Original subtitles

On the Dukes...

Luke is forced into a fight he doesn't want.

I would rather lose this farm...

Than have, Luke her go against his ideals.

Presenting the Fight of the Century.

Hide your eyes.

For Luke, it's win the fight or lose the barn.

Now, either you gotta quit or fight.

It's a winner.

♪ JUST A-GOOD OLD BOYS ♪

♪ NEVER MEANIN' NO HARM ♪

♪ BEATS ALL YOU NEVER SAW ♪

♪ BEEN IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW ♪

♪ SINCE THE DAY THEY WAS BORN ♪

♪ STRAIGHTENIN' THE CURVES ♪

♪ FLATTENIN' THE HILLS ♪

♪ SOME DAY THE MOUNTAIN MIGHT GET 'EM ♪

♪ BUT THE LAW NEVER WILL ♪

♪ MAKIN' THEIR WAY ♪

♪ THE ONLY WAY THEY KNOW HOW ♪

♪ THAT'S JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE ♪

♪ THAN THE LAW WILL ALLOW ♪

♪ JUST A-GOOD OLD BOYS ♪

♪ WOULDN'T CHANGE IF THEY COULD ♪

♪ FIGHTIN' THE SYSTEM ♪

♪ LIKE TWO MODERN-DAY ROBIN HOODS ♪

When the Duke boys are moving this fast on a hot day...

you can just bet they're headed for women or trouble...

or something wet and cold at the Boars Nest.

What they don't know is, at the Boars Nest...

Rosco is supervising...

the unloading of a dandy old mirror...

that old Boss bought to spiff up the place.

He's gonna bust something.

Put the end right down there.

Alright. Bring it on around here.

Right there. Put it right in here.

Set it right there.

It's beautiful.

Now with the boys moving fast

and that old mirror moving slow...

I'm sure you got a pretty good idea what's gonna happen.

Remember that things in Hazzard ain't very predictable.

- This mirror... - What?

What are you laughing at?

I'm serious. I'll arrest you and put you in jail for...

Well, don't stand there, you dipstick.

Will you move that mirror?

Isn't that the most beautiful antique mirror you ever did see?

It's just a little crooked there.

Rosco, Cletus. Straighten that mirror up.

Cletus, a little to your left.

Boss, you mean my left or to Cletus' left?

- You mean my left? - You're right.

Cletus, it's my right and your left, you dipstick.

Rosco, you, left.

No, I'm still here.

Just leave it the way it is.

It's crooked, Boss.

Boy, don't ever use them two words in one breath again.

All you gotta do is lift up the right-hand side, Boss.

Alright, if you want it lifted up, do it yourself.

- Go on, Luke. - Alright.

A little breathing room here, boys.

Alright.

No problem.

Catfish, how much you figure that mirror weighs?

I don't know, Billy Ray.

But it ain't less weight than 200 pounds on each end.

Take a mighty strong boy to hold all that up.

That's just what I was thinking.

Why don't you mosey on over there...

and see if you can't set him up...

like we did with that old who chalked out?

We could make a killing in this jerkwater town.

Well, it sure is big, but it's pretty.

Why don't we celebrate?

- Jimmy, fill this up for me? - Not too full.

I think that's a good idea.

- I'd like to buy the first one. - That's real social of you.

Think nothing of it.

A round of beer for these hardworking boys.

And girls?

- To our new friend. - Thank you.

Listen, Boss. I know this mirror is an antique and all.

But how you gonna make money off of it?

If your brain weren't on permanent hold...

you'd realize that anybody'd pay plenty...

just to have a look into the same mirror...

that Gen. Robert E. Lee was looking into...

while his dentist worked on his choppers.

They would, wouldn't they?

We can charge at least a dollar a look.

I gotta hand it to you, Boss. You are a genius.

You can say that again.

- I gotta hand it to you... - Just say the "genius" part.

Yeah, cheers.

This beer's flat. That's the worst beer I've ever tasted.

- Mine tastes fine. - Tastes just like usual.

You telling me I don't know flat beer?

Now hold on.

All I'm saying is that my beer tastes fine, that's all.

Yeah, mister. Maybe it's just in your head.

- My head? - Yeah. It happens sometimes.

How bout this?

Now it's on your head, plowboy. How does it taste?

I don't enjoy fighting without a good reason.

Okay, mister. Guess that's reason enough.

You know, I think this is what you had in mind.

Look at this. It's smithereens.

Yeah, it's a mess alright.

Boy, do you know how much this mirror cost me...

and how much I was gonna make from it?

I'm sorry, but it ain't my fault.

Not your fault?

No. He was the puncher. I was just the punchee.

And that's how you're gonna stay. Punchee in the pokey...

till you figure out a way to pay me back...

the $3,000 I laid out for that mirror.

Rosco, you arrest him.

- For what? - For disturbing the peace.

- Yours. - Mine.

- For destruction of property. - Yours.

Mine. And for obstruction and prevention

of me making a pretty profit.

- Ours. - Mine.

- Take him away. - Get on. Don't talk to me.

That guy hits hard I think we've picked a tough pigeon

- A boxing match? - Just like the Ali-Norton fight.

Your boy against Catfish here.

What would I want to do that for?

Mr. Catfish here, why, he already whupped my boy.

Ain't you heard, "It don't matter if you win or lose...

it's how you play the game"?

Yeah, I heard that. Cletus, watch out.

Well, we play it for m-o-n-e-y.

Winner gets 75% of the gate, the loser 25%.

What about them hot dogs, popcorn, beer?

All that m-o-n-e-y?

The food is yours.

If you want to mess around with concessions...

I'll even throw in gambling.

We got a deal?

- You got yourself a deal. - Yes, sir.

I'm gonna make up the contract. Catfish.

You better get your boy in training.

Excuse me.

I don't know if you should've done that.

Cletus, don't tell me what I should have done.

Wasn't Luke Duke the divisional boxing champion...

while he was in the Marines?

And don't he now owe me $3,000, which he ain't got?

Yeah, but I know Luke. He ain't gonna fight for money.

He ain't gonna get the money, I am.

That's right, Mr. Culpepper, our usual setup.

Okay, now look. I'll tell you what.

You rent some space there for a training camp...

just to make it look good...

and get some place in town, so all the folks can see you.

- I'll be down before the fight. - Yes, sir.

Alright, sir. Bye-bye.

We got it made. See you right soon. Bye.

We got it made, my boy.

- I know Luke ain't gonna fight. - Cletus, hush up.

You're about to see a example of high-level diplomacy.

Or, how to hornswoggle somebody into doing something...

about which they wanna say "no"...

but say "Maybe" and they'll end up saying "Yeah."

HAZZARD GARAGE

Here you go. $10, $20, $30... and $20.

Here's $50.

Now, we use the garage for training.

$50? Man, ain't you heard about inflation?

That's not enough? Then forget about it.

I will.

I'm gonna give you $100 and that's my best offer.

Take it or leave it.

I'll take it. You got yourself a place to train.

If you'd been nice, I'd have let you have it for $50.

Well, I was prepared to go $150.

You're a real wheeler-dealer, Billy Ray.

Thank you.

How's my favorite prisoner today?

Everything hunky-dory? You comfy?

- It's fine and dandy, Boss. - That's good.

Though it is a little chilly down here, ain't it?

Lucky for you I just happened to be in the neighborhood...

- With a blanket? - That's right.

Lucky for you I remembered that you just love hoedown music.

- So you brought us a radio. - Don't tell me...

you just happened to be in the kitchen, so you baked us pie.

This pie is from my Lulu.

It's a low-calorie, double praline,

chocolate fudge, banana chip.

Just what is it you want, Boss?

Want? Me? Whatever made you think I want something?

Uncle Jesse told us to beware of sneaks bearing gifts.

Well, you're right.

There is a little itty-bitty thing you could do for me.

Actually, it's not for me. No.

It's something you could do

for all the good folk around here.

Why don't you tell me and Luke what it is

he can do for the good folk around here?

Fight. Like in prizefighting.

Boss, who do you want Luke to fight?

It don't matter, Bo. I ain't fighting nobody.

My boxing career is a thing of the past.

I tried to be nice to you, Luke.

I came all the way and gave you all these goodies...

hoping that you'd agree to fight.

I even thought of forgetting all about them $3,000 you owe...

for breaking my poor mirror. And now...

you can just cool your heels in this cold cell.

And I'll get the money out of your Uncle Jesse.

Wait a minute. Uncle Jesse can't afford that, you know it.

Of course not. That's why I'm gonna put a lien on his farm...

and sell it at auction.

Alright, you win.

Luke and me ain't about to let Uncle Jesse lose that farm.

That's right. So where's your fighting spirit, boy?

Your fighting American spirit? You're American, ain't you?

Well, then fight in the American way.

Fight for the American mountains,

the American valleys...

and the green American hills of home.

Fight for them simple American folk who call you neighbor...

which you won't be no more if I take your farm.

I can't do it.

The last time I was in the ring was the Marine championships.

That guy was fast and big and strong. Quick hands, man.

He was beating me up something fierce. But then I got lucky.

I landed a right hand. He never saw it coming.

He went down like he was hit by a truck.

But he didn't get back up.

He was real strong, like I said. He pulled through.

But I was scared to death I'd killed a man for no good reason.

I can't do it.

$220, $230, $240...

$250. There's your bail. Go get my nephew.

Ain't nothing personal about this.

I'm just doing my job, Uncle Jesse.

I ain't your Uncle Jesse.

You did half your job by putting him in...

now do the other half and go get him.

Yes, sir.

It's not as if you're getting paid.

You're just picking a fight for nothing.

Sure as I'm sitting here, Boss'll take this farm...

if you don't fight that Catfish fellow.

Now, just hold it, you two.

I know you're talking in my behalf, but I also know...

that there ain't nothing that Luke here

wouldn't do for me and this farm.

- We'll just find another way. - There ain't no other way.

Boss said he wants a fight we'll have to give it to him.

I guess I'll just have to fight this Catfish fellow myself.

Bo, the guy is a professional.

He'll drop you like a dirty shirt.

That may be.

I'm not about to sit here and watch Uncle Jesse lose his farm.

No, sir. Over my dead body, Luke.

Jesse, I can fight as good as anybody...

Just sit down.

Yes, sir.

Now I ain't one for fisticuffs and violence...

and fighting is violent.

I agree, Uncle Jesse, but in this case...

I would rather lose this farm than...

to have Luke here go against his ideals and his principles.

We'll figure out another way.

Come on, girl.

I'm sorry, Luke. I guess I owe you an apology.

Me, too. I'm sorry.

Thanks.

Ah, Daisy I shouldn't have said any of that.

What else could you do? We gotta do something.

- Hey, Bo. - Yeah.

- Get on over here. - Sure.

- You ever been a fight manager? - No, I ain't.

Well, I ain't in no position to be choosy.

I ain't about to stand and watch Uncle Jesse lose his farm...

anymore than you are.

I got me a score to settle with that Catfish guy.

That was just a lucky shot.

He'd never do that again in a million years.

We got a lot of work to do.

Come on now, Catfish, you're doing fine.

Let me get a little more power out of that left.

Well, if nothing else goes according to plan...

we still got your old left hook there, Catfish.

Now I think old Luke has done put his foot in a bear trap...

and we just heard it close.

That is the same contract we used in 33 fights.

Yeah, well, I'm just checking the small print.

We got Catfish. We don't need no small print.

Alright, everything looks in order.

- Where do I sign? - You just sign right here.

Alright. J. D. Hogg.

There it is. Signed, sealed, and delivered.

- You signed where I signed. - I signed by that "X"...

showing me where to sign.

That "X" isn't there showing you where to sign.

It ain't? What is it then?

- That "X?" - Yeah, that "X." What is it?

That is my John Hancock.

There's places in this part of the South...

that are so peaceful and quiet...

that a man can almost sit and listen to his hair grow.

This ain't one of them places.

All this looks an awful lot like work.

Now, I don't know about y'all, but me, I prefer love.

39, 40. Alright, Luke.

And if you're wondering why Luke is sparring with Cooter...

Bo's the manager and Jesse was doing chores.

And Daisy just did her nails.

Besides, Cooter rented the garage to the opposition.

Cooter.

- You alright? - Turn him over. Easy.

- Lift his head up, Luke. - Better call Doc.

Call Doc.

I knew this would happen.

Minute I stepped in, I had the feeling...

that I shouldn't have been there with Cooter. That's for sure.

How is he, Doc?

He ought to be off his feet.

Doc, wait a minute. Now, what's all this mean?

That's how come you're here.

Doc, go ahead. Tell Luke Cooter's alright.

Right as rain. Only thing hurting might be his pride.

Is there anything we can do for him?

Yeah, there is.

One thing.

Just don't enter him in the Golden Gloves.

- Thanks, Doc. - Thanks a lot, Doc.

Well, he looks good to me.

Never did before, so Luke helped you out, didn't he?

I'm sorry.

It ain't no joke. It could've been serious.

Me and Cooter was lucky this time. It just ain't gonna work.

Hey, Luke. If you're thinking about not fighting...

about hanging up the gloves on account of that, forget it.

This guy, Catfish, he's a pro.

That ain't gonna happen with him.

You knock him out, it won't be no accident.

How about we get ready for our league?

Let's go do it.

I'll race you to town, Cooter.

Folks, I want you all to drop whatever you're doing there...

and rivet yourselves up here.

And give me some of your rapt attention.

Because, I am announcing now...

the Fight of the Century.

Luke Duke versus "Catfish" Lee...

in Hazzard Square...

and both boys will be in person.

Now folks, take a seat.

Boss, who you talking to? There ain't nobody here.

There will be when we open. Just rehearsing, that's all.

- What you got there? - They're from Cy.

He sent them from the smokehouse for the hot dog concession.

Tastes like all meat.

He said they was.

You tell him this ain't Confederate Day.

Half meat will do just fine.

Fine.

That all meat tastes pretty good.

Now folks, there are just a few seats left.

What you doing with that?

Here's a package that's from Atlantic City, special delivery.

Yeah, I've been waiting for this.

- What is that? - It's an official...

"Hogg's, Fight of the Century" T-shirt.

Yeah, that's a good one.

I'm gonna put this thing on.

Where's the head?

Yeah, put your little fat arm in there.

Shut up.

Don't that look good?

HOGG'S FIGHT of the CENTURY Handsome.

We're gonna sell these shirts for $3...

and they're only gonna cost us 35-and-a-half cents each.

- Do we make a bundle. - We're gonna make a bundle.

What's my cut?

You can have one of these shirts all for your own.

Size small.

Today's the day, folks.

Your time to get your tickets for the Fight of the Century.

Luke Duke fighting "Catfish" Lee.

HOGG'S FIGHT OF THE CENTURY LUKE DUKE vs CATFISH LEE

Old Boss sure don't miss a trick, does he?

I wonder why he didn't rename Hazzard Square...

Hogg Square Garden.

Come here first. Come here now.

There's gonna be a total block-out of TV...

in this local area on...

Something to the effect that...

if the first party of the fighters..

That don't show up one half hour...

after starting time, then all 100% of the money...

goes to the party of the fighters who do show up.

That's the ticket. Take care of that little contract.

That's the one that gets us the money.

That's the one I like, baby.

That's like taking candy from a baby. Again.

What all that means, friends, is that if Luke don't show...

the Dukes lose the farm.

While this skullduggery was afoot...

old Boss was putting his feet inside.

TICKETS Come on, don't be so dull.

I'd be happy to if you want me to...

but I don't know nothing about refereeing.

You don't have to know nothing about refereeing.

The only thing you gotta know is that Luke Duke wins, right?

I sure hope he wins, but...

Look, I got maybe half a pint of Hogg blood in my veins...

but I can't believe you're suggesting that I be dishonest.

There is no way I would ever consider throwing a fight.

You just wasted being my relative.

Come on, Uncle Jesse. We gotta go.

I'll be right there.

Alright, Uncle Jesse. You go ahead. Me and Bo'll catch up.

- You be careful. - I'll be alright, don't worry.

- Keep that left up. - I'll keep my left up.

- Keep jabbing. - I'll keep jabbing. Now scoot.

Stay cool. Now, I don't ant you to go through life...

feeling guilty just 'cause...

you knocked this guy down a couple of times.

I've seen him. He's been hit before, lot of times.

He's gonna be hit a whole lot more tonight.

- You wanna do me a favor? - Yeah.

- You knock out that guy. - You got it.

- Get out of here. - Come on, Daisy.

Hey, Uncle Jesse.

Come on, now. Put it down. Put down your money here. That's it.

Step right up, folks, come on, now. Crowd in.

Come on, now. Don't be bashful. That's it. Look at them odds.

You can't lose on this deal.

Just look at him over there.

He's turned this whole thing into a circus.

I wish Luke would get here so we could get this over with.

- Come on, Bo. - Coming. Be right there.

Would you like a ride to the fight?

I already got a lift. Thanks.

It's not very neighborly of you, son.

Come on, get in the car. Get in.

Alright, Luke. We've got a fight to win, buddy.

Luke?

Luke!

Think we ought to give them boys a call on the CB?

Jesse, what's keeping that nephew of yours?

He'll be along, just don't you worry. I'm gonna call him now.

If you wanna protect your investment, come along.

Alright, we will. Rosco.

Bo and Luke, this is Shepherd.

Do you read me?

Bo here, Uncle Jesse. Boy, am I glad you called.

It's getting kind of late, boys. What's the holdup?

It's two guys in a brown station wagon, that's the holdup.

They hijacked Luke, and I think they're heading for the river.

Alright, Bo, you keep your eyes on him

and Rosco and me'll be right there.

Yes, sir, Uncle Jesse. Please hurry.

What kind of trick are they trying to pull?

Not now, Rosco. I ain't got time...

for your feet to catch up with your brain.

Now, let's get going.

Wait.

Tell you one thing, they're coming on fast.

I told you Bo and the General will catch anything on wheels.

What if they don't have wheels?

Talk about hard luck.

I'll bet if it rains soup right now,

the Dukes' bowl will be upside down.

That's right. They shot the tire clean out.

You get that tire fixed and get back to Hazzard Square.

And keep them people cool.

Rosco and me, we'll keep looking for Luke.

You get that, Rosco?

Now that's a big 10-4. Let's get going.

Flash, don't you just love the excitement of police work?

I love it.

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please.

We're having just a little delay, folks.

But it won't be long now.

So, while you're waiting, why don't you just treat yourselves

to one of our juicy all-beef hot dogs?

With plenty of mustard, onions and piccalilli.

Where's your boy, Hogg?

Getting close to forfeit time.

Forfeit time? What are you talking about?

It's like in the contract you signed.

Your boy don't show up, we get all the dough.

Can't you listen to reason? We can do something, can't we?

I'll tell you what. I'll pick a substitute. A one-armed man.

Or an old woman. Or me.

- You'll win in a walk. - And take only 75%?

- No deal, Hogg. - Yeah, but...

Looks like we got us a tail, don't we?

Alright, this is Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane talking to you.

Now pull that vehicle over and I'm not kidding.

Meanwhile, at the Hazzard Square,

Daisy was holding the crowd spellbound.

I'm serious now.

Pull that vehicle over. Kidnapping is a federal offense.

They're coming on a little too close.

We better get rid of that evidence.

Slow down just a little bit.

It ain't us they're after, son, it's you. Now come on, get out.

- What are you doing... - Come on, now. Jump.

- Now. - Right.

If that boy ever gets to the fight, he's gonna be out.

Hey, wait. Sing it again.

- Boss. - Sing it again!

Let's go.

Alright, Hogg. Cut the stalling.

You ain't supposed to talk while singing, "Oh, say can you see."

Listen Hogg, if your boy ain't here in exactly...

- It's Luke. - He's alright.

- He's already been in a fight. - What happened?

It seems that the competition wanted to eliminate competition.

- You got money on this fight? - Every penny in the cookie jar.

Here's the butter and egg money. We're gonna really clean up.

What's he doing here?

I don't know, something must have went wrong.

- We're really in a fix now. - We ain't in no fix, he is.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Presenting the Fight of the Century.

Brought to you by yours truly, J. D. Hogg.

In this corner, wearing blue trunks...

winner of 33 consecutive fights...

the ever popular "Catfish" Lee.

And in this corner, wearing red trunks...

the pride of Hazzard County, our own...

Luke Duke.

And now, let the fight begin.

Luke, Catfish, I want y'all to listen up to these instructions

I got wrote down here...

'cause I don't want nobody getting hurt.

You have the right to remain silent.

No rabbit punches, no hitting below the belt

no biting or kicking...

Rosco, as soon as the fight starts...

we'll take the money from the tickets

and the money from the bets to my car.

- Got it? - Got it.

Here you go.

What kind of mouthpiece is that? Tastes like an old tire.

Well, that's what I made it out of.

Luke, take a good shot at him.

Come on. Get him. Left.

Come on, Luke.

Damn. I don't like this fight already.

I should've made myself the referee.

Attaboy, Catfish. Keep moving.

Saved by the bell.

Impartially, of course.

Watch his right, will you?

I watch his right, he'll kill me with his left.

Don't waste no more time now, you hear?

We gotta get to that meeting place with the money.

- You sure you're alright? - Yeah.

Break it up.

You hit him any lower, you're gonna bruise his knees.

I don't wanna see any more of that.

Cover up.

- What's wrong with that boy? - He ain't mad.

Then he better get mad.

The loser's share ain't nearly enough to pay me what he owes.

That was right in the eye.

- You okay? - Count, Cletus.

One, two, three... four, five, six...

seven, eight.

Flash and me, we got the money. It's really hard, you know?

Sure.

I think it's time you went on the offensive.

I plan on doing that as soon as I can come off the defensive.

I thought we were going someplace. What are you doing?

You putting the money in the trunk?

That's where no one'll think to look for it.

I ain't taking no chances.

Go get him.

You don't really have to worry about it.

Flash will keep his eyes on it.

Yeah, if he can keep them open long enough.

Hang on, boy.

Dear God. Luke, get up.

One, two, three... four, five.

Old Luke better get it together.

Cletus ain't never reached 10 before.

Four, five, six, seven.

ROUND 4

- Luke, just say something. - I'm fine.

This is crazy. Now listen to me. I got a little money put away.

We could just borrow more and I could pay J. D. Hogg off.

No. I ain't gonna lose everything you worked

and saved all your life for.

I ain't gonna let you get your brains beat out for nothing.

I know you're doing this for me and you don't wanna hurt anybody

even that Catfish fellow, but you can't have it both ways.

Now either you gotta quit or fight. What's it gonna be?

Don't just stand there. Move around.

One, two, three, four...

five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

CATFISH LEE

Now that's what I call a comeback. What's come over you?

I'll tell you the truth, Boss...

it's the thought of you soaking in Grandma Duke's tub.

Alright, Rosco.

We'll get the money so I can pay off the losers,

just as soon I open... Oh, no.

- I've been robbed. - You've been robbed?

Cleaned out. All the fight money.

- Did you hear that, Rosco? - Yeah.

A gang of hoodlums robs me clean while this mutt is sleeping.

And now he barks.

If this sleep-hound don't soon learn the difference...

between the good and the bad guys...

I'm gonna have you both stuffed and mounted.

Stop, everybody. Hold it, don't nobody move.

Stop, everybody.

What is it now, Boss?

It's my trunk. Clean as a plucked chicken.

They stole every penny of the fight money.

The money from the tickets, beers.

You mean we don't collect our winnings?

- What're you trying to pull? - I ain't pulling nothing.

I had that money hidden in my car so I could divvy it up...

after the fight, between the winner and the loser.

Speaking of losers, where are those guys?

Probably headed south with our greenbacks.

What are you waiting for?

Me? It's your money, ain't it?

The money, which is now $7,000 is what you owe me.

And with no money...

there'll be no payment and...

Feel up to it, Luke?

- Let's do it. - Alright.

You guys take care.

What are we standing around for? Let's join the search.

I've got a tow job that I gotta go to.

But I'll keep the CB on, got my ears out and my eyes peeled.

See y'all later.

Twenty minutes and still not a sign of them.

They had too much of a head start.

We don't even know which way they went.

One thing's for sure, they didn't head west.

That'll be the mountains. Wouldn't make good time there.

That leaves north, south, and east. Your choice.

Wait a minute. Didn't Uncle Jesse say

"going south with the greenbacks"?

That's it. It's gotta be an omen.

When the folks of Hazzard heard that Boss

couldn't pay off his debts...

they took it in their usual stride.

Will you help me, you...

You let go of that.

Will you think of nothing.

Boss, these folks bet on Luke, and they want their money.

Yeah, well, I ain't got their money.

Well, tell them that. Don't tell us.

Didn't I send you to riot control school?

That's right.

That's a riot we got out there. What are you gonna do in riots?

Flash. He went to riot school.

He'll know what to do.

Uncle Jesse, I think you blew it.

COMMISSIONER HOGG SAYS DRIVE CAREFULLY!

It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

I be crazy but I ain't dumb.

Crazy Cooter coming at you. Come on.

We read you, Cooter, what you got?

I'm sorry I'd to split but I'd to get Murphy out of a ditch.

Now listen in. I think I just saw our boys.

They were sliding south on Highway 6.

I'd help y'all but somebody in this county's gotta work.

Go get them.

That's a big 10-4, Cooter. Much obliged for the bird-dogging.

"Heading south with the greenbacks." It was an omen.

Next.

That's a big one.

Rosco, my hand is killing me.

- Here, I'll massage those fat... - Get away.

I'm talking about all these vowels I gotta write.

Haven't wrote so many in my whole life.

- Vowels? - Yeah, vowels.

You can forget the A and E, I'm talking about the IOU.

Listen, Boss, don't worry about that.

Soon as we get the money, you can pay them all off.

You mean, if we get the money.

Hey, look up ahead there, that's them, ain't it?

That sure looks like them.

- Stick with them now. - I am. Watch this.

NO TRESPASSING BUILDINGS TO BE DEMOLISHED

Get the money? Where's the money?

It's in the back. The Dukes are on our tail.

You mean they were on our tail, come on.

- This area's condemned. - That is an omen too, ain't it?

- This ain't the way, Bo. - Thanks for telling me.

What are they up to now?

They're turning tail, if they got any sense.

- I'm open to suggestions. - Let's do J.D. a favor.

Take her back around. Get as long a run as you can.

Stack, right, with the hay on it? Pedal to the metal.

Hang on.

They ain't got any sense. They're heading right for us.

Yeah? I'll take care of this.

- Mr. Culpepper. - No.

Welcome to the Duke Family Flying Circus.

That sure is one heck of a mess, ain't it, Luke?

Don't look at me, I wasn't driving.

Gentlemen.

Sorry about your barn.

This way. Go on.

Boss didn't make a dime on the fight.

So many folks bet on Luke...

that all the ticket money went for the house to pay off.

But he did make enough on hot dogs and T-shirts...

to buy this antique mirror to replace what Luke had busted.

How do you like this big looking glass, folks?

And this one is worth more than the one that got broken.

This one belonged to Gen. Stonewall Jackson's tailor.

Ain't that a thing of beauty?

Oh, my, there's a fly. Shoo, will ya?

Folks are gonna come from miles around...

just to feast their eyes and pay $1 a head...

Now friends, tell me he ain't..'..

He did.

In Hazzard County, I guess some things are predictable.