All language subtitles for Davey and Jonesies Locker s01e06 Orange is the New Snack.eng

- [low-key piano music playing]
- [light bulbs humming]

[electricity powering down]

[powering up]

[both screaming]

[creature snarling]

[yelling indistinctly]

God!

- Oh!
- God!

Okay, okay!

Who knew that the giant spider
living under the school

was gonna be such a good liar?

You know what?
It is not our fault

that we automatically assumed

that hatching a bunch
of radioactive spider eggs

would immediately lead to cool
superpowers instead of...

I know!
A spider apocalypse!

- One thousand percent!
- Yeah!

- I wasn't ready for that today.
- God!

- Oh! Okay, okay.
- [Jonesie] It's fine. It's over.

What's going on
with this world, huh?

What's going on with this world?

I don't know.

Could be, like...

Like killer clowns?

What about, uh, demons?

Demons is good.

- Zombies?
- Oh, butts for heads.

- I haven't seen zombies yet.
- Heads for butts.

- Or that, sure.
- Or farts--

Farts for burps, okay?
I'm down for anything.

- I'm ready. Ready to go.
- Okay. Sure. Sure, sure, sure.

[school bell rings]

[indistinct chatter]

Looks like school day.

- It's kind of eerily normal.
- [Davey] So normal.

So normal.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Hey.
- [stammering] Hi.

Hi.

- How are you?
- I'm good.

- [laughs] Good.
- Yeah. Us too.

We're good, too.
We're very good and very happy.

Yes.

We've been here all day,
as you saw.

- Shall we go to science?
- [both] Yes!

- Duh.
- Classic.

- Second-period science
- That is a classic class

- at a classic time.
- ...with my favorite guy.

Did you guys do the homework?

- No, no.
- [Jonesie] No.

- Also classic.
- Also classic.

You're eating an orange?

Yeah.

You famously don't like
handheld fruits

because they're too sticky.

Um, I've never said that
in my life.

And I love oranges.
You girls are so silly.

- [both laugh]
- Yeah, you know us.

[Davey] Okay.

Hey, guys.

Um, okay, what are the odds
that this world

is pretty much
exactly the same as ours,

but the only food
anyone ever eats is oranges?

High.

[school bell rings]

Okay. Good morning, class.

[girl] Good morning.

[Mr. Schneider] Now, today,
we will be continuing

our experiment
of making a working battery

from our only known source
of food and sustenance...

oranges.

Um, duh.

Duh indeed, Sierra.
Duh indeed.

Okay, so we take
the positive there

and the negative there.

I'm sorry, is this the most

boring world we've been to?

Yeah, but at least
we're gonna be able

to blend in for once.

Plus, when is the last time
we consumed any vitamin C?

You're right.
No drama, no Cheryl, no scurvy.

We're good.

Davey. Jonesie. No talking.
See me after class.

Oh. Okay. Yes.

-"See me after class." Yes.
- [Jonesie] Turn around.

Thank you, we will see you
after class, teacher.

Okay.

[school bell rings]

[Mr. Schneider]
Everybody out.

- Thank you, Mr. Schneider.
- No...

Yeah, all right.

Davey and Jonesie,

I'm sure I don't
need to warn you

about the dangers
of not paying attention.

You two.

Okay. Hey, hey, hey.

Mr. S, you do not need
to give us the spiel.

"Just blend in, no drama." Yeah.

We got this whole universe
on lock.

Yes, typical universe.

Except the only thing
anyone eats is oranges.

- Easy.
- Peasy.

[both]
Orange squeezy.

[Mr. Schneider] Okay.

It is most certainly
not orange squeezy.

Do you have any idea
the havoc you wrecked

in your previous universe?

I'm sorry,
but Queen Octavia

seemed like a super nice,
giant talking spider.

Yeah, how were we supposed
to know hatching all her eggs

was actually a bad idea?

Or that Cheryl would immediately
know that it was us?

Or that she would once again
take out her rage

by turning that universe's
Schneider into a sea cucumber?

- Like that literally
could have happened to anyone. - Anybody.

[Mr. Schneider]
No, it literally couldn't have.

It could and does
only ever happen to you two.

Have we not been clear?

That is a can-of-worms question.

[Mr. Schneider] I-I just--

I don't understand
why you continue to insist

on meddling in the rules
of every universe you enter.

We are not meddling, man.

We are doing the right thing.

[Davey] Okay, what?
A mother comes up to you.

She goes,
"Help me with my babies."

She has like eight eyes
and they're all crying.

- It's really sad.
- Yeah, and you're gonna go

"Yes, 'cause I'm a good person
and I'm gonna help you, Mother."

You're talking about radioactive
man-eating spiders.

- [both] People-eating spiders.
- You caveperson.

You are so lucky
we weren't recording,

- because you would be canceled.
- Canceled.

I can't even look at you.

You are so comfortable
in your cushy little life

that you've never actually
stood up for anything.

[Mr. Schneider]
What cushy little life?

I am a disgraced genius

moonlighting
as a science teacher

whose fate is consistently
in the hands

of two actual teenagers.

Oh!

Okay, you know what?

I-- We have actually
been looking out for you

quite a bit,

and I think that's actually
pretty selfless,

considering the circumstances.

Unless you would prefer
to have your memories erased

by a deranged psychopath.

- No.
- Okay, well, obviously not.

[Mr. Schneider]
Okay, well, then in this world,

you are not going to meddle,
you're going to blend in.

For once.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Giant, talking spiders
are one thing,

but eating a few oranges,
that's not hard.

It's nature's candy.

- No, that's ice.
- What? How?

- Uh, about that.
- Ice being nature's candy?

No, of course not.
Or eating oranges.

You're probably not gonna need
to do any of that.

So, I'm gonna have the portal up
and ready

in about an hour.

So why don't you
go to third period

and then come
straight back here,

and don't go anywhere else.

But after third period's lunch.

And all this talk about oranges
has made us hungry.

For oranges.

We are very scurvy-conscious
right now.

Have you read the articles?
It's coming back hard.

Yeah, well,
just don't go to lunch, okay?

- Bye.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Is it just me or is he being
weirder than usual?

Oh, no, he's definitely
hiding something.

We're definitely
going to lunch, right?

Yes, we're going to lunch.

♪ Everything is boring ♪

♪ Wake up and I'm snoring ♪

♪ I think I could die ♪

♪ Right here, right now ♪

♪ Everything is boring ♪

Hey!

[clears throat]

[sniffles]

Mm.

[squishing]

[smacks lips]

Mm.

Oh, sorry. Want some?

What is that?

Sea bass.

I picked up the recipe
over in Gelatin World.

If you can mind-over-matter it,
it really does taste like fish.

- [computer chimes]
- Oh, it's time.

Don't you just love
the bimonthly meetings?

It's always such a kick
to get on the horn

with the top brass.

[Andy sighs and clears throat]

[computer chimes]

Andy Butler ready to report.

[chiming]

Uh, sure.

Yeah, I can go first.

Um, let's see.

Uh, this week,
I closed 25 cases,

and last week
I actually broke my own record.

Forty-one cases.

[chiming]

Oh, thank you.

But you know what?

It was a team effort.

I just did the legwork.

And the brainwork.

And, you know,
all the filing too.

Cheryl?

I am still working
on case file 6689,

but I am certain
it won't be long

till I apprehend
the delinquents in question.

They are just a little more...

unpredictable than I'd expected.

Ooh, wow.

They did not like that.

[laughs] Whoo!

Boy, if we thought
you weren't mad

at those two girls before,
look out now, right?

Whew!

[laughs]

Oh, my.

[funky music playing]

♪ When I first saw you ♪

♪ Something stuck within me ♪

♪ My arms stuck like glue
To my sides... ♪

Yeah, I'll take the orange.

Yeah, I'll have an orange.

♪ If I could've held you ♪

♪ I would've held you ♪

♪ But I'd rather choke... ♪

Always a pleasure. Thank you.

♪ Rip me up and start again ♪

♪ Rip me up and start again ♪

- Where's yours?
- [Davey] Hmm?

[Jonesie] Orange.

[Davey] I don't know.

- Share?
- Sure.

[voice]
Please don't eat me.

You say something?

No.

[voice] It's me.

- The orange?
- [voice] Yes.

Um...

Okay, so, uh,
are you gonna maybe--

Are you gonna explain--?

[voice] Yup, I'll explain.

- Yeah. Thank you.
- [Jonesie] Please.

[voice] I just wasn't sure
you could hear me.

- Oh, no. We can
obviously hear you. - Loud and clear.

[voice]
Perfect. My name is Julius.

You're an orange named Julius?

- [Julius] Yes.
- Orange Juli--

No, you know what?
Never mind. Never mind.

Okay, um, you can talk?

[Julius]
Ahem, I, like all oranges,

have the power to telepathically
communicate with humans.

Or at least we once did.

Long ago, oranges and people

lived in harmony

until the humans got a taste
for our flesh.

Realizing the vitamin C
in our blood

could make them powerful,
they became crazed with it,

losing their ability
to hear our pleas for mercy!

Okay.

- Okay, come on.
- Come on. Yeah.

- Come on.
- [laughing] Come on.

- Come on!
- Like, come on. Really.

[Julius] It's true.

- Look around you.
- Come on.

[yelling]

[shrieks]

[screaming]

- [oranges moaning and crying]
- [bars clanging]

- [whirring]
- [orange screaming]

[students scream and howl]

So why are we the only ones
that can hear you?

[Julius] I don't know.

Most people lost the ability
to hear us centuries ago.

Oh, but we are not most people

because we're from
another universe.

Right.
And that's why we're the only--

[Julius]
You're our only hope!

We were gonna say that, yes.

[Julius] My citrus brethren
have grown too fearful

and weak to fight back.

Only you can help us overthrow

our human overlords

and make them see
the error of their ways.

Okay. Okay, cool.

Okay, just a casual,
full-on coup.

No, totally.
Okay, um, hey, Julius?

Do you mind if we, like,
have a hot minute?

[Julius] Absolutely.
Chat it over. It's a big ask.

- [Jonesie] Thank you.
Very polite. - [Davey] Thank you.

- Yep. Just hang out.
- [Julius] Yeah.

- [Julius] Yeah, that's fine.
Absolutely. I'll be here. - Yeah, we'll be right back.

Okay, so this is not
exactly not meddling.

Oh, no, this is the opposite
of not meddling.

But let's be real, how do we not
not meddle on this one?

[Davey] Yeah, in fairness,
I mean, we've taken on causes

way stupider than this one, right?

- Do you mean, like, the spiders?
- The spiders. Two hours ago.

- Literally two hours ago.
Uh-huh. - But this seems legit.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, unless the oranges
are some, I don't know,

dangerous fruit race
hell-bent on world domination?

- Not getting that vibe?
- Not getting that vibe.

- No, me neither.
- No.

Okay. Hey, Julius, we're in.

We're in.
And maybe somewhere underneath

Schneider's unapologetic
selfishness,

there is a deeper urge
to actually do the right thing.

The second I said that...

Yeah, you heard
as soon as you said it? That's not happening?

...that is just not
gonna happen.

- That's okay. To the lab?
- Okay. To the lab.

[Julius]
Whoa, whoa, watch the navel.

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Yup.

Okay.

Oh, good.

We're almost recalibrated here.

I think we're just
about set to--

And you went to lunch.

Yes! Yes, we went to lunch, okay?

This is gonna sound crazy.
I know it's gonna sound crazy,

- but there's this--
- The oranges are sentient?

Yes.

You knew?

Well, yes. No. Sort of.

You know,
I've been here so long,

I just kind of naturally
tuned them out.

You see, I knew you were
hiding something stupid/horrifying!

Okay, for your information,
I do not eat them.

I subsist on a yeast paste
I invented

called Schneider Schmear, so...

Okay, first off,
you didn't actually stop anyone

from eating them,
so that's a bad brag, man.

Okay, well, what would you
suggest I do?

- Something.
- Literally, anything?

Oh, just maybe the bare minimum?

There's no point, okay?

Because the orange-eaters
are too powerful.

And besides, with Cheryl
closing in as she has,

we simply can't risk it.

Okay, well,
we can't just do nothing.

Of course you can.
See, this is not your fight.

You're only gonna
make things worse.

And you're gonna get me
turned into a sea cucumber.

[Julius] If I could just jump in
for a sec.

Your adult male friend,
he kind of seems like a...

- What's the word?
- Oh, um, a coward?

- Yeah, we're all thinking it.
- [Julius] Ooh, juicy.

Did that orange
just call me a coward?

- I am not a coward.
- That's what a coward would say.

I am not. You want to know
the secret of the multiverse?

You're gonna tell us anyways.

Many of the-- Scratch that.

Most of the worlds are terrible,

and there's nothing
you can do about it.

So the sooner
you come to terms with that,

the happier that you--
Scratch that, I will be.

[Julius] Psst. Down here.
Don't listen to him.

Please, I beg you.

Help me and my orange friends

get the justice we deserve!

- So cool.
- Yeah.

- We gotta do that...
- Oh, yes, that sounds great,

but first we do have to go
to the bathroom.

Mm-hmm. We have our
menstrual time.

Oh, yeah! Ow!

- Oh, God!
- Okay. I understand.

- Oh!
- No, it's fine.

Just go do whatever you do.

[Davey]
Yeah, honor our moons.

[Jonesie]
Praise Mother Gaia.

[Davey] Eat some lipstick.
That's what we do.

- Yeah. You wouldn't get it.
- Yeah.

But if this is some trick
that you've pulled on other Schneiders,

- I'm gonna...
- No!

That's very embarrassing
for me, so...

- You're an ally.
- Yes.

[Jonesie] Get this guy a badge.

Yeah, this guy loves women.

[Mr. Schneider]
Just close the door.

- Okay. Thank you, ally.
- Cheers.

- [Davey] Bye.
- [door closes]

[sighs]

[Jonesie]
You know, for a science teacher,

Schneider seems oddly
uncomfortable

with basic human biology.

[Davey] He's uncomfortable
with a lot of things.

Emotional honesty,
wearing jeans,

basic acts of bravery.

But don't worry, Julius.

Even if Schneider's too selfish
to help us, we got you.

[Julius]
My gratitude is boundless.

Though, why are we in this
human waste-collector room?

If there's anything we learned
from this experience,

- it's vents.
- I would say that 90%

of our plans have been
vent-based.

Borderline too many.

Let's go!

[oranges screaming]

Eep.

We need a distraction.

[Julius]
I can do it.

That's so brave of you.

I dig the initiative.

But how?

[Julius]
Just get me down there.

Okay.

[Julius] For freedom!

Nope.

[Jonesie]
Well, that didn't work.

Yeah, I've no idea
what we were expecting.

He's literally an orange.

[Julius] I'm okay, guys.
I'll just wait down here.

Now what?

I have a plan.

- Is it good?
- No.

- [girl clears throat]
- Finally.

We're just about ready to go.

So I think it is time to...

Ah! Uh...

Um...

Where are Davey and Jonesie?

Well, how should I know?
I mean, they're your friends, right?

- I think? I can never tell.
- We noticed them at lunch...

not eating oranges.

We don't like that.

We like oranges.

Obviously, everyone does.

So, like, what gives, Stephen?

Davey and Jonesie?
They love the things.

In fact, I'm sure they're
in the caf right now

eating oranges
because they're super hungry

from having forgotten
to eat oranges at lunch.

[Schneider exhales]

Or they are in the caf
freeing the oranges,

and I've just sent a pack
of students directly to them,

which will surely
cause an anomaly, yup.

♪ Raindrops on oranges
And lovely little oranges ♪

♪ Little bright kettles
That are orange ♪

- ♪ When they are orange... ♪
- Davey.

How dare you waste the precious
time of the kitchen staff

with... uh...

without making it a two-hander.

And a-one, and a-two, and...

- ♪ I want to say it... ♪
- ♪ If you say "orange" ♪

♪ And I say "orange" ♪

♪ And I say "orange"
And you say "orange" ♪

- [Mr. Schneider] And orange.
- [Davey] Orange!

We're all gonna go now, okay?
This is your chance for freedom.

And open this little door.

Look, look.

[whispering]
You guys are free. Go!

♪ Let's peel
The whole thing off ♪

- Ah, very good. Yes, okay.
- And scene!

- So...
- [loud crash]

Oh, and let's everybody
drop a beat now.

♪ And don't tell me
What to eat ♪

♪ My favorite food
Is a citrus treat ♪

♪ You slice it and spread it
And you-- ♪

♪ And I love it so bad ♪

♪ I put it on toast
And call it "marmalad" ♪

- Okay...
- [Davey] Oh, yes!

Trust me,
you don't want to stay here.

There are teenagers,
and they want to eat you,

and we don't have a lot--

Hi.

I was just having a lie-down.

[Joyce] Oh.

Um, I'm gonna tell
you something.

And then it might sound
a little bit crazy,

but would you believe me
if I told you

that oranges
are actually a sentient race

of citrus fruits
who communicate telepathically,

but only Davey and I
can hear them

because we're from another
universe?

Yeah.

Really?

No follow-up questions?

No. Not at the moment, no.

Okay, great.

Uh, listen to me,
I'm gonna need you

to get as many of these guys
out the back as you can.

This is a life-or-death
situation, you got it?

And if this conversation has not
already caused an anomaly,

that...

♪ Oranges they're so good ♪

...that definitely will.

- Oh.
- [Davey] Orange!

[Mr. Schneider] Orange.

And when I say "fruity,"

you say, "yum-yum."

- Fruity. Fruity.
- [all] Yum-yum.

[Mr. Schneider] You don't have
to say "yum-yum."

Yum-yum.
Okay, so that's what--

Hey, yeah. Yes, thank you.

The art of live theater
is very much alive, isn't it?

- We can keep going.
- No, you don't have to do that.

And you know what?
Like any good art or orange,

I'm sure we all need
some time to digest.

So, I'm actually just gonna take
my two stars--

Hold it!

- [sniffing]
- [Davey and Jonesie] Ah!

You haven't been eating
your oranges.

- I knew it.
- Just one bite. You'll love it.

- [Davey] No, no, no, no.
- [Jonesie] Oh, no!

[both whimpering]

[Julius] Oh, no.

[all yell]

Get away!

Stop!

Davey and Jonesie
are telling the truth.

Girl, about what?

They haven't said anything
in four minutes.

[Davey] It's true!

Or it's gonna be...

as soon as I explain things.

Right now.

Oranges...

are people.

[Joyce] Yeah. Yeah. Take it in.

I mean, they're clearly
just oranges, so...

But, like people,

they have thoughts and feelings.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

[Davey] And that's exactly why

we're gonna stop eating oranges

as food.

Today, today, the oranges,
they rise up.

[Davey] Yes.

Today, the oranges take a stand!

Come on.

Today, the oranges,
they say "no more"!

Today, they--

- What is going on?
- Okay, now you hustle?

[Davey] I don't know.

- Excuse me? One second.
- Yeah, one second.

[Jonesie] You said
you wanted revolution.

[Julius] Oh, we do,
but years of persecution

and an overwhelming
lack of limbs

have made my people cowardly.

Much like your adult male friend
who also seems to be fleeing.

- Yup, like the wind.
- Ugh.

[grunts]

Abbott need oranges!

- And run.
- Interesting.

He's so strong.

[muttering]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

- [girls whimpering]
- [grunting]

[all screaming]

Ah!

Davey, Jonesie.

I've been eagerly awaiting
our next meeting.

Ah, yes.

Uh, sure, vice principal.

Vice Principal Mason,
how are you?

Good?

It's so good to see you
at the school we go to

and that we see you a lot at.

It's great to see you again.

It's 'cause it's normal.

We were just about to, uh,
eat that.

We were just about
to eat that orange.

Yeah, we were, like,
so hungry for the--

- For an orange.
- Orange.

- 'Cause that's what we eat here.
- Every day.

- This orange, right here?
- Yup.

[Julius] Go. Save yourselves.

Yep, yep, yep,
because we...

We, like all children
at this school,

we love to eat oranges.

So if we could just
have that one...

Oh. Of course.

In fact, why don't you take
a big bite right now?

- Oh...
- [Julius] No!

What's the problem? Not hungry?

I-- Uh, I'm so hungry.

I'm hungry for oranges.
Please give it to me.

It's just that Davey
is absolutely, like,

very specific about the way
that she eats, so...

Yeah, I'm just, like, weird.
It's like really weird here.

And you're gonna think of me
differently, you know?

She has these, like,
freaky little teeth.

- They're like...
- Yeah, they're not that freaky.

They're a little freaky,
but I have a big, long tongue.

- You would hate it. Vile.
- It's gross. It's gross. It is.

[Julius] Ah!

It's okay. Do what you must.

No. No...

♪ ...body's gonna stop me ♪

♪ From eating this orange ♪

♪ Nobody's gonna stop me ♪

[laughs]

♪ ...from eating this orange ♪

You're going to that well
a lot today, huh?

I am, I am.

If this were just a normal day,

then you would
just eat this orange.

- [Julius] It's okay. Just do it.
- [Cheryl] Eat it!

I'm getting very tired
of these games.

[Julius]
Goodbye, cruel world.

[Cheryl]
I'm gonna give you

to the count of three.

[Julius] Wait!
I changed my mind.

Please, no, don't eat me!
Don't eat me!

No! Don't!

Two...

- [Julius] No, no!
- [Sierra] There!

- [panting]
- [Davey] Okay, great.

I'm gonna go eat this
in private, weirdly. Thank you so much.

Ah!

[Joyce] Stop!

Davey, Jonesie,
I tried explaining to them

that you two
can hear the oranges

'cause you're from
another universe and traveled here

through a portal
on one of these lockers,

but they won't believe me.
[groans]

Hi.

[Jonesie chuckles nervously]

I can't believe
that this is how we go out.

- It's so dumb.
- It's so dumb.

[voices whispering]

[both laughing nervously]

[Mr. Schneider] Stop.

[breathing heavily]

Davey and Jonesie
aren't telling the truth.

Oh, my God.
Can we not with these dramatic entrances?

They're kind of killing
the pacing, so...

I'm sorry,
what I mean is Davey and Jonesie

are indeed not from around here.

And, no, they haven't eaten
any oranges.

[grunts]

Hey, maybe take
the pacing note, dude.

But the point is
that they did something,

because sometimes
a man has to stand up

and do something,

even if it's inconvenient
or uncomfortable,

or involves a grown man talking
to a pile of loose fruit.

Wow. What a brave
little speech, Stephen.

Too bad selflessness
has never been your strong suit.

[breathing heavily]

[chuffing]

Do you guys, like,
know each other well,

- or is that--?
- Never mind that.

- Okay.
- Mind this.

For justice!

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Uh, for justice!

♪ Rip me up and start again ♪

♪ Rip me up and start again ♪

♪ Rip me up and start again ♪

[voices shouting and cheering]

♪ Rip me up and start again ♪

Ah!

- [screaming]
- [orange shouting]

[Emile]
Let go of my ears!

[grunting]

[Mark] Hey, guys, what--
What did I miss?

[voices screaming]

[high-pitched yelping]

[screaming]

Hi. I'm Joyce.

The portal's online.

- Go.
- We can't go without you.

You'll get sent
to G.R.A.N.D.M.A's.

I did the right thing.

I can live
with the consequences.

If I learned one thing
from you guys today is that--

Ah!

I knew you were the mastermind
behind the portal.

- Schneider!
- Give me that!

[Davey] Schneider!

- [Julius] Let's do this.
- You sure?

[Julius] I'm ready,

or my name isn't Julius.

- Orange Jul--
- Hey, Cheryl!

[Julius] For freedom!

Gotcha!

[Mark] I'm dying!
I will never eat another orange!

[whistles]

Abbott need oranges!

[panting and grunting]

Ah!

Go.

You got this, Julius!

Good luck, Schneider.

[rock music playing]

[Julius laughing]

[Julius]
Oh, I got this, all right.

[cackling]

[bluesy harmonica playing]

Right, so this is better how?

[Julius] Silence!

Now, where were we?

Oh, yes, the food pyramid.

[laughs]

You're in Julius' world now.

[cackles]

[oranges laugh]

[Julius] Oh, yes.

Oh, yeah.

[laughing]

[upbeat pop music playing]

[pop music slows down]

[upbeat rock music playing]

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