All language subtitles for bobs.burgers.s12e07.1080p.web.h264-ing

*BOB'S BURGERS*
Season 12 Episode 07

Episode Title:
"Loft in Bedslationo"

Aired on:
November 14, 2021.

Captioned by Media Access Group
at WGBH access.wgbh.org

Sync corrections by srjanapala

♪ Lookin' at ♪

♪ The receipts
from the restaurant ♪

♪ Keep 'em in a shoebox ♪

♪ 'Cause we're so organized ♪

♪ Accountants think
we're great. ♪

- Mm.
- What?

It's just we've sold so few
burgers of the day last month.

Well, last month was stupid.
What does it know?

I don't get it. I spend
all this time and energy

picking out fun ingredients
for the burgers of the day.

And last month,
we had some really good ones.

The Stilton of the Night burger.

The... If I Had
a Pumper-nickel Burger.

The Arugulas of Engagement
Burger. I mean, come on.

Yeah, they're all home runs
or grand slams

or whichever one
of those is better.

I guess people just like
what's familiar.

That's why I stick
with the two of you.

Hey, there's some
of my old photos

at the bottom of this box.

How'd they get there?

They're supposed to be in the..

"I'm gonna make an amazing
photo album someday" box.

And you're definitely
gonna make that photo album.

Look.
This is when I had braces. Ha.

Talk about heavy metal.

Ooh, awkward-phase Mommy.

- Braces in all the right places.
- Aw. Here's a picture

of the fort my dad built
in our backyard.

That looks like a great... fort.

Is this one of those
Back to the Future pictures

where the fort disappeared

because your mom fell in love
with you?

Well, my dad bought the wood,
and he started to build it,

- but he never actually finished it.
- Why not?

I think the game came on, then
he had to go to the bathroom,

then it was dinnertime,
and then it was winter.

I asked my mom if she could
help me build it, and she said

she and I weren't the kind
of people who build stuff.

That sounds like something awful
your mom would say.

That's not genetic, right?
I built a bear that one time.

Yeah. This might not go in
the amazing photo album drawer.

Maybe that's why
it was in the sad receipt box.

- Sorry, Bob. Great receipts.
- This one's great.

Somebody ordered extra cheese.
50 cents.

That's going
in the college fund.

Which one of us is going
to college? Not it.

Tina, we have to defuse
this bomb before it explodes.

Because that's what bombs do.

The bomb is too sensitive
for wire cutters.

We'll have to use our lips
to defuse it.

Both of us,
at the same time.

Well, we trained for this.

Yeah, we did. A lot.

- Mmm... Ah, ah.
- Ah. Ah.

Tina!

- What?
- It's my turn to use the desk.

So if you could just wrap it up
and wipe all your drool off,

that would be great.

But you already had your turn.
It's my turn.

Look, I'm sorry
we have to share a desk,

and I'm sorry I have a small
room that is actually a closet,

but I need an extra session

because this assignment
is a big deal.

It's Dinosaur Week, Tina.
Dinosaur Week!

I have to write an essay
about my favorite dinosaur,

I have to make a poster,
I have to write a letter

to my favorite dinosaur.
I am swamped.

I remember Dinosaur Week.
I did iguanodon.

My letter
to the dinosaur made Mom cry.

Yes, so, as you know,
if you don't participate

to the fullest extent,
you do not get donuts

at the end of the week, which
they call Dinosaur Donuts,

'cause they're so big, I bet.

No, they're just regular donuts.

Okay, well,
they're still donuts.

So, move.
Spinosaurus is a'calling.

I know your room is too small

for a desk, Louise,
but there are

lots of other flat surfaces

in the house
that you could use.

- Then go use one.
- Ugh. Fine.

Spinosaurus?
More like whine-o-saurus.

- What?
- Nothing.

I'd like to see them
try to resist the

I Bean Of Greenie Burger
with black bean parsley puree.

Yeah, only a real sicko
wouldn't order that.

People are probably
gonna want to take a selfie

with that burger
while smelling it.

- A smelfie.
- Thank you, Gene.

- Where's Louise?
- She's upstairs doing homework.

In my room, on my desk.

Louise is doing homework
on a Saturday?

Should I be worried?

It's Dinosaur Week,
which would be fine,

if we weren't a friggin'
one-desk house.

Sorry, sorry. Having three kids
was a great idea.

Wait a second.

I just figured out how we can
put a desk in Louise's room.

All we have to do
is loft her bed.

Lofter is the best medicine.

Yeah, when my cousin Ronnie
lived in New York,

he had this tiny
studio apartment,

and he lofted his bed,

and he put
a little love seat under there.

But, uh, didn't quite
work out for him.

It was more of a like seat.
Poor Ronnie.

Uh... I guess that might work.

Teddy could probably
build something like that

in a way that costs
very little money, hopefully.

I think
that's a great idea, Mom.

And I'm not just saying that
because I've got a bomb squad

that needs
to do tongue-building exercises.

- Hmm.
- I'm gonna go upstairs and tell Louise the good news.

Right now? Should we ask Teddy
what it will cost first?

Oh, you're already
going up there.

I'll go help Mom
make the sale to Louise.

I'm a good hype man.
Check this out.

What a great idea!

- That'll definitely do it.
- Thanks.

- Hello.
- Hi. Welcome to Bob's Burgers. - Hi.

Weird question. I was wondering
if you allowed gaming here?

Well, I play a game called
"Register Surprise,"

Where I hide cold French fries
in the register

for my parents to find.
They love it.

We don't.
Uh, what kind of gaming?

My friends and I play
this role-playing game

called Mages and Monsters,
and we kind of need a place

to do our campaign today
because the garage

we usually use
has a Jeep in it now.

Oh, Mages and Monsters.
I-I think I've heard of that.

You've heard of something?

I thought this would be
a good spot to play

because it's...
not so... busy all the time.

We don't like the hustle bustle.

Well, it's a pretty long game,
so we'll be here for a while,

and I promise we'll order lots
of food and drinks.

I'm the Game Master
so I'm kind of in charge today.

It's my first time, actually.

Sorry. I do that
when I get nervous.

When I go real fast,
it gets hot on my neck.

- I think I see smoke.
- My name's Shirley, by the way.

So, you can call me that.
Oh, my God.

I just really want this
to go well.

Say "yes" so she doesn't
drawstring her head off.

- Uh, sure. Why not?
- Oh, thank you so much.

- See you in a couple hours.
- Okay, see you later.

Hey, Dad, check the register.

- There might be a surprise. Hmm?
- Hmm.

And your bed's

gonna be going up here
so you can put

a little desk underneath,
and then

you two won't have
to share one anymore, and...

Oh, look at that. I just won
the Smartest Mom Award.

- In your face, other moms.
- What a great idea!

Yes, yes, yes!
I love it.

I'm almost angry at you
for not thinking of it sooner.

I can't believe I slept
like this for so long.

- What a great idea!
- Thank you, Tina, she's in.

Are we doing it today? It gets
built today, I'm strapped in

by tomorrow, I'm eating donuts
by the end of the week.

And I sleep in the clouds
like the gods!

Yeah, today. Why not?
Let's do it. I'll call Teddy.

Sorry, Linda. I'd love to help
you, but, uh, I'm in Canada.

You're in Canada? What the hell
are you doing in Canada?

My mom ordered a scooter
on Canadian eBay,

and we had to come pick it up.

We're driving it back down.

She loves that thing,
but she doesn't like to go fast.

What do you want me to do?!

Go around.
Elderly woman scooting.

Linda, I got to go.

Well, Teddy's in Canada.
He won't be able to help us.

No, Teddy! You get on a plane,
and you come home right now!

Yeah, Teddy.
Get your ass back here.

He hung up. He hung up.
Geez.

We were so close.

Okay, you know what? Louise,
you are getting that loft bed.

- Today. Because we don't need Teddy.
- We don't?

No, we don't.
Because I'm not my mom.

I raise kids that are the kind
of people who build things.

We're loft bed builders.

- Yeah!
- Okay, hands in.

Wait a minute.
What are we doing?

Hands in.
We're gonna build a loft bed

because we are strong,
capable people

who aren't gonna make
the mistakes

their mother-slash-father made

because I'm doing a really
good job parenting, on three.

One, two, three.

We're gonna build a loft bed...

We're gonna build
a bed because we're strong

and something
about Grandma and Grandpa,

and yay.

- And three!
- What a great idea.

So, we're building
the loft bed?

No, we're building a loft bed.

You have to work
in the restaurant.

It's funny. I was thinking

that you also have
to work in the restaurant.

Well, Gene can help you.

I'm a little juice box.

This is where the straw goes.

Hmm. I-I have a crazy idea.

We wait 'till next weekend.
Teddy builds the loft bed.

And this weekend,
we all work in the restaurant

so we can pay our rent.

Ugh. You and your rent.

I-I'm... I'm sorry
to be so hung up on it.

Dad, it is Dinosaur Week.

Do not get between me
and those donuts, old man.

She's been sleeping
near the floor like an idiot.

We need to get this kid lofted
and out of my room.

But Louise,
don't you need to work

on your dinosaur project,
like, today?

Hey, this is my new loft bed
we're talking about.

I'll work twice as hard tomorrow

if I can sleep twice
as high tonight.

- What?
- Bob, this is important.

It's something
I'm teaching our girls.

Okay, yes, I get it.
We'll be fine.

Uh-oh. Where'd the straw go?
Is it inside me?

I hate it when it gets lost
in the juice box!

Oh, there it is.

I can't believe how many videos
there were on the Internet

about how to build loft beds.

They'll teach you anything,
those Internets.

Do you think anyone
ever built a loft bed

and didn't made a video
about it?

I just hope
Kim and Sons Hardware

has a fireworks control panel.

I assume they do.

And some reasonable
water slide options.

It's gonna be amazing.

So you have no retinal scanners?

I mean, did you look? Do you
want to check in the back?

We do not have them.

Do these blueprints
mean nothing?

I worked really hard on them

in the five minutes
it took to drive here.

Louise, it's okay.
We'll do the basics this week,

and we can always add to it.

I'll help you
put up the barbed wire

if we figure out
where to get some.

Don't patronize me.

Hey, guys, uh,

not sure if you've had a chance

to look at the board over there,
but our burger of the day

is the I Bean of Greenie Burger.

It's really good.
Everyone says so.

Gene, can get you started
on drinks,

and we'll take your order
when you're ready.

- What are we thinking? Mai tais?
- We don't have those.

I'll have a cheeseburger
and fries.

- Me, too.
- Same for me, but no cheese.

Oh, okay, everyone's ordering
really quickly.

I-I feel like
you didn't really

let the burger of the day
sink in.

I-I can give you some time.
There's-there's no rush.

I'd love
to try the burger of the day.

Oh. That is...
There you go. Good.

Uh, Shirley's gonna try
the burger of the day.

Uh, any-anybody else?

No, just regular stupid burgers?
I'm just kidding.

- They're not stupid. They're gonna be good.
- Attaboy.

And... loft.
Ah, didn't work.

- I got the drill.
- We have a drill?

Yeah. Phyllis Driller. She's
old, but she's still working.

- It has a burning smell.
- Is it powered by coal?

Look, we have a saw, too.

- I call the drill.
- Oh, uh...

- Let's get loftin'!
- Yeah!

Okay. Oh, boy. Should we maybe

discuss safety?
Aah!

♪ Building a loft ♪

♪ Building a loft ♪

♪ Playin' a game ♪

♪ Makin' 'em kiss ♪

♪ Playin' a game ♪

♪ And we're building a loft. ♪

You notice a chest
in the corner.

The lid is carved
with goblin hieroglyphs.

Sounds like something from Etsy.

Do you attempt to open it?
I'll let you discuss.

It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be good.

Don't run away.
It's fine. It's all fine.

Wait, are you gonna run away?

No. No, no, no, no.
I don't think so. I'm fine.

I'm just a little nervous.
I'm trying something new.

I wanted to do something
exciting and a little different,

but they might not like it.

Exciting and a little different
is what I call my "hmm-hmm."

- BOB. Hmm.
- But maybe it's not worth it.

Maybe I should just bail

on my whole goblin idea
and play it safe.

I don't know exactly
what you're talking about,

but I would maybe try
the exciting thing?

Okay, okay. I'm doing it.

Uh, hey, does anyone else want
to try the burger of the day?

Since you all seem
to keep being here.

Uh, fries. For the whole table.
Keep 'em coming.

We're gonna attempt to open the chest.

Okay. The lid opens,

but a blinding green light
comes out of it.

This, my friends,
is the Curse of the Goblin King.

Huh?

What a twist.
I think.

And here are your new
character sheets.

You all love this.
I can tell by your faces.

What's happening?

Okay, um, now, uh,

as the mist clears, you see

that you've been turned
into... goblins.

- Yay!
- Ugh.

I'm a short, male goblin
named Grumley?

- I have goblin syphilis?
- Uh-huh.

She was right.
They don't like it.

Maybe I'll tell them
they're all Shreks now.

Shake things up even more.

Well, I don't know what that is,

but it's starting to look
like something I can sleep on.

Mom, I got to say,
you might not seem like you know

what you're doing, but
you know what you're doing.

Yeah.
I do.

Me and that nice lady

who made the video
with the awful music.

Check us out.
We're getting there.

Just most of it left to go.

Should we take a break?
Just process everything

that we've done,
maybe journal about it?

No, sweetie, we're on a roll.

We got to finish this sucker.

Yeah, Tina.
You don't sleep until I sleep.

- Up there.
- That's the spirit.

We're strong, we're capable,
get used to it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ow. Ow!

- Are you okay?
- Were you trying

to break that board
with your elbow?

Aah! Oh!
Everything's fine.

Okay, let's do this.
Ow!

Oh.
Oh, broke my arm.

No, I didn't.
Ow. Yes, I did.

Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts.
We're fine. Ow. Ow.

- See? She's fine?
- Ow.

Mom, I feel like
you really hurt your elbow.

What?
Just because it's throbbing

and I'm crying a little bit
and I want to cut it off?

Well, we're not giving up.

You two girls have
all your arm parts.

I can just tell you what to do.

Shouldn't we stop
and let Dad know

you maybe broke your elbow?

And then take you to a doctor?

No. I don't need an elbow
or a doctor.

We're doing this.

Yeah, Tina,
if Mama says she's okay,

then Mama's okay, okay?

We're talking about my loft bed.

Dreams.
We're building dreams here!

- Yeah! Ow.
- Uh...

This is a really long game.
Longer than Monopoly.

And you don't even get
to dabble in real estate

or visit your sister in jail.

Yeah, it's almost time to close.

But I don't want
to just ask them to leave.

Because you feel really guilty
about telling Shirley

to do the exciting new thing
and now everybody hates her?

Kind of, yes.
But, I mean, we have to close.

Why don't you start
casually sweeping up?

You know me.
I always sweep it casual.

Yay. This is so much more fun
than playing as the character

I spent six years building up.

Sweep, sweep, sweeping.

Something we do
at the end of the day.

You know what?
I'll be right back.

I just need to get, uh,
some more, uh, napkins.

Oh, they hate it. Uh,
they hate it very, very much.

No.

They don't seem
too mad about it.

Maybe they sigh and roll their
eyes when they like things?

I just... I thought,
having to fight your way back

to your character
would be more satisfying

than just the same old
same old.

But I'm an idiot.
No one likes it.

Well, the good news
is we have to close,

so it'll be over soon,
at least?

No! You can't close now.
If we end it like this,

they'll never trust me
to be Game Master again.

You could find another hobby.
I like fake sweeping.

Please, please stay open
a little longer.

I just need a bit more time.

I guess we can stay open
for a little bit longer.

Thank you!

Okay, I spent
an appropriate amount of time

getting these napkins for us.

Also, Bob said
he can stay open longer

- so we can keep the game going.
- Great. - Yay.

Good luck,
and maybe finish soon.

And enjoy the napkins.

You got
to hold it straight, honey.

The drill's got to be straight.
And Tina,

- stop wincing.
- Here comes the spinning

rod of death!

You moved.
You have to hold it in place.

- I'm scared of the spinning rod of death.
- Why?!

Okay. All right, why don't you
switch? Tina, take the drill.

Louise, hold the board.
Come on.

- Ugh. I'll never forgive you for this.
- Okay.

Uh, ready?

Uh, uh, no, no, no, no, no!
This is not gonna work.

You have to open your eyes.

Well, I don't want to see
if I maim you.

I think you should have to see.

- Hold on, hold on. Don't drill. Don't drill.
- Oh, thank God.

- Hello? Ow.
- Hey, Lin. Why-Why'd you say "Ow"?

It's a long story.
How you doing? You coming up?

No. We're gonna be
staying open a little later,

so I-I can't come up there
and help with the loft.

Not that I'd be very helpful

because of me not knowing
how to do that.

Well, don't worry about us.
I don't have a broken arm.

The loft's going good.

Did-did you just say
you don't have a broken arm?

Yeah, it hurts a lot,
and I can't move it at all,

but we're fine. We're fine.

Oh, God. Lin, you don't have
to finish the bed, like, now.

You-you could wait
for Teddy to come back.

No. We're gonna get this thing
done tonight, no matter what.

I love you. Have fun down there,
make some good burgers.

I will. I mean, they're not
really ordering burgers,

but...
O-Oh, you're gone.

The scroll tells of an amulet

with the powers
to undo dark magic.

Great.

Gene, you have to go to bed.

No. I'm not gonna leave you.
What if you turn into a goblin?

Then who's gonna
walk me down the aisle?

Why don't you just
go lay down in the booth?

And close your eyes
and just listen?

Ooh, like a podcast
about annoyed people.

Okay, okay, stop!

- It's in. It's in!
- What?!

Stop!
You're stripping the screw!

Stripping the screw
in a good way?

Is it even holding
any wood together?

I don't know,
but it... looks nice.

Oh. It's crazy late,

and there's more wood in the
pile than there is on the bed.

We're not gonna be able
to finish this tonight.

- Or maybe ever.
- What? No, the night is young.

Come on. You two can cuddle
with me in my bed.

Bob and Gene have left us.
It's just us now.

- Can I sleep with the drill?
- Maybe no drill?

Fine. Saw.

I didn't think

I was gonna be sleeping
at sea level tonight.

Eh, I just wanted
to give you the confidence

that you could do stuff
that my mom never gave me.

But I failed,
and now I only have one arm.

And it's not even
my favorite arm.

At least you still have
your second-favorite?

No, I failed.

Wow. A cry-snore.

Ugh. That sound's gonna
haunt my dreams.

Oof, that sound, too.

Unsheathe my sword
and demand he let us pass.

♪ Venturing to new ♪

♪ Unchartered burger lands ♪

♪ But no one cares ♪

♪ No one seems to understand ♪

♪ I seek out tasty combos
through my exploring ♪

♪ But no one's interested ♪

♪ Because they're all ♪

♪ Dumb and boring. ♪

I forget what it was like

when these guys weren't here.

Yeah, they're still here.
We're still here.

But I don't know if the
outside world is still there.

I'm really losing it.

Gene, why don't you go upstairs
and go back to sleep?

I'm too invested.
I want to find out

what happens
to these twentysomethings.

Time's running out.
You have to make a choice now.

The chamber will fill
with water at any moment.

Come on, people.
Use what you have.

What if we stand
on each other's shoulders?

Yes!
I mean, yes.

Yeah, and then
we can reach the amulet.

Mm-hmm. Roll D20.
You need a 14 or higher.

- 16!
- Oh, like the candles.

You take possession
of the amulet.

And you are transformed
back into...

your original characters!

Congratulations.
Good job, players.

And me, also.
Your Game Master.

Oh, thank God. Um, hey,
I have your check ready.

So, next time can we just play
the game the regular the way?

That made us all happy
to begin with?

Yeah, sure.

Wait. Wait. Wait a second.

Uh, I've been watching
you guys play this game

for so, so many hours.

And you all got into it.

Y-You all had intense,
game-playing faces

for, like, the last three hours.
And-and look...

Look at how chewed
these straws are.

No one chews a straw that much

unless they're really
concentrating.

And yeah, Shirley
made a different choice,

and it wasn't
what you guys were used to,

but I think you were
actually into it.

Yeah, you were. You guys barely
peed at all. That we know of.

Look, I-I make
a burger of the day.

Only Shirley ordered it,
unfortunately.

It-It's different
than the usual burger.

But I make a new one every day,

even if people don't always
think they want it.

Because
it keeps things interesting.

Like what Shirley was
trying to do with the game.

Well, it did
make things tougher.

We really had to think
on our toes.

Your little goblin toes.

I guess, it did kind of make me
feel the way I did

when I first started playing.

- Nervous. Like, in a good way.
- Really?

Yeah. So, well done,
Game Master.

Thanks. No big deal.
I'm playing it cool.

So, that's great.

You guys should probably
pay me money and then go.

I'm actually kind of hungry.

I would try
the I Bean of Greenie Burger.

- I'll try one, too.
- Really? I-I was gonna go

to sleep for a couple hours
before we open again,

but sure, I'll make you guys
burgers of the day.

Or-or burgers of the yesterday,
actually.

God, I need sleep.

I would like a western omelet
with fresh fruit.

- And maybe a side of linguica?
- No.

What? What's that?

Oh, my God.
Girls, what's going on in here?

I couldn't sleep
and Tina couldn't, either,

'cause I woke her up, and then,
we couldn't build the whole bed

'cause we ran
into some issues with our height

and not being able
to lift heavy things

like adult people can.

But we did add
these almost full-sized legs

to the bed frame,
which are almost all even.

Yeah, and here's a nail where
I can hang my throwing stars.

And if you really squeeze it
in there, you could fit a desk.

Like, a laying-down desk?

Wow! You stayed up to do this?
All by yourselves?

I'm so proud of my two
strong babies, my builders.

- Don't cry, Mom.
- You're gonna make me cry.

Actually, I think
I'm just so, so tired.

Okay, I'm climbing up.
Somebody give me a boost.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
Hold on. Hold on.

Let's maybe check
your measurements again

after you get some sleep.
At ground level.

You're builders. You know how
it is. It's part of the process.

Ooh, I got to do
my dinosaur report.

- Should we get started on the desk?
- Okay.

Take a break, take a break.

You're amazing, but let's
get you some breakfast.

Then you can go to sleep and
maybe do your homework after.

And then we can get Teddy
to finish everything up for us.

I don't sleep anymore.
Don't need it.

I make stuff and then
I do dinosaur stuff.

But I might lie down
on the rug real quick.

Oh, yeah, the floor
does look kind of comfy.

Let me just... Mm. Yup.
Sawdust makes it softer.

Aw, my little handy hamsters.

Hmm. What food
can I make with one arm?

Ooh, toast! See, other arm?
I don't need you.

♪ Loft bed,
got to get my little bod ♪

♪ Up there,
sleeping with the gods ♪

♪ Loft bed,
I will get some R and R ♪

♪ Next to all
my throwing stars. ♪ Loft bed!

I just hope
Kim and Sons Hardware

has a fireworks control panel.
I-I assume they do.

And some reasonable
water slide options.

♪ Loft bed,
if I have to pee at night ♪

♪ Loft bed, I will
hold the ladder tight ♪

♪ Loft bed, I hope
I don't fall down, loft. ♪

Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT

and TOYOTA.