Original subtitles

[both gasp]

- [air whooshes] - [locker door slams]

[both panting]

Oh!

[sighs]

Not to sound dramatic,

but running is literally a crime against humanity.

Agreed. Anyone who does it for fun needs a psych evaluation.

I wish we could just chill.

I know. Okay, obviously loving multiverse-hopping with you.

Likewise. No doubt.

And I am in no rush to go back to the mess

that we left back home.

But some parts of home

are starting to sound pretty good.

- Coffee. - Different outfits.

- My therapist Diane. - My therapist Diane!

The fact that we both have therapists named Diane.

[sighs]

Is that the Tree of Craving?

[Jonesie] The what?

The tree we made up when we were kids.

Remember?

That grows whatever food you want?

[Jonesie] Um...

Sashimi!

Yeah.

[sniffs] Oh!

Our old bikes!

[laughs] Aw!

[Jonesie] Strider?

Cirque du Horsé! Good boy!

Oh! Okay, wait.

Why is all of our old stuff here?

[female voice] Davendora.

Joneselot.

[ethereal chanting]

[sighs]

Dude, it can't be.

It is.

Jonesie, we are standing

in the make-believe fantasy world

that we made up when we were eight.

We're in Fantasmanaria!

- [chuckles] - Whoa.

[upbeat pop music playing]

[Jonesie] Davey?

Uh...

- You good? - Yes!

[gasps]

Cool!

Our old outfits!

This is wild. I haven't thought about Fantasmanaria in years.

Like, when was the last time we even played this?

I don't know.

Yeah, I think it was like summer before seventh grade,

and we were probably too old to be playing pretend.

[Jonesie] Okay, wait.

If this is a universe based on a world that we created,

what if Schneider's not here?

We didn't know back then.

Oh, I'm here.

- [laughs unenthusiastically] - [gasps] Right.

We made that blanket rule

that all adults are just loosely wizards.

- [Jonesie] Yep. - Well, I'm glad you find this

so amusing, because you're stuck here.

Ugh! Dramatic. Why?

Well, the science lab is kind of...

Oh.

- [owl hooting] - [Davey] Adorable.

But not ideal for doing futuristic science.

Exactly my point.

Do you know how to reboot a portal with eye of newt?

Because I sure don't.

Then how have you been talking to the other Schneiders?

I managed to hack a magic mirror.

It was very hard.

You can kiss my glass [bleep]!

- Love his energy. - Don't side with the mirror.

Unless you have some way of sourcing the materials I need,

you're stuck here for good.

[gasps]

- Plurp! - I'm sorry, what?

- Oh, my God! Okay, okay... - Yes, yes, yes! Okay.

If there's a problem and we can't solve it,

call in Plurp who shall resolve it.

Plurp to meet you, Mr. Schneider.

[shrieks]

- [giggles] - What the hell?

[Davey] Hi, Plurp.

- [Jonesie] Hey, buddy. - Hi, girls!

[Mr. Schneider] What is this thing?

- [Davey] It's Plurp! - [Jonesie] Whenever we would

make-believe ourselves into a corner, we'd use Plurp.

Gives you what you need to keep the story going.

Right. Whatever you need to keep the story going.

Well, first of all, that's very lazy writing.

Second of all, how is this thing

supposed to give me my tools to fix the portal?

In our defense, we thought this was hilarious

- when we were eight. - You thought what was hilarious?

I hear you got a problem, Mr. Schneider,

and it's really tough.

You're gonna love this.

- No! - How about I make you some,

plurp-plurp, modern science stuff?

- No! - [strains]

[popping sound]

Oh, dear God!

[Davey] Oh! Still hilarious.

- [laughs] - [Mr. Schneider] Oh!

[fanfare playing]

Davendora the Mage and Joneselot the Knight.

Harold the herald, a.k.a., Mark.

[Mark] You have been summoned by the prince

for an official quest.

Well, duty calls.

[Plurp] Yeah, you girls go do your quest,

and me and Schneider will figure out

how to fix that portal.

Okay. Bye, Plurp.

[Plurp] So, should we make

a little old list of what we need?

Plurp-plurp, notebook.

- [wet pop] - Ugh.

Whoo! Still got it.

We're gonna have so much fun.

[Plurp titters]

[Mark imitating fanfare]

Presenting...

the great heroes of Fantasmanaria.

Davendora and Joneselot.

[seductive jazzy music playing]

Wow, that is a real snapshot of your turn-ons at the time.

- [whispers] Yeah. - And apparently now.

[in normal voice] Accurate.

Davendora. Joneselot.

I was so pumped to hear of your guys' return.

For years, no one has seen nor heard from our legendary heroes.

But now that you have resurfaced,

Fantasmanaria is saved!

[all cheer and applaud]

Did you say "saved"? From what?

A great evil

has taken over our realm.

Not even I can defeat it,

and I can bench-press 15 pounds.

I thought that was a lot at the time.

- Okay. - This extremely mysterious evil

has not only harshed up our kingdom and ruined the vibes,

it's full-on stolen our life source:

the Book of Fantasmanaria.

[Jonesie] Someone stole the book we wrote

all our old Fantasmanaria stories in?

You know what? It'd actually be pretty cute

to see all the stuff we wrote back then.

[eerie music playing]

Davey, did you just remember something incredibly specific?

No!

No.

You must venture to the Underrealm

and retrieve the great and powerful book.

And only then can you defeat the Great Evil.

So, who do you think the Great Evil is?

Probably Snarlox the Ice Witch.

- Sierra. Yeah. - Oh, yeah.

Oy. Not our most nuanced portrayal of Wiccan culture.

But also, like, Sierra, ice witch.

- Ha-ha. - Yeah.

We did her good. Yup.

So all we have to do is sneak down to the Underrealm,

which I'm pretty sure is just the basement,

defeat Sierra with our usual panache,

get the book, and then we're good.

This is, like, the easiest world ever.

Wait...

Yeah, I was thinking,

what if we did the quest in full to avoid another anomaly?

Unless you think quests are stupid.

No. If you want to do it, yeah. We can do it. Yeah.

- Well, do you want to do it? - I'll do it if you do it.

- Okay. - Plus...

we've always been awesome, so I bet our childhood fantasies

have aged beautifully.

Mm-hmm. - [Mark] Toot-toot!

[train whistle blows]

- [laughs] - All aboard the Gumdrop Express.

Gumdrop Express to the first trial.

[Davey] Thank you, Mark, for picking us up.

Ooh, yep.

Okay.

[Davey grunts]

[chuckles nervously]

Yeah.

[train whistle blows]

[Plurp] Gosh, Mr. Schneider, I sure do hate to rush you,

but time's a-tickin',

so we should plurply get started.

Fine.

Commencing portal rebuild.

Motherboard?

Plurp-plurp motherboard!

- [Plurp strains] - [wet pop]

Careful, it's hot and plurpy.

[sighs]

Um, are you okay, Stephen?

[laughs]

Um...

Yeah. Heh-heh.

[upbeat medieval music playing]

[train whistle blows]

Thanks for riding the Gumdrop Express.

We hope you had fun and hope to see you soon.

[Jonesie] Just go, Mark.

What is that?

Joyce?

[Davey] Yeah, remember?

She came over in third grade once

and asked to play Fantasmanaria with us.

It was really... fun.

[Jonesie] And we made her be a door?

That's kind of rude.

Actually, we wanted her to be Irelina Stormwing,

Duchess of the Cloud Realm.

And then she asked to be a door.

Yeah. Very on-brand.

You may pass as long as you answer these questions nine.

What is one times ten?

- It's ten. - Mm-hmm.

[Davey] Yeah.

She would basically just ask us a bunch of math questions

until her mom came to pick her up,

which in retrospect, I think we were just doing

her Kumon homework for her, I don't know.

Nice one. I was way off.

But if you thought that was hard,

try this on for size.

What is...

two times ten?

Twenty.

- Awesome. - [Davey] Yeah.

Pretty sophisticated stuff right there, right?

We were incorporating math and making it fun and educational.

It's 30, Joyce! You just take the number you're multiplying,

you add a zero to the end of it.

Not that hard.

Hmm, cool.

- Is something bothering you? - No.

No. It is fine.

[Joyce] Um, we're gonna have to call a time-out.

- My pencil got stuck. - [Jonesie laughs]

Damn it, Joyce, can we please get through now?

Oh, you're in a rush. Okay. Come in.

[dramatic music playing]

[Mr. Schneider] It's typical.

I am the preeminent mind of my generation.

- Of any generation. - [Plurp] Oh, yeah.

And does anyone appreciate that?

- [Plurp] Not enough. - No.

I'm always just a pawn

in someone else's narrative.

[Plurp] Gotcha.

I've only ever used my genius

to help other people.

- Uh-huh. - What do they do? Reject me.

- Betray me. - [Plurp] Yeah.

Report my private,

but only mildly dangerous experiments

to a MOM ethics committee.

Is this about today, or...?

Here I am in a wizard's hat.

- [Plurp] Yeah. - Cleaning up

after two unhinged teenagers

so they can go through my portal.

- [Plurp] Oh, boy. - Oh, but it's fine.

No, who cares?

That's just what it means to be a Schneider.

Wow, sounds like you've got some major emotional baggage

to work through, Stephen.

Well, I guess we Schneiders

have been under a lot of stress lately.

Well, if you've got an issue...

- [Plurp strains] - [wet pop]

Grab a tissue.

[upbeat music playing]

You're welcome.

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah. Yup. Just getting my quest on.

Uh, taking the quest.

Waving my hands in the quest air and questing them around.

It's just that it didn't sound right.

Yup. Everything's good in the questerhood, so...

"Reserved for the guests of the hottest event

in Emillion years."

- Welcome! - [both gap]

Welcome, travelers, to the hottest social event

of the seventh grade.

- [giggles] - [Davey] Right.

This must be when Emile

was pre-planning his bar mitzvah,

"Emile in Wonderland.

Through the Looking Glass of Boyhood to Manhood."

Good name. Gotta give it to him.

[Jonesie] Really played the long game on that one.

- [both scream] - Ah, ah, ah.

I didn't say you were invited.

Okay.

Now, the key to a good par-tay is a good guest list.

And to snag an invite to this soirée, I need to be...

- Ah! - Dazzled!

- Emile! - Why?

Now, to prove you've got what I'm looking for,

I need to see something so snatched and so fire

it'll leave me shook.

Ugh.

- Firmly written in 2018. - [Davey] Uh-huh.

[Emile] I need to see...

[dramatic music playing]

...the routine.

- Oh, God. - What routine?

Our old handshake. You don't remember?

It was really complicated, so we had to switch it

to the understated elegance of the no-look high five.

- With me that you did this? - Yup.

[yawns] Okay.

The biggest faux pas any guest can commit is boring me.

You have ten seconds to remember your routine

before you get bounced off the premises.

Ten, nine...

- Don't make me do this alone. - Just start,

then maybe it'll jog my memory.

[Davey] I don't want to do it alone!

- I don't remember... - ...four, three...

- Yes, you can. - Fine. Okay.

...one.

D to the A to the V-E-Y.

She ain't got no alibi.

Louder! [chuckles]

J to the ONE to the can't you SIE?

Jonesie, Jonesie, is who she be.

Do the dance! Do the dance!

So pay a fee and take a knee

as we drop this dope-ass poetry!

R-R-R-R-Remix, remix.

[stammering]

We're two girls who are number one.

Each of us come second to none.

We're the innest, the realest, the baddest around.

Two best friends gonna rock this town.

So if you want to join our crew,

take a number and join the queue!

Whoo!

[exhales]

- [cackles] - [both gasp]

Bravo! Bravo!

Now, try an Emile-tini.

It's Red Bull with Pop Rocks on the rim.

[giggles] Oh, transport's ready for your next challenge.

And don't forget your goody bags on your way out.

Dude, that was amazing.

I can't believe you remembered all of that.

- I can't believe you forgot. - What...

- Are you mad at me? - No.

Jeez.

Awkward.

You know, I'm a giver.

You know, that's the problem.

I've always been someone who gives.

- Needle-nose pliers? - Plurp. Plurp.

- Needle-nose pliers. - [wet pop]

Okay...

You know, I'm getting kinda tired.

And people see that,

and they just take advantage of it.

and that's the way it always was at MOM,

having my intelligence constantly taken advantage of.

Yup, I can relate.

And did I ever get any credit for it?

Did Stephen ever get a moment in the sun?

- Probably not. - You're darn right, I didn't.

You know, Plurp, you and I are two sides of the same coin.

You know, we just give and we give and we give--

- Hacksaw? - Oh, yeah, yeah.

You know, Stephen, I usually I only make

one or two things at a time,

and I've got this heart condition,

so I really shouldn't...

- One hacksaw coming up. - Anyway, we give and we give

- and we give and we give... - Plurp-plurp, hacksaw!

And what do we have to show for it?

- We deserve so much more. - [wet pop]

You know?

Speaking of which, maybe we could take a little old break.

Or at least, uh, change the subject.

Oh. Absolutely. Yeah.

Enough about me.

Let's get into my father.

Now, there is a man with zero self-awareness.

[dramatic music swells]

[funky surf music playing]

Well, at least we got to ride the Gumdrop Express again.

Right?

[train whistle blows]

[Mark] Last stop: final trial, Great Evil,

and the Book of Fantasmanaria.

Wait, are we at the end of the quest?

[creature hisses]

[low demonic chuckle]

When you're done dramatically remembering something

that you refuse to tell me about,

can we get this over with, please?

Well, we should probably go see Schneider.

We haven't seen him in a while.

Maybe we should see what's up.

What about causing an anomaly?

I miss being chased by Cheryl, because it was great cardio.

Okay, as much as I love this whole Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing,

I'm just gonna get the book myself.

Wait, Jonesie...

Jonesie, wait.

Crap, crap, crap, crap!

[train whistle blows]

- [thud] - [train motor hisses]

[panting]

Whoa.

- Is that Sierra? - [Jonesie] Yes.

[Davey] Was Snarlox the Ice Witch always stabbed?

[Jonesie] No.

I just want you to know this is really messed up,

and I'm telling.

[gasps]

[Jonesie] I don't get it.

If Snarlox isn't the great evil,

then what is?

Oh, no.

[Jonesie] Is that a bubble tea straw?

Okay, we gotta get out of here now!

Hold up. The book.

[Jonesie laughs]

[breathing heavily]

[Jonesie] Look, it's Mark's train!

[gasps] And Plurp! Cute.

[Davey whimpering]

[wind gusting]

[Jonesie] What's that?

Nothing. It's nothing. We should really--

We should really go, okay?

- [creature snarling] - Oh!

[Davey whimpering softly]

Okay, um...

do you remember the summer going into seventh grade

when we were supposed to go back to drama camp?

But then my grandma gave my entire family mono,

so then you decided to go to computer camp instead?

Kind of.

And then, uh...

you made friends with another girl

and kept sending me postcards all summer

about how much fun you two were having.

And then, when you got back, you two kept hanging out,

and all she wanted to do was go get bubble tea at the mall.

And you didn't want to play Fantasmanaria anymore.

Dude, that was like two weeks of one summer.

I barely even remember her.

Yeah, exactly. That makes sense in retrospect.

Especially since she moved back to Seattle

and we literally never talked about her again.

But at the time, okay, I may have colorfully expressed

some feelings into the Book of Fantasmanaria,

and I regretted it.

I regretted it right away, and I scratched it out.

But I'm sorry, okay?

Jonesie, I swear I didn't know this was gonna happen.

What was going to happen?

[girl snarls and roars]

[dramatic music]

- Oh, my God. Is that--? - Emily S.

- [sipping through straw] - The bubble tea-drinking girl

from computer camp.

[roars]

Ah!

The table! Table!

Are you serious?

Did you know that she was the great evil this whole time?

Is that why you wanted to do the quest, to stall?

No! I just didn't want you to see the book, okay?

And it didn't know that my tween angsty drama

was gonna come to life in this specific of a way.

[Emily roars]

Time for your makeover, girl!

[slurps]

[both] Whoa!

I was really fixated on the bubble tea thing.

And the hat.

Ugh!

I'm sorry, okay?

[snarling]

[screams]

[roars]

[Plurp sighs]

Plurp, my man.

- This is it. - [high-pitched mechanical whine]

Portal's back online.

And in a way, so am I.

Thanks, in part, to you.

Ah, great, cool.

What would a celebration be without a little toast?

You've got to be kidding me.

Garçon, a bottle of the 1995 Dom Pérignon,

and two glass flutes.

- [Plurp] Glass flutes? - You know what, Stephen?

Live a little.

Let's make them crystal, shall we?

- [Plurp] Crystal flutes? - And... Plurp?

You okay? What's wrong?

[Plurp] What's wrong? What's wrong?

What's wrong?

You are what's wrong!

[Plurp shrieks]

[snarling]

[both whimpering]

Come out, come out wherever you are, Jonesie.

I wanna make you look gorge.

Davey, what was in that book?

What do you mean? It was this.

I know you. You wrote something else.

It's makeover o'clock, babe.

What makeover?

When Emily S catches you...

she's gonna turn you into a sheep.

- What? - [roars]

- A sheep? I can't believe you! - I didn't think. I'm sorry.

What do you think, that Emily S had some coolness spell on me

and I was too much of a sheep to even realize it?

[snarls]

[Davey] It's not about Emily S, okay?

It's obviously about us.

I could tell that you weren't into Fantasmanaria anymore

because it was too babyish

and you were all mature all of a sudden.

And I freaked out because I felt like you were leaving me behind.

- But I didn't! - But what if you do, Jonesie?

[crying softly] Look at today. You don't even remember it,

and we've been playing this for years.

What if this thing that I thought defined our friendship

means, like, nothing to you?

[roars]

Baa-baa, babe.

[Jonesie screams]

[Emily growls]

[shrieks]

♪ Two best friends ♪

♪ With the magical dream ♪

♪ To be the best adventurers ♪

♪ The world's ever seen ♪

Ah! No!

♪ Going on quests ♪

♪ And saving the day ♪

Oh, no!

♪ And also solving crimes ♪

♪ If they feel like ♪

Fantasmanaria anthem.

It's so cringe.

Just because my memory sucks doesn't mean

that Fantasmanaria didn't mean anything to me.

[roars]

♪ So take a trip, I dare ya ♪

♪ To the world Of Fantasmanaria ♪

♪ Everything cool and fair Yeah ♪

♪ Lives in Fantasmanaria ♪

♪ Fantasmanaria ♪

[croaks]

[scoffs]

Um, okay.

That was, like, cute or [smirks] whatever,

but I'm more, like, here maturity-wise,

so bye.

Oh, my God, that's so embarrassing.

Well... [stammers]

Rude! And...

Because manners are actually mature.

Yeah, so she always sucked anyways.

- [door slams] - [clears throat]

[female voice] Davendora and Joneselot

resolved their differences.

Peace was restored to the realm of Fantasmanaria.

But more importantly, between these two friends.

[Jonesie] "The end."

- [explosion] - [rumbling]

[loud thud]

Oh, come on!

Right, because if the story we wrote

generates life in this world...

We should have not written "the end."

And the girls are back to running.

[explosion]

[Plurp] Seriously, I asked if you wanted to talk,

and within seconds you sucked up all the air in the room.

Would it kill you to show some gratitude, man?

Plurp, I didn't mean to--

You think everyone is out to get you,

but you have no concept

of how your behavior is affecting them!

Do you know what it takes to plurp out something

three times the size of your own body?

I thought you liked it!

You should stop expecting everyone else to change

and start looking inward!

Because you are nothing

but an oblivious, self-centered,

gaping vortex of need!

And now I'm having a heart attack!

- What? - [wet explosion]

[coughs and spits]

[gasps]

[shrieks]

No! No!

[Mr. Schneider sobbing and wailing]

What the hell did you do to Plurp?

We leave you alone for one B-story

- and this is what happens? - What did I do?

You didn't tell me he wasn't intended for long-term use!

Well, yes, because we obviously assumed

that you would just ask him for a working portal device

and not use them until he literally exploded!

Oh, what have I done?

[sobbing]

Oh, no!

- Oh, boy. - Hmm.

Okay.

Uh, is the portal online, or--

Yeah.

Well, um, hey, best of luck with all--

With all this stuff, okay?

I think maybe I do need to look inward.

Well, never mind that.

[crying] Baby, come on!

[shrieks]

[both whimpering]

Run!

Totally our bad!

- Sorry! - Sorry! Sorry!

[both panting]

Should we talk about how we just destroyed an entire universe?

Well, we also created it, so I think it nets out.

♪ Will you tell me ♪

♪ That you love me? ♪

♪ That I know you'll never ♪

♪ Know you'll never say ♪

♪ You'll never, never, never Sing forever, never, never ♪

♪ If you know you're gonna Tear me apart ♪

♪ And never, never, never Sing forever, never, never ♪

♪ If you think you're gonna Break my heart ♪

♪ Break my heart ♪

♪ So never, never, never Sing forever, never, never ♪

♪ If you think you're gonna Break my heart ♪

♪ Break my heart ♪

[upbeat music playing]

[laughter]

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