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1
00:00:01,288 --> 00:00:02,054
Mel: Ryder,
2
00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:03,322
you're joining the Navy?
3
00:00:03,357 --> 00:00:04,357
Yep.
4
00:00:05,959 --> 00:00:09,095
Just so I'm clear, the United States Navy?
5
00:00:10,697 --> 00:00:12,732
That's the one. It was Lennox's idea.
6
00:00:12,766 --> 00:00:14,500
Whoa, you can't pin this on me.
7
00:00:14,534 --> 00:00:16,602
No, I told you to put on
pants and get out of the house.
8
00:00:16,637 --> 00:00:18,537
Okay, that sounds nothing
like, "join the Navy."
9
00:00:18,572 --> 00:00:20,406
You told me to get my old job back.
10
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,480
That doesn't sound like,
"join the Navy" either.
11
00:00:23,277 --> 00:00:25,311
Right, but when I went
down to the laser tag place
12
00:00:25,345 --> 00:00:27,380
to get my old job back,
it'd gone out of business
13
00:00:27,414 --> 00:00:30,449
and instead, exactly where it used
to be was a Navy recruiting center.
14
00:00:30,484 --> 00:00:32,765
I mean, if that's not
fate, I don't know what...
15
00:00:34,054 --> 00:00:35,774
You're right, you don't know what.
16
00:00:36,857 --> 00:00:38,190
Ryder, you can't be in the Navy!
17
00:00:38,225 --> 00:00:39,692
You don't think I could handle it?
18
00:00:39,726 --> 00:00:40,726
No!
19
00:00:40,727 --> 00:00:41,961
Don't you remember you were telling me
20
00:00:41,995 --> 00:00:43,715
about that time you were in the shower
21
00:00:43,730 --> 00:00:44,964
and you were fascinated by the shower head
22
00:00:44,998 --> 00:00:46,899
and you were staring at it
and forgot to close your mouth
23
00:00:46,933 --> 00:00:48,634
and you almost drowned?
24
00:00:48,669 --> 00:00:50,629
You almost drowned in the shower, Ryder!
25
00:00:51,438 --> 00:00:53,406
Yeah, and plus a girl dumps your ass
26
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:54,373
and you join the Navy?
27
00:00:54,408 --> 00:00:55,574
I mean, that's so cliche.
28
00:00:55,609 --> 00:00:58,244
Okay, maybe this whole
thing started about a girl,
29
00:00:58,278 --> 00:01:01,147
but I got down there and the
recruiter started talking to me
30
00:01:01,181 --> 00:01:04,283
about goals and direction and
doing something with your life.
31
00:01:04,318 --> 00:01:06,152
It's exactly what you
guys were talking about.
32
00:01:06,186 --> 00:01:07,186
Listen, Ryder...
33
00:01:07,187 --> 00:01:09,387
What is that, a drug test?
34
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Looks like it's negative.
35
00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:14,940
I'm not pregnant.
36
00:01:15,896 --> 00:01:18,296
My nephew wants to join the Navy.
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I don't know what to cry about first.
38
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I'm here for you, baby.
39
00:01:22,769 --> 00:01:24,537
Aw, Aunt Mel.
40
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(Sighs) I'm here for you, too.
41
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Hey, me too.
42
00:01:33,146 --> 00:01:34,266
So, who else is hungry?
43
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(Theme music playing)
44
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- ♪ It's all good ♪
- ♪ all good ♪
45
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- ♪ it's okay ♪
- ♪ okay ♪
46
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- ♪ it's all right ♪
- ♪ all right ♪
47
00:01:41,789 --> 00:01:43,556
♪ as far as I can see ♪
48
00:01:43,591 --> 00:01:45,625
- ♪ it's all good ♪
- ♪ all good ♪
49
00:01:45,659 --> 00:01:47,460
- ♪ it's okay ♪
- ♪ okay ♪
50
00:01:47,494 --> 00:01:49,596
- ♪ it's all right ♪
- ♪ all right ♪
51
00:01:49,630 --> 00:01:51,865
♪ I guess you're stuck ♪
52
00:01:51,899 --> 00:01:54,567
♪ with me ♪
53
00:01:54,591 --> 00:01:56,591
Sync & Corrections by Darcade
- Addic7ed.com -
54
00:01:57,471 --> 00:01:59,472
Well, I didn't see that coming.
55
00:01:59,506 --> 00:02:00,586
Me neither.
56
00:02:02,543 --> 00:02:04,503
Which that are we talking about?
57
00:02:05,446 --> 00:02:07,480
Ryder and the Navy, that's just crazy!
58
00:02:07,514 --> 00:02:09,714
Yes, yes. No, of course that's
what I thought you meant.
59
00:02:10,684 --> 00:02:12,418
You thought I meant the non-pregnancy.
60
00:02:12,453 --> 00:02:13,733
You know, it's okay, Joe.
61
00:02:13,754 --> 00:02:14,874
You can say it.
62
00:02:14,889 --> 00:02:16,823
I'm not going to break into
a million little pieces.
63
00:02:16,857 --> 00:02:18,791
(Sobs) Oh, Joe!
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00:02:19,860 --> 00:02:22,395
Oh, honey, come on.
Look, it's gonna be okay.
65
00:02:22,429 --> 00:02:23,830
Here.
66
00:02:23,864 --> 00:02:27,767
I know, it's just the stress of months
of trying and the disappointment.
67
00:02:27,801 --> 00:02:29,402
I know, I feel it too.
68
00:02:29,436 --> 00:02:31,796
Hey, I did some of my best work.
69
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:35,808
Maybe we need to see somebody,
like a fertility specialist.
70
00:02:35,843 --> 00:02:37,710
No, no, no, honey. What we need to do
71
00:02:37,745 --> 00:02:39,412
is just forget about the whole thing.
72
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You mean, no sex?
73
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I would never mean that.
74
00:02:45,653 --> 00:02:46,653
No. No, honey,
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it'll happen when it happens.
76
00:02:47,721 --> 00:02:48,929
How about this?
77
00:02:48,929 --> 00:02:51,010
We shouldn't even mention
the word baby for like
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00:02:51,011 --> 00:02:52,139
the next month.
79
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:53,296
Okay.
80
00:02:53,297 --> 00:02:55,405
But first, I have to get
it out of my system.
81
00:02:55,406 --> 00:02:55,946
Okay.
82
00:02:55,946 --> 00:02:59,699
(Clears throat) Baby, baby, baby baby!
83
00:02:59,733 --> 00:03:00,733
Done.
84
00:03:00,768 --> 00:03:01,768
Baby!
85
00:03:01,769 --> 00:03:02,769
Hmm.
86
00:03:02,803 --> 00:03:05,283
Sorry, there was just
one more left in there.
87
00:03:05,773 --> 00:03:06,773
(Clears throat)
88
00:03:06,807 --> 00:03:08,508
Okay, good, good. Now, what you need to do
89
00:03:08,542 --> 00:03:10,343
is come up with something to distract you.
90
00:03:10,377 --> 00:03:11,511
You know what I mean, something calming.
91
00:03:11,545 --> 00:03:12,545
Something relaxing.
92
00:03:12,579 --> 00:03:14,514
Well, how about we
focus all of our energies
93
00:03:14,548 --> 00:03:16,282
on keeping my nephew from joining the Navy.
94
00:03:16,317 --> 00:03:17,550
I mean, that can't happen.
95
00:03:17,584 --> 00:03:20,186
Honey, you say that like
joining the Navy's a bad thing.
96
00:03:20,220 --> 00:03:21,287
It is...
97
00:03:21,322 --> 00:03:22,989
For the Navy!
98
00:03:23,023 --> 00:03:24,557
I mean,
99
00:03:24,591 --> 00:03:26,859
can you imagine if Ryder tried to do the
stuff they do in those Navy commercials,
100
00:03:26,894 --> 00:03:28,161
he'd be steering jets into the ocean
101
00:03:28,195 --> 00:03:29,929
and capsizing battleships and... (Gasps)
102
00:03:29,964 --> 00:03:31,864
Joe, all those people in San Diego.
103
00:03:31,899 --> 00:03:34,701
I mean, they'll be sitting ducks.
104
00:03:35,836 --> 00:03:37,704
Honey, look, my cousin
Nunzio went into the Airforce.
105
00:03:37,738 --> 00:03:39,672
All right, he washed out of
basic training after one month.
106
00:03:39,707 --> 00:03:42,508
There is no way Ryder is gonna
make it through Navy bootcamp
107
00:03:42,543 --> 00:03:43,743
Yeah, but he doesn't know that.
108
00:03:43,777 --> 00:03:45,445
Well, he's about to find out.
109
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Stop!
110
00:03:49,583 --> 00:03:51,351
Quit your snooze and grab your shoes.
111
00:03:51,385 --> 00:03:53,453
Joe, what the hell? It's five A.M.
112
00:03:53,487 --> 00:03:54,887
That's right, recruit.
113
00:03:54,922 --> 00:03:55,989
Welcome to Longo bootcamp.
114
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All right, listen, if you
can survive a week with me,
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00:03:57,958 --> 00:03:59,892
maybe you can take what
the Navy can dish out.
116
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All right, all right, fine.
117
00:04:00,928 --> 00:04:03,029
Whatever, just... wake
me up in ten minutes.
118
00:04:03,063 --> 00:04:04,731
Yeah.
119
00:04:04,765 --> 00:04:05,765
Sure, okay.
120
00:04:05,799 --> 00:04:07,533
Ten minutes works. You
know why? Because, um...
121
00:04:07,568 --> 00:04:09,928
The Navy's famous for its snooze button.
122
00:04:10,704 --> 00:04:11,704
Ah!
123
00:04:14,441 --> 00:04:15,521
Man overboard.
124
00:04:18,312 --> 00:04:19,672
- Hey.
- Hey.
125
00:04:20,314 --> 00:04:21,381
The "Needle Exchange"?
126
00:04:21,415 --> 00:04:23,516
Isn't that the knitting
place on high street?
127
00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:26,185
Yeah, my friend Beth
has been trying to get me
128
00:04:26,220 --> 00:04:28,354
to join her knitting class for
years now, so I finally did.
129
00:04:28,389 --> 00:04:29,389
Look what I made.
130
00:04:29,423 --> 00:04:31,124
Very nice.
131
00:04:31,158 --> 00:04:33,059
What is it?
132
00:04:33,093 --> 00:04:34,093
It's a bedspread.
133
00:04:34,094 --> 00:04:35,161
For an elf?
134
00:04:36,764 --> 00:04:37,964
My fingers got tired.
135
00:04:37,998 --> 00:04:40,700
So, why'd you let your friend
Beth talk you into knitting now?
136
00:04:40,734 --> 00:04:43,603
Oh, well, Joe suggested I
do something to take my mind
137
00:04:43,637 --> 00:04:45,805
off the subject we agreed not to mention.
138
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,908
That Joe secretly eats
candy bars in the garage?
139
00:04:49,910 --> 00:04:51,611
No, I'm talking about the "B" word.
140
00:04:51,645 --> 00:04:52,712
Babies?
141
00:04:52,746 --> 00:04:55,615
Shh, do not utter the forbidden word.
142
00:04:56,617 --> 00:04:58,151
- Whoo!
- Hey, hon.
143
00:04:58,185 --> 00:04:59,218
I thought Ryder was with you.
144
00:04:59,253 --> 00:05:00,386
Yeah, we just ran three miles.
145
00:05:00,421 --> 00:05:02,422
Well, actually I ran three miles.
146
00:05:02,456 --> 00:05:05,358
He ran one, crawled one, and um...
147
00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:06,993
He cried one.
148
00:05:08,062 --> 00:05:09,529
So where is he?
149
00:05:09,563 --> 00:05:12,563
Right now? He's down the block puking
in the Henderson's bird fountain.
150
00:05:13,033 --> 00:05:14,667
It's been a good day.
151
00:05:15,669 --> 00:05:17,036
Oh, knitting I see.
152
00:05:17,071 --> 00:05:20,631
So... okay, so you found something
to keep your mind off of um...
153
00:05:20,707 --> 00:05:21,808
- Babies.
- Lennox!
154
00:05:21,842 --> 00:05:23,676
I'm sorry, it just came out.
155
00:05:24,778 --> 00:05:26,612
Hey, there he is!
156
00:05:26,647 --> 00:05:28,181
How'd you like that run?
157
00:05:28,215 --> 00:05:29,495
It was refreshing. (Grunts)
158
00:05:31,285 --> 00:05:32,385
Now, come on.
159
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:34,187
Let's go, I want you to put
your swimsuit on, all right?
160
00:05:34,221 --> 00:05:36,055
'Cause we're gonna be
heading out into the garage.
161
00:05:36,090 --> 00:05:37,423
And then we're gonna go to
the driveway and I'm gonna
162
00:05:37,458 --> 00:05:39,158
hose you down while you do some burpees.
163
00:05:39,193 --> 00:05:40,193
Why?
164
00:05:41,128 --> 00:05:42,928
There's no "why" in Longo bootcamp.
165
00:05:43,797 --> 00:05:44,697
Why?
166
00:05:44,731 --> 00:05:46,732
Hey! don't ask me why, recruit! Just do it.
167
00:05:48,836 --> 00:05:49,969
But it's 50 degrees outside.
168
00:05:50,003 --> 00:05:51,571
Is that a little too cold for you?
169
00:05:51,605 --> 00:05:53,372
Okay. 'Cause you know
what? If that's the case,
170
00:05:53,407 --> 00:05:56,542
you can just ring the chicken and we'll
be all done with this whole experiment.
171
00:05:56,577 --> 00:05:57,710
Okay? Really. Go ahead.
172
00:05:57,744 --> 00:05:59,378
Come on, boy.
173
00:05:59,413 --> 00:06:01,147
Hit that quittin' chicken.
I know you wanna do it.
174
00:06:01,181 --> 00:06:02,181
Let's go.
175
00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:04,217
No.
176
00:06:04,251 --> 00:06:06,731
I'm not gonna touch the chicken, Joe.
177
00:06:08,188 --> 00:06:09,789
Putting on my swimsuit.
178
00:06:14,027 --> 00:06:16,629
Joe, this is cruel and unusual punishment.
179
00:06:16,663 --> 00:06:17,663
You're killing him.
180
00:06:17,664 --> 00:06:18,944
Thank you.
181
00:06:26,141 --> 00:06:28,810
Out of bed or I break your head!
182
00:06:28,844 --> 00:06:30,044
I can't move!
183
00:06:30,079 --> 00:06:31,779
It even hurts to think.
184
00:06:31,814 --> 00:06:33,748
Can we maybe skip today
185
00:06:33,782 --> 00:06:36,517
and just do more bootcamp stuff tomorrow.
186
00:06:36,552 --> 00:06:37,819
Yeah, because... the Navy.
187
00:06:37,853 --> 00:06:40,421
I mean, it's not just a
job, it's an adventure...
188
00:06:40,456 --> 00:06:42,323
Every other day.
189
00:06:43,325 --> 00:06:44,605
Sounds good to me.
190
00:06:44,626 --> 00:06:45,626
Yeah.
191
00:06:45,627 --> 00:06:47,328
Yeah, I think you're on to something.
192
00:06:47,362 --> 00:06:49,397
'Cause we should only fight
our wars on odd-numbered days.
193
00:06:49,431 --> 00:06:52,300
Obviously, we just have to text our enemy,
so we know which day's they sleep in on
194
00:06:52,334 --> 00:06:53,334
and all that stuff.
195
00:06:53,335 --> 00:06:55,069
On your feet, recruit!
196
00:06:55,104 --> 00:06:56,104
(Groans) I can't!
197
00:06:56,138 --> 00:06:58,419
I don't think I have feet anymore.
198
00:06:59,108 --> 00:07:00,942
It's all right, buddy.
199
00:07:00,976 --> 00:07:02,777
You know what, I'm proud
of you for at least trying.
200
00:07:02,811 --> 00:07:05,880
I mean, not a lot of guys are cut
out to be in the Navy. You know?
201
00:07:05,914 --> 00:07:07,849
So you washed out on this one, it's okay.
202
00:07:07,883 --> 00:07:09,383
You know what?
203
00:07:09,418 --> 00:07:11,452
You're gonna figure out what
you want to do with your life,
204
00:07:11,487 --> 00:07:12,453
and I'm gonna be here for you.
205
00:07:12,488 --> 00:07:15,356
Sleep in, have a great
rest of your morning.
206
00:07:19,094 --> 00:07:20,394
Washed out?
207
00:07:20,429 --> 00:07:22,296
Who's washed out?
208
00:07:22,331 --> 00:07:23,965
(Groans) Oh, God.
209
00:07:24,967 --> 00:07:26,901
Tell me again how you crushed his spirit.
210
00:07:26,935 --> 00:07:28,870
It relaxes me.
211
00:07:28,904 --> 00:07:31,739
Well, honey, I took him for a
little ride on the pain train.
212
00:07:31,774 --> 00:07:33,841
All right? Right now,
Ryder can't even stand up.
213
00:07:33,876 --> 00:07:35,843
Thank you, Joe Longo.
214
00:07:35,878 --> 00:07:36,911
You're a good man.
215
00:07:36,945 --> 00:07:38,713
Hey, keeping that kid out of the Navy
216
00:07:38,747 --> 00:07:40,581
says that I'm not just a good man, honey.
217
00:07:40,616 --> 00:07:41,896
I'm a good American.
218
00:07:43,719 --> 00:07:45,353
Let's go, Longo!
219
00:07:45,387 --> 00:07:46,627
What's on today's torture menu?
220
00:07:47,389 --> 00:07:48,422
You're not quitting?
221
00:07:48,457 --> 00:07:49,457
Nope.
222
00:07:49,458 --> 00:07:50,525
You know, it finally hit me.
223
00:07:50,559 --> 00:07:52,093
You're pushing me so hard
224
00:07:52,117 --> 00:07:53,161
because you care,
225
00:07:53,162 --> 00:07:54,362
so I'm gonna get through this.
226
00:07:54,396 --> 00:07:56,330
I'm gonna get through this for you, Joe.
227
00:07:57,399 --> 00:07:59,100
Your little plan backfired.
228
00:07:59,134 --> 00:08:01,614
I'm officially un-thanking you.
229
00:08:02,237 --> 00:08:03,237
It's not over yet.
230
00:08:03,272 --> 00:08:04,839
All right, tough guy.
231
00:08:04,873 --> 00:08:05,907
I'll tell you what,
232
00:08:05,941 --> 00:08:07,021
here's what we're gonna do;
233
00:08:07,042 --> 00:08:08,776
we're gonna go out into the driveway,
234
00:08:08,811 --> 00:08:10,812
you're gonna hold these jugs
out to your sides like this
235
00:08:10,846 --> 00:08:11,779
until I say stop.
236
00:08:11,814 --> 00:08:13,614
- Easy.
- Yeah?
237
00:08:13,649 --> 00:08:14,849
Say that when they're filled up with water.
238
00:08:14,883 --> 00:08:16,484
Let's go! (Chuckles)
239
00:08:16,518 --> 00:08:17,518
Yeah.
240
00:08:22,724 --> 00:08:24,492
Ow!
241
00:08:29,164 --> 00:08:30,231
Oh, what you got there?
242
00:08:30,265 --> 00:08:32,200
What? What are you...
Why aren't you in school?
243
00:08:32,234 --> 00:08:34,035
It's Saturday.
244
00:08:34,069 --> 00:08:36,871
(Scoffs) That's your excuse?
245
00:08:36,905 --> 00:08:39,740
You know, those look amazingly like clothes
246
00:08:39,775 --> 00:08:41,008
for one of those cute little things
247
00:08:41,043 --> 00:08:42,076
we're not supposed to talk about.
248
00:08:42,110 --> 00:08:44,011
What? No!
249
00:08:44,046 --> 00:08:45,847
That would be crazy
250
00:08:45,881 --> 00:08:49,750
to buy clothes like these
when I'm not even pregnant.
251
00:08:49,785 --> 00:08:52,687
Oh, wait so you knitted
those in your knitting class?
252
00:08:52,721 --> 00:08:55,289
Wow, you're really good.
253
00:08:55,324 --> 00:08:57,258
Yes, I am. (Giggles)
254
00:08:58,260 --> 00:08:59,427
Oh! Teach me.
255
00:08:59,461 --> 00:09:01,062
No, I won't.
256
00:09:01,096 --> 00:09:02,096
Wait, what? Why not?
257
00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:03,264
Because I'm very busy.
258
00:09:03,298 --> 00:09:04,398
Well, please!
259
00:09:04,433 --> 00:09:06,067
But you're so good at this.
260
00:09:06,101 --> 00:09:07,335
Come on, share your knowledge.
261
00:09:07,369 --> 00:09:08,302
(Sighs)
262
00:09:08,337 --> 00:09:10,177
Okay, um... yeah, sure.
263
00:09:10,205 --> 00:09:12,173
I guess I could squeeze in a quick lesson,
264
00:09:12,207 --> 00:09:14,075
teach you some basics.
265
00:09:14,109 --> 00:09:17,612
So, these are your knitting needles.
266
00:09:17,646 --> 00:09:19,747
We call them needles.
267
00:09:19,781 --> 00:09:21,582
Yeah, um...
268
00:09:21,617 --> 00:09:23,818
So you want to feel them, you know, like...
269
00:09:23,852 --> 00:09:28,356
Like, relax your wrists,
and just... yeah, like this.
270
00:09:28,390 --> 00:09:29,323
Like...
271
00:09:29,358 --> 00:09:30,658
Like this?
272
00:09:30,692 --> 00:09:32,159
Good! Good!
273
00:09:32,194 --> 00:09:34,161
You know, like you're eating pasta.
274
00:09:34,196 --> 00:09:35,196
Ahh!
275
00:09:35,197 --> 00:09:36,197
Uh-huh.
276
00:09:36,231 --> 00:09:38,065
Yeah! Look at you, you're a natural.
277
00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:39,233
All right, that's enough for one day.
278
00:09:39,268 --> 00:09:40,268
Wait, what?
279
00:09:40,269 --> 00:09:41,302
Why don't I get to try it with yarn?
280
00:09:41,336 --> 00:09:43,838
Whoa, slow down speedracer.
281
00:09:43,872 --> 00:09:45,973
Okay, we don't get to yarn for a long time.
282
00:09:46,008 --> 00:09:47,942
Aunt Mel, you have so much yarn right here.
283
00:09:47,976 --> 00:09:50,336
No. No, no, no. No, don't!
284
00:09:50,812 --> 00:09:54,582
Wow! Look at everything you can do.
285
00:09:54,616 --> 00:09:55,650
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh!
286
00:09:55,684 --> 00:09:57,518
You can even knit...
287
00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,321
Leather.
288
00:10:01,456 --> 00:10:03,696
Well, I am the first in my class.
289
00:10:04,493 --> 00:10:06,460
Okay, look, when I got
to the knitting class,
290
00:10:06,495 --> 00:10:08,262
it was right next door to one of these
291
00:10:08,297 --> 00:10:09,330
"B" word stores.
292
00:10:09,364 --> 00:10:12,033
And so, I went inside because, you know...
293
00:10:12,067 --> 00:10:13,301
The clothes are adorable,
294
00:10:13,335 --> 00:10:16,971
and because I want a "B" word, dammit!
295
00:10:18,874 --> 00:10:20,041
Why are you hiding all this?
296
00:10:20,075 --> 00:10:22,109
Because... I don't want Joe to know.
297
00:10:22,144 --> 00:10:23,177
You know, we had an agreement
298
00:10:23,211 --> 00:10:24,879
and he'll just think I'm crazy.
299
00:10:24,913 --> 00:10:27,648
Aunt Mel, nobody's gonna
think that you've gone crazy
300
00:10:27,683 --> 00:10:29,517
just because you bought a few baby things
301
00:10:29,551 --> 00:10:30,831
to make yourself feel better.
302
00:10:37,292 --> 00:10:38,292
(Toy squeaks)
303
00:10:46,101 --> 00:10:49,870
("Rock-A-Bye-Baby" plays)
304
00:10:49,905 --> 00:10:52,974
How much baby stuff did you buy?
305
00:10:53,008 --> 00:10:54,742
Hey, I don't have a problem, okay?
306
00:10:54,776 --> 00:10:55,810
I can stop whenever I want.
307
00:10:55,844 --> 00:10:58,913
Okay, so we can return all this?
308
00:10:58,947 --> 00:11:00,848
Yes. Well, but not this.
309
00:11:00,882 --> 00:11:03,751
Or this, or this... oh, who am I kidding?
310
00:11:03,785 --> 00:11:05,386
I'm keeping it all!
311
00:11:08,490 --> 00:11:10,324
Joe, isn't Ryder supposed
to be on the front porch,
312
00:11:10,359 --> 00:11:11,479
holding up those water jugs?
313
00:11:11,493 --> 00:11:12,493
He's not?
314
00:11:13,428 --> 00:11:14,462
Ha ha! He went awol.
315
00:11:14,496 --> 00:11:16,197
I knew I could break him.
316
00:11:16,231 --> 00:11:18,032
I knew he couldn't handle
it, honey. I knew it. Listen,
317
00:11:18,066 --> 00:11:19,266
I don't want you to take offense to this,
318
00:11:19,301 --> 00:11:22,336
but, um... your nephew? He's a little soft.
319
00:11:22,371 --> 00:11:24,291
(Chuckles) Oh, who am I
kidding? He's a lot soft.
320
00:11:25,941 --> 00:11:27,875
I tell you, he's like a
big bowl full of pudding.
321
00:11:27,909 --> 00:11:29,010
You know? (Chuckles)
322
00:11:29,044 --> 00:11:30,845
I mean, I shouldn't make fun, you know?
323
00:11:30,879 --> 00:11:32,947
Honestly, I mean he's probably
curled up somewhere crying right now.
324
00:11:32,981 --> 00:11:34,815
Um, Joe?
325
00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:36,617
Does that look broken to you?
326
00:11:36,651 --> 00:11:37,785
Does what look...
327
00:11:37,819 --> 00:11:39,420
Holy crap.
328
00:11:44,593 --> 00:11:46,160
Okay.
329
00:11:46,194 --> 00:11:48,329
All right, so he's a little
stronger than I thought.
330
00:11:48,363 --> 00:11:50,064
But you know what, honey?
331
00:11:50,098 --> 00:11:52,099
Bootcamp is not just about
using these muscles, all right?
332
00:11:52,134 --> 00:11:54,494
It's also about using
the most important muscle.
333
00:11:55,103 --> 00:11:57,004
His weiner?
334
00:11:59,975 --> 00:12:01,675
No! No, the muscle in here.
335
00:12:01,710 --> 00:12:02,710
His brain.
336
00:12:02,711 --> 00:12:04,712
Do it, Joe.
337
00:12:04,746 --> 00:12:05,946
Break his brain.
338
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,522
Okay, Aunt Mel, I thought you were
going to stop buying baby stuff.
339
00:12:14,556 --> 00:12:18,492
Yes, but this was handcrafted by the Amish.
340
00:12:18,527 --> 00:12:22,596
The Amish? And you
didn't pick one up for me?
341
00:12:22,631 --> 00:12:25,066
Ha ha ha, look Joe is busy with Ryder,
342
00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:27,301
so we have a very short window to
get this in to the house and hidden.
343
00:12:27,335 --> 00:12:29,303
Okay, Aunt Mel. Aunt Mel,
344
00:12:29,337 --> 00:12:30,905
listen to the words I'm saying:
345
00:12:30,939 --> 00:12:35,976
You don't have a baby.
346
00:12:36,011 --> 00:12:37,711
I know.
347
00:12:37,746 --> 00:12:39,847
That's why we have to hide the box.
348
00:12:39,881 --> 00:12:40,881
Come on, give me a hand.
349
00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:42,683
Let's go, pull it. Oh!
350
00:12:44,553 --> 00:12:45,753
Come on, let's do it.
351
00:12:45,787 --> 00:12:47,555
Joe, it's midnight,
352
00:12:47,589 --> 00:12:48,622
I'm exhausted.
353
00:12:48,657 --> 00:12:50,324
You've been working me since 5 A.M.
354
00:12:50,358 --> 00:12:51,358
I know, I know.
355
00:12:51,393 --> 00:12:52,593
But don't worry, this is
gonna be a piece of cake
356
00:12:52,627 --> 00:12:53,627
'cause all you have to do
357
00:12:53,628 --> 00:12:56,597
is turn this into this,
358
00:12:56,631 --> 00:12:58,532
an origami crane.
359
00:12:58,567 --> 00:13:00,067
Okay.
360
00:13:00,102 --> 00:13:01,102
1,000 times.
361
00:13:01,136 --> 00:13:02,236
- What?
- Yep.
362
00:13:02,270 --> 00:13:04,105
All right, and they all
have to be identical.
363
00:13:04,139 --> 00:13:06,499
And you have to get it all done by dawn.
364
00:13:07,209 --> 00:13:08,976
That's impossible.
365
00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:10,111
Oh, okay.
366
00:13:10,145 --> 00:13:12,665
Why don't we go tell that
to the quittin' chicken?
367
00:13:14,182 --> 00:13:15,182
No.
368
00:13:17,719 --> 00:13:18,652
Good.
369
00:13:18,687 --> 00:13:20,788
Whoa, look at the time, man.
370
00:13:20,822 --> 00:13:22,102
I gotta get to bed.
371
00:13:26,461 --> 00:13:30,264
So the crane test is how the Japanese weed
out applicants for their space program.
372
00:13:30,298 --> 00:13:32,433
Folding a thousand of
these things on no sleep,
373
00:13:32,467 --> 00:13:35,503
requires almost a zen-like concentration.
374
00:13:35,537 --> 00:13:36,570
Oh, I like it.
375
00:13:36,605 --> 00:13:38,405
Ryder can't even fold his t-shirts.
376
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:41,208
Yeah. So, look I want
you to prepare yourself
377
00:13:41,243 --> 00:13:43,110
to see a broken man when
you go downstairs, okay?
378
00:13:43,145 --> 00:13:45,279
And honey, I'm just warning you now,
379
00:13:45,313 --> 00:13:47,114
it's not gonna be pretty.
380
00:13:48,216 --> 00:13:50,885
You're right, Joe. It's not pretty.
381
00:13:50,919 --> 00:13:52,820
It's frickin' beautiful!
382
00:13:56,825 --> 00:13:58,726
Ryder did all this?
383
00:13:58,760 --> 00:13:59,793
Overnight?
384
00:13:59,828 --> 00:14:01,762
On no sleep?
385
00:14:02,797 --> 00:14:04,365
They're...
386
00:14:07,335 --> 00:14:09,236
They're perfect.
387
00:14:10,505 --> 00:14:12,506
Hey.
388
00:14:12,541 --> 00:14:16,143
"Sorry, Joe. There are only 999 cranes.
389
00:14:16,178 --> 00:14:19,079
"I had to sneeze and didn't have a tissue.
390
00:14:19,114 --> 00:14:22,816
"Sincerely, Ryder Scanlon,
United States Navy, future."
391
00:14:23,952 --> 00:14:25,019
I can not believe this.
392
00:14:25,053 --> 00:14:28,722
I thought for sure that
this would break him.
393
00:14:28,757 --> 00:14:31,792
But it... it looks like
he's got the brains,
394
00:14:31,826 --> 00:14:33,761
the brawn, and the spirit.
395
00:14:33,795 --> 00:14:35,863
Well, you're just gonna have
to come up with something else.
396
00:14:35,897 --> 00:14:37,464
I don't have anything else.
397
00:14:37,499 --> 00:14:38,499
Are you saying...?
398
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:39,667
Yeah.
399
00:14:39,701 --> 00:14:41,569
He did it.
400
00:14:43,505 --> 00:14:45,272
That magnificent bastard broke me.
401
00:14:50,102 --> 00:14:51,222
He really surprised me, Mel.
402
00:14:51,222 --> 00:14:53,090
I mean, maybe Ryder really
does have the right stuff.
403
00:14:53,090 --> 00:14:54,223
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
404
00:14:54,257 --> 00:14:56,058
My little nephew is not
joining the Navy, okay?
405
00:14:56,093 --> 00:14:57,159
He's still a little boy.
406
00:14:57,194 --> 00:15:00,229
He's the third tallest building in Toledo.
407
00:15:00,263 --> 00:15:03,032
Okay, fine, he's a very large little boy.
408
00:15:03,066 --> 00:15:04,266
But since you failed... failed!
409
00:15:04,267 --> 00:15:05,935
- Wait!
- Joseph Longo,
410
00:15:05,969 --> 00:15:07,169
it is my turn.
411
00:15:07,204 --> 00:15:10,005
Really? What could you do to
him that I haven't already tried?
412
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,040
Oh, I'm gonna cry.
413
00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:12,641
I'm gonna cry so hard,
414
00:15:12,676 --> 00:15:13,796
he is gonna feel so guilty
415
00:15:13,810 --> 00:15:14,977
he is never gonna leave this house again,
416
00:15:15,011 --> 00:15:16,011
ever.
417
00:15:16,012 --> 00:15:18,748
Mel, that's like emotional blackmail.
418
00:15:18,782 --> 00:15:22,485
Fine, Joe. Then we'll just let
him go off and join the Navy
419
00:15:22,519 --> 00:15:24,687
and I'll never be able to enjoy
myself for the rest of my life again.
420
00:15:24,721 --> 00:15:26,622
Okay, honey, I'm sorry.
Go try it, go ahead.
421
00:15:26,656 --> 00:15:28,157
I'm good, aren't I?
422
00:15:33,029 --> 00:15:34,930
Glad she's on my side.
423
00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:37,266
Most of the time.
424
00:15:43,974 --> 00:15:46,642
(Sobbing)
425
00:15:46,676 --> 00:15:47,676
(Cries) Ryder.
426
00:15:49,780 --> 00:15:51,647
What are you doing?
427
00:15:51,681 --> 00:15:53,816
Yeah, somebody hid this crib in my closet.
428
00:15:53,850 --> 00:15:57,453
Yeah, that might have been me.
429
00:15:57,487 --> 00:16:00,356
Oh, hey. The instructions.
430
00:16:00,390 --> 00:16:02,458
Could have used those.
431
00:16:02,492 --> 00:16:04,126
Uh, listen, Ryder,
432
00:16:04,161 --> 00:16:07,296
I just came up here to talk to
you about this whole Navy thing.
433
00:16:07,330 --> 00:16:09,010
Oh, yeah, about that...
434
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,997
You know, I was thinking,
after I ship out,
435
00:16:10,998 --> 00:16:14,586
You guys can use this room as a nursery.
you know, when the baby comes.
436
00:16:14,587 --> 00:16:17,794
It's like, the old kid moves
out, the new kid moves in.
437
00:16:17,795 --> 00:16:19,629
Circle of life.
438
00:16:19,663 --> 00:16:22,398
Oh, Ryder.
439
00:16:22,433 --> 00:16:24,300
Oh, no.
440
00:16:24,335 --> 00:16:25,415
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
441
00:16:25,436 --> 00:16:27,070
That crying act's not gonna work.
442
00:16:27,104 --> 00:16:29,239
I held water jugs up for five hours
443
00:16:29,273 --> 00:16:33,676
and I just spent the whole night folding
freaking Japanese astronaut cranes.
444
00:16:33,711 --> 00:16:35,678
Tears are not gonna change my mind.
445
00:16:35,713 --> 00:16:36,780
(Sighs)
446
00:16:36,814 --> 00:16:39,482
I'm not crying to change your mind now.
447
00:16:39,517 --> 00:16:44,621
I'm crying because you've
grown into a real man.
448
00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:47,323
You know, you should join the Navy.
449
00:16:47,358 --> 00:16:49,692
And the Navy would be lucky to have you.
450
00:16:49,727 --> 00:16:54,164
You're gonna look so
handsome in your Popeye suit.
451
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,360
Scrunch down, I can't reach you.
452
00:17:00,404 --> 00:17:03,206
So, maybe this Navy thing is a great idea.
453
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,941
Ryder's matured.
454
00:17:04,975 --> 00:17:06,042
He's a man now.
455
00:17:06,076 --> 00:17:09,679
He's got the right stuff.
456
00:17:09,713 --> 00:17:12,582
How is that different
from what I said earlier?
457
00:17:12,616 --> 00:17:14,584
It's entirely different.
458
00:17:14,618 --> 00:17:16,553
Now I am saying it.
459
00:17:16,587 --> 00:17:18,688
Thanks for clearing that up.
460
00:17:18,722 --> 00:17:23,393
("Rock-A-Bye-Baby" plays)
461
00:17:23,427 --> 00:17:24,627
What is that?
462
00:17:24,662 --> 00:17:25,662
Oh, that's my phone.
463
00:17:25,663 --> 00:17:28,231
That's my phone and nothing more.
464
00:17:32,369 --> 00:17:33,649
Shouldn't you answer it?
465
00:17:34,905 --> 00:17:35,972
Nope.
466
00:17:36,006 --> 00:17:38,942
That's not your phone. No.
467
00:17:38,976 --> 00:17:40,143
That's not your phone, that's coming from
468
00:17:40,177 --> 00:17:41,778
somewhere over here near the window...
469
00:17:41,812 --> 00:17:42,879
No!
470
00:17:44,882 --> 00:17:46,983
Wow, honey, I'm so glad you stopped me
471
00:17:47,017 --> 00:17:48,718
because now I'm not the least bit curious
472
00:17:48,752 --> 00:17:50,072
as to what's in this window seat.
473
00:17:51,555 --> 00:17:53,489
- What?
- ("Rock-A-Bye-Baby" plays)
474
00:17:57,761 --> 00:17:59,395
Anything you want to tell me?
475
00:17:59,430 --> 00:18:01,731
(Inhales deeply) Yes.
476
00:18:01,765 --> 00:18:05,201
These, um, baby things...
477
00:18:05,236 --> 00:18:06,356
I'm donating them to the poor
478
00:18:06,370 --> 00:18:08,137
and I wanted to surprise them.
479
00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:12,408
Anything you want to
tell me that's the truth?
480
00:18:12,443 --> 00:18:17,981
Look, there's a perfectly good reason
why I bought all this stuff, okay?
481
00:18:18,015 --> 00:18:19,983
I didn't think you'd find out.
482
00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:21,184
Mel...
483
00:18:21,218 --> 00:18:22,752
Look, I know. I know.
484
00:18:22,786 --> 00:18:24,787
I know we agreed to put
babies on the backburner,
485
00:18:24,822 --> 00:18:26,122
which sounds very dangerous, by the way,
486
00:18:26,156 --> 00:18:28,758
but I don't want to.
487
00:18:28,792 --> 00:18:30,960
And I couldn't, you know?
488
00:18:30,995 --> 00:18:33,463
I want to keep thinking about babies, Joe.
489
00:18:33,497 --> 00:18:38,334
That's why I couldn't stop
buying all this baby stuff.
490
00:18:38,369 --> 00:18:39,636
I get it.
491
00:18:39,670 --> 00:18:41,371
You do?
492
00:18:41,405 --> 00:18:43,539
Yes, of course I do.
493
00:18:43,574 --> 00:18:45,541
Look, when I lost my job at Scanlon,
494
00:18:45,576 --> 00:18:48,211
I kept buying neckties.
495
00:18:48,245 --> 00:18:50,046
I bought a whole bunch
of them, like three dozen.
496
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,481
The really nice ones, the
silk ones. I don't know why.
497
00:18:51,515 --> 00:18:54,183
I guess I just, you know,
wanted to feel like I was
498
00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:57,186
still in the game.
499
00:18:57,221 --> 00:18:58,254
Why didn't yell me?
500
00:18:58,289 --> 00:19:00,023
I didn't want you to judge me.
501
00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:01,758
Why would I judge you
502
00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:02,859
for buying a bunch of baby toys
503
00:19:02,893 --> 00:19:04,693
and smuggling them into the house?
504
00:19:06,030 --> 00:19:07,664
I understand.
505
00:19:08,666 --> 00:19:09,933
Do you want to see my favorite?
506
00:19:09,967 --> 00:19:11,868
Absolutely.
507
00:19:13,470 --> 00:19:14,604
It's a baby business suit.
508
00:19:14,638 --> 00:19:16,406
Oh!
509
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,474
What? With a briefcase and everything?
510
00:19:18,509 --> 00:19:19,542
- It's a rattle.
- It's a...
511
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:20,643
- (Rattles)
- Hey!
512
00:19:20,678 --> 00:19:22,638
Oh, this is gonna be perfect for my kid.
513
00:19:22,646 --> 00:19:23,646
I mean, our kid.
514
00:19:23,681 --> 00:19:25,248
I'm telling you something, honey,
515
00:19:25,282 --> 00:19:26,582
he's gonna be a CEO by the time he's 12.
516
00:19:26,617 --> 00:19:29,485
Mmm. Yes, she will.
517
00:19:38,815 --> 00:19:41,378
I can't believe Ryder's actually
leaving to join the Navy.
518
00:19:41,378 --> 00:19:42,108
You know,
519
00:19:42,109 --> 00:19:44,410
you should have made some of his
favorite food to take with him!
520
00:19:44,444 --> 00:19:47,280
I know, except I think the
Navy only lets you bring lasagna
521
00:19:47,314 --> 00:19:49,154
if you have enough for everybody.
522
00:19:50,484 --> 00:19:52,385
Hey, hey. Come on. Buck up, now.
523
00:19:52,419 --> 00:19:53,686
All right? Look, no guy likes to see crying
524
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,960
when he's about to start
a new chapter in his life.
525
00:20:01,561 --> 00:20:04,263
All right. Well, this is it, huh?
526
00:20:04,298 --> 00:20:05,731
Anchors away.
527
00:20:05,766 --> 00:20:08,668
Well, I'll drive him to
the recruiting station.
528
00:20:08,702 --> 00:20:11,470
That way Aunt Mel won't embarrass America.
529
00:20:11,505 --> 00:20:14,407
No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine.
530
00:20:14,441 --> 00:20:16,275
We are all so proud of you, Ryder.
531
00:20:16,310 --> 00:20:17,343
Right Joe?
532
00:20:17,377 --> 00:20:18,577
Absolutely. Absolutely are, man.
533
00:20:18,612 --> 00:20:20,313
Look, we did some great work together
534
00:20:20,347 --> 00:20:22,481
and, you know... I think you're ready
535
00:20:22,516 --> 00:20:24,283
because... well, I know you're ready.
536
00:20:24,318 --> 00:20:29,093
Because... you know it's...
it's the...
537
00:20:29,691 --> 00:20:30,856
(Cries) Goodbye.
538
00:20:32,057 --> 00:20:35,348
Aw, Joe, now you got me all upset.
539
00:20:35,349 --> 00:20:37,459
Hey, listen, I'll see you
all in a couple months.
540
00:20:37,459 --> 00:20:39,303
That's right, it better not
be a couple of days, buddy.
541
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:40,711
- No, no it won't.
- I know it won't.
542
00:20:40,711 --> 00:20:41,187
Yeah.
543
00:20:41,187 --> 00:20:43,408
- 'Cause I taught you so good.
- Okay.
544
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:46,278
(Lennox and Mel weep)
38456
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