All language subtitles for Animal Control s02e03 Tortoises and Labradors.eng

[upbeat music]

[Shred] Our shift ends
in five minutes.

I think I'm gonna order
Pad Thai for dinner.

Don't do it, you'll jinx us.

You order food,
we'll get another call.

You're young and proud and think
that you can thwart fate, right?

But you can't.

Nah, I'm too hungry.

Complete my order
with spring rolls?

I'd be a fool not to.

Just wait. We're a mile away
from the precinct.

Send.

And the world didn't end.

[Dispatch] Truck 12
please respond.

A neighbor reported an
unattended barking dog.

12 Grove Place.

Ok, I'm really sorry--

Ah-ah-ah-ah let's just enjoy
this beautiful, horrible moment

of me being right.

[doorbell rings]

[Woman] Hey, guys.
Come on in.

[dance music playing]

It's a little late
for a children's party.

Oh, it is not that.
This is something else.

It's a furry party.

[barking]

Hey, can I help you?

Oh goodness, I certainly
hope not.

Are you the pony in charge?

Yeah.

We got a dog complaint.

Hey man, I just got here.

Uh, the one not in leather.

[barking]

Yeah, that's Dexter.

I had to put him outside,
he was humping everyone.

Yeah, I can see how that could
create a weird sexual energy.

Yeah.

Sir, please don't make me
put you in a crate.

Hey guys, he's gonna put me
in a crate!

[cheering]

[chanting]
Crate! Crate! Crate!

This is getting away from us.

Alright, here's what
we're gonna do.

Chipmunk.

[barking]

Sorry, squirrel by the window.

[continuous barking]

Can you move to another room?

[barking]

We did it. We solved
this problem.

This is why we get up
in the morning.

You're on duty.
Let's go.

[upbeat theme music]

?

?

Another gift from
your secret admirer?

Yeah, it's my third one
this month.

It's getting serious.
What is all that?

There's a card and then
there's a bunch of Hokey Pokey

and Jaffas and Pineapple Zobs.

Oh! And what is all that?

-Candy... from New Zealand.
-Oh.

It's a really lovely basket.

I know, right?
It's kind of exciting.

I mean, the gifts are generous
and specific

and it hasn't tipped over
into stalker territory...

That's a tough balance
for a creeper.

Unless it's a prank.

No, if it was a prank that candy
would be full of ketamine

and you'd fail a city drug test.

Like I don't have fresh
stranger urine in my car.

Officer Dudge approaching.

Greetings from your big brothers
at Precinct 2-3.

Templeton, how is it
that you're always here?

All the time.

Do you know where
your precinct is?

You didn't tell them?

I'm just gonna rip
the Band-Aid off.

Templeton needs someone
to ride with him today.

[All] No!

Oh no.

No, no, no, no.

Hey, a little compassion.

Half my precinct is off
with food poisoning, ok?

Yes, we had a little party
for Doug last night.

We had a raw bar, and it went
room temp on us.

Emily, how do they have
a budget for a raw bar?

I don't know that.
Um, so who's gonna do it?

Who's gonna ride with Templeton?

I can offer an extra
vacation day.

How about two? Two days.
Any takers?

I'll keep going--

Stop... I will be in the truck.

Ok.

Ok, somebody has to take
a bullet for this precinct

so you need to figure it out.

How about a rock, paper,
scissors tournament

but loser advances?

I like that.

I'm only throwing scissors.
Or am I?

-You throw scissors every time.
-Yeah, we know that, dude.

Every time.

Yeah, but will I again?

-We're saying you will.
-You will.

Ok, I'm gonna make this simple.

I need Victoria with me here
to do paperwork

so that means, Patel, you are
gonna ride with Templeton.

Thank you so much.

Wait, what? No!
That is so autocratic.

I appeal! I appeal!

I appeal oysters, I appeal
Templeton, all of this!

I did a day with Templeton once.

Three words:
Swedish death metal.

The only thing worse
than his personality

is his taste in music.

[Dispatch] Truck 12
please respond.

Report of a large tortoise
at a narcotics seizure.

Seattle PD requesting
assistance.

1214 Warburton Avenue.

Crap. That's my brother's
precinct.

You think he'll be there?

Oh, God hates me, so yes.

Which one is it, Paddy,
Sean, or Colin?

It's Patrick,
nobody calls him Paddy.

Except for our priest
and they don't speak

since the fist fight.

How's he doing
since the divorce?

Wait, do I know about that?
Should I not say anything?

You know what?
Just don't talk at all.

He's always looking for ways
to mock me

and your whole deal would prove
quite irresistible.

[Dispatch] Truck 12
please respond.

Truck 12 is on it
and a little giddy.

I finally get to meet
your family.

[death metal music playing]

[turns music off]

I can't. I just can't.

Gosh. This day's gonna be
a delight.

I can't believe they
stuck me with you.

Oh, so we're just saying
things out loud now?

'Cause I am not wild
about you, either.

I got beef.

From when they paired us
at the spring picnic.

Oh, is this about
the three-legged race?

That was a year ago!

Last place.
It was like dragging a corpse.

You gotta take shorter strides!
I kept telling you!

Hey, look at this guy.

He's walking a dog on the beach

right by the sign that says
"No walking dogs on the beach."

I think he's just looking out
at the ocean.

-You don't get it, do you?
-Mmm-mmm.

Give these sons of bitches
an inch, they take a mile.

What?

Excuse me, sir.

Did you not see the sign
right there?

Oh, we got one in the sand.
Let's roll!

I'm not rolling.

Sir, sir!
Excuse me, sir! Sir!

-Hey, I finished my reports.
-Hey.

There wasn't actually
much to do.

That's 'cause it was a ruse.

I thought we could spend the day
solving the mystery

of who your secret admirer is.

Oh, I love you!
Ok, first a confession.

I didn't actually finish
my reports.

That's fine.

Do you listen to Loose Railing,
the true crime podcast?

Because I'm obsessed.

Did the railing do it?

I'm not gonna spoil it for you,
but they did solve the crime

by going to the store
where the killer got

the deer rendering knife.

Oh god, that sounds gruesome.

It is the best.

Anyways, I thought to myself,
I wonder who sells

tasty little New Zealand
treats nearby.

Auckland Goodies in Spokane.

I did a lot of research
and I came up with,

yeah, the exact same thing.

Let's call.

This is what they call
an �ice cold call�.

[ringing]

Hi. Um, we received a delightful
basket of your native candies.

Oh- uh, and we were wondering

if you could tell us
who bought them.

He's saying he can't tell us.

But I just want to be able
to thank them. You understand.

What?

It's an unwritten condition
of the sale.

Policy of the store.

I'm so sorry, I'm actually--
I'm catching very little.

He's bound by the ethics-

-Ethic--
-Ethics.

Bound by the ethics
of his trade.

-Oh.
-He can't help us.

Thanks heaps for your help,
see ya.

Thank you.

That was a dead end.

No, 'cause dead ends are just
when you turn the car around.

Loose Railing Season 3
the car chase episode.

Sorry, can you understand me
when I talk?

What?

[laughs]

Here he is, boys.
Pack it up.

I said �boys� meaning everybody.
Don't get on my back, Cheryl.

How're you doing, Frank?

Not bad, yourself?

Good.

Colleen and I are sorting out
the custody stuff, but uh...

you still alone?

It depends.
Is Colleen looking?

Wow, Frank told me you guys
play for keeps.

I'm Shred, the partner.

What happened to Rick?

He's been gone
for like three years.

Have you not told him
about me?

Where's the turtle?

Or did Colleen run off
with him, too?

Oh, you've gotten real cocky
since your growth spurt.

What a majestic creature.

I wonder if he knows his owner
was just busted

for selling bricks of heroine.

He's a 100-year-old tortoise.
He's seen crazy stuff.

And they put him in front of
this TV

and that is way too much
screen time.

It's a Galapagos.
They're endangered.

Well then how'd he get here?

Transported by a child's wish?

No, Shred, he was smuggled here.

They're not allowed
in this country.

Ok, I don't know when
you're being serious sometimes.

How're we gonna get him
outta here?

He's like 300 pounds.
Should we get Paddy to help?

He was a UCLA rower.

You need to stop Googling
my family.

We don't need him.
Go get the straps.

[slow clap]

Seattle's finest, folks.

Somewhere in heaven mom is
embarrassed as hell for you.

That's good stuff.

You know it was your divorce
that killed her.

Keep it moving.

I wanna get out
on that sick burn.

I don't wanna freak
the tortoise out,

he's not used to high speeds.

[tortoise groans]

[Templeton] You didn't even get
out of the truck.

What the hell kind of partner
are you?

A temporary one?

The kind who's here
against his will?

Listen, are you hungry?
'Cause I could eat.

Maybe. There's a little spicy
chicken place up the street.

Katie's Hot Chicken?

You know it?

Know it? I'm the reason
there's a warning on the menu.

Huh. Let's go.

[death metal music plays]

[Shred] Come on, sir.
You can do it.

Sorry, he's taking his time.
He's very old.

We're all set up for him.

We just moved the Bengal
tiger cub.

What? You have a Bengal tiger?

Yep.

Those are also illegal to own.

But I don't have to point
that out to you

since we're both animal people.
Where'd you get him?

That I don't know.

Who here would know?

That I also don't know.

You're really setting the world
on fire, aren't you?

Look, I spend most of my days
trying not to get bit.

And here he is,
the guest of honor.

In his defense I would not be
rushing to move from a mansion

into a refuge.

I wanna send this to my mom.
What's the wifi password?

That I don't know, either.

That was weird, right?

That guy totally clammed up
when I started asking

about the tiger.

Who doesn't wanna
talk about tigers?

Tigers are awesome.

I don't know.

He just seemed a little
overwhelmed.

Plus, he's not in a great
place professionally.

Think about it.

Two illegal animals
in one morning?

Something's off.

Maybe we should go back there
and get some answers.

Do a little good cop,
dumb cop.

Ok. I love when you get all
excited about something

and start walking the edge,

but maybe just let
the real cops handle it?

No. The cops are useless.
They're probably in on it.

What, you mean like a Russian
nesting doll of corruption?

Exactly.

And it's our jobs

to find the tiny little criminal
babushka at the centre.

[Emily] There's been a
development. I've got something.

[Victoria] Whatcha got?

A clue. The note.

I don't know why I didn't go
there earlier.

Look at the cursive �t�.
There is a real flourish to it.

Oh, wow, yeah.
That is a fancy �t�.

It's almost erotic.

Who is this mystery man
or woman?

I don't know, but I think
we find out who writes

with a sexy �t�,
we find our admirer.

Which is why I have this.

A get well card.

Exactly.

We start our search
in the precinct,

get everybody to sign it.

Oh, yes.
That is so good.

Oh my gosh!

Ok, so um, who do we say
that it's for?

Maybe... uh, Rachel
in dispatch?

No, I think she's already
in remission.

Ah, dammit.

Yeah, I think we missed
our window, which is great.

-It's a good thing.
-Yeah, glad that she's better.

Let's keep thinking, though.

Victoria never lets me eat here.

She says my vinegar breath
stinks up the truck.

If your car doesn't stink
at the end of your shift

have you really done your job?

-[phone ringing]
-That's exactly right.

Hi honey.

I've gotta pick her up
from dance?

That's all the way across
town during rush hour.

[whispers] Busy.

No, no. I do not think it's easy
being on bed rest

and watching me do everything.
Literally.

No, baby I was just--
that was a joke.

Mmhmm. Yeah.

Just text me and I'll
pick up dinner.

Ok. Love you, bye.

Anything for you, my lady.

Sorry.

Oh, don't be sorry.

I'm actually kinda jealous
of what you have.

Oh yeah?
Which part exactly?

Ah, you know, going home
to someone. Kids.

Why don't you have a family?

Personal.
A little personal.

Sorry, I thought
we were bonding.

I thought I'd use this
as an opportunity

to find some actual humanity
in you,

but, you know, it's fine,
maybe there's nothing there.

I had a brutal divorce.

My wife cheated on me
with my cousin.

Now they have two kids who are
my first cousins once removed.

Sec- second cousins.

I don't know.
They're something.

Wow.

Are you kidding me right now?

Ma'am! Ma'am!

[Woman] Yeah?

Yeah, you can't run with
your dog on the beach.

Oh, yeah, no, I know, but
this is a medical service dog.

I need to see your license.

Sorry, I forgot it.

Oh, you did.
Uh, excuse me...

Uh, oh. Seriously?
Ok. Alright.

You're gonna go run?

You're not coming?

No, I'm not coming.

I just told you
about my divorce.

You can't play the divorce card!

I hear them every summer
at the lake house.

I'm haunted by the sounds
of my cousin's love making.

Ma'am! Ma'am!

Can you please... These boots
are not fun to run in, ma'am.

And how do we know
that it's not her?

She just tells me
everything she does.

Uh, Bettany, we need
your help.

[whispers] Anything.

We need you to go home sick.

We want everyone to sign
a get well card for you.

Ok, you got it.

That's it?
No follow up questions?

Oh, you want me to throw up
in a wastebasket or something

to sell it?

No. No...

It feels necessary.

-No, don't.
-Please don't. Please don't.

You can just go home.

Alright, I'm out.

Great.

Ok. See ya.

Hey. I talked to
the other precincts.

There have been seven illegal
animals confiscated

in the last three months.

An ocelot in Ballard, a Tonkin
monkey in Magnolia,

and a javelina at Rainier Beach.

We have stumbled
onto something big.

Also, I'm aware that the yarn
forms a pentagram

which I think is unintentional.
I think.

Ok. I love this.

But I do wonder if maybe
you're going a little crazy

based on not a lot of evidence.

I'll have the evidence once
I get the background checks

on the owners of these
addresses, which means

I have to ask my brother,
Patrick, for a favor.

In a perfect world I would
blackmail him for it

but we don't live in
a perfect world.

Patrick? A second chance
to make a first impression.

Hey, everyone.

Um, so Bettany had to go home
sick and we are getting everyone

in the office to sign this
get well card for her.

Shred?

Oh, yeah.

-She's ill.
-Oh, she is so...

-Seriously ill.
-Oh my gosh.

Yeah, no.

No? Sorry, is that not
how you spell Pedialite?

Frank?

Who's Bethany?

Bettany. The receptionist.

I hardly know her.
It'd be insincere.

It's not a legally binding
get well card, just sign it,

you crotchety loner.

Ok.

�Get well, besties for life.
Frank Shaw.�

No.

Oh, and for the record,

I had walking pneumonia
last year

and you guys didn't do crap.

Stop! Stop!

Ok, when we... when we
tell you...

There's a...
there's a sign!

We are... in uniform.

I ate so much chicken, man.

The license is back at my place.
What do you wanna do?

Do you wanna wait here
and I'll go get it?

We'll wait at Animal Control
Precinct 22.

And when you show me the license
you get the dog back.

You're kidding.

Oh, man, I don't feel good.

Ok. Come on.

Wait, what?

Hey, you can't
take my dog!

What?

I can't believe
you took her dog.

We have to send a message.

You can't just say your pet's
a service dog,

look at this ragamuffin.
That's no hero.

What happened to you?

[thud]

Hey, did you hear that?
Oh, are you ok?

I just got really lightheaded.

Um... what?

Look at this.
That's not normal.

That's better.

I'm a diabetic.
Usually my watch warns me.

Diabetic?

Hey. He's got a blanket, too.

What? Where did that even
come from?

This guy must be a medical
service dog.

Oh, you're in big trouble.

We. We're partners.

No, no, no. You.

I wanted to stay in the truck
and eat hot chicken.

What's up?

Dad, I didn't expect you
to be here.

It's Tony's. Cops get
30 percent off for life.

Want me to order
you something?

One of your cheeseburgers
without the cheese?

He's lactose intolerant.

I'm not intolerant, I just
don't like it melted.

A cheeseburger
without the cheese

is a hamburger, numb nuts.

This guy, always
with the special orders.

Hey, just shut it, you two.

I heard you collared
a perp turtle.

A grateful nation thanks you
for your service.

[laughing]

Holy crap.
It's Papa Bear.

I told you to wait
in the truck.

Who's this?

I'm Shred, sir.
The partner.

What happened to Rick?

Have you told no one
in your family about me?

Look, I need a favor.

Run a background check
for me and I promise

I'll be a character witness
at your next custody hearing.

Ok. I'm just gonna need
the full name of the kangaroo.

[laughing]

It's Stephen Peter Flaherty.

Don't!

Don't even.
Don't mention Father Flaherty.

Oh, well for me it was
the best confirmation ever.

Enough!

I'm trying to eat my frickin'
cheeseburger

and I got the knucklehead
choir going here.

Wow, it's like I'm at
your kitchen table.

Just run the names, Magnum.

You're not a cop anymore.

Stop acting like it.

Dad, how about you?
You still got some pull, right?

I can't do it.

Well, actually that's not true.
I won't do it.

Dad, I wanna thank you

for being a withholding
black hole of negativity.

-Patrick.
-Hmm?

Everybody knows you lost your
gun at a Starbucks last year.

[patrons gasp]

That's not true.
That's not true.

Not true!

You know what,
screw those guys.

I can bring this ring down
on my own.

All I need is some
surveillance equipment.

A drone, a ghillie suit
for the woods, pulse grenades,

C-4 explosives...

Yeah. Yep, totally.

Um, hey, but just
to circle back.

You may be seeing something
that's not there.

Oh, it's there.
My senses are sharpened.

[horn honks]

Oh, I blew a stop sign.
Oops.

Ok, yeah.

But um, I-- I have a theory
if you're interested.

Well, your last theory
was that all gum

was the same flavor so no.

Ok, well is it possible there
isn't some small part of you

that wants to prove to them
that you're a real Shaw.

A real cop. Like your cousin
Denny.

May he rest in peace.

I regret ever telling you
anything about my family,

and Denny did not go down
in a line of duty.

It was autoerotic asphyxiation.

[sighs]

I really thought the card thing
was gonna work.

This is just not cracking like
it does on Loose Railing.

I feel bummed.

Hmm.

Which is weird for me.

Like, am I looking for romance?
Or something special?

[fake vomits]

Are you?

I don't know! Am I?

I don't know.

I'm not ready to give up
just yet.

Ok.

Do you wanna get a drink
and brainstorm?

Definitely.

Um, actually I have a... I have
a little confession to make.

Oh God, it's not you, is it?

No.

No?

But...

"Oh god"? Really?

I'm so sorry.

No. I was gonna say I kinda
kept you here at the office

'cause I feel like we haven't
been hanging out as much.

Like, since Rick I just...

Awe.

That's so cute.
I love hanging out.

Are you giving up on whatever
weird little Frank project

you've got going on?

Yeah. As they say,
it was stupid.

Most things involving yarn
usually are.

What happened?

I got myself worked up
over nothing... again.

Like when I thought Shred
was in Nexium.

[giggles]

Whatever.
How's your get well card scam?

I should have figured that
you'd see right through that.

Which means I'm smart enough
to hide my real handwriting.

Oh, no...

Do you really think I would do
something as obvious

as send you New Zealand snacks?

I don't know.

I think I know you a little
better than that.

Ok. Creeper.

Creeper?

Time to face the music.

Oh God.

Or we could tie the dog up
and just leave a note.

Yes. That's more
courageous.

'Cause this is awkward
for her, too.

-Yes.
-Right?

I got a note here.

"Apologies, Officers Templeton
Dudge and Amit Patel." Here.

-No, don't put my name on it.
-It's already on it.

-Did you put my name on it?
-Let's go.

[rings doorbell]

Hurry up. Go, go!

Ooh, ooh, my hamstring,
my hamstring.

It's seized up!
It's seized up!

-Hey, I got you.
-Okay.

[Templeton] Put your foot
on my foot. Follow me.

Inside first.

[barking]

Now, go! I knew you had
another gear.

Where was this at the picnic?

Hey! Over here
in the shadows!

-Refuge guy?
-Damn.

Why are you hiding in the dark?

It's a great hiding spot.
Well, it was.

Anyway, there's a Komodo
dragon coming in.

When?

They don't tell me anything!
But you are onto something.

I'll sneak up on you later.

Dammit!

Thanks, refuge guy!

It's Terry, man!

I don't have much to go on.

That's more than enough
for me.

Oh, do you want a ride?

[Terry] No thanks, I Ubered.

This guy's gonna buy
all my laser discs

but he's gonna pay me
in-- in crypto.

Freeze!

I'm just kidding.

Uh, mind if I join you?

Who are you?

Classic.

It's Shred.

Shred?

Not Rick?

Not Rick.

Frank's got a birthday
coming up,

I'm thinking a little
karaoke-themed party,

so if you have a favorite song

I want to give you time to work
on your routines.

Frank's got a birthday
coming up?

Wait, you're asking me?

Wow. So much darker
than I realized.

Anyway, perfect world,

I see all four of us doing
a little YMCA, right?

Who's gonna be the cop?
Not me.

Everything else is on the table.

Yeah, um, hey, look.
You are a really nice kid.

Thank you.

So I'm gonna give you
10 seconds to get out.

-Nine.
-What?

Eight. Seven. Six.

We haven't decided yet
what we're doing.

You already know
what you're doing.

-Four.
-Go.

Three. Two. One.

-Paradise by the Dashboard
Light.

-What?
-You and me.

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