes along. Got that?

Yes, here you go.

You mean, like the Duke car?

Come on, Benny.

Here you are, Rosco,
one repentant sinner

just as I promised.

So you are Benny the Quill?

You don't really have
to put him in jail, do you?

We was talking to him on the
way in, and he ain't half bad.

Will you hush?

I determine who's good and
who's bad in Hazzard County.

Alright, come on, Benny.

Watch out for the
dog. Come on, Flash.

Oh, he is a vicious...
Hello, Jesse. Boss.

Boss?

You see what I see?

I see it, but I ain't
sure if I believe it.

Now friends, I think
we're just about

to confront that old question...

about which is stronger:
heredity or environment.

Well... Well...
Abraham Lincoln Hogg.

Jefferson Davis Hogg.

My own twin brother.

They look more like each other
than they do them own selves.

Aside from wearing
different suits

how's a person supposed
to tell them apart?

You hold up a dollar and the
one that grabs it is the Boss.

And the one that wants to
give it away is Abe Lincoln.

Well, Jesse, I always
follow the old rule:

It is better to
give than receive.

That only goes for bad
advice and chicken pox.

Not this time, Abe!

I want you to meet
my niece, Daisy.

- Think you saw her on the road.
- So I did.

And this here is
my nephew, Luke.

He's the one we
come down to bail out.

How do you do?

I appreciate the bail offer,
but it ain't necessary anymore.

- Boss let him work his way out.
- Yeah.

Took me more than
60 years to do it, Abe...

but I finally beat
you to a good deed.

And I'll bet you
greenbacks to gumdrops...

it will take you 60 years
to do it again, Boss.

But only because
I won't be here.

I have to leave Hazzard
right after the reading

of great Aunt Emma Lou's will.

You're gonna
have a short stay...

'cause that will is being read
in the courthouse at 6:00 today.

That's too bad. Here we
were, just getting to know you...

after Boss had you declared
legally dead five years ago.

Well, I'm sure my dear brother
had a very good reason for that.

I did? I mean, I did.

Of course, now
that you're here...

Boss will just have to have
you declared legally undead.

We could always issue
a new birth certificate.

Well, why not? I feel just
as young as I ever did.

Maybe that's why I take
to this pooch so much.

Had one just like him
when we was kids.

Don't do that! He'll snap.

He didn't snap.
He didn't... Yeah.

Oh, he licked my hand.

Looks like Rosco's dog finally
learned himself some manners.

That dog's a vicious killer.

Well Abe, while old Flash
there has got the Boss treed...

let's go to my house and fix
them corn fritters I promised.

Oh, fine, Jesse,
but first I want to...

drop my car over to the
local garage for lubrication.

No problem. We'll
run it over to Cooter's

and still be home in
time for them fritters.

- Good.
- Come on, you ride with me.

See you at 6:00 sharp, J.D.

- Yeah, see you at 6:00, Abe.
- See you at 6:00.

Listen, Boss, you're
gonna be in big trouble.

What's Abe gonna
do when he finds out

you sold out half of his land?

He ain't gonna do nothing
'cause he ain't gonna be there.

Thanks to you, Luke
Duke, and Benny the Quill.

Take him to the holding
cell till I'm ready for him.

Right. Alright. Come on.

When it comes to
wiggling off the hook...

old Boss has got more
moves than a can full of worms.

Well, for someone as
famous as Benny the Quill...

you sure look like you got
all your feathers plucked off.

But you can pluck them
right back on again...

if you ain't got
writer's cramp today.

- I don't get it.
- Let me put it this way.

You can either spend
five years in this hoosegow

or be out in five minutes flat.

- What do I got to do?
- What comes naturally.

You see this here
birthday card...

with this signature on it?

Now, you think you
can copy that signature

onto these official documents?

With my eyes closed.

Now, I want you to
sign it the same way.

Abraham Lincoln Hogg!

You got a pen?

What color would you like?

Alright, Benny, alright.
Keep out of trouble now.

You see, he scuffed that.
That's a direct violation.

- I'm gonna get...
- Hold it! Hold it!

- What?
- So much for the first part.

Now, you take care
of the second part.

Assuming you
can count that high.

- Alright, go.
- I'm going.

FINCHBURG

Nothing makes a sheriff
hotter than some cold water.

"S-Z-X-4-3-1."

S-Z-X-4-3-1.

With the license plate
and the driver's license...

well, even old Rosco
could trace that.

You see what I see?
That's Benny the Quill, Luke.

Better go get him.

Now, why do you reckon
they parked that there?

Hey, Benny, how're you doing?

Now, I know what
you're thinking.

But I didn't escape.
Sheriff Coltrane let me go.

First they let me go to
come after you, and then...

What did you do
before they let you go?

Forge a name on an ID card and
some legal paper for Boss Hogg.

Copied it off an old
birthday card he had.

From Abraham Lincoln Hogg.

Now, how did you guess?

- What're we gonna do now, Luke?
- Hightail it for home.

I ain't sure what Boss has
got up his pudgy little sleeve...

but we'd better let Abe
know something is in the wind.

What old Boss had up
his sleeve was to promise

to pay Cooter some money.

And then have him
wait in the hall while...

Abe, you remember the
little tank town, Finchburg...

on the other side
of the state line?

All he had to do
was tell his brother...

that the Sheriff's pension fund
in Finchburg was running short.

And Abe was off like a shot
with a personal donation.

Bye.

He took the bait.

I'll tell you something.
When that Finchburg Sheriff...

catches your twin brother
over there in that black vehicle...

he's gonna be a guest of that
county for at least six months.

That's better than me being a
guest of the Feds, permanent.

Now to change that
will-reading time.

I'm gonna call
circuit Judge Druten.

Would you get me circuit
Judge Druten in the state capital?

Uncle Jesse, it seems clear
to me that Abe's signature

was forged on that document...

meaning that Boss wants
to swindle his brother's

share of the inheritance.

Well, not if I can
help it, he ain't.

I think it's up to us
honest folks to see that...

innocents like Abe
aren't taken advantage of

by the likes of J.D. Hogg.

I don't know what
y'all are fretting about.

The reading of the
will is not until 6:00

and Abe will be back by then.

- Hey, Cooter.
- Hey, y'all.

Excuse me for not calling,
but I didn't have a dime.

I got bad news, now.

J.D. Hogg has
somehow arranged...

to get his brother Abe
busted over there in Finchburg.

Not only that, but he
slicked Judge Druten

into coming to Hazzard...

and doing that
inheritance stuff at 4:00.

- Well, that's two hours earlier.
- Wouldn't you know it?

And Abe's got to be
halfway to Finchburg by now.

Oh, yeah. Something else.
Finchburg's on the other side

of that old state line...

And that makes for
a probation violation.

Yeah.

- Thanks, Cooter.
- Yes, sir.

- Holler if you need me, okay?
- You got time for a bite?

No, sir, I ain't.
Y'all be careful now.

- Much obliged, Cooter.
- See you, Cooter.

- Oh, boy.
- Finchburg?

Now for once, General Lee
was in a race that he couldn't win.

By the time he
was getting started

Abe was already
crossing the finish line.

Oh, my, what a shame!

I see you're surveying
your handiwork.

You're under arrest,
Mr. Abraham Lincoln Hogg...

for malicious mischief,
destroying public property...

and splattering up
my brand new uniform.

My dear sir, I've never
even had the pleasure

of being in your town before.

In fact, the only
reason I've come...

was to make a small
donation to the Sheriff's fund.

Y'all shouldn't have said that.

Now, I got to add
attempted bribery

of a public official to
your other charges.

Get moving.

- After you, sir.
- Oh no, sir, after you, sir.

Oh, yes, yes.

There's Cooter
going into the garage.

Leaving my door open while
he was out there in the hall...

waiting to be paid was
a stroke of pure genius.

You're a genius.
You little rascal.

By now, he's sure to have told
Luke Duke how I snookered Abe.

Hey, you know something
else that's good...

is that you'll be on
the outside looking in...

at them looking at you
on the outside, I love that.

Because, to do
anything to help Abe

he's gonna have to
cross thestate line.

He's gone over there.

And when he does, you know
who's gonna be waiting for him...

to pick him up for
violating his probation.

Hello, Mabel, this is J.D. Hogg.

Say hello from Rosco.

Give me the
Sheriff in Finchburg.

Hey, Luke, we just
passed the state line.

We got 10 minutes
before we got to get back...

or you'll spend the next 10
years in the federal pen, honey.

Not to worry Daisy.
Nobody gonna catch us.

It would help if you'd
look on the brighter side

of things once in a while.

Like that bright little
badge on that fellow

in that sheriff's car behind us?

Hey, you in the orange
car. You better pull over!

Hey, stop before you get hurt.
There's a road block up ahead.

You think he's bluffing?

If he is, he's doing
a dang good job of it.

- Hang on, Daisy.
- Oh!

Our friends and neighbors,
the Finchburg Sheriff is so poor...

that the only thing
he's got for a road block

is an impounded car.

Y'all would do well to drive
carefully around Finchburg.

How'd you figure the Sheriff
got hold of that black convertible?

He must have Abe in jail.

Since we ain't got the
cash to go his bail...

looks like we're gonna have
to use a little Duke ingenuity.

- Hi, there.
- May I help you, miss?

- Just stay calm!
- What're you doing here?

We'll be out of here before
you know it. Sir, just stay calm.

Luke! Daisy! Come
to your senses.

Now, don't you good children
try to arrange a jailbreak.

Well, that's despicable.

Better that than
let your brother

spend the rest
of his life in jail.

That's just what's gonna happen
if we don't get to will reading.

And the will reading's at 4:00

which means we've
got about 20 minutes.

20 minutes?

Very nice way to go, I must say.

Meanwhile, back in Hazzard,
old Rosco was doing all he could...

to unbalance the
scales of justice.

Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye.

The circuit court of Hazzard
County is now in session.

The Honorable Judge
Charles Druten presiding.

All rise.

- How do, Jesse?
- Judge Druten.

You, take off that hat.

Yes, sir, Your Honor.

No man's got more respect
for the law in Hazzard than me.

Hmm.

Ooh, gee!

We're gathered
here for the reading

of the last will and testament
of Miss Emma Lou Hogg.

Dispensing with all the
"whereases," "to wits"

and "becauses"...

What it says here is
she wants her property

divided equally between...

her grandnephews,
Jefferson Davis Hogg...

and Abraham Lincoln Hogg...

who don't appear to
be here at the moment.

Unfortunately, Abe can't
be with us right away...

and in the mean time...

he's asked me to give you
this here affidavit of his...

which is self-explanatory.

Says here that Abe leaves
his share of the estate...

to his beloved twin brother...

Jefferson Davis Hogg.

That's right. And since it's
signed by Abe in his own hand...

I reckon that there's no
reason for you not to declare...

that I, Jefferson Davis
Hogg, am the sole beneficiary.

Now, just a minute, Your Honor.

I don't think it's right
for you to be giving away

anything that belongs to Abe...

without him here to see
you give it away to him, away!

Sure is hard on a
man's head in here.

I'd rather go over
Niagara Falls in a barrel

than take another
ride on this road.

That's 'cause Boss'
paving company

does all the work in Hazzard.

The only good
roads in the county

are the ones that
lead to his property.

You're right, Jesse.
By itself, this document

just ain't good enough.

I've got to be in
Capital City at 6:00.

I mean, if Abe don't
show up here directly...

I'm gonna have to postpone
the reading of this will

for at least two months.

Backup plan.

You don't have to postpone
nothing, Your Honor.

I'm sure my brother Abe will
be here in just a few seconds.

I think I hear him at
the front door now.

Rosco, let's you
and I go greet him.

I didn't hear him.

- Boss, you're scuffing my neck.
- Alright, hurry now.

Like I told you. Come on, now.

Get them off.

Come on!

Yeah, that's it.

Your fingers!

Get out of there, will you.
Get my coat. I need my coat.

Or else the next coat I'll be
wearing will be prison gray.

That would be a shame. Stick
your fat chubby arms in here.

- Where is it?
- Right here.

There we go. I can't
find it. There we go.

- Wear your hat, Boss.
- Alright.

You look great. Go on.

Oh, hey.

Greetings, Your Honor.

- Oh, hello, Jesse.
- Hello, Abe.

My, that was
some trip I just had.

My beloved brother, J.D.
Hogg, has just informed me...

that my presence here
is urgently required.

Yes. Just long enough
for you to testify...

this is your signature giving
up your half of the estate.

Oh, well, I certainly
will testify to that.

And if justice
weren't so blind...

you can read for
yourself what he wrote.

What I wrote there.

Something here is just
about half a bubble off plumb.

Crazy Cooter coming at you.

This here is Luke Duke.

Y'all tell me what
kind of deal this is here.

I was just over at
the county building.

I saw Boss Hogg run into
the file room with his white suit.

Changes into a black suit

quicker than a
mineral-swimming nickel dipper.

And then, he runs back
into the booking room.

Old J.D.'s getting
weird, ain't he?

There's something
else y'all ought to know.

I heard Rosco calling
the State Police.

They are planning
a little trap for you...

coming back across the state
line, so take it easy, greasy.

We got you, Cooter. We'll keep
our eyes peeled. Thanks a lot.

Abe, If I know your
brother, long about now,

he's pretending to be you...

just so he can swindle
your share of the inheritance.

Me? Oh, really?

Considering there ain't another
person in Hazzard county...

that can tell the
two of you apart

he's probably gonna
get away with it.

Hey, hold on.

I think we can find a
witness who might be

able to upset this money cart.

Hang on.

Now Luke's really in trouble.

He violated parole by
crossing the state line...

and the Finchburg
Sheriff is asking

the state troopers
for a road block.

Luke, up ahead.
That's State Police!

Them brakes are none too good.

There's a dip in
the road. Hang on!

Now friends, you got
to hit them dips just right.

You see what I mean?

Sorry I can't stay
and help you, Sheriff,

but I got my orders
to catch them.

Seeing that you're
swearing that this here is

your signature
on this release...

don't seem to be
anything I can do...

but release the entire
property to your brother J.D.

Hmm. Good thinking.

Just a minute, now, Judge.

What about the inheritance tax?

Now, we can't turn this
property over to J.D...

until we know he will
pay the inheritance tax.

Of course, I'll pay...

Of course, my
brother will pay the tax.

And I am sure he would
consider it not only an obligation...

but an honor to pay
such a paltry pittance.

Your brother wouldn't give
the sweat off of his brow...

to make lemonade for the poor.

Now, Judge, we gotta
see this to believe it...

before we can let
J.D. have this property.

You'll see it alright.
I'll go fetch him right in.

We gotta do it again.

- Again?
- Yeah, again. Come on.

Come on, get that other one.

I, Jefferson Davis
Hogg, will pay the tax.

I'll pay double the tax.

I'll pay anything to get
Jesse Duke out of my sight.

Well, I'll leave, J.D., just
as soon as you pony up.

- Where's Abe?
- Abe? Abe who?

Oh, Abe! Abe, my
brother. Oh, yeah.

He left town on
business, in a hurry.

But I got to have his
signature on this paper...

releasing his
part of the estate.

Signature?

- Yes. In front of witnesses.
- Witnesses?

Well, I'll go see
if I can catch him!

I was listening at the door.

How're you gonna be
yourself and your brother, too?

Rosco, to keep
from going to jail

I could be quintuplets
at the same time.

Jesse, I'm about ready to run
outta time and patience here.

I'll be right with
you, Your Honor...

just as soon as I imbibe a glass
of water to lubricate my throat.

Is that alright with you, J.D.?

Anything my brother wants
is alright with me, Your Honor.

Flash, come on, now. You're
gonna do your civic duty.

Come on, Flash, right
down on the floor, boy.

- Hey, that looks real nice.
- Thank you, ma'am.

My, you sure got tasty
water in these parts.

- Now, where do I sign?
- Right here.

- I ain't got a pen.
- It's in your white...

- You got a pen, Your Honor?
- I certainly hope so.

No brakes. Must've
busted a hydraulic line.

Don't worry, Luke I think
we're gonna stop anyway.

We sure are. Say
your prayers, children.

- They flew through the air.
- Who?

Oh, you good children,
you look alright.

We'll get you
right out of there.

You're still alive? You're
not hurt or anything?

Can you get out of there?

- I'm fine.
- You're alright?

Oh, hello, Jesse. How're
you? What are you doing here?

- I talked to...
- Well, where did we ever land?

My goodness, what is this place?

And who may I ask, sir, are you?

I, sir, am Abraham Lincoln Hogg.

Your Honor, this man
happens to be an imposter.

I'm the real Abraham
Lincoln Hogg.

I would truly love
to believe you.

But the problem is, I can't
tell which one is which.

And till I can, this estate
is gonna be held up in court

maybe for years.

You can't do that.

I promised to sell that
land as of tomorrow.

And I promised to
contribute it to a worthy cause

for the public good.

Judge, begging your pardon,
there is one surefire way

to tell them apart.

Judge, are you gonna take
the word of an ex-moonshiner...

on something as
important as this?

Now, Rosco, don't you
think he should take the word

of your number one deputy?

Who?

Come on, Flash.
Come on out of there.

You're a pile of dog, you are.

There you go.

There you go.

Now you say hi to
your old friend, Abe.

Sure are a cute
pooch, ain't you?

Bless you, sweetie, bless you.

But that don't mean nothing.

You ain't gonna take the
actions of a piddly old dog...

in a matter as serious
as this, are you?

That hound would
cuddle up to anybody.

If you say so, why
don't you give it a try?

Yeah, well...

Don't bark at me!

- You see...
- Get away!

Even prison would
be better than this.

Get out of my way!

Alright, Flash. Good dog!

And that's how Rosco's
dog conclusively proved

which Boss was the phony.

Go get him, Flash. Tear him up.

Abe Lincoln Hogg gave his
share of the inheritance to Jesse...

to turn over to the
Veterans' organization.

As for Luke and Daisy,
well, the least they could do...

was take care of
the Sheriff's dog

while he was in the hoosegow.

'Cause the Finchburg Sheriff
arrested Boss and Rosco

for malicious mischief.

Both of them had to spend the
night in the Finchburg pokey...

with a breakfast of grits and
a slice of cold chicken gravy.

This is embarrassing.

And if you're wondering
why old Abe had

to hitchhike out of Hazzard.

Well, it was because, true to
his nature, he couldn't resist

giving things away, even when
it came down to his own car.

Thank you very much.

Very nice of you.

Oh, so long, everybody!

And there's one thing
that old Abe Hogg proved.

Where the Hogg
family is concerned...

one apple don't
change the whole barrel.

But Hazzard wouldn't
be Hazzard if it did.

Them Dukes! Them Dukes!