Original subtitles

[suspenseful music playing]

- It's coming! - We're almost there.

- We're not gonna make it! - Yes, we are!

[Davey] Jump!

[both scream]

[train horn blares]

- [bluegrass music playing] - Whoo-hoo!

Hop aboard, partner. You can be the caboose.

[laughs]

[both screaming]

She is obsessed with us!

I know! It's like, get a dog or something.

Okay, whatever the deal with this world is,

we just have to lay low and blend in, okay?

- No anomalies. - One thousand percent.

I mean, it was way too close last time.

[indistinct chattering]

It's them.

- More running? - Charge!

[all yelling]

[Jonesie] Why are people always chasing us?

[angry shouting]

[Emile] There you are.

[panting] Emile, can you help us?

[Emile] I've got you. Come with me.

Okay, no time for a wardrobe change.

Game faces. You'll be fine.

[camera shutters click]

[reporters scrumming]

[overlapping shouting]

[camera shutters clicking]

[feedback squeals]

[laughs nervously]

Are you ready?

[cheers and applause]

Ladies and gentlemen...

Lady Thunder and the Lightning Kid!

- [crowd cheering] - [heavy rock music playing]

Today, at fifth period,

our two toughest fighters go head-to-head.

[Jonesie] Gym class isn't for the weak!

I've trained my body to be a weapon of mass destruction.

[grunts and growls]

Dark.

Cool, but dark.

[Davey] To survive in the Hunger Dome,

you have to be ruthless, fast,

and more than anything, hungry!

[growls]

Are my teeth filed?

Prepare to be eaten for breakfast, Lightning Kid.

Literally.

[Jonesie] Look out, Lady Thunder,

'cause you're about to get struck by lightning...

to death!

[Emile] The ultimate grudge match.

Today, at fifth period. Don't miss it.

Some restrictions apply. No refunds.

Death not guaranteed by organizers.

[all cheer]

Let's open the floor to any questions.

You there, in the front?

Rip It Times, online edition.

Lightning Kid, you recently claimed

that you'd kick Lady Thunder's face directly into the sun.

Can you elaborate?

[cameras snapping]

Um... yeah--

Oh-Oh, brother, I-I'm--

I'm gonna get you... brother.

And-And-And then I'm gonna rip you, brother.

And-And-And then I'm gonna get you, brother.

Yup, yup, and I'm--

I'm gonna rip you and chew you up.

And then I'm gonna rip you again.

That's what I'm gonna do, brother.

Um... okay.

[reporter] That's good. That's really good.

Lady Thunder, your... your rebuttal?

- It's my turn? - Yup, it's your turn.

Now it's my turn.

[microphone feedback squeals]

Oh, brother!

Thank you so much for that wonderful intro--

For that wonderful introduction, brother.

And I'm gonna, that's right, cut you up in little pieces

and serve you on a nice plate

and eat it for dinner.

I am doing Hulk Hogan. What are you doing?

I barely know who that is. I'm also doing Hulk Hogan!

- Okay. Awesome. - Mm-hmm. I'll see you there.

You're going down, brother!

You're going-- Also going down, brother!

[Jonesie] I'm gonna punch you in the tummy, brother!

No, brother. Don't to that, brother.

Well, I must, because I-I hate you, brother.

- Oh, brother, please don't. - Oh, brother.

- Brother... - [feedback squeals]

[camera shutters clicking]

suspenseful music playing]

Okay, that's the fastest anomaly we've ever caused.

Vice Principal Mason, what are you doing in the Below-Lands?

It's not safe.

I'm fine. Run along.

With respect, I cannot.

I'll escort you to the faculty lounge

and find you more appropriate attire.

[Emile] That's enough questions for today.

But they'll be refreshed and ready

for their big fifth period grudge match, where...

[all] Only one survives!

Only one survives! Only one survives!

- Maybe two survive! - [laughs] Only one survives.

[reporters murmuring indistinctly]

[camera shutters clicking]

Um, hey. Hey, bestie. Quick Q.

How tied are we to having that-- That grudge match today?

Yeah, maybe we, like, reschedule.

- Like, a later date? - Like a Wednesday.

Postpone the fight of the century

when students and faculty alike cry out for blood?

[chuckles] Absolutely not.

Okay, um, could you just point us in the direction

- of Mr. Schneider? - The Homeworker?

Obviously he is in the faculty lounge.

We could just pop in and then say hi--

Students in the faculty lounge. Are you concussed?

- Yes. No. Yes. - Yes. No. Yes.

Maybe we do need to cancel the fight after all.

- [both] Yes, yes. - [laughs evilly]

Just kidding.

The more concussed, the better.

[classical music playing]

[indistinct chattering]

Welcome back to the high seat of the faculty, Miss Mason.

Please do not enter the Below-Lands again

unless escorted by a hall monitor.

For your own protection.

[chuckles]

[glass shatters]

Um...

Hello, Stephen.

Oh, Cheryl.

W-What are you doing here?

Can it!

You and I both know the Davey and Jonesie

who gave that press conference

are not the Davey and Jonesie from this world.

Whyever would you say that?

- ...down, brother! - Brother, you ever see--

Hey, you ever see this thing? It's going right in your face!

Oh, that. That's-- That's smack talk.

"Oh, brother, bring me another petit four

- or I'll give you a slap." - [glass shatters]

Yeah.

I know you built the portal.

And I know you're helping those girls.

And as soon as I can prove that,

I'm gonna finish what I started years ago

and make sure every single version of you

is burbling away at the bottom of a tank.

Careful what you say, Cheryl.

Huh? That's gonna cause an anomaly,

and I'd hate for you to lose face

with your precious superiors at MOM.

[hall monitor] Presenting the principal.

[fanfare playing]

[chuckles]

Hi. Hello.

Good guests.

[fanfare ends]

Vice Principal Mason, how good of you to join us.

Escort Vice Principal Mason to the VIP area.

She and I need to have a private chat.

Hi.

[sighs]

Why did they have to come to this world?

And on crab puff day.

[Jonesie] Psst!

- Hey. - You two.

- Get up here. - No, you come down here.

- We're not asking. Now! - Come on!

I cannot go up there.

If we can get up here, then you can.

I am under no circumstances going up there.

You know, I just got this lab coat pressed.

Oh, my God, a Schneider who cares more about his outfit

than an anomaly?

- Refreshing. - Dude, Cheryl's here.

Oh, I know... "brother."

We all saw the interview.

What are we supposed to do, okay?

We can't fight. We're best friends.

And we're wildly unathletic.

We have literally never been to gym class.

As far as the teacher knows, we've been on our periods

every single day for the past two years.

It is our longest con.

So you need to fix the portal now

so we don't have to fight.

Yes, well, I...

I'm afraid that's impossible

because your locker and my lab

are located within the Ride or Die Zone.

An area of the Below-Lands that's restricted to faculty

and ruled by a terrible motorcycle gang.

There are motorcycles?

They have one motorcycle.

But they're very good at sharing.

So...

- I guess that's that. - What do you mean "that's that?"

As in, "Oh, we die in the ring or get caught by Cheryl?"

You don't know what it's like here.

The students are wild.

The teachers have to be physically separated from them

for our own protection.

And we don't even really teach.

We sort of just watch as they rip each other apart,

and we drink champagne and grade them on it.

I suppose it's not ideal, but the food's pretty good

and I do love champagne.

Wow.

Being in this world has made you soft... er than usual.

It's gonna make you even softer than a sea cucumber

once Cheryl sees us not fight.

Fine, fine, fine! Fine!

She's onto you already. And me.

Okay.

Legend tells of a drifter down below called the Traveler.

Perhaps they can give me safe passage through the zone.

And what happens if you don't make it before fifth period

and we have to get in the ring?

You'll have to make it look like you're fighting.

Legend tells-- A separate legend.

tells of someone called the Lost Winner,

a former champ who can train you in the art of fake fighting.

They say she lurks in the shadows of the basement.

This world would rule if we weren't so completely screwed.

Okay, you go find the Traveler, go to your lab,

and we'll find the cool-sounding basement chick,

just in case you die instantly.

- What? - Break.

[all grunt]

- [Davey] Watch it. - I'm going this way.

[Jonesie] No, I'm going this way.

[ominous music playing]

Thank you for joining me in the VIP area.

[sighs]

Do you know why the faculty respect me,

Vice Principal Mason?

- No. - Fear. Exactly.

And because they know their place,

just like I know about your excursion to the Below-Lands.

And don't think I didn't see you hesitate when you bowed.

Whatever little coup you're planning,

it's not gonna work.

Better administrative faculty have tried,

and I always find a way to...

[snaps fingers]

...immobilize them.

Refreshment?

Is this poison?

[laughs]

Vice Principal Mason! So paranoid.

No.

But if it makes you feel better,

why don't we switch?

No. You drink from both.

Could we get two more, please?

These are warm.

Love your hat.

[playing funky pop music]

This is only a quarter portion.

I have a fight today.

Price has gone up.

Talk to me when you got a couple of A's.

- [hisses] - [snarls]

I'll bet you one A-minus in math...

and raise you a B in world history.

[door closes]

- [banging table] - [music stops]

What are you doing here, Homeworker?

Here to give us more homework?

[all laugh]

You can't.

[hisses]

[all hissing]

I'm here to see the one they call the Traveler.

[girl] Right behind you.

Sorry, I moved.

Hi.

I can get you through the Ride or Die Zone.

First you got to give me what I asked for.

Are you sure?

I can get you a couple of B's in physics.

Maybe an A in bio.

Bio is a soft science for people who can't do math.

Give me what I want.

Okay.

One, um...

bag of wet hair.

I can't imagine why you would want it.

It's for me to know and for you to find out.

Oh, I never want to find out.

Listen!

If you want to get through the zone,

you've got to do everything I say.

- Got it? - Yeah.

[spraying]

I like the taste.

[Davey] Hope these are the dumbest outfits we have to wear.

[Jonesie] Who's the former champ?

- Three, two, one. - [both] Alexis.

Because they're so cool in every single universe,

- unlike Sierra who's just so... - Sierra.

No, no. Sierra is here.

Hey, Sierra. That's a cool eye patch.

Yeah, we're actually just here

waiting for the long lost winners--

Ah!

And that's why you don't make assumptions.

So the school's greatest enemies

are secretly the greatest of friends.

Tale as old as time.

Yes, and actually, time is a factor,

so we don't need to delve into anyone's backstory.

- I had to fight my friend once. - Okay, awesome.

My best friend.

[Davey] You had a friend?

Sorry. That was rude. You had a friend?

We were picked to fight each other in the arena.

Two besties forced into the fray.

Only we fought for real.

I won.

But it didn't feel like it.

What happened to your friend?

Same as what happened to the others.

They were taken to the locker room,

never to be seen again.

Why didn't you guys just, like, fake fight

or choreograph something

so you would never actually have to fight, you know?

Isn't that your whole thing? Somebody told us that today.

Let's just get started, hey?

[rings bell]

[Sierra] The key to fake fighting

is embodying the lie.

Legs up, legs up, legs up!

You have to be the part.

Prepare for battle. Fists up.

Look the part.

Emile sent me in here

'cause there's supposed to be some sort of makeover.

Hi.

[Sierra] One!

[Abbott] You can call me

the Transformer because--

Because you make costumes

that transform warriors for battle?

Yeah, I got there.

Two!

Okay, Mr. Transformer.

What are we waiting for?

[Sierra] First, master, the art of circling.

- [rings bell] - Clockwise!

The longer you circle,

the more tension you build

and the less you fight.

- [rings bell] - Counterclockwise!

Counter-counterclockwise!

No, it's-it's the reverse.

[Abbott] Battle isn't just combat.

It's a story.

It's pageantry.

It's a dance.

Can we just get this over with?

- [Jonesie] Are you skipping? - A little bounce of the legs.

- Okay. - No, this is the move.

This is how-- This is what it looks like.

[Sierra] Next, to sell your fake fight,

you have to sell your fake pain.

- Attack! - [grunts]

- Ow. - No.

- [yells] - [screaming]

[Sierra] Don't forget to let them see you sweat.

Always let them see you cry.

- [bell rings] - Fight!

Ow! Davey!

- Oh, my God! - Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ah, gotcha!

Get it?

Lightning.

- Because you're the Lightning... - Dude. Yes.

It could not be more on the nose.

Thank you.

[Davey] It's perfect.

- I can't wait to wear it. - Right?

[spectators cheering]

You both look like champions--

- Idiots. - Thank you.

Oh, and I've built a little surprise

into each one of your suits.

It will reveal itself when the time is right.

Good luck.

I'm gonna barf. Are you gonna barf?

Where is Schneider? The fight is about to start.

You got this.

The art of circling and the power of your friendship

are all you need.

Yeah. And if anyone can fake doing one thing

in order to avoid doing another thing, it's us.

Let's go.

[dramatic music playing]

[spectators, chanting] Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!

Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!

Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!

Let the Schroödinger High Hunger Dome Games begin!

[all cheer]

[whispering] Seriously, where is Schneider?

[Mr. Schneider] Remind me again

why you're the one in the disguise?

[Joyce] Sleight of hand.

That doesn't answer my question.

Hey!

Not just anyone can walk into the Ride or Die Zone.

[Joyce] Don't worry, it's me.

Joyce.

Run, Schneider!

What? How was that the plan?

Looks like we've got ourselves a Homeworker.

- Hey. - Bring me...

the bike.

Schroödinger High, are you ready to meet your first two tributes?

[spectators cheer]

I bring you the Red Shirt Marauder!

[boos]

[cackles]

And now, make some noise for...

Boulder-Faced Jenkins!

[all cheer]

- Fight! - Okay, well,

maybe this will be a really long...

[buzzer sounds off]

...battle.

And now to the locker room...

forever.

[Mark] Please, please! No!

[spectators, chanting] Kill! Kill! Kill!

Let's see what the faculty has to say.

Oh, overall a B-minus.

Thank you, faculty.

Ooh, and dare I say,

you are looking absolutely stunning today

in the gallery.

Loving the hair, Debbie. It's giving cotton candy.

It's giving cloudy. I just want to eat you up.

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

And Vice Principal Mason,

you are looking absolutely impeccable in the gallery.

Good for you.

Okay, remember, just keep circling

as long as you can.

Right, because the more we circle,

- the less we have to fight. - Yeah.

And now, the fight

you've all been waiting for!

Lady Thunder and the Lightning Kid.

Both cunning, dangerous, power-hungry women.

Sound familiar, Vice Principal Mason?

Oh, don't roll your eyes at me.

You really think you have what it takes to be the principal?

I'll have you know that controlling the games

requires a masterful set of skills that only I possess.

Now, to choose the arena.

[inhales sharply]

Which one shall I choose?

Maybe I'll choose...

Oh, for the love of--

Did you all see that?

[electric humming]

Why is the arena making that sound?

This has never happened before.

Principal chose the hardest arena.

[spectators] Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

[dramatic music playing]

How are we supposed to circle on a balance beam?

- [Snake] Get him! - [all chattering and laughing]

Hey, hey. It's my turn.

Get off.

- Ah! - [all laugh]

[boy] Ready? Three, two, one, get him!

[yelling]

- Is that the bag of wet hair? - Yes of course.

Sleight of hand.

The lab.

Who's ready for blood?

[all, chanting] Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!

[laughing evilly] Let's raise a fist

for the ravenous, the dangerous,

the bloodthirsty...

Lady Thunder!

- That's you. That one. - That's me.

[all, chanting] Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

[Davey] How are you?

And the wily, the strategic,

the Davey-hating...

Lightning Kid!

[spectators] Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill!

[Jonesie] You suck.

Are you ready?

- Are you ready? - [all cheer]

Three, two...

one.

[giggles]

Fight!

[all] Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!

Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!

Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!

[rock music playing]

Okay. Yeah.

[rock music playing continuous]

[rock music playing faintly over TV]

Meow.

Meow!

What now?

One foot. And stand. We gotta stand. We gotta stand.

Oh...

Oh, now they're both standing on the beam!

Look at that, folks!

Okay, come closer. Okay.

Hang on.

Yes.

What are they doing?

- Circle. Circle... - Circle, circle!

Now they're switching. Switching around.

- Double circle, double circle. - Back, back...

- [both whimpering] - Okay, okay...

Why are they spinning around like that?

This is why you don't choose the hardest one.

- [beeping] - Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Are we beeping?

Yes, this is the secret thing that Abbott said.

The surprise. Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Okay, it's gonna be good.

[rapid beeping]

[fizzling]

[rapid beeping]

Jesus.

[buzzer going off]

[indistinct murmuring]

[all boo]

[boy] You suck!

[booing continuous]

I think that's proof enough.

Stop right there, traitor.

Do you really think you can usurp my authority

and walk away unscathed?

You have any idea who you're dealing with?

Ooh.

[all gasp]

This has been a coup. I'm the principal now.

- Any questions? - [all] No.

[laughs] Ah, yes, I've done it.

Oh, it feels good to do science again.

The risks, the rewards.

The pure, unadulterated energy.

To hell with this half life of meaningless decadence.

I'm back, baby!

Hey, baby. Biker gang's also back.

Oh, no! We're doomed!

No, we're not. Here!

[all shouting]

Sleight of hand!

[all shouting]

[gangmember] Is that hair?

Sleight of hand.

[booing continuous]

Shall we do a classic "run for it?"

I think that might prove difficult.

[ominous music playing]

[Alexis] Stop!

♪ Dangerous ♪

Be chill.

Alexis?

[Sierra laughs]

Alexis is Sierra's friend?

Uh-huh.

How did you survive the locker room?

I talked the guard into letting me go.

Been living in the ceiling ever since.

- They are so cool. - So cool.

For years, the faculty has pitted student against student.

For what?

Paltry grades?

A B-plus in Algebra?

It's time we say...

no!

[both] No! No! No!

No! No! No! No!

No! It's not really catching on.

So you're saying we should stop fighting because...

friendship?

Yes!

Who will join me?

[boy] But we want blood.

Blood! Blood! Blood!

[all] Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!

Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!

[ominous music playing]

Hey! Hey, hey.

What if we embrace friendship

by taking out our bloodlust on the Homeworkers?

Starting with that one.

She's-- She's actually the principal now, so...

get her, kids.

[feedback squeals]

[all, chanting] Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!

Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!

[Emile] Give me her hat!

- Let's go. - Yeah. Worked out great.

[all] Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!

[shouting]

Is that Schneider?

Well, he clearly had his own personal story arc.

The portal, it's online. Go!

Is that wet hair?

Yes. Okay. Get it, Schneider!

You go, girl!

[yelling]

["Lite the Nite" by Chyld playing]

♪ Lite the nite ♪

[upbeat music playing]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0