Original subtitles

You are the Fultons. And you love each other so much, your lives depend on it.

But we are entirely incompatible.

This is Witness Protection. Not Crime Victim Tinder.

Outside of our house, we will pretend to be married.

And I think it goes without saying that we will not now, nor will we ever have sex.

[Franklin] Physical intimacy with me is earned.

We should get you to bed.

Only an idiot would hand three thousand dollars to some stupid bitch

and then let her dipshit son walk out on his agreement.

- I'’m not walking out. - Your goddamn right you'’re not walking out.

Let'’s just say you don't bring home your ecstasy dealer to meet your parents.

Wrong answer.

[snip]

Good night. Babe.

[uptempo music starts]

- [door knocks] - Knock knock.

What do you think?

Wow. It'’s really good.

- [gentle music starts] - You'’re not just saying that?

No. Honestly.

[Franklin] It'’s really good.

You have a lot of talent.

You should be proud of this.

It'’s gonna be the best one at the show.

Thank you.

Oh, you have a little...

- Paint. - Oh, God. I feel like I have paint all over me.

- Over here? - [Franklin] No, it'’s... Here. I can do it.

[gentle music continues]

There. All better.

Oh. I brought you a beer.

Thanks.

Whoa.

Ahh! Nice and cold. Thanks.

- Great. - Yeah. Yeah.

[Franklin] Um, I'’m gonna go inside and wait for the handyman.

Sure. Yeah. Thank you for doing that.

Fuck me!

[Diane'’s siren alarm ringtone for Owen]

Congrats. You made it almost a week before calling.

I'’m falling for Franklin, and I'’m screwing it up.

Unbelievable. I'’m hanging up.

Wait. I don'’t know what to do.

Talk to him.

- About what? - I don'’t know. About something he likes.

- Goodbye, Owen. - [Owen] No, I--

- [beep, beep, beep] - Awwwww!

[heavy bass rock music]

[front door closes]

Oh! There you are. Good.

- We need to talk. - Is everything okay?

Yes.. Um, and I think it will be better if...

Plaaah! This is weird. Okay. Um, I'’m just gonna say it. I

[door knocks]

- Oh, uh... I... No, I... - I'’m listening.

[Owen] I kind of need your undivided attention and I...

[angelic harps swell]

Mr. Fulton?

- Yes. - [sweeping fairytale-esque music starts]

- No thank you! - What! - [music abruptly stops]

- Owen, that'’s rude. - I need to talk to you.

I can talk to you later. Sorry.

Owen forgot that you were coming today to fix the TV.

Yes. I did.

And yes, ah, my name is Mr. Fulton.

In fact, we'’re both Mr. Fulton. We'’re married. And you are?

Uh, Stewart.

Is this a bad time? I can come back...

No, no, nuh-no! Now'’s perfect.

[fairytale-esque music starts]

What did you say happened?

- Well... - Franklin cut it with scissors.

Why would you... [laughs] He doesn'’t need to know that.

Well how else is he going to fix it?

[Franklin] I was conducting a test just to see

how long we could go without TV and it'’s horrid effects on the brain.

Could you [laughs]

- What is wrong with you? - What?

- You told him I cut the cord. - You did.

- He'’s gonna think I'm crazy. - So what?

He probably knows a lot of people in town.

I can'’t. I'm gonna go take a shower.

[whoosh]

- [thump] - [moans]

[kissing sounds]

[laughs]

[kissing sounds]

I love you.

- Come on. Let'’s do this. - [laughs]

[Owen] I just said "“I love you."”

- I know. I heard. - Well...

- Do you think maybe you have a response? - [laughs]

We'’ve been hooking up for three months.

You can'’t possibly love me.

It'’s been eight.

Christ, Axel. You don'’t even know me.

- Yes, I do. - Really?

- What'’s my favorite drink? - Uh....

- Martini? - Wrong.

- Favorite color? - Easy. Blue.

[Peter] Green. Favorite song?

I don'’t know. Why does that matter?

Because you can'’t fall in love with someone if you don'’t know who they are.

It is immature, and naive.

Okay. So I don'’t know a few details about the things you like and don'’t like.

- But I do know that you'’re not happy with Calvin - Jesus, can'’t you just stay in your lane?

Please!

[sad music starts]

You know what?

I'’m done.

I'’m sorry...?

I'’m ending this shit.

[exasperated sigh]

You'’re being ridiculous.

Whatever.

[Peter] Hey, do me a favor? Throw a few more pills in my next order.

[Peter] I paid for that.

We'’re done. Find a new dealer.

[whoosh]

[sad music continues]

[sweeping fairytale-esque music swells]

[music continues]

Good book?

Oh. Yeah.

Wait. Are you reading that?

Oh. Yeah. It'’s just as good as I thought it would be.

Yeah. I can'’t wait. I'm actually on the list for that down at the library.

[Stewart] Well, you won'’t be disappointed.

It reminds me of the really great stuff I discovered back in school.

- Where'’d you go? - Harvard.

- Really. - [laughs] Yeah.

[Owen] What are you guys talking about?

[Franklin] We were just talking about how Stewart went to Harvard.

- [battle drums start] - Of course you did.

I was valedictorian at my college.

Owen.

That'’s impressive. What'’d you study?

A little bit of everything.

So, like a liberal arts degree?

Yeah. Indeed. Which is what led me to become a painter.

What Owen means is that he was interested in a variety of subjects.

And while at school, he found his vocation, which is painting.

[battle drums start]

[Stewart] That'’s cool. I love art.

Who'’s your favorite artist?

[Owen] My favorite?

Gosh! That'’s like asking me to pick a favorite child!

My favorite? I love '‘em all.

[Stewart] Well, yeah. But was there, like,

any one in particular who influenced your work?

Sure. Sure. Tons of them.

And, ah, in fact, I'’ll tell you all of them in just a moment.

Nature calls.

- [bathroom door closes] - Betty.

Look up famous painters.

[Betty] Here'’s what I found about famous painters.

[distant toilet flush]

Ah! Whew! Sorry about that!

So, as you know, I love all artists

because all forms of expression are valid in the art world.

But! One of my favorites is none other than George Seurat [Soo-rat].

[sighs]

Oh, oh yeah. Pointillism.

- What? - [Stewart] Your style is pointillism?

Obviously. What'’s the point in painting a painting if there'’s not a point?

[Franklin] [forced laugh] You are so funny, sweetie.

He just... He loves to tell that joke.

Ha ha ha ha heh hah hah!

Yeah! I, uh, you should see the look on your face, uh.

You thought I was serious.

[Franklin] Yeah, while Owen really enjoys George Seurat [zhORzh sur-aah]

- Who...? - Um. [forced laugh]

- Hah! Hah... - Oh, you did it again!

He is more influenced by abstract art.

Okay. Cool. Um, I love Pollock'’s work.

[Stewart] Uh, what a tragic life, though.

[Owen] Sure.

You know what they say.

You can'’t make good art if you'’re, you know, happy.

But I am happy.

With my husband. Who wouldn'’t be.

[Franklin] Uh, why don'’t we just let Stewart get back to work.

In fact, do you, do you want anything? Water?

No, no no. I'’m good. I'm good. Thanks.

[fairytale music starts]

- He'’s good. - [battle drums start]

Well I'’m parched. Maybe you can get me some water.

Fine.

- [battle drums continue] - [calm meditative voice] Pause, reflect...

[calm meditative voice] and then act.

[swirling chaos of calming advice from meditative voice as battle drums pound]

[continuing swirling chaos of calming advice from meditative voice as battle drums pound]

-[calm voice above the chaos] We rise above rage. - [whoosh]

All right. [claps] How much longer is this fix gonna take?

I'’d love for you to wrap it up.

Owen!

[Stewart] Actually, I'’m done.

Cool. Thanks for coming.

- [sighs] - I'’ll get my checkbook.

[crickets chirp]

[sighs]

Good night.

Night.

All right. I know you'’re mad. What did I do?

You know, I really enjoyed meeting Stewart today.

I thought that I was making a new friend.

And you all but ensured that he'’ll never come back to this mess of a house.

Whatever.

He'’s not your type. [laughs]

Seriously? You don'’t even know me.

- [sad music starts] - How would you know what kind of person I like?

Well I

I didn'’t like him.

Great. Well, I don'’t like you very much right now.

Good night.

Betty?

How do I know if I'’m in love?

[Betty] Love. Here'’s what I found about love.

Love is an emotion.

Often an intense feeling of desire and affection for another.

Sometimes if the person is in love,

they feel so strongly for that person they act in the other person's best interests.

Sometimes at the expense of themselves.

[loud TV] He'’s got a gun!

- [door knocks] - [loud TV] Lay down your weapons.

Stewart.

- Owen. - How unexpected.

How'’s the TV?

It'’s fine.

Is that why you came?

Uh, no. No. I brought this over for Franklin to read.

Is he here?

Ah, no. He'’s at the grocery store.

[Stewart] All right. Okay.

But, if you would like to wait for him, uh, he'’ll be back in a few minutes.

[cracks knuckles]

[awkward silence]

I see you'’re not wearing a wedding ring.

- I am not. - So you'’re not married.

- No.

Are you in a relationship?

- No. - Why'’d you move to this town?

- I grew up here. - And you chose to move back here after Harvard?

I like the quiet pace.

- Why handy-work? - Pays well.

- How well? - I'’m comfortable.

- How comfortable? - Very.

Angel or Spike?

Spike.

[drone crescendos]

[whoosh]

[distant rock music]

Artie told me you'’d be in here.

How you doing?

I'’m all right.

That was nice

what you said about your mother the other day at the funeral.

She was a good mom.

Fucking cancer, am I right?

Yeah.

- Hey. - [taps counter]

Come over here a sec.

I want you to listen to me, all right?

Your dad'’s gone. Your sister's gone.

And now your mom'’s gone too.

I know you probably feel like shit, being all alone like that.

I want you to listen to me.

We'’re your family now. Me, Jackie.

You need something, you talk to me.

You understand?

Yeah.

Good. That'’s good.

'‘Cause you'’re doing good for us, Axel. Real good.

I'’m lookin'’ to move you up in the organization.

Get you out of this shithole. Am I right?

Maybe start making some real money.

You up for something like that?

Yeah, I guess.

Good.

'‘Cause I got a job for you.

You know Phil Farley?

Guy with all those pigeons on his roof, right?

Yeah.

Fuckin'’ Phil Farley and those fuckin'’ birds.

Well he works for me. D'’you know that?

But Phil got stupid.

He took something that didn'’t belong to him.

It belonged to me.

So now, something needs to happen to Phil.

He'’s gonna fall off that fuckin'’ roof, Axel.

You understand what I'’m saying?

Nobody'’ll care.

Nobody'’ll miss that piece of shit.

Is that something you can take care of for me?

[Axel] I can take care of that for you.

Oh. That is good, Axel.

Real good.

Before the end of the week, huh?

[back slaps]

Did you get all that?

- [drone crescendos] - [whoosh]

[Stewart] Listen, man. As fun as it is having you grill me,

I think I'’m gonna get out of here.

[gentle music starts]

[Franklin] Stewart! It'’s so good to see you.

Look who stopped in.

[Owen] Here.

[Franklin] Hey. Did you finish the book?

[Franklin laughing]

[Franklin and Stewart laughing]

[laughter continues]

Thanks again for the book. I can'’t wait to read it.

[Stewart] Yeah, uh, let me know what you think.

Hey Stewart.

What are you doing tonight?

Probably just a quiet night at home. Why?

We'’re going to go to an art show over at the high school tonight.

You should come.

Oh. [laughs] Uh... Well, yeah, maybe I'’ll stop by.

Great. Thanks.

[quiet music starts]

[door opens and closes]

[Franklin] What was that about?

What?

You invited him to your art show.

I thought about what you said last night, and...

I don'’t want to stand in the way of you finding potential happiness.

Wait.

You'’re saying that I should go after him... romantically?

Yeah. If you... find you like him like that.

I'’m not gonna have an affair.

It'’s not really an affair.

Mmm, but we'’re married.

Only on paper.

No.

Look.

I know I don'’t really know you.

And I could be completely wrong, but...

the way you laughed with him

and the way you looked at him?

It seems like you like the guy.

Wouldn'’t it suck if you didn'’t even try?

- [clears throat] - So.

Not that you need it, but...

You have my blessing.

I'’m gonna go get cleaned up for tonight.

[footsteps approaching]

[romantic music starts]

[Owen] Wow. You look amazing.

[laughs]

Let'’s go get you a boyfriend, shall we?

We shall.

[I thought it was right]

[Everything that I]

[Had inside my mind]

[Yeah, it felt so good]

[Walking next to you]

[You said you liked me too]

[Words I thought were true]

[Yeah, it felt so good]

[Sometimes I wonder why]

[We were something cause we'’re nothing]

[Your heartbeat]

[Everything felt so right]

[for such a wrong time]

[touchpad click]

[touchpad click]

[laughs]

See you soon, babe.

[kiss]

[Hours in the car]

[Dreaming under stars]

[I'’m in love with who you are]

[I'’ve always wanted you]

[When you don'’t respond]

[Forget to set alarms]

[All the messy parts]

[I'’ve always wanted you]

[Sometimes I wonder why]

[We were something]

[Cause we'’re nothing]

[Your heartbeat]

[Everything felt so right]

[For such a wrong time]

[Hours in the car]

[Dreaming under stars]

[I'’m in love with who you are]

[I'’ve always wanted you]

[I'’m in love with who you are]

[I'’ve always wanted you]

[I'’m in love with who you are]

[Sometimes I wonder why]

[We were something cause we'’re nothing]

[Your heartbeat]

[Everything felt so right for such a]

[Wrong time]