All language subtitles for Greys Anatomy S20E05_Subtitles01.ENG

♪♪

♪ The things that you tell me,
the things that you don't... ♪

Meredith: When an infection
destroys a cell,

the surrounding cells signal
each other to wall it off.

"Help.

I just had
a Nissen fundoplication,

and I can't swallow.

What's happening to me?

Are you you?

Or are you still a 50-year-old
man with achalasia?

It doesn't say.
Um...

They isolate the infected cell
to prevent it from spreading

and harming other parts
of your body.

Do you think they'll ever talk
to each other again?

Don't know.
Don't care.

As long as they finish
their procedure logs.

Besides, I'm too busy
rushing you back to the O.R.

to loosen the wrap
of your stomach.

Correct.
You get a fry.

The isolation is temporary,
but important.

I prefer the study technique
you used the other night.

I'm not taking
my clothes off here.

It gives your body time
to trigger your immune system

and stop the infection
from spreading...

Did you pick up
those yogurt things

that Leo loves
this morning?

Sorry.
An MVC came in.

Hey, does Pru go through
those phases

where she'll only eat
two things?

We're at yogurt
and graham crackers.

Oh, we are at
"I'm going to shove food

under my plate
and pretend that I ate it."

Any plans tonight, Bailey?

Oh, I have plans.

I have plans to take a bath

and not think about interns
for seven hours.

And then I'm also going to...
the pit.

I'm going to the pit.
Multiple traumas.

Yeah. Me too.
I'll page the interns.

All right. I'll pick up
the yogurt. Good luck.

...until isolation
is no longer needed.

You ready for tonight?

I'm gonna make you an offer
you can't refuse.

What is that?
Godfather.

Oh.
It's movie night.

Ugh! We're on call.
We should sleep when we can.

How come every time
I pick the movie,

you're too tired to watch?Not true!

I sat through
that whole baseball movie.

I should get extra points
for that.

That was five weeks ago.

No, it was not!
Yeah!

It was three "Screams,"
one Jason Bourne,

and "Pride of Yankees" ago --
five weeks.

And...I'm late.

For what?

My period.

[ Phones buzzing ]

It's the E.R.

Should we ignore it?

It's 911.

So is this.

[ Exhales sharply ]

Amelia: I never thought
I'd mean this literally,

but I'm reading about
a bunch of random people's crap.

Are all of these adult children
of people with Alzheimer's?

Well, we need to confirm
certain bacteria in the gut.

Our hypothesis will be
even more solid.

I'm going to need hard data

if I'm ever going to approach
Catherine again.

How can you eat while
we're analyzing these results?

Becoming my mother terrifies me
that much.

[ Phone chimes ]

Zola.
"Can Ellis have ice cream?"

No, she can't have ice cream.
It's so late.

Parenting by text.
I'm impressed.

Well, it only works because
Zola's honest and mature.

That's the part
that's impressive.

[ Phone chimes ]

Nick is supposed to read
Ellis a story.

Well, ask Nick.

Do you think fried rice
is anti-inflammatory?

What if it's brown rice?

Nick took Bailey
to the hospital.

♪♪

♪♪

I worked two nights ago,

and I'm the only person with
my procedure card filled out.

I should be at home studying
or sleeping or --

Ask your co-chief resident
for an exemption.

Man: Coming through!Nice try.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Oh, man.

What happened?Second-floor deck collapsed.

Mostly minor lacerations
and musculoskeletal injuries,

but we're still waiting
on a few rigs.

They're all m--Medical students.

They were having
a white-coat party.

They just got theirs.

I remember that party.
I got super d--

[ Clears throat ]...dramatic...

about reaching
another milestone in my career.

Everybody grab a chart.
It's gonna be a long night.

Come on.
Oh! [ Grunts ]

Hey, someone get him a CBC.
Type and screen.

And hemoglobin, stat.

It's okay. I'm okay!

Mr. Oliver?
That's me. Eddie.

It looks like he dislocated
his left shoulder.

So reduce it, get an MRI,
and page me with the results.

So the X-ray showed
it's not broken?

Exactly. We'll do a local block,
and then I'll adduct your arm.

You need any help?

Uh, Kwan said he'd help me.What?

Oh. Yeah.
I-I got it.

Adams. Rigs are coming in.
Grab a gown.

Yeah.

[ Siren wailing ]

What are we doing?Thank you.

[ Line ringing ]

[ Phone ringing ]

Hey.
I was just gonna call you.

Where's Bailey?

Okay.
So we're at the hospital.

He has early appendicitis.

They gave him antibiotics
and morphine for the pain.

H-He's a little out of it.

He needs an appy.
Who's on call?

She's gonna call you
about consent.

Well, at least someone
was thinking about that.

Yeah. Look.
I was gonna call, but --

I don't want to talk
about this right now.
I have to change my flight.

Tell Bailey I will be there
as soon as I can.

[ Beep ]Okay. Meredith --

Mer.

♪♪

[ Siren wailing ]

What do we got?

Sophia Valdez.
26. Impaled by a wood beam.

Oxygenating at 96% on room air.
Hemodynamically stable.

Bilateral neuro deficits
in both lower extremities.

Please!
You have to help me!

Sophia, I'm Dr. Hunt.
I know you're in a lot of pain.

This is killing me.

We're gonna do everything
in our power to make sure
that won't happen.

No, no. My -- My coat.
They took my white coat.

The one that lets everyone know
I'm gonna be a doctor.

I'll -- I'll try to find it
for you.

I didn't even get to wear it
in an actual hospital.

I can't feel my right leg,
and I'm only a first year,

but that's really bad, right?

Trauma three and page neuro.
Let's go.

Woman over P.A.:
Dr. Ellen Drantch to Labor
and Delivery.

Dr. Winston Ndugu?
Yes.

All right.
Let's make this quick.

I've got CCU rounds and
a consult in the pit, all right?

Gilbert.
Sorry for the delay.

I've had a lot of emergent cases
today.

It's okay.
I don't go anywhere anymore.

Strange places,
loud noises, sudden movements.

They all make my heart
go "fkkt!"

All right. We'll take care
of that tonight, all right?

Dr. Miller?

Uh, Gilbert Quincy, 41.

Intermittent, rapid,
and irregular heart rate

accompanied
by shortness of breath.

Initial diagnosis is SVT

with AVRT that is resistant to,
uh, medication.

The patient is scheduled
for a, um...

[ Whispering ]
It's okay.

The patient is scheduled
for a...cardiac ablation.

[ Exhales deeply ]

You know we can see you,
right?

Angela is
a professional cuddler.

When the anti-anxiety meds
stopped working,

I had to get...
creative.

Oh. Yeah. Uh, you charge people
to hug them?

Cuddling releases endorphins
and oxytocin,

which lowers stress
and anxiety.

That's...fascinating.

Or a racket.

Okay, Gilbert. We got a check
on your labs, all right?

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

That's the worst possible time
to consider having a baby.

Work never stops.

My written exams are coming up,
and Luna's starting preschool.

Oh, my God.
The diapers.

Do you know how many diapers
we would need

if we had three kids
who weren't potty trained?

Try not to panic.
T-This could be nothing.

Six diapers a day per kid!

That's like a thousand diapers
a week!

Not even close.How could this happen?

I'm OB-GYN.

Half my job is to help women
not get pregnant.

Oh, my God. Here it is.You're spiraling.

How are you not?

It won't be easy
but we'll figure it out.

Also, we live in a state
where we have options --

if -- if that's what you want --
or not.

I...I just mean we're in this
together no matter what.

[ Phone buzzing ]
Oh.

[ Sighs ]

Patient with
abdominal pain.

You do realize this
doesn't work if I take the...

[ Door closes ]...test.

[ Monitor beeping ]

Sorry I'm late.

Sophia, I'm Dr. Shepherd.
How are you feeling?

This isn't exactly
how I pictured my first trauma.

How are my X-rays?

No visible injury
around the lungs.

No free fluid in the abdomen
or around the heart.

She's a first-year
med student.

Got it.
Um, wiggle your toes for me.

Sophia:
Are they moving?

Okay.

Can you feel it
when I touch here?

Mnh-mnh.

♪♪

We need a CT right now.
Okay.

I've wanted to be a surgeon
ever since I can remember.

I watched whipples on YouTube
as a kid.

Have you ever done one?

Oh, my God.
Is that...

Yeah. The paramedics
were gonna toss it, but I
got there just in time.

Owen:
Sophia, hey, hey, hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey.
Deep breaths, okay?

Stay still.
Deep breaths.

I'm gonna take you
up to CT now, okay?

Right now.
We're going now.

Let's go.

♪♪

I don't think you understand.

My son is in the hospital.

I need a flight tonight.

Yes, I can hold.

Meredith?
What's going on?

Bailey needs
an appendectomy.

He's with Nick
in Boston.

Can I help?Can you fly a plane?

No.
But let me call Catherine.

No. I don't want to
bother Catherine.

He's your son.

Now, come on.

Sorry.
Excuse me.

[ Siren wailing in distance ]

Dr. Schmitt, I finished
the arm lac in bed 3.

What's next?

We set up a fast track
near bed 7

for the simpler cases.

You should be able to move
through that pretty quickly.

I was the fastest pre-rounder
in medical school.

Mm.

All right.Woman over P.A.:
Dr. Mahoney to the E.R.

Dr. Mahoney to the E.R.

Hi. I'm Dr. Yasud--

[ Laughing ]

Sophia: Do you have any idea
how much I want to be you?

I haven't slept in two days.
You might want to rethink that.

Have you ever wanted
something so much it hurts?

Like...Like you can feel it
in your body

and you're so close
to getting it?

[ Machinery humming ]

Yeah.
I, uh, I think I understand.

Then you know.

You have to fix me.

Please.

Owen:
Adams, let's go.

[ Switch clicks ]

When you see a deck collapse
on TV,

are you thinking,
"Gee, that's sad,"

or are you happy
because of all the traumas?

Be honest.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Are you okay?

Yeah.
I'm fine.

Scans are up.

Adams?

Uh, it looks like
the wood

partially severed
her spinal cord

at T-4 and T-5.

Brown-Séquard syndrome.

It's an expanding hematoma
in her spinal cord,

which means the blood supply
is tenuous.

So what do you do?

We remove the foreign object,
we irrigate the hematoma,

we close her,
and we hope for the best.

Hope?

Y-You just --
You just hope

that she's gonna be able to walk
or -- or stand?

Doing more could cause
her entire spinal cord
to stroke out.

Or she could die
from complications.

[ Sighs ]
This is her best option.

Let's book an O.R.

Mm-hmm.

♪♪

[ Yawns, sniffs ]

[ Indistinct conversations,
phone ringing ]

Tired, Griffith?

Oh, a little.

You should be.

I checked your hours.

You're almost at your max.
Go home.

I'm just waiting for
Eddie Oliver's MRI results.

Do you know
what exhausted interns do?

Make mistakes,
which makes my life messy.

You want my life to be messy,
Griffith?

I will pass it off to Kwon
and go home.

[ Chuckles softly,
sighs ]

I have to give you my patient.

Uh, if his MRI is clear,
he can be discharged.

He's in bed 4.

Well, that bed's been empty
for a while.

And you did nothing?

He wasn't my patient then.

Bailey will kill us if we let
a drunk medical student

loose in the hospital.

Find him.

You lost him.

♪♪

Shut up and help me.

[ Line ringing ]

Hi.

Meredith:
How is he?

He's good.
They took him to pre-op.

Not before he lobbied the nurse
for popsicles after he wakes up.

Well, I should be there
by then.

Good.
He'll be happy.

Well, I could have been there
sooner had I known.

Mer, we're gonna have
this conversation now?

Well, you took my kid
to the hospital.

Yeah.
He said his stomach hurt

on the way home
from hockey practice.

I did a quick exam.
He had rebound tenderness.

I called Ankrom. She said
to bring him in. I mean...

You should have
called me.

Yes. I could have.

I wanted to see what the doctor
said before I worried you.

Iam a doctor.

Yes.
And so am I.

I'm his mother.
You call me.

Okay. Copy that.
Next time this happens --

No next time.

If any decisions
need to be made,

call meimmediately.

[ Beep ]

Sounded like that
went well.

♪♪

Track this for me. This side.[ Monitor beeping, flatlining ]

Okay. Good.Dead. Alive.

Dead.

Alive.

Dead.

Alive.

Don't do that.

Dead.

♪♪

I've been running
the fast-track area solo.

I heard.
That's awesome.Oh, is it?

'Cause so far, I've been
peed on, spit on, and hit on.

I mean, the first two
were accidents, but still.

Someone hit on you?

That's what you're
concerned about?

Can you please
swap me out?

Let me see what I can do.

Okay.

Can I have a sandwich?
No.

Back.

♪♪

Wheelchair, not a toy.

Hey. Gilbert Quincy
still isn't prepped.

His heart rate kept going up
while she was doing the echo.

I suggest we wait another
30 minutes before trying again.

All right. Look. I've been on
my feet since 5:00 this morning,

and I've got another eight hours
ahead of me.

I'm not going to shift around
my schedule

because my patient needs
a human weighted blanket.

Uh, Angela, would you please
go check on Gilbert?

We'll be in with you
in a minute.

Thank you.

You're an intern.
I give you a task.

You do it.
Understood?

Get the echo.

I will try again.

You know, actually, no.

You can do it intraoperatively
while he's asleep.

Excuse me?

I know what I'm about to say
is way out of line,

but it's late,
and I think you need to hear it.

You used to be
the coolest attending.

Everybody wanted to be
on your service.

But lately, you've kind of been
a jerk.

Correct. This is
way out of line. Yes.

Okay. I am desperate
to learn from you.

But not if it means
being disrespected

or standing by while
you disrespect our patients.

Gilbert is in pain.
He is scared.

And if paying someone
to hug him helps him with that,

who are we to judge?

I want the patient prepped
within 20 minutes.

[ Monitor beeping ]

Are you okay?

I've never been in an O.R.
before.

Um, my -- my dad said the O.R.
had an invisible energy,

like the force in "Star Wars."

Now I get it.

What kind of surgeon
is your dad?

Trauma.
But he died two years ago.

Oh.

We are gonna start
the anesthesia.

Are you ready?

Can you make sure my coat
is with my stuff?

I don't care if it's ruined.
I-I still want to keep it.

Of course.
Mm-hmm.

Okay.

I-I'm ready.

♪♪

Woman over P.A.:
Dr. Yun to O.R. 1.

Dr. Yun to O.R. 1.

[ Tablet chimes ]

Huh.
His M.R.I. is clear.

I mean, d-- maybe he went home.
Did you try and give him a call?

I have been with you.

Okay.
Give me the number.

Thank you.

[ Line rings ]

You have reached
the voice mailbox...

Voicemail.I can't believe I lost
a patient.

Bailey is going to fire me.

Is he in a plaid shirt
with a sling?

Is your missing patient
wearing a plaid shirt

and a sling on his arm?Yes.

Yeah.
I saw him near the stairwell.

Ah!
The one by the west elevator.

It goes to the roof.

[ Traffic passing,
siren wailing in distance ]

[ Exhales deeply ]
Great.

The windy, outdoor version of
what we've been doing all night.

Oh, please.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Hey.

What?

Eddie?

♪♪

Can you come down from there?
We've got your M.R.I. results.

Am I dying?

No. You're fine.
Let's go back in.

Yeah. We'll discharge you,
and y-you can go home.

♪♪

Eddie?

What if I didn't go home?

♪♪

You thought losing him
was bad?

How about the headline "Drunk
med student falls off hospital"?

He's completely sober,
according to his labs.

What if I just...
let the wind decide?

♪♪

[ Phone buzzes, chimes ]

Richard: Oh.

[ Grunts ]

Anything new?

Still in surgery.

I wish I could see
into that O.R.

The last thing
a surgeon needs

is to have a patient's mom
looking over their shoulder.

Even more so
if it's Meredith Grey.

Even the best hands
make mistakes.

Bleeding, perforations.

It's the middle of the night.

They're tired.
Mistakes happen.

Yeah, they could, but most
of the time, they don't.

And most of the time, people who
need craniotomies get head CTs.

I'm sorry.
I'm fine.

I just -- It's just when things
like this happen.

I know it's not Derek.
I-I...

I understand.
No apologies needed.

♪♪

Simone: It's cold.

Let's go in, get some coffee,
find your friends.

I'm fine here.

We can't leave you
here.

♪♪

Hey, Eddie, did you...

Did you come up here
to hurt yourself?

I don't know.

♪♪

Are you having thoughts
of suicide?

I, uh...

I guess.

Sometimes.

♪♪

I'm here
if you want to talk.

We both are.

Maybe you could sit down.
You've had a long night.

[ Wind whistling ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

It seems darker up here.

The city.

[ Whispering ]
Text Bailey.

♪♪

Did you move here for med school
or is Seattle home?

You know,
you're really pretty.

Yeah. Thank you.
Okay.

Do you like me?
Sure.

Don't touch that, 'cause you're
gonna open the sutures.

Okay?

Stop.
Stop.

[ Speaking indistinctly ]Okay. You know what?

Your hand is contaminated,
and if you're not gonna listen,

I have to do this.
I'm sorry.

This is just what has to happen
right now. Okay.

This is a malpractice.

Hey!
She's malpracticing me.

Um, can -- can I get
another banana bag, please?

Aah!

[ Laughing ]

♪♪

No.

♪♪

Hey, baby.

I-I thought you weren't
working tonight.

Well, I could say the same thing
about you.

Yeah.
They needed a sub.

That, uh, that med-student party
was a real rager, huh?

Uh, yeah.

I got one of them trying
to order pizza over at bed 4.

Wait.
Tuck's at home?

Uh, did you remind him to lock
the door and turn on the alarm?

T-- Ah.

You didn't think
I remembered.

I do...
[ Chuckles ]

Oh. Uh-oh.

What?
What happened?

Interns, uh, found
a missing patient on the roof.

They're worried
that he wants to jump off.

Okay.
Tell them we're on the way.

Ok-- Uh...

You remember how it felt to be
that excited about surgery?

Yeah.
It was like a drug

that, unlike the other drugs
I was into, couldn't kill me.

Prepare for the specimen.

I don't remember the last time
operating gave me

that kind of rush.

Okay. Removing the foreign
object in three.

One, two...three.

[ Grunts ]

Bovie.
Irrigation.

Let's get this bleeding
under control,

wash her out,
and get ready to close,

and let's hope
for the best.

These edges are cleaner
than I thought they'd be.

No significant
tissue loss.

Bleeding subsided.

You're gonna ask me to do
a primary repair, aren't you?

That's not the standard
of care.

I saw a lot of penetrating
injuries like this in Iraq,

and I've seen primary repairs
work on nerves and extremities

It doesn't come close
to a spinal cord.

But if you were
going to do it...

♪♪

I would need
an orbeye.

I'd use 10-0 nylon.

Layer by layer, I would need to
expose the spinal cor--

I can't guarantee the outcome.

I mean, there's risky,
and then there's this.

Lucas:
She'd want you to do it.

Sorry, but s-she'd want you
to try.

It would kill her to know
there was a chance

and you didn't take it.

♪♪

All right.

This is gonna be long
and tedious.

I need an orbeye.
I need everyone in lockstep.

Are you in?

I suggested it.

♪♪

I can't look at it.

Did you pee on this?

Just read it.

It's negative.

[ Inhales deeply ]
Phew!

[ Elevator bell chimes ]

What happened
to "We're in this together"?

You --
You were spiraling.

Short of traveling back
and getting a vasectomy,

it was the only thing
I could think of to make
you feel better.

The idea of having a baby
with me is so awful,

you would rather have
a vasectomy?

No.

"A thousand diapers week"!

That was an exaggeration!

Hi.

I love being a dad,

and as much as I would love
to do it all over again with you

and only with you, I...
I'm tired.

It's hard.

Give me this.

It's not negative.

♪♪

Y-You're pregnant?

It's not positive
either!

Is there a third option?

One line is negative.
Two is positive.

There's no lines!

It's a dud.

♪♪

[ Monitor beeping ]

[ Coughs ]

Aah --
Can -- Can we slow down?

If we go any slower,
we'll have to push your surgery

to tomorrow.Stop, stop!

I can't do this! I can't!
I-I have to get off.

Uh, no, no, no, no.
You can. You can do this.

You can do this.
Should we call Angela?

No! No.
She charges by the hour.

I'm sorry.
I'm really trying,

but my relaxation techniques
aren't even working, and I'm --

I can't breathe,
and my fingers are tingling.

I'm -- I'm alone, and I'm hot.
Why is it so...

Dr. Ndugu.
May I?

What are you doing?

If his heart rate doesn't
slow down, he can go into V-fib.

[ Gasping, wheezing ]

You're okay. You're okay.
You okay.

Breathe -- Breathe with Breathe
with me.

Yep.

Okay.
Nice and slow.

Let's go.

♪♪

There you go.

♪♪

I remember
my white coat ceremony.

My dad flew in.

It was raining,
so traffic was awful.

He walked in right as I was
reciting the oath.

Barely passed
my biochem test.

It's okay.

I studied.

I even went to see
a tutor.

Busted my ass, and I still
couldn't even catch up.

Biochem is like...

learning another language.

So much reading.

So many tests.

You know, it's like I try
to sleep, but I can't.

♪♪

I think, uh...

Say it.

Sometimes just saying it
helps.

♪♪

I think I'm broken.

♪♪

I don't deserve this
anymore.

Eddie.

♪♪

♪♪

Bailey:
Oh. Damn it. Griffith.

I told her to go home.

Yeah. Well, it's a good thing
she didn't listen.

Has he said anything
about wanting to jump?

[ Exhales sharply ]
No.

Good.
All right.

Well, then keep --
keep doing what you're doing.

He's standing
on a ledge.

There's a difference between
a suicide attempt and ideation.

Right now,
he's talking to her.

He's engaging with her
and answering her questions.

He's inches away
from a seven-story drop.

And if we abruptly change
the situation on him,

we might make it worse.

So calm down.
Keep him talking.

[ Sighs ]

Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Look at me.

Look at me. Look at me.

What?

Five. Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Hm?

We get a sign
this becomes unstable...

We will intervene.

♪♪

[ Phone ringing ]

Hey.

Surgery went well.
The appendix didn't rupture.

He's still out?
You know him.

He could sleep through a monster
truck rally without anesthesia.

You can go.

I...I don't need to.

You can go.

Okay.

His, uh, his vitals
look good.

I'll -- I'll let you two have
some time.

I'll be close
in case you need anything.

Thank you
for getting me here

and for listening to me
and being there for me.

You know I would do more
if I could.

I really am fine.

I mean, of course I miss him.
I...

It's...It's just really
only when the kids wake up

in the middle
of the night.

and I don't have anyone
to talk to and...

Anyway, you help me
more than you know.

I was glad to do it.

But, uh, you know, I wasn't the
only one you had to talk with.

♪♪

Mom?

Hi.

How do you feel?

Where's Nick?

♪♪

Pia mater
has been approximated.

Cut, please.

♪♪

Wait.

There's bleeding.
Suction.

Wait. No suction.
No. it's too friable.

If we suction, we could lose
spinal nerve tissue.

We need to stop the bleeding.Well, we can irrigate

and then use gelfoam
soaked in dexamethasone.

Let's keep it quiet.

We know it's been
a long night,

but we're on the homestretch,
okay?

♪♪

Bleeding has stopped.

Gelfoam, please.

Do you need
a dural patch?

No. I'm good.

Can't believe
I'm saying this, but...

we can prep to close.

We did it.

We did.

All right.

Wait to see if it works before
you start gloating up there.

Okay.
Irrigation.

♪♪

♪♪

How'd it go?

Good. Yeah.

He's gonna wake up
a new person.

I don't think we would
have gotten him into the O.R.

if you hadn't jumped
on the gurney when you did.

Yeah.
Well, I got to be honest.

It's not
my usual strategy.

Uh, Dr. Ndugu, um,
I-I wanted to say

that I am really sorry
for what I said earlier.

Not only
was it inappropriate

and disrespectful --It was right.

I haven't been bringing
my best self to work lately.

Things in my personal life
are...complicated.

But it's no excuse.

You -- You don't have to
explain yourself to me.

No. I know.

But I'm the coolest
attending.

[ Chuckles softly ]
You did good work today.

♪♪

Simone:
You hungry?

Cafeteria has
pretty good fries.

When did you feel like
you were a doctor?

I don't know. Maybe...
a couple weeks into residency.

Someone called me "Doctor"
tonight.

Patient in the elevator.

'Cause he just saw the coat
and assumed.

I didn't correct him.

That's okay.

It's a shame.

I'm not even sure what I am
anymore.

I'm a guy just...

just going through
the motions.

I take the light rail
to school,

and every morning,
I think...

..."What if I just fell
onto the tracks?"

Everyone else
has it all figured out,

but I don't.

I-I don't know how to live
with all of the, um...

Pressure and all the pain?

♪♪

I didn't either.

A lot of people don't.

Doesn't matter
how they make it look.

♪♪

You're not alone.

Most days, I still don't feel
like a doctor.

But I'm still here.

Let us get you some help.

♪♪

Hm?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Hi.

Do you have a minute?

Two days.

Excuse me?

I've been with your kids
for two days.

I got them to school.

I got them to practice
and rehearsal.

I made sure they ate,
they slept.

When one of them felt sick,
out of an abundance of caution,

I brought him here.

Now, yes, I guess
I could've called on the way,

but I was busy making
arrangements with your nanny

to take care of Zola and Ellis.

My kid was sick.

Mm-hmm.

And I wasn't here.

And I feel really guilty
about that.

I'm all they have.

But you're not.

I mean, yes, you're their mom.
Of course.

But they have so many people
that love them.

Look, I know I'm not
their father.

I know that.

But I care about them
a lot.

And I want you to trust me
with them.

I do trust you.

It doesn't feel like it.

I'm sorry.

I panicked.

I actually came here
to say I'm sorry.

Because I know --
I panic.

And I was tired.

♪♪

But I know that I said
some things

that were probably
pretty unnecessary to say, so...

A few things.

Okay.

I've been doing this
a long time alone,

so it may just take me...
a minute to adjust.

Hey. Come here.

Look.

I got a minute.

Okay?

Okay.

♪ ...and now

♪♪

♪ Somewhere in between

♪ Right here

♪ Right here and now

I'm not pregnant.

♪♪

Are you...disappointed?

I think I want
another kid.

I thought you said
you didn't want biological kids.

I didn't.

But this would be
with you.

And you don't have to decide
right now.

And I wouldn't want to
do it until Luna is
a little bit older.

But...I want to
do this right.

Us.

Which means I want you
to know

everything that's in
my head,

no matter how terrifying
it might be.

♪ Between here

♪ And now

If you you want to have
a baby together...

♪ Somewhere in between...

...I can get there.

It's just gonna take me
some time.

Okay.

♪♪

We still have to pick up
the babies we do have.

Right.

♪ Right here

♪ Right here and now

♪ Does anybody know
where the pretty horses go? ♪

I smell like puke, and I haven't
had time to change.

Mm.
Too tired to notice.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Did you know fast track
was going to suck that much

when you assigned me?

My night wasn't
much better.

Well...

I should probably go back
to the hellish life I've chosen.

Oh, at least you're done
with medical school.

Amen to that.

Hey, I'm sorry
about last night.

I tried to put you
on that impalement,

but my, uh, "co-chief"
overruled me.

[ Siren wailing in distance ]

[ Phone ringing ]

You actually
repaired it?

Like, I'll be able
to walk?

The hope is you will regain
full function.

Can you wiggle your toes
for me?

♪♪

Sophia:
Am I doing it?

It looks like it.

Oh, I never thought performing
a basic motor function

would make me so happy.

Well, we will let you get
some rest.

Let's do Q2 neuro checks
and an MRI in the morning.

Mm-hmm.

♪♪

Maybe I should be
a neurosurgeon.

Yeah.
Um, about that.

I got some bad news.

Third year of med school
is gonna break you.

[ Laughs ]
Bring it.

♪♪

[ Door closes ]

How's he doing?

He's okay.

Psych's evaluating him
now.

What you said
up there...

♪♪

...if you ever want to talk
about --

I don't.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Exhales deeply ]

You being quiet
is very unsettling.

Typical night shift
or something specific?

Taryn, uh, betrayed me.

Helm cheated on you?

She blocked me from getting
a really good case.

Oh. That is...
That is so much worse.

Yeah.
I haven't talked to her yet.

I am...trying to stay calm,
but I'm just. --

Give me your hand.

Why?

Just give it to me.

Okay.
[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Both exhale deeply ]

It's acupressure.

My mom used to do it for me
when I was stressed,

and it's like one

of only three things she ever
did that actually helped me.

Meredith: Much like the cells
in our body,

humans often isolate
to avoid harm.

What were the other two?

I can't think of them right now,
but I'm sure they exist.

Somewhere.

The truth is,
no single part of the body

can thrive on its own.

Your organs work together
as a system.

They'll compensate for
each other when one gets weak.

Hey.

Hey.
How you doing?

Maggie told me that the divorce
papers are coming in today.

Hey.
Sophia is doing well.

I haven't had a rush like that
in...a long time.

We should do that more often.

Oh, you mean
more tragedy?

I don't get
trauma surgeons.

Hey. Morning.
You exhausted?

Strangely, no.

Chief, you're on the schedule
tomorrow.

TAVR.

I e-mailed you the case.I'm cleared?

You're cleared.
And I need some time off.

Right.

Congratulations.
Thank you.

All right.
I'm gonna go check my e-mails.

Oh. I left the laundry
in the washer.

And Leo is at a play date,
but your mom's car is acting up,

so you need to pick him up.Copy that.

Back down to earth.

People can do the same
for each other,

stepping up
when someone else is down.

You waited for me.

After thatnight?
Of course I did.

Come on.

There was a girl in my med
school that took her own life.

I didn't know her well,
but she was top of our class,

like, a real overachiever.

Isn't that
what medical schools want,

overachievers
and perfectionists?

Put them
in a pressure cooker

and add unrealistic
expectations.

That's a recipe
for mental illness.

Especially if you're
already struggling.

Well, it's a good thing
your residents have you

looking out for them.

It's a good thing I have you
looking out for me.

[ Chuckles ]

Isolating ourselves
often makes us feel more alone.

♪♪

♪ When enough of us show up

♪ When enough of us cry out

♪ When enough of us say no

Hey.

Hey.

♪♪

Can we talk?

I had a --
I had a really long night.

Right.

Um...I'll go.

Wait.

♪ Enough

♪ Enough

♪ Enough

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Enough

♪ Enough

♪ Enough

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah

♪ Enough

♪ When I got a call from you

♪ It was a shock to my heart

We're usually better together,
even when we're struggling.

♪ Am I doing my part?

You are not alone.

If you or someone you know
is in crisis or needs support,

there are resources
that can help you.

Call or text 988

or visit www.988lifeline.org

for the Suicide and Crisis
Lifeline.

For worldwide help,
visit findahelpline.org.

--Captions by VITAC--

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪