Original subtitles

[liquid bubbling]

I know you'’re out there.

And now I know your names.

Davey and Jonesie.

Show yourselves.

[rock music playing]

[both whooping and laughing]

Okay, that universe was radical, dude, right?

Like... [coughs]

Surfer World really affected you.

Yeah, it did.

All right!

Hmm. Same as home.

My ukulele'’s missing!

Hmm, yep. Point for this world.

- Rude. - [Schneider] Girls!

[Davey] The main man with a portal scan.

Are you trying to get us caught?

[Jonesie] Hmm. Broken again, huh?

Why does that happen every time we go through,

and is it your fault?

It'’s not intended for repeated use, is why.

Plus, it'’s coded for my DNA,

so every time you push your weird DNA through,

it gets all thrown out of whack.

We have that effect on people.

And things.

Okay, so what'’s the deal with this world, huh?

Does everyone sneeze fire or have perfect pitch?

- N-No... - ♪ Like I do ♪

Stop it. Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it.

- Not here, okay? - [school bell rings]

All right, just meet me in my lab.

[Davey] Interesting.

Maybe this is a world where Schneider'’s really uptight

and lightly hates us.

Wait, but that-- Oh.

- Yeah. - Yeah, because that'’s--

- That'’s every single one. - That'’s right.

♪ But the world don'’t stop ♪

♪ Time is only gonna pass you by ♪

♪ Now you'’re in real life ♪

Okay, quickly, please.

- [door closes] - What is wrong with you two?

Talking about worlds out in the open?

You learned nothing about being multi-dimensional fugitives?

When you emerge from the portal,

you should come immediately to the lab,

where you can be debriefed on the rules of the universe

while the me of that world

begins the inevitable portal repair.

Okay, we get it. Blend in. Yeah, yeah.

- Let'’s go explore. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Explore?

What did you just say?

Do you think this is some kind of grand adventure?

- Yes, that'’s exactly what it is. - Yes, actually.

Those are the exact words that I would use.

- We'’re going through a portal. - [Schneider] No.

And it'’s this flippant attitude

that'’s putting us all in major danger.

- Great band name. - Oh, yeah. Add that to the list.

- Whoa, that'’s good. - This is what I'’m talking about.

This is why you'’re causing anomalies wherever you go.

How dare you!

What is an anomaly?

Excuse me?

You don'’t know what an anomaly is?

Okay, wow.

The multiverse is managed by a single organization

which exists in a super dimension

outside the bounds of the traditional multiverse,

also known as

the Management Organization of the Multiverse.

Otherwise known as M.O.M.

Nope. Don'’t.

Now, M.O.M. ensures that every universe

act according to its own set rules.

When someone leaves their world,

they are labeled as a delinquent.

So you two are delinquents.

Now, when a delinquent upsets the rules

of a given universe like, say, toppling a gem-based regime...

Mm, also known as winning.

...then that is called "causing an anomaly."

Now, when an anomaly is detected,

M.O.M. dispatches a Delinquent Acquisition Deputy,

also known as a D.A.D.

And if a D.A.D. catches you, that is very bad.

It'’s bad to be caught by a D.A.D. Any questions?

- Oh, yes. - Yes.

Okay, while you were talking, I was just thinking,

were the M.O.M. and D.A.D. acronyms an accident,

or did you mean for them to be that stupid?

- Davey? - Same question.

- Okay. - [Davey, laughing] Also,

why did you and your mom put a portal in our locker?

Trust me, M.O.M. has no idea I built the portal,

and if they did, they would be none too pleased.

You see, I used to work for M.O.M.

Oh, backstory alert.

Until we had a bit of a disagreement.

And, afraid of my genius,

they desynced me from being a multidimensional being

and forced a version of me

to be a lowly 10th grade science teacher

in every universe in existence.

Who is he talking to?

[Schneider] So I built the portal

to re-sync myself--

a feat that no one has ever accomplished, by the way--

to show them nothing can stand in the way

of true scientific exploration.

- Ew. - So are you gonna

answer our question, or is that--?

And then all the stupid stuff in your stupid locker

brought the portal to you,

and you two went through instead.

Yeah, and now we'’re on a dope adventure.

The dope adventure, that is not the goal.

The goal is to get you home.

Which we still have not exactly figured out how to do,

because no one can get in touch with Schneider 6689

from your home world.

So in the meantime, the rest of us Schneiders

are forced to send you from world to world

in this hideous game of hot potato

before you can cause any more anomalies,

prompting M.O.M. to send a D.A.D.,

which would put us all in--

[Jonesie] Let me guess, major danger?

- Yes. - [Jonesie] Yeah, we get it.

Can you just tell us what the deal is?

We will blend in. We promise.

[Schneider] Okay.

Fortunately, I think you'’ll find this universe

to be quite unchallenging.

It'’s exactly like your home world,

except music is strictly forbidden.

[both gasp]

- [sobbing] - Come on!

- Come on! Please! - [sobbing]

Okay, we done?

I don'’t understand what the big deal is.

All you have to do is not sing.

Music is our lifeblood, man, okay?

We, we'’re artistes.

[Davey] Yes.

Doesn'’t your soul ever cry out

to sing your one true heart'’s song?

What? No.

[Jonesie] Living in a world with no music?

You have lost your heart.

- Uh-huh. - Uh-huh.

Look, when I was sent to this world,

I had to forget about music

in order to avoid causing an anomaly.

It'’s not that... difficult.

It'’s...

- I mean... - [drawer opens]

[pensive music playing]

- [school bell rings] - Look,

what'’s important is, you just have to make it

through next class without causing an anomaly.

Think you can do that?

It goes against everything that we believe in,

but yes, we can obviously not sing.

- [door opens] - Yeah.

We got this.

A bus departs Philadelphia

at 40 miles per hour.

Now, if the wheels on the bus are going round and round...

- Yep? - Round and round?

[Kariya] Round and round.

If the wheels on the bus

are going round and round,

how long would it take to go all around the town?

[Davey] Don'’t sing, don'’t sing, don'’t sing.

[Jonesie] No music, no music, no music.

- [Kariya] Wah, wah, wah. - [rhythmic tapping]

Swish, swish, swish.

- Wah, wah, wah. - [rhythmic clicking]

- Wah, wah, wah. - [bristles scratching]

- [percussive thump] - Wah, wah, wah.

- Wah, wah, wah. - [grinding and thumping]

Swish, swish, swish,

all around the town.

Wah, wah, wah. Ha!

Wah, wah, wah.

[laughs]

Swish, swish, swish. Wah, wah, wah.

- [thumping and grinding] - Wah, wah.

[blows]

All around the town.

- Okay. - [inhaling deeply]

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

[both grunting rhythmically]

[scatting]

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- Okay. - [both laugh]

- [gasps] - Oh!

- Oh, I feel so much better. - [sighs]

Now we can make it through the next couple hours.

No problems, no anomalies,

and of course, no one the wiser, baby.

Shall we do one more for the road?

A-one, two, three, four!

[scatting]

[loud singing continuous]

[computer] Anomaly detected.

Bingo.

[Cheryl] I'’m coming for you, Davey and Jonesie.

And this time, I will not...

Hey, Cheryl. What the heck are you doing

sitting here alone in the dark, you big weirdo?

[claps]

Just closed my fourth case of the day.

Another toddler caused a rift

in the space-time continuum with one of these.

Ah! You know, I wish I could tell parents

that these things love to be particle accelerators,

but, uh...

[chuckles]

[sighs]

[sniffs] Mmm.

[slurps]

Mmm!

[slurps and gulps]

Mmm.

Hey, so how are you doing?

Are you still working on that case

with those two teen girls, or...?

Yes, but I'’ve detected another anomaly with their signature.

And once I apprehend them,

I will finally be rid of this hideous reassignment

to the juvenile department.

Oh, wait, this is the last case of your probation, right?

Man, no wonder you'’re so hopped up to get them.

I tell you what, though.

I'’m gonna miss having an office buddy down here.

But with your training, I think you'’re gonna get those girls

in no time, tiger!

[Andy laughs]

Oh, oh, oh, oh! Ugh!

Awkward alert. I hate to be this guy,

but I noticed you'’ve been beaming into the school

in your old Elite Squad duds.

[slurps]

Yeah, that'’s a no-no, unfortunately,

as I keep reminding you.

Mmm, you wouldn'’t want to go back

and cause an anomaly yourself, right?

It'’s annoying, but we'’ve got to blend in too.

Obviously, I know how to be discreet.

And this won'’t take long.

[Andy] Oh, yeah.

You'’ve been around the block, girl, I know that.

But you know what I was thinking, though?

Just since these girls have been giving you

such a weird runaround,

I took the liberty of coming up with a cover for you

to blend into the high school environment.

You'’re gonna to love it.

And before you say anything, you'’re welcome.

Oh, there she goes.

[Andy] So, what do you think?

What the hell is this?

Pretty cool, right?

Apparently, Schrodinger High

doesn'’t have a vice principal in any universe,

so I took the liberty of refitting your gear

with a mind mod that triggers when you beam in.

That way, in that universe,

everyone will think you'’ve always been there,

and forget about you when you leave.

Pretty nifters, hey? No need to thank me.

- [inhales sharply] - [plastic snaps]

[sighs]

[Davey] Okay, I am proud of us.

We had a problem, and then we found a solution.

And boom, everybody wins.

- Uh, especially us. - Especially us.

- Look, the sky'’s not falling. - No.

There'’s no D.A.D. to come out to get us.

- No. - There'’s literally nothing bad

- that could have-- - Davey! Jonesie!

I heard you...

doing the...

"muh-sic."

[imitating instrumental solos]

[rhythmic grunting]

[Jonesie] Okay, well, first off,

I'’m gonna assume that you were trying to say "music."

And second off, we don'’t know what you'’re talking about.

Yeah, I mean, that could have been any two voices of angels.

- Yeah. - Also, why do you care?

Because muh-sic is forbidden.

We didn'’t even do anything wrong, okay, rule tool?

[laughs]

Rules exist for a reason.

And as student body vice president,

it'’s my job to enforce them.

So if I catch you doing it again,

I'’ll be forced to report you.

[all] Hmm!

[Davey] I'’m so glad Sierra went back to being vice president,

because a vice ain'’t never did nothing!

Yeah, also, she'’s not gonna catch us

because we are done doing music.

That'’s right. All'’s well that ends well.

- Another one bites the dust. - Happily ever after.

Hasta la vis-- Who is that?

Have we seen her before?

[Schneider] We have to go. We have to go.

- No, no. Come on. - Who is that?

I don'’t think so.

Are you sure? She looks...

really familiar.

Nope, it'’s not someone I know.

You two!

[ominous music playing]

[Neighbors] Excuse me.

Are you...?

Vice Principal Mason, thank goodness.

Have I got a dark tongue twister for you.

The guidance counselor'’s got gout again.

I know, so I'’m gonna need your help today.

Hmm?

[Neighbors] Hi, girls.

Something wrong?

I'’m fine.

I'’m... the vice principal.

[Neighbors] You sure are.

I don'’t want you girls to worry. Miss Masterson'’s gonna be fine.

[softly] She'’s not going to be fine.

Took her whole her whole leg, toe to tooter.

So our school didn'’t have a vice principal, right?

- No. - And did you see Neighbors'’ eyes

do that thing when she looked at her?

- Yeah. - Almost like

she'’s some futuristic woman

specifically here in disguise

to come and get us.

Shall we go see how bad this probably is?

- Lead the way. - I will.

[Schneider] Slow and steady, Stephen.

A rushed job is just a race to last place.

- Schneider! - Ah!

And there goes the quantum processor.

- What? - Nothing major.

Um, we were just thinking about some fun stuff.

Casual stuff. Um, hypotheticals.

What would happen if a M.O.M. sent a D.A.D?

Like, what would they do? What would they look like?

Well, they would probably beam in under some absurd cover,

try to catch you causing an anomaly.

Then you'’d be detained, tried and sent to detention.

Detention. Not bad.

- [door closes] - But detention in this context

is something much different than...

Okay, you are used to.

Meh, they get it. I was very clear.

They understand the rules.

We all, uh...

understand the rules.

The rules are the rules.

[wistful piano music playing]

Okay, so there might be a D.A.D. here,

- but it'’s not actually that bad. - Yeah, detention.

We spend, like, half the year in detention.

Plus, Schneider said they actually have to catch us

causing an anomaly, which isn'’t gonna happen

because we'’ve sworn off music for the rest of the day.

And a vice...

Ain'’t never did nothing.

- So we good. - We'’re so good!

[both] Whoa!

[yells and gasps]

Oh, my God!

Emile, a pillowcase? Seriously?

You couldn'’t have just said,

"Hey, come to the basement, please"?

You psychopath.

[Davey] At least you got a pillowcase.

I got a disgusting backpack!

- Sorry. - Ah!

[Emile] We didn'’t know how else to smuggle you

- into our secret hideout. - Smells disgusting in there.

What do you have in there, Joyce, a compost?

We heard you doing muh-sic in the bathroom earlier.

Hmm.

[operatic singing]

Yeah, that whole anomaly thing

is really crystallizing for me right now.

Yeah, me too.

So, tell us about the muh-sic.

Okay, I cannot stress this enough.

It'’s pronounced "music,"

and you should probably just forget about that.

But how could we forget something that'’s so beautiful?

[laughs] Go on.

We wanted to show you our special place

where we all come to learn about...

mu...

sic.

Yes.

I don'’t know why that'’s so hard.

He'’s got something special, that one.

And until we heard you doing real...

music, we could only guess what it was

from these cave paintings we found.

- Hmm? - Cave paintings.

- Okay. Sure. - In the basement.

[Emile] Clearly, there was music in the ancient times,

but the adults now won'’t even talk about it.

We long to be unrestrained like our ancestors.

Yeah.

They look like they were having fun.

[Joyce] And we'’ve been gathering these mysterious relics.

We don'’t know what they are or what they do,

but we'’re certain they have something to do with muh-sic.

- Music. - Tomato, tomato.

Okay, well, that'’s a tape player.

It'’s an obsolete technology for playing music.

Yup, and this right here is a triangle.

And that right there is a kazoo.

And they'’re both musical instruments.

And you can actually blow into that one.

- B-B-Blow? - That'’s right.

[blows note]

Wow!

It'’s beautiful.

Yeah.

[blows]

[whispers] Whoa.

I love it.

Okay, well, this has been hilarious, but, um...

[blowing discordant notes]

Yeah, yeah, we actually have...

- That thing. - ...that thing we have to go to.

Wait.

You have to teach us

how to make music like you.

Davey, I'’ll die if I don'’t hear you

make those mouth sounds again.

[gasps]

Full disclosure, I'’m gonna have to immediately give in to that.

Yes, fully get it, but if we teach them how to make music,

like good music the way that we do it,

would probably cause an even bigger anomaly.

And increase our chances of being caught by that D.A.D. lady

who'’s already here and clearly onto us.

Plus, the portal'’s almost ready, so if we wait like 10 minutes,

we can just get away scot-free.

- On the other hand... - [sighs]

I mean, everyone deserves to sing their...

[both] ♪ True heart'’s song ♪

[all cheer]

But it has to be a secret.

[whispered cheers]

That'’s better. Thank you.

Let'’s go.

[rock music playing]

♪ It was down in Louisiana ♪

♪ Right there in New Orleans ♪

- Just... - ♪ Back there in the '’60s ♪

♪ Was a little teen queen ♪

♪ Fell then the lassie in love with a lad ♪

♪ Till it took him to vindicate the feelings she had ♪

♪ She pleaded as she promised every prayer she could ♪

♪ Till everybody whispered to her, "Lady B. Goode" ♪

What is this?

Your body is changing.

[no audio]

[Neighbors] Oh, girl, I am having a day.

It'’s official.

I'’m paying Dean alimony.

Can you believe that S.O.B.?

♪ Go, lady, go, go ♪

♪ Go, lady, go, go ♪

♪ Go, lady, go, go ♪

♪ Go, lady, go, go ♪

- ♪ Lady B. Goode ♪ - [yelling]

[Davey] Whoo! Whoo!

[laughs]

[Sierra] Ahem, Vice Principal Mason...

- [Cheryl] What? - ...I have some information

that you might want to know about Davey and Jonesie.

Earlier today, I heard them...

[whispers] ...singing music.

...is what they were singing, it was...

I'’ve-I'’ve never heard it before.

- Oh, my God. - I don'’t think they understand.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Davey] Lots of progress today.

[Abbott] See you guys later!

[Davey] See you tomorrow, okay?

Hey.

I know you'’ve caused an anomaly,

and the reason I know that is there is a D.A.D. here.

And not just any D.A.D., Cheryl.

You-- Why do you know nothing?

Dude, calm down.

We get detention so much, we keep snacks there.

It'’s no big deal.

No, this is not regular detention.

This is a detention dimension where, depending on your crimes,

you could be trapped for thousands of years

in the 10th grade.

- What? - Yeah. And you think that'’s bad?

I could be sent to G.R.A.N.D.M.A.'’s.

Okay, wait, your grandma is involved in this?

No, not my grandma. Gran--

G-R-A-N-D-M-A, a.k.a.,

Genetically Restructured

as a Nautically Diminished Molecular Abnormal.

A.k.a., turned into a sea cucumber.

A.k.a., an animal with no brain.

- Oh, my God. - Oh, no.

- Imagine me with no brain. - [Davey] Okay.

Why didn'’t you tell us this earlier?

We wouldn'’t have taught them music.

You taught them music?

It was our responsibility as people with souls.

[Davey] Yes, yes, okay?

Come on, Mr. S.

I mean, deep down, you must have a true heart'’s song

that reminds you of yourself,

that can pull you out of even your deepest, darkest moments.

[Cheryl, over PA] Davey and Jonesie,

please report to the vice principal'’s office.

Now.

Okay, you have to go now.

The portal'’s online. Let'’s go.

I was told to escort you to Miss Mason'’s office personally,

in my capacity as vice president.

[laughs] A vice ain'’t never did nothing.

Yeah, so of course, that'’s a totally normal thing

that would happen if this was a regular--

Yes, so I'’m just gonna tell them something real quick

that a teacher would say, so excuse us.

Don'’t admit to anything.

Cheryl cannot detain you, if she can'’t prove

you'’re not the Davey and Jonesie of this world.

And she can'’t risk revealing her true identity,

lest she cause an anomaly herself.

So just play dumb, okay?

- Is that an okay? - Yes!

I was acting dumb, that'’s what I was doing.

- It'’s very good. - And the Oscar goes to...

Thank you. Thank you so much. I was really digging deep there.

Okay. She'’s waiting. She'’s waiting.

- Right this way. - [Davey] Where are we off to?

- Lock me up, you know? - Show us the way.

[exhales]

Yep, I'’m sweating.

Davey, Jonesie,

I hear you'’ve been making music.

What'’s muh-sic?

[muttering]

Jingle bells.

Jingle bells.

Jingle all the...

[mouthing]

Well played.

[exhales]

Okay.

I feel like we got off on the wrong foot here.

[chuckles]

So if we could talk woman-to-woman,

that'’d be great.

Say we do know what you'’re talking about.

Say we don'’t.

Say we do.

Say we don'’t.

Say that we do.

If we do and if we did,

then you would understand

that we'’re just victims here, right?

I mean, we were fun-loving BFFs.

Mm! And we'’re just trying to follow our one true heart,

which, ah!

Girl boss. You get it.

[laughs]

She-E-O.

Yeah.

Okay, let'’s talk.

Woman-to-woman.

I used to work on an elite

Delinquent Acquisition task force.

I brought down the biggest criminals in the multiverse.

I wasn'’t just good at my job.

I was the best.

But after being betrayed by a former friend,

I was demoted and sent to the Juvenile Department to rot

until I closed 100,000 cases.

And you are my last case.

I do not believe in the power of friendship.

I do not care about your hearts.

All I care about is ending the nightmare

that my life has become.

So, cooperate with me now,

and I'’m willing to commute your sentence.

A short stint in detention, then you can return home

and I can return to where I belong.

Everyone'’s happy.

But stand in my way,

and I will destroy you.

And not just with detention.

I will recommend to M.O.M.

that your memories of each other be erased,

so that when you finally do go back to 6689,

your days of being a couple fun-loving BFFs will be over.

Permanently.

Holy [bleep].

Now she is good at explaining things.

[Schneider] Whoa, okay, clearly the juvenile department

has not mellowed her out at all.

I need to do something.

[whispering] Everybody on the floor!

No. No, I need a distraction.

[sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

[Davey] Doesn'’t your soul ever cry out

to sing your one true heart'’s song?

- [Joyce] This bites. - [Abbott] It'’s all our fault.

I can'’t believe our insatiable thirst for muh-sic

got Davey and Jonesie into trouble.

How do we help?

With more muh-sic.

[gasps]

I mean, music. What did I say?

Forget it.

Can'’t believe I'’m gonna say this,

but Davey and Jonesie were right.

Music does have the power

to pull you out of your darkest moments.

Davey and Jonesie need you to sing your true heart'’s song.

[gasps]

- [shrieks] - [all groan]

Okay, wait, whoa.

That'’s not registering as music,

so luckily I have a plan B.

Why don'’t you try my true heart'’s song?

Now you just push this button and play it over the PA system.

There'’s one in my lab, okay? Hurry.

Quickly now.

[Abbott] But sir,

what'’ll happen when everyone hears the music?

Will we get in trouble?

Oh, yes.

Almost definitely.

Sorry, I'’m famously bad at reassuring children,

so off you go.

Go!

[Cheryl] This is your last chance.

Confess now, and it'’ll be a slap on the wrist.

But drag this out, and I will make you regret it.

[Emile, over PA] This is for Davey and Jonesie.

We call it a true heart'’s song.

[voice scatting]

♪ I'’m the Scatman ♪

[dance music plays]

[man scatting]

Oh, God.

Well, it seems your friends'’ weird little stunt

had absolutely no payoff, except to prove your guilt.

So without further ado...

[growls]

- [roars] - [both scream]

- [snarls] - [shrieks]

- Is that a werewolf? - Is that Principal Neighbors?

[Neighbors snarling]

♪ Matter of fact ♪

♪ Let nothing hold you back ♪

♪ If the Scatman can do it, so can you ♪

[all scream]

[roars]

- [roaring] - [screams]

[shrieking]

[screaming]

Schneider!

Is music forbidden in this world

because it turns adults into werewolves?

Did you help our friends play this song

as a diversion to save us?

[Schneider groaning]

This is your one true heart'’s song?

- And if so, why? - [snarling]

But if you knew about the werewolves,

then why didn'’t you tell us?

[roars]

Just go!

I guess we'’ll go.

♪ Scatman ♪

[howls]

♪ I'’m the Scatman ♪

[werewolves howling]

[people screaming]

♪ If the Scatman can do it, so can you ♪

♪ I'’m the Scatman ♪

Oh! Hey, Cheryl.

How'’d it go?

Yikes. Did you catch them?

No.

But I will.

Hmm.

'’Cause I'’m not about to let

two teenagers

destroy everything I'’ve worked for.

♪ I'’m the Scatman ♪

They can'’t run forever.

And when their luck runs out,

I will be there.

[Andy] That'’s the spirit, girl.

Gluten-free snickerdoodle?

[man scatting]

♪ Yeah, I'’m the Scatman ♪

♪ I'’m the Scatman ♪

♪ I'’m the Scatman ♪

[rock music playing]

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