Original subtitles

[clock ticking]

[Debbie] Now, where were we?

That's right, your behavior.

[ominous music playing]

What is wrong with you two?

- Sierra? - Thanks to you two,

I'm a sea cucumber.

Schneider?

You two are agents of chaos.

Why do you have to be so weird all the time?

Say goodbye to each other, Davey and Jonesie.

Say goodbye forever.

Jonesie! Jonesie!

Davey! Davey!

No! No!

[gasps]

[breathing heavily]

[chuckles]

Don't worry, Davey.

It's just a dream. [laughs]

[yawns]

You know what? We better get a move on.

Because, um, today's a big day.

[humming]

Jonesie, my friend, today is the day.

[continues humming]

The day we kill Jonesie.

[laughs maniacally]

No, you look gorgeous!

[laughs]

Why did Cheryl let us go like that?

Seriously, what is going on with her and Schneider?

Okay, this is my theory. Dark cousins.

- I don't hate it. - Hmm.

Well, maybe this Schneider will finally spill the beans.

[Davey] Hello?

I bet everyone's in math class.

Weird.

- [Davey] Hello? - [Jonesie] Anybody here?

Anybody here? Educators. Students.

[Davey] Schneider!

Schneider!

[screams]

Hey, hey! It's fake. Okay?

It's fake, you're good.

Okay, Captain Bone Zone.

- You scared us. - [chuckles]

You hear that?

- Yeah. - [waves crashing faintly]

It kind of sounds like a...

[waves crashing]

[dramatic music playing]

Like a vast, vast ocean.

With our school stuck on an island in the middle of it, yep.

- I don't like the word "stuck." - Um, "stranded"?

- No. -"Trapped"?

- Circle back to "stuck." - Okay.

Okay, well, it's not like we're gonna die here or anything.

Oh, look, hey. Grilled cheese on white bread.

The Schneider special. So we must be close.

Not that I was worried, okay,

because being marooned on a desert island with you

- is my dream scenario. - Yes. Yes. Same.

Plus, if Schneider's the only one here,

we don't have to blend in with anything.

No! Okay. No anomalies.

- No running for our lives. - It is just you, me,

and an empty school with no rules.

Oh, let me think about that.

Yeah. I mean, that's gonna be a yeah for me.

Do you, uh, care to raise a little hell?

Hmm.

Does the pope poop in the woods?

Oh, God, I hope so.

[both whooping]

[singing in Spanish]

Whoo!

[laughs]

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Finally. The boys' locker room. This is a big day for me.

[sniffs]

[both] Oh!

Oh, my God!

- Why did I think that was not gonna be gross? - I don't know.

Whoo-hoo.

You having fun?

Yeah!

[pop music playing]

It's burning. It's like in my whole body!

- I can still smell it! - I'm gonna throw up! I'm gonna throw up!

[both] Whoa.

That was a fun day.

So fun.

Um, do you think that we should go to the lab and check

- and see Schneider's--? - Yes.

- N-Not because I'm bored. - Not bored.

No, not me with you.

- Schneider! Schneider! - Schneider! Schneider!

Where is he?

Hey.

Check this out.

Didn't see that before.

[gasps]

Or that.

Yeah, that one's real.

Oh, this is next-level dark.

How did we not notice this before?

Whoo! Whoa!

[glass shatters]

[both retch and groan]

[Jonesie] Oh, my God!

[Davey] Why did I think that was not gonna be gross?

Whoo!

Yeah, baby!

[pop music playing]

Yeah, we missed a lot of very obvious clues.

And you just let us dance and dance.

So there were people in this world before,

but now they're all dead.

No, no, no, no, no. No. Nobody's dead. Nobody's dead.

I bet they're all just hanging out in the basement, right?

That's where our solves usually end up.

- Totally. The basement. - Basement!

- Nope. They're all dead. - Yup.

[retches]

[retching and groaning]

I'm good. I like it.

This is it, man. It's game over, man, okay?

- We're all gonna die, man! - Davey! Davey, look at me!

I have watched, like, 3,000 hours of survivalist television.

I got this. Okay?

- We're good. - Yeah, we're good.

- We're good. All right? - Yeah.

- Okay. - Okay.

First things first. We just gotta

protect ourselves from the elements. All right?

Mm-hmm.

And as always, we are indoors. So, uh, check.

Secondly, we got to find ourselves some food.

- Yeah? - Okay.

Okay. Let the best pals' vacation continue.

I am a survivalist expert.

- [laughs] - Right?

- Oh, no. - What is that?

What is this?

[Jonesie] Um, probably just, like,

expressing ourselves through street art.

[Davey] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Looks like someone was sleeping here.

Yeah. You.

My signature bubble letters.

[laughs softly]

"Day One. Water has risen.

Stranded in the school. But help is on the way, baby.

No worries. Feeling good."

- Okay. - Hey?

- Yup. Good. - Right?

"Day 26. Help not coming.

We're all gonna die."

- That got dark fast. - Okay. Yeah.

- Okay... - [Jonesie sighs]

Aw! We went hunting together.

So sweet.

"For everyone else who we ate."

So it looks like in this world

that we are currently trapped in--

- Stuck. We liked "stuck." - Stuck. Thank you. Stuck in.

...we were cannibals.

Who killed and ate all of our friends, yes.

Hmm.

Well, it can't possibly get any worse than this, right?

I feel like you maybe shouldn't have said that.

Yes.

What the hell was that?

[Jonesie] Somebody booby-trapped the encampment.

Yeah, you!

[Jonesie gasps]

My signature bubble letters.

Is that...

Is this the most uncomfortable you've ever been?

Yes.

Right there with you.

[clock ticking]

[Karl mumbling and chomping]

Okay. Let me see.

Gordon Tolombola, you lost your limbs in a detainer accident.

- Cheryl Mason, Juvenile Department. - Juvenile Department?

That's what we're wasting my time with today?

Okay.

Hold on.

Hey, here we go.

Cheryl Mason.

The Cheryl Mason?

Former Elite squad Cheryl Mason?

You got bumped down to Juvie after that whole fiasco

with, uh, what's his name?

Professor Weird.

- Schneider. - Right! That freak.

And now here you are, in my office, for a performance review.

- [laughs] - Respectfully, sir,

why have I really been called here?

Well, it says here that you've been stuck on the same case

for months with zero activity in several weeks.

Meanwhile, the delinquents' home world has been left in stasis

for a near-critical amount of time.

I know I don't have to remind you

that if that was to continue on,

6689 could degrade beyond repair,

at which point we would have to decommission it,

- which nobody wants to do-- - I'm aware of the danger, sir.

And I assure you I will apprehend Davey and Jonesie

- at the next possible-- - Well, frankly,

I don't want to be dealing with any of this right now,

but a colleague has raised some concerns

about your current mental state

and the handling of this case.

[sighs]

What colleague?

Hey, guys. Am I late?

[Karl] Andy, my man! Welcome.

Please, have a seat. I was actually just telling Cheryl

about how concerned you were feeling.

Oh, yeah.

You know, I hated going over your head like that,

but, um, I just kept seeing you beaming back in day after day,

just really humiliated by those girls.

Staring at the screen, eyes bugging out,

audibly grinding your teeth.

Your concern is not necessary. I am zeroing in.

I know how they operate now.

Do you? Because according to your file,

you have not picked up any signature

from these girls in eight weeks.

That does not look great for you.

[Andy sucks teeth]

Awkward.

[clock ticking]

In an effort to end this week-long haunted silence...

Love that. Go on.

...I would like to make the, I think,

rather droll observation

that the us from this world

decided to kill and eat everybody,

and then turn on each other

when the kitchen was so clearly well stocked with beans.

[dramatic music playing]

[Davey] That is droll.

And may I admit, I've been actively avoiding

that exact same thought.

You know, I am sick of dwelling on the whole

"who killed and ate who and who killed and ate who" thing.

Like, that is so not us, and we would never do that.

Yes. Because you know what?

The us of this world, they were messed up.

And also, our friendship is famously strong.

Too strong, some would say.

Why do you think Principal Neighbors

tried to separate us in the first place?

Because we're-- We are literally too good at friendship,

is what they are saying.

We are nothing like the weird

Davey and Jonesie in this world.

- Mm-mmm. - Look at the ridiculous stuff

that the Davey from this world wrote about me, okay?

You're gonna think this is hilarious.

"Day 45, Jonesie is driving me up the wall.

She chews so loud!"

[both laugh]

Okay, that's crazy,

because I've literally never had that thought.

[lips smacking]

[intense music playing]

[wet smacking and chewing]

Seconds, anyone?

Me, please! Like...

Just wait. Wait.

That's your writing again.

[ominous music playing]

Interesting.

You know what we need?

We need to have fun some more!

Yeah. Yeah. You know what? You are right.

We need to shake off this hell meal and do us.

Just you and me living fancy-free?

So I say we double down on the carefree montage energy,

and we don't look at anything too closely.

You're so right, best friend.

Thank you, best friend.

[both scream]

[heavy metal music playing]

[fabric ripping]

[Jonesie] How did you do that?

[both laughing]

[chattering]

[both laughing]

[humming]

[heavy metal music continuous]

[slurred singing]

[both yelling]

[Jonesie] Oh, my goodness, aren't we spoiled.

- Oh, darling. - This all looks delectable here.

I'll just have a little bite here.

Mmm.

This is the best day of my life.

- God! Cheers to us. - Cheers to us.

[chuckles]

I like this.

All of this is simply delectable!

- I feel amazing. - I feel incredible.

- More wine, madam? - Yes, please.

[clock ticking]

They've been out there somewhere plotting.

And when they show themselves again, I will be ready.

Look, agents lose delinquents sometimes.

The multiverse is very big.

But unfortunately, this isn't the first time.

I mean, you did lose Amelia Earhart, right?

- That was you. - I did not lose Amelia Earhart!

There is more to that story. Read the file.

Whoa! No need to get upset here.

- See what I'm talking about? - [laughs] Yeah, I'm starting to.

Karl, I know what I'm doing.

This Davey and Jonesie,

the Davey and Jonesie of Universe 6689,

are different than any other Davey and Jonesie

in the multiverse.

It's their friendship.

It's...

destructive.

I am telling you,

together they are chaos incarnate.

- [clock ticking] - [Jonesie] Davey?

[Davey moans, lips smack] Oh, Abbott.

[moaning and lips smacking continuous]

[laughs] You dirty dog.

Oh, Abbott!

[lips smacking]

Davey?

[gasps]

- Can we get a little privacy, please? - That's a hockey puck.

Yeah. Jealous?

Okay, this place is getting to you.

I'm gonna need you to get your head together.

I will see you at dinner.

She is losing it.

Beep-beep!

[imitates car speeding]

Hey, watch it! Driving here.

[clock ticking]

[off-key banging]

I'm sick of this song.

Can you please put on another playlist?

Fine.

Thank you.

[Davey laughing]

- [Davey] Oh, you're so funny! - Davey?

Davey, I know you're in there.

- May I help you? - What are you doing?

- Making out with Abbott again? - No.

I'm actually having a wonderful conversation

- with a dear friend of mine. - [gasps]

[Davey] Say hello, Jonesie.

Oh! Usurping [bleep].

[seagull squawking]

What's that for?

I'm just passionate about woodworking.

What is her problem?

Right, Davey?

[grunts]

Bull's-eye.

[hard rock music playing]

[ticking]

[Davey laughing]

[ticking]

[cackling]

[laughing]

[rapid ticking]

[classical music playing]

[laughing]

Oh, Your Excellency.

Oh, what a thrill to have you here.

Alexis! Cool as always.

I love the gown.

And Emile!

[laughing] Oh! Do not make me laugh.

You're married, you dirty boy. Champagne?

[humming]

Amazing.

Thank you all for coming to my party.

And please do help yourself to some hors d'oeuvres

on the table.

- [door opens] - [Jonesie screams]

[suspenseful music playing]

What are you doing here?

- [Jonesie laughing] - Okay, this is...

This is a debutante ball that is invite only!

[yells]

No! My distinguished guests!

[cackles]

No!

I will not let you hurt Jonesie!

What do you think you're doing?

This is the social event of the season!

What am I doing? What are you doing?

You made hors d'oeuvres for everyone but me.

You know what?

I cannot believe

that you were mad at me in Fantasmanaria

for being friends with Emily S

when clearly you are the one

who wants to be friends with other people.

I was doing you a favor, okay?

Because you were clearly getting annoyed

whenever I would sing along in Broadway World.

Oh, so I can't be annoyed?

I-I am always supportive of you,

even when you're drooling over Abbott

in every single universe, including our own.

You should have told me the Abbott thing bothered you

instead of acting all cool and over everything all the time!

I don't have to act cool, okay?

You know what? You're just jealous of me

because I saw how much it bothered you

when everyone was complimenting me

on my signature streetwear style in Paris Fashion Week World.

[Davey coughs]

I'll have you know everyone was complimentary

of my maximalist style as well,

and everything has to be elegantly understated.

You know what? Uh...

I'm out of here

because this party sucks.

You take that back!

- [chuckles] - You take that back.

No! No, no, no, no, no, no! Jonesie, please.

Not the duke. No, no, no, no.

Not the duke. No, no, no!

No, no, no!

No!

- [ball bouncing] - [weak scream]

[chuckles]

You have defiled

a member of the nobility.

And my guest of honor.

Hmm.

[whispering] This means war.

Fine.

Swords at dawn!

You're going down, Davey.

Let's go, Davey!

[dramatic classical music booming]

Whoo!

[door opens and closes]

No!

[crying] Oh! My social standing!

It's been ruined! Ruined!

[sobbing]

[intense classical music playing]

So what you're essentially telling me

is that the Davey and Jonesie from Universe 6689

are criminal masterminds,

and their friendship is so strong, so unique,

so chaotic that they pose an actual, literal threat

to the entire multiverse?

Yes.

Okay, and that's why

you're recommending,

on top of them serving detention,

they each have their memories of each other

permanently erased?

In a juvenile case?

Mind-wiping two teenage besties.

- Ouch. - Big ouch.

Trust me.

Some people just shouldn't be friends.

Like, what is that supposed to mean?

I don't know.

[foreboding Western music playing]

On three.

One, two...

three.

Release the dragons.

Unleash hell!

[screams]

- [cawing] - [imitating laser gun firing]

Go, boy. Come on.

- Fire. - [imitating laser gun]

[screams and roars]

[Davey squeals weakly]

[coughs]

Did you plan anything real for this?

No.

No.

I didn't actually want to hurt you.

Same.

Well, it seems like even when we're apart,

we don't actually really want to be apart.

No.

It's just that this whole thing

of going through the multiverse, going on this adventure,

has felt like one super-long extended vacation,

and there's no one else I'd rather do it with.

But sometimes, I don't know, I think it's okay

if we get on each other's nerves or need space or--

Yes! I am so glad that you said that.

This is completely normal for a friendship!

'Cause literally, every friendship has done this.

And also, we're really dehydrated.

Oh, yeah, we fully just stopped drinking water.

- Dude, I missed you so much! - I missed you, I missed you.

I miss everyone else too. I miss Schneider!

Right? I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I really wish that he wasn't dead.

No, me too!

Okay.

So, we're really not getting out of here, are we?

- Nope. - Hmm.

Is that a necklace made out of human bones?

And-and seagull feet, yeah.

- [laughs] - Huh.

- Do you like it? - I like it.

Thank you. I thought that you would.

I thought of you when I made it.

Okay, a lot to noodle on there.

Honestly, more exciting than I was expecting

a juvenile review hearing to be, kind of.

Uh, okay, now I'm gonna run this upstairs for deliberation,

- and I will be back shortly-- - Wait.

I have something to add.

[Karl] What's that?

I believe Davey and Jonesie are being aided

by an accomplice.

Stephen Simon Schneider.

When Schneider was desynced,

he was banished to the same school

in every universe, Schrodinger High.

The same school as Davey and Jonesie.

He has worked with the other versions of himself

to build the portal

the delinquents are traveling through,

and he's been helping them escape in every world.

Desyncing him wasn't enough.

He has found a way to communicate

with his infinite selves across the multiverse

using hollow technology.

[Karl] Yeah, that's not possible.

- No. - [Karl] You know, when I think about

the amount of time we could have saved today if you started with this.

You come in and say, "Oh, I think the bad guy

is the guy I don't like."

We didn't have to sit through all of this,

you know what I mean?

Where is Schneider from 6689?

[Mr. Schneider] Dana? Jorby? Is that you?

[chuckles]

Schneider?

[laughs] Yeah!

[Cheryl] He...

disappeared.

[dramatic music playing]

Well, that's not good.

[coughs]

- [Karl] You okay? - Yeah. Yes. I'm good.

[Davey] I thought you were dead.

I am, yeah!

Or, at least the me of this universe is.

Pretty sure this world's versions of you ate him,

so gracias for that.

Then who are you?

Oh, right. I'm the Schneider from your universe, 6689.

Yeah, I escaped here a while ago. Anyways...

you ready to go home?

- What? - Home?

[Mr. Schneider] Home, yeah.

Excited? [laughs]

See your friends.

See your family, huh?

Is there a bunch of personal backstory you're gonna make me catch--

["Eyes" by Wine Lips playing]

♪ Just trying to make it Through the weekend ♪

♪ So I can close my eyes ♪

♪ So stuck I hit another dead end ♪

♪ What a big surprise ♪

♪ Don't you wait on me ♪

[upbeat music playing]

[laughter]

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